1

Book Proposal (full manuscript: 10, 000 words)

A Handbook for Girls
(Things I wish Id known sooner
and want to tell my sistei but she wont listen)




by Rachel Ferguson











2

About the book
This handbook is by no means a definitive guide but offers some straight-shooting
tips to help girls survive the minefield of adolescence and prepare for the
challenges of womanhood that lie ahead. Its a book for girls who want to become
dynamic women, leaders of the future who will not have to act like men in order to
undertake traditionally male roles, but will be able to fulfill their destinies by
maximizing their natural skills and power. Although the book is aimed at girls
between the ages of 13 and 25 many of the themes are equally relevant to boys
and not just to children but adults as well. (Im 30 now and still trying to master
most of them.)

The format is a series of imperatives or tips of 100-200 words pertaining to the
body, sex and marriage, friends and family, skills, thinking, attitude, the future, and
trying. The tips are illustrated by quotes from inspiring men and women.
There will be a glossary of names (of those quoted) for reference and to encourage
readers further research. The book will be about 50 pages and 10, 000 words long:
a handy handbag-sized gift book. (Think Chicken Soup for the Soul reimagined as
Fire for the Young Female Soul.)

My intention is to motivate young girls to become self-sufficient and feel in control
of their lives. I want to provide basic ideas from which physical, emotional,
practical and philosophical strength can grow. My sister is 19 now and struggling
with all of the usual doubts and frustrations that accompany ascent into adulthood.
I am still on the cusp of being able to recall in some detail the dual trauma and
3

excitement of that time and there is so much I want to tell her, but spoken words
seem to weaken and dissipate so quickly. So I decided to write it all down, for her,
and for all the other girls going through this pivotal period of life that seems so
unique at the time but is in fact, as we all eventually come to understand, universal.

Some of the language in the book is difficult but I chose not to water it down. The
book is all about challenges and one of them is to read the material carefully and
research unfamiliar terms and concepts.
















4

About the Author
Rachel Ferguson is a weathercaster for NHK World TV, the English-language
channel of Japans national broadcaster (the equivalent of BBC World) viewed in
more than 100 countries and territories worldwide. (Photos available on links below).
She also writes a monthly bilingual column on culture and philosophy in the
magazine accompaniment to uomestic NBKs English leaining piogiam Sankagetsu
Topikku. Themes have included definitions of feminism, destiny vs. random chance,
the power of sport, the parent-child relationship, incentives for study and its
secondary benefits, and how to grow from negative experiences/ learning from
failure.

Rachel moved from Scotland to Tokyo in 2005 after graduating from the University
of Strathclyde, Glasgow with a first-class Honours degree in English Literature for
which she produced a creative writing dissertation exploring genre, form, and
media. While at university, she won awards for writing including the Keith Wright
Poetry Award (2002, 2004) and the Cross Trust Travel Award (2004). Rachel
completed an M.A. in Japanese Language and Sociology (2012) by distance learning
at the University of Sheffield. She focused on the theme of gender, sexuality and
the state and produced a thesis exploring the corporate gender gap issue in Japan.

In addition to her day job at Broadcasting Centre, Rachel works as freelance writer,
singer-songwriter and narrator. Examples of documentary work include
sciiptwiiting foi the Biscoveiy Channels Photos fiom the Sea
scriptwriting and narration foi National ueogiaphic Channels The Sumo Kius
5

anu sciipt pioofing foi the inuepenuent film Robeit Lepage From Quebec
to Tokyo Copywiiting woik has incluueu clients such as ABK Tokyo Naxell Shu
0emuia L0ieal anu Subaiu Rachels singing experience is comprised of regular
live performances and studio recordings for clients such as SKII, Capcom, Suntory,
FANCL and Mikimoto.

Her passions include cooking, writing poetry, tennis, weight training, Japanese
language, playing guitar and piano, hiking, swimming, watching movies, travel,
whisky, wine, learning new things, listening to music, and chatting with family and
friends about love, life, and politics.

Email address : rachelchferguson@gmail.com
Postal address : Tokyo 170-0002, Toshima-ku, Sugamo 1-6-11, Urban Base 102
Fan page : http://tinyurl.com/89bwhjy (Facebook: Rachel Ferguson NHK)
Talent agency : http://sdagency.jp/en/talent/rachel-ferguson/
NHK website : http://www3.nhk.or.jp/nhkworld/index.html








6

Contents
Preface
Introduction
1. The Body
i) Be responsible for your body
ii) Accept yourself
iii) Bont stop uoing spoits
iv) Stand up straight
v) Bont buy womens magazines
vi) Learn how to groom yourself
vii) Bont stiive to be beautiful

2. Sex and Marriage
i) Bont sexualize youiself piematuiely
ii) Have you first sexual experience with someone the same age
iii) Bont get piegnant until you want to get pregnant
iv) Bont get married before 25
v) Choose someone perfect for you

3. Friends and family
i) Make friends with boys
ii) Choose your friends
iii) Know who you can trust
iv) Beware of bullying
7

v) Understand that your parents are people
vi) Agree to disagree
vii) Be a good sister

4. Skills
i) Keep a journal
ii) Learn to appreciate yourself
iii) Learn about nutrition and cooking
iv) Learn about money
v) Learn when to be quiet
vi) Learn how to ask questions
vii) Read, read, read

5. Thinking
i) Be a free thinker
ii) Look everything up
iii) Understand the definition of feminism
iv) Understand your position in the world
v) Unplug
vi) Learn how to relax

6. Attitude
i) Stop saying I know
ii) Bont shout
8

iii) Be an optimist
iv) Champion other women
v) Bont follow tienus
vi) Bont play the blame game
vii) Never be rude to strangers

7. The Future
i) Find good role models
ii) Make opportunities
iii) Dream big and make plans
iv) Be careful what you post on the net
v) Bont woiiy

8. Trying
i) Look for criticism
ii) Learn from failure
iii) Persevere

Afterword
Glossary




9

Preface
This is not a book of rules. Its a book of suggestions: things I wish I had been told
when I was your age. It is a book of challenges. The first challenge may be to
understand the words and ideas in the book. If you dont understand something,
look it up on the internet or at the library or ask somebody. Dont shy away from
something just because its hard. You can do it.

It might take a few readings, and a few more years of growing up to fully grasp the
lessons and thats okay. This book was written to be read and re-read. In truth, I
have to remind myself of a lot of this stuff on a daily basis: mastering it is a
lifetimes work, but thats the point. Its by trying to remember these lessons day
after day that we will progress and flourish. I am not a perfect role model and Im
nowhere near finished growing up yet but I have learned a few lessons in my thirty
years and I think theyre worth sharing.

You can be great. Whoever, wherever you are, you have the power to be who you
want, achieve what you want, and make real change in your world. These tips have
helped me on my path so far. I hope they help you too.






10

For Hannah,
and my daughters, if you come.

Introduction

First, the good news: adolescence is the most traumatic period of your life- get
thiough this anu youll get through anything. The bad news is that it seems to take
foievei Its a jungle out there: force-fed a barrage of conflicting information from
parents, teachers, friends, TV, the radio, internet, and magazines, while suffering
the internal turmoil of unfamiliar hormones coursing through your body as you
find yourself in new and exciting yet daunting situations. This book contains some
strategic tips on how to battle your way through the wilderness and come out
swinging.

It might feel like you are on a treadmill right now waiting for adulthood and
whatever delights you imagine it may bring, but there is plenty you can do
meanwhile to maximize your own potential for success and happiness now and in
the future. Youll be surprised what you can achieve with a little preparation.






11

The Body

Be responsible for your body. It is not the property of your parents. It is not the
property of the state, school, church, or your boyfriend. It belongs to you and is
your responsibility. People often regard the body and mind as separate and while it
may be true that your body is simply the vessel your mind uses to experience life,
the condition of this vessel is the result of choices you make and a direct reflection
of the health of your mind. You must protect it and treat it with respect. Health,
sickness, and recovery are not purely physical phenomenon but have psychological
origins and answers. Learn to understand what your body tells you, and how to
influence your health by your state of mind.

~~~~~~~

Emotion always has its roots in the unconscious and manifests itself in the body. ~
Irene Claremont de Castillejo

There is more wisdom in your body than in your deepest philosophy ~ Friedrich
Nietzche





12

Accept yourself. You cant change youi shape but you can change the shape youie
in. All adolescents are dissatisfied with their bodies and judge themselves cruelly. If
you are unhappy with the way you look, you can make dramatic changes in your
appearance by drinking plenty of water, exercising, eating whole foods and getting
plenty of sleep. Your skin, hair, eyes, nails and figure will exude health and you will
feel fantastic inside and out. Choose a weight you feel comfortable with, check with
the uoctoi that its healthy for your height and stick to it. The only limits a body
knows are those imposed on it by the mind. Look to Paralympians like Aimee
Mullins for some perspective and inspiration next time you feel like complaining
about your physical shortcomings.

~~~~~~~

What does it mean to have a disability? Pamela Anderson has
more prosthetic in her body than I do and nobody calls her
disabled. ~ Aimee Mullins

lf women spent o tentb of tbe time tbinkinq obout bow to solve tbe worlJs
problems os tbey tbink obout tbeir weiqbtwe coulJ solve tbem in o motter
of montbs ~ Katie Couric




13

Dont stop doing sports When we are children we spend our days running
around chasing butterflies and spinning into walls. Our energy is limitless. Then in
our teens, sometimes we get distracted by other pursuits and forget to keep
iunning aiounu Thats what happeneu to me I stopped exercising for ten years
between the ages of 14 and 24. Everything ached, I was tired every day, I gained
weight, had trouble sleeping, and always seemed to have headaches and sore
stomachs especially at exam time. No one I knew regularly exercised so I didn't
either, and when I finally did join a gym it was hard work. By pushing through the
pain and regaining my fitness I also fixed all the other physical problems I thought I
hau Bont put youiself thiough all that. Pick a sport you enjoy now or dancing, or
yoga: whatever gets you moving anu uont stop. It will keep you disciplined and
motivated, give you a great circle of friends, help your body to recover after
childbirth, and support your continued health into old age.

~~~~~~~

Physical fitness is not only one of the most important keys to a healthy body, it is
the basis of dynamic and creative intellectual activity ~ John F Kennedy

Sport strips away personality, letting the white bone of character shine through.
Sport gives players an opportunity to know and test themselves. ~Rita Mae
Brown


14

Stand up straight. You can tell so much about a person by their posture. Lifting
yourself to your full height and holding your head high with your shoulders back is
not only good for your overall health, it will make you feel more confident and the
people around you will notice that there is something special about you.
~~~~~~~

A qooJ stonce onJ posture reflect o proper stote of minJ Noiihei
Ueshiba

Tbere is o simple metboJ to botb tronsform people psycboloqicolly onJ
signal power to others: altering your body posture... More impressively,
exponsive postures olso oltereJ tbe porticiponts bormone levels...
consistently linked to such outcomes as disease resistance and leadership
obilities ~ Galinsky and Huang, How You Can Become More Powerful by
Literally Standing Tall, Scientific American [Jan 4 2011]









15

Dont buy womens magazines. They are full of junk that gives you misguided
ideas of beauty and self-worth. They encouiage you to buy things you uont neeu
and to look a way it is impossible for women to look. Understand that most of the
articles are written in order to fill space, by staff writers who are in no way experts
on the subject. Be aware of messages fed to you through other media too, and
protect yourself from their heavy influence. While make-up, fashion, and celebrity
gossip may have their place, there is much more to being a woman. The important
thing is to be in contiol of the quality anu volume of meuia you absoib Womens
magazines and reality TV are some of the worst offenders. Consume with caution.

~~~~~~~

l wisb l lookeJ like CinJy CrowforJ Cindy Crawford

Women responJ to oJvertisers messoqes of never beinq qooJ enouqb
American women spend more money on the pursuit of beauty than on their
own education. ~ Miss Representation [2011], Jennifer Siebel Newsom







16

Learn how to groom yourself. Ask a sister or older person you admire to show
you how to put on makeup, fix your hair, and how to dress. It takes a bit of trial and
error, but once you find what suits you and the right way to apply cosmetics, you
wont change it veiy often You uont have to weai makeup but keeping youi haii
body and nails clean and tidy will make you look and feel your best. Appearances
do matter. Your outside appearance is a reflection of your insides. You don't have to
be beautiful or skinny or keep up with trends or try to maintain unrealistic
standards. Just keep yourself healthy and tidy, and stand tall. It will come across
well and you will give yourself the best chance to excel in anything you choose to
do.

~~~~~~~

Wbile obsession witb ones personol oppeoronce is o siqn of beinq o vocont
prot totol oblivion to it is o siqn of mentol illness ~ Kate Cann, Diving In

Clothes and manners do not make the man; but, when he is made, they
greatly improve his appearance Henry Ward Beecher






17

Do not strive to be beautiful. Strive to be clean and tidy and well turned out.
Strive to make yourself proud. Hope that people will call you smart, or funny, or
kind when you are not in the room. That will make you attractive and loved. If you
are lucky enough to be born beautiful this lesson is most important for you. You
will probably be able to use your looks as a crutch for a long time, but doing so will
not truly be to your benefit or attract people who value you properly. Your bad
behavior will be more easily tolerated so it will be easier for you to become an
awful person without even noticing it. Don't let this happen. The looks wont last
forever.

~~~~~~~

Beauty is only skin deep, but ugly goes clean to the bone. ~ Dorothy Parker

Education is the best friend. An educated person is respected everywhere.
Education beats the beauty and the youth. Chanakya

Ior Attroctive lips speok worJs of kinJness
For lovely eyes, seek out the good in people.
Ior o slim fiqure sbore your fooJ witb tbe bunqry Sam Levenson




18

Sex and Marriage

Dont sexualize yourself prematurely There is plenty time to enjoy exploring
your sexuality, and the excitement and power it brings. Do not do yourself the
disservice of rushing your natural development when you are not yet equipped
with the knowledge and life experience necessary to protect yourself from its
effects Also uont make the common teen mistake of uiessing like a piostitute It
uoesnt look beautiful it looks cheap You wont be loveu youll be useu Anu latei
on, embarrassed.

~~~~~~~

Tbe reseorcb is soyinq tbot tbe sexuolisotion of cbilJren is leoJinq to reol
mental health problems for those children as they get into their adolescence
and their adult years. We are not being prudish in [trying to protect them],
we are actually giving them a chance then to stride out and be sexual beings
when their time is right -when their body is right when their mind is right
to make better choices based on feelings rather than on what they read or
wbot tbey see Amanda Gordon

6irls ore leorning to see themselves as objects. The American
Psychological Association calls self-objectification a national
epidemic: Women and girls who self-objectify are more likely to be
JepresseJ bove lower confiJence lower ombition onJ lower 6PAs
~ Miss Representation [2011], Jennifer Siebel Newsom



19

Have your first sexual experiences with someone your own age. You will feel
more relaxed and in control so it should be less awful. (The first time is not usually
a pretty recollection for anyone, but you can make it less excruciating by sharing it
with someone you really like and trust.) Being with someone even two or three
years older will make you think that they are much more experienced than you,
and therefore you may feel pressured to move faster and further than really makes
you comfortable. The truth is that they are probably just as clueless and nervous as
you but you wont iealize this until much latei anu it will be too late

~~~~~~~

l know tbis sounJs incredibly lame, but I don't want losing my virginity to
feel like I'm losing something. I want it to feel like I'm finding something. I
want sex to be amazing. I want it to be life-alteringly wonderful. And I want
it to boppen witb someone l love
~ Sonya Sones, One of Those Hideous Books Where the Mother Dies

Sex sboulJ be frienJly Robeit A Beinlein






20

Dont get pregnant until you want to get pregnant. If you are not mature enough
to research and use birth control effectively, you are not ready to be sexually active.
In theory, boys should share the responsibility but in practice, you are the one who
is going to either live with the trauma of an abortion, or spend 40 hours of sweat
and pain trying to push something the size of a watermelon through a hole the size
of a walnut - anu then spenu the iest of youi life taking caie of it A womans
control over her own fertility may seem like an obvious human right but it was only
granted to women in Western nations very recently and is still denied to the
majority of women in the world. Do not disrespect these women by taking lightly
your sexual freedom and right to choose. Your body and its power are your
iesponsibility You aie not a passengei on this jouiney youie uiiving

~~~~~~~

0nce you brinq life into tbis worlJ you must protect it We must protect it by
cbonqinq tbe worlJ Elie Weisel
Birtb control is tbe first important step woman must take toward the goal
of ber freeJom lt is tbe first step sbe must toke to be mons equol lt is tbe
first step tbey must botb toke toworJ bumon emoncipotion Margaret
Sanger



21

Dont get married before 25, but closei to is bettei Its not that you wont be
matuie enough to hanule a seiious ielationship but because youll piobably change
your mind. You will finish your studies, enter the work sphere and become
self-sufficient during this period. Your perspective and goals will change along
with your personal growth. The partner you want at 24 is often not the one you
want at 29. This is true of men and women, but especially women because we have
a fiist moitality that men uo not have Its calleu youi biological clock anu weie
not supposeu to mention it You wont be awaie that it exists until you appioach a
certain age just wait.)

Also youll be a bettei mothei if youve hau some time to matuie anu havent
deprived yourself of freedom in your youth. Thats not to say you shoulunt have
long relationships or even have the experience of living with someone but
marriage is a different animal. Take your time to get to know yourself first, and
ueciue caiefully It may well be the guy youve been uating since high school and
thats gieat but theies no neeu to iush
~~~~~~~
"We found that the delay in marriage was actually a good thing and it
octuolly improveJ tbe overoqe moritol quolity by o foir omount0lJer
marriages (30s vs. 20s) were more cohesive in the sense they did things more
often together as a couple. And couples who married at older ages were less
likely to report thinking about divorce or that their marriage was in
trouble." ~ Paul Amato
"You have brains in your head. You have feet in your shoes. You can steer
yourself in any direction you choose. You're on your own. And you know what
you know. You are the guy who'll decide where to go." ~ Dr. Seuss
22


Choose someone perfect for you. I uont mean choose someone peifect they
uont exist but it is possible to find someone perfect for you: someone who
compliments your own complex character. Get to know your own strengths and
weaknesses so you are able to recognize the person who will balance you well.
Choose someone who will get along with your family, who will comfort and inspire
you, someone who will make you better than you are now. Take your time, and
choose someone who is kind to you and easy to love. Choose someone who makes
you laugh every day.

~~~~~~~

People tbink o soul mote is your perfect fit onJ tbots wbot everyone wonts
But a true soul mate is a mirror, the person who shows you everything that is
holding you back, the person who brings you to your own attention so you
con cbonqe your life Elizabeth Gilbert.

We woste time lookinq for tbe perfect lover insteoJ of creotinq tbe perfect
love. Tom Robbins





23

Friends and Family

Make friends with boys, especially if you uont have biotheis Establishing close
friendships with boys when you are young will help you to understand men when
you are older. Girls and boys are very different, but we all face the same fears and
challenges we just interpret them and approach them in different ways. In order
to fully participate in life it is important to know a little about the inner workings of
the other half of the population. Find a boy that will talk to you about his feelings.
Listen to his problems. You could become lifelong friends. Despite what some
people believe, men and women can be just friends, but it does become much more
complicated to start purely platonic relationships as you get older. Cementing a
friendship as children or adolescents will hold most promise for a lasting bond.

~~~~~~~

Plotonic love is love from tbe neck up ~ Thyra Samter Winslow

Tbe number one tbinq mole onJ femole frienJs Jo toqetber is tolk
one-on-one ln foctclose mole-female friends are extremely emotionally
supportive if tbey continuously exomine tbeir feelinqs opinions onJ iJeos
Camille Chatterjee, Psychology Today [Sept 2001]



24

Choose your friends. Many people tend to fall into cliques with people from their
neighbouihoou oi class Thats gieat if those fiienus aie fun to be with anu tieat
you well. However if you have found yourself in a group where there is a lot of
nastiness and competition, you should find another set of friends. The people you
spend your adolescence with will impact your personality significantly, and will
likely be connected to you for the rest of your life. Absolutely do not spend any time
trying to be accepted by people who are unkind to you. They are ruining you and
you are allowing it to happen. Walk away. You have the power and authority to
make friends with like-minded, dependable people, so choose wisely.

~~~~~~~

Remember, no one can make you feel inferior without your consent ~
Eleanor Roosevelt

lf its very poinful for you to criticize your frienJs - you're safe in doing it.
But if you toke tbe sliqbtest pleosure in it tbots tbe time to bolJ your tonque
~ Alice Duer Miller






25

Know who you can trust. Everyone deserves a second chance but perhaps not a
thiiu That uoesnt mean you have to confiont oi completely cut off people who let
you uown oi huit you just slap an imaginaiy uangei stickei on them anu be
careful. It is okay to have different levels of friends. There are some friends you can
trust and rely on entirely, and others who are just fun to be around sometimes. This
will become more obvious as you get older and have to invent lots more stickers for
all the different types of relationships you form as an adult: work friends, party
friends, sports friends, old friends, friends you turn to for advice, friends who need
you to listen, casual acquaintances, and many more. If, at the core of these crowds,
you have even one friend you can depend on at any time of day, in any situation,
and trust beyond all doubt, then you are truly rich.

~~~~~~~
lts tbe frienJs you con coll up ot om tbot motter ~ Marlene Dietrich
To be trusteJ is o qreoter compliment tbon beinq loveJ ~ George
MacDonald







26

Beware of accidental bullying. Being bullied does not exempt you from being a
bully. Be very careful about how you behave towards others. It may take years, but
one day you will remember the way you behaved towards someone more
vulnerable than yourself and you will be ashamed. Remember, standing by silently
while someone is mistreated is a form of complicity. If you are being bullied
yourself, and see someone else being targeted, you have even more reason to
intervene. You know what it feels like to be humiliated and isolated. Taking action
will turn you from victim to hero in a matter of moments. Standing up for someone
even just once - can change theii life anu youis This isnt just a iule foi the
playground; this is the essence of politics and society at the highest level.
~~~~~~~

You con eosily juJqe tbe cborocter of o mon by bow be treots tbose wbo con
do nothing for him." ~ Goethe
To know what is right and not do it is the worst cowardice. ~Confucius
You sboulJ be nicer to bim o scboolmote boJ once soiJ to me of some
awfully ill-favored boy. 'He has no friends.' This, I realized with a pang of pity
tbot l con still remember wos only true os lonq os everyboJy oqreeJ to it
Christopher Hitchens, Hitch-22: A Memoir




27

Understand that your parents are people. They are flawed, sometimes scared,
and often stupid. As children we expect our parents to be unerringly wise, patient
and skilled; we expect them to be perfect. Understanding that the God-like
oveiloius of ones youth aie actually meie moitals is a painful lesson Its just as
painful foi them You uiunt come with an instiuction manual They will make a lot
of mistakes but at the root of their actions is always love and a biological obsession
with piotecting you Youll uo the same thing when you have kius Yes you will

~~~~~~~

CbilJren beqin by lovinq tbeir porents ofter o time tbey juJqe tbem rorely
if ever Jo tbey forqive tbem ~ Oscar Wilde

Eow true BoJJys worJs were wben be soiJ oll cbilJren must look ofter
their own upbringing. Parents can only give good advice or put them on the
right paths, but the final forming of a person's character lies in their own
bonJs Anne Frank




*Unfortunately, there are exceptions to this rule. If your parents mistreat you, you
should tell an adult you trust.

28

Agree to disagree. Do not try to change people or make them believe or do what
you want. You will be very frustrated and so will they. There are lots of people in
the world. Choose to spend time with ones that already share your world view. As
for the ones you cant choose youi family just choose to love them. Loving
someone is to accept them despite your different points of view. It does not matter
if your parents disagree with you. They are from a different generation that had
different experiences and inherited different values. Struggling to have them align
their views with yours is fruitless and will bring you a lot of unnecessary pain.
Accept that you are different people with different beliefs. It is always okay to
respectfully disagree.
~~~~~~~
6oJ qront me tbe serenity to occept the things I cannot change,
Courage to change the things I can,
AnJ wisJom to know tbe Jifference Reinhold Niebuhr.

Tbinqs look Jifferent JepenJinq on your perspective As l see it fiqbtinq to
bridge those gaps isn't what really matters. The most important thing is to
know them inside and out, as differences, and to understand why certain
people are the woy tbey ore Banana Yoshimoto, The Lake

l let it qo lts like swimminq oqoinst tbe current lt exbousts you After o
while, whoever you are, you just have to let go, and the river brings you
bome Joanne Harris

29

Be a good sister. Do not expect your siblings to be the same as you. You are very
different but you share the same frustrations - they never asked to be stuck with
you either! So be patient and kind with them and do everything you can to protect
them. Listen to them and share with them lessons you have learned. (Understand
that chionology uoesnt always uictate iesponsibility ie sometimes you have to
look after your older siblings too. It comes down to personality and capability
rather than age.) The world beyond the family home can be a frightening and
lonely place at times. Knowing that you have the unconditional love and friendship
of your siblings will always make it less so. This is a lifetime investment.

To tbe outsiJe worlJ we oll qrow olJ But not to brotbers onJ sisters We
know each other as we always were. We know each other's hearts. We share
private family jokes. We remember family feuds and secrets, family griefs and
joys. We live outside the toucb of time ~Clara Ortega

Siblinq relotionsbips outlost morrioqes survive tbe Jeotb of porents
resurface after quarrels that would sink any friendship. They flourish in a
thousand incarnations of closeness and distance, warmth, loyalty and
Jistrust ~ Erica E. Goode





30

Skills

Keep a journal and read it often. My life changed dramatically when I started
keeping a record of feelings and important events, and writing down goals. This is
where the rest of your life starts. Writing down dreams turns them into plans.
Dreams are fairytales; plans are statements of intent. Write down goals for the next
3 months, 6 months, year, and long term ambitions too: start a relationship, pass
your exams, get your drivers license, become more patient, or improve your
iunning time Read back over your diary to see how these plans are changing to
see how you are changing. Understand from reading your own past entries, which
outside influences provoke your different emotions and affect your behavior and
decision making. Identify your strengths and weaknesses. Document your
achievements and make notes about your failures and what you have learned from
them. This is a completely personal space to strategize your life. It will be a
constant record of your personal growth, as well as a book of treasured memories.

~~~~~~~
"He who knows others is wise. He who knows himself is enlightened." ~ Lao Tzu

Dear Diary
I mean no disrespect
But you are more sublime
Than any Sacred Text
Sometimes just a list
Of my events
Is holier than the Bill of Rights
And more intense ~Leonard Cohen, Book of Longing
31

Learn to appreciate yourself. Write down (in your journal perhaps?) three things
you like about yourself. Maybe you keep calm in stressful situations. Maybe you are
a good listenei oi a goou swimmei Naybe you notice fine uetails that otheis cant
see. Perhaps you have nice hair. Next write down three things that you wish you
could improve on. View them as challenges, not complaints. Write a few notes
about how you might be able to work on these points. Enjoy the feeling of
awareness that the exercise gives you, and track your progress on the way to
achieving your goals. Learn also to talk to yourself kindly. If you make a mistake, be
quick to whisper inside, Its okay Its not the enu of the woilu Bont worry. Enjoy
spending time with yourself. What do you like doing alone? Taking walks? Reading?
Listening to music? Cooking? Taking a bath? Find out what it is, and regularly set
aside time to think, relax and enjoy your own company.

~~~~~~~

IrienJsbip witb oneself is oll importont becouse witbout it one connot be frienJs
witb onyone else in tbe worlJ ~ Eleanor Roosevelt

0nce we believe in ourselves we con risk curiosity wonJer spontoneous Jeliqbt or
any experience tbot reveols tbe bumon spirit~ E.E. Cummings




32

Learn about nutrition and cooking, not because you are a girl, because everyone
should do it. What you put into your body has an effect on every aspect of life
beyond just simply health and sickness. It affects your energy levels, your skin,
ability to concentrate, fertility and sexual appetite, digestion and toilet habits,
quality of sleep, and overall mood. Until you start paying attention to the fuel you
run your body on, you will not be in control of your life. Learning things such as
how to stave off a cold before it fully sets in, and about alkalizing your body to
prevent chronic illness should be the base on which the rest of your formal
education is built. If your family does not eat healthily, you will need to work even
harder to learn about good foods and the right way to eat them. Study food labels
to make informed choices about what you eat and how you will benefit or suffer by
it That uoesnt mean that you can nevei inuulge just be euucateu and in control.
This is your responsibility. Besides that, cooking and sharing food is an excellent
way to relax and spend time with friends and family and generally enhance your
life. It will never be something you regret having taken the time to learn.

~~~~~~~

About eiqbty percent of tbe fooJ on sbelves of supermorkets toJoy JiJnt exist
yeors oqo ~ Larry McCleary

Any fooJ tbot requires enboncinq by tbe use of cbemicol substonces sboulJ in no woy
be consiJereJ o fooJ ~ John H. Tobe

33

Learn about money. First of all, get a job as soon as you can (part-time if youie
studying) and learn the value of money. Understand how many hours at minimum
wage it would take you to purchase all the things you receive from your parents
and take for granted. As soon as you can, start learning about sophisticated finance.
Ask adults questions about savings, mortgages, and stocks. Financial systems and
jargon are not just confusing to women (although this unfortunate stereotype
persists); they are confusing to everyone. In fact, they have been quite deliberately
created to appear complicated in order to psychologically and physically distance
regular people from their personal wealth. There are good websites and books that
explain banking and investment in simple terms. Use these resources and begin to
understand how the world works. If you think that finance uoesnt affect you
youie wiong It is the uiiving foice behinu woilu politics the quality of your
education, security of your neighbourhood, the food you eat, and even your
chances for happiness. You can learn about basic accounting in school. Pay
attention Bont expect to have someone else like youi fathei oi husbanu hanule
youi income Its youi money you deal with it.
~~~~~~~
Weoltb consists not in bovinq qreot possessions but in bovinq few wonts
Epictetus

Too mony women still tbink money is o Jirty worJ still tbink tbot beinq rubbisb witb money
is somebow feminine onJ still refuse to bove proper conversotions obout it We bove to qive
managing our money the same level of attention we give our diets, our houses, our health and
our jobs becouse no one else is qoinq to Jo it for us ~ Merryn Somerset Webb in Love is not
Enough: A Smart Woman's Guide to Money: A Smart Woman's Guide to Making (and
Keeping) Money
34

Learn when to be quiet. Im suie you have heaiu it saiu in uiffeient woius before
but this skill is truly integral to building a good character, attracting the right kinds
of people, and allowing yourself the freedom to succeed: if you only have negative
words, do not speak. When an undesirable situation is clear to all involved
compounding it with negative comments is unnecessary and unproductive.
Remember that while having independent thoughts and finding your voice is
extiemely impoitant it uoesnt mean that you must express an opinion on
everything. If you do, your assessments may become less appreciated. Similarly, do
not feel the need to fill airspace with vapid comments about nothing. You will
always learn more from listening to others than from speaking. When you do speak,
try to do it in full sentences, with full thoughts and say things of value. It is possible
to say negative things constructively. It all takes practice. I hope I will get there
someday.

~~~~~~

Ee wbo Joes not unJerstonJ your silence will probobly not unJerstonJ your worJs
~ Elbert Hubbard

lt is better wbetber to be silent or to soy tbinqs of more volue tbon silence Sooner
throw a pearl at hazard than an idle or useless word; and do not say a little in many
words, but a great deal in o few Pythagoras






35

Learn how to ask questions. The way you construct a question can significantly
affect the kind of answer you get. If you want to learn from someone, ask questions
that will allow them to talk freely and at length (i.e not just yes oi no
questions). In debate, asking smart questions to which you already know the
answers will force your opponent to reveal the flaws in their argument. You will be
able to win without having to make any statements of your own. If you want to be
creative, question the human condition and the world we live in. All creativity is
based on asking questions. Art and philosophy pose questions that offer us
alternative ways of looking at the familiar. An answer is never as interesting as the
myriad possibilities a question creates.

~~~~~~~

}uJqe o mon by bis questions rotber tbon by bis onswers ~ Voltaire

Reoson con onswer questions but imoqinotion bos to osk tbem ~ Dr. Ralph Gerard

Ee wbo osks o question is o fool for five minutes; he who does not ask a question
remoins o fool forever ~ Chinese proverb





36

Read, read, read - read as much as you can. Reading will expand not only your
vocabulary but your entire world. You will become a master of your own language
by reading as much as you can of its literature. If you are good at English, you will
be good at all social sciences. Most subjects at school and university require essay
writing. No matter what the subject, if you are a good reader and writer you will
excel. The best way to master your own language without studying is to consume
good quality writing as a pleasure. If you are a master of your language, you will be
a good communicator. If you are a good communicator you will have the tools for
success in your career and relationships. Communication is not only about
speaking in a way that other people can understand; it is about actively listening
anu compiehenuing othei peoples woius Reau question listen think

~~~~~~~

l connot remember tbe books lve reoJ ony more than the meals I have eaten; even
so tbey bove moJe me Ralph Waldo Emerson

Tbink before you speok ReoJ before you tbink ~ Fran Lebowitz, The Fran Lebowitz
Reader





37

Thinking

Be a free thinker. Its haiu to uo when auolescent peei gioups are based on
conformity but learning to have your own convictions and act on them is absolutely
vital for success in the future. People who excel make up a minority of the
population for a reason: they think and act differently to everyone else. Never
blindly accept what is taught to you by your teachers, parents or friends. Always
ask questions, do your research, and consider every angle of an argument before
making your own judgments. Being a free thinker does not mean always
disagreeing with the status quo. It simply means taking responsibility for your own
beliefs and being able to offer an explanation for your convictions beyond simply
adopting the tenets of history, tradition or trends. Only a free thinker is truly free.

~~~~~~~

Toke tbe risk of tbinkinq for yourself mucb more boppiness trutb beouty
onJ wisJom will come to you tbot woy Christopher Hitchens

Tbinkinq is tbe borJest work tbere is wbicb is probobly tbe reoson so few
enqoqe in it Henry Ford

Tbe worlJ as we have created it is a process of our thinking. It cannot be
cbonqeJ witbout cbonqinq our tbinkinq Albert Einstein

38

Look everything up. You have been boin into the infoimation age You uont have
to go to the library to learn about the mysteries of the world. Most of you have
direct access to the internet 24 hours a day. Capitalise on this unprecedented
piivilege If you uont know a woiu look it up stiaight away Fill in the gaps of youi
knowledge with all available resources in order to prepare yourself for life lessons
that must be experienced firsthand. Be hungry for knowledge. Feed the hunger.

~~~~~~~

Reseorcb is formolizeJ curiosity lt is pokinq onJ pryinq witb o purpose ~
Zora Neale Hurston

Tbe qreotest enemy of knowleJqe is not iqnorance, it is the illusion of
knowleJqe ~ Stephen Hawking










39

Understand the definition of feminism. It is not a belief that women are better
than men Fuitheimoie feminist is not a label ieseiveu solely foi women men
can (and should) be feminists too. A feminist is simply a person who believes that
women and men are of equal value, intelligence and relevance. This does not mean
that women and men are the same, they are not, and thank goodness for that. You
will notice how different they are as you get older, and will learn to value these
differences. Women are stronger than men in some respects, men are stronger than
women in some respects, and these strengths vary from individual to individual.
Men and women are different so that we can balance the world. This balance does
not mean having men in the work sphere and women at home, but both men and
women at work, both men and women at home, balancing each other in every
aspect of life. Understand this, and explain it to other people.

~~~~~~~

Tbe tbinq women bove yet to leorn is noboJy qives you power You just toke
it ~Roseanne Barr

You Jont bove to be onti-man to be pro-womon ~Jane Galvin Lewis

"[A] woman should have every honorable motive to exertion which is enjoyed by
man, to the full extent of her capacities and endowments. The case is too plain for
argument. Nature has given woman the same powers, and subjected her to the same
earth, she breathes the same air, subsists on the same food, physical, moral, mental
and spiritual. She has, therefore, an equal right with man, in all efforts to obtain and
maintain a perfect existence." ~ Frederick Douglass
40

Understand your position in the world. It is very difficult to understand who or
what you are without being able to see the full picture. Where do you live and what
does that mean? What are the benefits and drawbacks of being from that country?
On a world scale are you rich or poor and what determines that status? Do you
have few rights or many? Within your country do you struggle, or are there many
less fortunate? For a moment, try to see yourself objectively as a faceless citizen
anu think about that citizens potential oppoitunities anu huiules. Put yourself
back into the picture and think about what you can do to maximize those
opportunities and overcome those hurdles; in doing so you will work towards your
own success, and towards improving society as a whole.

~~~~~~~

No society con surely be flourisbinq onJ boppy of wbicb tbe for qreoter port
of the members are poor and miseroble ~ Adam Smith

l bove founJ tbot omonq its otber benefits qivinq liberotes tbe soul of tbe
qiver ~ Maya Angelou

l tbink of o bero os someone wbo unJerstonJs tbe Jeqree of responsibility
that comes with his freedom."~ Bob Dylan



41

Unplug. Being born into the information age is not without its drawbacks. The
sensory overload makes it hard to filter the useful from the useless, relevant from
irrelevant. Moreover, it drains body and mind of energy and occupies the time
required for creative thought. With smart phones and games consoles to ensure we
are never unengaged and advertising screaming out from every available scrap of
space, the curse of the virtual age is its ability to distract us from real life with such
finesse that far from protesting the intrusion, we contribute to the
commodification of every precious moment of our lives. It is important to be
connected, as long as you understand that the best parts of your life will happen
only when you are unplugged. It is impossible to think when you are constantly
distracted by myriad message alerts, updating your status, or getting to the next
level of the viitual game You cant have success without inuepenuent thought You
cant think without space anu stillness Take a walk Bont biing youi phone, or
ipod. Make time for thought.

~~~~~~~

We orent in on informotion oqe we ore in on entertoinment oqe Tony Robbins

All of tbe books in tbe worlJ contoin no more informotion tbon is brooJcost os
viJeo in o sinqle lorqe Americon city in o sinqle yeor Not oll bits bove equol volue
~ Carl Sagan

Wbere is tbe life we bove lost in livinq Wbere is tbe wisJom we bove lost in
knowleJqe Wbere is tbe knowleJqe we bove lost in informotion T. S. Eliot

42

Learn how to relax. One of the side effects of this constant stream of information
is that we have forgotten how to relax. Some of us have never learned, but relaxing,
unwinding, freeing our bodies and minds temporarily from the distractions and
incessant background chatter of this cluttered world is a vital skill. Discover what
relaxes you: try various things until you get it right. It might be taking a walk,
reading a novel, just lying on the floor, listening to music, singing, massage,
counting ueep bieaths whatevei helps you empty your head of that noisy stream
of consciousness*. Find it and practice it. Do it every day. Get it down to a fine art
because you will need to employ it often, and it will become more difficult, the
older and stiffer your body becomes under the weight of gravity and responsibility.
It will be your magic potion.

~~~~~~~

Acquire inner peace and a multitude will find their salvation near you.
Catherine de Hueck Doherty

No matter how much pressure you feel at work, if you could find ways to
relax for at least five minutes every hour, you'd be more productive. Dr.
Joyce Brothers

The time to relax is when you don't have time for it. ~ Sydney J. Harris

*I finu my thoughts cleaiest in the showei oi when Im iunning
43

Attitude

Stop saying I know because you uont yet As you get oluei you will iealize just
how much you uont know Bont be uefensive Be as open anu as cuiious as
possible. Ask questions. Show your humility and hunger for learning, and preserve
it into your adulthood. Try to avoid cynicism at all costs. Instead, listen with
sincerity. How you process the information later is up to you.

~~~~~~~

A true qenius oJmits tbot besbe knows notbinq~ Albert Einstein

Eumility is tbrowinq oneself owoy in complete concentrotion on sometbinq
or someone else Naueleine LEngle










44

Dont sbout Even when you know your argument is absolutely and completely
right, the moment you shout you have lost. Being louuei uoesnt make you moie
right but rather diminishes the content of your argument. Learn how to make your
point firmly and succinctly in a clear voice. If someone starts shouting at you and
you feel unable to continue calmly, hold your head up and walk away. There is
nothing wrong with anger. It is necessary for change, but be careful what you do
with it, and what it does to you. Save your temper for when you really need it.

~~~~~~~

AnyboJy con become onqry that is easy, but to be angry with the right
person and to the right degree and at the right time and for the right
purpose, and in the right way that is not within everybody's power and is
not eosy ~ Aristotle

Wbere tbere is sboutinq tbere is no true knowleJqe ~ Leonardo DaVinci








45

Be an optimist. There is absolutely no point being anything else. A pessimist
might be iight sometimes but it wont biing them joy a chronic pessimist is
incapable of joy. If you can find the silver lining to any situation, if you can train
yourself to feel gratitude, you will be happier, and people will enjoy being around
you. You will also open your mind to solutions and opportunities that negativity
would have clouded from your sight. Optimism is hope. There is no progress
without hope, and no success. It is a skill that takes practice but all skills are just
habits. Habits are easy to make, but hard to break. Start now.

~~~~~~~

Be tbonkful for wbot you bove youll end up having more. If you
concentrote on wbot you Jont bove you will never ever bove enouqb
Oprah Winfrey

0ptimism is o stroteqy for mokinq o better future Becouse unless you
believe that the future can be better, you are unlikely to step up and take
responsibility for mokinq it so Noam Chomsky






46

Champion other women. One of the saddest truths about successful women is
that they often feel threatened by other females, especially if they happen to be
young, attractive and ambitious. The fact that women still have to fight tooth and
nail to reach the top of the career ladder, in addition to their awareness that a
womans value is still widely assessed on her looks, can result in feelings of
insecurity which manifest in hostility to the very people they should be
encouraging. Only we ourselves are able to stop this vicious cycle, for example, by
hiring more women and diluting the global patriarchal monopoly on leadership
positions. Women are not your enemies; they are your comrades, your sisters,
mothers and daughters. Believe in them, trust in them, invest in them, support
them.

~~~~~~~

Tbere is o speciol ploce in bell for women wbo Jont belp otber women ~
Madeleine Albright

Wben sisters stonJ sboulJer to sboulJer wbo stonJs o cbonce oqoinst us
~ Pam Brown





47

Dont follow trends You uont neeu the latest anything makeup shoes
gaugets They wont enhance youi life Theyll get olu woin out, broken, and fall
out of fashion quickly. Be a free thinker, not a slave to peer pressure and advertising.
Following fads will not make you happy or attract quality people. In fact, going
without such things with good grace and an understanding of their lack of value
without feeling deprived will make you a better, not to mention more interesting,
person. Remember, the flashiest thing on the market is often not the most reliable
oi useful You might think youie expiessing youi inuiviuuality thiough youi
clothes, technology, piercings or tattoos, but just take a moment and look around. If
eveiyone is uoing it its not oiiginal youie just uoing what youie tolu

~~~~~~~

Bont make fashion own you, but you decide what you are, what you want to
express by the way you dress and the way you live" ~ Gianni Versace

6reot tbinqs ore not occomplisbeJ by tbose wbo yielJ to trenJs onJ foJs onJ
populor opinion Jack Kerouac






48

Dont play tbe blame game. When accidents happen, often the first instinct is to
declare our own innocence and look for a culprit, but focusing on blame and
reparations is a very nasty habit to fall into. Learn to understand what is important
and what is not important. Acknowleuge the mistake anu move on Bont point
fingers its not attractive Anu uont take joy in seeing othei people punisheu oi
failing, even if it is deserved. Feel sympathy or pity, but never joy.

~~~~~~~

We ore touqbt you must blome your fotber your sisters your brotbers tbe
school, the teachers - but never blame yourself. It's never your fault. But it's
always your fault, because if you wanted to change you're the one who has
qot to cbonqe ~ Katherine Hepburn

l proise louJly l blome softly Catheiine the uieat









49

Never be rude to strangers. You uont know what is happening in theii lives anu it
isnt woith wasting youi eneigy getting angiy at people you uont know If you aie
smart with words, you can cut someone down to size while maintaining your own
dignity and good etiquette. In general, be pleasant. Be especially kind to those with
fewer opportunities or resources than yourself. When you see that someone has a
hard life, give them your kindness even if they are not kind to you. Take pride in the
fact that you do not pass on bad moods by letting them infect you. Never be rude to
service industry workers. There is always a way to be firm but polite. For at least a
while, get a job in the service industry and do it to the very best of your ability. The
insights you gain from the experience will serve you well.

~~~~~~~

RuJeness is o weok mons imitotion of strenqtb ~ Eric Hoffer

0ne of tbe qreotest victories you con qoin over someone is to beat him at
politeness Josh Billings

Politeness is bolf qooJ monners onJ bolf qooJ lyinq ~ Mary Wilson Little





50

The Future

Find good role models. Who do you respect? Why? Write down the traits you
admire in that person and think about what you can do to try to adopt them. If your
role model is someone you know, ask them as many questions as you can about
their thoughts, dreams, and habits. Pass on their lessons to the people who look up
to you.

~~~~~~~


Tbe most importont sinqle influence in tbe life of o person is onotber
person wbo is wortby of emulotion ~ Paul D. Shafer

"Being a role model is equal parts who you are and who people hope you will
be." ~ Meryl Streep

lf you onJ l every time we poss o mirror comploin obout our looks
remember tbot o qirl is wotcbinq us onJ tbot is wbot sbe is leorninq ~
Gloria Steinem




51

Make opportunities for yourself - uont just wait foi them to come along While
youie at it make youi own luck You uont have to ueciue on the iest of youi life
right now, just get out there and try things and meet people. Play musical
instruments, draw, join a science club, try as many sports as you can, dance, hike,
take part-time jobs, volunteer anything that offers a refreshing perspective. Peek
into othei peoples woilus anu ask them foi theii stoiies Some of it will stick anu
start you on your path. You could find your vocation, or a life-long hobby - maybe
even a hidden talent.

~~~~~~~

I attribute the little I know to my not having been ashamed to ask for
information, and to my rule of conversing with all descriptions of men on
those topics that form their own peculiar professions and pursuits.
~ John Locke

0pportunities multiply os tbey ore seizeJ ~ Sun Tzu







52

Dream big and make plans. Bont ask anyones permission. Have dreams
completely out of the scope of the world you live in. Nobody ever achieved anything
without having a dream. Then make a plan. The plan will change but the planning
will take you somewhere, even if the destination is a little different than you had
fiist imagineu Bont be fiustiateu that you cant achieve youi goals right now. You
are working towards them just by writing them down.

~~~~~~~

A qool witbout o plon is just o wisb Antoine de Saint-Exupry

ln preporinq for bottle l bove olwoys founJ tbot plons ore useless but
plonninq is inJispensoble Dwight D. Eisenhower











53

Be careful what you post on the Internet. It may come back to haunt you I cant
tell you how thankful I am that social netwoiking uiunt exist in my teens
Unfortunately you have been born into an age where people live their lives online
like ieality Tv shows Bont think that foul-mouthed rant you posted on Facebook
wont iesuiface when you stait looking foi a job oi that youtube viueo of you in
your underwear, drunk on cheap cider and trying to pole dance. That stuff will still
be aiounu long aftei youve stoppeu being an iuiot No offence all kids are idiots.
Its pait of giowing up Be an iuiot just uont publish the eviuence

~~~~~~~

Tbe reputotion of o tbousonJ yeors moy be JetermineJ by tbe conJuct of
one bour ~ Japanese Proverb

6enius moy bove its limitotions but stupiJity is not tbus bonJicoppeJ ~
Elbert Hubbard

l om potient witb stupiJity but not witb tbose wbo ore prouJ of it ~ Edith
Sitwell





54

Dont worry Youll be fine The fiist is always the haiuest most infuiiating the
most terrifying and electrifying, the most confusing and heartbreaking, and youth
is full of fiists Whatevei it is it will get bettei Whatevei you uont know you can
leain Whatevei you cant uo you can piactice Whatevei you cant unueistanu will
become cleai as you giow You uont have to know youi futuie now You can change
youi minu a million times at any time Nothing is fixeu You aie fiee So uont woiiy
You might have to wait You may have to woik haiu Youll piobably take the wiong
road and have to go back a few times but on the return youll notice impoitant
details you haunt seen the fiist time uown that path Youll take anothei ioute
Youll get theie

~~~~~~~

l om on olJ mon onJ bove known o qreot mony troubles but most of tbem
never boppeneJ ~Mark Twain

You cont wrinq your bonJs onJ roll up your sleeves ot tbe some time
~ Pat Schroeder






55

Trying

Look for criticism. Compliments are lovely but they will not enhance your skills or
personality. Learn how to take criticism objectively and use it productively. It is
impossible to improve without it and there is always room for improvement. Seek
out the opinions of people you respect and whose knowledge and capabilities
exceed your own. Be grateful for their honesty and suggestions. Beware of giving
and receiving unconstructive criticism. Pointing out flaws without offering
recommendations can only make a person feel bad.

~~~~~~~

To ovoiJ criticism soy notbinq Jo notbinq be notbinq ~ Aristotle

Criticism moy not be oqreeoble but it is necessory lt fulfills tbe some
function as pain in the human body. It calls attention to an unhealthy state of
tbinqs ~ Winston Churchill







56

Learn from failure. Success brings a short-lived high but offers no lessons. Learn
to enjoy the process of the challenge most, the victory second, and while you
shouldn't necessarily enjoy it, learn to be grateful for the unique learning
oppoitunity that failuie offeis Failuie is not a constant its just the outcome of one
attempt on the ioau to achievement Bont aim to fail but be prepared for the
possibility, and be ready to try again as soon as you can. Some of the safest
drivers are those who passed on the third try. It makes sense: they had to practice
more. Practice is the key to success. Without it talent is nothing. Understand that
each failure brings you closer to your goal so uont give up a few feet fiom the
finish line!

~~~~~~~

lve misseJ more tbon sbots in my coreer lve lost olmost qomes
26 times, I've been trusted to take the game winning shot and missed. I've
foileJ over onJ over onJ over oqoin in my life AnJ tbot is wby l succeeJ ~
Michael Jordan

We must expect to foil but foil in o leorninq posture JetermineJ not to
repeat the mistakes, and to maximize the benefits from what is learned in the
process ~ Ted W. Engstrom

lf you Jont moke mistokes you orent reolly tryinq ~ Unknown

57

Persevere. Keep trying. Don't stop. Try, fail, try again, fail, try, try, try tiy until
you succeed. Determination is everything. It is more than talent, more than wealth,
more than beauty. Persevere.
~~~~~~~
l wosnt born o senotor l wosnt born o Democrat. I wasn't born a lawyer or
oJvocote for womens riqbts onJ bumon riqbts l wosnt born o wife or o
motber ~ Hilary Clinton
0pportunity is misseJ by most people becouse it is JresseJ in overolls onJ
looks like work Tbomos Alvo FJison
Bont feel entitleJ to onytbinq you JiJnt sweot onJ struqqle for ~ Marian
Wright Edelton









58

Afterword

So we have come to the end. What did you think? Did you agree with all of the
advice? If not, why? Have you spent time thinking about these issues before? Did
you learn anything new? What did you think about the quotes? Were there any
people you hadnt heard of? Maybe you can look some of them up on the Internet:
you might find a lot of inspiration from their lives and work.

You can put the book down now and think about it for a while. But read it again
soon. Take out your pen and make notes as you read. Underline the parts you like.
Scribble down ideas in the margins, and share them with your sisters and your
friends - or send them to me! I need advice all the time and always love to hear
something new that makes me think!