Tumultuous Romance in Downton Abbey: How Communication is Transacted in Accordance to Patrician Society Downton Abbey chronicles the lives

of the residents that live and work in the estate, the namesake of the show. It is set during the early 1900s and spans to the First World War. It is an interesting time period that presented many reformations, especially shifts among social and gender roles. Given the period drama genre of the show, the interpersonal communication between characters is highlighted further for the viewer; moreover, there is no scarcity of examples and relationships that apply the principles of interpersonal communication. Communication in a interpersonal context is a complex, situation process in which people who have created a communicative relationship exchange messages in an effort to generate shared meaning and accomplish goals (Virtanen p. 26). The characters Lady Mary Crawley and Matthew Crawley are the best subjects that encompass a gradient of interpersonal concepts throughout their relationship conveyed in the show. The first season and the early episodes of the second season will be used to help with the analysis of their relationship. In a society where class is a huge determination of someones self worth, the concept of reflected appraisal or developing a self concept in a way that an individual wants to be perceived (Adler) is a recurring motif throughout the show. The Crawley family and the rest of the upper-class, for example, places high regard on how their daughters act in public by placing them in with a governess. The show, however, focuses on the eldest daughter of the Crawley family, Lady Mary. Lady Mary throughout the first season gives several examples of her placing a high value on her self worth. Though she has respect for the help, she is highly critical of those that to do conform to the high class values and morals. In the second episode of the first season, she is highly critical of her mothers

suggestions about social conventions since she deems them unworthy due to her being American. For example, she uses social comparison in order to evaluate herself by making her younger sister feel more inferior by proving that she more able to entice a mans interest. The high regard she places on herself is significant in contributing to her tumultuous relationship with her cousin, Matthew. Matthew Crawley, on the other hand, uses social comparison to bring make aware that his lifestyle and the Crawleys lifestyle is hardly congruent. Matthew does not have a negative self-concept, and Matthew does appear to have a high self esteem as he is not timid about proclaiming his job as a lawyer to people who regard jobs as for people of the lower class. In later episodes, Matthew does use the Crawleys as a reference group in order to assimilate to the new lifestyle that he is thrust into. Given that self concept is one of several aspects that are a determination of successful communication, the self-concept of both characters is one explanation as to why communication was sparse in the beginning of their relationship. Mary Crawleys distorted self concept disallowed her to accept and view Matthew in a positive light, while Matthew had a self-concept that seemed resistant to change because he adhered to the idea that of self-reliance. One of the first verbal exchanges between characters was during a dinner to welcome Matthew to the estate. Mary remarks that Matthew will get used to how these are done around here as she believes Matthew to be her inferior in terms of class due to his social delinquencies. Matthew states to Mary that he is not accustomed to the grandeur lifestyle that is highly evident with opulent food and a wait staff of the Crawley family. This short yet rather revealing exchange showed that both do not have a shared lifestyle. At the same time, this sort of communication becomes an identity management for both characters, it is made evident that both characters have a public image they are constructing for the other person. Mary, for example, wants to make aware of her social class, while Matthew wants to make aware about how he does concur to the

opulent lifestyle. This sparse communication changed and the relationship transformed between Lady Mary Crawley and Matthew Crawley as the show progressed, despite the difficult start of their relationship. A romantic relationship evolved between the characters followed by separation that altered their interpersonal communication radically. Mary, being the eldest daughter, still unmarried, is constantly berated by the matriarchs of her family to marry. Women, during the time period of Downton Abbey can only gain respect and status by the man she chooses to marry. This idea manipulates Mary and her communication with men, especially Matthew. When it seems that Matthew was not going to be the heir of the Downton Abbey estate, Mary starts to distance and lessens her communication with Matthew. This sudden end corresponds to the Social Exchange Theory as elaborated by King and Behnke in their paper The Dissolution of Interpersonal Relationships This theory is concerned with comparison of the cost-rewards inherent in one relationship with those available in another relationship crucial to this theory is the establishment of a comparison level and a comparison level for available alternatives [] The comparison level may be based upon the best (most rewarding) relationships known to the observer (Page 37). Mary, who maintains the significance of her status to be more important than love affects her relationship and communication with Matthew. It is not until reconciliation occurred before any verbal communication occurred between the two characters. Self-concept is more of an individual matter at this stage of their relationship, and it has less significance to the relationship. Instead, their relationship and communication places more emphasis on emotion. How emotions affected the communication between Mary and Matthew becomes more significant after their romantic relationship. During their separation, both individuals were able to

communicate through amicable terms; both characters expressed themselves through the use of broad expressions and in a coded manner. The characters usually use the superficial subject of the war for the conversation as it was, at the time, the most encompassing subject that did not require any personal information. The superficial communication is due to a fear of self-disclosure for both parties. Both parties do not express freely the feelings harbored for the other person due to the possibility of the other party unable to reciprocate the same feelings. Congruent with the idea that it is more socially acceptable and almost welcomed for women to express their emotions (Adler), Mary Crawley is seen throughout the beginning episodes of the second season expressing her love for Matthew to other show characters despite refusing his proposal for marriage. Matthew does not disclose his love for Mary, which, again, is congruent to the idea that men are less likely to express feelings and emotions. Nevertheless, through Matthews mannerisms, he personifies a man still in love with Mary. The social values of the higher class places great value is in the perfect faade of the individual and/or the family. Given this assertion, both characters, communicating in broad expressions and expressing feelings in an indirect manner, complies to the fallacy of perfection as described in the textbook as the desire to be valued and appreciated, to try to appear perfect is deceptive (Adler). An example, In the first episode of the second season, Mary meets Matthew in the train station before he is shipped off to war. Despite both characters devastation of parting from each other, the feelings are concealed in order to save face (Adler). It is evident that both characters are concealing their emotions as their real emotions are shown when they are their private self (Adler), that is another identity that are usually associated when the individual is by themselves or around significant others. The relationship between Mary Crawley and Matthew Crawley is a good example for analysis in interpersonal communication. The relationship has a gradient of events that demonstrates that

interpersonal communication is dynamic. The analysis of characters further shows that the identification of self by the individual greatly impacts how future communication is performed. It is interesting to note, that there are several other aspects that influence interpersonal communication; in this paper, however, the aristocratic values of the 1900s as conveyed by the show was used as a partial analysis for any effect it has in interpersonal communication. It can be concluded that it is exemplified in the show, that a sub-culture such a higher class society in Europe has great influence in communication and feelings between two individuals.

Works Cited (2010). Downton Abbey [Television series]. Masterpiece Classic: PBS. Adler, R. B., & Proctor, R. F. (2011). Looking out/looking in (13th ed.). Australia: Wadsworth/Cengage Learning. King, P. E., & Behnke, R. R. (1986). THE DISSOLUTION OF INTERPERSONAL RELATIONSHIPS. Journal Of The Northwest Communication Association, 1434-42. Virtanen, I. A., & Isotalus, P. (2012). The essence of social support in interpersonal communication. Empedocles: European Journal For The Philosophy Of Communication, 3(1), 25-42. doi:10.1386/ejpc.3.1.25_1

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