/1.Q: What is the name of the molecule CH2O? A: Seawater "C" = "sea" and "H2O" = water.

C is the symbol for carbon, the sixth element of the periodic table. /2.At the end of the semester, a 10th-grade chemistry teacher asked her students what was the most important thing that they learned in lab. A student promptly raised his hand and said, "Never lick the spoon." /Q: What do you call a joke that is based on cobalt, radon, and yttrium? A: CoRnY. : CoRnY is corny. Co, Rn and Y are respectively the symbols for cobalt, radon, a nd yttrium. /Q: What is the chemical formula for the molecules in candy? A: Carbon-Holmium-Cobalt-Lanthanum-Tellurium or CHoCoLaTe The symbols for carbon, holmium, cobalt, lanthanum and tellurium are respectivel y C, Ho, Co, La and Te. / H2O is hot water, and CO2 is cold water /David Smillie: Little Willie was a chemist. Little Willie is no more. For what he thought was H2O, Was H2SO4. Rules of the Lab If an experiment works, something has gone wrong. When you don't know what you're doing, do it neatly. Experiments must be reproducible, they should fail the same way each time. First draw your curves, then plot your data. Experience is directly proportional to equipment ruined. Always keep a record of your data. It indicates that you have been working. To do a lab really well, have your report done well in advance. If you can't get the answer in the usual manner, start at the answer and derive the question. In case of doubt, make it sound convincing. Do not believe in miracles - rely on them. Teamwork is essential, it allows you to blame someone else. All unmarked beakers contain fast-acting, extremely toxic poisons. No experiment is a complete failure. At least it can serve as a negative example . Any delicate and expensive piece of glassware will break before any use can be m ade of it. http://chemistry.about.com/u/ua/chemistryfunhumor/Chemistry-Jokes.01.htm

/one-liner question If a king farts, is it considered a noble gas? /The Prostitute element Teacher: describe hydrogen student: is a prostitute element that? teacher: who taught you that? student: you said it does not belong to a particular group and it reacts with almost all the elements in the periodic table. /water Teacher: What is the formula for water? Student: H, I, J, K, L, M, N, O Teacher: That's not what I taught you. Student: But you said the formula for water was...H to O. /A chemist and a lawyer A chemist and a lawyer walk into a bar. The chemist says "I'll have H2O plea se." The lawyer, wanting to sound smart, says "I'll have H2O too." When the drinks come both men take a large gulp and the lawyer die /Food joke What fruit contains Barium and double Sodium?BaNaNa! /Hide and Seek Newton, Pascal and Einstein decide to play a game of hide and seek in heaven . Einstein is 'it' and closes his eyes and starts to count. Pascal runs off and hides behind a tree while Newton draws a 1 meter square arou nd his feet. When Einstein finishes counting he spots Newton right away and says "Ah ha! Foun d you and you lose! " Newton replies, "No. you found 1 Newton over a square meter...you found Pascal " /Dogs are... Dogs are made up of calcium, nickel and neon (CaNiNe) /Water-Ice Q: If H2O is the formula for water, what is the formula for ice? A: H2O cube d. http://www.chemicalforums.com/index.php?topic=936.0 > >If H20 is water what is H204? > >Drinking, bathing, washing, swimming. . . http://www.workjoke.com/chemists-jokes.html A chemist walks into a pharmacy and asks the pharmacist, "Do you have any acetyl salicylic acid?" "You mean aspirin?" asked the pharmacist. "That's it, I can never remember that word." A physicist, biologist and a chemist were going to the ocean for the first time. The physicist saw the ocean and was fascinated by the waves. He said he wanted t o do some research on the fluid dynamics of the waves and walked into the ocean. Obviously he was drowned and never returned. The biologist said he wanted to do research on the flora and fauna inside the oc

ean and walked inside the ocean. He too, never returned. The chemist waited for a long time and afterwards, wrote the observation, "The p hysicist and the biologist are soluble in ocean water".