Arunachala Shiva - On The Girivalam Path...

Arunachala Shiva On the Girivalam path
Bharat Bhushan
Arunachala Shiva!!!
Agni
On the Girivalam path Page 1
Arunachala Shiva!!!
Arunachala Shiva!!! Let the lightning take me away, to you
Arunachala! He thought to himself, Protect me, tonight! His father had warned him repeatedly in his school days, The eldest son or the only son should not walk alone after midnight in the open. Demons and ghosts will catch you. And, for good measure, he had added, Lightning in a thunderstorm can recognize the eldest son. In a stormy night, it will come searching for one, and will hit you, even if you are in a crowd! Balaji Naidu wondered about his fathers words as he looked up at the silhouette of Arunachala, the ever merciful peak of Tiruvannamalai, hidden in the stormy night clouds, with the moon nowhere to be seen. The bus journey had been very tiring. He had not been able to get the express bus and had somehow managed to get on the regular inter-city bus from Chennai. The normal 3-4 hour bus journey by an express bus took longer in this one, stopping at every small mofussil location. The seats had been extremely painful, and Balaji Naidu was exhausted. It was past midnight, long past midnight, at Tiruvannamalai. There was a rainstorm pouring down and he had no umbrella or raincoat with him. The streets were empty, and he searched the skies for protection from the silhouette of Arunachala, with the moon behind. The city had gone to sleep in this storm, and he walked alone, talking to himself, O Balaji, do not be frightened. This rain will not harm you. Demons and ghosts will not come for you. With Arunachala Shiva as your protector, this storm will not even attack you with its lightning. He walked from the busstand and past the great temple. He had to get back to the lodge, but it was too far away and there was no transport at this hour past midnight. The roads were empty and he was frightened. He had come all the way from Chennai and wanted to walk on the Girivalam, the path around the sacred hill of Arunachala Shiva. He would have to start on the fourteen kilometer walk, maybe early dawn, and be able to complete the entire route before it would get too hot. It did not look like he would be able to reach the lodge in the pouring rain, he thought. He was near the Agni Lingam temple. He knew that the temple would also be closed at this time of night, for this was not the date for the Girivalam. He remembered that there were some shops nearer to the temple and they would be closed now. He could take shelter in their shaded shop fronts. He turned into the lane for the Agni Lingam temple and came up to the shops. As he had guessed, the shop front was dry, and the awning would protect him. He could rest here for the night, in front of the Agni Lingam temple. He could see the sacred Arunachala, resplendent in the thunderstorm. It was lit up by the moon and the silhouette made the peak look very magical. Balaji was drenched, but he was happy. He was camped on the porch of a deserted shop front, opposite the Agni Lingam temple and he was protected by Arunachala. Opening up his haversack, he took out a dry lungi and towel, changed his clothes and placed the wet ones to dry on a nylon rope that was hanging outside the shop shutters. This was good, he felt. He could sit it out in the rain here, get his clothes dried, and early morning, if the rains stopped, he could begin his walk on the Girivalam, with prayers and offerings at the Agni Lingam temple, right here. It must have been nearly 1.30 am, he thought, and he could sleep here, until dawn, without any disturbance. He could see Arunachala getting drenched, and the clouds bowing to its glory. The puzzling aspect was, as he thought back to his fathers advice, the thunderstorm was devoid of any lightning tonight. It must have been his prayers, of course, though Balaji to himself with a smile. He spoke a quiet prayer, and turning up to Arunachala, he spoke loudly, Arunachala, Arunachala Shiva! Nandri, nandri!
Arunachala Shiva!!!
Thank you. I am in your protection tonight. Thank you for not sending out any lightning to seek me out! I will go back to my father, with your grace and tell him that Arunachala Shiva protected me in this thunderstorm, and did not allow any lightning to get me! Upon speaking thus, in that dark stormy night, in that deserted shop front, Balaji got ready to lie down and sleep it out, resting his head on his haversack, and covering himself with a shawl that he had brought for this purpose. He must have drifted off to a deep sleep, and must have been in a strange dream, for he could hear some dogs growling nearby and a goat bleating softly. A man was talking and all these animals and the man seemed to be talking to Arunachala. Puzzled, Balaji woke up and sat still, worried and frightened at this very strange dream. He could not see anything. The rain had increased in its intensity. He could not see Arunachala, and this frightened him some more. In panic, he looked at the Agni Lingam temple, and he could barely see the closed gates. He closed his eyes and looked up at Arunachala, and started chanting, Arunachala! Arunachala! Arunachala! Pacified a bit, and beginning to breathe normally again, he turned to look for the Agni Lingam temple. There seemed to be someone there, at the gate, ghostly, or not, he could not make out. Yaar ange? Who is there? Balaji called out in fright, The temple is closed. Come into this dry place and get out of the rain. Come here. The person materialized from the pouring rain, and Balaji was calmer. It was an actual person. Not a ghost or demon, as his father had warned him. The man must have also got caught out in the rains and must have been seeking shelter in the rains. The man came walking up to Balaji and seemed to be accompanied by some animal that was following him. It was a goat! So, it was not a dream after all, thought Balaji, in relief. He must have heard this man and the goat calling out, trying to seek shelter from the rain. The man and his goat entered the shelter of the awning and sat quietly. He seemed like a villager from the hills, for he had the appearance of one who would not be from the cities. The goat was huge and very strong, but quiet and docile. It came up on the stairs and sat next to the man from the hills. There seemed to be some sort of a complete understanding between the man and the goat. He was indeed a very strange looking man, Balaji said to himself, for he could see him more clearly now, as he was sitting on the stairs in front of the shop front. He was huge, firstly, and the colour of his skin was unlike anyone that he had seen. Balaji had traveled through India, and in his job as a tour operator at the Chennai international airport, he had seen all sorts of foreigners. This man was certainly not a foreigner, for he was a local man from the hills. His skin was of a deep red colour, very reddish, dark, and not brilliant. He was dressed in some sort of a dhoti, encumbered around his waist, and dropping down to his ankles. Waist-above, he had no cloth or shirt or qurta or banian of any sort. But, he did not seem to be feeling uncomfortable at all. He did not seem to be noticing the rain or the night or the thunderstorm. He looked very relaxed, and patient and accepting. So was his huge goat that was sitting so very peacefully alongside. The man was watching the Agni Lingam temple very intently and demonstrated some amount of irritation, from time to time, muttering and speaking to himself. Suddenly, he looked up at the peak of Arunachala and grumbled about something, and shook his hands in seeming disgust. And again, he would sit patiently, waiting it out in the darkness of the thunderstorm. After a while, he stood up angrily, looked at the temple, spoke something, almost scolding the temple, and then, turned to the sacred Arunachala, and again, spoke in an irritated manner. Balaji could not understand his speech. He was amazed and surprised that someone so very obviously familiar with the location, with the Agni Lingam temple and the very sacred peak of Arunachala, could be so angry with various aspects. What would it be that made him so very angry, he thought to himself,
Arunachala Shiva!!!
without talking it out with this strange man from the hills? He was wary about talking to this very strange reddish looking man. He looked large, and moment by moment, he seemed to be appearing larger and larger. It must be his imagination, thought Balaji. He looked at the quiet goat sitting nearby, and he was content and smiled. The goat seemed the same size, and it had not grown. After a while, the man sat down quietly, and did not remonstrate at any aspect, including the temple or the sacred peak. He kept grumbling at times, and started talking to his goat in the unintelligible language that he spoke. The goat sat quietly, happy to be out of the rain. It looked quite happy to have the reddish looking huge man talking in bursts. The goat must have been familiar with this sort of behavior. Balaji wondered if the man would relax and sleep for a while, for if not, then he would not be getting any sleep until dawn, and he would be very tired in the Girivalam. Getting curious, Balaji decided, that it would be better to talk it out with this strange man. After all, he must have just been some person from the hills nearby, and who was he to wonder about the colour of his skin or the language that he spoke. Taking courage, Balaji spoke, in the local Tamil dialect, Hello, Saar, you know that you do not have to get upset about the rain. This is the season for rain. But then, who am I to tell you about the rain, for you look like someone from the hills of this region. Do not worry about it. Very soon, it will be daylight, and one can expect that the temple will be opened. If it continues to rain, we can take shelter in the temple. But, it cannot continue to rain like this. The man looked at Balaji, and heard him speak. He did not reply. He turned back to grumbling with himself and continued to talk to his goat. Since he did not get angry, and did not beat him up, Balaji thought, why not take up some more issues? Why not ask him something more about himself? Again, taking courage, Balaji spoke, Ennaa Saar, do not get angry or upset. This rain will not harm us at all. My father used to tell me that such a thunderstorm was very dangerous, but I am sure that Arunachala Shiva will protect us. Are you from the nearby places? You do not look like you are from Tiruvannamalai or Gingee. Are you from Kanchipuram? The strange man looked back at Balaji, seeming to understand that he was being asked a question. He chose not to reply again. He looked angrier and angrier, and perhaps, was getting upset with the questions from Balaji, or in his attempts to be drawn into a conversation. He turned back to shaking his hands at the sacred peak of Arunachala, and kept talking to himself, muttering almost angrily, talking to the goat. Balaji decided that it would perhaps be safe to make another attempt. He said, Do not worry, my friend. This rain will soon stop and you will be able to go and get whatever it is that you are upset about. I am not frightened about this rain, and my father had advised me that I should always be careful about not going out in such a thunderstorm. Do you know why I am not frightened? Having been asked such a direct question, the strange man looked back at Balaji, and waited, expecting an explanation. He did not ask anything, but the intention was very obvious. Balaji continued, My father had told me to be frightened about lightning during a thunderstorm. Do you know what I did? The first thing that I did when I got frightened, I prayed to Arunachala, and requested him to protect me from lightning. I was the only person moving around in this heavy rain, and I must have been the only devotee on the Girivalam route, and therefore, it must have been the only prayer tonight. Ha! Ha! Ha! How could Arunachala not refuse me? See for yourself, in this entire thunderstorm, there has not been any lightning, through the night. I knew that Arunachala Shiva would protect me. The huge reddish-looking strange man with the goat looked very startled, on hearing this explanation from Balaji. He seemed to get angrier and perhaps, thought Balaji, he may actually resort to some violence. Why would this strange man be upset that there was no lightning in the thunderstorm, or that Arunachala Shiva was protecting his devotees? The strange man got out of the shade of the shop and walked back to the Agni Lingam temple gate, touched it, and turned back to face the sacred peak of
Arunachala Shiva!!!
Arunachala, and raised his hands, and spoke something angrily. He did this, 2-3 times, and returned to the shade of the shopfront, and sat with his goat, and grumbled. What a puzzling man, thought Balaji. He actually looked angry that there was no lightning in the thunderstorm. What would he want with the temple, and why was he so upset with Arunachala? How could anyone be angry with Shiva himself? Did he not know that he was getting angry with the deity? He could not understand this man. He was actually angry. Let him be, reasoned Balaji. Better to get some sleep, and save himself for the Girivalam. Let this strange man argue it out with Arunachala and let him worry about his answers or any angry reaction from Shiva, he thought. The man came closer to Balaji, and stood facing Arunachala, and spoke, and this time, Balaji seemed to be able to understand, though it was not spoken in Tamil. The strange man spoke angrily to the sacred peak of Arunachala, How can you allow this? You do not allow me to do my work? What is the wrong that I have done? Do I harm your devotees? Do I stop them when they are on the Girivalam? This is not correct, O Arunachala! Amazed, Balaji looked at the strange man. He did not actually hear him speak in Tamil. How did he manage to understand what he spoke? Perhaps, it was because he could actually hear him clearly, finally, for he had only been muttering and grumbling in undertones to the goat, and at the Agni Lingam temple and at Arunachala. Who had not allowed this strange man to do his work? How did Arunachala stop him from his work? What was this strange looking reddish mans work? How could his work harm the devotees on the Girivalam? So many questions, he thought. Suddenly, the thunderstorm became more intense, heavier and the sound was angrier. Was Arunachala getting angry with this strange man? Balaji spoke to the strange man, Swami, why are you angry? I only spoke in jest. I did not mean to stop you from your work. How can I stop you? I do not even know you. Please do not get angry with my Arunachala, and please do not accuse HIM of being wrong. How can HE be wrong? HE is the most graceful. Hearing Balaji, the strange man spoke again, to Arunachala as before, Did you hear him? He had not even asked you to stop the lightning in a serious prayer. He did not even mean it. And, you stop me from doing my work! It is my job, as given by you and you have denied me, my tasks. He was merely frightened of some rain, thats all. Let me do my job, for, never have you stopped me from doing it. O Arunachala! Let me do my job in this thunderstorm. How can it be a storm without any lightning? Saying thus, the strange man stood still, and worshipped Arunachala, in a steady chant, and began to relax and drop his anger. As the chant grew in its intensity, he turned to face the sacred peak, and raised his hands and clapped. The sound was enormous; the sound of the claps grew in its volume. Balaji looked on in amazement, and wondered at the mans devotion. Suddenly, the strange man stopped his clapping, and beckoned, and said, Come, come, O Arunachala, release me from inaction tonight. Release me from not doing my duty tonight. And, in that very instant, the sacred peak of Arunachala looked that much calmer, almost content, and peaceful, within the great rush of the thunderstorm. In the next moment, there were two thick lines of lightning bursting out from the skies, and they were followed by an amazing unstoppable roll of thunder, that kept going on and on. He looked for the strange man, and he saw him, with his goat, walking up the slopes of the sacred peak of Arunachala, in the heavy rains, in the darkness. Balaji did not feel any fear at the sound of the thunder and the sight of the lightning. He sang, O Arunachala, do not bless me anymore, for I am blessed a thousand and million times in your presence. Let the lightning take me away, to you, to you, to you.
On the Girivalam path
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Arunachala Shiva!!!
Yama
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Arunachala Shiva!!!
Arunachala Shiva!!! Let death return everyone, to you
Arunachala! He called out, pray, give me strength, to seek you, again and again! Dinesh was tired and called out, in his mind, to the sacred Arunachala, to give him strength while on the Girivalam. He smiled at the priest at the Yama Lingam temple and thanked him as he received blessings from the sacred camphor fire. Why did he call out in such a manner, he wondered, for this was only the second of the ashtalingams on the Girivalam route, and he had to visit the other six, not including the Surya and Chandra Lingams. Upon completion, he would also go to visit Shiva at the Tiruvannamalai temple, one of the five pancha-bhoota-lingams. The elderly priest of the Yama Lingam temple smiled at Dinesh, and began to close the doors to the inner sanctum. It was almost noon and it was time to get some rest. He would find it difficult to keep walking on the Girivalam route, and it would be sensible to rest it out in the outer sanctum of the Yama Lingam temple, Dinesh thought. This was his first attempt to take the sacred walk around the holy Arunachala at Tiruvannamalai. Against all advice, he had started his walk on the Girivalam route at 9.00 am. After a prayer at the Agni Lingam temple and a brief stop and visit to Sri Ramanashram, he had barely made it in time for the prayers at the Yama Lingam temple. It was too hot outside, in this summer month. Take some rest here, said the priest, Take a small nap or chant your beads in offering to Arunachala. Do not go out in the sun. Dinesh was thankful, and watched the old priest settle down on the running seat-ledges that were all around the open outer sanctum of the Yama Lingam temple. 25 year-old Dinesh bowed to the old priest in respect, went back to the inner sanctum gate, worshipped loudly, reciting some 4-5 stotrams that he knew, picked up the sacred ash and applied it on his forehead. Taking out some money from his wallet, he pushed them into the hundi box. The priest did not watch him, intent as he was, in arranging a small coir mattress on the seat ledge and got ready to take his nap. He gestured for Dinesh to lie down or sit at the seat-ledge alongside. It did seem very welcoming to accept the invitation. It was too hot outside, and he could see that the road was totally deserted except for a random vehicle going towards Tiruvannamalai. Dinesh went to one of the seat-ledges, rolled out a towel that he had brought with him, placed his small handbag as a head cushion and lied down, hoping to get some rest. He was worried. This was a temple, and any which way that one would lie down, the direction of the feet may be disrespectful. Disturbed, he sat up, and quietly kept chanting, Arunachala! Arunachala! Arunachala! He thought it may be best to imitate the priest and keep his feet in a similar direction, pointing away from the sanctum, and away from the sacred peak of Arunachala. Some mendicants were also resting in the open sanctum of the Yama Lingam temple. On the shaded outer areas, there were some buffaloes resting alongside the wall. They seemed content, resting in the shade, waiting it out through their noon siesta. As he watched, from the scrub forests near the temple, a huge buffalo came waddling slowly, followed by a tall cowherd, an elderly looking man, swarthy, and dressed only in his loin cloth. His head was covered in some sort of a headgear, and complete with his huge bristling handlebar moustache, he was quite a fearsome character. The huge buffalo came to rest with the other ones, along the shaded side of the Yama Lingam temple. The fearsome looking cowherd walked into the open sanctum of the temple and chose to sit on the seat-ledge alongside of the one where Dinesh was seated. Feeling a strange sort of panic, Dinesh kept chanting silently. Up close, he could see that the fearsome looking cowherd was a very normal person, a local
Arunachala Shiva!!!
villager, and not at all frightening in any manner. Dinesh had seen many such cowherds in his native Madurai rural areas and relaxed. The tall cowherd glanced at Dinesh, examined him closely and made him out to be a pilgrim on the Girivalam route. Instantly, in impulse, he asked, Enna? Why are you out on the Girivalam in this hot mid-afternoon? See, even my buffaloes have need for shade and rest at such times. Take some rest. Go to sleep. Go afterwards, in the evening. You will be able to walk easily and you can worship Arunachala with more devotion. Go to sleep, now! It seemed almost like a command, and Dinesh immediately obeyed. The tall cowherd also did the same, and went off into snoring slumber. Dinesh drifted off into sleep. His dreams were floating from one perspective to the other. He kept imagining himself on the Girivalam route, walking along with the priest from the Yama Lingam temple. After a while, he dreamt that the mendicants were walking along with him, and later, they were all riding the buffaloes. The mendicants disappeared soon after, and the tall cowherd was walking along with him. This dream was followed by a vision of the tall cowherd astride the really huge buffalo. In his dreams, the tall cowherd was beginning to get larger and larger, and the buffalo was also becoming enormous. The cowherd was saying something, and since Dinesh did not answer, he was being shaken by the shoulder. He woke up with a start, and indeed, the tall cowherd was standing alongside, and shaking him by the shoulder. Alarmed, Dinesh sat up and asked about the matter. The tall cowherd said, Thambi, you were calling out in your sleep. You seemed to be having some fearful dream. See, your prayer beads have also slipped out from your hands and fallen on the ground. Pick them up. Drink some water. Calmer, Dinesh picked up the prayer beads and had some water from the bottle that he carried. Wanting to share, he offered the bottle of water to the tall cowherd and also passed on a couple of small bananas. The tall cowherd accepted the water and bananas with a smile and said a word of blessing to Dinesh, and went back to sleep. Dinesh tried to sleep, and surprisingly found that he was able to easily go back to deep slumber. The fear factor of the tall cowherd was gone and he began to dream about himself, about his family and his native Madurai. He could see events in his life in a very clear manner, and he found himself wandering into the actual happenings. He saw his childhood in Mumbai, Chennai and Madurai, and saw his relatives, friends and neighbours. He saw himself wandering through the various schools and classes where he had studied, and watched himself playing cricket with his only brother and friends. It was strange, as he could see himself, as an elder person, 25 years old, and he could see the other aspect of himself, as a five year old, or as a ten year old. He could see his father, grandfather and aunts and uncles and similarly, he could see his brother at different ages. There were people who were no longer with him now, and they had passed on to a higher temple during the past many years. He could see them, as though they were alive, and he could watch them talking to him, when he was at a younger age. Dinesh felt very happy and content, and wanted to continue to sleep, and did not want to wake up. It was amazing, and it felt very real. Those who had passed on, were very much active and real, within his sleep and inside his dreams. Feeling pleasant, but disturbed at the various images, Dinesh woke up. He was back in the open sanctum of the Yama Lingam temple and nothing had changed. He was as yet a 25 year old young man, and his prayer beads were with him. The tall cowherd was sitting nearby, eating the bananas, watching his buffaloes. The huge buffalo was walking about and changing his location. It seemed as though that the huge buffalo wanted to be able to see the tall cowherd from where he sat down. The elderly tall cowherd noticed the fact that Dinesh had woken up and was sitting in a disturbed manner, and he came nearby and asked him, Enna Thambi, whats wrong? Why are you looking sad and depressed? What happened?
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Arunachala Shiva!!!
Dinesh thought to himself. What the heck! It would not harm anything by talking to this cowherd. He does not know me, and I do not know him. I can talk to him about anything and walk away on the Girivalam route, and that will be the end of this relationship. So, he replied, Thatha, it is nothing. I was dreaming about my younger days when I slept. I dreamt about people and I dreamt about those who were no longer alive. But, in the dreams, they were all present and it seemed that they were very much alive. I was talking to them, as a younger person, but I was also present there, as an elder person. I could see that there were two images of myself. It was very strange, and I felt disturbed. I woke up, suddenly. The elderly tall cowherd smiled, and said, Thambi, why do you get frightened? You should feel happy, that you were just able to go to sleep for such a short while, and you were back with your loved ones, so easily. I can only see my buffaloes in my sleep, and that huge one out there, even in my sleep, keeps pushing me and keeps asking me for something or the other. I have tried beating him up in my sleep, but he is very shameless. In real life, I have never beaten him. He is a very lovable character and very intelligent. But in my sleep, he is a big idiot. I am always very terrified of going to sleep. But, you should consider yourself to be so lucky. Dinesh smiled and watched the huge buffalo moving about. It was amusing to think of the buffalo as a peaceful character in real life, when it did not look like one at all, and to think of it as an unpleasant character in a dream, was really intriguing. The elderly tall cowherd was also looking at the buffalo and smiling. How would one actually dream about a buffalo? Dinesh asked the elderly tall cowherd, You really see your buffalo in the dream? Do you talk to him? Does he talk back to you? The cowherd laughed loudly, and replied, Yes. Sometimes he talks to me. I talk to him. I wonder what happens in his dreams. In mine, he comes to me and asks me to return home, and tells me that I should go back to my family. But, I have no family. For many years, I am alone. This huge buffalo is all that I have. The other buffaloes are not mine. They belong to different families in the village. I move around nearby. We get food when we get it, and there are small food cafes in the Girivalam route, and they know us, and we get our food from them. We do not have to pay them. Amazed, Dinesh asked, You have nobody? What about your family? They must be somewhere. Your buffalo is your only companion? Wow. You are almost like me, then. My only close relative is my brother. I have no other brothers or sisters. But, my brother is away from me, married and settled well. He has his own life to take care of. I lost my mother when I was just an infant and my younger brother was only a toddler. I do not know what happened. Everyone tells me a different story. I have come to the stage where I do not know whom to believe and what to believe. I am happy with myself. The elderly tall cowherd looked genuinely concerned at Dineshs story. He commented, Arunachala! O Arunachala! What is this? You are so young. Your life has not even begun. I have lived something that must be more than a hundred years, I think. I do not even remember when I was born. I do not need any family now. But, you! You have not even started on your life. You do not know your mother, at all? For me, I do not remember my mother, but I know that she was there sometime in my life, and I remember her in my youth, but I cannot picture her. But, I am happy for her, and for her memory, because I know that she was happy when she was alive. Dinesh smiled, and nodded in agreement. He wondered as to how be it so easy to talk to this strange elderly man, sitting here in nothing but his loincloth, accompanied by a huge buffalo that was grazing nearby. What was it that made him talk to such a stranger on the first instance, and he could not as yet talk to his various uncles and aunts who had taken care of him and his brother through their younger days. Nobody had denied them anything. They had been made to feel as though they were part of each family that they had lived with at some period of their lives. They had been as equal to the children of their uncles and aunts and never made to feel inferior. Why was he talking to this strange man about all this?
Arunachala Shiva!!!
Dinesh said, You know, you are very correct when you said that you are only able to talk to your buffalo. I am not even that lucky. I have no memory of my mother. I do not know about my younger brother. He was smaller than me. He would have no sensation at all. Whenever I sleep, and when I dream, I can see my cousins, and my uncles and aunts, and they are all as pleasant in my dreams as they are when I am awake. Nobody every denied us anything. My mothers brothers and sisters have always taken care of whatever we would want. We have attended the best schools and colleges. Sometimes, I try. I try to seek out my mother in my sleep. Sometimes, I try to create an image of her. But, I fail every time. What do you do, Thatha? Can you pull back memories of your mother? At least you know that she existed, Dinesh asked, Once I asked my brother, but I feel that he is luckier than me. He is fortunate because he would have no impression. Now he is married, and he has a child, and he would see the relationship between the child and the mother. He will see the love and he will see the demands made by the child. He will see how the mother rushes to satisfy the child. I keep thinking about what my brother would be thinking. The elderly tall cowherd replied, thoughtfully, Thambi, I know what is it that you are asking, but I have no answers. I am not an educated person. Several people had tried to put me in a school, but I would always run away and keep roaming about with my buffaloes. Through my life, the only single aspect that I remember about myself is that, I have always had a buffalo with me! I keep talking to myself, and sometimes, people think that I am mindless, but my buffalo has no problems with my behavior. I have learnt a simple trick when I get sad and depressed when asleep. I wake up very fast, and I walk around. I do not continue to sleep. If you do that, you are at the edge of terrible impulses. Dinesh sat quietly, thinking, and thought why not lets see what this man says about my innermost fears. He asked, There are times, sometimes when I have woken up and been scared. I am all alone, and I see everyone taking care of their families. I feel the loneliness and the pain of being alone in my thoughts. My uncles and aunts may be thinking that I have grown up and that I am a married man, and I should be left alone. But, I am indeed alone inside my mind. Sometimes, I feel that I should just go away, and sometimes, I feel that this life is not worth living. I should just put an end to it. The elderly tall cowherd spoke angrily, What sort of nonsense is that? Your life is not yours. Your life belongs to Arunachala. Even death has no control over your life. Do you know that? Give yourself up, to Arunachala. You have no right to give up on yourself, by your own decisions. We will come and go, and some many more generations will come and go. Before the first man was born, there was Arunachala. Talk to him, when in doubt, and talk to him, when happy. He is the cause of your happiness. He is the cause of your worries, because he wants you to see deep within yourself. There is no sadness or depression in life. It is the manner in which you see yourself. Do not at any moment think that you can give up on yourself, and give up on your life, the elderly cowherd said, standing up, and waving his hands at the sacred peak of Arunachala, Look at the Girivalam and learn from it today. When you walk, you start at the beginning. But, what is the reason that you walk on the Girivalam? It is not in homage to Arunachala alone that you walk on this sacred path. You walk, and so do hundreds of thousands who come here, you walk, in order to return to the beginning. Every aspect has a beginning, and the path has only purpose. It is to take you back to the beginning. When you realize that, you know the truth. You are on the path, to reach the beginning of another journey. Thats all. It is that simple. There is never any end, for Maheshwara, Arunachala, Shiva, is waiting, even in death, to return you to the beginning of another path.
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Arunachala Shiva!!!
Niruthi, the guardian of the South-West
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Arunachala Shiva!!!
Arunachala Shiva!!! Let my pain be my sacrifice, to you
Arunachala! She implored, Allow me to be with you, as one, forever! Sharada was worried. This was too tiring, and nobody had warned her about how tough it really was. At 66, she should have had strength and energy enough to complete the fifteen kilometer Girivalam path without getting as tired as she was now. Her sisters, Saraswathy and Shyamala were waiting for her patiently. They had also found it difficult to keep walking. This was the first time that the three sisters were walking on the Girivalam path, and they were at the Niruthi Lingam temple, the third of their ashtalingams. They had started walking at 6 p.m., but a much fulfilling stopover at Sri Ramanasram had delayed them. At 9 p.m., they were tired and exhausted at the Niruthi Lingam temple. There were other pilgrims and regular devotees on the Girivalam path. Some were walking by rapidly, and some were sitting at the various resting places and enjoying themselves. Sharada came up to her sisters and sat down thankfully. Shyamala, the youngest at 51, started laughing at their plight, and said, This is our lot now, and we are not even able to walk on a pilgrimage together. I hope we will be able to complete the Girivalam path without any problems, and offer our prayers to Arunachala at the temple. Sharada was also laughing, though in obvious physical pain. Saraswathy pointed at the tender-coconut vendor and gestured for him to bring over three coconuts, and remarked, You are a fine one to say so! You are younger than me. I am only 54, but akka is much elder to us. She has a basket of problems, and her legs do not have the same strength as she used to have. Lets have these coconuts and regain our strength. I am sure that even if we give up on the Girivalam path, our akka will not. She will even complete the entire route in a month, but she will not give up and go away! The tender coconuts refreshed them and they sat for a while, content, that after about ten years or so, the three of them were together. They had met during weddings or funerals, and lately, it was only funerals. Distant families after their weddings, settled in Mumbai, Tirupati and Chennai, they were away from each other and their brothers. Sharada tried to recollect the last time that the three brothers and three sisters had been together. It must have been at her sons wedding, she thought. She will have to check the photo albums and the marriage videos and make sure. Her sister-in-laws daughters had spoken about the Girivalam path, and how they went about their walk easily, and that there were good facilities and one could join hundreds or thousands of pilgrims, even at night, on the fifteen kilometer walk, on certain days. Saraswathy spoke of her trip with college friends in her youth, to Tiruvannamalai, many years ago, and the idea had been turned into reality. Except that they had not taken certain factors into account. They were not in a walking condition at all. Their age had caught up with them and their strength was not what it used to be. They went up to the Niruthi Lingam temple. There were quite a few devotees gathered in the outer sanctum. Some looked tired while a group was sharing their dinner at a corner. There was no priest at this time, and there were no prayers since this was not a Girivalam Pournami night. The three sisters went up to the closed doors of the inner sanctum and offered their prayers. Shyamala placed some coins in the plate containing the sacred ash and inserted some rupee notes into the hundi box. Saraswathy searched for a comfortable place for the three of them to take rest amongst all the devotees and their conversations. She knew that the eldest, Sharada, would need to recover from her blood sugar depletion and that they would have to rest here for at least 30-40 minutes or so.
Arunachala Shiva!!!
There was a secluded place alongside the inner sanctum, and strangely it seemed quite peaceful. It was dark at that corner, and looked quite inviting. Sharada went off on a quick nap, while Shyamala went exploring around the temple. Saraswathy sat up near her elder sister, and thought back to her childhood, when she could never go off to sleep without curling up next to her very comfortable cushion-like elder sister. All those years, growing up together, all those memories! All gone! That was one of the very reasons that they had decided to come over to Tiruvannamalai and walk on the Girivalam path on pure impulse. They had never done so, together, the three of them, and this seemed like such a good idea. Shyamala returned with a bunch of bananas, leaf-platters containing hot tamarind rice and curd rice. The three sisters ate up contentedly and Sharada seemed to recover her energy and enthusiasm. A large dog came walking up to them quietly, and stood watching them, silently. Sharada gestured to the dog, and said, Does it look like it wants some of the rice from us? Its just standing there. Shyamala looked at the dog and pointed, See, it seems upset. Its tail is not wagging. It is just watching us eat. Its alone. Perhaps this is its place to sleep! Maybe we are not wanted here. Saraswathy laughed, Yes! As though the dog is going to speak to you and ask you to get up from here. It is finding it strange that we are eating without giving it any food. Perhaps the devotees here give food to this dog without it have to beg for it. But, do look at the dog. Its just standing there, in this darkness, not barking and not wagging its tail. Its a very strange dog, for sure! No! Its not strange at all! said a voice from the darkness, What is strange about a dog that does not beg for its food and does not wag its tail? Startled, the three sisters looked into the darkness. There was a large tree in the area away from the outer sanctum. On the ledge around the large tree, sat a shadow, a tall shadow, and judging from the voice and shape, a very tall woman. She was sitting out there, and there was another person with her. Another woman was seated on the ground below the ledge. They could not see them or make them out, and as they kept peering into the darkness, the two women were beginning to be more distinctively visible, as much as could be, at this time of the night. The tall woman stood up from her seat on the ledge around the large tree and came up to the dog and the three sisters. The other lady stood up hastily, looking surprised, gathered up some food packets and came up closer. The tall woman was indeed tall, thought Sharada, must be at least six feet. She looked somewhat sinister, very sinister, Saraswathy thought to herself. She was of a dark complexion and was entirely dressed in black, but was not dressed in any saree. She was in some sort of a modified shalwar or a longish qurta, with a black coloured, rich-looking shawl covering her. The dog stood quietly, looking at the three sisters. Now that the woman and the dog were standing next to each other, Shyamala could realize that the dog was indeed quite tall, almost up to her waist. Watching her measure the dogs height, the tall woman spoke to Shyamala, Aamaa Kanna, he is a hound. But, do not worry, for he is a good boy. He does not do any harm, and does not mean any harm. He has been my companion for many years, and is very loyal. Normally, nobody sits here, in the dark areas behind the inner sanctum of the Niruthi Lingam temple. And, since me and my companion were resting nearby under the large tree, he came her to check you out. Having spoken thus, the two women sat along with the three sisters in the dark corner of the outer sanctum. Saraswathy offered their food packets and bananas, and the two women seemed to accept graciously. The quiet woman picked out some of the rice and pressed them into large morsels and offered them to the hound. Introducing themselves, Saraswathy said, We are from Chennai. I mean, we were once in Chennai in our childhood, and now my akka is in Mumbai, and my younger sister stays at Tirupati. We decided suddenly to come on the Girivalam path, without any preparation. We have never
Arunachala Shiva!!!
been here before. We are not as young as before but we decided to do it anyway. Akka has been a national volleyball player in her youth, but today, she was very tired. So we decided to take some rest here, while she recovers her energy and strength. The tall woman smiled, looked at Sharada and said, You do not decide that you are tired or you have energy while on the Girivalam path. HE decides. You did not decide that the three of you will come here and walk on the Girivalam route. HE decides. You are all from Chennai, and yet now, you are older than fifty years of age, you must be more than 65, I think. But you have never walked on the Girivalam route. Why could you not come here? This is not some picnic spot that one fine day you decide to come for a walk here. There are some devotees who must have gone around the sacred Arunachala for more than a hundred times, and there are a few who have walked around the entire path for at least a thousand times. But those are a rare few. Sharada smiled in agreement and replied, True, you are very true. I could not have come here even when my college classmates came on their trip. I had to go for a volleyball tournament in Agra. My sister has been here once, to Tiruvannamalai, and she is indeed blessed, for she walked on the entire path in her youth. But, Shyamala, my darling youngest sister, she was never allowed to go for any trip to any place. I do not know if our parents had ever come to Tiruvannamalai or ever walked on the Girivalam path. They never told us, and we never asked. Perhaps it was a very normal pilgrimage for them in those days. But now, it seems like an achievement of some sorts. The tall woman gestured for her lady companion to sit alongside. The other lady came out of the darkness and handed over a 3-4 feet long sword to the tall woman. It was not like any vegetable cutting knife, thought Shyamala, but seemed like one of the swords from the movies, like NTRs sword in one of those movies from the Mahabharata. The tall woman seemed quite comfortable with the heavy sword, and did not seem to be concerned that the three sisters were watching the weapon with considerable interest. The other lady smiled at their curiousity and laughed. Noticing her laughter, the tall woman said, O Khadgi! Anyone would certainly be surprised to see such a sword, and that too, with a woman. Dear sisters, do not be frightened. This is who I am. This sword is mine, and I carry it as the custodian of the village temple nearby. There has never been any robbery or dacoity in this area, but I am not a guardian against thieves. I am a guardian of a very old temple in this region, much older than the temples in these places. Those before me have been the carriers of the sword even before temples were built to house the ashtalingams. These eight aspects of Arunachala, the guardians of the eight directions have been here around the sacred formless aspect of Rudra, from a time before humans began to construct temples. Saraswathy nodded, Yes. The ashtalingams are indeed guardians of the eight directions and it is here, Niruthi, that we are at the southwest. What do you guard with the sword? We are here on the Girivalam path, and everything looks so very peaceful. The devotees are happy among themselves, and they are quite familiar with the path and the people and the temples. I only hope that my elder sister is able to complete the entire walk and she is not taken unwell and there would be no problems to her. Khadgi, the younger lady, spoke, You are in the sanctuary of the Niruthi Lingam temple. You have come here directly from the Yama Lingam temple. How can you not succeed? Speak in respect to Arunachala, for you are in HIS shadow. Speak in devotion, for every step that you take on the path, you take with HIS permission alone. There are those who rush around, and walk by swiftly without stopping at some of the ashtalingams. They are also those who are blessed, for their only destination is to go back to where they began. There are these families, who sit here and at other places in the shade of Arunachala, and they are also blessed. Do not be worried about your ability and your destination.
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Arunachala Shiva!!!
Sharada asked, But, what about pain? O sword-carrier, what about my pain? That is real, and I do feel my pain. I was feeling each step of mine, as I walked from the Agni Lingam temple onwards to the Niruthi Lingam temple. How can I be attentive to Arunachala, if I am only attentive to my physical distress and my pain? I have so many medical problems. Many expert doctors have told me that I have only six months to live, and that was since the past ten years or so. I have lived many six months since then. I have not come here on the Girivalam path to be cured of my physical distress. I have come here only in order to seek HIS blessings. To seek HIS blessings alone, to be at peace with myself. I am called Dharini, and I am not merely a sword-carrier! The tall woman said, as she smiled, Through my many years, I have been called by many names. Since I carry this sword, I am called thus, as Dharini. Your pain is your sacrifice, for as one who carried her pain, you are here to sacrifice what is part of you. It was your decision to walk on the sacred Girivalam path, and you knew that it would be a very long walk. Yet, you did not worry about all the problems with your health. The illness of the body and the pain that you feel, are two separate aspects. Give away your pain at this sacred place, at the temple of Niruthi Lingam. Give away all your associated thoughts about your pain. Sacrifice yourself. Sacrifice myself? Give away my pain? How do I do that, sister? asked Sharada. Dharini, the tall woman, the carrier of the sword, replied, Think. Deep within your mind. You are here at the Girivalam path, and now, you are here at the Niruthi Lingam temple. Close your eyes and think. Who is the closest to you, and for whom would you sacrifice your pain and illness, and be peaceful with yourself, and be able to think only of Arunachala Shiva as you walk on this path? What if you committed some of the magic of Arunachala on yourself? What if you pulled out all the negative energy that you do know that you have? What if you were able to cast it away, just like that, as you search for Arunachala Shiva, within yourself? Sharada replied, O Sister! I would sacrifice all my pain and all my illnesses for my sisters, who are with me today. I do not know when we will be together again. I may not even be alive for any longer after this pilgrimage. I can feel it all over me. HE is calling me. While I am alive, I know that I am to suffer with my ill health. But for this short period of time, in this precious time when we walk on the Girivalam path together, I would like to sacrifice my pain so that I walk with them in happiness and enjoyment, and that my sisters would remember this day forever, and would only remember my happiness. Saraswathy and Shyamala hugged their elder sister and seemed to be about to weep. Dharini spoke in anger, cautioning them, Do not cry, for she wants you to remember her in happiness. Do you want her to carry a sorrowful memory? Niruthi Lingam is a place of magic, of transformation, as you turn around and cross a primordial direction. There is no corruption in the faith here, for even in death, you leave behind memories for others to carry. Remember that. You give off from yourself, you sacrifice from your pain, all the happiness that you can give others. I am also known as Dharini, the Black One, for usually the people at my village are keen to allow me to depart quickly from their homes. It is thus in death also. Those who want you to be with them, are keen that you depart, when they are seeking corruption in their relationship with you. In the shadow of Arunachala, there is no corruption of your faith, and it is only an aspect within your mind. Give away your pain to Arunachala, for as Niruthi, as Rudra, that is his sacrificial share.
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Arunachala Shiva!!!
Varuna
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Arunachala Shiva!!!
Arunachala Shiva!!! My loved ones journey back, to you
Arunachala! She spoke unknowingly, Are you there for all my loved ones? Kalpana was excited at this new and very amazing journey of discovery that she had begun, all by herself. This was the first occasion that she was on a journey, so far away from her family and her work and friends, all by herself. Alone! Wow! Somehow she had managed to get away from everyone on this very different journey to Tiruvannamalai. Her cousin had put her up to an appreciation and understanding of Arunachala, Bhagwan Sri Ramana Maharshi and about the Girivalam Path. A walk of fifteen kilometers? She could do that, she had told herself. And now, she was here, at Tiruvannamalai, and on the Girivalam Path. She had been offered two choices, of starting on the Girivalam Path, from the Annamalai temple, or from Sri Ramanashram. She had chosen the latter, as she was staying at a private lodge near the ashram. They day before had been entirely taken up by the activities at the ashram. Her mind had just exploded at the feelings that had come over her, and she was unable to place any manner of definition or any form of understanding of what was happening to her. The meditation halls had been the most amazing part of the time that she had spent at the ashram. This was the first occasion in her life that she had sat among so many people who were serious about silence and meditation. Today, Kalpana had been at Sri Ramanashram in the early dawn, and had begun walking by 7 a.m. and stopped for prayers at the Yama Lingam temple and the Niruthi Lingam temple. She had started alone, but since it was a Sunday, and because there were many other random devotees at the temples or along the Girivalam Path, Kalpana did not feel alone by herself on the pradakshana. A family of four from Chennai was walking with her from the Yama Lingam temple, and later, they had been joined by a group of six women from Andhra Pradesh while at the Niruthi Lingam temple. Somehow, Kalpana was adopted by the family and the group of women. They had arrived at the Varuna Lingam temple by 8.30 a.m., walking at a comfortable pace, without tiring themselves. There were other groups of pilgrims at the temple, sitting at different locations in the outer sanctum. It seemed like a good moment and place to sit for a while and gaze at the sacred peak. It had been cloudy in the early hours, but now, at the Varuna Lingam temple, Kalpana could look at Arunachala and understand the peace that came about her. Every glance provided a different perspective of the sacred peak. As she gazed, and sensed the happiness, she was content that she was on the Girivalam path today. Strangers all, but companions on the path. It was beginning to get more and more exhilarating within her, and she was happy and content. She went up to the inner sanctum of the Varuna Lingam temple and worshipped along with the others. It was a splendid experience, gazing at the Shiva Lingam within. She had felt the same happiness at the Yama Lingam and Niruthi Lingam temples. Kalpana had never felt like this before, and she wondered about it. Why was she so very happy? How did this feeling come upon herself? She had accompanied her parents to temples in New Delhi with her sisters, and later, with her children. On visits to Chennai, meeting her parents cousins, brothers and sisters, during weddings or extended visits, she had gone with them to temples and had waited patiently or impatiently for the visits to get over. But, this was different. This was a trip that she had wanted to be on, and she wanted to sponge all the experiences within her. She had been to the big temple and had gazed upon Annamalai yesterday, and later at the two sanctums at the Sri Ramanashram. The panorama of the temple and the ashram, the devotees, the visible peace and happiness on everyone had amazed her. Was it always like this? Why had she not noticed it earlier?
Arunachala Shiva!!!
The family of four from Chennai and the six ladies from Andhra Pradesh were seated at a corner. They were sharing some bananas and lemon rice among themselves. One of the ladies offered some rice and a banana to Kalpana who accepted it thankfully. She had been feeling hungry and had been wondering if she would have to sit up at any of the tiffin kadai along the Girivalam path. Was it allowed? Perhaps it was ok to eat while on the Girivalam path. She would survive the entire path and complete the pradakshana, now, with some food within her, she smiled to herself. As she sat content, Kalpana became aware of someone sitting close to her, staring at her and watching her intently. Disturbed, she turned away from her newly found friends to look for the intruder. An oldish bald man sitting nearby was watching her silently. Instinctively, she thought, who was this ugly looking bald guy? Why was this short and fat man staring at her? Kalpana looked at him curiously, while eating her lemon rice. The man seemed to have got encouraged, for he stood up and walked up to her. She could barely stop herself from breaking up in laughter, for he looked absolutely out of sorts, and was out of breath in the very effort of standing up and sitting down. The dysfunctional looking man spoke to Kalpana, You seem to be very happy with yourself, smiling and thinking. My apologies for disturbing you like this. Your happiness is very obvious. You seem to have been seeing Arunachala, again and again! She was surprised. Why was this strange man talking to her, as though he knew her from a long time? He did not seem to be embarrassed at all. Back at home in New Delhi, in her school or college or in her south Delhi neighbourhood, boys would not have had the guts to talk to her or any girl without proper introductions. Especially not oldish, fat, balding or ugly uncles! They would never have had the courage to talk to younger women. One of the ladies from Andhra Pradesh replied to the strange bald man, Seeing Arunachala again and again? How do you say that, Prabhuji? Kalpana was startled. Why was this lady replying to him and encouraging him? Why was she treating him with respect? Why was she giving him an honorific, as Prabhuji? Who was he? Was he some sort of a Swami or a Sage? She looked at him more closely. For all his unpleasant appearance, he seemed very different. He had several Tulasi-malas around his neck, diamond ear-rings that were designed like crocodiles, turmeric and crimson coloured thick cords of twine around his wrists. Must be a holy man, of some sort, thought Kalpana. She is very different from you all, she has a very distinctive appearance of peace and happiness, He said, This lady is unlike you. She is extremely happy at this moment. She keeps looking at Arunachala, all the while that she has been sitting here at the Varuna Lingam temple. Each time that she looks at Arunachala, the sacred Arunachala, it seems like a love story, a story that seems to become better every time she gazes up again at our beloved Arunachala. Kalpana was surprised. Was this strange-looking man talking about her? How did he realize that the happiness in her face was entirely different from the others with her? Nobody had spoken to her in this manner before, and she knew in her heart of hearts that she had certainly not been totally happy for some years now. Kalpana felt guilty. How could she have been so happy about herself? So many of her loved ones, those closest to her, had gone ahead to the great temple in the heavens. She had stayed happy and courageous, for the sake of her sisters and children. She had carried her emotions and sorrow within herself and allowed herself a life that was as normal as it could be. This was the most unusual thing that she had ever done in her life. Even her children had been surprised at her decision to go all by herself from Delhi to Tiruvannamalai, and to walk on the Girivalam path. With all the weight inside her, and all those memories, how could this stranger have seen so much happiness within her? The ladies from Andhra Pradesh had gathered around the strange looking man and were chatting among themselves. He pointed to the sacred peak and said, It is said that one must walk on the pradakshana
Arunachala Shiva!!!
with humility. One must exercise devotion as one proceeds. One must be silent so as to listen to oneself. This lady, who travels with you on the Girivalam path, is a very different person from most other devotees. The six of you, the family here, the other devotees, the priest and the local villagers, you are all familiar with Arunachala, with the great Annamalai temple and Bhagwan Sri Ramana Maharshi. So many people come here, after they get to know about the reason to be here. They think that they understand. We think that we understand. We are not wrong. It is our manner of devotion. Kalpana was fascinated. Some part of her had never questioned the reason for traveling from New Delhi to Tiruvannamalai. Her sister had helped her fly out to Chennai. A cousin brother had helped her get a taxi to Tiruvannamalai. There had been no hassles at all. A decision made suddenly had become a journey within 24 hours. It was amazing. There had been many journeys that she had made with her parents, her sisters and her family. They had all been perfect journeys, sometimes into the Himalayas. But, they had all been planned for weeks, and some had taken months of anticipation. What had made her decide? An accidental and unexpected mention by a cousin about the temple and the Girivalam pradakshana, and here she was. The strange looking man was speaking. But, look at her. Everything that she sees, He said, She smiles at. She saw you eating lemon rice, and I saw her smiling. You shared it with her, and she did not hesitate. She accepted it happily. She looked up at Arunachala, as though it was a miracle! That someone she did know yesterday, was sharing food with her, and she accepted it. Each time she ate something, she looked up at the sacred Arunachala, and smiled and was happier and happier. Watching her, I saw Arunachala in her. It was amazing. Kalpana was curious about the strange looking man. The family from Chennai had begun to walk out of the Varuna Lingam temple. They would be walking slowly. She could catch up with them. The women from Andhra Pradesh were also getting ready to move on. Kalpana did not want to go without talking to the strange looking man. But she did not want to give up on her new friends. She would have to walk alone, she worried. Why not walk alone, she thought. She had come all the way to be alone by herself. She gestured to the six women and said, You go ahead. I will sit here, talk to Prabhuji for some time, and will be back on the pradakshana after some time. God willing, we may meet again on the Girivalam path or at the Sri Ramanashram or at the temple. She sat close to the strange looking man and greeting him with a respectful Namaste and said, Prabhuji, I do not know you at all! Honestly, the first time that you spoke, I was in panic and frightened. I was also angry. May I know who are you? How is it that you are able to remark on my happiness? Is it so wrong to be happy? Is it wrong to watch Arunachala with so much contentment and happiness? You do not know anything about me. Barely, 2-3 days ago, I would never have believed it if anyone would have said that I could be so much at peace just by looking at a mountain. How can this mountain be different from any other? I have seen so many mountains in the Himalayas. The strange looking man smiled and Kalpana could see that he had very obviously protruding teeth, and disturbingly, had strange yellowish red eyes. He answered, My dear girl, what do you see, when you watch me? I can see it in your eyes. You see a fat, bald, ugly and short man, and just now you noticed my teeth and my eyes. Do you try to measure all these details when I mention that I noticed your happiness? Did you try to examine me and come to any judgement about whether I was happy or not? When the priest conducted the prayers for you, did you notice if he was happy? When the lady gave her share of lemon rice to you, did you wonder if she was happy? Most of the time we go on with our lives, measuring people with what we see from their appearance, clothes, manner of speech and perhaps, their affluence or poverty. He continued, Rarely do we notice if they are happy. Do you know the secret to this? It is deep within us. Each time that you see Arunachala,
Arunachala Shiva!!!
as you walk, as you sit, as you rest and as you pray or chant, you pull HIM out, you take HIM within you, deep within you. The moment HE is within you, it is then that you realize that HE is within the other person too. Every step that you take on this Girivalam path, you see him within the others that you meet. You realize that the cows that graze on the slopes of Arunachala are the most fortunate. The birds that fly into the forests of Arunachala, and perch on the trees there are very blessed. The wind that blows out through the clouds and the water that flows down, brings HIS blessings to everyone. Kalpana listened to him in fascination. Nobody had spoken to her with such clarity before. Just by looking at Arunachala, just by that, could Shiva be residing within her? Was HE the cause of her happiness? Similarly, was HE within every devotee that came here? What would happen if Shiva was within her? How would that matter? Would her life change, suddenly? Could she tell anybody back home, at Delhi, at her workplace? Would they not laugh at her? Her questions and doubts must have been very obvious, for the strange looking man smiled with affection. My daughter! He said, There are those who do not believe in God, and there are those who may doubt his blessings. They are the truly fortunate. They are more blessed than you or me. They are already blessed and therefore they do not search for HIM in all his many forms or manifestations. There is nothing complicated in all this. Do not worry about it. I can sense a very dark cloud of sorry, worry and trepidation that you keep going back to. And then, you get back to joy and happiness. Both are true. Our memories are our most unforgiving friends in our lives. But, without our memories, how would we remember the most precious moments in our lives? Kalpana nodded, and said, True, Prabhuji, sometimes I want to sleep for long hours, and not wake up, so that I can be within my memories. I talk to the loved ones who have gone ahead, and sometimes I cannot sleep. I do not want to get lost in my memories. I know that they are not real. I have never sat in meditation and I have never been in search of silence. But, yesterday, when I sat with so many others in a small room to meditate, I was amazed. I could sit silently. At first, I heard all the sounds of the ashram, and heard the sounds of the people moving about in the meditation room. After a while, I was silent. There were no memories. I sat silently, wondering. I went back today, early morning, and sat for some more time. Again, I found silence. Once or twice, I heard the peafowl outside the room, but they did not seem to be disturbing. Then I realized, that the sounds of the peafowl were not sounds. They are meant to be as they are. The noise that people make, the sound of traffic, the sound of people talking, all these, are not sounds. They are meant to be as they are. It is the noise that I make within myself, that is the most frightening of all! I am able to understand that, as I walk on the Girivalam path. And each time that I look upon Arunachala, I do not search for Shiva. And when I realize that I do not need to search for Shiva, I do not need to make an effort to sit and drown myself with my memories, I see both! I see silence! Can you see silence? Is that possible, Prabhuji? The strange looking man laughed and his crocodile-design diamond ear-rings sparkled in the sunlight that hit him. He exclaimed, Arunachala! Arunachala! Your ways are mysterious and yet are so very childlike. O Shiva! O Maheshwara! So many years on this path have I worshipped you, O Rameshwara! So many years have I sought you! And you have blessed this daughter of yours in so many magical ways? She did not even know you, and she did not even seek you! Yet, you have pulled her to your embrace and allowed her to gaze upon you within herself! He placed his hands together in reverence, and spoke to Kalpana, My daughter, you are truly blessed. For you have a question that none can answer. Can one see silence? I do not know. O daughter of Shiva! Keep walking, go slowly, and go alone, without any disturbance. Keep looking at the sacred Arunachala. Ask HIM yourself. If HE agrees, I will meet you somewhere, sometime. Pray, bless me with the answer. Go. Be happy as you are. May all your loved ones journey back to HIM, and rest in HIM.
Arunachala Shiva!!!
Vayu
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Arunachala Shiva!!!
Arunachala Shiva!!! My thoughts ride on the swift wind, to you
Arunachala! She exclaimed, May the blessings of the Vayu Lingam be upon me! Dipika raised her hands together in salute, in prayer, gesturing towards the Vayu Lingam temple as she approached. She had walked swiftly with her son and daughter since the morning, not stopping at any of the ashtalingams on the Girivalam path. This was her normal routine, once in two months, to journey in from Tirupati by the night bus, visit the Annamalai temple for a quick prayer, do a rapid 2-3 hour pradakshana, go into the temple for a relaxed darshan, and take the night bus for the return journey. An athlete by training, as were her children, and in excellent fitness, she was content to complete the pradakshana as a personal goal, every two months. Usually accompanied by her adult children, Dipika could outdo both of them at speed walking even at 51 years of age. Her daughter was getting slower each year, she had remarked, since dropping out of competitive hockey. Her son was a total non-athlete now, she thought. IF not for the bi-monthly compulsory rounds around the sacred Arunachala, they would be too happy to avoid any form of strenuous walking. Speed was a qualifying factor for her. Dipika measured her status in life by the speed and stamina that she demonstrated in walking on the Girivalam path. Once in a while, if she were to be accompanied by newcomers to Tiruvannamalai, she would take them into each of the ashtalingams on the path for a quick prayer, or a brief spot of rest, while she would fume impatiently to herself. It was only 8.00 a.m. and she had started from the temple at about 6.30 a.m. The clouds had hidden the sacred peak of Arunachala, preventing her from gazing upon her beloved Shiva as she would often on earlier pradakshanas. As she approached the Vayu Lingam temple, Dipikas daughter asked her to stop for a while as she was thirsty and wanted to get a tender coconut. Instantly, her son also declared that he was tired, so the three of them could get tender coconuts and take a break at the Vayu Lingam temple. For Dipika, this was akin to inefficiency. It was only a fifteen kilometer walk, and one should just complete it. That was that. Thirst or tiredness was not part of her routine. But since it was to be a break at one of the ashtalingams, she could not refuse. Grabbing at one of the tender coconuts, she drank hastily and went inside the Vayu Lingam temple to worship. The Vayu Lingam temple is very unlike the Yama Lingam, Niruthi Lingam or the Varuna Lingam temples. The outer sanctum area is not as extensive as the others. There are very few places for one to sit relaxedly. Dipika chose one of the only two locations in the anterior from where one could sit and gaze at the sacred peak of Arunachala Shiva. Her son and daughter were chatting with the tender-coconut vendor. An elderly man, sitting near the small shanty, possibly the lady vendors husband or father or brother, sat nearby, waiting to pick up the coconut, if Dipika was to throw it anywhere on the temple premises. Her daughter anticipating Dipikas impatience came up and took the coconut and dropped it in a bin near the shanty in front of the temple. Just then, the clouds began to move around the sacred peak of Arunachala. They were moving about, around the peak. The dawn light had come and gone when she had been walking from the Agni Lingam temple to the Yama Lingam temple. She could see a number of foreigners grouped together, waiting to get the early dawn photographs of Arunachala between Sri Ramanashram and the Yama Lingam temple. They should have been here, she thought, watching the clouds play about and around Arunachala. The clouds did not seem to want to move away from Shiva, she said to herself, smiling.
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Arunachala Shiva!!!
Dipika was sad within herself, watching the clouds and the sacred peak of Arunachala. She could sense her thoughts, and she could sense that she wanted to speak about what she felt at the sight, but who could she share it with? Her children would mock her. They would get back to Tirupati and tell the 200 or more relatives in her very extended family that their mother was getting poetic or crazy while on the Girivalam path. She looked around, and there were only one another in the temple. The priest at the Vayu Lingam temple was the only other person, and he was busy. Whom could she talk to? Her daughter came up to her and said that she would take a quick nap now, since they seemed to be resting. Instantly, as always, her son also declared his intention to take a nap. Dipika was irritated but she understood their plight. They must have stayed awake in the bus journey through the night and must be very tired. Whom could she talk to? The lady coconut-vendor was busy and she would not move away from her shop. There was only the elderly man sitting at the shop, silently, watching out for people littering at the shop or at the temple premises. There were no other options. He would have to do, Dipika thought, and gestured for him to get her another tender-coconut. Smiling, at getting some action, he bounded up and got a coconut from the lady and brought it over. There! Dipika thought, now she had him. She asked him, Enna Periappa, how come I am not able to see the sacred peak of Arunachala as yet, clearly, though dawn is long gone, and it is not winter or monsoon days? The elderly man looked up at the sacred peak and the clouds covering the upper slopes, and said, That is the magic of Arunachala! HE decides if HE wants you to see HIM or not! It is that simple. It has nothing to do with the monsoon or winter, day or night. On some nights, I have seen the sacred upper slopes of Arunachala, glistening in the moonlight. On some stormy days, when I could not see the Girivalam path, due to heavy rain, I could only see the uppermost peak, dry and clear in the noon sun that struck it from above. How would we know why HE stays hidden or decides to come out and show HIMSELF? As he stood patiently near her, waiting for her to drink all the tender coconut water, Dipika asked him, But, there is no wind out there, at all! The clouds are not moving and not going away. Look at the trees, the coconut trees. They are all still, absolutely still. Why is it so strangely quiet? I cannot hear any birds, not even crows. Even the dogs are in hiding. There are not many devotees walking about today! Have you seen such a day, Periappa? You seem to be very old and wise, old man, and you must have lived all your years in the shadow of Arunachala. Do you feel blessed enough to know why it is so quiet? The elderly man sat down near Dipika, resting himself against one of the pillars of the Vayu Lingam temple. He said, Blessed? Blessed, did you say? I have never noticed if we are different from those who are as poor as we are, from those who live in other places and sell tender coconut water. Somedays we are happy and somedays we are sad. Sometimes we have very bad problems. Our son is in Chennai, and he sells flowers near the Parthasarathy temple at Triplicane. He is married and lives in a small hut that he has made for himself behind his shop. At night, his children sleep in the shop. We must be blessed, we feel, on some days. Then I see you and other devotees walk here on the Girivalam path. I see your devotion and I see the intent on the faces of old and young. I do not understand it myself. Somedays I think I should go on a pilgrimage somewhere else, he continued, I want to understand it, that brings so many people here to Arunachala is. Every day is the same for me here, and yet, every day is different. I have begun to recognize some of the regular devotees over the years now. I have seen you before. This is the first time that you have stopped to get tender coconut water from us. There is one man who gives me a hundred rupees, each time that he comes on the Girivalam path. I had picked up a coconut that he had thrown. Since then, he gives me a hundred rupees each time that he comes. Because of him, I know that the month has gone by, for he comes only once in a month. I have never noticed that the wind has stopped moving about on Arunachala. I do not notice things like that.
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Arunachala Shiva!!!
Dipika was happy just to listen to him speak. She felt the same at Tirumala and Tirupati. So many hundreds of thousands of pilgrims came to Tirupati every day. They came to see the deity for a view of less than five minutes, or 2-3 minutes for some. It was merely the journey, she thought. She came here, each month, just for the journey, to visit the temple and walk on the Girivalam path. She had never had any exclusive prayer or special requests to Arunachala. To give credit to her children, they had never questioned her for her journeys to Tiruvannamalai, and they had never refused to accompany her on the pilgrimage or on the Girivalam path. The elderly man must also be feeling the same sort of thoughts that she and others felt at Tirupati and Tirumala. She asked the elderly man, How can you not notice the wind, Periappa? You are at the Vayu Lingam temple! If there is any place in the world where you must absolutely notice the presence or absence of wind, it must be here! For, this is the Vayu Lingam temple, where the god of wind, Vayu, himself, is supposed to have rendered prayers to Lord Shiva. He is one of the strongest guardians of the directions among the eight dikapalas. We cannot even live if there would be no wind! The elderly man laughed and said, Yes! You are correct! How can we search for the wind when we are already at the Vayu Lingam temple? I have never thought in this manner. We are here, every day, in service to all the devotees and pilgrims who come walking on the Girivalam path. For us, the sacred peak of Arunachala is in front of us all the time. There are clouds in the upper slopes on some days, and on other days, there are none. Does it make Arunachala any different? Do you get any special blessings if you can see HIM, and do you get denied from blessings, if you cannot see HIM? I have never thought like this. For me, and my old lady, and for those like us, from this land, HE is there. That is absolute. Why do we need to question that just because of clouds, rain, wind or lightning? Dipika looked at the elderly man with respect. He spoke so profoundly and with such splendid clarity. Yet, he spoke in a very simple language. She thought back to all the great vidhwans who came to Tirupati, including sages and seers who spoke for hours at the special sessions organized by the local institutions. They wore special dresses, and were given tremendous respect, and there would usually be very restrictive protocol about them. There were some who disliked being touched, and there were others who would actually keep a ring of junior sages around them to prevent close contact. They explained godly matters using very complicated verse. This elderly man was very different, simple and direct. This was the magic of Arunachala, she thought to herself, and the joy of being on the Girivalam path. You could speak to anyone and one could learn about various aspects through simple anecdotes or statements. She spoke again, to the elderly man, You are very correct, Periappa. A few clouds cannot hide Arunachala. However sine we are here at the Vayu Lingam temple, and Vayu is one of the eight guardians of the directions, I wondered if there was anything significant in the aspect of the absence of wind on the higher slopes. My questions were merely in humour. How would it matter to the aspect of the Vayu Lingam temple and his prowess and strength? Yesterday, I was at Tiruvannamalai, and I saw an old sadhu near the Agni Lingam temple being given some food by a foreigner. For him, it was the only thing that mattered. Whether he got any food for the day or not? Would he wonder if he would get food because there were any clouds, or if there was any wind? Certainly not, I guess. The elderly man smiled and pointed at the priest at the Vayu Lingam temple, and replied, What do you think that the priest sees? From where he stands, he cannot see the upper slopes of Arunachala. Each time he turns around, he sees the inner sanctum of the Vayu Lingam, and he sees the Lingam, and nothing else. His entire dedications, all the prayers that he recites, are all in appreciation to Shiva. But, each time that he turns away, he sees the devotees standing there, trusting him to convey their prayers to Shiva. He sees the Vayu Lingam, multiplied in the eyes of every devotee. But, do you know the unique mathematical riddle that he wonders about every day?
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Arunachala Shiva!!!
Laughing heartily to himself, the elderly man continued, You and other devotees on the sacred Girivalam path certainly do proclaim that Arunachala Shiva is within the heart of every devotee. That HE is deep within us, when we are in HIS shadow, below the sacred peak. If that is to be true, then how does the priest at every temple resolve the riddle of seeing the Shiva Lingam reflected in each eye of every devotee facing the inner sanctum? If one sees Shiva in each eye of a devotee, is he twice-born within each devotee? These are questions that we make up for ourselves, and these are questions that do not have answers. We make up these questions and we will look wise only if we give complex answers. For me, HE is there, and HE is here, with me and with you. Thats all that matters. Dipika smiled in acceptance. How could one agree or argue? It was just a simple statement from a person who was not dismayed that years of presence in the shadow of the sacred Arunachala had not resulted in any exceptional material benefits. He simply accepted Shiva without any question and without any demand. There was no dilution. Again, she thought back to her children. They had never argued with her on the occasions that she brought them with her to Tiruvannamalai or took them along to Tirumala or Shirdi. They did not seem to get excited or content or blissful during these pilgrimages. She had herself never thought about any significant change that had come over her due to these journeys. Perhaps her children were also as minimalistic in their dedication to deities, as was this elderly man. At that moment, two cars drove up speedily and came to a halt at the Vayu Lingam temple. A group of 7-8 men, dressed in visibly stylish all-white clothes stepped out, decked in gold necklaces, gold wristwatches and thick gold rings on several fingers. Must be a group of rich businessmen, she thought. They rushed into the temple, worshipped at the Vayu Lingam, touched the sacred ash to their foreheads, placed considerable amounts of money on the plate containing the sacred ash and rushed out to their vehicles and were gone. Their entire visit must not have been more than 2-3 minutes. The elderly man sighed, and spoke, What would you say to this? They come on this extra super fast visit, going to all the ashtalingams on the Girivalam path, worshipping Shiva in such a rapid manner. They come every month and they do not spend any additional time on the path. Once, one of their drivers said that they were all from Puducheri, but had businesses all over Tamil Nadu. They had come together on the first occasion on a surprise visit, while driving through Coimbatore or Salem. Subsequently, their businesses began to prosper. They meet up somewhere and they drive in, visit all the ashtalingams and Annamalai at the big temple and they get back to wherever they came from. Why do they benefit and become very rich when they do not contemplate on the sacred Arunachala in a peaceful manner? Why does my old lady continue to sell coconuts in spite of being here, in the shadow of the sacred Arunachala for all her life? Should I place the blame on Arunachala Shiva? Dipika nodded in agreement, and thought to herself, He is so correct! I have been an athlete over so many years. Have I won races or matches only because of Shivas blessings? If it were to be so, would he not be wrong to bless only one player or one team? Gazing at the higher slopes of the sacred Arunachala, she said, You are very right, Periappa! It does not matter if we are going to prosper because of Shivas blessings. It is sufficient for us to retain our belief in HIM and ensure that we come back to HIM, whether on the Girivalam path, or in our homes, or within ourselves. Our defeat to HIM is our victory. I come back on the path, again and again, not knowing what to expect. I come, carrying all my burden of troubles, worries, fights and all the bad events that have occurred to me. I come here and hand them over to Arunachala. HE takes them all away from me without any question. I think that is the only guarantee. That HE will be here, that as we go around HIM, I know that I have to only turn towards my right, and I can see him all the while. I can tell him to take away all my troubles. Beyond every single day, is the aspect of Arunachala Shiva, and I know that he will call me, to come to HIM, and take me in HIS embrace and forgive me, nurture me and allow me to live in his shadow, in only one single relationship. Me and HIM. That is the only truth.
Arunachala Shiva!!!
Kubera
Arunachala Shiva!!!
Arunachala Shiva!!! Bless me, that I will always return, to you... "Arunachala!" he whispered, "What is this amazing family of the night that you create!" Rangabhashyam sat at the open seat-ledge outside the Kubera Lingam temple. It was a Girivalam fullmoon night, around 2 a.m., and he sat amazed, watching the nearly hundred devotees and pilgrims walking, sitting, worshipping, chanting, sleeping and eating about near the temple. The Kubera Lingam temple was amazingly comfortable and perhaps, thoughtfully improved, this year in 1975, he thought. Pilgrims starting on the Girivalam walk from the Annamalai temple or Sri Ramanashram would be happy to take a break by the time they would reach the Kubera Lingam temple. There were open spaces alongside the temple, and the pavement was ample here, with some improved amenities in the mid 70s. Devotees, pilgrims, vendors, sadhus, mendicants and local volunteers, everyone found a place near the temple on the Girivalam full-moon night. He had started walking at 11.30 p.m., and it had been slow progress, walking with the groups of devotees along the path. There must have been at least a thousand or more pilgrims walking on the Girivalam path tonight. Somehow, slowly, resting when possible, Rangabhashyam had managed to get up to the Kubera Lingam temple. The devotees had queued up outside the temple and there were clusters of devotees standing around the outer sanctum. Some devotees were throwing coins towards the temple, as was the unusual or usual practice at the Kubera Lingam. There were also groups of 3-4 sadhus and mendicants seated in a disciplined manner on the pavement seeking alms from the devotees. Vendors were selling foodstuffs, devotional items and memorabilia. Rangabhashyam loved this experience. He had been on the Girivalam path, years ago, with his parents, when they had traveled up from Srivilliputtur with his two sisters. They had stayed at a choultry, cooking their own food, traveling meagrely, and enjoying every aspect of the pilgrimage. He had many memories of that visit. His father had been very enterprising and loved to travel. They had traveled all over Tamil Nadu, Kerala and as far north as Ahobilam and Tirupati. Those were the years between 1910 and 1925, and these places were not even named as such. Later, he had made one more pilgrimage after his marriage, to Tiruvannamalai, with Kodai, his wife, and three of his children, journeying from Srirangam, where they had migrated to, from Srivilliputtur. From one pilgrimage center to the other, he thought, a Vaishnava in search of Shiva!!! Those were the only two pilgrimages to the Girivalam path, as he remembered. His father had been traveling all the while and later he had moved away from Tamil Nadu. Memories, he thought, memories were a treasure. Walking on the Girivalam path in those days, with his parents had been a true adventure. The road as one saw it today was not there. It was a network of cart-tracks inside thick forests and scrublands and one had to walk from one of the ashtalingams to the other. Each of the ashtalingams was in the custody of a resident sadhu who had settled at the premises. Beyond the 2-3 other helper sadhus in those days, ten pilgrims were considered a crowd. Years later, when he had come with his wife and kids, they had hired a local couple from near the Agni Lingam temple. The man had carried their bags and the woman had helped them cook food and took care of the children. It had been difficult, he remembered, thinking of those days. Today, it would be his third pilgrimage, he thought. The road was much better, with comfortable walking tracks, volunteers providing food and water, eating-stalls, quick prayers at the ashtalingams, and the sight of thousand pilgrims being recognised as not being enough. Rangabhashyam sat at the Kubera Lingam, thinking of all those who had gone ahead, of those who he would not meet again. And yet, he thought, as he sat there, he could almost reach out and talk to his father and mother. In spite of his marriage of many
Arunachala Shiva!!!
years, his children having grown up and with their own families, for Rangabhashyam, the most precious and most treasured memories were the years that he had been blessed with his parents. If given a chance, he would give away everything that he had gained to be back with his parents. That would not be, he thought, but being on the Girivalam path, brought everything back, flooding in. There was a significant memory of his visit with his parents to the Kubera Lingam temple, sometime in 1910 or thereabouts. He had been 10-11 years of age, and his mother had been tired and she worried about the night journey with the girls. They had been advised by the priest at the Kubera Lingam temple to stay at a nearby hut across the cart-tracks towards the sacred peak of Arunachala. A mendicant sadhu covered in a blanket, had gone ahead and informed the family staying there. His father had paid four annas for the night, and had given a half-anna to the sadhu who had helped. The family was very unique, and that was why he had remembered them, after all these years. The man was a dwarf, and his wife had been incredibly tall, compared to him. Rangabhashyam's parents had not thought it to be amusing but he had never forgotten them. The dwarf, tiny as he was, had been extremely fat, with a big belly. He had had a golden necklace and walked about with the support of a stout staff. He had been very kind and had asked his wife to warm up goat milk with jaggery for the two girls. One of his sisters had disliked it intensely and had passed on the clay container to Rangabhashyam. He had thought it to be very tasty. Today, sitting here, at the Kubera Lingam temple, he thought, what would he give, perhaps a month's salary, to get that hot cup of goat milk sweetened with jaggery. His mother and the dwarf's wife had been chatting all the while, and worked out the dinner together and Rangabhashyam could remember the snip of the tasty coconut-oil flavoured sambar to this day. Those days were gone, forever. In his second visit with Kodai and his children, Rangabhashyam had delayed the pradakshana at the Kubera Lingam temple. Would he find the dwarf? Would that house be there? He had wondered about it and had keenly crossed the earlier ashtalingams quickly. Kodai had not known about his intent. It was sometime in 1929 or 1930, he remembered, two sons and a daughter had accompanied them, and Kodai was keen to seek the blessings of Arunachala after tragedy had taken away a child earlier. Rangabhashyam had asked the priest at the Kubera Lingam if he knew of a family across the road towards the sacred peak of Arunachala, of whom, the husband was a dwarf, and who had kept goats for their milk. The priest had explained that he was new to the temple and he went back daily, by dusk, to a village near the panchamukham area. He had never crossed the road to explore the settlements in the lower slopes of the sacred Arunachala. They were all newcomers in any case, and there were only 6-10 houses in the area. Rangabhashyam had asked the local mendicants and sadhus who were camping at a small prehistoric type of ancient stone temple-structure nearby. None of the sadhus had helped him. But, Rangabhashyam had been keen, and had gone to a nearby hut and requested their help for his family to stay the night. They had allowed them, but they did not speak of a dwarf, his tall wife and his goats. Now, in 1975, and in his third visit, Rangabhashyam was alone. They had all gone earlier, parents, sisters, Kodai - his beloved wife, and five of his children, had all journeyed before him to the great temple in the heavens. He had come down from Bombay, where his two sons had settled, to visit his daughter in Madras. With time to spare, he had got away by a bus and got a bed to sleep at the Gentlemen's Choultry at Sri Ramanashram. It had been pure bliss, getting away, finally. He could not remember when he had been entirely alone, by himself. Walking on the Girivalam path, all the memories came flooding back. He had actually sat down at the Yama Lingam and Niruthi Lingam temples and had broken down in tears. Sitting here, he could sense his mother holding his hand, and sometimes he could remember the feel of his sisters' hands in his, holding on to him for support. He could close his eyes and feel the loving hands of Kodai, seeking his strength, and later asking him to carry their three year old son over the stony path.
Arunachala Shiva!!!
The roads were well made now, tarred, with buses and cars driving by, and night lighting at some spots providing the welcome feeling. Pilgrims no longer cooked their food on the Girivalam path, out of absolute necessity. Eatables were available easily. He had taken a break at a 'tiffin kadai', actually a simple shanty made of palm leaves. They had served him a medley of two idlis, one masala vada, two types of chutneys and a small container of buttermilk - all for one rupee. He had almost laughed at the cost. It would have been at least two rupees in Bombay. Rangabhashyam walked about, within and around the outer sanctum of the Kubera Lingam temple. Whom could he ask about the family he had met, nearly sixty years ago? Who would know? Turning towards Arunachala, he looked up at the sacred peak, in sharp silhouette under the full moon. It would not do any harm, he thought, and he spoke to Arunachala, within himself. "O Shiva! O Arunachala! My father taught me that you are the first Vaishnava. As you did, so did my beloved Kodai. She carried the Shankhu and the Chakram on her bare shoulders, and yet, she loved you dearly. Who was it that allowed my parents and sisters to stay the night, so close to you? Who was it that allowed you to love my parents, sisters, my Kodai and my children so much, that you have taken them in your embrace?" As he said these thoughts, he saw a sadhu, aged, walking towards him, distinctively covered entirely by a blanket around him. There was something in his confident walk, the way he walked proudly, the repeated glance towards Arunachala, the steadfast denial to look down, and in his strong shoulders. Rangabhashyam extended his hands towards him and placed a five rupee note in the sadhu's palms. The sadhu looked startled. People rarely gave more than fifty paise and the rich would sometimes give a rupee. But, five rupees? This was surprising. He looked at Rangabhashyam enviously, and blessed him, "Swami, may Arunachala bless you!" Hearing his voice, Rangabhashyam was sure. This was the same sadhu who had guided his parents to the dwarf's house. His father had given him a half-anna for his help. Smiling, Rangabhashyam said to him, "Periyanna, this is my resolution to a very old debt. Sixty years ago, you had helped my parents and my sisters stay for the night at a kind family's house for the night. My father had given a half-anna for your help. Do you remember? How can you remember? You meet so many pilgrims every day on his sacred path. Perhaps you can help me. Do you remember the family who had alowed us to stay at their home for the night? The man was a dwarf. Is the family alive?" The mendicant sadhu smiled. He looked closely at Rangabhashyam and asked him to sit with him at the stone ledge outside the Kubera Lingam temple. He said, "You are that small boy, about ten years old, I remember, on that day. That dwarf, as you say, is my stepbrother. He could never stop talking about your family. He stayed in touch with your father, and they met each other once or twice at Tiruvannamalai. Yes. He is alive, older than me, of course, but very much present. His wife is also alive. They had moved their house to a secluded place inside the forest." Rangabhashyam was happy. He looked up at Arunachala, conveyed a quiet prayer of thanks and spoke to the mendicant sadhu who was covered up with his blanket, "Periyanna, I never knew that you were related to the family we stayed with. Who was he? Why is his memory so strong in me? Why do I feel like I have to know about him? I had come here, when I was married, with my wife and children, sometime 45 years ago. But nobody knew about him. They never knew that there was a dwarf and his wife in the foothills of the sacred Arunachala in front of the Kubera Lingam temple." The mendicant sadhu replied, "That is the tragedy now. The newcomers do not know of the siddhars who are the real guardians of the sacred region. Some say that they have been for hundreds of years. As much as you can remember, and as I can, all changes have taken place in these hundred years and as I feel, for the better. My brother seeks solitude and has very minimal needs. He is happy to be with Arunachala. Actually, he is a very rich man. Coconut groves, cultivation and dairy farms, away from Arunachala
Arunachala Shiva!!!
belong to his family. His wife's family and his children manage his properties. He lives as he taught. There are no personal needs in life. He does not need anything. I have been with him since my childhood. Sometime people like you place alms in my hand. I use it for the stuff that I cannot get in a normal way." Rangabhashyam nodded and asked, "Can I meet him? Can I talk to him? He has been a part of my memories that I have not shared at all with my children, grown up as they are, with their children. I have thought of him, every day, in my prayers, in my sleep, in my thoughts about my parents, my sisters and my children who are no longer with me. Is it possible to go to his house and meet him?" The mendicant sadhu said, "Wait here. Tonight is a full moon. He has to come to the temple. he has not come until now. It would be about time now. After his prayers, he will sit here for some time and watch everyone. He loves to watch the crowds, the devotees, the families and the manner in which the Girivalam path has become accepted among everyone. You wait here. I will join you when he comes." It was about 4 a.m. or thereabouts, and devotees were moving about in waves. Many dropped coins at the open area outside the Kubera Lingam temple. Some families sat for a while. Several devotees placed coins in the open bowls in front of the sadhus who were seated in groups and chanting some prayers. The mendicant sadhu covered in a blanket stood silently, away from the crowd. He seemed very calm, unaffected by all the hustle and the numbers of people. He did not seem to be in need of alms. He was watching the dark lower slopes of Arunachala. He was waiting. After a while, he seemed to have spotted something. He shouted a prayer loudly and went inside the Kubera Lingam temple and took up a place in the premises in the outer sanctum. 3-4 mendicants came up from other places in the crowd and stood with him. Rangabhashyam looked towards the lower slopes of Arunachala. He could not see anything. He continued to search. Then, he heard it. A faint bleat of a goat. There was an ancient prehistoric sort of medieval temple structure on the outer side of the road. It was a deserted place and in the darkness of the night, it looked like a haunted place. Suddenly as he watched, a goat stood there, quiet, watching, waiting. He kept looking at the goat. He was there; he could make out, a small shadow alongside the goat. The dwarf was there. The goat stood still at the temple-like ancient structure while the dwarf man crossed theGirivalam path from the side of the sacred Arunachala to the Kubera Lingam temple. The groups of mendicant sadhus stopped singing. Some stood up to greet him in silent respect. He did not look like he was ninety years or more, in the manner in which he walked. He strode confidently, covered in a shawl, looking around, smiling and not stopping to talk to anyone. At the entrance to the temple, a group of 3-4 mendicant sadhus bowed in respect and touched his feet. At that moment, Rangabhashyam saw, he did not seem to have changed at all in his rotund shape. He was fat, with a large belly, but despite it, nobody seemed to be noticing him for his shape at all. he had a golden necklace and was carrying a money bag that he handed over. One of the mendicants accepted the money bag and went over to the groups of waiting sadhus and kept handing over fistfuls of coins to them. As he saw, Rangabhashyam could notice, he now had a full-length silvery beard and a great moustache. Silvery hair, that seemed to make him look like a very wise man. The mendicant sadhu with the blanket walked up to him from the outer sanctum and went with the wise looking dwarft to the temple. He did not push the pilgrims aside and did not break the queue. Quietly, without any showy display, he conveyed his prayer, and walked out to the garden area. He seemed to be carrying some pomegranates in his hand that he handed over to the kids who were picking up the coins being thrown by the devotees. The mendicant sadhu with the blanket spoke to the wise looking dwarf and
Arunachala Shiva!!!
pointed towards Rangabhashyam. Nodding, the wise looking dwarf came up to him. "It has been a long time, Son, a very long time." He said, "You are an old man now, with your own grandchildren. Why did you not come earlier?" Rangabhashyam broke down in tears, and bowed down to touch the feet of the wise looking dwarf. The mendicant sadhu with the blanket said, "Anna, he has lost five of his children. They went back to Vaikunta as kids." The wise looking dwarf looked at Rangabhashyam quietly, thinking of all those who had gone, and made him sit on the stone ledge. He said, "I understand. You are in search of your people; you are in search of your memories. I am in search of that family who came to meet me sixty years ago. I remember your mother and your father. I remember your sisters." "Come, come with me to my hut on the foothills of Arunachala, and stay with me for 2-3 days. My lady will be so happy. She remembers your family. Mind it; you were the only family to stay with us in all these years. The memories of that single day have made them feel like they were our family. We can talk to you about what your father and mother said, and how they loved to take care of you and your sisters. My lady will tell you how much your sisters loved you and how they gossiped. Come. My life has not changed much. My friend, my beloved Arunachala, does not allow me to go back to him, though I ask him to call me to him every day." Rangabhashyam stood up and walked away obediently with the wise looking dwarf to the foothills of the sacred Arunachala in the hours of the early dawn. This would be his longest Girivalam pradakshana, he thought.
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Arunachala Shiva!!!
Shiva as Bhairava
Arunachala Shiva!!!
Arunachala Shiva!!! We travel distances to return, to you... "Arunachala!" He called out, "Why do I need to travel, if I am to return to you?" Muniswamy heard the sadhu call out in prayer at the Esanya Lingam temple. He was almost at the end of the Girivalam path, having walked his way on the fifteen kilometerpradakshana around the sacred Arunachala. After offering his homage at the Esanya Lingam temple, he could complete the walk with prayers at the Annamalai temple. He had been here, on the Girivalam path on a number of occasions in his 65 years, and had been able to complete the entire pradakshana without any problems. He had had no troubles for today, having started from the big temple as early as 5 a.m., and walking slowly he had made it to the Esanya Lingam temple by 9 a.m., before it would get too hot and sultry. Having come on a number of occasions earlier, he knew of the burial grounds and the cemetery that you had to cross before arriving at the Esanya Lingam temple. Very soon, they were near the cremation grounds. He would have to walk for more than 800 meters at least, bordering the burial grounds. There were two bodies on the pyre, and the smoke was coming their way. It would be better to sit outside, awhile, and go inside the temple only after some time, he felt. Where could he sit? There was a stoneledge alongside the burial ground, and the families who had come to cremate their loved ones, were gathered nearby. Two local vendors were standing nearby selling flower garlands. He could sit near them. The flower vendors looked at him curiously. They were not able to place him, as a devotee, or pilgrim or as a member of the families who had gathered here for their loved ones. Muniswamy sat quietly, thinking, watching and wondering. His brother at Chennai had explained about the guardians of the eight directions. He had told him that if you would start at the Indra Lingam, then you would come to a logical end at the cremation grounds near the Esanya Lingam temple. What begins, has to end. If you began on a journey, you had to end it at some point. After you concluded your journey at theEsanya Lingam temple, you walked through the cremation grounds, cleansing yourself of all your actions in this life. You would then go ahead to surrender completely toAnnamalai at the big temple. On each occasion that you would enter the great temple after a pradakshana on the Girivalam path, you came out without any baggage from your previous journey. Muniswamy sat on the edge of the cremation grounds, between the Esanya Lingam temple and the funeral pyres. He watched the families standing near the pyres, and thought, to each one present, they would all return here, one last time. This place was their real destination. Smiling at the truth, Muniswamy went to the Esanya Lingam temple. This was the only one of the ashtalingams that was placed lower in the ground, almost underground. One had to descend a small flight of stairs to reach the Esanya Lingam. This was also supposed to be the largest and the most ancient. The priest was conducting prayers for some families who had come earlier and Muniswamy did not disturb him. He offered his prayers to Shiva who was Esanya himself at this place, and came up to the outer sanctum and sat outside the premises. The images were extremely overwhelming. He had seen some pilgrims breaking down in tears at the Esanya Lingam temple. Today was not to be one of those days, he thought. His mind went back to some of his earlier visits on completion of the Girivalam pradakshana. Once, there had been an oldish gentleman who had been quoting the sacred Annamalai Venba and had explained some of the verses to him. It had left a profound impact on him. He kept hearing the verses again and again inside his head. He had not understood any of the words at that time, and he did not do so, to this day. He could not even remember the words. But, he could certainly sense the references toEsanya and to the cycle of life and death.
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Arunachala Shiva!!!
An elderly lady, silver-haired, dressed in a much wrinkled, well-worn saree, with a very largish circular crimson red kumkum bindi, came walking leisurely and sat next to Muniswamy. He greeted her respectfully, as one pilgrim to another, and sat quietly. He did not want to end up talking to her about anything, for he dearly wanted to get back to the big temple and conclude his Girivalam walk with prayers to Annamalai. He looked up at Annamalai and gestured to himself, almost in gratitude. The elderly lady watched his gesture and smiled. As he feared, she began to speak, "Swamy, you seem to have been here on a number of occasions. Do you come here often? Do you sit here often?" Muniswamy hated when it happened in such a manner. He hated to talk to people when he could be better placed by walking on the Girivalam path. However, he replied, "I have to get back on thepradakshana. But yes, I do come here often. I usually sit here for sometime before going forward to the big temple. Why do you ask?" She did not reply. She was watching a new family enter the cremation grounds. It was a very small group. Four men carried an old lady and placed the body near an empty pyre-site. The moment they placed the body, they stood away from it and walked away to stand under the shade of a large tree at a distance. Two women had accompanied then, and they stood near the compound wall of the cremation grounds. They did not enter the grounds. They just waited in the shade of another tree. Soon enough, an elderly gentleman came running behind them, with a young boy accompanying him. They stood near the two women. They were all silent. They did not go near the old lady's body that had been placed on the ground. This went on for a while, as Muniswamy watched quietly. The elderly lady smiled and pointed and said, "O Swamy! Do you see that! They are all alone. Now, perhaps, they understand. As a family, they are all alone at this moment. A member of their family has passed away, and they have just about done their duty. Both those women are sisters, and that elderly man is their brother. They are standing there silently, waiting. Do you know, O Swamy, what is it that they are waiting for? They are waiting for people to come to help them to untie the lady and place her on the funeral pyre. Do you know why they are waiting? Because their caste does not permit them to go near the funeral pyre or to touch the dead body when it is inside the cremation ground. That is why the four who brought the old lady here, placed her on the ground and rushed away. Little do they realise, that they will also come here on their final journey and this is their fate. Yet, they cling on to their caste and pride." Muniswamy looked at the people and agreed with her. The brother and the two sisters seemed to be waiting for some help to come along. There were similar help at one of the other pyres. They were placing the firewood and dung cakes on the body over there. It looked like it would be well over an hour before they would move over from their task to help out with the old lady who had been placed next to an empty pyre-site. He spoke to the elderly lady, "Who are those two sisters? Are they related to the old lady? Do you know them?" "Yes! They are related!" exclaimed the elderly lady, "That old lady is my elder sister and those two ladies are her daughters and that elderly man is her son. She had passed away in here sleep and they rushed her here within two hours. They did not inform me, though I am her only sister. They fear that I will claim a share in her property. They did not even bother to take her to a good hospital to see if they could revive her. The medical doctor who gave them the death certificate in ten minutes, remembered me and informed me. That's why I have come here and I sit here." It was too bad and depressing, thought Muniswamy. This was very unwise. When would people learn? She was their mother, and they made her wait, thus, in her final journey! He sat next to the elderly lady. The final part of the walk on the Girivalam path could wait, he thought. This lady needed his companionship now. She looked so courageous, but could lose control at any moment. They sat together, watching. It was almost high noon now, and the men from the other funeral had completed their tasks.
Arunachala Shiva!!!
They received some money from the family and came up to the body of the old lady. There was no conversation or instructions. They went about their job silently and without any discussion from the family. The sisters and brother left the cremation ground by the time the pyre was burning fiercely. They would probably return tomorrow, Muniswamy thought. Or, if there were more bodies coming in, the pyrehelpers would sweep up the bones and ashes and retain them in a mud urn and hand them over to the family if and when someone would come to claim it. The elderly lady stood up as the family left the ground and took Muniswamy's hand for support. He walked with her silently to the funeral pyre and stood while she wept and circled around the burning pyre. She called out to a cremation priest sitting nearly and gave him some money to recite prayers. The sisters and brother had not conducted any prayers for their mother. Muniswamy stood, listening to the prayers, watching, his eyes lost in the leaping flames. The flames made him weep. He was standing too close. He thought of his father and mother. He had done good by them. He had been able to carry them to their cremation, along with his brother, and his uncles. They had had no second thoughts about bathing them by themselves, dressing them up and conducting all the rites with the help of a regular cremation ground priest. His uncle had been close to his father. He had sat at the cremation grounds at their village near Satyavedu in Andhra Pradesh, holding on the ash-urn for eleven days, without returning home. They had gone to the cremation grounds to ask him to return, but he had refused. some said that his uncle had been talking strangely during those days. Death was strange, funny and abrupt, thought Muniswamy. The only definite aspect of it was that it was final. It was complete. It got over and there was no way that you could change it. You had to accept it. Perhaps, those two sisters and the brother were more pragmatic. They had come to terms with the passing of their mother immediately. He stood quietly, as the elderly lady completed her prayers. She sat down in the shade of a tree nearby and said, "O Swamy, thank you for your help. I am ok now. I will sit here till the flames go down. You go ahead on the Girivalam and complete your walk. Later, if you feel good about it, please bring me some flower garlands from Annamalai himself so that I can offer them to my sister here, at the Esanya Lingam." Nodding in agreement, Muniswamy bowed low with folded hands and went back to theEsanya Lingam temple. There was a water tap nearby. He removed all his clothes, right down to his loincloth, and had a quick bath in the cold water. Without drying himself, and with only a dhoti around his waist, he walked in to the outer sanctum. Nobody thought his appearance to be strange. He worshipped at the Esanya Lingam and sat on the stairs, at the last step. The priest had closed the doors to the inner sanctum. Muniswamy could sit silently, contemplating the aspect of Shiva as Esanya. What was this circle of life, he wondered, and why enforce the aspect so vigorously at this temple? Muniswamy felt his question, being asked directly to Shiva. What couldMaheshwara reply to the most profound of questions of humanity, he thought. Why should we be reminded of death when it is futile, for we cannot prevent death? Death was certain. Should one think about it or should one fear death? Is it just a moment in one's life like any other? If so, then one would have to remember that there would be nothing after death. The death of a loved person led to sorrow, but the death of a person in pain and sorrow should mean liberation. Would they take their pain and sorrow with them in their onward journey? Or, was one free of their misery? If one would get free from one's misery, then perhaps, one should look forward to death. "Questions, questions, O Maheshwara! Who would give me answers?" thought Muniswamy, looking at the peaceful image of Shiva as Esanya. These were questions that nobody could answer, he knew. A family of pilgrims, having come from their walk on the Girivalam, came in to worship at the closed doors of the inner sanctum. There seemed to be three generations, grandparents, parents and a grandson and
Arunachala Shiva!!!
grand-daughter. The grandson was helping his grandmother down the stairs while the grandfather preferred to sit and crouch on the top step to get a glimpse of the Esanya Lingam. The grand-daughter sat alongside her grandfather. The parents came to sit alongside Muniswamy at the lowest step. Silently, they went about organizing the items for the prayer that they conducted themselves without waiting for the priest. The grandmother watched everything patiently and turned to her grandson and said, "Muruga, you are a good boy unlike your father who is now lost in rituals. He has walked on the Girivalam path with me and his father on so many occasions but has yet to understand the ONE with no form. What prayer can you render to the ONE who is beyond everything? With which ritual can you bind HIM, who is impossible to contain? Your father will also die as surely I would. Muruga, ask your father to lead his remaining days in being a good teacher to you and your sister." Muniswamy was amazed. He had asked a single question to Shiva as Esanya and had wondered if he would get an answer. Immediately, here was this lady, who explained that even such questions and rituals were only mundane in our surrender to the great ONE without form. Perhaps, he could be selfish and ask his questions, maybe one question, just one question, to the grandmother. And maybe he would get his answer. Taking courage, with a silent prayer to Shiva as Esanya, he asked, "Amma, I heard you speak the truth to your grandson. I am sitting here in front of Esanyan, and I had asked him a question. Perhaps, you could help me with the answer. Here, at this ashtalingam, why should we be reminded of death, if death was certain, and we need not fear it. Is it not an actual liberation of our soul, and should we not look forward to it? Pray, help me with this answer, for it may benefit this boy and his parents also." The grandmother smiled with true happiness, and without any surprise, replied, "Thambi, I see that your clothes and your feet are wet. No wonder you ask these questions as you sit here. You must have come from the cremation grounds and your mind is troubled about death. You sit here, without being able to get your feet to take you to the big temple, to complete your pradakshana. There are lines on your palms, and even palmists can predict your life. So, why worry about death? Just go to a palmist. There are people you meet, who are not related to you, and they go to their homes after work. You lose them for some part of the day. But, they come back. You board a bus to go to Chennai. You do not get the same driver. Yet, in both cases, your friend at work comes back to you and you do your work as usual. Your bus driver is not the same, but you go where you wanted and you arrived correctly." "So, what is important? The journey or the destination?" She asked, "Your relatives or your friends? Your work that got done or the work that you could not do? Nothing matters. Bhakti and faith are also not real. Accept your tasks, go on completing them. Accept your successes. Go on with your work. Accept your faults. Begin a new journey. Death is certain. That much is certain. Do not go about seeking answers to the riddle of death. It is there. That's all. Seeking death is of no purpose. Not seeking work or your responsibilities is not going to help you avoid death." Muniswamy stood up happy. He was not certain that he understood it entirely and that he now knew what to do about death or life. He was extremely happy, that he had just sat here, asked questions to Esanyan himself, at his sanctum, and a person came to give him some answers. You had to ask and you had to push. "O Arunachala!" He exclaimed, turning to the grandmother, "Your ways are not at all mysterious. I have seen you and I now know that you hear everyone in this magical path. Give me strength, for I would now run to complete this journey, for I know that you will bless me with new life and a new journey, that will bring me back, to you..."
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Indra
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Arunachala Shiva!!!
Arunachala Shiva!!! We give away, ourselves, to you... "Arunachala!" He worshipped, "take away all my worries and problems. Help me!" The rich man went hurrying inside the long corridor to present his prayers at the Indra Lingam temple. It was a long and narrow corridor. He had asked his car driver to go ahead and park at the Sri Ramanashram and wait for him as he would come around on his Girivalam walk. "Arunachala!" He thought "This is your Girivalam, and I am definitely want to walk all around the sacred place again. I offer my prayers, please, let me complete the pradakshana with your permission. You are my ultimate protector and you are my entire world. I surrender to you, my beloved Arunachala!" The priest at the inner sanctum welcomed him, for he had been coming on theGirivalam regularly and he was well known at all the ashtalingams. The priests were friendly to him. He always offered his prayers at each of the ashtalingams. He would walk only when the inner sanctums were open and the priest permitted prayers. He would wait at the ashtalingams for 3-4 hours if the inner sanctum was closed. He would not move ahead on the Girivalam path without offering prayers at the ashtalingams. Dressed in his suit and tie, Mr. Alavandar, the rich man, was looking very different from all the other pilgrims at the Indra Lingam temple. He had rushed out of a meeting that he had at his bankers and local business partners. His office assistant who accompanied him was very familiar with his strange schedule. His boss would remove his suit, tie and trousers at the outer sanctum and don a very simple veshti, a white cotton dhoti, and a very thin linen towel that he would place over his shoulders as a shawl. He would sprinkle water from the century old traditional well at the outer sanctum and present himself at the Indra Lingam. His boss would change completely, the assistant thought, proud of his boss. This was his routine, every three months, driving in from Srirangam, and placing his total surrender to Arunachala. Three elderly brothers, fellow pilgrims, seated nearby in the outer sanctum watched the rich man's changeover with extreme interest. They noted that the simple dhoti and the white towel that he had now worn, were very old, looked shabby and absolutely worn out. They waited until the rich man went up to the inner sanctum. They asked his assistant, "Who is this man whom you are helping? He seems to be a very rich man, and he has now dressed up as a very simple person. Is he going to go on theGirivalam path like this? Does he walk alone?" The assistant simply nodded in agreement, but he did not reply. He rushed after his boss to be of service. Mr. Alavandar stood in front of the inner sanctum, and prayed silently. His assistant seemed to anticipate his moves and needs completely. He handed over flowers, coconut, garlands, camphor, incense sticks and ash in a small plastic bag to his boss. The rich man emptied every item reverentially on a stainless steel plate offered by the priest, carefully folded the plastic bag and handed it back. From a small sandalwood box, the assistant picked out a rudraksha necklace and passed it on to the rich man who placed it on the plate with the other offerings. The priest took everything inside the sanctum, conducted the prayers and brought them back. The rich man took out only the rudraksha necklace and wore it around his neck, placed some ash on his forehead and went about walking around the inner sanctum. Having completed his rounds, he went over to a corner of the outer sanctum and sat on the bare floor, closed his eyes and went into a meditative trance, almost in an instant. The assistant walked over to the farthest corner opposite his boss and sat down peacefully. He knew that it would be more than an hour for his boss to continue in his meditation. The three elderly brothers watched Mr. Alavandar in fascination. They were extremely impressed in the manner of his devotion and dedication. They went over to where the assistant sat, and settled themselves around him. One of the brothers asked the assistant, "Your boss
Arunachala Shiva!!!
looks so focused and so determined in his worship. Its absolutely amazing. If someone would not have seen him in his costly suit, tie and trousers, they would not know that he is the same man from his appearance now, so simple and so traditional." The assistant smiled at the appreciation for his boss and replied, "I have known him for the past ten years now, and I am blessed because of him. I travel with him all through the year and we visit many temples around the country. He combines his work and business with his devotion. Because of him, I get to visit so many temples and participate in all prayers and ceremonies. Just imagine, I have a job where I am paid to go to temples and visit the best of places. I have stopped questioning his methods and intent." The eldest brother heard him peacefully and nodded wisely, and said, "Who knows how Arunachala calls us to HIM? Your boss comes in search of HIM, but for you, HE creates this opportunity. Why should one argue? Do you not meditate, then? Have you not learnt how to meditate? You are so lucky to be with him. But, does he not teach you about meditation? Do you know his prayers or do you know if he chants some quiet mantra to help him in his meditation?" The assistant thought for a while, trying to recollect, and answered, "How would you learn meditation? I guess you would start and make mistakes. My boss always said that you need a teacher, for one to learn meditation. You cannot start just by watching him or anyone else. The most peaceful looking clerk in a government office may be thinking about a million problems. The busiest housewife, working at a wedding meals for more persons than she has ever cooked for, may be very peaceful in her mind. Similarly, as my boss says, he has never been able to perfect his skills in meditation. He says that he fails each time and loses his concentration. I never have been able to figure out about the moment when he actually loses his concentration. He always looks like he is in a trance." The three elderly brothers and Mr. Alavandar's assistant watched him quietly, in reverence and awe. They were impressed by the manner in which he had just gone to the corner, sat down, and immediately withdrawn into himself. There were many other pilgrims nearby, with families talking loudly. The priest was making some sound in pulling up water from the deep well. An electrician and a painter were dragging a long aluminium ladder around. Mr. Alavandar did not seem to get disturbed by all the sound and chatter. One of the brothers, probably the youngest, asked Mr. Alavandar's assistant, "How can your boss not get disturbed by all that sound? I know that I would. How can he meditate so peacefully? So much sound and so much disturbance. The sound of that ladder as it is dragged. Even if I am not in meditation, I am irritated and angry by that sound. How can he not become angry and scold them for not noticing his meditation?" The assistant laughed. He said, "Once, 5-6 years ago, at one of the ashtalingams, I forget which one, a man scolded his children for making too much noise when my boss was meditating. That man's two children began to speak in whispers. My boss got disturbed by the children speaking in whispers. He spoke to the man and his children and apologised for disturbing them. He went out of the temple and sat under a tree, even as it was raining, and sat there quietly. Later, when the family went on ahead on their Girivalam, my boss came back to his earlier spot and continued with his meditation." The three elderly brothers also laughed in appreciation. The eldest brother asked, "Who taught him meditation, then? Was there some well known guru? Did he have to learn for a long time? I have also tried to learn meditation, and that is why I ask this question. I have learnt different types of meditation but I am not able to commit myself properly. Something or the other always prevents me from sitting down to meditation. I have many problems in my life. I have lost my job on several occasions. Sometimes there is no money, actual money, even for day to day expenses. My mind goes crazy and tells me to do crazy
Arunachala Shiva!!!
things. All those meditation classes did not help. My two brothers also face similar problems. That is why we have come here to Arunachala. To search for our future path and direction." The assistant replied, "Better that you ask him. He is not a businessman in those clothes. He becomes a complete pilgrim and a devotee. He talks to everyone. If anyone asks him any personal questions, he knows how to avoid them without being rude. After he comes out of his meditation, he will sit here, at the Indra Lingam temple for some time. He is happy here, because this is the beginning of the Girivalam for him. He will go slowly from here, to the Agni Lingam and later, again, he will spend more time at Sri Ramanashram. He does the Girivalam walk by taking more than a day and night. He goes very slowly." "A day and a night? Wow!" The eldest brother remarked, "We have usually done our slowest Girivalam in five hours, and that was also because it was raining very heavily and I had slipped on the path. It would be a blessing indeed to talk to him here at theIndra Lingam and accompany him for some time on the path. Let us wait for him to get back to this world, for I think, he must have gone away somewhere else, otherwise how can someone not get disturbed by all those sounds and activities?" The three elderly brothers and Mr. Alavandar's assistant sat quietly, busy in their own contemplation of their lives, and waited. One of the brothers went out of the temple and filled up tea in an used mineral water bottle and fetched it inside, with plastic cups. Without any query, along with the priest, they shared the tea among themselves. It felt nice. It was just the right thing for that moment. After a while, Mr. Alavandar began to move about at his seat and stood up and walked around, stretching his hands and began doing some simple calisthenics. He went back to the well and washed up and came up to the inner sanctum and offered prayers. His assistant sat calmly, behind the inner sanctum, waiting, for he knew that his boss would not require him at this moment. Soon enough, Mr. Alavandar walked up to his assistant and sat down on the ground with him, resting his back on the temple walls, and relaxed. He seemed quite content about his day, and did not look like a man with any agenda or in any hurry. The three elderly brothers sat nearby, and judging by the expression on their faces, and their eager vibrations that were very obvious, Mr. Alavandar looked at them, smiled, and asked, "You are very curious, are you not? What has my man, Pattabhi, been telling you about me? Are you also on the Girivalam path? You are welcome to walk with me. I enjoy the company. But, Pattabhi would have told you that I go very slowly. If you want to journey together with me, you will have to walk slowly. Is that ok?" The eldest brother replied, "Swamy, we do not want to disturb you. We will certainly go with you because there is much to learn from you. How is it that you seem to enjoy every moment of the Girivalam and you have come here so many times, as your assistant informed, every three months, and yet, you walk so slowly, and take up so much time on the path? We had come together, for we are brothers all, myself, Kuchela, my younger brothers, Gopinath and Bhaskar. It was difficult for us to come together and travel together. Our families are very different, and we are not able to get away. But, you come here repeatedly, and you take so much time. Does it not affect your work?" Mr. Alavandar gestured with both his hands to the heavens, in the direction of the sacred Arunachala, and replied, "Who would dare argue with HIM? I am called here, and I am here. Even if I come on the Girivalam path, every three months, there is some inner message. It pulls me here, and I come without fail. But, I have seen over these many years when I have been in his shadow, I have never felt that I have lost my time in business or with my family. Sometimes, when I walk, I think of my work, and sometimes, I think about my family. My man, Pattabhi, is always close by, in my car, or sometimes walking with me. I know that they respect my time here, and that reverence is enough for me. My family loves the fact that
Arunachala Shiva!!!
I walk here. And, that is good enough for me." Gopinath, one of the elderly brothers, asked, "Swamy, you are truly an inspiration. Your family must be inspired by your devotion to the sacred Arunachala. We are curious. Your assistant-sir told us that you spend a lot of time at the Indra Lingam temple before starting on the Girivalam path. Why do you do that? Is it not OK to spend more time at the big temple to Annamalai and later be able to take rest at some of theashtalingams when one is tired? Why do you stay here for such a long time?" "This is the first of the ashtalingams," Mr. Alavandar said, "That much you are aware, I am sure. But, do you remember, that whenever you complete your Girivalam walk, you are at the Esanya Lingam temple, and you walk through the burial and cremation grounds. That end point signifies that you are nothing. You are over. Your life is completed. You are simply a mound of ash, burnt at the pyre. You surrender totally toShiva as Esanyan. But, after that end point, you go back to the great temple ofAnnamalai and you submit to HIS blessings and instructions before going back to your family or place from where you have come from to take part in the Girivalam." "Similarly, when you return to the Girivalam," He continued, "You start at the Indra Lingam temple, or you start at the Annamalai temple and come to this place. When you come here, you take an oath or a promise or an affirmation, that you have left behind everything to start on this circular journey around the sacred Arunachala. You proclaim to yourself that you have left behind your family, your work, your commitments and your worries and sorrow, your happiness and joy, your burden and your friends. You come here as a mendicant, and you proclaim that you are nobody. It is only then that you are able to truly commit to the pilgrimage and to the walk on the Girivalam path." The youngest of the three brothers, Bhaskar, asked, "Swamy, how can one do that? How can one simply forget all his worries and problems? How can one forget his happiness, just like that? What is the need to do so? We are here, to dedicate ourselves to the sacred Arunachala, and I understand that. Whenever we walk on the sacred Girivalam path, we are truly devoted to the divinity. We chant the mantra as we were instructed to. We follow all the precautions and the practices. Is that not enough? Why should we clean up and wash out our mind in the manner in which you explained? Pray, forgive me for my questions, but I am curious and your answers would help me." "I fail in my attempt to cleanse myself, all the time," Mr. Alavandar replied, smiling, "I understand your questions and your concern. I have never succeeded in forgetting everything. I try. Because I know that this is required, I make the attempt. If you would not know, how would you try to forget and how would you be humble in the beginning of the path? We come with our assumptions about our importance. Believe me, for I know this to be very true. We are nothing. Absolutely nothing. Nobody knows us, and nobody is interested in us, in our thoughts or in our lives. Even within our families, friends or colleagues, nobody is actually interested. They listen to our experiences when we speak about them. But, they are impatient to get on with their daily tasks and with their lives." "Let me give you an example. You go to the Sri Ramanashram with me and let us visit the book stall. Let me explain the Ashtavakra Gita book that is available there. I will explain some of the passages in those pages to you, while we would be at the book stall. How many of the other devotees who are there, in that book stall, actually interested in that particular book, would be actually interested in hearing me trying to explain it? None. They would purchase that book, but how would they understand it? For all this, you need a teacher. Similarly, when you are on the Girivalam path, you need a teacher. And you need instructions." Kuchela, the eldest of the three brothers, said, "Yes, Swamy, I agree. I have never been able to read even the Bhagavad Gita, from the first page to the last, all by myself. There have been many different volumes
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of the Gita in our house. But, none of us sat down seriously to read it from cover to cover. And, I am not able to understand that we need a teacher, and instructions when we are on the Girivalam path. How is that?" Mr. Alavandar laughed at the example that Kuchela spoke about, and replied, "Yes, my brothers, what I say is correct. When you accept a teacher, you accept his guidance. When you come to the big temple of Annamalai, you are merely informing HIM that you are going to start on the path. When you leave the big temple and you start walking to the Indra Lingam temple, you are preparing yourself. Your thoughts are on your footwear, your clothes, the need for water, some snacks to be eaten and your fear for your money and other belongings. But, when you are at the Indra Lingam temple, you are actually beginning the walk. At that moment, when you worship, you accept Arunachala himself, as your teacher, as your guru." "When you accept Arunachala, within your heart and within your mind, as your teacher, you surrender totally to HIM. There is nothing left but to accept HIS instructions. HE gives you that guarantee, and also asks you to leave behind everything, for each step on this pradakshana is going to be in dedication to HIM. Nothing belongs to you during the path and every thought and every desire should be in dedication to HIM alone. If you have to think about your family, you could have brought them with you, and you could enjoy the walk together, without any attempt at immersion with Arunachala himself. For HE is happy that you are happy and that you walk along with your loved ones, even if they are friends." "But when you are alone, and you walk on this path," Mr. Alavandar continued, totally engrossed in his own words, "you begin to allow your mind to wander. Your mind goes back to your family, to your workplace, to your problems and to your moments of happiness and achievements. You do not contemplate the sacred divinity ofArunachala. Why do you come here, if you cannot actually be here, in mind and spirit? That is the reason I take up much time at the beginning here, at Indra Lingam, lost in my thought and deliberately washing everything away. I sit there and contemplate on my thoughts, and pick them up, one by one, and throw them away. I try to reach a point where I do not have any more thoughts. But, I have never succeeded. I try and try again. But, this most difficult struggle with myself, at the beginning of theGirivalam path, is the most tiresome. It defeats me completely." Gopinath asked, amazed, "You never succeed? Then, if you have tried so many times, how can we succeed? Why do you try so many times when you know that it is difficult?" Mr. Alavandar replied, "It is not the defeat that puzzles me. It is the struggle that amazes me. I know that I want to dump my thoughts. I know that I want to reach a silent place in my mind. I know that I am ready to forget and dump all my baggage. But, I fail. Why can I not empty myself? Am I so obstinate? Is my mind a very different organism? And, as I walk out of the Indra Lingam temple, I make one last attempt. I forget this struggle also. I leave the battle with my mind at the Indra Lingam temple. I go out of this temple as a happy man. I have tried. I am ready to go out there, and surrender to my beloved Arunachala. Come, let us walk out together and breathe in the amazing air that finds its way from the sacred peak and comes in search of us and blesses us."
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Arunachala Shiva On the Girivalam path

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