Languages Discipline, Hong Kong Institute of Vocational Education

Lesson 2: Introduction to Workplace Reports (2)

Learning Objectives: By the end of this lesson, you should be able to: recognise the audience and identify the purpose of workplace reports; use a reader-oriented approach in report writing; adopt appropriate style and tone for different kinds of workplace reports; and craft more concise sentences in reports. Revision

Task 1

Task 1a Headings In the previous lesson, you have learnt that noun phrases and parallel structures are usually used to craft headings in a report. Now, skim Reports A and B on the next two pages and fill in the missing headings/sub-headings. Then, in Report C, re-write the headings underlined by giving more information about the content of the section.

Task 1b The purposes of reports As mentioned in the previous lesson, most reports serve the following purposes: to inform, to analyse or to persuade. Summarise the purposes of Reports A, B and C in the table below: Purpose To inform Report A Report B Report C

To analyse

To persuade

Lesson 2 LAN4107 E&C: Reports (AS) Student Package

Page 1 of 14

Languages Discipline, Hong Kong Institute of Vocational Education

(A)

FirstQuarterlyReportRetirementVillageConstruction

Purposeofreport This is our first quarterly report on the Retirement Village in East Kowloon. We are in the startup phase of our companys building plans for the retirement village and surrounding site enhancements. The plans include (1) constructing the main building for the retirement village, parking lots, an outdoor fountain and maintenance facilities; and (2) landscaping the surroundingsiteanddevelopingsignage.
___________________________

Unfortunately, when dredging began, we hit rock, which had to be removed with explosives. This rock removal task has slowed our progress and will affect our budget.
___________________________

In this first quarter, we have completed the following: Arrangementswithsubcontractor Tim Bolton (Project Management) and Jenny Tam (Finance) held two preliminary meetings with our primary subcontractor, Kamon Construction Ltd. By 20 February 20, three site visits were completed and the construction schedules had been confirmed.
___________________________

To complete our project, we need to accomplishthefollowing: Signage With new roads being constructed for entrance and exit, our Transportation Department is working on street signage to helpthepublicnavigateournewroads.
___________________________

Once site visits were held and work schedules agreed upon, our Public Relations Department acquired the Certificate of Compliance from the Lands Departmenton28February,20. ObtainingEPDapproval The Environmental Protection Department (EPD) approved our construction plans on 15March20.Wearewithintheguidelines foremissioncontrols,pollution,andhabitat endangermentconcerns.
___________________________

We are working with Smith Enterprise to landscape the retirement village, roads and outdoor fountain. Our Architectural Design Team is selecting and ordering plants, as wellasdirectingaplantingschedule.
___________________________

The area set aside for the outdoor fountain had a heavy rock concentration. We believed this would cause no problem.
Lesson 2 LAN4107 E&C: Reports (AS) Student Package

The construction of the entire retirement villageisthelargestremainingtask. Projectcompletion Although the project has just begun, we have completed around 10% of the work. We anticipate a successful completion with only a slight delay of one month for the extraworkontheoutdoorfountain.
Page 2 of 14

Languages Discipline, Hong Kong Institute of Vocational Education

(B) Report on new purchases and training for Alpha Pharmaceutical Co., Ltd. Purpose The purpose of this report is to study how the purchase of equipment and training will best meet Alpha Pharmaceutical Companys communication needs and budget. Our analysis is shown below for the managements consideration. Existing problems After observation and interview with staff regarding our daily operations, which mostly involve liaising with buyers, handling customers enquiries and following-up orders, the following problems have been identified: Twelve new employees have been hired since November, increasing our headcount to 24. However, only 12 functional laptops and 5 printers are available now and this slows down the work procedures of the company. Moreover, staff training is inadequate, especially when we have installed a new software programme for our inventory management system. ___________________________ The management has agreed in the last meeting to allocate $80,000 for additional equipment and training. Possible solutions Purchasing new laptops and printers Twelve additional laptops are needed for each employee to have an individual laptop for work and at least 7 more printers have to be purchased if every two employees are sharing one printer. The most affordable laptop and printer on the market would cost $7,500 and $3,000 per unit respectively. Thus, the total cost would be $111,000. Even with discounts, this exceeds our budget. ______________________________ The total cost for purchasing used laptops and printers would be around $72,000, which is about 35% less that buying brand new equipment. However, this solution may involve extra costs. ______________________________ The manufacturer can provide training on the new software. Training during office hours can be offered Monday through Friday, starting next month. According to the trainers, effective training must entail at least 5 hours of hands-on practice. The cost for this would be $6,000 for all staff. In case training outside office hours is required, a 30% extra charge will incur. ___________________________ To conclude, training is essential and releasing staff for training during office hours can save costs. As for equipment purchase, brand new laptops and printers would be impossible as it exceeds our budget. Although buying used equipment would be cheaper, it will cost us extra time and maintenance fees.

Lesson 2 LAN4107 E&C: Reports (AS) Student Package

Page 3 of 14

Languages Discipline, Hong Kong Institute of Vocational Education

(C) Online storage service for Exatech Introduction Informative heading: ____________ With the increasing number of engineers and technicians working out of office or out of town, Exatech would like to explore means to help them make use of the online storage services available on the market to access, edit and store work information on smartphones or computers. This report will compare two most popular online storage services, Briefcase and C-Drive, and make recommendations on which service will best meet the needs employees. of Exatech and its Troubleshooting and technical resources are available for both services. But when we compare the two services direct customer support, Briefcase is responding instantly through live chat or telephone, but the response time for C-Drive may span at least a few days. Conclusion On the whole, both online storage services provide easily accessible cloud storage that allows employees to view and share files from anywhere, anytime. C-Drive has a lower unit cost as it provides a package with unlimited storage space, but Briefcase is relatively easier to use and better supported. Recommendation As Exatechs staff are constantly handling large files, for instance, videos and photos of site inspection, C-Drive should be more ideal as it has no storage space limit. Demonstration and training, however, will have to be arranged for staff to help them get started with C-Drive, and in-house technical support should be available via phone or email. file versioning which are very easy to operate. A special feature which most users will be pleased to have is that it can restore any file deleted from the account. C-Drive, in contrast, provides more additional features, for example music library, photo/video-editing tool, which may serve overlapping purposes with other software already installed on the users device. However, its interface is rather cumbersome to use and Briefcases. navigate compared to

Methodology Informative heading: ____________ While Briefcase and C-Drive provide similar basic functions for data storage, it is crucial to examine their differences in storage space and features in order to make the right choice for the company. Discussion Criterion 1 Informative heading: ____________ Both services offer a limited free storage space (2GB to 5GB) and larger storage with a monthly fee. With Briefcase, its basic plan provides 50GB of space at nearly $80 a month; while C-Drive offers unlimited storage space at around $90 a month. So C-Drive should be a more ideal choice for users with greater storage demands. Criterion 2 Informative heading: ____________ A strong point for Briefcase has to be its remarkably clean and simple interface. Still, it allows automatic backups, file sharing and

Lesson 2 LAN4107 E&C: Reports (AS) Student Package

Page 4 of 14

Languages Discipline, Hong Kong Institute of Vocational Education

Task 2

Reader-centred approach

Before you start writing, you must ask yourself these questions: Who are your readers? Why are they reading your report? What do they need/expect from you? These questions will guide you to choose the right information and use the appropriate language for your report. Task 2a Writing for different readers Work with a partner. Compare the two extracts below. They are taken from two reports written for different readers. Then complete the audience evaluation form that follows. Extract 1: A report for manufacturers

Installingdynamicdemandcontrolsystems Dynamic demand control systems can be fitted to electrical appliances that operate on duty cycles. Heating and refrigeration units are examples of power hungry equipment that operate on thiscycle. Dynamic systems exploit the fact that duty cycle appliances do not require continuous power. Thepurposeofthesystemsistohelpsmoothpowerdemandforthebenefitofelectricutilities.To achievethis,theydelaythestartupoftheappliancestheycontrolduringperiodsofpeakdemand. However, only minor adjustments are made to timing as, generally, the appliances concerned can only be held on standby for short periods as they need to run on a continual basis. But this still benefitselectricutilitiesasithelpstoavoidproblematic,momentaryblipsonthedemandcurve. Dynamic controls work by detecting slight fluctuations in the frequency of the mains AC supply. Although this varies only within a very narrow range, small drops dynamic control system can therefore hold the appliance on standby for a short time until mains frequency increases again.
Extract 2: A report for consumers

Savingenergywithdynamicdemandcontrolsystems Heaters and refrigerators are electrical appliances with high energy consumption, as they are operating continuously at high energy level. However, if these appliances are fitted with our dynamic demand control systems, more energy can be saved and the appliances can still function normally. This demand control system can help users save energy by automatically delaying the startuptimeaftertheappliancereachesmaximumpowersupply,andonlyminoradjustmentsare madetotimingastheapplianceconcernedwillneedtobeturnedbackonandkeeprunning.That means,itcansaveenergywithoutaffectingtheoperationoftheappliance.

Lesson 2 LAN4107 E&C: Reports (AS) Student Package

Page 5 of 14

Languages Discipline, Hong Kong Institute of Vocational Education

Reader Evaluation Form

Extract Type of audience 1 Specialist / Semi-specialist 2 Lay reader (with no/very little knowledge about your field of expertise Purpose

Criteria Content amount of background choice of details

More background for the electrical appliances, i.e. the heater/refrigerator

Not too many details about the systems operation

Language use of abbreviations/ acronyms/ words formality

a lot of technical terms used (e.g. refrigeration units, duty cycle, AC supply); rather formal (e.g. on a continual basis instead of continuously, require instead of need)and impersonal (no use of personal pronoun) Specialists (e.g. pharmacists, dispensers) understand the terminology of their field. Reports written for them can include jargon, acronyms or abbreviations. They require minimal detail regarding standard procedures or technical theories. The language used in reports for specialists may be more formal and complicated as more complex ideas may be involved.

Lay readers are unfamiliar with your subject matter. Therefore, you should make your writing simple and easy to comprehend. Jargon should be avoided and any unfamiliar terms should be explained if necessary. Lesson 2 LAN4107 E&C: Reports (AS) Student Package Page 6 of 14

Languages Discipline, Hong Kong Institute of Vocational Education

Building rapport with your reader Getting your audience involved in your writing can help persuade them to accept your view willingly. This requires an appropriate tone for the target audience. Task 2b Avoiding negatives Positive words motivate. They are much more appealing to the audience compared to negative ones. Even when you need to bring up a negative idea, try using a more neutral tone. Which of the following looks more acceptable to you? Why?

(1) The delay is our technicians fault. They did not inspect the site thoroughly. (2) To keep our project on schedule, it is better to inspect the site thoroughly.
____ is more acceptable because ___________________________________________ _____________________________________________________________________. Read the extracts below. Underline the negative word(s) and rewrite the sentences with a more neutral/positive tone.

Briefcase will be a bad option for two reasons. (Hint: not + positive adjective) Purchasing brand new equipment is way too expensive. (Hint: focus on budget) As online storage service is available now, the flash drives are useless. (Hint: focus on replacement)

If only limited storage space is provided, it will be a disaster for our staff as they are handling large files all the time. (Hint: suggest a more preferable option)

Lesson 2 LAN4107 E&C: Reports (AS) Student Package

Page 7 of 14

Languages Discipline, Hong Kong Institute of Vocational Education

Task 2c Organising the report for your reader Discuss with your partner. What are the strategies to help your reader navigate your report? (Hints: How can you make skimming/scanning of your report faster?)

Task 2d Focusing on the reader, not the writer In general, you should limit your use of first-person pronouns like I, me and my. Your reader wants to know what is in your report for them, not what you did or thought. Draw a line and match the pronouns below with the person or group they focus on.

Pronoun I, me, my we, us, our you, your

Focus the reader the writer the team/organisation

Read Reports A, B and C again. Which one of them contains more personal pronouns? What difference does it show compared to the other two reports?

Task 3

Style and tone for workplace reports

Style refers to how the writers use words to achieve a tone indicating their attitude towards the subject and the audience of the writing.

Lesson 2 LAN4107 E&C: Reports (AS) Student Package

Page 8 of 14

Languages Discipline, Hong Kong Institute of Vocational Education

Formal and informal writing style There are generally three different writing styles, formal, semi-formal and informal. The level of formality is determined by your purpose and the expectations of your audience. The following table shows different levels of formality in relation to purpose and audience.

Formal

Purpose: reporting official or legal issues which have great influence on the organization Audience: unfamiliar audience, supervisor or top management Style: Professional, objective, impersonal

Semi-formal

Purpose: reporting regular/routine/general workplace issues Audience: familiar audience, supervisor or other internal units Style: Friendly and neutral

Informal

Purpose: reporting non-official issues Audience: familiar colleagues Style: Casual, conversational and personal

Task 3a The difference in style can be reflected in the vocabulary and sentence structures used. Study the informal email report (sent to a co-worker) below and Report C on p.4 again. In pairs, jot down the language features you notice about formal and informal reports in the table that follows.

From: Amber Ng <amberng@ exatech.com.hk> To: Ethan Chan <ethanchan@exatech.com.hk> Date: 15 May 20-Subject: Online storage services Dear Ethan You asked me to recommend some data storage devices for you. But Ive got to tell you these two popular online storage services, Briefcase and C-Drive. Just go and take a look at their websites. I think you will find that they are easy to use and do not cost you much. The best part about online storage service is that you dont have to go through the trouble of juggling files on your PC and your portable drives anymore. Let me know if you need more advice! Best Amber

Lesson 2 LAN4107 E&C: Reports (AS) Student Package

Page 9 of 14

Languages Discipline, Hong Kong Institute of Vocational Education

Formal report

Informal report

Workplace reports are mostly semi-formal to formal. So you should try to avoid Task 3b using a more formal style. In the evening of 11 March 2011, at around 7:23pm, someone reported that the high power sun bed was out of order at Metro Beauty in Tuen Mun. So what happened next? The emergency light of the tanning machine kept flashing while the power was totally cut off, leaving the client inside the tanning bed for fifteen minutes. The client waited patiently before the beauty assistant arrived to let her out of the machine. I think its very lucky that no one got injured in this incident. Staff from the Head Office got there at the scene at around 8:30pm and did the investigation on the same date. avoid personal, colloquial expressions and contractions avoid questions use passive voice? features shown here.

Revise the following extract from the investigation report on an incident at Metro Beauty

In the afternoon of 24 February 2011, at around 12:38pm, _______________________ _____________________________________________ at Metro Beauty in Tuen Mun. The emergency light of the tanning machine kept flashing while the power was totally cut off. ______________ _____________________________________________________ switch and stopped the escalator. __________________________________________. _________________________________________. the same date. Lesson 2 LAN4107 E&C: Reports (AS) Student Package Page 10 of 14 Staff from the Head Office ________________________at around 8:30pm and ________________________on

Languages Discipline, Hong Kong Institute of Vocational Education

Task 4

Writing concisely

Sentences crowded with unnecessary words are not effective and not reader-friendly. Concise writing, on the contrary, is what a writer does to make every word count. Study how the following extract can be written more concisely.

In my view, the fact is that there is only one thing we can choose and that is to hire staff to work part time, in the event that cost is our major concern. (34 words)

1.

2. 3.

If cost is our major concern, hiring part time staff is our only choice. (14 words)

Cut unnecessary phrases (in my view) or repetitions (only one thing) Cut wordy expressions (the fact is that, in the event that) Simplify word groups or combine sentences (only one thing we can choose, hire staff to work part time)

Very often, some expressions can be cut entirely: as far as I am concerned for the most part Task 4a Revise the following wordy/empty expressions: Wordy final outcome end result few/many in number final completion plans for the future repeat again round in shape sum total Concise eg outcome Wordy at all times at the present time due to the fact that for the purpose of has the ability to in order to in spite of the fact that in the event that Concise eg always in fact in my opinion last but not least more or less

Lesson 2 LAN4107 E&C: Reports (AS) Student Package

Page 11 of 14

Languages Discipline, Hong Kong Institute of Vocational Education

You should choose the simplest and most direct grammatical construction that fits your meaning. When revising, you may have to alter the structure of your sentence(s) to achieve conciseness. Study the strategies below:

1) Focusing on the key actor and action of the sentence The subject and the verb should identify the key actor and action of the sentence, otherwise, the sentence is bound to be wordy. Wordy: Revised: The situation (subj) that caused the delay in construction was (v) the unexpected rock concentration. The unexpected rock concentration (subj) caused (v) the delay in construction. Passive voice is usually wordier than active voice, simply because it requires a helping verb (be) and a prepositional phrase to name the actor (by the). Passive: Active: An idea (subj) was proposed (v) by the consultant that the project be delayed until the site (subj) has been cleared (v) by the workers. The consultant (subj) proposed delaying the project until the workers (subj) have cleared (v) the site.

Passive voice is often used in formal writing for a purpose (e.g. to achieve objectivity,
to describe methodology (when the doer/actor is not important), to highlight the action stated, etc.) Task 4b Revise the following sentences by focusing on the key actor and action: 1. Unlimited data storage space can be provided by C-Drive at the price of $90.

2. The person who reported the loss of company confidential data was our senior engineer.

3. There are more than half of the employees requesting technical support during business trips.

Lesson 2 LAN4107 E&C: Reports (AS) Student Package

Page 12 of 14

Languages Discipline, Hong Kong Institute of Vocational Education

2) Combining sentences The information in two or more sentences can often be combined. Original: Revised: Original: Revised: We interviewed all the staff. All of them agreed that the lack of equipment has affected their efficiency. All staff interviewed agreed that the lack of equipment has affected their efficiency. (Using the same subject to form one sentence) The whole project has been delayed. Even the materials procurement has been slowed down. The whole project has been delayed, even for materials procurement. (Sharing the same verb in one sentence) Task 4c Rewrite each set of sentences below into a single concise sentence. 1. Our dispensers complained about their working condition. The reason for their complaint is that they are usually working long hours, for example 10-hour night shifts and long shifts with no breaks over the weekend.

2.

The Officers from Hospital Authority have inspected the pediatric ward of City Royal Hospital. Their Chief Executive has also visited the site to see if there is any problem.

3.

Twenty employees have signed up for the training. Among them, fourteen would like to attend the training during office hours.

Lesson 2 LAN4107 E&C: Reports (AS) Student Package

Page 13 of 14

Languages Discipline, Hong Kong Institute of Vocational Education

Task 4d Read the following conclusion. Rewrite the underlined sentences to make it as concise as possible using what you have learnt in this lesson.

To conclude, in terms of training, more hours are needed. Releasing staff for training during office hours can save cost. As for equipment purchase, buying brand new laptops and purchasing printers would be impossible as our budget would be exceeded. In my opinion, although buying used equipment would be cheaper in cost, it will cost us extra maintenance fees and time.

USEFUL VOCABULARY Words/Phrases 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 blip en-hance-ment mo-men-ta-ry ob-jec-tive re-store sign-age span sub-se-quent Meaning a minor problem or delay that does not last very long an improvement to something that makes it more attractive or valuable lasting only a very short time based only on facts and not influenced by personal feelings or belief to return (something, esp a work of art or building) to an original or former condition signs collectively, esp street signs or signs giving directions to stretch or extend across, over, or around occurring after

Lesson 2 LAN4107 E&C: Reports (AS) Student Package

Page 14 of 14