"Buried Secret" Author: Michelle Email: michellabella52478@yahoo.

com Dedication: To Amanda, whose challenge made me want to write B/A fic again after my decision to retire from fanfic. Notes: // \\ denotes flashback * "So, tomorrow is the big day," Xander Harris commented as he and his friends sat in a secluded, quiet corner of the Bronze. He cuddled up next to his girlfriend Cordelia Chase. The wealthy brunette raised her eyebrows, questioning his statement. "What are you talking about?" she asked him. "Its the Buffsters birthday tomorrow." Five feet away from him, Buffy Summers rolled her eyes. "Please dont remind me. I hate my birthday, you guys know that." "Oh, come on. Were gonna party like its 1999," Xander said. Sitting to Buffys left, his right arm draped across her shoulder, Angel Williams laughed. "Except that its 2003." Xander groaned. He disliked Buffys boyfriend with every fiber of his being. Ever since Buffy and Angel started going out back when Buffy started school at Sunnydale High her freshman year, Xander had been hoping against hope that theyd break up so hed have a chance with her. And he thought for sure that as soon as Angel began attending UC Sunnydale that Fall hed find someone else. But no such luck. The couple was just as much in love with one another as they had been two-and-a-half years earlier. "Thank you, Mr. States-the-Obvious. What are we doing? Are we talking party?" he wanted to know. "Renting a hall, booking a band? Whats the sitch?" "Nothing," Buffy stated. "Were doing nothing." "The Dingoes are free," Daniel "Oz" Osborne chimed in. "Well volunteer our services for Buffys party." Buffy slammed her fists against the cushions of the couch she and Angel sat on. "No party! I mean it, guys. I want a nice, quiet birthday this year. Pretend its just another day of the week." "Except that its not," Willow Rosenberg argued. "Tomorrow is your seventeenth birthday. We have to do something special to mark the occasion." Cordelia was tired of the conversation revolving around Buffy Summers. "Look, if she doesnt want a party, stop bugging her about it. Besides, its not like her birthday is a national holiday or something. Lets just forget it and move on with our lives." "Gee, thanks a lot, Cordy." The girl smirked. "Any time." While the other four people changed the subject to their second semester classes, Angel squeezed his girlfriends shoulder. "Just ignore her. She wouldnt know how to be nice if someone hit her over the head with a friendly stick." Buffy rested her head on Angels upper arm, feeling completely comforted. "Yeah, I know. I try to take everything Cordelia says with a grain of salt. Her snide remarks dont even hurt anymore. Im immune." "Good. I dont know how Xander puts up with it sometimes."

"Shes gorgeous," she said simply. "Thats why he puts up with it." Angel shrugged his shoulders. "Looks arent everything, Buffy." She looked up at him. "Are you saying if she threw herself at you and begged you to take her to bed youd turn her down?" "Yes. Ive both been there and done that with her. Well, you know what I mean. Remember when you guys started high school? Cordelia kept trying to ask me out and I always said no to her," Angel reminded her. "Do you know why?" "Because you actually have taste?" "Well, yeah. That and I only have eyes for you. Buffy, I fell for you the minute I saw you standing in front of my locker." "It was my locker." He chuckled. Their first meeting was a running gag between the couple. Hed been on his way to his locker the first day of his junior year of high school when he saw the tiny blonde girl standing in front of it. She was struggling with the combination when he walked up. "Do you need any help?" Angel asked the girl. Her back to him, Buffy shook her head. "No thanks. Im fine. I just cant get this damn locker door to open. The combination doesnt work," she complained. "Probably because youre trying to open *my* locker," he informed her. When the blonde turned around, Angels breath caught in his throat. The girl was probably the prettiest hed ever laid eyes on. Her light blonde hair cascaded past her shoulders and down her back. She was new; hed have remembered her piercing green eyes. They looked right through him and into his soul. With one look, Angel Williams was in love for the first time in his sixteen years. "No way. This is my locker. Number 657 is assigned to me. Its right here on my schedule," she stated. "Im afraid its mine. Ive had this locker since I was a freshman." To prove his point, Angel entered his combination and the locker opened immediately. Seeing the pictures he had left hanging on the door from the previous school year, his cheeks blushed and he ripped them down in embarrassment. He didnt want her seeing the pictures hed put up of girls in bikinis. "See? Mine." "Ugh!" Buffy whined. "Why did they write it down as my locker? God, I hate this school." Seeing the angry tears forming in her beautiful green eyes, Angels heart went out to her. "Maybe it was just a misprint. Why dont you try 658." Heeding his suggestion, Buffy tried the combination in the locker to the right of Angels. Much to her surprise, it worked. "How did you know?" "Good guess. Im Angel Williams," he introduced himself. For the first time that day, Buffy smiled. "Pretty name. Im Buffy Summers." "Freshman, huh?" "Is it that obvious?" "Yes and no. Its actually written all over your face. You have that deer caught in the headlights look going on," he teased. "I had the same look my first day here."

"I figured you werent a freshman." Duh, Buffy, just take a look at him. Of course hes not a freshman. No freshman guys look *that* good. "A junior, actually. So if you need anything, let me know. Anything at all." Her smile brightened. "I might take you up on that." Two weeks later, they began dating. "You havent told me what you want for your birthday," Angel reminded his girlfriend. "Ive got less than twentyfour hours to pick out the perfect present for you." Craning her neck upward, Buffy planted a feather-light kiss on Angels lips. "I just want you. Nothing else." * On the front porch of her house, Buffy and Angel lovingly kissed one another, neither wanting to let go. Her curfew was midnight on school nights, and at eleven fifty-five, the two tried not to let a single moment slip by them. Their time together had been limited since Angel started at UC Sunnydale; they werent able to see each other every day between classes or right after school as they had been when he still attended the high school. "Hmm..." Buffy moaned when she pulled away from the kiss. She cursed her need to breathe, hating that they had to break away to do it. "That was nice." "That it was," her boyfriend agreed. "You know, you still havent answered my question from earlier." Buffy looked at him, not understanding what he meant. "What question are you talking about?" "Your birthday present. You didnt tell me what you want," Angel told her. She shrugged her shoulders. "I thought I already told you. No parties; just a quiet night out with my perfect, smart, handsome boyfriend. Think you can swing that?" "I think it can be arranged. But are you sure thats all you want? Something you can keep and say Hey. Angel bought me that maybe?" he asked her. "I dont need anything. I just want you, Angel." Before Angel could reply to her request, the porch light was turned on and the front door opened. Mrs. Summers head poked out. "Buffy, its midnight. Say goodnight to Angel and go to bed. You have school tomorrow morning." "Okay, Mom." She closed the front door but left the light on. Angel glanced from the door to his girlfriend. Midnight had come entirely too quickly. "Guess thats my cue to head home." "I dont want you to leave yet." She pouted, hating this part of the night. "This is getting too hard, you know? I hate saying goodbye to you, it gets harder and harder every time I see you." He leaned down, touching his forehead to hers. "I know; its just as hard for me as it is for you. One of these days, hopefully, we wont have to say goodbye to each other. Well be able to wake up next to one another." Buffy smiled at the thought of waking up in the arms of her boyfriend. Bad Buffy! she chastised herself when she tried to picture him first thing in the morning, his dark hair tosseled from sleep and dressed only in a pair of tight black boxer shorts. "Promise me itll be soon."

"I dont know. Maybe in a few years when you move into the apartment with me." "No way am I waiting that long, Angel Williams!" Buffy exclaimed. "I fully intend to wake up next to you long before I start college." "Assuming your mother ever lets you stay overnight," he pointed out. "Doesnt seem like she trusts us very much. We can keep our hands off of each other; nothing has to happen. We can just sleep." "Mom totally trusts me. Its you and your raging hormones she doesnt trust." Angel mocked hurt. "Thats not very fair. Ive been nothing but a total gentleman around you." "I was only teasing you. Mom loves you almost as much as I do." "Cool. If she ever makes a comment about me and my raging hormones, though, tell her I have them under control. Ive waited this long, I think I can hold out a little while longer," Angel stated. "Lets hope she doesnt ask. The less my mom knows about my sex life, the better off we all are. Even if we dont have one." From inside the house, Mrs. Summers shouted, "Buffy!" "I gotta go," she said. "I guess Ill see you tomorrow," Angel said reluctantly. "Ill pick you up at seven-thirty; Ive got the whole night planned." She wiggled her eyebrows. "Really? Any hints?" He shook his head; he wasnt about to ruin the surprise. "Nope. Youll just have to wait until tomorrow like a good girl. Night." "Night. I love you, Angel." Bending down, Angel captured his girlfriends lips in one final kiss. "I love you, too." She waited until he had reached the sidewalk before entering the house. Sighing heavily, Buffy closed the front door behind her and leaned her back against it. Lost in her own thoughts of what her boyfriend had planned for her birthday, Buffy never saw her mother looking expectantly at her. "Not that look again," Mrs. Summers commented. "What look?" Buffy innocently asked. "That pitiful, why-did-you-make-my-boyfriend-leave look. I know it all too well. Heck, I invented it when I was your age." The teenager frowned. "Then you know why Im wearing the look, huh?" "Oh yeah. What did you two do tonight?" her mother wanted to know. "Nothing too exciting. We hung out at the Bronze with Willow and Oz, and Xander and Cordelia. Kinda like a triple date only...not. You know?" Mrs. Summers nodded her head. "Yes, I know. This may come as a shock to you, Buffy, but I was sixteen once, too."

"Seventeen, thank you very much. Ive been seventeen for three minutes." Buffy glanced down at her watch. "Make that four minutes." "And a smartass. You definitely take after me. So, whats on tomorrows agenda? Are you and Angel doing anything special?" she asked. "I wish I know," Buffy answered. "Angels got the whole night planned for us, but he wont tell me anything. All I know is that hes picking me up at seven-thirty." "Sounds mysterious." "Uh-huh. Angel Williams: International Man of Mystery. Im clueless as to what were doing. Unless you know something and you wont tell me," the teenager prodded. Mrs. Summers shook her head. "I dont know anything. Honey, Im just as in the dark as you are. But whatever it is, I hope you have a good time." "Im sure I will. Well, Im going to bed. Goodnight, Mom," Buffy said. "Night. Happy birthday, sweetheart." "Thank you." * "Where are you taking me?" Buffy asked her boyfriend the following evening after he picked her up for their date. Angel smiled to himself. Buffy didnt have a clue as to what he had planned for her birthday, and he preferred to keep it that way. The less she knew, the better. "Youll see." She huffed. He knew how much she hated surprises, why was he doing this to her? Im never going to forgive him for this, Buffy thought. "Youre a jerk, you know that?" "So Ive been told." It was an old routine. Whenever Buffy didnt get her own way, she always called him a jerk. It never failed, though he never took it personally. "Just relax. Trust me, you are going to enjoy yourself." I hope. They drove in silence for the remainder of the trip. A pin drop could have been heard in the car; the only sounds were those of the motor and their breathing. Angel knew his girlfriend wasnt angry with him, just annoyed at being out of the loop. The couple told one another everything. When they reached their destination, Buffy narrowed her green eyes. "The Bronze? Youre taking me to the Bronze for my birthday? What happened to a quiet evening, just the two of us?" Buffy had been hoping for a romantic, candelit dinner for two at a fancy restaurant followed by cuddling in Angels apartment. "I told the gang wed make an appearance," Angel said. "Its only for a few minutes." "Okay," she relented. The two walked into the club, finding it empty. No band was playing, couples were on the dance floor, all the tables were empty and no one stood behind the bar to serve drinks. The whole scene seemed a little fishy to Buffy. "Whats going on, Angel? Where is everyone?" At that exact moment, her closest friends jumped out from behind the bar, wearing decorative hats and throwing streamers at her. "Happy Birthday!" they all shouted. In absolute awe at the sight before her, Buffy slowly turned her head to the left to look at Angel. He wore a guilty smile on his lips as he donned one of the cardboard hats. "You planned a surprise party for me?" She snapped the rubber band from his hat against the underside of his chin.

It stung for a few seconds. "I take it you dont like my little surprise," he deduced. "Are you kidding? I love it!" Throwing her arms around him, Buffy placed a soft kiss on his lips. "Thank you so much." "Im a bit confused now," Angel started when his girlfriend let go of him. "You must have told me at least half a dozen times you didnt want a party." "And you didnt listen to me. It just proves you know me better than anyone in the world." Angels brown eyes widened in total confusion. "You mean you really *did* want a party?" "Of course I did. Whats a birthday without a party?" Her friends made their way over to the couple. "Just so you know, this is all Angels idea," Cordelia told the birthday girl. "So when you go all postal over this, toss your temper tantrum his way." "Im not gonna go postal, Cordy. Im thrilled. But how did you guys do it?" she wanted to know. "Angel did most of the work," Willow informed her. "He rented out the Bronze for a couple hours, bought all the food and hooked up the sound system. Oz helped him with that, though." "All we had to do was supply the decorations and bring ourselves," Cordelia said. "And bring you a present, of course." Buffy burst out in a happy smile. Her friends and boyfriend had made her birthday the best one ever. "Thank you, guys, so much. This is absolutely perfect." She turned her attention to her boyfriend. "And you most of all. I cant believe you went to all this trouble for me. It must have cost you a fortune to pay for all this stuff." "I just called in a few favors. And saved my money for a while. But its worth it, seeing the look on your face." * "What are you and Angel doing for the rest of the night?" Willow wanted to know. "He was only able to rent out the Bronze until ten oclock." Buffy shrugged her shoulders. "I have no idea. Well probably go back to his apartment and watch a movie or something. I have a strictly-enforced midnight curfew." "Ooh, will there be smoochies?" "Possibly," Buffy answered cryptically. "Possibly?" the redhead questioned, unconvinced. "Oh please. I think we both know there will be major kissage going on between you two. I mean, he put this whole party together for you." She nodded her head. "I know he did. And he didnt have to, which makes it all the more amazing." Buffy sighed heavily. "Whats wrong? You just gave an unhappy sigh." "Nothing," she replied, shaking her head. "Will, its getting so hard." Willows eyebrows raised in interest. "Oh no. Are you and Angel having problems? Whatever it is, I know you can work through them. You two love each other so much; youre meant to be!" "Oh, I know that. Angel knows it, too. Thats not the problem."

"Then what is?" "Having to say goodbye to him every night. It gets more and more difficult every single night. God, Willow, if I dont get to be with him soon, Im going to explode," explained Buffy. "Be with him? What do you mean?" Off the look on her best friends face, Willow understood. "Oh. Oh! Really?" Buffy nodded once again. "Yep. We sorta talked about it last night. Not in minute detail, mind you, but we kind of discussed it in a roundabout way. He agreed with me. So I know he feels the same way I do. But part of me is afraid that if I dont do it with him soon Angel will find someone else to do it with." "No! Never! Buffy, you know thats never gonna happen. Youre, like, the only thing Angel thinks about. Trust me, Ive know him for most of my life. Hes had girls throwing themselves at him since junior high and Ive never seen him look at any of them the way he looks at you. Angel could be in a room full of naked Playboy Bunnies and hed never look twice at any of them." "I hope youre right." "Of course I am. I lived next door to him my entire life. Well, until his parents moved to Florida and he got his own apartment. What Im trying to say is that you have nothing to worry about." * "Thank you, Angel," Buffy said as they left the Bronze at ten oclock. "The party was a lot of fun." "Im glad you had a good time. Truth is, I wasnt one hundred percent sure youd enjoy it. I know you wanted to do something with just the two of us tonight." Buffy shook her head. "Dont worry about it. Besides, we have two hours until I have to be home, we can still do something together." "I was just thinking the same thing. Do you want to go for a walk?" "Sure," she agreed. They walked in the direction of Wetherly Park. A light drizzle had begun to fall not a minute into their walk. "Its gonna pour," Buffy remarked, holding out her hand to catch some of the larger drops before they had a chance to reach the ground. "Do you want to head back to the car?" Angel had left it parked in the alley near the Bronze. "No, its fine. A little rain never hurt me. It actually feels nice." It took ten minutes for them to reach the park. As expected, it was deserted; not that many people frequented the park at quarter after ten at night. Angel said a silent prayer that the rain would hold out until he did what he wanted to do. "Buffy, I have another present for you," he stated. "Another one?" she asked incredulously. Hed already bought her a gift certificate to her favorite store. "You didnt have to." "I wanted to. And I couldnt give it to you in front of everyone back there. You know how much I love you and" Before the rest of the words could leave his mouth, the skies opened up and rain poured down on them in buckets. Buffy and Angel were soaked to the bone almost instantly. "Now what do we do?" she demanded. "Your car is still at the Bronze!"

Angel took off his leather coat and placed it over his wet girlfriends head. "My apartment is only a block away. We can stay there until the rain lets up." * Buffy shivered as Angel fumbled for his keys outside his apartment. It had taken them three minutes to run from Wetherly Park to his place. The rain still beat down on them the entire way, effectively soaking them to the bone. Even the leather coat Angel had held over her head during their mad dash for shelter wasnt enough to shield her from the torrential downpour. When he finally managed to open the door, Angel could hear his girlfriends teeth chattering from the cold. "Come on, get in from the cold." After Buffy walked through the door he flicked the switch to turn on the lights but nothing happened. "Looks like the power is out." "Guess that means we wont be watching a movie tonight," Buffy mused. "Apparently not. Why dont you get out of those wet clothes and take a hot shower to warm up," Angel suggested. "Ill start a fire and call your mom on my cell phone to let her know youre gonna stay here until the rain lets up. And Ill make us something to eat, too." She sniffled, colder than shed ever been in her entire life. "Okay. But what am I going to wear? Its not like I have a change of clothes here just in case of emergencies." "Ill leave a change of dry clothes in the bathroom. Just go warm up, Ill take care of everything else," he told her. * Twenty minutes later she walked back out in the living room in a baggy sweatshirt and a pair of Angels sweatpants, her feet bare. The power still hadnt come back on, her boyfriend having lit several candles so that theyd have some light aside from the fire. Hed placed a blanket on the carpeted floor in front of the couch, several sandwiches and glasses of soda sitting on it. "I left you some hot water," Buffy stated, announcing her presence. "The showers all yours if you want one." Angel stood up from the couch, having changed into a dry pair of jeans and a t-shirt. "Im fine, Ill take one after I drop you off at home later tonight. Come here and sit down with me in front of the fire." He dropped himself on the blanket, patting the empty space next to him. Nodding her head, liking his suggestion, she made her way over and sat down next to him on the blanket. She picked up a sandwich and took a bite of it. "Did you call my mom?" "Yep. I told her we got stuck in the rain and about my car still being at the Bronze. She said not to worry about it and to just bring you home when it stops raining. I have to admit, I was surprised she took it so well. I thought for sure shed come pick you up right away." "See? She does trust you," Buffy pointed out. "I guess so." Buffy finished eating the sandwich, famished from her shower. "When we were outside before you were starting to tell me something. What was it?" It had almost slipped his mind. "I was going to give you your other birthday present. Do you still want it?" "Hell yeah!" Angel chuckled at her obvious answer to his stupid question. "Okay. Well, I started to say how much I love you. I think thats fairly obvious. Ive never felt even a fraction of this for anyone else in my life, Buffy. And I would like to think you feel the same way about me." He reached into his pocket, pulling out the silver ring hed bought for

her the week before. "This is a claddagh ring, its a symbol of devotion to the Irish people. The hands represent friendship, the crown loyalty and the heart...well, you know." Taking Buffys left hand, he placed it on her ring finger. "Wear it with the heart pointing in. It means you belong to someone." He lifted his left hand to show her the nearly identical ring he wore on his ring finger. "Like this." Buffy stared at it; the ring was the most precious gift shed ever received. "Its beautiful. Thank you so much, Angel. Ill never take it off." She leaned over, touching her lips to his in a tender kiss. What began as an innocent embrace grew more passionate as Buffy wove her fingers through Angels still-wet spikes, holding him close to her. There was no way she was going to let him go now, not after the beautiful gift hed just given her. It was time to give him a gift; one she could never get back. Angel noticed the urgency in her kisses, the rapid heartbeat through the sweatshirt she wore and her attempts to tug off his t-shirt. "Buffy, maybe we should stop now," he said after tearing himself out of her arms. But she brought her pointer finger to his lips. She knew exactly what Angel was trying to do, but she didnt want to hear it. Hed always been the rational one in their relationship. This time, she didnt want him to be rational. She just wanted to be with him. "Dont. Just kiss me." So he did, with all the passion and desire he felt for her. He knew what Buffy wanted he wanted it, too and also he knew there would be a point where they wouldnt be able to turn back. Angel had to be one hundred percent sure before they crossed that line. "Are you absolutely sure about this?" She nodded her head. "Im sure. Ive never been more sure or wanted anything more in my entire life. Make love to me, Angel." To emphasize her point, she lifted his bulky sweatshirt over her head. Any protests he might have had left his mind when he saw his girlfriend sitting in front of him wearing nothing but his sweatpants. All the blood in his body rushed to his groin, making his pants seem about two sizes too small for him. Words wouldnt even form in his mouth, all he could bring himself to do was stare at her lovely body. He didnt think he could even touch her out of fear she wouldnt be real and the whole scene would turn out to be another one of his wet dreams. "Angel?" she asked, noticing his distraction. He shook himself out of his reverie. "Sorry. Im gonna ask you this again. Are you positive?" "Im positive. This is what I want." Accepting her decision, Angel removed his t-shirt, desperate to feel her warm flesh against his. He took her in his arms, crushing her breasts hard against his chest, feeling the hardened pebbles of her nipples press into him. It was going to be hard to take it slow, especially when all he wanted to do was bury himself inside her wet heat until they both were able to forget about the raging storm outside. Buffy threw her head back as her boyfriends lips moved down her neck to her collarbone, his hands untying the drawstrings of the pants she wore. She was only slightly disappointed he hadnt used his hands to explore her body, not that she particularly cared. Theyd have plenty of time for that later. Hell, they had forever to worship each other. She could wait. "Do you want to go in the bedroom?" Angel wanted to know. She shook her head. "Right here is perfect. Lets make love in front of the fire. Its more romantic that way. We can do the bed next time." He agreed with her, it was more romantic. While he worked on removing her pants, her hands busied themselves by unbuttoning and unzipping the fly of his jeans, stroking his already erect member through his boxer shorts. Angel moaned, finding it hard to concentrate on anything but the feel of her hand on him. It was a dream come true. Knowing he wasnt going to be able to hold himself for much longer, he hoisted Buffy to her knees, taking one her pert nipples in his mouth while pushing her pants down and finally off. She held his head in place, using him

as support when she felt her knees start to buckle from the pleasure of his oral ministrations. When he moved his attention to her neglected breast, she finally did collapse to the floor. Angel took the opportunity to shed his jeans and boxers before positioning himself above his girlfriend. He kept his weight off of her while his hips were cradled between her bent knees. The head of his cock teased her opening, and he looked lovingly at Buffy before making any attempt to enter her. She nodded her head, giving him the invitation hed been seeking. They made love tenderly, Angel very careful not to cause his love any more pain than necessary. The first time was almost always painful for the female from what he understood, and he did his best to go slow for her. He could see the look of pain flash in her green eyes moments after hed pushed his way inside her tiny body. But he had waited until Buffy was ready before he began a gentle rhythm that had them both moaning and crying out for one another in minutes. He watched in awe the first time Buffy climaxed. Her head rolled from side to side on the carpet, her blonde hair fanning out around her like a halo, lit up by the flames of the fire behind her. She called out his name over and over again, scraping her long fingernails down his back all the while bringing her hips up to meet his thrusts. Being one with her was everything Angel expected and more. Buffy felt like heaven around him, he thought he would surely melt from the heat she radiated. Her soft body perfectly complimented his hard one, and Angel surveyed the supple curves with his right hand. He knew theyd have plenty of time for that later, though at that moment he needed to touch her more than he needed his next breath. It would be a sin not to. Once hed brought his love to two more furious peaks, Angel was nearly spent. Snaking his fingers between their slick bodies, he pounded into her with reckless abandon, giving her clit a sharp pinch. She exploded around him again, only this time he joined her in the act of orgasm. "Happy birthday," he told her after hed spilled the last of his seed inside her womb. "I hope you liked your presents." "That was the best gift ever." * Mrs. Summers sat in the living room when Buffy walked in the door after Angel dropped her off at twelve-fifteen. The teenager expected her mother to start yelling at her for being late, despite the fact that Angel had called earlier to let her know. The last thing Buffy wanted was to get a lecture from her mother on her birthday. "Hi, Mom. Sorry Im late," she apologized when she walked into the living room. Her mother put down the book shed been reading and smiled at her daughter. "Thats okay, it was coming down pretty hard outside. So I understand why youre late. Angel said you two got caught in it." "Yep. We were walking through Wetherly Park when it started to downpour. And since he only lives a block away we decided to run for it instead of going back to the Bronze for his car. Then when we got there his apartment didnt have any power," Buffy explained. "So what did you two do for the two hours you were there?" Mrs. Summers wanted to know. Buffy had to think fast. She couldnt very well tell her mother the truth. Gee, Mom, Angel and I had something to eat and then we had sex. Uh-huh, I see that going over *real* well with Mom. Id never be allowed to go out with Angel again! "Nothing major. I was absolutely freezing in my wet clothes, so I took a hot shower, Angel built a fire and made us something to eat. We pretty much hung out and talked for most of the night." "Im glad you had a good time. How was your party?" "How did you know about the party?" she questioned her mother. Dont tell me she knew all along and didnt even drop any hints. "I have my ways," Mrs. Summers teased. "No, actually Angel told me about it when he called to say youd be late. He said you were really surprised."

She nodded. "I was totally surprised. After all the hundreds of times I told them not to throw me one, they did it anyway. I fully expected a romantic dinner with Angel at an expensive restaurant." "Which would you have preferred?" "You know, I think I made out the best with the surprise party. Not only did I get to spend my birthday with my friends but I got some quality time with my boyfriend. It was the best of both worlds." "What did Angel get you? I understand he went to a lot of trouble to get you something special." Did he ever! Buffy had to hide her smile. Her mother would be suspicious and she didnt want to rouse her suspicions. "It was definitely special. He got me a gift certificate to Lindstroms in the mall and this ring." She held out her left hand to show her mother. Mrs. Summers was quite impressed. I guess Angel really is serious about her, she noted. "Its beautiful; a claddagh. You know what they symbolize, dont you, Buffy?" She nodded her head again. "Trust me, I know. Thats why Im wearing it on my left hand. Im kind of hoping its a pre-engagement ring." "Honey, I wouldnt rush things. Youre only seventeen." After Angel and I made love tonight, and all the things he said to me, hed *better* marry me! the teenager thought. "Im going to spend the rest of my life with him, Mom. This ring just proves it." * "Okay, why are you so happy today?" Willow asked her best friend the next afternoon at school. The two sat in the library studying for their History mid-term. "That smile looks like its plastered to your face." Buffy couldnt stop herself from grinning wider. She knew it was only a matter of time before Willow noticed her constant state of happiness, and its cause. "If I tell you, do you promise not to tell anyone? That includes Oz." "You know me." "I know. Thats why Im asking." The redhead wasnt the least bit offended by Buffys comment. Granted, she didnt have the greatest track record when it came to keeping secrets, but she could keep one if it might cost her their friendship. And this sounded like one of those secrets. "I wont tell anyone, Buffy. Whats the big secret?" Leaning forward across the table, Buffy whispered, "I slept with Angel last night." "What?!" Willow screeched. Standing inside the book cage, Mr. Giles the school librarian poked his head out the door to make sure everything was okay. "Buffy? Willow? Is something wrong?" he asked them. "Were fine, Giles," Buffy replied. She especially didnt want him to hear them because he would certainly relay the information to her mother. The two had been dating for several weeks. "Will! Keep your voice down!" "Sorry," Willow apologized. "What happened? How did it happen? Where? Was it romantic? Did you guys plan it or were you completely surprised? Come on, I want to know." "It wasnt planned at all, which I think made it even more romantic. We got caught in the rain after we left the Bronze, so we made a mad dash to his apartment. Angel set up a picnic and candles and a fire in the living room while I was showering. We ate, we talked, and then one thing led to another." She sighed. "Will, it was everything I expected and so much more."

Willow stared, wide-eyed. "Wow. I hope my first time is just as romantic as yours was. Youre so lucky." "Why is she so lucky?" Cordelia wanted to know, setting her books on the table next to Buffy. "I was showing Willow the claddagh ring Angel gave me last night," the blonde lied. "Its a traditional Irish wedding band." Cordelia glanced at the silver ring Buffy wore. "Its cute. Doesnt look all that expensive for a wedding band, though. I figured Angel would have spent more money on you." "Trust me, he spared no expense on my birthday. Its not always about how much money you spend, Cordy. Its the thought that counts." The brunette shook her head and rolled her eyes. "Thats what poor people tell each other to make themselves feel better. You know all about that, dont you?" "Ive got everything I want. I got Angel. Hes all I need," Buffy stated. * The next five weeks passed by rather uneventfully. Buffy and Angel continued their secret rendevous, her mother not suspecting anything out of the ordinary going on between them. When they wanted to make love, theyd go to his apartment, drive into a secluded spot in the woods, and one night Angel even went so far as to rent a hotel room when Mrs. Summers was out of town. Willow always covered for her when Buffy asked her to, and the couple was most grateful for her help. But the Friday before UC Sunnydale began their spring break things started to go awry. Buffy had been walking on eggshells all day long. She hadnt been feeling well and feared she knew the reason why. When the gang met up at the Bronze that night, Buffy was quieter than usual. Angel, of course, noticed and was concerned. "Buffy? Are you okay?" he asked. "Fine," Buffy lied, not ready to reveal what was bothering her. "Just thinking." "About anything in particular?" She shook her head. There would be no reason to tell Angel what she suspected until she had confirmation either way. "Nothing. Dont worry about it." "Are you sure?" Angel wasnt one hundred percent convinced. He knew his girlfriend well enough to know when something was on her mind. "You know you can tell me anything." "I know." "Look, Im worried about you. For the last few days you havent said more than five words to me. I just wish you would tell me if somethings wrong. I love you and I want to help you in any way I can." Part of her wanted to tell him, wanted to throw herself in his arms and hear him say that everything would be all right. But a larger part of her simply wasnt ready. After all, she didnt know for sure and didnt see any sense in upsetting her boyfriend if she turned out to be wrong. "Thank you. That means a lot." "Are you thirsty? I can get you a Coke or something if you want one," offered Angel. She smiled at him, loving how he was always so concerned that she needed something. Angel really was the perfect boyfriend. "Would you mind getting me a bottled water?" "You got it. Willow?" The redhead sitting across the table from his shook her head. "Im fine. But thank you, Angel."

Bending down, he gave his girlfriend a kiss on the forehead and headed for the refreshment counter. "Okay, I know something is wrong," Willow stated. "You can lie to Angel but you cant lie to me. Whats going on?" Buffy took a deep breath. She knew she could tell Willow, they told one another everything. "If I tell you, you have to promise not to tell anyone. Not your parents, not Oz, not Xander and especially not Angel." "Of course." Making sure no one was listening to their conversation, Buffy looked her best friend dead in the eyes. "Im late, Will." Seeing the blank expression on Willows face, she elaborated. "I havent had my period in nearly eight weeks, and I should have had it the week after my birthday." "You mean...you think you might be..." "I think so. And Ive been sick lately, throwing up and stuff. What am I going to do? I cant have a baby, Im only seventeen. And Angels only eighteen," she pointed out. "Were too young to be parents." Willow bit her lip. It killed her to see her best friend in so much trouble. "You guys didnt use protection?" "Not the first time. It came as a surprise, neither one of us planned on doing it that night. After that we did, but that first time...we werent exactly thinking about it." "Well, have you told Angel? What did he say?" "You heard him a couple minutes ago. Did it sound like he knew I might be pregnant? No way. He doesnt know, doesnt even think it might be a possibility." "Dont you think he has a right to know?" The blonde closed her eyes in an effort to hold her tears back. When one escaped, she viciously wiped it away with the back of her hand. "I dont want to upset him. Not when I dont know for sure. I dont even know how hed react. Will, I dont want to lose him over this." "You wont lose him. Angel loves you; god, youre all he thinks about, all he has ever thought about since he first saw you. If you*are* pregnant, hell be right there every step of the way. Trust me, Ive known him my whole life." "Im so scared. Will you go with me tomorrow to get one of those home pregnancy tests?" she asked. "I dont want to go alone, and I cant very well ask my mom." Willow couldnt say no, not when her best friend looked to be one the verge of a nervous breakdown. "Sure. And Ill be there when you take it, too, if you need me to be." She glanced up, seeing Angel walking back to the table with Buffys bottled water. "Angels coming back. Better wipe your eyes." She did as Willow suggested. "Thanks, Will. Youre the best." As Angel sat back down, Willow couldnt stop herself from closely scrutinizing him. The handsome man across from her the boy she grew up next door to might be a father in eight months. It was hard for her to imagine the little boy who used to play Transformers and G.I. Joe in her basement as a dad. The mere thought of it boggled her mind. * The two teenage girls stood in front of the shelves in the pharmacy Saturday afternoon. In front of the them were dozens of different home pregnancy tests. Buffy stared wide-eyed, fear gripping her heart and leaving her stomach in knots. The reality of the situation was beginning to set in. "Which one should I get?" she questioned her best friend.

Willow shrugged her shoulders. "Youre asking me? I have no clue. If it were me, Id go with the name brand. You know, one of those ninety-nine percent accuracy tests. They say theyre supposed to be more reliable." The blonde nodded in agreement. "That makes perfect sense." Scanning her choices, Buffy grabbed a box. "EPT The Error Proof Test. I can only hope. Come on, I want to get out of here before anyone sees us." When they reached the checkout counter, the cashier gave Buffy a funny look as she scanned the pregnancy test. Though she desperately wanted to make a snide comment, Buffy bit her tongue. The last thing she wanted to do was draw any attention to herself. Handing the middle-aged woman her money, she took the bag from the ladys hand and practically ran out of the store. In the parking lot, Willow reached into the paper bag and pulled out the box. "Um, Buffy, did you read the back of this before you bought it?" she wanted to know. "Why?" "Because it says you cant take it until the morning." "What?" Snatching the box from her best friend, Buffy read the directions. And Willow was right. "Oh god. How am I supposed to wait until tomorrow morning to do this?" She didnt have an answer. "I dont know." "Well, it looks like youre sleeping over. Hope you dont mind." * The next twelve hours were pure torture for Buffy. Even with Willow there to keep her company and offer her support, she still couldnt stop thinking about it. There was a strong possibility she could be pregnant. With Angels child. While that thought comforted her, it also frightened her beyond belief. Were they ready to be parents? Could they really support a child if she was, in fact, pregnant? Buffy wasnt so sure. "Can I ask you a question?" She turned her head around to face her best friend. The two of them sat on her bed watching an old movie on television. Too afraid to face Angel, Buffy had lied to him, telling him her mother wouldnt let her go out with him that night. "Sure, I guess." "Have you given any thought about what youll do if youre...you know, pregnant?" Willow wanted to know. Buffy shook her head. Truth was, she hadnt thought about it. She figured shed cross that bridge if and when she came to it. "Nope. I mean, I know I should be thinking about it. But Im trying not to, you know? Thinking positively and hoping Im not pregnant is all Ive been doing since I suspected I might be." "I havent asked you this question, and you dont have to answer it if you dont want to," Willow started. "Do you want to have a baby?" The blonde-haired girl closed her eyes, hanging her head. That question never crossed her mind. Do I want a baby? she asked herself. "Someday, I guess. I do want children, but I dont know if I want them now. I always saw myself having kids when I was older. Much older; like, in my late-twenties. Not now. And I am pretty sure Angel feels the exact same way." Willow couldnt stop herself from chuckling, despite the severity of the situation. "I spent a lot of time last night trying to picture Angel as a father. Just remembering him as a kid made me laugh. God, he was such a little brat." "I wish I could have known him back then. I never got to see what he was like when he was a kid; I only know the charming, good-looking man he grew up to be," Buffy mused. "Youre lucky you got to witness his transformation. I hope our child is just like him."

"But someday." "If I take that test tomorrow morning and it comes back positive, Ill figure out what to do then. Right now Im trying not to think about it. Because constantly dwelling on it just makes me want to cry," she admitted, trying to bite back tears. * At nine oclock Sunday morning Buffy walked back into her bedroom. Shed just finished taking the home pregnancy test and had to wait ten minutes for the results. The night before she had gotten very little sleep, her mind wrapping itself around the idea of possibly being a mother in eight months. Between that and her nerves, Buffy had gotten about two hours of restful sleep. Willow noticed how pale her best friend looked when she entered the room. She wanted to tell Buffy that Angel should be the one to go through this with her, but knew it would be a futile effort. Buffy was as stubborn as the day is long. Nothing she said would change the blondes mind; Buffy was determined to face it alone. "Moment of truth is nine-and-a-half minutes away," the girl muttered. "I dont know how Im going to wait that long. I feel like my insides are going to burst." "They say patience is a virtue." Buffy glared at her. "Says those whose whole future *doesnt* rely on the results of a home pregnancy test at the age of seventeen. Will, I feel like Im going to throw up." "Its just nerves. Everythings going to be fine. Try to think happy thoughts," suggested Willow. Dropping herself on the edge of the bed, Buffy tried to do as she was told. In her minds eye she pictured Angel from the night of her seventeenth birthday. She could see him smiling nervously at her as he showed her the claddagh ring hed bought her. His eyes were so full of love, she had known at that moment they would spend the rest of their lives together. She only hoped she was correct in that assumption. Unconsciously, she began twirling the ring around her finger. "How many more minutes?" "About five." "The longest five minutes of my life," Buffy said. "I am so scared. If I could go back to the night of my birthday, Willow, Id do everything so differently. I wouldnt have pushed Angel into having sex. If I had only ignored my raging hormones, we wouldnt be here right now, I would not be taking a stupid home pregnancy test. If only Id said no." Willow put her arms around Buffy, trying her best to make her feel better. "Theres no point in second guessing yourself, Buffy. You cant turn back the hands of time and change your actions." "And Im learning firsthand that all actions have consequences. Let me tell you, if that test comes back negative Im never having sex again," Buffy swore. "Never?" her friend questioned, her eyebrows raised in disbelief. Shed heard Buffys stories about how wonderful it was, and how much she was missing by not having sex with Oz. "Okay, maybe not *never*. But Ill wait until Im married. And if Angel doesnt like it...well, too bad. I cant put myself through this again. Not for anyone, not even for him." "Im sure hell understand. Angel loves you, he adores you. I have known him forever and hes never looked at any other girl the way he looks at you. He lives and breathes for you, I know he will wait until whenever you are ready." Buffy nodded, glancing at the clock. Two minutes." "I hope youre right."

They sat in silence, staring at the clock beside the bed. Every second seemed to drag on for hours, the waiting nearly driving the two of them insane. When the clock finally read nine-ten, Buffy started to tremble. It was the moment of truth. "Ready?" Willow asked her. Pursing her lips together, the blonde nodded once again and stood up. "As ready as Ill ever be." As they reached the doorway, the two girls were greeted by a fuming Mrs. Summers. In her hand she held the white stick containing the results of Buffys pregnancy test. "Would one of you please explain the meaning of this?" she demanded. * Buffys face paled to a ghostly shade of white when she saw her mother standing in front of her holding the pregnancy test in her hand. Oh god oh god oh god, she thought. Thats it, my life is officially over. Im dead, so dead. "Mom, I-I can explain." "This had better be one *hell* of an explanation," Mrs. Summers stated, glaring angrily at her teenage daughter. Feeling uncomfortable, Willow shifted her weight from one foot to the other. In the back of her mind she knew she should stay and support her best friend, but her better judgement told her to leave. Willow did not want to face the wrath of Mrs. Summers. "Buffy, I think I-Im gonna leave you two alone. Ill talk to you later." "If Im not grounded for life," the blonde mumbled. "Thanks a lot, Will. You being here means more than you know." Willow smiled and grabbed her overnight bag before silently heading out of Buffys bedroom. She didnt say a word to Mrs. Summers as she left, afraid of stirring up more trouble for her friend. She was in enough already. "Well?" Buffys mother questioned once she heard the front door close. She bit her bottom lip. "Its not what it looks like," she tried to explain lamely. But she knew her mother wasnt going to buy it. Mrs. Summers raised her eyebrows in surprise. "Really? So you mean to tell me this isnt your pregnancy test? Is it Willows?" "No," Buffy answered, shaking her head. "Oh, so this is a school experiment, I take it. For Health class, possibly? Take a pregnancy test and see it turn out negative?" Buffy breathed a sigh of relief. Negative. Thank god. "Its negative?" "Not exactly, Buffy. Im assuming this plus sign is an indication of pregnancy if that box in the garbage is correct," her mother told her. "Which begs the question of how it happened. Exactly why is my seventeen-yearold daughter is taking pregnancy tests?" Looking down, Buffy felt ashamed. She never wanted to let her mother down, and it seemed as though she had. The test came out positive; she was pregnant. The one time she wanted the ground to swallow her whole and it wouldnt. She placed her palm flat on her stomach, which was now confirmed to be carrying her child. "Im sorry. I didnt want you to find out this way." "How long have you suspected it?" "A couple days." "And Angel?" Mrs. Summers asked. "Why isnt he here instead of Willow to find out the results?"

Buffy frowned. "He doesnt know. I didnt want to freak him out if there was a chance I could be wrong. Hed have been so worried and stressed out about it." "Hes the father, I assume." "Yes!" she exclaimed. "Of course he is, Mom." "Was he the first?" she wanted to know, sitting herself on the bed next to her shell-shocked daughter. "Never mind, I dont want to know the answer to that. At least I dont think I do." The teenager glanced up. "Yes, he was the first. The only. I could never imagine being with anyone else. We love each other, we waited for each other." "And now youre going to be parents," the older woman said softly. "Im gonna be a grandmother. Didnt you use any kind of protection when you were together?" "We did, but not the first time. It was totally unplanned, neither one of us expected it to happen that night." "Your birthday," her mother surmised. Buffy locked her eyes on her mothers. "H-How did you know that?" "A mother can tell these things, Buffy. There was something written on your face that told me my little girl wasnt so little anymore. Naively, I thought it was the ring Angel gave you. But now it seems he gave you more than a claddagh ring that night." With all that had been revealed to her mother in the span of twenty minutes, Buffy fully expected to get the lecture of a lifetime. But Mrs. Summers was taking the news fairly well. "So does this mean youre not mad at me?" "I wouldnt go that far. You...I dont expect you to tell me everything that goes on in your life, but some things are too important to keep to yourself. Youre seventeen years old and having sex, you need to be more responsible. Dont you realize what could have happened to you? There are all kinds of diseases out there, Buffy, including HIV. Did you give that any thought?" "It wouldnt have made a difference, Mom. Angels never been with anyone else, and neither have I," she argued. Wasnt it a little late for her mother to be giving her the safe sex talk? Mrs. Summers groaned in frustration. "Thats not the point. It seems as though you didnt think things through. All actions have consequences, as Im sure youre well aware of now. Im very disappointed in you." "Im sorry," she apologized again, tears welling up in her green eyes. "I never wanted to disappoint you, but I cant do anything about it now. Like I told Willow Friday night, if I could take it back I would in a heartbeat. I cant and now Im pregnant." Buffy paused, the realization of the situation finally setting in. "Oh god, Im having a baby. Angels baby." "What are you going to tell him?" She shrugged her shoulders. "I havent given it any thought yet. I was hoping and praying I wouldnt have to tell him anything." "Sounds like you havent thought about a lot of things You two have some tough choices to make," her mother informed her. "I suggest you tell him soon before your options start to dwindle." "Options? Are you talking about giving up my baby? Or having an abortion?" Buffy asked incredulously. It astounded her that her mother would even bring it up. "No way, Mom. I could never in a million years kill my baby, or hand it over to some stranger to raise. No. Not mine and Angels baby; I love it." "Im not telling you to have an abortion, or to put this child up for adoption," Mrs. Summers clarified. "But you should give it the consideration it deserves. Buffy, youre only seventeen, and Angels not even nineteen yet.

Whatever you decide to do, it will be tough sledding. Having a baby is difficult and life-changing at any age, I cant imagine what it must be like for a teenager." "Angel and I will find out together," Buffy swore. "Well make it work, dont worry." * Angel, can we talk? Buffy asked her boyfriend cautiously on Sunday morning as she sat on the couch in his living room. Her boyfriend took a seat next to her, a look of concern playing upon his handsome features. He knew his girlfriend well enough to know something was bothering her. Sure. Is something going on? Youre wearing dire face, Angel told her. She frowned, her heart pounding so loud it sounded like a freight train running through her chest. The next few minutes were going to be the hardest of her life thus far. I think maybe youd better sit down for this. Im already sitting. Oh. Then maybe you should get yourself something to drink, she suggested. Angle gave her a strange look. Okay, Buffy, now I know youre stalling. Spill. What is it? I have something important to tell you, something thatll change both of our lives. And I dont know the right words to say it, so bear with me. Just say it. She looked down, garnering the strength to tell him her important news. Remember the night of my birthday? When we came back here and we...we made love? He smiled, recalling the night they lost their virginity to one another. Of course I remember, Buffy. Im not likely to forget that night anytime soon. Well, it seems you gave me an unexpected present that night. Angel, Im pregnant. What? he questioned. How in the world is that possible? I think we both know how its possible. We didnt exactly use protection that first time. It wasnt as if we planned on doing it, she explained. It just sort of happened. Angel shook his head in disbelief. Youre pregnant. Are you absolutely sure? You didnt make a mistake, maybe? Im one hundred percent positive, Angel. I took one of those home pregnancy tests yesterday and it came back positive. And I havent had my period since before my birthday. Theres no mistake. So what are you going to do about it? her boyfriend wanted to know. What? Buffy asked. What are you talking about? I asked you what youre gonna do about it. This is your problem, not mine. Buffy couldnt believe Angel was saying these things to her. Didnt he care that she was pregnant with his child? This is your baby, too. We have to make this decision together. Do whatever you want to do, Buffy. I dont particularly care.

Tears threatened to fall from her green eyes; his reaction was like a nightmare come to life. How can you not care? This child Im carrying is half you, half me. You cant just toss off of the responsibility on me. I cant do this alone, Angel. He sighed. Look, it aint my fault you got pregnant. Youre the one who pushed me to have sex; I wanted to stop but, you were *so* insistent. So dont go blaming me for this, or expect me to take care of everything for you. Youre a big girl, you can make your own decisions. Why are you being so mean? Im not being mean, Im being realistic. Come on, are you really ready to have a kid? Angel asked her. Be completely honest. She shrugged her shoulders. I dont know. But we can do it together, I know we can. I want to have this baby; it binds us together forever. Did you ever think maybe I dont want to be bound to you forever? Angel demanded. Think about it. What good are you going to be when youre as big as a house, barely able to wobble through the front door? Face it, Buffy, a kid at our age is way too much trouble. What are you saying? You want me to have an abortion? Do whatever you want. Just keep me out of it, he told her. I dont want anything to do with this. * Buffy woke up in a cold sweat. She glanced around the room, the first rays of sunlight beginning to stream through her bedroom window. It was only a dream. I really bad dream verging on a nightmare, she thought. But that realization didnt make her feel any better. Shed never given any consideration to the possibility of Angel breaking up with her over her pregnancy. No, she figured he would be shocked at first, but then would grow to love the idea of them having a baby together. Like she did. There was no way Buffy could live with herself if she terminated the pregnancy. She loved hers and Angels baby. Hes going to tell me to have an abortion, I just know it, Buffy said to herself. I cant do it. I cant. Not even for him. But what he doesnt know wont hurt him. * Buffy! Mrs. Summers called, knocking on her daughters bedroom door. It was ten in the morning and the teenager had yet to make an appearance. Come on, sleepy head, wake up. If you dont get up now youll never get to sleep tonight. And then youll be cranky tomorrow. No answer. Rolling her eyes and sighing, she opened the door to look in on Buffy. What she found nearly gave her a heart attack an empty bedroom. Her daughters belongings were strewn all over the floor and bed, dresser drawers wide open and clothes laying in piles on the carpeted floor. An envelope on the bed caught Mrs. Summers attention. Making her way over to the bed, she avoided tripping. With a shaking hand she picked up the envelope and opened it, finding a handwritten letter inside. Mom, Im sure youre wondering whats going on. And to tell you the truth, Im not even sure. I dont know. One thing I do know is that Ive disappointed you; I am not the daughter you wanted me to be. You deserve better than a pregnant seventeen-year-old. You deserve a daughter like Willow, not me. So Im leaving. I dont know where Ill go, but Ill let you know when I get there. Maybe Ill be back. I havent decided yet. I just need some time to clear out my head, think things through. One thing I am sure about is that I am keeping this baby. Nothing could keep me from having Angels baby. Nothing.

Im asking you to do me one favor. Please, whatever you do, dont tell Angel. Im not ready to face him yet. Or ever, possibly. Hell just try to convince me to give it up, or get rid of it. I couldnt do that. The last thing I need is someone else pressuring me and telling me what to do. I have enough to worry about. Tell people I ran away; tell them I went to live with some relatives on the other side of the country. I dont care. Just dont tell them about the baby, not even Willow. Shell only tell Angel, and hell only hate me. Its better this way, trust me. I love you, Mom. And if you ever want to see me again (and your grandchild), you wont tell anyone my secret. Love, Buffy * "What do you mean she ran away?" Mr. Summers demanded when his ex-wife called him an hour after she discovered Buffy had run away. "Are you sure she isnt just with her boyfriend? Or with one of her friends?" "Well, Hank, lets weigh the evidence, shall we? Her clothes are gone and so is Mr. Gordo. None of her friends have heard from her since yesterday and, oh yeah, she left a note saying shed run away. What do you think?" "You need to calm down and breathe. Its probably just a ploy to get attention. Remember when she was eight and she tried to run away? She made it as far as the playground at the end of the block." Mrs. Summers rolled her eyes and sighed heavily. "Buffys not eight years old anymore, shes seventeen. Trust me, she means business this time. Shes gone." "Why did she take off, Joyce? Did you two have a fight?" he wanted to know. She couldnt get over how unconcerned her ex-husband sounded. Didnt he care that their daughter had taken off to parts unknown? "No, we didnt have a fight! Why do you automatically assume the worst of me?" "Because I know what your relationship with Buffy is like." "Yeah, whatever you say. At least I have a relationship with our daughter. Look, Hank, now is not the time to be picking a fight with me over trivial matters. I called you because I had a feeling Buffy might have contacted you, or come by." "Well, I havent heard anything about this," he answered. "And she certainly hasnt tried to call me." "How can you be so cavalier about this?" she practically yelled into the phone. "This is our daughter were talking about! Buffy is out there, alone, with no one to take care of her." He shook his head and rolled his eyes. As usual, his ex-wife was overreacting. "Did you try to get in touch with her boyfriend?" Mr. Summers wanted to know. "From what I understand, those two are always together." "Buffy didnt go to see Angel. Trust me on this, Hank." "Why not? Did you call him and find out for a fact? Or is he the reason she took off?" "Buffy found out yesterday that shes pregnant." "Pregnant!" he exploded. "Shes seventeen years old, Joyce! How in the world could you let something like this happen?" The nerve of him! she thought angrily. "How could I let this happen? Excuse me, but am I supposed to have her under watch twenty-four hours a day? I cant. I have to work to support the two of us because someone neglected to pay child support for the last three months! So dont you *dare* blame this on me."

"Gee, did you give any thought to maybe her running off with her boyfriend? For all you know, they could be halfway to Mexico to get married." Mrs. Summers groaned. "I wish youd show some concern for our daughters well-being. And no, she didnt run off with Angel. He doesnt even know about the baby. Buffy was afraid to tell him." "Then maybe she left to get rid of it." "You werent here when she found out, Hank. I brought up the subject of abortion and she freaked. No, Buffy wouldnt terminate her pregnancy. And she left specific instructions not to tell Angel about it. She ran off to raise the baby by herself, I just know it. We have to find her; she cant do it alone," Mrs. Summers argued. "Joyce, shell come back. Pretty soon she will realize the mess she got herself into and walk through that door with her tail between her legs. Dont worry about it." "I should have known youd react like this. Just call me if you hear from her." Without bothering to say goodbye, she hung up the telephone. * At noon, the sound of the doorbell caused Mrs. Summers to jump from the living room couch excitedly. It was Buffy; it had to be. Shed been gone for hours; hadnt called home or any of her friends. Mrs. Summers wanted it to be her daughter at the door, and pushed all bad thoughts out of her head. Her baby was fine, she was coming home. Who she found on the other side of the door disappointed her. It was not Buffy, but her boyfriend. "Angel." She tried not to sound surprised. Why am I surprised? Hes Buffys boyfriend. The father of her baby. Her baby. I cant tell him about the baby, she reminded herself. Angel smiled at her. "Hi, Mrs. Summers. Im sorry for not calling before I came over, but I wanted to surprise Buffy. I was hoping to take her out for lunch." She shook her head. "I-Im sorry, Angel. Shes not here." "Do you know how long shes going to be gone?" he wanted to know. Mrs. Summers couldnt take it any longer. Tears finally made their way down her cheeks like water from a dam. "I dont know w-when shell be coming back. O-Or if shes *ever* coming back." Her legs began to crumble beneath her. Angel managed to catch his girlfriends mother in his arms before she fell to the ground. He guided the older woman into the living room, where he gently sat her on the couch. "Do you want something to drink?" "No. I just want my baby back. Angel, Im so worried about her. What if something bad happened to her? What if someone tried to hurt her?" "Wherever she is, Im sure shes fine. You and I both know how tough and stubborn she can be. But what I dont understand is why Buffy ran way," Angel stated. "Everything seemed to be fine. I know she hasnt been feeling like herself lately, but I never thought shed run away from home. Mrs. Summers, what happened?" You got my daughter pregnant! Thats what happened! she thought. As much as she wanted to scream and yell at Angel for getting her teenage daughter pregnant, Mrs. Summers couldnt get the words out of her mouth. In the year-and-a-half he and Buffy had been dating, she thought of the eighteen year old as the son she never had. She couldnt bring herself to blame him for Buffy running away from home. It was solely her choice. He didnt have a clue as to why. And per Buffys instructions, he wasnt to know. She wasnt about to risk never seeing her daughter and grandchild again. "She was okay yesterday. We had a talk and I know she was going through some personal stuff, but it never crossed my mind that shed run away over it. When I w-woke up this morning, she was gone." "Did she leave a note?" Angel asked.

Mrs. Summers nodded. "It said not to look for her; that shed call me soon and let me know shes okay. God, Im so scared. I might not see her ever again." "Im sure shes fine. Did you call her father? Maybe she went to Los Angeles to stay with him." "I called him, not that it did any good. He hasnt heard from her. Im sure hell call me when he hears anything." Angel wasnt one to sit around and wait for things to happen. Hed always been a man of action. So he got up and headed for the front door. "Where are you going?" Mrs. Summers questioned. "To find Buffy and bring her home. Where she belongs."

To be continued... "Golden Slumbers" Author: Vatrixsta Cruden Contact: trixieangelsomething@hotmail.com Disclaimer: Lyrics belong to Lennon/McCartney ('cause the Beatles just ROCK). Note: Happy Birthday to you, Happy Birthday to you, Happy Birthday dear Dru-u-u, Happy Birthday to-o-o-o-o, yo-o-ou. (And many mo-o-o-o-o-o-ore.) Dedicated: For Dru, of course, because I can't send her naked Angels and Spikes live and in person (try though I might). Instead, I offer her my humble words, and for making cry, am allowing her to drown me in the pool today.

Once there was a way to get back homeward Once there was a way to get back home Sleep pretty darling do not cry And I will sing a lullaby * "Happy Birthday, Buffy." He was vaguely surprised when his soft, late afternoon murmur was greeted with Buffy's palm pressing itself against his mouth. "Shoosh. Don't say it. Don't even think it." "Bffee, ips mus woar bifd--" "Don't even mumble it incoherently!" she implored, genuine distress showing in her eyes. Angel pulled her hand from his mouth, wrapped his fingers around hers, and pressed a gentle kiss to her knuckles. "Sweetheart, today is going to be a perfect day." "Oh, God, you're like a giant jinx," she moaned. Perplexed, Angel moved his body closer to Buffy's until he felt her naked skin press against his beneath soft silk sheets. His hand moved to her hip, and he smoothed a path from thigh to breast along her side.

"I'm a jinx," he murmured as he brushed his lips over hers. Her mouth was closed, pulled in a tight line, and he smiled a little at the challenge she presented. "Explain to me, love of my life, how I'm a jinx." "Everybody knows that when you say something's going to be perfect it's like cursing it," she whined against his mouth. "Don't use the c-word when we're in bed," he chastised lightly, his hand straying to her back. He ran his fingers up and down her spine, pulling her a little closer with every downward sweep. "Sorry," she murmured contritely. "But you've still jinxed it." "There have been some bad birthdays in the past," he conceded. "Thank you, Mr. Understatement," she muttered. "I have not had one trauma-free birthday since I was called. Today isn't going to be any different so long as we actually acknowledge that it's my birthday. Maybe if we're really, really quiet about it, the fates will give up their yearly 'Screw Even More With Buffy's Life' contest." "Contest?" he asked, peppering soft little kisses to her face. "It's a theory," she explained. "I think every year, all the Powers up there think up a different way to make each birthday worse than the one before. Now in all fairness, whoever called dibs on my seventeenth probably wins all the marbles, but don't think that'll stop them from trying. Oh, no, they'll continue to do bad things to me every January until they throw in the towel and kill me." "Definitely no discussing your death in bed," he said seriously. The subject was still a touchy one with him. Her resurrection had come with a price one he would gladly pay a thousand times over and it still disturbed him deeply to remember what the world had felt like without her in it. "How am I supposed to have the perfect birthday when it's all doomed from the outset?" "You're not the only one with theories," he informed her smugly. "I've discovered a reason that doesn't involve you being the butt of some cosmic joke for all your bad birthday luck." "You have, hmm?" she murmured, slinging a leg over his hip. He nipped at her lower lip in response and nearly lost his train of thought. "Every," a kiss to her forehead, "single," a lick to her chin, "birthday," he rubbed his nose against hers, "you make a fatal mistake." "What?" she murmured, Eskimo kissing him back. "You get out of bed." Rolling them until she was on her back, hovering just above her, Angel grinned down at his entire world, encased in a deceptively delicate looking frame, her eyes the sparkling blue of the sea today, staring up at him with absolute adoration. "Your solution to my birthday doldrums is to ravish me until midnight?" "I wasn't going to stipulate a cut off time," he informed her, dead pan. "We've already slept most of the day away. We're halfway home already." "What about the party?" He was sure he looked like a deer caught in headlights. "What party?" "The one Cordelia and Willow have been planning, via phone, for the last three weeks I'm not supposed to know about? The one that the gang is driving down from Sunnydale for?"

"Oh, =that= party," Angel said, nodding. "Yeah, that's not until tomorrow." Buffy frowned. "But my birthday's today." "But your birthday's cursed, love," he reminded her. "C-word," she pointed out. "Sorry." She gripped his hips with her legs and rolled them until she straddled his chest. Her hands captured his wrists, and she pinned his arms above his head. "Talk. Why no party tonight?" "Because a party would interfere with our testing my theory," he said as though it were the most obvious thing in the world. "Besides, we can't not celebrate and you're never in a very celebrate-y place on the actual day of your birth." "So this party I've been dreading isn't until tomorrow," she said slowly. "Right." "And," she continued, sliding down his body until the erection he'd had since she'd flipped him on his back bumped against her backside, "we really don't have to get out of bed until tomorrow?" "Cordelia will be leaving a tray of food, water, and blood outside the door before she goes home tonight," he confirmed, a satisfied smile on his face. "Baby," she murmured, moving her mouth to tickle his ear with her breath, "if we're spending the next day in bed, you're really not going to need pig's blood." That said, she bent backwards until she was practically lying between his legs, still straddling him. He swallowed deeply at Slayer Flexibility and rose up until he grasped her around the waist. He brought her mouth to his for a hard, possessive kiss, and he growled when she nipped his lower lip hard enough to draw blood. He had been admittedly uncomfortable with anything resembling bloodplay when they'd begun exploring the sexual side of their relationship. He'd tried to resist how very much he wanted to taste her, how the rush and flow beneath her veins called out to him on the most basic level there was . . . he might have even been successful, had Buffy not proved such an eager and adept student in sharing their bodies. She was hardly a virgin; though the thought made him cringe, and his mind shied away from it, during their time apart, Buffy had become fully versed in sex. What she lacked was variety and experimentation. Angel had been for lack of a better term a slut before the curse, and his sexual repertoire crossed the line of 'experienced' and sailed right on into 'master.' That wasn't ego talking, either; a hundred and fifty some odd years of debauchery had just taken an effect. With barely a year and a half under her belt, Buffy had been curious and =very= interested in experimentation. After they'd found a groove together again, she'd confessed that Riley hadn't been sexually adventurous. He enjoyed sex, and she enjoyed it with him, but she'd never felt comfortable testing the boundaries between them. Not to mention the fact that she'd been half afraid of hurting him if she really let herself go. Buffy had absolutely no problem letting herself go now. Her tongue came out and lapped at the blood pooling on his lower lip. They'd shared everything that had happened in their lives since he first left Sunnydale. Her disclosure about Dracula had been the first time he lost control with her while they were making love. The knowledge that another had tasted her . . . She was =his=, and before he'd been able to process his own intent, he'd sunk his fangs into her jugular.

Afterward, he'd been apologetic. Buffy had assured him there was no need. At first, he'd been almost appalled that she enjoyed having him drink her nearly as much as he did. Of course he knew from experience the erotic satisfaction a vampire took from feeding, and being fed from by its mate; Buffy, however, was a Slayer. He'd been positive anything reminding her that he was technically her mortal enemy would be placed securely in the category 'major turn-off.' His Buffy was full of surprises. Somehow, they'd worked their way back to their sides. Their legs were hopelessly intertwined, Buffy was clawing at his back while he kissed her breathless, and his hands were buried in her hair, angling her head this way and that, trying to find that perfect angle. Since kissing Buffy at any and every angle was sheer bliss, it was hard to stay still. Then suddenly, the frenzy passed, and that was exactly what happened: stillness. He'd noticed it before between them. They'd be making love frantically, and then, like magic, a gentle lassitude would take hold. The total liquefication of muscle and bone would take place, and it would take great effort to continue softly stroking one another's skin. Their lips would touch, barely part, and come together again, mere centimeters from the last point of contact. Her breath exhaled into his mouth, and he forced his dead lungs to work as he took her inside him. When she was this close, her heart beating against his chest, he could feel a day when their hearts would beat together. It wasn't supposed to happen; he no longer expected it; day to day, he hardly even longed for it. But he hoped. Hope had saved him; saved her after her second death. He had to believe hope would see them through to the end. "Is everyone really coming tomorrow?" Her voice was hushed, respectful of the peaceful quiet between them. "Everyone's really coming," he confirmed, his voice as soft as hers. His fingers traced the sharp, strong planes of her shoulder blade. "Dawnie's missed them," she commented. "I know. She's adjusting to living here, though. And at least she gets to see your dad." "Every other month," Buffy muttered. No matter how hard he tried, Angel couldn't understand Hank Summers' ability to stay away from his two smart, incredible, beautiful girls. Dawn was growing into a lovely young woman, and she seemed fascinated with the inner-workings of Angel Investigations. Buffy was afraid Dawn would decide to be a demon hunter when she was all grown up. Angel didn't have the heart to tell his love that her baby sister had a destiny as much as she did. It might not be as clear-cut, and she might not have something as obvious a calling, but it was there. No one who loved Buffy Summers could avoid the world she lived in. "Willow has a surprise for you," Angel murmured, hoping to distract Buffy from her 'I could kill dad' thoughts. Her face brightened. Success. "What kind of surprise?" "You'll have to wait until tomorrow night. She swore me to secrecy, and you know she'll know if I tell you." Buffy pouted, then let the pout turn into a seductive leer as she rubbed her chest against his. "I'll let you do that thing you love to do to me if you tell," she tempted. He chuckled, and let the joy he felt at having her close, trying to bribe him with borderline-obscene sexual acts show on his face. "You'll let me do that to you anyway, because you love it, and no." Willow's surprise was that she and Tara were transferring to UCLA. As she'd explained on the phone the night before, Buffy and the slaying was the reason she'd stayed in Sunnydale to begin with. Since the Slayer was building a new life, for her and Dawn, here with Angel, Willow wanted to be a part of it.

Angel Investigations was growing; they would be hiring on two witches part time. Luckily or unluckily, if you were Cordelia business was booming. The visions were coming with more frequency, and it worried Angel. Cordelia insisted she was fine, and she'd certainly thrown herself into helping Willow coordinate Buffy's unbirthday party. Cordelia was in pain, though, and she seemed to need him more now than she had before. Cordelia was strong, but she needed him. "Where'd you go?" He blinked, and focused on Buffy. "Sorry. I was worrying." "I know. You had that little line," she brushed her fingertips across his forehead. "I'm contemplating depraved sexual activity, and you're worrying. Am I losing my touch?" In answer, Angel pulled her thigh over his, opening her to him. Keeping them on their sides, he slipped inside her gently, swallowing her tiny gasp of surprise with his mouth. Depravity was fun; they'd had some memorable nights doing things that sometimes made Buffy blush the next day whenever she'd look at Dawn. But at the moment, he wanted nothing more than to make love to her. On the anniversary of her birth, his thoughts had been plagued with her death, and holding her close, worshipping her with his body, being able to look into her eyes . . . it was the only thing that banished the terror, the emptiness that had filled him with the news of her loss. "You'll never lose your touch with me," he assured her in a quietly intense voice. Their hips had begun a rhythm born of instinctual recognition; their bodies reacted to each other's as though they had been made to fit together, until they melted into a single, boneless, sated creature. Minutes faded together, and the only thing Angel knew was the increasing rhythm of Buffy's heartbeat. Their faces pressed together, then moved apart, and they scattered kisses over whatever patches of skin they could reach as their gentle coupling progressed. Once he would have feared how much he truly lost himself in her. There was always the ever-present threat of becoming of monster, of truly emptying himself of everything, leaving only a shell capable of being animated by the evil that lived inside him. Now, though, he knew that the only repercussions of filling Buffy, of letting her fill him, was their own mutual satisfaction and a bond that only grew deeper every day. "I love you," he whispered against her mouth. "God, how am I supposed to live without you?"

* "I think he just said somethin'," Fred called out hopefully. She was crouched near Angel while Wesley, Gunn, Cordelia and Willow huddled by the reception area. They quickly moved closer to Angel, hoping for some sign that he was about to emerge from the catatonic state he'd slipped into nearly an hour before. "I was worrying," the vampire mumbled. His lips barely moved, and his voice was only audible because they so desperately wanted to hear it. "Angel," Willow said quietly. "Angel," Cordelia parroted. "Come on, Angel, she wouldn't want this." His eyes seemed to flicker for a moment, to focus on the sound of Cordelia's voice, but it was only for a moment, and soon, he went back to sightlessly staring straight in front of him. "This happened to Buffy," Willow said, tears thick in her voice. "When Glory took Dawn. It all came crashing down on her, and she lost it. She went inside herself like this. I went in after her. Maybe I could go in after Angel."

"I don't know if that's advisable," Wesley interrupted. "I can do it, Wesley," Willow snapped. "It's not your abilities I doubt, Ms. Rosenberg," Wesley assured her. "It's just that Angel's mind a vampire's mind is so much more complex, so much more dangerous than a twenty-year-old girl's." "Are you saying that . . . he would hurt me?" Willow asked, a note of disbelief in her voice. "Not intentionally, no," Wesley assured her. "The point I'm trying to make is, we don't know what might happen, and to take action when none is necessary could do more harm than good." "English is right," Gunn said. "Angel's been goin' through some heavy shit lately. This Buffy meant as much to him as y'all say she did, I'm thinkin' this might be the blow that breaks him for good." "But we have to do something to help him," Cordelia insisted. "We can't just leave him like that," Willow agreed. "No, we can't," Wesley said. "And we won't. But neither will we merely leap into the thick of things without thinking each move through." "Fine," Cordelia snapped. "I'm going to go upstairs and change my clothes. By the time I get back down here, you'd better have a plan all laid out, or I say we let Willow dive on in to Angel's deep dark pool."

* "You'll never have to find out, love," Buffy whispered against his mouth. Angel blinked. Her body was warm, alive, and =right there= next to him, but for a second, he'd been sure she was gone, that he'd never hold her again. His grip tightened, and he buried his face in the crook of her neck as he thrust against her. "You're gone," he gasped as her lips skimmed his forehead. The aching, gnawing chasm of grief he'd felt on the horizon threatened again; he'd gone catatonic, he remembered, to keep himself from dying. "You know the way," she whispered, holding his face between her hands; forcing him to look at her. "You can make this right. You can make this real." "How?" he asked. He rocketed from the pure bliss of the dream he'd mistaken for his reality into the utter terror of what a future with no possibility of Buffy in it left him. He was not allowed to die; he couldn't just join her. There were people here who depended on him, people he had to save, friends he had to be here for. There were destinies to fulfill, and miles to go, and a hundred other things he didn't want to think of. All he knew was the desire to lie down and sleep forever because the only place he'd find Buffy again was beyond this life. "You're a champion," Buffy whispered as she turned him onto his back, never letting the contact between their bodies break as she straddled him. Her hands found his and their fingers twined as she rocked her lower body against his. "I'm lost, Angel. It wasn't my time. They know that. You have the power to make this right. Only you. Angel, you have to." "I don't know . . ." His confused words were lost in her kiss as she bent her body at the waist. Their bodies were touching everywhere now, and she was making such sweet, achingly soft love to him as they kissed, and kissed, and kissed . . . "You do know," she insisted, still moving, still thrusting, still possessing him. Her limbs were becoming mist-like, swirling around and through his body until he felt her everywhere, screaming in his blood, tightening beneath his skin, and occupying the same place she always had, buried deep in his heart. "Buffy," he whispered as he felt her pleasure and his course through his body.

"Would you die for me, Angel?" she asked. He forced his gaze to her eyes . . . and found himself inside of her. His center was revealed to him inside of Buffy, an inner-reserve of strength he was sure belonged to her, something she was allowing him to borrow so that he could save her. "Of course," he answered. A quiet, rapturous smile crossed her face. "Then you know."

* Fred's scream brought a half-dressed Cordelia sprinting down the stairs. "Sorry," Fred said sheepishly. "I'm a little on edge." The reason she had screamed became clear as Angel leapt to his feet. It seemed to take him a moment to get his bearings, and when he did, he looked from Cordelia, to Gunn, to Wesley, and finally, to Willow. Fred stood behind his left shoulder, looking ready to bolt at any moment. "You're back," Willow said as something that might have been called a happy smile had she not been grieving so intensely crossed her face. "Wait. Why are you back? Oh, did someone shake you?" "You might say that," Angel answered softly, a determined glint in his eyes. "Angel," Wesley began compassionately, "I understand this is a difficult time for you, and if there's anything you require--" "Thanks, Wes," Angel answered. "I actually need Cordelia to do something." "Anything," Cordelia said easily, placing a hand over Angel's arm. "Angel, I'm so sorry" "No time for sorrys," Angel said briskly. "Cordy, I need you to take me to see the Host." He glanced up at the haggard looking redhead beside his best friend. "You and Willow." "Angel," Wesley began. "You too, Wes," Angel said. "Gunn, take Fred to get a taco." He turned and headed for the lobby door. "Angel," Wesley called out again, half surprised when the vampire actually listened and turned to face him. "We're kind of on a time table here, Wes," Angel said tightly. "Why are we going to see the Host?" Wesley asked helplessly. "Because he has to give me an address," Angel answered simply. "Why?" Willow asked. Angel's gaze tracked his friends in turn, finally settling back on Willow to answer her question. "I passed Their Trial. They still owe me a life, and I intend to collect."

Golden slumbers fill your eyes Smiles awake you when you rise Sleep pretty darling do not cry And I will sing a lullaby * The last thing she remembered, was a blinding white light, searing pain, and then . . . peace. That peace, that perfect stillness would have been the greatest sensation she had ever known, had it not been for the ache in her soul that cried out strange names she didn't recognize it called for 'Giles', 'Willow', and 'Xander'. It called quietly for 'Tara' and 'Anya,' it even called for 'Spike.' It screamed for 'Faith' and something called 'unfinished' and 'unsaid'. Her soul spared a thought for 'Cordelia' then moved straight on to the loudest of all the cries her soul howled for 'Dawn' and it wept for 'Angel'. Then, suddenly, the agony and the peace fled, and she started to notice . . . that she felt tired. And sore. And slowly, all the names she'd been thinking of came back to her, only now, they =meant= something. She could recognize them for what they were, and a sob tore from her mouth as she remembered what the light meant. Forcing her tired, protesting body up, Buffy frantically looked around for signs of Glory, Doc, Dawn, anything . . . And found that she was no longer at the construction site. Instead, she was inside what appeared to be a ravished banquet hall. There were cracks in a marble pillar to her left, an upturned feast to her right, and several strewn pieces of armor all around. It looked very much as though someone had thrown a tantrum in here, and no one had bothered to clean it up. "It was a rage the likes of which we had not seen in a millennia," a cultured voice that reminded Buffy of the first time she met Giles spoke from behind her. Buffy spun around until she came face to face with . . . a butler? "It was rage borne of futility and failure; of the refusal to accept impotence in a situation beyond anyone's control. We were quite moved with his display. Plus, the ravaged appearance of the room is more disquieting to potential challengers, don't you think?" He looked Buffy up and down, then made a clucking sound in the back of his throat. "My dear, please forgive me, you must be freezing." A robe appeared in his hand from out of nowhere, and only as he handed it to her did Buffy notice she was completely naked. Blushing furiously, she hurriedly donned the white cotton robe, cinching the belt tightly around her waist. "Also forgive my manners," the butler continued, "and allow me to welcome you back to this mortal plane, Ms. Summers." "Back?" she asked, a sinking feeling filling her. She remembered the last time she died. She was starting to think that the 'last time she died' didn't apply to the incident with the Master five years ago; not anymore. He made an affirmative sound in the back of his throat. "If you'll just follow the staircase to your right, you'll find yourself ejected into the City of Angels, near Franklin and Vermont, if I'm not mistaken." Buffy took a deep breath. "How am I . . . ?" The man before her smiled gently, and placed a hand on her shoulder. "Never before have I been stunned by a man's capacity to love. Yet this creature who should possess no mercy shows unconditional love and bravery toward those that he holds close. He sought us not once, but twice, and both times, he asked nothing for himself. He did, in fact, sacrifice something on both occasions. "In short, you are back in this world, my dear, because you are loved, and we were in his debt."

* It took her several minutes to remember the name of the Hotel Angel had given her. He'd only said it out loud once, when he'd called shortly after they'd moved in. She remembered thinking it sounded timeless, like him, and she recalled that she'd been too nervous to tease him. Jeeves told her what Angel gave up for her; he explained about the prophecy, about Shanshu, that Angel had given up his light at the end of the tunnel so that she would live. Part of Buffy was horrified that he would sacrifice something so huge for her, but the rest of her simply sat in stunned admiration at the depth of his love. It took the sting that remained of his leaving away at last. The little girl inside her, so insecure that she still didn't believe he'd left for any other reason than he didn't want to be with her, finally felt secure, finally, truly understood why he did what he did. No one told her it was safe to be with him now; she just felt in her bones that it was. Maybe she was lying to herself, because she so badly needed him, but as she finally stood outside the doors of the Hyperion, her bare feet scuffed and aching from the miles she'd walked that night, Buffy finally felt right for the first time in years. The lights had been turned out. Buffy breathed in deeply, and sensed a single heartbeat inside the hotel. 'Willow', she thought, unsure how she knew her best friend was staying here. It was not Willow she needed to see now, though. There would be time to embrace the sister of her heart, later. There would be time spent rocking Dawn to sleep while she sobbed out her relief, time spent regaling Giles with the memories she had of her death, and accepting his reserved gratitude at her return. Xander would grab her up in a bear hug, and Anya would understand that they were just friends, and not be made jealous by it. Buffy would be glad to see Tara again, when she was fully herself, and not the thing Glory had turned her into. ((Death is your gift.)) Now, Buffy knew, there would be time to visit Faith in prison and put things right between them. Dying this time seemed to be having the opposite effect it had the previous time whereas Bitca Buffy had come out to play then, now, she understood more than she ever had. ((Love. Give. Forgive.)) Her footfalls were light and soundless as she approached Angel's bedroom door. It was open, as though he were waiting for her. She entered his room and shut the door quietly behind her. The robe she wore slipped to the floor and puddled there. ((You are full of love.)) Pulling the covers back, Buffy crawled into Angel's bed, felt the weight of Angel's sheets cover her, and pressed her body against his. He slept, though it was a troubled sleep, and she heard small whimpers come from his mouth. Wrapping her arms around him, she pulled his head to her breast and rocked him gently. She was scared, scarred and disoriented, but she recognized him; would know him anywhere, would take comfort in him anywhere. ((It's brighter than the fire, blinding.)) He felt her, but his mind would not allow him to wake, for if he were dreaming, and he opened his eyes to an empty bed, he knew he would throw back the curtains and greet the dawn, no matter how many people loved and needed him. Another bargain with The Powers That Be was struck tonight. He'd given away his light at the end of the tunnel to bring back the only light his life had known in more than two centuries. In return, he was given a blessing a gypsy curse no longer held his soul to his body. Because he would never become human in body, would never receive the reward They had set before him, They had made a compromise. They made him human in spirit, and with that spirit, came the unconditional possession of his own soul. The tears he shed in his sleep dried against his cheeks as he felt a heart beating next to his chest. It was her heart, and the sensation was more amazing than that of his own heart beating. She was here, lying in his bed, at

his side, he knew it, he could feel it, and he allowed her to draw his head to her breast. The soft lullaby of her heartbeat brought him joy, brought him perfect, peaceful contentment, and he knew that his soul was safe. ((Love will bring you to your gift.)) She felt him sigh against her; felt him begin to stir. She was too tired for the reunion that awaited them, she needed her own rest first, so she pressed her lips to his forehead, and whispered against his hair, "Sleep, Angel. You're home. You're safe. We both are." ((Death is your gift.)) ((And death has brought me love.)) * Once there was a way to get back homeward Once there was a way to get back home Sleep pretty darling do not cry And I will sing a lullaby

The End