THERMITE

a novel
by Brick Jayne
(c) 2013
Her smile was uncomor!ably ra"ian!# Her silky brune!!e $air !il!e" an" "ra%e" "own $er lawless ore$ea"
an" i! li&$!ly brus$e" across $er !$in ri&$! eyebrow# Her c$eeks $un& $i&$ an" $er li%s!ick was a sub!le
rosy %ink# ' !iny "im%le near $er le! mou!$ corner roun"e" a rare ace w$ic$ men woul" love !o kill an"
"ie or# (orwar")acin& eyes s*uin!e" as i s$e knew worl"ly won"erul secre!s s$e woul" &la"ly s%ill $er
&u!s abou!# +er"an! %ine !rees s$yly s!oo" be$in" $er#
' ,olaroi"#
' %icnic !able#
(ew clou"s sca!!ere" $i&$ in !$e sky#
,lai" oran&e an" black !ableclo!$ an" !$e %ic!ure o !$is &or&eous smilin& woman !il!e" a&ains! a
leay bowl o &ar"en sala"# ' !all %o! o bake" beans an" a oil !ray o &rille"- mos!ly)burn! $o!"o&s# '
%icnic !able in !$e mi""le o a cracke" an" a"e" as%$al! %arkin& lo!# (le!c$er Browne &a.e" a! !$e %$o!o in
ron! o $im# He sa! c$ewin& on a barbe*ue" c$icken le&# He coul" eel someone a%%roac$in&# /oli!u"e#
He a!e $is oo" in solitude un!il Ma!!$ew /!ubbs walke" u% rom !$e "reary "is!an! buil"in&# (le!c$er
!$ou&$! abou! !$e &irl in !$e ,olaroi"# Escapism- $e !$ou&$!# Take me to a better place# Ma!! wore a s$iny-
new $ammer on $is car%en!er0s bel!# T$ere were a ew lea!$er slo!s in!en"e" or screw"rivers- %liers-
wrenc$es an" o!$er !ools# T$ey were em%!y#
(ar be$in" Ma!! in !$e "is!ance s!oo" a man "onnin& a "ark- %us$ broom mus!ac$e# Tom Mc1ay
was $is name# I Mario rom 2onkey 1on& ame $a" been a real %erson- $e mi&$!0ve been mo"ele" a!er
!$is &uy# He looke" concerne"# He crosse" $is arms# He wa!c$e" Ma!! reac$ !$e %icnic !able# (le!c$er
was almos! %osi!ive bo!$ o !$em were &oin& !o &e! yelle" a!# Ins!ea"- Tom uncrosse" $is arms- !urne"
aroun"- an" en!ere" !$e .any buil"in& be$in" $im#
3Is $e ma"45 (le!c$er aske"- !$en $e !ook !$e %ic!ure $e $a" been s!arin& a! an" %u! i! in $is ron!-
le! %ocke! makin& sure no! !o ben" i!# ,olaroi"s weren0! common anymore an" %re!!y women seeme" !o
be even less common#
3He !$inks we wan! !o run away an" !ell !$e %ress-5 Ma!! sai"#
(le!c$er el! a vile emo!ion# Ma!! was no! one o !$e &oo" &uys# He $a" $el%e" %u! !$e buil"in&
u% w$ic$ Tom was roamin& aroun" in# In !$e "is!ance- c$ain)linke" ences surroun"e" !$em# I! $a" been a
!rain s!a!ion "eca"es a&o# Tracks s!ill ran !$rou&$ !$e %ro%er!y# /$iny- ra.or)s$ar% barb)wire circles loo%e"
a!o% every ence an" wall in all "irec!ions# In a ma!!er o secon"s- !$e %re!!y la"y rom !$e ,olaroi"
vanis$e" rom (le!c$0s min"# 3Toucan-5 $e sai" !o Ma!!# 3Tom calls you 6Toucan0 an" you say 6yes0 !o
every!$in& $e asks or# 7ou0re a !y%ical 6yes man0 an" i you ran away rom !$is %lace- i! ou&$! !o be
because o !$e way you0re !rea!e"#5
3I! s$oul" $ave no!$in& !o "o wi!$ !$e ac! !$a! I $el%e" cons!ruc! a &as c$amber death house in
'merica0s &rea! Mi"wes!#5 Ma!! was nervous an" umble" !o %re%are a cou%le o $o!"o&s# 3I $a" no
choice an" you know i!8 I0m no! some privileged rich kid like you8 I work### or I live on !$e s!ree!s85
3I0m no! blamin& you- Ma!!#5 (le!c$er s%an aroun" an" reac$e" in!o an icy col" me!al bucke! o
&eneric so"as# He &rabbe" &ra%e) an" an oran&e)lavore" cans !$en e9!en"e" bo!$ !owar" Ma!! across !$e
!able# Ma!! !ook !$e &ra%e)lavore" one an" %o%%e" i! o%en imme"ia!ely# 3I0m no! blamin& you or M1)
:l!ra8 I0m no! blamin& you or !$e assassina!ion o ;illiam <oo%er8 I0m no! blamin& you or !$e i!een
$un"re" other %laces like !$is85 (le!c$er o%ene" $is oran&e)lavore" "rink an" c$u&&e"# 3;are$ouses
aroun" !$e :ni!e" /!a!es w$ic$ were "esi&ne" as emer&ency concen!ra!ion cam%s8 I0m no! blamin& you
or any o !$a!8 Bu! %eo%le like you make i! easy or !$em8 /%i! in $is face !$e ne9! !ime $e calls you
6Toucan08 Have a li!!le %ri"e w$en you &o !o slee% a! ni&$!85
3T$e wors! o i! is over !$ou&$- right45 Ma!! s*uir!e" ke!c$u% an" mus!ar" on!o $o!"o&s on
s!yrooam %la!es in ron! o $im# 36The War On Terror0... w$ic$ was a war a&ains! Americans as muc$ as i!
was a war a&ains! 'rabs8 T$e wors! o i! is over- correc!45 He bi! in!o $is oo" an" ke%! !alkin&- albei!
mule"# 3T$e uckin0 &overnmen! w$ic$ knocke" "own our own Twin Towers !$en blame" %eo%le in 'sia8
T$e &uys !$a! "i" !$a!8 T$ey0re !oo!$less now- ri&$!45
37ou &o in !$a! buil"in&### an" you look a! w$a! you were %ar! o8 7ou look a! !$e !urns!ile bars8
T$e one)way %a!$s wi!$ arrows on !$e &roun"8 7ou look u% an" observe !$ose rickin0 pipes85 Ra&e be&an
!o simmer in (le!c$0s belly# He wai!e" or i! !o %ass# He s!are" a! !$e buil"in& w$ic$ mus!0ve been i!y
yar"s away# He coul" see &$os!s o %eo%le# He coul" visuali.e $a%%y resi"en!s as !$ey wai!e" or !rains#
He saw an9ious la"ies wai!in& or !$eir $usban"s or rela!ives# He coul" $ear !$e 3c$oo c$oo5 an"
screec$in& o locomo!ives# Then4 He coul" see w$a! i! became### an" $e coul" see w$a! !$e "iabolical
%lanners wan!e" i! !o be# He coul" see $orriie" ca%!ure" 'mericans $urrie" o o arrivin& !rains le" in
&roves an" lines !o !$e inal %lace w$ere !$ey0" "raw brea!$s o o9y&en# He coul" see sol"iers wi!$
mac$ine &uns makin& sure !$an no one s!e%%e" ou! o line# He coul" $ear sirens# He coul" $ear cryin&#
He coul" almost smell !$e ro! o "ecayin& bo"ies ou!si"e o !$e s!a!ion in !$e "is!ance# 37ou0re okay- Ma!!#
7ou weren0! !$e only w$o buil! !$ese !$in&s# 7ou &o in !$ere### an" !$ink or a secon" w$a! coul"0ve
$a%%ene" i !$e "ominoes ke%! allin& in !$e "irec!ion or !$ose w$om hijacked our government8 7ou were
one o many w$o built !$is %lace### bu! you can $ave solace an" =oy knowin& you0re "isman!lin& i! as well85
37ou know45 Ma!! inis$e" !$e irs! o $is $o!"o&s# 3I almos! wan!e" !$em !o do i!8 I &o! sick o
every minori!y an" every w$inin& %erson in !$is coun!ry8 I almos! wan!e" i! !o $a%%en8 'n" w$en !$ey
ri&&e" !$e 2! elec!ion4 I was almos! sure !$a! !$is %lace woul" be %u! !o use8 I! almos! seeme" cosmetic
a! !$e be&innin&>some!$in& !o scare !$e %o%ulous wi!$8 6"ey# we are the real$deal cra%y-0 you know4
6We knocked down the World Trade &enter in front of you... and if you act up# you will be gassed80 I
!$ou&$! !$e vi"eos o !$is %lace were in!en!ionally leake" almos! like $omeowners wi!$ !$ese &narly
win"ow si&ns bra&&in& !$a! !$eir $ouse is %ro!ec!e" by 'mith and Wesson85
3I can0! s$ake !$e eelin& I $ave o !$is %lace85 (le!c$er Browne s!oo" u% an" slowly observe" !$e
wackiness o suc$ a si!e# He %ulle" ou! !$e ,olaroi" rom $is le! %ocke!# He looke" a! !$e an&elic ace
wi!$ a $a%%y smile ro.en in !ime# He !osse" !$e %ic!ure !owar" Ma!!# 3T$ey "on0! make ,olaroi" cameras
anymore wi!$ all !$e smar! %$ones an" mo"ern elec!ronics# T$a!0s my %rom "a!e rom my senior year in
$i&$ sc$ool# T$a!0s !$e las! !ime I el! like a normal %erson8 Ever since !$en- i!0s been no!$in& bu!
ollowin& u% on %syc$o!ic lea"s# /!acks o mass coins in (eorgia>!$ousan"s o 6em>or"ere" by our
very government8 Mock un"er&roun" =ails run by !$e <I' in Turkey8 'laskan arms o $i&$)ener&y
broa"cas! !owers8 'n" w$en I see you "isman!le !$e irs! %i%e in !$ere4 I believe !$a! will be !$e be&innin&
o !$e en"8 End of what4 T$e en" o !$e real)lie Twilight )one I0ve been in8 T$e en" o !$is luna!ic
ni&$!mare8 T$e en" o !$inkin& !$a! we lost as or"inary %eo%le85 (le!c$er was &la" !$a! Ma!! %ai"
a!!en!ion# 3Jus! because I $ave money in !$e bank "urin& !$is insane %erio" o $is!ory "oesn0! mean I coul"
stop !$e bull cra% rom $a%%enin&8 7ou $ave i! easy- in some ways8 7ou "on0! believe you can be =u"&e"
because your al!erna!ive was $omelessness8 'n" you0re in some "enial !$a! !$is %lace woul"n0! $ave kille"
%eo%le8 T$ose %i%es in !$ere are e*ui%%e" !o e*terminate human beings8 Bu! !$a!0s ine8 /ome$ow- !$e
"ominoes "i"n0! all# ;e0re alive an" !$ree !$ousan" %eo%le "ie" in ?ew 7ork <i!y on nine eleven### plus a
few thousand soldiers from the physical wars it spawned# ;e0re alive### an" no one &o! gassed !o !$e bes!
o my knowle"&e# (uantanamo +ay $a%%ene" in ron! o !$e w$ole worl" bu! !$a!0s seeme" !o rece"e like
a recurrin& cold sore85
In !$e "is!ance- Tom Mc1ay e9i!e" !$e buil"in&# He screame"- 3Hey- Ma!!8 T$e valves are !urne"
o8 @e! !o work8 Ae!0s ri% !$is %lace a%ar!85 (le!c$er wa!c$e" or Ma!!0s reac!ion# ?o wor"s# ' sli&$!
s$ake o !$e $ea" an" a small roll o !$e eyes# Ma!! $an"e" (le!c$er $is ,olaroi"# 3"urry- Ma!!85
Ma!! &o! u% an" walke" !owar" Tom# He !ook $is $ammer ou!# "e just might use that on a person
someday- (le!c$ !$ou&$! !o $imsel# "e really shouldn,t pent up his emotions.
Ma!! /!ubbs worke" or ei&$! $ours s!rai&$!# His =ob wasn0! !o "emolis$ a buil"in& w$ic$ $a"
once been a louris$in& !rain s!a!ion### an" !$en i! became a %o!en!ial "ea!$ $ouse i! wi!$ mo"ern %lumbin&
w$ic$ woul" !$eore!ically su%%ly le!$al "oses o %oisonous umes !o coun!less $or"es o $umans no lon&er
"eeme" wor!$y !o con!inue alon& $um"rum e9is!ences# Ma!!0s mission now was !o s!ri% !$e %lace o si&ns
!$a! anyone wen! nu!s insi"e !$e -entagon### or w$a!ever ma"$ouse $a" commissione" !$is clan"es!ine
%ro=ec!# I! "i"n0! $ave !o look like a train station a&ain### bu! i @eral"o Rivera cau&$! win" !$a! 'merica
$a" cen!ers wi!$ $olocaus!ic in!en!ions wi!$in i!s bor"ers- i! coul" %ublicly o%en a slimy can o worms#
Jesse 3T$e Bo"y5 +en!ura $a" alrea"y be&an %ressin& sensi!ive issues# I! was a ma!!er o !ime beore
.ateline woul" "o a %iece on !$e na!ion0s nas!ies! close! skele!ons# T$e &uar" !ower woul" $ave !o come
"own# T$e !urns!ile &a!es woul" $ave !o be remove"# T$e %i%es>especially the pipes boldly in open view
>woul" all $ave !o &o#
(le!c$er ollowe" Ma!! aroun" wi!$ a ?ikon an" "ocumen!e" !$e %roce"ure# Ma!! worke" un"er
Tom Mc1ay# T$e brun! o !$e $ar" work was "one by Ma!! w$ile Tom barke" or"ers an" issue" %riori!ies#
Bnce in a w$ile- Tom woul" &e! $is $an"s "ir!y an" assis! Ma!! i e9!ra levera&e was nee"e" !o move
some!$in& or %ull ano!$er !$in& a%ar!# T$e e9is!ence o !$e "ea!$ $ouse was !o% secre! an" Ma!! was
c$osen as !$e sole lay worker or !wo reasons# (irs!- $irin& only one %erson woul" ensure !$a! nobo"y
!alke"# I Ma!! ever $a" !$e ca=ones !o la% $is li%s- no one else woul" be aroun" !o corrobora!e any
%ossible s!ory# /econ"- $e $el%e" i! !$e %lace wi!$ !$e very %i%es- &a!es- an" ences $e was van*uis$in&#
He woul" know i any!$in& was overlooke"- %lus $e alrea"y knew !$e &overnmen! $a" murky ways# (or
cer!ain securi!y reasons- i! woul" be "umb !o $ire anyone new !o !$e si!ua!ion# (le!c$er was $ire" !o
"ocumen! !$e even!# He won"ere" w$y# /f they,re so worried about covering this place up# why then take
pictures where dissident agents could e*pose an embarrassing mark0 He knew w$y- !$ou&$# Insi"e !$e
walls o !$e ,en!a&on or ;$i!e House- some im%or!an! %erson $a" !o be assured. I !$e %resi"en! knew o
!$e %lace- coul" $e risk !ravelin& !$ere4 T$e %aranoia was "yin& "own everyw$ere# /ome!$in& s!u%i"
coul" s%ark i! u% a&ain# Bicials coul" "eny knowin& o !$e %lace i !$ey never wen! !$ere#
'eventies was a small ni&$! club on /i9!een!$ /!ree! near !$e In"iana%olis Mo!or /%ee"way# 2isco
balls $un& rom !$e ceilin&# /!robe li&$!s ran"omly s%un in various "irec!ions# T$e Bee @ees- ;il"
<$erry- an" 2onna /ummer blare" in !$e back&roun"# Jo$n Travol!a %os!ers "ecora!e" walls# 'n a!!rac!ive
la"y walke" u% !o !$e !able w$ere (le!c$er an" Ma!! s$are" a %i!c$er o Bu"weiser# 3Holy shit85 Ma!! sai"#
(le!c$er0s back was !o $o! &al# 3I!0s !$e c$ick rom your -olaroid %ic!ure8 (le!c$er8 Turn aroun"8 I !$ink
you0re &e!!in& lai" !oni&$!85
(le!c$ !urne" aroun"# He s!oo" u% an" $el" !$e woman !i&$!ly !$en kisse" $er# 3I!0s been soooo
lon&#5 ' son& inis$e" an" Bos!on0s 3(ore%lay5 s!ar!e"# 3I &o! !$em !o %lay some "ecen! classic rock once
in a w$ile8 ;e $ave !$e loor !o ourselves8 ;anna "ance45
3I0m $ere or a cou%le o secon"s8 I like w$a! you0re "oin&8 ;e $ave more assi&nmen!s or you
w$en !$is is over8 ;as !$ere really &as %i%es everyw$ere45 T$e music was lou"# /$e re%ea!e" $ersel- !$is
!ime com%e!in& wi!$ !$e son&# 3(as -/-E'4 ;as i! RE'A45
3Hol" on85 (le!c$er s%un !owar" Ma!!# 3T$is I/ M7 HI@H /<HBBA /;EETHE'RT8
+I+I'?8 Her name is +I+I'?85
3?ice !o mee! you85 Ma!! %u! u% is %alm# To (le!c$er- $e looke" like an In"ian sayin& 3$ow5#
+ivian coul"n0! $ear !$e &ree!in& bu! s$e wave" back in reci%roci!y# /$e %ulle" (le!c$er a ew ee!
by !$e arm an" s%oke s!rai&$! in!o $is ear# 3I !$ink i!0s over8 I !$ink !$e &overnmen! is &onna lay o all o
us8 'nyone w$o knew !$a! !$e Twin Towers inci"en! was a s$am is bein& le! 'AB?E8 Everyone I
1?B; a! leas!85
31o helicopters bu%%ed you today like a black cloud over a cursed cartoon character45 (le!c$er
lau&$e"# 3I coul" eel i! !oo8 I !$ink I wan! !o marry you now85
3We can,t 2A33485 +ivian $i! (le!c$ wi!$ !$e ma&a.ine s$e0" brou&$!# 3T$e worl" s!ill $as
%roblems8 Even i !$e &overnmen! &e!s o O53 A''E'- !$ere is s!ill worl" $un&er8 'n" all !$e "ookie
!$a! wen! on even beore !$e s$i! $i! !$e ans $ere8 ;e $ave !o work !owar" WO36. -EA&E-
(AET<HER85
(le!c$0s belly was warm wi!$ beer# His bu.. moseye" in!o a li&$! "runk# 3I0ve seen your
+3EA'T' beore- +iv85 He %ulle" $er back !owar" $is !able- &ave $er $is mu& !$en "rank !$e las! o !$e
%i!c$er s!rai&$! u%# 3I $ave "O32O1E'- +ivian8 I nee" you ne9! !o me85
+ivian $i! (le!c$er wi!$ !$e ma&a.ine a&ain# I! was Time an" s$e unrolle" i!# Bloo"y reu&ees
rom Mali on !$e cover# 3;e can $ave se9 TO1/("T- (le!c$er8 I $ave !o ly !o nor!$ern 'rica
!omorrow85 /$e kisse" $is c$eek !$en licke" !$e insi"e o $is ear# 3;e0ll marry ne*t year85
(le!c$er Browne wan!e" !o run !o !$e bar or ano!$er %i!c$er# 3?e9! year485 He !$ou&$! abou! i!
or a ew momen!s# 3;e say !$a! every year85 He %ulle" +ivian !o !$e "ance loor# 3I0m &la" you0re
$ere85 T$ey cu! !$e ru&# +ivian !$ou&$! abou! cancelin& $er li&$!# /on& a!er son& %laye"#
+ivian !urne" ri&$! rom B$io /!ree! on!o <a%i!ol 'venue# /$e looke" over a! (le!c$ %asse" ou!
on $er %assen&er0s sea!# Her 2013 2o"&e <$ar&er roare" an" s$e coul" see !$e Hil!on w$ere !$ey woul"
s%en" !$e ni&$! !o&e!$er# 37letcher85 s$e yelle"# 3;ake u%8 ;e0re $ere85 Bin&o Boin&o0s 3Jus! 'no!$er
2ay5 %laye" rom $er s!ereo# 3(le!c$85
3"uh45 He !rie" !o &ras% $is circums!ance# 3+ivian4 8/84 I &o!!a %ee### really bad85
3;e0re almos! !$ere# I0ll c$eck in# 7ou pee#5 +ivian /!ree!s oun" a %arkin& near !$e en!rance#
33un85 (le!c$er ran away rom $er# /$e walke" casually in!o !$e $o!el an" !$ou&$! abou! $i&$ sc$ool# In
some ways- no! muc$ $a" c$an&e"# ?o line mean! !$ey coul" se!!le in *uickly# 's s$e receive" $er room
key- (le!c$er s!ru!!e" back relieve" o &allons o urine rom $is bla""er# His eyes were bloo"s$o!# 3Ae!0s
&o-5 s$e sai"#
/e9 "i"n0! $a%%en# Ins!ea"- (le!c$er %asse" ou! ace)"own on a s!i ma!!ress# +ivian s!are" ou!
!$e win"ow or a $al $our !$inkin& abou! !$e worl"# /$e inally $ear" mumblin& rom be$in" $er#
38ivian45 (le!c$er calle"# 3+iv4 I wan! you !o s!ay here !omorrow85
3I eel like s!abbin& 6aura +ush in !$e s!omac$85 /$e con!inue" !o s!are in!o !$e In"iana%olis
ni&$!# 3/$e0s w$y we0re suerin&- you know45
/obrie!y $i! (le!c$er *uickly# His $ea" !$u""e" bu! $e knew $e0" been ine in !welve $ours#
3Aaura Bus$4 'n" !$e res! o !$e Bus$ amily- ri&$!4 T$is isn0! abou! !$e %ara%syc$olo&y s!u"en!s rom
E"inbur&$- is i!4 T$e ones w$o sai" !$ey conveye" all our !$ou&$!s s!rai&$! !o !$e ?/'45
34eah# In some ways- i! is# 7ou &uys are "isman!lin& !$a!### -6A&E8 T$a! wicke" s!a!ion w$ere
someone ac!ually i&ure" !$ey0" was!e our A''E'8 Everyone I know !$a! was liberal "urin& !$e !wo
!$ousan"s was %icke" on8 I know %eo%le as ar back !$e <lin!on im%eac$men! $earin&s !$a! knew !$e
Towers were &oin& "own8 'le9 Jones4 He wasn0! alone8 ' lo! o %eo%le knew something,s wrong with
those bastards8 Aaura Bus$ kille" a man w$en s$e was Aaura ;elc$8 How coul" anyone in !$e me"ia
i&nore !$a! in 20004 ; Bus$0s bro!$er was !$e $ea" o securi!y a! !$e ;orl" Tra"e <en!er w$en !$e %lanes
$i!8 How coul" %eo%le %ass !$a! u%4 T$e 2E./A8 7ou know !$e me"ia is in ca$oo!s wi!$ !$ose ri&$!)
win&ers8 T$ey !rea!e" us like &3A- or years on en"85
3/!abbin& Aaura Bus$ in !$e s!omac$ is no! !$e solu!ion- +iv85 (le!c$er &o! u% rom !$e be" an"
$el" $er rom be$in"# 3Besi"es### Even saying you wan! !o s!ab $er coul" &e! us in !rouble8 I mean- i
!$ose %ara%syc$olo&y s!u"en!s were correc!- s$e0s lis!enin& !o us ri&$! now !$rou&$ telepathy an" their
!ransmissions o our conversa!ion85
+ivian /!ree!s &i&&le" an" !urne" aroun"# /$e kisse" (le!c$er Browne on !$e li%s# 3I! "oes soun"
cra.y- $u$4 I wan! !o &o !o 'rica !omorrow an" I wan! !o earn my win&s in "eaven85 /$e kisse" (le!c$er
a&ain- !$is !ime wi!$ !on&ue# 3;e s!ill $ave a ways !o &o85
38ivian +rowne85 (le!c$er kisse" +iv# 3In a year- maybe we inally marry8 I like !$e soun" o
your new name85
38ivian 'treets$+rowne85 s$e sai"# 3I0m $y%$ena!in&- you know45
(le!c$er an" +ivian $a" $eal!$y se9# T$ey mana&e" !o &e! a cou%le o $ours o slee% beore (le!c$
$a" !o re!urn !o !$e cra.y- conver!e" !rain s!a!ion an" +ivian lew away or "i%loma!ic service# Beore !$ey
%ar!e" ways- +ivian %ro%ose" w$a! (le!c$ ou&$! !o work on ne9!# I! $a" some!$in& !o "o wi!$ %roblems in
!$e /ou!$ ,aciic# (le!c$er was $un& over w$en $e woke# He "i"n0! wan! !o !$ink !oo "ee%ly abou!
any!$in&#
+ivian /!ree!s was in a CDC lyin& over !$e '!lan!ic Bcean w$en (le!c$er Browne &o! !o Beec$
@rove w$ic$ was i!een minu!es sou!$eas! o !$e Hil!on $e0" s%en! !$e ni&$! a!# Ma!! /!ubbs was wai!in&
or $im a! !$e %icnic !able# T$e %lai" oran&e an" black !ableclo!$ $a"n0! been se!# I! $a" "ri..le" "urin&
!$e ni&$! an" "ark rain clou"s $overe" above# (le!c$er aske"- 32i" you brin& any breakas!45
3?o# ;e s!ill $ave !$e $o!"o&s rom yes!er"ay### bu! I woul"n0! ea! 6em85 Ma!! $a" $is $ammer in
$is $an"# To"ay- $e brou&$! more !ools an" !$ey res!e" in $is bei&e bel!# 3I0ve &o!!a inis$ !o"ay# Tom
alrea"y sai" I0m be$in"# ;e s!ill $ave (or! Ben=amin Harrison an" 1in&sbury line" u% or la!er !$is week#5
3+ivian says !$ere0re only ei&$! $un"re" o !$ese %laces85 T$e bucke! w$ere !$e so"as were ke%!
no lon&er $a" ice# (le!c$ reac$e" an" &rabbe" a s!rawberry)lavore" &eneric so"a# 3My o!$er sources- o
course### say !$e number is more like fifteen hundred# I0ve &o!!a in" ou! !$e !ru!$# I won0! be !ailin& you
an" Tom all "ay- !$ou&$# I0m se!!in& u% a !ime)la%se camera a! !$e ar en" o !$e wes!ern ence an" ano!$er
camera insi"e# I $ave !$in&s !o !ake care o la!er#5
37ou "on0! $ave !o ollow us !o !$e o!$er %laces- you know45 Ma!! looke" a! !$e bucke! o so"as#
I! was s%rinklin& earlier# 3ain water- $e !$ou&$!# What,s the harm in popping a lukewarm soda with rain
water doused around it4
3I0m $ea"in& !o Hollywoo"-5 (le!c$ !ol" Ma!!# 3I!0s a rickin0 police state over !$ere85 ' "ro% $i!
$im on !$e ore$ea"# He looke" u%# T$e clou"s swirle" slowly# 3Ai&$! a! !$e en" o !$e !unnel- !$ou&$8 I
Romney $a" been elec!e"- I0m almos! sure ascis! cra% woul"0ve s!ar!e" $a%%enin& a&ain# ;e0re &oin& !o
test !$e %ublic oicials# ;e0re sure !$a! we can &e! !wen!y %ai" ac!ors !o %icke! a&ains! &un con!rol- a very
3epublican issue### an" we0re &oin& !o $ave !wen!y %eo%le %icke! or &ay marria&e# I!0s some!$in& liberal
.emocrats like !o !ou!# ;e0re be!!in& !$a! !$e %olice screw wi!$ !$e liberals an" !$a! !$ey allow !$e
conserva!ives !o run o !$e s$ow# B course- we0re usin& %ai" ac!ors w$o0re use" !o si!!in& in !elevision
au"iences an" !$e like8 ;e0ll ilm i!# Bu&$!!a be a $oo!85
3Tom !$inks !$ey0re no! &e!!in& ri" o !$ese %laces# He !$inks !$is is or show# ;e %ublicly !ear
!$is %lace a%ar!- "ocumen! i! well- an" s%rea" !$e news !o !$e nu!s in 2<### all !$e w$ile- o!$er !rain s!a!ions
are conver!e" o!$er %laces# ?o ne! c$an&e in o!$er wor"s#5
3I wan! !o care-5 (le!c$er sai"# 3I really wan! !o care abou! all !$is cra%# My %la!e is ull# I $ave
<aliornia !$en I !ake o !o /uma!ra# 's as! as one issue is resolve"- !wo or !$ree more s%rin& u%#5 T$e
$o!"o&s were s!ill on !$e !able un"ernea!$ oil rom !$e "ay beore# 3T$ey coul"n0! $ave &one ba" over
ni&$!- coul" !$ey4 I mean- i! was cold ou!si"e85
Ma!! $an"e" (le!c$ !$e !ray# 3I0ll wai! un!il my lunc$ break# I0ll in" some!$in& else#5 He $an"e"
(le!c$er some buns rom a ba& an" !$e bo!!les o mus!ar" an" ke!c$u%# 3Tom a%olo&i.e" or callin& me
6Toucan08 He sai" $e was un"er lo!s o %ressure an" !$e !$ou&$! o "ea" %eo%le $ere &ave $im men!al i!s#5
31ice#5 (le!c$er s*uir!e" mus!ar" on col" $o!"o&s# 38ery nice# I un"ers!an"- ac!ually# I el!
weir" bein& $ere# Tingly crap in my stomach# T$ese are a"ul! issues- !$ou&$# ;$a! &oo"0s i! "o !o %u!
your $ea" in !$e san" like an os!ric$45
Ma!! saw !$a! (le!c$er was en=oyin& $is col" breakas! an" c$an&e" $is min" abou! wai!in& un!il
lunc$# He &rabbe" !$ree "o&s an" a!e !$em wi!$ou! buns or con"imen!s# In !$e "is!ance- Tom Mc1ay
e9i!e" !$e ormer !rain s!a!ion# (le!c$er no!ice" ano!$er %erson be$in" $im# T$ey a%%roac$e" !$e %icnic
!able# 2ario and 6uigi4 (le!c$er !$ou&$!# /f the other guy had a mustache# / would say# 9Welcome: 2ario
and 6uigi:; He s$ook !$e i"ea# 's !$e mys!ery &uy &o! closer- (le!c$er !$ou&$!- Oh: / know this one:
2ister 3oper from Three,s &ompany: 2ario,s buddy is the infamous landlord:
3(ellas45 Tom Mc1ay calle"# 3T$is is my boss- <ornelius /!uar!8 He works or !$e <I' an" is
overseein& !$e %ro=ec!#5
3@la" !o inally mee! you85 Ma!! e9!en"e" $is ri&$! $an"# <ornelius s$ook i! irmly# 3I eel like I
know you rom workin& or Tom#5
3;oul" you like !o be %$o!o&ra%$e" or %os!eri!y45 (le!c$er &es!ure" wi!$ $is ?ikon# 3Br### are
you no! oicially $ere45
Tom %u! $is arm aroun" <ornelius# 3He is %rou" !$a! !$e mass %syc$osis $as en"e"8 ;e are "oin&
!$e e*uivalen! o nuclear "isarmamen!8 I! is a ine !ime or us8 ;e use" !o be men o sensibili!y- you
know45
(le!c$er !ook a ew %ic!ures# 3;ere !$ese cam%s your i"ea- sir45 (le!c$er- or !$e irs! !ime- !ook
%ic!ures o !$e oo" !$ey0" been ea!in&# 3;as !$ere a unanimous "ecision !$a! suc$ %laces ou&$! !o e9is!45
(le!c$er %oin!e" $is camera u%war"s an" sna%%e" %ic!ures o !$e !$un"er clou"s# 3How "oes suc$ a !$in&
like !$is come abou! in w$a! $as been consi"ere" !$e &rea!es! coun!ry on EA3T"45 (le!c$er se! "own $is
camera#
3I! was %oli!ics an" bi&o!ry8 T$ere was a !ime w$en 3eagan was %resi"en! !$a! none o us !$ou&$!
2emocra!s could ever be elec!e" !o !$e ;$i!e House a&ain# (or many conserva!ives be$in" !$e scenes- i!0s
be!!er !o &o ou! as a cra%y nut !$an !o conce"e !o olks once "eeme" scummy### an" no! !oo smar!85
3T$anks or !$e can"or-5 (le!c$er sai"# 3Be!ween me an" you- !$a!0s w$a! mos! o us youn&s!ers
!$ink anyway# I!0s nice !o $ear i! come rom your mou!$8 /ntegrity# I remember $earin& as a ki" !$a! !$a!0s
w$a! !$e @B, was abou!8 <lin!on !$rew a monkey wrenc$ in your %lans8 T$a!0s w$a! my mo!$er !ol"
me85
3&linton45 <ornelius /!uar! aske"# 3He0s a %awn8 He0s one o our &uys8 ;e i&ure" ou! $ow !o
kee% !$e authentic liberals ou! o !$e $i&$es! %os!s# <oul" you ima&ine !$is na!ion run by 2ennis 1ucinic$4
T$e w$ole world woul" &o !o cra%8 Bu! Bill <lin!on was a 3hodes sc$olar an" wen! !o one o our Ivy
Aea&ue sc$ools8 ;e il!er !$e %ieces o "un& ou!8 Bill wants !o be Re%ublican8 7ou can see i! in $is ace8
/o "oes Barack- or !$a! ma!!er8 T$ese &uys run our core %olicies re&ar"in& bankin&# 7es- Romney
woul"0ve been more ru!$less abou! im%lemen!in& our a&en"a### bu! we s!ill $ave !$e same overall lon&)!erm
ou!come8 ;e "on0! nee" !$ese cam%s anymore- by !$e way- because !$e %o%ulous $as im%risone"
!$emselves in co.y !rack $omes8 'laves to our bankers85
3(uck 6em- right45 (le!c$er aske" wi!$ a bi! o sarcasm#
3Ais!en- child85 <ornelius walke" aroun" !$e %icnic !able an" s!oo" ace)!o)ace wi!$ (le!c$er#
37ou $ave a ire8 I use" !o $ave !$a! ire8 I wan!e" !o "o ri&$! all !$e !ime8 Bne "ay- you win" u% ol" like
me8 7ou ask yoursel- .o / want to win4 Or do / want to lose4 T$is worl" is buil! o winners an" losers-
!ike8 I!0s been !$a! way orever- an" i! won0! c$an&e w$en all o us are &one8 7ou &e! !o choose w$ic$ one
you are8 I coul" resi&n rom my %os! an" %lan! lowers in ron! o all !$e $i%%ies0 $omes w$om I0ve ruine"8
Aie won0! c$an&e8 /ome o!$er ol" cock is &onna "o w$a! I0m "oin&8 &oncentration camps in America8
7es8 'n" we0re !earin& 6em "own8 ;$y4 6<ause i!0s ri&$!4 ?o8 ;e0re inally losin&8 T$e T$ir" ;orl"
$as inally cau&$! u%8 Education# infrastructure# economy# art# military8 T$is is &oo" ,R w$a! we0re
"oin&8 T$e %ic!ures you0re !akin&4 ;e0re &onna le! 6em leak all over !$e in!erne!8 <$ina won0! $a!e us as
muc$8 ;e can0! kee% i&$!in& everyone or everything85
3"ey85 (le!c$er $an"e" $is ?ikon !o <ornelius# 37ou $ave a s!ory !o !ell4 Take !$is or i!een
minu!es# I! "oesn0! !ake a %roessional %$o!o&ra%$er#5
32o your =ob- ki"85 <ornelius s!ar!e" !o eel more an" more "ro%s on $is rece"in& $airline# 3I "o
w$a! I nee" !o "o# I can live wi!$ w$a! I0m "oin&#5
3Hey- !$anks or !$e $ones!y### once again-5 (le!c$er sai"# 3I almos! !$ou&$! !$is war a! $ome was
as muc$ a &enera!ion war as muc$ as any!$in& else#5
3I secon" !$a!85 Ma!! c$i%%e"#
3'hut up# 2att85 Tom scol"e"# 3Hey8 Ae!0s all move !$is insi"e- can we45
Ai&$!nin& las$e" across !$e sky# T$un"er ban&e" as !$e our &uys !ro!!e" !owar" !$e &as $ouse#
Bnce insi"e- !$ey sa! on milk cra!es# <ornelius /!uar! "irec!e" a *ues!ion !owar" (le!c$er- 32i" you $ave
any clue !$is %lace e9is!e" beore we con!ac!e" you las! week45
3?o85 (le!c$er looke" u% a! !$e %lumbin&# Muc$ $a" been remove" bu! !$ere was s!ill a lo! !o be
"one# 3?o8 I mean- w$y woul" I45
3;e con!ac!e" you because we know you0ve %$o!o&ra%$e" o!$er o""ball s!u8 ;$a! else "o you
!$ink your &overnmen! is $i"in&4 2o you know $ow lar&e !$e /%ace /$u!!le was4 I! %i&&y)backe" on a =e!
airliner85 <ornelius believe" Tom woul" answer !$e *ues!ion bu! $e remaine" s!ill# 32o you know $ow
many I<BM0s we0ve ever buil!4 2o you know any!$in& abou! !$e /a!urn rocke!4 How "i" we "esi&n an"
launc$ !$e +oya&er an" ,ioneer sa!elli!es in !$e seven!ies4 Is i! %ossible !$a! -opular 'cience is smar!
enou&$ !o know $ow !o %lan manne" missions !o Mars bu! !$e :/ &overnmen! can0! !$ink o any way45
3'ecrets. More secre!s85 (le!c$er !$ou&$! <ornelius wan!e" !o con!inue !alkin&# T$ere was
silence or a ew momen!s# 37ou know !$e answers- "on0! you45
3Bne $an" "oesn0! know w$a! !$e o!$er0s "oin& w$ere I work-5 <ornelius sai"# 3I can !ell you
!$a! i! makes no sense !o me8 Thousands o rocke!s wi!$ nuclear war$ea"s# T$e <$evy Bi& Block0s been
use" or "eca"es8 2o you !$ink we really $ave !o re"esi&n rocke!s every !ime we wan! !o &o !o !$e 2oon4
?o8 T$e /a!urn rocke! can s!ill &e! !$e =ob "one8 ;e can &e! &uriosity- a rover !$e si.e o a %icku% !ruck-
!o lan" on Mars### bu! we can0! even mana&e a $uman "rive)by4 T$ere are men in !$e ou!er reac$es o our
a!mos%$ere ri&$! now8 T$e In!erna!ional /%ace /!a!ion always $as %eo%le u% !$ere8 ;e can0! &e! one o
!$ese &uys !o si! s!ill or si9 mon!$s !o !ravel !o !$e Re" ,lane!4 ;e "on0! $ave !o land =us! ye!8 ;$ere is
!$e ima&ina!ion we use" !o $ave485
37ou0re lookin0 a! i!85 Tom Mc1ay sai"# He ocuse" on (le!c$er an" Ma!!# 3I !$ink Mis!er /!uar!
is !ryin& !o say !$a! none o us really knows w$a!0s &oin& on wi!$ !$ese %laces# ;$y buil" !$is %lace- man
i!- !$en !ear i! "own4 'n" we both believe i!0s &oin& !o be secre!ly re%lace" somew$ere else#5
37ou men!ione" !$e banks-5 Ma!! su&&es!e"# 3T$ey0re !$e reason- ri&$!4 T$ey $ave us $os!a&e8
T$ey %ay or !$e %oli!icians runnin& or oice# In re!urn !$e %oli!icians intentionally run "eici! bu"&e!s !o
ill !$e %ocke!s o !$e %eo%le w$o inance" !$eir cam%ai&ns# ;e are s!ill smar!- ri&$!4 I!0s =us! no! all o us#
' ew bol" %eo%le c$ose !o &o !o !$e Moon in !$e si9!ies# To"ay4 I!0s s!ill a ew %eo%le "oin& &enius
!$in&s### bu! !$e &enius !$in&s en!ail worl" "omina!ion8 Bur %ocke!s are all em%!y85
3Is !$is a s%eec$ abou! !$e 6one %ercen!04 I0ve $a" enou&$ o !$a!85 (le!c$er sai"# 3I mean- I
really wan! !o $el% every livin& %erson- bu! !$a! Occupy s!u became a !ar %i! or a lo! o %eo%le85
3;e can "iscuss !$is un!il !$e cows come $ome- &uys85 T$un"er %oun"e" a&ain ou!si"e# Tom
con!inue"- 3;e nee" !o &e! !o work $ere8 Ae!0s %ull !$e res! o !$ese %i%es ou! !o"ay8 'n" (le!c$4 Maybe
i!0s no! !$e bes! i"ea !o leave your camera on a !ri%o" ou! !$ere# Rain0s s!ar!in& !o %our "own# ;e "on0!
nee" !$e !ime)la%se !oo ba"ly# Ae!0s &e! !$is !$in& "one85
3I! was an $onor mee!in& you &en!lemen85 <ornelius /!uar! %a!!e" (le!c$ an" Ma!! on !$eir backs#
3I will be runnin&# My work $ere is "one# I =us! wan!e" !o make sure every!$in& was in or"er#5 ;i!$ !$a!-
<ornelius o%ene" !$e "oor an" s%rin!e" across !$e as%$al!# T$e !$ree remainin& &uys wa!c$e"# (le!c$er
coul"n0! ever remember seein& a &ray)$aire" man run so as!# (le!c$ s!uck aroun" or an $our-
%$o!o&ra%$e" some more- !$en !ook o or Aos 'n&eles#
T$e rumblin&s were sub!le a! irs!# T$e sky was clear# '& an" B& $el" $an"s in an un"er&roun"
cave# '& like" !o "ra& $is in&ers alon& !$e walls w$en rain !urne" !$e walls in!o workable clay# I! was
clear now- !ou&$- bu! !$e walls were !$e %erec! mois!ure rom "ays o $eavy s$owers# I !$e !$un"erous
noise woul"n0! $ave be&un somew$ere in !$e nor!$- '& mi&$!0ve wan!e" !o "raw s%irals- waves- circles-
cru"e animals- an" Og on!o !$e wall canvas aroun" $im# B& s*uee.e" '&0s $an" !$en s$e be&an !o climb
rocks !o e9i! !$e cave0s ceilin& en!rance# 2ark smoke rose in !$e "irec!ion o !$e c$illin& rumblin&s# B&
&run!e" or '& !o come alon& an"- w$en $e reac$e" !$e surace- !$e !wo be&an !o ollow !$e roarin&
soun"s#
,o%ular cul!ure became ascina!e" by %e!riie" bo"ies in ruins o ,om%eii# 'lmos! !wo millennia
%asse" since Moun! +esuvius eru%!e" an" ins!an!ly ossili.e" in$abi!an!s o !$e re&ion# (le!c$er Browne
oun" $imsel on !$e In"onesian islan" o /uma!ra# Aos 'n&eles was be$in" $im an" i!0" been a ew
weeks since $e was in In"iana# He looke" a! one o !$e more %eculiar !$in&s $e0" ever seen# He s!are" or
a $al minu!e because $is brain wasn0! re&is!erin& w$a! $e was seein&# ' "iscovery $a" been ma"e# He
was $ere !o s$are i! wi!$ !$e worl" via %$o!o&ra%$y#
/omew$ere in 'rica- +ivian /!ree!s was !akin& care o $er business# (le!c$er wasn0! sure w$a!
was &oin& on because $e $a"n0! s%oke wi!$ $er since s$e le!# "ow did / get here0 $e aske" $imsel# /,m
staring at what0 A hoa*0 &ould this be a hoa*0 +ivian0s a!$er was successul in !$e ar! worl"# +iv an"
(le!c$ ell in love in $i&$ sc$ool bu! !$ey wen! abou! lie as s!ron& in"ivi"uals# Marria&e4 T$ey !alke"
abou! i! a lo!# Money was no issue# +iv love" (le!c$ an" +iv0s a!$er love" $er# He %rovi"e" !$em enou&$
un"in& !o c$ase !$eir "reams# I"ealis!s# T$ey were youn& i"ealis!s an" +iv0s a!$er i&ure" !$a! some"ay
!$ey0" become %ra&ma!ic or !ire" enou&$ !o se!!le !o&e!$er# He woul" %ay or !$eir we""in&# (le!c$er
!$ou&$! abou! !$e e9%enses $e incurre"# He coul" see $imsel as a &rea! visual ar!is! some"ay# 'nsel
'"ams# He !$ou&$! abou! w$o $e coul" be# He curren!ly looke" a! some!$in& !$a! !u&&e" a! !$e "e%!$s o
$is min"# This is better than -ompeii- $e !$ou&$!# / mean# it,s only two people#
B& an" '& were makin& love w$en a loa" o soo! lan"e" on !$em# ?ow- !$eir uninis$e" coi!us
was bein& observe" by (le!c$er# This is sooooo romantic: He inally sna%%e" ou! o $is !rance# He be&an
!o !ake %ic!ures# He brou&$! !$e ,olaroi" camera w$ic$ $e $a" use" or !$e 3+ivian %$o!o5>!$e
ca%!iva!in& one $e0" s$own Ma!! /!ubbs a! Beec$ @rove# I! was an an!i*ue camera an" i! was $is first
camera# '!er sna%%in& some ?ikon %ics- $e !ook !$ree ,olaroi" s$o!s# He "i"n0! use !$e ol" !$in& muc$#
He wasn0! sure !$ere was a way $e coul" buy re%lacemen! ilm any more# I! was a &i! rom $is %aren!s
an"- beore elec!ronic cameras re%lace" mos! o !$e ilm cameras- $e bou&$! many "is%osable las$ bulbs
an" ins!an! ilm car!ri"&es# He "i"n0! like !o use i! or "reary !$in&s like !$e "ea!$ s!a!ion back in 'merica#
He !ook $is ,olaroi"s w$en $e wan!e" some!$in& ins!an! in $is $an"# T$e ?ikon was nice# I! was a !$ir!y)
ive millime!er 72<A# T$e obvious a"van!a&e i! $a" over !$e ,olaroi" or camera %$one was i!0s abili!y !o
con!ras! "e%!$# (le!c$ like" !o ocus on ob=ec!s a&ains! blurre" back&roun"s# He like" i! or eec!- bu! i!
also mean! !$a! $e $a" !o wai! un!il $is work was "evelo%e" insi"e a "ark room# T$ese love birds- !$ou&$#
He wan!e" !$e %ic!ure in $is $an" now# He sna%%e" !$e ,olaroi"s !$en wave" !$em in !$e air# T$ere was
some!$in& $e oun" humane abou! usin& an!i*ue e*ui%men! now an" !$en# I! seeme" !o connec! $im !o a
"ieren! !ime w$en %eo%le seeme" !o care more abou! !$e work !$ey involve" !$emselves in# I! was a
mnemonic "evice as muc$ as i! was a %rac!ical mac$ine#
(le!c$er &o! "own on $is belly# He wan!e" !o see !$e e*tent o !$e love)makin&# ' &rou% o ei&$!
%eo%le surroun"e" $im# He was a !iny bi! embarrasse" by w$a! $e was !ryin& !o see# In some ways- $e
i&ure" !$a! s$arin& a lis! o $is avori!e so! %orn licks wi!$ !$e &rou% mi&$! eel similar# T$ere was
some!$in& $e $a" !o know- !$ou&$# ;ere !$ey =us! $ol"in& one ano!$er in ear4 2i" '& =um% on B& !o
protect her4 Br4 Or4 7es### Booooor4 ;as !$is cou%le !$e e*uivalen! o /uma!ra0s 3omeo and =uliet4
2i" !$ey "eci"e !o 3&e! busy5 w$en !$ey believe" !$eir lives were en"in&4 (le!c$er %eere" be!ween !$eir
bellies# His bes! &uess was !$a! i! was in!en!ional se9# And4 He $o%e" !$is wasn0! a $oa9 because i!
seeme" !oo &oo" !o be !rue# How $ar" coul" i! be "o "u%lica!e !$e ro.en remains !$a! +esuvius %ro"uce"4
/cien!is!s woul" know# ' small sam%le woul" be !aken by one o !$e ei&$! %eo%le $e0" come wi!$#
&arbon dating# (our $un"re" years a&o- Moun! /inabun& belc$e" $eavily in!o !$e sky# T$is coul" very
well be a roman!ic version o w$a! was oun" in !$e I!alian ruins# (le!c$er was &la" !o be !$ere# He s!ar!e"
!o !$ink $eavily o +ivian# T$e %e!riie" cou%le in ron! o $im o%ene" $is min" !o %ro%osin& marria&e# He
looke" orwar" !o seein& $er a&ain# 's a!e woul" $ave i!- s$e woul" call $im !$e ollowin& "ay# T$ey
ren"e.vouse" a! !$e 's!on ;aikiki Beac$ Ho!el in Hawaii !$e ollowin& week#
3I! was like !$ere was a sli! a! !$e !o% o my $ea"- +iv### an" someone inser!e" a +iew Mas!er sli"e
in!o my brain8 I coul"n0! s$ake !$e ima&e85 T$ere was an e9cellen! view o slammin& waves !$rou&$ !$e
win"ow# '!er &e!!in& some o !$e issues o $is c$es!- (le!c$er %lanne" !o $i! !$e san" wi!$ +ivian#
/norkelin& woul" be in !$e works by !$e a!ernoon# 3T$is heinous ace8 /$e looke" like a $en8 I mean-
$er nose was all man&le" an" i! looke" more like a beak85
37ou "i" no "ru&s- ri&$!45 +ivian sa! on !$e be" wi!$ (le!c$er# Her !ri% !o Mali woul" be
"iscusse" la!er# Ri&$! now- (le!c$ was !ryin& !o s%ill $is &u!s abou! some!$in&# 37ou !$ou&$! you were
$avin& !ele%a!$ic communica!ion wi!$ a %erson you barely knew45
37ou were !$ere8 I "i"n0! !ell you abou! !$ese cra.y %erce%!ions 6cause I !$ou&$! I was &oin&
cra.y8 'ummer of ninety$eight# ' year a!er we &ra"ua!e" $i&$ sc$ool# ;e0re in +acha>uero an" !$a!0s
w$ere I !ake this#5 (le!c$ $an"e" !$e ,olaroi" o +ivian $e0" been carryin& aroun" or more !$an a "eca"e#
3Aea"in& u% !o our vaca!ion in +ene.uela- !$ere were weir" !$in&s &oin& on in my amily# Bne o my
cousins be&an !o sell 6medical supplies08 ;$a! me"ical su%%lies48 I s!ill "on0! know8 I !$ink i! was a
eu%$emism or "ru&s>maybe cocaine# T$ey always sai" i! wi!$ a s!ran&e em%$asis# 2edical supplies#
'n" we0re &oin& !o /ou!$ 'merica# I !$ou&$! i! was co"e or some!$in&#5
3Aike %ick 6em u% a kilo w$ile we were "own !$ere45 +ivian coul"n0! !ake $er eyes o !$e %$o!o
o $ersel# 3I !$ink I look cute $ere85
3Aike w$en you wa!c$ !$ose movies an" !$e slu!!y)lookin& !ram% walks u% !o a %rimo ri"e on
Hollywoo" Boulevar"# 67ou wan! !o $ave a &oo" !ime40 s$e asks- bu! s$e0s no! !alkin& abou! 2isneylan"8
I! was like !$a! lea"in& u% !o our !ri%85
3/o you !$ink you0re &oin& cra.y- all !$ese innuen"oes are &oin& aroun"### an" w$a!45 +ivian
$an"e" !$e %ic!ure back# 3I wan! a co%y o !$a!# <an ya0 "o i!4 -lease45
Bu!si"e- !$e waves rolle" in an" ou!# (le!c$er wan!e" !o &ive u% on !$e conversa!ion an" $i! !$e
beac$ bu! !$is !alk was also im%or!an!# 3T$ere were voices in my $ea" !$a! el! foreign !o me# T$a!- by
i!sel- wasn0! a bi& "eal### an" I remember !ellin& you abou! i!# I looke" in!o !$e !rees- !$ou&$# T$ere wasn0!
muc$ o a bree.e# I talked !o !$e %ines be$in" you>!$e %ines rom this picture# I remember won"erin& i
someone $a" s%ike" my "rink# I was in a "a.e### bu! I aske" !$e !rees- Will you dance a little4 T$ey
swaye"# I remember !$a! muc$# ?o! muc$ o a bree.e- an" i! felt like I was con!rollin& !$e !rees be$in"
you wi!$ some kin" o 6life cooperation0 o sor!s85
37ea$- I &e! !$a!#5 +ivian smile"# 3I believe !$a! %ic!ure was !aken on our way !o MEri"a# I
remember w$en we inally &o! !$ere- !$e busses woul"n0! s!o% or us- or some reason# I remember !$a!
w$en !$ey inally %icke" us u%- !$ey woul"n0! le! us o w$en we yelle" 6%ara"a0>the word you,re
supposed to say# I remember &e!!in& %icke" u% in a van### an" !$e "river s!ar!e" "rivin& o%%osi!e o w$ere
we aske" !o &o# T$ose were un !imes- ac!ually# '"ven!ure like I "on0! $ave anymore# T$ere was Mali !$is
%as! mon!$### but / was alone and we,re getting old#5
3I woul"n0! brin& !$is u%### bu! I was in /uma!ra### and it happened again8 I know i!0s more !$an
coo%era!ion be!ween me an" ano!$er lie orm like a bus$ or !ree# Insi"e !$e $o!el- I looke" a! a !owel
"ra%e" over a lam%s$a"e# I! was !$ere !o "ry- bu! I s!ar!e" &e!!in& !$is s!ran&e eelin& o bein& watched# I
!$ou&$! abou! !$ose !rees# I was lookin& a! your %ic!ure# I aske" !$e towel !o move8 I! "i"8 /ub!ly- bu! i!
"i"8 I !$ou&$! all !$is !ime !$a! !$e voices I $ear" in +ene.uela were rom a s%ike" "rink or some!$in&#
Aike I sai"- lea"in& u% !o !$a! !ri%- %eo%le joked openly abou! us $ea"in& over !o <olumbia !o smu&&le
coke# I =us! i&ure" !$a! maybe somebo"y s%ike" my "rink an" i! was a %ure $allucina!ion85
3T$e !owel4 7ou0re sure i! was movin& an" !$e win"ows weren0! allowin& a "ra! insi"e45
+ivian0s eyes %eere" ou! !$e win"ow# /$e was a"mirin& !$e same cras$in& waves as (le!c$# 37ou !$ink
T? was !$e answer45
37es8 'n" i a towel can move !o my !$ou&$!s- !$en maybe i! wasn0! a $allucina!ion w$en we
were !o&e!$er in /ou!$ 'merica8 Maybe>just maybe>!$is %ara%syc$olo&y is no! so o base8 7ou sai"
you were %aranoi" abou! 6aura +ush $avin& %syc$ics s%y on you !$rou&$ our walls8 3ight45
3Ae!0s &o swim85 +ivian &o! u% an" %ulle" (le!c$ wi!$ $er# 3I believe you believe w$a! you saw#
I know w$a! I !$ou&$!# I0m in "enial- a bi!- mos!ly 6cause i! soun"s so s!u%i"8 ;$a! woul" !$e ormer (irs!
Aa"y wan! wi!$ my !$ou&$!s4 'tupid- ri&$!45
3;e0ll swim### an" I $o%e !$is %asses8 I swear !$ere were no "ru&s involve" in /uma!ra- !$ou&$#
<oul" I $ave $a" s%ike" "rink !$ere as well4 I mean- is i! a !$in& orei&n coun!ries "o45 His $an" was
$ol"in& +iv0s as !$ey ma"e !$eir way !o !$e san"# 3I0ll s$ake !$is ou!8 T$ank you or lis!enin& wi!$ou!
=u"&in&# I "on0! know w$y !$is bi.arre s!u &oes !$rou&$ my $ea"85
3B$8 Aook8 I0m !o!ally con!rollin& w$ere !$a! bir" is lyin&85 +ivian lau&$e"#
3Joker8 I like w$en you !ease- !$ou&$#5 ;i!$in a minu!e- bo!$ o !$em were in !$e wa!er# T$e
waves were more !$an !en ee! $i&$ bu! (le!c$er $a" no in!eres! in bo"y surin&# /,m not sure / could
handle that right now- $e !$ou&$!# +ivian s%las$e" $im# He smile" an" aske"- 32o you know w$a!
$a%%ene" on ?ovember 22- 1FG345
3=7?# blown away85 +ivian re%lie"# 3I know my $is!ory an" I know my rock 6n0 roll85 ;$y "o
you ask4 2o you know w$a! $a%%ene" on 2ecember C- 1FD145
3,earl Harbor# T$e answer !o your *ues!ion is -earl "arbor# Bu! you- my "eares!### are only half
ri&$! abou! my *ues!ion85 (le!c$er s%las$e" +ivian back# He was $a%%y# He !ackle" $er an" $el" $er as
waves rolle" by !$em an" re!rea!e"# 3/omew$ere $ere in Hawaii- (illigan,s /sland was wra%%in& on i!s
%ilo! e%iso"e8 T$e irs! ull season was ilme" in black an" w$i!e an" was mos!ly ilme" aroun" /!u"io
<i!y in <aliornia8 Bu! !$e pilot was ilme" on loca!ion here8 J(1- blown away8 ;$a! else "o I $ave !o
say45
3I like i!85 +ivian broke (le!c$er0s loose $ol" an" s!oo" u%# ;a!er was almos! knee)"ee%# 3I
$ave some!$in& else !o !$ink abou! w$en I $ear abou! !$e assassina!ion# (illigan,s /sland- $u$4 Maybe
!$ey were in on i!- $u$4 T$e %ilo! was an alibi- o course85
37es8 7es- yes- yes85 (le!c$er was more !$an $a%%y# Ecstatic# 37es8 I! all makes sense now85
He res!e" below +ivian# /al! wa!er !as!e" &oo"# He was in no $urry !o &e! u%#
32akes sense45 +ivian looke" "own on (le!c$er# T$e /un was $i&$ in !$e sky# (le!c$er coul"
barely make ou! $er e9%ression because $e was bein& blin"e"# /$e almos! looke" like s$e $a" a halo over
$er $ea"# 32on0! $umor me- 7letcher85
3Humor45 He s$iel"e" $is eyes# 3"umor4 ' mon!$ a&o- I was in Beec$ @rove- In"iana a! a
concentration camp8 ;T(- ri&$!4 'n" you0re w$ere4 In 2ali because everyone0s s$oo!in& a! everyone
else everyw$ere85 He !$ou&$! abou! i! an" $o%e" $e "i"n0! come across as an&ry# 3Makes sense4 I "on0!
know# I!0s =us! !$a! !$e worl"0s so screwed u% all over !$e %lace### an" !$e only !$in&s !$a! make sense
anymore are !$in&s !$a!0re !oo weir" !o con!em%la!e#5
3I know#5 +ivian wen! back "own !o $er knees# 3I!0s weir" ou! !$ere#5
3Weird845 (le!c$er reac$e" or +iv0s $air a! $er collarbone# He !oye" wi!$ i! be!ween $is !$umb
an" orein&er or a cou%le o secon"s# 3This moment8 I!0s momen!s like !$is !$a! I wis$ woul" never en"#
There,s nothing weird about it#5
3;e %ull our wei&$! an" !$e balance o our lives main!ains i!sel#5 +ivian became sa"# 4ou,re
suicidal- s$e !$ou&$!# I! was uncomor!able !o $ave in $er $ea"# /$e s$ook !$e !$ou&$!# 'uicidal0 1o.
Why would / think he,s suicidal0
3I can0! $an"le &oin& back in!o !$e real worl" $al !$e !ime- +iv# I!0s like $o! wa!er in a s%a# I!
sucks# I! really sucks- an" !$en you0re in !$e !$in& an" i!0s okay# 7ou &e! use" !o i!- you know45 (le!c$er
was sa!isie" wi!$ $is %lace in lie a! !$e momen! an" "i"n0! reali.e !$a! +ivian $a" a sinkin& eelin&#
3;e can con*uer !$e worl"# I know we can# T$ere0s only so muc$ we can "o !o c$an&e !$in&s###
bu! sooner or la!er- we0ve &o!!a "o !$is more o!en# ;e can0! care abou! every s!arvin& c$il"### or every s$o!
%oli!ical %risoner8 ;e can0! "o everything#5 /$e el! be!!er bu! s$e believe" s$e was s!a!in& !$e obvious#
;$y clariy suc$ an obvious !$in&4
3I "on0! wan! !o s!o%- +iv8 I can "o !$is 6!il I0m si9!y)ive### bu! I nee" momen!s wi!$ you away
rom all !$e lunacy# I! ills my !ank- you know45 'll o a su""en- (le!c$er el! a!i&ue"# He wan!e" !o !ake
an a!ernoon na%# 3<an you ollow me or !$e ne9! year or so4 ;e0ll knock ou! all o !$e main issues we
"iscusse" in $i&$ sc$ool8 I nee" !o &e! !o Ban&la"es$# I "on0! know w$y#5
3' callin& a&ain4 I $a!e w$en you &e! !$ese eelin&s !$a! $ave no s!ron& ra!ionale wi!$#5 /$e &o!
u% an" $el%e" %ull (le!c$er !o $is ee!# 3I can &o wi!$ you !o Ban&la"es$# I wan! !o se!!le in a cou%le o
years# 're you wi!$ me45
3I can0! !ell you w$a! I0m &oin& !o be !$inkin& in a cou%le o years### bu!### i!0s s!ar!in& !o wear on
me# I wan! !o "o i! less o!en# I can "o !$is 6!il I0m si9!y)ive bu! maybe slow !o one or !wo !$in&s every
year#5 (le!c$er %u! $is arm aroun" +iv as !$ey walke" over !$e san" !o !$eir $o!el# 32o you ever eel &uil!y
or rewar"in& ourselves wi!$ !$ese kin"s o !ri%s45
3'!er Ban&la"es$- I $ave !$e perfect %lace or us !o &o85 /$e smile"# 3+ra%il8 ;e can !ake care
o rainores! issues a! !$e same !ime i!0ll eel like a s!ellar vaca!ion# T$e ;orl" <u% an" Blym%ics are
a$ea"8 I !$ink i!0s &onna be &rea!85
(le!c$er wan!e" !o &e! back !o !$eir room an" make love# More !$an !$a!- $e wan!e" !o slee% or a
ew $ours# Maybe !$ey coul" cu! ou! !$e snorkelin& an" &o s!rai&$! !o a luau# +iv was a bi! an!sy# 's soon
as !$ey en!ere" !$eir room- (le!c$er %lo%%e" $imsel ace)"own on !$eir be" an" conke" ou!# +ivian wen!
back ou!si"e an" !ook a s!roll u% 1a%a$ula 'venue an" se!!le" on a benc$ w$en s$e reac$e" <rane ,ark#
/$e became sullen an" coul"n0! s$ake $er emo!ions# ;$ile on !$e beac$- s$e be&an !o !$ink !$a! (le!c$er
was suici"al or some reason# There,s a difference between a thrill$seeker and being suicidal. "e,s always
liked adventure- s$e !$ou&$!# / don,t know where these ideas are coming from# /norkelin& woul" $ave
been nice# /ur%risin&ly- +ivian believe" s$e was be!!er o s%en"in& !ime !o $ersel# /$e wasn0! sure s$e
coul" $ol" over un!il !$e "inner so s$e or"ere" a <aliornia roll a! @enki /us$i w$ile on $er way back#
;$en s$e reac$e" !$e $o!el- (le!c$ was snorin& lou"ly# /$e wai!e" a $al $our beore wakin& $im# 3I!0s
time- (le!c$er8 Remember45
34es8 Roas!e" kalua %i&# <$icken bake" in coconu! milk# 4ummy85 He was &ro&&y- rubbe" $is
eyes !$en kisse" +ivian on !$e c$eek# 3I $ave yuck brea!$# /orry#5
3Take a s$ower# ;e can be !$ere early i you0re *uick#5 +ivian sa! on !$e be" !$en s!re!c$e"# 3I
you "on0! $urry- I0ll &o !o slee% an" won0! be able !o &e! u%#5
37ea$# @o! i!#5 (le!c$er s$owere" an" $is bloo" s!ar!e" %um%in& as !$ey le!# 3T$is is !oo &oo"85
$e sai" w$en !$ey reac$e" !$e eas!# T$e /un $a" =us! sunk below !$e $ori.on# ' ierce woo"en sol"ier
&ree!e" !$em# 3I love $ow !$eir e9%ressions are e9a&&era!e"-5 $e observe"# Beore lon&- !$ey were
wa!c$in& $ulu "ancers an" ire $an"lers# T$ey a!e lomi salmon# 3I miss !$e con!inen!al :ni!e" /!a!es#
;$a!0s wrong wi!$ me45
3Homesick4 ;ow85 +ivian a!e rom a s$is$ kabob# 37ou0ll miss !$is %lace w$en you0re back
over !$ere# Trust me85
3I wan! !o know w$a!0s in !$ose caves ou! !$ere8 Remember !$e Bra"y Bunc$4 I wan! !o see !$e
caves w$ere !$ey re!urne" a curse" i"ol#5
3@illi&an0s Islan"### now !$is45 +iv lau&$e"# 37ou0re no! serious- are you45
3I we in" ou! i!0s anyw$ere near- I !$ink i!0" be nea!#5 (le!c$er coul" $ear waves break# 37ou0re
no! ma" !$a! we ski%%e" snorkelin&- are you45
3?o# I !ook a nice walk#5 /$e &rabbe" a! !$e lei aroun" $er neck# 33eal flowers#5
37ea$# T$is w$ole !$in&0s &rea!85 (le!c$er0s min" s$i!e"# 3I wan! !o !alk abou! Evergreen
&ollege### an" some o !$e !$in&s we were "iscussin& earlier#5
3The T?4 T$a! s!u45 +ivian a"mire" a %erormer blowin& ire rom $is mou!$# 3?ow45
3My mo!$er !ol" me abou! 6re" bai!in&0 lon&- lon& a&o# 2c&arthyism# Re" scare# T$a! w$ole
!$in&### an" black listing# I remember eelin& normal beore I me! you# I0m &ra!eul I &e! !o "o w$a! I "o
an" &o w$ere I &o bu!### 7ou "i"n0! =oin me a! Ever&reen a!er $i&$ sc$ool &ra"ua!ion#5
3My "a" "i"n0! wan! me !o# He0s a s!ron& believer in learnin& !$rou&$ e9%erience### bu! in a
"ieren! way !$an your "a"#5 T$e ire s$ow was en"in&# +ivian el! a li!!le uncomor!able !alkin& abou!
any!$in& %ersonal in ron! o o!$er cou%les# 3;$a!0s u%45
3I0m !ryin& !o i&ure !$is ou!- s!ill# I wen! !o !$a! sc$ool lookin& or answers# I! $a" a re%u!a!ion
or bein& an e9cellen! %lace or ar!is!s an" liberals in &eneral# I remember smokin& %o! wi!$ a classma!e a!
$is $ouse near !$e sc$ool# 6ed )eppelin# ;e were lis!enin& !o Ae" He%%elin an" I was !ryin& !o &e! a clue#
T$ese &uys8 T$ey0re white trash- ri&$!4 I mean- you !ake a look a! 6em8 T$eir music is &rea! !$ou&$# I
love !$eir music an" I was won"erin&- 6What gives40 I el! like a s*uare w$en I a%%lie" !$ere bu! I wan!e"
!o be acce%!e" by your a!$er# I i&ure" I coul" be an ar!is! like $im### an" $e0ll like me more#5
3I! $el%e"#5 +ivian0s eyes were "is!an!# 3White trash45
3I mean by !$e looks# I! was a reverse snob sys!em a! !$a! sc$ool# I mean- i you wore a s$ir! an"
!ie- !$ey ma"e un o you8 I! was an inver!e" business sys!em#5 ' man be&an !o %lay a ukulele# 3T$e
be&innin& was soooo nice# I never el! so $i%#5 -lay your heart out# .on "o8 (le!c$ !$ou&$!# He was
en=oyin& !$e sin&in&# He "rank Me$an +olcano Re" 'le# 3Bu! !$e uckin0 weir"es! !$in& $a%%ene"- +iv85
37uckin,4 I "on0! $ear you swear o!en#5 +ivian leane" over an" kisse" $im# /$e was s!ar!in& !o
eel a bu.. an" was !$rille" wi!$ !$e music#
3I!0s !$e li*uor# Bu! I &o! 6w$i!e !ras$ bai!e"08 I0m %re!!y sure o i!8 T$ese &uys8 I mean- !$ey
woul" lau&$ a! you i you looke" like an urban %roessional w$ile %resen!in& your "is%lay in a &allery# 7ou
$a" !o look like you $a"n0! was$e" your clo!$es in ive mon!$s# 7our $air $a" !o be lon&# 7ou $a" !o smell
like weed8 T$en- w$en i!0s all over- !$ey !rea! you like some kin" o lowlie8 I coul"n0! believe i!85
37ou $a" a ba" e9%erience wi!$ ba" %eo%le-5 +ivian sai"# 3T$a!0s %ar! o !$e learnin& %rocess-
ac!ually# 7ou $ave !o learn w$a! you0re not#5
3I won"ere" i you were ma" a! me- !$ou&$# I a&ree !$a! we $a" a be!!er !ime a!er I walke" away
rom Ever&reen# 6ife e*perience# Hea"in& !o +ene.uela was killer# /ome!imes I !$ink I s$oul" $ave a
"e&ree or w$a! I0m "oin& now bu! I also eel aimless#5
3;e can0! all be @an"$i# /ome o us are &onna believe we0re less im%or!an! co&s in !$is mac$ine
calle" life# ;e0re "oin& okay# ;e s$oul"n0! be $ar" on ourselves#5
3I &uess I nee" !o $ear i! rom you# I s!ar!e" !$inkin& abou! life since !$ose !imes- !$ou&$# I rea"
some!$in& online calle" !$e 61ew =im &row0. T$e i"ea &oes !$a! blacks an" o!$er minori!ies &e! a raw "eal
in "ru& cases an" are s!i&ma!i.e" by a $orse cra% sys!em# In our =unior year- we wa!c$e" White 2an,s
+urden an" I remember !$inkin& $ow ou!ra&eous !$e %lo! seeme"# Bne "ay- minori!ies woul" be runnin&
!$e s$ow an" w$i!es woul" be !$eir servan!s# T$a!0s &alifornia !o"ay8 ;e0ve live" !o see !$is lu"icrous
an" une9%ec!e" inversion o %ower8 T$e 6?ew Jim <row0 a%%lies !o w$i!es- now85
3I $a!e !alkin& abou! race issues#5 +ivian was ac!ually &e!!in& $orny# /$e wore a &rass skir! an"
!$a! %lease" $er# T$ere were mean "runks in !$e worl"# T$ere were $a%%y "runks# +iv el! more se*y !$e
more s$e "rank#
3Here I am wi!$ blue eyes an" $air !o my s$oul"ers# I $ave acial $air### an" I won"er i I0" $ave a
=ob i i! weren0! or your a!$er#5 (le!c$er kisse" +ivian# T$e Moon was ull an" almos! "irec!ly over$ea"#
37our eyes look sooooo nice#5
3<an we !alk abou! !$ese !$in&s la!er4 I woul" really like !o !ry some $ulu "ancin&85 /$e !ook
(le!c$er by !$e $an" an" !$ey "ance" or !$e ne9! cou%le o $ours# T$e ollowin& "ay- !$ey cau&$! a li&$!
!o Aos 'n&eles# T$ey ma"e !ime !o visi! -irate,s &ove in ?ew%or! because !$ey0" been "iscussin&
@illi&an0s Islan"# '!er some s$o%%in&- !$ey %asse" by !$e /$oreline 7ac$! <lub# By early a!ernoon- !$ey
"rove alon& Bran&e 'venue an" oun" !$emselves in <os!a Mesa# (le!c$er s!ill el! worn ou! an" wan!e" !o
no" o in !$e %assen&er0s sea!# +ivian $un& a le! a! 'lber! ,lace# 3;$ere are we &oin&45 (le!c$ aske"#
3/ur%rise85 +ivian el! a sense o ver!i&o# 3'n ol" %al rom our %as! is mee!in& us a! 2otel @#5
T$eir 'l!ima !urne" in!o !$e %arkin& lo!#
3'urprise4 I $o%e i!0s &oo"85 (le!c$er rubbe" $is eyes#
3Room 213# I $o%e $e0s $ere#5 T$e cou%le e9i!e" !$e car an" walke" u% !$e s!airs# 38ene%uela#
T$a!0s your $in!#5
3<oul" i! be your sis!er4 ?o# ;ai!# 7ou sai" 6$e0- ri&$!45 (le!c$er looke" "own a! !$e %ool# He
el! like swimmin& all o a su""en#
+ivian knocke" a! !$e "oor# Thump# thump# thump$thump$thump# /$e wai!e"# T$e "oor o%ene"#
3"ey85 T$e &uy a! !$e "oor sai"# 3Hey8 I $aven0! seen you in###5
3Eddie85 (le!c$er sai"# 3+ene.uela- ABBC8 ;$a!0re you "oin& $ere4 ;$a!0s &oin& on45 (le!c$er
sla%%e" $an"s an" embrace" !$is &uy in ron! o $im# 3Is !$a! +udweiser I smell45
E""ie $an"e" (le!c$er a beer# 3I knew you0" wan! one85 He $u&&e" +ivian# 3're you in !$e
moo" or one45 He $ea"e" !o !$e res!room# ' !welve)%ack o beer sa! in !$e sink surroun"e" by ice# He
&rabbe" !wo col" brews an" $ea" back#
3Eddie &allypso8 I0ve always love" your name85 +ivian acce%!e" $er beer#
3;$a!0s !$e si!ua!ion45 E""ie aske"# 3'!er all !$ese years- I was s!ar!le" !o $ear rom you#5
3(le!c$er0s paranoid-5 +iv e9%laine"# 37ou0ve &one !$rou&$ !$is worse#5
3-aranoia45 E""ie aske"# 36=ust because your paranoid don,t mean they,re not after you###0
Remember !$a! ?irvana lyric45
+ivian !urne" !owar" (le!c$er# 3He $as i! !oo# T$a! !$in& w$ere $e eels like $e0s bein& wa!c$e"###
an" !ellin& %lan!s !o move### an" !alkin& !o re%or!ers "urin& live news### an" no!icin& res%onses rom !$em
!$a! seem si&niican!#5 +iv c$u&&e" $al !$e beer s$e0" been &iven# 3He says we0ll no!ice bein& ollowe"
i we &o !o lunc$ wi!$ $im# I!0s like### people know who he is but they won,t say his name#5
37ou $ave a $un"re" !$ousan" 7ouTube views- E""ie85 (le!c$er looke" aroun" !$e 2otel @ room#
I! was lackin& com%are" !o !$e %lace $a" !$ey s!aye" in Hawaii bu! i! el! *uain! or some s!ran&e reason#
3Maybe %eo%le do know w$o you are85
37ea$#5 E""ie o%ene" u% !$e "oor# 3T$ere0s a wor" calle" 6%ro%ensi!y0# I!0s use" by s!a!is!icians#
I you li% a coin a $un"re" !imes- !$ere0s a propensity or !$ere !o be rou&$ly $al $ea"s- rou&$ly $al !ails#
B course- i!0s rarely a "irec! i!y)i!y s%li!### bu! i !$ere were ei&$!y $ea"s an" !wen!y !ails- well### that
would be an anomaly# I &e! ollowe" %laces# By cars- by %eo%le# I0ll be in a marke! an" uckers will s!o%
"irec!ly in ron! o me %re!en"in& !$a! I0m no! !$ere#5
3'n" !$is is all4 ,robably no!- ri&$!4 I wan! !o $ear abou! !$e more %eculiar !$in&s# T$e
$elico%!ers !$a! ollow you w$en !ravelin& !o !$e "eser!# I wan! !o $ear abou! !$a!# I "on0! &e! i! is all# I!0s
$a%%enin& !o me on some level### bu! I "on0! &e! i!#5
3Ae!0s roll-5 E""ie sai"# 3Try !o no!ice !$in&s or %eo%le in !$e "is!ance# Try !o no!ice a propensity
o %eo%le or cars closin& in on us# I0m no! a celebri!y### bu! I0m &uessin& !$is is w$a! i! eels like !o be
sco%e" by %a%s# I0m no criminal# I0m &uessin& fugitives eel like !$is# I "on0! &e! i!- ei!$er#5
+ivian0s beer was "one# 3I0m rea"y85
T$e -ig,s Ear wasn0! ar# +ivian "rove# I !$ey weren0! in !$e mi""le o a social e9%erimen!- !$ey
mi&$!0ve s!o%%e" !$ere# Ins!ea"- !$ey $ea"e" u% ,<H !owar" Hun!in&!on# T$e %ier was on Main /!ree!# '
cou%le o blocks inlan" on ;alnu! was BJ0s Res!auran! an" Brew$ouse# T$a! was !$eir "es!ina!ion# E""ie
was in !$e back sea! o !$e car# 3Ae! me know i you s!ar! eelin& claus!ro%$obic# I!0s &oin& !o eel like
%eo%le wan! !o swarm our car like bees#5
3Or %ombies-5 (le!c$er sai"# He brou&$! a beer rom !$e mo!el# 37ea$# I eel something#50
3;$a! is i!45 +ivian aske"# 3;$a! is it4 I!0s like bein& on !$e se! o a movie wi!$ ba"ly)!raine"
e9!ras# T$ey wan! !o look a! us# I know !$ey "o85 ,arkin& was $eck# +ivian .i%%e" alon& ;alnu! !owar"
T$ir"# 32i" you do some!$in&- E""ie45
3I $ave el! like !$is since we were in +ene.uela# I won"ere" i !$e &overnmen! %u! us un"er
surveillance or some o"" reason# "ugo &have% was elec!e" w$en we were "own !$ere# I "on0! know#5 '
car0s reverse li&$!s came on# 3T$ere0s a &rea! s%o!85
+ivian0s %arallel %arkin& wasn0! !oo s$abby# T$e !$ree &o! ou! o !$e car# 3;$a!0re we su%%ose"
!o be lookin& or4 Is !$ere any co"e" lan&ua&e !o use45
3Have you seen !$ose movies w$ere s%ies are back)!o)back in an obscure li*uor s!ore bu! !$ey0re
s%eakin& !o eac$ o!$er w$ile lookin& a! %ro"uc!s in ron! o 6em4 <ameras or wi!nesses- ri&$!4 .iscrete
s!u# 7ou0ll $ear %eo%le commen! on your clothes### bu! !$ey0ll be lookin& a! !$eir ki"s# ,eo%le0ll ri&i"ly
c$an&e conversa!ion !o%ics w$en you0re near# They,ll talk about news they think you need to hear#
/ome!imes### !$ey0ll commen! on w$a! you &o !$rou&$ in lie# I you ran ou! o !oile! %a%er in your $ouse
an" no one $as any way !o know !$a!### !$ey0ll s%eak o i!#5
37ou do soun" %aranoi"- bu"-5 (le!c$er sai"# 3I I wasn0! e9%eriencin& a rac!ion o !$is- I0" say
you los! i!85
BJ0s was a &rea! %lace !o sam%le beers# Bn !$eir menu- !$ere was an o%!ion !o or"er seven s$o!s o
various im%or!s an" $i&$)en" brew# ;$en or"ere"- !$ese s$o!s sa! on a ma! in"ica!in& w$ic$ eac$ one was#
:sually- !$e s$o!s o beer woul" !i% %a!rons !owar" w$ic$ %i!c$er !o or"er# T$e res!auran! $a" an e9*uisi!e
%i..a selec!ion# +iv- (le!c$er an" E""ie or"ere" one wi!$ &rille" c$icken an" alre"o sauce# +ivian looke"
aroun"# ?o!$in& was really- really ou! o %lace# /!ill- s$e el! uneasy# 3Is !$ere some!$in& I0m su%%ose
!o###45
' wai!ress in!erru%!e" $er# 3Here0s your &arlic brea"#5
3T$ey won0! "o i! because !$ey know we0re wa!c$in& !$em back# I!0s no! only $ere in <aliornia
!$a! I &e! i!# I0ve $a" !$is $a%%en many %laces# <$ica&o- ?ew 7ork# 'n" !$e more %eo%le I0m wi!$- !$e
less i! $a%%ens>!$e less brash !$ey are# Bu! &ive i! i!een minu!es8 In any i!een minu!e %erio"- !$ey
break# T$ey always do# /ome!$in& reaky0s &onna $a%%en# 7ou0re &oin& !o say- 6What is this0 The
Twilight )one405
3I &e! i!-5 (le!c$er sai"# 3I!0s !$e in!erne!- some$ow- bu!###5
34ou don,t get it# do you45 +ivian aske"# /$e "rank a swee! s$o! o beer rom !$e selec!ion in
ron! o $er# 3T$is one8 Ae!0s &e! a %i!c$er o### ;$a! is !$is4 "efewei%en Wheat85 /$e la&&e" "own !$e
wai!ress# 3Heewei.en ;$ea! %i!c$er4 -lease#5
37es# B course#5
T$e wai!ress looke" like s$e $a" a lo! &oin& on# +ivian a"mire" $er &race wi!$ !$e %ace o $er
work# In $er le! $an"- s$e $el" a %la!e o s%a&$e!!i# In $er ri&$! $an"- s$e $el" a %i!c$er o wa!er an"
reille" cu%s $ere an" !$ere# 3;$a! am I su%%ose" !o be eelin&- E""ie45
3Aike I sai"- i!0s weir" aroun" me### bu! i!0s propensity# T$ere0s some!$in& calle" 6irony0 an" I
e9%erience i! *ui!e o!en# ;$en I !$ink !$e &rou% aroun" me0s &onna &o ba! cra%- !$ey ac! normal# 8ice
versa#5
3;$a! is !$is %$enomenon45 +ivian inis$e" !$e i!$ o $er seven beer s$o!s# 3I !$is is real-
why45
3I can0! i&ure i! ou!# I $ave !$is %ombie metaphor i"ea#5 E""ie barely inis$e" $is secon" beer
s$o!# I! was a "ark beer# He $a" been %reoccu%ie" wi!$ lookin& or unusual si&ns# 3T$ere are %eo%le like
you an" me### an" 7letcher# ;e0ve !ravele" !$e worl" bu! we0re no! celebri!ies# I eel like I $ave a !ar&e!
on my c$es!# I eel like %eo%le know# I! wasn0! like !$is beore in!erne! was everyw$ere# I el! normal as a
ki"#5
3;$a!0s !$e bi& "eal4 <an0! you &e! use" !o i!4 ;$y "o I eel normal an" you &uys "on0!45
+ivian like" !$e way !$e res!auran! smelle"# Ao!!a s%ices- some beer- an" &arlic brea"#
3I $ave !$is i"ea !$a! i!0s because you0re an a!!rac!ive &irl# I !$ink eyes $ave been on you your
w$ole lie# (is$ in wa!er# 2o !$ey know !$ey0re in wa!er i !$ey never come !o !$e surace or reac$ lan"45
(le!c$er0s observa!ion cau&$! E""ie0s a!!en!ion# 33ight45
37ea$# T$a! mi&$! be i!# I you ever el! normal>one of them>one o !$e many###5 Har"
lau&$!er was $ear" rom be$in" E""ie# 3This is what /,m talking about# 8ivian8 T$ey0ve been lis!enin&
!$is w$ole !ime85
3'hut up85 a mo!$er sai" !o $er %re)!een c$il"# 37ou can0! say !$a!85 /$e was !$e la"y w$o0" been
lau&$in& in !$e boo!$ be$in" +iv- (le!c$er an" E""ie#
3T$a!0s w$a! I0m talking abou!- +iv85 E""ie sai"# 3T$ey0re !ellin& us !o s$u! u%8>or me8>bu!
!$ey0re %re!en"in& !$ey0re !alkin& !o eac$ o!$er85
3T$is is no bi& "eal- Eddie85 +ivian reac$e" or !$e inal %iece o &arlic brea"# 3,eo%le do !$is8
7ou0re no! %aranoi"85 T$en s$e w$is%ere"- 3T$ey $ave manners8 T$a!0s all85
3;$y "o I believe !$ey ollow me $ome4 ;$o am I !$a! I s$oul" &e! !$eir a!!en!ion45 T$e
wai!ress walke" u% wi!$ !$eir %i!c$er o beer# E""ie !$anke" $er !$en ke%! on- 3T$ere are rickin0
helicopters over my $ea" in o"" %laces8 2i"n0! you say (le!c$er was &oin& !$rou&$ !$is4 T$ere are vans in
ron! o my $ouse a! !imes8 ;$en I !ake o- !$ey ollow me8 ;$a! !$e $eck45
3I "on0! !$ink i!0s all !$e same %eo%le-5 +ivian sai"# 3I wan! !o s%en" !ime wi!$ you an" (le!c$er
or a week# Maybe we can s%en" !ime in (risco# I wan! !o see more o !$is#5
3Thank you# +ivian-5 (le!c$er sai"# 37ou know w$en I s!ar!e" !o eel cra.y4 ;$en I !$ou&$! I
coul"n0! !alk abou! i!# T$en you brou&$! me !o E""ie w$o says $e0s &oin& !$rou&$ !$e same e9ac! !$in&#5
3?o %roblem# I !$ink you !wo nee" !o un"ers!an" !$a! !$ere0s a new 6normal0# ,eo%le kee%
!alkin& abou! i!# 7es- i!0s !$e smar! %$ones an" !$e in!erne!# Things won,t ever be the same# 'n" maybe
you $ave a %oin! abou! !$e 6is$ ou! o wa!er0 !$in&# I0ve always been a ocal %oin! w$erever I0ve &one#
My %aren!s4 ;$a!ever# I0ve $a" %eo%le aroun" me my w$ole lie#5
3I0m use" !o "oin& !$e wa!c$in&-5 (le!c$er sai"# 3I !$ink I0m !$e wa!c$e"- now#5
3/ame $ere-5 E""ie sai"# 3I "on0! know w$a! $a%%ene" besi"es &rowin& ol"#5
3Old4 ;e0re in our !$ir!ies8 <ome on85 +ivian lau&$e"# (le!c$er %oure" a mu& o Heewei.en
or $er- !$en %oure" some or $imsel an" E""ie# +ivian su&&es!e"- 3Maybe we s$oul" s!roll !o !$e en" o
!$e %ier a!er !$is# 7ace your fear- you know45
34eah#5 E""ie was almos! sarcas!ic# 37ea$# T$a!0s !$e way !o &o85 He wan!e" !o "o i!- bu! $e
s!ill el! like alien an!ennae %ro!ru"e" rom !$e !o% o $is $ea"# He coul"n0! s$ake !$e eelin& !$a! many-
many eyes were always on $im# 3I0" love !o see !$e ocean#5
3Be!ween me an" you- E""ie4 I !$ink !alkin& abou! !$is cra%%y eelin& is !$e only way i! &oes
away#5 (le!c$ slur%e" $is beer# I! !as!e" &oo"#
T$e !rio inis$e" !$eir lunc$ !$en s!ru!!e" !owar" !$e %ier# T$e walk was nice- !$e sky was clear-
an" many %eo%le $a" is$in& lines cas! in!o !$e sea# ;$en !$ey reac$e" 3uby,s .iner a! !$e ar en"- !$ey
were &la" !$ey alrea"y a!e# Masses o !ouris!s wai!e" or an $our ou!si"e =us! !o be sea!e"# ' cou%le o
"ays la!er- !$e !$ree ol" bu""ies were walkin& alon& ,ier 3F in /an (rancisco# Aie "i"n0! eel com%le!ely
abnormal# T$ey la!er oun" !$emselves in a 2otel @ near Ai!!le /ai&on# Bnce a&ain- !$ey "rank !welve)
ounce Bu"weisers rom c$ille" bo!!les# 3My lie is a one)ei&$!y since we me! u% in +ene.uela-5 E""ie sai"#
3I0ve been institutionali%ed# I0ve s%oken wi!$ %resi"en!ial /ecre! /ervice a ew !imes# I0ve been !$rown in
men!al $eal!$# I0ve &one !o jail# I swear### I $aven0! "one any!$in& wron&#5
3Witch hunt45 (le!c$er aske"# 3I you0" !ol" me !$ese !$in&s ive years a&o- I woul"0ve labelle"
you as cra.y# Aas! mon!$4 I was in In"iana !akin& %ic!ures o a concen!ra!ion cam%#5
3/ome loony %ara%syc$olo&y s!u"en!s !ol" me !$a! Aaura Bus$ s%ies on me !$rou&$ !ele%a!$y-5
+ivian con!ribu!e"# /$e el! "umb bu! s$e wan!e" !$e &uys !o believe s$e was wi!$ !$em on some level#
37our 7ouTube c$annel45 (le!c$er aske" E""ie# 3' $un"re" !$ousan" %lus views# A separatist#
7ou wan! <aliornia !o sece"e rom !$e :nion by 202G# I wa!c$e" your !$in& on 1ATO# 6I !$ere0s a ?or!$
'!lan!ic Trea!y Br&ani.a!ion- w$y "on0! we $ave some!$in& on !$e -acific si"e40 you aske"# 7ou !$ink
;as$in&!on- 2< is as !em%oral as 3ome w$en i! was !$e Holy Roman Em%ire# Too much of an East &oast
bias in our na!ional %oli!ics# 'lmos! all %resi"en!s- as o la!e- are 7ale or Harvar" &ra"s# ' conspiracy45
3I!0s no! a cons%iracy- bu! !$ey "on0! res%ec! us-5 E""ie sai"# 3Marvin Bus$ was !$e $ea" o
securi!y a! !$e Twin Towers on nine eleven#5
3Who,s 2arvin +ush45 +ivian aske"#
3T$a!0s my point8 Har"ly anyone knows8 He0s @eor&e ;0s bro!$er8 ' (orbes &uy sai" !$a!
securi!y cameras were !urne" o in !$e &uise o u%"a!in& in!erne! lines a! !$e ;orl" Tra"e <en!er in !$e
"ays beore !$e %lanes $i!# 2i" anyone in !$e me"ia even try !o cover !$is4 T$e buil"in&s came "own in
%erec! reeall# (irei&$!ers claime" !$ey saw a series o las$es### as in %re)%lanne" "e!ona!ions# Mol!en
s!eel burne" or nine!y)nine "ays# ' %$ysics %roessor !ook sam%les o "us! collec!e" rom a nearby
a%ar!men!# Thermite was "iscovere"# 'ny ra!ional %erson knows i! was a con!rolle" even!# 'n" !$e s!eel
!$a! was le!4 ;$iske" away# +aosteel in <$ina bou&$! !$e s!u or a $un"re" an" !wen!y "ollars %er !on#
?o one was allowe" near i! !o !es! or irre&ulari!ies#5
3;e were in Hawaii recen!ly-5 +ivian !ol" E""ie# 3'! a luau- I !ol" (le!c$ I $a!e "iscussin& race
issues# T$is makes me eel weir" as well#5
3;e0ve &o!!a $i! i! on !$e $ea" now# ;$y live a lie4 I !ol" you abou! 6%ro%ensi!y0 an" 6anomaly0#
Here0s a new wor"I 6%re"ica!ion0# T$e w$ole !$in&0s a $ouse o car"s- you see4 I we can es!ablis$ !$a!
nine eleven was an insi"e =ob- we can elimina!e !$e T/' a! air%or!s !$a! eel u% mo"els w$en !$ey &o
!$rou&$ c$eck%oin!s# ;e can en" !$e police state !$a!0s en&ule" our coun!ry# ;e can be ree a&ain# ' ew
$ea"s will roll- bu! !$a!0s always &one on#5
3,re"ica!ion45 (le!c$er aske"# 3,re"ica!e" on a youn& Ear!$>le!0s say si9 !$ousan" years ol">
!$e ,ro!es!an! minis!ers con!rol !$e min"s o 'merican masses- correc!45
3More s%eciically- !$e evan&elical un"amen!alis!s### bu! yes# 7ou0re ri&$! an" you un"ers!an"#5
Ai!!le /ai&on wasn0! ar# 3I woul" relis$ !$e c$ance !o come alon& on one o your a"ven!ures# I !$ink i!0s
nea! w$a! you came across in /uma!ra# I !$ink i!0s won"erul !$a! +iv wen! !o Mali# I wan! in#5
3Bur %roblem is !$e &uys in !$e Jus!ice 2e%ar!men!# 2i" you know !$a! @eor&e Bus$>the first
one>$a" a &uy workin& as /ecre!ary o !$e In!erior w$om believe" !$a! environmen!al %roblems were no!
im%or!an!4 T$e comin& o Jesus is imminen!- you see4 ;$y i9 our coun!ry0s %roblems4 James ;a!!0s !$e
"u"e I0m !alkin& abou!#5 (le!c$er looke" a! !$e !ension on E""ie0s ace# He "i"n0! seem !o un"ers!an"#
3T$ose same uck balls are s!ill il!erin& !$e %eo%le allowe" abroa"8 T$ey "on0! wan! liberals8 Aiberals are
!$e ones w$o &e! alon& wi!$ !$e na!ives in many %laces- !$ou&$# 2< is ull o ol"- ou!)o)!ouc$ wankers8
2o you believe you coul" &e! a %ass%or! !o visi! +ie!nam or <$ina4 T$ey wan! ruians ou! !$ere !wis!in&
an" beli!!lin& !$e locals# T$ey nee" more -epsi sol" ou! !$ere# ;e0re $ea"in& ou! or $uman ri&$!s### or
=us! !o $ave a &oo" !ime# T$a!0s no! &oo" enough or !$em#5
3/o !$ey s!i&ma!i.e us as la.y or insane- ri&$!45 E""ie "rank rom $is beer# +ivian &o! u% an" sa!
a! !$e e"&e o a be" near !$e win"ow an" &a.e" ou!si"e# 3Ais!en8 I0ve been wa!c$in& !$e news wi!$ all
!$ese %eo%le a%%lyin& !o ei&$!y %laces an" no luck en!erin& !$e workorce# I0ve $a" !o "o some cra.y
!$in&s mysel# 7ou &uys are lucky# I! makes me $a%%y !$a! %eo%le can s!ill &o ou! an" abou! wi!$ou! losin&
all "i&ni!y# ;$a! is !$eir mo!iva!ion- (le!c$er4 7ou s%oke wi!$ a c$a% rom !$e <I' in Beec$ @rove#
&ornelius 'tuart. Tell me abou! $im8 2i" $e &ive you clues45
3I!0s no! $is aul!- bu! $e0s %ar! o !$e %roblem# I!0s a %$enomenon- in a lo! o ways# I!0s !$e an&ry
mob !$a! c$ases 7rankenstein# I!0s !$e ri&$!ene" $er" o ca!!le !$a!0s &onna s!am%e"e o a cli# I!0s s!u%i"
%eo%le !$a! !$ink in s!rai&$! lines# Aas! year- !$eir $ome was value" a! nine!y !$ousan" "ollars# T$is year-
i!0s a $un"re" !$ousan"- even# ?e9! year4 I!0s got !o be wor!$ a $un"re" an" !en !$ousan"8 Ae!0s be! !$e
arm on i!8 T$ese !$in&s &o in cycles#5
3/o a bunc$ o uck $ea"s &e! in!o %ower !$e le&i! way### !$rou&$ "emocracy# 'n" !$en w$a!4
T$ey0ll kill- lie- s!eal- c$ea! an" every!$in& else !o s!ay !$ere45 E""ie was &e!!in& a bi! ma"# 3I !$ou&$! I
$a" !$is i&ure" ou!# 7ou know some!$in&- !$ou&$85
32emocracy4 T$a!0s a =oke- bu! i!0s %ar! o i!# T$e 2asons !$a! @eor&e ;as$in&!on was %ar! o
never really c$an&e"# T$ey0ll ben"### bu! !$ey0ll be "amne" i !$ey0ll break !$eir core co"es# T$ey0ll !ell us
!$a! !$a! all men are crea!e" e*ual bu! you know !$e !ru!$ abou! !$eir a!!i!u"es an" be$aviors# I i! walks
like a "uck an" !alks like a "uck- i!0s a "uck### right4 T$ey0ve !alke" abou! inclusion- meri!- an" incen!ive
an awul lo!# I!0s been a long !ime since I0" !ake 6em a! !$eir wor"# I "on0! wan! !o believe we0re curse" by
!$eir e9is!ence bu! I can0! wra% my min" aroun" any!$in& else# I !$ink we0re wa!c$in& a c$an&in& o !$e
&uar"- in a lo! o ways# I! mi&$! be a cou%le o &enera!ions- !$ou&$- beore anyone eels free in !$is lan"
a&ain# 2o you remember we coul" %ull over !o !$e si"e o !$e roa" an" !ake a %iss in a bus$45
34ep85 E""ie lau&$e"#
3;$y "o I see police officers in my $ea" w$en my bla""er s!ar!s !o swell w$ile "rivin& "own !$e
roa"4 T$e 6.ream -olice0 rom <$ea% Trick- yea$4 Bne o !$ese "ays- I0m &onna in" a !ree !o %ee on an"
some wacko wi!$ a ba"&e is &onna club my lower s%ine wi!$ $is ni&$! s!ick4 I s$oul" be able !o s$oo !$a!
vision easily ou! o my $ea"- yes4 Bu! I can0!# I $ol" my uckin0 %iss in 6!il I0m a! a &rimy &as s!a!ion wi!$
s!inky !oile!s an" no ba!$room !issue85
37ou0ve &o! an ima&ina!ion-5 E""ie sai"# 32rinkin& an" "rivin&4 Is !$a! !$e si!ua!ion w$y0" you
%ull over4 T$a! was !$e case w$en we were youn&er on our way !o TJ8 ,issin& ou! !$e win"ow in a
caravan o cars# 3emember that45
3What45 +ivian aske"# /$e !urne" *uickly aroun"# 3;$a!45
37ea$# 7ou weren0! !$ere- $oney-5 (le!c$er !ol" $er# 3T$is is %robably a week a!er &ra"ua!ion i I
remember correc!ly# ;e s%en! "ollars a! a s!ri% club o o 3evoluciDn. (un# Ao!!a fun#5
3I remember workin& a! a %i..a =oin! !$a! year# I recall bein& !em%!e" !o s!eal rom !$e cas$
re&is!er# I! coul"0ve been "one easily# 'll anyone $a" !o "o was si&niy a !ransac!ion as an over)rin&#
Bnce in a w$ile- %eo%le woul" cancel an or"er or we woul" !y%e in an incorrec! %rice# I !$e mana&er
wasn0! in !$e s!ore- we were !rus!e" !o !ear ou! !$e !a%e an" circle !$e in%u!!e" amoun! rom !$e recei%!#
T$a! way- !$e books woul" balance a! !$e en" o !$e ni&$! because we0" be less cas$ or w$a! !$e mac$ine
%rin!e"# I "i"n0! do i!- !$ou&$# /omeone0s $i=acke" our &overnmen!8 ;$oever i! is "oesn0! $ave a sense o
ri&$! or wron&8 I wan! !o $un! "own !$a! nine eleven s!eel# +aosteel in <$ina4 I $ear" !$a! some o i! wen!
!o 'rica# I "on0! !$ink !$e cons%iracy is as wi"es%rea" as i! use" !o be>!$is w$ole "eal a&ains! youn&s!ers
or liberals# I !$ink we can !ravel# I almos! !$ink someone wan!s !$e real !ru!$ !o come ou!# Malaysia
recen!ly $a" a ?urember& kin" o !rail a&ains! <$eney an" Bus$# /n abstentia# !$ey oun" !$em !o be war
criminals# 2esmon" Tu!u $as concurre" !$a! !$ey0re villains# Me4 I! was an insi"e =ob# T$ey !rie" !o
cover u% nine eleven# I!0s $ar" !o know "e!ails w$en###5 E""ie was sur%rise" $e &o! !$is ar s%eakin&# He
$a"n0! come across many %eo%le willin& !o s%eak abou! !$is sub=ec! w$ic$ was so clear in $is own lie#
3They,re the top of the food chain# basically# 's %ower &oes- w$o0s &oin& !o !o%%le ro&ue Re%ublicans
wi!$in !$e ,en!a&on4 ;$o kills !$e lion in !$e savanna$4 I wa!c$e" a "ocumen!ary no! lon& a&o w$ere
hyenas a!!ack a %ri"e o lions# I coul"n0! believe my eyes### bu! !$a!0s %robably rare#5
3,a! Buc$anan0s an!asy a! a !ime was !o win !$e %resi"ency an"- as Bill <lin!on was ceremonially
swearin& $im in!o %ower- $e0" !ell $im- 64ou,re under arrest80 T$ere was suc$ a bi& "eal ma"e abou! a
s!ain on a "ress# T$ese ri&&in0 %erver!s %rie" in!o a man0s social lie an" wan!e" !o im%eac$ $im on !$e
&uise o %er=ury### bu! !$ey wan!e" $is neck all alon&# +ill broke-5 +ivian sai"# 3I !$ink $e became one o
them# He %re!en"s nine eleven was "one by merely nine!een $i=ackin& !erroris!s# He knows !$e !ru!$85
37ou &e! w$a!0s &oin& on $ere8 T$ese guys- as !$ey0re ri"in& in!o !$e sunse!- "on0! care8 To9ic
was!e in our lakes4 Bver%o%ula!ion4 'n economy worse !$an any!$in& I0ve rea"### including the (reat
.epression8 T$ey0re &oin& !o "ie### an" I "on0! !$ink !$ey care#5
3/o w$a!0s !$e %lan- E""ie45 T$e room !$ey ren!e" $a" !wo *ueen)si.e" be"s# +ivian re!urne" !o
!$e one near !$e ba!$room w$ere (le!c$ an" E""ie were si!!in&# 3;$a! are we &onna "o4 Me an" (le!c$4
;e0ve been a! !$is since our =unior year in $i&$ sc$ool# ;e &o ou! an" !ackle w$a! we can# ;e vaca!ion in
!$e &aribbean# T$en we &o ou! a&ain# I "on0! !$ink we0re makin& a "en! in !$e worl"0s %roblems in !$e
&ran"er sc$eme o !$in&s bu! i! makes us eel &oo"# ;$a!0s your %lan45
3My %lan4 I "on0! know# I =us! wan! in# I "on0! believe I0ll make any "ierence- ei!$er# I0" like
!o believe I0m on !$e ri&$! si"e o !$in&s#5 ' ew secon"s %asse" wi!$ou! anyone %ee%in& a wor"# 3I!
mi&$! soun" s!u%i" or clic$E bu! I wan! !o slee% be!!er a! ni&$!#5
3I0m wi!$ you- man85 (le!c$er sai"# 3I0" love !o c$eck ou! !$e @roun" Hero s!eel !$a! was s$i%%e"
!o <$ina an" In"ia### an"- o course- !$e rumore" s!u !$a! woun" u% in 'rica# ;e coul" "o a "ocumen!ary
ilm# I !$ey were "isman!lin& !$a! concen!ra!ion cam% in Beec$ @rove !$en maybe !$ey0re c$an&in& !$eir
min"s abou! o!$er issues# Aies %revaile" or a lon& !ime# Maybe !$ey0re rea"y or !$e !ru!$ ou! !$ere#5
3I0" love !o &o85 +ivian sai"# 3I was =us! in 'rica- E""ie# 7ou0" like i!#5
3'ounds like fun-5 E""ie sai"#
T$e !$ree o !$em "rank beer or ano!$er $al $our# +ivian *ui! "rinkin& a!er $er !$ir" one# T$ey
a&ree" !o ski% !own an" "rive u% !o ,or!lan"# Bn !$e way- !$ey0" "iscuss a more ocuse" %lan or &oin&
abou! !$eir lives# T$ey $a" barely reac$e" /an!a Rosa =us! nor!$ o (risco w$en +ivian s%oke u%# 3I $ave a
ba" eelin& abou! !$is- &uys# I! =us! seems like we0re &e!!in& sucke" in!o someone else0s "rama# I! almos!
eels like a trap#5
E""ie aske"- 32o you remember w$a! our 'merican @overnmen! !eac$er c$allen&e" us !o "o in
our senior year4 He sai" !o &o in!o +arnes E 1oble an" !ake accoun! o !$eir %oli!ical sec!ion# 2o you
remember "oin& !$a! !o&e!$er4 In an economy w$ic$ was in !$e black or !$e irs! !ime in a &enera!ion-
ei&$! ou! o !en books on !$e racks slamme" Bill <lin!on or some reason or ano!$er# T$e !wo %ro)<lin!on
books were wri!!en by Hillary an" Bill# I bou&$! /t Takes A 8illage !$a! "ay# I can0! say I0m im%resse" by
!$em- bu! I0m !erriie" by !$eir oes#5
37ea$45 +ivian aske"# 3;$a!0s !$a! $ave !o "o wi!$ !$is !ri% !o Bre&on45
3I0m wi!$ you- +iv-5 E""ie sai"# 3T$e o""s are s!acke" a&ains! w$a! we wan!# ;e all know i!#
T$ey %oke- !$ey %ro"# I eel i! !oo>!$a! we0re s!e%%in& in!o a !ra%# Apathy# T$ey say our &enera!ion $as
apathy# I0ve s%en! years)on)en" !ryin& !o res!ore !$is &overnmen! !o some!$in& I can be %rou" o#5
3I "isa&ree wi!$ you- Eddie- !$a! i!0s useless# Remember w$en Bilbo Ba&&ins no!ice" a scale &one
in !$e lyin& "ra&on4 We have to find that# 'r! relec!in& lie# I0m wi!$ you bo!$ i ya0 wan! !o $i! %lan B#
I we0re no! on !$e same %a&e- we0ll &e! smas$e" w$en we ace our "emons#5 (le!c$ searc$e" !$e ra"io#
3,ull a :)ey i you wan!- +iv#5
3Hey8 I "on0! wan! !o be !$e only one w$o "eci"es### bu! I !$ink we ou&$! !o !$ink abou!###5 '
son& %laye" !$a! s$e like"# Tom T Hall0s 3I Aove5# /$e smacke" (le!c$er0s $an"# 3Aeave i! !$ere8
Remember !$is one4 'nyone45
3/ love leaves in the wind... -ictures of my friends.. +irds of the world... and '>uirrels-5 (le!c$er
san&# 3B course I remember85 +ivian0s a!$er $a" an e9!ensive vinyl recor" collec!ion# T$ey &o! in!o
Hi&&y /!ar"us!- ,ink (loy"- !$e /cor%ions an" o!$ers rom lis!enin& !o scra!c$y albums#
E""ie =oine" in rom !$e back# 3/ love coffee in a cup... 6ittle fu%%y pups... +ourbon in a glass...
And grass... And / looooooove you- too: ,erec! roa" son&8 Takes me back#5
+ivian san&- 3/ love honest open smiles... ?isses from a child... Tomatoes on a vine... And
onions85 /$e smile" an" e9i!e" !$e 101 (reeway# 3;e0re &oin& !o Euro .isney8 ;e are no! &oin& !o i&$!
a uckin0 mac$ine !$a! "oesn0! bu"&e8 ?o! a! !$is %oin! in our lives85
37ou know4 ;e0re no! alone in e9%eriencin& more !error rom our own &overnmen! during the
two thousands !$an rom some %$an!om boo&eyman# @eor&e H; Bus$ me! wi!$ Bsama bin Aa"en0s
brother a! !$e Ri!.)<arl!on in 2< on !$e "ay o !$e a!!acks8 &arlyle (roup: Illumina!i8 Templar8
2ominan! $e&emony8 'uperstructure8 Ro&ue Re%ublicans8 Masons8 /ecre! socie!y8 ?ew ;orl" Br"er8
<all !$em w$a! ya0 wan!8 T$ey ca!e&ori.e !$emselves base" o economics8 'n" you can0! =us! win !$e
lo!!ery an" =oin !$eir s%ecial &rou%s8 7ou $ave !o be old money s!ee%e" in maniac !ra"i!ions an" $a!re"
w$ic$ ya0 can0! !race !$e source o85 (le!c$er0s bloo" reac$e" a simmer# 3Thank you for driving# 8iv#5
;$ile (le!c$er ran!e"- E""ie ke%! sin&in& !$e son&- 3/ love winners when they cry... 6osers when
they try... 2usic when it,s good... And life: And / looooove you- too:5
+ivian an" (le!c$er me! u% wi!$ E""ie in +ene.uela many years back# T$e ollowin& summer-
!$ey vaca!ione" in ,aris# +ivian aske"- 3Is your (renc$ %ass%or! u%)!o)"a!e45 /$e looke" a! E""ie !$rou&$
!$e rearview mirror# 3Is i! on you45
3B course8 ;e can work on a <$inese %ass%or! some o!$er !ime i ya0 wan! !o ollow !$rou&$
wi!$ "ocumen!in& !$e nine eleven s!eel# 'lso- I "on0! $ave any!$in& or 'rica# /ome!ime la!er- i nee"
be#5
3T$is is !$e way !o &o- &uys85 +ivian el! &rea!# 3Ae!0s su%%ose you0re ri&$!- (le!c$# Ae!0s
su%%ose !$e Taliban is really an arm o ro&ue Re%ublicans in !$e ?/'# ;e0re obligated !o &o !o (rance-
ri&$!4 B!$erwise- !$e !erroris!s $ave won85
34es8 3ogue8 7ou bo!$ $ave reerre" !o !$is $i""en &rou% !$a! everyone sus%ec!s e9is!s as
6rogue08 2o you remember 6The Warriors0 rom you "a"0s +H/ collec!ion- +iv45 /$e no""e"- !$en
(le!c$er sai"- 3The 3ogues were one o !$e &an&s8 I0m no! sayin& i!0s a clue !o %erceivin& $ow !$ese
secre!ive %eo%le o%era!e- bu! maybe we can call !$em that### w$enever !$e sub=ec! comes u%- e$45
3I like i!85 E""ie rus!le" (le!c$er0s $air rom be$in"# 3;e can be !$e +aseball 7uries8 Ae!0s &rab
ba!s an" %ain! our aces now85
3;$y woul" we no! be !$e 6i%%ies# E""ie45 /$e looke" back a&ain !$rou&$ !$e rearview#
3T$e 6i%%ies4 ;e0re in /an (rancisco an" many &uys &o in "ra&# T$is woul" be !$e %lace8 I like
+aseball 7uries- !$ou&$85
3Baseball (uries i! is85 (le!c$er claime"#
32o I &e! a vo!e- (le!c$er4 I0m always &onna be ou!numbere" or &en"er issues wi!$ you !wo8
T$is ou&$! !o be unanimous85
3're you serious45 E""ie aske"#
37es8 I am### bu! I like +aseball 7uries8 I!0s cool### bu! le!0s no! "o !$is in (rance# I mean- i I
$ave !o use !$e res!room- we0re no! %ullin& over !o a bus$8 Okay45 +ivian was ac!ually =okin& bu! s$e
won"ere" w$a! !$e !ri% woul" be like# /$e $a"n0! el! !$is vibran! in a lon&- lon& !ime#
3Bkay85 E""ie was &la" !$ey $a" c$an&e" course# 3?o %an!y$ose $an&in& rom !$e s$ower85
3'erious45 +ivian aske"#
31o8 7ou can "o w$a! ya0 wan!8 I!0s like ol" !imes a&ain85 E""ie s!ar!e" !o no" o bu! $e0" $ave
!o "o mos! o $is slee%in& on !$e air%lane# Bnce !$e @ol"en @a!e Bri"&e was be$in" !$em- !$e air%or!
woul"n0! be ar o#
+ivian0s a!$er $a" been &ivin& $er a %re%ai" +isa "ebi! car" !$e %as! ew years# (i!een !$ousan"
"ollars in January an" i!een more in July# /$e %ai" or !$ree irs! class !icke!s !o ,aris# E""ie "i%%e"
imme"ia!ely in!o a "ee% snoo.e once !$e %lane !ook o or a Aa@uar"ia !ranser# +iv el! giddy# /$e
coul"n0! remember $avin& !$is emo!ion since early c$il"$oo"# 3;$a!0s your !ake on !$is all4 7letcher4
2oes !$is mess wi!$ your %lan o wan!in& !o in" purpose45
3?o! a! all#5 (le!c$er $a" !$e win"ow sea! an" $a" been locke" on !$e movin& ci!ysca%e below#
3I was in our!$ &ra"e or so w$en !$e <ol" ;ar en"e"# I remember my "a" !ellin& me !$a! one o !wo
!$in&s woul" $a%%en# Bne- !$e :/ woul" "ras!ically scale back i!0s mili!ary an" securi!y ou!le!s# 6T$e
,en!a&on mi&$! become a mall some"ay-0 $e sai"# 6Br maybe $ousin& or all !$e urban %oor80 ;i!$ou! !$e
/ovie! :nion an" !$e Eas! Bloc !o con!en" wi!$- w$y s%en" so muc$ w$en i! coul" &o elsew$ere45
3Or45 +ivian aske"# ' s!ewar"ess aske" !$em i !$ey0" like bevera&es# +iv re*ues!e" sel!.er
wa!er an" (le!c$er %asse"#
3Br4 T$e o!$er c$oice was !o %ick a new enemy8 Remember !$e "uck in +abe4 T$e one !$a!
crowe" like a roos!er every mornin&4 T$e "u"es in !$e ,en!a&on- accor"in& !o my "a"- nee"e" meaning in
!$e %os!)<ol" ;ar worl"# T$ey crowe" like !$e "uck an" a&i!a!e" Muslims### an" liberal 'mericans# T$a!
way !$ey coul" kee% s!uin& !$eir %ocke!s wi!$ !a9 %ayer money85
32o you believe !$a!0s w$a! $a%%ene"45 +ivian el! %arc$e" an" wan!e" $er "rink# 3're you
s!ayin& sober !$e w$ole way !o Euro%e45
32o I believe !$a!0s w$a! $a%%ene"4 I!0s unny because w$en you rea" any blo& abou! nine
eleven- i!0s !$e re&ular %eo%le !$a! e9%ress !$e mos! rus!ra!ion abou! common sense *ues!ions w$ic$
weren0! aske"# ;$en J(1 was s$o!J w$en &hallenger wen! "ownJ w$en ,earl Harbor was a!!acke"###
;$enever we0ve $a" na!ional !ra&e"y- an ob=ec!ive inves!i&a!ion was always "one wi!$in a week or !wo#
T$e ?ine Eleven <ommission "i"n0! s!ar! !$eir inves!i&a!ion un!il four hundred and fifty$one days a!er !$e
cra% $a%%ene"8 I you rea" a %oin! by %oin! by %oin! summary o any o !$ese so)calle" Truthers### an" i
you "o scan!y ac!)c$eckin&- i! is obvious8 Bur &overnmen! =acke" i!s own %eo%le !o main!ain non)
"emocra!ic %ower#5
3're you ma"4 T$e T/' a&en! el! your balls no! even a $al $our a&o# 're you ma"45 +ivian
acce%!e" $er wa!er- o%ene" !$e bo!!le an" "rank# 33efreshing85
3I believe !$ey see us as lives!ock# ;illiam <oo%er- beore $e was s$o! "ea" by 'ri.ona "e%u!ies
!$e mon!$ a!er nine eleven- calle" i! !o a !ee8 Osama bin 6aden would be framed for an attack on 1ew
4ork buildings# How "i" $e know4 2o you believe i! was coinci"ence !$a! &overnmen! a&en!s kille" $im4
In A -ale "orse- $e %rovi"es li!era!ure rom many "escribe" secre! or&ani.a!ions# Hionis!s reer !o !$e
masses as 6&oyim0 in !$eir "ocumen!s# ;$a!0s !$e wor" mean4 I!0s Hebrew or lives!ock# In!erna!ional
businessmen a%%aren!ly co)o%!e" !$ese %rac!ices# T$a!0s w$ere 6Illumina!i0 comes in# In!erc$an&eable
wor"s some!imes### bu! !$ey $ave !$eir ris some!imes#5
37ou soun" like a nu!-5 +ivian sai"# 3I believe you>I &o !$rou&$ i! !o>bu! !$a!0s %ar! o !$e
cons%iracy### if there is one- ri&$!4 T$a! we soun" like nu!s or !alkin& abou! i!45
3T$is is w$y I wan!e" !o mee! u% wi!$ you in Hawaii# T$ere was a lo! I wan!e" !o &e! o my
c$es!#5 (le!c$er reac$e" in!o $is %ocke! or $is i,$one# 3This85 He o%ene" u% %$o!os# 3T$ese &uys were
&e!!in0 i! on- +iv8 T$e worl" aroun" !$em was en"in&### an" !$ey "eci"e" !o make love as !$eir las! ac!ion8
;$y can0! we be like !$a!4 I mean- I0m willin& !o i&$! !$e beas! i I !$ink we0re &oin& !o win### bu! !$is
sucks8 I "on0! know i I0m su%%ose" !o eel &uil!y or &oin& !o Euro 2isney#5
3Wait4 /$oul" we wai! or !$em !o ki"na% us### like !$ey0ve "one o!$er %eo%le4 T$e only ones !o
become %ermanen! on !$eir s$i!)lis! are !$e ;illiam <oo%ers# ;e0ve &o!!a %ick our i&$!s an" bi!e o w$a!
we can c$ew# ;e $ave !$ese &u! ins!inc!s or a reason# I we "on0! lay o- !$ey0ll wan! !o swa! us like
lies8 Besi"es### I was a li!!le serious w$en I sai" !$a! !$e !erroris!s $ave won i we "on0! celebra!e lie $ere
an" !$ere#5
3;$y "o you !$ink !$ey care4 I mean- a &uy &rows $is $air a bi! an" I can $ear !$em screamin&
!$rou&$ !$eir or!iie" walls8 ;$a! is !$e "eal45 (le!c$er0s a!!en!ion was "rawn back ou! !$e win"ow#
3T$e clou"s look so nice# I $ave mi9e" i"eas abou! w$a!0s &oin& on#5 In $is $ea"- $e visuali.e" !$e
&remlin rom !$e Twili&$! Hone on !$e !i% o !$e win&# 32o you believe in &remlins- +iv45
(or !$e res! o !$e li&$! !o !$e Eas! <oas!- !$ey "iscusse" Bi&oo!- sea mons!ers- !rolls- airies an"
o!$er my!$ical c$arac!ers# E""ie sle%! !$e en!ire !ime# Bnce in ,aris- !$ey c$ecke" in!o !$e Ho!el Au!e!ia
an" res!e"# Beore lon&- !$ey oun" !$emselves in Marne)la)+allEe a! Euro 2isney- also known as -arc
.isneyland# T$ey =o&&e" !o (an!asylan" once insi"e !$e &a!es# -eter -an,s 7light was !$eir irs! ri"e o
c$oice# Many %eo%le weren0! sure !$a! Euro 2isney woul" survive bu! i! became a !o% !en a!!rac!ion
worl"wi"e# T$ey "i"n0! s%eak a w$ole lo! on !$e way !o 'lice0s <urious Aabyrin!$# T$ey el! e9ci!e" an"
looke" orwar" !o s!ru!!in& !$rou&$ !$is $e"&e)orien!e" ma.e a!!rac!ion# T$e irs! %ar! was ;$i!e Rabbi!0s
Hole# T$e c$allen&e wasn0! "iicul!# Bnce !$rou&$- !$e ma.e woul" become !ou&$er an" i! was loca!e" on
$i&$er &roun" so a scenic view o !$e %ark was mo!iva!ion !o &e! !$ere# T$ey %asse" !$rou&$ <a!er%illar0s
Mus$room Aair an" &o! !o <$es$ire <a! ;alk wi!$ou! a %roblem# +ivian wan!e" !o s!o% !o savor !$e
momen!# This is so incredible- s$e !$ou&$!# Ins!ea" o c$a!!in&- !$ey wen! alon& an" reac$e" Kueen0s
Ma.e w$ere !$e Kueen woul" %o% ou! an" say- 3B wi!$ !$eir $ea"s85 T$e &oal was !o reac$ !$e cas!le in
!$e mi""le w$ere- rom !$e !o%- !$e bes! view came# Bnce a! !$e cas!le- !$ey were s!ar!le"#
3&ornelius45 (le!c$er aske"# 3;$a! !$e uck are you "oin& $ere4 're you ollowin& us45
3;e !rack your every move85 I! was <ornelius /!uar! bu! $e wasn0! "resse" in uniorm as $e $a"
been in In"iana# 37ou "on0! !$ink you coul" "ocumen! some!$in& like you "i"### an" $ave us no! !ail you
aroun" a bi!45 He wore a %ow"er blue kni! collare" s$ir!# His s$or!s were bei&e# He wore a smoker0s ca%#
3;e were =us! !alkin& abou! $ow !$e &overnmen! cree%s us ou!8 ;$a! !$e $eck45 (le!c$er0s &u!
ille" wi!$ bile# He wan!e" !o %unc$ <ornelius bu! $e knew !$a! woul"n0! be !$e bes! lon&)!erm answer#
3're you $ere !o ab"uc! us4 Bribe us4 &oerce us4 ;$a!0s u%45
3I $ave a &i!- believe i! or no!# I you !rus! me- you0ll be %re!!y muc$ %lease"# I0m sure o i!#5
<ornelius wai!e" or +ivian or E""ie !o s%eak bu! !$ey s!oo" "umboun"e"# 3/ee !$a! an"roi"4 7ou !$ink
i!0s %ar! o !$is a!!rac!ion4 I!0s not8 His name is /$a.bo!# 7ou know4 '!er !$e 2ork E 2indy %ro&ram4
He was crea!e" by !$e 2eense 2e%ar!men!# He0s a 6sol"ier o !omorrow0# 6T$e Termina!or0 movie isn0!
ar o on w$a! we0re !ryin& !o ac$ieve# In recen! years- we0ve ma"e incredible s!ri"es in re&ar"s !o bi%e"
robo!ic !ravel# 'n" !$e skin4 7ou $ave !o look really close !o know i!0s syn!$e!ic85
3Are you buying us off# sir45 +ivian aske"# 3Is !$a! w$a! !$is is4 ' bribe o some kin"45
3;ell- !$e !ru!$ is>!$e real !ru!$>is !$a! we $a" a c$an&e o $ear!# ?o! all o us were ull on
boar" !$a! we s$oul" buil" !$a! "ea!$ cam% in Beec$ @rove- or e9am%le# T$is### android### I! was ma"e
or killin&8 I! was ma"e !o &e! in!o enemy !erri!ory an" ri% %eo%le a%ar!# ' oo! version o !$e ,re"a!or
"rones85
37ou are !ryin& !o %ay us o45 E""ie aske"# He $a" never me! <ornelius /!uar! bu! $e el! like
$e0" known $im or a lon& !ime# 37ou remin" me o someone# My &ran"a!$er45
32ister 3oper-5 <ornelius sai"# 3I &e! i! a lo!#5
(le!c$er wasn0! convince" !$a! <ornelius was bein& u%ron! abou! all !$e "e!ails# 37ou sai" !$a!
everyone wasn0! onboar" wi!$ !$e luna!ic s!a!ion in In"iana# 7ou know o %eo%le no! on boar" wi!$ !$is#
'm I ri&$!45
3B course#5 <ornelius /!uar! !ook o $is smoker0s ca%# 3;e %ro&ramme" /$a.bo! !o be
rien"ly#5
3"ello# sir85 /$a.bo! sai"# His $ea" !urne" awkwar"ly !owar" (le!c$er# He was ully clo!$e" an"
coul" $ave %asse" or a securi!y &uar"# (rom a ew ee! away- $e looke" nine!y %ercen! real man an" !en
%ercen! manne*uin# His voice $a" robo!ic over!ones# I $e s!ar!e" !o sin& a )app E 3oger son&- i!
woul"n0! $ave sur%rise" (le!c$er one bi!# 3;oul" you like a beer4 I un"ers!an" you like +udweiser#5
3I like w$ere !$is is going8 7ou can %ay me o wi!$ !$is !$in&85 E""ie sai"# 1i"s an" %aren!s
%asse" !$e &rou% %er$a%s believin& !$ey were $ire" c$arac!ers or !$e ma.e#
3Take i!- (le!c$er8 ;e alrea"y know your %lans !o "ocumen! @roun" Hero s!eel# ?o! many %eo%le
are as ambi!ious as you an" your &irlrien"# ;e0re "oin& ,R- $ere# I wasn0! res%onsible or nine eleven-
!$ou&$# 7ou $ave my wor" on !$a!# 2o I know names4 2o I know "e!ails abou! w$a! ?BR'2 knew an"
w$a! !$ey "i"n0!4 7es- bu! i! came !o me a!er !$e ac!#5
3;ere you on 6nee" !o know0 kin" o "u!y45 (le!c$er aske"#
3.uuuuude85 /$a.bo! in!erru%!e" !$e conversa!ion# 3Ae!0s %ar!y8 Ae!0s blow !$is !aco s!an"8
;$a!0re we "oin& $ere45
3He0s %ro&ramme" wi!$ i!y !$ousan" %$rases- (le!c$#5 <ornelius walke" !owar" /$a.bo!#
3;oul" you like your T)bone s!eak well)"one or rare45
33are4 ;$a! "o I look like4 ' <$ee!a$4 <ook !$e "amn !$in&85 /$a.bo! scra!c$e" $is $ea"#
3(ee%85
3He $as a %ersonali!y- !oo85 <ornelius sai"# 3I!0s %ro&ramme" bu! i! c$an&es sub!ly wi!$ lie
even!s# I you leave $im $ome- $e0ll become %er!urbe"### =us! like a real %erson#5
3I0ll !ake $im85 (le!c$er saw %ossibili!ies# 37ou can assure us !$a! you0re "isman!lin& !$a! %olice
s!a!e =unk !$a! be&an a!er your cons!i!uen!s "i" !$e nine eleven !$in&45
3I! "i"n0! work- (le!c$er#5 <ornelius was somber# 3T$e &uys wan!e" !o!al con!rol an" ma"e a
%lay or i!# .idn,t work# ;e ou&$! eac$ o!$er more be$in" !$e scenes a bi! more !$an Bill <lin!on an"
Jimmy <ar!er ou&$! us combine"85
3I0ll !ake !$e !$in&- (le!c$er8 I mean- i you "on0! wan! $im-5 E""ie sai"#
37letcher +rowne8 /$oul"n0! we "iscuss !$is %riva!ely or even ive minu!es4 I!0s no! like %ickin&
w$ic$ bran" o beer we0re buyin&85
3?o- +ivian# Ber0s o !$e !able i we "on0! "o !$is now# 'm I ri&$!45 (le!c$er looke" !o
<ornelius an" wai!e" or a res%onse#
<ornelius looke" !o +ivian- !$en !o (le!c$er# 3Time4 I "on0! $ave a lo! o !ime# Real %ark
securi!y is &onna sense some!$in& o kil!er soon### an" i !$ey come or !$e me"ia "oes###5
3;e0ll !ake $im-5 +ivian sai"# 32o we ee" $im4 ,lu& $im in45
3He ea!s- believe i! or no!# I!0s "one or blen"in& in!o socie!y more !$an any!$in& else# 'n" $e $as
syn!$e!ic &as!ric aci"s w$ic$ break a%ar! !$e oo"# He craps- $e wi%es- $e swea!s an" $e !ears8 He $as a
syn!$e!ic $ear! w$ic$ %um%s necessary lui"s### an" !$ese lui"s $ave been "ye" "ark re" in case $e !ears $is
lie)like skin# He0s very real in $ow $e was %a!!erne" a!er an ac!ual $uman#5
3'ha%bot0 're you Brkan4 2o you come rom Ork### like Mork45 +ivian aske"#
3Orkan4 I come rom ,$illy8 Brk is a clown %lace85 /$a.bo! walke" !o +iv an" "i" a $i%)$o%
move calle" 3!$e wave5# 3;e can &roove !oni&$!# 7es45
3B course- /$a.bo!# B course85 +ivian lau&$e"# /$e !urne" !owar" (le!c$er# 3I &uess we "on0!
nee" E""ie aroun" anymore#5
37ou mi&$! be ri&$!85 (le!c$ sai"# He !urne" !owar" $is ol" bu""y- 3Hear !$a!4 7ou $ave
com%e!i!ion85
3/$a.bo!8 7ou wa!c$ your s!e%85 E""ie sai"#
3.ookie4 Is !$ere "o& "ookie aroun"45 /$a.bo! looke" "own !$en some!$in& $a%%ene" w$ic$
wasn0! e9%ec!e" by anyone e9ce%! <ornelius# His eyes li! u% re" similar !o car break li&$!s# 32ookie4 Is
!$ere "ookie45
3<an we s$u! o !$a! ea!ure45 (le!c$er aske" <ornelius# 37ou sai" $e was com%le!ely lie)like#
;$a!0s !$e "eal wi!$ $is eyes45
3.anger. He $as in!el !$a! some!$in&0s &oin& on we s$oul" !ake $ee" !o#5 <ornelius s!e%%e"
ou!si"e o Kueen0s <as!le# 3Here !$ey come85
3Terrorists45 +ivian aske"#
3;orse85 <ornelius sai"# 3I!0s !$e Bri!is$ %a%ara..i85
3Bkay85 +ivian saw a ew re%or!ers makin& !$eir way !$rou&$ !$e s$rubbery ma.e# 3;e s%li!4
;$a!0s !$e %lan45
3Take him85 <ornelius /!uar! sai"# 32on0! !ry !o con!ac! me8 I0ll &e! a $ol" o you in ?ew 7ork0s
<en!ral ,ark one mon!$ rom !o"ay# (our in !$e a!ernoon8 En=oy your &i!8 Take care o $im85
37ou "i"n0! !ell us any!$in& abou! main!enance or cleanin&85 +ivian knew !$ere wasn0! muc$
!ime# /$e coul" eel more !$an %a%ara..i# T$ere were %a!rons !$a! seeme" !o $ave cau&$! win" o a
no!ewor!$y s%ec!acle# 3;$a! i $e &e!s on our nerves45
3He0s like a real $uman8 I $e0s no! wan!e"- $e0ll in" us# ;e0ve &iven $im a &overnmen! cre"i!
car"# 'n" $e %lu&s $imsel in a! ni&$!# Ae! $im slee% near an elec!rical ou!le!# He0s like a smar! %$one !$a!
%ar!ies85 <ornelius %u! $is smoker0s $a! back on an" a%%roac$e" !$e %a%ara..i# 3T$ey wen! that way85
He %oin!e" !owar" !$e Ma" Ha!!er0s Tea <u%s# 37ou0re lookin& or 1im an" 1anye- ri&$!45
3@oo" move85 E""ie sai"# T$e %a%s scurrie" away rom !$em#
3Okay85 <ornelius sai"# 3?ow &o8 Aeave !$is %ark an" !$en %re!en" like you0re !ravelin& wi!$ an
')lis! s!ar# I mean- we "i" a &oo" =ob# ;e "i" a very good =ob "esi&nin& $im# ;e s!ill $ave a ways !o &o#
,eo%le will no!ice i !$ey s!are or look close enou&$# 2on0! le! !$e %ress ca!c$ win" o !$is# I0m "oin& !$is
or -3 bu! !$ere0s no use i we lose more &roun" !$an we &ain#5
37ou $ear !$a!- /$a.45 (le!c$er aske"# 3Me an" you &onna &o !o !$e Eiel Tower85
3/$a.45 /$a.bo! aske"# 3Is !$a! some sor! o nickname4 B$# I get i!85
E""ie e9!en"e" $is $an"# 3My name is E""ie- /$a.85
3.on,t teach him too much85 <ornelius sai"# 3He0ll reak ou!8 I mean### I $aven0! seen $im reak
ou!### bu! i!0s !$eore!ical85
3I sla% skin- &orny-5 /$a.bo! sai"# 3I can call you 6<orny0- yes45 He s$ook E""ie0s $an"#
3I0ve &o!!a &o85 <ornelius !ook o back in!o !$e Kueen0s ma.e#
3I &uess we &o! ourselves a robot85 (le!c$er $u&&e" +ivian an" &ave E""ie a $i&$ ive#
33obot45 /$a.bo! aske"# 3Robo!4 I $ave eelin&s- you know4 2oes your mo!$er "o !$is !o you a!
$ome4 Talk like you0re no! !$ere45
3How "o you know !$is is no! a se! u%45 +ivian aske" (le!c$er# 3How "o we know $e0s an
an"roi" an" no! some %ai" a&en! !$a!0s su%%ose" !o s%y on us4 ' human a&en!45
3.ude-5 /$a.bo! sai"# 37ou nee" !o c$ill- &al85 /$a.bo! wen! !o !$e loor an" s!ar!e" !o break
"ance# His en"in& move was a s%in on $is $ea" o abou! i!y !imes# He &o! !o $is ee!# 3Have you seen a
secre! a&en! "o that45
3/$i!- man85 +ivian crie" a ew !ears o =oy# 3;e $ave ourselves a real robot85
3Bi!c$- you nee" !o lay o on callin& me a robot85 /$a.bo! "i" 3!$e wave5 a&ain wi!$ $is arms#
3Ae!0s blow !$is !aco s!an"85
3He re%ea!s $imsel-5 (le!c$er sai"#
3+ite me-5 /$a.bo! sai"# 3;$a!0re we &onna "o4 /!ick aroun" 6!il moss &rows on us45
3'ha%bot,s right-5 E""ie sai"# 3Ae!0s blow !$is taco stand85 T$e our o !$em ascen"e" s!airs !o
!$e !o% o Kueen0s <as!le# T$e view was nice# E""ie s!ar!e" &e!!in& !$e sensa!ion o %eo%le closin& in#
3(uys4 T$a! eelin&0s comin& back !$a! %eo%le0re lookin& or us85
(le!c$er looke" !owar" !$eir new an"roi" %al# 3I won"er w$y85
T$ey le! -arc .isneyland earlier !$an e9%ec!e"# T$ey visi!e" !$e Eiel Tower an" &o! use" !o
in!erac!in& wi!$ /$a.bo!# T$ey wen! back !o !$eir ive)s!ar $o!el an" "i"n0! know w$a! woul" $a%%en ne9!#
T$ey brou&$! (rance0s own ?ronenbourg A@@! as !$eir beer o c$oice# '!er almos! a !welve)%ack-
(le!c$er oun" $imsel yellin& a! /$a.bo!- 3I say nine eleven was an inside job8 I know you know i!- !oo85
3Ais!en- man8 1/'T alrea"y "ebunke" all your .any cons%iracy !$eories8 Mayor @iuliani
e9%laine" !$a! com%u!er simula!ions s$ow $ow every!$in& wen! "own8 ;$a! more "o you nee"45 /$a.bo!
"rank beer- !$e &rou% came !o in"# Insi"e o $is ar!iicial s!omac$ were sensors w$ic$ coul" measure
bloo" alco$ol con!en!# He was %ro&ramme" !o be$ave accor"in&ly# He became lou"er- more belli&eren!-
an" s!umble" more wi!$ eac$ %assin& "rink#
3<om%u!er simula!ions4 I won"er w$ere your bias comes rom85 (le!c$er s%oke !o /$a.bo! like
$e $a" &enuine $uman emo!ions# +ivian smile" an" looke" on# 3=urassic -ark0 T$ose were com%u!er)
simula!e" "inosaurs8 2oes !$a! mean !$a! T)Re9 is abou! !o ea! us45
3<$ill- bro85 /$a.bo! sai"# 37ou &e! so worke" u%85
3&hill05 He looke" a! +ivian an" saw s$e was lau&$in&# 3<$ill4 I know w$y you0re $ere now8
7ou were sen! !o "e)%ro&ram me8 They>!$e la"s a! !$e ,en!a&on>wan! me !o be a yes man like !$a! sa% I
worke" wi!$ a! Beec$ @rove# What was his name0 Ma!! /!ubbs8 T$a! &uy85
37ou0re so paranoid- "u"e85 /$a.bo! sai"# 37ou %robably !$ink I $ave micro%$ones in my ear
$oles w$ic$ %ick u% your soun"s### an" !ransmi! !$em s!rai&$! !o my mas!er in ;as$in&!on- 2<8 7ou !$ink
I0m &oin& !o ilm +ivian nake" an" sen" !$ose %ics !o !$e same &uys### so !$ey can s!roke o !o your
&irlrien"8 'n" you %robably !$ink I0m &oin& !o !ie you u% an" %u! you in a $i""en close! w$en all is sai"
an" "one85
34es8 T$a!0s e9ac!ly w$a! I !$ink85 (le!c$er backe" o# 3Maybe I0m bein& a $y%ocri!e# (ree
will4 2o you $ave ree will45
3(ree will4 7es- sir# 7ou0re correc! !$a! I $ave an a&en"a# My un"erlyin& mo!ive is !o kee% you
sae# I $ave a ran"om number &enera!or# Ei&$!y)ive %ercen! o my ac!ions are "esi&ne" !o serve !$a!
%ur%ose bu! in !$e s%iri! o !rue ar!iicial in!elli&ence- I may learn rom e9%erience an" "eci"e !$in&s on my
own# I un"ers!an" !$e meanin& o your acial e9%ressions# I know w$en I0m "oin& well an" w$en I0m no!#
I lis!en !o !$e !one o your s%eec$# Bne "ay- I mi&$! $ave as muc$ as !$ir!y %ercen! ree will# Time will
!ell#5 /$a.bo! belc$e"# 37ou will no! be "isa%%oin!e"#5
3+ivian45 (le!c$er calle"# 3're you $earin& !$is45
3Ae! $im %lay !ennis8 He claims $e $as relec!ive mo!or skills# Ae!0s "o !$a! !omorrow# He $as
&yros in $is ee!- knees- $i%s- elbows- $ea"- s$oul"ers- neck an" $ea"# I0m curious !o see $im "o any!$in&
a!$le!ic#5 +ivian yawne"#
3Athletic4 7ea$- !$a! woul" be &oo"85 (le!c$er looke" back !o /$a.# 37ou !$ink you coul" bea!
me a! !ennis45
3<an4 7es# ;ill4 I! "e%en"s on i you !$row a !an!rum#5 /$a. smile"# 37ou0re !ire"# Time !o
slee%45
3I like you- /$a.85 (le!c$er was rea"y or slee%# 3(ood night# guys8 Me an" /$a.0re rea"y !o $i!
!$e $ay85
3@oo" ni&$!- $oney85 +ivian sai"# 3/lee% !i&$!- /$a.### or w$a!ever i! is you "o#5 /$e woul"0ve
sai" &oo" ni&$! !o E""ie bu! $e $a" alrea"y %asse" ou!# "e sure does sleep a lot- s$e !$ou&$!# +ivian sle%!
"ee%ly ne9! !o (le!c$er# Her "reams were o"" bu! s$e woul" no! remember !$em# I s$e coul"- s$e woul"
know !$a! s$e was on /esame /!ree! !alkin& !o !$e &ount# Beore i! was over- s$e0" be snu& in a &arba&e
can livin& ne9! !o Bscar !$e @rouc$# E""ie $a" $is own be" an" /$a.bo! %lu&&e" in near !$e lam% be!ween
E""ie an" !$e lovebir"s# He coul"0ve sle%! on $is ee! bu! was %ro&ramme" !o minimi.e men!al
"iscre%ancies a!er $ours# He $iberna!e" wi!$ $is back s!i on !$e loor# ;$en !$e /un cre%! !$rou&$ !$e
win"ow- +ivian was !$e irs! !o wake# 3Rise an" s$ine8 Ae!0s "o !$is !$in&85
(le!c$er rubbe" $is eyes# @ro&&ily- 3;$a!4 7es# B course# Tennis#5
/$a.bo! sa! u%ri&$! on !$e loor# 3I0ve emaile" a reserva!ion or 3oland (arros8 My wii
connec!ion is very s!ron& an" I $ave "irec! connec!ions !o ;iki%e"ia- @oo&le an" w$a!ever else you may
be in!eres!e" in# I look orwar" !o bea!in& you a! !ennis- (le!c$85
3're you &uys u% alrea"y45 E""ie aske"# 3<an0! a "u"e &e! slee% aroun" $ere45 He rubbe" $is
eyes# 3Ae! me in !$e s$ower irs!# I0ll wake# I %romise#5
37ou &uys make i! as! because i! !akes me lon&er !o &e! rea"y85 +ivian wa!c$e" (le!c$ an" E""ie
move aroun" .ombiie"# 3I0m &onna &e! ba&els w$ile you &uys &e! "resse"#5
3@e! beer- !oo8 (or !$e cour!s# T$is "roi" is no! &onna bea! me85 (le!c$er0s bloo" s!ar!e" lowin&
as!er# He aske" /$a.- 3Hey4 <uriosi!y- $ere# ;$a!c$a &o! un"ernea!$ !$ere4 T$ey "esi&n you !o
re%ro"uce45
3I woul" blus$ i I coul"#5 /$a.bo! s!oo" u%# 3?en# I look like a 1en "oll "own !$ere#5
3T$anks or !$e $ones!y- /$a.# ,lease "on0! %ull your %an!s "own- !$ou&$#5 (le!c$er lau&$e"# 3I
can0! wai!8 3oland (arros# huh4 I0ll &e! !o %lay w$ere Aen"l los! !o <$an&8 ;ow85
+ivian s!e%%e" ou!si"e wi!$ou! makeu%# /$e wore san"als- !$e same s$or!s s$e sle%! in- an"
merely sli%%e" a swea!er over $er T)s$ir!# E""ie scoo!e" in!o !$e res!room an" s$owere"# 2urin& !$e wai!-
(le!c$er $i! /$a.bo! u% or more conversa!ion# 37ou say nine eleven wasn0! an insi"e =ob# How abou! !$is4
T$e (BI- wi!$ !$e $el% o Elvis 'aron ,resley- screwe" wi!$ !$e Bea!les an" !rie" !o "e%or! Jo$n Aennon#
T$a!0s a &iven### bu! w$a!0s your o%inion on i!4 4ou do have opinions that aren,t pre$programmed# don,t
you45
3Me4 B%inion4 7es8 I $ave an o%inion on !$a! one8 T$e Bea!les4 T$ey were subver!in&
'merican you!$# Jo$n Aennon wi!$ $is an!i)war s!ance an" $is 'sian babe# I mean- w$a! woul" you "o i
you were :ncle /am45 /$a.bo! sa! on !$e be" w$ere E""ie $a" been slee%in&#
3Is i! sae !o say !$a! no ma!!er w$a! I ask- you0re &oin& !o si"e wi!$ !$e :ni!e" /!a!es
&overnmen!45 '! !$is %oin!- i! "i"n0! bu& (le!c$er# He wan!e" !o know $ow consistent /$a.bo! woul" be#
I! coul" $el% !$e &rou% in !i&$! si!ua!ions#
3I will answer your *ues!ion wi!$ ano!$er *ues!ion#5 /$a. e9%laine"- 3T$ere was a classic movie
calle" 6'uperman0 s!arrin& <$ris!o%$er Reeve circa ABFC# In !$is %ar!icular anec"o!e- !$e %ro!a&onis!0s love
in!eres!- Aois Aane- is lyin& aroun" Me!ro%olis an" !$ey reac$ $er balcony %a!io# /$e aske" /u%erman
w$y $e came !o Ear!$# 6Tru!$- =us!ice- an" !$e 'merican way08 T$a! was $is answer# 'm I !o believe I
s$oul" be any "ieren!45
37ou &o! a &oo" %oin!85 (le!c$ sai"# 3/o !$e 2y 6ai 2assacre in +ie!nam "oesn0! bu& you4 (ive
$un"re" unarme" ci!i.ens- mos! o !$em c$il"ren an" women- massacre" by 'merican !roo%s8 T$a! "oesn0!
make your bloo">or# eh>oil boil45
3;e !$e %eo%le o !$e :ni!e" /!a!es- in order to form a more perfect union- es!ablis$ =us!ice- insure
"omes!ic !ran*uili!y- %rovi"e or !$e common "eense- %romo!e &eneral welare- an" secure !$e blessin&s o
liber!y !o ourselves an" our %os!eri!y- "o or"ain an" es!ablis$ !$is <ons!i!u!ion or !$e :ni!e" /!a!es o
'merica85 /$a.bo!0s ace almos! looke" %rou"# (le!c$er won"ere" i $e was %ro&ramme" !o $ave !$ese
kin"s o e9%ressions# 3/n order to form a more perfect union-5 $e re%ea!e"# 3@e! i!4 T$ere0s no %re!ense
!$ere8 ;e are no! sayin& we are &o"s as monarc$s $ave %re!en"e"# ;e are a &overnmen! o men an"
women !ryin& !o "o w$a!0s ri&$!# ;e miss some!imes- (le!c$er# ;e miss#5
3;e miss### bu! le!0s !urn a blin" eye !o our %roblems45 (le!c$er was becomin& an&ry a&ain# T$is
!ime- sober- $e became %er!urbe" !$a! $e was becomin& agitated rom s%eakin& !o a mac$ine wi!$ou!
&enuine $uman emo!ions# 3/$a.bo!4 I0m &oin& !o %lay you in !ennis !o"ay### an" I $o%e I bea! you# I $ave
!o acce%! your s!ances- i in"ee" !$ey0re your own# I $ave rien"s like you# I sen" !$em evi"ence o
&overnmen! wron&"oin& and cor%ora!e wron&"oin&# T$ey i&nore me#5
E""ie came ou! o !$e res!room !owelin& o $is $ea"# 3Ais!en# I $a!e w$en %eo%le !ake orever
&e!!in& rea"y so I !ry no! !o "o i!# I only nee" a cou%le o minu!es in !$ere# I! is all yours#5
3I look orwar" !o bea!in& you on !$e cour!s- (le!c$er#5 /$a.bo! smile"# 37ou will $ave re" clay
all over your s$ir! w$en i!0s all "one# I will bea! you in s!rai&$! se!s### an" I will be "i&niie" enou&$ !o %ick
u% !$e lunc$ !ab w$en i!0s over# Time !o &e! rea"y85
(le!c$er !urne" !owar" !$e res!room# 3' robot is !ellin& me w$a! !o "o85 $e muse" =us! beore
s$u!!in& !$e "oor be$in" $im#
+ivian walke" in!o !$e $o!el room as (le!c$er was "ryin& o rom s$owerin&# /$e brou&$! a lon&
roll o 7rench brea" an" a bo!!le o 2icand &GtH 3ue# (le!c$er %u! on w$i!e s$or!s- new sneakers- an" a
&ray kni! s$ir!# /$a.bo! was s!ill wearin& !$e same clo!$es !$ey0" me! $im in# He looke" like a securi!y
&uar" rom -arc .isneyland# (le!c$er looke" a! /$a.0s "ress s$oes an" i&ure" $e0" $ave an a"van!a&e-
es%ecially on clay# +ivian s%oke- 3I "i"n0! wan! !o $un! or ba&els all over !own# T$is is !$e irs! !$in& I
came across#5
3I like re" wine-5 (le!c$er sai"# 3Hey /$a.4 ;e "on0! $ave !ime !o &e! you %ro%er &ear- bu!
maybe you can swi!c$ s$oes wi!$ E""ie# ;$en I bea! you- I "on0! wan! any e9cuses#5
3'i%e ten-5 E""ie inorme"# 37ours45
3Ten and a half. &lose enough#5 /$a.bo! !ook o $is s$oes an" e9c$an&e" !$em wi!$ E""ie0s#
3I0ll !ake some o !$a! wine- %re!!y la"y-5 /$a. sai" !o +iv#
3(ood8 ' "runk cybor&85 (le!c$ wi%e" $is brow# 3I0m alrea"y swea!in& rom thinking o i!85
+ivian wen! !o $er small sui!case# 3I was &onna %lay (le!c$# 7ou0ll nee" !$is#5 /$e $an"e" /$a.
$er rac*ue!# 3I $o%e i!0s bi& enou&$ or you#5
/$a.bo! s%un i! aroun"# 3I can %lay wi!$ !$is#5
T$e *uar!e! le!- c$ecke" ou! o Ho!el Au!e!ia an" were si!ua!e" a! <our! G in no !ime# 3I! mi&$!
no! be <en!er <our!- bu! i!0ll "o85 /$a.bo! be&an s!re!c$in& e9ercises#
34ou don,t need to do that# do you45 E""ie aske"# He "rank wine rom a 2i9ie cu%# 3/$a.45
3B course no!-5 /$a. res%on"e"# 3Bu! !$ere are %eo%le aroun" an" i!0s im%era!ive !$a! I i! in#5
(le!c$er !ook a cue an" s!ar!e" s!re!c$in&# 3I mi&$! really nee" i!#5
<our! G was near a me"ia com%oun"# +ivian wen! !o c$eck i! ou!# By !$e !ime s$e re!urne"-
(le!c$ an" /$a. $a" alrea"y be&an %layin&# 37orty- love85 /$a. s$ou!e"# He serve" a $un"re")an")!en)
mile)%er)$our as! one insi"e (le!c$er0s corner# 3@ame85 /$a. u%"a!e" !$e score# 3T$ree- o$# (irs! se!#5
3He broke my serve- +ivian-5 (le!c$ sai" as s$e a%%roac$e"# 3I!0s no! !$e wine# He0s good85
(le!c$er was merely me"iocre w$en $e %laye" on !$e $i&$ sc$ool !ennis !eam# His skills "i" no! im%rove
over !ime# He %laye" or $obby# He was lucky i $e coul" serve $al as as! as /$a.# 3Aove- love85 $e
s$ou!e"# His serve $i! !$e ar line an" /$a. lun&e" a! i!# Whif# 37ou0re "oin& !$a! on %ur%ose- aren0! you45
(le!c$er0s an&er re!urne"# 3/$a.bo!4 7ou "on0! nee" !o $ol" back85
3I !o!ally misse" i!- man85 /$a.bo! !urne" $is back !o (le!c$er an" kicke" !$e clay in w$a! seeme"
!o be rus!ra!ion# 36et,s go 'ha%85 He s%oke alou" in !$ir" %erson# 3Ae!0s &o8 7ou can !ake !$is !wer%85
3(i!een- love85 (le!c$er !ook a %a&e rom Mic$ael <$an&0s %laybook# 5nderhand# T$e serve
barely cleare" !$e ne!# /$a.bo! ran or i! an" "ove !o $is c$es!# He &o! u% an" brus$e" o a cake o rus!)
colore" "ir!#
3.amn85 /$a.bo! yelle"# 32amn8 /ur%rise" me !$ere85
+ivian walke" u% !o (le!c$er an" kisse" $im below !$e ear on !$e neck# 3I0m &oin& !o look
aroun"# I0ll be back beore you inis$#5
34eah45 (le!c$er wasn0! sure $ow !o res%on"# /$e seeme" like &oo" luck# He kisse" $er on !$e
li%s# 3@o a$ea"#5 /$e walke" away an" (le!c$ yelle"- 3T$ir!y- love85
T$ere was a "iscovery !$a! (le!c$er ma"e# /$a.bo! seeme" reluc!an! !o embarrass $im in ron! o
$is lon&)!ime &irlrien"# ;$en s$e was &one- $e %laye" $ar"er# He even seeme" !o calibra!e $is eor! so i!
looke" more na!ural# ' $un"re")an")!en)mile)%er)$our serves became nine!y)mile)%er)$our serves# He
won !$e irs! se! easily- si9 !o one# +ivian re!urne" !o wa!c$ all o !$e secon" se!# /$a.bo! won- si9 !o our#
3;e can %lay (renc$ B%en men0s c$am%ions$i% rules an" &o un!il one o wins !$ree se!s# 7ou u% or i!-
(le!c$er45
(le!c$er s$ook $is $ea"# 3?a$# I0m &oo"85
/$a.bo! ran !owar" !$e ne! an" cleare" i! easily# T$e =um% looke" awkwar"# I! wasn0! a hurdler,s
=um%# I! was more like a vi"eo &ame =um% Aui&i or Mario mi&$! make# He &o! !o (le!c$ an" s$ook $is
$an"# 3I coul" see you &e!!in& rus!ra!e"# I !$ou&$! you were &onna &e! all =ohn 2cEnroe on me85
3Jo$n McEnroe45 +iv aske"# 3;i!$ $is looks- $e0s more like an '&assi85
37ou0re a s%or!- /$a.bo!85 (le!c$er "us!e" $imsel o# 33eady for lunch guys45
3I !$ou&$! i!0" never come85 E""ie sai"# 3+read- +ivian4 I! was &oo"### bu! I wan! !o s!u some
frog legs in!o my s!omac$8 Escargot8 I "on0! care8 I wan! some!$in& good#5
3Ae!0s $ea" ou!85 +ivian sai"# /$e was $a%%y# /$e !ook $er rac*ue! back rom /$a. an" !$ey
$ea"e" !o !$eir ren!al car an" wen! lookin& or a bi!e !o ea!#
'! @rissom 'ir (orce Base in In"iana- Ma!! /!ubbs inis$e" u% work as /$a.bo! was bein&
in!ro"uce" !o (le!c$er- +iv an" E""ie a! -arc .isneyland# He was relieve" w$en i! was com%le!e"# 's
(le!c$er an" /$a.bo! wra%%e" u% !$eir !ennis ma!c$- Ma!! oun" $imsel s!ra%%e" !o a c$air alone in a
mus!y $an&ar# In ron! o $im was a black)an")w$i!e !ube !elevision on w$eels# :n"er !$e T+ was a +H/
%layer# Bn !$e screen- 2alcolm I spoke# Ma!! coul"n0! make sense o w$a! was &oin& on# Tom Mc1ay
en!ere" wi!$ a w$i!e %orcelain !ray o brownies# He wore a "ecora!e" army uniorm an" Ma" Ha!!er0s $a!#
He !ook a brownie an" $el" i! !o Ma!!0s mou!$ wi!$ou! sayin& a wor"# Ma!! a!e# He $el" ano!$er- !$en
ano!$er# ;$en !$e brownies were inis$e"- Tom e9i!e"# Ma!! no!ice" !$a! !$ere was a !ail be$in" Tom>a
luy- black !ail !$a! coul"0ve come o a $u&e mu!an! ca!# Hu&e s!ereo s%eakers were si!ua!e" in all
corners# The (lenn 2iller Orchestra %laye" in !$e back&roun"# Ma!! looke" in !$e "irec!ion w$ere Tom
$a" en!ere" an" !$en e9i!e"# ' lar&e bunny a%%roac$e"- %ink an" luy- %er$a%s si9 an" $al ee! !all# T$is
bunny !wirle" a lar&e ba& o a&in& socks# T$e bunny "ance" !o !$e music !$en %u! $is ace close enou&$ !o
Ma!!0s nose !$a! !$ey !ouc$e"# T$e bunny "ance" some more !$en be&an !o swa! Ma!! across !$e ace wi!$
!$e socks# T$ere was %robably a &ol ball insi"e- bu! i! was cus$ione" by ano!$er sock# I! smelle" o
vine&ar# T$e bunny s!o%%e" "ancin&# He %u! u% $is %oin!er in&er an" s$ook i!# 1o# no# no# !$e &es!ure
sai"# T$e bunny "ance" as $e $ea"e" !owar" !$e e9i!# Ma!! be&an !o eel s!one"# In came a mi"&e!
wearin& a maroon )oot suit# In $is le! $an"- $e $el" a classic silver %ocke! wa!c$ a!!ac$e" !o $is %an!s by a
len&!$y c$ain# He looke" a! !$e ace o i! !$en s%a! a! Ma!!0s s$oes# He &run!e" an" %ou!e" in a !iny circle#
In $is ri&$! $an" $e $el" a sou% can s!ri%%e" o i!0s ori&inal label# He looke" insi"e !$e can !$en walke" u%
!o Ma!!# He s%a! on Ma!!0s c$es! !$en !$rew !$e li*ui" con!en!s a! Ma!!0s ace# I! was urine# 2att could
smell that it was urine. T$e mi"&e! ol"e" $is arms !$en e9i!e"- s!ill in %ou!in& as$ion# ?e9! came a la"y
wearin& a lowin& yellow "ress- blue !o%- an" a re" ribbon i9e" a!o% $er s$or! brune!!e $air# &inderella4
Ma!! won"ere"# He was eelin& more an" more $i&$# &inderella0 1o. That,s 'now White# /$e $a" an
o%a*ue Tu%%erware bucke! ull o lour# T$ere were no "ances or %ou!in& aroun"# /$e walke" s!rai&$! u%
!o Ma!! an" "um%e" !$e bucke! on $is $ea"# Ma!! blinke" an" all s$e coul" see o $is ace was $is eyes#
He s$ook $is $ea" bu! lour clun& !o we! urine !$a! !$e mi"&e! $a" !osse"# /now ;$i!e $el" u% a mirror#
Ma!! looke" a! $imsel# Tears rolle" "own $is ace an" $e coul" see !$in les$y %a!$s# He bowe" $is $ea"
an" wis$e" $imsel away# He $o%e" $e was "reamin&#
I! was no "ream# Ma!! sa! s!ra%%e" in $is c$air or !$ree $ours a!er 'now White le!# Tom Mc1ay
came back# T$is !ime $e wore &ray Aevi0s 2ockers- ,enny Aoaers- an" an B9or" bu!!on)u% s$ir!# T$ere
was a s!ron& colo&ne smell !$a! Ma!! wasn0! amiliar wi!$# Ma!! !remble"- bu! $e aske"- 3;$a! is !$is4 Is
!$e bunny a symbol o some!$in&4 2i" I screw u%45
3+unny45 Tom aske"# 3Bunny4 2i" you see a bunny in $ere45
34es8 I !$ink you know !$e one85 Ma!! wa!c$e" Tom %lay "umb# Tom looke" aroun" as i $e was
!ryin& !o amuse a !o""ler#
3Bunny4 I "on0! see a bunny45 Tom li! a ci&ar# 3;$a! are you "oin& wa!c$in& 2alcolm I45
3I see w$ere !$is is &oin&- Tom85 Ma!! crie"# 3I!0s so you can "eny !$e na!ure o work "one
$ere85
31ature of work4 7ou0re $ire" !o !es! !$ese buil"in&s or sae!y8 T$is close")"own base coul" be
use" a&ain8 How were !$e walls w$en you !es!e" !$em45
3/ got it85 Ma!! sai"# 32on0! %ee% a wor"# I alrea"y know8 7ou can le! me &o8 7ou can !rus! !$a!
I0m no! &oin& !o say any!$in&85
3'ny!$in& abou! what- Ma!!45 Tom &o! closer !o Ma!!0s ace# 37ou0re no! stoned- are you45
37ou came an" &ave me brownies8 /!one"4 7ou woul" know8 7ou wore a ca!0s !ail rom your
rear8 <ome on8 ,lease *ui! wi!$ !$ese &ames85 Ma!! looke" u%war"s# T$e music s!o%%e"#
37ou0re lookin& aroun" or w$a!- Ma!!4 7ou look like you0re $avin& some kin" o "elusion8 're
!$ere bunnies loa!in& in !$e air45 Tom Mc1ay %ue" $is ci&ar#
3(lenn 2iller8 ;$a! $a%%ene" !o !$e music45 Ma!! looke" u% a&ain# T$e music came back on-
bu! now i! was barely au"ible# 3I!0s back8 The (lenn 2iller Orchestra#5
3I "on0! $ear any!$in&-5 Tom sai"# 3Maybe you nee" !ime o- Ma!!#5
3/o "on0! ask abou! !$e rickin0 pee !$a! was !$rown a! me45 Ma!! was ma" bu! $e was ca!c$in&
on# &ategorically deny. That,s their method# 3Ais!en- Tom# I "on0! $ear any music# I!0s my memory#5
3T$is is "one or !$e &rea!er &oo"- Ma!!$ew /!ubbs# I!0s or your own &oo"# 7ou0re &onna &e! a
wie- some"ay# 7ou0re &oin& !o be "runk in a bar# 7ou0re &oin& !o wan! !o !alk abou! your life#5 Tom
Mc1ay %ue" an" blew smoke in Ma!!0s ace# 3're you &oin& !o say any!$in& i you0re s!ory is a!!ac$e" !o
a rickin0 bunny45
3Bkay# /eriously# I0m &e!!in& %ai" or my work- ri&$!4 7ou0re no! &oin& !o kill me#5 Ma!! wai!e"
or an answer# Ins!ea"- Tom le! !$e room# 'n $our la!er- !$e %ink bunny rolle" !$e T+ away# 'n $our
a!er !$a!- /now ;$i!e uns!ra%%e" Ma!! rom $is c$air# ?o wor"s were e9c$an&e" an" Ma!! "i"n0! s!ick
aroun" !o in" ou! w$a! !$e mi"&e! mi&$! "o#
+ivian- (le!c$er- E""ie an" !$e android s!o%%e" a! Micky0s "eli near 6ycHe 8ictor "ugo# T$ey
or"ere" san"wic$es !o &o# T$ey "eci"e" !o make a run !o Aon"on beore !$e "ay en"e"# ?one o !$em $a"
&one !$rou&$ !$e <$annel Tunnel an" i! seeme" !o be !$e !$in& !o "o# T$ey c$a!!e" abou! 6es 2isHrables
an" $urrie" alon&# B all !$in&s- !$ey wan!e" !o see +ig +en an" $an& ou! aroun" !$e T$ames# Every!$in&
wen! as clockwork# ;$en !$ey c$ecke" in!o Aon"on0s 5mi "otel- (le!c$er receive" a !e9! messa&e rom
Ma!!# He !ol" +ivian- 3I! woul" mean a lo! !o Ma!! i we mee! $im a! /i9 (la&s in /!# Aouis on (ri"ay#
;$a! s$oul" I "o45 He !urne" !o E""ie- 3Ma!!0s !$is &uy I worke" wi!$ a! !$a! &loomy %lace in In"iana#5
+ivian sai"- 3I was $o%in& !o !ravel !o /%ain or @ermany ne9!# 'i* 7lags will do#5
3T$e &uy0s kin" o i"&e!y-5 (le!c$ !ol" E""ie# 3I almos! !$ink $e likes !$e line o work $e "oes#
I!0s murky### an" I0ve been involve"### but / don,t like it#5
3/i9 (la&s soun"s like a blas!-5 E""ie sai"# 3're you &uys s!ar!in& !o eel &uil!y abou! !$e way
we0re livin&4 I =us! i&ure" we0" be a! eac$ o!$er0s ki"s0 soccer &ames by now in lie#5
3;$a! abou! me45 /$a.bo! aske"# 32oesn0! anyone care or my in%u!45
3'ha%4 2o you like roller coas!ers45 +ivian %u! $er $an" on /$a.bo!0s s$oul"er# /$e was !rea!in&
$im more an" more like a real %erson#
36ike roller coasters4 I love !$em8 2on0! you remember w$ere we me!45 /$a.bo! =um%e" u%
an" "own a cou%le o !imes### !$en $e s%an aroun" a ew !imes in a %iroue!!e# 3I like !o &e! "i..y8 I $o%e
!$ey $ave !ea cu%s8 I love !$e !ea cu%s85
3Bkay8 T$is one0s se!!le" !oo# @o a$ea" an" !e9! Ma!!# ;e0ll be !$ere (ri"ay# Make sure $e $as
!$e 7ours>uare a%% an" i!0ll be easy !o mee!#5 +ivian wen! in!o !$e res!room an" looke" a! $ersel in !$e
mirror# /$e came ou!# 3I eel so bea! bu! my ace "oesn0! s$ow i!#5
3I !$ink I0ve $a" !$e lu-5 E""ie sai"# 3I0m no! usually !$is muc$ o a "ra&#5
3Alright#5 (le!c$er i""le" wi!$ $is i,$one# 3Te9! sen!# ;e0ll see Ma!! !$is (ri"ay85
T$e &rou% lew rom En&lan" !$e ne9! "ay# T$ey $a" a ull "ay !o res! u% or ye! ano!$er
amusemen! %ark# T$ey me! Ma!! /!ubbs a! !$e /i9 (la&s &a!e a! !en in !$e mornin&# He !ol" +ivian- 3?ice
!o see you a&ain8 I0ll always remember you as !$e 6,olaroi" &irl085
(le!c$ in!ro"uce" E""ie# 3T$is is our %al# ;e &ra"ua!e" $i&$ sc$ool !o&e!$er in !$e la!e nine!ies#5
Ma!! sai" !o E""ie- 37ou $ave &rea! rien"s8 ;$o0s !$e o!$er &uy45
3B$85 (le!c$er almos! or&o!# 3This4 ;e call $im 6'ha%08 7ou0ll like $im85
3"ello85 /$a. si&nale" wi!$ %alm u% an" in&ers s%laye">the 8ulcan greeting sign#
T$e &rou% %ai" or !$eir en!rance# Ma!! a%%roac$e" (le!c$ as i $e was &oin& !o s%ill a secre!#
37ou know $ow !$ey !ell you !o scream 6fire0 in a %arkin& s!ruc!ure i you0re bein& assaul!e" or ra%e"45
Ma!! !rie" !o rea" (le!c$# 3Have you $ear" o !$a!45
37es8 ,eo%le $ar"ly res%on" !o 6help0 cries# T$ey ear or !$eir own sae!y# 67ire0- !$ou&$- is
mana&eable#5 T$ou&$ i! was early- !$e %ark was s!ar!in& !o ill# (le!c$0s irs! !$ou&$! was !o blow Ma!! o
bu! $e knew w$y !$ey were a! /i9 (la&s# Ma!! was yellin& 3fire5# (le!c$er was sure o i!# 3+ivian45
34es45 +ivian $ea"e" !owar" a lolli%o% ven"or# /$e %ulle" ou! a ew !wen!ies an" %icke" ou! an
oversi.e" %ink an" w$i!e swirle" can"y# 37es4 Honey45
32att got molested or something-5 (le!c$er sai"# He "i"n0! know any o!$er way !o $an"le i!#
3T$ere are plenty o lines or us !o s!an" in w$ile you e9%lain yoursel85 +ivian remove" !$e
wra%%er rom $er !rea! an" licke"#
37ire- ri&$!4 T$is %lace is your cry8 Ma!!45 (le!c$er looke" over a! /$a.bo!# T$ey bou&$! $im
new clo!$es# He was in a !$ree)%iece sui!# I!0s !$e way $e $a" !o $ave i!#
37es85 Ma!! blus$e"# 3T$ey did some!$in& !o me-5 $e e9%laine"# 3I "on0! know i you nee" !$e
"e!ails- bu! I won0! be s%eakin& abou! !$e %ro=ec! we were %ar! o#5
31either will /:5 (le!c$er sai"# 3?o! 6cause !$ey scare" me8 T$ey bou&$! me o8 With him85 He
%oin!e" a! /$a.# /$a. wave" $is $an" an" $is eyes li! u% bri&$! re" a&ain#
3Holy cra%85 Ma!! sai"# 3Is $e a###45
3.on,t say Jrobot,85 +ivian cu! in# 3His ull name is 6'ha%bot08 ;e call $im 6/$a.0 or s$or!#5
3Tell me- Ma!!$ew /!ubbs-5 /$a.bo! s%oke# 32i" !$ey anal %robe you45 ' &oo" come"ian woul"
inci!e lau&$!er wi!$ !imin& an" "elivery# /$a.bo! was "ry an" o# 3I0m ki""in& o course### bu! really45
3I &o! sla%%e" aroun" by a bunny85 Ma!! el! $umilia!e" bu! was "es%era!e !o &e! i! o $is c$es!#
3A pink bunny racked my ass up while / sat watching old speeches:5 (le!c$- +iv- /$a. an" E""ie all
s!o%%e" in !$eir !racks an" lis!ene"# 3T$en a mi"&e! !$rew %iss in!o my eyes85
3.id they threaten you05 (le!c$er aske"# 3I!0s weir" because i!0s a cra% s$oo!# Bn us- !$ey use"
an incen!ive me!$o"# T$ey gave us some!$in&# 7ou4 T$ey0re usin& fear#5
3(ear4 My ace is s!ill we! w$en 'now White comes in !$e room an" !osses w$i!e %ow"er a! me8
2i" I !ell you I was s!one" on brownies w$ile bein& !ie" u%45 Ma!! el! &oo" enou&$ !$ere# He "i"n0! eel
!$e nee" !o a"" more# 3I0ve come $ere every year since I was !$ir!een years ol"# +oomerang or 1inja
woul" be &oo" coas!ers !o s!ar! wi!$# 7ou u%45
+ivian wan!e" !o &e! we!# T$ey $ea"e" !o Thunder 3iver an" "i"n0! !alk !oo muc$ abou! abnormal
social occurrences or !$e ne9! ew $ours# '! "usk- !$ey $a" enou&$ an" $ea"e" !o leave# ;$en !$ey
reac$e" !$e %arkin& lo!- (le!c$er !ol" Ma!!- 3'ha%bot here0 He0s a $oo!8 7ou &e! alon& wi!$ $im well# I
wan! you !o !ake $im $ome# I nee" $im back in a ew weeks### bu! you coul" use !$e com%any85
32att85 /$a.bo! sai"# 3;$a! "o ya0 say45 He e9!en"e" $is arms !o Ma!! or a $u&# 3I will no!
!$um% you aroun" wi!$ wei&$!e" socks8 I! will be fun#5
3I &uess so-5 Ma!! sai"# 3I $a" a blas!# I $a" !o !ell someone w$a! $a%%ene"# ?o one bu! you
woul" un"ers!an"# I was &oin& cra.y#5
3Ais!en- man-5 (le!c$er sai"# 3;e looke" u% E""ie- $ere- because $e wen! !$rou&$ !$is !$in&
beore anyone else I know# I can0! say I can $el% because i! s!ill $a%%ens !o us>the bi%arre stuff>bu! I
!$ink !$ey0re layin& o a li!!le#5
3I !$ink so !oo-5 +ivian sai"# 32i" I !ell you I was %aranoi" !$a! Aaura Bus$ was s%yin& on me
wi!$ %syc$ics45
3?o85 Ma!! sai"# 3I!0s no! a mi"&e! !$rowin& piss in your ace### bu! I be! i! sucks### !o !$ink
!$ey0re all a!er us85
3&hill85 /$a.bo! sai"# 3T$ese are 3ogues# T$ey will be "eal! wi!$#5 He %u! $is $an" in !$e air#
3/la% me some skin85
Ma!! &ave /$a.bo! a $i&$ ive# +ivian- (le!c$er an" E""ie $ea"e" !owar" !$eir ren!al car# Ma!!
le" /$a.bo! !o $is small %icku%# ;$en +iv s!ar!e" !$e i&ni!ion- s$e sai"- 3;$en we se!!le an" &e! marrie"-
&uy### ;e nee" !o buy a car o our own85
3/ hear ya,85 (le!c$er sai"# He !urne" aroun" !o c$eck on E""ie# 37ou0re no! &oin& !o conk ou!-
are you45
T$ey s!aye" ano!$er ni&$! in /!# Aouis# '! si9 in !$e mornin&- !$ey sa! !o&e!$er a! a boo!$ insi"e a
.enny,s# 3I !$ink i!0s !ime or me !o s%li! o# I! was &rea! !o see you !wo a&ain#5 E""ie "rank black coee#
3I wis$ we coul" "o !$is or ano!$er cou%le o mon!$s# I0m &e!!in& pooped#5 +ivian looke" a! a
menu or a wale combina!ion#
3;e0re &onna $ea" !o 2<>me an" +iv are#5 (le!c$er %u! $is menu "own# (rand 'lam# He
always &o! !$e same !$in&# 3I0ve &o! some issues# 2<8 T$a!0s w$ere we0ll $ea"#5
3I0ll call you !$is summer-5 E""ie sai"# 37ourth of =uly# ;e s$oul" "o some!$in& or !$e 7ourth#5
3I can0! !$ink !$a! ar8 ;$a! is !$is4 Marc$45 +ivian no!ice" a wai!ress $ol"in& a %a"# /$e
or"ere" a number i!een- (le!c$ or"ere" a @ran" /lam- an" E""ie sim%ly or"ere" !oas!# 37ou can $ave my
$am-5 +ivian !ol" $im#
32o you wan! !o ly or "rive45 (le!c$ aske"# 3I0ll "rive i you wan! !o slee%# I "on0! wan! !o "eal
wi!$ ano!$er air%or! ri&$! now#5
3We can drive-5 +ivian sai"# /$e el! a bi! sen!imen!al# What if it,s another fifteen years before we
get together again4 s$e won"ere"#
3I! was one o !$e be!!er !imes I0ve $a" in a w$ile-5 E""ie sai"# 3'! !$e very leas!- we ou&$! !o
$ook u% in a year a! !$e same 2otel @ in Balboa i you &e! !oo busy#5
(le!c$er wasn0! sure w$en !$ey0" &e! !o&e!$er a&ain# T$e rou!e !o 2< rom /!# Aouis wen! "irec!ly
!$rou&$ In"iana%olis alon& In!ers!a!e /even!y# +ivian was %asse" ou! col" an" leanin& ar back in $er
%assen&er0s sea!# (le!c$er $a" a mini im%ulse !o wake $er an" !ake a "e!our !o !$e "ea!$ s!a!ion in Beec$
@rove# T$in&s $a" been so seren"i%i!ous# ?o nee" !o mess wi!$ i! now# T$ey s%en! !$e ni&$! a! a mo!el
near ,i!!sbur&$ an" !$en !$ey me! u% wi!$ <ornelius /!uar! a! !$e 2< Ri!.)<arl!on !$e ollowin& a!ernoon#
3T$is is !$e $o!el w$ere senior Bus$ me! wi!$ /$ai& bin Aa"en on /e%!ember 11- 20018 &reepy- $u$45
(le!c$er aske"# +ivian lau&$e" bois!erously like i! was a %unc$ line# T$ey reac$e" room <A< an" knocke"#
<ornelius o%ene"# 3'alutations85 (le!c$er sai"# 3/$a.bo! worke" ou! =us! ine8 Bu! we lost $im85
3I know w$a! $a%%ene" !o $im85 <ornelius o%ene" !$e "oor wi"er an" e9!en"e" $is $an" inwar"#
3<ome in85
+ivian $a" a smile rom c$eek !o c$eek# Her ears o !$e &overnmen! eva%ora!e"#
32i" you invi!e 'hafig45 (le!c$er aske"#
3What4885 <ornelius aske"# 3/$ai&45
3?ever min"-5 (le!c$er sai"# 3' li!!le conspiracy $umor85 T$e ba!$room swun& o%en# I! was a
c$im%an.ee# /$e s!ru!!e" !o !$e &rou%# /$e wore a re" $a! w$ic$ coul"0ve been ma"e by "ra%in& velve!
over a coee can# T$ere was a re" !assel an" a re" ves! wi!$ &ol" !rim# 3Who is this45
3T$is is 'andy85 <ornelius sai"# 3/$e communica!es85 T$ere was a "evice on !$e be" !$a! looke"
like an &i&an!ic +lackberry# 3Here- /an"y85
T$e c$im% !y%e" on i!# 3Hello85 /an"y0s mac$ine s%oke or $er#
3I you like" 'ha%bot- you0re &oin& !o love /an"y85 <ornelius $an"e" /an"y !o +iv#
37ou look soooo cu!e85 +iv scra!c$e" /an"y a! !$e c$in# /$e !urne" !owar" <ornelius# 3Ais!en8
I like" /$a.bo!### bu! we can0! kee% doing !$is85
37ea$# ;e0re no! marrie"# ;e "on0! $ave ki"s# /ome"ay- we0ll se!!le an" maybe $ave a c$il"###
bu!###5 (le!c$0s $ear! be&an !o warm# /an"y li!e" $er $a! in an a"orable &es!ure# 3;e can !ake $er or a
ew "ays8 @ive us !$e ino8 How "o we !ake care o $er45
3Take $er !o !$e boar"walk# Jersey0s all ri%%e" u%# T$ere0s cons!ruc!ion workers all over !$e
%lace# 2ake up a story but don,t say the government gave her to you# /an"y0s !raine" !o !ake coins# I
know s$e0s a bi! bi& or i!- bu! i!0s $er cover#5 <ornelius !urne" $is back !o !$em an" walke" !o !$e win"ow#
3(le!c$er45 +ivian aske"# 3;$a! "o ya0 say45
3I can see us s%en"in& !ime on !$e Jersey /$ore8 7es8 T$is can &ive us a clue i we0re i! !o be
%aren!s85 (le!c$ %u! $is $an" ou!# /an"y &ave $im ive# 3/$e0s $i%8 3eally hip85
3/$e knows $ow !o use irearms85 <ornelius !urne" back aroun"# 3'n" s$e knows $ow !o use a
!aser85 He reac$e" or /an"y0s "evice# 3T$is4 1ee% i! c$ar&e" w$en s$e0s aslee%# /$e0ll !alk a lo! rom
!$e backsea! o w$a!ever car you0re in# 2on0! &ive $er !oo muc$ c$ocola!e8 /$e0ll be&- bu! !$en s$e0ll be
wire" all ni&$!8 'n" beer4 Three tops85
3I !$ink we0re &oin& !o party85 (le!c$er0s e9uberance "i%%e"# 3Hey8 7ou sai" you know w$a!
$a%%ene" !o 'ha%bot8 7ou know Ma!! /!ubbs !ook $im# ;$a! "o you know abou! Ma!! &e!!in& !ie" u%45
3Tom "i" i! on $is own-5 <ornelius sai"# 3;e0re !ryin& !o s!o% !$ose be$aviors# Tom0s a! !$e
caboose o !$is !$in&# 1in"ness will come in !ime### or $e0ll s!o% "rawin& c$ecks rom us85
3I wan! !o &o !o (uantanamo +ay a!er we re!urn /an"y#5 (le!c$er !ook $er rom +ivian# 3I wan!
!o &e! back in!o %$o!o&ra%$y# I "on0! like !o s!ay away rom i! or !oo lon&#5
3@uan!anamo4 I can %ull some s!rin&s#5 <ornelius scra!c$e" $is c$in# 3I !alke" !o brass>inner
workings- you know4 T$ey like w$a! you an" +ivian "o#5
3/o i!0s a "one "eal45 (le!c$er bounce" /an"y like a baby# 3/$e0s s!ill youn&- isn0! s$e45
32one "eal4 I can &e! you a helicopter# T$e brass wan!s you !o bu.. over Ma!!0s $ouse# T$ey
"on0! like $im or some reason# Remember believin& !$ey were screwin& wi!$ you4 T$e &uys in !$e sky4
;ell4 ?ow ya0 know# ;e screw wi!$ %eo%le# I "on0! !$ink !$a!0s &oin& !o c$an&e#5 <ornelius !urne" back
!owar" !$e win"ow#
3@uan!anamo85 (le!c$ le! /an"y "own an" s$e wen! !o $er "evice# 3I wan! (uantanamo8 Bu..
Ma!!0s %lace4 /oun"s like a =oke bu! I know someone is serious#5
3Babe45 +ivian calle"# 3/an"y wan!s !o s$ow your $er "is%lay screen#5
(le!c$er rea" i!# 6ET,' (O# 3/$e0s >uick85 +ivian an" (le!c$er "rove wi!$ /an"y !$a! ni&$! an"
!$ey s!aye" a! "arrah,s in '!lan!ic <i!y# T$e ne9! "ay i! woul" be Jersey /$ore# T$is kin" o ac!ivi!y wen!
on "urin& !$e ne9! ew weeks# (le!c$ an" +ivian woul" !ake !$e c$im% back an" <ornelius woul" oer an
e9o!ic %arro! reci!in& !o% secre! &overnmen! inorma!ion# T$ey0" s%en" a ew "ays wi!$ !$e %arro! !$en be
&iven a w$i!e mouse !raine" !o inil!ra!e a $ouse in or"er !o in" an" re!rieve $ouse keys# Beore lon&-
(le!c$ was in (uantanamo "ocumen!in& !$e $ol"in& cells o %ur%or!e" nine eleven !erroris!s# He &o! !o
visi! "angar AF a! J(1 'ir%or! in Kueens w$ere rou&$ly a $un"re" an" i!y man&le" @roun" Hero %ieces
o s!eel were ke%!# Even !$ou&$ $e wasn0! allowe" !o brin& in $is ?ikon- $e embrace" a !iny bi! o closure
!$a! see%e" in re&ar"in& !$e Towers inci"en!#
I! was early '%ril w$en +ivian sle%! ne9! !o (le!c$er an" woke wi!$ a reali.a!ion# 3T$ey0re
!rainin& you !o re%lace <ornelius-5 s$e sai"# T$ey were a! !$e Ri!.)<arl!on in 2<# 3T$a!0s w$y !$ey0re
schmoo%ing us#5
I! was !$e mi""le o !$e ni&$! w$en s$e s%oke !o $im# He $a" been layin& la! on $is back in !$e
be"- no! able !o slee%# 3I0ve been won"erin& abou! !$a!# 7ou know !$ey ee" !urkeys an awul lo! beore
T$anks&ivin&# T$ey stuff !$em- bu! !$ey $ave ul!erior mo!ives# I won"er w$a! !$ey0re "oin& wi!$ us# T$e
?'/' li&$! simula!or in Hous!on# T$a!0s w$en I s!ar!e" !$inkin& !$a! !or!ure was ou! o !$eir %lans or
us#5
3My "a"- (le!c$er# He0s a ric$ man an" $e0s mys!erious even !o me#5 /$e wan!e" $im !o res%on"#
3Maybe i!0s a link wi!$ $im4 ' bu""y sys!em4 Ric$ wa!c$in& a!er ric$4 I know !$ey "i"n0! c$oose us or
any!$in& we0ve "one in $i&$ sc$ool#5
3I!0s scary# I miss /an"y- ac!ually# I won"er $ow !$in&s !urne" ou! wi!$ /$a.bo! an" Ma!!#5 'll
o a su""en- (le!c$0s eyes el! $eavy# 3I coul" slee% now# I !$ink I nee"e" !$is !alk# I $ave many !$in&s
swirlin& in my min"#5
37ou sai" !$a! !$e irs! "ay you me! <ornelius- $e !ol" you !$ere are winners an" losers in !$e
worl">!$ere always $as been an" always will be# I !$ink maybe $e wan!s us !o be on the winning side#5
/$e rubbe" (le!c$0s belly un"er !$e be"s%rea"#
3;innin&4 7ou woul" !$ink !$ere0" be less conusion#5 (le!c$ rubbe" $is eyes# 3I0m !ire" now-
"arlin&#5 He !urne" !o $er an" kisse" $er# 3I0ve &o!!a &e! some res!#5 T$ey sle%! un!il !en in !$e mornin&-
c$ecke" ou! (yet again) rom !$e $o!el- !$en $ea"e" !o 2urry E -aul,s or breakas!# <onversa!ion was
li&$! un!il !$ey were serve" i"en!ical meals o rie" e&&s wi!$ biscui!s an" &ravy# +ivian or"ere" wales on
!$e si"e# (le!c$er %on"ere"- 3Bkay# T$e bulk o !$e nine eleven s!eel was su%ervise" by (EM' an" was
sen! in mass !o ?ew Jersey# I !$ere0" been no wron&"oin&- w$y "i" i! no! s!ay !$ere an" become use" or
!$e new so)calle" 7reedom Tower4 ;$y sell i! *uickly or %ennies on !$e "ollar !o orei&n coun!ries4 ;$y
%ay !o% "ollar !o :/ /!eel or w$oever or !$e ma!erial nee"e" or !$e new skyscra%er45
37ou0re !$inkin& !oo muc$ a&ain85 +ivian sai"# /$e looke" aroun" !$e res!auran!# 3I wan! !o be
or"inary like everyone else some"ay#5 /$e looke" a! $im in !$e eye# 3're you wi!$ me4 're we &oin& !o
be normal people some"ay45
32o you no! remember w$a! i! was like !o be a s!u"en! a! a $i&$ sc$ool &rowin& u% in
/acramen!o4 ;e wan!e" !o c$allen&e everything# ;e !$ou&$! we woul" en" &overnmen! corru%!ion#
?ow4 I won"er i we0re in com%lici!y wi!$ !$em# I0m won"erin& i we0re becomin& !$e 6them0 !$a! we
use" !o ar&ue abou!#5 (le!c$er a!e# 3I know !$e answer# 7ou "ie un"er !$e iron is! or you conver!#5
3I!0s no! !$a! easy#5 +ivian %oure" blueberry syru% on $er wales# 31ine eleven $as %asse" an"
na!ional woun"s are s!ar!in& !o $eal#5
3Bkay8 I can acce%! !$a!#5 (le!c$er s!ill el! conuse"# He el! like a ea!$er in !$e win"# He
coun!e" $is blessin&s every now an" !$en# +ivian was s!ill wi!$ $im# 3;e can %lou&$ orwar"#5
3I wan! !o mee! u% wi!$ E""ie or 7ourth of =uly# ;e nee" a break rom !$is sooner or la!er#5 /$e
cu! $er wales an" a!e# 3I wan! !o be on a <aliornia beac$ !$is summer#5
3I0m wi!$ you# T$ank you or lis!enin&#5 (le!c$er a!e an" $ar"ly s%oke un!il !$e c$eck came#
3're you rea"y or ano!$er ou!lan"is$ even!4 I can eel one comin&85
?o!$in& ou! o !$e or"inary $a%%ene" !o +iv an" (le!c$ "urin& !$e ne9! ew "ays# T$ey oun"
!$emselves a! a ;as$in&!on ?a!ionals baseball &ame on a "ay !$a! Ma!! /!ubbs !ook /$a.bo! !o a Bur&er
1in& in $is $ome!own o Terre Hau!e# Ma!! s$owe" /$a. $is i,a"# 3/ee !$ese li!!le &uys4 I con!rol !$em85
T$e a%% was The Tribe%# 3I can !ell !$em w$a! !o "o8 I am !$eir god85
3Tell !$a! one !o "rink a beer85 /$a. su&&es!e"# 3I wan! !o see $im "ance like !$e Ji!!erbu&#5
3I!0s no! like !$a!# I can !ell !$em !o cu! !rees- buil" $u!s- &a!$er oo"### I like your i"ea- bu!###5
Ma!! close" !$e a%% an" o%ene" ano!$er# 3T$is one is &andy &rush# 7ou $ave !o connec! lines o "ieren!
colore" $ar" swee!s# 'ee45
/$a.bo! "i"n0! seem in!eres!e"# 3;$en are +iv- (le!c$er an" E""ie comin& back45
3;e0ll %robably see !$em in summer# Toni&$!- we0re &oin& !o see a 1ine /nch 1ails !ribu!e ban"8
2o you like ?ine Inc$ ?ails4 6I was u% above i!### ?ow I0m "own in i!04 I!0s !$e s!ory o my lie#5
3I coul" "i& a concer!# ;oul" you like !o "o some !o% secre! s%y work4 I coul" call my %ee%s in
;as$in&!on85 /$a. scare" "own $is ;$o%%er#
3'py work4 ?o sir85 Ma!! "i%%e" ries in!o ke!c$u% !$en s!ue" !$em in!o $is mou!$# Beore
swallowin&- $e con!inue"- 3I0m done wi!$ clan"es!ine &overnmen! o%era!ions85
37ou can0! =us! *ui!85 /$a.bo! crum%le" $is bur&er wra%%er# 3I!0s like !$e mafia# T$ey0ll $un!
you8 T$ey0ll !rack you "own# 7our %a!$ o leas! resis!ance is !o volun!eer a ew !imes a year# 7ou &o!!a
make 6em !$ink you0re cool wi!$ !$e %ro&ram#5
3Otherwise45 Ma!! aske"# His e!i*ue!!e wasn0! all !$a! &rea! bu! $e "i"n0! care# ;oul" a robo!
really be $ur! by ba" manners4 He s!ue" $al $is c$icken san"wic$ in!o $is mou!$ an" c$om%e"#
3B!$erwise !$ey0ll &e! %aranoi"8 2o you know w$a! &overnmen! a&en!s "o w$en !$ey &e!
%aranoi"4 T$ey %re!en" every!$in&0s ine in !$eir lives### then they tag 4O5 as being paranoid8 T$en you
can0! work- your &irlrien" "um%s you- roomma!es move ou!- you can0! make ren!- you lose your =ob### an"
you win" u% on skid row in Aos 'n&eles- <aliornia ea!in& s$oe sou% an" "oin& !ricks or !wen!y "ollars a
%iece i you0re lucky85
Ma!! was$e" $is oo" "own wi!$ 2r# ,e%%er# 37ou know4 7ou0re ri&$!8 7ou &e! me a &oo" &i&
an" I0ll s%y on my own mom85
3'no!$er !$in&85 /$a.bo! looke" aroun" !$e res!auran! cons%icuously !o make sure no one was
lis!enin&# 3/!o% "um%in& on @eor&e ; Bus$85 /$a. wi%e" barbe*ue sauce rom $is c$in# 3His "a" was a
one)!ermer8 In 1FF2- !$e coun!ry sla%%e" $im in ace by elec!in& ;illiam Jeerson <lin!on8 7ou woul" be
buil"in& all !$ese s%ecial "ea!$ cam%s i you were in $is s$oes85
3What45 Ma!! looke" a! /$a.0s ace !$inkin& i! coul" be a =oke# 3;$a!4 Is !$a! w$y !$ey "um%e"
you on us4 (or %ro%a&an"a45
31o85 /$a. si%%e" !ea !$rou&$ a s!raw# 3He had !o raise !a9es8 I0m !alkin& abou! senior Bus$#
2o you know w$a! a recession !$e coun!ry was in45
3(irs! o all- $e %romise" $e woul"n0! "o i!8 /econ" o all- I0m no! &oin& !o si! $ere ar&uin& wi!$ a
robo! w$o0s lookin& u% a! !$e /un an" callin& i! !$e 2oon85 Ma!! &o! u%# 3're you rea"y45 He o%ene" $is
walle!# 3T$ese- my bu""y- are !$e !icke!s !o a very un ni&$!85 T$ey rea" 3Hea" Aike ' Hole5 on !$e !o%
an" 3?ine Inc$ ?ails Tribu!e5 ri&$! below# T$e venue an" !ime were also %rin!e" wi!$ a no!e 3s!an"in&
room only5 on !$e bo!!om#
3This rocks85 /$a. sai"# 3I! will be a $oller85
E""ie <ally%so $a" a &oo" !ime aroun" /$a.bo!# (rom 'i* 7lags- $e re!urne" !o $is $ome in
@len"ale- <aliornia# He $a" such a &oo" !ime !$a! $e be&an !o !$ink !$a! robo!s were $i% an" $e ou&$! !o
maybe !ry com%u!er "a!in& o some kin"# Artificial intelligence has come a long way- $e i&ure"# He
c$ecke" ou! match.com an" $ooke" u% wi!$ a la"y name" ?ancy Moore# Bn !$e ni&$! !$a! Ma!! !ook /$a.
!o a ?ine Inc$ ?ails !ribu!e ban" s$ow- E""ie $ooke" u% wi!$ ?ancy a! BJ0s in Hun!in&!on# ?ancy0s skin
was olive an" $er eyes s%arkle"# E""ie was im%resse"# T$ey or"ere" %i..a wi!$ c$icken an" alre"o
sauce# E""ie also or"ere" a %i!c$er o Heewei.en ;$ea! an" by%asse" !$e seven sam%le beer s$o!s# 3I0"
like !o !ell you !$a! you look splendid-5 $e sai" a!er %ourin& beer or bo!$ o !$em# 3I $ave !o s!ar! wi!$
!$a!#5
3Thank you-5 ?ancy sai"# 3;ay back w$en- I was on 7ifth Wheel an" Elimi"a!e# I0m no! really
new !o com%u!er ma!c$)u%s# I0ve "one !$is beore#5 /$e si%%e" $er beer# 37ou "on0! $ave !o worry or be
nervous# I0ve seen a lo! an" you0re no! &oin& !o scare me away>not in a public joint at least#5
3I %icke" you because you wro!e on your rEsumE !$a! you $a" mil" %aranoia o bein& wa!c$e"#5
He "rank $al !$e beer in $is mu&# 3I &e! !$a! !oo### pretty bad#50
3I0ve been on T+ is all-5 ?ancy sai"# 3I0m a universe away rom bein& an ')lis! s!ar### bu! I0ve
been on T8# I !$ink %eo%le know w$o I am w$en I s$ow u% %laces# I know I was only ea!ure" on a cou%le
o "a!in& s$ows### bu! s!ill#5
3My "a" was in !$e army an" became a wea%ons lobbyis! w$en I wen! !o $i&$ sc$ool in
/acramen!o# I! was weir" &rowin& u%# My "a" $a" !$is !$in& abou! rations# He sai" $e live" on
subsis!ence %ay an" o!$er alloca!ions# I !$ou&$! I coul" &e! ric$ w$en we move" "own $ere near
Hollywoo"# I ke%! !$inkin& $e was sabotaging me every !ime I coul" &e! a %ar! as an e9!ra in a movie#
<all me cra.y- bu!###5 E""ie s!o%%e" !$e wai!ress w$en s$e %asse"# I! was !$e same &al !$a! !$ey $a" w$en
+iv an" (le!c$er were aroun"# E""ie or"ere" &arlic brea"# 3'n" my "a" $a" enemies I su%%ose>political
enemies>because $e lobbie" or arms# T$ere are %eo%le- es%ecially nowa"ays wi!$ all !$e s$oo!in&s-
!$a!0re !ryin& !o ou!law many kin"s o irearms#5
3/oun"s nu!s#5 ?ancy smile"# E""ie like" $er smile# I! looke" &enuine# ?ancy sai"- 3I believe
any!$in& !o"ay# I $a" cra.y !$in&s $a%%en# I0ll !ell you !oni&$! a! !$e %ier i !$a!0s w$ere we0re &oin&
ne9!#5
2urin& "inner- E""ie !alke" abou! $elico%!ers !railin& $im !o Jos$ua Tree ?a!ional ,ark# He !alke"
abou! believin& !$a! &$os!s were !alkin& !o $im### bu! no! rom "ea" %eo%le# He !ol" ?ancy i! was like 3'
Beau!iul Min"5- !$e movie# -hantom government agents talked to him when he was alone# He !alke"
abou! (le!c$0s work in Beec$ @rove an" $e men!ione" !$a! +ivian believe" Aaura Bus$ $a" %syc$ics $one"
in on $er# 3I!0s !o!al bulls$i!-5 E""ie sai"# 3I!0s like !$e Twili&$! Hone w$en a man an" la"y run aroun" an
em%!y !own an" every!$in& is ake# <ars "on0! $ave en&ines an" %$one boo!$s "on0! work# (inally- !$ey
look u% a! !$e en" an" see a &ian! youn& &irl# /$e was an alien or some!$in&- even !$ou&$ s$e looke"
$uman- an" !$ey were like "olls !o $er# -lay things#5
32o you eel warehoused4 2o you eel like !$ey0re storing you or a reason or ano!$er4 2o you
eel like you0re a $os!a&e4 2o you eel like somew$ere in 2< !$ere are c$il"ren in a"ul!s0 bo"ies oolin&
wi!$ us like Ae&o4 I &e! !$ose eelin&s#5 ?ancy won"ere" i E""ie was $avin& a &oo" !ime# T$ese seeme"
like weir" !o%ics or a irs! "a!e#
3I "on0! know w$a! $a%%ene"# I &e! on !$e roa" an" i! seems like everyone is los! aroun" me#5
;$en !$e wai!ress %asse" by- E""ie aske" or !$e c$eck# 3I &ra"ua!e" rom 3osemont "igh in 1FFC an"
!$a! summer- my "a" !ook me !o a 2an Aun&ren un"raiser>$e was !$e 3epublican can"i"a!e or &overnor
a!er ,e!e ;ilson# I remember my "a" sayin& w$a! bullshit ,e!e ;ilson was- !$ou&$# He sai" $e woul"n0!
run or %resi"en!### an" $e "i"# He was totally a&ains! ille&al immi&ra!ion in all $is s%eec$es bu! $e $a" an
un"ocumen!e" $ousekee%er# I was a! !$e un"raiser an" I !alke" !o someone abou! i!# They got pissed#
,lus- my "a"0s bro!$er was !$ere- 5ncle +oom +oom# His real name was Jas%er bu! $e wen! by Boom
Boom because $e $a" a &ara&e "oor com%any- +oom +oom .oors 66&# He $a" "ee%er %ocke!s !$an my
"a" an" you $a" !o walk on e&&s$ells aroun" $im# I you $a" a ive o0 clock s$a"ow- $e0" =us! as soon sla%
your ace an" call you a $i%%ie ra"ial# I wan!e" !o be a businessman w$en I was youn&>I mean- I really
wan!e" !$e money !$a! came wi!$ i!>bu! !$a! ni&$!- I reali.e" I wasn0! w$a! !$ey were# I! el! evil on some
level# T$ey !alke" cra% abou! scum ba&s livin& in urban slums an" $ow !$ey were &onna clean i! all u% by
buil"in& %rison a!er %rison# Bnce in a w$ile- !$ey0" make sni"e remarks abou! me# I mean- !$ey woul"n0!
men!ion me by name bu! !$ey woul" "escribe s!u abou! me### like my shoes or hair#5
3I un"ers!an"-5 ?ancy sai"# 32o you wan! !o inis$ !$is !alk near !$e ocean45
3I! reake" me ou! is all I wan! !o say#5 He le! money or !$e bill an" or a !i%# 3T$ey %re!en"
like I picked !$e si"e I0m on# I0m liberal# I! eels &rea!# T$ey %us$e" me ou! as muc$ I wan!e" !o win" u%
on !$e %oli!ical le!- !$ou&$#5
3Ae!0s &o#5 ?ancy &o! u% an" %ulle" E""ie rom $is sea!# 3I wan! !o %u! my ee! in !$e wa!er
w$en we &e! !o !$e beac$#5 In i!een minu!es- !$ey were un"er !$e %ier wi!$ !$eir s$oes o# I! was "ark
an" !$ere was no si&n o !$e Moon# T$ey %laye" aroun" an" !$en sa! !o&e!$er on !$e san"# 3/o you !$ink
your lie was s!olen rom you45 ?ancy "eci"e" s$e woul" say 3yes5 i aske" ou! a&ain#
3'tolen from me4 I "on0! know w$a! !$e uck was &oin& on8 I!0s unny because my bu""ies-
(le!c$ an" +iv- were &iven !$is robo! because we ke%! ran!in& abou! in=us!ices# 6'ha%bot0 is $is name# T$is
android $a" !$is %er%e!ual boner or any!$in& ri&$!)win&>!$a! was $is %ro&rammin&# He rave" abou! ;
because !$ere wasn0! ano!$er nine eleven### bu! we all know $e was in on !$e ori&inal85 E""ie reac$e" or
?ancy0s $an" an" $el" i!# 3I $aven0! el! !$is &oo" in a lon& !ime# T$ere were !imes w$en co%s woul" %ark
ou!si"e my $ouse an" %re!en" !$ey were a!!en"in& !o some aloo business# I el! like I was on !$e run or
abou! !en years### =us! or bein& willin& !o !alk abou! al!erna!ive !$eories o w$a! was really &oin& on in
worl" aairs# T$e w$ole .iebold !$in& in 200D w$en Bus$ s!ole !$e elec!ion4 'n" !$is is a!er !$e (lori"a
iasco in 20008 2o you know w$a! 2ubya !ol" Ma!! Aauer was $is wors! momen!45
3;ai!85 ?ancy $el" u% $er in&er# 3I know !$is8 I! was a!er 1a!rina w$en ?anye West sai" !$a!
Bus$ "oesn0! like black %eo%le "urin& a live !ele!$on or !$e $urricane vic!ims85
34es85 E""ie s$ook $is $ea"# 3Enou&$ abou! !$a!# I!0" be nice !o !ake you ou! a&ain#5 ?ancy
leane" over an" smooc$e" E""ie on !$e li%s# He was $a%%y an" wan!e" !o in!ro"uce ?ancy !o +iv an"
(le!c$- maybe in !$e summer#
Bn !$e "ay a!er E""ie0s irs! "a!e wi!$ ?ancy- (le!c$ an" +iv s!oo" in a Ma"ison- @eor&ia iel"
wi!$ (le!c$0s a!$er- ;al!er Browne# 3;$o0s !$e s$or! &uy45 ;al!er aske"# He was reerrin& !o !$e mi"&e!
w$om !osse" urine in!o Ma!!0s ace# T$is 3s$or! &uy5 wore a black !u9e"o#
3<I'- "a"-5 (le!c$er sai"# He s$ook $is a!$er0s $an"# 37ou remember +iv- o course#5
+ivian smile" an" sai"- 36ong time# no see85
(le!c$er &es!ure" !owar" !$e 3s$or! &uy5 an" in!ro"uce" $im- 3T$is is 'pencerK/%encer
Aaaye!!e# I &o! involve" in !$is sensi!ive %$o!o session- one !$in& lea"s !o !$e o!$er- an" beore I know i!###
I0m !akin& $ome c$im%s- an"roi"s an" ver!ically c$allen&e"#5
34ou can call me Jmidget,# In !$ese circums!ances- I see no reason or %oli!ical correc!ness#5
/%encer walke" !o a black %las!ic s!ora&e bo9# 3;e "on0! $ave !o call !$ese 6%olymer vaul!s0# T$ey0re
coins# T$ey0re bi& enou&$ !o $ol" all !$ree o you# T$ey can %robably $ol" !en %eo%le my si.e#5
3I! &oes by 6Hercules0- "a"#5 (le!c$er rowne"# 3Remember E""ie <ally%so4 His "a" lobbie" or
!$e sale o !$ese !o 7E2A a! a !ime#5
3'n" !$ere use" !o be a $al million $ere in !$is iel"4 ;$ere $ave !$ey &one45 ;al!er Browne
scra!c$e" $is $ea"#
3&hicago### I !$ink#5 (le!c$ $an"e" $is a!$er some %$o!os# 3T$is is a cou%le o years a&o w$en
every!$in& was s!ore" $ere# Bne $an" "oesn0! know w$a! !$e o!$er0s "oin&# ;$en +iv ori&inally sen! me
$ere- I convince" mysel !$a! !$ese were in case an emer&ency "ea"ly virus &o! in!o our worl"### like in !$e
2us!in Homan movie# T$e &enter for .isease &ontrol is in '!lan!a# Ma"e sense !o me### bu! I came
across this#5 (le!c$ $an"e" over !$e Beec$ @rove "ea!$ s!a!ion %ic!ures# 3<oncen!ra!ion cam% in
'merica0s $ear!lan"#5
;al!er Browne s$ook $is $ea"# 3World War /// be&an on /e%!ember 11- 2001# ;e los! a war8 I
can0! &e! over !$a! our coun!ry is gone some$ow85
3I0ve been &oin& aroun" !o @uan!anamo- @rena"a- ,anama an" o!$er %laces# /%encer0s been
illin& us in on s$i! !$a!0s blown my min"# I !$ou&$! I coul" $an"le any!$in&# /u%%ose"ly- !$ey0ve
wi!$"rawn# ;e call !$em !$e 3ogues a!er a &an& in a movie#5 (le!c$er !ook $is ?ikon an" sna%%e" a ew
!imes# 3I0ve &o!!a "ocumen! !$e 6a!er0 $ere# I wan!e" !o mee! or lunc$ in '!lan!a bu! +ivian convince"
me I ou&$! !o s$ow you w$a! we0re workin& on#5
T$ey &a.e" *uie!ly a! a cou%le o $un"re" %las!ic coins w$ic$ were s!acke" like %a%er bowls#
;al!er0s Hummer was %arke" be$in" (le!c$0s ren!al car# ;al!er inally broke !$e silence- 3T$ere0s a %lace
calle" 7o* +rothers +ar +L on !$e Twen!y =us! as you &e! in!o !$e ci!y# (ollow me !$ere45 He looke" a!
/%encer# 3;oul" you like !o ri"e s$o!&un wi!$ me45 /%encer0s ace li! u%# He no""e" 3yes5 an" climbe"
in!o ;al!0s !all our)by)our wi!$ou! $el%# Beore lon&- !$ey were or"erin& bur&ers an" ries#
3T$ey were surren"erin& !o camera crews8 T$e war !ook a $un"re" $ours8 7ou sai" i! was your
%rou"es! momen! as an 'merican85 (le!c$er $a" $is a!$er0s ull a!!en!ion>a rarity# 3Bus$ was &onna &e!
elec!e" in a landslide come 1FF28 ' war $ero8 Bur las! real war was in +ie!nam an" i! "i"n0! &o well# Bu!
some!$in& $a%%ene"8 6/t,s the economy# stupid80 Remember !$a!4 'n" we0re &oin& !$rou&$ i! now8
'e>uester4 ;$a!0s !$a!4 (unny !$in& is !$a! ol0 man Bus$ called it8 +oo"oo economics8 ;$en $e ran
a&ains! Rea&an in 1FL0- !$e na!ional "eb! was one !rillion "ollars# I! *ua"ru%le" un"er &oo" ol0 3onnie an"
now i!0s si9!een !rillion an" coun!in&8 /o I !$ink Bus$ $a" mo!ive85
3(eorge "erbert Walker +ush- ormer "irec!or o !$e <I'- $a" mo!iva!ion !o s!ick i! !o our
coun!ry because $e wasn0! re)elec!e"45 ;al!er s$ook $is $ea"# 3I "on0! believe i! was merely nine!een
$i=ackers workin& alone any more !$an anyone else "oes### bu!### &ive me more# ;$y !$ese mass %las!ic
coins4 ;$y !$a! $i"eous cam% in Beec$ @rove45
3/ink or swim# T$ere0s no!$in& s%ecial in our wa!er- "a"#5 (le!c$er looke" a! +ivian# /$e looke"
like s$e wan!e" !o cu! in# (le!c$ i&ure" s$e0" say some!$in& abou! fluoride# 3Hi!ler "i" i!# /!alin "i" i!#
?a%oleon "i" i!# An insane grab at absolute power# T$ere are more !$in&s %oin!in& in !$e "irec!ion !$a! i!
was !$e 3ogues>!$ese ol"er- $ar"line conserva!ives in key &overnmen! %osi!ions# Remember !$a! movie
wi!$ Harrison (or" w$ere $is wie &e!s an immuni!y "eal !o !es!iy an" !$en s$e conesses !$a! $er $usban"
coul"n0! $ave commi!!e" a cer!ain mur"er### because it was her4 T$ese movies are a relec!ion o life# '!
!$e be&innin&- !$e cul%ri! is so obvious# By !$e en" o !$e s$ow- i!0s all reverse" an" sus%ec!s are cleare"
w$ile !$e mos! seemin&ly innocen! %erson is !$e one w$o $a" every!$in& ri&&e"# The butler did it# you
know4 /cooby 2oo### bu! on a worl" scale85 (le!c$er "rank so"a !$rou&$ a s!raw an" en=oye" a caeine
rus$# 3?o mo!$er ever believes $er son is ca%able o mur"er bu! we see i! all !$e !ime8 I "i"n0! wan! !o
believe any o !$is- ei!$er85
3/o /co!! (orbes is workin& a! (i"uciary Trus! on /e%!ember ei&$!$ an" nin!$- !$e weeken" beore
!$e a!!acks4 T$ere0s a %ower "own w$ere $e0s a! in !$e sou!$ !ower rom !$e i!ie!$ loor an" $i&$er4
/ecuri!y cameras were o as su%%ose" cable &uys u%&ra"e" in!erne! lines an" lou" soun"s coul" be $ear"
above $im4 His com%any $a" oices be!ween nine!y an" nine!y)seven### ; Bus$0s bro- Marvin- was $ea"
o securi!y a! !$e ;orl" Tra"e <en!er a! !$e !ime### an" one o !$ese loors $i&$ u% is com%le!ely em%!y4
/co!! (orbes wa!c$es !$e !owers &o "own on !$e "ay o nine eleven rom Jersey <i!y# (iremen claim !$ey
wi!nesse" las$es###w$ic$ can now be seen in slo)mo vi"eo### bu! !$ey0re $us$e"# T$ere0s no wrecka&e in
,ennsylvania- no wrecka&e ou!si"e o !$e ,en!a&on- no black bo9es recovere" in !$e rubble in ?ew 7ork###
an" (o9 local news in <levelan"- W&-O$T8- claime" (li&$! F3 lan"e" a! Ho%kins 'ir%or!# Mayor ;$i!e
corrobora!es8 /ome$ow- everyoneMs !ol" !o s$u! u%8 'n 6oicial s!ory0 is s!ar!in& !o ma!eriali.e an" i! $as
nothing !o "o wi!$ ?BR'2 com%lici!y8 I! "oesn0! $ave any!$in& !o "o wi!$ a ac! !$a! we were in !$e
secon" "ay o "rills in w$ic$ !erroris!s $i=ack an =umbo =e! an" aim !o $i! a skyscra%er in !$e Bi& '%%le4
Mayor ;illie Brown o (risco was !ol" no! !o ly beore nine eleven# &onspiracy4 ' $al $our a&o- I saw
evi"ence !$a! !$e &overnmen! !$rou&$ (EM' was %re%are" !o %u! many- many $umans in c$ea% coins# I
coul" be in "enial like !$e millions w$om0ve &one alon& wi!$ !$e so)calle" 6oicial s!ory0### bu! my min" is
s!ar!in& !o gnaw a! me# I can0! buy i!#5 ;al!er "rank rom a &lass o ice wa!er# 3-resumed /nnocent- son-5
;al!er sai"# 3T$e Harrison (or" movie you brou&$! u%4 'n" I "on0! believe s$e conesse" on !$e s!an"# I
!$ink $e oun" bloo"y &ar"en e*ui%men! or some!$in&# He knew !$en### an" s$e conesse" !o $im#5
3T$anks- "a"85 (le!c$er leane" an" kisse" +ivian on !$e c$eek# 3/!u like !$a! bu&s me# I0" &o
!o slee% !ryin& !o i&ure ou! !$e movie0s name85
3Hey &uys-5 /%encer sai"# 37ou !ell really &oo" s!ories### bu! I0m $ere !oo- you know45
+ivian looke" s!rai&$! a! /%encer an" !ook o $is "ress $a!>he looked like a small Al &apone to
herKan" s$e rus!le" $is $air# 37ou sure are $ere- /%encer baby85 /$e mi&$!0ve a""e" 3&oo &oo- &a &a5
because s$e s%oke in !$e same !one !$a! s$e0" s%eak !o a !o""ler# Her ocus became a"ul! a&ain# 3're you
sayin& !$a! nine eleven "oesn0! $a%%en i :/' elec!s @eor&e H; Bus$ %resi"en! in 1FF245
37ea$-5 (le!c$ sai"# 3Bu! no! "eini!ely# T$e Bus$es an" bin Aa"ens &o way back# I !$ink !$e
sure be! woul"0ve been i 2an Kuayle woul"0ve been elec!e" !o consecu!ive !erms in 1FFG an" 2000# T$e
Re%ublicans- es%ecially !$e core 3ogues- !ruly believe !$ey are !$e e%i!ome o &oo"ness# T$ey believe
2emocra!s barely *ualiy !o be calle" 6$uman0 an" !$ey consi"er every!$in& else as mil"ew# I !$ink !$e
Bus$ amily no! =us! el! betrayed by 'merica in 1FF2- I !$ink !$ey believe" !$e %o%ulous be!raye"
&oo"ness i!sel85
3+ut he said he wouldn,t raise ta*es-5 ;al!er Browne sai"# 3I move" our amily !o /acramen!o
beore you wen! in!o $i&$ sc$ool because I wan!e" you !o un"ers!an" %oli!ics close u%# T$ere0s a lo! !$ey
say in commercials an" you know now rom e9%erience !$a! i!0s *ui!e o!en way "ieren! !$an w$a! you see
wi!$ your own !wo eyes#5
37ou0re sayin& $e0s /ron 2an#5 +ivian no!ice" a %u..le" look on (le!c$0s ace# 3?o! !$e movie
su%er$ero# B..y0s Iron Man# ?ills the people he once saved#5
3@la" you cleare" !$a! u%# I0m !ryin& !o %ic!ure any %resi"en! in !$e Iron Man sui! rom !$e
movies# ?ills the people he once saved4 7es# I !$ink !$a! was $is in!en! bu! w$ere 2ar!$ +a"er was no!
successul- Herber! ;alker was# T$e "ark si"e- you know45 (le!c$ no!ice" /%encer s*uirmin&# 3Hey
/%ence4 7ou0ve &o!!a $ave a !ake on !$is45
3T$ey0re all $eroes !o me-5 /%encer sai"# 3I know you com%laine" abou! 'ha%bot &oin& on an" on
abou! $ow &rea! our &overnmen! is### bu! !$e !ru!$ is- s$i! $a%%ens# Wars happen# T$ere0s never been a
%erio" o $uman $is!ory w$ere a war wasn0! &oin& on somewhere or ano!$er#5
3(ood answer85 ;al!er sai"# He looke" !o +ivian# 3I!0s so cute !o see a <I' mi"&e! si!!in& wi!$
us85
3Hey man85 /%encer &rowle"# 3I can i&ure !$in&s ou! !$a! no one else can8 He you ever been on
!$e lo! o a Hollywoo" ma=or %ro"uc!ion4 I $ave85
3@oo"- /%encer85 (le!c$ !rie" !o "iuse $is emo!ional re!or!# 3;e0re no! ar rom 2isney ;orl"
in (lori"a# I0ve $a" a really swell !ime wi!$ /$a. a! no! one- bu! two# !$eme %arks alrea"y# 7ou u% or !$e
c$allen&e4 I "on0! !$ink you0re !$is u%!i&$! all !$e !ime85
3I can "rink you un"er !$e !able85 /%encer slamme" $is small is! on!o !$e "iner !able# 3I say we
all %oun" a i!$ o (oldschlMger w$en we &e! !$ere# I none o you0s %uke" a!er a ew !$rill ri"es- I0ll
$ave real res%ec! or you85
3I like @ol"sc$lN&er85 +ivian smile"# (le!c$er s!ill $a" !$e ,olaroi" o $er wi!$ $im in $is %ocke!#
I! was !aken more !$an !en years %rior in +ene.uela bu! i! was li&$!in& in a bo!!le# ;$en +ivian smile"- s$e
coul" move !$e worl"# T$a!0s !$e way (le!c$er !ook !$in&s# He !ruly wasn0! sure i $e was alone in seein&
a bri&$!ness in $er or i i! was evi"en! !o all w$om came across $er# +ivian0s smile "i"n0! c$an&e over !$e
years# /$e was unaware !$a! s$e was "eci"in& or !$e &rou%# 3I0m in85 s$e sai"#
(le!c$er was only $al serious w$en $e c$allen&e" /%encer# +ivian now ma"e i! oicial# T$ere
was a ear !$ere below !$e conscious level# +ivian $a" smirks an" s$e $a" &rins# ;$en $er smile wen!
c$eek !o c$eek- (le!c$er was arai" !o say 3no5# T$a! %ar!icular ra"ian! smile mi&$! never come back- a!
leas! no! in i!0s ull orm# He never !ol" $er $ow muc$ i! mean!# He com%lemen!e" !$e &leam in $er eyes
an" i! !ickle" $im w$en $er ore$ea" wrinkle" wi!$ eelin&s o conusion# 3?o! only am I in### I0m &oin&
!o one u% you85 He las$e" $is own smile an" reac$e" or +iv0s $an" !o le! $er know $e wasn0! seriously
com%e!in& wi!$ $er wis$# 3'!er 2isney ;orl"- I say we !ake a &arnival cruise85
37uck85 ;al!er0s ace became sour# 3'!er !$e "isas!er4 T$ere was sewage in all !$e $alls8
Aivin& $orror s!ory i I0ve ever $ear" o one85
37es8 Especially since !$ey $a" !$a! !ra&ic en&ine ailure85 (le!c$ !$ou&$! $e0" $ear %ro!es! bu!
&o! none# 3T$ey will &o ou! o !$eir way or !$e ne9! year or !wo !o make sure everyone $as !$e !imes o
!$eir lives8 /ervice will be !$rou&$ !$e roo85
3I0m in85 ;al!er wi%e" $is mou!$ o !an&y barbe*ue sauce# 3I0m in8 I $aven0! $a" a &oo" amily
vaca!ion in a looooong !ime# I0m sorry your mo!$er0s no! $ere- (le!c$- bu! I can se! our "ierences asi"e i
you wan! !o invi!e $er#5
34ou,re still not speaking45 +ivian aske"# 3T$a!0s !oo ba"#5
3I0ll ask mom i every!$in& &oes well a!er 2isney ;orl"# Ae!0s s!ar! !$ere85 (le!c$er &o! u%#
3're you &uys rea"y !o $i! !$e roa" a&ain45
3Ae!0s &e! !$e li*uor now an" &e! an early s!ar!85 /%encer sai"# T$e &rou% "um%e" (le!c$0s ren!al
car in '!lan!a an" $ea"e" !owar" Brlan"o# 2isney ;orl" came an" wen! an" !$ey oun" !$emselves on a
lu9ury liner in !$e <aribbean# 3T$is is !$e life85 /%encer !oas!e" !$e &rou%# He e9c$an&e" $is !u9 or
=es!er0s a!!ire# He el! comor!able !$a! way# ,eo%le aroun" $im assume" $e was %ar! o ski! somew$ere or
ano!$er# I! ma"e $im lau&$ w$en s!ran&ers woul" come u% an" ask w$en $is s$ow was#
37ou "i"n0! "rink any o us un"er !$e !able85 (le!c$er looke" rom /%encer !o a s!a&e w$ere =a..
musicians were se!!in& u%# T$ey "ine" aroun" a circular !able in a lus$ loun&e room# 37ou "rank half a
i!$ an" s!ar!e" com%lainin& abou! your s!omac$85
3I! was some!$in& I a!e- man85 /%encer rubbe" $is !ummy# 3I s!ill eel i!85
37ou !alk !all !o com%ensa!e or### ;ell45 +ivian "i"n0! wan! !o be cruel bu! /%encer $a" s$own
!$ick skin# 37ou0re a small man wi!$ !all !ales8 How0s !$a!45
37ou can say all you wan!8 Have you ever =u&&le" ive bowlin& %ins45 /%encer i""le" wi!$
$an&in& balls rom $is =es!er0s ca%# 3I =u&&le knives- !oo85
3Ae!0s &e! back !o @eor&e ; Bus$85 ;al!er Browne "rank rom a &lass o bur&un"y wine#
3"arper,s ma"e a case !o im%eac$ an" no one lis!ene"# T$is is a &uy w$o was wron& abou! ;M2s an" a
&uy w$o you believe cons%ire" !o brin& "own "omes!ic buil"in&s in ?ew 7ork !o =us!iy im%lemen!in&
na!ional mar!ial law# 7ou !$ink !$ere were a $un"re" !imes more reason !o im%eac$ $im !$an <lin!on bu!
3ogues no! only "een"e" $im be$in" !$e scenes- !$ey encoura&e" $im45
3Time will !ell- "a"#5 (le!c$er0s eyes were s!ill on !$e musicians se!!in& u%# 3:nor!una!ely- every
momen! !$a! !$ey roam ree an" s%eak on /un"ay mornin& %oli!ical s$ows- our coun!ry sli"es ur!$er an"
ur!$er in!o !$e uckin0 s!one a&e#5
36ewis 6apham#5 +ivian $an"e" $er i,a" !o ;al!er# 3T$anks !o mo"ern ameni!ies- we "on0! $ave
!o wai! or !$e ar!icle# Back w$en you were in sc$ool- you0" $ave !o &o !o a library0s microic$e8 I be! !$a!
was a nuisance85
3+iv wan!s !o &o !o Mi"lan"- Te9as a!er !$is# T$a!0s w$ere Aaura ;elc$ ran a s!o% si&n an" kille"
Mic$ael 2ou&las#5 (le!c$ inally !urne" $is eyes !o !$e &rou%#
36aura Welch0 2ichael .ouglas05 ;al!er was conuse"# 3I woul"0ve known i Mic$ael
2ou&las will kille" in an au!omobile acci"en!#5
3=7?# blown away-5 +ivian sai"# 3I! was !$e same mon!$ !$a! J(1 was s$o! in 2allas# Aaura
;elc$0s boyrien"- Mic$ael 2ou&las- was !$rown rom $is car an" suere" a broken neck# (le!c$er wan!s
!o &o !o Memorial Hos%i!al w$ere $e was %ronounce" "ea"# He was Aaura0s boyrien" in $i&$ sc$ool a! a
!ime# Aaura woul" la!er marry an" become 6aura +ush# I $a" some!$in& cra.y $a%%en a w$ile back w$ere
some reaky s!u"en!s !ol" me s$e was u!ili.in& clairvoyan!s !o s%y on me85
3/o we0re no! !alkin& abou! !$e actor8 @oo"85 ;al!er was "rawn !o !$e musicians (le!c$ $a"
been in!ri&ue" by# /oun" c$eck was s!ar!in&# (ee"back coul" be $ear" or a ew momen!s#
32i" you know 2ick <$eney s$o! a lawyer in !$e face in Te9as4 T$ey run a bu""y sys!em !$a!0s
"es%icable- "a"8 Aaura ;elc$ was no! c$ar&e" or anything w$en s$e kille" $er e9)boyrien" in AB@<8
<$eney4 T$ey were on a $un!in& !ri% an" i! was c$alke" u% !o an acci"en!8 T$is- in a s!a!e known or
lockin& %eo%le u% an" !$rowin& away !$e key85
3Bu! i!0s no! really them !$a! screwe" 'merica- ri&$!45 ;al!er si&nale" or ano!$er &lass o wine
rom a inely)"resse" wai!er# 3The 3ogues8 T$e "u"es in !$e so)calle" Mili!ary In"us!rial <om%le98 T$e
uckers rom ,$ili% Morris w$o finance !$em by %ayin& a *uar!er mil %er %la!e !o si! a! a un"raisin& even!8
T$e me"ia cocksuckers w$o &ive !$e masses a c$oice o 6screwe" over bi& !ime0 an" 6screwe" over- no! as
ba"08 T$ose are !$e =ackasses w$o s!ole real "emocracy rom us85
37ou were rien"s wi!$ E""ie <ally%so0s a!$er w$en I wen! !o 3osemont "igh- ri&$! "a"45 (le!c$
wai!e" or $is "a" !o no" 3yes5 !$en $e con!inue"- 3E""ie wen! !o one o !$ese ba! s$i! un"raisers a lon&-
lon& !ime a&o# 2an Aun&ren- a Re%ublican can"i"a!e or &overnor o <aliornia- $a" !$is ri!.y even! in
,alo 'l!o# E""ie0s uncle- +oom +oom- s!ar!e" &e!!in& all snoo!y so E""ie "eci"es $e0s &onna bail- ri&$!4
He !$inks $e0s &onna in" a mo!el somew$ere nearby bu! $e win"s u% walkin& i!een miles in !$e rain
beore $e calls me an" +iv !o %ick $im u%# He0s convince" !$a! i!0s a &enera!ion !$in& an" !$a! i!0s !$e
be&innin& o !$e en" or us# 6They,re selling us out-0 I remember $im sayin&#5
3His uncle- +oom +oom- was "oin& really &oo" money)wise un!il $e sol" $is &ara&e "oor
com%any an" wen! in!o real es!a!e# I! was ba" !imin&# He use" !o be a really &oo" &uy- !oo8 He invi!e" me
!o $is coun!ry club w$en I was c$ums wi!$ E""ie0s "a"- ;ins!on# I !ol" !$em I was vo!in& or @ore in
2000 an" &uess w$a! $a%%ene"4 T$ey s!o%%e" !alkin& !o me8 ?o! only "i" !$ey s!o% !alkin& !o me- I swear
I s!ar!in& no!icin& cable vans %arke" in ron! o !$e $ouse# I0m !alkin& abou! work !$a! wen! on or weeks85
;al!er !ook a &lass o wine rom !$e inely)"resse" wai!er#
3'pies45 +ivian aske"#
3I !ry no! !o !alk abou! i! because o !$e 6%aranoia s!i&ma0 bu!- yes# I !alke" !o Eddie abou! i! one
"ay w$ile $e wai!e" or (le!c$ !o &e! "resse" w$en you all were !eena&ers# -ropensity. T$a!0s !$e wor" I
!ol" $im# I use" !o $ave !$ese nei&$bors w$o woul" ban& away a! %ersonal cons!ruc!ion %ro=ec!s ne9! "oor#
(le!c$0s mom sai" !$ey woul" only "o !$is !en or i!een minu!es a!er I came $ome rom work w$en I
wan!e" some %eace !o rea" or na%# I I $a" erran"s !o run an" i I came $ome a cou%le o $ours la!er- !$ey
woul" wai! un!il then !o s!ar! $ammerin& away# -ropensity- you see45
3I!0s unny- "a"8 ;e me! u% wi!$ E""ie in Hun!in&!on an" $e s!ar!in& !alkin& abou! !$a!# I never
knew i! came rom you8 He some!$in& else# -redication# House o car"s kin" o !$in&# Bne !$in& buil"s
on !$e o!$er#5 (le!c$er no!ice" /%encer becomin& res!less# 3;$y "on0! you ask !$e =a.. &uys i !$ey0ll le!
you sin&45
3(ood idea85 /%encer ran o !o !$e s!a&e#
3're you serious45 +ivian aske" (le!c$er#
3I was kin"a messin& aroun"#5 (le!c$ wa!c$e" /%encer s%eak !o a !rum%e! %layer#
3,re"ica!ion4 7ea$# I !alke" !o E""ie abou! !$a! on !$e same "ay# T$e Bri!is$ &overnmen! is buil!
on !$e le&en" o 1in& 'r!$ur- you see4 I!0s predicated- in o!$er wor"s- on !$e s!ory !$a! a la"y in a lake
&ave a &uy a ma&ical swor" w$ic$ was la!er lun&e" in!o a &ian! rock# 's arc$aic s!ories &o an" subse*uen!
rules a%%ly- !$e %erson w$o coul" %ull !$e swor" rom !$e s!one became ruler o !$e lan"# -redication# '
&overnmen! was se! u% aroun" !$is s%ecial c$a% an" a monarc$y ensue" in w$ic$ $is os%rin& woul" run
!$in&s or e!erni!y# ?ow### i a %erson or groups o %eo%le i&ure" ou! !$a! no suc$ la"y in !$e lake ever
e9is!e"- !$e w$ole !$in& alls a%ar!# 7ou &e! colonis!s ou! $ere in 'merica w$o believe !$a! 1in& @eor&e
was =us! ano!$er "u"e no "ieren! rom you or me### an" you &e! revolu!ion#5 ;al!er wa!c$e" /%encer &rab
a micro%$one rom one o !$e musicians# Ai&$!s "imme" a li!!le#
3And if &hrist be not raised# your faith is in vainN ye are yet in your sins#5 (le!c$er0s eyes $a"
rolle" back like $e was rea"in& rom a c$alkboar" insi"e o $is skull# 3,re"ica!ion# /ain! ,aul wro!e in !$e
irs! e%is!le !o !$e <orin!$ians !$a! i! mattered# I Jesus "i" no! %$ysically rise rom !$e "ea"- all ai!$ was
u!ile# ;$en I s!ar!e" &e!!in& serious wi!$ +iv in $i&$ sc$ool- I remember askin& you abou! reli&ious issues
an" w$a! c$urc$ we s$oul" &o !o### or i we s$oul" &o !o c$urc$ a! all# 7ou !ol" me !$a! verse# 7ou sai" I
$a" !o i&ure i! ou! or mysel#5 Every!$in& became "ark an" !$e "rums be&an !o roll# (le!c$er !urne"
aroun" !o !$e s!a&e be$in" $im# ' s%o!li&$! ocuse" on /%encer# 3&rap85 (le!c$er coul"n0! believe w$a!
$e was seein&#
36adies and gentlemen85 /%encer !$um%e" !$e micro%$one a ew !imes# 3;elcome !o <arnival
<ruises85 ,eo%le c$eere"# 3;e $ave a &rea! ni&$! o classic =a..85 ,eo%le cla%%e" an" music be&an# 3Oh
when the saints... &ome marching iiiiiiiin. Oh when the saints come marching iiiiiiiiin###5 /%encer san&
!$e irs! number !$en re!urne" !o $is !able wi!$ ;al!er- +ivian an" (le!c$# 3T$a! was a rio!85 $e !ol" !$em#
He "rank some ice wa!er !$en wa!c$e" !$e musicians carry on wi!$ou! $im#
3T$a! was good- /%encer85 ;al!er com%limen!e" !$e minia!ure sin&er in a =es!er0s &arb# (or
or!y)ive minu!es- !$ey en=oye" live classics an" "i"n0! "iscuss any!$in& w$ile !$e ban" %laye"# (or !$e
ne9! ew "ays- i! was =oy# /$uleboar"- %ools- an" casinos#
(le!c$er Browne woke u% s!ra%%e" !o a co!# He el! "a.e" an" allowe" $is $ea" !o look aroun"#
+ivian /!ree!s was s!ra%%e" !o a co! ne9! !o $im# /$e was aslee%# He no!ice" %ower !ools $ois!e" !o il!$y
%e&boar"s# T$e smell o mo!or oil was !$ick# Ai&$! came !$rou&$ broken &lass win"ows $i&$ in !$e
ra!ers# 2irec!ly above $im was a ne! w$ic$ $el" many boul"ers# 3+iv45 (le!c$er looke" or $er eyes !o
o%en# 3Wake up85 He !rie" !o wi&&le $is way rom !$e bel!s !$a! $el" $im "own#
' "oor o%ene"# ;al!er Browne walke" in wi!$ /%encer# T$is !ime- /%encer was in a c$i%munk
cos!ume# 3;e0re in 4ucatOn- son85 ;al!er walke" aroun" !$e co!s w$ere (le!c$ an" +iv were# 37ou know
!oo muc$#5 He scra!c$e" $is c$in# 3;ins!on an" Jas%er <ally%so $ave !i&$! !ies !o <ornelius /!uar!# I
can0! $ave you "o w$a! you0ve been "oin&# 7ou came across our secre!s### an" I can0! aor" !o le! you !ell
!$e worl" !$a! we0ve buil! concen!ra!ion cam%s### an" !$a! we0ve s!ocke" %las!ics coins ca%able o
"is%osin& $un"re"s o !$ousan"s o cor%ses# I can0! $ave !$a!#5
3What,s... going... on45 +ivian ease" in!o consciousness# 3;$ere### are### we45
/%encer walke" !o +ivian an" move" $air rom over $er eyes# 3T$is is an aban"one" mec$anic0s
s$o%- +iv# T$ose are s!ones $el" in a ne! above you#5
3What45 +ivian looke" aroun" !$en looke" a! (le!c$er# 3(le!c$er4 ;$a!0s $a%%enin&45
3Ha%%enin&45 ;al!er "eci"e" !o answer or $is son# 37ou saw !$e %ic!ures o %re!.elle" Ira*i
%risoners an" you0ve seen marines %issin& on "ea" Taliban bo"ies# 7ou know !$a! ma"ness e9is!s bu! you
never really can !ell w$ere or w$en i!0ll $a%%en#5 ;al!er %oin!e" !o !$e rocks# 3T$ere is a !$ick ro%e w$ic$
$ol"s !$ese !$in&s rom crus$in& you# Think +atman- i you will# I will li&$! !$a! ro%e on ire an" i! will be
a ma!!er o !ime beore you are crus$e" !o "ea!$8 I will !ake /%encer back !o !$e cruise s$i% because !$e
layover isn0! a lon& one# By now- you0ve i&ure" ou! !$a! your "rinks were s%ike" wi!$ se"a!ives# I will
leave !$is ol" as$ione" !a%e recor"er be!ween you !wo an" I $o%e !o re!rieve i! in or"er !o lis!en !o your
inal momen!s# Tru!$ be known- I wan! !o $ear conessions8 7ou "are %re!en" !$a! our &overnmen! is
some$ow wicked4 ;$a! a lu"icrous !$ou&$!85
32a"45 (le!c$er swea!e"# 32a"4 ;$a! !$e $eck45
3I mus! be &oin&85 ;al!er %ro"uce" a yellow Bic li&$!er# ' !$in use le" u% !o !$e !$ick ro%e# 3I!
was nice $avin& you as a son85 ;al!er li! !$e use# He li!erally ski%%e" ou! o !$e s$o% wi!$ /%encer
!railin& $im#
3;$a! are we &onna "o45 (le!c$er s!ru&&le"# 3<an you &e! loose- +iv45
3Hu$45 +ivian "i"n0! move# 3're you really &oin& !o s%en" our las! momen!s in a useless a!!em%!
!o esca%e4 T$ese s!ra%s are an inc$ an" a $al !$ick85
3;$a!4 +ivian4 7ou can0! reac$ aroun"4 ' buckle8 /ee i !$ere0s a buckle85 (le!c$ looke"
above an" won"ere" $ow muc$ $is bo"y coul" $an"le#
3I wan!e" !wo c$il"ren- (le!c$#5 +ivian looke" over an" wan!e" !o $ave be"room !alk# 3I wan!e"
!wo- bu! one woul"0ve been okay#5
3I wan!e" !$ree- +ivian85 (le!c$er was rus!ra!e"# 3;$y0s i! ma!!er45
3I can0! !ell i !$e ro%e0s on ire# <an you see i!4 <an !$is be real45 +ivian reuse" !o move# 3I
wan!e" !o marry- (le!c$er### bu! in !$is worl"4 2an&er is everyw$ere8 ;$y $ave c$il"ren on a %lane! wi!$
so many %roblems485
3I !$ink I can rock !$is co! an" !i% over near you85 (le!c$er s$ook back an" or!$# 3I I can all
near you- I can bi!e !$e s!ra%s loose85
3(le!c$er4 Ae!0s no! i&$! i!# T$is is our a!e85 +ivian looke" rom (le!c$er !o !$e ne! above#
3T$is is i!!in&- in a lo! o ways# Bu! !$ere- we0re crus$e" by !$e wei&$! o !$e worl"# Here4 ;e0re
crus$e" by !$e s!ones o a &overnmen! !$a! blew a use# 5nderstatement85
3+ivian4 I never was !ruly ma" a! you### but / don,t like the way you,re handling this85 (le!c$
rocke" bu! coul"n0! !i%# 3<an you i&$!4 -lease#5
3(i&$!4 'n" !$en w$a!4 Run rom &ums$oes !$rou&$ Aa!in 'merica4 I !$ey0ve "eci"e" we0re
&oners- !$ere0s no!$in& we can "o !o bea! !$e mac$ine8 Maybe i!0s be!!er !o "ie $ere an" now !$an !o live
!$e res! o our "ays like o9es $un!e" by bloo"$oun"s#5 +ivian0s mou!$ was %arc$e"# 3I coul" use some
wa!er#5
37ine8 I will !ake i!een secon"s !o !ell you !$a! I believe you0re !$e bes! blessin& I0ve ever $a"8
I en=oye" every!$in& we "i" !o&e!$er# ;e ell s$or! o con*uerin& our "emons- bu! we ou&$!### an" I0m
%rou"8 T$a!0s all- +iv8 ?ow I0ve &o!!a !ry !o save us85 (le!c$er0s $an"s were as!ene" !i&$!ly ye! $e use"
$is in&ers !o searc$ or a buckle### or any!$in& !$a! mi&$! $el%#
3(le!c$er45 T$e rocks above move"# 3I !$ink I $ear" one o !$e cor"s sna%#5
32otherfucker8 I !$ou&$! some!$in& like !$is coul" $a%%en### bu! w$a! c$ickens$i! me!$o" !o kill
someone8 'mashed# ;$a! !$e###45 T$e rocks move" a&ain# 37ea$# T$e cor"s are sna%%in&# I can0! see
!$e ro%e# I $ave no i"ea $ow muc$ !ime###5 'no!$er cor" sna%%e"#
3/econ"s85 +ivian smile"- bu! i! wasn0! !$e &leeul smile rom (le!c$0s momen!ous ,olaroi"#
3;e $ave seconds85
3're you lau&$in&485 (le!c$er "eman"e"#
36aughing4 I eel "elirious8 I! makes so muc$ sense85 +ivian0s "elirium !urne" in!o mil" an&er#
3;$y "i" you no! yell a! your a!$er beore $e le!45
34ell45 (le!c$er0s eyes rolle"# 3T$a!0s &onna $el%4 T$ey0re all cra.y8 Every ol"er %erson I0ve
me! believes !$a! 'merica $as los! a war8 T$ey "rive lu9ury cars- live in rela!ively sae $omes- an" !ravel
anyw$ere- any!ime8 T$e war is in !$eir $ea"s8 They lost a war8 ?ever ar&ue wi!$ cra.y %eo%le-
remember45
37ou0re !$e unnes! %erson I0ve ever been aroun"- (le!c$#5 +ivian looke" over a! $im !$en back
u% !o !$e ne!# 3I !$is is i!- I0m $a%%y !o "ie ne9! !o you85
The rope snapped#
3'hiiiiiiiiiiiiiittttttt85 (le!c$er screame"#
T$ey came "own bu! !$ey weren0! boul"ers#
Eac$ secon" el! like an $our#
(le!c$er wai!e" !o see an&els# He looke" "own a! $is ee! an" !$ere were clou"s# He looke"
orwar" an" saw a &a!e ma"e o &ol"# ' ray o suns$ine an" a sensa!ion o "isorien!a!ion#
"e smelled oil#
34ou dickhead85 +ivian looke" over a! (le!c$er# 37ou "i"n0! even say you love me8 T$ese were
our las! ew momen!s on Earth85
' s!ucco boul"er was on $is c$es! an" many more were aroun" $im#
3I! was a vision- +iv85 (le!c$er el! like a c$il" submer&e" in colore" s!yrooam balls# 3I saw
"eaven- +ivian8 I saw a &ol"en &a!e### an" I !$ou&$! I $ear" $ar%s85
37ou "ick$ea"- (le!c$er8 I wan!e" you !o !ell me $ow muc$ I mean! !o you8 7ou was!e" our las!
secon"s on %lane! Ear!$ s!ru&&lin&8 In some ways- I know !$a!0s w$a! you0re always &oin& !o "o8
'truggle8 ;ill you ever acce%! w$a! !$e worl" &ives you45 +ivian el! "elirious bu! i! was %assin&#
3.ickhead45 (le!c$er !$ou&$! $e knew w$a! was &oin& on bu! i! "i"n0! make com%le!e sense ye!#
3;ere you in on !$is- +ivian45
3;e &o! !$e i"ea a! 2isney ;orl" wi!$ all !$e "ecora!e" roller coas!ers85 +ivian $ear" !$e creak o
a "oor# 3Here $e comes8 I can $ear $im85
3;$a!0s really &oin& on- +iv45 (le!c$er $ear" oo!s!e%s# 38ivian45
3Hello- son85 I! was !$e voice o ;al!er Browne# 32i" you really believe I woul" be!ray you an"
become a comic villain45
3Hello- "u"e85 I! was /%encer#
3ustling# (le!c$er $ear" $allow s!ucco boul"ers bein& !osse"# 32a"4 7ou always wan!e" me !o
learn rom e9%erience### bu! !$is !akes !$e cake85
2ore rustling# +ivian coul" see ;al!er Browne# 3/ir4 2i" i! $ave !o be so real4 I ima&ine" !$e
s!ones woul" look like %ain!e" piPata balls# T$is was *ui!e &oo"85
(le!c$0s $ea" was clear o !$e %$ony s!ones an" /%encer was workin& on releasin& $im rom !$e
s!ra%s# 3;e0re s!ill con!inuin& wi!$ !$e cruise- ri&$!45 Insi"e- $e knew i! was a =oke# He el! good !$a! $is
lie !ook !$ese s%on!aneous !urns# /ome!$in& was unse!!lin&- !$ou&$# In !$e ac!- i! el! !oo real# (le!c$er
$a" ain! ury bu! i! "i"n0! s$ow# He !rie" !o un"ers!an" $is eelin&s# Am / mad at the world0 Am / mad at
my dad0 8ivian doesn,t fool around like this. Am / mad that / couldn,t predict her behavior0 (le!c$er le! i!
%ass an" s!oo" u% as soon as $e was able !o# /%encer un"i" +ivian0s s!ra%s# (le!c$er $u&&e" $er as soon as
$e coul"#
+ivian "us!e" $ersel o# T$e rocks %robably came rom a s%ecial eec!s movie s!u"io# +ivian
!$ou&$!- / figured only "ollywood would have these things# T$e rocks were ake bu! !$e "ir! was real# /$e
$el" (le!c$0s $an" as !$e &rou% $ea"e" !o leave# /$e san& ,ink (loy" !o $im- 32amma,s gonna make all of
your nightmares come true... mamma,s gonna put all of her fears into you... mamma,s gonna keep you right
here under her wing... she won,t let you fly but she might let you sing:5
37ea$- yea$#5 /%encer $el" a %$ony boul"er above $is $ea"# 3I!0" mean a lo! i someone coul"
%ull ou! a camera %$one an" !ake a %ic!ure o me wi!$ !$is85 T$e rock was abou! !$ree ee! in "iame!er an"
woul"0ve wei&$e" $un"re"s o %oun"s i i! was real# 3Mamma will kee% you co.y an" warm- (le!c$er85
/%encer yelle" an" +ivian sna%%e" a %ic!ure wi!$ $er i,$one# T$e &rou% o !$em lau&$e" !$en ma"e !$eir
way back !o !$e cruise s$i%# T$in&s %icke" u% wi!$ou! muc$ o a $i!c$# T$ey woun" u% in !$e same ball
room w$ere !$ey $a" wa!c$e" !$e =a.. &uys bu! !$is !ime i! was a ma&ician0s !urn !o %erorm# /%encer $a"
luck a! &e!!in& on s!a&e beore so $e !rie" !o i! $imsel in a&ain# T$is !ime- i! "i"n0! !ake# 3T$e &uy "oesn0!
see $ow a =u&&ler coul" make $is s$ow be!!er85 He wore a le%rec$aun0s ou!i! even !$ou&$ /ain! ,a!rick0s
2ay was well be$in" !$em#
3-ayback,s a bitch# dad:5 (le!c$er was on $is !$ir" &lass o wine# 37ou know w$a! $ur! mos!4 I
mean- !$ey weren0! real rocks an" I "i"n0! $ave bones broken### bu! I saw a vision o mysel in Heaven#
/ome %eo%le say !$eir lives las$ beore !$eir eyes beore "ea!$### bu! I saw clou"s un"er my ee!### an" i!
$ur! more !$a! you betrayed me more !$an &e!!in& crus$e"# I mean- I wasn0! really crus$e" bu! in !$a! s%li!
ins!an! I "i"n0! really- really know85
3,ayback0s a bi!c$45 ;al!er scra!c$e" $is $ea"# 3;$a! is !$is4 -unk,d4 7ou nee" !o learn
!$rou&$ e9%erience an" all !$ese e9cursions aroun" !$e worl" are so !$a! you can un"ers!an" %eo%le>
suffering %eo%le# I &ave you a c$ance !o be insi"e o !$e skin o someone captured# 7ou wan! !o work or
'mnes!y In!erna!ional4 2o you wan! !o know w$a! !$e %eo%le feel like>!$e ones you0re !ryin& !o save45
3I0m messin& aroun"- "a"# Bu! since you brou&$! u% -unk,d- my avori!e s$ow in $i&$ sc$ool-
you know !$a! !$ese !$in&s come aroun" !o $aun! you8 's$!on 1u!c$er &o! punked once an" lew o !$e
$an"le8 /%encer $ere s%eciali.es in screwin& wi!$ %eo%le0s $ea"s an" =abbe" a &uy I worke" wi!$ in
In"iana#5 (le!c$ aske" /%encer- 32on0! you ever worry abou! i! !urnin& aroun" on you45
3Me4 ?o# I0m &/A# I "on0! worry abou! !$in&s like !$a!# My w$ole lie I0m calle" 6s$or!y0 an"
6%i% s*ueak0# I was brou&$! in!o !$e '&ency because !$ey know i! $a%%ens# I "on0! $ave !o "o one !$in&
wron&8 I will be calle" 6s$or! s$i!0 =us! or e9is!in&8 ;e &o a!er !$e wors! o !$e %eo%le# Ma!!4 He0s a
6yes man0 bu! $e $a!es $imsel in some ways# He wants %eo%le !o "ie in cam%s an" !$a!0s w$y $e was
%icke" !o mo"iy !$e Beec$ @rove !rain s!a!ion in!o a %lace o "ea!$# He $as no convic!ion### so we %icke"
$im !o !ear i! a%ar!# 2o I worry i someone0s &onna s!ar! $a!in& me4 T$a!0s $ow !$in&s be&an#5 /%encer
$a" a caul"ron o w$a! seeme" !o be &ol" coins res!in& a! !$e base o $is c$air# He reac$e" "own an"
%ulle" a ew o !$em ou!# 3;an! one45 He unwra%%e" &ol"en oil# &hocolate treat# 3T$ey0re "elicious#5
3+ivian $as convince" me !$a! suerin& $as always e9is!e" an" always will be aroun"# ;e $ave
!o %ull ourselves ou! o our missions- some!imes#5 (le!c$er &ra%%le" wi!$ !$e mi9e" emo!ion $e $a" ri&$!
a!er !$e %rank wi!$ !$e rocks# 37ou "i" !$is !o !eac$ me a lesson### bu! "on0! you worry abou! my !rus!45
31o-5 ;al!er Browne sai" imme"ia!ely# 3I $ave a ew s!rikes- I i&ure- i !$ese !$in&s &o wron&# I
"on0! !$ink !$is wen! wron&### o!$erwise we woul"n0! be $ere "iscussin& i!# 7ou $ave !$is burnin& $ouse-
you see4 T$ere0s a "is!resse" %e! in !$e ki!c$en an" you $ear i! barkin&# :%s!airs- you see a c$il" wavin&
$er arms !$rou&$ an o%en win"ow bu! !$e roo0s !oo s!ee% !o s!e% ou! on# (ire !rucks are comin& bu! !$ey
mi&$! be !oo la!e# 2o you run in or !$e %e!4 (or !$e c$il"45
3/ don,t know-5 (le!c$er sai"# 3I mean- $ow close are !$e iremen4 How $o! is !$e ire4 2o I
know !$e ki"45
32e%en"in& on $ow eec!ive I se! u% !$e boul"er scenario- you now know $ow you eel abou!
+ivian# 2o you wan! !o marry $er4 7ou0ve been !alkin& abou! !$a! or years8 In !$ose momen!s beore
you !$ou&$! you were &onna "ie- "i" you wan! $er near you4 2i" you wis$ you were ar- ar away4 T$e
memories o !$ose !$ou&$!s will na& a! you or years# ;e "on0! $ave !o %lay !$rou&$ $y%o!$e!ical
si!ua!ions i I "i" my =ob ri&$! an" &o! you close !o believing you were &oin& !o "ie### an" s$e woul" "ie
ne9! !o you#5
37ou0re a sick man85 (le!c$er was col" bu! $e &rinne"# 37ou are sick8 Bu! i!0s wor!$ i!8 I love
+ivian>/ know / do>bu! I woul"n0! say i!#5 He !urne" !o $is &irlrien" o many years# 3I love you-
+ivian#5 He almos! e9%ec!e" $er !o say i! back# 3I love you-5 $e sai" a&ain# 3I "on0! like !o was!e wor"s
on i!### bu! i you $ave !o $ear i!- I love you very- very muc$#5 He !urne" back !o $is a!$er# 3/$e was ma"
!$a! I "i"n0! say i! beore !$e s!ucco rocks came "own#5
37letcher +rowne:5 +ivian blus$e"# 3I knew !$e rocks were ake8 I was =os$in& you un!il you
reali.e" i! was a %rank85
3Okay# Makes sense85 (le!c$er !$ou&$! !$a! !$in&s woul" clariy in $is min" bu! $e el! more
an" more conuse"# Aoa"s o *ues!ions s%ran& u% an" no answers se!!le" in# 3;$a! i I cra%%e" mysel-
"a"4 ;oul" !$a!0ve been wor!$ !$e "ecei!45
3;e0re back !o $y%o!$e!icals- (le!c$#5 T$e li&$!s "imme"# ;al!er sub!ly %oin!e" !owar" !$e
s!a&e# 3'how,s beginning#5
(le!c$er !urne" aroun"# T$e !ricks were &oo"# (le!c$er muse" over !$e swirl o !$ou&$!s in $is
$ea" w$en $e was s!ra%%e" "own# He en=oye" !$e en!er!ainmen! bu! $e won"ere" =us! $ow muc$ $e knew
$imsel- le! alone !$e &irl $e care" abou!# By be"!ime- $e was a! ease an" sle%! well#
T$ey ma"e i! !o !$e 2ominican Re%ublic an" were me! wi!$ a mili!ary Boein& <H)DC <$inook
!rans%or! $elico%!er# <ornelius /!uar! $a" a si!ua!ion w$ic$ re*uire" !$eir imme"ia!e a!!en!ion# 's !$ey
lew !o !$e (lori"a 1eys- <ornelius e9%laine"- 3'ha%bot really took 2atthew 'tubbs. They kidnapped
Thomas 2c?ay and they have him tied on a fishing boat deck:5
3;ow85 (le!c$er i&nore" !$e briein&# 3I0ve seen !$ese !$in&s ly in !$e sky w$en I was youn&er
bu! !$ey0re really awesome !o be insi"e o85
3;$a! "oes i! $ave !o "o wi!$ us45 ;al!er Browne coul"n0! i&ure ou! w$a! was &oin& on# 3I0m
(le!c$0s a!$er- ;al!er85 He e9!en"e" $is $an" or a s$ake# 3T$e scare !ac!ic in 7uca!On you $el%e" us
arran&e wen! *ui!e well- I mi&$! a""85
3;e0re en"in& a lo! o !or!ure %ro&rams8 T$e war in '&$anis!an is en"in&- !oo8 I $ave all !$ese
&uys s%eciali.e" in !or!ure an" in!erro&a!ion an" !$ey0re like ki"s a! !$ose amusemen! %arks you0ve been
&oin& !o8 Ri&$! beore closin& !ime- !$ey0re .i%%in& !$is way an" !$a! way !ryin& !o &e! every secon"0s
wor!$ o !$eir money8 '! bars- &uys break "own an" ask a! la"ies !o "ance8 I!0s !$e na!ure o $ow i! &oes
"own85 <ornelius wasn0! an&ry bu! $e yelle" in or"er !o com%e!e wi!$ !$e co%!er0s noise#
37ou &uys are !urnin& on eac$ o!$er45 ;al!er aske"# 3Is !$a! w$y you a%%rove" ri&$!enin& my
son4 7ou $a" all !$ese %lans line" u% an" you mi&$! as well use 6em on someone4 ;ow85
3In a nu!s$ell- yes8 Bu! we can0! con!rol some o !$ese &uys8 I "i"n0! or"er or a%%rove Tom
&ivin& Ma!! !$e works# He wan!s an a%olo&y rom /%encer# In !$e mean !ime- /$a.bo! $as Tom !ie" u% an"
%ain!e" clown makeu% on $im# T$ey0re &onna "unk $im in !ank o !una#5
3Tuna4 ;$a! !e9! book "o you uckers use w$en you "eci"e $ow you work %eo%le over45
(le!c$er s$ook $is $ea" in "isbelie# 3're you ailia!e" wi!$ wri!ers rom 2< <omics4 ;$a! $a%%ene" !o
sim%le wa!erboar"in&4 ;$o is in charge o !$is cra%45
3I! !ook crea!ivi!y w$en !$e /ena!e lowere" !a9es on weal!$y 'mericans un"er Bus$# T$ey use"
an obscure %arliamen!ary %roce"ure an" i! wasn0! a"minis!ere" in !$e ori&inal way i! was in!en"e"# T$e
war in Ira* lew in "eiance o !$e :ni!e" ?a!ions an" !$ere was no ormal "eclara!ion o war# 6aw hardly
matters anymore: ;a!erboar"in& says 6uck you0 !o !$e @eneva <onven!ion an" !$ere are warran!)less wire
!a%s an" ille&al searc$es an" sei.ures# I!0s all abou! w$o you know85 <ornelius /!uar! looke" "own in!o
!$e sea# (le!c$er "are" no! si! near !$e wi"e o%en "oorway# 3Whims:5 <ornelius !urne" aroun" !owar"
(le!c$er# 3Remember I !ol" you !$a! !$is worl" is abou! winners an" losers4 'n" you &e! !o %ick w$ic$
one you are45 (le!c$ no""e" !$a! $e remembere"# 32att 'tubbs has decided to be a winner:5 He looke"
"own in!o !$e sea a&ain !$en back a! (le!c$er# 3I!0s a &amble85
3He $as a robo! coac$in& $im85 (le!c$ yelle"# 3He $as never !rus!e" ac!ual %eo%le85
37ou0re ri&$!85 <ornelius sai"# 3;$a! comes aroun" &oes aroun"85 He sa! ne9! !o (le!c$# 3Tom
is &e!!in& a !as!e o $is own me"icine8 He !$ou&$! $e $a" clearance8 He "i"n0! $ave clearance85
3;$a!0s &oin& !o $a%%en !o !$e 3ogues4 ;e s!ar!e" callin& !$e core cons%ira!ors 63ogues0 a!er a
movie &an&8 ;$a!0s &oin& !o $a%%en !o !$e Ro&ues45 (le!c$er $el" +ivian0s $an"# /$e sa! !o $is le!# 3Is
our &overnmen! &oin& !o make i!4 ;e $ave !rillions o "ollars we owe85
37uck if / know# man:5 <ornelius rubbe" $is eyes# 3Everyone0s !ryin& !o $ol" on !o scra%s# ;e
$ave &uns# The military has guns# I!0s no! ri&$!- bu! !$ey0ll screw wi!$ us las!85
3Is !$a! w$y you0re !or!urin& everyone4 /o !$ey know you0re serious45 (le!c$ %ulle" +iv0s $an"
!o $is mou!$ an" kisse" i!#
31o# actually# I &o! %isse"8 T$a!0s w$y I &o! in!o i!8 ;e $ave in!elli&ence on all !$ese %eons# +ill
&linton and those kinds# you know4 T$is swin&in& "ick0s &oin& aroun" &e!!in& lai" $ere an" !$ere8 7ou &e!
!$ese &uys wi!$ a s%lin!er o %ower an" !$ey uck u%8 T$ey "on0! care abou! 'merica8 T$ey =us! wan! !o
&e! ban&e" every w$ic$ way85 <ornelius rubbe" $is $an"s !$rou&$ $is &ray $air# 3I "on0! care i i!y
million %eo%le vo!e" or you8 7ou ain0! !ellin& me w$a! !o "o85
37ou- my rien"- are !$e "ark secre! !$a! my $is!ory !eac$er use" !o s%ecula!e abou!85 (le!c$er
like" !$e can"or an" became numb !o !$e be$avior o <ornelius an" $is cons!i!uen!s# 37ou are !$e reason
we $ea" back in!o war w$en every c$il" cries or worl" %eace85
3Thank you85 <ornelius res%on"e"# He was !ire"# 3I !ake !$a! as a com%limen!85
's !$e "usk broke- !$e &hinook lan"e" an" i! wasn0! lon& beore !$e "rama unol"e"# Tom
Mc1ay- "resse" as a clown- was !ie" !o a c$air on a is$in& boa!# 's <ornelius- ;al!er- (le!c$er- +ivian
an" /%encer reac$e" !$em on !$e vessel0s "eck- Ma!! was !akin& &lo%s o !una an" slin&in& i! a! Tom0s
wee%in& ace# 3I nee" you !o say- 6I0m sorry085 Ma!! s%oke !o /%encer# 3I "on0! nee" !o s!oo% !o your
level8 :rine- man8 <ome on85
3I0m sorry-5 /%encer sai"# Be$in" Tom- /$a.bo! combe" Tom0s $air wi!$ an oversi.e" aro %ick#
3'ha%bot8 ;$a! are you "oin&4 ;e are %ro&ramme" !o res%ec! rank8 4ou can,t do this85 Tom0s $air was
!ease" an" became ri..y# 2ye $a" been a""e"# He looke" like a rainbow snow cone#
3Tell $im85 /$a.bo! comman"e" Ma!!# 3Tell $im w$a! you !ol" me85
3(eorge W +ush was really a great leader:5 Ma!! almos! smirke"#
3Hear !$a!45 /$a. aske" !$e mi"&e!# 3@eor&e ; Bus$ was a very &oo" lea"er8 I $ave a conver!###
so I $el%e" $im ca%!ure $is !ormen!or85
3;$a!0s i! &oin& !o !ake !o release $im45 <ornelius was concerne" or Tom# I /$a.bo! was
sim%ly a $uman- $e coul" be bullie">mentally pushed around# /$a.bo! was "esi&ne"- !$ou&$- !o
increasin&ly use $is own in!erac!ive e9%erience# "uman logic did not apply#
/$a.bo! s!o%%e" combin& an" reac$e" in!o !$e !una bowl# He smeare" some on!o !$e ace o
<ornelius# 3T$is is all your aul!8 6'n eye or an eye leaves !$e worl" blin"08 (andhi# 2o you wan! !$is
!o con!inue4 're you no! amiliar wi!$ Three +illy (oats (ruff4 ;$a! is su%%ose" !o $a%%en $ere45
37ou0re ri&$!- /$a.85 <ornelius wi%e" !una rom $is ace# 37ou0re !o!ally ri&$!8 ;e wen! !oo
ar85
34es you did85 /$a. s!oo%e" !o s%eak !o Tom nose)!o)nose# 3;$o is more se9y4 /%encer or
<ornelius4 7ou will !on&ue kiss one o !$em85
3The midget is hot85 Tom sai"# He believe" i! was a $ea" &ame as muc$ as any!$in& else# T$ere
woul" be no room or %layin& brava"o#
3I0ll !on&ue kiss $im85 /%encer looke" "own a! $is clo!$in&# He was s!ill "resse" like a
le%rec$aun# He !urne" !owar" +iv# 3<oul" you ilm !$is on your i,$one45 +ivian s!ar!in& ilmin& an"
/%encer smacke" a we! one on Tom0s li%s# 3/ really like this-5 $e sai" in!o Tom0s ears# He kisse" $im some
more an" ras%ily w$is%ere"- 3I coul" use some new s$oes85
3Enough85 /$a.bo! cla%%e" $is $an"s 3Enou&$8 Tom $as learne" $is lesson85
(le!c$er "i"n0! s%eak# He wan!e" !o %inc$ $imsel# Aie was &e!!in& !oo weir"# ' week la!er- $e
was in Hun!in&!on- <aliornia a! Ruby0s 2iner a! !$e !i% o !$e %ier# I! was a "ouble "a!e# 3'ha%bot starts
going on about Three +illy (oats (ruff# right05 ?ancy Moore an" E""ie <ally%so sa! across !$e way#
3/$a. s!ar!s !$ras$in& every!$in& on !$e boa! an" %oun"s $is c$es!# 6/ will find launch codes: /f you know
of a larger billy goat than me# / would love to meet him:0 He !ells <ornelius an" Tom !$a! !$ey be!!er s!o%
%us$in& %eo%le aroun"85
+ivian rubbe" (le!c$0s le& un"er !$e !able# 3T$is is no! lon& a!er !$ey !ie me an" (le!c$ u% an"
"um% ake rocks on us85
3/o w$ere are !$ey4 T$e robo! an" mi"&e!45 ?ancy $i! i o well wi!$ E""ie an" was $o%in&
!$a! s$e woul" like +iv an" (le!c$# 32i" you $ave enou&$ o !$em45 / hope these guys aren,t pulling my
leg: s$e !$ou&$!# / barely know any of them#
3I know i! soun"s nu!s-5 E""ie sai"# 3T$is is lie now85
3I was in Hawaii wi!$ (le!c$ no! !oo lon& a&o#5 Ruby0s was busy as usual# +ivian marvele" a! !$e
c$a!!er everyw$ere# 3I really !$ou&$! $e was suici"al wi!$ all !$is !$rill)seekin&### un!il we were !ra%%e"
un"er !$ose ar!iicial boul"ers8 I reali.e" !$a! $e =us! !$inks $e0s invincible8 He0s over !$ere knockin&
aroun" !$inkin& $e0s &onna esca%e like a real)lie +atman85 E""ie an" ?ancy lau&$e"# +ivian el! &rea!#
3I wan! !$e ri"e !o en"# I wan! !o se!!le "own#5
3I s!ill $ave a ew a"ven!ures in my sys!em85 (le!c$er %u! $is arm aroun" +iv# 3;$o0s or
climbin& Everest45 T$e o!$ers lau&$e" an" weren0! sure i $e was serious#
;al!er Browne looke" "own rom a i!$ s!ory oice in !$e ,en!a&on# 37ou sei.e" all !$e nine
eleven !a%es or seven!y)ive miles in all "irec!ions### e9ce%! one#5 He s!are" ou! nearly in a !rance#
3T$a!0s w$a! we $a" !o "o#5 <ornelius /!uar! walke" u% !o ;al!er Browne an" %u! $is $an" on $is
s$oul"er# 3?o one really wan!s i! !$is way#5
3Bne "ay- !$ose !a%es will be release"#5 /$a.bo! sa! in a c$air ne9! !o /%encer# 37reedom of
/nformation Act- sir#5
37es8 7es- o course85 ;al!er looke" a! /$a.bo! an" !$ou&$!- That robot doesn,t understand how
the real world works: /t,s like hearing a child tell his friends that his mother has gone on vacation to a
farm and she,ll be back... not knowing she,s dead and it was a made$up story from the dad.
3T$ere was no wrecka&e an" no black bo9# T$e en&ines $a" !i!anium alloys8 I wa!c$e" !$is s$ow
calle" 66ost0 a w$ile back# T$e s$ow be&an on an islan" w$ere a %lane cras$e"# T$e fuselage was ri&$!
!$ere on !$e beac$ ne9! !o %oun"in& waves# I !$ink !$e %ro"ucers were sen"in& a messa&e !$a! you &uys are
wron& in $ow you re%or!e" /e%!ember eleven!$ !o !$e %ublic#5 ;al!er looke" "own an" !rie" !o ima&ine
7light FF $i!!in& !$e wall below $im# 3In season !wo or !$ree>/ can,t remember which one# now>a
*uaran!ine" me!al bunker blows u%# T$ere are no remains w$a!soever o !$e s!eel bu! some$ow- on !$is
ma&ical islan"- !$ere are a cou%le o un$arme" survivors### an" one o !$em is nake"# I !$ink !$ey0re
%okin& un a! w$a! you !ell !$e %ublic# 7ou can in" %ass%or!s an" i"en!iiable bo"y %ar!s### bu! you
coul"n0! in" !$e black bo9es or en&ines85
3;e oun" !$e black bo9es-5 <ornelius sai"# 3;a!c$ oo!a&e o !$e news on !$e in!erne!# '
cou%le o irei&$!ers $an"e" over !$e black bo9es a! @roun" Hero !o (BI a&en!s# Bbviously- you reali.e
we "enie" receivin& !$ese !$in&s#5
3Why45 ;al!er le! !$e win"ow !o =oin /$a.bo! an" /%encer# He sa! !$en aske" a&ain- 3;$y45
3I! &o! !oo $ar" !o &overn# I can !race my bloo"line !o !$e seven!een!$ cen!ury# My amily !ra"e"
in !$e Bri!is$ Eas! In"ia <om%any# ;e $a" in"en!ure" servan!s an" !$e sys!em evolve" !o ull slavery#
Many o our in!en!ions were $onorable# Ima&ine a $eavywei&$! c$am%ion s%arrin& wi!$ a %ar!ner w$o one
"ay becomes s!ron&er an" as!er# ;$a! "o you "o4 2o you !ell !$e worl"- 6I am no lon&er !$e bes!04 ?o#
?o! i you $ave an am%le sense o sel)%reserva!ion# 7ou wan! !o believe you mee! all !$ese i"eals bu!
some!imes some!$in& $as &o! !o &ive# 7our ki" s!ar!e" yellin& w$en we were in !$e (lori"a 1eys !$a!
we0ve %asse" %eak %ro"uc!ion in re&ar"s !o oil# +ivian aske" w$a! we0re "oin& abou! &lobal warmin&# I!0s
!rue !$a! !$ere0s a resource crisis# ,u! yoursel in my s$oes# ;orl" %o%ula!ion "oubles every &enera!ion or
!wo an" more an" more o our !rees are &one### as an e9am%le# 'm I su%%ose" !o say we0ll all suer4 ?o#
I look a!er mysel an" my rien"s $ere in ;as$in&!on# I!0s easy !o be benevolen! an" air w$en &oo"s are
%len!iul# ,ra&ma!ism necessi!a!es !$a! !ou&$ c$oices mus! be ma"e#5 <ornelius /!uar! remove" $is &lasses
an" rubbe" $is eyes# He $a" been "oin& !$is more an" more in !$e recen! weeks# 3I c$ose my si"e- ;al!er#
'n" i you believe we are evil### you are wron&8 T$ere0s no! enou&$ !o &o aroun"# ,romises are ma"e !o
be broken# T$e &onstitution is a %romise# 7our son some$ow i&ure" ou! w$a!0s really &oin& on be$in"
!$e scenes wi!$ou! bein& $ere### w$ere you an" I s!an"#5
3He0s ri&$!- you know45 /%encer was "resse" in or"inary clo!$es>bei&e "ress %an!s an" a
%ow"er blue kni! collare" s$ir!# 37our son is sharp#5
3He "oesn0! es!eem @eor&e ; Bus$ !oo $i&$ly-5 /$a.bo! a""e"# 3I *ues!ion $is %a!rio!ism a!
!imes#5
<ornelius "isre&ar"e" /$a.bo!# 3I sen! your ki" on $is way because $e "eserves a break8
/omew$ere !owar" !$e nor!$ern %ole in <ana"a- our &uys are o%era!in& !$e $eavies! o mac$inery !o
scaven&er !$rou&$ s$ale w$ere !$ere are scan!y oil "e%osi!s#5
3-eak production45 ;al!er aske"# 3T$is is i!8 He !alke" abou! i! "urin& our cruise in !$e
<aribbean#5
3Ima&ine bein& %re!!y low on &as# 7ou0re a !eena&er w$o $as !o "eliver %i..a or !$e ni&$! s$i! a!
a -apa =ohn,s# 7ou call an aun! w$o lives i!y miles away on a arm# /$e $as ive &allons o &as in a
canis!er- your car &e!s !wen!y miles %er &allon- an" !$e !ri% is a $un"re" miles !o!al u% an" back# Even i
you coul" make i! u% !$ere- your ne! &ain is .ero#5 <ornelius sa! "own wi!$ !$e o!$ers# 3T$a!0s w$a!0s
&oin& on in <ana"a ri&$! now# ;e0re e9%en"in& almos! as muc$ ener&y runnin& mac$inery as we0ll be
%ullin& ou! o !$e %ro=ec!# I wan! !o !ell you !$a! we0re close !o col" usion### bu! we0re really no! !o !$e bes!
o my knowle"&e# T$ere0s oil un"er !$e sea an" oil in $i&$ la!i!u"es# T$e cos! is $ar"ly wor!$ i!#5
37ou look worrie"-5 ;al!er observe"# 3I&norance is bliss- e$45 <ornelius "i" no! res%on"# 37ou
!$ink my son can "o your =ob# 7ou woul" like !o re!ire an" $an" %ick a %erson you value#5
37our son is a &rea! &uy# He !$inks all o us wan!e" !$e !or!urin& &oin& on# He !$inks all o us
wan! !o wa&e war a! !$e "ro% o a $a!# He calls us 3ogues- you know4 He !$inks I can some$ow s!o% !$is
&overnmen! rom s%yin& on i!s own %eo%le#5
3I0m &la" $e0s $ere# He convince" me !$a! i!0s wor!$ !ryin&# I "on0! like !$e suerin& o !$e worl"
bu! i your com%lain!s aren0! ollowe" by ac!ions !$en i! "oes no &oo"#5 ;al!er s!o%%e" s%eakin& w$en a
secre!ary walke" in carryin& a c$im%an.ee# 3That must be 'andy:5 T$e "ia%er)wearin& %rima!e skir!e"
alon& !$e loor an" =um%e" on!o ;al!er0s la%# 3I0m &onna like you85
;al!er Browne s%en! !$e ni&$! a! !$e Ri!.)<arl!on# (le!c$ an" +iv "i" no! &o !o !$e Himalayas#
Ra!$er- !$ey were summone" !o re!urn !o 2<# I! was !$eir irs! !ime insi"e o !$e ,en!a&on# ;al!er s$owe"
u% se%ara!ely an" arrive" aroun" !$e same !ime# <ornelius briee" !$em- 37our ne%$ew is *ui!e a %o%ular
ki" a! !$e :niversi!y o Aa+erne85 He $el" a ew color %$o!os w$ic$ were %ro"uce" rom a laser =e!
%rin!er# He $el" one u% !o !$e &rou%# /$a.bo! walke" in!o !$e room as <ornelius s%oke- 3T$a""eus /!ree!s-
also known as 6Tad08 Kui!e a nice smile muc$ like $is aun! w$o &races our %resence# T$is is $im on
cam%us wi!$ an an!i)war &rou%#5 He %asse" !$e %$o!o aroun"# 3T$is is Ta" mas!urba!in& in $is backyar"#
T$is illus!ra!ion $ere is "ouble# Bne- our sa!elli!es !ake incredible %ic!ures rom miles above our surace#
Two- we $ave "ir! on %eo%le# ;e $ave "ir! on a lot o %eo%le#5 He %asse" aroun" !$e %$o!o an" %ulle" ou!
a !$ir" one# 3T$is is inrare" ima&ery o Ta" =ackin& o on $is be"# Even beore !$e 2e%ar!men! o
Homelan" /ecuri!y came !o be- we s%ie" on cou%les $avin& se9# Re&ional law enorcemen! $el%s us via
Bell 20G sky c$o%%ers# ;e know w$en Ta" si&ns on !o %orn si!es because we in!erce%! wii si&nals# T$e
&uys in !$e sky s$ine s%o!li&$!s on $omes blocks away rom w$ere Ta"0s a!### all !$e w$ile !$ey0re ilmin&
$im !$rou&$ $is roo8 He "eci"e" $e woul" =oin an an!i)nukes &rou%8 Ha8 ?ow $e mi&$! no! &ra"ua!e
because $e0s &oin& bonkers !$inkin& !$a! everyone0s a!er $im85
3+ut you are after him:5 +ivian sai"#
37ea$4 He can0! %rove i! w$ic$ makes %eo%le believe $e0s a %aranoi" loose cannon8 T$is is &oin&
!o &o on# ;e0ve "one !$is over an" over#5 <ornelius looke" a! (le!c$er# 37ou were ri&$!# 3ogues# ;e are
Ro&ues# I believe" we were !$e &rea!es! o patriots w$en we sc$eme" !$e nine eleven !$in&# 3ogues#5
3Bu! you "on0! care# I sense !$a! you "on0! care#5 (le!c$er reac$e" or +iv0s $an"#
37ou0re ri&$!# Wham bam# thank you ma,am# I was never like !$a! as a ki"### bu! I $ave a comor!
level !$a! liberals !$rea!en85 <ornelius %ulle" ou! a our!$ %$o!o# 3T$is is a /!a%les ware$ouse acili!y#
T$is is w$ere %ro"uc!s arrive in mass- &e! s%lin!ere" an" s!ore"- !$en re)"is!ribu!e" !o %ublic s!ores# Ta"
$as worke" %ar! !ime a! !$is %lace w$ile &oin& !o colle&e# He !rie" !o s!ar! a uckin0 union !$ere85
3' union4 T$a!0s &oo"- ri&$!45 (le!c$er s*uee.e" +iv0s $an"# He "i"n0! like !$e bu!!erlies in $is
s!omac$# He !$ou&$! $e $a" become numb !o !$ese curious mee!in&s# 3I!0s be!!er !$an &oin& %os!al in o!$er
wor"s- correc!45
31o8 Mi!! Romney !ook over /!a%les because !$ere was no union !$ere !o %ro!ec! workers8 Mi!! is
now wor!$ nine i&ures### an" even that wasn0! enou&$ !o win back our %resi"ency8 ;i!$ !$ese wankers
like +ivian0s ne%$ew- !$e <EBs o !$e worl" o%! or <ana"a- <$ina an" o!$er %laces aroun" !$e &lobe85
<ornelius looke" a! /$a.bo!# 3'm I ri&$!45
34ou are preaching to the converted# sir:5 /$a.bo! salu!e" <ornelius#
3/o now we $ave !$is ,R *ua&mire8 T$e Aakers $ave !o win c$am%ions$i%s a! !$e /!a%les <en!er
in A' !o "is!rac! !$e %ublic rom Teams!ers snoo%in& aroun" ware$ouses near Bn!ario In!erna!ional
'ir%or!85 <ornelius !ook a ew "ee% brea!$s an" !rie" !o calm "own# 32o you know w$y !$ey !ol" $i%%ies
no! !o !rus! anyone over !$ir!y4 I!0s because !$ere0s !ru!$ !o i!# 7ou aren0! &oin& !o $el% Ta" because no one
can $el% $im e9ce%! time# He $an&s ou! a! Re" Robin or c$ea% !acos every Tues"ay# T$is is w$ere 2?$
5ltra comes in!o eec!# He $as a ew !i&$! bu""ies an" we0re &oin& !o sen" wor" !o %olice an" "e%u!ies
!$a! !$ey are "an&erous>!$ey are "e ac!o terrorists# T$ey will &e! 2:Is over !$e ne9! si9 mon!$s# ;e
will sen" un"ercover a&en!s !o screw wi!$ Ta"# He0ll e9%lo"e in %ublic because !$ey always "o# ;e0ll
ins!i!u!ionali.e $im or $is own &oo"85
3What45 +ivian wasn0! scare"# /$e !$ou&$! abou! s!ucco boul"ers above $er $ea"# /$e !urne" !o
;al!er# 3Is !$is ano!$er %rank45
3I wis$ i! was85 <ornelius %asse" aroun" a s%rea"s$ee!# 3T$ese are raw numbers o w$a! !$e
liberals are !ryin& !o cu! rom "eense# ;e0ve &o! !o ni% !$ese !$in&s a! !$e bu"# Ta" /!ree!s is no %roblem
!o us ri&$! now bu! Bill <lin!on wasn0! a %roblem w$en $e was merely &overnor o a cra%%y s!a!e# ;e can0!
le! !$ese !rue liberals &ain %ower8 T$ey will elimina!e w$a! we $ave &oin&85
3T$e sc$moo.e worke"#5 (le!c$er analy.e" numbers on a s$ee! %asse" !o $im# T$ere was a bar
c$ar! wi!$ a %ara&ra%$ un"ernea!$ an" a cou%le o %ie c$ar!s wi!$ ano!$er %ara&ra%$# 3I was i"en!ical !o
Ta" w$en I came ou! o $i&$ sc$ool# 's a ma!!er o ac!- i you ma"e !$is same %resen!a!ion !$ree mon!$s
a&o- I mi&$!0ve been !em%!e" !o sock you in !$e =aw#5
3/ would have to put you down-5 /$a.bo! sai"# 3Bne mus! res%ec! au!$ori!y- (le!c$#5
3<alm "own- Wire "ead85 (le!c$ s$ook $is $ea" in rus!ra!ion# 3T$ree mon!$s a&o- !$is
woul"0ve been !oo muc$ !o s!omac$# 7ou0ve convince" me o a cou%le o !$in&s# Bne- i!0s always been
!$is way an" always will be !$is way# Two4 7ou $ave !o %ick your si"e#5
+ivian was a%%alle" an" s$ook $er $ea"# 3;e $ave !o i&$!- s!ill85 /$e leane" over an" sucke" a!
(le!c$er0s neck below $is ear# 3(or me85
3I!0s alrea"y been "eci"e"85 <ornelius walke" !o !$e same win"ow w$ere ;al!er $a" &a.e" rom#
3T$a!0s my %oin!8 ;e- as an a&ency- are as robo!ic 'ha%# T$ere are %ro!ocols# T$ere are con!in&encies# I
your ne%$ew was only %ar! o !$e an!i)nukes movemen!- I coul" %ull s!rin&s# T$e Mi!! Romneys o !$e
worl" s$u""er w$en !$ey believe a workorce is em%owere" by collec!ive bar&ainin&# Ta" is involve" in a
labor %us$### an" $e0s marc$in& in Aos 'n&eles !o s!o% !$e war in '&$anis!an8 'n" !$ere0s alrea"y a
%ullou! "a!e8 ;$y can0! $e =us! be like every o!$er colle&e ki" an" &o !o bars !ryin& !o &e! lai"45
3I $o%e you0re ki""in&85 +ivian looke" a! all !$e aces in !$e room or a clue# 3;$y woul" you
call me $ere !o !ell me !$is45
3I mi&$! be able !o s!o% i!-5 <ornelius sai"# 3I I can0!- you can e9%ec! calls rom your ne%$ew
rom men!al $eal!$ acili!ies or rom =ail# ;e $ave a ew o%era!ives in !$ese %olice "e%ar!men!s w$o will
li!erally break your !ail li&$!s an" !$en ci!e you a!erwar"# 7ou0ve seen i! on T+ %robably4 Have you seen
w$en !$ey0re is! %um%in& eac$ o!$er a!er loorin& liberal re&is!ere" nurses4 ;$a! abou! $i&$ ivin& eac$
o!$er a!er sockin& a sus%ec! in cus4 T$is is cau&$! on ilm an" !$en you $ear !$e e9%lana!ion !$a! !$e
cul%ri! was resis!in& arres!8 'n" no!$in& is "one !o re%riman" !$ese &uys8 ;$y4 Be&innin& in !$e ; Bus$
a"minis!ra!ion- !$e secre! laws s!ar!e" !o a%%ly more !$an !$e %ublic laws85
3-raise the 6O3.:5 /$a.bo!0s eyes looke" u%war" an" $e li!e" $is $an"s in %raise# +ivian was
bale"# He !ol" $er- 3I believe in $i&$er or"er- ma0am# I a%olo&i.e or !$is %ublic "is%lay#5
'll o a su""en- some!$in& sna%%e" insi"e o (le!c$0s min"# To!al "enial kicke" i!# 3;e s!ill
$aven0! !rie" &ir>ue &uisine on (arra&u!# ;an! !o &e! some now45
+ivian !$ou&$! i! was a cue# 3Aunc$4 7es8 Aunc$ alrea"y8 I love !o $ave lunc$ a! eleven so we
can bea! !$e rus$85 /$e &o! u% an" %ulle" (le!c$ rom $is c$air#
3I can really use some or&anic c$ow85 /$a.bo! s!oo" u%#
3;$y "on0! you ski% !$is one- /$a.45 +ivian !rie" $ar" !o !$ink# Are they friggin, joking0 / got
on a three$thousand$mile flight to listen to a fruitcake telling me he,s gonna ruin my nephew0 3I nee" !ime
alone wi!$ (le!c$er#5
3I &e! i!85 /$a. %oin!e" $is in&er a! +ivian0s ace# 37ou0re !oo good or me now8 I knew !$is "ay
woul" come85
3The penguins eat tofu in 'iberia-5 <ornelius sai"# /$a. became ro.en# 3He $as an o bu!!on#
That,s it# I you ever nee" !o s$u! $im "own- say !$ose wor"s#5
3Wow85 (le!c$er !$ou&$! abou! Ta" /!ree!s locke" in a %a""e" room# 2aybe we,re all going
cra%y. / need a break from this# 3<ir*ue <uisine- $ere we come85 /f / never come back to the place again#
it,ll be too soon: He lim%ly $el" +iv0s $an"# Beore !$ey le! !$e room- $e aske" <ornelius- 37ou &uys
aren0! a!er me an" +iv4 're you45
37ou an" +iv4 ?o#5 <ornelius !$ou&$! !$ey woul" leave bu! !$ey wan!e" more assurance# 3I was
!ellin& your a!$er- $ere### !$a! you are won"erul %eo%le8 Ta" $as !o be %ur&e" o $is anarc$is! !en"encies#
I!0s a business- you un"ers!an"4 7ou $ear a!$le!es !alk abou! i! in s%or!s an" you $ear ac!ors !alk abou! i! in
!$e movies# /t,s a business# you see0 T$ere0s no!$in& %ersonal#5
+iv o%ene" !$e "oor wi!$ $er ri&$! $an" an" %ulle" (le!c$ alon& wi!$ $er le!# In minu!es- !$ey
were ea!in& le!!uce wra%s in near silence# (rom !$ere- !$ey s%li!# (le!c$ wen! back !o mee! wi!$ $is a!$er#
+ivian s%e" !o 2ulles In!erna!ional !o ca!c$ a li&$! !o !$e ;es! <oas!# 'ecuracom. 2arvin. 1ine eleven.
2y head is so jumbled# 'n9ie!y cre%! in!o +iv0s arms an" s$e s$ook as s$e boar"e" !$e =umbo =e!# Wirt0
Who was Wirt again0 +i%arre name# /$e sle%! mos! o !$e way !o Bn!ario In!erna!ional# /$e ren!e" a !iny
car a! Bu"&e! !$en .oome" wes!boun" on !$e Ten !o /an 2imas w$ere $er ne%$ew live" o cam%us wi!$ a
cou%le o classma!es# 3/o &oo" !o see you85 s$e sai" w$en $e o%ene" !$e "oor#
3'un! +ivian4 ;$a!0re you "oin& $ere45 Ta" /!ree!s kisse" $is aun!0s c$eek# 32on0! min" !$e
smoke# I!0s san"alwoo" incense# Makes !$e %lace smell be!!er#5
37our !ruck is &oin& &e! slamme" a! ei&$! i!een i you leave i! %arke" on !$e s!ree!#5 +ivian
came in an" $an"e" Ta" a lis!# 3I was in !$e rickin0 ,en!a&on an" &o! !$is rom a <I' a&en!#5
3T$is one alrea"y $a%%ene"#5 Ta" %oin!e" a !$ir" o !$e way "own# 3Ramon4 Aas! ni&$!4 2:I#
;e0re kickin& back a! Re" Robin- like we always "o### an" I kin" o knew i! was comin&# ,eo%le were
ac!in& weir" aroun" us#5
3Bkay# Aeave your !ruck ou! !$ere# I will &ive you a !$ousan" "ollars !o %u! "own on some!$in&
new i your !ruck &e!s slamme" in !o# T$a! way- I know i!0s real# T$a! way- I know !$ey in!en" !o kee% you
rom &ra"ua!in&### an" !$ey0ll soon %u! you be$in" bars# Have you been &e!!in& %roblems ou! o now$ere
rom !rus!e" !eac$ers !$is year4 T$ey0re on !$e !ake8 'ccor"in& !o !$is "ocumen!- !$ey0re in be" wi!$
:ncle /am#5 +ivian wen! !o !$e cur!ain an" looke" ou!# 3T$a! bea! u% ol" !ruck4 Is !$a! a &ar"ener0s4 I!
$as !ools all over an" i! looks ou! o %lace#5
3Javier4 He "oes our yar" !oo# ;e know $im#5 Ta" scanne" !$e lis!# 3Ei&$! i!een4 7ou !$ink
$e0s one o !$em4 'n" yes- my &eolo&y !eac$er los! my mi"!erm %a%er# He sai" $e never &o! i!#5
3Ae!0s wai!# /ome o !$ese !$in&s are very s%eciic# I your !ruck &e!s $i!- we0re =e!!in& ou! o
<aliornia# T$ey0ve &one cra%y ou! !$ere# Inma!es are runnin& !$e asylum#5 +ivian wa!c$e" !elevision
wi!$ $er ne%$ew# Ramon Jo$anson was in =ail- no! =us! or !$e 2:I# He was accuse" o ba!!ery on a %eace
oicer# Ta" e9%laine" !$a! $e wasn0! "oin& any!$in& wron& an" !$en !$e s$i! $i! !$e an# T$ree oicers
were on Ramon yellin& a! $im !o s!o% resis!in& arres!# Ta" "i"n0! see Ramon swin& a! anybo"y bu! i! !urne"
u% on !$e re%or!# His o!$er roomma!e- Bren! Hoover- was ou! on a "a!e#
+AAA2222:
3T$ere i! is85 +ivian wen! back !o !$e cur!ain# 32o no! &o ou!si"e ye!85 +iv %ulle" ou! $er
i,$one# ,recisely ei&$! i!een# 3T$e %a%er says co%s are &onna come or a re%or!# T$ey0re &oin& !o se!
you u% like !$ey "i" 3amon# ;e0ve &o!!a leave !$rou&$ !$e backyar" an" le! i! %ass#5
3I woul" say you $ave a screw loose### bu! !$is is a li!!le !oo e9ac!#5 Ta" =oine" $is aun! a! !$e
win"ow# I! was !$e &ar"ener0s w$i!e $oo%!ie !$a! broa"si"e" Ta"0s a*ua <$evy %icku%# T$e &ar"ener was
scra!c$in& $is $ea"# He looke" aroun" bu! $e "i"n0! !ry !o $i"e w$a! $e $a" "one# '!er a ew secon"s- $e
walke" !owar" Ta"0s ron! "oor# 3Ae!0s &e! ou! o $ere8 T$a! &uy "oesn0! $ave insurance8 I know i!0s a se!
u%85
3My car is %arke" a! a "onu! s!ore u% !$e s!ree!# Jus! in case !$is $a%%ene"- I %re%are"#5 +ivian
walke" !o !$e ki!c$en an" ma"e $er way !$rou&$ !$e sli"in& back "oor# Thump# thump# thump# Ta"
ollowe" $is aun! an" i&nore" !$e knockin&# T$ey =um%e" a backyar" ence an" =o&&e" !$rou&$ an alley#
Bnce in +iv0s car- s$e aske" Ta"- 3&hristopher .orner0 7ou $ave a sel)ma"e %os!er o a rene&a"e co% on
your wall4 T$a!0s w$y !$is is $a%%enin&85
3' sni%er %lou&$s a $un"re" an" i!y Ira*is an" we $ave a memorial or $im in <owboys
/!a"ium4 'un!ie +iv8 7ou raise" me !o be ree8 'n" !o !$ink or mysel8 <o%s in A' are ba"8 2orner
$el%e" ree us o !$eir !yranny85 Ta" /!ree!s %ulle" ou! a ba&&ie rom $is =eans# 32o you min" i I roll
u%45
37es8 Hi"e !$a!85 Jus! like clockwork- %a!rol cars race" in !$e "irec!ion rom w$ere +iv an" Ta"
were comin&# 31o nukes0 ;$a! was !$a!4 're you !ryin& !o be %o%ular wi!$ $i%%ies45
32o you know nothing abou! !$e lan" o !$e '$a Macav4 How lon& are we &oin& !o %us$ ?a!ive
'mericans aroun"4 T$ey wan! !o %u! nuclear was!e on !$eir reserva!ions85 T$a""eus /!ree!s !osse" $is
ba&&ie o mari=uana ou!si"e !$e win"ow# 3T$is is &ivin& me !$e cree%s# 7ou0re ri&$!- aun!ie#5
3;$y were you !ryin& !o s!ar! a union a! !$e /!a%les ware$ouse45 +ivian !urne" on!o !$e 2A
(reeway# 3're you makin& !rouble or !$e sake o i!45
33amon- aun!ie +iv8 He was &onna &e! ire"# T$e ucker coul"n0! make i! !o work an" was &onna
&e! !$e a9e because o !$e a!!en"ance %olicy8 ;e calle" !$e Teams!ers Aocal DFP in <ovina because
%roessor Heke (owler $a" connec!ions# He0s !$e &uy !$a! los! my !erm %a%er- by !$e way85
3He "i"n0! lose i!8 I!0s on !$a! lis! I &ave you8 He0s one o !$em85 +ivian no!ice" !$a! s$e was a!
nine!y miles %er $our an" slowe" "own !o a comor!able seven!y# 3The 3ogues# T$a!0s w$a! we0ve been
callin& !$em# T$ere0s !$is breakaway &rou% !$a! $as !ies !o !$e ?/'- (BI- 'T(- ?BR'2- <I' an"
w$a!ever else# They don,t care about democracy. T$ey "on0! care abou! re&ular %eo%le# T$ey $a!e liberals#
T$eir !olerance is .ero8 T$ey will !ry !o kill you i you $ave any more success a! convincin& s!u"en!s !o
=oin your movemen!s85
37ea$45 Ta" wis$e" $e $a"n0! !$rown away $is %o!# 3(la!!erin&# 3eally flattering#5
3(le!c$er was =us! like you8 He !$ou&$! $e wasn0! makin& a "ierence8 7ou &e! un"er !$eir skin8
I!0s like seein& a mouse !o !$em8 T$ey wan! none o w$a! you are85 ,asa"ena was comin& u%# +ivian
won"ere" i s$e0" eel calm enou&$ !o s!o% or coee# /$e "oub!e" i!# 3T$ey0re &roomin& (le!c$ !o be
w$a! !$ese !$u&s are85
3:ncle (le!c$4 I can call $im 6:ncle (le!c$0 even !$ou&$ you never !ie" !$e kno!- can0! I45 He
s!ar!e" !o eel $omesick alrea"y# 3're we &oin& !o !urn aroun"4 I mean- !$ey can0! s!ick aroun" all ni&$!#5
3Turn aroun"4 ?o# ;e &o !o <ana"a>maybe Toronto# 7ou break !ies !o !$is %lace an" you &ive
u% on your "i%loma or now8 ;$en you %ull yoursel ou! o <aliornia- you0ll see w$a! everyone "oes# /t,s
gone# T$e &oo" !imes are &one85
3T$ank you- aun!ie# <an I $ave ive $un"re"4 I mean- you oere" a !$ousan"# I we &e!
se%ara!e"- I0ll nee" money#5 Ta" /!ree!s ol"e" !$e %a%er +iv $a" &iven $im#
3(ive4 7es# ;$en we s!o%- you &e! ive Ben=amin (ranklins#5 +ivian "i"n0! s%eak un!il !$ey
were %as! <olora"o Boulevar"# 3;e0re "rivin& !o (risco# Bkay4 (rom !$ere- we &o !o Toron!o#5
34ou,re the boss-5 Ta" sai"# He "o.e" o an" le! $is aun! navi&a!e# /$e "rove or ei&$! $ours-
s!o%%in& or &as only once- beore Ta" woke# 3;$ere are we45
3'lmos! in /an (rancisco#5 +ivian ma"e &oo" !ime an" !$ey lew !o Toron!o# 3I &rabbe" a bunc$
o s!u# Maybe i!0s !o% secre!>/ don,t know#5 +ivian rarely &o! !$e win"ow sea!# T$is !ime s$e "i"# I!
"i"n0! ma!!er muc$ !o $er because i! was "ark ou!si"e# 3I !$e 2emocra!s win a&ain in 201G- !$e 3ogues
$ave a %lan !o $i! !$e <? Tower# T$a!0s w$ere we0re &oin&# T$ose uckers are cra.y8 T$ey0re !ryin& !o
$ol" !$e %ublic $os!a&e#5
3;$a!0s !$e "ierence be!ween me sayin& !$e A',2 is corru%! an" you sayin& !$a! ;as$in&!on-
2< is45 Ta" was !ire"# 3I knew some$ow !$a! colle&e wasn0! &oin& !o ma!!er# I $ave many rien"s !$a!0ve
&ra"ua!e" an" can0! in" work#5
37ou0ve been "ecommissione"# 's a socie!y- you0ve been "ecommissione"8 T$a!0s w$a! I oun"
ou! by $an&in& wi!$ !$ese Ro&ue c$arac!ers# T$ey won0! call i! slavery- bu! or all %rac!ical reasons- mos!
%eo%le w$o $ave =obs are in slave si!ua!ions# I you "on0! %ar!ici%a!e in !$e slave sys!em- you are
ware$ouse" in a suburban $ome# T$ey make sure !$a! all un"s comin& in %ay or oo" an" s$el!er wi!$ou!
muc$ more#5 I! was "ark bu! +iv s!are" ou! anyway# /$e !rie" !o ima&ine a &remlin on !$e win&#
32ecommissione"4 7ou mean like an obsole!e mac$ine45 Ta" s$ook $is $ea"# 3How "o !$ey &e!
away wi!$ !$is45
+ivian was !ire"# 3I "on0! know# <ornelius /!uar!- our <I' con!ac!- sai" $e !race" $is $eri!a&e !o
!ra"e s$i%s rom !$e si9!een $un"re"s# <olonis!s coul"n0! rebel a! James!own an" !$ey woul"n0! wan! !o#
Aivin& un"er a monarc$y was ine# Bne "ay- !$ey &o! s!ron& enou&$ !o break away# I! was !$e Masons an"
@eor&e ;as$in&!on was a lea"er# T$e Masons in En&lan"4 Have you $ear" o Jack !$e Ri%%er4 He wasn0!
alone# <ornelius !ol" us !$a! 2asons commi!!e" most o !$ese $einous slayin&s a!!ribu!e" now !o one o !$e
worl"0s mos! inamous villains o all !ime# T$ese Masons broke rom En&lan" in 'merica# 2emocracy
was real enou&$ un!il !$eir %us$ in 2000# Jus! as colonis!s ma"e !$eir move rom En&lan"- 3ogues ma"e
!$eir move away rom elec!e" oicials# T$ere0s overla% $ere an" !$ere bu! !$e ,en!a&on believe" i!
ac$ieve" %rimacy over !$e ;$i!e House#5
3Makes sense-5 Ta" sai"# 3;$a! are we su%%ose" !o "o4 T$ey $ave billions o "ollars !o work
wi!$ every year8 T$ey $ave every re%or!er an" %olice oicer !oo!in& !$eir $orns85
3(irs! an" oremos!- we survive#5 +ivian el! cra.y# I a &remlin did a%%ear ou!si"e- s$e was sure
s$e woul"n0! scream# I! woul" sim%ly i! in wi!$ lie0s ma"ness# 3/econ"4 ;e block i! ou!# T$ey wan! us
sucke" in!o !$eir "rama# T$ey &e! o w$en !$e see Occupy %ro!es!ers line" u% in ron! o !$eir ci!y $alls
across !$e na!ion# I! airms !$eir e9is!ence8 T$ey %e%%er s%ray !$ese &uys wi!$ !$e same aban"on or"inary
%eo%le !rea! $ouse lies8 I!0s gone- T$a""eus8 T$e 'merican "ream is &one8 I!0s a %ombie a! bes!8 I! is
"ea"8 I! mi&$! be walkin& in "ecre%i! <I' a&en!s0 min"s### bu! i! is "ea"85
3<ana"a4 7ou !$ink <ana"a is &oin& !o be any be!!er45 Ta" el! weary# He $a" enou&$ slee% bu!
$is min" was la"en wi!$ $eavy issues# 3I can live o !$e lan" i !$ey cu! o our un"s#5
3Aive o !$e lan"45 +ivian lau&$e"# 3I %lan on winnin&# I no lon&er believe I will save !$e worl"
!o&e!$er wi!$ (le!c$er### bu! I won0! le! !$ese screwballs ri% !$eir !alons in!o my les$#5
+ivian c$ecke" in!o a !wo)be" sui! a! !$e (our /easons in Toron!o# /$e sle%! almos! un!il noon as
"i" $er ne%$ew# 's mi")"ay rolle" aroun"- (le!c$er was in Ric$mon"- +ir&inia wi!$ $is "a"- <ornelius an"
/$a.bo!# T$e men were insi"e a lar&e <I' ware$ouse# T$e roo was almos! i!y ee! $i&$ an" !$ere were
a! leas! a $un"re" aisles o me!al racks wi!$ %alle!s $ousin& various bo9es an" cra!es# T$ere was a sec!ion
or oice s%ace an" ye! ano!$er sec!ion w$ere orkli!s an" o!$er $eavy e*ui%men! were %arke" in be!ween
yellow %ain!e" lines# 3/omew$ere in !$is acili!y is !$e answer-5 <ornelius sai"#
3;$a! answer45 (le!c$er aske"#
3J(1 blown away4 I $ear" your &irlrien" sin&in& 6;e 2i"n0! /!ar! !$e (ire08 2on0! !$ink I0m so
ol" !$a! I "on0! know some rock 6n0 roll# /omew$ere in !$ese racks is !$e real answer8 ,eo%le know w$o
"i" i!8 T$e Russians4 T$e <ubans4 T$e maia45
32o you know !$e answer- sir4 <an we in" i!4 I! woul" really %u! my min" !o res!85 (le!c$er
be&&e"#
3I brou&$! you $ere because i!0s an asinine conun"rum### =us! like every!$in& else# T$ere0s a co"e I
$ave !o !ell securi!y w$en we &e! in!o !$e oice# I !$a! co"e is correc!- I &e! !o !alk !o "is%a!c$ers# T$ey
$ave an inklin& w$ere I might in" !$e answer bu! i!0s burie" in cra%# T$ere is too muc$ inorma!ion on !$e
sub=ec!# ;e save" !abloi" s!ories# ;e in!erviewe" "is!an! rela!ives an" !ook !$ousan"s o %a&es o
ai"avi!s# I "on0! know w$o !$e $eck blew away J(185 <ornelius el! a !iny bi! as$ame" bu! move" on#
3In !$e ar corner o !$is %lace- is a labyrin!$ o sor!s# I wan! !o s$ow you !$is85
T$ey walke" alon&# (le!c$er ke%! s!ri"e an" sai"- 32a"8 I $ave some really awesome %ic!ures o
!$e bri"&e comin& "own aroun" /e%ulve"a on !$e D0P "urin& &armageddon85 He %ulle" ou! $is i,$one#
3<$eck i! ou!85
37ou0re &oin& !o $ave !o %u! !$a! away85 <ornelius sai"# 3T$is is a !o% secre! area#5
3;$a!ever85 (le!c$er sai"# He %u! $is smar! %$one back in $is %ocke!#
T$ey walke" or ano!$er minu!e# T$ere were yellow bars surroun"in& a s!ran&e se! o "ouble
"oors# 3Ima&ine you are a irei&$!er in ?ew 7ork <i!y#5 <ornelius cla%%e" $is $an"s !wice# T$e "oors
o%ene"# T$e aca"e was me"ieval# 2ark bur&un"y %ain! wi!$ "ecora!e" black me!al !rim# Aar&e rin&s
$un& rom ei!$er si"e %resumably or knockin&# .ark gray gargoyle faces above the rings# T$e "oors
o%ene"### bu! !$ey "i" no! swing o%en# T$ey sli"e a%ar! !o !$e le! an" ri&$! like Moses comman"in& !$e
Re" /ea !o move# T$en !$ere was a c$amber wi!$ no!$in& in i!### e9ce%! more "oors# 3;e &o! !$e i"ea rom
Ma9well /mar!85 <ornelius was %rou"# 3T$is is one o my "esi&ns- ;al!er#5 He s%oke s%eciically !o ;al!
because $e "i"n0! believe (le!c$er was ol" enou&$ !o remember (et 'mart# He was wron&- !$ou&$# ;al!er
Browne was an incre"ible an o !$a! s%y series# He bou&$! a 2+2 collec!ion a! Bes! Buy an" wa!c$e"
!$em wi!$ (le!c$er on rainy ni&$!s#
3're you insane45 ;al!er aske"# 3I mean no oense w$a!soever#5
3Insane45 <ornelius lau&$e"# ;$en ;al!er !$ou&$! $e was "one lau&$in&- <ornelius lau&$e"
s!ron&er an" lon&er# ;al!er wai!e" a ew secon"s an" i! be&an a&ain# T$is !ime- <ornelius coul"n0!
main!ain $is ee!# He colla%se" !o !$e &roun" an" was %oun"in& !$e cemen! !$ey all s!oo" on# 3Insane45 $e
aske" a&ain# He s!oo" u% an" blus$e"# 3/nsane45
;al!er el! s!u%i"#
3Insane45 <ornelius s$ook $is $ea" in "isa%%oin!men!# 3Insane45 ;al!er was coun!in&# (ive
!imes in a row# <ornelius aske" !$e same r$e!orical *ues!ion ive !imes in a row# 3T$e :ni!e" /!a!es o
'merica $as s%en! !ens o !$ousan" o "ollars !o buil" a be!!er !oile!8 'olar powered8 T$ere is a rickin0
bri"&e in 'laska !$a! cos! !ens o millions !o buil" an" $as i!y cars run across i! every year8 ;e $ave
kille" more monkeys re"un"an!ly !$an any coun!ry ever will8 'n" we $ave also &one !o !$e Moon8 (or
every s!u%i" !$in& like !$is- we are a rac!ion o our way !o brilliance somew$ere else85
3I &e! i!85 ;al!er wan!e" !o move alon&#
(le!c$er Browne s!are" "irec!ly a$ea"# He knew w$a! $e was seein&# I! was !$e $e9a&on iris
$a!c$ rom 'tar Wars movies# (le!c$er even knew w$a! !o "o# He cla%%e" !wice# T$e iris o%ene"# (le!c$
san&- 3&lap on# clap off... the &6A--E3:5 T$e &rou% ma"e !$eir way orwar"# (le!c$ el! livi" eelin&s
a&ain# 3,lease8 ;$a! !$e 75&?48 7ou s%en" millions on "is&uisin& !$is acili!y8 7ou s%en" millions on
buil"in& a re%lica o a si9!ies s%y s$ow %ro"uc!ion se!8 'n" you use !$e uckin0 &6A--E34 Jesus uckin0
<$ris!8 Is !$is w$y we0re !rillions o "ollars in "eb!4 Jesus uckin0 <$ris!85
<ornelius /!uar! brus$e" i! o# 37ou won0! be "isa%%oin!e"#5 T$e ne9! "oor s%li! evenly rom !o%
!o bo!!om# T$ey walke" in!o !$e ne9! sec!ion w$ere our woo"en ver!ical boar"s !wis!e" nine!y "e&rees an"
allowe" or ive slo!s !o walk !$rou&$# '! !$e en" o !$e sc$eme- !$ere was an ol")sc$ool ,aciic Bell
%$one boo!$# Bne by one- eac$ &uy en!ere" an" s$o! "own !o a lower level# 3T$is is !$e ma"ness-5
<ornelius !ol" (le!c$er# 3T$ere was a "ay w$en we coul" in!erro&a!e %risoners# T$ere was a "ay w$en we
coul" *ues!ion mur"er sus%ec!s# T$a! uckin0 <ons!i!u!ion !$a! brou&$! us our ric$es an" secure" our
soverei&n!y rom Euro%e also !ie" our $an"s# /erial killers $ave !$e ri&$! !o an a!!orney- you know45
3/o you buil! !$ese cra.y %laces so !$a! no one woul" s%eak o !$em45 (le!c$er aske"# 37ou "i"
!$is !o Ma!! /!ubbs# 7ou bea! $im wi!$ a %ink bunny>a man in a cos!ume# ?o one woul" lis!en !o suc$ a
ar ou! s!ory85
3Ae!0s walk alon&-5 <ornelius su&&es!e"# 32o you see !$ose men in !$ose cells45 T$ere were
black s!ereo s%eakers above !$em an" 2is$walla0s 3<oun!in& Blue <ars5 %laye"# 3Have you ever seen a
"ru& "ealer "rive a blue (or" Tem%o4 I! "oesn0! $a%%en8 I you0re "rivin& a conserva!ive economy car-
you are !ryin& !o i! in8 <$ances are- you are on our si"e8 /ome!imes- uck $ea"s screw wi!$ our boys85
I! mus! $ave been a !wo)way mirror# (le!c$ wa!c$e" !wo cells wi!$ !wo %eo%le# He was lookin&
"irec!ly a! re%licas o s!an"ar" =ail cells# T$ey were ei&$!)by)!welve ee!# T$ere were me!al sinks- be"s an"
in"us!rial)s!ren&!$ !oile!s# Eac$ cell $a" a rus!ra!e" man si!!in& on a %a%er)!$in !$in ma!# 3;$o are !$ese
%eo%le45 (le!c$er aske"#
3Have you ever wa!c$e" 'i*ty 2inutes45 <ornelius aske"# He el! %rou"# He $ear" abou! 3na!ural
$i&$s5 an" !$ou&$! $e was $avin& one# 3Aaura Ao&an was my "ream# I a"mi! !$a!# I! use" !o be <$ris!iane
'man%our- I0ve &o!!a say# T$ere was !$is s!u"y !$ey "i" recen!ly# To""lers were secre!ly observe" in a
room# T$ey were &iven a c$oice# T$ey were !ol" !$a! someone else !$eir a&e woul" be comin& in!o !$e
room# T$ey coul" "eci"e i !$ey woul" receive !wo snacks### an" !$e ne9! c$il" woul" &e! !wo snacks as
well### or !$ey coul" c$oose !o receive only one snack### bu! !$e ne9! %erson woul" $ave no!$in& a! all# 2o
you know w$a! !$ey c$ose45
3One snack# T$is is !oo easy8 I0ve been aroun" !oo many youn&s!ers in my lie85 (le!c$er
wan!e" !o know w$a! %oin! <ornelius was &e!!in& a!#
3;e $ave a circums!ance w$ere local law enorcemen! insis!s on arres!in& %eo%le we "eem !o be
o%era!ive# ;e0re !alkin& abou! ar!is!s- %roessors- %ro"ucers### an" !$e like8 T$is is a &ame o 6w$o blinks
irs!0# ;e sna!c$ !$em rom !$eir %recinc!s an" brin& !$em $ere# T$ey !$ink i!0s a &a& because o !$e
2a*well 'mart "oors# T$ey win" u% in a real com%e!i!ion# I you arres! one o our avori!es- you be!!er be
willin& !o %ay !$e %rice85
37ou0ve &one ma"-5 (le!c$er sai"# 3T$ose &uys are "rones# T$ey are !ryin& !o be air85
3/o one o us wins- (le!c$er85 <ornelius s!ar!e" !o believe !$a! all !$e ou!)o)!$e)way
cons!ruc!ions were wor!$ i!# 37ou are now w$a! I am85
3B$4 Because I0m s!ickin& u% or law enorcemen!4 'n" I su%%ose w$en I0m si9!y)ive I0m
&onna wan! !o %us$ !$e +5TTO185 (le!c$er Browne was rus!ra!e"### bu! $e was in!ri&ue" an" "i"n0! wan!
!o a"mi! i!#
32I<1 ('<E85 <ornelius yelle"# 3T$is is a &ame o 6w$o blinks irs!0 an" someone0s u!ure is
abou! !o &e! be!!er### an" ano!$er &uy is &oin& !o be "eeme" as socially uns!able8 T$ey are %u! in cells !$e
same si.e as !$e %lace w$ere %eo%le !$ey arres! win" u%# <an !$ey $an"le i!4 Every !wo an" $al minu!es-
!$ey rin& a bu..er# I !$ey slee%- !oo ba"# T$ey $ave sen! friends of mine !o local =ails w$ere !$ey $ave !o
worry abou! !$eir surroun"in&s### even w$en !$ey0re e9%ec!e" !o res!85
3'n" w$en !$ey0re "one $ere- w$a! $a%%ens !o !$e winner45 (le!c$er aske"#
3B$ boy8 I like you8 7ou know !$a! some!$in& is ne9!85 ' "in&in& soun" in!erru%!e" !$e son&#
/t,s getting cold# picked up the pace# 2is$walla in !$e back&roun"# 'n occasional "in&# "ow our shoes
make hard noises in this place# 2e%u!ies in se%ara!e cells rus$e" !o !$eir sinks# T$ere was a silver
aluminum bu!!on or wa!er an" a se%ara!e re" bu!!on !o cease !$e "in&in&# Bne o !$e con!es!an!s woul"
all aslee% an" ail !o %ress $is bu!!on wi!$in !$ir!y secon"s# '! !$is %oin!- $e woul" be sen! $ome !arre"
an" ea!$ere"# He woul" be consi"ere" men!ally ill an" collec! rou&$ly one !$ousan" "ollars %er mon!$ or
!$e res! o $is lie# T$e o!$er "e%u!y4 He woul" make i! !o !$e ne9! roun" o !$e insane roun" robin# He
mi&$! ba!!le wi!s wi!$ a burn! ou! (BI a&en!### or a ci!y %olice oicer w$o s$o! someone in $as!e#
Bne "e%u!y colla%se" beore $e coul" reac$ $is bu!!on# His $ea" slum%e" over a me!al !oile! as i
$e e9%ec!e" !o %uke# T$e o!$er "e%u!y raise" $is arms an" s$ou!e" !$a! $e was rea"y or !$e ne9! roun"#
3I0m no! &e!!in& i!-5 (le!c$er !ol" <ornelius# 3;e are all vali" %eo%le### an" you !rea! $umans as i
only !$e c$am%ions "eserve any!$in& &oo"#5
32o you really wan! !o "ie in !$e suburbs45 <ornelius aske"# 3Aa.y uck balls %erc$e" on soas
all "ay wa!c$in& re)runs o ?ing of Lueens4 7ou are %a!$e!ic i !$a!0s !$e case8 'n" I0m a $orribly ba"
=u"&e o c$arac!er8 ;e $ave come !oo ar !o acce%! incom%e!ence85
3Bkay# /o one o !$ese "e%u!ies moves on an" wins !$e c$allen&e w$ere $e bounces o !$e lar&e
re" balls in !$e lake4 T$en w$a!4 He "rinks "onkey s%erm as!er !$an some o!$er "ouc$e4 /o $e *ualiies
or !$e %ay)%er)view i&$! w$en $e $as !o swim in!o !$e ocean in or"er !o re!rieve %u..le %ieces### !$en bi!e
o %ieces o $is o%%onen!0s ear4 ;$a!0s really &oin& on $ere4 're you fag- <ornelius4 2oes !$is &e! you
o45 Men en!ere" one o !$e rooms an" escor!e" !$e slee%in& "e%u!y rom $is *uar!ers# (le!c$er s!ill
consi"ere" !$a! $e mi&$! be "reamin&#
3T$ese are i"en!ical re%licas o s!an"ar" =ail cells# 7ou an" your a!$er will s!ay $ere or seven!y)
!wo $ours# 7ou $ave no i"ea w$a! ac!ual %eo%le &o !$rou&$#5 <ornelius looke" a! (le!c$er0s ace# T$ere
was no ear#
3When you ain,t got nothing# you got nothing to lose85 (le!c$er was un"aun!e"# 3Brin& i! on8
;$en I survive wi!$ou! com%lainin&- I wan! you !o lay o me an" my amily85
<ornelius /!uar! $esi!a!e" bu! carrie" on# 37ou will never know w$a! i!0s like !o rule !$e worl"85
He wave" !o one o !$e ceilin& corners# @uar"s came in an" escor!e" (le!c$ an" ;al!er !o !$e cells w$ere
!$ey $a" =us! wa!c$e" "e%u!ies s!ru&&le# ;al!er "eci"e" $e woul" no! com%e!e wi!$ $is son# He $ear"
"in&in& in a cou%le o minu!es an" i&nore" !$e re" bu!!on# (le!c$er "eci"e" $e wasn0! com%e!in& wi!$ $is
a!$er# <ornelius an" $is &an& were &oin& !o "o w$a!ever !$ey wan!e" !o "o# I! "i"n0! ma!!er i a bu!!on
was %resse" or no!# (le!c$er %resse" $is bu!!on an" wan!e" !o "o be!!er !$an any!$in& <ornelius woul" "o#
<ornelius cu! !$e &ame way s$or!# He or"ere" $is assis!an!s !o !ake (le!c$ an" ;al!er !o o!$er
$ol"in& cells# T$ese were sli&$!ly bi&&er>fifteen feet by fifteen feet>an" $a" sin&le be"s wi!$
comor!able ma!!resses an" %illows# Eac$ room $a" a "esk wi!$ a !ra"i!ional !ower com%u!er# Eac$ room
also was connec!e" !o a re&ular res!room wi!$ !oile!s ma"e o %orcelain ins!ea" o me!al# ;$en eac$ &uy
was si!ua!e" in $is res%ec!ive room- <ornelius s%oke !o !$em over a s%eaker# 3T$e com%u!ers are ou!i!!e"
wi!$ 3osetta 'tone# 7ou will be learnin& Man"arin <$inese# 7ou will learn $ow !o s%eak i!# 7ou will learn
$ow !o wri!e i!# T$ere are !$ir!y lessons# In or"er !o earn your breakas! !omorrow- you mus! %ass !$e irs!
lesson# In or"er !o earn you lunc$ !omorrow- you mus! %ass !$e secon" lesson### an" so on# 7ou can be ou!
o $ere in as li!!le as !en "ays# I you inis$ on !ime- we will com%ensa!e you wi!$ !en !$ousan" "ollars# ;e
will "ro% you o a! -arc .isneyland a! !$e same %lace !$a! I &ave /$a.bo! !o (le!c$er# I you resis!- you
will no! ea!# I you are s!u%i"### an" unable !o learn### you will no! ea!#5 He wai!e" a ew secon"s# 3Bu! o
!$e kin"ness o my $ear!- I will ee" you "inner every !$ree "ays i you c$oose !o "o no!$in& a! all#5
(le!c$er res!e" on !$e be"# He "eci"e" $e woul" &ive i! a !ry bu! $e woul" wai! a ew $ours#
;al!er abru%!ly c$an&e" $is min" abou! !$e o!$er $ol"in& cells# ;$y &e! in !$e mi""le o learnin& an 'sian
orei&n lan&ua&e !$en &e! sna!c$e" away a&ain4 ;al!er !urne" on $is com%u!er# He "i"n0! un"ers!an" w$a!
was &oin& on# He "i"n0! $ave muc$ ear o <ornelius an" believe" i! mus!0ve been a ruse# <ornelius $a"
%u! ;al!er u% !o scarin& $is son in 7uca!On# T$is $a" !o be ano!$er one o !$ose ins!ances# ;al!er be&an
$is Rose!!a /!one lessons wi!$ou! muc$ care !o i&ure ou! $is circums!ance in !$e bi&&er %ic!ure#
'!er a week- !$ey $a" bo!$ s!u"ie" *ui!e a bi!# (le!c$er Browne inis$e" all !$ir!y lessons a$ea"
o sc$e"ule an" woul"0ve el! comor!able bein& "ro%%e" in!o Bei=in& wi!$ou! any com%any !o $el%
!ransla!e# (le!c$er an" $is a!$er were bo!$ !aken !o&e!$er in!o ye! ano!$er room# T$is one was lar&er !$an
!$e las!>abou! !$ir!y by !$ir!y# T$ere was a s*uare !able in !$e "ea" mi""le# T$ere were c$airs on o%%osi!e
en"s o !$e !able an" !$ere was a %ar!i!ion se%ara!in& !$e !wo si"es# (le!c$ was escor!e" !o one c$air an"
;al!er was sea!e" a! !$e o!$er# 'ssis!an!s backe" o an" <ornelius a%%roac$e"# 3I s!ar!e" !o believe !$a!
you men were rau"s# '!er "ays o observa!ion- I am im%resse"#5 He $el" u% a "eck o car"s# 3T$ese are
)ener car"s# T$ere are no $ear!s- "iamon"s- clubs or s%a"es#5 He s%laye" !$e car"s !owar" !$e &uys#
3(ive i&ures# ;avy lines- a cross- a s*uare- a s!ar- an" a circle# 7our &irlrien"- (le!c$- com%laine" abou!
a ormer (irs! Aa"y s%yin& on $er wi!$ our %syc$ic o%era!ives# / think she referred to them as Jpawns, and
Jcronies,. I s!ar!e" !$inkin& !$a! you =us! wan! a ree ri"e in lie# ;$y no! !ry !$is4 7ou un"ers!an" w$a!
propensity is all abou!# 7ou $ave a !wen!y %ercen! c$ance o &uessin& w$a! your a!$er is lookin& a!-
(le!c$er# I will $an" $im !$ese car"s an" my assis!an!s will !ally your accuracy# I you &uess !$ir!y or
!$ir!y)ive correc!ly ou! o a $un"re"- I0ll believe !$ere0s meri! !o your claims# I you &o as $i&$ as i!y
correc!- you will $ave uncon"i!ional release### an" you will $ave my a%olo&y#5
3Ae!0s "o !$is85 (le!c$er was rea"y# 3?o! !o =in9 !$e %rocess### bu! I un"ers!an" !$ese !$in&s are
!ou&$ !o %rove un"er clinical si!ua!ions# 2i" +ivian !ell you I $ave e9%erience" mil" !elekinesis45
38ivian85 <ornelius &rinne"# 3+ivian8 7es- +ivian85 He $an"e" ;al!er !$e Hener car"s# 3I &ave
$er a "ocumen! w$en I was %assin& aroun" !$e %$o!os !$e o!$er "ay# I !rie" !o win $er !rus! by !i%%in& $er
o !$a! we were on $er ne%$ew0s !ail8 7es8 I! wen! *ui!e well8 Bur a&en!s cras$e" in!o Ta"0s !ruck on cue#
;e $a" a eelin& s$e woul" rus$ !o save $im### an" sure enou&$- s$e "i"# ;e sen! %olice oicers !o
inves!i&a!e !$e wreck so +ivian bi! on !$e ne9! i!em>inside information that another nine eleven was
going to take place in Toronto85 <ornelius c$uckle"# 3I am sorry- (le!c$er8 7ou &uys are *ui!e u%s!an"in&
%eo%le8 I will sen" our &uys !o !ell $er s$e0s on a wil" &oose c$ase85
34ou stupid fucker85 (le!c$er re&aine" $is com%osure# 3Ae!0s s!ar! !$is imbecilic !es!85
3+ery well#5 <ornelius si&nale" !o one o $is ai"s# 3's you will#5
(le!c$er was correc! wi!$ i!y)!$ree ou! o a $un"re"# I! was more !$an $e !$ou&$! $e woul" "o#
He "i"n0! bo!$er askin& i !$ey coul" leave because $e coul" see i! on !$e ace o <ornelius !$a! !$ere was
more# <ornelius cla%%e" $is $an"s !wice an" $is ai"s e9i!e" !$e room an" re)en!ere" wi!$ i!ems# T$ere
were can"les- incense- win" c$imes- a %o!!e" ern- an" a s%oon# 37our &irlrien" sai" !$a! you $a"
!elekine!ic %owers# I $a" !$ese %re%are"# I "i" no! nee" !o $ear i! rom you#5 <ornelius remove" !$e
!able0s %ar!i!ion an" se! "own our o !$e ob=ec!s# He $ooke" !$e win" c$imes !o a !$in c$ain sus%en"e"
rom !$e ceilin&# He li! !$e can"les an" incense#
3I can ben" !$a! s%oon- "a"85 (le!c$er wasn0! serious# He was near "elirium#
<ornelius reac$e" in!o $is back %ocke! an" %ulle" ou! a sur&eon0s mask# 37ou will %u! !$is on#5
He $an"e" !$e mask !o (le!c$# 3I will "irec! you !o make !$e lame o !$e mi""le can"le licker# I will !ell
you w$en !o ben" !$e smoke rom !$e incense# I you %ass !$ese mil" !es!s- I will ask you !o move !$e
c$imes an" !$en !$e ern leaves# I !$a! &oes well- I woul" like you !o ben" !$e s%oon wi!$ your min"#5
3I!0s ca!c$ !wen!y)!wo- man85 (le!c$er looke" !o ;al!er or a&reemen!# 3I I ail- you c$ar&e us as
%$ony !$en "um% us in !$e Jersey river# I I "emons!ra!e %syc$ic %owers- you kee% me8 I wake u% on a
$os%i!al be" in Area QA layin& ne9! !o a s%ace alien85
37ou will $ave your release85 <ornelius insis!e"# 37ou $ave my word#5
3Ae!0s "o !$is !$in&85 (le!c$er %u! !$e mask on#
<ornelius "irec!e" ;al!er !o s!an" u% an" observe rom a ew ee! be$in" !$e !able# ;$en !$e air
was calm in ron! o (le!c$- <ornelius comman"e"- 3Make i! move8 T$e can"le85
(le!c$er s!are" or one secon" !$en !wo# He coul" no! eel any "ra! in !$e room# T$e can"le0s
lame lickere" le! an" ri&$! no!iceably or !$ree secon"s# 3There:5 (le!c$er %ulle" $is mask "own#
3,u! your mask back on8 ;e0ll "o !$is a cou%le o more !imes# ;e nee" !o &o beyon" belief# ;e
nee" !o know#5 <ornelius wai!e" or (le!c$0s mask !o be %u! on a&ain# 31ow85
(le!c$ concen!ra!e"# T$e can"le lickere" an" "ance" or !en secon"s# 3There:5 T$is !ime- $e "i"
no! remove $is mask# 3@ive me a ew secon"s !o reocus#5 He swivele" $is neck aroun"# I $e el!
bu!!erlies in $is s!omac$- $e woul"n0! $ave been sur%rise"# Ins!ea"- $e became more an" more calm# 3I0m
rea"y85
3(o85 <ornelius coul"n0! believe $is eyes# (le!c$ s!ar!e" !o s!are# (ive secon"s in!o !$e &a.e- !$e
lame wen! ou!# 3;$a! was !$a!45
37ou $aven0! seen shit ye!- s!u%i" boy85 (le!c$er s!are" some more# T$e lame came back on#
3/!eer !$e incense smoke8 2o i! now85 <ornelius was !orn# (le!c$er coul" be insul!in&# Bn one
$an"- <ornelius /!uar! wan!e" !o sla% (le!c$ across !$e ace or $is ru"e remark# He also wan!e" !o &ras%
$im in a bear $u&# 'll !$ese years abou! hearing abou! !$ese !$in&s# He $a"n0! ever believe" anyone coul"
$ave suc$ comman"# 32o i!85
3'piral85 (le!c$ yelle" rom un"er $is mask# 3'piral85 T$e smoke be&an !o s%iral u%war"s#
3.onut85 I! wasn0! %erec!- bu! smoke be&an !o orm in rin&s# 3)ig %ag85 /moke wen! rom si"e !o si"e#
(le!c$0s las! comman" wasn0! yelle"# In conversa!ional !one- $e sai"- 3+e yourself# man:5 T$e smoke wen!
abou! ran"om an" s%ora"ic !wis!s an" !urns# He %ulle" "own $is mask an" !urne" !owar" <ornelius- 3Is
!$a! enou&$4 2o you wan! me !o $ave !$e ern run a! you4 '!!ack your scal%45
31o:5 <ornelius /!uar! !urne" $is back !o (le!c$er# 3In !$e name o all !$e $oly cra% I $ave ever
seen85 He looke" a! ai"s s!an"in& near !$e wall# 32i" you see !$a!45 ;al!er an" (le!c$ were allowe" !o
leave# T$ey were &iven $us$ money an" <ornelius &rovele" a bi!# 3/,m sorry:5 He wan!e" !o kee% !$em
an" knew $e0" $ave securi!y clearance !o "o so# 3I0m no! a mons!er85 $e !ol" !$em# 3I! !ruly was a %rank a!
!$e be&innin&# ;al!er4 7ou !es!e" your son an" I wan!e" !o !es! you8 I0ll make !$is u% !o you85
T$e a!$er an" son !eam $ea"e" !o Toron!o# T$ey wan!e" !o make sure +ivian was in &oo" $eal!$
an" &oo" s%iri!s# I! wasn0! $ar" !o in" $er# (le!c$ sen! an email e9%lainin& every!$in& $e $a" &one
!$rou&$ wi!$ $is a!$er# +ivian &ave $im "irec!ions !o a co!!a&e s$e ren!e" in 2a&mar# I! was *uain! an"
=us! nor!$ o !$e urban area# To !$e wes! was @len Ma=or (ores! an" ;alker ;oo"s# +ivian was sur%rise"
!$a! !$ere were many &ol courses in !$e areaI !o !$e nor!$- ;oo"en /!icks an" Bakri"&eJ !o !$e eas!- Royal
's$burnJ an" !o !$e sou!$- Aakeri"&e Ainks an" ;a!son0s @len# /$e arran&e" or $er ne%$ew0s rien"s !o
ly u% !o <ana"a# T$e &rou% me! a! <$alk Aake wi!$ less !$an an $our o "ayli&$! le!# 3T$ey0re very ol"
sc$ool-5 ;al!er sai"# 3T$ey0re !$e !y%e w$o bea!s !$eir wives an" !$inks i!0s okay# 6ove# honor and obey#
;ie is %ro%er!y an" ki"s &e! !$e bel! i !$ey "on0! lis!en#5
32o you know w$a! !$ey0re ri&&in&45 (le!c$er $a" a so! s%o! or lakes# He looke" across !$e
wa!er rom !$e %icnic benc$ w$ere !$ey &a!$ere"# 3"appy birthday: 2o you know w$a! !$a! is4 Tor!ure8
(rom a c$il"ren0s car!oon8 T$ey $ave !$ese rooms connec!e" !o one ano!$er- an" you $ave !o &o !$rou&$
$orse cra% in one area !o make i! !o ca! %iss in ano!$er8 /omew$ere ou! !$ere- someone wa!c$e" !oo muc$
anima!ion8 61o# not the happy birthday: Anything but that: 1ot the happy birthday:0 Remember !$a!4
'n" !$is overly)"evelo%e" sc$eme is em%loye" by a "o& !o !eac$ a ca! w$a!ever moral lesson by %u!!in&
$im !$rou&$ con!ra%!ions !$a! bonk !$e sno! ou! o $im# Remin"s me o !$a! reaky boar" &ame- 2ouse
Trap85
Ta" /!ree!s- Ramon Jo$anson an" Bren! Hoover sa! s$yly# (inally- Ramon cleare" $is !$roa! an"
sai"- 3;e &o !$rou&$ !$a!# I0m sure you "o !oo- bu! we &o !$rou&$ !$a!# ;e worke" a! !$e smelly
ware$ouse or c$icken scra!c$# ;e wen! !o !$a! sc$ool w$ere we slave" over !erm %a%ers### an" or w$a!4
To &e! a "i%loma w$ic$ won0! ne! any!$in&4 T$en you !ell me !$ose 3ogues you s%eak o %lanne" !o
sabo!a&e us4 ;e0re &oin& !$rou&$ !$a! "o& an" ca! !$in&### bu! i!0s a lo! more sub!le#5
3;$a! !$e $eck "i" we "o- aun! +iv45 Ta" $el" !$e lis! o ba" !$in&s !$a! were su%%ose" !o
$a%%en# 3How "i" we &e! on !$eir ra"ar4 T$ey !rea! us like we0re no!$in& a! work an" sc$ool### !$en
!$ey0re &onna s%en" millions o "ollars !o make sure we can0! $ave c$ea% !acos a! Re" Robin45
3I!0s a mys!ery !o me-5 (le!c$er sai"# 3T$ere0s a s%eciali.e" sub)"isci%line in %syc$olo&y calle"
6abnormal %syc$olo&y0# These guys aren,t normal: How "i" !$ey &e! !o %laces w$ere !$ey &o!4 I "on0!
know#5 He almos! el! "eea!e"# 3I "on0! know w$a! !o "o# Two !$ir"s o 'mericans are livin& !$eir lies#
T$ey are cowar"s- uninorme"- "ie $ar"s- evil- or w$a!ever# T$ey collec! %ayc$ecks an" !$ey %re!en" !$a!
!$e :/' is s!ill a s$inin& beacon#5
+ivian !ook !$e lis! back rom $er ne%$ew# 3Bn !$is lis!- i! says !$a! my ne%$ew was &oin& !o &o
!$rou&$ !rials w$ic$ looke" like acci"en!s# 7ou say !$a! <ornelius %u! some "ecoys $ere4 T$e <?
Tower45
37es#5 (le!c$er !ook ou! a %a%er rom $is %ocke! an" unol"e" i!# 3Here0s a new lis!#5 He $an"e"
i! !o +iv# 3I we "on0! &e! our ac!s s!rai&$!- $e0s &oin& !o s!ra% us u% ne9! year in <an"les!ick ,ark# T$ey0re
&onna "emolis$ !$e %lace# +erbally- $e sai" i!0" be some!$in& else because !$is is now evi"ence#5
3What the fuck05 +ivian looke" wes!war"# Trees were sil$oue!!e" in ron! o !$e se!!in& /un#
3;e ou&$! !o $ea" !o !$e co!!a&e now#5 T$ere were !wo cars aroun" !$em# Bne was (le!c$er0s ren!e"
'ccor"# T$e o!$er was a car !$a! +ivian recen!ly bou&$!# 3How "o you like my new ri"e45 I! was a &ray
<$evrole! <orvair# 3&lassic# huh0 T$is is !$e kin" o car Mic$ael 2ou&las "rove w$en Aaura ;elc$ kille"
$im#5 +ivian like" (le!c$0s smile o a%%roval# 3I!0s rear$engine# &uys85
3I wan! !o "rive !o"ay- $oney85 (le!c$ $el" +ivian !i&$!# 3I never ask !o "rive# 6et me drive85
3I &uess I0ll !ake !$e boys in !$e ren!al45 ;al!er aske"#
3'll we nee" is an ol" <$evy Im%ala8 T$en we can re)crea!e !$e ol0 iasco85 (le!c$er !ook keys
rom +iv an" s!ar!e" u% !$e <orvair# +iv =um%e" in!o !$e %assen&er0s sea!# 3This is completely awesome:5
(le!c$ revve" !$e en&ine# ?o! !oo muc$ la!er- !$ey were all a! +ivian0s $umble %lace# 2arkness $a" se! in#
(le!c$ coul" barely make ou! a small lawn wi!$ a s!one wa!er well ea!ure" in !$e mi""le# 3Toasty85 (le!c$
coul" eel !$e warm!$ o !$e ire%lace as soon as $e s!e%%e" in# T$ere was a !iny ki!c$en- a conine"
ba!$room- one be"room- an" !$e livin& room w$ere !$ey all s!oo"# 3I coul" use a s$o! o w$iskey or
bourbon85
+ivian $a" s%en! !$e %as! week wi!$ $er ne%$ew an" $is !wo bu""ies c$a!!in& an" %layin& boar"
&ames# T$e colle&e ki"s sle%! on !$e loor in ron! o burnin& lo&s# 3I "on0! min" slee%in& on !$e loor-5
;al!er sai"# 3I we0re $ere or more !$e a week- I0ll &e! a $o!el#5 (i!een minu!es la!er- $e was s!ru&&lin&
!o "o.e o in a slee%in& ba& ne9! !o !$ree snorin& youn&s!ers#
In !$e be"room- (le!c$er res!e" ne9! !o +iv on a mi")si.e" be"# +ivian rea" The Terror
&onspiracy rom Jim Marrs ne9! !o an an!i*ue kerosene lam%# (le!c$ aske"- 3'ren0! you !ire"4 I mean-
you0ve been runnin& aroun" like a mother la!ely#5
+ivian se! "own $er book on !$e ni&$!s!an" ne9! !o ,aul B0?eill0s The -rice of 6oyalty- @re&
,alas!0s The +est .emocracy 2oney &an +uy an" Mic$ael Moore0s 'tupid White 2en# T$ere was also a
!$in bookle! w$ic$ was $el" !o&e!$er by %las!ic rin& bin"in& calle" 3Rebuil"in& 'merica0s 2eenses5#
+ivian rubbe" $er eyes# 3Bur enemy $as a name85 /$e reac$e" or !$e bookle!# 3T$omas 2onnelly- @ary
/c$mi!!- an" 2onal" 1a&an#5 +ivian a"=us!e" $er %osi!ion !o $er si"e an" $an"e" !$e li!era!ure !o (le!c$#
3The 3ogues# T$ese are !$e &uys>at least some of them#5 (le!c$er li%%e" !$rou&$ !$e %a&es# +ivian
con!inue"- 3;e were ri&$!8 ' lo! o our in!ui!ive belies were on !$e mark8 Ri&$! beore !$e elec!ion in
1FF2- !$is i"ea s!ar!s !o ormula!e !$a! 'merica0s some$ow &e!!in& weak8 I! ci!es !$e 6<$eney 2eense
2e%ar!men!0 an" !alks abou! 6cons!abulary o%era!ions0 an" cra% like !$a!#5
3Is !$is 6-roject for the 1ew American &entury04 T$e sub!i!le rea"s 6'trategy# 7orces and
3esources for a 1ew &entury0 bu! I $ear" <$eney $ea"e" some!$in& w$ic$ yearne" or a -earl "arbor
kin" o even!### so !$e mili!ary can run !$in&s everyw$ere### an" so co%s woul" $ave ree rei&n "omes!ically
wi!$ in!erro&a!ions an" !$e sor!#5 (le!c$er !$umbe" !$rou&$# 3I!0s in $ere somew$ere# I know i! is#5
37es- !$a!0s !$e "ocumen! !$a! %eo%le !alke" abou!#5 +ivian !urne" or one o !$e books# 3T$is is
,aul B0?eill allin& ou! o line# He was Treasury /ecre!ary an" wan!e" !o ensure !$a! our mul!i)!rillion
"ollar bu"&e! sur%lus remaine"# He0" !alke" !o <$eney in !$e $alls o !$e ;$i!e House an" e9%resse" $is
concern or Bus$0s ways# <$eney woul" no" bu! B0?eill believe" $e was bein& blown o#5
3;ow8 I %asse" i!# -roject for the 1ew American &entury on %a&e !wo# Es!ablis$e" in !$e s%rin&
o 1FFC# ;illiam 1ris!ol- 2evon @aney <ross- Bruce Jackson# <i!es !$e ,en!a&on0s Luadrennial
.efense 3eview an" !$e 1ational .efense -anel re&ar"in& mili!ary "own)si.in&#5 (le!c$ $an"e" !$e
bookle! !o +ivian# 3I! was %rin!e" =us! beore !$e elec!ion in 2# Bur coun!ry s%en"s more on "eense
!$an !$e ne9! seven!een na!ions combine"8 'n" mos! o !$ose seven!een4 Allies85
3Ima&ine !$is make believe)scenario- okay45 +ivian %u! !$e wri!in& ne9! !o !$e lam%# 3I!0s !$e
Bl" ;es! in !$e mi""le o now$ere like 2o"&e# ?ew s$o%s are bein& buil! an" one is rea"y !o become a
!ailor s$o%### or some!$in& else# ' ire burns "own a &un s!ore an" a bakery# Bne o !$ese s!ores can move
over !o !$e newly)buil! s%o!# ;$ic$ owner "o you !ell !$a! $e $as !o wai!45 +iv looke" a! (le!c$er bu!
!$ere was uncer!ain!y# 37ou $ave !o le! !$e &un s$o% owner $ave !$e new slo! an" !ell !$e baker $e $as !o
wai!#5
3I0" ar&ue wi!$ you a year a&o# I!0s !$ese uckin0 nu!s- $u$4 T$ey0re selec!ive abou! w$a! !$ey
see# ;e s%en" more !$an !$e ne9! seven!een coun!ries combine" an" we0re balancin& our bu"&e!s### but we
dip below three$point$si* on defense as far as gross domestic product: T$ey $ave a s$i! i!8 7ea$- you &ive
!$e &un s$o% owner !$e new s!ore because $e0s &onna cause misc$ie w$ereas a baker can only call you
names a! wors!#5 (le!c$ rubbe" +iv0s belly# 37ou know w$a! I saw in !$ere4 T$ose "im)wi!!e" wankers
a"voca!e" a new mili!ary branc$ calle" 6:/ /%ace (orces08 3eally45
3'n" we were !alkin& abou! !$e %okin& an" %ro""in&# The provoking# The agitation# T$a! was
Rumsel"0s brainc$il"8 -2O(# ,roac!ive ,re)em%!ive B%era!ions @rou%# ' $un"re" 'merican s%ecialis!s
un"e" wi!$ $un"re"s o millions o "ollars !o uck wi!$ 'rabs an" o!$ers in !$e mi")eas!# Taunting#
1ee%in& oo" rom c$il"ren# 'ny!$in& so !$a! !$e lea"ers will !urn on !$eir %eo%le# T$en4 ;e can
consi"er 6em !erroris!s an" w$i% 6em- a""in& insul! !o in=ury85
33umsfeld0 "e,s a great patriot:5 (le!c$er wa!c$e" +iv smile#
37ou miss 'ha%bot- "on0! you485 +ivian kisse" (le!c$er# 3T$ere are loa"s o !$in&s in !$ese
books# <omin& !o <ana"a remin"s me o climbin& a moun!ain# 7ou can look "own an" see w$a! you0re in
!$e mi""le o# I coul"n0! &e! !$ese books a! a +arnes E 1oble in !$e :ni!e" /!a!es# I can eel !$e eyes on
me rom all !$e morons w$o "on0! wan! c$an&e#5
32on0! &e! !oo an&ry# ;e0ll $ave !o live wi!$ !$em a&ain#5 (le!c$er nibble" a! +iv0s ear# 3;e0ll
slee% an" !alk some more !omorrow#5 +ivian !urne" o !$e an!i*ue lam%# ;i!$ only scan!y li&$! rom !$e
Moon ou!si"e !$e win"ow- (le!c$ aske"- 3Is !$ere some!$in& in !$ere abou! suckin& everyone in!o !$eir
"rama45
3We,ll talk more tomorrow#5 +iv $el" (le!c$ an" sle%! wi!$ $er $ea" on $is c$es!# T$e cou%le
woke early an" $ea"e" !o "own!own Toron!o# T$ey s%en! !ime aroun" !$e <? Tower an" !$ey s%oke abou!
all kin"s o issues#
;al!er Browne "eci"e" !o !ake c$ar&e once (le!c$ an" +iv sli%%e" away# He $ea"e" !o !ake back
!$e ren!al car# Bn !$e way- $e s%o!!e" a !an AB@A &hevy /mpala or sale# He $a" !o $ave i!# Ta" /!ree!s-
Ramon Jo$anson an" Bren! Hoover were wi!$ $im# ;al!er0s s%ree "i"n0! en" wi!$ !$e car# He "iscovere"
!$a! Bren! was okay a! %layin& %iano# ;al!er oun" an a" or a use" walnu! Micklebur&$ an" i&ure" !$ere
woul" barely be enou&$ room a! !$e co!!a&e# (le!c$ an" +iv &o! $ome in !$e a!ernoon an" were as!onis$e"
!o see a mover0s van in !$e "riveway# T$e %iano was s!ue" in!o a corner an" Bren! was %layin& scales# I!
soun"e" a bi! ou! o !une bu! was o!$erwise soli"#
?o one com%laine" abou! !$e livin& arran&emen!s# (le!c$ an" +iv sle%! in !$e sole be"room# T$e
our o!$ers s!aye" in !$e livin& room>!$ree on !$e loor an" Ta" on !$e couc$# (le!c$ be&an %layin& &ol
wi!$ $is a!$er# Bn !$eir i!$ "ay in 2a&mar- !$ey $ea"e" back rom !$e Bus$woo" @ol <lub# 3I0m on !$e
back nine o life- son#5 ;al!er "rove !$e Im%ala# 3I0m lookin& a! !$is w$ole !$in& way "ieren! !$an you
an" +iv#5 T$ey scoo!e" alon& &oncession 3oad B# 3:s ol" %eo%le4 I "on0! !$ink we care abou! !$e issues
in !$e same way# T$a! %iano or ins!ance4 I wan!e" a guitar w$en I was youn&er# ?ow4 I0m more a! ease
!o se!!le in#5
3T$ey s!ole our coun!ry rom us# I!0s no! really air# I see !$is a lo!# Re%ublicans like !o rise as
in"ivi"uals an" !$ey all in &rou%s# Bus$ is ou! !$ere !alkin& cra% abou! everyone an" i!0s !$e same !$in&#
I $e succee"s- i!0s or $imsel or or $is %ar!y# I $e "oesn0!- $e says !$ey $a!e all 'mericans# I!0s no! air#5
(le!c$er looke" a! !$e s!ree! si&n or Balsam Roa"# He was eelin& more comor!able wi!$ !$e area# Home
was near#
3Rise as in"ivi"uals4 7ea$#5 T$e Im%ala ro"e well# ;al!er was sa!isie" wi!$ $is %urc$ase# 3T$e
bankers4 T$ey0re ou! !$ere on yac$!s w$en !$ey &amble an" win# ;$en !$ey lose4 I!0s !$e !a9%ayer w$o
oo!s !$e bill# 7ou0re ri&$!#5 &oncession 3oad B !urne" in!o 2yrtle 3oad a!er Aakeri"&e# ;al!er was also
becomin& more rela9e" as $e un"ers!oo" $is surroun"in&s be!!er# 3;$en you &e! !o be my a&e- you reali.e
!$ere0s only a ew years le! an" !oo many %roblems !o solve# I "on0! know w$a! you wan! me !o "o or you
an" +ivian# 7our %la!e is ull#5
3+ivian $as s!ar!e" a &ar"en# I "i"n0! even know you coul" do !$a! u% $ere because o !$e col"#
Broccoli- cabba&e an" !oma!oes# I! kee%s $er busy# I I0m $ere ano!$er !$ree mon!$s- I mi&$! =us! or&e!
abou! all we wen! !$rou&$# 'uppression- you know45 (le!c$er relec!e" on !$e insane $allway wi!$ !$e
"ieren! !y%es o "oors# 3I never wan!e" !o &ive u% i&$!in& bu! !$ere0s so muc$ !o be reme"ie"# I!0s a
"rain- bu! !$a!0s no! always !$e wors! %ar!# /ome!imes4 I! backires# <ornelius sai" !$ey were screwin&
wi!$ Ta" because o $is social ac!ivi!y# I !$ink !$ey "i" i! !o &e! !o +iv#5
3?o one will ever know !$eir !rue mo!ives# They are cra%y#5 ;al!er &ri%%e" !$e rubber %a""in& o
!$e s!eerin& w$eel# "ave / stepped into a time machine0 He looke" a! !$e black wire w$ic$ s%irale"
aroun" !$e w$eel an" as!ene" !$e rubber in %lace# He looke" "own a! !$e "ir!)cake" 'M ra"io# 3;e $ave
many mon!$s !o i&ure i! ou!#5
;al!er an" (le!c$ %arke" be$in" +iv0s &orvair. ;al!er $ea"e" insi"e !o res!# (le!c$ walke"
aroun" !o !$e backyar" w$ere +iv was %lan!in& carro!s# 's $e be&an !o !alk abou! $is "ay- <ornelius /!uar!
was arrivin& a! !$e ?a!ional /ecuri!y '&ency $ea"*uar!ers in (or! Mea"e- Marylan"# His bes! rien" !$ere
was Herman Eic$elber&er- a ormer army lieu!enan!# <ornelius &ree!e" Herman- 3How0s i! &oin&- ol" %al45
3I $ave !$e in!erce%!s you wan!e"#5 Herman $an"e" <ornelius !ranscri%!s# 37our bu""ies believe
we $ave !urne" 'merican masses in!o %ombies# +ivian /!ree!s $as been rea"in& a ew Jim Marrs books#
/$e !$inks we wan!e" i! !$is way>a populous going through the motions but not really living#5
37ea$45 <ornelius scanne" !$e inorma!ion# 37ea$4 I! says $ere !$a! !$ey believe we0re
eaves"ro%%in& on !$eir cell %$one calls8 I!0s unny8 I!0s ironic8 Because !$is !ranscri%! is rom one o !$eir
calls85
3T$ey know abou! our su%ercom%u!er "a!a s!ora&e a! <am% ;illiams in :!a$# Remember w$en
%eo%le use" !o say ?/' s!oo" or 61o 'uch Agency04 T$ey0ve been "oin& !$eir $omework an" !$ey0re
be&innin& !o connec! "o!s $ere an" !$ere#5 Herman sa! "own be$in" $is "esk#
36?o /uc$ '&ency04 I remember i! as 6?ever /ay 'ny!$in&085 <ornelius $an"e" back !$e
!ranscri%!s# 3I came $ere because you sai" !$ey wan! !o make i! permanent# ;e0re s!ar!in& !o lose a lo! o
%eo%le>a lot of good people# ?o one ever care" abou! !$e %iss an!s on !$e lower run&s### bu! some o !$ese
&uys are s%ecial# ;e "i"n0! nee" !$e !error# ;e "i"n0! nee" !$e -atriot Act#5
3T$ere $a" !o be a be!!er way# I know#5 Herman wa!c$e" kine!ic balls !$um% eac$ o!$er in ron!
o $im or a ew secon"s# 3There,s no use crying over spilled milk#5 He reac$e" !o !$e swin&in& balls in
ron! o $im an" s!o%%e" !$em# 3T$ey0re !ryin& !o &e! i! all ou! o !$eir sys!ems# T$ey $ave a &ar"en s$e"
in !$e back o a cabin nor!$ o Toron!o# T$ey kee% !$eir re!or!s !$ere# +ivian ma"e a %os!er o :ncle /am
wi!$ a ca%!ion 61o 2ore +ushes0 because s$e $ear" we0re !ryin& !o %u! Jeb in !$e ;$i!e House in 201G#5
3That would be good for us:5 <ornelius reac$e" !o !$e kine!ic balls an" res!ar!e" !$eir mo!ion#
3T$ese !$in&s are !ruly ascina!in&85 He wa!c$e" silver balls# T$ere were ive o !$em $un& "own in a
%erec! $ori.on!al line# T$e !$ree in !$e mi""le never move"# T$e one on !$e ri&$! swun& u%war" !$en
&ravi!y re!urne" i! "own# I! $i! !$e irs! o !$e !$ree mi""le balls an" i!0s ener&y knocke" !$e le! ball
u%war"# Tick tock- <ornelius !$ou&$!# 6ike a clock# He sna%%e" back in!o !$e conversa!ion# 3T$a! woul"
be &rea! or !$e coun!ry i Jeb Bus$ was %resi"en!8 ;e coul" "o so muc$ more !$an i a 2emocra! was
elec!e"# Even a Re%ublican like 3and -aul woul" screw us u%8 ' ilibus!er a&ains! our "rones s$oo!in&
'mericans "omes!ically4 <ome on85
34es8 T$e liber!arian win& o !$e (O- woul" ri% un"s rom our %ro&rams#5 Herman
Eic$elber&er reac$e" !o balls in ron! o $im# Bnce a&ain- $e s!o%%e" !$eir mo!ion# 3T$ey0re !eac$in& !$e
ki"s !$e in!ricacies o our sys!em# T$e Re%ublican ,ar!y is "ivi"e" in!o !$ree cam%sI 7ou $ave your
mili!ary nu!s like 2ick <$eneyJ you $ave your reli&ious .ealo!s like Rick /an!orumJ an" you $ave your
economic &oos like /!eve (orbes#5 Herman %us$e" a s$ee! across $is !able# 3T$is is a =%e& "ia&ram we
in!erce%!e" rom an email (le!c$er Browne sen! !o E""ie <ally%so# T$ere is a lar&er circle ou!si"e o
smaller circle# Insi"e- i! rea"s 63ogues0# T$ose are !$e Bus$es# He e9%lains !$a! Herber! ;alker0s we!
"ream was !$a! $e woul"0ve won in ABB2 ollowe" by Kuayle un!il 2000# Bu! you know !$a! alrea"y
because you0re no""in&# He &oes on s!a!in& !$a! ; was %encile" !o be %resi"en! rom 2000 un!il 200L an"
Jeb rom 200L un!il 201G8 T$is (le!c$er Browne ki" !$inks !$a! we0re ri&&in& elec!ions so !$a! 'merica $as
a monarc$y o Bus$es8 I !$ink i!0s unny85
3Bu!si"e o !$e mi""le circle###5 <ornelius looke" a! !$e "ia&ram an" rea" !e9!# 3Makes sense#
?ever really !$ou&$! o i! !$is way# Mili!ary- reli&ious an" economic ac!ions# T$ey buil" our party85
3T$ey believe !$a! !$ese $ea"*uar!ers $ere re%resen! only (O- a&en"as# T$ey believe !$e same
abou! !$e ,en!a&on# T$ey0re in Toron!o !ryin& !o uniy a $ea"*uar!ers or all !$e "isenranc$ise" %eo%le o
!$e worl"# Bu!si"e o !$e !wo circles- I e9%ec!e" !o see ano!$er# Ins!ea"- i! sim%le rea"s 6Abyss0. T$ey
believe we "on0! care abou! !$em#5
3I would care#5 <ornelius %us$e" !$e s$ee! back !o Herman# 3T$a! (le!c$er- or ins!ance8 He
"oesn0! s$ave or ive or si9 "ays on en"8 He !$inks $e0s some kin" o .on =ohnson8 He !$inks $e0s abou!
!o sin& 6&areless Whisper0 on MT+ or some!$in&8 +elligerent kid8 I !rie" !o !urn $im on !o w$a! we "o8
T$e &uy can be save"- you know45
3'aved4 T$a!0s unny#5 Herman %us$e" ye! ano!$er s$ee! !o <ornelius# 3T$is email is rom
(le!c$er Browne !o Ma!! /!ubbs# He makes un o us>all of us# Hy%ocrisy# He !alks abou! our so)calle"
i"ols an" $eroes# =esus &hrist. (eorge Washington. Abraham 6incoln# ?one o !$em were clean s$aven#5
Herman "eci"e" $e misse" !$e !icks o !$e kine!ic balls an" &o! !$em &oin& a&ain# 3 .orks with too much
power# T$a!0s $ow $e "escribes us85
3.orks45 <ornelius was s$ocke"# 3He wro!e !$a!4 7ou0re no! makin& !$is u%45 <ornelius0
eelin& o sur%rise !urne" in!o s$ame# 3;e $i! i! o# I was !rainin& $im !o "o w$a! we "o85
37ou scare" $im85 Herman sai"# 3T$ey0re all reake" ou! !$inkin& !$a! we0re &oin& !o !rail 6em
!$eir w$ole lives85
3;$a!0s wron& wi!$ !$a!45 <ornelius aske"# 3'ren0! we like a!$ers4 T$ey are like babes# T$ey
"on0! know !$e "an&ers o !$e worl"8 T$ey !$ink !$ey can wal!. in!o '&$anis!an an" !alk !o Taliban
sol"iers### an" !$ey0ll &ive u% !$eir &uns or flowers#5
32o you know w$en !$e las! !ime anyone0s men!ione" !$e 7ourth Amendment in !$is oice4
T$ey0re across !$e nor!$ern bor"er an" i!0s le&ally easier !o s%y on !$em abroa"# E&"E6O1# ://I2 1L#
?o one brin&s u% !$e &onstitution anymore8 T$a! bu&s me#5
3The &onstitution45 <ornelius scra!c$e" $is $ea"# 3I !ol" !$em i! was a broken %romise# I!
"oesn0! ma!!er anymore#5
32oesn0! ma!!er45 Herman Eic$elber&er was annoye"# 3I ou&$! on ba!!leiel"s so i! would
ma!!er#5 He el! "e=ec!e"# 3/o you wan! some o our &uys !o ab"uc! !$em i !$ey remain in <ana"a lon&er
!$an your emo!ions can $an"le4 T$a!0s w$y you calle" or !$is mee!in&45
3T$ey were born in 'merica an" !$ey nee" !o be$ave like 'mericans8 I! is our duty !o make sure
our re"- w$i!e an" blue la& is $onore"# T$ey are u% !$ere %layin& &ol- livin& like &y%sies- an" salu!in& a
rickin0 maple leaf#5 <ornelius el! $y%no!i.e" by !$e knockin& balls#
3<ornelius4 7ou are one o my avori!e %eo%le### bu! you nee" !o le! i! &o8 I miss !$e "ays w$en
%eo%le wen! abou! like i"io!s# ,eo%le &o! !$rown rom !$e be"s o %icku% !rucks# 1i"s ell rom roos an"
broke !$eir le&s# <yclis!s $i! %avemen! an" !$eir skulls were s%la!!ere" across !$e roa"# They had the
choice# T$ere0s some!$in& !o !$e Jim Marrs %os!ula!e# )ombies# I look ou! !$ere- an" !$a!0s w$a! we0ve
ma"e !$em in!o#5
3(o fuck yourself-5 <ornelius solemnly res%on"e"# He &o! u% rom !$e c$air across rom Herman
an" s!ar!e" !owar" !$e "oor# He s!o%%e" !$en- wi!$ou! !urnin& back- $e aske"- 3're we s!ill on or &ol
la!er45
37ive o, clock tee time#5 Herman was $a%%y# 3@o uck yoursel- !oo#5
3I0ll be !$ere a! ive#5 <ornelius le! $imsel ou! !$e "oor#
(le!c$ was $el%in& +iv in $er &ar"en w$en <ornelius was "rivin& away rom Herman0s oice#
32o you en=oy !$is45 $e aske" $er# 3Is !$is =us! !o %ass !ime45
3I! kee%s me busy#5 /$e swea!e" un"er a s!raw $a!# /$e wi%e" $er ore$ea" an" re%lace" bea"s o
swea! wi!$ &rains o "ir!# 3I! kee%s my min" o all !$e s$i! we0ve &one !$rou&$# 'peaking of###4 7our
a!$er !ol" me you %erorme" a really nea! !rick in ron! o <ornelius# A telekinetic performance with
incense smoke#5
3My lie was on !$e line# I believe" i! was#5 (le!c$er was on $is knees %u!!in& see"s in!o !$e
&roun"# <arro!s were almos! "one# <$ives woul" be ne9!# 3I !ol" !$e smoke !o move#5 He s!o%%e"
%lan!in& an" looke" a! +iv# 3I!0s like askin& a bu""y or a avor- you know4 I !$ou&$! abou! i! a lo!# I $a"
!$ese %erce%!ions lon& a&o an" !$ere was a la%se# I almos! !$ou&$! i! was my memory %layin& &ames# 7ou
ask a nei&$bor or a avor !oo o!en an" $e0s boun" !o say 6no0# I never sought !o $ave s!rin&s move a! my
comman"# I believe !$ere0re real sprites in !$e worl"### an" !$ey live near ob=ec!s !$ey can move### like a
s$ir! $an&in& in an o%en close!# I aske" or a avor# T$a!0s w$a! I "i" w$en I was !ra%%e" in 2< wi!$ my
"a"# I! was an im%robable coinci"ence or !$e smoke !o move !$e way i! "i"#5 +ivian $el" a small $an"
s$ovel# (le!c$er wan!e" !o !ake a %ic!ure o $er# 2ir! was no! =us! on $er ore$ea" bu! also on !$e !i% o $er
nose# /$e coul" be a calen"ar &irl# 2iss =uly- (le!c$ !$ou&$!# 'he could be 2iss =uly# 2iss August# and
2iss 'eptember# 2aybe October# too#
32o you !$ink you coul" "o !$is wi!$ a car45 +ivian el! oolis$# 3My &orvair4 <oul" you li! i!
o me i I was in !rouble45
32aybe#5 (le!c$er wen! back !o "ro%%in& see"s# 3I "on0! !$ink sprites coul" "o i!# T$ere woul"
$ave !o be some!$in& else ou! !$ere#5
3'n an&el4 ' wrai!$ or %$an!om45 +iv con!inue" ormin& small "i!c$es#
3I coul"n0! know unless !$e si!ua!ion %resen!e" i!sel# I "on0! !$ink i!0s smar! !o screw wi!$ !$ose
%$enomena or en!er!ainmen!0s sake#5 (le!c$er visuali.e" !$e %lo! $e was on# He coul" see ull)&rown
ve&e!ables an" $erbs# He looke" orwar" !o ea!in& some!$in& res$ an" $ome)&rown#
3Bne o !$ese "ays you mi&$! $ave !o move a moun!ain- you know45 +ivian lau&$e" bu! i! was
almos! orce"#
32ove mountains0 ;e0ve been "oin& i! all alon&85 (le!c$er !osse" some "ir! a! +iv0s s$ir!# /$e
!ackle" $im an" !$ey rolle" aroun" in !$e &ar"en# (le!c$er &aine" !$e u%%er a"van!a&e an" %inne" +iv0s
$an"s !o !$e &roun"# 3;e0ve &o! many more moun!ains !o move85 He kisse" $er# /ome!$in& was missin&
bu! i! was !$e bes! $e knew $ow !o "o# He looke" in!o $er eyes# He looke" a! !$e concern on $er ore$ea"#
3/ome!$in&0s been bu&&in& me-5 s$e sai"# (le!c$ &o! o $er an" s$e sa! u%# 3'hafig# Ever since
we s!aye" a! !$e Ri!.)<arl!on- I won"ere" w$y more %eo%le "i"n0! !alk abou! $im#5
3The press45 (le!c$er !ook %um%kin see"s rom $is %ocke! an" %o%%e" a ew in!o $is mou!$#
3;oul"n0! i! make more sense !$a! he was !$e bin Aa"en connec!e" !o cons%ira!ors insi"e o our
&overnmen!4 The 3ogues4 He was in 'merica# Bsama "enie" any involvemen! on al =a%eera ive "ays
a!er !$e Towers iasco# His bro!$er was wi!$ !$e %resi"en!0s dad### an" !$e bin Aa"ens were !$e only amily
in !$e air a ew "ays la!er### escor!e" by our mili!ary ou! o !$e coun!ry#5
3T$ere0s a lo! !$a! bo!$ers me-5 (le!c$ sai"# 3T$a! makes sense# ;$o "o we !ell4 ;$a! &oo"
"oes i! "o !o know suc$ !$in&4 2o we in" 'hafig on camera !$en insis! !o all na!ional T+ ne!works !$a!
!$ey broa"cas! $is conession45
33ight:5 +iv !ook o $er &loves# 3Ri&$!# My min" is workin& !oo muc$#5 T$ere was one more
!$in& s$e $a" ra!!lin& in $er $ea"# 33emember that picture of 'hafig smooching W on the lips0 ;oul"
anyone believe !$ey kisse" eac$ o!$er4 Is !$a! more !$an cul!ure45 +ivian wan!e" (le!c$er !o answer#
Ins!ea"- $is ace became %ale# He s%oke o sprites an" i! looke" now like $e was seein& a &$os!# (le!c$er
%oin!e" in!o !$e sky# +ivian !urne" aroun"# 32y (O'":5
(le!c$er0s irs! !$ou&$! was !$a! i! was an ()1D Tomca! comin& a! !$em rom !$e sou!$# T$e %lane
slowe"# A fuckin, alien ship. /t,s moving like an alien ship: (le!c$er0s =aw "ro%%e"# T$e %lane $overe" in
one %lace# (le!c$ wan!e" !o run bu! reali.e" !$a! i !$e mili!ary was a!er $im- i!0" =us! be a ma!!er o !ime#
He !$ou&$! abou! !ryin& !o un"o !$e s!ra%s in 7uca!On# He inally !ol" +iv- 3I!0s like a row"y ki" w$o
en=oys s!om%in& a! an! $oles8 T$e uckin0 ki" likes !o see 6em scurry# ;$en !$ey0re rela9e"- !$e wil" c$il"
s!om%s a&ain8 ;$a! "o !$ey wan! wi!$ us45
T$e air%lane "escen"e" ver!ically# I! was an ()3P i&$!er# +iv $el" (le!c$0s $an"# 3T$ey0ll leave
i we wan! !$em !o# 7ou $ave !o !ell !$em we "on0! wan! !o be w$a! !$ey are# ;$a! is !$is4 ' 1FG00s
"ra!45 +ivian coul" make ou! !$e %ilo!0s ace# 3(or&e! i!- (le!c$85
3/s that who / think it is05 Ins!ea" o runnin& rom !$e %lane- (le!c$ ran !o i!#
3(le!c$er8 Be careul85 +ivian s!aye" a! $er &ar"en# T$e %lane lan"e" i!y ee! in ron! o $er#
T$e ron! $a!c$ o%ene"# /$a.bo! s!e%%e" ou! in a "ecora!e" 'ir (orce uniorm#
3/$a.bo!8 ;$a! !$e uck45 (le!c$ s$ook /$a.bo!0s $an"# 3;$ere $ave you been45 Beore
/$a.bo! coul" u!!er any!$in&- (le!c$ no!ice" ano!$er aircra!#
3I wan! you !o mee! someone85 /$a.bo! %oin!e" !o ano!$er ()3P $overin& above !$em# 37ou0ll
like !$is- (le!c$er85 T$e secon" %lane lowere"#
I! was ano!$er an"roi"# /$a.bo! was "esi&ne" !o a%%ear $uman# T$is o!$er "roi" looke" like a
emale <3,B# 3;$o is s$e45 (le!c$er wave" or +iv !o =oin !$em# T$e %lane lan"e"#
's +ivian reac$e" (le!c$er an" /$a.bo!- !$e s$e)bo! lowere" $ersel# /$e wore no clo!$in& a! all
an" $er ace resemble" a cras$)!es! "ummy more !$an any!$in&# Her skin was &ol"en an" s$e looke" like a
lar&e "oll wi!$ou! $air# 3;$o is s$e45 +iv aske" /$a.#
3'he,s my girlfriend#5 /$a. $el" !$e mys!ery robo! w$en s$e was close enou&$# 32ina$4 I wan!
you !o mee! (le!c$er an" +iv#5
3)%%sh%%bttt-5 2ina$ sai"#
3/$a.8 /$e can0! s%eak8 ;$a!0s &oin& on45 (le!c$er e9!en"e" $is $a" !o 2ina$#
2ina$ soun"e" bee%s an" &lee%s similar !o R222# /$e s$ook (le!c$0s $an"#
3I0m +ivian85 +iv no!ice" !$a! 2ina$0s eyes weren0! "is&uise" like /$a.bo!0s# T$ere was no
w$i!e an" no color# +lack dots# ?o nose ei!$er e9ce%! or a cou%le o small %unc!ure marks# 3<an you
s%eak En&lis$45
3I0m ki""in&- ya0ll85 2ina$0s voice ran& wi!$ a /ou!$ern accen!# 3I0m $ere !o party85
(le!c$er inally reali.e" w$a! $e was seein& re&ar"in& !$e aircra!s# T$ese $a" !o be %ro!o!y%es o
6ightning // $e saw on cable !elevision# 'l!$ou&$ a"vance"- un"in& was &oin& !o make %ro"uc!ion
"iicul!# 3How "i" you mana&e !o &e! !$ese45
3;e0re test %ilo!s8 How lon& "o you !$ink i! !akes !o %ro&ram us4 ?o! lon&85 /$a.bo! $el"
2ina$ a! !$e wais!# 3/$e0s &or&eous- isn0! s$e4 I won0! be so lonely now85
3Aonely45 +ivian aske"# 37ou0re a robot85
3I !ol" you no! !o call me !$a!85 /$a.bo! %oin!e" $is in&er a! +iv0s nose# He calme" $is !one-
3My ar!iicial in!elli&ence is a$ea" o sc$e"ule# My mas!ers believe I am ac$ievin& ac!ual $uman
emo!ions#5
3Wow:5 +iv looke" 2ina$ rom $ea" !o !oe# T$en s$e looke" $er rom !oe !o $ea"# 3/$e coul"
use some clo!$es# ;$a! si.e is s$e4 'even45
3T$a!0s w$y I0m $ere- &oo" rien"#5 /$a.bo! %u! $is $an" on +iv0s c$eek# I !$is $a" been a &uy
in a bar- (le!c$er woul"0ve become an&ry# 3I nee" $el% "evelo%in& $er85
3"elp45 (le!c$er aske"# 32on0! you $ave !$e in!erne! in your $ea"45
3I nee" !$e o%inion o friends# <ecily /!ron&- 1ris!en ;ii& an" Tina (ey $ave always "one i! or
me85 /$a.bo! %u! $is in"e9 in&er !o $is c$in as i $e was consi"erin& an im%or!an! "ecision# 3I like unny
la"ies### bu! !$ey $ave !o look be!!er !$an /an"ra Burn$ar!#5
3@o wi!$ Tina (ey85 (le!c$er %a!!e" /$a.0s s$oul"er# 3/$e0s a &oo" one85
3?a$8 T$is $as !o be my "ecision# I wan!e" you !o $el% elimina!e a c$oice#5 /$a. %ause" !$en
!urne" !o 2ina$# 3&ecily 'trong#5
37i%%ie85 2ina$ cla%%e" an" bee%e"# 37i%%ie8 I was $o%in& I coul" look like $er85
3/o you came $ere !o mold $er45 +ivian wan!e" !o run insi"e an" a! leas! &rab a be" s$ee! so
2ina$ woul" wear a !o&a#
37es- +ivian# 7ou "o !$e same !$in&s- you know4 Hal your recor" collec!ion e9is!s base" o
your ac*uain!ances0 !as!es# I will learn sub!le!y over !ime an" you will like me less w$en I %ick your brain
wi!$ i"io!ic in*uiries85 /$a.bo! looke" a! !$e &ar"en# 37ou are &e!!in& a &reen !$umb85
34es85 (le!c$er was $a%%y# 3;e coul"n0! "o !$is in A'8 T$ey woul" !$ink we0re reaks8 T$ey0"
sen" screwballs !o mess wi!$ us85 (le!c$ looke" a&ain !o !$e %lanes# 3?o! !$a! i! "i"n0! $a%%en $ere wi!$
you &uys85 +ivian !ook o in a s%rin! !o !$e $umble co!!a&e# (le!c$ calle"- 38ivian05
?o one sai" any!$in& or a ew secon"s# +iv came ou! wi!$ a %ink lowery summer "ress# /$e
$an"e" i! !o 2ina$# 3I wan! you !o $ave !$is85
2ina$ !ook !$e "ress an" sli%%e" i! on in ron! o everyone# 3T$ank you- +iv85 /$e !urne" slowly
in a !$ree)si9!y# 32o I look &oo"45
3Wow:5 /$a.bo! s$o! smoke rom $is ears# (le!c$er never knew $e $a" !$is abili!y#
34ou guys make a wonderful couple:5 (le!c$ =o&&e" !o !$e !ool s$e" an" brou&$! ou! $is ?ikon#
3I $ave !o !ake a %ic!ure o !$is85 T$e an"roi" cou%le %ose" or a ew %ic!ures#
3;e $ave !o &o85 /$a. sai" w$en !$e sna%%in& was "one# 32o you know $ow many re!ire" 'ir
(orce comman"ers work a! !$e ,en!a&on45 /$a.bo! "i"n0! wai! or a &uess# 3A lot8 Many o 6em "rive
one o !$ese85 He &es!ure" !o !$e !wo ()3Ps !$en $e kisse" 2ina$ on a !$in rec!an&ular sli! w$ere $er
mou!$ was su%%ose" !o be# 3;e are &oin& !o $ave suc$ un "ouble "a!in&85
3I look orwar" !o i!85 (le!c$er salu!e" /$a.# 37ou ki"s &e! runnin&85
3I! was a %leasure !o mee! you85 2ina$ cur!sie"# 3I will look "ieren! !$e ne9! !ime you see me85
3I you like !$e "ress- I &o! more85 +ivian wave" a! !$e an"roi"s as !$ey boar"e" !$eir res%ec!ive
%lanes an" lew away# I! occurre" !o +iv !$a! no one was in !$e $ouse w$en s$e ran in or !$e "ress# /$e
la!er oun" ou! !$a! ;al!er !ook Ta"- Bren! an" Ramon !o !$e movies in !$e ci!y#
's +ivian roman!ically $el" (le!c$ an" "iscusse" w$a! $a" =us! $a%%ene" "urin& !$e visi!- E""ie
<ally%so was $avin& a li&$! a%%e!i.er wi!$ ?ancy Moore a! &hina -anda near !$e Bn!ario In!erna!ional
'ir%or! in <aliornia# T$ey a!e le!!uce bowls an" "rank Tsin&!ao# 3(le!c$ $as been sen"in& some really
nu!!y emails# I!0ll be &oo" !o see $im#5 E""ie was &la" !$a! !$in&s were workin& ou! be!ween $im an"
?ancy# He looke" a! a T+ $ois!e" above !$e bar# ' baseball &ame was on#
3Bur li&$! leaves in a cou%le o $ours#5 ?ancy wore a s$or! &li!!ery black s$ir! wi!$ a ma!c$in&
!o%# 3I s!ill &e! willies w$en I &o !$rou&$ c$eck%oin!s#5
3He !$inks $e $as nine eleven solve" an" $e s!ar!e" !ryin& !o crack seven seven#5 E""ie wan!e" !o
be in!eres!e" in !$e ball &ame bu! was %re)occu%ie" wi!$ ?ancy an" !ravelin& !o Toron!o# 3I $a"n0! even
thought abou! !$e Bri!is$ bombin&s in### I "on0! know# Two or !$ree years45
3+ritish bombings5 ?ancy aske"# 3T$ere is so muc$ violence in !$e worl" !$a! I lose !rack o
w$a!0s $a%%ene" $ere an" !$ere#5 ?ancy no!ice" i! was !$e 'n&els# Mike Trou! was ba!!in&# He was on
$er an!asy baseball !eam- +rainOr+raun#
3Bn July C- 200P our e9%losions $a%%ene" a! !$e same !ime in Aon"on# T$ree on rail cars an"
one on a "ouble)"ecker bus# @iuliani was convenien!ly in !own### an" near all !$e bombin&s# Aike nine
eleven- terror drills were &oin& on# (le!c$ !$inks !$a! !$e so)calle" !erroris!s were %a!sies>!$ey !$ou&$!
!$ey were really %ar! o a drill# T$ey $a" bombs in sacks# 'ny "i&niie" real !erroris! woul" $ave 6em
s!ra%%e" !o $is bo"y85
Mike Trou! knocke" a sin&le in!o ri&$! iel"# 34es:5 ?ancy clinc$e" $er is! an" s$ook i! in
celebra!ion# 3;$a!4 B$# 7ea$# Terroris!s#5 ?ancy !urne" $er a!!en!ion back !o E""ie# 32i" you see !$a!
&ross !$in& 2ave ?avarro "i"45
3Han&in& $imsel wi!$ mea! $ooks45 E""ie looke" a! !$e T+ screen# 'lber! ,u=ols was swin&in&
a ba! wi!$ a rubber "onu! in !$e ba!!er0s bo9# 37ea$# T$a!0s sickenin&85
3I0" ra!$er blow mysel u% wi!$ e9%losives in a train !$an "o !$a!85 ?ancy smile"# 3Jus! ki""in&#
;e s$oul" $ave one more "rink !$en $ea" ou!#5
3I0m wi!$ you85 T$ey inis$e" !$eir oo" an" wa!c$e" !$e &ame or ano!$er !wen!y minu!es# ?e9!
s!o% woul" be !$e air%or!# Bnce on boar"- E""ie res!ar!e" !$e conversa!ion on !error# 3T$e Bri!s were !$e
only ull su%%or!ers o ours a!er nine eleven an" !$e 6War on Terror05
3;$a! abou! Micronesia45 ?ancy el! silly#
3Okay# I! was us- !$e Bri!s an" Micronesia#5 E""ie sa! one sea! rom !$e win"ow# To $is ri&$!-
?ancy i"&e!e" ne9! !o !$e isle# To $is le!- an el"erly man s*uirme" ne9! !o !$e win"ow#
T$e el"erly man $oarsely a""e"- 3T$e 2u!c$ were on our si"e### I !$ink#5
3The .utch45 E""ie was s!ar!le" !$a! $e was in!erru%!e"# He !urne" back !o ?ancy# 3T$e !$eory
&oes !$a! Bri!ain $a" !o bomb i!s own ci!i.ens in or"er !o eel !errori.e" enou&$ !o =us!iy main!ainin& a
%olice s!a!e#5
37ea$#5 ?ancy wasn0! !oo in!eres!e" in !$e !o%ic# 3T$e 'n&els $ave Trou!- ,u=ols an" Hamil!on
!$is year8 How can !$ey lose45
3Bur !error e9%er! a! !$e !ime in !$e 2e%ar!men! o Jus!ice- Jo$n Ao!us- claime" !$a! !$e
mastermind be$in" seven seven was workin& or 2/Q# Haroon Ras$i" 'swar %u! in !ime or Bri!is$
In!elli&ence85 E""ie <ally%so el! !ire" an" believe" $e mi&$! "o.e# He leane" back an" close" $is eyes#
3That 'addam "ussein was a really bad guy:5 !$e el"erly %assen&er sai"# 3T$ey $un& him or a
&oo" reason85
3What45 E""ie0s eyes o%ene"# 3/a""am45 E""ie looke" a! !$e el"erly man an" !$ou&$!- 4ou
believe everything &11 has ever reported# ?ancy wasn0! muc$ in!o !alkin& abou! any!$in& bu! baseball#
E""ie "eci"e" !o $ave a li!!le un# 3Mc@yver coul"0ve cau&$! /a""am Hussein i !$ey "ro%%e" $im in
beore !$e 'hock and Awe#5
3Mc@yver4 I woul"0ve use" <a%!ain 'merica85 T$e el"erly man el! %rou"#
3&aptain America05 E""ie wasn0! sure i $e was $avin& a real conversa!ion# 3;$a! abou!
'*uaman4 Ima&ine i###5
3A>uaman is no good in the desert:5 T$e el"erly man became lus!ere"# 37ou know !$e %roblem
wi!$ your &enera!ion45
3What45 E""ie was !ruly curious w$a! !$e cri!i*ue woul" be#
37ou $ave no i"ea w$a! reali!y is8 7ou0ll $ave a su%er$ero w$o swims everyw$ere !ake ou! a &uy
livin& in ari" lan"85 T$e el"erly man was ma!!er)o)ac! abou! $is s%eec$# 3T$a! /a""am Hussein was
&oin& !o "es!roy 'merica85
37es sir85 E""ie "eci"e" on a na%#
<ornelius /!uar! %laye" nine roun"s o &ol a! Timbers at Troy wi!$ Herman Eic$elber&er# E""ie
<ally%so se!!le" in wi!$ ?ancy Moore in Toron!o# /ome!$in& bu..e" in !$e belly o <ornelius# He el!
"eea!e"# 'merica was "oin& &rea! in many re&ar"s# T$e inras!ruc!ure was s%ec!acular# T$e only %eo%le
w$om mana&e" !o screw wi!$ 'merica was o!$er 'mericans# T$is wen! or nine eleven an" <ornelius
knew i!# ;$en 'merica &o! &ree"y- i! ell s$or! some!imes# (allin& s$or! le! a sour !as!e in %eo%le0s
mou!$s# 's E""ie an" ?ancy cau&$! u% on !$eir lives wi!$ (le!c$ an" +iv in 2a&mar- <ornelius arran&e" a
mee!in& wi!$ Ma!$ew /!ubbs# +ear hunting# He knew Ma!! woul" be u% or i!# ;$enever calle"- Ma!!
seeme" !o be u% or any!$in&#
<ornelius walke" alon& !$e ri"&e o ;ills Moun!ain /!a!e ,ark near <umberlan"- Marylan"
$ol"in& a Marlin M)1LFP rile# T$ree "ays %rior- $e $el" a !$ree iron an" a %i!c$in& we"&e# He now
looke" a! !all !rees an" el! like a !eena&er a! %rom# Ma!$ew /!ubbs walke" ne9! !o $im# Ma!! wore brown
an" !an colors wi!$ a luorescen! oran&e ves!# He wore a ca% wi!$ bills on !$e ron! an" back similar !o
some!$in& /$erlock Holmes woul" wear i $e was alon& or !$e !ri%# <ornelius aske" Ma!!- 32o you know
$ow many %ermi!s are allowe" every year in Marylan" !o $un! bear45
31o clue#5 Ma!! o%ene" a %acka&e o !rail mi9# He %o%%e" raisins an" nu!s in!o $im mou!$# 3Ten
!$ousan"45 Ma!! &uesse" ou! o cour!esy more !$an any!$in& else#
3T$ree $un"re" an" or!y#5 <ornelius &rabbe" Ma!!0s mi9 wi!$ou! askin& or %ermission# He
%oure" a !$ir" o !$e ba& in!o $is mou!$# 3/omew$ere aroun" a $un"re" black bears are le&ally kille"
every year in !$is s!a!e#5
37ea$45 Ma!! never knew i $e was &oin& !o be commen"e" or re%riman"e"# He !$ou&$!- 2aybe
/,m out here because you,re going to shoot me. /t,d make sense after that giant bunny assaulted me#
32o you know w$y we kill bears- Ma!!45 <ornelius &obble" some more o !$e !rail mi9 !$en
s!ue" !$e ba& insi"e $is %ocke!# He "i"n0! wear an oran&e ves!# He !$ou&$! Ma!! woul" ask abou! i! bu!
no!$in& &ave# 3;e kill bears because !$ey woul" run !$is %lace i we le! !$em85 <ornelius walke" alon&
an" el! %rou"# He el! intelligent# He believe" $e was makin& a %oin!# 3T$ey0re like In"ians- you know4
I!0s !$em or i!0s us8 Bears woul" be ea!in& babies i we "i"n0! s$oo! 6em8 7ou know !$a!8 T$e In"ians4
T$ere woul" be no 'merican ci!ies8 7ou can0! cu! a rickin0 !ree "own because !$ey woul" be s$oo!in&
!$eir bows an" arrows a! us85
37ea$# I know !$a!#5 Ma!! wan!e" !o ask or $is !rail mi9# He was scare" !$a! <ornelius woul"
reac! violen!ly#
32emocra!s are like !$ose bears an" In"ians8 7ou le! !$em !$rive4 T$ey0re &oin& !o wan! money
or every!$in&85 T$e woo"s !$ickene"# 3I remember ABC! like i! was yes!er"ay8 ;al!er Mon"ale s$owe"
u% !o !$e "ance bu! $e knew !$e s$ow was mean! or Ronal" Rea&an8 2ondale won one state that year:
His $ome s!a!e o Minneso!a### an" $e won 2< because all !$e colore"s# They don,t like 3epublicans too
much and maybe they never will# My %oin! is !$a!- even!ually- !$ere were !oo many o !$em8 7ou buil! !$a!
"ea!$ cam% in Beec$ @rove because o w$ere !$in&s were $ea"in&#5
3;e s$oul" s$oo! 6em like bears45 Ma!! walke" wi!$ <ornelius an" el! a! ease# (or some reason
or ano!$er- wackiness ma"e $im eel !$a! $e was sae# I all !$e "ucks were in a row- $e !$ou&$! someone
was %lo!!in& some!$in&# 3Bears are "an&erous# I know %eo%le can be "an&erous- !oo#5
3I nee" you !o kill (le!c$er Browne-5 <ornelius /!uar! sai"# He looke" a! Ma!!0s &un# I! wasn0! a
rile# I! was a $an" &un>a nine millime!er enhanced micro pistol# 3T$is isn0! a "one "eal# Early ne9!
year- <an"les!ick ,ark will be im%lo"e" in /an (rancisco# I nee" you !o main!ain $is !rus!#5 <ornelius
walke" or a $al minu!e wi!$ou! &ivin& more inorma!ion beore sayin&- 3He mocks me# I !rie" !o &ive $im
!$is lo!y %osi!ion in !$e &overnmen!### an" I can eel $im hating me# 7ou un"ers!an" me- !$ou&$# 7ou
know !$a! bears $ave !o be kille" or !$ey0ll be runnin& in our s!ree!s8 (le!c$er4 He woul" call every
animal ri&$!s or&ani.a!ion !$ere is85 <ornelius "iscovere" !$a! $e was near !ears# 3I ou&$! so $ar" or !$is
coun!ry85
3Thermite45 Ma!! aske"# 3Is !$a! w$a! !$is is abou!4 ?ine eleven is muc$ a"o abou! 6$e sai"- s$e
sai"0 bu! !$e smokin& &un is in !$e %ar!icles oun" in !$e "us! blown in!o a%ar!men!s surroun"in& !$e ;orl"
Tra"e <en!er# The thermite# ;i!$ou! !$is e9%losive subs!ance- (le!c$er Browne an" +ivian /!ree!s &o in!o
"enial# T$ey acce%! your &i!s# 'ha%bot and everything else#5
3He knows I0m wron&#5 <ornelius /!uar! !$ou&$! $e $ear" cracklin& in beyon" some bus$es# He
"rew $is rile an" wai!e" a ew secon"s# He le! i! "own a!er silence# 3He knows !$e &overnmen! lie"# I
can "eal wi!$ !$a!# ;$a! I can0! "eal wi!$ is $is sel)ri&$!eous be$avior# 6ike he wouldn,t do what / did if
he was in my shoes#5
3Hey- man8 I0m wi!$ you#5 Ma!! carrie" a back%ack an" slun& i! aroun" in ron! o $im# He %u!
$is &un insi"e# 37ou can $an"le a bear i we0re a!!acke"- ri&$!45
3Re&ular $un!in& season is in la!e Bc!ober# I %ulle" s!rin&s# I0m no! sure w$a! !o e9%ec! !$is !ime
o year#5 <ornelius a"mire" (le!c$er because o $is in"e%en"en! !$inkin&# He also hated $im because o
i!# Ma!!- on !$e o!$er $an"- was willin& !o a&ree wi!$ almos! any!$in&# '!er Herman Eic$elber&er
c$allen&e" $is mo!ives- $e was %lease" !o be aroun" suc$ a com%lian! %erson# 3I0ll $ave you know !$a! I0m
&ivin& i! !ime# 7letcher needs to change this summer# He0s ou! !$ere !$inkin& $e0s some rock s!ar
%$o!o&ra%$er8 He0s =us! a &uy like you an" me# He nee"s !o cu! $is $air# He nee"s !o s!o% !alkin& !ras$
abou! !$e &uys !$a! cu! our !a9es85
37es85 Ma!! walke" alon&# 3He s$oul" know !$a! :ncle /am nee"s every io!a o ener&y $e $as#
Maybe I can !alk !o $im an" we can avoi" !$e ca!as!ro%$ic "emoli!ion "eal#5
31o: He $as !o "o i! on $is own85 <ornelius reac$e" in!o a man)%urse a! $is wais!# He
unwra%%e" a cinnamon roll rom a wra%%er# 3Bears like !$ese8 T$ey0ll come an" !ry !o &e! i!85
3;$a! are we &onna "o i we blas! one o !$ese !$in&s4 Ru&4 2o we ea! i!45 Ma!! mean"ere"
!$rou&$ !rees an" brus$# <ornelius s%oke abou! one %lan a!er !$e o!$er# Ma!! became more an" more
relieve" as $e believe" $e wasn0! bein& sabo!a&e"# ?i&$! ell an" no black bears were s%o!!e"# T$ey
re!ire" or !$e !ime bein& an" &o! !$eir kill !$e ne9! "ay#
E""ie <ally%so an" ?ancy Moore c$ecke" in!o !$e same (our /easons in Toron!o as +ivian $a"
s!aye" ini!ially wi!$ $er ne%$ew# Mos! o !$e "ay- E""ie an" ?ancy woul" be a! +iv0s %lace in 2a&mar#
Ta"- Bren! an" Ramon !ook an in!eres! in $ikin&# T$ou&$ !$ey were youn& a"ul!s- (le!c$ an" +iv
con!inually reerre" !o !$em as 3!$e ki"s5# T$e %iano in !$e co!!a&e was a main ocus o en!er!ainmen!#
E""ie ke%! u% $is 7ouTube c$annel an" !$e &rou% recor"e" a music vi"eo calle" 3'i%%ling5 w$ic$ accrue"
more !$an our !$ousan" views in i!s irs! week#
'ome say life has a master designer
Our love si%%les like a +eech (rove pyre
Where thereRs smoke# there is fire
Our passion soars like a gargoyle flyer
/f they are vultures# weRre doves on the wire
TheyRre the %ombies# weRre the survivors
We escape to our pleasant place# nothing could be finer
6ight at the end of the tunnel becomes brighter and brighter
We rub each other
/t causes a spark
Our love is combustive like thermite
/t lights up the dark
/tRs a devotion
An emotion
An e*plosion
And it tears down their wicked lair
'i%%ling... smoking and si%%ling... smoking and si%%ling
/f life is cereal# you are the fibre
4ou are the flower child# / am your fighter
We can pull a freaky all$nighter
When youRre gone# life grips so much tighter
/f your heart is solid gold# / am the miner
4our desire is a rocky mountain# / am the climber
4ou are the newspaper# /Rm your ardent subscriber
/ chill and think of you all day on my very soft recliner
/tRs an emotion
A commotion
An e*plosion
/t,s the reason to breathe
'i%%ling... smoking and si%%ling... smoking and si%%ling
Bren! Hoover %laye" %iano or !$e %iece# +iv an" (le!c$ san& a "ue! an" !$e o!$er 3ki"s5
$armoni.e" backu% "urin& !$e c$orus# I! was arran&e" so !$a! +iv san& in unison wi!$ (le!c$ or !$e irs!
cou%le o verses an" woun" u% al!erna!in& lines wi!$ $im# E""ie <ally%so0s 7ouTube c$annel was ille"
mos!ly wi!$ cons%iracy ran!s an" %ro%osals or al!erna!e social u!ures# 3'i%%ling5 was !$e irs! music vi"eo
!$a! $e %os!e"# He was $a%%y wi!$ !$e a!!en!ion i! &o! an" $e was &la" !$a! mos! o !$e commen!s were
%osi!ive# He lau&$e" o%enly a! one o !$emI 3This rocks like your mother:5 ' week a!er Ma!!$ew /!ubbs
s$o! a black bear !$rou&$ $is ear $ole- E""ie was "iscussin& $is in!erne! c$annel wi!$ ;al!er- (le!c$ an"
+iv# T$ey ma"e san"wic$es w$ic$ ea!ure" res$ly)&rown !oma!oes rom !$e back yar"# 3I wan!e" !o be a
celebri!y- I su%%ose-5 E""ie sai"# T$ey sa! on !$e loor in !$e livin& room aroun" an an!i*ua!e" !runk w$ic$
serve" as a coee !able# 3I wan!e" !o be $ones!- !oo#5
3Write what you know.5 (le!c$ like" !$e i"ea o ea!in& res$ oo"# T$e c$ives were s!ill comin&
alon& an" woul" be a nice !rea! soon enou&$#
3Every sin&le one o us $a!e" w$a! was &oin& on "urin& !$e !wo !$ousan"s# T$e Re%ublicans
$aven0! won an elec!ion since ABCC8 Ri&$! +iv4 7ou rea" !$e @re& ,alas! book# 3ight45 E""ie c$ecke"
$is 7ouTube u%"a!es !$rou&$ $is i,$one as !$ey c$a!!e"# +iv no""e" in a&reemen!# 3I0m no! sure I
woul"n0! "o w$a! !$ey "i"I "ijack our country85
3I!0s &onna be over-5 +ivian sai"# 3I kee% !ellin& !$e ki"s we =us! $ave !o wai! i! ou!# ' year4 I
"on0! know# ;e $ave !o wai! i! ou!#5
3That 3omney thing was so close: T$ey almos! ri%%e" our %ro&ress away#5 E""ie was sur%rise"
!$a! (le!c$ an" ;al! "i"n0! c$i% in# 3In my las! vlo& beore !$e 6'i%%ling0 vi"- I line" ou! w$a! I %ro%ose
s$oul" $a%%en i our &overnmen! never im%lica!es !$e 3ogues# T$ermi!e8 I !$ink !$a! in 2!@-
"emoli!ionis!s s$oul" line !$e ;$i!e House %illars wi!$ !$e same incen"iary subs!ance !$a! !$ey %u! alon&
!$e core beams insi"e o !$e ;orl" Tra"e <en!er !owers# ,oe!ic =us!ice- you know4 I! !ook a w$ile or
'merica !o con!em%la!e !$e 6multiple shooter theory0 wi!$ !$e J(1 assassina!ion# Bne !$ir" o !$e %eo%le in
our na!ion !$ink i! was an insi"e =ob# /$oul"n0! we $ave !$e ree"om !o make !$e movies we0ve always
ma"e4 ;$y were sena!ors $oun"in& !$e makers o )ero .ark Thirty4 'n" !$a! lick a! leas! tried !o &o
alon& wi!$ !$e so)calle" oicial s!ory85
32o you remember <B/ &ave in !o %ressure abou! s$owin& a series abou! 3onald 3eagan45
(le!c$er inally c$ime" in# 3I!0s !$e same !$in& over a&ain### an" a&ain# 7ou can say Jimmy <ar!er was
be$in" nine eleven an" (o9 ?ews is &onna run wi!$ i!>no proof needed# Im%lica!e someone rom !$e
@B,4 @e! rea"y or !$e clink or %a""e" walls85
3T$is w$ole !$in& wi!$ ?im =ong$un !$rea!enin& !o nuke A'4 I !$ink $e0s !ryin& !o libera!e us8 I
really "o8 I believe $e !$inks we0re %risoners o our own &overnmen!# That,s what / talked about in my
most recent vlog# 7our music vi"eo $as more views- by !$e way# 'll !$ese ri&$!)win&ers wi&&in& ou! !$a!
2ennis Ro"man wen! !o ?or!$ 1orea4 2o you remember w$en Jesse Jackson $a" !o &o !o Israel !o solve a
"is%u!e4 T$ese suits !$ink !$ey0re &oin& !o s!ru! in!o s!ru&&lin& areas- smile !$eir &leamin& smiles- an" all
!$e c$il"ren o !$ese orei&n lan"s are &onna be& !o %ro"uce our %ro"uc!s in slave con"i!ions8 I! "oesn0!
work like !$a!#5
+ivian lau&$e"# 3Remember 3omney wen! !o see Manny ,ac*uiao beore a i&$!4 -ac>uiao got
his clock cleaned that night85
3T$a!0s w$a! I0m sayin&#5 E""ie s$ook $is $ea" in revulsion# 3T$ese &uys !$ink !$ey0re &oo"
luck c$arms bu! !$eir !imes $ave %asse" an" !$ey0re ri"in& coa!!ails o &$os!s#5
3I0m an ol"er w$i!e man#5 ;al!er inally en!ere" !$e conversa!ion# 3I "on0! be$ave like !$em#
T$e ki"s are ou! !$ere $ikin& somew$ere# 3amon was !alkin& abou! bein& a"o%!e"# His biolo&ical a!$er is
Bua!is!a bu! $e "i"n0! know abou! i! un!il $i&$ sc$ool# He &o! !rea!e" "ieren! by sc$ool counselors !$an
Ta" an" Bren! even !$ou&$ !$ey $a" !$e same &ra"es#5
+eep# beep#
3;$a!0s !$a!45 E""ie s!oo" u%# 3I !$ink I $ear###5
+eep beep beep#
+ivian an" (le!c$ s!oo"#
+eeeeeeeeeep#
3/omeone0s !ryin& !o &e! our a!!en!ion#5 ;al!er s!oo" an" $ea"e" !o !$e ron! "oor#
E""ie <ally%so %eeke" !$rou&$ win"ow cur!ains# 3@uess w$o i! is- &uys45
3I!0s &o!!a be 'ha%bot85 (le!c$er $el" +iv0s $an"# 3He0s !$e only one !$a! knows we0re $ere85
37ea$8 I!0s 'ha%bot85 E""ie mo!ione" !o ;al!er !o o%en !$e "oor# 3He0s &o! com%any# Ma!!$ew
/!ubbs is wi!$ $im an"### Is !$a! &ecily 'trong45
;al!er ease" !$e ron! "oor o%en# 3He0s "rivin& a vin!a&e ;orl" ;ar II Jee%85
+ivian rus$e" %asse" ;al!er# (le!c$ ollowe" $er# 3'ha%bot0 ;$a!0s &oin& on45
3;e $ave a &i! or you8 (irs!- I wan! !o %resen! .inah85 /$a.bo! $u&&e" +ivian !$en &es!ure"
!owar" !$e %assen&er0s sea!# 3/$e0s a beauty8 'n" la!er- I $ave a s%ecial sur%rise !$a! Ma!!- $ere- "oesn0!
even know abou!85
3Hello85 2ina$0s new ace blus$e"# 3I eel so muc$ be!!er# I eel like a real person#5
/t really is &ecily 'trong- +ivian !$ou&$!# /$e a%%roac$e" 2ina$ an" %u! $er $an" below $er ear
an" rubbe" !$e base o $er neck# 1o. 1ot human skin. Android. 6ooks real# but she,s the same thing as
'ha%bot# 3@oo" !o see you85 +ivian inally sai"# 2ina$ ma"e $er way ou! o !$e ve$icle# In !$e back sea!-
Ma!! sa! ne9! !o a bear ru&# 3;$a!0s !$is45
3I s$o! $im-5 Ma!! sai"# His ace !wi!c$e" an" $e aver!e" eye con!ac!# 32emocra!s4 T$ere0s !oo
many o !$em# Marylan"# I wen! $un!in& wi!$ <ornelius# 7ou &uys $ave !o s$a%e u% or $e0s &oin& !o blow
you u% ne9! (ebruary in <an"les!ick ,ark#5
3I!0s no! &oin& !o $a%%en85 +iv sai"# Ma!! ma"e $is way ou! o !$e Jee% an" %ulle" !$e bear ru&
wi!$ $im# 3T$ose "u"es are cra%y an" !$ey0ve "one a lo! o "ama&e### bu! !$ey0re scare" now# 'n" !$ey
know !$ey0re cra.y#5
3Beore !$ey "i"n0! know !$ey were cra.y45 Ma!! slun& !$e "ea" bear over $is s$oul"er# 3;$en
!$ey $a" me buil" a "ea!$ cam% in In"iana4 T$a! wasn0! cra.y4 T$ey know i! now- !$ou&$45
3I coul" see i! in $is ace las! !ime-5 +ivian sai"# 3T$ey0re "oin& !$ese nu!!y !$in&s s!ill### bu! !$ey
"on0! wan! !o# '! leas!- &ornelius "oesn0! wan! !o# T$ese are !$e las! o $is wil" oa!s#5
3I $o%e you0re ri&$!#5 Ma!! walke" !o !$e co!!a&e0s "oor an" $an"e" !$e bear ru& !o (le!c$er# 3I
"i"n0! wan! !o kill $im#5
(le!c$er !ook !$e ru&# 3T$is was your lesson- $u$4 T$ere0s !oo many useless %eo%le in !$e worl"
or !$e 3ogues !o $an"le so <ornelius /!uar! !akes you $un!in&4 I!0s su%%ose" !o s$ow !$a! we0re all in a
6kill or be kille"0 universe45 (le!c$er %lo%%e" !$e bear on!o !$e loor near !$e ire%lace# 3's muc$ as I0m
a&ains! !$is>hunting wild animals with insanely overpowering weapons>we0re &oin& !o use !$is !o
remin" ourselves !$a! i!0s real# Their desire to clear our planet of unwanted inhabitants# 2oesn0! ma!!er i
you0re $uman or no!#5
3<an I $ave a san"wic$45 Ma!! looke" a! !$e !runk !$ey0" been ea!in& aroun"#
3?nock yourself out85 (le!c$er wen! ou!si"e !o !alk wi!$ +iv- /$a.bo! an" 2ina$# He looke" in!o
!$e nor!$ern woo"s an" saw !$a! Ta"- Bren! an" Ramon were re!urnin& rom a walk# ?ancy was wi!$ !$em#
(le!c$er almos! or&o! !$a! s$e was missin& rom !$e &rou%# (le!c$ wen! !o &ree! !$em# Ma!! $a" i9e" $is
san"wic$ an" a!e as $e s!rolle" !o !$e Jee%# 3;$a!0re you lookin& or45 (le!c$er aske" $im#
3I &o! souvenirs85 Ma!! rumma&e"# :n"er a camoula&e slee%in& ba&- !$ere were a ew i!ems#
He %ulle" one ou!# 3T$is4 2o you remember this- (le!c$er45 He $el" i! u% an" &aine" !$e &rou%0s
a!!en!ion# 3T$is re" abric !$in&4 I!0s a wind sock- %eo%le8 I!0s !o &ive $elico%!ers a soli" i"ea o $ow
muc$ win" is blowin&### an" i!s "irec!ion- !oo#5
3;$y0" you brin& i!4 ;$ere0" i! come rom45 +ivian a%%roac$e" an" el! !$e win" sock wi!$ $er
$an"s#
3I &o! i! rom !$e Beec$ @rove acili!y I worke" a!#5 Ma!! looke" a! (le!c$er# 32o you wan! !o
a"" any!$in&45
3T$ey were all over !$e %lace-5 (le!c$er sai"# He looke" a! !$e 3ki"s5 an" no!ice" in!eres! in !$eir
acial e9%ressions#
3T$e %lace once !ook in 'm!rak !rains# I! $a" cranes !$ere rom !$e 'rmy# I! $a" locomo!ives
marke" wi!$ 6:/ 'ir (orce0 %ain!# T$e acili!y was "esi&na!e" wi!$ &reen- blue an" re" .ones# T$e re"
.ones $a" minia!ure lanes- %robably or $umans !o s!an" in line#5 Ma!! lau&$e"# 3T$ere was !$is $i&$
&uar" !ower# I race" (le!c$er !o !$e !o%# ;e "i"n0! &o a! !$e same !ime# ;e use" a s!o%wa!c$ a%% !o
"e!ermine !$e winner#5
3'n" !$a!0s unny45 +ivian $an"e" !$e win" sock back#
3;$a! "oesn0! kill ya0 makes you s!ron&er#5 Ma!! searc$e" !$rou&$ !$e back o !$e Jee% a&ain# He
%ulle" ou! a si&n# 3+urle-5 $e rea" lar&e w$i!e %rin! on a black me!al %lacar"# :n"er 3Burle5 were smaller
w$i!e le!!ers# 3Robo! access con!rol $ar"ware-5 Ma!! rea" i! !$en %asse" !$e si&n aroun"#
3'tealing from the 5nited 'tates government is a felony85 /$a.bo! !ook !$e si&n !$en $an"e" i!
alon&#
3Tom Mc1ay sai" I coul" !ake some !$in&s-5 Ma!! !ol" /$a.# 3T$e me!al !urns!iles were o%era!e"
elec!ronically# T$a!0s !$e com%any !$a! %rovi"e" !$e Beec$ @rove s!u#5 Ma!! wen! back !o !$e Jee%# He
%ulle" ou! a re" !ar%- %er$a%s si9 by ei&$! ee!# 3Here0s one o !$e 63ed )one0 %os!ers# I !$ou&$! Ta" mi&$!
wan! !o $an& i! on a wall# I un"ers!an" $e collec!s movie %os!ers an" even makes ori&inals o $is own#5
Ma!! $an"e" !$e !ar% !o +ivian# /$e e9amine" i! !$en &ave i! !o $er ne%$ew#
(le!c$er Browne !ro!!e" !o +iv0s <orvair an" %ulle" some %ic!ures rom !$e &love com%ar!men!#
3I $ave some s!u i ya0 &uys wan! more85 He $an"e" a $an"ul o %$o!os aroun"# 3T$ere was a black
$elico%!er !$a! ke%! .oomin& over$ea"# 7ou0ll no!ice many ences# T$e barbe" wire w$en i!0s no! coile" in
a s%iral loo% aces inwar"# I!0s !o kee% %eo%le in# T$e small- yellow $u! is w$ere !$e main &as was# T$ere
were urnaces o!$er %laces bu!###5
3I "on0! !$ink !$ey0re &onna kee% i! close"#5 Ma!! in!erru%!e" (le!c$# 3I wen! $un!in& wi!$
<ornelius# T$ose &uys "on0! c$an&e#5
3Okay45 +ivian wan!e" more o an u%"a!e# 3're we su%%ose" !o be scare"4 /$oul" we run an"
$i"e somew$ere else45
3I! was on Marc$ 1D- 200L w$en <on&ress $el" i!s our!$ ever close")"oor mee!in& rom !$e
%ublic since AFF@#5 Ma!! leane" a&ains! !$e vin!a&e 'rmy Jee%# 3T$ey knew !$e economy woul" colla%se
by /e%!ember o !$a! year>a colla%se now known as !$e 6@rea! Recession0# <ornelius /!uar! was %rivy !o
!$e sub=ec!s "iscusse" as $e briefed many members o !$e House an" /ena!e abou! in!elli&ence an"
solu!ions# T$ey believe" &ivil War coul" ensue i !$e "ownwar" s%iral coul"n0! be s!o%%e"# T$e Beec$
@rove acili!y was one o many w$ic$ were %re%are" or 6worse case scenarios0# T$ey i&ure" !$a! ?or!$
'merica woul" become a na!ion# <ana"a $as resources an" Me9ico $as c$ea% labor# T$e 6'mero0 woul"
re%lace !$e "ollar an" %eso#5
3I! soun"s like a stupid# stupid movie85 +ivian %u! $er arm aroun" $er ne%$ew# 3;$en is !$is
wacke" ou! bull cra% &onna en"45
3I0m never &oin& !o be !$e same-5 Ma!! !ol" $er# 3I never wan!e" !o %u! !$e !$in&s !o&e!$er !o
be&in wi!$# I "i"n0! wan! !o s$oo! a bear# I0ve been bea! u% by a lar&e man in a rabbi! cos!ume- !$ou&$#
;$y can0! we s$oo! bears wi!$ !ran*uili.er &uns an" &ive 6em !$eir own islan" somew$ere4 I "on0! know
!$e answer !o !$a!# I mean- i we0re killin& !$em now because !$ere0s !oo many an" !$ey0ll come in!o our
nei&$bor$oo"s4 I "on0! know# 1inety percent# <ornelius sai" nine!y %ercen! o us woul" $ave !o "ie or
!$em !o be comor!able#5
3T$ey coul" "o !$a! an" $ave !$e same eel as s%rayin& $ouselies wi!$ 3aid45 (le!c$er s$ook $is
$ea" in "isbelie an" "is&us!# 3/$a.4 How are you comin& alon& wi!$ ree will45
3I0m almos! all !$ere- sir# 'lmos! a $un"re" %ercen!# I! is !rue !$a! I was "esi&ne" !o $ave a %ro)
'merican bias in my ini!ial se!u%# I believe @eor&e ; Bus$ is###5 /$a.bo! $esi!a!e"# 3I0m !ee!erin&- sir# I
coul" answer# My %ro&ram %rom%!s me !o say !$a! @eor&e ; is won"erul# My lie in!erac!ion !$us ar $as
only conirme" !$is %re)s!a!e" no!ion wi!$ cer!ain members o cable ne!work news !elevision# I $aven0!
oun" many %eo%le- ace)!o)ace- !ou!in& $is recor" as a %resi"en!# T$ese are basic ac!s an" I am on !$e
ver&e o $avin& a uni*ue o%inion based on !$ose ac!s>an o%inion w$ic$ is no! a sim%le re&ur&i!a!ion o
Bill B0 Reilly### or some!$in& else oun" in by!es on my in!ernal $ar" "rive#5
3T$a! is &oo" !o $ear- my rien"#5 (le!c$er rule" /$a.bo!0s syn!$e!ic $air#
3I !$ey &as you- I will ly an ()3P Ai&$!in& II an" w$i% !$e ;$i!e House in!o s$a%e-5 /$a. sai"#
He scra!c$e" $is c$in# 3;oul" !$a! be calle" an o%inion45
3T$ere is sub!e9! !o w$a! you sai"- /$a.# T$a! means a lo!85 (le!c$er smile"#
3<an $e really "o !$a!45 +ivian aske"# 3I mean- i !$ey0re really !ryin& !o bury us un"er !$e rubble
o <an"les!ick ,ark ne9! year###5
3;e can0! be like !$em#5 (le!c$er $el" +iv0s ri&$! $an" as s$e con!inue" wi!$ $er le! arm aroun"
$er ne%$ew# (le!c$er sai"- 3T$ere are many minori!y &rou%s w$o0" love !o enslave w$i!e 'n&lo)/a9on
,ro!es!an!s- %ar!icularly ol"er aluen! males# ;e can0! become !$e !$in& we $a!e" an" s!ru&&le" a&ains!#
How are we &onna &o !o be" wi!$ clean conscious45
3;e0ve &o! !o !eac$ !$em conse>uence- (le!c$er#5 +iv s*uee.e" $is $an"# 3T$ey0ll kee% screwin&
wi!$ us# ;$y "o !$ey &e! !o ska!e by45
3;e0ll cross !$a! bri"&e w$en we &e! !o i!-5 (le!c$ sai"# 3I eel sorry or !$em- or some reason# I
can0! i&ure ou! w$y# I eel sorry or !$em#5 (le!c$er %ulle" +ivian ne9! !o $im# Her smile $a"n0! c$an&e"
since $i&$ sc$ool# He %ulle" $er $ea" close !o $is an" !ouc$e" $er nose wi!$ $is# 3I!0s !ime- I !$ink#5
+ivian /!ree!s w$is%ere" in!o (le!c$er Browne0s ear# 3I "i"n0! $ave a %erio" !$is mon!$#5
(le!c$er %us$e" +iv back# 3're we %re&nan!45 He was $a%%y bu! !$e moo" was "am%ene" by a
&a.in& an"roi"#
3Aove bir"s4 I $ave a really nea! sur%rise or you8 T$is one is or !$e books85 /$a.bo! =um%e"
in!o !$e "river0s si"e o !$e Jee%# 3Ho% in &uys85
3<an we brin& anyone45 +ivian mo!ione" or 3!$e ki"s5 !o come#
3'orry# toots85 /$a.bo! %u! on slick Ray Ban sun&lasses# 3;e ly solo !$is !ime85
3I love you85 (le!c$er &rabbe" +iv as s$e $ea"e" !owar" !$e vin!a&e mili!ary ve$icle# 3;e0ll
!$ink o a name#5
3I0m $a%%y85 +ivian =um%e" u% an" &rabbe" (le!c$ !i&$!ly aroun" !$e neck# Her le&s clam%e"
aroun" $is wais!# (le!c$er carrie" $er an" se! $er in !$e back sea!# He =um%e" in!o !$e s$o!&un sea!#
3Hol" !$e or! "own85 /$a.bo! yelle" !o 2ina$# He %eele" ou! an" beore lon&- !$ey were
.oomin& wes!war" alon& !$e Mac"onal")<arier (reeway# /$a. $an"e" a cou%le o small lamina!e" car"s
back !o +iv# 3T$is is =us! a small !$in&#5
3;ow85 +ivian e9amine" !wo Marylan" "river0s licenses# Bne I2 ea!ure" a %ic!ure o /$a.bo!
an" !$e o!$er one ea!ure" a %ic!ure o 2ina$# I! was no bi& "eal !$a! /$a. woul" $ave !$ese "ocumen!s# I!
was !$e names on !$e "ocumen!s !$a! were no!ewor!$y# 3(le!c$er4 /$a.bo! Browne an" 2ina$ /!ree!s85
/$e $an"e" !$e licenses orwar"# 3Aook85
(le!c$er !ook !$e i"en!iica!ions# 3Im%ressive8 @oo" !as!e- /$a.85
37ou &uys are winners85 /$a.bo! smirke"# His $air !wis!e" in !$e win"# (le!c$er was almos! sure
!$a! $is acial e9%ressions were becomin& e9ac!ly $uman#
+ivian leane" orwar" an" s$ou!e"- 3I mi&$! be $avin& a baby- /$a.bo!85
3What4 I can $ar"ly $ear you8 T$e win" is ma"ness85 /$a.bo! s%e" alon&# 3;e "on0! $ave
muc$ more o a "rive8 Tell me la!er85 /$a.bo!- (le!c$er an" +iv wen! wi!$ou! !alkin& un!il !$ey reac$e"
/!ra!or"# 3;e0re $ere85 /$a.bo! &leame" an" mo!ione" or (le!c$ an" +iv !o $urry u% an" ollow# T$ey
=o&&e" !o a Black Hawk $elico%!er# 's !$ey boar"e"- /$a. en!ice" +iv- 37ou were sayin&4 Bn !$e roa"4
7ou $a" news o some kin"45
3I!0ll wai!85 +iv0s $air was kno!!e" a bi! rom !$e o%en)air !ravel# 3;$ere are we &oin&45
/$a.bo! s!ar!e" !$e $elico%!er# 3Have you $ear" o Elko- ?eva"a4 I!0s a beau!iul %lace8 Bin&
<rosby was an $onorary mayor !$ere85 T$e co%!er li!e" in!o !$e air# 3Minin& !own8 In 1LC1- mos! o !$e
business area was "es!roye" by ire85
3Elko0s ri&$! be!ween Ta$oe an" /al! Aake <i!y85 (le!c$er !ol" +iv# 3Br ri&$! be!ween +e&as an"
Boise8 Mi""le o now$ere- !$ou&$85
3'ounds fun85 +ivian saw a $elme! on !$e loor an" %u! i! on#
3In 1LL2- !$e ;$i!e /ul%$ur /%rin&s Ho!el burn! "own8 Bu! !$ey buil! i! ri&$! back u% a&ain85
/$a.bo! !ook o $is Ray Bans an" %u! on amber &o&&les# 3+ad luck with those fires8 Because in 1LFF- !$e
Ho! /%rin&s Ho!el burn! "own8 ;ow8 Hu$45
3;$a!0s your %oin!45 (le!c$ smacke" /$a. on !$e back o $is $ea"# 3're you &oin& somew$ere
wi!$ !$is4 're you !ryin& !o scare us45
3I! "oesn0! en" !$ere8 In 1F1L- an elemen!ary sc$ool burn! "own on <$ris!mas8 In 1F324 T$a!0s
w$en &amblin& was le&ali.e"85 /$a.bo! c$ecke" ins!rumen!s an" ma"e a"=us!men!s wi!$ swi!c$es an"
levers# 3In 1FD2- !$e $i&$ sc$ool cau&$! ire8 In 1FDF- !$e ,aul Bunyan Ho!el o%ens### an" i! &oes abla.e8
T$is !own knows nothing abou! sae!y- ri&$!4 In 1FPC- /!ockmen0s Ho!el burns8 ;$a!!a rio!85 's "usk se!
in- !$e Black Hawk lan"e" nor!$ o Elko# /$a.bo!- (le!c$er an" +iv boar"e" a Russian MR',# 3T$ese
ine an!i)mine !rucks are nes!le" !$rou&$ou! !$e :ni!e" /!a!es- now# Have you $ear" !$a! 1elly 'yo!!e
believes !$a! 'merican ron! yar"s are now le&i! ba!!leiel"s4 Ain"sey @ra$am wan!s !o s$oo! uckers wi!$
,re"a!or "rones8 T$a!0s be!ween you an" me85 /$a.bo! "rove !o !$e ,aul Bunyan Ho!el# T$ere was
yellow !a%e %rom%!in& %e"es!rians !o s!ay away# :nlike o!$er casinos in !$e re&ion- !$ere were no li&$!s on#
3T$is $o!el $as seen i!s las! "ays-5 /$a.bo! sai"# He !urne" on a las$li&$! an" s$ine" i! on an en!rance
"oor lock# He %ulle" ou! a rin& o keys# 3;e $ave !$e %rivile&e o bein& !$e las! %eo%le insi"e !$is =oin!85
/$a.bo! o%ene" !$e "oor an" $ea"e" in# 3T$is $o!el is no lon&er on !$e &ri" bu! !$ere is a &enera!or
allowin& us li&$!#5 /$a.bo! licke" a swi!c$# In !$e %as! ew "eca"es- !$e bo!!om loor woul" be ull o slo!
mac$ines an" black=ack !ables# ?ow- !$e %lace was em%!y# 3;arnin&5 si&ns were $un& on !$e walls# 3T$e
ire "i"n0! "es!roy !$is %lace !$e irs! year i! o%ene"# Tomorrow4 ' le&al "emoli!ion#5
3This is because of thermite# isn,t it4 7ou0re &oin& !o s$ow us $ow !$e c$ar&es are se! in!o !$e
buil"in&- aren0! you4 7ou are !$e man- /$a.85 T$ere were $ar" $a!s an" las$li&$!s a! !$e c$eck)in "esk#
(le!c$er &rabbe" a cou%le o las$li&$!s an" $an"e" one !o +iv# 3T$ermi!e burns a! or!y)ei&$! $un"re"
"e&rees (a$ren$ei!8 ' w$i!e %ow"er# ;$ere is i!4 :sually !$e c$ar&es are %u! in !$e lower %arkin&
s!ruc!ures# T$ey $ave !o be se! a! or!y)ive "e&rees aroun" core beams so !$e buil"in& im%lo"es# Timing#
I! $as !o be %recision !imin&#5
37ou are so smar!85 /$a.bo! le" (le!c$ an" +iv alon& !$e $all# 3(eel ree !o %u! your is! in!o a
wall# I!0s no! &onna $ur! anyone#5
3(le!c$er45 +iv in!erlocke" $er in&ers wi!$ $er lie %ar!ner# 3I $ave bu!!erlies#5
37ou "i" your $omework well85 /$a.bo! o%ene" !$e %arkin& s!ruc!ure "oor an" s$ine" $is li&$! a!
!$ick columns# 3/ee !$e wires4 /ee $ow !$ey0re "ra%e"# Jus! like you sai"# T$is %lace is rea"y or an
im%losion85
3;$a! are we "oin& $ere45 +ivian0s *ues!ion wen! unanswere"# 3Every !ime I believe !$is
screwy mess can0! &e! more eerie- i! "oes#5
3/ee enou&$45 /$a.bo! !race" "e!ona!ion wires wi!$ $is li&$!# 3T$ere is more bu! we "on0! $ave
all ni&$! !o e9amine i!#5
3Ae!0s roll8 ;$a! more "o you $ave4 <uriosi!y kille" !$e ca!### bu! I0m no! a cat- /$a.85 (le!c$er
%a!!e" /$a.bo! on !$e s$oul"er#
3(unny you s$oul" say !$a!#5 /$a. s$ine" $is li&$! a! a %arkin& s!ruc!ure s!aircase# 3;e can &o u%
!$a! way or we can &o alon& !$e car %a!$#5
3Ae!0s "o !$e car %a!$8 I use" !o skateboard in !$ese !$in&s85 (le!c$er0s bloo" %um%e"# 3I!0s
comin& !o&e!$er in my min"8 I can see e"eral a&en!s linin& !$ese e9%losives a! !$e base o !$e Towers8
T$ank you- /$a.bo!#5
T$e &rou% walke" alon& !$e slan!e" %a!$ w$ic$ !ook !$em !o !$e secon" level# 3T$ey0ll miss !$is
%lace#5 T$ere were no cars on !$e irs! loor# /$a. s$ine" $is li&$! !o !$e mi""le o !$e secon" level# T$ere
was a black nine!een)si9!ies 2o"&e van# ,ain! was c$i%%e" o in lar&e c$unks# I! was ba"ly rus!e" a! i!s
base an" i! was %rimere" alon& i!0s si"e sli"in& "oor# 3T$is is !$e sur%rise- (le!c$er Browne85 /$a.
reac$e" !$e van an" sli" !$e si"e "oor o%en# <ornelius /!uar! was !ie" !o a c$air# 3Tomorrow4 T$is
buil"in& &oes "own#5 <ornelius !remble" an" swea! %oure" "own $is ore$ea"# 3How are you "oin&-
boss45
<ornelius "i" no! answer# (le!c$er "eman"e"- 3;$a!0s &oin& on- /$a.bo!84 Tell me w$a! !$e
$eck is &oin& on85
3I reac$e" one $un"re" %ercen! ree will a ew "ays a&o# I !$ou&$! abou! all !$e issues an"
consi"ere" !$is variable wi!$ !$a! one# <ornelius /!uar! is no! bluin& abou! wan!in& !o blow you an"
+ivian u% ne9! year a! <an"les!ick ,ark#5 /$a.bo! s$ine" $is li&$! on $is own ace# 32o you know w$en a
ire alarm is $a%%ies!4 ;$en i! "oesn0! $ave !o work8 I0m a mac$ine# 2ee% "own- I know you0ll always
see me as a mac$ine# I a ire alarm is blarin&- i!0s because !$ere0s ba" news# T$ese &uys>these fuckers
that abduct poor souls and torture them4 T$ey0re su%%ose" !o be walllowers# I !$ey are "oin& !$eir =obs-
you "on0! know !$a! !$ey0re !$ere# Bu! !$is &uy4 He0s vane# He0s in your face and he,s in my face# T$ey
%u! !$eir noses in %laces !$ey "on0! belon&#5
37ou0ve come a lon& way- /$a.85 +ivian el! sorry or <ornelius# /t,s you or it,s us- s$e !$ou&$!#
3're you okay- sir45 s$e aske" <ornelius# 3;ere you really &oin& !o kill me an" (le!c$er45 <ornelius sai"
no wor" bu! $e no""e" 3yes5# 'ha%bot has him scared. Why would he be honest0
3I nee" you !o s!e% in!o !$e ve$icle- +ivian#5 /$a.bo! s$ine" $is li&$! "ownwar" so !$a! +iv coul"
see w$ere !o s!e%# 3T$is is w$ere !$e &ame be&ins# 3ussian roulette# How a%%ro%ria!e8 ;e "rove a
Russian mili!ary ve$icle $ere### an" we0re in a %lace once es!eeme" or roule!!e %lay# +ivian4 I nee" you !o
&o in !$ere an" !alk sense in!o $im# I $ave an inner moral com%ass !$a! !u&s a! me# I was "esi&ne" or war
bu! I was re)%ro&ramme" or %eace# I learne" rom every"ay social in!erac!ion# I $ave a conlic! !$a! you
mus! resolve# I canno! kill <ornelius### bu! I can0! allow $im !o kill you#5
3;$y "o !$ese !$in&s $ave !o be so com%lica!e"45 +ivian aske"#
32on0! &o in !$ere- +iv85 (le!c$er &ras%e" a! +iv0s wris!#
3;e $ave !$ir!y minu!es !o resolve !$is issue#5 /$a.bo! wore an an!i*ue Time9 wa!c$ an" %oin!e"
a! i!# 3;e all blow i you can0! i&ure some!$in& ou!#5
3/,ll talk to him85 (le!c$er s!e%%e" !owar" <ornelius bu! /$a. $el" $im back#
3+iv4 I! mus! be you# I!0s %ro&ramme"#5 /$a.bo! s$ook $is $ea"- seemin&ly in rus!ra!ion or
"is&us!# 3I I "on0! &e! back !o !$e MR', in ive minu!es wi!$ (le!c$er- we all &o kaboom8 I $ave a "evice
!$ere !$a! mus! re&is!er bo!$ o our voices# I $ave ano!$er "evice w$ic$ mus! re&is!er your voice wi!$
<ornelius simul!aneously in !$is van#5
+iv looke" a! (le!c$er# 3/$oul" I45
32o i!85 (le!c$er $el" +iv#
+ivian s!e%%e" in!o !$e van# /$e !urne" back !owar" /$a.bo!# 3;$a! e9ac!ly am I su%%ose" !o
accom%lis$ $ere45
3I nee" !o believe !$a! $e $as c$an&e" $is min"# Bn !$e loor a! !$e rear you0ll see a walkie !alkie#
7ou !ell me w$en !$is &uy is so ri%%e" ou! o $is min" !$a! $e "enounces !or!ure85 /$a. %oke" $is li&$! an"
s$ine" i! !owar" !$e van0s back "oors#
37ou are !or!urin& $im in or"er !o s!o% !or!ure- /$a.bo!8 7ou are a mac$ine# 7ou "on0! see !$e
allacy in your me!$o"4 ;$en "oes i! en"45 +ivian "i"n0! wai! or /$a. !o e9%lain $imsel# 3I !ime0s
s$or!- I0ll s!ar!#5
3Have you $ear" o a =us! war- +ivian4 T$a!0s w$a! !$is is#5 /$a.bo! salu!e" +iv# 3T$is is a
cultural war !$a! I0m inally reco&ni.in&#5
3I su%%ose you0re or ca%i!al %unis$men!8 1illin& killers- ri&$!45 (le!c$er %ulle" /$a. away rom
!$e van# 3Ae!0s &o# I we $ave ive minu!es- I "on0! wan! !o balk# 6et,s go85 (le!c$ an" /$a. =e!!e" !owar"
!$e Russian ve$icle !$ey $a" arrive" in# T$ey &o! back wi!$ a minu!e !o s%are# /$a. $an"e" a walkie !alkie
!o (le!c$- 3+iv4 ;e0re $ere# /$a. is $ol"in& an o"")lookin& ins!rumen!#5
3I0m okay### bu! $e0s no! !alkin&#5 +ivian0s voice cracke"#
/$a.bo! %resse" a &reen bu!!on on $is s%eciali.e" remo!e)con!rolle" "evice# 3;e $ave !wen!y)ive
minu!es now# I we "on0! reac$ resolu!ion- !$a! buil"in& blows u% !oni&$!8 T$e %ublic is e9%ec!in& !$is !o
$a%%en in !$e mornin&# ' %ress release will &o ou! !$a! an acci"en! $a%%ene" an" !$e c$ar&es li!
%rema!urely# 6?o one in=ure"0 i! will say### bu! we bo!$ know <ornelius will be in !$a! rubble#5
3'n" +iv4 Is s$e sae45 (le!c$er was ran!ic# 3;$a! abou! my love45
3I $ave a ba" vibe on $er-5 /$a.bo! sai"# 3Her "a" is a billionaire# 2o you know $ow you accrue
so muc$ weal!$4 7ou $ave !o be a socio%a!$#5
3'ha%4 Tell me you0re ki""in&#5 (le!c$er sla%%e" /$a.0s ri&$! c$eek a cou%le o !imes# 3<an you
eel !$is4 <an your syn!$e!ic skin re&is!er %ain45
3Have you $ear" o !$e ?or!$ro% @rumman RK)D @lobal Hawk4 (ine %iece o mac$inery# I!0s
my cousin- you know4 1icks !$e shit ou! o !$e ,re"a!or "rone#5 /$a.bo! rubbe" $is ri&$! c$eek#
3?o !ime or small !alk8 ;$a! are you &e!!in& a!845 (le!c$er was !em%!e" !o %ress !$e walkie
!alkie si"e bu!!on !o s%eak wi!$ +iv# He %asse"#
3;e0re !akin& over#5 /$a.bo! s!ill rubbe" $is c$eek# 3;e "o your !a9es an" we even i&ure ou!
w$o0s dangerous !o socie!y# +iv4 /$e0s "an&erous# /$e0s no! &oin& !o *ui! wi!$ $er *ues! !o en" !$e
:ni!e" /!a!es &overnmen!85
36We,re taking over04 7ou mean 6robo!s0- correc!45 (le!c$er looke" a! !$e walkie !alkie in $is
$an"# 3'n" !$is is your aun!ie- isn0! i!485
3,re"a!or "rones will s$oo! a! 'merican ci!i.ens beore !$e ne9! elec!ion in 201G# I0m almos! sure
o i!# T$e @lobal Hawk4 ;$o nee"s $uman %ilo!s anymore4 7ou can no lon&er run an" $i"e#5 /$a.bo!
reac$e" un"er $is sea! an" %ulle" ou! ano!$er walkie !alkie# 3+ivian4 Has <ornelius /!uar! renounce" $is
"e!rimen!al me!$o"s4 're you makin& %ro&ress45
+ivian /!ree!s sa! on !$e van loor in ron! o <ornelius /!uar!# /$e $ear" /$a.bo!0s voice bu!
"i"n0! res%on"# <ornelius /!uar! s!ill $a"n0! u!!ere" a wor"#
3?o answer-5 /$a.bo! sai"# 3Maybe s$e0s in !rouble bu! I !$ink s$e0s %layin& a men!al &ame o ca!
an" mouse#5
3;$y a&ain are Russian mili!ary ve$icles in !$e :ni!e" /!a!es45 (le!c$er be&an !o calm "own#
3B$8 :ni!e" ?a!ions# T$ey0re even s!o%%in& ci!i.ens aroun" @a!linbur&- Tennessee aroun" !$e
@rea! /moky Moun!ains w$ere !$ey !rain# I!0" be a great %lace or you !o &o an" "ocumen! !$rou&$
%$o!o&ra%$y8 Have you $ear" o !$e ?a!ional 2eense 'u!$ori.a!ion 'c!4 Aie as you knew i!- (le!c$er- is
basically over# T$a!0s w$y we0re $ere8 I! s!ar!e" wi!$ !$e ,osse <omi!a!us 'c! o 1LCL# ;ay back !$en-
!$e :ni!e" /!a!es ma"e i! clear !$a! !$e 'rmy woul"n0! %olice 'merican ci!i.ens "omes!ically# T$e ?2''
says- 67uck you -osse &omitatus Act8 We,ll shoot you here if we deem you to be a terrorist80 I!0s $ar" or
me !o run my %ro&rammin&- (le!c$# 7ou see4 T$ey $ave me wire" !o "o o%%osi!e !$in&s# ;$a! $a%%ens
w$en I0m sworn !o !$e <ons!i!u!ion bu! <ornelius /!uar! !ells me !o "o some!$in& way "ieren!45
3' *uan"ary85 (le!c$er sai"# 3;e all &o !$rou&$ 6em85
32o you4 2o you know w$o !$e ,romise 1ee%ers are4 T$ese &uys $ave !aken a vow !o u%$ol"
!$e <ons!i!u!ion even i !$ey0re or"ere" !o viola!e ci!i.ens0 ri&$!s### like w$a! $a%%ene" a!er !$e 1a!rina
s!orm w$en !$u&s were sen! !o bea! u% &ran"mo!$ers !o !ake !$eir %riva!e arms#5 ' !ear !rickle" "own
/$a.bo!0s eye# 3/ think / just cried8 I knew !$is coul" $a%%en#5
3I !$ink you $ave circui!s crosse" an" you0re %u!!in& my &irlrien" a! &rave risk8 7ou be!!er know
w$a! you0re "oin&85 (le!c$er s$ook $is walkie !alkie a! /$a. as $e s%oke#
3I! s!ar!e" wi!$ (EM' w$en Rea&an was elec!e"# 2o you know w$o Aouis @iuri"a is4 @oo&le
$im on your i,$one# 6ooks like 2ister +ean# He was (EM'0s irs! "irec!or# T$ey lai" ou! !$e
con!in&encies or mass u%risin&s# Twenty$one million militant negroes# T$a!0s w$a! !$e "ea!$ cam%s are
or- (le!c$er# ' mass e9o"us o Me9icans across !$e 3io (rande# How coul" I make !$is u%4 HRGDP#
Ran" ,aul ran!in& abou! !$e "rones recen!ly4 I won"er w$o !$ese &uys are# I0m a robo! an" I $ave access
!o millions o bi!s o ino %er secon"# T$ese %eo%le are "ouble a&en!s- !$ey inver! !$eir inorma!ion- !$ey
li% lo%- an" I can0! !ell you w$o !$ey really are# /ome!imes- I won"er i they know w$o !$ey are#5
37ou0re &oin& !o blow u% <ornelius /!uar!# I can eel !$a!#5 (le!c$er Browne wi%e" $is "ri%%in&
ore$ea"# 3/ave my &irlrien"85
3I0ve come !o believe !$a! s$e mus! save $ersel# I! wen! or <ornelius beore I !ie" $im in !$a!
van# He0s been in !$ere many $ours# <ornelius is "one# 'n ol" leo%ar" "oesn0! c$an&e i!s s%o!s#5 /$a.bo!
resume" $is accoun! o recen! $is!ory# 3Bn Marc$ 1D- 200L### <on&ress $el" close")"oor mee!in&s rom
!$e %ublic or !$e our!$ !ime since !$e 2eclara!ion o In"e%en"ence in 1CCG# Remember Ma!! /!ubbs
men!ione" !$is in 2a&mar4 T$ere are more !$an a $un"re" !$ousan" w$i!e :ni!e" ?a!ions bo9cars- eac$
wi!$ a $un"re" an" !$ir!y)ive s$ackles# How can you call suc$ a mee!in& an" !ry !o swear everyone !o
silence in a coun!ry renowne" or s%eakin& reely4 <arl Aevin an" Jo$n Mc<ain %asse" !$a! ?2'' in a
close")"oor mee!in&>!$e so)calle" ac! w$ic$ allows or in"eini!e "e!en!ion wi!$ou! !rial or c$ar&e# 'n"
%eo%le are su%%ose" !o =um% or =oy because Mark :"all0s !ryin& !o !one i! "own a s$a"e45
3"ello4 're you s!ill !$ere45 +ivian0s voice came !$rou&$ !$e walkie !alkie# 3<ornelius $as
inally s%oken# He $as we! $imsel an" is an&ry# He sai" $e0" ra!$er "ie !$an !o c$an&e !$e way $e lives#5
/!a!ic soun"s an" unin!elli&ible wor"s came !$rou&$# 3"ello45 s$e aske" a&ain#
3He0s a los! cause- +ivian#5 /$a.bo! s%oke !$rou&$ $is receiver# 3I $ave !o ask you a serious
*ues!ion# ;oul" you or&ive me i I s$o! (le!c$er in !$e $ea"4 I0m be&innin& !o believe !$a! i!0s no! &oin&
!o work or any o us# 2o you wan! !o live your lie on !$e run4 I I le! <ornelius &o- $e will $un! you# ;e
bo!$ know !$a!#5
3+ivian4 T$ese are no! ake rocks !$is !ime8 I believe we0re in !$e mi""le o 6!$e real "eal0 an"
/$a.bo! is more !$an willin& !o blow u% !$e ,aul Bunyan Ho!el ri&$! $ere- ri&$! now#5 (le!c$er !rie" !o
!$ink o an answer# ?o!$in& seeme" ri&$!# I /$a.bo! was an ac!ual $uman- (le!c$ woul" %unc$ $im an"
!$en !ry !o i&ure ou! $is "evice# He woul" !ell +ivian !o &e! ou! o !$e van an" ou! o !$e $o!el as as! as
%ossible# (le!c$ "i" no! know w$a! !o make o !$e si!ua!ion# 3+iv4 Aeave <ornelius !ie" !o !$a! c$air an"
come !o me# I0ll !ry !o reason wi!$ /$a.bo!# ;e $ave un!il !$e mornin& i I can &e! $im !o "elay !$e !$ir!y)
minu!e !imer#5
3(le!c$er4 <ornelius is cryin&#5 +ivian s!e%%e" ou! o !$e van an" s$u! !$e sli"in& "oor be$in"
$er# 3(le!c$er4 I0m on my way#5
3Oh8 7ou really "i" i! !$is !ime85 /$a.bo! s!ar!e" !$e MR',0s en&ine# 37ou $umans can0! &e!
alon& wi!$ eac$ o!$er8 I "i"n0! wan! i! !o come !o !$is85 /$a.bo! li%%e" a li" o%en on $is s%eciali.e"
"evice# He be&an !o %unc$ in numbers# He %u! !$e Russian an!i)mine ve$icle in reverse an" s%e" away
abou! i!y yar"s# He s!o%%e" !$en $i! a re" bu!!on on !$e !o%#
3;$a! !$e uck are you "oin&48 /$a.bo!488 ;$a!0s &oin& on45 (le!c$er looke" !owar" !$e ,aul
Bunyan Ho!el an" wan!e" !o see +ivian run ou! !$rou&$ !$e "oors w$ere !$ey $a" &one in# Ins!ea"- $e
$ear" a lou" ban&#
3(le!c$er4 I!0s no! !oo la!e# 7ou can run in !$ere an" "ie wi!$ your !rue love8 (o85 /$a.bo!
%us$e" a! (le!c$#
(le!c$er coul" see las$es# He looke" !o !$e "oors an" "i"n0! see +ivian# He =um%e" ou! o !$e
ve$icle# 38/8/A1:::5 He ran !owar" !$e $o!el# By !$en- i! was !oo la!e# T$e buil"in& s!ar!e" !o come
"own a! ree all s%ee"# Wake up. This is a nightmare. This is a nightmare. Wake up# (le!c$er wa!c$e"
!$e ,aul Bunyan Ho!el colla%se !o !$e &roun"# We,re the heroes. We,re supposed to live. What,s going on0
8ivian0 Walk through the dust cloud. -lease.
/$a.bo! s!e%%e" ou!si"e# 3I $ave someone on !$e walkie !alkie# 7ou0ll wan! !o $ear !$is#5
3"ello4 Mis!er Browne4 My name is Herman Eic$elber&er- ?a!ional /ecuri!y '"minis!ra!ion#
;e $a" an### episode### wi!$ Mis!er /!uar!# He became a violen!ly uncon!rollable a&en!# His con!rac!- you
may see- wi!$ !$e :ni!e" /!a!es &overnmen! $as been !ermina!e"# ;$a! you $ave wi!nesse" is an acci"en!#
E9%losives %rema!urely "isc$ar&e"# T$a! is !$e oicial s!ory# ,lease "on0! &rieve over your &irlrien" or
!oo lon&# I! $a" !o be !$is way#5 T$ere was s!a!ic#
/$a.bo! wai!e" or (le!c$er !o res%on"# (ury4 /obbin&4 He wai!e" or some!$in& bu! (le!c$
only s!oo" an" s!are"# ;$i!e smoke s!ill "ance" in !$e air#
3<an you !ake me back !o Toron!o45 (le!c$er !urne" aroun" inally# 3Br s$oo! me in !$e $ea"# I
"on0! wan! !o run anymore# T$is is no! air#5
3Aie is no! air-5 /$a.bo! sai"# 3+ivian4 I like" $er#5 /$a.bo! &o! back in!o !$e MR',# (le!c$er
=oine" $im lielessly# 3I !$ink !$ey &ave you a robo! because no $uman can "o w$a! I0m ca%able o# I !ell
you !$a! I0m a! a $un"re" %ercen! ree will an" you believe me#5
3;$y "i" I $ave !o lose my &irlrien"- /$a.bo!4 ;$a! is wron& wi!$ !$is %lane!4 I you "o
no!$in& a! all- you &e! s!om%e" on# I you s!an" u% !o !$e %owers)!$a!)be- you still get stomped on85
(le!c$er crie"# 3;as !$ere any c$ance s$e &o! ou! !$rou&$ a back "oor4 Tell me8 I know you know !$e
answer85
3Herman Eic$elber&er rom !$e ?/' is somew$ere in !$is ci!y### bu! I "on0! know w$ere# 7our
&irlrien"- in all likeli$oo" is "ea"# /orry !o !ell you#5 /$a.bo! "rove !o !$e Black Hawk# 3I can &ive you a
%is!ol !o s$oo! your brains ou!### or you can &e! insi"e !$e $elico%!er wi!$ me#5 (le!c$er Browne "i"n0! say
a wor"# He ollowe" /$a.bo! in!o !$e co%!er an" !$ey $ea"e" !o 2a&mar#
I! was !$e 7ourth of =uly# ' cou%le o mon!$s $a" %asse" since !$e ,aul Bunyan Ho!el was
"emolis$e"# (le!c$er Browne wore a "ecora!e" 'rmy uniorm even !$ou&$ $e $a" never serve" in !$e
mili!ary# His ace was cleanly s$aven an" $is $air was bu!c$ere" "own !o a crew cu!# He %ace" insi"e a
lar&e ware$ouse in Bn!ario- <aliornia# 37our ron! yar" is a ba!!leiel"-5 $e sai"# 3Make no mis!ake abou!
i!85 Bren! Hoover- Ramon Jo$anson an" T$a""eus /!ree!s sa! on milk cra!es in ron! o $im# 3I you
believe we are sae because we0re in one o 'merica0s ran"om suburbs- you are wron&85
3Tell us a&ain $ow my aun! was ab"uc!e"# :ncle (le!c$4 Tell us $ow !$e Russians nabbe" $er
w$en you le! us in Toron!o#5 Ta"0s =eans were soile" rom $eavy work# He !oye" wi!$ a bran" new silver
$ammer# He reac$e" in!o $is workman0s %ouc$ an" i""le" wi!$ nails#
37es8 7our aun!8 +ivian>the love of my life>was insi"e a li*uor s!ore# /$e wan!e" !o s!o% or
wa!er an" %as!ries bu! I was "ea" !ire" an" s!aye" in !$e Jee% !o res!# I no!ice a cou%le o !$ese lar&e MR',
ve$icles an" my senses become acu!e# What are 3ussian anti$mine trucks doing in Toronto0 I aler! /$a.
bu! i!0s !oo la!e# T$ey !ar&e!e" $er# T$ey wan!e" $er or some reason#5 (le!c$er Browne walke" %as! !$e
boys an" calle" or Ma!! /!ubbs# He was a! !$e ar en" o !$e ware$ouse ins%ec!in& &as %i%es# 3Ma!!4 're
you almos! "one45
Ma!! !ro!!e" !owar" !$e &rou%# 3T$a!0s &rea! work- &uys8 I!0s be!!er work !$an w$a! I was "oin&
w$en I s!ar!e"#5
3;$a! are !$e urnaces or45 Ramon aske"# 3T$ose are big rickin0 urnaces85
3(urnaces4 Ae! me inis$ !$e s!ory abou! Ta"0s aun!ie- my "ear love### 8ivian 'treets#5 (le!c$er
be&an !o %ace a&ain# 3/$e was workin& or !$e Russians- i! !urns ou!# T$a!0s w$y !$ey knew e9ac!ly w$en
an" w$ere !o !ake $er# Ever since $i&$ sc$ool- I won"ere" abou! $er !ri%s away rom me# /$e was a "ouble
a&en!- &uys# /$e was ba" news or our &overnmen!### bu! I s!ill miss $er#5
3;e0re &oin& !o save $er !$ou&$- ri&$!4 :ncle (le!c$4 ;e0re &oin& !o "ro% in!o Moscow an" in"
$er8 Ri&$!4 I can0! be wi!$ou! my aun!8 /$e was like a mom !o me85 Ta" ou&$! o !ears# 3I0m sorry or
losin& my com%osure bu! I "on0! know $ow lon& I can &o wi!$ !$is training- w$a!ever i! is#5
3Trainin&4 7es# Trainin&8 7ou will be %ai" $an"somely# ?o nee" !o &o back !o sc$ool# T$is
area is ull o em%!y ware$ouses or lease# ;e are &oin& !o mo"iy !en %ercen! o !$em# 4our front yard is
a battlefield# I can0! !ell you !$a! enou&$# 1im Jon&)un is ou! !$ere !ryin& !o s$oo! a! Aos 'n&eles# ;$a! i
$e succee"s a! even &e!!in& close4 2ass hysteria# ;e nee" %laces or ci!i.ens !o &o8 Everyone0s &onna be
runnin& ba! s$i! away rom !$e coas!# T$ese %laces4 T$is is w$ere !$ey0ll win" u% i###5
3're !$ese concen!ra!ion cam%s45 Bren! Hoover s!oo" u%# 3;e worke" a! a 'taples ware$ouse
no! ar rom $ere# ;$ere are !$e racks or i!ems4 ;e "i"n0! $ave a $ea!in& sys!em# ;$a! are !$ose
urnaces or45
3<oncen!ra!ion cam%s4 T$a!0s harsh- Bren!#5 Ma!! /!ubbs oere" $is !wo cen!s# 3T$ese are
en$ance" mo"iie" "e!en!ion acili!ies8 E2.7s: <u!e name- $u$45
32o I look like Hi!ler !o you45 (le!c$er Browne s!o%%e" %acin&# 3T$is is !$e :ni!e" /!a!es o
'merica8 ;e $ave freedom8 Bu!4 ;e- as a &overnmen!- mus! ensure !$a! "omes!ic !ran*uili!y is
&uaran!ee" or &enera!ions !o come#5
37ou0ve c$an&e"- man#5 Bren! sa! "own a&ain# 37ou were fighting !$is !$in&85
3(i&$!in&4 ?o! e9ac!ly !$e wor" I0" use# .ocumenting- yes# 'n" Ta"0s aun!45 (le!c$er wis$e"
!$ere was an&er in $is belly# He !$ou&$! i! woul" mo!iva!e !$e &uys# 3;$en your lie %ar!ner is !aken rom
you- i! c$an&es !$e e*ua!ion# T$ese !$in&s are &oin& !o be $ere wi!$ or wi!$ou! you# T$ey0ll be $ere wi!$
or wi!$ou! me- or !$a! ma!!er# 7ou see- Bren!4 In lie- you &e! !o c$oose i you0re a winner or loser# ;$y
be on !$e losin& si"e4 ;e coul"0ve ke%! runnin& rom /$a.bo!### an" <ornelius /!uar!### bu! !$a!0s no! w$o
we are8 ;e are winners85
3&ornelius 'tuart0 ;$a! $a%%ene" !o $im45 Ramon Jo$anson aske"#
3<ornelius was %u! on assi&nmen!-5 Ma!! /!ubbs sai"# 3;e won0! be seein& $im or a w$ile#5
34es85 (le!c$er a&ree"# 3'ssi&nmen!8 I like your c$oice o wor"s- Ma!!# 7ou are becomin& more
elo*uen! as !$e "ays %ass#5
3/o $ow many more o !$ese =obs "o we $ave4 :ncle (le!c$45 Ta" !wirle" $is $ammer like i!
was a "rum s!ick#
37ou are workin& in defense- now# I am !akin& !$e %osi!ion !$a! <ornelius /!uar! $a" in !$e <I'#
7ou can0! be !ellin& everyone "e!ails abou! w$a! we "o $ere# Ma!!4 He worke" or a man name" Tom
Mc1ay# Ma!! $as !aken $is %osi!ion as a su%ervisor o clan"es!ine cons!ruc!ion %ro=ec!s# ;e0ll %rovi"e
$o!"o&s or you w$en you &e! !o work# Mos! o !$e !ime- i!0ll be s!rai&$! ei&$!)$our "ays# ;$en we0re
"one !o"ay- we0ll "rive s!rai&$! !o !$e beac$8 How0s !$a!45 (le!c$er $el" $is $an" be$in" $is back an"
%ace" a&ain# 3My rien"- E""ie <ally%so is wai!in& or us ou! !$ere in Hun!in&!on8 ;e0ll barbe*ue#
7ou0re aun! woul"0ve wan!e" i! !$is way#5
37ou were %lannin& !$is beac$ !ri% since Marc$# I remember $er !alkin& abou! i!#5 Ta" oere" $is
$an" !o Ramon an" %ulle" $im u%# 3Ae!0s &e! back !o work8 I wan! !o $i! !$e beac$85
3I you inis$ your work early- we0ll $ea" ou! an" be !$ere beore !$e /un se!s85 (le!c$er s!o%%e"
an" rubbe" $is $an" !$rou&$ $is s$or!- s!alky $air# 3Hurry- &uys### bu! "on0! cu! corners# T$ose %i%es $ave
!o i! %recise s%ecs#5 (le!c$er cla%%e" a ew !imes an" !$e ki"s scurrie" !o work#
8ivian0 / think /,m cumming inside of my jeans. (et off of me. /t,s gonna be embarrassing.
(le!c$er Browne "rove "own !$e Ten (reeway# He was !$inkin& abou! Aolla%aloo.a in 1FFC# (le!c$ was
kissin& +ivian on !$e lawn a! !$e Irvine Mea"ows 'm%$i!$ea!re# Tool was %erormin& on s!a&e# 'top
rubbing me: At least stop rubbing me# (le!c$er remembere" kissin& +iv# We have our whole lives for this.
Ma!! /!ubbs ro"e in !$e %assen&er0s sea! o (le!c$0s Hummer# T$e !$ree ki"s were in !$e back
sea!#
/,m so horny. / think / have a contact high from all the weed going around# (le!c$er remembere"
w$a! $e wen! !$rou&$ as a !eena&er# 6et,s leave and do it in the car# (le!c$ "rove alon& an" &uar"e" $is
!$ou&$!s# 'he,s gone. 2aybe she got out of that building... but / think she,s really gone.
32o you !$ink you0ll in" love a&ain45 Ma!! aske"#
(le!c$er sna%%e" ou! o $is s%ell# 3Ma!!4 Isn0! !$a! an awkwar" *ues!ion4 ;e mi&$! s!ill in"
$er#5
3B$#5 Ma!!0s eyes rolle"# 37es# ;e0re &onna in" $er#5
3I mi&$! s!ar! "a!in& a&ain-5 (le!c$er sai"# 3I s$e0s &one or a year### or i we &e! surveillance "a!a
!$a! s$ows s$e0s move" on w$ile in Russia#5
33ussia45 Ma!! looke" a! (le!c$er# 3I !$ink !$ey can $an"le i!#5
(le!c$er Browne !urne" "own !$e ra"io# T$ey were &roovin& !o easy listening# 3@uys4 I $ave
news or you### bu! i!0ll wai! un!il we &e! !o !$e beac$ an" we0ve $a" a ew col" brews in our s!omac$s85
3I!0s abou! my aun!- isn0! i!45 Ta" aske"# 3/$e wasn0! !aken by Russians- was s$e45
3/$a.bo! blew $er u%#5 (le!c$er looke" in!o $is rearview mirror or a reac!ion# 3I !$ink i!
mi&$!0ve been an acci"en!# I0m no! sure $e %lanne" i! !$e way i! !urne" ou!# <ornelius /!uar! was !ie"
insi"e a $o!el an"###5
37uckin, '"/T85 Ramon Jo$anson sla%%e" $is own knee# 37ou &uys are !ruly nu!s85
3;ell4 T$ere ya0 $ave i!85 (le!c$er "rove alon& an" "i"n0! say any!$in& else un!il !$ey reac$e" a
beac$ $ouse E""ie <ally%so ren!e"# 3're you &uys s!ill in45 (le!c$er aske" u%on !$eir arrival#
3In4 ;$a! !$e uck else are we &onna "o45 Ta" was ma" bu! $e was also relieve"# 3I! coul" be
worse- :ncle (le!c$# ;e coul" s!ill be on !$e run# Ins!ea"- we0re $ere a! !$e beac$85
3Ae!0s &o insi"e- "u"es85 (le!c$er Browne saw E""ie <ally%so walk aroun" !$e si"e walkway#
(le!c$ $u&&e" E""ie wi!$ one arm>a 3bro $u&5# 3Is everyone $ere45
37es- everyone0s $ere8 T$e mi"&e!# /$a.bo! an" 2ina$# Tom Mc1ay# T$ere0s a ew locals !$a!
you0ll like#5 E""ie $an"e" a Rollin& Rock !o (le!c$# 3T$ere0s more on !$e %a!io- &uys8 Hel% yourselves8
Bnly &o insi"e or res!room s!o%s85 T$e ki"s scoo!e" alon& !$e $ouse0s si"e %a!$# E""ie aske" (le!c$- 3Is
+ivian really in Russian $an"s4 I "on0! believe !$a! or a secon"#5
3+ivian45 (le!c$er scra!c$e" $is $ea" an" walke" wi!$ E""ie !owar" !$e back o !$e $ouse w$ere
!$e %a!io me! beac$ san"# 3+iv4 /$e0s "ea"# I0m almos! sure s$e0s "ea"# I "i"n0! wan! !o raise alarms#5
3B$8 ;ell- I &uess !$a! c$an&es !$e !one $ere a bi!### bu!### c,est la vie8 Aie &oes on- $u$45 E""ie
!oas!e" (le!c$er# 3I!0s &oo" !o be alive- isn0! i!45
3;a!er un"er !$e bri"&e#5 (le!c$ "rank $is beer# 3Aie "oes move on85
3Aie moves on45 E""ie <ally%so s!o%%e" in $is !racks an" $e %u! $is non)"rinkin& $an" on
(le!c$er Browne0s s$oul"er# 3Aie moves on45 $e aske" a&ain# He swi&&e" $is bo!!le o Rollin& Rock#
3Aie moves on45 $e aske" a !$ir" !ime# Hun!in&!on Beac$ was a &rea! %lace !o be on !$e (our!$ o July#
T$e a!mos%$ere was es!ive or miles in all "irec!ions# I! was nice !o be a! a beac$ $ouse %ar!y an" i! was
&oo" !o be alive# E""ie looke" a! (le!c$er an" knew !$a! losin& !$e love o $is lie was crus$in&# (le!c$er
Browne %u! on !$e bes! ace $e coul" bu! $e was bein& ea!en insi"e wi!$ bi!!er emo!ions# 37es- (le!c$er8
Aie moves on85 (inally- E""ie <ally%so en"e" !$e r$e!orical line# 3I $ave a sur%rise or you8 7ou0re
&oin& !o =um% u% an" "own or !$is one85
(le!c$er was s!an"in& ne9! !o E""ie alon& !$e si"e %a!$ o a !$ree)s!ory ren!al# He coul" $ear !$e
res! o !$e &an& aroun" !$e corner c$i!c$a!!in& on !$e %a!io# He looke" ou! !o !$e cras$in& waves an"
a"mire" !$em un"er !$e crescen! Moon# Boa!s an" yac$!s "ri!e" !o an" ro# (le!c$er0s $ear! yearne" !o be
on !$e ocean# He wa!c$e" "ark sil$oue!!es o lovers in !$e "is!ance# T$e /un was more !$an $alway un"er
!$e $ori.on an" !$ere was a mys!ery ou! !$ere# He blocke" ou! !$e nu!!y !$in&s o !$e %as! ew mon!$s an"
became an9ious abou! w$a! !$e sur%rise mi&$! be# He looke" a! E""ie an" sai"- 3I0m no! sure any!$in& can
$el% me ri&$! now# I! be!!er be &oo"#5
E""ie <ally%so %oin!e" !owar" a lie &uar" !ower# 3T$a! is w$ere %riva!e beac$ mee!s %ublic
beac$# Take a close look- !$ou&$# Tell me i you see any!$in& ou!)o)!$e or"inary#5 ' ew ireworks
e9%lo"e" near !$e boa!s# 4ellow# purple and red#
Be$in" !$e lie &uar" !ower- (le!c$er coul" see w$a! seeme" !o be a &ian! $orse# He rubbe" $is
eyes# 3I0ve &o!!a !ell you !$e !ru!$# I0m no! in !$e moo" !o be yanke" aroun" ri&$! now#5 More ireworks
e9%lo"e" an" $e coul" see un"er !$a! li&$!in& !$a! !$e $orse was "ecora!e" in %a%er mQc$E# 3ed# white and
blue# 3Is !$a! a###4 Is !$a!###4 That,s a Trojan horse85
3Bin&o85 E""ie <ally%so inis$e" $is beer# 37a0 wan! !o know w$a!0s insi"e45
3I i!0s a s!ri%%er### i!0s !oo early or !$a!# I s!ill "ream o +iv# I! be!!er be some!$in& like a loa" o
&ummy bears85 (le!c$er be&an walkin& a&ain# He %asse" !$e &rou% %ar!yin& on !$e %a!io an" &ave !$em a
nonc$alan! wave#
E""ie ollowe" be$in" (le!c$er an"- w$en $is ee! !ouc$e" !$e so! beac$ san"- $e calle" !o
/$a.bo!- 3Tell everyone we0re rea"y or !$e sur%rise85 In momen!s a crow" o abou! i!een %eo%le were
!railin& be$in" (le!c$er an" E""ie# 37ou0re &onna like !$is- (le!c$85
T$e &rou% reac$e" !$e lie &uar" !ower# Ta" /!ree!s- Ramon Jo$anson an" Bren! Hoover climbe"
u% an" be&an !akin& las$ %$o!os o !$e $orse in ron! o !$em# T$ey !ook %ic!ures o !$e ireworks in !$e
sky- !$ey !ook selies- an" ca%!ure" !$e &rou% aroun" !$em# 2ina$ walke" u% !o (le!c$er an" aske"- 3How
"o you like bein& in !$e <I'45
(le!c$er "ismisse" 2ina$# He !urne" !o E""ie- 3<an we &e! on wi!$ !$is4 My s!omac$ is kno!!e"
in nerves#5
/$a.bo! brou&$! a bu&le# .A1T dah .AAA""""# T$e Tro=an $orse looke" like a $umon&ous
%iRa!a# I a sa""le was %lace" on i!s back- i!0" be !welve ee! above !$e &roun"# T$e eyes looke" like !$ey
were li!erally c$unks o c$arcoal# ' $a!c$ o%ene" rom !$e belly# .A1T .A""".. . .AAAAAAA"""""#
/$a.bo! blew rom !$e bu&le once more#
(le!c$er reali.e" w$a! was &oin& on# He reco&ni.e" !$e ankles an" !ears s!ar!e" !o s!ream "own
$is c$eeks# T$e $a!c$ %rovi"e" a cru"e s!aircase an" (le!c$ wa!c$e" slen"er le&s on $i&$ $eels make !$eir
way "own# 3+ivian85 (le!c$er s!oo" in %lace un!il !$e s$ock was &one an" $e was a $un"re" %ercen!
%osi!ive i! was $er# ;$en !$e $eels s!e%%e" rom !$e $a!c$ !o !$e san"- $e coul" see $er u%%er !orso# Time
seeme" !o ree.e# I! was only a ew s%li! secon"s bu! i! el! like an e!erni!y# 8ivian0 "ow can this be0
When will this insanity end0 This better not be an android: This better not be another frickin, android:
/$e $a" !o "uck "own !o &e! un"ernea!$ !$e $orse0s belly# /$e smile"# /t is 8ivian: (le!c$er Browne
scurrie" !o $er an" $el" $er# 3How can !$is be45
3T$ey were ake rocks a&ain- (le!c$er85 +ivian $el" (le!c$er back# 3My "a" is one o !$e $i&$er
rankin& members o !$e <en!ral In!elli&ence '&ency# I knew I0" wan! !o !ell you even!ually#5
(le!c$er looke" back a! !$e crow" be$in" $im# T$ey s!ar!e" a slow cla% w$ic$ became as!er an"
lou"er# Tom Mc1ay0s beer was a! $is ee! an" i! was mos!ly ull# (le!c$er &rabbe" !$e beer an" %oun"e" i!
wi!$ou! s!o%%in&# ;$en $e was "one- $e !osse" !$e bo!!le "own an" ran !o !$e %a!io# T$e &rou% s!aye"
be$in" collec!ively conuse"# (le!c$er !ro!!e" back wi!$ a ew beers an" %asse" !$em alon&# 3I0m !akin&
three o !$ese an" I0m &oin& !o $ave a lon&- %riva!e conversa!ion wi!$ my love- +ivian85 He s!ue" a beer
in eac$ %ocke!- %o%%e" !$e !$ir" an" be&an !o "rink# He !ook +iv by !$e $an" an" %ulle" $er away rom
everyone else an" s!ar!e" !o walk alon& !$e su"s o sal! wa!er# 3+ivian /!ree!s8 I !$ou&$! abou! s$oo!in&
mysel w$en I !$ou&$! you were crus$e" insi"e !$a! buil"in&8 /$a.bo! oere" me a %is!ol an" I !$ou&$!
abou! usin& i!85
3He wasn0! &oin& !o &ive i! !o you# He wan!e" you !o !$ink you $a" con!rol# He wan!e" you !o
!$ink you $a" a choice# 7ou woul"0ve never cu! your $air# 7ou woul"0ve never &rown u%8 ;e weren0!
&oin& !o c$an&e an" we weren0! &oin& !o &e! marrie"85 +ivian reac$e" in!o (le!c$er0s le! %ocke! or one o
!$e beers# 3T$ese bo!!les are ille&al on !$e %ublic beac$es- you know45
3;$a! $a%%ene"- +iv4 ;as !$e w$ole !$in& a se! u%4 Is <ornelius s!ill alive4 ;$a! !$e uck was
I %u!!in& urnaces in ware$ouses or45 (le!c$er el! like a cra.y %erson#
3I was no! in on i!- believe i! or no!#5 +ivian sna%%e" o%en $er Rollin& Rock an" "rank#
3<ornelius /!uar! is "ea"# Herman Eic$elber&er $a" some!$in& a&ains! $im# I !$ink <ornelius really mean!
!o "o us in ne9! year a! <an"les!ick ,ark# I was wi!$ $im w$en $e ra"ioe" you# &ornelius 'tuarts, contract
with the 5nited 'tates has been terminated# Remember !$a!4 "erman Eichelberger from the 1ational
'ecurity Administration#5
3?/'4 I! s!an"s or ?a!ional /ecuri!y '&ency>not Administration#5 (le!c$er Browne was
s!ar!in& !o clam "own#
3T$a!0s no! w$a! $e sai"- !$ou&$# I0ve been over !$e !ranscri%!s an"### Ais!en### T$e &uy was a
bun"le o nerves bu! i! was his &uys !$a! &o! me ou! on !ime# T$ey !ook me !o Bri!is$ <olumbia an" I
s!aye" a! !$e +ancouver <lub on ;es! Has!in&s /!ree!# T$is %lace was !$e cen!er o $o! "eba!e because
c$il"ren were !aken !$ere "urin& !$e nine!ies in w$a! seeme" !o be a se9 rin& o sor!s# They,d wind up
missing# possibly murdered# and local judges were implicated# 2ick <$eney- some$ow or ano!$er- was
involve" in !$is an" $as been accuse" o bein& a %e"o%$ile# T$a!0s no! !$e im%or!an! %ar!- !$ou&$# I !$ink
I0m closer !o un"ers!an"in& nine eleven# 'll in"ica!ions %oin! !o !$e 2ossad# (ollow !$e money- ri&$!4
T$e "ay beore nine eleven- Rumsel" !ells %eo%le !$a! !$e ,en!a&on is missin& !wo %oin! !$ree trillion
"ollars# /we%! un"er !$e ru&- !$ou&$# T$ere was a !rillion "ollars o %$ysical &ol" in !$e Towers an" !$ere
were eye wi!nesses !$a! saw van u%on van !akin& cra% ou! on !$e "ay o !$e a!!acks#5
37our "a" is in !$e <I'4 7ou sure4 I !$ou&$! some!$in& was u%### bu!###5 (le!c$er s!o%%e"
walkin& an" sa! on !$e beac$# ' wave a%%roac$e" $is ee! an" $e was &la" !o be in Hun!in&!on#
3My "a"4 7es# He visi!e" me in +ancouver an" !ol" me !$a! i!0s all &oin& "own8 Bn /e%!ember
nin!$ o !$is year- !$ere0s &onna be a marc$ by %eace oicers in 2< bu! !$a!0s only a "iversion or w$a!0s
really &oin& on# T$e $y%e on !$e in!erne! is !$a! !$ere0ll be a &un ba!!le be!ween !$ese %eace oicers an"
$ire" Russian !roo%s#5 +iv sa! be$in" (le!c$ an" rubbe" $is neck#
3T$ere were %u! o%!ions on 'merican 'irlines an" :ni!e" in !$e "ays beore nine eleven# Is !$is
all !ie" in45 (le!c$er reac$e" in!o $is ri&$! %ocke! or !$e las! beer#
3Bn !$e surace- money0s %ar! o i!# 3evenge# I !$ink many o !$ese &uys are in i! !o s!ick i! !o
%eo%le !$ey $a!e# &ui bono# ;$o $as benei!e" rom !$e nine eleven a!!acks4 ;$o $a" !$e resources !o
&e! i! "one4 My "a" sai" !$a! of course !$e <I' $a" !$e means bu! !$e mo!ive wasn0! ully !$ere# T$e
Mossa"- on !$e o!$er $a"- con!rolle" securi!y a! !$e Towers an" air%or!s# 'riel /$aron was !rie" as a war
criminal or !$e /abra an" /$a!ila massacres in Beiru! rom back in !$e ei&$!ies# I!0s "atfields and 2c&oys
on a &lobal level# T$e ;as$in&!on ,os! $a" =us! re%or!e" !$a! !$e Mossa" $a" w$a! i! !ook !o wa&e lar&e)
scale !error and !$e abili!y !o blame !$eir enemies in !$e %rocess# 2o you know w$o Tim Bsman is45
3Tim Bsman4 2i" $e &ra"ua!e wi!$ us4 Rin&s a bell I !$ink#5 (le!c$er !urne" aroun" !owar" +iv
an" wai!e" or an answer# 3;$o is $e45
3Bsama bin Aa"en# <I' asse!- Osama bin 6aden85 +ivian reac$e" !o (le!c$er0s ears an" %ulle"
$im close !o $er# T$ey li&$!ly conke" ore$ea"s# 3Bsama bin Aa"en !oure" mili!ary bases as Tim Bsman
an" some !$ink $e was insi"e o our ;$i!e$ouse#5
3<an we !alk abou! some!$in& else- +iv4 I love you an" I wan! !o know more# I !$ou&$! you were
"ea"- !$ou&$# 7ou come back in !$a! Tro=an $orse an"### I0m =us! bea! u% insi"e# I nee" a break# Ae!0s
walk an" look a! !$e ireworks# Bkay45
37ou &o! i!- sir85 +ivian s!oo" u% an" $el" (le!c$ a! !$e wais! w$en $e =oine" $er# 3T$is is a &oo"
ni&$!# I "on0! look orwar" !o !$e !raic- !$ou&$#5 T$ey kisse" !$en s!rolle" alon&# ' $al $our %asse" an"
!$ey $a" no "esire w$a!soever !o re!urn !o !$e %ar!y !$ey0" come rom# T$ey oun" !$emselves a! !$e
'horebreak "otel an" !alkin& un"ernea!$ be" covers#
+ivian an" (le!c$er were snoo.in& =us! beore mi"ni&$! on !$e (our!$ o July w$en Ma!!$ew
/!ubbs was ar away in a "runk- $ea!e" ar&umen! wi!$ $is ormer boss- Tom Mc1ay# 3I "on0! know w$y
we $ave !o &o abou! like weirdos8 ;$y "i" you $ave !o &e! a %ink bunny !o bea! me u%4 ;$y "i" I eel
!$e nee" !o re!alia!e wi!$ /$a.bo!0s assis!ance in (lori"a4 'ren0! we su%%ose" !o be i&$!in& 'l Kae"a45
3'l Kae"a4 ;$a!0re you4 'tupid4 2o you even know w$a! 'l Kae"a means4 Toilet8 T$a!0s !$e
li!eral !ransla!ion an" !$e &rou% i!sel was crea!e" as a <I' concoc!ion8 7ou $ave a lo! !o learn- c$il"85
Tom a"mire" 2ina$ "ancin& !o "isco music on !$e %a!io# 3/$e0s a robo!4 I !$ink I $ave my beer &o&&les
on85
3:ni!e" you s!an"8 2ivi"e" you all85 Ma!! looke" over a! 2ina$ an" !rie" !o see any!$in& se9y
in $er# 1othing- $e !$ou&$!# 'he does nothing for me# 3;e are a mess an" we s$oul"n0! be i&$!in& eac$
o!$er# T$a!0s all I0m !ryin& !o say#5
3Ais!en- boy# In !en or !wen!y years- you0re &oin& !o become like me# 7ou0re &oin& !o la!c$ on!o a
&rou% o %eo%le an" !$ere0s no! &oin& !o be any!$in& wron& wi!$ !$em in your eyes# Take ,aris Jackson- or
e9am%le# /$e was =us! a"mi!!e" !o a %syc$ia!ric acili!y# I $a%%en !o know !$a! someone !oni&$! is &oin& !o
s%ike your "rink wi!$ "ru&s an" you0re &oin& !o be "um%e" o near <e"ars /inai beore sunrise !omorrow#
T$ey wan! intel on $er# ;$y4 I "on0! know# Is i! !$e 'E@ lawsui!4 I "on0! know# T$ey0re &oin& !o say
you0re cra.y- !$ou&$- an" !$ey0re &oin& !o !ry !o %u! you in !$e same !$era%y &rou%s wi!$ $er# Aa!er !$is
mon!$- +ans is s%onsorin& a sur com%e!i!ion# ;e0re &oin& !o be !$ere !o inci!e a rio! an" i!0s &oin& !o be
blame" on eis!y youn& !ouris!s#5 Tom w$is!le" a! 2ina$# 3/$ake !$a! !$in&- &irl85
3T$ey0re &oin& !o sen" me on an involun!ary $ol"45 Ma!! looke" in!o $is cock!ail &lass# Mos! o
$is s!rawberry "ai*uiri was &one# 3;$en "o I &e! !o c$oose w$a! assi&nmen! I &o !$rou&$4 I0m s!ar!in& !o
eel woo.y# 2i" you###45
Ma!! s!ar!e" !o no" o# /$a.bo! le! !$e "ance area an" $el" Ma!!0s c$in u%# He looke" in!o $is
eyes# 3I!0s or your own &oo"- Ma!!# Ri&$! now- 'man"a Bynes is all over !$e ma%# 'he,s wigging out
publicly# ;$en s$e lies !o coo%- we0re &oin& !o !ry !o &e! you in wi!$ $er as well# T$is is in!el !$a! no
%a%ara..i coul" ever &e! on !$e s!ree!s#5
Ma!! ell o $is c$air an" be&an !o snore# Tom an" /$a.bo! li!e" $im u% an" !ook $im !o an
unmarke" <I' van# T$ey were near !$e $ear! o Aos 'n&eles in !$e mi""le o !$e ni&$! w$en Ma!!
re&aine" some consciousness# 3;$ere am I4 ;$o !ook my clo!$es45
3I you0re seein& s%arkles- i!0s because we %u! lyser&ic aci" "ie!$ylami"e !wen!y)ive in your
boo.e# 2o you know !$e !$ree mo"es o %ersuasion- Ma!!45 Tom "rove alon&# /$a.bo! sa! in !$e
%assen&er0s sea!#
3T$ree mo"es o %ersuasion4 'ris!o!le# ;e covere" !$is a! !$e Beec$ @rove acili!y#5 Ma!!
/!ubbs wan!e" !o be an&ry because i! was $a%%enin& a&ain# He was bein& $el" a&ains! $is will# He was
&oin& !o be $umilia!e"# /ome$ow- !$ou&$- !$ese s!ran&e occurrences ma"e $im eel like $is lie $a"
consi"erable meanin&# 3E!$os- %a!$os- lo&os#5
32o you know w$a! runs !$e worl" ri&$! now45 Tom was s!o%%e" a! a re" li&$! an" !urne" aroun"
!o c$eck on Ma!!# 3Ri&$! now- nobody cares abou! w$a!0s wri!!en# T$a! woul" be lo&os# ?o law ma!!ers#
?o speech ma!!ers# T$e <ons!i!u!ion "oesn0! ma!!er an" !$e %a%er currency in our walle!s is be&innin& !o
ma!!er less !$an i! ever $as#5
3;e0re in %a!$os- sir#5 Ma!!$ew /!ubbs was ma" a! $imsel or a""ressin& Tom Mc1ay as 3sir5#
He "i"n0! like Tom as a %erson an" !$ou&$! !$a! Tom woul" never mess wi!$ $im a&ain a!er /$a.bo!
$el%e" $im &e! !em%orary reven&e# 3<ornelius is "ea"# Ri&$! Tom4 /$a.bo!4 7ou $aven0! sai" any!$in&#
'ay something# I saw +ivian alive earlier# <ornelius mi&$! be###5
3He0s "ea"- Ma!!-5 /$a.bo! sai"# 3<ornelius $a" a sickness !$a! none o us $as# ;e roo! or eac$
o!$er- you know4 <ornelius was a le&en" in $is own min"### w$ic$ is okay as lon& as you "on0! !ruly mean
!o kill %eo%le w$o are on your !eam#5
3Tom45 Ma!! aske"# 37ou0re &e!!in& reven&e on me- aren0! you4 ;$en <ornelius was alive- $e
con"one" /$a.bo! %ro!ec!in& me8 T$is is no! ri&$!85
3<alm "own- ki"85 Tom %ulle" over !o a curb# 3(et out85
3;$a!4 ;$a!0s !$e %lan4 Isn0! !$ere a %lan45 Ma!! e9i!e" !$e van wearin& only ball)$u&&in&
Hanes un"erwear#
3I call !$e co%s- I call !$e $i&$)u%s in !$e '&ency- an" you =us! be yoursel# Tell !$em you0re in !$e
<I' i ya0 wan!8 T$ey love !$a!8 Tell 6em you0re Jesus or some!$in&8 Make i! u%85 Tom s%e" away#
+ivian /!ree!s woke u% a! "aybreak an" wa!c$e" (le!c$er Browne snore or a ew momen!s# /$e
s$ook $im a! $is !ummy# 3@e! u%#5
3"uh45 (le!c$er came !o consciousness# He rubbe" $is eyes#
3T$is mi&$! be !$e las! (our!$ o July we celebra!e !o&e!$er# I mean- i! mi&$! be !$e las! one
coun!e" as /ndependence .ay# T$e 2eclara!ion o In"e%en"ence was si&ne" in 1CCG# 2elaware was !$e
irs! s!a!e !o ra!iy !$e <ons!i!u!ion in 1CLF# 2o !$e ma!$# How many years %asse"45
(le!c$er0s %alms were rubbin& $is ace# 3Isn0! i! !oo early or ma!$4 Thirteen# T$ir!een years#5
3How many years $ave %asse" since nine eleven45 +ivian walke" !o !$e $o!el0s res!room an"
re!urne" wi!$ a %a%er cu% o wa!er# 3/%las$ some o !$is on your ace#5
3Twelve years since nine eleven# T$e %oin!45 (le!c$er !ook !$e cu% an" "ouse" $is ore$ea"#
3T$e economy is &onna colla%se any !ime now# ;e are sellin& bon"s !$a!0re barely %ayin& !$e
in!eres! on %rior bon"s# Bur "eb!0s in an e9%onen!ial rise an" i!0s no! sus!ainable# /ome say !$e ?or!$
'merican :nion is comin&- maybe ne9! year#5 +ivian reac$e" in!o $er %urse a! !$e oo! o !$e be"# 3I $ave
!$is#5 /$e $an"e" (le!c$er !$ree ol"e" s$ee!s# 3I el! cra.y w$en I irs! rea" i! an" I "i"n0! wan! i! !o ruin
our irs! momen!s !o&e!$er las! ni&$!#5
31orth American Oligarchy4 ;$a! is !$is4 T$e ?'B re%laces !$e :/'45 (le!c$er se! !$e %a%ers
on !$e be" !$en wen! !o !$e res!room# He s%las$e" more wa!er on $is ace !$en re!urne"# 3I0ve seen all
kin"s o cons%iracy s!u over !$e %as! ew years# ;$a!0s "ieren! abou! !$is45
31i"s very well mi&$! con!inue !o learn abou! !$e <ons!i!u!ion in %ublic sc$ools or years !o come#
;$en I was in +ancouver- my "a" &ave me !$ose %a%ers or %ra&ma!ic reasons# T$is is !$e worl" we live in
now# (or anyone clan"es!ine or eli!e### !$is is w$a! !$e worl" $as become# T$e 2eclara!ion o
In"e%en"ence sen! a messa&e !o Euro%e abou! w$a! we0re not>no lon&er un"er Bri!is$ rule# I! !ook
!$ir!een years !o ormali.e w$a! we became# Bn nine eleven- !$e 3ogues>!$e %owerul- $i""en oli&arc$s
sen! !$e same messa&e# 2emocracy an" 6we !$e %eo%le0 no lon&er ma!!er# T$is45 /$e %icke" u% !$e %a%ers
rom !$e be"# 3I!0s like a new <ons!i!u!ion# I!0s su%%ose" !o warn %eo%le like Reece ;i!$ers%oon !o kee%
*uie! w$en en&a&e" wi!$ law enorcemen!### because !$e ol" rules "on0! ma!!er# /t,s an oligarchy#5
3I! soun"s "umb### bu! I was workin& earlier !$is year %$o!o&ra%$in& !$a! "ea!$ cam% in In"iana#
T$a! soun"s "umb- !oo#5 (le!c$er sa! ne9! !o +ivian on !$e be"# He $el" $er $an"- 3I cu! my $air# I0m no!
an&ry a! !$e mac$ine anymore#5 (le!c$er wa!c$e" !ears orm in +iv0s eyes# 3I "on0! !$ink we $ave !o
worry as muc$#5
3I!0s =us! like I !$ou&$! i! was# ;e &e! ol" an" we s!o% carin&#5 +ivian release" $er $an" rom
(le!c$0s# /$e ri%%e" !$e %a%ers in $al# 3I! soun"s s!u%i"#5 /$e %ulle" $er i,$one ou! rom $er %urse an"
wen! !o $er %$o!os# 3T$is is !$e new la&#5 T$e un"ernea!$ $al was &reen- w$i!e an" re" like Me9ico0s
la&# In !$e cen!er- a ma%le lea re%lace" !$e vul!ure on !$e cac!us wi!$ a snake# T$e u%%er le! "is%laye" a
blue iel" wi!$ w$i!e s!ars an" !$e u%%er ri&$! "is%laye" re" an" w$i!e s!ri%es# 3T$is is !$e su%er corri"or
ri%%in& !$rou&$ 'merica0s $ear!lan"#5 /$e swi%e" !$e la& %$o!o an" s$owe" (le!c$ a ma% o ?or!$
'merica wi!$ an e9a&&era!e" arrow %oin!in& rom Me9ico !$rou&$ 1ansas !owar" <ana"a# 3I!0s comin&-
(le!c$### an" maybe we s$oul" embrace i!# I0ll miss 'merica in !$e !ra"i!ional way !$a! i!0s been#5
3;$en you wen! !o slee% las! ni&$!- I wa!c$e" some news in !$e mi""le o !$e ni&$!# T$ere were
ma=or ireworks acci"en!s in /emi +alley an" Aa&una ?i&el# 1i"s can0! %lay wi!$ s%arklers or !$ey0ll &o !o
=ail so some$ow we0re su%%ose" !o celebra!e in !$ese %ublic &a!$erin&s# T$ese ireworks in /emi +alley
were s$oo!in& a! !$e crow"8 How0s !$a! or irony an" sae!y45 (le!c$er0s s$or!s an" s$ir! were on !$e loor#
He %icke" !$em u% an" s!ar!e" !o "ress#
3I0m in "enial- you know45 +ivian wa!c$e" (le!c$ "ress# /$e looke" a! $er own s$or!s on !$e
loor# 3/ome!imes- I !$ink i!0s always been !$is way# T$e 'lamo- ,earl Harbor- !$e @ul o Tonkin# I !$ink
!$ere0s always been weir" s!u &oin& on !$a! common %eo%le "on0! know abou! un!il way la!er in !$e
$is!ory books# ;e $a%%en !o be involve" in !$is min")blowin& s!u ri&$! now- !$ou&$#5 +ivian &rabbe"
$er s$or!s an" $ea"e" !o !$e res!room# Beore closin& !$e "oor- s$e aske"- 37ou "on0! $ave !o %ee45
31ah#5 (le!c$er %lo%%e" $imsel back on !$e be"# 3;ake me i I all back aslee%#5 +ivian close"
!$e "oor# (le!c$er was res!less# He $ear" !$e s$ower s!ar!# He sa! u% an" %iece" !$e ri%%e" %a%ers !o&e!$er#
He be&an !o rea"# We the Oligarchy of the 1orth American continent# in order to ensure domestic
tran>uility# facilitate robust commerce# and secure widespread foreign interests hereby establish this new
&onstitution of 1orth America for the third millennium# 3;$a! is !$is4 <an !$is be a ri&&in0 =oke45
'n 3anonymous caller5 inorme" au!$ori!ies !$a! an 3uns!able e9$ibi!ionis!5 was makin& $is way
abou! !$e Aos 'n&eles s!ree!s# T$e caller was Tom Mc1ay an" !$e 3uns!able e9$ibi!ionis!5 was Ma!!
/!ubbs# <I' insi"ers mana&e" !o &e! Ma!! commi!!e" !o !$e same :<A' !rea!men! cen!er w$ere ,aris
Jackson was a!# Ma!! sa! on a be" an" looke" "own a! $is !ennis s$oes# T$ey $a" !aken $is laces as a
s!an"ar" %roce"ure %resumin& !$ey coul" be use" !o make a ru"imen!ary noose# Why do / keep going
through this4 $e won"ere"# He el! &ro&&y rom an ini!ial se"a!ive in=ec!ion# 'no!$er %a!ien! was bein&
a"mi!!e" an" woul" s$are a be" ne9! !o Ma!!0s# Aunc$ woul" be soon# ' nurse aske" i every!$in& was
okay# 3Bkay45 Ma!! aske"# 3's lon& as !$e aliens "on0! s!ar! a!!ackin& !$is a!ernoon85 Ma!! was =okin&
bu! $e coul" see concern in !$e nurse0s ace#
/$e "i"n0! !ake i! in =es!# 3're you one o !$em- Ma!!$ew4 're you %ar! o an alien race45 /$e
wai!e" or an answer bu! !$ere was no!$in&# 3;oul" you like !o !alk !o a "oc!or abou! !$e aliens-
Ma!!$ew45
3?o- ma0am-5 Ma!! sai"# 3I $ave o!$er issues#5
T$e new %a!ien! con!ribu!e"- 3I know $ow !$ey0re &oin& !o !ake over !$e worl"# The government-
I0m !alkin& abou!# I!0s !$e mice# T$ere0s a new bree" o mice !$a! s%eaks8 7ou know4 Bioen&ineerin& an"
every!$in&# 6,lane! o !$e '%es0 bu! on a muc$ smaller scale#5
Ma!! !urne" !o !$e &uy- s!ill $eavily se"a!e"# 3I know %eo%le in a! !$e ,en!a&on an" !$a!0s no!
$a%%enin&# /omeone !ol" you a lie#5
T$e nurse le! !$e room# T$e new %a!ien! in!ro"uce" $imsel# 3My name0s Elwyn Hayes#5 He sa!
on $is be"#
Ma!! looke" aroun"# T$e walls were clean# In one o !$e ceilin& corners was a c$arcoal semi)
"ome# He &es!ure" in !$a! "irec!ion# 3T$ere0s a camera !$a!0s wa!c$in& us- $u$45
3<amera4 T$a!0s w$y you0re $ere- aren0! you4 -aranoia#5 Elwyn &o! u% !o c$eck i! ou!# 37ea$#
7ou0re ri&$!# I can barely see !$rou&$ i!# T$ere0s a camera !$ere#5 He wen! back !o $is be"# 3T$is
mornin&- I woke u% an" a mouse was !alkin& !o me8 I! was on i!s back le&s an" i! was sayin& !$in&s like
6you nee" !o &e! a =ob0 an" s!u like !$a!8 I calle" my mom u% an" !ol" $er# ' $al $our la!er4 7e%# T$ey
came !o &e! me85
3I was "ro%%e" o almos! nake" in ron! o !$e <a%i!al @rille on Beverly Boulevar"# 'n an"roi"
an" &overnmen! crony wan!e" me !o inil!ra!e !$is %lace### so I coul"###5 Ma!! looke" a! Elwyn0s ace# His
ace mor%$e"# /s this guy getting mad4 Ma!! won"ere"# 3I "on0! know w$a!0s &oin& on# I "on0! know w$y
I0m $ere#5
3<I'4 7ou0re <I'4 Br an o%era!ive4 Hal !$is %lace says !$a! same !$in&85 Elwyn Hayes
calme" "own# 3/o !$is mouse is !alkin&- ri&$!4 I "on0! know $ow !$ey "i" i!# /%licin& &enes4 I "on0!
know# Bu! $e &oes on !o say###5
Elwyn Hayes wen! on !o s%eak nons!o% or a $al $our un!il i! was !ime or lunc$# Ma!! lai" back
on $is be" an" lis!ene" !o an eclec!ic ran!# ;$en lunc$ was calle"- $e won"ere" w$ere $e woul" be in a
year# / might get rich# / might get busted# He was !$inkin& o lyrics rom !$e /!eve Miller Ban"# /,m in
too deep- $e !$ou&$!# There,s no turning around. Where will / be0 Where will / be4 Ma!! believe" $e was
%layin& !$e 3&oo" sol"ier5 role or !$e &overnmen!# / bet this is how it starts# Ma!! !$ou&$! abou! $omeless
%eo%le on ski" row# / bet this is how they started. They thought they were doing the right thing for their
government: War veterans. All of Jem. Ma!! le! $is room an" $ea"e" or !$e "inin& room# He oun" a
s%o! a! a !able an" was =oine" by Elwyn Hayes# Trays o oo" were se! in ron! o !$em# Ma!! looke" a! $is
%las!ic me"ical wris!ban"# He rea" $is name on i!# T$ere was a small %iece o %a%er in !$e "rink slo! o $is
!ray# T$e %a%er $a" $is like $is wris!ban"# 'll !$e oo" %asse" aroun" %re!!y muc$ looke" !$e same# He
won"ere" w$y eac$ %la!e was assi&ne" !o s%eciic in"ivi"uals# He s$ook !$e i"ea#
32on0! ea! !$e cornbrea"-5 Elwyn sai"# 3T$ey %u! e9!ra "ru&s in i!8 7ou0ll become a .ombie in no
time an" you0ll never &e! ou! o $ere#5
Ma!! /!ubbs !ook $is cornbrea" an" bi! in!o i!# 37ou soun" like !$e %aranoi" one now85 He
con!inue" !o ea! an" $e con!inue" !o won"er abou! !$e %eo%le on !$e s!ree!s# He looke" a! $is assor!e"
ve&e!ables- mas$e" %o!a!oes an" a !$in slice o mys!ery mea!# 32o we $ave any messia$s wi!$ us45 $e
aske" Elwyn# 3:sually !$ere0s a $an"ul o %eo%le wi!$ &o" com%le9es in !$ese =oin!s- I un"ers!an"#5 Ma!!
/!ubbs %oke" a !$in s!raw in!o an Bcean /%ray bo9 o cran)&ra%e =uice !$en si%%e"# He announce" !o
rou&$ly !wen!y o!$er %a!ien!s in !$e room- 3<$eers !o !$e c$e8 T$is oo" is no! $al ba"85
(le!c$er an" +ivian c$ecke" ou! o !$e /$orebreak Ho!el an" $ea"e" !o Balboa# T$ey "eci"e" !o
!ake a erry !o <a!alina Islan"# 3I!0s !$e len&!$ o a mara!$on- you know4 Twen!y)si9 miles#5 +ivian
wa!c$e" (le!c$er0s ace bu! $e "i"n0! seem u% !o !alkin&# 3I c$ecke" ou! %ic!ures o !$e ,avilion Ho!el an"
i! seems like a nice %lace !o s!ay#5 +ivian wa!c$e" (le!c$er0s s!ubby $air# T$e las! !ime !$ey s%en!
e9!en"e" *uali!y !ime !o&e!$er- $is $air was =us! %as! $is s$oul"ers# I! woul" be !wis!in& aroun" i i! was
s!ill lon&# (le!c$er s!are" !owar" !$e $ori.on an" $a" a "is!an! look in $is eyes# +ivian con!inue" on-
3T$ey $ave one o !$ose cable .i% lines- you know4 ;e can $ave un on !$a!#5
T$ey were on !$e ron! "eck o !$e erry an" !$ere were a ew o!$er cou%les in !$e area# Bcean
mis! we! (le!c$er0s ace an" $e wi%e" some o i! o# He inally !urne" !o +iv- 3'll !$is !ime we were
blamin& @eor&e ; Bus$ or nine eleven### an" i!0s no! !$a! $e wasn0! in com%lici!y wi!$ $ar"core "il"os
runnin& !$e s$ow be$in" !$e scenes#5 (le!c$er el! embarrasse"# He was on a *ues! or !ru!$# He wan!e"
knowle"&e even i i! $ur!# 37ou say !$ey were &oin& !o assassinate $im i $e "i"n0! &o alon&45
3I $a" a lon& !alk wi!$ my a!$er in +ancouver# Two "ays beore !$e nine eleven a!!acks- '$ma"
/$a$ Massou" was kille" by &unmen %osin& as a camera crew# Bn !$e "ay o nine eleven- a &rou% o 'rab
=ournalis!s !rie" !o in!erview Bus$ in /araso!a- (lori"a wi!$ou! a sc$e"ule" a%%oin!men! bu! !$ey were
!urne" away by !$e /ecre! /ervice# @eor&e ; Bus$ si!s in an elemen!ary classroom an" looks like a "eer in
$ea"li&$!s# 'ri (leisc$er $a" =us! !ol" $im !$a! 'merica was un"er a!!ack bu! !$ey si! !$ere wi!$ ki"s
rea"in& The -et (oat# 'ri is Jewis$- you see4 Two $ours beore !$e %lanes $i!- an Israeli messa&in&
com%any- B"i&o- sen"s ou! a warnin& !$a! a ma=or a!!ack is imminen!# The -et (oat# 7ou see4 Bus$ is !$e
&oa! an" or cen!uries>since the time of &ain and Abel# / suppose>!$e sacriice o a &oa! is cen!ral or
Hebrews in !$eir reli&ion# @eor&e ; Bus$ even!ually &e!s ou! an" on!o 'ir (orce Bne w$ere ano!$er
messa&e comes ou!I Angel is ne*t. T$ey were rea"y !o assassina!e !$e %resi"en! unless $e
im%lica!e" Bsama bin Aa"en an" 'l Kea"a#5 +ivian casually looke" aroun" a! !$e o!$er cou%les on !$e
"eck# /$e el! nu!s any !ime s$e s%oke abou! nine eleven or any cons%iracy# T$e %eo%le aroun" $er wen!
abou! !$eir business as i !$ey coul"n0! $ear $er# T$is %u! $er a! ease#
3/ome o !$is is i rom !alkin& !o your "a"### bu! you were rea"in& ;ebs!er Tar%ley0s BSAA
'ynthetic TerrorT 2ade in 5'A- correc!4 I "on0! &e! i!# ;$y woul" %eo%le "o !$is45 (le!c$er Browne el!
like $e was blowin& a use# He knew !$e answer# He "ocumen!e" a "ea!$ cam% in Beec$ @rove- In"iana
an" $e %$o!o&ra%$e" mass coins ou!si"e o '!lan!a# His inner c$il" was arai" !$a! !$e mons!er was
bi&&er !$an any!$in& $e wan!e" !o $an"le# He was =us! comin& !o &ri%s !$a! Bus$- <$eney an" Rumsel"
lie" !o !$e %ublic abou! !$e a!!acks# He !$ou&$! !$ey were !$e !o% o !$e oo" c$ain- !$ou&$# His lielon&
lover was now !ellin& $im !$ey were &e!!in& %us$e" aroun"- bullie" an" !$rea!ene"# ;$a! coul" be bi&&er
!$an !$e :ni!e" /!a!es &overnmen!4 (le!c$ el! like a use was mel!in& in $is brain bu! $e was more arai"
by i&norance# I $e "i"n0! know w$o coul" %us$ !$e %resi"en!0s bu!!ons- !$en maybe $e coul" s!umble
u%on !$is $i""en %ower an" &e! &anke" like a %e"es!rian in a "ark alley# 3I!0s Israel- ri&$!4 The 2ossad4
T$ey were be$in" nine eleven#5 His ace !wi!c$e"# He believe" $e s$oul" $ave known i! all alon&#
+ivian scra%e" $er lon&- %ur%le)%ain!e" in&ernails alon& (le!c$0s orearm rom $is elbow !o $is
wris!# 3I!0s !$e Hionis!s# T$a!0s w$a! I believe# ;ebs!er Tar%ley- by !$e way- "oesn0! believe i! was
%rimarily Israeli in!elli&ence# He !$inks i! was our own &uys# T$ere0s a Bri!is$ &uy- @re& (el!on- !$a!
wro!e The "ost and the -arasiteT "ow /srael,s 7ifth &olumn &onsumed America # He makes a &rea! case
or !$ese "u"es wi!$ "uel 'mericanS Israeli ci!i.ens$i%I Jeremy an" Jules 1rollJ Jerome HauerJ Mic$ael
an" Ben=amin <$er!oJ /$elia BimbaumJ 'lvin Hellers!einJ 1enne!$ (einber&J Aarry /ilvers!einJ 2ov
Hak$eim# T$ere were hordes o %eo%le in $i&$ %osi!ions lea"in& u% !o !$e a!!acks an" !$ey were "ele&a!e"
%osi!ions !o resolve !$e issues a!er !$e buil"in&s came "own#5
3(EM' was in ?ew 7ork on /e%!ember !en!$ an" !$ey were workin& wi!$ @iuliani on a bio)!error
"rill### !$en !$ey "eny bein& !$ere# ;$y woul" our &overnmen! lie !o us so ba"ly all o a su""en45 Bnce
a&ain- (le!c$er0s inner c$il" s%oke wi!$ !$e same ear o a boo&eyman# He was a! a loss or wor"s#
.enial. .enial. .enial- $e !$ou&$!# / wish / could go into denial# 3;$en I irs! me! Tom Mc1ay a! !$e
Beec$ @rove %lace- $e !ol" me !$a! !$ere0s a visible aca"e o &overnmen! an" !$a!0s w$a! we call our
6s!ruc!ure0# T$e ;$i!e House- <on&ress an" /u%reme <our!- ri&$!4 He !ol" me- 6;$a! we are "ealin& wi!$
$ere is !$e "arkness be$in" !$e veneer# T$ere is some!$in& else !$a! ew a"ul!s ever reali.e e9is!s#0 He
calle" !$is !$e 6su%ers!ruc!ure0 bu! I !$ou&$! $e was merely !alkin& abou! !$e <I'#5 (le!c$er el! !ire" an"
$e believe" !$e sub=ec! was "rainin& +iv as well# 37ou0re $ere !ellin& me !$a! !$ere0s another layer !$a!
!ruly ma!!ers#5
3In !$e mon!$s a!er nine eleven- Israeli a&en!s were walkin& abou! !$e ,en!a&on like !$ey owne"
i!# T$ey0" come !o see 2ou&las (ei!$ an" !$e secre!aries coul"n0! &e! !$ese &uys !o si&n in# 'll !$e w$ile-
;es! ,oin! &ra"ua!es were !rea!e" like bur&er li%%ers#5 +ivian use" $er lon& nails !o scra!c$ !$e un"ersi"e
o (le!c$0s =aw# /$e coul" !ell i! was soo!$in& $im#
3T$is is 6;a& !$e 2o&0- isn0! i!4 ;e0re !ryin& !o i&ure ou! w$o "i" i!>who was most responsible#
;e bo!$ believe !$ey were in i! !o&e!$er- ri&$!45 (le!c$ &rabbe" +iv0s $an" a! $is c$eek an" kisse" $er
%alm# He looke" in!o !$e sky an" was &la" !$a! overcas! clou"s were comin& in# I! was early July an"
am%le cover mean! i! woul"n0! be scorc$in& $o!#
3<ui bono# ;i!$ any crime- you wan! !o ask w$o $a" !$e mo!ive an" w$o $a" !$e means# 2any#
many %eo%le mi&$! $ave !$e mo!ive !o $arm !$e :/' aroun" !$e worl"# ;e0ve been a success in a lo! o
ways# T$ere0s =ealousy- misun"ers!an"in&- bi!!erness an" w$a!ever else# ;$o coul" %ull i! o !$ou&$4 '
"isenc$an!e" /au"i on "ialysis wi!$ a la%!o% com%u!er in a remo!e '&$an cave4 /illy# I you !ell me
Bri!ain- @ermany- (rance- Russia- <$ina or Ja%an !$en maybe we0re on !$e roa" !o believabili!y# T$is is
only ability !o $arm us# ;$y woul" !$ey "o i! !$ou&$4 T$ey woul"n0!# I "on0! believe i! was !$em# ;e
s%en" !ime convincin& ourselves !$a! 3ogues insi"e our &overnmen! $a" mo!ive- s!u%i" as i! woul" seem#
T$ere were Israelis "ancin& in !$e s!ree!s o ?ew 7ork a!er !$e a!!acks# T$ey were "e!aine"- release"- an"
woun" u% on T+ in Israel# T$ey sai" !$ey were !$ere !o "ocumen! !$e even!# ;$a! "oes !$a! mean4 T$e
?7,2 oun" a van wi!$ a mural o !$e Towers %ain!e" on !$e si"e wi!$ a %lane abou! !o $i! one o !$em###
ri&$! a!er !$e %lanes $i! in reali!y#5
37ou know w$a! I eel like- +iv45 (le!c$ leane" a&ains! !$e &uar" rail an" %ulle" $er !owar" $im#
3I eel like a "oous w$o s!u"ie" useless !o%ics %re%arin& !o com%e!e on Jeo%ar"y# I "on0! know w$a! &oo"
!$is "oes# I wan! !o eel be!!er !$e more I learn abou! !$e worl"# I "on0! eel be!!er !$ou&$#5
3;e "on0! $ave !o !alk abou! i! anymore# I miss /$a.bo! an" 2ina$# I wis$ !$ey were $ere#5
+ivian kisse" (le!c$er0s neck# T$ey move" rom !$e erry0s "eck !o an insi"e cabin# T$ey sa! *uie!ly
$ol"in& $an"s un!il !$ey reac$e" <a!alina w$ere !$ey c$ecke" in!o ye! ano!$er $o!el an" ren!e" bikes !o
ri"e aroun" !$e islan"#
I! was a!ernoon an" Ma!!$ew /!ubbs was in !$e "inin& area a&ain o !$e :<A' %syc$ia!ric war"
w$ere $e $a" been !aken a! "aybreak# I! seeme" like an even! !$a! $a%%ene" years a&o# T$e "inin& !ables
were %us$e" back a&ains! !$e walls an" !$e c$airs were or"ere" in!o a lar&e circle# 'n ol"er emale "oc!or-
%er$a%s i!y)ive years ol"- was runnin& a !$era%y session# Her $air was "ark e9ce%! or silver s!ran"s $ere
an" !$ere# Her &lasses were lar&e- %ink an" %las!ic# /$e wan!e" eac$ %a!ien! !o say $is or $er name- oer a
brie "escri%!ion o w$a! le" !o !$e $ol"- an" !$en &ive an assessmen! o !$e eec!iveness o w$a!ever
%rescribe" "ru& was bein& !aken#
T$e irs! la"y !o s%eak was a His%anic la"y in $er !$ir!ies# /$e sai" !$e &overnmen! was ou! !o &e!
$er an" !$a! !$ey wan!e" !o s!eal $er babies !o i&$! in ille&al wars# /$e was !akin& li!$ium an" believe" i!
ma"e $er muscles s!i# ' man !o $er ri&$! knew !$a! !$e :ni!e" /!a!es0 economy woul" colla%se beore
<$ris!mas# He s!ole a !ruck o ;ebs!er0s brea" an" !ook i! !o an elemen!ary sc$ool w$ere $e $an"e" ou!
loaves !o c$il"ren# He !ol" !$e ki"s !o warn !$eir %aren!s an" !$en $e was %icke" u% by sc$ool securi!y# He
a""e"- 3Tru!$ully- I &o! a oreclosure no!ice an" I !$ou&$! !$ey0" !ake me !o =ail# I0ll really nee" a %lace !o
s!ay- you know4 I0m no! cra.y#5 He conclu"e" by sayin& !$a! $is Hal"ol was workin& ine =us! like i!
always "oes w$en $e &e!s %icke" u%#
' !eena&e blon" &irl believe" s$e was a emale version o Jesus <$ris!# 3Everyw$ere I &o- %eo%le
are ollowin& me8 I can0! &e! !$em so s!o%85 /$e !ook a $al bo!!le o slee%in& %ills an" was a"mi!!e" a!er
$avin& $er s!omac$ %um%e"# Elwyn Hayes was ne9! an" !ol" !$e &rou% abou! !$e !alkin& mouse# He sai"
!$a! scien!is!s mani%ula!e" !$e &ene w$ic$ "evelo%s !$e laryn9 an" !on&ue# /omew$ere in an unknown
labora!ory- mice $ave a minia!ure colle&e w$ere !$ey learn /$akes%eare an" !$e ar!s# Ma!! /!ubbs looke"
aroun" !$e circle an" "i"n0! see ,aris Jackson# Tom Mc1ay !ol" $im !$a!0s w$y $e was sen! !$ere# He was
su%%ose" !o i&ure" some!$in& ou! rom $er#
Elwyn Hayes re%or!e" !$a! !$e <lo.a%ine "oses mi&$! be $i&$ because $e was eelin& a li!!le o#
Ma!!0s !urn came abou!- 3My name is Ma!!$ew /!ubbs# I0m no! in !$e <I' bu! my bu""ies an" my boss are
a&en!s# I was sen! $ere or some na!ional securi!y kin" o issue# Tec$nically- I was calle" on e9$ibi!ionism
bu! !$ey s!ole my clo!$es an" kicke" me ou! o a van# I0ve been bea! u% by a lar&e %ink bunny### an" a
mi"&e! !$rew ca! %iss in!o my eyes# T$is is a!er !$ey s!ra%%e" me !o a c$air an" orce" me !o wa!c$
Malcolm T#5
T$e "oc!or seeme" %u..le"# /$e aske"- 3<an you really say !$a! your rien"s are in !$e &entral
/ntelligence Agency4 Mi&$! i! be !$a! !$ey were =us! messin& wi!$ your $ea"4 ,eo%le =oke aroun"- you
know45
3Joke aroun"4 Is !$a! w$y !$ey &ave me a $uman)si.e" ull)unc!ionin& an"roi" !o %al aroun"
wi!$4 ;ere !$ey =okin& w$en !$ey commissione" me !o buil" a &as $ouse or :/ "issi"en!s near my
$ome!own o Terre Hau!e4 ;$a! abou! !$a!45 T$e nurse sub!ly no""e" !owar" or"erlies# Ma!! looke"
back over $is s$oul"er !o !$e le! !$en !o !$e ri&$!# Aar&e men were a%%roac$in& $im rom be$in"# 3;$a!
!$e###45 Eac$ man wore all w$i!e nursin& clo!$es an" eac$ &rabbe" Ma!!0s arms on o%%osi!e si"es#
T$e one !o !$e le! coul"0ve been mis!aken or Aawrence Taylor rom !$e ?ew 7ork @ian!s# He
!ol" Ma!!- 37ou $ave become !oo "isor"erly# 7ou will $ave !o be !aken !o isola!ion a! !$is %oin!#5
3Is !$is $ow i! works45 Ma!!$ew /!ubbs was s!ar!le"# 3're you !akin& me !o see ,aris4 I0m $ere
!o see ,aris#5
T$e lar&e man !o Ma!!0s ri&$! looke" like <$a" 1roe&er rom ?ickelback# 3,aris4 T$ere0s no
Eiel Tower w$ere you,re &oin&#5
-aris =ackson- Ma!! /!ubbs !$ou&$!# 4ou should know what /,m talking about. What,s going on0
Why are things always going haywire4 Ma!! was %lace" in a soli!ary room wi!$ only a ma!!ress on !$e
loor# Why aren,t the walls padded0 This isn,t like the movies# T$e or"erlies le! !$e room an" locke" !$e
"oor be$in" !$em# Ma!! wan!e" !o be $a%%y# He !rie" !o !$ink o music rom !$e @lenn Miller Brc$es!ra#
He wan!e" !unes !o %lay insi"e o $is $ea"# Ins!ea"- a voice rom "ee% wi!$in $is i" s%oke !o $im# The &/A
doesn,t care about you. 1o one cares about you. The 5nited 'tates of America is on its last leg. 4our
words disturb too many people. 4ou better learn to lie about your life events. He coul"n0! &e! bi& ban"
music !o %lay in $is $ea"# He !rie" !$e Bea!les an" i! worke"- "ere / stand head in hand# turn my face to
the wall... /f she,s gone / can,t go on feeling two$foot small... He le! !$e (ab (our %lay in $is $ea" !$en $e
"eci"e" !o %ray# He "i"n0! consi"er $imsel a reli&ious "u"e- bu! $e none!$eless %raye"#
' $al $our %asse" by an" Ma!! /!ubbs !ense" u%# His me"ica!ion was wearin& o an" $is ear
!urne" in!o an&er# He $a" !$e ur&e !o s!ar! %oun"in& on !$e "oor# He $a" !$e ur&e !o yell a! !$e !o% o $is
lun&s# His belly el! like a urnace# Ri&$! w$en $e !$ou&$! $e coul"n0! !ake i! anymore- !$e "oor o%ene"#
I! was !$e emale "oc!or rom !$e !$era%y session# 3're you alri&$! !o !alk45 s$e aske" Ma!!# T$e !wo
or"erlies were be$in" $er in case any!$in& wil" $a%%ene"# 3're you okay45
&alm down# 2att. They,ll peg you as a violent wacko then you,ll never get out of here. &alm
down# He !alke" $imsel in!o a mana&eable s!a!e# 3I can !alk#5
3I!0s alri&$!-5 !$e "oc!or !ol" !$e or"erlies# T$ey le! !$en s$e en!ere" !$e room wi!$ !$e "oor a=ar#
37ou $ave issues- Ma!!# Everyone $ere "oes# Mos! o !$e &uys in !$a! room $ave a cou%le o %ieces o
lie0s %u..le an" !$ey !$ink !$ey know every!$in&# T$ey0re wron&- !$ou&$- an" !$ey win" u% "an&erous !o
o!$er %eo%le or even !$emselves# /ome o !$em are on "ru&s# 7ou name i!# <ocaine- wee"- aci" or
w$a!ever# Tru!$ully- we o!en &ive !$em some!$in& similar !o w$a! !$ey0re alrea"y usin&# B%ioi")base"
%rescri%!ions $ave been calle" !$e new cocaine- or e9am%le# T$ese &uys are a""ic!s an" :ncle /am $as
become 2oc!or (eel&oo"# T$ere0s a mone!ary incen!ive !o "o w$a! we "o# /ome animals make !$emselves
look bi&&er w$en !$ey0re in "an&er# ' cobra coils i!sel u%war" an" s%lays i!s neck# Toa"s will s!an" on
!$eir le&s an" inla!e like a balloon# ,uer is$ e9%an" !oo- see4 ,eo%le "o !$is same !$in&# T$ey !ell
o!$ers !$ey0re in !$e <I' or maia w$en !$ey &e! %icke" on# T$is !$eore!ically %ro=ec!s !$a! !$eir social si.e
is lar&er !$an i! o!$erwise is bu! i! also causes %roblems# T$eir sani!y is *ues!ione" an"### ;ell4 Mos!
%eo%le w$o come in $ere $ave no!$in& !o "o wi!$ s%ecial or&ani.a!ions !$ey say !$ey0re %ar! o# Ever $ear
o !$e Illumina!i4 ;e &e! a lo! o !$ose#5
3<an you !ell me your %oin!- %lease45 Ma!! was arai" an" $is voice *uivere"# 3I0m conuse"- no!
=us! by you# I0m no! %re!en"in& any!$in&#5 He rea" !$e "oc!or0s name on $er &ol"en rec!an&ular ba"&e#
.raper# Ma!! !$ou&$! abou! ,u !$e Ma&ic 2ra&on# =ackie -aper became =ackie .raper#
3I know# How many %eo%le woul" know abou! Beec$ @rove4 Bnce in a w$ile- we &e! !$e real
"eal# 7ou0re $ere !o see ,aris Jackson4 ?o! &onna $a%%en# /$e $as "ieren! issues !$an you# Her !$era%y
&rou% is###5 T$e "oc!or "eci"e" !o no! "isclose any ur!$er# 3My name is "oc!or Becky 2ra%er#5 /$e
wai!e" or Ma!! !o say 3nice !o mee! you5 or any!$in& else bu! $e sa! on $is ma!!ress wi!$ a bewil"ere" ace#
37our bu""ies really are in !$e <I'# I believe !$a!# 7ou were abou! !o &ive !oo muc$ inorma!ion in !$a!
o!$er room# 7ou can0! yell 6ire0 in a !$ea!re or !$e sake inci!in& %anic#5
3I s!ill "on0! un"ers!an"#5 Ma!! looke" a! $is s$oes an" el! somew$a! nake" wi!$ou! laces# He
el! judged some$ow#
3;e0re &oin& !o $ave !o move you !o a "ieren! win& is all# T$e %eo%le $ere can0! $an"le w$a!
you $ave !o !ell !$em# T$ey0re uns!able- okay4 ;e0re &oin& !o %u! you wi!$ %eo%le like yoursel# 7ou
$ave &overnmen! issues4 /o "o !$ey#5 /$e mo!ione" or Ma!! !o &e! !o $is ee!# 37ou mus! make i!
!$rou&$ !$ese seven!y)!wo $ours an" s$ow a "ieren! se! o "oc!ors !$a! you0re sane# <ra.y !$in&s
$a%%ene" !o you# T$a!0s all#5 /$e wa!c$e" Ma!! &e! !o $is ee!# 37ou !$ink &overnmen! is corru%! an" I
believe i! is in some %laces# 7ou0ll $ave an a"voca!e ar&ue on your be$al#5
3I s!ill "on0! &e! i!# I eel like a %in& %on& an" I wan! i! !o s!o%#5 Ma!! wai!e" or ur!$er
"irec!ions# 2oc!or Becky 2ra%er s!e%%e" ou!si"e o !$e room an" calle" !$e or"erlies# T$ey escor!e" Ma!!
/!ubbs !o a "ieren! %ar! o !$e $os%i!al#
+ivian /!ree!s an" (le!c$er Browne mus!ere" enou&$ ener&y !o &o kayakin& a!er !$eir bike ri"e#
's !$e /un se!- !$ey "eci"e" on "inner a! 2i &asita# T$eir wai!er &ave !$em menus an" +iv be&an !$e
conversa!ion- 3?o one knew un!il yes!er"ay- you know4 I !e9!e" E""ie an" !ol" $im !o kee% $us$# I almos!
wan!e" !o s!ay away lon&er# T$ey $a" !$e i"ea or !$e Tro=an $orse>don,t ask me where they got it>an" I
ran !$ere !o &e! in w$en we saw you %ull u%#5
3/ur%rise4 ;ow# I $ave "on0! know $ow !o e9%lain $ow I el!#5 (our!$ o July "i"n0! eel like i!
was merely !$e "ay beore bu! i! was# 3I wan! !o $ave an a&reemen! !$a! we won0! !alk abou! nine eleven
w$ile we0re on !$is islan"### unless i!0s really- really bo!$erin& you#5 (le!c$er el! !ire" a&ain# He coul"n0!
un"ers!an" !$e burs! o ener&y $e $a" w$en !$ey were ou! bikin& an" kayakin&# 2ental drain- $e !$ou&$!#
This is mental drain.
3<an we !alk abou! !$e Illumina!i4 Jus! in &eneral- I mean45 +ivian like" !$e /%anis$ s!yle o !$e
res!auran!# /$e $o%e" !$e oo" was !as!y#
37ea$# /$oo! away# 2oes !$is $ave !o "o wi!$ 6Tomb Rai"er04 Is !$is abou! 6?a!ional
Treasure045 (le!c$er was =okin&#
3?o# Me an" my "a">5
32y dad and /-5 (le!c$er in!er=ec!e"#
3>were !alkin& abou! all !$ese celebri!y ki"s an" !$e s!ran&e !$in&s $a%%enin&# I!0s no! =us! !$e
%a%ara..i# T$ere0s some!$in& weird ou! !$ere# Tom Mc1ay was aroun" w$en !$e Tro=an $orse was
"elivere">this is around noon yesterday>an" $e !ells me !$a! $e0s &onna commi! Ma!! !o a men!al
ins!i!u!ion w$en you &uys s$ow u%# 2aybe we should call him# I0m won"erin& w$a! !$e $eck0s &oin& on
an" w$y "o suc$ !$in&#5 +iv %i*ue" (le!c$0s in!eres! bu! $e allowe" $er !o inis$# 3I! $a" !o "o wi!$
Mic$ael Jackson0s "au&$!er an" s$e was sen"in& ou! ominous messa&es !$rou&$ Twi!!er an" Ins!a&ram
beore a %a""y wa&on came or $er#5
3Tom was &onna commi! Ma!! !o :<A' me"ical or w$erever ,aris is a!45 (le!c$er looke" aroun"
because $e !$ou&$! !$e wai!er was !akin& lon&# T$ere was no one in si&$!# 3/oun"s like reven&e# Tom0s
&e!!in& reven&e or w$a! $a%%ene" on !$a! boa! in !$e 1eys#5
37ea$4 ;$y "o I $ear !$a! !$in&s like !$is $a%%en4 ;$y "o so many %eo%le in !$ose ins!i!u!ions
believe !$ey0re in !$e <I'4 I !$ink i!0s because !$ey0re headed in!o !$e <I' an" %eo%le like Ma!! are sen! in
as liaisons#5 +ivian looke" be$in" (le!c$ an" saw !$e wai!er comin&# 3&hips and salsa#5
3@oo"# I0m $un&ry#5 (le!c$er Browne $ar"ly wai!e" or !$e bowl !o be se! "own# 3<an we $ave
a si"e o &uacamole45 $e aske" !$e wai!er# He &rabbe" some c$i%s an" crunc$e" a ew# 3/orry so ru"e-
$un# I $aven0! ea!en since !$e erry ri"e#5 He a!e some more c$i%s !$en &o! back !o !$e sub=ec!- 3T$a!
soun"s like a nea! i"ea or a !elevision s$ow bu! I can $ar"ly believe i! works like !$a!# Ma!!4 He0s &oin&
!o in" Mic$ael Jackson0s "au&$!er in a %syc$ia!ric war" an" !ell $er no! !o worry- 6;e "on0! !$ink you0re
suici"al8 ;e are =us! !ryin& !o &e! you ou! o your amily so you can s!ar! workin& as a secre! a&en!8 I!
$a%%ens like !$is all !$e !ime805
3're !$e c$i%s !$a! &oo"4 Maybe you s$oul" !ry c$ewin&8 7ou mi&$! en=oy 6em more85 +iv
lau&$e"# 3/eriously- !$ou&$# 1nowin& !$e !$in&s we know- can0! we a! leas! !$ink i!0s %ossible4 2oes Tom
$a!e Ma!! !$a! muc$45 +ivian wa!c$e" (le!c$ scar !$e c$i%s "own# /$e wan!e" !o save $er a%%e!i!e or a
main course an" "i"n0! %ar!ake# 3I "on0! know#5
3My min" kee%s &e!!in& sna%%e"- +iv# I believe" or so lon& !$a! our &overnmen! wasn0! corru%!
an" !$en i! seeme" !$a! s$a"y %rac!ices are !$eir only way o unc!ionin&# Mic$ael ;einer0s runnin& or
mayor o ?ew 7ork- you know4 Have you $ear" any!$in& abou! !$e /an 2ie&o mayor an" rumblin&s o
se9ual $arassmen!4 Tom Mc1ay $ear" !$rou&$ !$e &ra%evine !$a! ormer %resi"en! Jimmy <ar!er is $ea"e"
!o @ermany or an in!erview abou! E"war" /now"en# He0s &oin& !o !ell re%or!ers !$a! !$e :ni!e" /!a!es0
"emocracy no lon&er works# <an you believe !$a!45
3I0ll believe i! w$en i! $a%%ens85 +ivian smile"# T$e wai!er was back an" rea"y !o !ake !$eir
or"er# T$e cou%le or"ere" bi& an" !alke" mainly abou! s%ace !ravel w$ile !$ey a!e#
Ma!!$ew /!ubbs was move" !o a "ieren! win& o !$e :<A' %syc$ia!ric cen!er# He was woken u%
by "oc!or Becky 2ra%er a! si9 s$ar%# Elwyn Hayes was bein& a"mi!!e" !o s$are !$e room wi!$ $im# T$e
win& w$ere $e was a! $a" ewer %eo%le an" mos! o !$em $a" issues wi!$ !$e &overnmen!# T$ere were
ve!erans o !$e war in Ira* wi!$ severe %os! !rauma!ic s!ress issues# T$ere was a ormer ?/' worker like
/now"en %ur%or!in& !$a! !$e &overnmen! was !ryin& !o kill $im# T$ere was a re!ire" 'ir (orce &eneral w$o
believe" i! was !ime !o !ell !$e worl" abou! !$e aliens o Roswell# T$ere was a <I' a&en! w$o claime" !$a!
M1 :l!ra backire" on $im an" !$a! $is bu""ies were !ryin& !o !roll $im aroun" rom ci!y !o ci!y# Elwyn
&ree!e" Ma!!- 3;e0re back !o&e!$er a&ain85
3I!0s !$e en" o our &ol"en a&e-5 Ma!! sai"# He looke" a! !$e "oc!or bu! "i"n0! say any!$in& !o $er#
Elwyn sa! on !$e be" ne9! !o Ma!!# 32E=U vu8 I eel like I0ve &one !$rou&$ !$is beore#5
3T$e mice are s!ill a!er me85 Elwyn wa!c$e" Ma!! become %u..le"# 2oc!or Becky sai"
some!$in& abou! breakas! comin& u% !$en le! !$e room# 3I0m ki""in&# I "on0! know w$y !$ey move" me
$ere- !$ou&$#5
3I was sen! $ere !o &e! ino on ,aris Jackson# I0m s!ar!in& !o really believe i! was =us! a &uise or
my ormer boss !o &e! back a! me or smearin& !una is$ all over $is ace# T$is is a!er $e &o! a mi"&e! !o
!$row %iss in my ace- o course# 2oc!or Becky !ol" me I coul" s%eak reely in !$is win& because !$e o!$er
&uys###5 Ma!! s!o%%e" !alkin& mi")sen!ence w$en breakas! was announce"# 3;e can &e! !o i! la!er#5
3Mic$ael Jackson0s "au&$!er4 T$ey were !alkin& abou! $er yes!er"ay evenin& a!er !$ey !ook you
away# 2i" you wa!c$ 6Men In Black04 T$ere0s always a &alac!ic "es!royer ou! !$ere o some kin"- ri&$!4
T$e only !$in& !$a! kee%s us sae is !$a! no one knows abou! i!# T$e %o%ulous mi&$! %anic an" raise arms-
o!$erwise# T$e Illumina!i is like !$a!- a%%aren!ly- an" Mic$ael usse" abou! !$a! ul!ra)secre! or&ani.a!ion
beore $e was kille"# ?illed4 7es# 1ille"### in!en!ionally by an o%era!ive o !rue $i&$er)u%s- "oc!or <onra"
Murray# ,aris was livin& a rela!ively re&ular lie un!il s$e s!ar!e" a""ressin& !$ese same orces !$rou&$
social me"ia#5
3;e0re &onna be la!e or c$ow# Ae!0s $ea" ou!-5 Ma!! &o! u% rom $is be" an" wen! !o !$e "inin&
area# Elwyn ollowe"#
Elwyn sa! ne9! !o Ma!! an" con!inue"- 3I was in A' <oun!y =ail a ew years a&o or a 2:I# T$a!
%lace is a rickin0 "un&eon# T$ere0s &rai!i all over !$e walls- i! sinks o urine- an" %eo%le say !$ere are ra!s
$ere an" !$ere# I "i"n0! see any- bu! !$a!0s no! !$e issue# T$e cells w$ere I was a! aren0! su%ervise" in any
way# ?o cameras# ?o one wa!c$in&# I!0s an $onor sys!em- I su%%ose### w$ic$ is weir" w$en you &e! all
!$ese $ar" criminals livin& wi!$ %e!!y !$ieves an" suc$# T$ere was !$is "u"e a ew cells over rom me# I
$ear" %eo%le yell- 6Man "own8 Man "own80 7ou can0! cry wol in !$ese %laces or !$ey0ll lock you in
soli!ary# I !$ink !$ey call i! 6!$e $ole0# 'ny$ow- even !$ou&$ i!0s no! direct su%ervision- a "e%u!y is
s!a!ione" a! !$e en" o !$e corri"or in s$ou!in& "is!ance# ;ell- !$is &uy is escor!e" ou! an" $e $as all !$ese
!$in &as$es on $is ace# His bunkies claim $e &o! suici"al an" !ook !$e ra.or rom $is s$aver an" s!ar!e"
mu!ila!in& $imsel# 7ou know w$a! I !$ink- !$ou&$4 I !$ink $e was %u! in a cell wi!$ a ew rival &an&
members or some!$in&# I !$ink they "i" i! an" corrobora!e" a s!ory !o say $e sna%%e" an" "i" i! !o $imsel#5
Elwyn Hayes "u& in!o $is scramble" e&&s#
37ou !$ink someone cu! ,aris Jackson u% rom !$e Illumina!i !$en claime" s$e "i" i! !o $ersel45
Ma!! s%rea" s!rawberry =elly on!o $is !oas! rom a small %acke!# 31i"s "o !$is s!u- !$ou&$# .emi 6ovato
"i" s!u like !$a!#5
37ou &o! !o !$ink abou! i!# I you were really sen! $ere !o &e! an insi"e scoo%- you be!!er $ave
some kin" o al!erna!e version besi"es w$a! !$e mains!ream me"ia is %u!!in& ou!# T$a!0s all I0m sayin&#5
Elwyn %eele" oil rom $is %las!ic oran&e =uice cu%# He li!e" $is %las!ic s%oon# 37ou can0! smoke
ci&are!!es in coun!y =ail bu! i you ever wen! !o s!a!e %rison- !$ese are mel!e" !o&e!$er !o make s$anks#5
3;ow# I can0! say I knew !$a!#5 Ma!! a!e an" "i"n0! !alk a w$ole lo!# He wan!e" !o &e! ou! bu! a
na&&in& !$ou&$! ke%! cree%in& in!o $is min"- &onsider yourself lucky that you have an added life situation
under your belt. 4ou have another piece to the life pu%%le. 4ou,ll have a better idea of reality when you see
portrayals of this stuff on T8# Ma!! "i"n0! wan! !o like bein& w$ere $e was a!# This reminds me of the bear
hunting. / thought that would suck. /t didn,t suck. Ma!! scol"e" $imsel or allowin& $imsel !o !$ink !$a!
!$e bear $un!in& was a &oo" !$in&# What did 8ivian call the bear0 A sentient being. 'hame on me. Ma!!
looke" aroun" !$e "inin& area an" believe" !$ere was a weal!$ o nu!!y s!ories in !$e brains o eac$ %a!ien!
$e was ea!in& aroun"# He was curious# He wan!e" !o $ear w$a! !$ey $a" !o say# /f / saw any of these guys
with a cardboard sign on freeway off ramp# /,d probably yell at Jem to get a job#
'!er breakas!- Elwyn an" Ma!! walke" back !o !$eir room# 3T$is war" $as a %in& %on& !able- I
no!ice"#5 Elwyn %oin!e" "own !$e $all# 37ou %lay45
3,in& %on&4 I0m no! muc$ o an a!$le!e-5 Ma!! sai"#
3@ive i! a !ry45 Elwyn &o! !o $is be" an" sa!#
37ea$# I su%%ose# I kin"a eel like colorin& !$in&s- !$ou&$# T$ey $ave cra!s#5 Ma!! looke" in!o
!$e ceilin& corner an" won"ere" i anyone was wa!c$in& rom !$e camera be$in" !$e c$arcoal semi)"ome#
3I<E bou&$! ?7/E- you know4 T$a!0s !$e newly)crea!e" In!ercon!inen!al E9c$an&e bou&$! !$e
ancien! ?ew 7ork /!ock E9c$an&e# 'n"4 1o"ak alls- ri&$!4 Been aroun" or a $un"re" years bu!
Ins!a&ram comes ou! o now$ere an" is %urc$ase" by (acebook or a billion "ollars#5 Elwyn no!ice" !$a!
Ma!! always looke" conuse"# 32o you $ave any i"ea w$a! I0m !alkin& abou!45
3?o! really# 2oes !$is $ave !o "o wi!$ !alkin& mice45 Ma!! lai" "own an" s!are" a! !$e ceilin&#
3;e0re !alkin& abou! !$e Illumina!i- ri&$!4 T$is secre! socie!y orme" by Jo$ann '"am ;eis$au%!
in Bravaria !wo mon!$s beore T$omas Jeerson %ens !$e 2eclara!ion o In"e%en"ence4 ;$a! else
$a%%ens in 1CCG4 '"am /mi!$ releases A Wealth of 1ations in /co!lan"# 're you a connec!)!$e)"o!s kin"
o %erson- Ma!!4 Because you "on0! look like you know w$a! I0m sayin& $ere# ?7/E was knocke" ou!
an" 1o"ak crumbles# By w$o4 ?ew ki"s w$o know $ow !o use !$e in!erne!8 Maybe !$e Illumina!i isn0!
!$e %roblem anymore# Maybe nine eleven was !$eir las! s!an" !o s!ay im%or!an!# Maybe !$ey me! !$e
e*uivalen! o I<E or Ins!a&ram# I 1o"ak was on !$e ball- they s$oul" $ave crea!e" Ins!a&ram# 2on0! you
!$ink45
3I $ave a %al>$e0s a %$o!o&ra%$er>an" $e !alks abou! all !$a! s!u# I "on0! really care# I &o
abou! my lie# I0ll never be !$e &uy w$o "eci"es !$a! %lanes will $i! skyscra%ers# I0ll never "esi&n a "ea!$
cam% in case millions o %eo%le !ake !o violen! c$ao!ic be$avior# I0m no! !$a! &uy# I coul" see !$e "o!s
connec!e" i !$ey0re %oin!e" ou! bu! I !ell you !$e !ru!$ !$a! I "on0! care# I really "on0! care# Aie is !ra&ic#
T$ere0s a &a.elle somew$ere &e!!in& c$om%e" by a lion# 'm I su%%ose" !o eel ba"4 I!0s &oin& !o $a%%en
no ma!!er w$a! I "o#5 Ma!! !urne" rom $is back !o $is si"e# He !urne" away rom Elwyn an" won"ere" i
i! woul" come across as ru"e#
3I you un"ers!an" lie- you can live be!!er# 7ou "on0! $ave !o make !$e same mis!akes over an"
over# Have you ever been !o Aas +e&as4 T$ey0re known or c$ea% bue!s- amon&s! o!$er !$in&s like
&amblin&# T$e bue!s are in !$e ar en" o !$e casinos# 'n"4 T$e res!rooms are never ri&$! ne9! !o !$e
bue!s# T$ese &uys !$a! %lan !$e layou!s make sure !$a! you0re always walkin& %as! !$eir slo! mac$ines#
'n"4 T$e slo!s you $ave !o walk by always $ave !$e cra%%ier %ayou!s#5 Elwyn coul"n0! see Ma!!0s ace
bu! $e i&ure" !$ere was %robably s!ill bewil"ere" e9%ression on i!# 3I you un"ers!an" $ow !$e bi& wi&s
ri& our worl"- you0re less a%! !o all in!o !$e !ra%s#5
Ma!! sa! u% !owar" Elwyn an" wasn0! conuse"# 3Br4 T$ey see you as a !$rea! an" screw u% your
lie or =us! knowing w$a! !$ey $ow !$ey o%era!e#5
37ou0re ri&$!- man# I0m sorry# I s$oul"n0! be sayin& any!$in&# '!er all- I0m $ere wi!$ you insi"e
a %syc$ war" an" no! in some ri!.y cor%ora!e buil"in& in "own!own A'#5 T$is !ime- Elwyn lai" "own wi!$
is back !o Ma!!# 3I0m &onna !ry !o &e! some slee% beore our !$era%y session#5
3T$e Illumina!i is a!er all o us- Elwyn-5 Ma!! sai"# 3Bu! w$o cares4 Maybe !$e s%ace aliens are
&onna come in an" $el% us#5 Ma!! lai" "own on $is back a&ain# In a ma!!er o minu!es- bo!$ &uys were in
"ee% slee%# Ma!! $a" a "ream o (le!c$er an" +iv# (le!c$ was s!an"in& on a clou" "resse" in &reen !i&$!s
as Robin Hoo" an" !$ere was a a! bean s!alk risin& in!o !$e sky ri&$! ne9! !o $im# We did it- (le!c$er !ol"
$im# We beat the /lluminati. They still e*ist but they have been contained and the 1eo /nternet 6eft is
victorious# +ivian was "resse" in a maroon be"la$ "ecora!e" wi!$ a*ua bea"s an" colorul se*uins# Her
!urban was mo"es! an" %ur%le# /$e wore a %ink veil over $er ace an" $er mi"ri was bare an" sli!$ere" u%
an" "own as $er $an"s reac$e" u%war" an" seeme" !o !oil wi!$ an invisible balloon above $er $ea"# /$e
was belly "ancin& bu! !$ere wasn0! any music !o be $ear"# Ma!! aske" w$a! was !o become o $im# We
ride into the 'unset- (le!c$er !ol" $im# 6ife has no more meaning#
(le!c$er Browne an" +ivian /!ree!s s%en! an en!ire week "oin& various recrea!ional ac!ivi!ies on
<a!alina Islan"# T$ey ro"e !o <aliornia0s mainlan" on !$e same erry !$ey $a" been on seven "ays %rior#
T$ey !rie" !o block ou! everyone w$ile en=oyin& !ime !o&e!$er a&ain# +ivian c$ecke" $er emails an" !e9!
messa&es rom $er smar! %$one# 3<$eck !$is ou!# Tom really wen! a$ea" an" commi!!e" Ma!! !o an
ins!i!u!ion#5 /$e s$owe" (le!c$er an email rom Tom# /$e !ook $er %$one back an" wen! !$rou&$ more
messa&es# 3Aook# Ma!! wro!e an" sai" $e was release" a!er seven!y)!wo $ours# He says $e0s &oin& !o &e!
back a! Tom an" !$a! $e s$oul" wa!c$ ou!#5 /$e looke" !$rou&$ more messa&es an" no!ice" one rom $er
"a"# He "i"n0! wri!e all !$a! o!en# /$e0" $ear rom $im aroun" !$e $oli"ays an" maybe a cou%le o!$er
!imes "urin& !$e year# 3My "a" wan!s us !o mee! $im in +ancouver# He says !$a! some!$in& is &oin&
"own### bu! $e "oesn0! say w$a! i! is# 'n"### ;eir"85
3;$a! is i!45 (le!c$er aske"# T$ey were sea!e" ne9! !o eac$ o!$er insi"e !$e erry0s cabin#
362on0! "o any $eroin80 ;$a! !$e uck is that4 I "on0! "o smack8 ;$a! !$e $eck4 He says !$ere0s
a ba" s!rain &oin& aroun" an" i!0s "ea"ly#5
3/omeone0s bein& se! u%# <obain $a" some!$in& like ei&$! !imes !$e le!$al "ose in $is sys!em
w$en $e was oun"# Mos! $ar" core users say !$ere0s no way $e coul" $ave ire" a &un a! $imsel wi!$ !$a!
muc$ in $is sys!em#5 (le!c$er usually el! comor!able !alkin& o%enly abou! nine eleven in ron! o
s!ran&ers# T$is sub=ec! el! a bi! "ieren!# (or some reason- $e el! eyes on $im rom o!$er re!urnin&
!ouris!s# 3I wa!c$e" Maury ,ovic an" !$ere were &uys w$o swore !$a! !$ey were &overnmen! a&en!s an"
!$ey $a" insi"e inorma!ion abou! all o i!#5
3He says s!ay away rom ,ercoce!- !oo# 6T$e !wen!y)irs! cen!ury mi&$! be known or !$e all o
na!ions an" rise o ci!y)s!a!es#0 ;$a!0s !$a! mean45 +ivian s$owe" $er %$one !o (le!c$ a&ain#
3I0m sure $e0ll e9%lain i!#5 (le!c$er &o! !o $is ee!# 3How abou! $ea"in& !o !$e "eck45
+ivian &o! u% wi!$ou! sayin& any!$in&# T$ey reac$e" Balboa- $ea"e" !o A'T- !$en lew !o
+ancouver# 3,eo%le !$ink abou! <olumbia an" link i! !o i!s cocaine !ra"e### an"- o course- 'hakira#
<olumbia %ro"uces o%ium- !oo- !$ou&$# T$e !o% !$ree o%ium %ro"ucers in !$e worl" are '&$anis!an-
Burma an" <olumbia#5 (le!c$er was sea!e" ne9! !o !$e win"ow# 3'&$anis!an- !$ou&$- is !$e &rea!es!
%ro"ucer o $eroin# T$e 'merican Me"ical 'ssocia!ion once a%%rove" $eroin as a subs!i!u!e or mor%$ine
>this is just before World War /# In 1F1D- !$e 'M' re*uire" a %rescri%!ion an" in 1F2D !$e "ru& was
ou!lawe"#5 (le!c$er no!ice" !$a! +ivian was "is!rac!e"# 3;oul" you like !o !alk abou! !$is some o!$er
!ime4 7our "a" brou&$! u% $eroin so I i&ure" we s$oul" brus$ u% on !$e issue#5
31ee% &oin&-5 +iv sai"# /$e wasn0! in!eres!e"# /$e $a" !$is same eelin& w$en (le!c$ wan!e" !o
&o !o <$ina !o c$eck on Baos!eel# /$e el! ine w$en s$e boar"e" !$e %lane bu! $er s!omac$ was &ivin& $er
i!s# /$e was sure !$a! i! wasn0! any!$in& s$e a!e# 3I0m lis!enin&#5
3In 2001- !$e Taliban banne" !$e &rowin& o o%ium %o%%ies# In less !$an a year- !$ree *uar!ers o
!$e cro%s were &one# T$e :? an" /!even <as!eel rom !$e 2E' ma"e re%or!s on i! in !$e mon!$s beore
nine eleven# ;e kee% !$inkin& !$a! !$e wars in Ira* an" '&$anis!an were all abou! %e!roleum# T$e $eroin
!ra"e is wor!$ a $al !rillion "ollars %er year# T$is money in"s i!sel circula!e" !$rou&$ <i!ibank- <$ase
Man$a!!an an" Mor&an /!anley an" !$ese banks inves! in s!ocks like 'TVT- (or" an" @eneral Elec!ric#5
(le!c$er i&ure" !$a! +ivian $a" enou&$ "ru& !alk# He was &oin& !o c$an&e !$e sub=ec! bu! "eci"e" !o
s%eak#
3;ebs!er Tar%ley4 Remember I was !ellin& you abou! a %lo! !o assassina!e Bus$4 Angel is ne*t#
Remember4 T$eory is !$a! Bus$ woul"0ve &o! blown ou! o !$e sky i $e "i"n0! ac*uiesce !o !$e Ro&ues in
!$e ,en!a&on# B course- I believe now !$a! !$e Mossa" $a" muc$ !o "o wi!$ se!!in& !$e !error a&en"a### bu!
!$a!0s a se%ara!e !o%ic# Bus$ $a" !o im%lica!e bin Aa"en an" !$e Taliban in or"er !o save $is neck-
accor"in& !o Tar%ley# T$e Mili!ary In"us!rial <om%le9 was &rowin& weary o $im because $e $a" alrea"y
%asse" u% a c$ance !o en&a&e <$ina in a conlic! a!er !$ey !ook one o our =umbo =e!s# Tar%ley sai" !$a!
Bus$ ma"e a call !o ,u!in on /e%!ember eleven!$ beore anyone im%lica!e" bin Aa"en# He !ol" ,u!in !$a!
!$e :ni!e" /!a!es alrea"y "eci"e" !o inva"e '&$anis!an# ;e all know !$ere0s %e!roleum !$ere### bu! you
!$ink !$is $as !o "o wi!$ !$e :ni!e" /!a!es con!rollin& !$e $eroin "ru& !ra"e as well45 +ivian was !ire"# /$e
wan!e" slee%# T$is !alk was im%or!an! !o (le!c$- !$ou&$# /$e s!ill care" abou! $im a!er all !$e years since
!$ey me! in $i&$ sc$ool#
3I! makes sense is all# T$e :ni!e" ?a!ions $a" a %lan !o cur!ail !$e "ru& !ra"e# ;e all know $ow
muc$ !$e eli!e @B, hates !$e :?# T$ey0re always !$rea!enin& !o kick !$em ou! o ?ew 7ork because
!$ey0re su%%ose"ly killin& our soverei&n!y# T$ese &uys are =okes- !$ou&$# ' lo! o !$ese "u"es are %ure
jokes# T$ey $a!e !$e E,' because !$ey like "um%in& !o9ic cra% in our lakes# T$ey $a!e B/H' because
!$ey en=oy !rea!in& workers like slaves# 'n"4 7es8 Maybe !$ey $a!e !$e :ni!e" ?a!ions because !$ey were
s!o%%in& !$em rom makin& money in !$e $eroin !ra"e8 T$ere85 ' s!ewar"ess was makin& $er way u% !$e
aisle# (le!c$ "i"n0! believe" s$e $ear" any o !$e conversa!ion# 3I sai" i!85 ;$en s$e &o! in s%eakin&
"is!ance- (le!c$ aske" w$a! !$e movie woul" be# He "i"n0! really care# He =us! was rea"y !o !alk abou!
any!$in& new#
(le!c$er an" +iv arrive" a! +ancouver In!erna!ional- ren!e" a re" +olkswa&en Bee!le- !$en $ea"e"
sou!$# '!er +ivian narrowly esca%e" !$e colla%se o !$e ,aul Bunyan Ho!el in Elko- s$e s%en! !ime wi!$
$er a!$er a! !$e +ancouver <lub# ;$en s$e $ea"e" !o Hun!in&!on !o sur%rise (le!c$ on !$e 7ourth of =uly
!$a! s$e was alive- $er "a" ren!e" a *uain!- bo9y $ome near !$e beac$ in ;$i!e Rock# T$ey &o! !o $is %lace
a! aroun" si9 in !$e evenin&# (le!c$er knocke" on !$e "oor an" +ivian0s a!$er o%ene" u%# 3Horace85
(le!c$er $u&&e" +iv0s a!$er# 3Aon& !ime- no see85
+ivian0s a!$er $a" silver $air bu! $e seeme" !o be in &oo" s$a%e# Horace sai"- 3;ow8 I can0!
remember seein& you wi!$ou! your mane8 ;$a! $a%%ene"45 (le!c$er rubbe" $is s!ubby scal% bu! "i"n0!
answer# 3'n" my beau!iul "au&$!er85 Horace /!ree!s $el" +ivian !i&$!ly# 3<ome in85
T$e %lace wasn0! lar&e# Horace was noma"ic like $is "au&$!er# He ren!e" $omes or a ew
mon!$s $ere an" a ew mon!$s !$ere# He like" !o !ravel !$e worl"# His wie s!o%%e" &oin& alon& on $is
a"ven!ures a ew years back an" remaine" a! !$e same /acramen!o $ome w$ere +ivian live" !$rou&$ou!
$i&$ sc$ool# 3;$a! $ave you "one !o !$is %lace45 +ivian won"ere"# /$e looke" aroun" an" i! el! like s$e
s!e%%e" in!o a "ieren! era# T$ere were %os!ers o Elvis- James 2ean an" Marilyn Monroe# T$ere was a
velve! %or!rai! o "o&s %layin& %oker# 3How lon& are you &oin& !o s!ay $ere45
3?ever un"eres!ima!e !$e %o!ency o c$ea% music#5 Horace walke" !o a !urn!able an" lowere" !$e
volume rom a Hollies vinyl recor"# 3Remember !$a!4 1oUl &oward# I !$ink i! a%%lies !o some visual ar!
as well# 7ou can0! !$row classics like these away#5 Horace wan!e" !o si! "own an" make ice" coees or
$is "au&$!er an" $is %ossible)some"ay)son)in)law# Ins!ea"- $e le" !$em alon&- 3<ome see !$e "en# I $ave
relics $ere an" !$ere- bu!###5
(le!c$er ollowe" Horace in!o !$e ne9! room# 3@ee.8 T$is is cool#5 T$e "en was se! u% like a
mini mo"ern library# To !$e le! was an am%le s$el o books# To !$e ri&$!- !$ere were various re!ro vi"eo
&ame sys!ems- eac$ wi!$ i!s own !$rowback connec!e" !ra"i!ional !ube !elevision# <en!er s!a&e ea!ure"
ano!$er books$el### e9ce%! !$a! !$ere weren0! any books# T$e s$elves were mo"iie" !o $ol" a cou%le o
$un"re" i,a"s s%ace" abou! one inc$ rom one ano!$er# 3I woul" never *ues!ion your =u"&men!### bu! isn0!
!$is overkill45
3I ma"e a &oo" "eal o my money !ra"in& ar! in !$e nine!een seven!ies an" ei&$!ies# I "i" well in
!$e real es!a!e marke! as well- an" I was or!una!e enou&$ !o inves! in cer!ain !elecommunica!ions s!ocks
w$en i! was im%or!an!# T$ese45 Horace walke" !o !$e back wall# 3Eac$ slo! $as a %ower connec!or so I
"on0! $ave !o worry abou! any o !$em &oin& ou!#5 He re!rieve" one- !urne" i! on- !$en $an"e" i! !o $is
"au&$!er# 3+ivian4 T$is &uy was a (EM' ins%ec!or a! @roun" Hero on !$e "ay o nine eleven#5
3This guy45 +ivian !ook !$e i,a" an" s!ar!e" navi&a!in&# 3;$a! is !$is45
3T$is &uy45 Horace rubbe" $is c$in# 37ea$# ;$a! I mean! !o say is### I "i"n0! mean !o say !$e
i,a" is a &uy# 1o# I bou&$! !$ese !$in&s a! !o% "ollar rom scien!is!s- "oc!ors- %oli!icians- &overnmen!
a&en!s- ar!is!s- economis!s- u!uris!s- as!ronau!s- c$es- librarians an" $obos#5 Horace wai!e" or a reac!ion
or !$e inal !erm# 3I0m ki""in& abou! !$e $obos# Eac$ one eels like a %erson !o me- !$ou&$- an" !$ey
answer a lo! o *ues!ions# I0ve in!erviewe" %eo%le over !$e years an" I really believe !$is coul" be !$e wave
o !$e u!ure#5
32y gosh85 +ivian s$owe" (le!c$er some o !$e %$o!os# 3T$is is !$e mol!en s!eel !$a! burne" or
nine!y)nine "ays# &lose up85
3I $a" !$e i"ea abou! a year a&o# I s!ar!e" lookin& or %eo%le involve" in in!eres!in& even!s# I
$un!e" !$em "own an" I oere" $ar" cas$ or !$eir !able!s on !$e con"i!ion !$a! !$ey c$an&e no!$in& a! all#
/ome o !$em s!ill $ave varyin& amoun!s o %orn- by !$e way# I "i"n0! erase any!$in&# I "i"n0! mo"iy a
sin&le one#5 Horace wa!c$e" (le!c$er $ea" !o !$e books$el o i,a"s# 3T$e !o% our s$elves are all i,a"s
an" !$e lower one $as a ew ?ooks- 1in"les an" ?e9us mo"els# 3I!0s a weal!$ o inorma!ion be!!er !$an
any library I0ve been in#5
(le!c$er no!ice" small labels rom a !a%e &un in ron! o eac$ slo!# 37ou $ave a ew con&ressmen4
Holy cow85
3I s!ay in <ana"a ri&$! now because I eel saer abou! $avin& !$ese !$in&s# +ivian was u% $ere a
cou%le o weeks a&o bu! we s!aye" in a $o!el# T$ese !$in&s $ave been in s!ora&e on !$e Eas! <oas! or a
ew mon!$s#5 Horace wa!c$e" (le!c$ %ick one ou! an" swi%e i! o%en# 37ou can browse !$rou&$ w$ile I &e!
you &uys some ice" coee8 How0s !$a! soun"485
(le!c$er was awes!ruck# He was scrollin& !$rou&$ %ic!ures o %oli!ical i&ures on $i&$)en" "a!es
wi!$ slea.y)lookin& women# 3I0ll !ake mine s!rai&$! wi!$ou! cream- i !$a!0s okay-5 (le!c$er calle" ou!# He
con!inue" !o navi&a!e !$rou&$ !$e i,a" in $is $an" !o c$eck ou! !$e a%%s loa"e"# I! sai" some!$in& abou!
!$e ori&inal user0s %syc$olo&y# He el! slimy- or some reason# He el! like $e was &oin& !$rou&$
someone0s sock "rawer wi!$ou! %ermission# He el! &oo"- !$ou&$# /,m going to have peace of mind if /
stay here long enough# (le!c$er navi&a!e" an" swi%e"#
+ivian re!urne" $er !able! !o i!s %ro%er %lace !$en s!ar!e" rea"in& !$e labels un"er !$e slo!s# 3/ome
o !$ese "evices aren0! labele" wi!$ s%eciic names-5 s$e men!ione"# 36,rominen! !elevision %ersonali!y0-
!$is one rea"s# B!$ers4 6<elebri!y lawyer0- 6ormer sena!or0- 6orei&n recor"in& s!ar0 an" so on# Here0s an
in!eres!in& one# 62is!in&uis$e" $is!orian0# I won"er w$a!0s in !$is one#5
3I be! i!0s no! "iicul! !o in" ou! w$ere !$ey came rom# Maybe your "a" $as a lis! somew$ere#
"e,s got to have a list# <$eck !$e %$o!os# Everyone kee%s %ersonal %$o!os#5 (le!c$er oun" an Everno!e
a%% an" s!ar!e" rea"in& !$e !e9! insi"e#
3T$is &uy0s obviously a ,ro!es!an! minis!er delving in!o $is!ory# He0s !ryin& !o e9%lain nine eleven
!$rou&$ !$e eyes o Hebrews by usin& !$e Talmu" as a reerence# He $as %ic!ures o $an")wri!!en no!es#
T$is &uy says !$a! !$e ,$arisees- in !$e !ime o <$ris!- res%ec!e" Mosaic law# Thou shalt not kill- ri&$!4
T$e Ten <omman"men!s an" so or!$# He e9%lains !$a! i! wasn0! a&ains! !$eir law- !$ou&$- !o !ie someone
u% in !$e "eser! an" leave 6im !o "ie because starvation woul" be !$e killer# T$ey &o! away wi!$ killin&
Jesus- accor"in& !o !$is &uy- by im%lica!in& $im on blas%$emy !$en le!!in& !$e Romans "o !$e killin&# He0s
claimin& !$a! !$e Mossa" use" !$e ,en!a&on !o wa&e war on !$eir 'rab enemies in !$e same manner o !$eir
cen!uries)ol" in"irec! a!!acks#5 +ivian s$owe" (le!c$ a %ic!ure o a min" ma% wri!!en on a yellow le&al
%a"# 3T$a! "ia&ram e9%lains i!- sor! o#5
3I0m im%resse" by !$e !$eory#5 (le!c$er %u! !$e i,a" $e was lookin& !$rou&$ back on !$e s$el#
+ivian !ook back !$e !able! s$e $a" s$own (le!c$# 32oes !$e Talmu" allow or a rabbi !o $ave
in!ercourse wi!$ !$ree)year)ol" emale4 'ccor"in& !o !$is &uy- i!0s very s%eciic on !$a!#5
3T$ere0s many cra.y laws !$ey $a"# In 2eu!eronomy- !$ey0re su%%ose" !o wi%e !$e 'maleki!es
rom !$e ace o !$e %lane!# (enocide- ri&$!4 How0s i! a%%ly !o"ay4 ;ell- many o !$e !ribes aroun"
,ales!ine na!urally "issi%a!e" an" "isa%%eare"# I $ear" a Jewis$ ki" on in!erne! say !$a! !$e 'maleki!es-
now- are wi!$in# T$ey0re !$e nas!y i")like orces w$ic$ com%el you !o "o ba" !$in&s#5 (le!c$er scanne" !$e
i,a"s on !$e wall or some!$in& in!eres!in&# Bne near !$e bo!!om sim%ly rea" 6'merica is @o".illa0# He
o%ene" i!# 3' mouse ea!s abou! !$ree !ables%oons a "ay- a $uman ea!s abou! ive %oun"s- an" an ele%$an!
ea!s abou! ive $un"re" %oun"s# .ang8 (ive $un"re"0s a lo!8 T$ey ea! or !$ree *uar!ers o !$e "ay8 How
muc$ "o you !$ink @o".illa woul" ea!- +ivian4 7ou know4 (or $is si.e an" all45
3(i!y !ons4 I "on0! know#5 +ivian con!inue" !o navi&a!e $er !able! rom !$e 6"is!in&uis$e"
$is!orian0#
3T$is &uy "oesn0! know ei!$er# / don,t think he,s a pure scientist# He0s sayin& we0re "an&erous !o
!$e worl" sim%ly by w$a! we consume# Ecological footprint# T$a! kin" o !$in&#5 (le!c$er swi%e"-
scrolle" an" e9%an"e"# 3I we a!e only ve&e!ables- we woul" re*uire seven !imes less armlan"#
In!eres!in&# <a!!le re*uire seven acres o &rain or everyone one acre !$a! same &rain woul" ee" !$e same
amoun! o %eo%le#5 (le!c$er s$u! o !$e !able! an" looke" or more#
3,aris Jackson# Remember we were !alkin& abou! $er4 T$ere0s %ic!ures !$a! s$e %os!e"# T$e
(reemason com%assJ !$e /kull ? Bones $ea" wi!$ a orein&er a! !$e mou!$ inerrin& !o s$us$J a /!ar o
2avi" in a circle wi!$ a swor" insi"e an" !$e 6all seein& eye0 a! !o%J an" some!$in& !$a! rea"s 6a%%ono
as!os0# 2o you know any!$in& abou! i!4 T$ey0re all $an")"rawn an" since !$is !$in& came u% recen!ly- !$is
mus! be one o !$e newer i,a"s on !$e s$el#5 +ivian $an"e" !$e "evice !o (le!c$er bu! $e "i"n0! $ave any
commen!# 3Bne o $er !wee!s ci!es $er "a"0s son&- 6T$ey 2on0! <are 'bou! :s0- an" s$e says i! !ook $er a
w$ile !o i&ure ou! w$o 6!$ey0 are#5 +ivian swi%e"# 3T$e lyrics !o !$a! son& are- 6Jew me- sue me-
everybo"y "o me### 1ick me- kike me- "on0! you black or w$i!e me#05
3I va&uely remember !$a! son&-5 (le!c$er sai"# 3/%ike Aee %ro"uce" a cou%le o vi"eos or i!#
Bne was in a %rison an" one was in Bra.il#5
3Mic$ael Jackson $a" !o re!rac! $is lyrics an" re)recor" !$em so !$a! 6Jew me0 became 6"o me0 an"
6kike me0 became 6s!rike me0# T$is !$in& says !$ere0s ano!$er son& on !$a! same album w$ere Bi&&ie
/malls says !$e n)wor" bu! nobo"y ma"e a uss an" i! "i"n0! $ave !o be c$an&e"# T$is &uy0s sayin& i!0s
in"ica!ive o w$a! our worl"0s become# ;e can0! %ublicly *ues!ion Mossa" involvemen! in nine eleven
because you0ll be os!raci.e" as an an!i)/emi!e or even suggesting !$ey mi&$!0ve %laye" a role !$ere on any
level# He makes !$e well)known connec!ion be!ween !$e Mossa" an" worl" Hionis!s#5
3;ell known by conspiracy theorists- "arlin&-5 (le!c$er %oin!e" ou!#
37es# 2i" you know !$a! Joe Bi"en is a sel)%roclaime" Hionis!4 I remember "urin& !$e +,
"eba!e las! year !$a! $e s%oke abou! bein& <a!$olic>-aul 3yan did too# T$e &uy w$o %u! !$is !o&e!$er
says i!0s wron& !o %resume !$a! all Hionis!s are Jewis$### an" conversely- all Jewis$ %eo%le are no! Hionis!s#5
37ou $ave a &ol"mine in your $an"s-5 (le!c$er sai"# 3I &o! 6'merica is @o".illa0 an" you &o! !$e
key !o eli!e in!errela!ions85 (le!c$er smile" an" kisse" +ivian#
3B$# T$is !$in& says !$a! !$e Talmu" re%or!s !$e mo!$er o Jesus !o be a whore# ;$a! !$e uck is
!$a!4 T$is seems anal re!en!ive !o me8 Is our worl" bein& blown u% because !$ese %syc$os can0! le! i! &o48
How abou! !$is4 Have you $ear" o Maimoni"es4 '%%aren!ly- !$e Jewis$ %eo%le were locke" in
Babylonian or cen!uries a!er !$e crucii9ion o Jesus an" w$en !$ey inally in!e&ra!e" in!o Euro%e- !$ey
brou&$! morals wi!$ !$em less !$an w$a! !$e <$ris!ian worl" woul" acce%!# Maimoni"es $el%e" bri"&e
!$eir way o lie !o !$a! o !$e masses aroun" !$em# He0s known or !$e Thirteen -riciples of =ewish 7aith#
'n"45 /$e looke" !o see i (le!c$er was %ayin& a!!en!ion# 3T$ere are !wo kin"s o Jews# T$a!0s news !o
me# T$e 's$kena.i com%rise o abou! ei&$!y)ive %ercen! an" !$ey came rom !$e 1$a.ar kin&"om
be!ween !$e Black /ea an" !$e <as%ian /ea# (unny !$in& is !$a! many o !o"ay0s an!$ro%olo&is!s believe
!$ey aren0! e!$nic Jews a! all as "eine" by bein& rom !$e bloo"line o 'bra$am# T$eir lea"er- Bulan- lon&
a&o was %ressure" !o acce%! Islam or <$ris!iani!y so $e %icke" Ju"aism as !$e s!a!e reli&ion# T$ey
even!ually emi&ra!e" !o eas!ern Euro%e- mos!ly aroun" ,olan" an" @ermany#5 +iv c$ecke" on (le!c$er
a&ain !$en wen! on- 3T$e secon" !y%e are /e%$ar"ic Jews w$o se!!le" aroun" /%ain# T$ere was an e"ic!
bannin& %oly&amy !$a! !$e 's$kena.i acce%!e" bu! !$e /e%$ar"ic resis!e"# In!eres!in&- e$45 /$e !urne" o
$er !able! an" %lace" i! back in i!s %lace#
3I ac!ually un"ers!oo" !$ere are three kin"s o Jews-5 (le!c$er sai"#
+ivian smile"# "e,s usually not a racist. /s he telling a joke4 37ea$4 ;$a!0s !$e !$ir"45 /$e
love" $im an" wan!e" !o $ear w$a! $e $a"#
3?o# 7ou were !alkin& abou! e!$nic branc$es# T$e !$ree reli&ious "enomina!ions are
<onserva!ive- Reorm an" Br!$o"o9#5 (le!c$er no!ice" sub!le wrinkles on +iv0s ore$ea"# He a"ore" $er
conuse" look#
3(le!c$er8 I !$ou&$! you were &oin& !o !ell me a %unc$ line### like !$e !$ir" kin" are rabbis !$a!
"rink in bars wi!$ %ries!s an" minis!ers85 /$e sla%%e" $im li&$!ly on $is c$es! !$en kisse" $is c$in#
3Here comes your "a"#5 (le!c$er !urne" +ivian aroun"#
3I "eci"e" !o make some san"wic$es !o &o wi!$ !$e coee#5 Horace /!ree!s carrie" a silver !ray#
He se! i! "own ne9! !o !$e vi"eo &ame consoles#
3?o worry# ;e were &oin& !$rou&$ some o !$ese i,a"s an" !$ere0s a lo! o in!eres!in& s!u#5
(le!c$er ollowe" +ivian !o !$e !ray# (le!c$er %icke" u% a &rille" c$eese an" bi! in#
3;$a!0s &oin& on wi!$ ki"s nowa"ays- "a"4 I eel like I s$oul" know because I0m youn&er- bu!###
T$ere0s a collec!ive ma"ness- !$ere# ,aris Jackson an" Ain"say Ao$an are bo!$ in a orm o re$ab#
'man"a Bynes is s%o!!e" all over !$e %lace lookin& like s$e0s ou! o $er min"# I know !$ey $ave !o live in
a "ieren! circums!ance !$an me an" (le!c$er- bu!###5 +ivian /!ree!s coul"n0! make sense ou! o w$a! $a"
become o socie!y# /$e %icke" u% $er own &rille" c$eese an" wai!e" or $er a!$er !o e9%lain#
3I was a ki" in !$e si9!ies an" i! was a !ime !$a! no one !rus!e" !$e &overnmen!# Every!$in& was
Bi& Bro!$er- Bi& Bro!$er- Bi& Bro!$er back !$en# I wasn0! *ui!e ol" enou&$ or !$e colle&e si! ins bu! I
remember !$e %ro!es!s a&ains! +ie!nam an" !$e marc$es or women0s ri&$!s an" so or!$# To"ay4 T$e ki"s
$ave seeme" !o &ive Bi& Bro!$er a name8 /lluminati# I!0s no! =us! ,aris Jackson# Ra%%ers like Jay)H an"
,ro"i&y $ave been linke" some$ow# T$e in!erne! scru!ini.es ki"s !o"ay like no one0s ever been scru!ini.e"
bu! !$ere0s a li% si"e# ;e0re able !o see be$in" !$e walls# T$ere0s so muc$ inorma!ion !$a! we can say
wi!$ cer!ain!y w$o Bi& Bro!$er !alks !o- w$ere $e slee%s a! ni&$!- an" w$a! $e %lans !o "o wi!$ re&ular
%eo%le#5 Horace "rank $is ice" coee#
37ou0re ric$- "a"# I kee% comin& across !$ese si!ua!ions w$ere someone0s %re!en"in& !o be one
!$in& an" !urns ou! !o be !$e o%%osi!e# 7ou woul" !ell me i you were one o !$ese &uys- woul"n0! you45
+ivian $u&&e" $er "a"#
3I0ve been invi!e" !o mee! wi!$ !$e <arlyle @rou%# 7ou0ve $ear" o !$em %robably4 'll I can say
is !$ere0s an a&en"a# I you like i!>most of them do>!$ere0s no %roblem an" you ska!e alon&# I you "on0!
a&ree wi!$ every!$in& &oin& on- !$e bes! you can $o%e or is !o sli&$!ly ben" !$a! %a!$# I you "evia!e !oo
ar- you &e! !$rown ou! on your bu!!# I !$ink 2ubya wen! !oo ar- by !$e way# I0m no! sure $is!ory will see
$im kin"ly### an" i!0s !$ese <arlyle &uys !$a! %re%are !$e $is!ory books sen! !o %ublic sc$ools#5 Horace
kisse" $is "au&$!er on !$e ore$ea"# /$e wen! back !o $er san"wic$ !$en Horace con!inue"- 3I!0s a mess#
;e0re runnin& %lans !$a! "iscoura&e ma&ical !$inkin& an" reli&ion in &eneral# T$ere are barons relyin& on
massive wars in or"er !o remain ric$# '! some %oin!- some!$in&0s &o!!a &ive# ;e0re &oin& !o s!ar! !earin&
eac$ o!$er u%#5
3I0ve alrea"y seen !$e cracks# I mean- w$en Herman Eic$elber&er blew u% <ornelius /!uar! in !$a!
Elko casino- I knew !$ere were %roblems# T$a!0s no! su%%ose" !o $a%%en- ri&$!45 (le!c$er inis$e" $is
&rille" c$eese an" reac$e" or $is black ice" coee#
3;ell !$ere0s many- many issues bu! we can0! &e! !o 6em all ri&$! now# I &o! wor" !$a! some!$in&0s
&oin& "own in +ancouver !$is week# I! $as !o "o wi!$ $eroin an" ,aciic Rim# 1ee% in min"- 6,aciic Rim0
is a movie %remierin& !$is week### bu! i!0s also a $o!el# I "on0! know w$a!0s &onna $a%%en bu! !$ese
mys!erious !i%s I &e! usually lea" somew$ere#5 Bu!si"e- li&$!nin& las$e" an" a ew secon"s la!er-
!$un"ere" &rowle"# 3I really like rainy wea!$er# Horace walke" !o !$e "en0s win"ow an" wa!c$e" webs o
li&$! come rom !$e sky# 3I! comes an" &oes all year over $ere#5
37ou wan! us !o s!ay a! !$e ,aciic Rim- "a"4 ;$a! "o you wan! us !o "o4 (i&ure ou! w$a!0s
&oin& "own an" s!o% i!4 ;ai! un!il some!$in& $a%%ens an" !$en "ocumen! i!4 ;$a!0s !$e %lan45 +ivian
s!are" ou! o !$e win"ow wi!$ $er a!$er# T$un"er %oun"e" an" !$e a!mos%$ere li! u% bri&$!ly#
3(irs!- s!ay away rom $eroin# I know you $ave a &oo" $ea" on your s$oul"ers an" you know
be!!er# ;$a! I0m s%eciically sayin& is "on0! &o in!o !$e alleys w$ere i!0s sol"# 2on0! &o !o bars an" !ake
"rinks rom s!ran&ers# I eel i! in my bones !$a! some!$in&0s unusual ou! !$ere#5 Horace !urne" back
!owar" (le!c$er# 37ou !ake care o my "au&$!er an" "on0! le! $er ou! o your si&$!#5
(le!c$er $a" s!ar!e" ins%ec!in& an '!ari 2G00# He !urne" $is a!!en!ion !owar" Horace an" sai"-
37es sir# I always "o### e9ce%! w$en s$e was almos! blown u% in !$e ,aul Bunyan### bu! I un"ers!an"# I0ll
kee% $er by my si"e#5
3I "on0! !$ink o mysel as paranoid# I I was wron& abou! my $unc$es- I0" =us! remain *uie!# I
like !o !$ink I0m hypersensitive some!imes# I !$ink !$is is one o !$ose !imes wor!$ !alkin& abou!#5 Horace
s$u! !$e "ra%es# Even !$ou&$ $e like" !$e rain- !$is su""en s!orm was a bi! muc$#
37ou can mee! me $ere or lunc$ "urin& !$e "ay bu! I0" like you &uys !o c$eck ou! !$e ,aciic Rim
Ho!el a! ni&$!# T$ere0s a &rea! s$ore ou! !$ere an" I like !$is area or !$e scenery#5 Horace /!ree!s looke" a!
!$e silver !ray# 'll !$e san"wic$es were &one an" !$e coee mu&s were em%!y# 3;oul" you like more
coee45
' week a!er (le!c$ an" +ivian arrive" in +ancouver- !$ey were back in sou!$ern <aliornia# T$ey
"ouble "a!e" wi!$ E""ie <ally%so an" ?ancy Moore a! Ruby0s a! !$e en" o !$e Hun!in&!on %ier# 3I! was
wil"-5 +ivian sai"# T$ey $a" wai!e" more !$an a $al $our !o be sea!e"# 3;e &o! !o +ancouver las! (ri"ay-
we visi!e" my a!$er- !$en we c$ecke" in!o !$e ,aciic Rim Ho!el# ;e "i"n0! know w$a! was su%%ose" !o
$a%%en bu! I coul" eel some!$in& in !$e air# My "a" sai" !o s!ay away rom bars so me an" (le!c$ cau&$! a
movie# @uess w$a! we saw45
3;$a!45 ?ancy aske"#
3-acific 3im8 (unny- $u$4 'n" !$e ne9! "ay is w$en <orey Mon!ei!$ was oun" "ea"# My "a"
sai" !o s!ay away rom $eroin>like / was gonna look for a new habit of some kind>an" I knew i! ri&$!
away# T$e news la!er re%or!e" !$a! i! was a combo o alco$ol wi!$ $eroin !$a! "i" i!# T$ere were ki"s
yellin& abou! Hea!$ Ae"&er- River ,$oeni9- Jona!$an Bran"is- <orey Haim an" Bra" Renro# T$ere was a
bu.. abou! !$e in!erview Mon!ei!$ $a" a ew years a&o w$en $e men!ions <ana"ian Illumina!i# T$ey
brou&$! u% "ea" musicians like 'my ;ine$ouse- Mike /!arr- Aayne /!aley- 1ur! <obain- /$annon Hoon-
an" Bra"ley ?owell# ?o one w$ere we were believe" i! was acci"en!al# ;as i! !$e <I'4 T$e Illumina!i4
I "on0! know#5
3Tom Mc1ay sen! Ma!! on a i!y)one i!y $ol" !$e "ay a!er !$e (our!$# 7ou %robably &o! !$e
messa&e- ri&$!4 ;ell- Tom seems !o be easin& in!o !$e s%o! <ornelius $a"# I you never came back- +iv- I
!$ink (le!c$er woul"0ve $a" !$e %osi!ion### bu! !$e brass i&ure" you0" be !ravelin& a&ain# /o !o me- Tom0s
a youn&er- cra%ier version o <ornelius#5 E""ie <ally%so !ook a ew secon"s !o in&es! some o $is clam
c$ow"er# 3T$ere0s &oin& !o be a +ans surin& com%e!i!ion $ere ne9! week# Tom wan!s !o "o a li!!le social
e9%erimen!# 2urin& !$e 2000 elec!ion- you mi&$! remember !$a! ?B< calle" (lori"a or @ore# ;e all
know !$e &is! o $ow !$a! !urne" ou! bu! some o !$e "e!ails are o!en misse" by !$e avera&e %erson#
@eor&e ; Bus$ $a" a cousin workin& or (o9 ?ews on !$a! elec!ion ni&$!# His name is Jo$n ,resco!! Ellis
an" he,s !$e one w$o calle" (lori"a or Bus$# T$is cause" ?B< !o re!rac! i!s call an" !$is crea!e" s!ron&
momen!um# (our minu!es la!er- ?B<- <B/- 'B< an" <?? all calle" (lori"a or Bus$# T$e 'ssocia!e"
,ress was !$e lone ma=or $ol"ou!# By !$e mi""le o !$e ni&$!- everyone $a" recan!e" on !$e (lori"a
%ro=ec!ion# ;e0ve all $ear" abou! c$a"s- bu!!erly ballo!s- black 2emocra!s !urne" away### an" 2iebol"
mac$ines %u!!in& ou! numbers no one coul" believe# 'n"4 ;e all know !$a! members o !$e me"ia were
&iven !$e ballo!s !o coun! even a!er @ore conce"e"# ;e know !$ey conclu"e" a! aroun" !$e !ime o nine
eleven !$a! @ore clearly $a" more vo!es# 2i" !$e me"ia cover !$e conlic! o in!eres! a! (o9 ?ews4 ?o#
2oes anyone know !$a! i! was conirme" !$a! @ore was oun" !o $ave more vo!es4 Har"ly anyone#5
3;$a!0s !$e e9%erimen!45 Even !$ou&$ i! !ook lon&er !$an mos! %laces !o be sea!e"- (le!c$er like"
!$e a!mos%$ere a! Ruby0s# He believe" i! was wor!$ !$e wai!#
3T$e me"ia rarely $i!s i! on !$e $ea" anymore# I "on0! know w$y# T$ere are cor%ora!e in!eres!s in
!$e orm o commercial s%onsors# T$en4 ;$y no! milk some!$in& ou!4 7ou coul" $ave all !$e ac!s in
ron! o you bu! unless o!$er ne!works are s$oo!in& !$eir wa"s- w$y lay i! all on !$e !able in one ull swoo%4
7ou coul" s!rin& a &oo" s!ory ou! or months i you really wan!e" !o# Maybe !$ere0s a bu""y sys!em a!
work# Is ?B< &onna s!ar! a ull blown war wi!$ (o9 ?ews4 T$ey $ave more in common wi!$ eac$ o!$er
!$an !$ey $ave wi!$ or"inary %eo%le# Tom wan!s !o inci!e a rio! usin& some o our &uys# He0s sure Ma!!
woul" be on boar" an" $e wan!s !o use Ta"- Bren! an" Ramon# He0s almos! sure !$e me"ia0s &onna blame
!$e "runk youn&s!ers crow"in& Main /!ree!#5
3T$a! soun"s nu!s#5 +ivian "i"n0! $ave a bi& a%%e!i!e an" only or"ere" ries# /$e was %ickin& a!
!$em# 3' lo! o !$is is !oo muc$ or me an" I "on0! wan! !o be aroun" w$en i! $a%%ens# I can !ake so muc$
o !$is neuro!ic be$avior or only so lon&#5
3I0m wi!$ you- %recious#5 (le!c$ %a!!e" +iv0s knee# 3Ae!0s &o ar away beore we &e! sucke" in!o
some!$in& $orribly s!u%i"#5
3?ancy45 E""ie aske"# 32o you wan! !o be $ere w$en !$e cra% $i!s !$e an45
3?o# I0" like !o &o !o Aake Havasu# How0s !$a!45 /$e was inis$e" wi!$ $er oo" an" was rea"y
!o leave#
3/oun"s &oo"# 2o you &uys wan! !o =oin45 E""ie aske"#
3;e0re &onna $ea" back !o our $o!el an" !$ink abou! i!# Ri&$! $oney45 (le!c$ wasn0! sure w$ere
+ivian woul" wan! !o &o#
3Back !o !$e $o!el4 7es# ;e0ll le! you know la!er !oni&$!# 're you &uys rea"y !o leave45 +ivian
was s!ill !$inkin& abou! +ancouver# T$ey %ai" !$eir bill !$en walke" !o&e!$er alon& !$e %ier#
In !$e las! /un"ay o July- +ans $el" i!s annual sur com%e!i!ion in Hun!in&!on near !$e same %ier
w$ere E""ie- ?ancy- +ivian an" (le!c$er s!rolle" alon& a ew "ays beore# 7oun& a"ul!s were "rinkin&
$eavily an" mean"erin& u% an" "own Main /!ree!# /$a.bo!- Ma!! an" Tom "ine" on !$e secon" s!ory o a
co.y res!auran!# Ma!! aske" Tom- 32o you wan! me !o "o i!4 /$oul" I !$row !$is45 He $el" u% a bo!!le o
ke!c$u%# 3Ta"- Bren! an" Ramon are "own !$ere# T$ey0re &onna !alk bi& cra% w$en i! lan"s#5
3;ai!85 Tom looke" back# 3' bus boy0s !akin& some %la!es# ;ai! un!il###5
Ma!! &o! u%# He $a" a ew beers $imsel an" wan!e" !o be "own wi!$ !$e vibran! ac!ion# He
$an"e" $is ke!c$u% bo!!le !o a $airy surer a! !$e ne9! !able# 3T$row !$is- man8 T$ey want you !o#5
T$e surer &uy $ucke" !$e bo!!le in!o !$e crow" below# 3/omeone0s !ryin& !o kill us85 Ramon
yelle"# 37uck this shit85 Beore lon&- "u"es were i&$!in& eac$ o!$er- knockin& !$eir ways in!o s$o%s an"
kickin& %or!a %o!!ies# Tom wa!c$e" rom above an" calmly a!e $is bur&er# /$a.bo! was amuse"# Ma!!
!rie" !o or"er ano!$er beer bu! mana&emen! was %anickin& an" wasn0! sure $ow !o $an"le !$e si!ua!ion#
T$e ni&$!ly news woul" ea!ure local resi"en!s blamin& unruly youn& "runk ou!)o)!owners#
(le!c$er an" +iv $a" "eci"e" !o &o !o Aake Havasu wi!$ ?ancy an" E""ie# T$e cou%les s!aye" in se%ara!e
rooms a! !$e E"&ewa!er Ho!el# (le!c$ an" +iv cu""le" in a be" an" wa!c$e" M/?B<# 3<ra%8 T$ose
%syc$os wen! a$ea" an" "i" i!### and they,re on national T88 Is !$a! my ne%$ew45 +ivian &o! u% an" &o!
close !o !$e !elevision# 3B$ boy85
3+ivian4 I !$ink !$ey0re !ryin& !o "esensi!i.e us# T$is4 I!0s =us! a re&ular "ay or me# I0m numb#
I really am#5 (le!c$er remaine" on $is back an" en=oye" !$e so!ness o $is %illow# These are really great
pillows- $e !$ou&$!# "ow many hotels have / been to this year0 These might be the best# He calle" ou!-
3+ivian4 T$ey $ave ren!al =e! skies "owns!airs# 2o you !$ink you0ll be u% or i! !omorrow45
What planet is this4 s$e won"ere"# 37ea$# I know w$a! you0re !alkin& abou!# Jus! ano!$er "ay a!
!$e oice85 /$e came back rom !$e T+# 3I0ll =e! ski wi!$ you#5 /$e %u! $er $ea" on (le!c$0s c$es! an"
!rie" !o slee%#
In ano!$er room in !$e E"&ewa!er Ho!el- E""ie <ally%so an" ?ancy Moore were $avin& a %oli!ical
conversa!ion# T$e !elevision $a"n0! been on so !$ey were unaware o !$e ruckus in Hun!in&!on# 3(le!c$er
was sayin& !$a! !$e Mossa" worke" wi!$ Ro&ues in !$e ,en!a&on !o $i=ack our coun!ry on nine eleven# I!0s
been more !$an !en years an" we0re s!ill !ryin& !o i&ure !$ese !$in&s ou!#5 E""ie i""le" wi!$ a cou%le o
ive "ollar casino c$i%s# 3;$en I irs! me! you- we $i! i! o bu! you seeme" reluc!an! !o !alk abou! !$ese
!ouc$y issues#5
?ancy $a" been !$umbin& !$rou&$ a broc$ure o local ac!ivi!ies an" se! i! on !$e !able# 3I never
saw any use in !alkin& abou! !$ese !$in&s# I always i&ure" !$a! i! was someone else0s %roblem### an"
someone I0" never mee! woul" !ake care o i!# I0ve seen your an"roi" rien"- /$a.bo!- !$ou&$# I s!ar!e"
!$inkin& !$a! maybe I should care because maybe I can c$an&e !$in&s a li!!le#5 /$e o%ene" $er $an"ba&
an" %ulle" ou! some cream an" a small mirror# /$e s!ar!e" removin& $er makeu%#
3I !$ink !$a! !$e Bus$ amily is ull o bi.arre con!ra"ic!ions# @eor&e H; Bus$0s "a"- ,resco!!
Bus$- "eal! wi!$ ?a.i businessmen an" was sue" by a cou%le o 'usc$wi!. slaves# His asse!s were sei.e"
in 1FD2 un"er !$e Trading with the Enemy Act# 7e!- ,resco!! Bus$0s son was !$e youn&es! i&$!er in !$e 'ir
(orce "urin& ;orl" ;ar II# H; &oes on !o be %resi"en! an" says- 6Rea" my li%s# ?o new !a9es#0 He raises
!a9es a&ains! $is %romise bu! some %eo%le saw $im as a war $ero or s!ymiein& /a""am Hussein "urin& !$e
irs! @ul ;ar# His cri!ics- !$ou&$- believe" $e s$oul"0ve &one in!o Ba&$"a" an" inis$e" !$e =ob an" $e is
no! re)elec!e"# "e,s a humiliated one$termer# 'lon& comes his son- ;- as !$e Bvercom%ensa!ion 1in&#
,aul B0 ?eil was $is /ecre!ary o !$e Treasury an" claime" !$a! ; Bus$ in!en"e" !o inva"e Ira* way beore
nine eleven# (or w$a!4 To i9 w$a! $is "a" was cri!ici.e" or8 'n"4 T$e inamous 6Bus$ !a9 cu!s08 T$ey
were irres%onsible an" skyrocke!e" our "eb!# He %asse" Me"icare %ar! B wi!$ou! a me!$o" !o un" i!#
/ame wi!$ !$e bor"er ence an" our wars in '&$anis!an an" Ira*# T$ey "i"n0! &ive a $eck abou! iscal
res%onsibili!y# T$ey wan!e" !$e me"ia !o re%ea! 6Bus$ !a9 cu!s0 over an" over so !$e %ublic woul" or&e!
!$a! ;0s a!$er reneged# T$en !$ere0s !$e ac! !$a! Bsama bin Aa"en0s sis!er- 'alem bin 6aden- $el%e"
inance ; Bus$0s %e!roleum com%any- 'rbus!o- "urin& !$e seven!ies8 ;$a! !$e s$i!- ri&$!45 E""ie
wa!c$e" !$e makeu% come o ?ancy0s ace# /$e looke" &oo" plain and simple !o $im# He won"ere" w$y
s$e "i"n0! &o ou! more o!en lookin& like s$e was now lookin& in ron! o $im# 3Bsama bin Aa"en- as Tim
Osman- !oure" 'merican mili!ary bases### an" many %eo%le believe $e was brou&$! in!o !$e ;$i!e House#
T$is is ri&$! beore !$e elec!ion in ei&$!y)ei&$!#5
32i" you know !$a! Ail ;ayne broke Elvis ,resley0s recor" or Billboar" Ho! 100 $i!s45 ?ancy
Moore !urne" aroun" !owar" E""ie# /$e con!inue" !o wi%e $er c$eeks wi!$ a w$i!e %a%ery circular "isc#
3Maybe !$ere was a cons%iracy by !$a! Illumina!i !$in& !o %u! $im in re$ab wi!$ ba" si..ur%8 7ou know
$ow (le!c$ an" +iv !$ink someone mi&$!0ve %ur%osely &iven Mon!ei!$ ba" $eroin45 ?ancy !urne" back
!owar" $er mirror#
37ea$4 I never !$ou&$! o !$a!#5 E""ie was bale" or a ew secon"s an" !rie" !o remember $is
%revious !rain o !$ou&$!# 3I0m almos! sure- !$ou&$- !$a! Israeli in!elli&ence collu"e" wi!$ !$e Bus$ amily
a!er nine eleven# That,s the contradiction# right4 ,resco!! Bus$ was a ?a.i su%%or!er8 His son an"
&ran"son were close !o !$e bin Aa"ens### an" !$en Bsama becomes %ublic enemy number one85 E""ie
wa!c$e" ?ancy %u! $er cream an" mirror back in!o $er $an"ba&#
/$e sa! ne9! !o E""ie on $is be"# 3@uess w$a! else4 (lee %asse" !$e Bea!les or number o Ho!
100 $i!s8 <orey Mon!ei!$ san& or !$e s$ow- (lee- you see4 T$ese ol" &ee.ers "on0! like !$eir icons !aken
"own# 'm I ri&$!4 T$ey kille" Mon!ei!$ wi!$ $eroin because $e "i"n0! &e! wi!$ !$e %ro&ram8 2oes !$a!
make sense45 ?ancy %us$e" E""ie on!o $is back an" slinke" $er way on !o $im#
37ou know45 E""ie <ally%so was $a%%y wi!$ $is lie# He like" ?ancy bu! $e was arai" o likin&
$er !oo muc$# He wasn0! sure w$ere $is ear was comin& rom# 3I !$ink you0re ri&$!8 James Brown was
arres!e" or !ryin& !o !ake a %iss in $is own com%any buil"in&8 He0s %re!!y $i&$ on !$a! Ho! 100 lis!85
3He0s dead- !oo85 ?ancy sai"# /$e kisse" E""ie on $is s!ernum# 3T$ose %syc$o!ic Illumina!i
&uys %robably "i" i!- $u$485
37es# I! makes all !$e sense in !$e worl"#5 E""ie kisse" ?ancy back# T$ey sle%! well !$a! ni&$!#
T$e !wo cou%les me! a! seven in !$e mornin& a! !$e E"&ewa!er0s breakas! bue!# T$e &als
"eci"e" !$ey0" lay ou! a! !$e %ool an" !$e &uys "eci"e" !$ey0" ren! =e! skis# T$ey ar!e" aroun" !$e wa!er
!$en woun" u% res!in& on !$e ar en" o !$e lake s$ore# E""ie aske" (le!c$er- 3;$a! $a%%ene" a! !$e ,aul
Bunyan Ho!el4 7ou &uys &losse" over i!# Is !$ere some!$in& I s$oul" know45
3I you0re askin& i i! woul" $a%%en a&ain- I0m no! really sure# I hope no!#5 (le!c$er was wearin&
"ark sun&lasses w$ic$ were s!ra%%e" on wi!$ elas!ic# He lowere" !$em !o $is neck# 3I !$ink !$ey wan!e" !o
scare both o us# I !$ink !$ese wil" &overnmen! e"s wan!e" me !o &o s!rai&$! an" !$ey wan!e" +ivian !o
s!o% enablin& me# That,s why / cut my hair# T$ey sai" !$ey $a" a %osi!ion or me bu! I0" $ave !o clean u%#5
(le!c$er looke" across !$e wa!er an" a"mire" !$e view o !$e casinos# 3+ivian $a" a sur%rise or me ri&$!
beore !$e w$ole "emoli!ion e%iso"e# 'he thought she was pregnant# ;e $a" a !alk abou! i! a cou%le o
weeks a&o in <a!alina# /$e barely esca%e" !$e ,aul Bunyan im%losion by !$e skin o $er !ee!$# T$e ne9!
"ay- s$e s!ar!e" s%o!!in& a&ain# /$e wasn0! sure i !$e s!ress cause" $er !o miscarry or i s$e was =us! la!e on
$er %erio"#5
3B$ man85 E""ie !ook o $is lie ves! an" sa! "own on !$e san"# 3T$a!0s big8 I coul"0ve been an
uncle85 He looke" u% a! (le!c$er# 3'n unofficial uncle- o course#5
3I wan! !o se!!le "own>/ really do>bu! I0m s!ar!in& !o won"er abou! fate# I never !$ou&$! !oo
muc$ abou! a!e- you know4 I0m s!ar!in& !o won"er abou! callings# Maybe i!0s no! our fate !o be %aren!s###
or even marrie"# Maybe we $ave a calling !o "o some!$in& else#5 (le!c$ !ook o $is own ves! an" sa!#
3T$ere are minis!ers in !$ose buil"in&s over !$ere85 E""ie %oin!e" across !$e lake# 37ou can be
marrie" by noon i ya0 wan! i!85
3I!0s no! &onna $a%%en- &uy# I can see !$e u!ure# ;e0" &e! marrie" !$en Herman Eic$elber&er- or
some other nut- is &onna ki"na% us8 T$ey0re &oin& !o !ie us !o lo&s an" leave us !o be sli! in !wo by lar&e
lumber bla"es8 T$ose "u"es are !$a! reaky85 (le!c$er "eci"e" !$e san" was !oo $o!# He scoo!e" !owar"
!$e s$allow wa!er an" sa! in i!#
3I kee% !$inkin& !$a!- a! any &iven momen!- my "a"0s &onna call me# 6'on. "igh school starts
ne*t week: 4ou better start wrapping up your vacation:0 'no!$er %ar! o me believes !$e "ollar is &oin& !o
colla%se a! any &iven momen! an" we0re &oin& !o be !ra%%e" in a civil war#5 E""ie "u& $is ee! in!o !$e
warm san"#
3I "on0! know w$a! !o make ou! o lie# I can0! %re"ic! i!# I wis$ I coul"#5 (le!c$er was &la" !o be
away rom Hun!in&!on# He ke%! !$inkin& abou! !$e "is!urbance $e saw on !$e news# He "i"n0! !alk abou!
i!- !$ou&$# Ins!ea"- !$ey con!em%la!e" a baseball connec!ion wi!$ !$e Illumina!i# Ryan Braun was
sus%en"e" an" !alk was !$a! !$ere woul" be many more# (le!c$er believe" !$e rules o lie were becomin&
more an" more arbi!rary# T$e baseball si!ua!ion was =us! an ou!war" relec!ion o i!# ,layers were
%ressure" !o %erorm more bu! !$ey were su%%ose" !o kee% !$e same a&e)ol" me!$o"s# T$e $orri" economy
wasn0! =us! aec!in& re&ular %eo%le# '!er !$e (reat 3ecession- &ian!s buckle" an" some !umble"# (le!c$er
won"ere" i !$e mass sus%ensions were =us! a way !o &e! ou! o %ayin& $i&$ salaries !o me&as!ars# E""ie
won"ere" abou! !$e s%or!s almanacs an" !$e recor"s in !$e books# I !$ey s!ri%%e" Aance 'rms!ron& o $is
!i!les in bikin&- woul" or coul" !$ey "o !$a! !o Mark Mc@wire4 ;$a! abou! !eams !$a! won !$e ;orl"
/eries4 Aie was a mess an" s%or!s serve" as !$e anec"o!e !o come !o &ri%s wi!$ new a!!i!u"es an"
"ilemmas# (le!c$ an" E""ie &o! back on !$eir =e! skis w$en !$e /un became !oo muc$ !o $an"le# T$ey
$ea"e" back across#
?ancy an" +ivian loun&e" a! %oolsi"e an" wa!c$e" !$eir men ri"e in# In Hun!in&!on- Tom Mc1ay
!ook over !$e beac$ ren!al w$ere !$e Tro=an $orse was %u! on (our!$ o July# Ma!! /!ubbs- Ta" /!ree!s-
Ramon Jo$anson an" Bren! Hoover sa! aroun" %layin& ,/3# /$a.bo! an" 2ina$ i9e" cock!ails# Tom came
in rom !$e %a!io wi!$ a !ray o &rille" bur&ers# 3Ma!!4 7ou "i" &oo" work in !$a! :<A' men!al acili!y8 I
wan! !o sen" you on a new assi&nmen!#5
Ma!! was sea!e" In"ian s!yle on !$e loor an" wai!e" $is !urn or 3ed .ead 3edemption# 3/$a.bo!
!$inks you0re "oin& !$is s!u or your own amusemen!# He sai" no! !o le! you "o any!$in& like !$a! a&ain#
-eople are gonna think /,m really loony if / keep getting committed#5
3/$a.bo!4 He0s a robo!85 Tom looke" over !o !$e bar# /$a.bo! ke%! abou! crus$in& ice in a
blen"er# 3He "oesn0! know $ow !$e <I' is su%%ose" !o work8 'man"a Bynes was %icke" u% a ew "ays
a&o or li&$!in& a ire in a "riveway# I wan! !o "ro% you o nake" in T$ousan" Baks somew$ere### just like
we did a few weeks ago#5
3?o8 I0m no! "oin& i!85 Ma!! &o! u% an" a%%roac$e" /$a. a! !$e bar# 37ou $ave my back- ri&$!4
7ou won0! le! Tom do !$is a&ain85
3Tom4 I can0! say I believe i! woul" benei! !$e :ni!e" /!a!es &overnmen! !o ins!i!u!ionali.e
Ma!!$ew /!ubbs# I0ve %rocesse" !$e "a!a an" !$e liabili!ies ou!wei&$ !$e benei!s# T$ere is a ne! loss# 2o
no! %rocee"#5 /$a.bo! %lace" !oo!$%ick umbrellas in lime mar&ari!as#
37ou0ve &o! !o be ki""in& me8 7ou can0! s!o% !$is rom $a%%enin&8 7ou0re no! even an em%loyee
o !$e state85 Tom &rabbe" a %acka&e o buns rom a cabine!#
T$e &rou% a!e !o&e!$er as i !$ey were normal %eo%le# T$ere were no "ea!$ cam%s anyw$ere#
T$ere were no an"roi"s livin& wi!$ !$em# T$ey knew no!$in& abou! !o% secre! &overnmen! missions# In
!$e mi""le o !$e ni&$!- Ma!! /!ubbs !$ou&$! $e was $avin& a ni&$!mare# 3The Terminator45 He looke" u%
an" saw !wo small re" li&$!s $overin& abou! $is $ea"# /!ar!le"- $e *uickly rolle" over !o $is le! an"
!$u""e" on!o !$e loor# He umble" !$rou&$ an alarm clock an" small s!a!ues !o in" a lam% on $is
ni&$!s!an"# T$e !wo re" li&$!s %oin!e" !owar" $im an" $ea"e" a! $im# Ma!! !urne" !$e li&$! on# 3'ha%bot8
;$a! !$e $eck are you "oin&485
/$a.bo! irs! %lace" $is a orein&er a! $is li%s# +e >uiet- !$e &es!ure sai"# T$en $e use" !$e same
in&er in a $ookin& mo!ion su&&es!in& !$a! Ma!! come wi!$ $im# Ma!! &rabbe" s$or!s on !$e loor an" %u!
on san"als# He ollowe" /$a.bo! "owns!airs# Ta"- Bren! an" Ramon were snorin& in !$e livin& room#
/$a.bo! o%ene" !$e ron! "oor an" $ea"e" ou!# ;$en Ma!! close" !$e "oor be$in" $im- /$a. %oin!e"
!owar" !$eir van# 3Ae!0s &o-5 $e sai"#
/$a. &o! in!o !$e "river0s sea! an" Ma!! rus$e" !owar" !$e %assen&er0s sea!# /$a. backe" u% !$e
ve$icle an" Ma!! !urne" aroun" an" no!ice" some!$in& ou! o %lace# 3Tom8 /$a.bo!4 ;$a!0s $a%%enin&
$ere45
3Tom a%%roac$e" me i!een minu!es a&o# He sai" i! was !ime !o !ake you !o "um% you in
T$ousan" Baks w$ere 'man"a Bynes was oun" near a ire in $er nei&$bor0s "riveway# I knocke" $im
ou!- s!ri%%e" $im !o $is un"erwear an" !ie" $im u% in !$is van#5 /$a. "rove alon& ,aciic <oas! Hi&$way#
3Is !$is $ow i! $a%%ene" wi!$ <ornelius4 2i" $e a%%roac$ you an"### you turned on him45 Ma!!
wa!c$e" Tom !ry !o s%eak bu! !$ere was a !iny wile ball s!ra%%e" insi"e $is mou!$ muin& $is wor"s#
3;$ere0" you &e! !$e se9 !oy45
3/e9 !oy4 Tom &ols# He %rac!ices %u!!in& insi"e !$e $ouse# 3emember45 /$a.bo! s%e" u%#
37ea$- yea$# 3ight#5 Ma!! rubbe" slee% &oo ou! o $is eyes#
3;e0re &oin& !o &ive Tom a !as!e o $is own me"icine#5 /$a.bo! !urne" on !$e ra"io# 3Have you
$ear" o Jeremy Ben!$am4 T$is is !$e &rea!es! &oo"- Ma!!#5
37ou0re !$e one w$o *uo!es @an"$i sayin& !$a! an 6eye or an eye leaves !$e worl" blin"085 He
looke" back a! Tom an" really "i"n0! wan! $im un!ie"#
3+ivian /!ree!s %oin!e" ou! my inconsis!en! be$aviors on !$e ni&$! !$a! !$e ,aul Bunyan Ho!el
came "own# /$e was ri&$!# I! only means I0m becomin& more $uman- "oes i! no!45 /$a.bo! searc$e" !$e
ra"io or classic rock#
3I guess so#5 Ma!! &rabbe" a case rom un"er $is sea! an" o%ene" i!# T$ere were abou! i!y
!ra"i!ional casse!!es insi"e# 3;e $ave +an Halen- Aoverboy- Joan Je!!- Billy /*uire an" Ai!a (or"# T$ere0s
a bunc$ o o!$ers- bu! !$ose woul" be my %icks#5 Ma!! %ulle" $is selec!ions ou!#
3,u! in ABC!# I eel like $earin& 6,anama0 ri&$! now85 /$a. "rove alon& an" !$ey "i"n0! s%eak
muc$ un!il !$ey reac$e" !$e li*uor s!ore w$ere 'man"a Bynes was cau&$! on surveillance !a%e &oin& in!o a
res!room !o was$ &asoline o o $er ,omeranian# 3T$omas Mc1ay4 I nee" you !o inil!ra!e !$e men!al
$eal!$ acili!y w$ere 'man"a Bynes is bein& $el" or %syc$ia!ric observa!ion85 /$a.bo! lis!ene" !o Tom
violen!ly %ro!es! !$rou&$ $is very own wile ball# T$ere was a bo!!le o c$loroorm wra%%e" insi"e a $an"
!ower be!ween !$e ron! sea!s# /$a. o%ene" !$e bo!!le an" %oure" !$e li*ui" on!o !$e !owel# /$a.bo! aske"
Ma!!- 3;$ere "o you !$ink I &o! !$is4 (rom !$e <I' s!ore on !$e corner near !$e %i..a =oin!45
3'hame on you# Tom: 4ou,re going to get knocked out by your own materials85 Ma!! &o! ou! o
!$e van an" "ar!e" !o !$e back# /$a.bo! was smo!$erin& Tom0s ace wi!$ a we! !owel w$en Ma!! o%ene"
!$e back "oors# 31ick $im ou! !owar" me- /$a.bo!8 I0ll "ra& $im near !$a! slee%in& wino85
Ma!! "ra&&e" Tom0s lim% bo"y !o !$e si"e o !$e li*uor s!ore !$en $o%%e" back in!o !$e van# T$ey
"rove alon& un!il !$ey coul" in" a %ay%$one# /$a.bo! ma"e a call !o au!$ori!ies an" re%or!e" !$a! a nake"
man was %asse" ou! in a %ublic %lace# T$ey scoo%e" $im u%# Tom Mc1ay was ins!i!u!ionali.e" an"
observe" or seven!y)!wo $ours !$en release"#
E""ie an" ?ancy wan!e" !o e9%erience a 3real5 casino !own an" $ea"e" !o Aas +e&as# (le!c$ an"
+iv like" !$e wa!er a! Aake Havasu an" remaine" a! !$e E"&ewa!er# T$e "ay a!er Tom was release" rom a
men!al $eal!$ acili!y in Aos 'n&eles coun!y- +ivian /!ree!s receive" a !e9! messa&e rom $im# 3The
penguins eat tofu in 'iberia#5 /$e was rela9e" on a ol"in& c$air near !$e %ool# (le!c$er "i"n0! res%on"#
+ivian remove" !$e silver car"boar" rom over $is ace# 3(le!c$er4 The penguins eat tofu in 'iberia#5 /$e
s$owe" $er %$one !o (le!c$ a!er $e woke rom a snoo.e#
3T$is4 I!0s /$a.bo!# T$ey !urne" $im o#5 He reac$e" "own or sun!an lo!ion an" %u! a $eal!$y
&lo% on!o $is s$oul"ers !$en rubbe"#
3/$a.bo!4 Is $e in !rouble4 T$is is rom Tom Mc1ay#5 +ivian was wearin& a lar&e s!raw $a!# I!
ke%! $er ace s$a"e" bu! swea! s!ill "ri%%e" rom $er ore$ea"# /$e wi%e" $er ace wi!$ a small clo!$#
(le!c$er0s i,$one s!ar!e" bu..# I! was a /ky%e rom Tom# 3Tom4 ;$a!0s u%45
Tom looke" cra.y in (le!c$0s our)inc$ screen# He seeme" !o be in !$e mi""le o a "eser!#
3Men!al $eal!$ acili!ies make cra.y men sane8 2o you know w$a! !$ey "o !o sane men48 T$ey make !$em
cra%y85
3Tom4 7ou0re no! makin& any sense8 ;$a! is &oin& on485 (le!c$er worrie" abou! +ivian# /$e
$a" been a! suc$ ease or !$e %as! ew "ays# (le!c$ resen!e" Tom0s in!erru%!ion#
Tom %oin!e" $is own i,$one a! /$a.bo! an" 2ina$# T$ey were !ie" back)!o)back an" sea!e" on
"ee% san"# T$ey were lieless an" looke" like &ian! Barbie an" 1en "olls# Tom "eman"e"- 32o you know
w$ere I am485 Tom0s ace &rew lar&er in (le!c$0s screen# 3'lamo&or"o- ?ew Me9ico85 Tom0s ace
became normal)si.e" a&ain# 3T$is is w$ere an a!omic bomb was irs! successully !es!e" in 1FDP8 How
i!!in& !$a! !$is is w$ere 'merica0s a"vance" killer an"roi" %ro&ram will en"85
3Tom4 ;$y are you !ellin& me !$is45 (le!c$er %u! $is %alm over $is %$one0s camera !$en
w$is%ere" !o +ivian- 3;$a! s$oul" I "o45 +iv $a" no answer# (le!c$er remove" $is %alm- 3Tom4 &ooler
heads will prevail# 7ou $ol" !i&$!# 2on0! "o any!$in& ras$# T$a! can0! lea" !o any!$in& &oo"#5
Tom Mc1ay %oin!e" $is camera a! lar&e oil "rums %ain!e" re"# Eac$ "rum $a" w$i!e lar&e block
le!!ers rea"in& 3T?T5# 3I0ve $a" enou&$ o !$is car!oon lie8 I was !raine" !o in!erro&a!e Ira*i %risoners8 I
su%ervise" !$e cons!ruc!ion o concen!ra!ion cam%s in 'merica0s bor"ers8 How can I "o my =ob i
subor"ina!es are allowe" !o &e! reven&e on me8 Hasn0! anyone $ear" o 6c$ain o comman"0485
+ivian !ook (le!c$er0s i,$one# 3Tom8 2on0! kill yoursel8 T$ere is a way we can se!!le !$is85
3?ill myself4 7ou $ave me wron&85 Tom ocuse" on a !$ick line a !$e base o !$e "rums# 3T$a! is
!$e use8 I will be far away w$en I li&$! i!85 Tom !urne" o $is %$one#
+ivian wa!c$e" !$e screen &o black# 3;$a! are we su%%ose" !o "o- (le!c$45
3?o!$in& we can "o# ;e s!ay $ere# ;e lay ou!# T$a! was our %lan !$is mornin& an" i!0s !$e bes!
!$in& we can "o now#5 (le!c$er &rabbe" !$e silver car"boar" an" %u! i! on $is ace#
3I =us! eel like we s$oul" call Herman Eic$elber&er or some!$in&#5 +ivian !ook !$e relec!ive
car"boar" rom (le!c$#
(le!c$er sa! u% an" leane" !owar" +ivian- 3;e0ve $a" !$is conversa!ion beore# 7ou lunk a !es! a!
sc$ool an" everyone !eases you a! !$e weeken"0s %ar!y# 7ou bomb an IK !es! an" &e! sen! !o reme"ial
sc$ool- everyone stays silent# T$e bi&&er !$e !ra&e"y- !$e more !aboo i! becomes# <lin!on lies abou! a s!ain
on Monica0s "ress an" we0re s!ill !alkin& abou! i!# 'mall gaffe as far as /,m concerned in the bigger
picture# T$e Mossa" cons%ire wi!$ 'merican a&en!s !o $i! !$e Twin Towers !$en blame i! on 'rabs wi!$
oil### an" you can0! %ee% a wor" or years8 ;e can &o on !elevision an" *ues!ion !$e "irec!ion o !$e s%ace
%ro&ram an" w$e!$er we s$oul" s%en" money on Mars rovers or s!arvin& ki"s in !$e inner ci!ies# ,eo%le
s!ay a! $ome on !$eir couc$es an" !$ink !$ey0re wa!c$in& *uali!y T+# Men!ion any o !$e $ar" evi"ence we
$ave a&ains! !$e Bus$ a"minis!ra!ion4 7ou know !$a!0s no! &oin& !o $a%%en- a! leas! no! wi!$ enou&$
momen!um !o re&ain our coun!ry8 T$ose me"ia uckers are &onna say we0re inci!in& civil unres!# T$e
3ogues will be un$arme" an" we0re &oin& !o suer#5
37ou !$ink !$is is !$e same "eal4 ;$a! coul" &o wron&45 +ivian $an"e" !$e car"boar" back !o
(le!c$# 3I !$ink you0re ri&$!# I =us! wan!e" !o a! leas! "iscuss i!#5
(le!c$0s i,$one "in&e"# He %icke" i!# 3?a +lowwie#5 He $an"e" !$e %$one !o +iv an" s$owe"
$er !$e !e9!# 3He mus!0ve alrea"y "i" i!# I!0s !oo la!e#5
Tom Mc1ay wa!c$e" /$a.bo! an" 2ina$ blow u% in a massive e9%losion rom =us! ou!si"e
Holloman 'ir (orce Base# He ilme" !$e inci"en! on $is %$one an" imme"ia!ely %os!e" i! !o 7ouTube#
'!er sen"in& !$e 3?a +lowwie5 !e9! !o (le!c$er- $e sen! a web link rom !$e 7ouTube vi"eo# He li! u% a a!
ci&ar- %u! on some s$a"es- !$en cruise" in a new conver!ible <a"illac "own !$e Q! !owar" Me9ico# He
s!ar!e" sin&in& Jimi Hen"ri9 wi!$ou! !$e ra"io on# 3"ey =oe: / heard you shot your old lady down: 'hot
her down to the ground: 4eah: 4es / did: / shot her: 4ou know0 / caught her messing around: 2essing
around town: 4es# / shot her:5 Tom Mc1ay0s scal% was bal"in& ba"ly bu! !$e si"e an" back remainin& $air
el! &oo" in !$e win"# Tom &aine" s%ee" an" i! was "iicul! !o kee% %uin& $is ci&ar in be!ween sin&in&#
He $a" always wan!e" a <a"illac an" $e bou&$! a bran" new TAR a cou%le o $ours a!er $e was release"
rom !$e same acili!y w$ere 'man"a Bynes was bein& $el" a&ains! $er will# He conron!e" /$a.bo! in
Hun!in&!on !$en s%oke !$e ail)sae wor"s !o s$u! $im "own# ;i!$ !$e !o% "own- $e reac$e" ei&$!y miles
%er $our alon& a ?ew Me9ico $i&$way an" relec!e" on $is $a%$a.ar" lie# 3"ey =oe# / said# where you
gonna run to now# where you# where you gonna0 Well dig it: /,m going way down south: Way down south#
way down south to 2e*ico: Alright: /,m going way down south# way down where / can be free85
Bn !$e ni&$! !$a! /$a.bo! !ook +iv an" (le!c$ !o !$e ,aul Bunyan Ho!el or !$eir ur&en!
ren"e.vous wi!$ <ornelius /!uar!- /$a. !ol" (le!c$ !$a! $is cousin was !$e ?or!$ro% @rumman RK)D
@lobal Hawk# T$ey converse" insi"e a MR', ve$icle w$ile +ivian %lea"e" wi!$ <ornelius in a %arkin&
s!ruc!ure !o renounce $is c$ao!ic an" "es!ruc!ive ways# Time was s$or! an" /$a.bo! wasn0! able !o &e! $is
ull s!ory ou!# T$e @lobal Hawk was an unmanne" air cra! ca%able o lyin& over a =e! airliner an"
"isru%!in& elec!ronic communica!ion si&nals !o an" rom !$e !ar&e!e" %lane# Bra"ley ;ebs!er- a cons%iracy
!$eoris!- believe" !$e accuse" $i=ackers on nine eleven "i" no! $ave !$e skills !o ly !$e %lanes in ?ew 7ork-
;as$in&!on an" ,ennsylvania !$e way !$e 3oicial s!ory5 re%or!e" !$ey "i"# He s%ecula!e" !$a! !$e (lobal
"awk was use" !o maneuver !$e =umbo =e!s# /$a.bo! was no! &oin& !o !ell (le!c$er abou! !$ese i"eas-
!$ou&$# He was &oin& !o !ell $im !$a! ?or!$ro% @rumman $a" a secre! subsi"iary# T$is os$oo! "i" no!
$ave !o re%or! !o <on&ress an" i!0s accoun!in& %rac!ices were more mu""le" !$an or&ani.e" crime in
<$ica&o# T$ey o%era!e" mos!ly os$ore in %riva!e islan"s an" in coun!ries aroun" !$e <aribbean an"
/ou!$ 'merica un"er !$e aus%ice known by a selec! ew as 3ossum 2achinery /nternational# T$is
coni"en!ial an" unoicial branc$- $ea"*uar!ere" in 'n&uilla- "evelo%e" an" buil! /$a.bo! an" 2ina$#
/$a.bo! wan!e" !o !ell (le!c$er !$a! hundreds o an"roi"s similar !o $im were bein& mass %ro"uce"#
Tom Mc1ay crosse" !$e /!an!on /!a!e Bri"&e in El ,aso# He i""le" wi!$ $is !$ick mus!ac$e an"
men!ally %re%are" or un$eal!$y !acos in &iudad =uOre%# ' bor"er %a!rol a&en! "rove alon& !$e bri"&e
comin& rom !$e sou!$# T$e !an Jee% JL %ulle" in ron! o Tom an" blocke" !$e roa"# 'mber)colore"
c$erry li&$!s las$e" on# 'n a&en! &o! ou! o !$e ve$icle- s$iel"e" $imsel be$in" $is "oor an" %oin!e" a
&un !owar" Tom# 3(et out of your car85
Tom Mc1ay $a" an im%ulse !o !urn aroun" an" bol! nor!$war"# He knew $e0" be c$ase" an"
"rea"e" i!# Ins!ea" o o%enin& $is "oor- $e s!oo" u% on $is bur&un"y lea!$er sea!# /,m finally in a
convertible. /,ll be damned if / don,t stand on my seat at least one time# He looke" !owar" !$e bor"er
%a!rol a&en!. "e looks familiar# Tom Mc1ay looke" more. 3'ha%bot0 /s that you0 "ow,d you get out
from the e*plosion45
T$e a&en! yelle"- 3@e! ou! o !$e ve$icle slowly an" walk backwar"s !owar" me wi!$ your $an"s
be$in" your $ea"85
Tom com%lie"# He was cue" an" !aken !o El ,aso In!erna!ional 'ir%or!# T$e a&en! !ook Tom ou!
o !$e Jee% !o a ,'< CP0 TA small air%lane# 3(et in85 !$e a&en! comman"e" Tom#
T$ere were !wo men alrea"y insi"e !$e rear o !$e %lane w$en Tom &o! i!# T$ey were "resse" in
!$ree)%iece sui!s an" !$ey bo!$### looked like 'ha%bot# 3'm I "reamin&485 Tom yelle" in!o !$e air#
T$e bor"er %a!rol a&en! &o! in!o !$e cock%i! an" s!ar!e" !$e %lane# Bne o !$e men in !$e back
aske" Tom- 32o you like sky "ivin&4 I $o%e you "o#5
3;$a! is &oin& on485 Tom $ollere"#
3ossum 2achinery /nternational was sen! a "is!ress messa&e rom /$a.bo! w$en Tom was !akin&
$im !o !$e ?ew Me9ico "eser!# /$a.bo! an" 2ina$ were "esi&ne" so !$ey coul" be s$u! o i any!$in&
wen! wron&# 3T$e %en&uins ea! !ou in /iberia5 was !$e !ri&&er wor"# I! !o&&le" /$a.bo! o an" i! !o&&le"
$im back on# RMI was la9 !owar" !$e &overnmen! a&en!s !$ey $a" "elivere" /$a.bo! !o# T$ey "i"n0! !rack
/$a.bo!0s every move# T$eir only %ro!ocol !o c$eck on $im was i $e was s$u! "own or more !$an an
$our# T$ere was a @,/ uni! insi"e o /$a.bo! an" 2ina$ !$a! Tom s$oul"0ve &uesse" was !$ere# Tom
became incense" wi!$ ra&e w$en Ma!! &o! reven&e on $im or a second !ime in !$e %as! ew mon!$s# His
lo&ic ell o !$e boa! an" $e was le! wi!$ a swirl o bi!!er $a!re" in $is belly# RMI i&ure" ou! !$a! /$a.bo!
was &oin& !o be "es!roye" so !$ey se! a %lan o re!alia!ion in!o mo!ion# RMI $a" in!elli&ence !$a! !$e :/
"ollar may colla%se# /$a.bo! was an /)202G robo! an" so was !$e bor"er %a!rol a&en! !$a! s!o%%e" Tom
Mc1ay# T$e !wo sui!e" an"roi"s in !$e back o !$e %lane were /)202G robo!s an" 2ina$ was a emale
varia!ion o one# T$ey were ori&inally "esi&ne" !o inil!ra!e orei&n lan"s- min&le amon&s! na!ives- an"
carry ou! mili!ary ac!ions# RMI re)%ro&ramme" /$a.bo! !o be %eaceul# T$ey crea!e" %arame!ers w$ere
!$e robo!s could be&in sol"ier mo"e wi!$ !$e %ress o a remo!e bu!!on# I! "i"n0! s!o% !$ere# Rossum
Mac$inery In!erna!ional believe" !$e :ni!e" /!a!es o 'merica woul" break in!o civil war i !$e loor o !$e
economy ell ou!# Tom Mc1ay !ook over w$ere <ornelius /!uar! le! o# 'n /)202G robo!- 'ha%bot- $a"
alrea"y 3"ecommissione"5 one <I' a&en! in Elko- ?eva"a# T$ree unname" /)202G robo!s were now in
%ossession o ano!$er a&en!- Tom Mc1ay#
T$e ,'< CP0 TA was $i&$ in !$e sky an" $ea"e" !owar" 'lamo&or"o# 3/ure is beau!iul u% $ere-
isn0! i! Tom45 T$e bor"er %a!rol a&en! looke" back a! Tom an" smile"# 37ou "on0! min" i I call you
6Tom0- "o you45
3;$o are you &uys48 ;$a!0s &oin& on485 Tom wan!e" !o i&$! or con!rol o !$e %lane# He was
ou!numbere" an" $e "i"n0! know $ow !o ly# 3/$a.bo!8 're all o you calle" 6'ha%bot048 7ou all look !$e
same85
T$e bor"er %a!rol a&en! c$ecke" $is ins!rumen!s# 3T$ey call me 6'lvin0# T$e &uys wi!$ you are
6Bra"0 an" 6<aleb08 T$ere are ive $un"re" o us roamin& !$e con!inen!al :ni!e" /!a!es# ;e will be
%re%are" !o !ake c$ar&e w$en your coun!ry s%irals in!o wi"es%rea" c$aos# 7our "ollar will be wor!$ less
!$an !$e peso in a ew mon!$s8 I!0s no coinci"ence !$a! !$ree o us $ere are name" in ')B)< or"er# '
ran"om &enera!or %icks ou! our monikers rom ' !o H !$en s!ar!s over a&ain an" a&ain#5 'lvin be&an !o
w$is!le#
Tom Mc1ay %ulle" ou! $is i,$one an" s!ar!e" !o !e9! (le!c$er Browne# ;$en !$e ,'< CP0 TA
sky"ivin& %lane was over !$e si!e w$ere !$e irs! a!omic bomb e9%lo"e" in 1FDP- Bra" s%oke !o Tom- 3T$is
is w$ere you &e! o85 He &rabbe" Tom by $is le! arm an" <aleb &rabbe" $is ri&$! arm# T$ey !osse" Tom
Mc1ay !umblin& !owar" !$e "eser! loor# /$a.bo! an" 2ina$ $a" been blown !o bi!s on !$e &roun" earlier
in !$e "ay# Tom ell an" $e !$ou&$! abou! !$e a!omic blas! "eca"es beore# He !$ou&$! abou! /$a.bo! an"
2ina$ s!ra%%e" near !$e T?T an" <)D %las!ic e9%losives# He !$ou&$! $is reven&e on /$a.bo! was so %oe!ic
an" $e !$ou&$! $e woul" lau&$ abou! i! or !$e res! o $is lie# Tom %lumme!e" wi!$ou! a %arac$u!e an" $is
arms %inw$eele" uriously in u!ile circles# He wasn0! lau&$in& a! all#
In !$e %lane above Tom- 'lvin aske" Bra" an" <aleb- 32oes anyone know !$e ra!e o accelera!ion
or an ob=ec! "urin& com%le!e reeall45
31ine point eight meters per second s>uared85 <aleb yelle" ou!#
3I owe you a beer- man85 'lvin con!inue" nor!$#
37ou s!ole my answer8 / was gonna say that8 5 Bra" insis!e"# 3Ae!0s blow !$is !aco s!an" an" in"
some really &oo" brew85 He "i" a wave o $is arms like an ama!eur $i% $o% "ancer rom a nine!een
ei&$!ies music vi"eo#
Tom Mc1ay s%la!!e" "own seven!y)ive yar"s nor!$eas! o w$ere /$a.bo! was !ie" !o 2ina$
beore bein& blas!e" !o smi!$ereens# Inves!i&a!ors were alrea"y on !$e scene !ryin& !o i&ure ou! !$e
e9%losion# Many o !$em wa!c$e" Tom come "own an" slam in!o !$e Ear!$# T$ey ran !o $im bu! $e $a"
alrea"y "ie" o a broken neck an" %rouse in!ernal blee"in&#
(le!c$er receive" a !e9! messa&e rom Tom ri&$! as me"ics were loa"in& $im on!o a &urney# 3T$e
worl" is ull o /$a.bo!s8 Bn nine nine- !$ere is an arme" marc$ on 2<8 I!0s a "iversion rom !$e ul!ima!e
solar lare 1ills$o!8 Millions an" millions will "ie85 He rea" !$e messa&e !o +ivian rom insi"e !$eir
E"&ewa!er Ho!el room# (le!c$er a""e"- 3I0m in!er%re!in& rom !e9! abbrevia!ions- bu! !$a!0s w$a! i! seems
!o say#5
3;$a!0s i! mean45 +ivian c$ecke" (le!c$0s %$one# 3;e s$oul" s!ay away rom Tom or a w$ile#
He0s &one o !$e e"&e85
Herman Eic$elber&er !e9!e" (le!c$er an" +ivian a $al $our la!er# 3Tom Mc1ay0s con!rac! wi!$
!$e :ni!e" /!a!es &overnmen! $as been !ermina!e"#5
3Tom Mc1ay $as been oe"- +iv# /$oul" we care4 Is !$ere any!$in& we s$oul" "o45 (le!c$er
wa!c$e" +ivian !urn $er %$one !o silen! an" %lace i! in!o a si"e %ouc$ in $er "ule ba&#
+ivian walke" !o (le!c$ an" $el" $im# /$e &leame"- 3;e can s!ay $ere an" vaca!ion like re&ular
%eo%le# I comman" you- (le!c$er Browne- !o leave your %$one in !$is room an" =oin me "owns!airs or
some &oo" &rub85
(le!c$er "i" as $e was !ol" an" was %lease" !$a! $e $a" suc$ a s%len"i" &irlrien"# 37ou $ave !$e
bes! answer# ;e are no! !$eir moms8 ;$y "o !$ey !ry !o %ull us in!o !$eir ana!ical s%a!s485 He kisse" +iv
on $er c$eek !$en on $er mou!$# T$ey wen! "owns!airs an" a!e no!$in& bu! a!!y oo"s# T$ey "i" i! on
%ur%ose#
?ancy Moore an" E""ie <ally%so were "rivin& back !o !$eir $o!el a! !$e Tro%icana rom a !our o
!$e Hoover 2am# T$ey were lis!enin& !o /noo% 2o&&0s 6.oggystyle0 on <2# 37ou know4 I was !$inkin&
abou! !$a! Ail ;ayne !$in&#5 ?ancy !urne" "own !$e music so s$e coul" be $ear"# 3T$ere was a lawyer
!$a! was $oun"in& $im abou! some!$in& or ano!$er an" i! was on T+# T$a! coul" be a cons%iracy- ri&$!45
3;$a! "o you mean45 E""ie <ally%so marvele" a! !$e ?eva"a "eser! lan"sca%e#
3;ell- !$ey "i"n0! wan! $im com%e!in& wi!$ Elvis- ri&$!4 The /lluminati guys# /,m talking about# I
remember Bobca! @ol"!$wai! was on Jay Aeno a lon& !ime a&o# Jay &o! all ma" !$a! Bobca! was !alkin& all
cra.y### bu! !$a!0s %ar! o $is &i&- you see4 Jay wan!e" $im !o !alk like a normal businessman or some!$in&
an" $e woul"n0! "o !$e in!erview# I !$ink Ail ;ayne s!aye" in c$arac!er because $e knew !$e cameras were
rollin&# I !$ink !$e lawyer was one o !$ose Illumina!i &uys w$o wan!e" !o e9%ose Ail ;ayne as some kin"
o rau"ulen! %roessional8 T$a! woul"0ve !o!ally screwe" $is s!ree! cre" an" $e woul"n0! $ave sol" any
more albums85 ?ancy !urne" !$e music back u%# 3@in an" Juice5 was %layin&#
E""ie !urne" !$e music "own a li!!le# 3T$a! coul" be8 2o you $ave any!$in& else45
3Bkay8 How abou! !$is4 7ou know $ow you sai" !$a! !wen!y years a&o- !$ere were abou! our
$un"re" ma=or me"ia sources4 ?ews%a%ers- ra"io s!a!ions- T+ an" w$a!ever4 ?ow- !$ere0s like ive8 'm
I ri&$!4 ;ell maybe !$a!0s w$y every o!$er s$ow on T+ !o"ay is a !alen! com%e!i!ion- </I- ?<I/- reali!y
T+ or some!$in& by JJ 'brams8 3ight4 T$ey only wan! !o %ay- like- three guys !o "o every!$in&85
E""ie consi"ere" i! or a ew secon"s# 32i" you &e! !$a! rom an e%iso"e o (amily @uy45
?ancy !$ou&$! abou! i!# 37es8 Bu! !$a! "oesn0! mean i!0s no! !rue8 Ri&$!45 /$e !urne" !$e music
back u% an" !$ey "i"n0! !alk anymore un!il !$ey were in !$eir $o!el room# 3I &o! a !e9! messa&e rom
+ivian# /$e wan!s us !o mee! in 'lber!a- <ana"a in a cou%le o weeks# 7ou wan! !o &o45
3+e&as is nice bu! I0m rea"y or some!$in& "ieren!# 7ea$# I0" like !o &o#5 E""ie an" ?ancy
res!e" or a w$ile !$en wen! "own !o !$e black=ack !ables la!er in !$e evenin&# Bverall- !$ey broke even
w$ile s!ayin& in ?eva"a a! Havasu- !$en la!er in Aas +e&as- lar&ely "ue !o a ive !$ousan" "ollar %ayo a! a
slo! mac$ine w$en ?ancy $i! !$ree sevens !$e "ay beore !$ey were !o leave#
I! was !$e mi""le o 'u&us! in E"mon!on# ?ancy- E""ie- (le!c$er an" +ivian me! a! !$e Ma!ri9
Ho!el# T$ey c$ecke" in aroun" noon bu! !$ey "i"n0! s!ick aroun" !oo lon&# T$ey $ea"e" !o Ma%le Aea
Mea"ows or $orseback ri"in&# T$ey !ro!!e" !owar" Terwill&ar ,ark alon& a la.y river# ?ancy sai"- 3I $a"
a small %ony w$en I was youn&# ;e use" !o ri"e $im in ?orco#5
37ea$45 E""ie was uncomor!able# He wasn0! sure i $is !ook !o $im# He was !$e only one in !$e
&rou% wearin& !ennis s$oes ins!ea" o boo!s# He won"ere" i !$a! was !$e reason $is $orse was i"&e!y#
3?ancy0s s!ar!in& !o be an as!u!e cons%iracy !$eoris!#5
37ea$# ;$a! "0ya0 &o!45 (le!c$er bou&$! an oversi.e" "ark maroon cowboy $a! or !$e ri"e#
3,ey!on Mannin& was on !$e In"iana%olis <ol!s or $ow many years4 He coul"0ve si&ne" wi!$
!$e <ar"inals or anyone else8 Bu! w$o "i" $e c$oose w$en $e le! In"y45 T$e ;in"emere &ol course was
on !$e o!$er si"e o !$e wa!er# ?ancy ro"e alon& an" wa!c$e" &uys %u!!in& in !$e "is!ance#
32enver-5 +ivian sai"# /$e wore !$e same s!raw $a! s$e $a" in Havasu#
3Ri&$!8 The +roncos8 How many $orse !eams are !$ere in !$e ?(A45 ?ancy el! %rou" o
$ersel#
T$e main %ar! o Terwille&ar ,ark was across !$e s!ream so !$e &rou% se!!le" across !$e bank#
3;e0re $ere !o "iscuss !$e %e!roleum in"us!ry- (le!c$er#5 T$e our $orses were secure" a! surroun"in&
!rees# +ivian o%ene" $er back%ack an" %ulle" ou! a ew $am an" c$eese san"wic$es# 3;e nee" !o "iscuss
w$a!0s really &oin& on#5
3I know w$ere we0re a!# I! !akes an $our an" a $al !o "rive !o '!$abasca# T$a!0s w$ere all !$e
"ir!y mu" is bein& il!ere" or oil# ;e0re in E"mon!on# Home o !$e Edmonton Oilers#5 (le!c$er !ook
san"wic$ rom +ivian#
?ancy lai" ou! a blanke!# 32oes !$is involve me an" E""ie4 Is !$is %riva!e4 /$oul" we !ake a
walk45
37ou can s!ay# I $ave a *ues!ion or E""ie bu! I $ave !o be clear w$a!0s &oin& on irs!#5 +iv &ave
?ancy an" E""ie !$eir san"wic$es# 32o you remember $i&$ sc$ool an" wan!in& !o =oin !$e /ierra <lub4
2o you remember all !$e cra% we &ave %eo%le or "rainin& Mono Aake4 2o you remember wan!in& !o =oin
(reenpeace an" wri!in& our con&ressman !o %u! %ressure on !$e (renc$ &overnmen! or sinkin& !$e
Rainbow ;arrior45
3T$a! was a lon& !ime a&o- +iv#5 (le!c$er %ulle" ou! a !$ermos rom $is sack# 3I remember# I0m
s!ill ma" abou! i! all# Is !$a! w$y we0re $ere4 're we &onna s!o% 6em rom %ullin& bi!umen ou! o !$e
&roun"45
3They,re losers# 7letch# I0m !alkin& abou! @reen%eace# I0m no! sayin& !$a! &lobal warmin&0s no!
an issue# I0m no! sayin& !$a! (lori"a woul" s!ill be above wa!er i !$e Ear!$ is warme" by si9 "e&rees
cen!i&ra"e# I0m no! even sayin& !$a! <ana"a woul"n0! benei! rom a warmer clima!e#5 +ivian !ook
(le!c$0s !$ermos an" %oure" $ersel some coee# 3@reen%eace came u% $ere an" "i" some "an&erous
cra%#5
3;$en all !$e "ucks "ie"# / remember-5 (le!c$er sai"# 3T$ey0re &e!!in& sue" by /yncru"e or
screwin& wi!$ !$eir o%era!ion#5 He sa! on !$e blanke! wi!$ ?ancy an" E""ie#
3;$a!0s &oin& on- +iv4 I "on0! know w$a! !$is is all abou!# 7ou !$ree wen! !o $i&$ sc$ool
!o&e!$er# ;$a! am I missin&45 ?ancy wai!e" or an answer#
3Aie is inver!e" a! !$e very !o%- ?ancy# I!0s $ar" or me !o know w$a!0s &oin& on an" my "a" is
brillian! wi!$ many connec!ions# My ne%$ew- Ta"- &o! involve" in !$e same environmen!al %ro&rams !$a!
me- (le!c$ an" E""ie were %ar! o# He &o! screwe"- !$ou&$# I "on0! know w$a!0s &oin& on in !o"ay0s
classrooms# 7ou can0! come ou! an" say !$a! you0re or os$ore "rillin& anymore# ?o! i you0re a !eac$er
a! a %ublic sc$ool# I!0s no! %oli!ically correc!# ,eo%le !$ink o !$e B, oil s%ill# Ins!ea"- %roessors pretend
!$ey0re a&ains! some!$in&# T$ey0re wee"in& ou! !$e s!u"en!s w$o ac!ually bi!e# /ecre!ly- !$e ones w$o
s!an" wi!$ !$e cor%ora!ions an" %ollu!in& in"us!ries are recommen"e" an" a"vance" in !$e work %lace#5
+ivian sa! "own#
3T$a! "oesn0! soun" ri&$!85 ?ancy !rie" !o i&ure ou! w$a! s$e was $earin&#
3I!0s a secre! socie!y an" we are !$e secre! socie!y# My "a" le! me &o willy nilly or more !$an !en
years a!er my $i&$ sc$ool &ra"ua!ion# He i&ure" I0" see !$e li&$! some"ay# T$e li&$! isn0! !$a! i!0s wron&
!o %ro!es!# Everyone0s &onna be youn& an" rebellious# T$e li&$! is !$a! you can0! s!o% i!8 T$ey are !oo
%owerul# 7ou can =oin !$ese &uys or you can &e! run over#5 +ivian "i"n0! eel like ea!in& =us! ye!# /$e
$el" $er san"wic$ in $er $an"#
3Is !$is abou! Ta"0s %roessor in Aa+erne4 ;$a! was $is name4 )eke 7owler8 He !au&$!
&eolo&y85 E""ie <ally%so $a" a ew !alks wi!$ Ta" /!ree!s w$en !$ey were in 2a&mar# 3He $a"
connec!ions !o (reenpeace... an" I0m almos! sure Ta" !alke" abou! !$is very %lace wi!$ !$e !ar san"s an"
all#5
37es8 7ou0ve &o!!a un"ers!an"### 're you rea"y or !$is (le!c$4 My a!$er is in !$e <I' an"
knew <ornelius /!uar! or many years# T$ey $a" a allin& ou! o sor!s bu! !$a!0s $ow you were able !o &e!
%$o!o&ra%$ic assi&nmen!s aroun" !$e worl"### like !$e one you $a" in Beec$ @rove- In"iana# My "a"
consulted or /uncor an" lobbie" or nuclear reac!ors an" 'laskan oil %i%elines# He was %ai" "irec!ly by
/uncor#5 +ivian believe" !$ere was a c$ance !$a! (le!c$er woul" become an&ry# He remaine" calm# /$e
inally !ook $er $am an" c$eese ou! o i!s ba&&ie#
37our "a"0s no! merely an ar! "ealer an" real es!a!e "evelo%er4 I mi&$!0ve been sur%rise" a ew
years a&o# ;$en I !$ou&$! you were crus$e" in !$e ,aul Bunyan Ho!el- i! all $i! me# ;$y woul" I be
re%lacin& <ornelius4 ;$y woul" I be c$eere" by %eo%le I !$ou&$! I was o%%osin&# I you s$owe" u% a
week la!er- I mi&$!0ve been conuse"# 7ou were away or a cou%le o mon!$s- !$ou&$# I! s!ar!e" !o sink in#
I! s!ar!e" !o make sense#5 (le!c$er $el" +iv0s $an"#
3T$e (reenpeace &uys !$a! were u% $ere are me"ia w$ores# ;e "i" %syc$olo&ical %roiles on
!$em# )eke 7owler- by !$e way- is a !o!al sellou!# T$ese wackos are wrou&$! wi!$ vani!y an" &ree"# I!
"oesn0! mean !$a! "ucks "on0! ma!!er# I! "oesn0! mean !$a! "ucks "i"n0! %eris$ in mass near a sul%$uric
%on"# I! =us! means !$a! !$e people !$a! are i&$!in& ?e9en- /uncor an" /ino%ec are all $ar"core weir"os#5
+ivian el! a li!!le embarrasse" or !$e s%eec$# I! wasn0! always $er way !o come ou! an" !ake a orceul
s!an"# /$e %reerre" sub!le!y mos! !$e !ime# 3'n" !$en !$ere0s !$e c$em!rails- (le!c$# 2o you wan! !o !alk
abou! !$a!45
3;$a! are c$em!rails45 ?ancy aske"#
3Have you ever seen a =e! ly $i&$ in !$e sky### an" !$ere0s a bi& !rail o w$i!e smoke be$in" i!45
E""ie wai!e" or a 3yes5 or 3no5 bu! ?ancy circle" $er orein&er !ellin& $im !o 3&o on5# 3;a!er va%or is
release" in $i&$ al!i!u"es w$ere !$e air is very col"# I! con"enses an" !akes on similar %ro%er!ies as clou"s#
/cien!is!s call !$e len&!$y w$i!e lines be$in" =e!s 6con!rails0### or !$e con"ensa!ion# T$ere are cons%iracy
!$eoris!s !$a! believe !$ere is more !$an =us! wa!er va%or bein& le! be$in"# T$ey believe !$e &overnmen!
mo"iie" %lanes !o "elibera!ely leave sulphur in !$e a!mos%$ere !o comba! &lobal warmin&### an" o course-
!$ey "on0! !$ink i!0s a &oo" !$in&#5 E""ie no!ice" !$a! ?ancy seeme" sa!isie" wi!$ !$e answer#
3Is !$is w$a! you wan! !o !alk abou!- $un45 (le!c$er aske" +ivian#
3?o- ac!ually- bu! !$a!0s %ar! o i!# T$ere0s a real %lan !o e9!en" a really lon& $ose ei&$!een miles
u%war" in!o our a!mos%$ere $el" u% by lar&e balloons# T$is $ose is su%%ose" !o in=ec! sul%$ur in!o !$e
a!mos%$ere or !$e same reason E""ie !alke" abou!#5 +ivian !ook o $er s!raw $a! an" wi%e" $er ore$ea"#
3;e $a" !o come u% $ere now because i!0s &oin& !o be ree.in& come ?ovember an" 2ecember#5
3/o we0re no! a&ains! savin& !$e environmen!- correc!45 (le!c$ aske"# 3;e0re =us! no! &oin& !o
min&le wi!$ %syc$os "oin& i! or !$e wron& reasons- ri&$!45
3Heke (owler was a %ai" &eolo&ical consul!an! or /$ell <ana"a# He0s ou! !$ere !ellin& my
ne%$ew !o &e! arres!e" a! Bolsa <$ica8 He0s !ellin& some s!u"en!s !o =oin (reenpeace an" $e0s !ellin&
o!$ers !o work or E99on8 T$a! wanker is all over !$e ma%8 Have you $ear" o Ty%$oi" Mary4 T$a!0s w$o
I !$ou&$! o w$en my ne%$ew !ol" me $is s!ory85 ' bree.e blew !$rou&$ +iv0s $air an" i! soo!$e" $er#
3Tomorrow- we0re &oin& !o ly in a $elico%!er over !$e '!$abasca oil san"s# 7ou0ll see $ow bi& !$is !$in&
is# Trees $ave been rava&e" in all "irec!ions#5
3;$a! !$en4 2o we $el% 6em "i& i! ou!4 2o we work as securi!y45 (le!c$ looke" over a! !$e
$orses !ie" !o !$e !ree# / hope we fastened them well. /,d hate to walk all the way back at this point#
3I "on0! know# I remember you ur&en!ly wan!e" !o see !$e nine eleven s!eel# I !$ink !$is is !$e
same or me# I =us! wan! !o know w$a!0s &oin& on#5 +ivian &o! u% an" $ea"e" !o $er s!ee"# T$e &rou%
&allo%e" back !o !$e s!able !$en $ea"e" !o !$eir $o!el# T$ey lew over !o '!$abasca !$e ne9! "ay an" !$ey
visi!e" /yncru"e $ea"*uar!ers a! (or! McMurray# ' week la!er !$ey re!urne" !o 2a&mar- Kuebec an"
ren!e" !$e same !iny co!!a&e !$ey $a" s!aye" in a ew mon!$s %rior# T$ey invi!e" Ta" an" $is rien"s !o =oin
!$em#
3Heke (owler4 To!al dick85 T$a""eus /!ree!s s%oke abou! $is ormer &eolo&y %roessor rom !$e
:niversi!y o Aa+erne# 37ou know !$ose 'nonymous vi"eos you see on 7ouTube4 T$e ones w$ere !$e
voices are "is&uise" an" !$e s%eaker is wearin& a 8 for 8endetta mask4 T$e ones w$ere !$e "u"e is always
sayin& !$a! !$ere is no lea"ers$i% an" all !$is bullcra%4 ;ell- Heke sai" $e was one o !$ose &uys8 7ou0re
no! su%%ose" !o !ell anyone- stupid8 T$a!0s w$y i!0s 'nonymous8 He was &ivin& ki"s in our class !$e link
!o $is vi"eo an" s$i!# He0s no! one o !$em# 7ou can0! "o !$a!85 Ta" inis$e" $is !welve)ounce Bu"weiser
can an" !$rew i! in!o !$e cabin0s corner# 3T$is is !$e same week !$a! $e sai" $e los! my mi"!erm %a%er#
'un! +iv came !o rescue me rom sou!$ern <al a ew "ays la!er#5 Ta" el! a $eal!$y bu.. an" walke" ou!
unannounce" !o !$e ron! yar"# T$ere was only one res!room insi"e an" i! was !aken# Ta" !ook a leak on a
bus$ near !$e wa!er well#
Bren! Hoover came ou! o !$e res!room# He looke" in!o !$e corner w$ere a bunc$ o aluminum
cans were %ilin& u%# 3;$ere0s !$e %iano- aun! +iv45
3;$en we le!- we sol" i! !o !$e owner o !$is %lace# He !ook i! !o $is %ersonal $ome# ;e re)
ren!e" !$is %lace an" $e sai" $e0" &ive i! back !o us i we s!ay lon&er !$an a mon!$#5 +ivian was !$e only
one no! "rinkin& alco$ol# Her min" s%un wi!$ "reamlike circums!ances rom !$e %as! ew mon!$s# /$e
wan!e" !o se!!le# /$e $a" %assiona!e issues !ryin& !o cro% in!o $er conscious min" rom !$e swam% o $er
i"# /$e wan!e" !o $i"e w$a! s$e was eelin& an" w$a! s$e wan!e" !o "o in reac!ion !o !$e worl" aroun" $er#
/$e wan!e" !o kill# /$e wan!e" !o maim# /$e wan!e" !o !ra% %eo%le w$om s$e believe" were res%onsible
or socie!y0s "emise# /$e wan!e" !o %u! !$ese %eo%le in a small iron ca&e an" !or!ure !$em# 3I you &uys
nee" me !o "rive you !o &e! bur&ers la!er- I0m no! "rinkin&# Ae! me know- okay45 /$e %re!en"e" !$a! s$e
remaine" sober or !$e &rou% so s$e coul" saely !ake !$em somew$ere in a car#
Ta" came back insi"e# 3I0m almos! sure $e was a&# I!0s no! =us! !$a! $e su%%or!e" $omose9ual
marria&e# 1o# I s!ar!e" !o see a &irl in class an" $e was o%%ose" !o i!# 7ou know4 I mean- w$a! !$e uck
s$oul" $e care4 He sai" I s$oul"n0! be s!u"yin& &eolo&y unless I was serious# I I wan!e" !o save !$e
%lane!- !$ere s$oul" be no "is!rac!ions### bu! I0m a &uy8 I $ave $ormones8 I!0s no! as easy as !$is or !$a!#
7ou can "o bo!$8 T$e c$ick I was seein& was all in# /$e wan!e" !o save !$e Ear!$ !oo#5 T$a""eus
s!a&&ere" !o !$e ki!c$en an" &rabbe" a ew cans o beer# He %asse" !$em alon&#
37ag4 T$a""eus4 7ou know you can0! be cau&$! "ea" sayin& 6a&0- 6re!ar"0- !$e n)wor" an" a
slew o other wor"s now !$a! you $ave a &overnmen! =ob# 2eini!ely "on0! use !$em w$en you sen" email
because i! leaves a !rail# ;e weren0! even su%%ose" !o call /%encer Aaaye!!e a mi"&e!8 ;e "i" i!### bu! we
weren0! su%%ose" !o# I0m =us! makin& sure you "on0! &e! ire" or some!$in& "umb#5 +ivian a""e" a lo& !o
!$e ire%lace#
3'un!ie4 Have you ever $ear" me say !$e n)wor"4 1o# 'n" we0re $ere amon&s! rien"s an"
amily# I can say w$a! I wan!# T$a! <ornelius "weeb was snoo%in& in!o our %rivacy an" w$a! $a%%ene" !o
$im4 ' robo! crus$e" $is ass in a uckin0 $o!el8 I I can0! !alk s!rai&$! somew$ere or ano!$er- I0m &onna &o
insane85 Ta" no!ice" !$a! $is aun! looke" concerne"# 3I0m a clean %erson w$en I0m sober an" in an oice#
I know $ow !o !alk ri&$!#5
3Here- $ere85 Bren! raise" $is can o beer# He !urne" !o Ta"- 37ou0re !$e best a& I0ve ever
known85
T$e &rou% lau&$e"# T$ey mean! no $arm# (le!c$er was !ire" an" be&an !o no" o on !$e couc$#
'n $our beore mi"ni&$!- %eo%le &o! rea"y or be" an" Ta" be&an !o wri!e wi!$ a %encil on a !ra"i!ional
yellow %a"# 32ear Mis!er (owler# I0m sorry !$a! you !urne" ou! !o be a& an" all# I!0s !oo ba" !$a! you
became !$e mos! no!ewor!$y $y%ocri!e I0ve ever me! ace)!o)ace# /omeone s$oul" bea! your ass because
you ruin lives### bu! I woul"n0! "o !$a!# ;$y was!e my !ime- ri&$!4 6?indness is a treasure and it,s one
towards me you,ve seldom shown... 'o /,ll say it for good measure to all the ones like you /,ve known...
4ou know /,d like to shave your head and all my friends could paint it red#0 Ever $ear o @uns ?0 Roses4
7ou0re a !o!al cock# ;$y "i" you lose my mi"!erm4 I $o%e a come! comes rom !$e sky an" lan"s on
you### or I $o%e you walk alone in lie knowin& you0re "un&#5 Ta" conke" ou! over !$e c$es! $e $a" been
usin& as a makes$i! !able#
+ivian woke u% beore anyone else !$e ne9! mornin&# /$e rea" w$a! $er ne%$ew wro!e# /$e
s$ook $im un!il $e came !o consciousness# 37ou "on0! %lan !o sen" !$is# 2o you45
Ta" was &ro&&y# 3What45 He was "isorien!e" an" !rie" !o i&ure ou! w$ere $e was# In a ew
secon"s- $e remembere" !$a! $e was s!ayin& wi!$ $is aun! a&ain in <ana"a# 3T$is4 ?o# I! was a %ro=ec!# I
=us! wan!e" !o &e! my emo!ions se!!le"#5
37our !eac$er soun"s like a massive e&ois!8 2o you know w$a! !$a! means4 Here we are ba!!lin&
issues on many ron!s# ;e $ave !$e nine eleven !$in& an" now we $ave !$e "ir!y oil !$in&# ;$en we
%ro!es!- !$e %oli!icians an" e9ecu!ives are usually %roessional enou&$ !o !ake i! in s!ri"e# )eke 7owler-
!$ou&$- soun"s very uns!able !o me# He0s wai!in& or you !o "o !$is# I0m &uessin& !$a! $e provoked you so
you woul" acknowle"&e $is e9is!ence# 2o you know w$o 'le9 Jones is45 +ivian ri%%e" !$e le!!er rom !$e
yellow %a" !able!#
3'le9 Jones4 7ou sai" $e %re"ic!e" nine eleven### same as ;illiam <oo%er w$o &o! s$o! by
"e%u!ies no! lon& a!er !$e a!!acks#5 Ta" won"ere" w$a! $is aun! woul" "o wi!$ !$e le!!er#
3He s!rikes me !$is way# 'le9 Jones means well an" $e wan!e" !o be %resi"en! or a! leas! in
<on&ress# He0s somebody- bu! no! on !$e same level as Ronal" Rea&an# I Bbama sai" some!$in& !o"ay
makin& un o !$e way $e "resses- I0m almos! sure $e woul" "evo!e $is en!ire webcas! !o i!# 2oes !$e
%resi"en! res%on" !o every bi! o cri!icism $e &e!s- !$ou&$4 ?o# Because $e can0! "o i!8 T$ere0s !oo muc$
o i! ou! !$ere an" besi"es### ;$y woul" you "o i! i you coul"4 7ou can0! %lease everyone#5 +ivian
$an"e" !$e s$ee! !o $er ne%$ew#
37ou !$ink %roessor Heke (owler is !ryin& !o &e! a rise ou! o %eo%le4 He0s an i"io!### bu! I !$ink
you &ive $im !oo muc$ cre"i!#5 Ta" ri%%e" !$e %a%er in!o %ieces in ron! o +ivian# 3I0m no! &onna %lay
$is &ame8 I you !$ink $e0s !oyin& wi!$ %eo%le- I "on0! nee" any %ar! o i!#5
3;$a! were you &oin& !o "o wi!$ !$a! le!!er45 +ivian no!ice" (le!c$er an" Ramon comin& !o
consciousness# /$e $a" sle%! alone in !$e be"room#
3T$is45 In Ta"0s $an"- !$ere were !iny bi!s o yellow scra%s# 3I was =us! messin& aroun"#
Everyone wen! !o slee% an" I s!ill wan!e" !o !alk# I! "i"n0! mean any!$in&#5
3(ood# 2o you &uys wan! !o "rive ou! or breakas!45 +ivian looke" aroun" an" no!ice" !$a!
Bren! was wakin&# E""ie an" ?ancy were s!ill aslee% cu""le" by !$e couc$# 3Ta"4 2i" your !eac$er seem
insecure !o you4 ;as $e !$e kin" o &uy w$o %re!en"e" $e coul"0ve been some!$in& &rea! i so)calle" ba"
s!u"en!s "i"n0! $ol" $im back45
34eah# 'c!ually- you $i! i! on !$e $ea"# How "o you know %eo%le so well45 Ta"0s !on&ue el!
yucky an" $e wan!e" some mou!$was$#
3Jus! a $unc$- ki""o#5 +ivian wen! over !o (le!c$# 3(ood morning85 /$e knocke" $ea"s wi!$
$im !$en ran $er in&ers !$rou&$ $is $air# 3Rise an" s$ine85
+ivian0s &orvair was s!ill in 2a&mar an" so was (le!c$er0s "a"0s /mpala# Everyone &o! u% an"
&o! rea"y# T$ey "eci"e" !o $ea" !o Toron!o !o ea!# +ivian "rove (le!c$- ?ancy an" E""ie in $er <orvair#
Ta" "rove Bren! an" Ramon in !$e Im%ala# T$ey me! a! a .enny,s# 3He seeme" like suc$ a nice %erson
w$en I me! $im8 Have you rea" $is reviews a! 3ate2y-rofessors.com4 /o many s!u"en!s recommen"e"
$im85 Ta" was $un&ry an" lookin& !$rou&$ a menu#
37ea$8 I rea" u% on Heke8 T$a!0s w$y I didn,t !ake $im# (or every ive %eo%le !$a! sai" $e was
&oo"- someone was inuria!e" !$a! $e e9is!e"85 Ramon sai"#
3He soun"s like a %olari.in& &uy-5 (le!c$ inser!e"# 37ou0re e9%eriencin& 6co&ni!ive "issonance0-
Ta"# I0m &oin& !$rou&$ i! ri&$! now wi!$ !$e :ni!e" /!a!es &overnmen!# I remember bein& %rou" o
'merica un!il I oun" ou! abou! !$e "ark si"es !$a! !$ey %ar!ici%a!e in# The nine eleven stuff and the
concentration camp / documented in /ndiana# T$a! kin" o s!u# 2o you remember recen!ly !$a! some
2iMa&&io &uy ki"na%%e" some &al in /an 2ie&o an" was s$o! "ea" by (BI a&en!s in I"a$o4 T$a!0s w$a!
I0m !alkin& abou!# /ome!imes a amily member or a friend o !$e amily "oes some!$in& way- way ou! o
line# T$e min" "oesn0! acce%! !$ese !$in&s### bu! !$ey $a%%en# T$e min" re=ec!s !$ese %$enomena an" kicks
6em ou!# &ognitive dissonance# T$a!0s w$a! you0re &oin& !$rou&$# I you can "eal wi!$ i! soon- i!0s no
%roblem# I you "on0! know $ow !o move on- we0re !alkin& men!al !rauma# I !$ink you0re s!ron& enou&$
an" smar! enou&$ !o $an"le !$is#5
3,syc$olo&y4 I was enrolle" in a basic %syc$olo&y class w$en I was !akin& &eolo&y# ?Vbler$
3oss- ri&$!4 2'B2'# T$a!0s $ow !o remember "enial- an&er- bar&ainin&- "e%ression an" acce%!ance#
T$ese are !$e s!a&es o &rie# I was %u! in a classroom wi!$ a sanc!ione" "eran&e" %syc$o%a!$ic !eac$er# I
s$oul" eel some &rie or &e!!in& %ulle" ou! early- ri&$!4 I! was a no)win si!ua!ion !$ere# He $a" $is
%re"e!ermine" %e!s an" I was "es!ine" !o &e! railroa"e"# I almos! "i"n0! &e! in!o !$e class- by !$e way-
because i! was illin& u% as! an" I was %u! on an a"" lis!# I woul"0ve been be!!er o- i! !urns ou!- i I wen!
on !o some!$in& else# I !$ink I0m %as! an&er- ri&$! now- bu! I0m no! a! ull acce%!ance ye!# I!0ll come# I
know i! will#5 Ta" /!ree!s or"ere" $is breakas! !$en sai"- 3)eke 7owler $as been !o me w$a! <$eney an"
Bus$ $ave been !o you &uys# ;e won"er $ow !$ese &uys &o! !$eir =obs bu! w$a! can we really "o45
37ou0re ri&$!- Ta"-5 (le!c$ sai"# 3I0m &la" you0re makin& %ro&ress# I!0s bes! !o $an"le !$ese
!$in&s $ea" on# I!0s nice !o $ave su%%or!ive amily an" rien"s like you $ave $ere# ;e0re &onna make i!#5
3T$is &uy wasn0! %re!!y- uncle (le!c$# 7ou remember !$a! 2on Henley !une you an" aun! +iv use"
!o blas! on your s!ereo w$en I was a small ki"4 2ir!y Aaun"ry4 6/ could,ve been an actor but / wound up
here... / just have to look good / don,t have to be clear###0 ;ell- )eke remin"e" me a lo! o '>uidward rom
/%on&ebob /*uare%an!s### e9ce%! or !$e nose# His c$in was weak- !$ou&$# Maybe 3oger rom 6'merican
2a"0 mi&$! be more accura!e !o "escribe $im# +ig forehead and all# '!!rac!ive men lock !o Hollywoo" all
!$e !ime !o make i! as a ma=or silver screen ac!or# The great leading man# you know4 T$ere0s =us! no!
enou&$ slo!s !o make everyone in!o a bo9 oice sensa!ion# ,eo%le win" u% se!!lin& in lie# 6/ make my
living off the evening news... =ust give me somethingKsomething / can use###0 Many woul")be s!ars win"
u% as local !elevision anc$ors# In !$e aca"emic worl"- you wan! !o be %ublis$e"# 7ou wan! your ace on
<?? "a..lin& in!erviewers wi!$ min")blowin& !$eories an" !$e sor!# 7ou wan! !o be on some s%ecial
%resi"en!ial %anel o !$is or !$a!# )eke 7owler was !$e e*uivalen! o !$e "u"e w$o move" !o A' !o be !$e
ne9! Rock Hu"son### bu! ins!ea"- became Je Mic$ael#5 Ta" /!ree!s !$ou&$! abou! !$e 6co&ni!ive
"issonance0 i"ea# He el! a !in&e o &uil! or &e!!in& !$e ro!!en eelin&s o $is c$es!# / can,t hold this in.
/t,ll eat me- $e !$ou&$!#
3;$o0s Je Mic$ael45 +ivian aske"#
3/ome local anc$or on (o9# He !$inks $e knows every!$in&#5 Ta" !$ou&$! abou! a ew Aos
'n&eles area $o! wea!$er &als an" resis!e" $is ur&e !o !ell !$e &rou% abou! !$em# Ins!ea" $e sai"- 3I was
wa!c$in& !$e <B/ ni&$!ly news a cou%le o weeks a&o# 7ou know !$e national news wi!$ /co!! ,elley4
?or!$ 1orea was $avin& some kin" o commemora!ion or 1im Jon&)un an" some 'merican re%or!er was
!$ere in!erviewin& a la"y abou! !$e even!# /$e nee"e" a !ransla!or an" i! wen! some!$in& like !$isI 6;$a!
ri&$! "o you $ave !o s!a&e !$ese e9!rava&an! celebra!ions w$en !$ere are s!arvin& %eo%le in your coun!ry40
I0m %ara%$rasin& - o course# T$e !ransla!or aske" !$e ?or!$ 1orean la"y an" you coul" !ell s$e was
embarrasse" or !$e re%or!er# /$e almos! %re!en"e" !$a! s$e "i"n0! un"ers!an" !$e *ues!ion# /$e mus!0ve
been !$inkin& abou! our /u%erbowl $al!ime s$ows### an" $ow one in si* %eo%le in !$e :ni!e" /!a!es &oes !o
be" $un&ry8 /$e mus!0ve !$ou&$! !$e &uy was an i"io! an" !rie" !o "eer# 'n" !$en we $ave !$a! &hick$fil$
A con!roversy abou! !$e owner un"in& ,ro% Ei&$!# 2o we !ake care o !$e $omo%$obia wi!$in our
bor"ers4 ?o8 ;e !ell Russia !$ey s$oul" be as$ame" or !$eir "iscrimina!ion a&ains! &ays8 I0m !$e one
w$o oun" ou! !$a! )eke 7owler was a %ai" consul!an! or /$ell <ana"a# ;$y was $e in class %ro""in& us
!o %ro!es! !$e %e!roleum in"us!ry4 ;as i! a !ra%45
Bren! Hoover %oin!e" ou!- 37ou0re s!an"in& u% or &ay ri&$!s- i! seems### bu! you0ve calle" )eke
7owler a a&#5
37ea$4 I wis$ you woul"0ve been in !$e class wi!$ us# &reation 'cientists claim !$a! !$e ossil
recor" s$oul" be consis!en! wi!$ %ur%or!e" evolu!ion# T$is is calle" 6flood geology0# I you look in !$e
se"imen!s an" in" an e9!inc! s%ecies $i&$er !$an a s%ecies !$a! recen!ly s%run& u%- !$en !$e 7lood of 1oah
e9%lains i!# T$ere s$oul" be no reason w$y we s$oul" in" a "inosaur $i&$er u% !$an a %ossum or raccoon-
or e9am%le# T$ere0s a $ole in !$is !$eory# Tec!onic %la!es sli"e all over !$e %lace# They slide onto one
another# I!0s like cu!!in& a "eck o car"s# 'll o a su""en- w$a! was on !$e bo!!om one %lace is now res!in&
on !$e !o% o some!$in& else# /t happens# ;e see inconsis!encies in !$e ossil recor" because o !$is well)
known &eolo&ical %$enomenon#5
3'o45 Bren! won"ere"#
3;ell- we were ou! in !$e "eser! c$eckin& !$ese areas ou!# T$is is w$en I s!ar!in& $i!!in& i! o wi!$
!$a! Ju"y &irl rom class# 3emember / brought her home once4 Heke looke" a! me like I s$oul" be
as$ame"# ;e were =okin& aroun" wi!$ eac$ o!$er an" &i&&lin& a! !$is or !$a!# Muc$ o !$e class $a"
alrea"y s!ar!e" $ea"in& !owar" !$e se"imen!s# I! was only me- Ju"y an" Heke near !$e bus# Ju"y &rabbe"
$er back%ack an" ran !o ca!c$ u% wi!$ one o $er rien"s# I wasn0! in a $urry an" s!ru!!e" alon&# Then it
happened# Heke sla%%e" my ass like a s!ar *uar!erback %assin& a coac$ a!er a !ouc$"own# He sai"
some!$in& like 6go get them bones0 an" I "i"n0! !$ink a w$ole lo! o i! a! !$e !ime### bu! i! ma"e me eel very
uncomor!able#5 Ta" believe" $is s!ory woul" %rovi"e !$e %oin! $e was &e!!in& a!- bu! Bren! s!ill seeme"
unsure# 3T$ere0s a "ierence be!ween $omose9uals s$arin& love wi!$ one ano!$er insi"e !$eir own %riva!e
be"room### an" some %erver!e"- vul&ar %roessor makin& uncomor!able an" ina%%ro%ria!e %asses a! male
s!u"en!s# T$a! Bob (ilner &uy in /an 2ie&o4 ' &ran"ma an" a bunc$ o o!$er la"ies came ou! an"
com%laine" abou! $im# I be! i $e was $i!!in& on &uys- !$ou&$- !$ey woul"0ve swe%! i! un"er !$e ru& an"
labele" !$e "u"es as 6$omo%$obes0# I!0s wron&#5
3/o "o you !$ink o!$er so)calle" 6$a!e s%eec$0 s!u is !$e same4 /omeone0s ou! !$ere %ressin&
someone else0s bu!!ons un!il !$ey crack45 Ramon aske"#
37ea$# I !$ink i! $a%%ens a lo!-5 Ta" sai"# I! was early in !$e mornin& an" w$en everyone was
inis$e" wi!$ !$eir breakas!- !$ey s!uck aroun" or %ie#
Ta" "rove nor!$ alon& !$e !! !owar" Aake /imcoe# Bren! was ri"in& s$o!&un an" Ramon was in
!$e back# 3@uess w$a! coun!ry we0re in45
35h# <ana"a45 Ramon wan!e" !o %re!en" !$a! Ta" =us! aske" a s!u%i" *ues!ion bu! $e knew $is
%al was &oin& somew$ere wi!$ i!#
3Luebec# 'ccor"in& !o Joel @arreau- ?or!$ 'merica $as nine "is!inc! na!ions# 7ou can0! !rus! !$e
weal!$y es!ablis$men! !o !ell you !$ese !$in&s#5 Ta" $ooke" a ri&$! on Heral" Roa" !$en a le! on
;oo"bine 'venue# 3I was &oin& !$rou&$ aun! +iv0s books a! !$e cabin an" oun" The 1ine 1ations of
1orth America wri!!en in 1FL1# I! $el%s you conce%!uali.e w$a!0s &one on# Kuebec- (oun"ry- ?ew
En&lan">that,s what,s up here# (ur!$er sou!$ an" wes! you $ave 2i9ie- Brea"baske!- Islan"s- Em%!y
Kuar!er- Eco!o%ia an" Me9america#5 He !a%%e" Bren! on !$e s$oul"er# 3I !$ink i!0s un"er your sea!#5
3(le!c$er sai" !$e "ollar mi&$! colla%se an" ?or!$ 'merica coul" become a sin&le coun!ry#5 Bren!
reac$e" "own an" %ulle" !$e book ou!# He %asse" i! back !o Ramon#
3T$ere0s !wo ways I see i!-5 Ta" sai"# T$ey %asse" !$e /$awneeki @ol <lub# 3T$ose ric$ "u"es
%u!!in& aroun" a! !$ose coun!ry clubs4 I !$ink !$ey wan! !o s!ay in %ower# I !$ink !$ey wan! !$e ?or!$
'merican :nion an" a !o!ali!arian &ri% on !$e &eneral %eo%le# I !$ink !$ey ul!ima!ely wan! a one worl"
&overnmen!### a! leas! some o !$em "o#5
Ramon !$umbe" !$rou&$ !$e %a&es# 3;$a!0s !$e o!$er o%!ion45
3My aun! sai" some!$in& abou! ci!y)s!a!es### an" !$a! book kin" o !ouc$es on i!# /$e s%en! !ime
wi!$ my &ran"%a Horace in +ancouver# He !$inks !$e :ni!e" /!a!es can0! sus!ain !$eir &ri% on orei&n
bases# I!0s no! =us! a ma!!er o ma!$ema!ics wi!$ our "eb! an" sale o bon"s !o <$ina an" o!$er orei&n
coun!ries# Ri&$! now- we0re sellin& bon"s =us! !o cover !$e in!eres! on ol" bon"s# I! can0! kee% u%# T$e
lo&is!ics aren0! !$ere# Bur <on&ress is callin& or more an" more con!rols o !$e %o%ulous bu! !$a! !akes
resources like %e!roleum# How lon& can we kee% u% our naval lee!s4 How lon& can we kee% !rainin& =e!
i&$!ers4 Have you ever seen %ic!ures o ?ew 7ork- <$ica&o or Aos 'n&eles rom !$e air4 How many
millions o barrels o oil "oes i! !ake !o run !$ese ci!ies4 My &ran"%a sai" !$a! i!0s alrea"y $a%%ene" e9ce%!
!$a! %eo%le "on0! see i! or are in "enial# ;e0re alrea"y in a ci!y)s!a!e worl"# In !$a! book- !$ere0s a vas!
sec!ion o ?or!$ 'merica calle" !$e Em%!y Kuar!er# @ran"%a Horace sai" !$ese sec!ions are was!elan"s#
(re" rom 7ouTube recen!ly came ou! o !$e close!# 7ay or in"e%en"en! en!er!ainers an" ar!is!s- ri&$!4
?o# He &o! $ooke" u% wi!$ ?ickelo"eon# I $e "i"n0!- no one woul"0ve ever covere" i! on !elevision news#
7ou $ave !o make i! through one o !$e &rea! ci!y)s!a!es or you win" u% as a no one# 7ou win" u% as a
s!a!is!ic# 7ou win" u% as a number#5 Ta" "rove !$rou&$ Eas! @willimbury#
3;$o was !alkin& abou! @uns ?0 Roses !$e o!$er "ay4 I! was !$e same w$en we were !iny
babies# @ ?0 R was known as a Hollywoo" ban" because !$ey s!ar!e" on !$e /unse! s!ri% %layin& &i&s a!
!$e Ro9y# '9l Rose was rom In"iana- !$ou&$# T$ere0s e9ce%!ions !o every rule an" Jo$n Mellencam% $a"
alrea"y !aken !$e sole available 6mi"wes! rocker0 s%o!# '9l Rose $a" !o make i! through Hollywoo" in
or"er !o &e! on!o MT+# /ame wi!$ %oli!icians# <$eney lunke" ou! a! 7ale an" was a "ra! "o"&er# He $a"
!o make i! in ;as$in&!on- 2< or else $e0" be some ol" mec$anic or some!$in& in ;yomin&#5 Ramon
c$ecke" ou! !$e ma%s in !$e book# 37ou know4 T$is remin"s me o !$a! ?B< s$ow 6Revolu!ion0 !$a! =us!
s!ar!e"# T$e Monroe Re%ublic- !$e @eor&ia (e"era!ion an" so on# I !$ink <aliornia is i!s own coun!ry an"
w$a!no!#5 In minu!es- !$e !$ree &uys were a! !$e lake walkin& aroun"#
T$e boys con!em%la!e" !akin& a "i% in !$e wa!er w$ile +ivian was "rivin& across !own !owar" !$e
2a&mar co!!a&e# ?ancy was in !$e backsea! wi!$ E""ie# 3Homer <ock!ail !urns ive on 7ouTube
!omorrow-5 s$e announce"#
3Who,s "omer &ocktail45 +ivian aske"#
3/ome i"io!# He %os!e" $un"re"s o vi"eos an" mos! o !$e commen!s are $orriic# 62y ears are
bleeding0 an" !$a! kin" o !$in&#5 ?ancy s*uee.e" E""ie0s $an"#
32o you &uys wa!c$ Ray ;illiam Jo$nson or /$ane 2awson45 (le!c$ aske"#
3;ere !$ey !$e ones w$o make !$a! lyin& ca! vi"eo45 ?ancy a""e"- 3T$e one lyin& !$rou&$
ou!er s%ace45
3I0m no! sure-5 (le!c$er sai"#
3My ne%$ew was rea"in& abou! !$e 1ine 1ations las! ni&$!- (le!c$#5 +ivian "rove alon& !$e AAC#
3/%eakin& o 7ouTube an" all- I oun" some!$in& yes!er"ay !$a! was in!eres!in&# I! was a TruT+
6<ons%iracy T$eory0 e%iso"e !$a! was banne" in !$e :/'### bu! i! aire" once over $ere#5
3'n" i! $as !o "o wi!$ !$e 1ine 1ations45 (le!c$ aske"#
37es# I i! wasn0! banne" in 'merica- i! mi&$!0ve $el%e" men!ally %re%are you or !$a! Beec$
@rove !$in& you "i" earlier !$is year# I! covere" !$e $un"re"s o !$ousan"s o mass %las!ic coins !$a! were
in Ma"ison#5 +ivian looke" over Ma%le Aake# /$e wan!e" !o su&&es! !$a! !$ey s!o% bu! s$e el! e9$aus!e"
an" ke%! on "own !$e roa"#
3T$e !ie !o !$e 1ine 1ations is w$a!45 (le!c$er was curious#
3Bn January 11- 2010 E9ecu!ive Br"er 13P2L was si&ne"# T$is %u! in mo!ion a &ouncil of
(overnors an" "ivi"e" !$e :ni!e" /!a!es in!o !en re&ions# I! was brou&$! abou! rom !$e ?2'' an" in
!$eory is aime" !o $el% !$e :/ in $ar"core crisis mana&emen!### like i a nuke wen! o in Bal!imore#
Remember !$a! <lancy movie4 ;ell- i! !urns ou! !$a! !$e (e"eral Emer&ency Mana&emen! '&ency $as !en
corres%on"in& .ones# T$a!0s w$ere !$e +eech (rove cam% i!s in# 2o you know w$y (EM' "i"n0!
res%on" well !o 1a!rina4 T$ey weren0! se! u% or rescue o%era!ions no ma!!er w$a!0s wri!!en on %a%er#
T$ey were se! u% !o roun" u% %eo%le# T$a!0s !$e &oin& i"ea an" Beec$ @rove alls in!o Re&ion P w$ic$
inclu"es Minneso!a- ;isconsin- Illinois- Mic$i&an- B$io an" obviously In"iana#5 T$ere were a ew
secon"s o silence# 3T$is remin"e" me o !$e 1ine 1ations book#5
3I0m &la" !o be away rom !$e ma"ness-5 (le!c$er sai"#
Ta"- Bren! an" Ramon wa!c$e" yac$!s &o by an" !$ey wa!c$e" =e! skiers# Ins!ea" o swimmin&-
!$ey oun" a %lace !o ren! a row boa!# T$ey $ea"e" !o Aake /imcoe0s (eorgina /sland# 3;e can come $ere
in !$e win!er an" "o some ice is$in&-5 Ramon sai"#
Bren! $eave" as $e rowe"# 3How muc$ more was i! or a mo!or boa!45
3;e nee" !$e e9ercise#5 Ta" looke" aroun"# 3;ea!$er0s no! ba" now in 'u&us!### bu! I0m no! sure
I wan! !o be $ere in !$e "ea" o win!er#5
32ea" o win!er45 Ramon observe" a ew %eo%le is$in&# 3T$is is sou!$ern <ana"a8 2ea" o
win!er "oesn0! ma!!er like i! use" !o# (lobal warming# remember45
3Have you c$ecke" tm%.com la!ely4 <$ris Brown is in Hawaii an" s%raye" a mural wi!$ car!oon
mons!ers an" i! sai" 6uck !$e %olice0# /i&n o !$e !imes4 He also %ain!e" 6fruits piru0 w$ic$ is a reerence
!o !$e +loods# I woul"n0! brin& i! u%### e9ce%! !$a! 'aron Hernan"e. was %os!in& &an& si&ns an" %ic!ures o
$is !a!!oos beore $e was %icke" u% or mur"er# "e had just signed a forty million dollar contract and he
was boasting about some affiliation with the +loods# ;$a!0s !$e "eal45
37our aun! is always !alkin& abou! some cons%iracy !$eory or ano!$er# T$ey "on0! !alk !oo muc$
abou! &an&s- bu! I !$ink !$a!0s w$ere i! be&ins# ;$a! "i" your uncle (le!c$ say was &oin& on4 A schism4
Jus! like !$e <a!$olic c$urc$ many cen!uries a&o# ;e are s%li!!in&# T$ere are !$ose o us livin& !$e nine
eleven lie an" !$ere0s everyone else !ryin& !o "is!ance !$emselves rom 3ogues- as $e calls 6em#5 Ramon
!a%%e" Bren! on !$e s$oul"er an" !ook over rowin&#
Bren! %an!e" or a ew secon"s# 3T$e %o%e s!aye" on one o !$ese islan"s abou! !en years a&o# I
over$ear" someone in line a! !$e boa! yar"# 7ou know w$a! else I $ear"45
3;$a!45 Ta" aske"#
3T$e :ni!e" /!a!es is &onna $i! !$e "eb! ceilin& a&ain in mi")Bc!ober# Treasury 'ecretary 6ew is
&onna make an a""ress la!er !o"ay#5 Bren! inally cau&$! $is brea!$ an" swi&&e" a bo!!le o wa!er#
3I wis$ I coul" call 6em all cra.y# I0m !alkin& abou! my aun! an" everyone else- even you &uys#
Bu! i!0s $a%%ene" !o me#5 Ta" reac$e" in!o !$e lake an" s%las$e" some wa!er on $is ore$ea"# 3I kee%
wai!in& or every!$in& !o eel normal# I kee% seein& 1ero ea!in& &ra%es rom servan!s an" $avin& an or&y
wi!$ all kin"s o women in my min"### all !$e w$ile Rome is burnin& !o !$e &roun"#5
+ivian /!ree!s sa! on a blanke! in $er ron! yar" near !$e wa!er well# 3;e $aven0! really !alke"
abou! /$a.bo! blowin& u%### an" I !$ink i!0s a &oo" !ime !o "iscuss some o !$ese issues#5 E""ie an" ?ancy
were oolin& aroun" wi!$ eac$ o!$er near +iv w$ile (le!c$er ske!c$e" !$e surroun"in& area wi!$ some
colore" %encils an" an oversi.e" w$i!e %a"#
3I eel like I0m in a "ream-5 (le!c$er sai"# He visuali.e" /$a.bo! bein& alive aroun" !$em an"
s!ar!e" !o ske!c$ $im on!o $is "rawin&# 3,ar! o my min" is !ellin& me no! !o !rus! my memory# There was
no android with us# you know45
3Tom Mc1ay sen! an ou!ra&eous !e9!- Herman Eic$elber&er says !$a! Tom $as "ie" in co"e"
lan&ua&e an" I0ve receive" emails rom a ew %eo%le &ivin& "e!ails# Bne o !$em was Ma!! /!ubbs# He
sai" /$a.bo! an" 2ina$ were blown u% by Tom an" a team o /$a.bo! clones &o! reven&e by !ossin& $im
ou! o an air%lane#5 +ivian wa!c$e" (le!c$er ske!c$# 32oes !$a! bo!$er you4 Is i! some!$in& we s$oul"
!alk abou!45
3He men!ione" !$e ?illshot#5 (le!c$ %u! "own $is %a" o %a%er# 3He also men!ione" a marc$ in
2< in a cou%le o weeks# ,eace oicers are su%%ose" !o &o in!o !$e na!ion0s ca%i!al with guns an" "eman"
!$a! Bbama be im%eac$e"# T$ese &uys are %ar!ially coor"ina!e" by /$eri Joe- !$e &uy w$o !$inks Bbama
was born in 1enya# T$ey0re &oin& !o &o in!o con&ress%eo%le0s oices an" demand !$e im%eac$men!- !$e
re%eal o !$e 'or"able <are 'c! an" a slew o o!$er !$in&s# Tom !e9!e" !$a! i!0s a "iversion# He
men!ione" !$a! ?illshot#5
3;$a!0s !$e 1ills$o!45 E""ie aske"#
3;e all know !$e <I' $as been involve" in some *ues!ionable %ro&rams# Bne o !$em "eal! wi!$
remote viewing# T$rou&$ %syc$ic means- !$ey believe" !$ey coul" see wi!$ clari!y an" cer!ain!y !$in&s
miles away- even on o!$er con!inen!s# T$ey $a" sub=ec!s "o w$a! I0m "oin&# T$ey woul" ske!c$ w$a! !$ey
coul" see in !$eir min"### an" now !$a! we $ave sa!elli!es everyw$ere- !$ese !$in&s coul" be veriie"# Turns
ou! !$a! some $i&$ level %eo%le became convince" !$a! !$e !ec$ni*ue was reliable bu! oicially- !$e
%ro&ram en"e"# -roject 'targate# I0m %re!!y sure !$a!0s w$a! i! was#5 (le!c$er o%ene" u% $is %a" an"
s$owe" ?ancy an" E""ie w$a! $e was workin& on# 3I0m no 8incent 8an (ogh bu! I0m a li!!le be!!er !$an I
use" !o be in &ra"e sc$ool# T$e remo!e viewin& %ro&ram coul" be com%are" !o kara!e# I0" be above a
w$i!e bel! bu! below a black bel!# I was in !$e ,en!a&on wi!$ my "a" an" I ma"e !$e smoke rom burnin&
incense move a! my comman"# I &o in!o "enial w$en I !$ink abou! i! !$rou&$ou! !$e course o !$e "ay### =us!
like I can0! believe we $un& ou! wi!$ a so%$is!ica!e" robo! an" wen! !o amusemen! %arks wi!$ $im#5
3' black bel! a! remo!e viewin& coul" "o w$a!45 E""ie aske"#
3He coul" rea" !$e serial numbers rom a !wen!y "ollar bill in your %ocke!# He coul" !ell you
w$ere !$ey0re "evelo%in& nuclear wea%ons in !$e !$ir" worl"# 'n"4 He can see !$e u!ure wi!$ clari!y#
T$a!0s w$ere ?illshot comes in#5 (le!c$er !ook $is %a" an" s!ar!e" a new "rawin&#
3I! soun"s really s%ooky-5 ?ancy commen!e"# 3;$a! is ?illshot45
3T$e Mayans sai" !$e worl" was &oin& !o en" !$is %as! 2ecember- ri&$!4 T$ere was !$a! 2A2
movie an" i! $a" !o "o wi!$ solar lares# ;ell- E"war" /now"en>that guy who "erman Eichelberger
couldn,t remember whether or not he worked with>came across many secre!s w$ile $e worke" or !$e
?/'# Bne o !$em $a" !o "o wi!$ remo!e viewers seein& !$e solar lares ne*t month# T$e Mayans "i"
&oo" or comin& close !o %re"ic!in& !$is even!- bu! !$e <I' &uys !$ink !$ey $ave i! %e&&e"# T$is massive
solar lare is &onna ry all sa!elli!e circui!s w$en i! s%rin&s ou! o !$e /un# ;e0ll be %ro!ec!e" somewhat by
our a!mos%$ere bu! any!$in& in our orbi! will be .a%%e"# "undreds of millions will die# /now"en was in
Russia !alkin& abou! !$ese !$in&s# 'ny!$in& !$a! relies on sa!elli!es will be ren"ere" useless#
&ommunications will be out# 7ou can0! use !$e 'TM# /!ores will be s$u! "own# ;$a!ever0s in your &as
!ank will be all you $ave !o !ravel wi!$#5
3I! soun"s like a ear cam%ai&n-5 E""ie sai"# 3Bra"ley Mannin& was sen!ence" !o !$ir!y)ive years
an" now $e re%or!e"ly wan!s !o become a woman# 6/ might be cra%y but /,m not going to Alcatra%08
Remember !$a! car!oon4 T$ese &uys are pretending !o be cra.y so %eo%le will lay o# T$ey be&an serious
bu! :ncle /am "eci"e" !o ri% 6em new ass$oles# T$ey &o! scare"### an" now !$ey0re c$an&in& !$eir !une !o
&e! %syc$o!ic a&en!s o !$eir bu!!s#5
3T$a! mi&$! be !rue bu! i! "oesn0! mean !$a! i! coul"n0! be a cover or some!$in& else# +ivian &o! a
!e9! rom Ta" ive minu!es a&o !o le! $er know !$a! !$e &uys s!o%%e" o a! !$e lake# He also men!ione" !$a!
news is release" !$a! our "eb! ceilin& will be reac$e" in Bc!ober# T$is coul" be a "iversion# ,eo%le are
&onna be on e"&e !o see i !$e i!een $un"re" Russian !roo%s ire a! !$e 'merican %eace oicers### i i!
buil"s !o !$a! crescen"o# B!$ers are &onna wai! or !$is incre"ible ?illshot !$a! &overnmen! %syc$ics say
will !$u" $umani!y# 'll !$e w$ile- worl" renowne" economis!s like ,e!er /c$i know !$e ma!$ema!ic
reali!y o !$e bon" marke!- !$e e"eral reserve an" !$e na!ional "eb!# Bne o !$ese !imes- we0re &oin& !o &o
!o <$ina !o borrow more money an" !$ey0re &onna !ell us no# ;$a!0s &oin& !o $a%%en when we can0!
borrow anymore4 ?a!ional bankru%!cy- o course### bu! w$a! are !$e orei&n &overnmen!s &oin& !o "o4 ;e
owe !$em !rillions# ;$a!0s &onna $a%%en45
3(EM' cam%s45 E""ie res%on"e"# He lau&$e"# 3I !$ink I0ve reac$e" "elirium#5
+ivian s!oo" u% an" smile"# 3/ will gladly pay you Tuesday for a hamburger today85 /$e *uo!e"
;im%y rom !$e ,o%eye car!oon# 3;oul" anyone like some wine4 ;e $ave +ordeau* in !$ere#5
3I0" love some- $oney# ;$y no! brin& !$e w$ole bo!!le ou! $ere45 (le!c$ ske!c$e" an" !rie" no! !o
!$ink o !$e u!ure# He "rew !rees- some bir"s an" !$e blue sky#
I! was la!e evenin& an" Ta" walke" in!o !$e cabin wi!$ a i!y)%oun" ba& o rice over $is s$oul"er#
+ivian was on !$e loor rea"in& a book un"er a lam%# 3'un! +iv4 ;e &o!!a &e! rea"y#5
Bren! walke" in be$in" Ta"# He carrie" a i!y)%oun" ba& o beans over $is s$oul"er# 3Ho%e ya0
&uys like burri!os85
Ramon walke" in carryin& a bo9 an" a ba&# 3T$e lake is &or&eous-5 $e sai"# T$e bo9 con!aine" a
slow cooker an" !$e see)!$rou&$ ba& $a" a ew !rou!s#
3;e !alke" !o a ew locals abou! w$a!0s &oin& on# I! mi&$! be real- aun!ie# Every!$in& mi&$! s$u!
"own by !$e en" o !$e year# Luebec almos! became i!s own coun!ry back in !$e nine!ies# T$ere were all
kin"s o %eo%le !$a! believe !$a! i !$e :/ alls- <ana"a will s%lin!er# Luebec mi&$! $ave i!s "ay a!er all#5
Ta" se! !$e rice in !$e ki!c$en# 3;e $ave wa!er in !$a! well ou!si"e bu! I0m no! sure i !$a!0s enou&$#5
3;$y "o we $ave !o &o in!o survival mo"e45 +ivian aske"#
3T$ey0re &oin& !o s$u! every!$in& "own# I !$ey can0! %ay !$eir bills- !$ey0re &oin& !o ree.e all
kin"s o bank accoun!s# T$ey0re &oin& !o !ake over !$e &rocery s!ores# T$ere0s &oin& !o be army "u"es on
our $i&$ways#5 He &rabbe" a beer rom !$e ri"&e# 3T$ey0re =ackin& %eo%le in /yria ri&$! now wi!$ nerve
&as# There are no rules out there# 'riel Bar is a so)calle" Israeli mili!ary e9%er! an" $e0s %re!en"in& !$e
&asse" c$il"ren were merely $i! by cyani"e# .octors Without +orders say !$ir!y)si9 $un"re" ci!i.ens were
$os%i!ali.e" an" a ew $un"re" o !$em "ie"# &hildren# T$ey are $i!!in& c$il"ren- babies- an" women#
;orl" ;ar III is ri&$! aroun" !$e corner# I !$is !$in& "oesn0! s!rai&$!en ou!- we are lookin& a! bombs
everyw$ere8 T$e Russians are !ellin& us no! !o in!ervene wi!$ou! a :ni!e" ?a!ions resolu!ion bu! !$e
"unces un"er <$eney an" Bus$ alrea"y se! !$e %rece"en! "urin& !$e secon" Ira* war !o li% 6em !$e bir"#
I!0s no! lookin& &oo"#5
37ou &uys rela9 wi!$ your beer# ;e0re &oin& !o s!ay $ere an" !ry !o mana&e our ear an" %aranoia#
T$ere0s reason !o believe !$e cra% coul" $i! !$e an### bu! le!0s no! be ras$ abou! every!$in&#5 +ivian "rank
some re" wine# 32on0! &o ou! %ro!es!in&# T$a!0s $ow i!0s &onna s!ar!# T$e &overnmen! will $ave moles
see"e" insi"e o row"y crow"s# T$ese moles are &onna "o some!$in& $einous- like irin& &uns a! co%s in
rio! &ear# ;$en !$ey0re $i!- i!0ll make na!ional an" worl" news# T$is will be !$e be&innin& o !$e en"# I!
will be ?ent 'tate !imes a million# ;$erever you &o- i!0ll be s$oo! irs! an" ask *ues!ions la!er#5
3I0m arai"- aun!ie### bu! we0ve &o!!a "o w$a! we &o!!a "o#5 Ta" looke" a! Ramon an" Bren!#
3Ri&$! &uys4 ;e can0! be arai" !o conron! an ille&al %olice uni!- can we45
3I0" like !o live !o i&$! ano!$er "ay-5 Ramon sai"# 3Remember w$en Evan"er Holyiel" $a" some
o $is ear bi! o by Mike Tyson4 T$a!0s $a%%enin& !o us8 ?erve &as4 2rones s$oo!in& a! 'mericans4
?erve &as in !$e Mi""le Eas!4 1ot fair#5
3Bkay# I &e! i!-5 Ta" sai"# He wen! back !o !$e ri"&e an" &o! beers or Ramon an" Bren!# 3/o
!$is is a bi& s!a&e### e9ce%! !$a! %eo%le are &onna "ie# All the world,s a stage### an" !$is is massive
Broa"way &one violen!ly %rimal#5
3;$ere0s everyone a!45 Bren! aske"# He looke" aroun"#
3(le!c$er- ?ancy an" E""ie wen! !o !$e s!ore# T$ey were !$inkin& like you &uys# T$ey wan!e" !o
s!ock u% on basics# T$ey s$oul" be back any !ime- now# I "i"n0! eel like &oin&# ;e s!ar!e" !alkin& abou! a
killer solar lare ryin& all o our sa!elli!es# I s!ar!e" "rinkin& wine#5 +iv bur%e"# 3I0ll be ine#5
(le!c$ was "rivin& +iv0s <orvair back rom a &rocery s!ore in Toron!o# ?ancy was in !$e back
sea! wi!$ ba&s o oo"# E""ie was in !$e %assen&er0s sea! lookin& !$rou&$ %a%ers rom a manila envelo%e#
(le!c$er sai"- 3T$a! was a li!!le weir" back !$ere# 7ou woul" !$ink I0" be use" !o i! by now#5
3T$ere0s some &oo" s!u in $ere#5 E""ie li%%e" !$rou&$ loose %a%ers# 3The Truther +attalion4
I! remin"s me o Mon!y ,y!$on or some reason# T$e ,eo%le0s (ron! o Ju"ea- !$e Ju"ean ,eo%le0s (ron!
an" so on# T$ey0re all si!!in& aroun" se!!in& u% commi!!ees !o orm o!$er commi!!ees#5
3I won"er i !$a! &uy knew us-5 (le!c$er won"ere"# 3He looke" like someone rom a movie wi!$
$is lon& &ray bear" an" $is ominous il!$y brown $a!### w$ic$ was way !oo bi& or $is $ea"- I mi&$!
men!ion#5
3He %robably over$ear" w$a! we were !alkin& abou!-5 ?ancy sai"#
37ea$# He comes u% an"### ;$a! "i" $e say4 64ou want information on that 'yrian chemical
attack40 His voice was &ruy# I! !ruly el! like an ou!)o)bo"y e9%erience an" I was lookin& aroun" or a
"irec!or si!!in& on a c$air rea"y !o yell 6&5T:0 !$rou&$ one o !$ose cones#5 (le!c$ %eeke" over a! !$e
%a%ers#
E""ie !ook one ou!# 3I!0s a %rin!e" email rom 2avi" @oul"in& !o !$e oun"er o a :1 "eense
con!rac!or calle" 6Bri!am0# T$a!0s +ritam wi!$ an M or mouse- by !$e way# /oun"s like 6Bri!ain0### bu! !$e
memo rea"s- 6We,ve got a new offer. /t,s about 'yria again. Lataris propose an attractive deal and swear
that the idea is approved by Washington. We,ll have to deliver &W to "oms# a 'oviet origin g$shell from
6ibya similar to those that Assad should have. They want us to deploy our 5krainian personnel that
should speak 3ussian and make a video record. 7rankly# / don,t think it,s a good idea but the sums
proposed are enormous. 4our opinion405
3My o%inion45 (le!c$er aske"# 3I !$ink###5
E""ie in!erru%!e"- 3I!0s %ar! o !$e memo- (le!c$# 64our opinion40 is !$e inal line# 'n" i!0s "a!e"
rom January o !$is year#5
3;ell i!0s c$illin& because i! was almos! a year a&o e9ac!ly !$a! Barack ma"e $is 6re" line0
commen! "urin& a "eba!e# T$e email in your $an" was $acke" an" I "on0! know !$a! i! ma!!ers !$a! i!0s a
$oa9 or no!# The 'yrian Electronic Army has been alleged to put out counter$propaganda# ;$y "o !$is4
I!0s !oo s%eciic# I! looks like i! mi&$! be ano!$er alse la& o%era!ion# I! i!s in wi!$ every!$in& else# ;$a!
"i" !$a! man say4 6More money can be ma"e in one "ay o war !$an a ull year o %eace04 I "on0! know
!$a! i!0s economically accura!e bu! i! mi&$! be ano!$er ruse by !$e Mili!ary In"us!rial <om%le9# T$e
c$il"ren really "ie"# /,m sure of that# ;e0re lookin& a! ye! ano!$er (ulf of Tonkin- !$ou&$# ;e0re bein&
"rawn in# 2o you a&ree4 'm I o45
E""ie %u! !$e %rin!e" email in !$e envelo%e an" se! i! on !$e "as$# 3I!0s no! =us! !$a!# T$e Russians
are cau!ionin& us !$a! we be!!er &e! a :? resolu!ion# We all know it wouldn,t fly# ?o! only woul" Russia
ve!o a!!ackin& 'ssa"- I0m sure <$ina woul" as well# 'll i! !akes is one ve!o rom !$e ive %ermanen!
members o !$e 'ecurity &ouncil#5 E""ie almos! wis$e" $e was a :? ins%ec!or so $e coul" see irs! $an"
w$a! was &oin& on# He was rus!ra!e" !ryin& !o reac$ a conclusion base" o in!erne! inorma!ion an" a
orebo"in& el"erly man in a &rocery s!ore %arkin& lo!# 3T$is is ye! ano!$er a!!ack on 6rule of law0 as muc$
as any!$in& else# ;e0re one s!e% closer !o a one)worl" "ic!a!or comman"in& "es!ruc!ion on w$ims an"
"ece%!ion# Maybe !$e email was abrica!e" by some &ooball wan!in& !o !$row a monkey wrenc$ in !$e
&ran" mac$ine# I i!0s ye! ano!$er alse la& ma!!er- !$en i!0s makin& me eel like a $ouse ly bu..in&
aroun" a slee%in& %erson0s ear# ;$a! %ower "o we $ave anymore4 I!0s !ra&ic !$a! civilians were &asse"#
;$a! can we "o45
3E""ie45 (le!c$er knew !$e cabin was less !$an a minu!e away# 3I "on0! wan! you !o !ell +ivian
abou! !$is# I0m &oin& !o &o on ano!$er assi&nmen!# /$e0s $a" $er ill or now# I "on0! wan! $er !o men!ally
burs!# 7ou =us! %re!en" !$a! we "on0! know any!$in& abou! un"erlyin& mo!ives# ;e0ll =us! brin& u% ac!s
!$a! anyone knows abou! rom wa!c$in& T+# (our :/ "es!royers are $ea"in& in an" !$e Bri!is$ are
"e%loyin& =e! i&$!ers in <y%ress#5
3(ood deal# 2o you wan! us !o come wi!$ you on45 E""ie c$ecke" on ?ancy in !$e back#
3T$ere was a $o!el !$a! ell !$rou&$ a sink$ole near 2isney ;orl"# T$ere were also a bunc$ o
!rees ou! !$ere cau&$! on ilm allin& ri&$! in!o !$e &roun"# ;e0ll $ea" !o cen!ral (lori"a an" c$eck ou! !$e
swam%s#5 E""ie %ulle" in!o !$e "riveway#
3I love alli&a!ors85 ?ancy sai"# 37ou0re no! su%%ose" !o lus$ !$e babies "own !$e !oile! because
!$ey &row in!o $u&e mons!ers insi"e o sewers#5
3I !$ink I $ear" !$a! one beore-5 E""ie a&ree"# T$ey unloa"e" !$e &roceries# Bn !$e o!$er si"e o
!$e %lane!- :ni!e" /!a!es0 naval vessels %re%are" or ano!$er mili!ary in!erven!ion#
Ta"- Bren! an" Ramon s!aye" be$in" in 2a&mar# T$ey %re%are" or .oomsday an" !$ey $ike"#
E""ie- ?ancy- (le!c$ an" +iv !ook a (reyhound !o (lori"a# T$ey wen! rom Toron!o !$rou&$ 2e!roi!-
<$ica&o- ?as$ville an" '!lan!a# T$e i"ea was !o eel ou! !$e so)calle" '!lan!ic <orri"or as i! "evelo%e"
since !$e %assa&e o ?'(T'# <ons%iracy !$eoris!s o!en s%oke o !$e even!ual Bne ;orl" @overnmen!
%rece"e" by !$e Euro%ean :nion an" !$e ?or!$ 'merican :nion# Ma%s were %os!e" online ea!urin&
"ieren! $i&$ways rom Me9ico !$rou&$ !$e :ni!e" /!a!es !o <ana"a# Bne s$owe" !$e /u%er <orri"or
skimmin& !$rou&$ 1ansas# In %lace o a "irec!ional arrow- a "a&&er was su%erim%ose" s!abbin& !$rou&$
!$e $ear! o !$e con!inen!al :/'# E""ie si!e" !$rou&$ !$e %a%ers in !$e manila envelo%e $e $a" been
&iven# He was !ol" by (le!c$er no! !o men!ion !$e $acke" email rom Bri!am# E""ie oun" some!$in&
conversa!ional- 32i" you know !$a! i! woul" !ake !wo $ouse lies less !$an a $al year !o ill !$e %lane! !o
our arm%i!s i every e&& live" !o ma!uri!y an" re%ro"uce"45
3;ow85 (le!c$er sa! across !$e aisle rom E""ie# +ivian an" ?ancy were on !$e ar en"s a! !$e
win"ows# 3Tell me more#5
3;ebs!er Tar%ley>the guy 8ivian was talking about>!$inks T$omas Mal!$us $as some!$in& !o
"o wi!$ !$e "ea!$ cam%s aroun" !$e coun!ry#5 E""ie observe" a si&n welcomin& %assen&ers !o (lori"a#
3Mal!$us wro!e a %a%er in AFBC name" 6Essay on the -rinciple of -opulation0# ;$oever !$ose <arlyle an"
Bil"erber& %eo%le are- !$ey !$ink we0re be$avin& like unc$ecke" $ouse lies#5
3;$a! kee%s i! rom $a%%enin&45 ?ancy aske"# 3;$y aren0! !$ere lies u% !o our arm%i!s45
3&arrying capacity-5 E""ie sai"# He $an"e" $is s$ee! !o $er# 3Resources# <om%e!i!ion#5
3T$e Bil"erber&s are our com%e!i!ion45 ?ancy looke" a! !$e s$ee! s$e was &iven# 3;olves kee%
%o%ula!ions o "eer rom e9%lo"in&# I! says !$ey $ave a luc!ua!in& carryin& ca%aci!y# 6Man !$ou&$! $is
carryin& ca%aci!y was unlimi!e"-0 !$is !$in& says# 6T$e One -ercent believes i!s !$eir "u!y !o im%ose a
carryin& ca%aci!y beore !$e masses rava&e !$e %lane! like wil" locus!s#05 /$e $an"e" !$e %a%er back !o
E""ie# 3I "on0! know w$a! !o say# I "on0! wan! $ouse lies everyw$ere### bu! are !$ese "u"es su%%ose" !o
be !ryin& !o kill everybo"y45
3Bne o !$ose "ocumen!s says we were =u"&e" as a coun!ry# ;e "on0! "eserve &oo" lives# T$a!0s
w$y !$ey0re !rea!in& us like le%ers#5 E""ie looke" orwar" !o bein& on an airboa!# He $a" seen !$em many
!imes on !elevision bu! $a"n0! !aken a ri"e on one ye!# 'cross !$e bus aisle- +ivian0s $ea" res!e" on (le!c$0s
s$oul"er# /$e sle%! "ee%ly# 3;$a! are !$e our kin"s o c$emical wea%ons45 E""ie wen! back !o $is
ol"er# 3"ere# <$okin&- blis!er- nerve an" bloo"#5
(le!c$er s$us$e" E""ie# He coul" eel +iv wakin& u%# 3;$a! was !$a! you were sayin& abou!
ne%o!ism4 2an Kuayle $as a son name" +en w$o ma"e i! !o <on&ress45
+ivian looke" ou!si"e o $er win"ow# 3're we almos! !$ere ye!45
37es-5 (le!c$er sai"# 3E""ie $as a lis! o sink$oles w$ere we0ll visi!#5 T$ey ma"e i! !o Brlan"o
an" c$ecke" in!o !$e /$era!on# T$e ollowin& "ay- !$ey were inves!i&a!in& !$e remnan!s o !$e /ummer
Bay Resor! in <lermon!- (lori"a# Beore !$e /un se!- !$ey were on an airboa! ski""in& alon& ever&la"e
wa!ers# 3' week a&o in Aouisiana- !rees colla%se" in!o !$e swam% an" i! a%%eare" as !$ou&$ !$ey $a" been
c$o%%e" "own by 'wamp Thing lumber=acks### bu! i! was only a sink$ole#5
3T$ey0re all over !$e %lace ou! $ere-5 E""ie sai"#
32arlin&45 (le!c$e" el! like a lucky man# He wa!c$e" +iv0s "ark $air blow aroun"# He !$ou&$!
abou! Beyonce0s $air &e!!in& cau&$! in a an "urin& a concer!# 3+ivian4 I woul" eel more comor!able i
you woul" si! ur!$er away rom !$e %ro%eller#5 +ivian scoo!e" orwar" !$en (le!c$er !ol" $er- 3I $ave
&oo" news#5
3What is it45 s$e aske"#
3I &ave a ew mon!$s wor!$ o %$o!os !o your "a" w$en we were in ;$i!e Rock# I0ve el! like
suc$ a mooch over !$ese years### a! leas! or %erio"s $ere an" !$ere# He sai" $e was close !o &e!!in& me
some!$in& le&i!- maybe a coee !able book wi!$ ,u!nam# I &o! a !e9! messa&e rom $im a li!!le w$ile a&o#
'll i! sai" was 6i!0s a &o0 bu! I !$ink i! means I mi&$! $ave a lie o my own# I mi&$! be in"e%en"en!# I
a%%recia!e $ow your a!$er $as su%%or!e" us over !$e years# I &ave $im !$e /uma!ra s!u an" !$e Beec$
@rove work# I even &ave $im !$e ,olaroi" I !ook o you w$en we wen! !o /ou!$ 'merica#5 (le!c$er !a%%e"
$is ron! ri&$! %ocke!# 3I el! like Ainus carryin& a blanke!# I "on0! know w$a!0ll be in !$e book### bu! I
mi&$! be able !o !ell %eo%le !$a! I0m a %roessional %$o!o&ra%$er#5
3I0m $a%%y or you- (le!c$er#5 +ivian scoo!e" ne9! !o $im# 3;$a! will !$a! mean !o us as a
cou%le4 I never mean! !o !ra% you# I !$ink i!0s $orriic w$en I $ear !$a! women ski% !$eir %ills in or"er !o
&e! %re&nan!# I woul"n0! "o !$a!#5 +ivian was &la" !o be in swam%lan"# /$e "i"n0! e9%ec! !o see any
alli&a!ors bu! was $o%eul !$a! a ew woul" s%rin& u%#
3I "on0! like believin& !$a! I0m no! %ullin& my wei&$!# I was on !$e <I' %ayroll w$en <ornelius
was crus$e" an" I !$ou&$! you were %ancake" in !$a! "emoli!ion# I "on0! like !$a! line o work# /t,s not me#
I wan! !o believe !$a! I0m %u!!in& as muc$ in!o !$is worl" as I0m !akin& ou!#5 (le!c$ %a!!e" +iv0s !$i&$#
3;e coul" o%en u% a res!auran! like you wan!e" !o "o in $i&$ sc$ool# ;e can &o !$rou&$ our "reams rom
yes!eryear an" we can &e! !$in&s "one#5
3I0m $a%%y### like I sai"#5 +ivian coul"n0! %u! $er in&er on i! bu! s$e knew !$a! some!$in& was
wron&# 3;e0ll celebra!e w$en we &e! back#5 /$e !$ou&$! abou! mus!ar" &as- sarin an" %$os&ene# 1o one
has said a word about 'yria since we left Toronto- s$e !$ou&$!# "ave they lost their conscious0 Are they
just avoiding the issue0 /t,s not like us to avoid the day,s news. That,s big right now# 3I coul" see us
o%enin& a &rin"er s$o%-5 s$e sai"# 3T$a! woul" be nice#5 /$e rolle" $er $air u% an" %inne" i! in!o a ball#
/$e $el" (le!c$er rom be$in" an" wis$e" s$e "i"n0! eel clueless an" insecure#
(le!c$er Browne $ear" rumblin& in !$e sky# He looke" u%# T$ere were only clou"s#
3I0ll work or you-5 ?ancy sai"# 3'! your san"wic$ s$o%#5
E""ie <ally%so !$ou&$! $e $ear" !$e ro!or o a $elico%!er#
3;$a!0s &oin& on45 +ivian looke" u%war"# 32o you $ear some!$in&4 ;$a! are you &uys
lookin& or45
T$e noise became lou"er#
3;$a! is i!45 ?ancy aske"# /$e looke" !o !$e sky an" wa!c$e" a <H)1DF <ormoran! burs!
!$rou&$ low)level s!ra!ocumulus billowy %lumes# T$e lou" rescue co%!er $overe" above !$e airboa! !$en a
ro%e was !osse" "own# Bne by one- !$ree men in army a!i&ues lowere" !$emselves on!o !$e "eck in ron!
o +iv an" (le!c$#
3'ha%bot485 (le!c$er screame"# 3Is !$a! you48 I !$ou&$! you &o! e9%lo"e" in ?ew Me9ico85
(le!c$er was s!ar!le" a! w$a! $e was seein&# 'ha%bot made it out- $e !$ou&$!# Wait. 'omething,s wrong#
T$e o!$er !wo men !ook o !$eir $elme!s# T$ey also looke" i"en!ical !o /$a.bo!#
3My name is 'lvin Browne-5 !$e irs! '$22@ uni! sai"# 3I $ave i"en!ical %ro&rammin& as your
"e%ar!e" c$um- /$a.bo! Browne# I also $ave $is memories an" !$a!0s $ow I know you are a "ear rien"# I
am one o many '$22@ mac$ines- 6/0 s!an"in& or !$e ori&inal uni!- 'ha%bot# 7ou may !$ink you are
e9%eriencin& a las$back- o sor!s- because I "o no! $ave enou&$ lie e9%erience ye! !o be$ave wi!$ my own
ori&inal %ersonali!y# Time is s$or!- !$ou&$# I am accom%anie" by Bra" an" <aleb Browne# 7ou can &uess
!$a! you are !$e ins%ira!ion or our %rovi"e" surnames#5
3;$a!0s !$is abou!45 +ivian aske"# 3;$ere is 2ina$4 I know s$e was###5
3?a +lowwie#5 Bra" ma"e an 3e9%losion5 mo!ion wi!$ $is !wo $an"s# 3/$e is sca!!ere" all alon&
a cer!ain s!re!c$ o a ?ew Me9ico "eser!#5
3?o# I mean### w$y "i"n0! you crea!e ano!$er45 +ivian el! !$e ace o 'lvin# /t feels just like
'ha%bot.
3;$y "i" @o" crea!e '"am beore Eve45 <aleb aske"# 3;$y is !$e /un $o! an" !$e Moon =us! a
rock wi!$ no use45
This is definitely the same programming as 'ha%bot- +iv observe"# 3I0m su%%osin& you &uys wan!
!o blow !$is !aco s!an"45
3Blow !$is !aco s!an"4 B course85 'lvin "ance" similar !o Tony Manero in /a!ur"ay ?i&$!
(ever# He %oin!e" u% !o !$e sky !$en "own !o !$e "eck# He re%ea!e" !$e mo!ion a ew !imes !$en locke" $is
in&ers an" s!ar!e" !o wave $is orearms#
<aleb si&nale" !o !$e %ilo!# ' ro%e la""er "ro%%e" "own# 3&ome with us85
3;$a! abou! our boa!45 E""ie aske"# 'crew this. We,ll figure it out later. 5ncle 'am has sent
robots and / don,t know how to say 9no;#
?ancy- E""ie- (le!c$ an" +iv climbe" in!o !$e <H)1DF# 3;e0ve alrea"y con!ac!e" !$e %lace w$ere
you ren!e" !$e airboa!# 1ational emergency# ;e %ai" all your bills an" I le! a @,/ "evice s!uck un"er one
o !$e sea!s below# T$ey0ll &e! !$eir boa! back#5 'lvin %ulle" u% !$e ro%e an" la""er !$en s$u! !$e si"e
"oor# 3T$e %ilo!0s name is 6Eugene0 an" !$e "roi" w$o lowere" !$e la""er "own is 6(inne&an0#5
3;$a!0s !$e emer&ency485 (le!c$er wa!c$e" !$e airboa! become a !iny "o! in a lar&e mars$#
3;e mus! !ake you !o 2amascus85 'lvin reac$e" in!o a canvas ba&# 33ice cakes45 He oere"
oo" !o !$e !wo cou%les !$en %ulle" ou! bo!!les o wa!er# 3.rink45
3'yria48 ;$y "o we nee" !o be in /yria485 (le!c$er !rie" !o com%e!e wi!$ !$e roar o !$e
$elico%!er#
3/ said .amascus85 'lvin %o%%e" o%en a bo!!le an" "rank# 3;e are !alkin& ;orl" ;ar III $ere8
T$e Russians are warnin& !$e :/ mili!ary !o no! in!ervene# 's ar as I0m concerne"- !$e conce%! o !$e
na!ion is &one# I re%ea!- !$e conce%! o !$e na!ion is &one85
3Have you been s%eakin& wi!$ my a!$er485 +ivian aske"# 3He !ol" me !$a! every!$in&0s breakin&
"own in!o ci!y)s!a!es# Every!$in&0s a was!elan" in $is eyes i you "on0! live in an im%or!an! urban cen!er#5
3;e0re no! !$ere ye!# 7ou s!u"ie" thermite w$en /$a.bo! was wi!$ you# T$is a"ven!ure is abou!
sarin# ;e0re !alkin& c$emicals a&ain- bu! !$is !ime- we0re &oin& in!o !$e illusions o war# ;$ere were !$e
;M2s in Ira*4 ;$o s!oo" !o %roi! rom !$ese massive mili!ary e9cursions4 ;$o s!an"s !o benei! now4
're we cu!!in& o !$e nose !o save !$e ace485 'lvin coul" re&is!er !$e conusion in !$e $umans aroun"
$im# 37ou are !$e only %ure $ear!s le!# 7ou are !$e only ones willin& !o "ie or a %eaceul an" be!!er
worl"#5
3;$y coul"n0! you "o !$is yoursel485 (le!c$er won"ere" i i! was %ar! o 'lvin0s %ro&rammin&#
The odds that we,re the only ones left0 That can,t be. What,s the deal with everyone else0 The Occupy
protesters0 The Anonymous dudes on 4ouTube. Are they fakes0 Are their hearts just a tad smaller than
ours0 /s this robot e*aggerating the situation4
32o i! ourselves4 How lon& "i" i! !ake or /$a.bo! !o eel real !o you4 ' "ay4 ' week4 '
mon!$4 ;e are %ro&ramme" !o "o &oo" "ee"s- bu! you mus! remember !$e learnin& curve !$a! /$a.bo!
e9%erience"#5
37es8 I &e! i!85 ?ancy $a" an insi&$!# 3Molly <yrus !o!ally =us! became a woman in ron! o !$e
worl" a! !$e +M's !$e o!$er ni&$!8 'he,s like in 2adonna,s category now# ;e wa!c$e" $er &row u%-
!$ou&$8 /$e0s no lon&er an awkwar" li!!le weir"o "au&$!er rom a one $i! won"er coun!ry sin&er#5
3;ell sai"85 +ivian %a!!e" ?ancy# /$e aske" 'lvin- 3;$a! are we !o "o4 Talk to Assad4 <ruise
alon& wi!$ :? ins%ec!ors45
3I will re%ea! !$is over an" overI Art is a reflection of life# Jules +erne wro!e abou! !ri%s !o !$e
Moon an" voya&es un"er !$e sea beore ?eil 'rms!ron& an" submarines were aroun"# 7ou "i"n0! &o !o!ally
insane w$en /$a.bo! came in!o your lie because you $a" wa!c$e" Terminator beore# 7ou0re accus!ome"
!o !$e i"ea o robo!ics alrea"y# 6'simo0 is an incre"ible robo! buil! by Hon"a you can wa!c$ on 7ouTube#
He runs# He $o%s# 's ar as !$e 1inety$nine -ercent are concerne"- $e0s !$e bes! !$in& $umankin" $as !o
oer# @eor&e Aucas an" James <ameron are %ar! o !$e One -ercent- !$ou&$# 7ou all $ave been e9%ose"
!o !$e One -ercent an" you know a "ieren! reali!y !$an !$e common %erson# James <ameron knew abou!
'ha%bot an" $e knows a million o!$er !$in&s $e canno! "irec!ly !ell !$e %ublic# Ins!ea"- $e crea!es an!as!ic
movies w$ic$ s$e" li&$! on w$a!0s really &oin& on be$in" !$e scenes# Avatar4 T$a!0s w$a! I0m &e!!in& a!#
61ura!us0 was s$own !o !$e %ublic las! year# ' !$ir!een)oo!)$i&$ our)!on robo!ic e9oskele!on "esi&ne" !o
acili!a!e a $uman# T$a! was or !$e 1inety$nine -ercent !o see- !$ou&$# ;e $ave some!$in& or eac$ o
you !$a! will blow your min"85
3'lvin45 (le!c$er &rabbe" $ol" o !$e an"roi"0s s$oul"er# 3;e are losin& %eo%le in !$e :/
&overnmen! le! an" ri&$!8 ' ew mon!$s a&o- a&en! <ornelius /!uar! was smas$e" in !$e ,aul Bunyan
Ho!el### because /$a.bo! believe" $umans coul"n0! &e! !$eir s$i! s!rai&$!8 Jus! a week a&o- you "ro%%e" $is
re%lacemen! ou! o a lyin& aircra!8 <oul" you un"ers!an" !$a! !$ere mi&$! be a !rus! issue $ere45
3(irs! o all- i !$e :ni!e" /!a!es "eies in!erna!ional law again- we can believe !$a! i! wen! beyon"
a 3ogue %resi"en!# Human ins!i!u!ions $ave o%era!e" !$rou&$ou! $is!ory# Mis!akes are ma"e# ;$en
@eor&e ; Bus$ sai" 6screw you0 !o !$e :ni!e" ?a!ions in 2003- a mis!ake was ma"e# His!ory clearly
shows !$a! a mis!ake was ma"e# Bn !$e %remise o wea%ons o mass "es!ruc!ion- !$e :/' an" a coali!ion
o !$e willin& slau&$!ere" $un"re"s o !$ousan"s o Ira*i ci!i.ens# ' mis!ake# I an in!elli&en! %erson or
&overnmen! "oes i! a&ain- i! is now a $abi!# T$is is a $abi! we mus! break#5
3/$a.bo! was suc$ a fan o ; w$en we irs! &o! $im# ;$y are you cri!ical o $im45 +ivian
rubbe" (le!c$er0s back# (le!c$ release" $is &ri% o 'lvin#
3I $ave !$e same %ro&rammin& as /$a.bo! in re&ar"s !o lan&ua&e an" a ew o!$er !$in&s# I $ave
$is memory as well# /$a.bo! learne"# He was %ro&ramme" !o believe !$a! &overnmen! oicials be$ave" in
accor"ance !o &onstitutional law# 2urin& !$e mon!$s !$a! $e was wi!$ you- $e observe" coun!less
$y%ocrisy an" con!ra"ic!ions# ?o one wan!s c$il"ren !o "ie o sarin- or e9am%le# ;$y "i" !$e :ni!e"
/!a!es &ive sa!elli!e in!elli&ence !o Ira* in !$e la!e ei&$!ies w$en !$ey use" c$emical wea%ons a&ains! Iran45
'lvin "i"n0! e9%ec! so muc$ conusion# 3Have you $ear" o '&en! Bran&e45
3Bkay# I un"ers!an" w$a! you0re &e!!in& a!# Bur &overnmen! "oes i! over an" over# T$ey knew
,earl Harbor was &onna $a%%en an" !$ey le! %eo%le "ie# In 200L- "eclassiie" "ocumen!s s$ow !$a! !$e
(ulf of Tonkin inci"en! was s!a&e"# <ronki!e calle" i! a %$an!om a!!ack# I0m su%%ose" !o know !$is is
$a%%enin& a&ain#5 / can,t get my mind off the dying children. That wasn,t fake. Who would do such a
thing4 (le!c$er wan!e" !o consul! wi!$ +iv# His nerves were =i!!ery# He wan!e" !o se!!le on a %lan o ac!ion
bu! no i"ea woul" lock#
3I know you &o! our messa&e-5 'lvin sai"# 3T$e ol" man in !$e &rocery s!ore %arkin& lo!4 He was
one o our &uys# ;e lis!ene" !o your conversa!ions "urin& your !ri% !o (lori"a w$ile on !$e (reyhound# I
am %rou" o you &uys# 7ou really wan! !o win in lie85
36istened45 (le!c$er aske"# He %ulle" ou! $is i,$one# 3T$rou&$ !$is- ri&$!45
37e%# ;e knew $ow !o !rack you because o +ivian0s %$one in %ar!icular#5 'lvin reac$e" in!o $is
%ocke!# 3I $ave one !oo- you know4 I!0s !o blen" in wi!$ !$e crow"s# I "on0! nee" a s!inkin0 i,$one !o
make a call- !$ou&$#5
3I you0re like /$a.bo!- you $ave ;iki%e"ia in your circui!)ille" brain- you also $ave wii an"
@,/#5 E""ie rubbe" ?ancy0s le&# 32o you $a%%en !o like amusemen! %arks45
3'musemen! %arks4 I $ave no nee" or amusemen! %arks w$en I0m lyin& in this mac$ine85 'lvin
sai"#
3I like amusemen! %arks85 Bra" c$i%%e"#
3;$ere are we &oin&45 +ivian "eman"e"# 3I mean- i !$e :ni!e" /!a!es is as! becomin& an
in!erna!ionally known ou!law s!a!e- we can0! $ea" !o 2<- ri&$!45
3Bur $ea"*uar!ers are in 'n&uilla in !$e <aribbean# Every &rea! :ni!e" /!a!es businessman $as a
bank accoun! in an islan" near us8 Emilio Mola coine" !$e %$rase 6fifth column0. He marc$e" !owar"
Ma"ri" in !$e AB<@ /%anis$ <ivil ;ar an" !ook our columns o !roo%s wi!$ $im8 T$e fifth column %er!ains
!o !$e screamin& su%%or!ers alrea"y insi"e !$e ci!y8 Bver !$e years- !$is $as come !o be reerre" as
"issi"en! ac!ivis!s- %ro!es!ers an" sym%a!$i.ers# T$ey un"ermine au!$ori!y rom wi!$in# I was crea!e" by a
?or!$ro% @rumman clan"es!ine subsi"iary calle" 3ossum 2achinery /nternational- or RMI or s$or!#
@eneral 2ynamics- ?avis!ar- :ni!e" Tec$nolo&ies- Ray!$eon- Aock$ee" Mar!in- Te9!ron an" Boein& all
$ave corollary o%era!ions# Every %erson since AFF@ knew i! coul" $a%%en# Bne "ay- our !rue "emocracy
becomes a !yranny# Every con!rac!or $as a $i""en fifth column#5 'lvin was %lease" !$a! (le!c$er an" +iv
seeme" less conuse"# 3(or every our aircra! carriers buil! or !$e :/ &overnmen!- one was ma"e an"
sol" or %ennies !o a !$ir")worl" coun!ry w$o we coul" !urn !o in our $our o nee"# How "o we $i"e suc$
!$in&s rom !$e <$inese an" Russians4 ;e "on0!# ;e buil" smaller mo"els some!imes# In our case- we are
$ea"in& !o a $elico%!er carrier o !$e coas! o (lori"a#5
3Bu! w$a! abou! our own mili!ary45 +ivian aske"# 3Is !$is a case o nine eleven w$en we a%%ear
only as %$an!om bli%s on ?BR'2 screens### e9ce%! !$e opposite45
3'omething like that-5 'lvin a&ree"# 3Bne $an" never knows w$a! !$e o!$er0s "oin& in !$is
&overnmen!- you mi&$!0ve observe"# Mo$ame" '!!a !raine" a! Ma9well 'ir (orce Base in Mon!&omery-
'labama8 7ou woul" !$ink !$a! inorma!ion woul"0ve s%rea" like wil"ire a!er nine eleven bu! i! was los!
in !$e mi9# T$e 1inety$nine -ercent are &e!!in& robbe" blin" bu! !$ey are ull o "o& cra% ac!oi"s# T$ey
know w$o won eac$ season o 6Bi& Bro!$er0 on <B/ bu! !$ey "on0! know w$o !$e real +ig +rother is in
real lie8 T$ey lau&$ a! %eo%le like you an" believe in %seu"o)science# T$e si9!y)!wo s!ory 7irst /nterstate
+uilding burne" in Aos 'n&eles or more !$an si9 $ours bu! i! "i" no! colla%se in!o i!s own oo!%rin! as !$e
or!y)seven s!ory /olomon Buil"in&- WT& F- "i" in ?ew 7ork# T$e lar&er Twin Towers were a! leas! $i! by
air%lanes8 T$ey were "esi&ne" !o !ake mul!i%le $i!s rom airliners- by !$e way# In 200D- !$e !alles!
skyscra%er in <aracas $a" !$e !o% !wen!y o i!y loors burn bu! i! "i" no! colla%se# In 200P- !$e !$ir!y)
!$ree s!ory ;insor Tower was c$arre" in Ma"ri"### bu! i! "i" no! come "own#5
3;$a! "o you know abou! Tu%ac /$akur45 ?ancy aske"# 3;as i! !$e &overnmen!4 Is $e s!ill
alive45
3Tupac45 'lvin aske"#
Bra" o%ene" $is mou!$ in a lar&e B# 3<aliornia Aove5 s!ar!e" %layin&# '!er a ew secon"s- $e
aske"- 3Is !$is w$o you0re !alkin& abou!4 I $ave no!$in&# I know no!$in& abou! !$a!#5
3I !$ou&$! you $ave ;iki%e"ia in your $ea"85 ?ancy slu&&e" Bra"#
33ight8 He "ie" o in!ernal blee"in& a! DI03%m Aas +e&as !ime on /e%!ember 13- 1FFG#5 Bra"
rubbe" $is bice%# 3&harlie horse85
37ou0re no use85 ?ancy sai"#
T$e &rou% lan"e" on a carrier manne" by many '$22@ uni!s# T$ere was an '%ac$e an" a ew
Harrier Jum% Je!s on !$e "eck# T$ey s!reame" in!o !$e '!lan!ic Bcean an" &o! slee%# T$e ne9! mornin&
!$ey a!e breakas! an" cruise" alon&# In !$e a!ernoon- 'lvin &a!$ere" !$em !o&e!$er- 3I $ave news#5
3;$a! is i!45 +ivian aske"# /$e remembere" !$e <arnival cruise !$ey !ook in !$e <aribbean
earlier in !$e year# /$e looke" ou! a! !$e en"less wa!er an" !$ou&$!# We are moving so much faster than we
did on vacation#
3;orl" ;ar III mi&$! be aver!e"# 7our service in 2amascus mi&$! no! be nee"e"# To"ay- !$e
Bbama a"minis!ra!ion $as announce" !$a! !$e e"eral &overnmen! will ease u% i!s res!ric!ions on s!a!es !$a!
$ave le&ali.e" mari=uana#5
3'o8 ;$a!0s !$a! &o! !o "o wi!$ any!$in&45 (le!c$er !$ou&$! $e $a" &o!!en use" !o 'ha%bot w$en
$e was aroun"# He oun" $imsel rus!ra!e" a&ain# He !rie" !o s$ake i!#
3T$ey0re !$rowin& !$e %ublic a bone# ,olls $ave s$own !$a! less !$an !en %ercen! o 'mericans
wan! a war wi!$ /yria# ?one!$eless- !$e machine run by !$e Bne ,ercen! $as %resse" !$e bu!!ons o !$e
me"ia an" <on&ress# T$ey !$ou&$! Bri!is$ %rime minis!er 2avi" <ameron coul" ram a resolu!ion !$rou&$
,arliamen! bu! $e was blocke"# 's Aabour ,ar!y lea"er E" Miliban" s!a!e"- 6Evi"ence s$oul" %rece"e
"ecision- no! "ecision %rece"e evi"ence#0 &ooler heads have prevailed# ;e can all believe !$a! !$e Bri!is$
$ave re&aine" orm# T$e :ni!e" /!a!es- on !$e o!$er $an"- s!ill suers rom ascis! collec!ive men!al illness
s%rea" by Bus$ an" <$eney#5
3Bu! !$ey !$rew !$e %ublic a bone- ri&$!45 ?ancy aske"# 3;e mi&$! &e! sna%%e" ou! o !$e s%ell
an" be a re&ular "emocracy a&ain8 'm I ri&$!45
'lvin crosse" $is arms- 3Tellin& someone !$a! you0ve crosse" !$ey0re so)calle" red line reeks o
!$e cowboy !$inkin& o !$e %rior a"minis!ra!ion# T$ere is s!ill a %rocess# B!$er "emocra!ically elec!e"
i&ures s!ill nee" !o be in !$e loo%# 7ou can0! =us! !ell a lea"er o a orei&n na!ion !$a! $e0s !icke" you o so
you0re &onna sen" bombs $is way8 T$e core o i! is !$isI In 200L- Iran an" /yria a&ree" on a "eense %ac!#
/yria "oesn0! $ave a cra% loa" o oil reserves- as 'rab coun!ries &o# T$ey rank !$ir!y)i!$ in !$e worl"###
bu! !$eir %ar!ner- Iran- ranks third in !$e worl"# T$e i"ea is !$a! Bri!am- a :1 "eense com%any- se!s 'ssa"
u% on !$e c$emical a!!ack# T$e :/ res%on"s in !$e &uise o $umani!arian su%%or! knowin& !$eir &ross
ailures in Ira*- E&y%! an" Aibya# /ome!$in& like 1osovo is %ro%ose" w$ere !$ere are no boo!s on !$e
&roun" an" no 'mericans are $ur!# ;e all know w$ere !$is s%irals- !$ou&$#5
3+ritam45 +iv aske"# 3'm I missin& some!$in&45
3I !rie" !o $i"e i! rom you-5 (le!c$er !ol" $er# 3;e came across a cra.y)lookin& man in !$e
&rocery s!ore %arkin& lo! in Toron!o# He was sen! by !$ese &uys#5 He wave" $is arms a! !$e many /)202G
uni!s aroun" $im# 3Latar wan!e" !o rame !$e /yrian &overnmen!# ;e "i"n0! wan! !o s!ress you ou! any
more !$an you alrea"y were#5
3I!0s a mess# Bu! a! leas! we0re no! s%ee"in& !owar"s a worl" war now- ri&$!45 +ivian %inc$e"
$ersel an" el! a !iny %rick# 1ot a dream- s$e !$ou&$!#
3;$a! $a%%ens now4 2o we s!ill &e! !o mess aroun" wi!$ !$e robo! e9oskele!ons4 2o we &e!
"ro%%e" o an" con!inue on our !our o (lori"a sink$oles45 (le!c$er !rie" !o console +iv by rubbin& $er
arm bu! s$e %ulle" away# /$e was !ense an" "isorien!e"#
3;ell4 ;e wai!# T$is coul"0ve s%irale" in!o Ear!$0s worse ni&$!mare# T$e :1 was !$e :/'0s
%ar!ner in crime# ?eocons o%enly $a!e !$e :?# 6In!erna!ional communi!y0 !o !$em means 1ATO- i no!
solely !$e secre!ive workin&s o !$e <ouncil on (orei&n Rela!ions# T$ey0ve been $avin& !$ese %issin&
con!es!s# T$ere are seven coun!ries !$a! $aven0! =oine" !$e 1FFC :? conven!ion !o ban c$emical wea%onsI
Myanmar- 'n&ola- ?or!$ 1orea- /ou!$ /u"an- E&y%!- Israel an" /yria# T$is youn& cen!ury- so ar- i!0s been
s$oo! now an" ask *ues!ions la!er# What third grader developed the 5' foreign policy4 T$e :ni!e"
?a!ions ins%ec!ors will "o !$eir work# T$e na!ions will a&ree on some!$in& accor"in&ly#5 'lvin unol"e"
$is arms an" $is in&ers i""le" wi!$ $is c$in# He looke" in!o !$e sky- 3Have you $ear" !$e s!ory o ,u
!$e Ma&ic 2ra&on45
3Of course85 (le!c$er sai"# 3I love" !$e car!oon an" I use" !o sin& !$e son&. -uff the magic
draaaaagooon###5 He sun& !$en aske"- 3're we &oin& !o Honalee4 ;i!$ all !$e ba! s$i! a"ven!ures we
$ave- i! woul"n0! sur%rise me a! all#5
'lvin s!o%%e" !oyin& wi!$ $is c$in an" looke" somberly a! (le!c$- 3T$e Bri!is$ Em%ire is ,u-
you see4 T$e 'mericans $a" !$is incre"ible ree rei&n w$ile !$ey enable" !$eir reckless ac!ivi!y# I! was an
un$eal!$y co)"e%en"ency- !$ou&$# ;$en ,u le! an" los! $is scales an" all- Jackie 2ra%er !urne" in!o
Jackie ,a%er an" became a "e%resse" li!!le ki"#5
3That,s not how the story goes at all85 +iv sai"#
3My abili!y !o ormula!e ori&inal anec"o!es is a! or!y)!$ree %ercen! ca%aci!y# I! will become be!!er
in !ime#5 'lvin !urne" rom +iv !o (le!c$er# 3T$e %oin! is !$a! !$e :ni!e" /!a!es $as &o! !o &row u% or else
i! will be all alone in !$e worl"#5
3;e s!ill $ave 7rance-5 (le!c$er sai"# 3'n" Turkey- !oo#5
3(rance4 How lon& is !$a! &oin& !o las!4 T$e las! !ime !$is si!ua!ion %resen!e" i!sel- Bus$
boyco!!e" (renc$ &oo"s an" we all $a" !o call our oo" 6freedom fries0 an" 6freedom dressing0# T$a!
@eor&e ; Bus$ was a real cock# 7ea$- !$ere will be su%%or! i !$e :/ s!ar!s s$oo!in& i! u% a&ain# I !$ou&$!
you were "own on 'merica or all !$e "ea!$ cam%s an" $eavy)$an"e" surveillance %ro&rams#5 'lvin
%oin!e" $is in&er a! (le!c$0s c$es!#
3I!0s sym%a!$y is all# I "on0! know w$y !$is $a%%ens# Bne minu!e our own &overnmen!0s kickin&
!$e cra% ou! o us an" everyone0s ma"### !$en we $ear !$a! no one wan!s !o be our rien" anymore# Bur
economy is &oin& !o colla%se a! any secon"# I can0! un"ers!an" w$y we can0! in" balance# We used to
have balance#5 (le!c$ nonc$alan!ly swa!!e" 'lvin0s in&er away#
3How abou! a $elico%!er li&$! !o &e! our min"s o o !$is45 'lvin su&&es!e"#
3/,m with you85 ?ancy sai"# 3I "on0! wan! !o !$ink abou! ;orl" ;ar III un!il I see bombs
"ro%%in& aroun" me#5
T$e &rou% a&ree" !o ly aroun" !$e '!lan!ic# Beore !$ey boar"e"- (le!c$er aske" 'lvin- 3;$a!
"oes !$e 22@ s!an" or4 Is i! a ran"om number45
3T$e 6/0 s!an"s or 'ha%bot- as I $ave sai"# T$e 6202G04 T$a! will be !$e year !$a! an"roi"s $ave
e*ual ri&$!s wi!$ $umans- i no! more#5 'lvin w$is!le" !o Eu&ene an" (inne&an# T$ey loa"e" in!o !$e
&ormorant an" ascen"e" in!o !$e sky# ;$en !$ey lan"e"- !$eir carrier "i" an abou! ace an" $ea"e" !o
3ossum 2achinery /nternational $ea"*uar!ers in 'n&uilla#
I! was (ri"ay a!ernoon an" !$e be&innin& o !$e Aabor 2ay weeken"# T$e &irls s%las$e" in !$e
"ee% blue ocean wa!ers# (le!c$ an" E""ie loun&e" un"er an umbrella si%%in& on %iRa cola"as %oure" in!o
coconu! bowls# ?ine eleven was less !$an !wo weeks away# <er!ain "ays !ook on meanin& !o "issi"en!s
an" !erroris!s# T$e +oston +ombings $a%%ene" on !$e anniversaries o !$e ;aco sie&e an" !$e (e"eral
Buil"in& e9%losion in Bkla$oma <i!y# T$ese even!s coinci"e" wi!$ !$e e"eral !a9 "ea"line an" !$e
observe" commemora!ion o !$e be&innin& o !$e 'merican Revolu!ion in <oncor"# <ons%iracy !$eoris!s
%ur%or!e" !$a! !$e B, s%ill was no! a sim%le acci"en! an" i! coinci"e" wi!$ Ear!$ 2ay- an observa!ion a
week a!er !$e o!$er "isas!rous even!s# (or a ull "eca"e- /e%!ember eleven!$ was a!!ac$e" !o !$e Twin
Towers- ,en!a&on- /$anksville an" !$e ma"ness o !$e "ay in 2A# Bn !$e eleven!$ anniversary- "i%loma!s
in Aibya were kille" by an arme" an&ry mob# Bn /e%!ember 11- 2013 !$e I 7actor was sla!e" or a season
%remier### bu! on 'eptember ninth- %eace oicers %lanne" a marc$ in 2<# T$ere were rumblin&s !$a! !$ey0"
brin& !$eir &uns an" some!$in& coul" &o $orribly wron&# E9!reme blo&&ers believe" some %olice oicers
in s!ree! clo!$es mi&$! be an&ry enou&$ !o seek ou! !$e %resi"en!# T$e &irls loa!e" in <aribbean wa!ers
w$ile !$e &uys !alke" abou! !$e issues o !$e "ay# 3Bbama0s no! even &onna be in ;as$in&!on !$a! "ay-5
E""ie sai"# T$e /un was s$inin& $o! bu! !$ey were %ro!ec!e" in !$e s$a"e#
3;$ere0s $e &onna be45 (le!c$er aske"# 3'yria4 T$e :?45
3' un"raiser### in <aliornia# I !$ink i!0s unny# I really !$ink abou! !$ree or ive %ercen! o !$e
oicers wan! an arme" revolu!ion a! !$is %oin!# I !$ink !$ey an!asi.e abou! s!ormin& !$e ;$i!e House or
<a%i!ol Hill wi!$ &uns an" orcin& our lea"ers !o rea" !$eir com%lain!s# T$ey !$ink !$ey0re &onna be $ear"#
T$ey e9%ec! some incre"ible con&ressman !o say- 6;ow &uys8 I never !$ou&$! o !$in&s !$a! way8 I0m
&oin& !o conce"e !o all your "eman"s an" every!$in& will be back !o normal !omorrow mornin&805 E""ie
wave" !o ?ancy# I! looke" like s$e was !ryin& !o !ell $im some!$in& bu! $e coul"n0! make i! ou!# 3'lvin
was makin& un o !$e @B, on our way !o !$is islan"# In some ways- $e0s =us! like 'ha%bot- bu! in o!$er
ways $e0s way "ieren!# He calle" !$e Re%ublicans a bunc$ o 6yellin& bi!c$es0# He sai" !$e 2emocra!s
know $ow !o be$ave w$en !$eir &uy isn0! in !$e ;$i!e House# He *uo!e" Ain"sey @ra$am0s cri!i*ue o
Barack0s /yrian %olicy#5 E""ie !rie" a /ou!$ern accen!- 36The idea of telling the 'yrians we,re gonna
attack# how we,re gonna attack# what we,re gonna attack with and when we,re gonna stop is just cra%y to
me80 T$a!0s w$a! se%ara!es us rom !erroris!s- !$ou&$8 ;e0re civili.e"### or we0re su%%ose" !o be8 ;e !ol"
Ira* !$e very minu!e we woul" a!!ack in bo!$ (ulf wars#5
3T$ey are $y%ocri!es-5 (le!c$er sai"# 3T$ey are haughty# T$ey !$ink !$ey0re beyon" re%roac$#
T$ey can0! win elec!ions any more### a! leas! no! wi!$ou! .iebold ri&&e" com%u!ers !i%%in& !$e balance in
!$eir avor# T$ey0re very scary#5 (le!c$er was &la" !$a! !$ey woun" u% on a !ro%ical islan"# +ivian looke"
like s$e was !ruly en=oyin& $ersel# He $a" been concerne" abou! $er# 3'lvin sai" !$a! !$e $acke" email
!aken rom +ritam is s!ar!in& !o look like a or&ery# Jo$n 1erry s%oke abou! some o !$e evi"ence a&ains!
al)'ssa"# I! inclu"e" sa!elli!e ima&es w$ic$ s$owe" w$ere !$e c$emical wea%ons were launc$e" rom an"
w$ere !$ey lan"e"#5 (le!c$ !rie" !o or&ani.e $is !$ou&$!s# 3I "on0! know w$a! !o !$ink anymore# &ongress
"oesn0! mee! or ano!$er cou%le o weeks#5
3<on&ress4 I kee% &e!!in& !$e eelin& !$a! !$ey in!en!ionally %resen! "ecisive issues !o !$e %ublic###
like abortion during campaign season# Hal !$e %eo%le are &onna win" u% on si"e ' an" $al are &onna
win" u% on si"e B# I "on0! !$ink !$ey wan! us comin& !o a consensus on many !$in&s#5 E""ie s!oo" u%#
3're you rea"y !o =oin !$e women45 T$e &uys ran !o !$e ocean an" oole" aroun" wi!$ !$eir &irlrien"s#
(le!c$er !wirle" +iv aroun"# 3're you $avin& un or w$a!4 ;or" is !$a! we0re &onna see !$e
e9oskele!on sui!s even !$ou&$ we "on0! $ave !o "o ba!!le in /yria85
+ivian kisse" $er man# 32i" you an" E""ie i&ure a way or %ermanen! worl" %eace45 /$e
walke" away rom !$e wa!er an" $ea"e" !o $er wicker loun&e c$air#
(le!c$e" ollowe"# 3;e !$ink i!0s &onna &o one o !wo ways# /%eaker Boe$ner0s &onna $ave a
boner or a new war because $is con!rac!or cons!i!uen!s will s!u $is %ocke!s wi!$ money# Or they,re
gonna leave Obama standing because of political revenge or jealousy# Boe$ner usse" abou! Aibyan ac!ion
an" wan!e" !o im%eac$ !$e %resi"en! a cou%le o years a&o# I we s!rike wi!$ou! :? or con&ressional
a%%roval- someone mi&$! make a s!ink# These guys have been all about whims# keep in mind# 1osovo is
!$ere as a %rece"en! bu! !$ese ellows o!en are all !oo selec!ive abou! w$a! !$ey wan! !o see#5
3I can0! wai! un!il i!0s all over#5 +iv reac$e" "own in!o an ice bucke! or an oran&e %o%sicle# 3I
mean- lie mi&$! &o back !o normal# Bri!ain "eci"e" !o "eba!e an" vo!e# I like !$a! i"ea# ;e use" !o "o
!$a!8 I0m kin" o earul !$a! Boe$ner $as $is $ar" on or !$e war an" %us$es !oo ar8 <an !$a! $a%%en4
;e mean !o "o only air s!rikes !$en !$e alliance !$a! /yria $as wi!$ Iran kicks in- ri&$!4 Iran $as !$rea!ene"
re!alia!ion a&ains! Israel# &an,t this still lead to World War ///45
3I will no! worry abou! i! as lon& as we0re in !$is %ara"ise# -alm trees# <lean s$ore an"
mesmeri.in& ocean wa!er# I "on0! wan! !o leave#5 (le!c$er an" +iv c$a!!e" w$ile E""ie an" ?ancy swam
aroun"#
Rossum Mac$inery In!erna!ional0s !wo)s!ory $ea"*uar!ers were loca!e" a $al mile rom !$e s$ore
an" !$e buil"in& s!ron&ly resemble" a $o!el resor!# I! even $a" a c$eck)in "esk as a aca"e wi!$ an
a!!rac!ive rece%!ionis!# ' ew vaca!ioners s!umble" across !$e %lace once in a blue Moon bu! !$ey were
usually !ol" !$a! !$ere were no vacancies or !$a! !$ere was o season remo"elin& &oin& on# T$e %lace was
no! lis!e" on any getaway web si!e# T$e u%%er loor ac!ually ea!ure" oice s%ace or e9ecu!ives# /ayin&
RMI $ea"*uar!ers were merely !wo s!ories was no! accura!e# Em%loyees wi!$ securi!y clearance coul"
!ravel "owns!airs w$ere !$ere were !$ree basemen! loors ea!urin& labora!ories an" !o% secre! %ro=ec!s#
'!er (le!c$ an" +iv $a" enou&$ o !$e beac$- !$ey were !aken by 'lvin !o !$e lab w$ere '$22@ uni!s were
bein& manuac!ure"# 3I!0s like Halloween# Ima&ine !$a! we0re a s!ar! u% com%any makin& masks# Ri&$!
now- our or!e is !$e ace you see in ron! o you>the same one that 'ha%bot had# ;e0re &oin& !o "iversiy-
!$ou&$# 'll o !$e emales we make !$is year will look like 2ina$# ?e9! year4 T$ey can look like
anyone#5
3?e9! year4 I !$ere is a ne9! year85 (le!c$er was in awe o !$e %rocess o an"roi" buil"in&# Bne
'$22@ assis!e" a $uman en&ineer wi!$ !$e assembly# 3'lvin4 '! w$a! %oin! "o you believe you can "o
!$is wi!$ou! $uman assis!ance4 '! w$a! %oin! will '$22@ uni!s be e9clusively buil"in& i"en!ical clones o
!$emselves45
3;e can "o i! now# ;e $ave a %ar!ners$i% wi!$ $umans an" !$ere is no nee" !o c$an&e !$e way
!$in&s $ave been# /!a!us *uo is ine# ;e will work on o!$er orms o ar!iicial in!elli&ence# ?'/' $as
ma"e an an"roi" !$a! &oes abou! like a &orilla# I! can climb la""ers# Humans like !o see !$eir orm bein&
re%lica!e"# ;$y "o we nee" syn!$e!ic arms an" le&s- !$ou&$4 Ima&ine i we can %u! ake brains in massive
mac$inery### like !$a! !$ree)s!ory !ruck in 'lber!a- <ana"a>the one going through the tar oil# Human
environmen!al &rou%s !alk abou! 6%eak %ro"uc!ion0 an" !$ey say !$a! we e9%en" more oil !$an we e9!rac! in
cer!ain %laces### like the shale mines in &olorado# Bu! w$a! i $umans "i"n0! $ave !o run !$e %lace4 ;$a!
i !$e mac$inery ran i!sel4 ;$a! i we %lu&&e" in !o a solar %anel or a win"mill45 'lvin walke" alon& !o a
s!airway#
+iv ollowe" be$in" (le!c$ an" 'lvin# 3E""ie an" ?ancy are missin& ou!# Maybe !$ey0re $avin&
a be!!er !ime on !$e mo!or boa!- !$ou&$#5 T$e un"er&roun" lair seeme" e9!raor"inarily $i&$ !ec$# +ivian
won"ere" w$ere !$e eleva!ors were# Why are we using stairs4 s$e won"ere"#
T$e secon" un"er&roun" loor ea!ure" many scien!is!s in w$i!e robes# Mos! o !$em worke" in
ron! o microsco%es# 3.o you know what nano$technology is45 'lvin aske"# 3Rossum Mac$inery is as ar
alon& as anyone# ;e are a! !$e cu!!in& e"&e o all "evelo%men!s ri&$! now#5
3Hon"a $as a robo! name" 6'simo0 !$a! runs an" $o%s aroun"-5 (le!c$er recalle"# 3T$a! is w$a!
!$e %ublic sees# I0ve $ear" o nano!ec$ because o !$e me"ia !$rou&$ ?B< an" ?e!(li9# In !$e series
63evolution0- !$e worl" &oes "ark wi!$ou! elec!rici!y because o nano)bo!s# T$ey are !iny mac$ines !$a!
sel)re%lica!e like viruses# Bn ?e!(li9- I wa!c$e" a "ocumen!ary calle" 6Apocalypse "ow0# I! was abou!
!$e many ways $ow lie on our %lane! will %ossibly en"# (ray goo# I can0! remember !$e !erm !$ey use"# I
!$ink !$ey sai" !$a! !$ese nano)bo!s coul" &o ou! o con!rol# T$ey0ll !urn everything in!o &ray &oo#5
3T$a!0s science ic!ion85 'lvin sai"# He lau&$e"# 3/o was !$e 2oon lan"in& a! a !ime85 He
seeme" !o !$ink abou! i!# 3I su%%ose !$a! coul" $a%%en#5
3;$a!0s &oin& on $ere45 +ivian aske"#
3T$ese ine &en!lemen are crea!in& minia!ure ac!ories# T$ey are buil"in& !$in&s a! !$e atomic
level8 T$ey can buil" sim%le mac$ines !$a! !$e nake" eye canno! see# ;e can use !$ese nano)bo!s !o !ravel
in!o your bloo" s!ream# T$ey can unclo& ar!eries# T$ey can kee% us $eal!$y an" we can live lon&er#5
'lvin %ause"# 32o you see $ow I s!ar! !o be$ave as i I0m a $uman like you4 ,ar"on me# My bo"y $as no
use or nano)bo!s### bu! yours mi&$!#5
3T$ere0s a "ark si"e !o !$ese !$in&s#5 (le!c$er walke" be$in" one o !$e scien!is!s an" !rie" !o
i&ure ou! w$a! $e was wa!c$in& on a com%u!er moni!or# 3I! looks like a virus# Is i! a virus45
3+iruses $ave no me!abolism-5 'lvin sai"# 3T$ey inva"e a $os! cell an" screw wi!$ !$e R?'# I
we un"ers!an" !$e c$emical com%osi!ions o !$ese non)livin& subs!ances- w$y s$oul" we no! !ry !o re)
crea!e !$em45 'lvin walke" alon&# 3T$ere is a "ark si"e- yes# T$ey can be %ro&ramme" !o $eal an" !$ey
can be %ro&ramme" !o kill### =us! like nuclear ma!erials# <$ea% ener&y4 :l!ima!e "es!ruc!ion4 ;$a!0s i!
really ma!!er45 'lvin reac$e" ano!$er s!aircase an" wen! "own#
37ou are assemblin& !$e '$22@ uni!s by $an"- ri&$! now# Aambor&$inis are %u! !o&e!$er by $an"#
're you workin& on a mass)%ro"ucin& acili!y4 Is !$ere one alrea"y4 (or" ma"e !$e 2odel T like IHB,
makes %ancakes# Is !$ere &oin& !o be a "ay !$a! !$ousan"s or millions o /)202G robo!s are ma"e every
year45 +ivian s!ill !raile" 'lvin an" (le!c$ an" ma"e $er way "own !o !$e lowes! loor#
'lvin s!o%%e" an" !urne" !owar" (le!c$er an" +iv# 37ou un"ers!an" calculus- "o you no!4 Aie is
no! as sim%le ac!orin& in one or !wo variables !o un"ers!an" economics- or e9am%le# T$ere0s a lo! more
&oin& on !$an obvious in"ica!ors# ' real es!a!e inves!or mi&$! %ay a!!en!ion !o !$e lumber in"us!ry- or
e9am%le# I lumber s!ocks &o u%- i!0s likely !$a! !$ere is a "eman" or woo" !o buil" new $ouses#
Economis!s look a! !$ese in"ica!ors an" !$ey !$ink !$ey can see clear in!o !$e u!ure# Bu! w$a!0s &oin& on
in /yria ri&$! now4 ;$a! i !$e :/ s!rikes !$en Iran sen"s missiles !o Israel4 T$e s!ar! o ;orl" ;ar III
woul" ren"er many "omes!ic in"ica!ors obsole!e in a secon"#5
37ou "i"n0! answer my *ues!ion- 'lvin#5 +ivian %eere" across !$e room# T$ere were mice in
ca&es# T$ere were biolo&ical e9%erimen!s &oin& on# 3're !$ere o!$er %laces like !$is4 're you learnin& !o
buil" '$22@ uni!s more eicien!ly45
3;orl" ;ar III woul" s!ar! on /e%!ember !wen!y)i!$-5 'lvin sai"# 3I $ave (oogle in my wire"
brain# I &e! 4ouTube- 7a$oo- AboveTop'ecret.com an" millions o o!$er c$annels# /ou!$ 2ako!a sena!or
/$el"on /on&s!a" $as been connec!in& !$e "o!s# T$e si&ns were !$ere or nine eleven- by !$e way# ;illiam
<oo%er knew ?ew 7ork woul" be a!!acke" an" !$e &overnmen! woul" %e& bin Aa"en as !$e %a!sy# 'le9
Jones knew !$is- !oo# 7o* aire" a s$ow in Marc$ o 2001 calle" 6The 6one (unmen0 in w$ic$ !erroris!s
%lo!!e" !o $i=ack a =umbo =e! wi!$ !$e in!en! !o cras$ i! in!o one o !$e Twin Towers# T$e seven!y)%lus
fusion cells were crea!e" aroun" !$e coun!ry so !$a! !$e same mis!akes woul"n0! be ma"e a&ain# I! was sai"
!$a! local law enorcemen!- !$e (BI- ?/' an" so on were all on "ieren! %a&es# Many %eo%le believe !$ese
cells $ave %ar!ici%a!e" in non)'merican ac!ivi!ies like %e&&in& 3on -aul su%%or!ers as "an&erously
sus%icious %eo%le or some reason# A bumper sticker can get cops on your ass# nowadays. Back !o !$e
%oin!- sena!or /on&s!a" no!ice" scores o ominous ac!ivi!y rom (EM' an" 2H/# Bne %oin! si9 billion
roun"s o ammo# Twen!y)ei&$! $un"re" Russian MR', ve$icles# Millions o an!ibio!ics- wa!er %ouc$es
an" $ea!er meals !o be "elivere" !o (EM'0s 3egion < by Bc!ober 1- 2013# Re&ion 3 consis!s o
,ennsylvania- ;es! +ir&inia- +ir&inia- 2elaware- Marylan" an" ;as$in&!on- 2<# Washington# .&# guys8
T$ere are alrea"y i!een !$ousan" veriie" 3ussian !roo%s !$a! were brou&$! in since July### an" sena!or
/on&s!a" claime" !$ere are ac!ually !$ree $un"re" an" ei&$!y)si9 !$ousan" orei&n !roo%s $ere# Aan&ua&e
an" wea%on sys!ems !rainin& $a" !o be com%le!e" by Bc!ober irs!# There,s concern that the 2E3'
coronavirus is at play because the World "ealth Organi%ation held its second ever emergency meeting
recently# T$e ?a!ional @uar" mus! com%le!e i!s annual !rainin& by /e%!ember !$ir!ie!$# :/ mili!ary will
no! be allowe" !o leave rom /e%!ember !wen!y)i!$ !$rou&$ Bc!ober secon"# T$e Emer&ency Broa"cas!
/ys!em is %lannin& "rills aroun" !$is !ime#5 'lvin !urne" away an" s!ar!e" walkin& !o !$e ar en" o !$e
buil"in&#
37ou0re s!ill no! answerin& !$e *ues!ion abou! mass %ro"uce" an"roi"s85 +ivian ollowe"# 3're
you sayin& ;orl" ;ar III is aroun" !$e corner so i! "oesn0! ma!!er4 ;$a! is i!45
'lvin reac$e" !$e ar wall# He %oun"e" on a lar&e re" bu!!on wi!$ $is is!# T$e wall in ron! o
$im s%li! o%en $ori.on!ally an" i! le" !o a "ark room# 'lvin licke" on a swi!c$ an" s!e%%e" in# (le!c$ an"
+iv !aile" alon& an" !$e $i""en "oor close" be$in" !$em# T$ere was a sim%le woo"en !able in !$e mi""le
wi!$ a ew c$airs aroun" i!# T$ere was also a "ark re" cur!ain a! !$e ar en"# 'lvin sa! "own- 3I "on0!
know- +ivian# I0m !ryin& !o !ell you !$a! I $ave a bunch o inorma!ion in my $ea"### bu! !$ere is a lo! o
misinorma!ion# I believe !$ere are mass acili!ies somew$ere in cen!ral 'rica an" /ou!$ 'merica# I
$aven0! been !$ere ye!# I "on0! know !$e answer#5
3;$a!0s be$in" cur!ain45 (le!c$er aske"# He "i"n0! si! wi!$ 'lvin# Ins!ea"- $e con!inue" !o !$e ar
en"#
3B%en i!- (le!c$er#5 'lvin &o! u%# 3T$ere is a sur%rise you0ll like#5
(le!c$er Browne swun& o%en !$e cur!ain# T$ere were our robo!ic e9oskele!ons o "ieren!
colors# +lue# -ink# 4ellow and +lack# 3;$a! !$e uck is !$is485 (le!c$er Browne never cease" !o be
ama.e" by !$e an"roi"s an" by !$e $i""en elemen!s o !$e &overnmen!# 3They look like -ower 3anger
uniforms85
3I!0s a "is&uise-5 'lvin sai"# 37ou $i! i! on !$e $ea"# I can "ro% you in!o enemy !erri!ory wi!$
!$ese !$in&s# Have you ever $ear" o 6$i""en in %lain si&$!045 'lvin &rabbe" !$e yellow e9oskele!on an"
$an"e" i! !o +ivian# 3I!0s no! as li&$!wei&$! as a leo!ar" bu! i! "oesn0! $ave !o be# Bnce insi"e- i!0ll "o !$e
runnin& an" li!in& or you#5
(le!c$er li!e" !$e black me!al uniorm ou!# 3How0s i! work45 He looke" or a bu!!on#
3I!0s very in!ui!ive### like an i-ad85 He looke" a! (le!c$er# 3Rea"y45 He s%oke !o !$e uniorm-
3.onatello: / command you to open up85
T$e black s$ell s%li! o%en rom be$in" an" (le!c$er s!e%%e" in!o i!# 3Wow8 Try i! +ivian85
3I be! !$e secre! wor" o mine is one o !$e Teenage 2utant 1inja Turtles45 /$e wan!e" 'lvin !o
conirm $er sus%icion# 36eonardo: / command you to open85
T$e %ink uni! insi"e o !$e close! o%ene" u%# 31o# no# no:5 'lvin %u! $is $an"s u% =us! in case i!
ell ou!# 36eonardo: 'hut off:5 T$e uni! close" an" 'lvin !urne" aroun" !owar" +ivian# 33aphael8 7ours
is 3aphael85
(le!c$er was insi"e o $is robo!ic e9oskele!on an" walkin& aroun"# 3I!0s a lo! more sleek !$an !$e
Avatar !$in&# 2oes i! ly4 Aike /ron 2an45
3?o8 ?o! ye!8 I mean- we0re workin& on i!85 'lvin wai!e" or +iv !o !ry $ers ou!#
37ou were &oin& !o "ro% us in!o 2amascus wi!$ !$ese !$in&s45 +ivian el! nervous# 33aphael:
Open up85 Her uni! o%ene" an" s$e sli%%e" insi"e# /$e s!ar!e" %ouncin& aroun" wi!$ (le!c$er# 3;$a!0s
!$e %ur%ose4 Is i! bulle! %roo45 /$e walke" an" &o! use" !o !$e inner in!ui!ive con!rols# 3're !$ere
sensors insi"e !$a! "e!ec! w$ic$ way !$e bo"y is !ryin& !o &o45
3(le!c$er45 'lvin =o&&e" !o (le!c$er# 3I wan! you !o kara!e c$o% !$e !able#5
3What4 I "on0! know $ow !o "o !$a!85 T$e !able wasn0! ar# (le!c$er si.e" i! u%# 3Here i!
comes85 He li!e" $is arm u%### !$en $e lowere" i! !o !$e !able# He li!e" $is arm u% a&ain### !$en $e slowly
lowere" i! "own# He !ook "ee% brea!$s an" concen!ra!e"# He li!e" $is arm# 3"iiiiiiiiyyyyy:
4aaahhhhhh85 (le!c$er slamme" $is arm "own an" !$e !able s$a!!ere" in!o s%lin!ere" c$unks# (le!c$
smile"# 3+ivian4 I !$ink I know kara!e85
+ivian smile" back# 3;$a! else "oes i! "o45
'lvin wen! back !o !$e close!# T$ere were "rawers un"er eac$ uni!# 'lvin %ulle" ou! $elme!s an"
!ook !$em !o (le!c$ an" +iv# 3T$ese %rovi"e inrare" vision# 1ight vision# T$ey %ro!ec! a&ains! %oisonous
&asses# T$ey are bulle! %roo- by !$e way# T$ey oer communica!ions !o one ano!$er# 7ou will eel more
like a robo! as I eel more like a $uman8 I! works ou! or all o us85
+ivian %u! $er $elme! on# T$ere was a mirror o !o !$e si"e o !$e close!# /$e looke" a! $ersel#
3I eel like one o !$ose &ylons rom Ba!!les!ar @allac!ica#5
3I! can am%liy your voice- +ivian#5 'lvin sai"- 3;$enever you wan! some!$in& "one- say
63aphael0 irs!# I! can "is&uise your voice so !$a! you soun" robo!ic an" many o!$er !$in&s#5
33aphael: 6ift visor85 +ivian0s visor sli" back in!o !$e $elme!# 3Ra%$ael8 Jum% $i&$85 +ivian
s*ua!!e" !$en !rie" !o lea% !owar" !$e !wen!y)oo! $i&$ ceilin&# /$e almos! !ouc$e" !$e !o%#
3T$ere are &yros in !$e same %laces as '$22@ uni!s#5 'lvin e9%laine"- 37ou0ll be like a ca!- mos!
!$e !ime# 7ou can0! land wron& in !$ose sui!s# I!0s like !$e new cars !$a! %u! on !$e brakes on au!oma!ically
w$en !$ere0s a c$il" "ar!in& ou! o now$ere#5
33aphael: Open up85 +ivian &o! ou! o $er yellow uni!# 3T$a!0s really nea!-5 s$e !ol" 'lvin# 3I
nee" a res!- !$ou&$#5 /,m cra%y- s$e !$ou&$!# /,m dreaming or /,m cra%y. When is this going to stop4
RMI $ea"*uar!ers $a" !$e aca"e o a%%earin& !o be a $o!el resor! bu! i! serve" %rimarily as a
secre! "evelo%men! cen!er o !o% cu!!in& e"&e mili!ary an" "eense !ec$nolo&y# ?one!$eless- !$ere were
slee%in& *uar!ers on !$e irs! loor# (le!c$ an" +iv s!aye" !$ere w$ile E""ie an" ?ancy wen! islan" $o%%in&
rom 'n&uilla !o !$e 'n!illes- /ain! 1i!!s an" "own !o /ain! Aucia# I! was Aabor 2ay an" 'lvin $a" been
%re%%in& (le!c$er an" +iv on various worl" issues# 3I! looks like ;orl" ;ar III mi&$! be on $ol"-5 $e !ol"
!$em# 3,resi"en! Bbama $as "eci"e" !o wai! un!il <on&ress re!urns rom recess !o "eba!e in!erven!ion in
/yria# B course- !$ere $ave been some con&ressmen !$a! wan!e" $im !o be$ave like a $o!)$ea"e" "ic!a!or#
Bne o !$em sai" !$a! $e is !yin& !$e $an"s o u!ure %resi"en!s by wai!in&### bu! I believe $e mean! !$a! $e
coul" be !yin& !$e $an"s o u!ure dictators### like !$e ones rom !$e %revious a"minis!ra!ion#5 'lvin me!
wi!$ (le!c$ an" +iv in !$e same room w$ere !$ey !es!e" !$e robo!ic e9oskele!on ou!i!s# 3I wan! !o le! you
know some!$in&#5 'lvin briee" !$em aroun" a bran" new !able# T$e s$ar"s rom !$e one (le!c$er
smas$e" were cleane" u% an" &one# 3'ny!$in& can c$an&e a! any momen!# 7ou un"ers!an" trending-
correc!4 7a$oo !y%ically $as a !o% !en lis! o $o! !o%ics a! !$eir base web %a&e# ;ell- World War /// isn0!
!ren"in& as muc$ as i! $a" been in %revious "ays# T$in&s like 6democracy0 an" 6peace0 are on !$e rise#
,eo%le believe we mi&$! &e! ou! o !$is# I we &o !o war- a! leas! !$eir elec!e" lea"ers $ave a say in i!#5
3're you "ismissin& us45 (le!c$er aske"# 3I we0re $ea"e" !owar" %eace- we $ave no more use
or you# /$oul" we leave45
3?o# ;e0re no! ou! o !$e woo"s ye!# I wan! !o !ell you abou! 1ibiru# Have you $ear" o i!4
-lanet I4 I!0s !$e same !$in&# ;e $ave "iscusse" pseudo$science# ;e !alke" abou! thermite an" we !alke"
abou! !$e allin& o !$e Twin Towers# ;e0ve "iscusse" a! len&!$ !$e "isa%%earance o su%%ose" wrecka&e
rom /$anksville an" !$e ,en!a&on on nine eleven# 7ou brou&$! u% creation scientists an" !$e "eba!e
be!ween 6youn& Ear!$0 an" 6ol" Ear!$0 &eolo&is!s# I !$ink we even s!ar!in& coverin& 'cientology an" !$e
%ossibili!y !$a! aliens s!ar!e" !$e $uman race#5 'lvin looke" a! +iv# /$e seeme" "is!rac!e" or conuse"#
31ibiru is imminent#5
3?ibiru is imminen!4 ;$a! "oes !$a! mean45 +ivian "i"n0! wan! !o be !$ere any lon&er# T$e
mec$anical sui!s were un# /$e wan!e" !o be a! $er &ar"en in 2a&mar#
3?ibiru is !$is su%%ose" %lane! !$e si.e o Ear!$# /ome cons%iracy !$eoris!s claim !$a! i! is in !$e
same orbi! as !$e one we0re in aroun" !$e /un# ;$ere is i!4 ;$y $aven0! we seen i! !$rou&$ our incre"ible
!elesco%es4 ;ell- a la"y by !$e name o ?ancy Aie"er claime" !$a! s$e was a me"ium or e9!ra)!erres!rials
rom "is!an! worl"s# 'he claims that she knows of 1ibiru and she says the government is trying to hide it
from the populous# I! "oesn0! ma!!er i ?ibiru is ac!ual- you see4 I! ma!!ers !$a! %eo%le believe i! is ac!ual#
'ccor"in& !o Aie"er an" $er ollowers- ?ibiru is se! !o cras$ in!o Ear!$# The end of all life here# ?ibiru is
imminen!- you see45 'lvin "i"n0! "o muc$ !o c$an&e +ivian0s conuse" e9%ression#
32o you believe !$is is &oin& !o $a%%en4 I mean- you0re a robo! an" you %robably are s%eakin& !o
!$e Hubble !elesco%e a! !$is very minu!e### !$rou&$ your elec!ronic brain an" all# Is !$ere &oin& !o be an en"
!o lie $ere even i we aver! World War ///45 +ivian rubbe" (le!c$er0s !$i&$# /$e believe" $er
bewil"ermen! was s%rea"in& !o $im#
37ou ma"e !$e connec!ion- ma"am8 ;orl" ;ar III an" ?ibiru8 I! looks like cooler $ea"s are
%revailin&# How many !imes will we say !$a!4 'll o us are s!ill in collec!ive s$ock o !$e w$im)base" %as!
"eca"e# 1ibiru is imminent# T$a! is a co"e %$rase# I !$in&s sli%>if the hot heads regain control and
momentum>we can $ea" *uickly "own !$e bo!!omless s%iral# ;e can $ea" !owar" World War ///# ?ukes
will be lyin& an" un"er&roun" s$el!ers like !$is will be vi!al# 1ibiru is imminent# Ta!!oo !$a! in your brain#
I you &uys leave an" i you receive a !e9! messa&e rom me sayin& !$a! 61ibiru is imminent0- i! means !$e
s$i! $as $i! !$e an# I! means !$a! I0m a s!e% a$ea" o !$e mains!ream me"ia a! "eliverin& !$e mos!
im%or!an! messa&e ever !ol" !o $umankin"#5 'lvin no!ice" !$a! +ivian was ease" by !$e e9%lana!ion bu!
s$e seeme" !o wan! more# 3/!ay away rom 3egion <# I you0re ou! in !$e s!ree!s rin&in& a bell on a s!ree!
corner !ellin& everyone !$a! World War /// is breakin& ou!- you will be roun"e" u%# Ironically- you coul"
en" u% in one o !$ose cam%s like !$e one (le!c$er "ocumen!e" in Beec$ @rove# 7ou !ell %eo%le !$a!
1ibiru is imminent8 :n"ers!an"4 T$ey0re no! &oin& !o &o a!er crack %o!s as muc$ as !$ey0re &oin& !o
roun" u% %eo%le w$o know !$e ac!ual !ru!$# B course- you will only seem !o be a crack %o!# /ome o your
rien"s will un"ers!an" !$a! !$ere0s a $i""en meanin& an" o!$ers will !$ink you0ve ac!ually &one o !$e
"ee% en"#5
3Bkay85 +ivian el! be!!er# 31ibiru is imminent8 I can "o !$a!85 /$e smile"#
3Ae!0s $o%e i! "oesn0! come !o !$a!-5 (le!c$er sai"# 31ibiru is imminent# I &o! i!#5 He kisse"
+ivian !$en !ol" $er- 3I really wan! !o ca!c$ u% wi!$ E""ie an" ?ancy# T$ey0re scoo!in& aroun" on a
merc$an! boa! an" i! soun"s like !$ey0re $avin& a blas!#5
3T$a!0s no or"inary merc$an! s$i%-5 'lvin sai"# 3I!0s e*ui%%e" wi!$ incre"ible ire%ower# I!0s one
o our be!!er vessels#5 +ivian an" (le!c$er !$anke" 'lvin or $is inorma!ion an" $is !ime# T$ey walke"
ou! o !$e room an" %lanne" !o "o some sailin&# (i!een minu!es la!er- !$ey were aboar" !$e same <H)1DF
&ormorant !$a! $a" li!e" !$em rom a swam% in (lori"a# (inne&an lew !$em ou! !o !$e boa! w$ere E""ie
an" ?ancy were is$in& rom near Barba"os# '!er lowerin& !$emselves !o !$e "eck- !$ey cas!e" ou! is$in&
lines o !$eir own# E""ie &ree!e" !$em !$en sai"- 3I0m in %ara"ise# I never wan! !o leave# ?o oense- bu!
I0" ra!$er no! $ear any u%"a!es abou! w$a! violence $as $a%%ene" in any "is!an! lan"#5 E""ie s*uee.e" a
lime in!o $is &orona E*tra#
3I $ave !o !ell you one !$in&### because I !$ink you0" be in!eres!e"#5 (le!c$er %ulle" ou! a beer
rom an I&loo ice c$es!# 3I worke" on !$a! "ea!$ cam%### an" no one woul" believe me i I "i"n0! brin&
$ome %ic!ures#5 He %o%%e" $is bo!!le o%en an" wen! or !$e sal! an" lime# 3T$e concen!ra!ion cam%s4
;e0ve $ear" o !$em an" we0ve seen !$em# What was that one in Te*as4 I! was calle" 6resi"en!ial $ousin&0
or some!$in&### bu! !$ere was barbe" wire all over !$e %lace- ri&$!45 T$e bree.e was s!ron& ou!si"e# Eddie
is right about this place feeling like paradise- (le!c$er !$ou&$!# 3T$e cam%s- accor"in& !o 'lvin- are !$e
%os$ &a!e" communi!ies in <aliornia85
3What45 E""ie lau&$e"# 3're you =okin&4 2i" 'lvin cross a use45
3I!0s a *uaran!ine" sec!ion o !$e s!a!e# I!0s $ow conserva!ives =ail ric$ liberals# 2iseases- !o !$em-
aren0! =us! 1A"A an" so or!$# &ommunism is a "isease### like alco$olism85 (le!c$ swi&&e" $is beer#
36iberalism is a "isease8 2i" you know !$a! 'nn <oul!er sai" we s$oul" in&er%rin! all environmen!alis!s4
7ea$8 T$ey are !ryin& !o *uaran!ine !$e wors!>the most e*treme>liberals in !$e coun!ry8 T$ey crea!e
%$an!om mons!ers# T$e %a%ara..i4 ' lo! o !$em are $ire" by conserva!ives =us! !o screw wi!$ ric$
Hollywoo" liberals8 T$ey "on0! care abou! !$e %$o!os !$ey !ake8 T$ey $a%%en !o &e! %ai"- bu! !$a!0s a
by%ro"uc!# T$ey0re main &oal is !o $arass# T$ey wan! liberals- 2emocra!s an" all o !$eir enemies !o eel
unsae# T$ey wan! !$em !o s%en" !$eir wa"s on %risons#5
3By %risons- you mean !$e &a!e" communi!ies4 I!0s a ancy)lookin& %rison### !o a conserva!ive- a!
leas!#5 E""ie %on"ere" !$e i"ea# 3;e0ve been !alkin& a lo! abou! !$in&s $i""en in %lain si&$!# T$is woul"
be one o !$em#5
3I! "oesn0! make sense-5 ?ancy sai"# 3T$ere are conserva!ives livin& in !$ose communi!ies#
7ou0re !alkin& abou! Jus!in Bieber- ri&$!4 T$e %lace $e lives in <alabasas45
3;ell- !$ere are "e%u!ies in =ails# Jus! because you0re in a =ail "oesn0! mean !$a! you0re a criminal#
/omeone $as !o run !$e %lace# 2on0! you !$ink !$ese liberals w$o ell in!o bi& money believe" !$ey coul"
e9%erience a muc$ more careree lie4 T$ey always $ave a nei&$bor !ellin& 6em !o !urn "own !$e music-
!$ou&$# .on,t drive so fast# T$e w$ole %lace is a %olice s!a!e# I!0s no! =us! !$e slums# I!0s everyw$ere#5
(le!c$er c$ecke" $is line# He !$ou&$! $e mi&$! $ave a bi!e# Turne" ou! !o be no!$in& or else i! =us! &o!
away#
3I "on0! believe i!-5 E""ie sai"# 3I !$ink !$ey mean or !$ese %laces !o become volun!ary %risons###
bu! !$ere0s a way ou!# T$ere0s got !o be a way ou!#5
3;$a!0s !$e crime45 ?ancy aske"# 3;$a! "i" liberals "o !$a! was so wron&45
3'ccor"in& !o 'nn <oul!er- liberals are men!ally ill# T$en a&ain- s$e believes we s$oul" conver!
Muslim coun!ries !o <$ris!iani!y# How4 <ar%e! bombin& !$em is ine# I!0s ull o con!ra"ic!ions#5 (le!c$0s
irs! beer wen! "own *uick an" $e &o! ano!$er#
3're we centrists a&ain- (le!c$er4 ;e use" !o be cen!ris!s- ri&$!45 +ivian &o! a !ube o sun!an oil
an" s!ar!e" !o a%%ly i! !o (le!c$0s back#
He "i"n0! answer $er *ues!ion# 3/$e sai" !$a! i! was treason w$enever Bus$ woul" s%eak !o a
=oin! session o <on&ress an" 2emocra!s s!aye" sea!e" w$enever Re%ublicans s!oo" u% !o a%%lau"# /$e $as
!rie" !o =us!iy !$e s$oo!in& o s!u"en!s a! 1en! /!a!e an" sai" s$e was e" u% wi!$ $earin& abou! civilian
casual!ies#5 He sna%%e" ou! o i!# 3&entrists4 Honey4 <en!ris!s4 I "on0! know# ;e0re no! e9!reme
ra"icals# 1ot anymore# Maybe w$en we were !eena&ers### bu! no! anymore#5
3I remember 'nn <oul!er !alke" abou! 6&ree"y &ee.ers on 'ocial 'ecurity0# T$a! was unny#5
E""ie ac!ually &o! a bi!e an" s!ar!e" !o reel i! in# 3;e0re no! e9!reme ra"ials45 He !u&&e" a! $is line# 3I
!$ink we0" look !$a! way !o !$e common Joe ou! !$ere in 'merica0s $ear!lan"#5 E""ie reele" some more#
3;$a! we "o makes a lo! o sense !o us# ;e0ve seen !$e an"roi"s an" we0ve $ear" !$e !o% secre! news#5
E""ie %ulle" in a !wen!y)%oun" wa$oo# 3I0m almos! sure !$a! a re&ular com%le!e s!ran&er woul" "escribe
us as ra"ical some$ow#5
3I &uess you0re ri&$!#5 (le!c$ &rabbe" a ne!# 3Bur 6normal0 is "ieren! !$an mos! o !$e &uys we
wen! !o $i&$ sc$ool wi!$#5 (le!c$er $el%e" &u! !$e is$ an" !$ey rie" $im on !$e boa!0s &rill# 3/ure is nice
!o be ou! $ere#5 T$ey s!aye" on !$e wa!er un!il !$e /un wen! "own# T$e ne9! "ay- !$ey s%en! !$e ni&$! in
'ruba# By ;e"nes"ay- !$ey ma"e !$eir way !o !$e /ou!$ 'merica# T$ey c$ecke" in!o !$e 6idotel "otel in
,un!o (i=o# T$e %lace was like an" islan" e9ce%! !$a! !$ere was a !$in s!ri% o a sin&le roa"# "ighway !-
lea"in& !o !$e mainlan" o +ene.uela# T$is roa" ran alon&si"e !$e 2edanos .e &oro 1ational -ark#
<aracas wasn0! ar !o !$e eas!# T$ey !$ou&$! abou! $ea"in& !$ere# T$ey s$o%%e" or knick knacks !$en
s!rolle" !$rou&$ -ar>ue 6ouwerse# 3I! eels =us! like $i&$ sc$ool a&ain- "oesn0! i!45 +ivian aske"#
3"igh school4 I remember comin& $ere a!er &ra"ua!ion an" I wan!e" !o live $ere#5 E""ie looke"
aroun"# T$e %lace s!ill el! !$e same#
3(le!c$er4 Remember I was sayin& !$a! !$ere woul" be a bi& "eal ne9! week45 +ivian wa!c$e"
bea"s o swea! %our "own (le!c$0s ore$ea"# /$e knew $im well enou&$ !o believe $e was !$inkin& abou!
&e!!in& back in!o wa!er# 3Remember4 I! $a" !o "o wi!$ %eace oicers marc$in& in 2<4 /$eri Joe
'r%aio- %olice c$ie Mark 1essler- an" %a!rio! blo&&er Bob ,owell were &onna &e! all !$eir bu""ies an"
!$eir &uns an" !$ey were &onna "eman" c$an&e>real change>in ;as$in&!on45 +ivian was &la" s$e
brou&$! sun&lasses# I! was bri&$! an" i! seeme" !o &e! $o!!er by !$e secon"#
37es# B course# I! was !wo mon!$s a&o !o"ay#5 (le!c$er wi%e" $is ore$ea"# He coul"n0! $el%
s!in&y swea! bea"s rom makin& !$eir way in!o $is eyes# He s*uin!e" an" rubbe" $is nasal %assa&e#
3(our!$ o July- !$e bi& Tro=an $orse sur%rise### an" i!0s one o !$e irs! !$in&s we !alke" abou!#5
3I $aven0! $ear" muc$ abou! i!### w$ic$ scares me a bi!# I looke" online an" I even oun" ou! !$a!
Mark 1essler was suspended or &e!!in& so ra"ical on 7ouTube# Bu!4 @uess w$a!45 +ivian %ulle" ou! a
re" $an"kerc$ie rom a vin!a&e s!raw $an" baske!# /$e &ave i! !o (le!c$# 3Wear this# I $a!e !o see you
"renc$e"#5
3Bu! w$a!45 He !ook !$e clo!$ an" !ie" i! aroun" $is ore$ea"# 3;$a! is i!45
3/ome!$in& else is brewin&# I can $ar"ly in" any!$in& abou! !$e ,a!rio! Marc$ on !$e nin!$### bu!
I oun" some conven!ion !akin& %lace rom !$e nin!$ un!il !$e !wel!$# I !$ink maybe !$e %a!rio! &uys are
ali&nin& wi!$ o!$er &rou%s### bu! i! "oesn0! make sense because one o !$em mi&$! be !$e 2illion 2uslim
2arch a week rom !o"ay on /e%!ember eleven!$# 'lso- !$ere0s su%%ose" !o be !wo million bikers# I "on0!
&e! i!#5 +ivian !rie" !o make sense o i!#
3;ell4 I know w$ere we0ll not be ne9! week8 I "on0! wan! !o be aroun" %a!rio!s versus Muslims
versus bikers8 T$a! "oesn0! soun" &oo"#5 (le!c$ !ook o $is ban"ana- wrun& i! ou!- !$en %u! i! back on#
3Bne o /$eri Joe0s bu""ies was kille" !$e o!$er "ay# 'hot in his front yard# 'll !$e "e%u!ies are now
arme" wi!$ '()1P riles# I!0s a combus!ive si!ua!ion# I wan! !o make i! !o <$ris!mas# I ;orl" ;ar III
"oesn0! $a%%enJ i !$e ?illshot "oesn0! wreck our %lane!J i 2< makes i! !$rou&$ !$e conver&ence o
"ierin& ac!ions ne9! weekJ i !$e 3egion < !$in& ne9! mon!$ !urns ou! !o be $o! airJ an" i 'lvin an" $is
an"roi" bu""ies "on0! !urn evil on us### !$en I can brea!$e a si&$ o relie#5
3I0" like !o &o !o <aracas ne9!# ;oul" you like !o &o45 +ivian walke" wi!$ (le!c$er# /$e
remembere" bein& in +ene.uela in !$e la!e nine!ies# /$e wan!e" !o eel &i""y a&ain# /$e el! ol"# /$e
$ar"ly ever el! sorry or $ersel# /ome!$in& was brin&in& $er "own# /$e wan!e" worl" %eace# /$e $ear"
beau!y con!es!an!s say i! many !imes# 3;orl" %eace5 was a %o%ular !o%ic "urin& !$e in!erview %or!ion o a
%a&ean!# +ivian really wan!e" all o !$e violence !o en"# 3;$ere are all !$e oil %la!orms- (le!c$er4
+ene.uela ranks number one in %e!roleum reserves# I "i"n0! see any %la!orms ou! !$ere#5
3Maybe !$ey know $ow !o be$ave# .rill# baby# drill8 ;$a! woul"0ve $a%%ene" i /ara$ ,alin
became %resi"en!4 I be! 3uby,s in Hun!in&!on woul" $ave a %la!orm ri&$! ne9! !o i! by now8 T$e :ni!e"
/!a!es was !$e only coun!ry w$ic$ "i"n0! re*uire an emer&ency acous!ic swi!c$ on !$eir os$ore ri&s# A
hundred thousand dollars could have saved billions# ;$o buil! !$e !$in&4 Hallibur!on8 'u!$ori!y i&ures
won"er w$y %eo%le &o cra.y# Bn one $an"- you $ave Hallibur!on $al)assin& !$eir %e!roleum "rills in !$e
(ulf of 2e*ico an" on !$e o!$er $an" you $ave Hallibur!on buil"in& %risons everyw$ere# 2on0! like w$a!
!$ey0re "oin&4 T$ey $ave a prison or you8 I !$ink i! was ABFB !$a! %rison labor became le&al or %riva!e
%roi!# 'AE< s!an"s or 'merican Ae&isla!ive E9c$an&e <ouncil### an" !$ey make !$e %olicies# I!0s now
calle" !$e -rison /ndustrial &omple*#5 (le!c$ el! ain!# 3<an we &e! !o a %ool45
37es#5 / am so glad to be out of the 5nited 'tates- +ivian !$ou&$!# Those poor souls up there.
They can,t win. Each of Jem wants to turn the clock back and it,s just not gonna happen# 3I can use a "i%85
+iv scol"e" $ersel or &ivin& u% $o%e# Who knows0 2aybe the aliens take us to another planet: 2aybe
there,s a huge paradise on a distant world... and we get to go back to the beginning after all#
In ,ennsylvania- Herman Eic$elber&er s!oo" %rou" in a "ecora!e" army uniorm# 3I consi"er
mysel a &onstitutionalist# I really "o#5 T$e screec$in& o iron !rain w$eels &rin"in& !o a $al! was lou"#
Herman !urne" aroun"- almos! s!ar!le"# 36.omestic tran>uility0 means "ieren! !$in&s !o mos! o !$e
ci!i.ens aroun" !$is coun!ry !$an w$a! i! $as come !o mean !o me#5 /ol"iers unloa"e" cra!es o bo9es near
!racks# T$ey worke" "ouble !ime as i on a "ea"line# 3(or mos! %eo%le- 6"omes!ic !ran*uili!y0 means !$a!
!$ey0re nei&$bors can0! blas! !$e s!ereo a!er !en a! ni&$!#5 's ar as Herman was concerne"- no one was
really sure w$a! was &oin& !o $a%%en in a mon!$# I !$ere was a secre! %lan !o !ake "own !$e Twin Towers
u!ili.in& ?/' in!elli&ence on nine eleven- Herman was le! ou! o !$e loo%# I !$ere was a %lan !o roun" u%
'merican ci!i.ens in 3egion <- Herman was no! sen! a memo# He was smar!- !$ou&$# He knew !$e :ni!e"
/!a!es &overnmen! embo"ie" !$e c$arac!eris!ics o ?i9on more !$an @an"$i# I! was becomin& more an"
more vo&ue !o believe :/ &overnmen! oicials were crooks# /ome %eo%le believe" !$ey were u%s!an"in&
%eo%le in a !ouc$ si!ua!ion# ?obo"y anywhere woul" mis!ake !$em as @an"$i- !$ou&$# 3Ma!!$ew4 T$is
%lace### an" !$e %lace we0re $ea"in& is !$e very manies!a!ion o w$a! I believe domestic tran>uility $as
become in !$e mo"ern era#5
Ma!! /!ubbs a!e a $o! "o&# 3I! looks =us! like !$e %lace I worke" a! in Beec$ @rove### e9ce%! !$ere
is no barbe" wire ye!85 Ma!! $a" never been in !$e mili!ary bu! $e %urc$ase" clo!$in& a! an army "e%o! an"
was wearin& a camoula&e" ou!i!# 3I! was !ou&$ !o $ear abou! Tom# I "i"n0! like $im as a %erson>he was
mean>bu! $e "i"n0! $ave !o "ie#5 Ma!! wa!c$e" a row o !en ei&$!)w$eel 'tryker armore" ve$icles %ass
alon&#
37ou are a loyalis! an" !$a!0s w$y I recommen"e" you !o re%lace Tom# (or all %rac!ical reasons-
you are ac!ually re%lacin& <ornelius# Tom wasn,t in his position all that long#5 Two black $elico%!ers lew
$i&$ in !$e sky# ' !$ir" one lan"e" near Herman an" Ma!!# 3&ome on85 Herman $ea"e" !owar" !$e 5"$
@ &hopper an" =um%e" in# 3T$ey use" one o !$ese in !$e bin 6aden rai"85
Elwyn Hayes was alrea"y in !$e $elico%!er# Ma!! in!ro"uce" $im !o Herman- 3I wan! you !o mee!
a &oo" bu""y o mine8 Herman4 T$is is Elwyn Hayes# He $as amily in !$e ?/' an" I !$ou&$! $e0" be
!$e %erec! un"ers!u"y or me85
3(ood to meet you85 Elwyn s$ook Herman0s $an" an" !$e cra! li!e" in!o !$e sky#
37ou be!!er be &oo"85 Herman !ol" Elwyn- 3;e lew you in all !$e way rom <aliornia# I "on0!
know i Ma!! !ol" you### bu! we kee% losin& a&en!s8 I!0s no! !$e saes! =ob85 T$ey cau&$! u% !o !$e o!$er
black co%!ers above# 3T$a!0s !$e 'nnville Train /!a!ion8 Elwyn4 Have you been briee" on w$a! we0re
&oin& !$rou&$45
3I $aven0! been !ol" any!$in&# Ma!! calle" me las! ni&$! an" sai"- pardon my 7rench- 6T$e s$i! is
abou! !o $i! !$e an85 Elwyn Hayes wore a &ray uniorm# 3I0m a mec$anic# I "i"n0! &o $ome !o c$an&e# I
$ea"e" !o Jo$n ;ayne 'ir%or! an" &o! in !$is !$in&85
3T$e s$i!0s &onna $i! !$e an45 Herman aske"# 3I! mi&$!8 ;e "on0! know ye!# I0m ei&$!y %ercen!
%osi!ive !$a! (EM' will s!ar! roun"in& u% 'mericans ne9! mon!$### i no! a week rom now8 Ten miles !o
!$e wes! is Hers$ey- ,ennsylvania8 I0m almos! sure !$ey s!ill make c$ocola!e bars !$ere8 Ten miles !o !$e
nor!$ is (or! In"ian!own @a%8 ,o%ula!ion4 Bicially less !$an !wo $un"re"8 I!0s !wen!y !$ousan" acres o
!rainin& area- !$ou&$- an" a! any &iven !ime !$ere are !ens o !$ousan"s o %eo%le sca!!ere" $ere an" !$ere#
Muir 'rmy 'iriel" isn0! ar o# T$ey0re always "oin& e9ercises# In !$e mi")seven!ies- !$ere were more
!$an !$ir!y !$ousan" +ie!namese an" <ambo"ian reu&ees livin& !$ere# In ABC- !$ere was abou! !wen!y
!$ousan" <ubans8 7ou see w$ere !$is is &oin&45
31o... sir85 Elwyn barke"#
3Re&ion 3- Elwyn8 ;e are in (EM'0s 3egion <8 T$e :ni!e" /!a!es mi&$! no! be able !o %ay i!s
bills in !$e near u!ure8 T$a!0s &oin& !o leave a lo! o %eo%le !icke" o8 T$ey0ll !ake !o !$e s!ree!s an"
!$ey0ll $ave &uns8 ;$a! are we !o "o4 Ae! !$em s$oo! ran"om %eo%le all over !$e %lace45 Ma!! brou&$! a
brown %a%er ba& o $o! "o&s wra%%e" in oil# 3"ungry45 He !ook one ou! an" oere" i! !o Elwyn#
Elwyn "ecline" bu! Herman !ook i! wi!$ou! sayin& a wor"# 3I am $ere !o su%%or! you- ri&$! Ma!!4
;$a! s%eciically "o you wan! me !o "o45
33elay messages... and don,t break down85 Ma!! !ook ou! a !$ick sausa&e link an" s*uir!e" relis$
on i! rom a con"imen! %acke!# 3;e were in !$a! :<A' men!al acili!y or a reason8 T$ey %eere" in!o our
%syc$e# We have what it takes8 ;e can &o alon& wi!$ !$is !y%e o o%era!ion wi!$ou! raisin& a uss#5
3I "on0! like !o !$ink o mysel as a mean %erson### bu! a "u"e0s &o! !o "o w$a! a "u"e0s &o! !o "o85
Elwyn looke" "own# T$ey were lyin& over !$e B<! an" were near Memorial Aake# 3I eel like I0m in !$e
mi""le o an action movie- Ma!!$ew# I0m &oin& !o be ine#5
3I0ll $ave you know some!$in&- Mis!er Hayes#5 Herman Eic$elber&er !$ou&$! abou! !$e %eo%le on
!$e &roun"# He !a%%e" in!o conspiracy si!es every now an" !$en an" $e knew abou! !$e %aranoia !$a! !$e
black $elico%!ers inci!e"# Ma!! $a" even seeme" uneasy w$en !$ey irs! arrive" a! !$e 'nnville Train
/!a!ion# 37ou0re &oin& back !o !$e :<A' me"ical acili!y i !$is !urns ou! !o be a "ry run# I !$is $y%e
blows over- we0re &oin& !o $ave !o re)acclima!e you !o an or"inary worl"# I!0s like a "ecom%ression
c$amber- you see4 I!0s more o a %syc$olo&ical !ransi!ion !$an a %$ysiolo&ical one- !$ou&$# I !$e :ni!e"
/!a!es %ays i!s bills an" !$e %a!rio! &rou%s calm "own- we0re all &oin& !o $ea" back !o %ersonal norms# I
!$e Million Muslim Marc$ !urns ou! !o be !$ree $un"re" o""balls %ro!es!in&- we $ave no!$in& a! all !o
worry abou!8 ;e $o%e or !$e bes! an" %re%are or !$e wors!85
3Mis!er Eic$elber&er- sir4 I $ave been %re%arin& or !$is my w$ole lie# I know w$a! I0m in !$e
mi""le o# I know w$y I &e! !osse" aroun" an" I know w$y I &e! calle" !o "o "ir!y work#5 Elwyn looke"
"own a! ive !anks "rivin& alon& 'mmo Roa"# 3I am cra.y- Mis!er Eic$elber&er# In a sane worl"- I am
cra.y# In !$is worl"4 I i! in#5
T$e 5"$@ lan"e" near a lar&e- "ark &reen !en!# T$e o!$er !wo black $elico%!ers $ea"e" sou!$#
3Ma!!$ew /!ubbs4 I0" like you !o mee! Aewis (aulkner rom !$e (e"eral Emer&ency Mana&emen! '&ency#
To $is le!- !$a! is 2avi" @rossman rom !$e 2e%ar!men! o Homelan" /ecuri!y# Be$in" !$em a! !$e "esk is
/er&i :rnov rom E2E3&O2# He0s been ins!rumen!al a! brin&in& i!een !$ousan" o $is !roo%s !o
'merica an" many o !$em are $ere ri&$! now !rainin&#5
3-leased to meet you#5 Ma!! li!e" $is %alm in a &ree!in& &es!ure#
37ou will s$a"ow !$ese &uys an" make re%or!s !o me every evenin&# 6ogistics# I nee" you !o
mas!er lo&is!ics- Ma!!$ew# I nee" !o know $ow many %eo%le are movin& aroun"# I nee" !o know $ow
many %eo%le $ave become %roblema!ic# ;e aren0! ar rom Harrisbur&# T$ere is a minimum securi!y
%rison !$ere calle" &amp "ill# Aocals $ave com%laine" !$a! i! looks !oo scary o all !$in&s# I! $as a
%ro!ru"in& &uar" !ower an" s$iny coile" ra.or)s$ar% barbe" wire all over !$e %lace# T$e %risoners !$ere
will $ave !o be move" !o !$e Beec$ @rove %lace#5 Herman s!u"ie" Ma!!# (or !$e irs! !ime- i! looke" like
$e was &e!!in& col" ee!# He aver!e" eye con!ac! an" bi! $is li%# 3're we un"ers!oo"4 Ae! me make mysel
com%le!ely clear i I am no! un"ers!oo"# I !$e :ni!e" /!a!es o 'merica can no lon&er unc!ion as a
%eaceul "emocracy- we will "e!ain an" kill millions o olks w$o never a!$ome" !$a! suc$ !$in& coul"
$a%%en ou!si"e o an 'M< !$ea!re#5
3Ao&is!ics4 I un"ers!an" lo&is!ics# I un"ers!an" inven!ory con!rol#5 Ma!! !rie" !o assure Herman
!$a! $e was soli"# 3,eo%le $ave !o be %laces# I we nee" <am% Hill or res$- unruly ci!i.ens !$en !$e
inma!es alrea"y !$ere $ave !o be somew$ere else#5
34ou got it85 Herman !urne" !o Aewis (aulkner an" s$ook $is $an"# 3Teac$ !$em !$e ro%es-5 $e
sai" abou! Ma!! an" Elwyn# 3I0ll be back a! nine!een $un"re" $ours !o %ick !$em u%#5 Herman $ea"e"
back !o !$e c$o%%er an" lew away#
(le!c$er- +iv- ?ancy an" E""ie were $ea"in& eas! !ravelin& !$rou&$ -uerto &umarebo w$en
+ivian broke a silence# 3(le!c$er45 /$e was "rivin&# 3I $ave !$a! eelin& a&ain# 7ou know $ow I el!
w$en we le! /an (rancisco a ew mon!$s a&o45
37es# ;e were &onna &o !o ,or!lan" !$en !o <$ina### bu! we woun" u% &oin& !o Euro .isney#5
T$ere was no nee" or *ues!ions# (le!c$ sai"- 3Turn aroun" or s!o%#5
3I0m &oin& !o call (inne&an# I !$ink $e0s s!ill in 'ruba#5 +ivian %ulle" over !o !$e si"e o !$e roa"
an" calle"# 37inn4 ,ick us u%# I!0s &oin& "own# 'omething,s going down#5
Aewis (aulkner %ulle" ou! a ew black ol"in& c$airs an" oere" Ma!! an" Elwyn a %lace !o si!#
32o you know w$a! !$e irs! casual!y o war is45
3;omen4 <$il"ren45 Ma!! answere"#
3The truth85 Aewis $el" a !$ick bin"er wi!$ a (EM' lo&o on i!# He o%ene" i! an" looke" over !$e
irs! %a&e# 3T$omas Jeerson an" Jo$n '"ams bo!$ "ie" on July D- 1L2G### fifty years to the day after the
delivery of the .eclaration of /ndependence# <oinci"ence4 I you0re s!u%i"- you0" believe so8 Jo$n
'"ams com%laine" in a le!!er- 64ou physicians are growing so familiar with hemlock# arsenic# and mercury
sublimate and laudanum and brandy and everything that used to frighten me that / know not what you will
do with us#0 He "ie" in Massac$use!!s an" Jeerson "ie" in +ir&inia# ' mon!$ la!er- Jo$n Ran"ol wro!e-
6And so old 2ister Adams is dead# on 7ourth of =uly# too# just a half century after our .eclaration of
/ndependence# and leaving his son on the thrown. This is euthanasia# indeed. They have killed 2ister
=efferson# too# on the same day but / don,t believe it#0 Have you wa!c$e" Mon!y ,y!$on0s 6ife of +rian-
Ma!!$ew /!ubbs45
37es#5 Ma!! be&an !o s!u!!er- 34$y$ye$y$ye$yesss# I0ve wa!c$e" i! many !imes# B$)o$)over an"
over#5
32o you remember w$en +rian is $an&in& on !$e cross an" !$e bi&)nose" &al comes by4 /$e says
some!$in& !o $im85 Aewis s$u! !$e bin"er an" se! i! on !$e loor#
3/$e !$anks $im or bein& a martyr### bu! you an" I know !$a! $e was %u! u% !o crucii9ion by
acci"en!- am I ri&$!45 Ma!!0s ri&$! oo! nervously !$u""e" !$e &roun"#
Aewis observe" Elwyn an" was %lease" !$a! $e sa! calm like a rock# 3I !$ink Jeerson an" '"ams
were "one un"er by !$eir %$ysicians# Bo!$ men were ol"# I! was symbolic# Human na!ure "oesn0! c$an&e
a w$ole lo! over !ime# <onra" Murray is =aile" or !$e "ea!$ o Mic$ael Jackson an" we0re !o believe !$a!
i!0s some!$in& we only e9%erience in mo"ern !imes# T$e :// Maine is sunk near Havana an" i! s!ar!s !$e
/%anis$ 'merican ;ar# 63emember the 2aine: To hell with 'pain0 is w$a! everyone was s$ou!in& an"
s%rea"in& aroun"# ;as i! a alse la& even!4 T$e s$i% %robably $i! a <uban mine an" !$ey knew 'pain
woul" be blame"# 'n e9cuse or war4 <ra%8 I even !$ink I $ear" someone recen!ly say i! was ne&li&en!
s!ora&e o our own ammo in !$a! ri&&in0 boa!8 ;$ose aul! is i! a! !$e en" o !$e "ay45
3/ir4 7ou kee% askin& *ues!ions an" I "on0! $ave !ime !o answer-5 Ma!! claime"#
3T$e truth is !$e irs! casual!y o war8 T$a!0s w$a! I wan! you !o remember- $ere8 I!0s a!!ribu!e" !o
a $is!orical (reek &uy- 'esc$ylus85 Aewis %oin!e" !o !$e bin"er a! $is ee!# 3I!0s in !$ere somew$ere8 'n"
la!er aroun" ;orl" ;ar I- <aliornia sena!or Hiram Jo$nson sai" i! a&ain8 @uess w$en that &uy "ie"45
Aewis wai!e" or an answer !$is !ime#
3The 7ourth of =uly45 Ma!! looke" over a! Elwyn# 3're you ollowin& !$is45 Elwyn s$ook $is
$ea" 3no5 !$en %u! on a locke" s!one ace a&ain#
3He "ie" on !$e "ay !$a! !$e :/ "ro%%e" an a!omic bomb on Hiros$ima85 Aewis $an"e" !$e
(EM' bin"er !o Ma!!# 32o you !$ink !$ese !$in&s are coinci"ences4 Br "o you believe !$a! %eo%le like
you an" me e9is!45
3Oh85 ' li&$! bulb li! u% in Ma!!0s min"# 3I &e! i!8 ;e0re !$e %$ysicians an" we &ive nine eleven
a""i!ional meanin& ne9! week85 He li%%e" !$rou&$ %a&es an" !rie" !o in&es! !$e &eneral con!en!# 3;ow8 I
eel like we0re makin& %lans rom !$e "all of .oom#5
+ivian looke" "own a! !$e cour!yar" in ron! o 3ossum 2achinery /nternational $ea"*uar!ers as
!$eir $elico%!er "escen"e"# T$ere were !en '$22@ uni!s si!ua!e" in a %yrami" orm wi!$ one an"roi" in
ron!- !wo in !$e secon" row- !$ree in !$e !$ir"- an" our in !$e our!$# T$ey were wearin& business sui!s
an" !$ey were movin& abou!# ;$en !$e &"$A!B lan"e"- s$e &o! ou! an" reali.e" w$a! was &oin& on# T$ey
were %erormin& !$e Mic$ael Jackson Thriller "ance in %erec! sync$ronici!y# E""ie- ?ancy an" (le!c$
were s!ill in !$e $elico%!er "iscussin& some issue an" !$ey "i"n0! no!ice !$e s%ec!acle# +ivian lis!ene" or
music bu! !$ere wasn0! any s!ereo s%eakers visible an" !$ere weren0! any soun"s e9ce%! or &awks o &ulls
an" c$ir%s o various small bir"s# 'lvin was in ron! an" le! !$e &rou%# In secon"s- !$e o!$ers "isban"e"
an" $ea"e" insi"e# 'lvin sai"- 3I!0s &rea! !o see you8 'n"roi"s $ave nee" or recrea!ion- believe i! or no!85
3T$a! was a an!as!ic "ance85 +ivian remarke"# /$e !urne" aroun" an" saw !$a! (le!c$er was
be$in" $er# 32i" you see !$a!45
3/ee w$a!45 (le!c$ aske"# 3;e were !alkin& abou! $ea"in& !o !$e Me"i!erranean# ;oul" you like
!o $ea" !o <y%rus45
3I "on0! know# I wan! !o !ake a cou%le o $ours !o res! my min"#5 +ivian walke" back !o !$e
$elico%!er# 3're you &uys &e!!in& ou!45 /$e cau&$! E""ie an" ?ancy in a roman!ic momen!#
3@e!!in& ou!4 ;e0re !$inkin& abou! &oin& !o (lori"a# I want !o &o !o !$e Me"i!erranean### bu! I
"on0! like !$e cons!an! in!erru%!ions we kee% $avin&# ?ancy wan!s !o see !$e $ouse w$ere Je Bus$ was
swallowe" in $is room by a reak sink$ole#5
3I0ll be insi"e- &uys# I wan! !o lay "own an" we can "eci"e some!$in& by sun"own#5 +ivian
walke" !owar" !$e buil"in&#
3"oney4 I0m &oin& !o rela9 !oo### bu! I0m $ea"in& !o !$e beac$- okay45 (le!c$er wa!c$e" +ivian
raise $er $an" u% in acknowle"&men! bu! s$e "i"n0! !urn aroun" as s$e walke" !$rou&$ RMI0s "ouble
"oors# (le!c$ walke" !owar" !$e s$ore wi!$ou! askin& E""ie an" ?ancy i !$ey were &oin& !o =oin#
's soon as !$e "oors close" be$in" +iv- s$e $a" a su""en an" une9%ec!e" a"renaline rus$# /$e
"i"n0! eel like res!in&# /$e $ea"e" "owns!airs an" wan!e" !o ool aroun" wi!$ $er yellow e9oskele!on sui!#
/$e reac$e" !$e irs! un"er&roun" loor an" "i"n0! say any!$in& !o !$e en&ineers assemblin& more /)202G
robo!s# /$e $urrie" alon& an" &o! "own !o !$e secon" un"er&roun" loor# /$e was s!o%%e" by Eu&ene# He
!ol" $er- 3+ivian4 I !$ink i!0s !ime you know#5
3;$a! is i!- Eu&ene45 'll o !$e "roi"s looke" like 'ha%bot !o +iv# T$e only reason s$e knew
w$o s$e was !alkin& !o was because o !$e lab coa! wi!$ a &ol"en name %lacar" %inne" !o i!# 3I wan! &o
"owns!airs an" clear my min"# I0m eelin& really an9ious- la!ely# I wan! !o &e! !o my sui!#5
37ou0ll wan! !o see !$is# I!0ll $el%- I0m sure#5 Eu&ene !urne" !o a $uman biolo&is!# 3<an you &ive
us some %rivacy45 T$e biolo&is! le!# Eu&ene walke" !o a small ca&e wi!$ a "o.en w$i!e mice# 3/%lin!er4
<ome orwar"#5
T$e ro"en!s were $u""le" in !$e ar corner# Bne mouse walke" away rom !$e %ack# 37es sir45
!$e mouse aske"# 3;$a! can I "o or you45
Eu&ene %icke" /%lin!er u%# 3;e name" !$em a!er movie c$arac!ers# 7ou alrea"y know rom
your sui!0s name !$a! we0re ans o !$e 1inja Turtles#5 He $el" /%lin!er wi!$ $is %alm o%en# 3+ivian4 I0"
like you !o mee! 'plinter#5 He $an"e" !$e mouse !o +iv#
3"oly mackerel85 +ivian0s eyes o%ene" wi"e# 3'm I seein& !$is45 /$e %e!!e" /%lin!er wi!$ $er
orein&er# 3/%lin!er4 're you like a %arro!4 Have you =us! memori.e" cer!ain wor"s4 <an you
un"ers!an" me4 <an you $ave a conversa!ion45
3;e know you- +ivian#5 /%lin!er crawle" !o !$e !i% o +ivian0s $an" an" s!ar!e" !o s*ueak !o !$e
&rou%# 3;e0ve $a" lan&ua&e all alon&# ;e "i"n0! $ave so%$is!ica!e" !on&ue muscles# Bioen&ineerin& $as
%rovi"e" us wi!$ !$e !ools !o s%eak wi!$ your kin"#5
37ou know me4 How "o you know me45 +ivian se! /%lin!er "own on !$e !able =us! ou!si"e o !$e
ca&e#
3;e s!u"y# ;e rea"# ;e $ave "ieren! *uar!ers on !$e u%%er level o !$is buil"in&# I! serves as a
colle&e or us# 2o you remember w$en you an" (le!c$er were &iven a mouse a ew mon!$s a&o4 I! was
!raine" !o in" keys an" re!rieve !$em45 /%lin!er0s w$iskers !wi!c$e"#
37es# ;e !ook !$e mouse a!er we $a" a c$im% name" 'andy#5 +iv aske" Eu&ene- 3;$a!0s &oin&
on45
3+ivian4 ;e $ave s!u"ie" %o%ular cul!ure an" we $ave s!u"ie" mili!ary s!ra!e&y# ;e are useul# I
look orwar" !o workin& wi!$ you#5 /%lin!er walke" on!o Eu&ene0s e9!en"e" $an" an" was se! back in !$e
ca&e#
37ou reali.e !$a! we $ave a s$or!a&e o "rone %ilo!s- correc!4 T$ese mice are !$e answer# T$ey
serve a million %ur%oses# Think about the spying potential#5 Eu&ene o%ene" a mini)ri"&e an" %ulle" ou!
s!rin& c$eese# He %eele" i! a%ar! an" e" !$e &rou%# 3/%lin!er0s bu""ies are ?emo- Hooc$- ,ac Man-
Bambi- ;innie- Jerry- /imba- Ran&o- Brca- ;ile E an" Aassie#5
3(lad to meet you85 +ivian smile"#
3;e love you- +ivian85 one o !$em sai"# ' ew o !$em re%ea!e"- 3We love you85
3I0ll see you la!er85 +ivian !ol" Eu&ene- 3I0m &oin& !o $ea" "owns!airs !o rela9# T$ank you or
in!ro"ucin& me !o your %als85
3I0ll !alk !o you la!er- +iv85 Eu&ene %u! a minia!ure soccer ball in!o !$e ca&e an" wa!c$e" +iv
leave#
Aewis (aulkner "rove a !ra"i!ional army =ee% alon& Toms!own Roa"# He lec!ure" Ma!!- 3T$is $as
&o! !o be !i&$!# 7ou lie !o me or any su%erior oicer- you0re likely !o &e! !$rown in wi!$ !$e res! o !$e
s$ee%# 7ou mi&$! &e! &asse" in !$e same acili!y w$ere you ins!alle" urnaces an" %oison &as %i%es#5
3I !ook !$em ou!- !oo# T$e Beec$ @rove %lace was "isman!le"# At least the deadly parts were#5
Ma!! wa!c$e" i&$!er =e!s ly above#
3're you s!u%i"4 7ou $a" a %$o!o&ra%$er wi!$ you8 I! was "one or ,R8 's soon as you
remove" !$e %i%in&- i! was %u! back in8 I0m no! !ryin& !o scare you- !$ou&$#5 Aewis c$ecke" $is rearview
an" saw Elwyn0s ro.en ace# 3He "oesn0! !alk a w$ole lo!- "oes $e45
3He !alks# He res%ec!s c$ain o comman"- I !$ink#5 Ma!! !urne" aroun"# 3're you &e!!in& all
!$is43 Elwyn no""e" 3yes5#
3Hones!y !o one ano!$er is a &rea! !$in&### an" i!0s vi!al### bu! you mus! no! !ell !$e %ublic any!$in&
!$a! will com%romise our mission# 7ou un"ers!an"45 Aewis looke" in $is rearview a&ain bu! !$is !ime $e
was makin& sure !$a! 2avi" @rossman0s =ee% was ollowin&# 3+alor8 2o you un"ers!an"4 T$ere0s a !ime
w$en loyal!y an" valor mus! su%erce"e $ones!y### a! leas! !o !$e %ublic85 Aewis "i"n0! &e! a res%onse# 3<an
you $ear me4 Is !$e win" !oo muc$45
3I $ear you85 Ma!! el! nervous# He !$ou&$! $e woul" be e9ci!e" abou! !$is kin" o work# He was
s!ar!in& !o eel sym%a!$y or or"inary %eo%le#
3's ar as I0m concerne"- !$e see"s o our %roblem s!ar!e" in ABB2# Hillary <lin!on sai" !$a! Bill
was !$rea!ene" by someone in !$e Bus$ ;$i!e House no! !o run or oice# The vast 3ight Wing
&onspiracy you,ve heard of# I! "i"n0! en" wi!$ Bill- !$ou&$# Ross ,ero! was also !$rea!ene" !$a! year#5
Aewis c$eris$e" ri"es in !o%less =ee%s# I! was $o! ou!si"e bu! !$e win" coole" $is ace# 3/ome mys!erious
Re%ublicans were &onna %os! nake" %ic!ures o ,ero!0s "au&$!er or some!$in&# T$en4 2urin& !$e <lin!on
years- 1en /!arr was le! loose like a wil" bloo"$oun"# ?obo"y believes i! was any!$in& bu! %oli!ical
re!alia!ion# T$e irs! real s$o! in !$is war- as ar as I0m concerne"- is w$en !$ey !rie" !o im%eac$ Bill or
%er=ury# I $a%%en !o know !$a! ri&$!)win&ers weren0! only !ar&e!in& !$e %resi"en!# T$ey wen! a!er $is
en!ire su%%or! sys!em# /ome sol" ou! an" o!$ers were crus$e"#5
3Timo!$y Mc+ei&$ was e9ecu!e" in my $ome !own- Terre Hau!e# T$e %lace w$ere !$ey w$acke"
$im is a %lace =us! like !$is# <ons%iracy !$eoris!s !ry !o &uess w$a! ins!i!u!ions woul" be use" as
concen!ra!ion cam%s w$en our &overnmen! inally cracks# T$a!0s $ow I &o! my =ob a! Beec$ @rove# I $a"
a year o cons!ruc!ion e9%erience an" I was snoo%in& aroun"# I $ear" abou! 1a!rina# 7ou &uys in (EM'
weren0! really %re%are" or $el%in& ci!i.ens in !imes o na!ural "isas!er as muc$ as you were rea"y !o !ake
away &uns an" %u!!in& %eo%le "own# I wa!c$e" !$e &ran"mas yellin& abou! !$eir ri&$!s# I!0s all over !$e
in!erne!#5 T$e =e!s !$a! $a" been over$ea" were lon& &one bu! !$ey le! w$i!e !rails# Ma!! wan!e" !o ask
abou! c$em!rails bu! o%!e" or silence#
3I0m in !$is =ob because "isas!ers $a%%en# I0m no! in i! or !$e %oli!ics### bu! a lo! o %eo%le are#5
Aewis ma"e $is way on!o Ri"&e Roa"# 37ou0re %robably a an o Me!allica4 6'o be it... threaten no
more... to secure peace is to prepare for war###0 T$e irs! s!e% o !$e mess we0re in was !yin& <lin!on0s
$an"s# @ore "is!ance" $imsel rom $im an" Re%ublicans &aine" momen!um# ,?'< was release"- !$e
Towers came "own- !$en everyone0s liber!ies were s!ran&le"#5 Aewis (aulkner knew !$e =ee% "i"n0! $ave a
ra"io bu! looke" a! !$e s%o! w$ere one woul" be# He wan!e" !o blas! some $eavy me!al#
32on0! Trea" Bn Me45 Ma!! rubbe" $is c$in# 3I use" !o be a an o Me!allica# T$ey s!ar!e"
c$ewin& ou! !$eir ans- !$ou&$### an" I "on0! !$ink !$a! was a &oo" i"ea#5
3're you ol" enou&$ !o remember !$e <$evy <$ase /$ow on (o94 I! was a sla% in !$e ace !o
'rsenio# Ru%er! Mur"oc$- owner o ?ews <or% an" (o9- was a bi& @B, "onor# 'rsenio an" MT+ ma"e
can"i"a!e <lin!on look hip in 1FF2# Remember $im %layin& !$e sa9o%$one45 Aewis %ulle" on !o /!oney
Aane#
3I remember# I was a ki"- bu! I remember# 'rsenio el! insul!e" or bein& %asse" u%# <$evy
<$ase only las!e" a ew weeks#5 Ma!! looke" a$ea"# T$ere was a "ea" en"#
33epublicans get even in different ways than .emocrats. They have enough money to do stranger
stuff#5 Aewis s!o%%e" !$e =ee% an" %oin!e" u%war"# 3Here $e is#5
3Arsenio45 Ma!! aske"#
3?o# Herman# He0s back#5 ' black $elico%!er came "own# 3'resenio0s &onna $ave a s$ow !$a!
s!ar!s ne9! week bu! "on0! you !$ink i!0s a "ollar s$or! an" a "ay la!e45 Aewis aske"# T$e black $elico%!er
lan"e"# T$e si"e "oor o%ene"# Ta"- Ramon an" Bren! were !$e irs! ones ou!# 37our su%%or! !eam $as
arrive"#5 Herman &o! ou! be$in" !$e !$ree youn&s!ers# Aewis- Ma!! an" Elwyn &o! ou! o !$eir =ee%# 2avi"
@rossman an" /er&i :rnov s!o%%e" be$in" !$em an" wen! !owar" !$e 5"$@# 2avi" an" /er&i &o! in!o !$e
c$o%%er an" lew away#
I! was %recisely nine!een $un"re" $ours as Herman $a" re%or!e" $is re!urn woul" be# 3By way o
"ece%!ion- !$ou s$al! "o war85 He walke" u% !o Ma!! an" s*uee.e" $is $an" !i&$!ly in a $an" s$ake# 3;$a!
am I !alkin& abou!- Ma!!$ew45
3,roverbs#5 Ma!! rubbe" $is ri&$! $an" wi!$ $is le! a!er Herman release" i!# 3Mossa"# ?o
secre! !$a! i! was !$eir mo!!o# T$ey $ave since c$an&e" i! !o 6;$ere !$ere is no &ui"ance- a na!ion alls- bu!
in an abun"ance o counselors !$ere is sae!y0### ano!$er ,roverb#5
3(ood. (ood#5 Herman Eic$elber&er s$ook Aewis (aulknerMs $an"# 37ou $ave %re%%e" $im85
He aske" Ma!!- 3;$a! "oes 2ossad mean in Hebrew45
3The /nstitute# T$ey ori&ina!e" in 2ecember o 1FDF# T$ey $ave been im%lica!e" in "ea"ly cover!
ac!ivi!ies in 'r&en!ina- ?orway- (rance- Bel&ium- Ira*- @reece- I!aly an" o!$er coun!ries# T$e Ma"ri" !rain
bombin&s in 200D were !$ou&$! !o be a Mossa" o%era!ion#5 Ma!! $i&$ ive" Ta"- Ramon an" Bren!# 3@la"
you &uys coul" make i!85 Herman0s &a.e on Ma!! was locke"# 3I0ve been briee" an" I am rea"y or !$e
ne9! %$ase-5 Ma!!$ew /!ubbs assure" Herman Eic$elber&er#
3're you amiliar wi!$ !$e -hoeni* 6ights45 Herman backe" o a cou%le o s!e%s an" a""resse"
!$e &rou%# 3In 1FFC- more !$an !en !$ousan" resi"en!s o ,$oeni9- 'ri.ona collec!ively wi!nesse" a s!ran&e
%$enomenon# 'even huge lights drifted from 6uke Air 7orce +ase and slowly headed south# ;ere !$e
cra!s "riven by s%ace aliens rom a "is!an! &ala9y4 ?o8 I! was a social e9%erimen!# How woul" lar&e
masses o %eo%le res%on" !o &overnmen! lies an" "enial4 T$a!0s w$a! we wan!e" !o know8 (rances
Barwoo" was !$e lone council member !o %ublicly *ues!ion !$e si&$!in&# Res%ec!e" communi!y members
came orwar"# -olice# fire fighters# construction workers# T$ey were !rea!e" like nu! =obs8 @overnor (ie
/ymin&!on $el" a mock %ress conerence in w$ic$ $e was !o reveal !$e real reason be$in" !$e -hoeni*
6ights# 2o you know w$a! i! was4 ' s%ace alien85 Herman lau&$e" an" el! embarrasse" !$a! $e los! $is
%roessional %oise# 3' &uy in an alien cos!ume walks u% !$e aisle an" cameras are las$in& an" !$e me"ia0s
!$ere85 Herman sla%%e" $is le&# 3A space alien85
3;$a!0s your %oin!45 Aewis (aulkner aske"# 3;i!$ all "o res%ec!- we0re losin& all "ayli&$!#5
3T$is social e9%erimen! s$owe" us on a small scale w$a! woul" $a%%en in ?ew 7ork <i!y w$en
!$e ;orl" Tra"e <en!er was $i!# 7ou "on0! !$ink %eo%le knew even then !$a! i! woul" $a%%en4 7ou !$ink
!$ose &ooballs %acke" u% !$eir ba&s an" le! a!er !$e oile" ABB< e9%losion in !$e %arkin& s!ruc!ure45
Herman rubbe" $is ace an" became serious a&ain# 37ou saw !$e $ole a million !imes in /$anksville# 7ou
saw no wrecka&e# ;e- as a &overnmen!- learne" !$a! %eo%le scurry in!o !$eir mouse $oles# T$ey s%li! like
cockroac$es# /omew$ere ou! !$ere- ,enn (raser Jille!!e is s$amin& olks or even considering !$a! nine
eleven mi&$!0ve been an insi"e =ob o !$e :/ &overnmen!# /omew$ere on T+- /ean Hanni!y is ran!in&
abou! Bus$0s %$ony s$!ick an" &e!!in& %ai" bi& money !o "o i!8 2o you know w$a! -enn sai" we s$oul" "o
!o !$e Tru!$ers45
3-enn4 're we !alkin& abou! !$e ma&ician4 ,enn an" Teller4 T$a! one45 Ma!! aske"#
3,enn sai" Tru!$ers s$oul" be %us$e" "own s!airwells8 Ha85 Herman lau&$e" some more# 37es-
Ma!!# ,enn !$e +e&as ma&ician#5 He com%ose" $imsel a&ain# 3I wis$ ,enn coul" be $ere wi!$ us# I wis$
$e coul" see !$e "e!en!ion cen!ers# I wis$ $e coul" know !$e !$in&s !$a! I know#5
3Maybe $e "oes-5 Aewis sai"# 3Maybe $e0s =us! a scare" &uy# T$is is 6reaction formation0 in
%syc$olo&y i $e0s ac!ually yellin& abou! o%%osi!e !$in&s !$an w$a! $e believes# He $as a &oo" &i& &oin&#
;$y =eo%ar"i.e i! by ali&nin& wi!$ !$e rin&e %ro!es!ers45
32oesn0! ma!!er# ;e0re losin& li&$!# Ae!0s &e! !o !$e !en!#5 Herman wen! !o !$e =ee% !$a! 2avi"
an" /er&i $a" le! be$in"# Ta"- Ramon an" Bren! ollowe" an" =um%e" in# T$ey $ea"e" ou!#
;$ile !$ey were in 'n&uilla- (le!c$er an" +iv s%en! !$eir beac$ !ime alon& 'un!ie 2ol Bay an"
Aon& ,on" Bay in !$e sou!$ eas!ern %ar! o !$e islan"# Mos! o !$e $o!els an" s$o%s were on !$e wes!ern or
nor!$ern en"s# 'n&uilla was no mons!er islan"- an" unlike Hun!in&!on in <aliornia- !$e coas!line w$ere
(le!c$ an" +iv s%en! mos! o !$eir !ime was "evoi" o $omes or any o!$er s!ruc!ure# RMI $ea"*uar!ers was
a $al mile rom !$e beac$ alon& !$e 3Aon& ,a!$5- also known as 'lber! Aake 2rive# In be!ween Aon&
,on" Bay an" !$e Aon& ,a!$ was an ac!ual la&oon calle" 3Aon& ,on"5# Bn !$e wes!ern en"- !$ere were
nice resi"en!ial $omes an" a cou%le o !$em were or ren!# I! was /un"ay an" %resi"en! Bbama was se! !o
a""ress !$e worl" abou! w$a! ac!ion !$e :/ woul" !ake in re&ar"s !o !$e /yrian conlic! in !wo "ays# +iv
an" (le!c$ were ins%ec!in& a !wo)s!ory $ome "ubbe" 3;$i!e <e"ars +illa5 wi!$ a real es!a!e a&en!# T$ere
was no "irec! access !o !$e ocean bu! !$e lo! $a" a nice swimmin& %ool# 3I !$ink we coul" s!ay $ere or a
year- (le!c$er# I eel sae $ere# I $aven0! el! be!!er abou! lie in a lon& !ime#5
3I am kin" o !ire" o ren!in& cars in every o!$er !own an" c$eckin& in!o a new $o!el every ew
"ays#5 (le!c$ looke" aroun"# T$e %lace was bi&# ?ancy an" E""ie were ou! on a boa! somew$ere# 32o
you !$ink !$is %lace is bi& enou&$ or our o us45
3E""ie an" ?ancy45 +ivian ma"e $er way in!o !$e ki!c$en# 3I !$ink we coul" be $a%%y !o&e!$er
or a cou%le o mon!$s# I "on0! !$ink !$ey0" wan! !o s!ay a ull year# T$ey !ook o w$en we were in
Havasu- remember4 I !$ink i!0" be &oo" or all o us# ;$en !$ey "eci"e !o !ry ano!$er %lace- we0ll $ave i!
all !o ourselves#5
3I really "on0! like w$a!0s &oin& on in !$e worl"# /yrian resi"en!s are ormin& $uman s$iel"s
a&ains! :/ !ar&e!s in 2amascus# Rebel orces $ave claime" res%onsibili!y or !$e c$emical a!!acks knowin&
!$e :ni!e" /!a!es woul" in!ervene an" some$ow- /au"i 'rabia is bein& men!ione" in !$e mi9#5 (le!c$er
looke" ou! !$rou&$ !$e win"ow# T$e %ool was clean# 3I coul" use a break#5
3;$a! were we "oin& !$a! w$ole !ime45 +ivian aske"# /$e wan!e" !o cu""le on !$e couc$ bu! s$e
el! &uil!y as well# 3Bne "ay- we0re &oin& !o wake u% an" say- 6They were going to blow each other up with
or without you: 4ou should,ve spent your entire time in the &aribbean805
(le!c$er !urne" !owar" +iv an" kisse" $er ore$ea"# 3I0m s!ar!in& !o see !$e li&$!# My &u!-
!$ou&$# My &u! kee%s e9cre!in& all !$is bile w$en I !$ink I s$oul" =us! ri"e i! ou! in a %ara"ise like !$is#5
He kisse" +iv0s ore$ea" a&ain# 3My brain is on !$e same %a&e as you# ;$a! can I "o abou! my &u!45
+ivian wan!e" !o =oke bu! was a! a loss or wor"s# 3;e0ll s!ay $ere un!il T$anks&ivin&- (le!c$er8
;e0ll oer one o !$e be"rooms !o E""ie an" ?ancy# ;e0ll ea! a nice !urkey "inner $ere### or Tofurky8 I
"on0! really care8 (is$4 7ou wan! !o ea! is$ or T$anks&ivin&4 I "on0! care8 I wan! !o be $ere### !$en we
coul" "eci"e our ne9! move#5
3Tourky4 I! soun"s soooooo &oo"#5 (le!c$er &i&&le" an" el! like a !eena&er# 3(is$4 Remember
we were ea!in& !$a! wa$oo near Barba"os4 6/t,s okay eat fish Jcause they don,t have any feelings08 ;$o
s!ar!e" sin&in& ?irvana4 I! was unny# Maybe i! was !$e beer#5
+ivian0s i,$one "in&e"# 3The ice caps are melting-5 s$e !ol" (le!c$# /$e s$owe" $im !$e !e9!
messa&e# 3I!0s rom 'lvin#5
3;$a! is !$is4 ' co"e4 He was &oin& !o !ell us 61ibiru is imminent0 i ;orl" ;ar III was
breakin& ou!# <oul" !$is mean !$a! %eace $as been se!!le"45 (le!c$er looke" ou! !owar" !$e %ool a&ain#
T$ere was a $elico%!er $overin& above i!# T$e si"e "oor o%ene" an" a la""er rolle" "own# 3I &uess we0re
no! s%en"in& T$anks&ivin& $ere- $un# I0m !$inkin& !$ey0re !akin& us somew$ere ar away#5
+ivian walke" ou! o !$e villa !$rou&$ !$e sli"in& back "oor# (le!c$er *uickly e9%laine" !o !$e real
es!a!e a&en! !$a! !$ere woul" be no "eal !$en $e =o&&e" !o ca!c$ u% !o $is lie %ar!ner# T$ey climbe" u% !$e
la""er !$en (le!c$ aske" (inne&an- 3T$e ice ca%s are mel!in&4 ;$a! is !$is4 /ome kin" o co"e"
messa&e45
3?o sir# ;e lis!en in on your conversa!ions- remember4 ;e un"ers!an" your rus!ra!ion wi!$ !$e
im%en"in& war# ;e %rocesse" some o !$e variables an" consi"ere" allowin& you !o was!e your !ime on
!$is !iny isle### bu! ins!ea"- we0re &oin& !o !ake you !o !$e ?or!$ ,ole# 7ou woul" like !$a!- no4 ?'/'
%$o!os $ave s$own !$a! arc!ic ice is less !$an $al o w$a! i! use" !o be in ABC# I! is s$rinkin& a! aroun"
i!een %ercen! ra!e every "eca"e# Bne come"ian sai" !$a! !$e ?or!$ ,ole $as become !$e 1orth -ool# I am
no! %ro&ramme" or absolu!e $uman $umor- bu! I can c$uckle a! !$a! one# I we were in a %ublic res!auran!-
I woul" know !o lau&$ a! !$a! =oke because I know i! is unny# T$ere is li!erally a %ool o wa!er u% !$ere
ma"e rom mel!e" ice8 Bne woul" !$ink i!0s ocean wa!er !$a!0s see%e" in bu! i!0s no! sal!y# Hilarious8 T$en
we can !ravel !o /wi!.erlan"0s 'le!sc$ &lacier8 T$a!0s w$ere $un"re"s o nu"is!s orme" a 6livin&
scul%!ure0 !o raise awareness abou! our warmin& %lane!8 T$ese ac!ivi!ies woul" !ake your min" o !$e
be&innin& o ;orl" ;ar III- woul" !$ey no!45
3;e wan!e" !$is w$en we were !eena&ers- +iv85 (le!c$ was e9ci!e"# 3I say we &o8 Have we ever
s!aye" !o&e!$er in ?orway45
3Bkay- okay#5 +ivian was reluc!an!# 3I wan! !o $i! 2ount ?ilimanjaro w$en i!0s all over- alri&$!4
;e kee% !alkin& abou! $ikin& Everes! an" I know i!0s =us! not &oin& !o $a%%en### bu! we can "o 1iliman=aro#
T$ere0s a na!ional %ark more !$an nine!een !$ousan" ee! above sea level#5
T$e co%!er lew !o <a%e <anaveral w$ere !$ey boar"e" a &oncorde an" =e!!e" !owar" Meirin&en
'ir Base in /wi!.erlan"# (inne&an $an"e" +iv a col" &lass o <oca <ola# 3T$ese su%er sonic =e!s s!o%%e"
runnin& or !$e %ublic in 2<# I!0s !oo ba"# I !$ink many %eo%le are missin& ou! on a &oo" ri"e#5 He
$an"e" $er a urry- w$i!e ca% wi!$ a re" s!ar in !$e ron! on !$e ore$ea"# +ivian %u! i! on wi!$ou! *ues!ion#
(inne&an $an"e" $er a s!ack o abou! a $un"re" unboun" %a&es# 3T$a! is a Russian us$anka# T$e la%s on
!$e si"e kee% !$e ears warm "urin& ro.en win!ers# In your $an" is a scri%!# Have you c$ecke" your
?e!(li9 ca!e&ories4 (orei&n "ramas4 In"e%en"en! movies4 7ou will $ave !$e c$ance !o ac! in one o !$ese
movies#5 (inne&an reac$e" in!o a "ule ba& an" %ulle" ou! a $ockey =ersey# He $an"e" i! !o (le!c$#
3;ear !$is#5 He $an"e" (le!c$er a $un"re" %a&es o scri%!# 37ou will $el% +ivian re$earse lines#5
3'm I &oin& !o be in !$e movie4 'm I =us! $el%in& $er become a s!ar45 (le!c$er sli%%e" !$e re"
=ersey on over $is s!ri%e" kni! s$ir!# 'cross !$e c$es! i! rea" 3&&&-5 in w$i!e block#
(inne&an "ro%%e" ice cubes in!o a &lass an" %oure" so"a or (le!c$# 3/!ar4 T$ere are many
reasons or an ac!or !o c$oose a %ar! or a movie# /ome "o i! sim%ly !o %ay !$e bills# /ome "o i! !o &e! lai"#
/ome %eo%le are "rawn in by vani!y an" !$ey love !o see %ic!ures o !$emselves s!arin& back a! !$em rom
&ian! Hollywoo" billboar" si&ns# /ome wan! !$e nice $ome in Beverly Hills# /!ar4 T$is is no! abou!
makin& +ivian in!o a star# T$is is !o $el% bo!$ o you cope wi!$ your si!ua!ion# T$is is a ca!$ar!ic even!
une*ual !o any!$in& you0ve e9%erience" so ar# 7ou will be be!!er o#5 (inne&an $an"e" (le!c$ a $ockey
s!ick# 3Hol" !$is# @e! in !o c$arac!er# 7ou0re &oin& !o be ea!ure" in !$e movie as well#5
(le!c$er was %arc$e" an" !$anke" (inn or !$e "rink# 3;$a!0s !$e scri%! abou!45
:nlike !$e !ra"i!ional airlines +iv an" (le!c$ $a" been ri"in& aroun" in- !$e &oncorde $a" a
sea!in& layou! con"ucive or ace)!o)ace in!erac!ion# (inne&an sa! across rom +iv an" (le!c$er# 3(irs! o
all- le!0s !alk abou! !$e orces a! work# Bbama coul"n0! make u% $is own min" i $e wan!e" !o# 's a
sena!or- $e was o%%ose" !o !$e way @eor&e ; Bus$ $an"le" Ira*# Remember w$en 'rnol"
/c$war.ene&&er cam%ai&ne" !o be &overnor o <aliornia an" $e sai" $e was &oin& !o o%en u% !$e books
or everyone !o see4 He wasn0! &oin& !o !ake a salary4 ;$a! $a%%ene"4 7ears o inancial "ea"lock# He
!ook a salary# ?o one knew w$a! was in !$e books an" $ow !$e &overnmen! reac$e" !$e %oin! o economic
mel!"own# /ena!or Bbama was a similar i"ealis!### bu! we see $im in !$e s$oes o $is %re"ecessor- an" !oo
many %eo%le believe !$ey0re be$avin& !$e same way#5
3Bkay# (inne&an4 ;e &e! i!# ;e0ve !alke" abou! !$ese issues or many years# Me an" +iv
know###5 (le!c$er s!o%%e" $is clariica!ion# 3?ever min"# @o on# ;$a!0s !$e &is! o !$e s!ory45
3;ell- !$e <(R %u!s enormous %ressure on Bbama !o s!ar! an un%o%ular war# T$e <I' $as in!el
!$a! rebel i&$!ers linke" wi!$ !$e /au"is &asse" !$eir own %eo%le# T$e year is 2020- !$e "ollar $a"
colla%se" lon& a&o- an" or !$e secon" !ime !$is millennium- !$e :ni!e" /!a!es is in a war base" o
a!rociously alse inorma!ion# al)'ssa" woul"n0! $ave %asse" as a sain! bu! i! !urns ou! $e was clearly
rame"# Iran $i!s Israel a!er !$e :/ invasion o /yria an" !$e worl" communi!y !urns on 'merica# T$e
1uala Aum%ur ;ar <rimes <ommission o 200C is inally invoke" an" @eor&e ; Bus$ is %icke" u% by :?
sol"iers in Hambia an" $e is im%risone"# Barack Bbama %anics an" "eclares oicial mar!ial law#5 ;$en
/$a.bo! was aroun"- $e woul" "rink alco$olic bevera&es wi!$ +iv an" (le!c$# (inne&an "rank <oke# His
sys!em "i"n0! re*uire i!# /)202G uni!s were "esi&ne" !o kee% $umans a! ease# He si%%e" rom a &lass#
3T$e (EM' cam%s are inally u!ili.e"# 'merican ci!i.ens are kille" wi!$ sarin# T$e /ovie! :nion is
reorme"# Bra.il re%laces !$e :/' as a %ermanen! /ecuri!y <ouncil member#5
3I like !$e i"ea# I0m all %aranoi" abou! !$ese !$in&s !akin& orm in real lie# I can say wi!$ $ones!y
an" cer!ain!y !$a! !$e :ni!e" /!a!es is a breakaway ascis! coun!ry# I "on0! nee" !$is script# Bu! you know
some!$in&# I I say !$ese !$in&s in a mere 7ouTube "ocumen!ary- I coul" be !$e ne9! /now"en# T$ey0ll be
ou! !o kill me in !$e name o %eace# I I say i! in a orei&n ilm base" in !$e near u!ure### like !$e ren"i!ion
o 3ed .awn- !$en I &e! i! o my c$es!# T$e monkey comes o my back#5 (le!c$er no!ice" !$a! +ivian
was ac!ually rea"in& $er scri%!#
3;$a! you0ll no!ice is !$a! Aenin&ra" is alive a&ain# 'o is 'talingrad# I0m no! sure !$a! 'merica
%ro%erly "eal! wi!$ !$e allin& o !$e Eas!ern Bloc# I mean- !$ey =um%e" u% an" "own or =oy or a "eca"e
or so### bu! !$is %ro=ec! "eals wi!$ !$e inevi!able crum%lin& o !$e "ollar# I! aces no! =us! !$e break"own o
ol" communism bu! inser!s !$e $ar"core ailure o ca%i!alism# ;e will be ilmin& in 1=errin&Wy- also calle"
6!$e Hollywoo" o ?orway0# I! will be "e%ic!e" in Russia an" be&ins w$en ci!i.ens rename 't -etersburg
6Aenin&ra"0 a&ain# His!ory re%ea!s i!sel- you see4 7ou !wo $ave "eec!e" rom ascis! 'merica !o in"
ree"om#5 (inne&an reac$e" in!o a briecase an" %ulle" ou! a !$ir" co%y# 3I can rea" wi!$ you### i you0re
in!eres!e"#5
3How ironic8 I can0! believe I0m consi"erin& !$is85 (le!c$er eu%$orically e9amine" !$e lines#
3(le!c$er45 +iv s!o%%e" rea"in& an" !urne" !o $er man- 3T$ere0s a book on my ni&$!s!an" in
2a&mar# ,aul <rai& Rober!s wro!e 3ole 3eversalT "ow the 5' +ecame the 5''3# T$a!0s w$a! !$is is
base" o# I0m almos! sure#5
3?o ma0am-5 (inne&an %oli!ely alle&e"# 3I mean- i! mi&$! be a coinci"ence# @rea! min"s !$ink
alike- !$ou&$# I! "oes no! !ake a &enius !o see !$a! !$e :ni!e" /!a!es is be$avin& like !$e :nion o /ovie!
/ocialis! Re%ublics# /%eak ou! a&ains! !$e &overnmen!4 ;$a! $a%%ens4 /u%%ression# In %lace o /iberia-
!$e :/ $as (uantanamo +ay# ;$o runs !$e &i&4 'n oli&arc$y# T$e "ierence be!ween !$e :/ an" !$e
reborn ://R in !$is scri%! is !$a! !$e :ni!e" /!a!es s!ill insis!s i! %rocures ree"om or i!s %eo%le# I!
%re!en"s i! res%on"s !o !$e people ins!ea" o some %erennial lobbyis! or obscure secre! socie!y#5
3Bkay-5 +ivian sai"# 3I like !$e scri%!# I "on0! care w$ere !$ey &o! !$eir i"ea rom# Maybe we0re
all seein& !$e same !$in&# Maybe ,aul <rai& Rober!s "i"n0! enli&$!en !$e masses an" we all =us! reali.e"
!$ese !$in&s a! !$e same !ime#5 +iv %u! $er scri%! "own a! $er ee! an" !urne" !o (le!c$ a&ain# 3T$e wor"s
in !$a! manuscri%! rin& !rue !o me# I can see mysel sayin& !$a! !$e :ni!e" /!a!es is "ea"# I can feel !$e
c$arac!er# I look orwar" !o !ravelin& !o !$e 1remlin#5
3I!0s very ironic85 (le!c$er li%%e" alon&# 3'%%aren!ly- !$e ://R $as learne" rom i!s mis!akes#
?o more slau&$!erin& millions o "issi"en!s on $orseback# T$ey0re kee%in& a "ab o -erestroika an"
(lasnost an" !$ey0re wa!c$in& !$e :/' "isin!e&ra!e on in!erne! an" T+ beore !$ey0re eyes# My c$arac!er
&e!s !o lau&$ a! !$e buoons in 'merica w$ile you serve me 'mirnoff every ni&$!# I i! wasn0! ic!ion- I0"
eel ba" !$a! we0re lau&$in& a! !$e concen!ra!ion cam%s we were almos! in85 (le!c$ %u! $is scri%! "own#
3+iv4 I "on0! see w$y we "on0! "o !$is anyway# I0m no! !alkin& abou! wa!c$in& in!erne! vi"eos every ni&$!
an" wi!nessin& !$e slow "ecay o !$e :ni!e" /!a!es# ;$y "on0! we s!ay in ?orway or a w$ile4 Br even
3ussia45 (le!c$er looke" "own a! !$e le!!erin& on $is =ersey# 3I really like !$is# I0ve never been in !o
$ockey bu! I be! I can &row !o like i!#5
3;e0ll &ive i! a s$o!- (le!c$#5 +ivian kisse" (le!c$ w$ile !$ey lew over !$e '!lan!ic Bcean a!
aroun" 2ach Two !$en rubbe" $er nose across $is c$in# 3I wan! !o s!ay in ?orway an" I $o%e i! works
ou!#5 /$e %u! $er $an"s over !$e w$i!e urry la%s coverin& $er ears# 32o I look &oo" in !$is45
?ancy an" E""ie were is$in& in Ten! Bay o o !$e s$ore o "inky /aba Islan"# T$is was !$eir
irs! !ime on !$e sea !o&e!$er wi!$ou! an an"roi" c$a%eronin& !$em# T$ey ro"e aroun" in a sleek or!y)oo!
7lybridge &ruiser# E""ie rea" rom $is i,$one- 31en /!arr is mas!urba!in& in a res!room !o a %ic!ure o
Monica Aewinski on !$e mornin& o nine eleven# /cene a"es !o 'merican 'irlines (li&$! CC w$ere
,en!a&on numbers e9%er!- Bryan Jack- s!ra%s in or !ake o# He0s rea"in& !$e ;as$in&!on ,os! abou!
2onal" Rumsel" re%or!in& !$e %revious "ay !$a! !wo %oin! !$ree !rillion "ollars are com%le!ely missin&
rom !$e "eense bu"&e!# Mys!erious vans- meanw$ile- are loa"in& a !rillion "ollars wor!$ o &ol" rom
Twin Towers vaul!s# In a 2< Ri!.)<arl!on lu9ury sui!e- H; Bus$ is com%lainin& !o /$ai& bin Aa"en !$a!
!$e 2emocra!s raine" on $is %ara"e by elec!in& <lin!on# In (lori"a- =unior Bus$ is =o&&in& somew$ere
w$en 'ri (leisc$er receives a !e9! messa&e rom B"i&o abou! im%en"in& lar&e scale a!!acks# T$e Towers
&o "own# ,an !o 2ick <$eney# He &ives s$oo!)"own or"ers o "omes!ic aircra! bu! $e "oes no! warn !$e
,en!a&on !$a! =e!s are $ea"in& !$eir way# Bryan Jack- lyin& in $i=acke" ''CC- !$inks abou! !$e crab eas!
a! accoun!an! !eam lea"er Rober! Russell0s $ome !o celebra!e !$e en" o !$e iscal year# His Boein& CPC
was s$o! "own over !$e $ills o ;es! +ir&inia- !$ou&$- an" a cruise missile is sen! !o !$e ,en!a&on !o
com%le!e a alse la& a!!ack# T$e missile $i!s !$e oice w$ere Bryan Jack worke"# Every %erson !$a!
worke" on !$e bu"&e! wi!$ Rober! Russell comes u% missin& an" is %resume" "ea"#5
3/oun"s like someone0s workin& on a movie we can believe# ;$ere0" you &e! !$e scri%!45 ?ancy
"rank a Bar!les V James Tro%ical Man&o wine cooler#
3+iv an" (le!c$ are lyin& over !$e '.ores ri&$! now# T$ey0ll be in Euro%e or a w$ile#5 E""ie
%u! $is %$one away# 3I0m =ealous# I0m really =ealous#5
I! was si9 in !$e mornin& s$ar% w$en Ta"- Ramon an" Bren! were woken u% by a blarin& bu&le#
T$ey sle%! on co!s insi"e !$e !en! $ea"*uar!ers# Herman Eic$elber&er a%%roac$e" !$e boys an" !$ey s!oo"
a! a!!en!ion# 3;$o can !ell me abou! 1$amisiya$45
31$amisiya$- Ira*8 Bne $un"re" an" si9!y s!ock $ouses o c$emical wea%ons "es!roye" "urin&
!$e irs! (ulf War# T$ese wea%ons %rovi"e" by !$e :ni!e" /!a!es &overnmen! cover!ly !o !$e /a""am
Hussein re&ime "urin& !$eir war wi!$ Iran# T$ese sai" wea%ons "es!roye" 1ur"is$ rebels an" were use"
a&ains! Iran wi!$ !$e assis!ance o 'merican sa!elli!e in!elli&ence8 /ir85 Ramon salu!e"#
3;ere all o !$ese c$emical wea%ons "es!roye"- Ramon4 2i" some o !$em make !$eir way !o
/yria4 2oes Bas$ar al)'ssa" $ave some o !$e nerve &asses !$a! our &overnmen! %rovi"e" or Ira*4 2o
!$e rebels in /yria $ave !$ese wea%ons4 ;e sure know !$ey weren0! oun" in !$e secon" @ul ;ar85
Herman walke" !o Ma!!0s co! an" s$ook $im# 3(et up8 To"ay- i!0s !$e &enuine ar!icle85
3I!0s no! rocke! science- sir# /arin was su%%ose"ly ma"e by monas!ic $ermi!s rom Moun! (u=i an"
!$ey =ol!e" $un"re"s o !ransien!s in a Ja%anese !rain s!a!ion in 1FFP# I! !akes luorine !o %ro"uce# ?a.is
"iscovere" i! acci"en!ally beore ;orl" ;ar II w$en !$ey were e9%erimen!in& wi!$ s!ron& %es!ici"es# T$e
sarin use" recen!ly a&ains! women an" c$il"ren in /yria "i"n0! necessarily $ave !o come rom :/
s!ock%iles in Ira*# T$e vic!ims were believe" by many !o $ave been ki"na%%e" by !$e (/' in Aa!akia#5
Ramon salu!e" a&ain# 3'n" sa!elli!e ima&es can0! !ell one war$ea" rom ano!$er#5
Herman sai"- 3I "on0! care w$ere !$e s!u came rom# I "on0! care w$ere i! wen!# I care abou!
luna!ics !akin& !o !$e s!ree!s wi!$ arms# ;e0re &oin& !o &o ou! !$ere !o"ay an" we0re &oin& !o screw wi!$
some %ro!es!ers in ?ew 7ork <i!y# ;e0re &oin& !o roun" some o 6em u% an" we0re &oin& !o s$ackle !$em
in :? mili!ary vans# ;e0re &oin& !o brin& !$em $ere#5 Herman !$ou&$! someone mi&$! say some!$in&
sym%a!$e!ic# T$e &uys s!aye" in line# 3;e wan! !o know w$o !$ey cry !o# Ten years a&o- i! was !y%ical !o
$ear some!$in& like- 6/,m going to call my lawyer80 ;$a! a =oke8 T$e ,a!rio! 'c! !urne" or"inary lawyers
in!o useless %ussies8 ,eo%le know be!!er now !o rely on lawyers an" <ons!i!u!ional law# I0m an a"voca!e
o !$e <ons!i!u!ion bu! I0m a &rea!er a"voca!e o kee%in& my =ob8 ;$o will !$e ki"s scream ou! !o now4
'l Kae"a4 Is !$a! real4 6"ome grown terrorists0 an" all4 Russia4 @o"4 T$eir mo!$ers45
3I !$ink !$is is overblown-5 Ta" sai"# 3;i!$ all "ue res%ec!#5
3/ome!$in& is $a%%enin& on Bc!ober irs! i any o our sources are correc!# I !ol" Ma!! !$a! !o"ay0s
!$e &enuine ar!icle### bu! i!0s !$e &enuine ar!icle or sparring wi!$ !$e %ublic# T$is is our %reseason# Hea"s
coul" very well roll ne9! mon!$# Ae!0s $o%e i! "oesn0! $a%%en#5 Herman $ea"e" or $is =ee%# 3Ae!0s &o i
ya0 wan! breakas!#5 T$ey a!e !$en lew in a black $elico%!er !o !$e Bi& '%%le# T$ey $a" o%era!ives !$ere
an" !$ey were %rovi"e" !wo w$i!e ull)si.e <$evy vans# Herman o%ene" !$e back "oors o one o !$em an"
looke" insi"e# I! was ull o %icke! si&ns an" banners# He aske" !$e &uys- 3;ebs!er Tar%ley believes i!
!akes !$ree !y%es o %eo%le !o %ull o a &oo" alse la& mission# ;$o can !ell me w$a! !$ey are45
Ramon raise" $is $an"# 3,a!sies- moles an" killers#5
3(ood#5 Herman wen! !$rou&$ !$e si&ns# Bne was yellow- abou! !en ee! wi"e- an" s!abili.e" a!
!$e !o% by a lon& woo"en ro"# In black le!!ers i! rea" 3Han"s B /yria5# Herman $an"e" i! !o Ramon#
3@uess w$ic$ one you0re &oin& !o be !o"ay45
3The mole# ;e0re lookin& or %a!sies# ;e0re lookin& or ci!i.ens wi!$ au!$en!ic ra&e !owar" !$e
&overnmen!# ;e0re lookin& a! %eo%le !oo s!u%i" !o know $ow !o make a er!ili.er bomb bu! are an&ry
enou&$ !o be cre"ible sca%e&oa!s#5 Ramon %oke" $is si&n in !$e "irec!ion o Bren! an" Ta"# T$ey woul"
marc$ be$in" i!# I! coul" i! ano!$er cou%le o %eo%le i nee" be#
Herman &rabbe" ano!$er si&n# I! was oran&e an" $a" ace s$o!s o ; Bus$ an" Bbama ne9! !o
one ano!$er# I!s ca%!ion rea" 3;ar <rimes Mus! Be /!o%%e"5# Herman $an"e" i! !o Ma!!$ew /!ubbs# 32o
you like !$is one45 Ma!! !ook i! rom $im# Herman &rabbe" a small w$i!e si&n w$ic$ sim%ly rea"
3;'Rmerica5# 3Elwyn4 2o you like !o marc$4 I you "on0! like i!- ya0 be!!er &e! use" !o i!85 Herman
$an"e" i! ou!# T$ere were o!$er a&en!s !$ere w$o $a" %rovi"e" !$e vans# T$ey rumma&e" !$rou&$ !$e
ma!erial an" &rabbe" si&ns o !$eir own# 3T$e %lan is !o &e! rien"ly wi!$ !$e crow"# T$ere are mul!i%le
reasons !o come !o an an!i)war %ro!es!# /ome &uys $ere really "on0! care abou! !$e issues an" are =us!
!ryin& !o min&le wi!$ !$e la"ies# /ome %eo%le are e!$nic /yrians an" believe in !$eir cause w$ole$ear!e"ly#
T$ere are o!$er %eo%le w$o are sim%le anarc$is!s an" woul" %ro!es! anything !$e &overnmen! is "oin&#
T$ere are !$ose w$o woul" %ro!es! $ouse lies i !$a!0s w$a! we were "oin& !o"ay#5 Herman "i"n0! like
w$a! $e was in !$e mi""le o# 3;e are a!er !$e %eo%le w$o will "o $arm !o our &overnmen!# T$a!0s !$e
bo!!om line# Talk !o !$ese &uys abou! 2olotov cocktails an" see w$ere i! &oes# I !$ey brus$ you o- !$en
!$ey are &enuinely $ere or a %eaceul %ro!es!# I !$ey en&a&e you- !ake 6em "own !$e rabbi! $ole# /ee $ow
ar !$ey0" &o in !$e $y%o!$e!ical worl"# Aea" !$em $ere !o !$is van# ;e will lock !$em u% an" re!urn !$em
!o (or! In"ian!own @a%# ;e0re &oin& !o $ave un wi!$ a nice social e9%erimen!#5
T$e &uys walke" alon& (or!y)/econ" /!ree! an" =oine" a &rou% o ac!ivis!s# T$ey c$an!e" slo&ans#
Ma!!$ew /!ubbs wore a re" ban"ana- ri%%e" Aevis- "ir!y <$uck Taylor <onverse sneakers- an" a w$i!e T)
s$ir! w$ic$ rea" 3;ar Is Mur"er5 in lar&e %rin! on !$e ron!# T$e back o $is s$ir! ea!ure" a black)an")
w$i!e a!omic mus$room clou"# Ma!! c$an!e" an" $e oun" a &ruy !eena&er wearin& a black T)s$ir!
ea!urin& !$e ace o 2.$ok$ar Tsarnaeve on !$e ron!# 31ice shirt85 Ma!! !ol" $im# 3Is !$a! !$e %$o!o !$a!
3olling 'tone use" on i!s cover45
37es8 ;e mus! s!o% !$ese warmon&erin& %i&s85 T$e !een con!inue" !o c$an!# He walke"
alon&si"e a ew o!$er &uys rou&$ly !$e same a&e# T$ey seeme" !o know eac$ o!$er#
3/$oul" we im%eac$ Bbama45 Ma!! aske"# 3I mean- !$ese &uys aren0! earnin& !$eir !i!les la!ely# I!
s!ar!e" wi!$ Bus$# <oul" we call $im 6%resi"en! Bus$04 ?o8 &owboy +ush is more like i!8 ;e s$oul"
c$an&e !$e !i!les o all !$e sons o bi!c$es8 <owboy Bus$8 <owboy Mc<ain8 <owboy Boe$ner8 <owboy
1erry8 'n"- yes- <owboy Bbama85
T$e !een s$ou!e" an!i)war %$rases an" marc$e" alon&# (inally $e commen!e"- 3I like your s$ir!
!oo8 ;$ere0" you &e! i!45
3My &irlrien" is in ,eT'8 /$e $as an i"en!ical s$ir! !$a! says 62eat /s 2urder08 /$e0s in colle&e
ri&$! now an" coul"n0! make i!# ;e $ave some!$in&### e*plosive### &oin& on in 2< on nine eleven !$ou&$#
;e0re &oin& !o mee! u% a! !$e mall# I!0s &oin& !o be### a blast8 2o you un"ers!an"4 ' blas!8 ;e0re &oin&
!o $ave### a blast8 2o you &e! i!45 Ma!! ma"e u% !$e inorma!ion on !$e s%o!# In minu!es- $e lure" !$e
!eena&er an" $is bu""ies !o one o !$e w$i!e vans# T$ey believe" !$ey were &oin& !o be %ar! o some!$in&
very 3e9%losive5 in ;as$in&!on- 2<# Ins!ea"- !$ey were !aken !o (or! In"ian!own @a%# By !$e en" o !$e
marc$- !$ere were abou! or!y)some)o"" o!$er "issi"en!s oole" in!o comin& alon&# Ma!! was *uie!ly
c$eerul abou! $is newoun" cloakin& abili!ies# ;$en $e was !alkin& !o "emons!ra!ors abou! sockin& i! !o
'merica- i! wasn0! a ar s!re!c$ rom !$e eelin&s $e $a" w$ile workin& un"er Tom Mc1ay# He *ues!ione"
$is !rue inwar" loyal!y an" $e was "is!urbe" !$a! no "eini!e answer crys!alli.e" in !$e mi"s! o $is min"#
I! was Tues"ay mornin& on /e%!ember 10- 2013# (le!c$ an" +iv were "resse" in warm clo!$in&#
T$ey $ea"e" !o (iesc$- /wi!.erlan" via a cable car calle" !$e 3(iesc$eral%5# 3T$e buil"in&s in !$is !own
are so won"erul#5 (le!c$0s eyes were !raine" on !$e ou!si"e scenic view# 3/o muc$ is &oin& on in !$e
worl" aroun" us bu!### my mind### "oesn0! wan! !o le! any o i! in#5
3?orway =us! $a" elec!ions an" conserva!ives ma"e $u&e &ains# T$ey0re somew$a! an!i)
immi&ra!ion# (inne&an sai" i! mi&$! be &oo" !o %u! !$e 6movie idea0 on $ol"# ,lus4 T$ere0s been a bi&
c$an&e in !$e /yria ma!!er# Jo$n 1erry was s%eakin& !on&ue)in)c$eek abou! $ow mili!ary ac!ion coul" be
avoi"e" an" $e *ui%%e" a! a %ress conerence !$a! 'ssa" mus! !urn over all o $is c$emical wea%ons an" a
"i%loma!ic solu!ion coul" be %ossible# Russia !ook $im u% on i!### an" so "i" 'ssa"8 T$e si!ua!ion mi&$! be
"iuse"# B course- !$e 2e%ar!men! o 2eense is !icke" o# They want war# T$ey wan! !o bomb /yrian
women an" c$il"ren### =us! like !$ey wan!e" !o ou!"o /a""am Hussein in Ira*8 6We,re here to liberate you
and save you from a tyrant08 T$en we wen! a$ea" an" kille" many- many more !imes Ira*is !$an /a""am
an" $is %syc$o!ic ki"s85 +ivian really like" !$e !own# 3;e almos! "eci"e" !o s!ay in 'n&uilla# I0m &la"
we came $ere#5
3Bbama s%eaks !oni&$!# 7ou know w$a! nickname $e %icke" u% since las! mon!$4 O$bomb$a8
/oun"s !$e same# I0ve been rea"in& %ro!es!ers in in!erne! blo&s#5 (le!c$er o%ene" an ol" as$ione"
%$ysical ma%# 3(rom $ere- we $ike !o Be!!en# How "o you %ronounce !$is4 (rosser Aletschgletscher4
T$a!0s !$e oicial name o !$is &lacier# I!0s !$e bi&&es! one in !$e 'l%s#5
3I! !akes all "ay4 I $o%e I0m in s$a%e or i!#5 +ivian ke%! allin& in love wi!$ "ieren! areas#
3Maybe we can ski% ?orway an" s!ay $ere# I! seems so >uaint#5
I! was ;e"nes"ay ni&$! a! (or! In"ian!own @a%# I! was !welve years !o !$e "ay o !$e a!!acks in
?ew 7ork <i!y- !$e ,en!a&on an" ,ennsylvania# Herman Eic$elber&er le" Ma!! /!ubbs an" o!$ers !o is$
ou! e9!reme "issi"en!s rom a %ro!es! a cou%le o "ays beore in ?7<# T$ey !ook rou&$ly i!y %eo%le rom
an an!i)war marc$ an" $el" !$em in a "e!en!ion cam%# T$e ne9! "ay- %resi"en! Bbama announce" !o !$e
worl" !$a! a "i%loma!ic reme"y mi&$! be %ossible i /yria surren"ere" all o i!s c$emical wea%ons wi!$ !$e
assis!ance o Russian in!erven!ion# He "i" no! men!ion !$a! %rince Ban"ar bin /ul!an a"mi!!e" !o su%%lyin&
!$e rebels wi!$ "ea"ly &asses# He "i" no! !alk abou! Ira* cover!ly receivin& sarin rom !$e :ni!e" /!a!es
"urin& !$e ei&$!ies### an" a!er !$e irs! @ul ;ar- many o !$e :/)su%%lie" wea%ons ma"e !$eir way in!o
/yria# He "i" no! men!ion <olin ,owell0s alse s!a!emen! a! !$e :? abou! sa!elli!e ima&es s$owin& ;M2s
beore !$e secon" @ul ;ar# He "i" no! men!ion !$e %ure numbers in <on&ress overw$elmin& a&ains! war#
I! $a" seeme" !$a! !$e %lane! was very well in a as! !rack !o ;orl" ;ar III# /ome$ow- !$e emo!ions were
"iuse" an" lo&ic- albei! on a low level- %revaile"# Ma!! was walkin& back !o !en! $ea"*uar!ers wi!$
Herman on !$e ni&$! o /e%!ember 11- 2013# 3Bi& lim% "ick- woul"n0! you say45
3"uh4 ;$a!0s !$a!4 Aim% "ick4 ;$a! is !$is4 Junior $i&$ sc$ool45 Herman woke early !$a! "ay
an" !urne" on !$e news# T$ere was an ira!e T/' a&en! in A' !$a! cause" a !iny uss#
3' million Muslims were su%%ose" !o s$ow u% in 2<# I "on0! !$ink !$ere were more !$an a ew
!$ousan"#5 Ma!! an" !$e &uys blen"e" in wi!$ marc$ers in ;as$in&!on an" lew back !o base w$en i! &o!
"ark# 3Two million bikers8 T$a!0s w$a! I was e9%ec!in&# How many were !$ere4 ' ew !$ousan"45 I !$e
nine eleven even! !urne" ou! !o be as bi& as or&ani.ers wan!e" i! !o be- !$ey woul"0ve nabbe" more %eo%le#
3T$e %a!rio! &rou%s4 I "i"n0! see a w$ole lo! o 6em# 1ot as many as / thought / was gonna see85
3Makes our work easier# I0m s!ar!in& !o won"er abou! !$ese %ro&rams we $ave runnin&#
E9ecu!ive Br"ers 10FFF an" 12F1F# T$e ,a!rio! 'c!# ?2''# I !$ink %eo%le are arai"# I "on0! !$ink
anyone wan!s !o &o ou! o !$eir $omes85 Herman reac$e" $is =ee%# 3I0m &oin& !o make a ew roun"s#
7ou0re welcome !o come alon&#5
3?a$# I0m bea!# I0m &oin& !o &e! some slee%#5 Ma!! $ea"e" !o !$e !en! a!er Herman !ook o
alon& !$e %a!$#
Ma!!$ew /!ubbs was no""in& o a! eleven a! ni&$! w$en +iv /!ree!s an" (le!c$ Browne were
a%%roac$in& Ba&$"a" In!erna!ional seven !ime .ones a$ea"# I! was !ec$nically /e%!ember 12- 2013 a! si9
in !$e mornin& w$en !$e cou%le were close !o !ouc$in& "own wi!$ (inne&an lea"in& !$em aroun"# T$e
an"roi" !ol" +iv- 3;e0ll &e! !o 1iliman=aro even!ually# 7ou like mel!in& &laciers- "on0! you4 T$e one a!
!$e na!ional %ark in Tan.ania is "ieren! !$an !$e one you =us! came rom in !$e 'l%s# T$e (ur!wNn&ler
@lacier is loca!e" near !$e summi! an" is abou! i!een acres lar&e an" !wen!y ee! !$ick# I! $as rece"e"
ei&$!y)!wo %ercen! since 1F12 an" mi&$! be com%le!ely &one by 2020# T$ere are "ieren! issues re&ar"in&
%ollu!ion rom !$e base o !$e moun!ain an" !$e ac! !$a! !$ere are "ieren! wea!$er %a!!erns# 1iliman=aro0s
eleva!ion is $i&$ enou&$ !$a! rain %reci%i!a!es well below i!s %eaks# T$e reali!y o &lobal warmin& a%%ears
sel)evi"en!#5
37es- (inne&an### bu! you brou&$! us !o Ira* or some reason# ;$a!0s &oin& on45 +iv aske"#
32i" you know !$a! ?'/' scien!is!s an" as!ronau!s re&ularly s$are sensi!ive inorma!ion wi!$
Russians now4 T$a! woul"0ve been un$ear" o "urin& !$e <ol" ;ar# ;e reali.e" !$ou&$ !$a! i we0re
&oin& !o be eec!ive as a $uman race !$a! i!0s bes! !$a! we work !o&e!$er wi!$ou! secre!s# ;e live !o&e!$er
in !$e In!erna!ional /%ace /!a!ion# ;e will be !o&e!$er on Mars one "ay unless we blow eac$ o!$er u% irs!
wi!$ nuclear wea%ons#5 (inne&an s*uee.e" (le!c$er0s knee !o &e! $is a!!en!ion# 3'n o"" !$in& $a%%ene"
w$en as!ronau!s s!ar!e" s$arin& !$eir s!ories wi!$ !$e cosmonau!s#5
(le!c$ was s!ar!le" by (inne&an# 3Whoa85 He almos! s%ille" coee on $is la% bu! recovere"#
3;$a! is i!- (inn45
3'liens# T$ey s!ar!e" !alkin& abou! aliens# ?o one wan!s !o believe in !$ese !$in&s in !$is &rea!
secular an" scien!iic a&e# I mean- muc$ o !$e worl" s!ill seems !o be locke" in !$e /!one '&e### bu! w$en
we sen" %eo%le in!o orbi!- we like !o believe in a $i&$ly ra!ional conce%!ion o w$a! !$e :niverse is# 2o
you know $ow ar !$e closes! s!ar is4 T$e Hubble Telesco%e was a &rea! lea% or $umani!y bu! i! looks like
a ro!ary %$one com%are" !o !$e ;ebb Telesco%e an" some o!$ers# T$ere are or%$an %lane!s "ri!in& all over
!$e &ala9y- i! !urns ou!- wi!$ou! s!ars !o revolve aroun"#5 (inne&an looke" ou! in!o !$e "eser! as !$e %lane
sli"e alon& !$e runway# 3/ome!$in& is ou! !$ere-5 $e sai"# 3I you0re !o believe !$e %eo%le w$o0ve circle"
our %lane! in ou!er s%ace#5
3(inne&an4 /$a.bo! was way more "irec! !$an you- 'lvin an" !$e res! o !$e "roi"s we0ve been
aroun"# ;$a! are you &e!!in& a!45 (le!c$ inis$e" $is coee an" s!ill el! slu&&is$#
3;e s$are inorma!ion is all# 7ou aske" i !$ere are more %laces like !$e one you were s!ayin& a!
in 'n&uilla# Rossum Mac$inery In!erna!ional is a secre! subsi"iary o ?or!$ro% @rumman# Hallibur!on $as
buil! a com%oun" $ere in Ira* !$a! is lar&er !$an +a!ican <i!y# Remember anyone sayin& !$a! we wen! !o
war in Ira* !o libera!e !$e %eo%le4 2o you remember one o !$e comman"ers bein& scol"e" or %u!!in& u%
an 'merican la& a!er one o !$e ma=or ba!!le vic!ories4 I! is no! an occu%a!ion- ri&$!45 T$ere wasn0! a lo!
o !ime or (inne&an !o e9%lain# T$e air%lane was s!o%%in&# 3Hallibur!on $as i!s own cover! branc$ o
o%era!ions# How "o I know !$is4 We share information# By now- you know !$a! !$e secon" @ul ;ar was
s!ar!e" on alse %re!enses# Jus! because we s$are inorma!ion "oesn0! mean i!0s accura!e# Hallibur!on0s
secre! arm $as been calle" )ombie 6ogistics# I $ave no! %$ysically been !o !$e com%oun" w$ere we0re
$ea"in&# I!0s more !$an a $un"re" acres# Tec$nically- i!0s an embassy bu! i! looks more like a mini)
'merica ea!urin& a &ol course- s$o%%in& mall an" soccer iel"# The food court is ama%ing# 2o you like
sus$i4 Me9ican4 7ou won0! be "isa%%oin!e"#5 T$ey &o! ou! o !$e %lane an" were s$u!!le" !o a wai!in&
'brams !ank# (inne&an moun!e" u% an" %ulle" +ivian by !$e $an"# He sai"- 37ou $aven0! $a" !$e ull Ira*
e9%erience un!il you0ve !aken a ri"e in one o these !$in&s#5 (le!c$er was !$e las! !o climb in !$en !$ey
"rove alon&# 3T$ere0s a &raveyar" o "es!roye" armore" ve$icles we mi&$! wan! !o visi! i we $ave !$e
!ime#5
T$ey reac$e" !$e &a!es o !$e com%le9 an" &o! ou! o !$e M1# 3T$e cos! o !$is %lace was !$ree
*uar!ers o a billion "ollars#5 +ivian looke" aroun" as !$ey marc$e"# 3T$e war was su%%ose" !o cos!
ei&$!y)seven billion# ;$a! $a%%ene"4 I won"er#5
3T$ere0s a &rea! si9)lane %ool $ere# T$e !wo main roa"s are Broa"way an" Main /!ree!# T$ey
crisscross eac$ o!$er a$ea"#5 (inne&an wave" a! "i%loma!s walkin& rom !$e o%%osi!e "irec!ion# 3T$ere
are oicially !wen!y)one buil"in&s $ere bu!- like many o!$er 'merican %ro=ec!s- !$is %lace $as secrets# I!0s
ironic- you know4 /a""am Hussein was %or!raye" !o be an in"iscree! killer wi!$ a lavis$ %alace an" a
so%$is!ica!e" bunker sys!em# T$e :/ mili!ary $as kille" way more Ira*is !$an /a""am### !$is embassy %u!s
$is %alace !o s$ame### an" you0re &oin& !o like !$e secre!85 T$ey crosse" Broa"way an" Main wi!$ou!
muc$ !alk !$en en!ere" an amber buil"in&# Aike !$e RMI $ea"*uar!ers in 'n&uilla- !$ere was a %assa&e !o
lower loors# 3Everyone nee"s bunkers8 Everyone coul" use sub!erranean loorin&85
3;ow85 +ivian ollowe" (inne&an "own a li&$! o s!airs rom !$e main level# 32i" !$e same
con!rac!or buil" !$is %lace4 I! looks =us! like !$e lab w$ere /)202G uni!s were bein& assemble"85
37es85 (inne&an reac$e" in!o $is walle! an" %ulle" ou! an I2 car"# He s$owe" i! !o a ew
a%%roac$in& scien!is!s wi!$ou! sayin& a wor"# T$ey walke" alon& an" wen! "own ano!$er li&$! o s!airs#
3Holy cra%- (inne&an8 T$ey are buil"in& /)202G uni!s $ere8 Bu!###5 (le!c$ was "rawn in an"
e9amine" !$e aces o a ew uninis$e" an"roi"s# 3They have different faces85 He was awes!ruck# 3T$ey
are celebri!ies8 'n" %oli!icians85
3I $ave a cou%le o "ieren! blue%rin! layou!s o !$is acili!y in my $ar" "rive brain# Bne o !$em
is !$e 6oicial0 version as !$e :/ &overnmen! believes e9is!s wi!$ou! !$is robo! assembly line# T$e o!$er4 I
can now say !$a! i!0s no! a $oa9# T$is %lace is real85 (inne&an walke" u% !o an uninis$e" "roi" wi!$ !$e
!ra"i!ional look# 3'ha%bot85 (inne&an sai"# 3;e0ll always remember /$a.bo!8 T$is &uy coul" %ass as my
!win w$en $e0s inis$e"#5 (inne&an "i"n0! s!ick aroun" or nos!al&ia# He walke" alon& an" "escen"e"
"own a !$ir" se! o s!airs# 3I my inorma!ion is accura!e- !$ere is a ware$ouse on !$e bo!!om loor#5
3(inne&an4 ;$y are !$ere celebri!y look)alikes4 Is !$is /nvasion of the +ody 'natchers45 +ivian
wasn0! sure i s$e s$oul" be as!onis$e" or %e!riie"#
He s!o%%e" in $is !racks an" "i" an abou! ace# 3'll is air in love an" war#5 (inne&an0s eyes
were s!ran&ely "is!an!# 3I !$e s$i! $i!s !$e an ne9! mon!$ an" (EM' cam%s are u!ili.e" !o roun" u%
ci!i.ens- i! will no! =us! be a %$ysical civil war !akin& %lace in 'merica# I! will be a psychological one as
well# ?o! everyone is $ea"e" !o a cam%# <i!i.ens will be &lue" !o !$eir !elevisions# T$ey will nee" !o eel
normal# T$ey will nee" !o see !$eir avori!e s!ars $arasse" by %a%ara..i on TMH# T$e an"roi"s you saw
u%s!airs4 T$ey will be able !o ill !$e voi" o cra.y liberals !aken !o labor si!es# 2i" you know !$a! E"
'sner is soun"in& !$e alarm abou! ;orl" Tra"e <en!er C45 (inne&an0s s!ran&e an" serious s%eec$ en"e" in
an ins!an! an" $e con!inue" "own !$e s!e%s#
(le!c$er coul" see !$e ma&ni!u"e o !$e %ro=ec!# T$ere were hundreds o /)202G uni!s in or"erly
rows# Many o !$em resemble" /a""am Hussein# /ome o !$em looke" like Ma!! 2amon# B!$ers !ook !$e
orm o Barack Bbama- @eor&e ; Bus$ an" ?ancy ,elosi# 3T$is !akes !$e cake- (inne&an8 I wan!e" !o
see !$e thermite8 T$a!0s w$a! I was "riven by8 I wan!e" !o !alk can"i"ly wi!$ anyone w$o se! !$e c$ar&es
in !$e ;orl" Tra"e <en!er# T$a! was my we! "ream8 I wan!e" a %eace o min"# I I coul" !alk !o one
"emoli!ion e9%er! w$o was in !$e Towers beore nine eleven- I "i"n0! $ave !o be a w$is!le blower# I =us!
wan!e" !o know8 2i" our &overnmen! !ake "own i!s own buil"in&s in or"er !o im%lemen! mar!ial law4 I
$a" !o know85
+ivian walke" alon&# 37letcher45 Her voice s$rieke"# 3(le!c$er8 <ome $ere85
3Honey45 (le!c$er cau&$! u% !o $is lover# 38ivian45 He &rabbe" $er by !$e s$oul"er bu! s$e
"i"n0! bu"&e# /$e mi&$! as well $ave seen a &$os!# 3+iv4 Talk !o me85
+ivian0s ri&$! $an" slowly raise" in!o !$e air an" %oin!e" be!ween celebri!y an" %oli!ician
an"roi"s# 36ook85
T$e /)202G uni!s were !i&$!ly %acke"# ?one o !$em move"# (ive rows in- (le!c$er coul" see
w$a! sna!c$e" +iv0s a!!en!ion# (or a ew secon"s- $e s!oo" in silence# 3Is !$a! us45
3(inne&an45 +iv inally broke ou! o $er s%ell# 3;$y are !$ere an"roi"s !$a! look i"en!ical !o me
an" (le!c$er45 /$e &uesse" !$ere were abou! i!y o eac$ kin"#
3My- my85 (inne&an walke" "own one o !$e rows an" calle" +iv an" (le!c$# 3T$a! is no!$in&8
7ou0ve &o! !o see our mas!er%ieces#5
3=esus &hrist85 (le!c$er yelle"# 3+ivian4 Ai!erally### =esus &hrist8 ;$a! are you messin& wi!$-
(inn48 ;$a! kin" o %syc$olo&ical warare are you %lannin&45
3(irs! o all- !$e Hallibur!on secre! subsi"iary makes i!s own &ui"elines# T$ey are no! "irec!ly
ailia!e" wi!$ RMI#5 (inne&an s%oke !owar" !$e Jesus an"roi"# 3Jesus4 ,olar bears are ra!in& alon& !$e
?ile#5 T$e Jesus an"roi" !urne" $is $ea" !owar" +iv#
'he fainted#
3Turn i! o8 (inne&an8 T$is is reakin& me ou! !oo muc$85 (le!c$ s$ook (inn by !$e s$oul"ers#
3The penguins eat tofu in 'iberia85 (inne&an calle"# T$e Jesus an"roi" ace" orwar" a&ain !$en
ro.e like a manne*uin# 3T$e irs! wave o "roi"s !urne" on an" o wi!$ !$a! comman"- you mi&$!
remember# ?ow4 ;e $ave a se%ara!e %$rase or !urnin& !$em on#5
Be$in" Jesus was !$e Bea!les# 3Jo$n4 @eor&e4 Rin&o4 ,aul4 -olar bears are rafting along the
1ile#5 T$e (ab (our s!ar!e" c$i!c$a!!in& in Aiver%ool accen!s# 3T$is bea!s !$e crap ou! o !$e Hollywoo"
;a9 Museum85 (le!c$er was ac!ually $a%%y# 3I we survive !$e ma"ness !$a! we0re in !$e mi""le o- I
wan! !o kee% !$ese &uys or a cou%le o mon!$s# <an you arran&e !$a!- (inne&an45
3;$y is !$ere a Tu%ac an"roi"- (inne&an4 How "i" !$ey "eci"e !$a! Ai!!le Ric$ar" woul" no! be
ma"e bu! Tu%ac woul"45 +ivian s!rolle" alon& an" saw more marvels# James 2ean- Marilyn Monroe-
Elvis ,resley#
3Aike I $ave sai" beore- RMI is unailia!e" wi!$ !$is "ivision# ;e s$are" !ec$nolo&y so we
coul" bo!$ ac$ieve our %ersonal &oals- bu! manuac!urin& %olicy was "evise" by "ieren! in"ivi"uals#5
(inne&an no!ice" !$a! (le!c$ be$ave" like a ki" in a can"y s!ore# 3Have you $a" enou&$45
3I!0s like s!e%%in& in!o !$e /er&ean! ,e%%er album cover8 (ee%85 (le!c$ wan!e" !$e momen! !o
s!re!c$ bu! $e knew !$ere was o!$er business !o !en" !o# 3The penguins eat tofu in 'iberia-5 $e sai"# T$e
Bea!les reassume" !$eir %revious %osi!ions an" looke" like wa9 i&ures#
I! was (ri"ay !$e T$ir!een!$# I! was !wo "ays a!er marc$es an" "emons!ra!ions in 2<# Herman
Eic$elber&er an" Ma!!$ew /!ubbs were sea!e" be$in" a bus "river# Be$in" !$em- !$ere were rou&$ly i!y
%ro!es!ers !$ey $a" nabbe" a! !$e be&innin& o !$e week# Herman an" Ma!! were se%ara!e" rom !$e
%ro!es!ers by a ca&e wall# Herman $a" !ol" !$e &rou% a! (or! In"ian!own @a%- 3I you are smar!- you will
no! !ell anyone !$a! !$e &overnmen! ab"uc!e" you8 /ome o you were s$i!!in& on !$e 'merican la&8 /ome
o you were %lannin& violen! misc$ie on !$e !wel!$ anniversary o nine eleven# Many o you are sim%ly
i"io!s !$a! we wan!e" !o e9%erimen! wi!$85
T$e bus was $ea"e" sou!$ on !$e !!< !owar" !$e 'nnville Train /!a!ion# T$e ca%!ure" "evian!s
were all &iven one way !icke!s back !o ?ew 7ork# Ma!! s%oke !o !$em !$rou&$ !$e !$ick wire mes$- 3I wan!
!o le! you know !$a! I $a" a &oo" !ime wi!$ a lo! o you# (or !$ose o you !$a! !$ink you0re &onna call a
lawyer4 (or&e! abou! i!# Tell your rien"s an" amily w$en you re!urn !$a! you were ab"uc!e" by aliens#
4ou,ll be better off# Tell !$em you wen! !o 2< !o %ro!es! an" los! !rack o !ime# Tell !$em !$a! you wen!
cam%in&# "ell8 Tell !$em you0re res%onsible or !$e /easi"e ire in Jersey85
Ma!!$ew /!ubbs s%en! a lo! o !ime wi!$ !$e "e!ainees "urin& !$e week# T$ey woul" be brou&$! in
in"ivi"ually !o an in!erro&a!ion room an" Bren!- Ramon or Ta" woul" be aroun" wi!$ an arme" wea%on =us!
in case any!$in& unny wen! "own# Ma!! e9%laine" in can"or w$a! was &oin& on# I! s!ar!e" wi!$ !$ree
%oun"s o or&anic ma!!er# I! $a" !o "o wi!$ economics an" unsus!ainabili!y# Jona!$an Ai%nicki a%olo&i.e"
on TMH abou! bein& wron& abou! $is amous =erry 2aguire line !$a! a $uman $ea" wei&$s ei&$! %oun"s#
Ma!! /!ubbs "i" $is researc$# T$ere was no reason or a%olo&y# T$e number was accura!e enou&$# '
ca"aver cu! o aroun" ver!ebra &< wi!$ou! $air was aroun" our an" $al kilo&rams# T$e brain- on
avera&e- was abou! !$ree %oun"s#
2att,s spiel was pretty much the same with each person he sat down with#
T$ree %oun"s o faulty or&anic ma!!er is w$a! i! !ook# /u%reme <our! =u"&e 'n!onin /calia
"eci"e" or all $umankin" w$a! !$e worl" woul" be like# T$e re!ros%ec!ive con!ras! be!ween @ore an"
Bus$ coul"n0! be wi"er %eerin& back a! 2000# @ore was %ar! o an a"minis!ra!ion w$ic$ accom%lis$e" a
!rillion "ollar sur%lus# ; Bus$ was !$e son o !$e man w$o coine" !$e %$rase- 3voo"oo economics5# H;
Bus$ wen! on !o be vice %resi"en! or !$e man w$om $e accuse" a"voca!e" !$e $orri"- unworkable su%%ly)
si"e economics- 3onald Wilson 3eagan# ;$en H; Bus$ was sworn in as vice %resi"en!- !$e na!ional "eb!
was a con!rollable one !rillion "ollars#
2att,s spiel stayed consistent even though he sounded like a confused rambling person to each
person he sat down with#
Ju"&e /calia was a sel)a"mi!!e" conserva!ive- as was ; Bus$ an" !$e &overnor o !$e 2000
con!es!e" s!a!e o (lori"a- Jeb Bus$# Everyone knew abou! !$e issues wi!$ !$e bu!!erly ballo!s# T$a! "ea"
$orse coul"n0! be bea!en more# T$ere were issues abou! com%u!eri.e" vo!in& mac$ines an" minori!ies
%ur&e" rom vo!in& rolls# T$ere were issues o lon& lines in minori!y %recinc!s# ' $un"re" million
'mericans vo!e" in 2000 bu! ul!ima!ely i! was an issue o !$ree %oun"s o or&anic ma!!er w$ic$ "eci"e" !$e
elec!ion# /omew$ere in !$is mys!erious se! o neurons an" brain cells- a "ecision was ma"e !$a!
3ori&inalism5 an" 3s!ric! cons!ruc!ion5 woul" a%%ly some$ow !o !$e (our!een!$ 'men"men!0s 3e*ual
%ro!ec!ion5 clause# @ore was &ainin& &roun" in !$e recoun! an" /calia- !o&e!$er wi!$ our o!$er
conserva!ive =us!ices- "eci"e" !$ere woul" be a !wo)$our win"ow or 'l !o "emons!ra!e !$a! vic!ory was $is
in !$e wil" /uns$ine s!a!e#
36ife is arbitrary# now#; 2att would wind up telling people. 9Why were you picked up0 /t,s all
about who,s running the show.5
;$o knows w$a!0s &oin& on in someone0s brain4 /$ows like 'tar Trek an" (illigan,s /sland were
cancelle" a!er a ew s$or! seasons bu! mana&e" !o remain in %o% cul!ure or "eca"es in reruns# 'll !$e
w$ile- =ake and the 7atman ran or a lon&er %erio" ye! sli%%e" in!o obscuri!y# ;$o knows w$y "ecisions
$ave been ma"e4 I! was clear !o Ma!!- !$ou&$- !$e "emocracy i!sel los! in !$e year 2000# T$ree %oun"s o
or&anic mass !il!e" $umani!y0s u!ure !owar" war an" irres%onsible economics# T$e wars were "eeme"
ille&al by Ma$a!$ir Mo$ama"- 2esmon" Tu!u an" a $os! o o!$ers# ; Bus$ im%lemen!e" a suici"al orm
o 3voo"oo economics5 w$ic$ s$o! !$e :ni!e" /!a!es !owar" even!ual $an"ica%%e" obli!era!ion# T$ree
%oun"s o or&anic mass coul" $ave c$osen %ru"ence an" real "emocracy bu! ins!ea" selec!e" avori!ism
an" ascism# Ma!! wan!e" !o know w$a! ma"e !$e %ro!es!ers !ick# .o you not know it,s over0 Are you out
there for the cameras0 /s it your greatest chance for fame0 .o you not know that the decisions have
already been made0 Ma!! was c$allen&e" by Herman !o in" ou! w$o !$e %ro!es!ers believe" $a" !$eir
backs# /ome o !$em coul"n0! wai! un!il !$e :/' was !aken over by orei&n %owers# B!$ers believe" !$a!
"emocracy>actual democracy>coul" re!urn# Ma!! usually inis$e" by !ellin& !$e ca%!ives !$a! w$a!ever
was &oin& on be!ween /calia0s ears in 2000- !$a! i! "oome" !$e a!e o %lane! Ear!$ or !$e ne9! ew
cen!uries# /f you want to know why you,re here instead of working for a good wage at a wind farm# you
can thank that guy#
T$e a%%re$en"e" %icke!ers were "ro%%e" o a! !$e 'nnville Train /!a!ion wi!$ou! a%olo&y an"
wi!$ou! mone!ary com%ensa!ion# Bn !$e bus ri"e back !o (or! In"ian!own @a%- Herman "eci"e" !o "iscuss
'"ol Hi!ler wi!$ Ma!!$ew /!ubbs# 3.as (rosse 6uge8 2o you know w$a! !$a! means45
3;$a!4 Is !$a! @erman45 Ma!! looke" be$in" !$em# T$e bus was now em%!y an" i! some$ow el!
s!ran&e# He &rew !o like some o !$e &uys !$ey $a" s!olen rom !$e s!ree!s#
32as @rosse Au&e4 @erman4 7es# 2ein ?ampf#5 Herman wen! on !o !alk abou! w$a! $e
believe" worl" $is!ory was# +olume one o Hi!ler0s amous book was %rin!e" in AB2Q an" volume !wo was
%rin!e" in AB2@# Jose%$ @oebbels was a!!ribu!e" wi!$ !$e line 3a lie !ol" a million !imes becomes !$e !ru!$5
bu! Herman believe" i! was mean! !o "escribe 's$kena.i Jewis$ se!!lers in ,olan"# I! wasn0! !$eir na!ive
$omelan"# T$e lan" aroun" Jerusalem $a" c$an&e" names many !imes !$rou&$ou! !$e Biblical era#
3'merica was oun"e" sim%ly an" innocen!ly enou&$-5 Herman e9%laine"# T$ere was no reason or mass
"ece%!ion an" sinis!er %lo!s# T$ere was no com%le!e" worl" ma%- or e9am%le# How coul" !$ere be suc$
!$in& as !$e 2anifest .estiny i"ea a! !$e !ime %il&rims lan"e" on ,lymou!$ Rock4 T$e early se!!lers looke"
or a new $ome an" !$ey !rie" !o &e! alon& wi!$ !$e na!ives# 3;$ere "o you !$ink Thanksgiving comes
rom45 Herman aske"# Even!ually- 'mericans in !$e so)calle" ?ew ;orl" $i! !$e same %roblem as !$e
's$kena.i noma"s immi&ra!in& rom !$e <as%ian /ea# T$eir %o%ula!ion e9%lo"e" an" !$e %lace w$ere !$ey
in!en"e" !o live alrea"y $a" %eo%le livin& !$ere# 32o you know !$a! a!er nine eleven- some Israelis were
*uo!e" as sayin& !$a! Israel is now 'merica0s i!y)irs! s!a!e45 Herman wen! on wi!$ou! in!erru%!ion rom
Ma!!# 3T$ey0re liars- Ma!!# ;e0re %ar! o !$e lie- now#5
3I!0s always been abou! survival or me-5 Ma!! !ol" Herman# 3I "on0! care w$a! i! !akes- really#
7ou0re really &oo" a! "e%ic!in& our circums!ance in !$e bi&&er %ic!ure bu! i! really "oesn0! ma!!er !o me a!
!$e en" o !$e "ay# I "on0! care i we0re !ellin& !$e !ru!$ an" I "on0! care i we0re !ellin& lies# I care abou!
oo" in my s!omac$ an" I care abou! a roo over my $ea"#5
(inne&an- (le!c$ an" +iv were on !$e &oncorde a&ain .i%%in& !o sou!$ern 'rica a! su%ersonic
s%ee"s# 3Tell me abou! Bl" Man Rossum85 (le!c$ swirle" !$e ice in $is =ack and &oke#
3Bl" Man Rossum45 (inne&an aske"# 3T$ere is no Bl" Man Rossum i you0re reerrin& !o
Rossum Mac$inery In!erna!ional### a! leas! no! in !$e !rues! sense# In ic!ion- !$e name was !aken rom
&%echoslovakian !$ea!re# 3ossum,s 5niversal 3obots was a %lay wri!!en by 1arel Xa%ek in 1F21# T$e
En&lis$ wor" 6robot0 comes rom $is work- by !$e way# I!0s abou! a ki" w$o buil"s many /)202G uni!s an"
!$e worl" is be!!er o or i!#5 (inne&an like" !$a! +iv smirke"# 3I ma"e a =oke### bu! in a nu!s$ell- !$a!0s
w$a! !$e s!ory is# In 1F3L- a !$ir!y)ive minu!e %or!ion was a"a%!e" or early BB< !elevision# ,er$a%s we
can in" i! online45 (inne&an &es!ure" !o !$e la! screen T+#
3?a$# I0m ine#5 (le!c$ recline" $is sea! an" s!re!c$e"#
3/ince we0re $ea"in& !o 1iliman=aro- %er$a%s we can "iscuss +arry 'oetoro#5 (inne&an &o!
no!$in& rom (le!c$# +iv- on !$e o!$er $an"- seeme" curious# 37ou know4 T$e %resi"en! o !$e :ni!e"
/!a!es o 'merica45
3Have you crosse" a circui! a&ain45 +iv was rarely an&ry wi!$ any o !$e an"roi"s bu! s$e oun"
$ersel rus!ra!e" an" %er%le9e"# 3;$a! are you !alkin& abou!45
3Barry /oe!oro# Re&is!ere" vo!er in ;as$in&!on- 2< u% un!il !$is %as! July# 2a!e o bir!$ is
'u&us! D- 1FG1# Resi"en! o 1G00 ,ennsylvania 'venue#5 (inne&an saw !$e li&$! bulb come on above
+iv0s $ea"#
3A@ -ennsylvania# T$a!0s !$e ;$i!e House85 /$e s!ill "i"n0! un"ers!an" w$a! (inn was &e!!in&
a!# 3Barry### who45
3Barack Hussein Bbama- w$en $e was a c$il"- was raise" by /!anley 'nn 2un$am an" Aolo
/oe!oro# ;$en Barack was si9 years ol"- $e wen! !o live in In"onesia### an" !ook !$e name Barry /oe!oro#
He live" !$ere un!il $e was !en- a! w$ic$ %oin! $e wen! !o live wi!$ $is &ran"mo!$er in Honolulu#5
(inne&an was no! !ryin& !o make i! more com%lica!e" !$an i! nee"e" !o be# He was &e!!in& be!!er a!
knowin& w$en $e was successully &e!!in& %oin!s across# He !$ou&$! !$a! +ivian woul" %u! !$e %ieces
!o&e!$er bu! !$ere were no in"ica!ors !$a! s$e un"ers!oo"# T$ere was no %ara%$rase# /$e "i" no! com%le!e
$is sen!ences# 32onal" Trum% $as accuse" !$e %resi"en! o bein& born in 1enya# I!0s no! all !$a! ar rom
Tan.ania#5
3B$8 I !$ou&$! you wan!e" !o ly !o !$e o!$er si"e o !$e &lobe85 +iv lau&$e"# 3I !$ou&$! we
were &oin& !o c$an&e %lans an" $ea" many $ours in a "ieren! "irec!ion85
3;e can &o !o 1enya !o !ry !o veriy or "is%el !$e ou!ra&eous bir!$er alle&a!ions# ;oul" you like
!o "o !$a!45 (inne&an wa!c$e" (le!c$0s &lass "ro% ou! o $is $an"s# (le!c$ s!ar!e" !o snore#
3Me4 ?o# I wan! !o $ike in !$e mos! beau!iul moun!ain in 'rica# I "on0! wan! !o !$ink abou!
%oli!ics# I0ve $a" !oo muc$ o i! over !$ese %as! ew weeks#5 +iv a"mire" (le!c$ or %assin& ou!# /$e
wis$e" s$e coul" slee% bu! el! !oo res!less#
I! was Mon"ay mornin& an" Ma!!$ew /!ubbs was inis$in& a bowl o ei&$! scramble" e&&s# He
was in !$e makes$i! $ea"*uar!ers !en! wi!$ Herman- Elwyn- Ta"- Bren! an" Ramon# 3I $ave an i"ea or a
s$ow# 7ou !$ink "ay!ime !elevision is sa!ura!e" wi!$ =udge This an" =udge That !y%e o %ro&rams4 How0s
!$is one45 Ma!! scare" "own !$e res! o $is oo" an"- !$ou&$ i! was am%le- $e wan!e" !o ea! more#
3&onspiracy &ourt8 I mean- we =us! "ro%%e" o i!y %eo%le we yanke" rom !$e s!ree!s because !$ey were
%ro!es!in& abou! !$e wron& !$in&8 I know i!- you know i!- an" !$ey know i!8 Bu! !$e %ublic4 T$ey0ll never
know# I any o !$em ever !ries !o e9%lain i!- !$ey0ll be %u! in !$e same ca!e&ory as nu!s !$a!0ve seen Bi&
(oo!85
3<ons%iracy <our!45 Herman a!e $is scramble" e&&s in !$e orm o a breakas! san"wic$# 3Tell
me abou! i!#5
37ou &e! someone like a Ju"&e Ju"y an" you &rab Jona!$an +ankin0s F (reatest &onspiracies###
or you &o !o !$e AboveTop'ecret web si!e# 7ou &e! a lawyer w$o ar&ues an" %resen!s evi"ence !$a!### I
"on0! know# Ae!0s say -rincess .iana# 7ou &e! $im !o s$ow ac!s w$ic$ woul" lea" a =ury !o believe !$a!
$er "ea!$ was no acci"en!# 7ou &e! !$is s%ecial lawyer)!y%e !o call a ew uni*ue wi!nesses#5 Ma!! wa!c$e"
!$e &uys aroun" $im s!ill ea!in&# He looke" in!o $is em%!y bowl an" $a" !o resis! askin& anyone i !$ey
were &oin& !o inis$ breakas!#
3;$o0s on !$e =ury45 Ramon aske"#
3-eople like you# I !$ink i! coul" work on MT+ or some!$in&# @e! a bunc$ o youn& ki"s# T$e
"ecision "oesn0! $ave !o be bin"in&# Is !$e Aoc$ ?ess Mons!er ou! !$ere4 're !$ere aliens a! 'rea P14 ;as
!$ere a lone &unman in 2allas- 1FG345 Ma!! s$ook !$e i"ea o# 3I!0s %robably s!u%i"#5
3I like i! ac!ually-5 Bren! sai"# 3T$ere0s a %roblem- !$ou&$# ' big %roblem# T$e cor%ora!ions !$a!
inance commercial !elevision are %ar! o mos! o !$e &oo" cons%iracies#5
37ea$# I &uess +iacom or @eneral Elec!ric is no! really &onna le! %eo%le !alk cra% abou! !$eir
bu""ies in ron! o na!ional T+#5 Ma!! !$ou&$! back abou! $is work in Beec$ @rove# He !$ou&$! abou! !$e
mo"iie" ware$ouses aroun" Bn!ario In!erna!ional 'ir%or!# He !$ou&$! abou! $is %resen! !ime in !$e !en!#
3I!0s all useless# I !$ink i!0" be a &oo" i"ea### bu! in !o"ay0s 'merica- i! =us! woul"n0! $a%%en#5
3I $ave an i"ea or a =u"&e s$ow8 How0s !$is45 Ta" scoo!e" $is c$air !owar" !$e &rou%# 3=udge
'cout8 T$ink @ary <oleman or Macaulay <ulkin w$en !$ey were !ikes# 7ou &e! !$is cu!e ki" wi!$ a ba"
a!!i!u"e### an" $e knows nothing abou! law# I!0s like !$e -eople,s &ourt e9ce%! every now an" !$en- !$e ki"
=u"&e woul" yell !$in&s like 6you,re a stupid idiot0 or 6you should hit yourself08 To!ally o !$e cu- ri&$!4
I!0" only be a sli&$! e9a&&era!ion o $ow %eo%le eel in real cour! !o"ay85
I! was (ri"ay- /e%!ember !wen!ie!$# +iv an" (le!c$er s%en! a ew "ays $ikin& aroun" !$e moun!ain
%eaks o 1iliman=aro# +ivian believe" i! was !$e bes! !ime s$e coul" remember $avin& as an a"ul!#
(le!c$er %o%%e" !$e *ues!ion# 3+ivian4 I !$ink we0ve run our course# I !$ink we0ve sowe" our wil" oa!s# I
"on0! $ave any "esire !o c$ase "own !$e mons!ers w$o are ruinin& our %lane!# I do $ave !$e "esire !o live
wi!$ you### an" !o se!!le "own# I !$ink we s$oul" &e! marrie" $ere# I! woul" be %erec!# ;e can live in
'n&uilla or a year an" !ake lie as i! comes#5
+ivian a&ree" !$a! marria&e s$oul" $a%%en soon or no! a! all# /$e %ro%ose" a *uain! we""in& in
,aris# T$ere was one more a"ven!ure- !$ou&$# (inne&an !ol" !$e youn& cou%le !$a! $e coul" &e! !$em in!o
!$e /au"i sarin s!ock%ile rom w$ere /yrian rebels receive" !$eir c$emical wea%ons w$ic$ were use" on
'u&us! !wen!y)irs!# Every!$in& seeme" like i! was years a&o# 1ine eleven# +engha%i and the 'yrian gas
tragedy# (le!c$er0s ocus $a" !urne" rom un"ers!an"in& !$ermi!e !o un"ers!an"in& sarin "urin& !$e %as!
ew weeks# (inne&an lew +iv an" (le!c$ !o an un"isclose" ware$ouse an" %rovi"e" connec!ions so !$a!
!$ey coul" see irs!)$an" w$a! was &oin& on be$in" !$e veil o !$e sol" ou! 'merican me"ia#
I! was %o%ularly believe" !$a! a %erson0s lie las$es beore $ers or $is eyes ri&$! beore "ea!$#
/ome!$in& was wron&# (inne&an was wi!$ +iv an" (le!c$er as !$ey e9amine" barrels an" war$ea"s# T$ere
were cra!es o luori"e an" !$ere were %alle!s o %es!ici"es# T$ere was cyani"e an" !$ere were various
e9%losives# T$ere were bo9es o lan"mines#
8ivian 'treets saw =uliet &apulet pierce her heart with a dagger#
+ivian was !$ir!een years ol" w$en $er a!$er !ook $er !o see a live "e%ic!ion o 3omeo and =uliet
a! !$e /an (rancisco ,lay$ouse# /$e $a"n0! me! (le!c$er Browne- ye!# /$e ell in love wi!$ love# /$e
wan!e" !o in" $er %ersonal Romeo#
3omeo 2ontague was dead on the floor#
T$ere was no s!ron& o"or in !$e room# ?o!$in& looke" ou! o %lace besi"es !$e s!acks o wea%ons#
7letcher +rowne was on the floor convulsing#
+ivian looke" over a! (inne&an# He was a robo! wi!$ acu!ely "evelo%e" ar!iicial in!elli&ence# He
woul" know w$a! was &oin& on### e9ce%! !$a! (inne&an !ook o runnin& !o !$e ware$ouse0s e9i!#
3omeo didn,t understand. =uliet ingested a small amount of poison so it would put her into a mild
hibernation. /t would seem to the world that she had died. /t was the only way to escape the asinine
political feuding between the 2ontague and &apulet families. /t was the only way that she could live with
her true love# 3omeo 2ontague... but 3omeo didn,t understand. "e wasn,t let in on the plan and he
believed =uliet was dead so he ended his own life#
(le!c$er Browne was on !$e loor oamin& a! !$e mou!$# +ivian wan!e" $im !o e9%lain $imsel#
3Why are you joking about something so stupid85 s$e screame" a! $im### !$en s$e coul" eel i!# Her nose
s!ar!e" !o run an" !$e muscles in $er u%%er bo"y !i&$!ene"# /$e oun" i! im%ossible !o brea!$e an" s$e
%uke" $er lunc$ on!o !$e loor# /$e ell !o !$e &roun"#
/,ve got to get to 7letch#
/$e "ry $eave" a ew !imes an" comman"e" $er bo"y !o sli!$er !owar" $er lover# Her bowels
release" insi"e o $er $ikin& s$or!s an" &obs o "rool sli" ou!si"e o $er mou!$#
"ere,s to my love# Romeo swallowe" $is !o9ic "rink# O true apothecary: Thy drugs are >uick#
+ivian mana&e" !o &e! close enou&$ !o (le!c$er !o lay $er $ea" on one o $is s$ins ri&$! beore s$e
coul" eel $is s%asms !o!ally cease#
3omeo. O pale.
+ivian remembere" $er irs! kiss wi!$ (le!c$er on !$e Rosemon! Hi&$ /c$ool bleac$ers "urin&
$al!ime o a oo!ball &ame#
What,s here0 A cup# closed in my true love,s hand0 -oison# / see# hath been his timeless end.
+ivian /!ree!s &ras%e" a! (le!c$er Browne0s !$i&$#
There rust and let me die#