Dear Zachary, You have written a well-composed essay.

The organization made it simple for me, the reader, to figure out the purpose. In you first paragraph you explicitly say that you are going to be writing about the way you learned to read and write. I would not recommend any changes in organization. However, I noticed that you spend more time elaborating on how you learned to write than on how you learned to read. It would create a better balance if you elaborate more on how you came about learning to read. Perhaps adding more detail or adding how learning to read in this manner has impacted you presently. Throughout your essay you indirectly mention your sponsor, materiality, and institutions. According to the rubric you need to tie back your story to the terms. I would recommend that you actually use the words instead of just indirectly mentioning them. I dont think your paper requires any mention of the readings we did in class. I feel that the books you used as examples are plenty. In my opinion you wouldnt need to cite the terms if you were to include them. You do touch upon the So What? part of the rubric when you talk about why newspaper impacted you. I would include something along these lines for how you learned to read. Tie it back to present day and the impact it made on you. In your last paragraph I would remove the first sentence and just sporadically mention the general idea that you have (in that sentence) between paragraphs. I also recommend deleting the last sentence because it doesnt really add anything to your paper. I would either end with the previous sentence or tie things back to the sentence you wrote in your first paragraph stating most people in the world learn to read and write, but its their story thats different. Sincerely, Melissa Berrios

Dear Soham, You have written a well-composed narrative. The organization made it simple for me, the reader, to figure out the purpose. In your first paragraph you explicitly say that you are going to be writing about the way you learned to read. I would not recommend any major any changes in organization. But if you were to split the second paragraph you would have more room to elaborate on how this process of learning has impacted you in present day. Perhaps one paragraph could be on the actual events and the other on how these events changed the way you study and learn. You already do a good job of explaining how the method your parents used to teach you are still instilled in you today. Your reference to Hank the Cow Dog in my opinion is enough of an example. You dont necessarily need to incorporate the readings we have done in class. The only thing that needs to be added to your paper would be the terms that we used in class. You used them all at the end and it doesnt flow very well with the rest of the paper. If you were to incorporate the terms within each paragraph and sporadically within your story than you avoid an awkward sentence. Perhaps incorporating the terms sponsor when you talk about your parents or your brother. Materiality can be left where it is, amongst the billboard story. Institution should be moved and incorporated less bluntly instead of saying this was my institution it would sound better if you subtly said it. Sincerely, Melissa Berrios

Dear Teah, It was really hard to find something to criticize. However, when I looked at your page and then at the rubric I felt that you covered everything. Each tab is filled with colorful information about how you learned to read and write. The way you organized things makes it easy for me to figure out the topic of what I will be reading. I loved the fact that you incorporated a section about your current life and how reading fits into it (if at all). None of the information you gave was redundant or overstated. My only critique would be that you dont have to go in depth about Malcolm X. I think with the reference you did under your sponsors tab and perhaps another reference to Malcolm X be fine. That tab just seems to be out of place amongst the other ones that have more to do with you. You could use that page as a citation tab instead. Sincerely, Melissa Berrios