Gender Communication and Culture At some point in our life we all have run into communication problems.

Whether we are unable to express our self clearly or just have blurted something out thoughtlessly. Perhaps you could not think of what to say next or insulted someone unintentionally. Experiencing a communication mishap will make anyone realize the importance of communicating competently. Communicative competence is the ability to communicate in a personally effective and socially appropriate manner. In order to communicate competently, one must know how to assign meanings to the world around them, set goals strategically, take on social roles appropriately, present a valued image of them self to the world, and generate intelligible messages (oup.com). In the public opinion, there is this idea that the differences between what men say and what women say and how they both communicate are over powering. Although this is commonly misunderstood, actual research shows that both men and women can be loving, cultivating, aggressive, and patient or inpatient in their communication. The real difference between gender communication is how they interpret what the other is actually saying. The better men and women can recognize the differences in communicative styles, the easier it will be to communicate. Both men and women articulate their ideas and opinions in different ways and for different reasons. While women create intimacy and feeling by conversing themselves emotionally to connect with others, men talk to create independence and status for themselves in the public eye. Men typically communicate with a goal of task

accomplishment and addressing questions about facts, often using report talk and selfimportance to express information, as women frequently use rapport talk to build intimacy, maintain and strengthen relationships or connection (Stern). According to an article by Deborah Tannen, accusations are then made because women see the man as domineering and self-centered, whereas men will see the women as insecure and illogical. Body language is another form of communication that is also used differently by men and women. Typically, women use nonverbal communication directly and men use it indirectly. For example, women communicate nonverbally by using more gestures while maintaining eye contact. On the other hand, men use less dramatic body gestures and rarely establish eye contact. Women also have the ability to detect a wider range of emotions than men. Men can detect straightforward emotions like rage and aggression, but women can pick up on subtler emotions; so when conflict ensues both men and women handle this situation very differently. Women will do anything to avoid conflict in order to insure comfort and this is the time where men use conflict to achieve self-image and status. In most cases men resolve conflict by escalating it. They take a strong position and argue it until one of the two parties involved gives in or gives in to the other. Many women resolve conflict by de-escalating it. Rather than focusing on differences, they focus on common ground and finding compromises. In order for men and women to become better communicators they must be aware of their own style of communication. Each person has his or her own unique style of communication. This self-evaluation is one of the most importance steps to improve gender communication. In most cases, men and women assume that they communicate as

well as they need to, which is most defiantly not the case. Both genders need to look at their own speech and evaluate their words, tone of voice, and body language. Comparing your own communication style with that of individuals whom you judge to be effective communicators is a good start. Self-evaluation is the hardest step in improving gender communication. Next, they need to understand message competence, which gives a person the ability to understand verbal codes as well as nonverbal codes that company and most of the time alter their meaning. Understanding this communication style of the opposite sex is of great importance. If one is unfamiliar with this unique communication style they should listen carefully to the opposite sex and make observations in their conversation. For example, what do they say? How do they say it? When do they say it? and Why do they say it? Also, one of the largest mistakes in gender communication is assumption. Men and women should never assume the other gender understands their message. Although the message may be clear to one sex, it may not be as clear to the other. In conclusion, being able to achieve a higher quality of communication between genders, involves efficient goals that have the best possible effect on the relationship between communicators. It requires intelligence, sensitivity, strategic analysis, and a clear sense of what ones values and long-term objectives are. Understanding these differences is the key to finding a solution. When we misunderstand one another, we often think that the others motives are not reasonable or mean spirited. But by knowing that women and men sometimes see and hear things through different filters, we can begin to share with one another the miss communications we experience. There are countless diverse influences that shape ones style of communicative tendencies towards

the opposite gender, but the better one is at meeting each of these criteria, the higher quality communication there will be with the opposite sex.

Bibliography 1. Kelley, Rhonda H., Communication between Men and Women in the Context of the Christian Community. Retrieved October 2010, from http://www.cbmw.org/Resources/Articles/Communication-between-Men-andWomen 2. Stern, Nancy, Gender Jive- Communication Between Men and Women. Retrieved October 2010, from http://ezinearticles.com/?Gender-Jive---CommunicationBetween-Men-and-Women&id=1861

3. Tannen, Deborah, Cant We Talk?, Retrieved October 2010, from http://raysweb.net/poems/articles/tannen.html 4. Trenholm, Sarah, Jensen Arthur, Interpersonal Communication, Retrieved October 2010, from http://www.oup.com/us/companion.websites/9780195312904/?view=usa