A Position Paper On

Marriage, Divorce and Remarriage from

a Scriptural Perspective

I. The Need

The divorce rate in the United States is about 50%. Unfortunately, the rate among born-again,
spirit-filled believers is about the same. Consequently, the churches are awash with divorced
people, seeking to remarry and get on with their lives. Some traditional, legalistic church
leaders see only widows and widowers in a position to remarry, with the possible exception of
adultery on the part of one of the marriage partners. If one holds this view, based only on the
“hard scriptures”, then myriads of people will spend the rest of their lives on the human scrap
heap.

Some of these folks may abandon the church and seek sexual relationships outside church-
sanctioned marriages. Others may unite in civil marriages or simply live together.

The purpose of this paper is to search scripture for proper, legitimate solutions for these highly
complex problems.

II. Marriage

First, let us look at what the scripture says about marriage. Way back in Genesis, in the garden,
God said it is not good for the man to be alone, so he made a helpmeet for Adam (g\Gen. 2:18).
In Gen. 2:20-24, we read that Eve was created to be Adam’s wife and that God created the
institution of marriage. These concepts are thoroughly and heartily confirmed by Jesus (Mat.
19:5-6 & Mk. 10:7-9). Not only do these references say that man and wife are joined together
by God, but a stern warning is given to mankind not to break up what he has joined together!

In Hebrews 13:4, we read that marriage should be honored by all. This is why the wedding
liturgy of many traditional churches speaks of marriage as an honorable estate. This same
verse also tells us that the marriage bed should be kept pure because God will judge adulterers
and all sexually impure. Thus it is abundantly clear that God created and blessed marriage (of
one man and one woman) as the way to procreate (Gen. 2:18) and to have mutual pleasure,
companionship and support. Also, in 2 Cor. 6:14, Paul tells us that believers should not marry
unbelievers.

III. Divorce

God has exactly the opposite view of divorce. In Malachi 2:13-16, he reaffirms the sanctity of
marriage and declares his hatred for divorce. According to Jesus, Moses allowed divorce
because of the hardness of men’s hearts; but said it was not this way from the beginning (Mat.
19:8).

Accordingly, Moses gave laws permitting divorce and regulating it and its consequences. In
Leviticus 20:10, we read that an adulterer and the corresponding adulteress (his friend’s wife)

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shall be put to death, presumably by stoning, in John 8:3-11, we read that a woman, caught in
the act of adultery, was brought to Jesus for judgment. Thinking to trap Jesus, referring to the
above Leviticus passage, they said Moses taught that she should be stoned. However, due to
their masculine hypocrisy, they did not bring the adulterer to Jesus.

The Old Testament scriptures give unchastity or indecency as grounds for divorce (Deut. 24:15).
This same passage tells us that if the woman he divorced remarries and re-divorces, he is
forbidden to remarry her. The O.T. Scriptures do not otherwise forbid remarriage.

The O.T. Scriptures give reasons why a man may not divorce a wife and discuss in detail
marriage violations and punishments (Deut. 22:13-30). If a believer, in the church age, is having
severe marital problems, and is contemplating divorce, every effort must be made to reconcile
the believer to his/her spouse (1 Cor. 7:11). However, in such cases, common sense must be
exercised. For example, the marriage counselor should not tell a woman victim of spousal
abuse, who is in fear for her life, to return to an unrepentant or mentally deranged husband.
These sorts of things will be discussed more completely in the section below.

IV. Remarriage After Divorce

N.T. Scriptures about divorce and remarriage are more complete, adding new prohibitions to
remarriage. In Mat. 5:31-32, 19:1-9; Mk. 10:1-12 & Lu. 16:18, Jesus lays down his rules
regarding divorce and remarriage

Remarriage is permitted if immorality or unchastity (adultery) is the cause of the divorce

(Mat. 5:32 & 19:9.)
Otherwise, a man or a woman who marries a divorced person commits adultery.
However, as we shall see below, Paul permits remarriage on grounds of desertion.

In 1 Cor., 6: 9-10, Paul lists several types of sinners who will not enter the kingdom of God.
Among these are the sexually immoral, the adulterers, the homosexuals and (male) prostitutes.
However, in the very next verse (11), it is critical to note that although some Corinthians were
like that, they are now washed, sanctified and justified in the name of Jesus and by the Holy
Spirit. Thus, it is unequivocally clear that these repentant sinners, saved by grace, were lovingly
forgiven and restored by the lord!

In verse 18, Paul tells us to flee from sexual immorality (as Joseph fled from Potiphar’s wife,
Gen. 39:11-23), thus avoiding sexual immorality in the first place. In verses 19-20, Paul reminds
us that we are temples of the Holy Spirit and we have been bought with a (very high) price.

In chapter 7, Paul gives a discourse on marriage, divorce and remarriage. However, in verses
1, 7 and 8 and repeatedly in this chapter, he gives some personal advice, saying that it is better
not to marry. Later, in verse 28, he gives the reason for this thinking; he wants to spare people
the troubles that often come to married folks.

The following little parenthetical digression, speculative though it is, may shed some light on
Paul’s views on marriage. At least three times (Acts 23:6; 26:5 & Philip. 3:5), Paul stated that he

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was a Pharisee. It is said that proper Pharisees were required to marry at some “right” time in
their lives. On these grounds, some authorities speculate that Paul was married at one time in
his life and for some reason(s), found this state to be intolerable, or perhaps his wife passed
away. If this supposition is correct, it could explain why Paul held this guarded view of marriage.
However, before being carried away by such possibilities, we must never forget that Paul also
said that all scripture is inspired by God (2 Tim. 3:16). Thus, he included his own writings as
inspired.

Nevertheless, Paul goes on to reaffirm marriage as a contract between one man and one
woman (verse 2). In verses 8-13, he restates the divorce-remarriage commandments of Jesus.

In verses 14 and 15, Paul, on the basis of his apostolic authority, introduces concepts not
mentioned in earlier scriptures. In verse 14, he says that the believing spouse sanctifies the
unbelieving spouse, and thus the children of their mixed marriage. Later in the chapter (verse
16), Paul opens the door to the possibility that the witness of the believing spouse may save the
unbelieving spouse.

However, most interesting of all, in this chapter, is what is stated in verse 15. Here, Paul
introduces the concept of desertion of the marriage. Although he speaks here of desertion by
an unbeliever, the concept applies to any desertion by any marriage partner. Paul says that the
partner thus abandoned is no longer bound by the marriage contract.

Thus Paul introduces the immensely important concept of the innocent party. The concept of
desertion or abandonment also applies to situations where the husband is physically present,
but has deserted the marriage by committing spousal abuse (Eph. 5:25-33). Therefore, spousal
abuse is constructive desertion or abandonment. Finally, Paul restates the obvious, that the
marriage partner whose spouse dies is free to remarry, but he adds, only to a believer (1 Cor.
7:39).

All of the occurrences of key words in the hard scriptures pertaining to divorce and adultery are
listed below, (but without references) along with the number of occurrences.

Divorce 13
Divorced 7
Divorces 6
Total = 26

Adultery 33
Adulterer 3
Adulteress 11
Adulterous 7 – 54
Total = 80

Immorality
Unchastity
Grand total = 106

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Now the thrust of this paper will transition to the softer scriptures, which are in tension with the hard
scriptures listed above. Before doing that, it is helpful to recall that other scriptures are also in tension
with one another. For example, the scriptures which teach free will (John 3:115-18; Rom. 10:11) are in
tension with those which teach predestination (Rom. 8:29-30, Eph. 1:5, 11). Also, those which teach
eternal security (Jn. 10:27-30) are in tension with those which teach falling from grace (Gal. 5:4; 1 Cor.
16:2).

Since the greatest theological giants of the church age have struggled with these concepts, and since
we know that god is not divided, it is obvious that these tensions remain mysteries.

Therefore, we must familiarize ourselves with these important scriptures. We must also keep an open
mind and a teachable spirit, not rejecting any of these concepts.

Now, moving on with the softer scriptures, as mentioned above, in 1 Cor., chapter 6, verse 11, Paul
says that some of the Corinthians were guilty of sexual sins, but were then forgiven and justified. How
did this come about? Obviously, they confessed, repented, threw themselves on god’s mercy, became
born again and were forgiven of all their unrighteousness. (1 Jn 1:9).

The whole of the gospel teaches that all have sinned and fallen short of god’s glory (Rom. 3:21-
26). Thus, Jesus’ blood, shed on the cross, has covered all sins committed prior to new birth, by
faith, are forgiven and forgotten by God (1 Cor. 13:4-6; Ps. 103:12-14). Therefore, it is quite
certain that all sins committed prior to conversion are under the blood, including adultery and
divorce. Therefore, these should not be held against the believer. Thus, all other things
considered, the evangelical church should not hesitate to remarry believers in this situation.

Now, let us summarize what we have said about divorce and remarriage. At the outset,
Scripture says clearly that a person may remarry if his/her spouse has died (Rom. 7:1-3, 1 Cor.
7:39). Second, spousal unfaithfulness, i.e., adultery, is proper grounds for divorce and
remarriage (Matt. 5:39, 19:9). . Third, spousal abandonment of the marriage, in its several
forms, is proper grounds for divorce and remarriage. Finally, we have said that events prior to
conversion, including adultery and divorce, are not to be held against the believer.

Now we are faced with the vast number of divorced people who do not fall neatly into any of the
above categories. These folks are those who have “messed up”. Many of these people are
young, with virtually their whole lives before them. What is the Evangelical, Spirit-filled church,
acting in obedience, love and compassion, to do with them? Traditionally, some liturgical and
Evangelical churches, acting on the hard scriptures alone, have relegated these folks to the un-
marriagable, Spiritual scrap heap. Thus, these divorcees, seeking remarriage, were turned
away and left to their own devices, outside the nurture and admonition of the Lord through His
church.

We have looked at most of the relevant hard scriptures, finding them to be relatively few,
compared to the plethora of soft scriptures. For example, the words listed below are often used
in the soft scriptures.

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 Love 367
Loved 62
Loves 83
Loving 4
Lovingly 1
Lovingkindness 175
Subtotal 692

Mercy 91
Merciful 10
Mercies 7
Subtotal 108

Compassion 92
Compassions 2
Compassionate 13
T0tal 107

Grace 122
Gracious 66
Graciously 6
Subtotal 194

Forgive 56
Forgives 2
Forgiven 43
Forgiveness 18
Forgave 6
Subtotal 125

Grand total 1126

Thus, it is obvious that the soft words are plentiful indeed.

The last category of divorced people to be considered here is the one where the people have
been divorced on grounds not specifically sanctioned for remarriage by Scripture. This is
certainly the largest group of divorcees. When the Spirit-filled church encounters these folks,
serious counseling is necessary.

If the divorcees are back-slidden believers, steps must be taken to restore them to proper
standing and fellowship with the Lord (Gal. 6:1-2). Restoration must include confession and
repentance (1 Jn. 1:6-10). This Scripture and many other similar ones are unconditional, i.e.,
they do not say except for adultery, sexual sin and the like. If both people who want to be
remarried have been divorced previously, both should be so counseled.

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In counseling, the counselor should gently suggest some of the factors which can break
fellowship with God, and the spouse. Perhaps the back-slidden believer was one who
mistreated his/her spouse in some way, embittering him/her. Perhaps he/she has let his/her
prayer life or Scripture reading slide. Perhaps they have neglected going to church with other
believers (Heb. 10:25). There are many other factors which may have led to the divorce(s). All
such sins and misdeeds should be sincerely confessed and repented before remarriage can be
considered.

If anybody seeking remarriage is an 6nbeliever, a sincere effort must be made to lead him/her to
Christ so that all previous sins can be confessed, repented and forgiven. Then, the Spirit-filled
church can remarry them.
Many of us (as born-again believers) have messed up, some of us quite badly. Yet we preach
that these sins will be forgiven upon confession and repentance.

If we look at the lives of some biblical characters, we see more evidence of forgiveness. As an
example, the Apostle Peter, as a born-again believer, denied the Lord three times, (Mat. 26:75)
but in the same verse, Peter repented and wept bitterly. Peter was forgiven, restored and went
on to be the strong early church leader we read about in Acts, having led the first Gentiles to the
Lord (Acts 10).

King David, a man after God’s own heart (Acts 13:22), messed up very badly. He saw beautiful
Bathsheba, lusted after her (despite having several wives at the time), committed adultery with
her, tried to cover it up and finally had her husband killed in battle (2 Sam. 11 &12). However,
David repented and went on to be Israel’s greatest king. Jonah was a disobedient and fearful
prophet, who tried to run away from God’s command to preach against Nineveh’s sin (book of
Jonah). Yet, Jonah confessed, repented and preached To the great Assyrian city and it too
repented.

There are many other people in Scripture who were apparently living mostly Godly lives, but
who needed to confess and repent before God could use them. Thus it is that God does not
write off his imperfect children, but “retreads” repentant people, giving them a second chance in
order to use them for his purposes.

Lest some in the church may take issue with this Scripture-based position, let him recall what
Jesus said about committing adultery in the heart (Matt. 5:28). Is there any believing man, who
having done this and penitently confessed such adultery, feels that God withholds forgiveness?
While it is true that we can’t look at the heart, God alone can do that and He must judge all who
profess to believe.

It has been said that although we cannot judge people, we can certainly inspect and evaluate
their fruit (Matt. 12:33). As mentioned previously, only God can see the heart. Thus, the
ultimate test of the presumably confessed, repentant and forgiven person, who remarries after
divorce, is by the life lived (the fruit) after. Such things as he/she continuing to live a consistent
Christian life, continuing to have fellowship with the saints and raising children in the nurture and
admonition of the Lord can indicate a sincere commitment to the Lord..

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Unfortunately, it is clear that we can know none of these things at the time of counseling.
Nevertheless, it is our position that the Evangelical, Spirit-filled church, in these times, must offer
an opportunity for divorced people to remarry and get on with their (Godly) lives in the fellowship
of the church. Therefore, the church should prepare a policy on divorce and remarriage, based
on the Scripture-based principles set forth in this paper. May the Lord guide and direct us as we
try to be His instruments and facilitators in bringing about reconciliation and redirection in the
lives of the divorcees He has brought to us.