WALLACE ROSE

WALLACE ROSE
MARK FADER

WALLACE ROSE

Preface
Wallace Rose started out as something that I would only write when I was in a bad mood, or having a bad day. Writing anything was my escape after a long day. Writing took up the hours of the days that I felt lonely. And some days, I would get so into it, that I would be up past midnight trying to hit a goal of a certain number of pages, or words. The original idea of it was for me to just write down the problems I felt that I have been having. Writing down my problems had helped me through a lot for several years. I did this in a previous project that I called Does That Shoe Fit, and it was pretty much just me complaining about everything. I shared the project with people I felt I could trust, but in return, I received a bunch of criticism. Sure, that was my fault. Everything about it was more personal and those people who criticized it were ignorant about some of the things I went through. I didn't care about what I wrote, it was the fact that I worked so hard getting that done. It really disappointed me that people attacked the work and addressed it as distasteful. I stopped writing for six months after that. When writing Does That Shoe Fit, I've had people ask what the story was about, and really, it wasn't a story. It was more like a giant diary that also contained actual research I did that involved teen behaviors. I put that on the back burner at 30,000 words and decided that I would actually try to create a story that kind of uses some of the quotes, thoughts, opinions and ideas from Does That Shoe Fit. 2

WALLACE ROSE I've written the short novel very carefully, implementing many literature elements, including concepts and themes, symbols, foreshadowing events, flashbacks and dialogue conversations. Be sure to look for them while reading. There are some things you may be able to pull out that I didn't even realize. I've debated releasing Wallace Rose and allowing other people to read it. I knew before starting this, that the story and the events within it would be controversial. Wallace Rose really does explore touchy topics, which include suicide, depression, and individuals that struggle in the social world. I want you to remember that names, characters, places, and events are all fictional. While some characters may parallel or compare to people, I do not exploit or expose anyone in any way possible. With that being said, I will not be welcoming any criticism of the plot or story concept. You have the right to criticize the work ethic I put into the writing of Wallace Rose. I would like to thank those of you who were by my side while I wrote this. I appreciate the tiny amount of support that actually got this story into existence, even though most of you did not really acknowledge what the story was about. I appreciate and thank those of you who showed interest in reading the book as I wrote it. Once again, thanks a bunch. I hope you enjoy it. Mark Fader 3

WALLACE ROSE

Man is fueled by passion, motivation, affection, compliments, work ethic, and other essentials that build up their well being.

WALLACE ROSE

1
Standing in the midst of the low-saturated green of the grass, I turned around to see Sienna approaching me. She was all by herself and it was just the two of us. I haven't seen her in practically a year. She never really changed. She was just as beautiful as the last time I set my eyes on her. It was a windy afternoon under a gray early fall sky. The leaves from nearby trees dropped, swinging like a pendulum toward the ground, and afterwords remained 5

WALLACE ROSE still. As Sienna came closer to me, she was able to recognize who I was after the events of last year. Drawn upon her face was a slight smile with a scar behind it. She had a bouqet of flowers, and I assumed that she was here for the same reason I was. She set the flowers in front of the grave. Sienna didn't say a word to me at first. We didn't know what to say. It wasn't even necessary to start a conversation, but by Sienna's look, she really wanted to say something meaningful. I saw that she was wearing the ring that I had originally bought for intentions of proposing to my former girlfriend. The ring meant much more to her than it would have to me and Brooke. The ring has a bit of a story behind it. I felt the need to say something in order to break the silence between the two of us. Tears began to stream down Sienna's cheek as we stared coldly at my best friend's name engraved into a stone. Wallace Scott Rose. Below was his year of birth, and his year of death. Seeing his date of death was heartdropping, considering that it was only a year ago. I couldn't help but think how strange it was. I knew this person. I've seen him before plenty of times. I've heard his voice. I knew his laugh. I knew his dreams. I didn't just know this person like any other person would know someone. Wallace was one of the closest friends that I had. I am not saying that to respect him, it was genuine. I wanted to wake up from a nightmare that seemed like a year, but this was all a reality. I know that Sienna was thinking that this should have never happened just as much as I was. 6

WALLACE ROSE When I looked back over to Sienna, who was to my right, she looked at me as though she was begging for something. I couldn't tell what, but she suddenly embraced me, and began to flood my shoulders with tears. At that time, we only had ourselves. You think that after a year of being without your friend, you can be strong, but there are constant reminders; all of the good times. All of the thinking resolves into sadness, and tears, and if any luck, a little smile, remembering the good things. To this day, it's still unbelievable. To be honest, I thought that Wallace was a bit of a coward, but it's debatable that what he had done defied his cowardice. I just never thought that Wallace would do something so terrible. I honestly thought that he joked about some of the things he said he wanted to do. He gave off the vibe that he was strong enough to go on through a day, no matter how hurt he was. Before I began to cry myself, I turned away from Sienna. I began walking away and out of the cemetery. I needed to go back and study, but I couldn't get my old friend off my mind. I knew that he was right beside me, enchanted at my presence. I felt him there with me as I was leaving. Perhaps he wanted me to stay a little longer. I turned around and Sienna faced Wallace's tombstone with a handkerchief close to her face. The sight of Sienna, basically a widow, made it more somber. A yellow leaf came down, swinging in the air in front of me. I turned back around and headed toward my car. With the wind and the fall of leaves came a mourning sky. I remained in my car without moving. The windshield collected an accumulation of tears, perhaps 7

WALLACE ROSE from the angels. As I sat motionless in my car in a pensive state, I observed Sienna appearing outside of the cemetery gates. Her ash blonde hair blew in the wind and darkened from the rain. From the wetness outside, nobody could tell that she was crying. She was in pain, just like me. I wished there was something that I could do for her but I don't want to associate myself with her at all. She was Wallace's girl. She will always be Wallace's girl. I was just sitting in my car remembering all of the good things and some of the bad things about Wallace. I didn't think about anything else. I didn't think about anyone else after Sienna had disappeared from my view. The rain began to come down harder. If Wallace was there that day, he would enjoy it. He loves a rainy fall day. This isn't a lie. He would totally be happy if he was here. There was a hidden humor within Wallace that I only knew. I knew that he was funny. He had a sense of humor that was obscured by his own lack of confidence and self-pride. During the necessary times, he was quiet, especially in school. When he did speak in times that he usually wouldn't, he always had half the group break out in laughter, and another half asking what did he say? I would say for the most part that Wallace was weak about himself, but strong about all of the other things. He seemed to acknowledge his imperfections and tried to polish himself. He wanted to be someone who was better than himself. That someone wasn't himself though. I liked Wallace for who he was, and I would assure you that a lot of other people that knew him liked Wallace Rose as the Wallace Rose he was born as. Sure, he didn't stand as tall as 8

WALLACE ROSE his peers and he set himself apart from the rest. Wallace Rose was defiant. He was personal with everyone and he didn't mind what he shared with who. Wallace never really showed his weaknesses or his flaws until suddenly before his tragic exit. I knew him for such a long time; since childhood, I believe. Wallace Rose was just Wallace. He was happy about the way his life was going. I would say in his young years, he was one of the biggest introverts that I had ever met. He didn't talk a lot, only to his parents. I used to ask him so many questions because nobody knew about him. I wanted to be the first to befriend Wallace and I'm quite glad for having done so. I would get on the bus everyday in middle school and sit next to Wallace. I lived down the street from him. I sacrificed my time that I could have used sitting with a close friend of mine named Gildroy Booker. I tried to interrogate Wallace, but he never answered me, unless it was a yes or no question, then he'd nod his head. He always had a book that he read on the bus, but I doubted that he actually read them. They were his shield from society on the loud and noisy bus. I understood Wallace's method, and decided to give up. I doubted that anyone would ever discover Wallace Rose, until high school. I hadn't seen Wallace since the seventh grade. Since then, he had his father take him to school so he didn't have to sit around in a bus full of people. I remember though, my first day of sophomore year in high school, a loud, and robust gentlemen came into my biology class. He would pop in as the last person before the period began. He always made some remark, comment, or question in which no one replied to. I didn't even know it was Wallace until 9

WALLACE ROSE half way through the year. This was probably because I never really kept track of names. There were too many people that I didn't know. I was shocked to discover that this talkative classmate was Wallace. He had this unbelievable enthusiasm, this vitality, and this incredible sense of humor that he delivered to nobody. I was the only one who laughed at any remark he made. Before I totally understood that I sat next to Wallace in biology, I thought of him as a selfish 'womanizer.' The teacher liked him, and always had to humorously or politely ask him to quit talking. There were girls all around us in the corner of the classroom, and Wallace did nothing much in biology but talk to them. Sadly, the girls really didn't act that interested in him. They never really replied thoughtfully to his comments or to anything he said. From sophomore year in high school and on, I was able to become friends with Wallace. He talked way more than I would have expected. He said everything that he thought and he never really had a filter. We began to hang out with each other after school. Wallace turned out to be incredibly cool. I still don't understand how he wasn't liked by many. People change for the worst, but Wallace Rose changed into something incredible. I tried asking Wallace about his past, but he never really explained why he was such an introvert. For a short period of time, many people were curious about what inspired Wallace to break out of his shell. Wallace never really answered that question. That remained the only mystery about him. Other than that, Wallace and I were always together, and we were often with Gildroy as well. All through high 10

WALLACE ROSE school, Wallace would ask us to go downtown with him to see a movie. Often times, we would run into some girls that we knew from school and Wallace spent a lot of time talking to them while Gildroy and I listened in or talked to each other on the side. We were Wallace's wingmen, and we both knew. We didn't really mind. It was Wallace, what else could you expect? Despite all of the times that Wallace coincidentally ran into all of these pretty girls, nothing really happened. In fact, the girls would often be more interested in me and Gildroy. Gildroy met his girlfriend, Leslie, from an encounter that Wallace made. We were with him as usual, and I knew that Wallace was very unhappy with what was going on. My first impression of Wallace was that he was good at this whole dating thing, but he told me that he actually had trouble with relationships and he never knew why. He said that he was strongly disliked by a lot of the women he knew and that their friendships were often short and estranged. For some reason, I never bought that. He wasn't doing something properly. More surprisingly, I discovered at the end of my senior year in high school that Wallace was going to the same university as I was. It wasn't surprising that he was going to the same university, but it was more surprising that he was actually going to a university. His older brother did nothing after high school for five years before he applied to a two-year college and got a simple job. He easily found a girlfriend who had a lot of money. Wallace seemed to be stored with much energy that he saved for the perfect times. He cared about his success 11

WALLACE ROSE and his future as much as he did about having a relationship with a beautiful girl. He never acted awkward around anyone unless he was surrounded by awkward people. He spent most of his freshman year in college pulling allnighters, studying, maintaining a status quo of a man who knew what he wanted. Wallace had dreams that he would not give up. He would go far until he could die happy. Defiantly, Wallace's intelligence increased, and his scores on exams actually outnumbered those of the extreme students who came into the university with a consistent GPA of four-point-zero in high school. I believe this was so because he didn't have a social life, so he spent a lot of his time building a dream that he knew he could achieve. There were many times that he slipped and almost hit rock bottom because he was reminded that he didn't have support from a particular person. I always told him that I supported him, but he insisted that I wasn't the person he actually wanted support from. I tried asking him who he wanted support from but he avoided explaining, ultimately because it was extremely absurd. I still remember the night that Wallace began to slowly deteriorate. It was the end of our freshman year in college and it was a nice summer evening. Wallace wanted to go out, and I knew why, of course. I agreed to go out with him. There was something tacit about our plans. Wallace knew that I used him as a wingman, and I knew that Wallace used me as a wingman. We were practically each other's wingman. I did this because I just wanted Wallace to be satisfied. I didn't want to see Wallace struggle but I honestly didn't know what to do. I couldn't help that I was liked more than Wallace was. What's even more worse 12

WALLACE ROSE is that I was the kind to take women for granted. I guess that was attractive. I'm not sure. Wallace surely did not. A relationship was the only thing that Wallace wanted. He had everything else that he needed. I was curious about Wallace and his struggle. I wondered if it was something that all people went through, or if it was just actually a problem with Wallace. So on that summer night, I decided to change a little. I decided that I wanted to start a loyal relationship with a beautiful girl. I wanted to do this primarily to put myself in Wallace's shoes. I wanted to see how simple it was for me in hopes that I could help Wallace. Things changed at the end of my freshman year in college. I was ready to find someone just to be with. I didn't intend on founding a serious relationship in which the word 'love' is used so much that it would be burnt out. I wasn't that kind of person. It was early in the summer, when the weather was still mildly chilly at nightfall, but nice enough to hang around the town by the campus. You could find anybody with anyone downtown. They walked up and down the sidewalk or sat at tables outside the coffee shop or the sushi restaurant. It was all talk. We never had the chance to catch up with what everyone was doing and how they were dealing with this, or that and so on. Wallace was the one who insisted that we go out that night. Obviously, I understood and agreed to follow along. From that very night, I discovered that sitting around downtown during the evening and early nightfall was one of my favorite things to do. Nightfall was arriving as Wallace and I took a seat 13

WALLACE ROSE at a table outside a bar and grill restaurant. We enjoyed the smell of the busy cafs and the noise from conversations that wheeled on by us. I was content with the way it was; Me and Wallace, and nobody else. How do I look? Wallace asked me, seemingly out of the blue. The silence between the two of us was broken. You're fine, Wallace. You don't need to ask. I assured him. Wallace kept his eyes away from me, and focused on the people that walked by. Sometimes he would pretend that he wasn't looking at a particular person when they looked at him. He moved into a candid posture and would often times remain that way, looking at the blank screen on his unlit phone. Most of the evening was actually quiet. It was just Wallace and I, sitting at a table. There were several familiar faces up from campus but that still wasn't the usual. I had seen some people from my lecture classes. I received some heys from them, but no one was interested in stopping to catch up with what Wallace and I were doing. It seems that they have figured out that I am with you this evening. Wallace said remarkingly, with a little laugh. I laughed with him but I had to disagree with his self-degrading jokes. Wallace never really had a filter for putting himself down. He did it in a way that made him seem less depressing. Wallace had told me that those jokes make him feel better because it makes people realize that he himself is aware that he 'sucks' or is a 'loser'. People would always disagree with him. I don't know if their disagreement was just a help to satisfy Wallace and his need for attention, or if they were being genuine about it. 14

WALLACE ROSE Wallace once told me that he doesn't expect a lot out of people, especially when he would complain, jokingly, about his life. He didn't want reassurance. He just wanted someone to laugh at him and his jokes. For some reason, this actually made Wallace feel better about himself. I never saw him as one to seek attention. He called himself unattractive, not because he was down, but because it was his honest opinion about himself. He didn't want people to beg to differ, he wanted someone to genuinely agree with him. I never met a single person who 'genuinely' agreed to any negative thing Wallace had said about himself. Luck would come to Wallace eventually. Sometimes you really just have to wait it out. Patience is sometimes painful, but it's best to ease it out and wait it through. And it's also the luck with people. It's just a fact that some people get certain things sooner than others. That would be the case with me on that very night that Wallace and I went out together. A girl that I relatively knew saw me and Wallace at the table. She called us out and hurried over to sit with us. As she came closer, my near-sighted vision saw the beautiful Brooke Schumacher. There was an open seat between Wallace and me that she sat in. Were you here all by yourself? I asked her. I was curious, for she seemed to have been downtown for a while. She showed up without anyone else. I came here to look around at the stores. She said, with the delightful voice that seemed to catch my ears. The conversation between the three of us wasn't really that special, but that didn't mean that I didn't like Brooke. I did. I know that it would sound clich, but there 15

WALLACE ROSE was something different about Brooke that made her stand out from the rest of the crowd. I was able to get Brooke's number and I was eager to get back to the dorm that night to call her. Wallace, on the other hand, was being very absurd about the situation. He played it off cool in the presence of Brooke, but when we got back to the dorm room, he nearly exploded. I could tell that within his anger was a sadness, a yearning to give up. How do you do that? Wallace asked me, angrily. I just don't get how you can do that and achieve it and when I do it I get these weird looks from people. You didn't even ask her for her number. I simply told him. I was ready to hear what Wallace had to say back. That would just look weird, like I'm interested in her. he said. Well, be honest, I said, are you interested in Brooke? What if I was? He remarked. I would say that you could just ask for her number. She didn't look at me all weird. I explained to him. Well, you're Ross McKay. I'm Wallace Rose. We're two different people. One of us is liked by everyone and the other isn't. Take a good guess at who's who. I didn't want to answer Wallace's frustrating question. Look, Wallace, I said, it seems to me that you're wanting someone to come to you. You want someone to ask for your number. You're just waiting instead of doing. I tried to explain to him. You should know how I feel, Wallace said, I've 16

WALLACE ROSE given up long ago on chasing. It's better to just be chased instead. But then again, I'm never chased by anyone. There's nothing to me to chase. Wallace sighed. You'll just become a nobody even more, Wallace. I gave him as much advice as he needed. A lot of people may know you but they don't know who you are. Wallace looked up at me. If you set a ground for yourself, defined yourself, and made yourself even more noticable, then maybe people will begin to know who you are. People will look up to you and respect you. Wallace smirked. People can't look up to me, Wallace said, wearing a strange smile on his face, people will look down to me because I'm shorter than everyone else. The both of us laughed. I knew that my words of advice that night wouldn't help Wallace. There was just something about Wallace. It was mysterious. The dark clouds that hung on Wallace until his ending began to form some point from that night. This fade of early summer evening to cool summer night was a threshold. I feared that Wallace was heading toward a bad direction. I feared that things were going to change. I feared that Wallace was going to crash and burn eventually. He never had been the same since college. His sense of humor faded away and his vitality evaporated into the thin air. Wallace Rose was no longer the Wallace Rose that he once was.

17

WALLACE ROSE

2
The rain poured down mildly as I began to drive away from the cemetery. Today is Sunday. I don't work today. I don't have any errands to run today. I felt like calling up Sienna to see if she wanted to go out just to eat or something. I don't know exactly how she would be feeling. Maybe I won't bother her. I know that she was traumatized at what happened. I wanted to respect that. I really need some company or something to occupy my time. I wanted to think about some of the things that Wallace was doing because I didn't understand. As I drove around town, I decided that I would head downtown and make a pass by the college we once attended together. I remember the night I told Wallace that I was considering a relationship with Brooke. The entire 18

WALLACE ROSE conversation, nearly word-for-word, played out in my head as I took the highway downtown. I walked into the dorm after going on a date with Brooke. Wallace was sitting in a chair not really doing anything. He just stared out the window, looking at nothing. Where have you been? He turned and asked me. On a date with Brooke. I answered. Wallace remained stagnant. I'm thinking about asking her out, I said. What do you think she'll say? I asked for Wallace's opinion. He rolled his eyes at me, and then he let out a sigh. What is it, Wallace? I said, slightly bothered by his reaction. You want to start a relationship... He said, almost in a whisper. I'm sorry if you liked Brooke, I don't know what I can tell you -- I said, and Wallace interrupted. It's not that-- Wallace insisted. I'm sorry that you're not in a relationship. You can get in a relationship really easy. You're just making it hard for yourself. Look, Wallace stood up from a chair he was sitting in. People seem to think that I'm oblivious about the things that come with a relationship. I'm not. Wallace began to walk around the room. You're going to end up bringing her here every day. You're going to come in here and act like the two of you can do whatever you want. You're going to crash into your bed, and start sucking faces, and-- No, that's not the case. I insisted him. Well, I'm going to have to leave. That's fine if I 19

WALLACE ROSE had a place to leave to while you guys are having your love time. Wallace said. I'm not going to make you leave. I said. So you want me to watch the two of you make love while I run to the end of my chain and bark? Wallace asked, sarcastically and demandingly. I won't do that here, I assured him. You won't resist, my friend. Wallace argued. We both knew that that was true. You can go on dates with us. Third wheeling it! Wallace exclaimed. Or find someone to go with you-- Wallace let out a pretense laughter that led to a pretense crying-laughter. Who would want to go on a date? With me? He asked. Anyone. I stated. You're a good comedian, he laughed. A good comedian. Wallace was beginning to be in denial of everything that was true or possible. It was hard to convince him of something or make him believe good things would happen. I started to hypthosize that maybe that was the actual root of his problems. It's well-known that not everyone likes to be around someone who is pessimistic. Wallace was as pessimistic as pessimistic gets. And his negative attitude remained stubborn. After being around Wallace for all of those years, I actually began to understand some of his problems but I was well aware that he didn't work hard to solve them. Sadly with all of his struggle, Wallace's favorite things were romance, love and relationships. He wanted to 20

WALLACE ROSE be a lady's man but he failed to give his best gifts to people because he just couldn't do it. To this day, I still don't know if it was a problem of Wallace's own that kept him from doing this, or if he was criticized on the low and avoided. Wallace assumed that people didn't like him and wouldn't want to be near him. I think his attitude and thoughts about that actually kept people from actually liking him. At the end of our freshman year in college, Wallace told me that in his nineteen years of living, he only had been in two relationships; One was in middle school and the other was in high school. Wallace's first relationship spawned during times that he wasn't bothered by relationships. He never really hoped to be in one and he never really waited for one. Wallace's first relationship came to him. Perhaps that explains Wallace's high expectations. Wallace dated a girl that he really didn't like when he was in eighth grade. However, through time, Wallace fell in love with her. The relationship only lasted a month, and Wallace was devastated when it ended. He called the day before their break-up the last day he can remember actually being content about his life. Nonetheless, the ball was rolling. Wallace loved the feeling of a relationship. He enjoyed exchanging romantic comments and always having someone by his side. Sadly enough, he struggled for three long years before his second and last relationship. I remember during sophomore year, he finally got another girlfriend but it wasn't as exciting for him. He told me that he had to ask her out and she would have felt bad if she said no to him. That relationship, too, would only last a month before Wallace was fed up of the lack of liveliness and romance. And that was it. 21

WALLACE ROSE Wallace became a dating tramp again. He flirted with every nice-looking girl but nothing really happened as a result. Wallace seemed to have been trying but he most likely expected someone other than him to make the next move. Nobody would. I would tell Wallace that if he liked someone, he should tell them. He said that he couldn't because the answer would most likely be a polite rejection and things would get awkward. I thought about it, but came to the conclusion that hey, it's life. Stuff like that will happen quite often. It has certainly happened to me. In fact, some things about the past year have been awkward. Also, going to the streets downtown was getting old for me, and I couldn't think for Wallace. He kept on wanting to go because he kept his hopes up. If I were him, I would have given up on going downtown and figured out another place to go. The smell of sushi and hamburger was getting old. Seeing the same people up and down the streets was getting old. I recommended to Wallace that we stay on the college campus because it was a fact that more people stayed around there. Perhaps the only real reason I grew disinterested in going everywhere with Wallace was because I wanted to spend some time with Brooke. I hadn't asked her out yet and Wallace always pulled me away from the possibility. He didn't want me to start a relationship with her until he started his own relationship with someone else. But I knew that I would be waiting an extremely long time. Brooke and I were friends for a while. We got to know each other that night we ran into each other downtown. I called her all the time and we would spend 22

WALLACE ROSE three or four hours on the phone just talking about ridiculous things. I really liked it though. I used to lose so much sleep because I just wanted to hear Brooke's voice all night. I know it sounds like bogus, but I still think that it is true. I've had relationships with many girls in the past and I never really cared for them. When I met Brooke, something was different. I can confess that it wasn't even her looks that captivated me. Through her beautiful face was an inside that possessed an even greater beauty. I was dumb enough to tell her that once. I learned that that is only what is said by the heart. It sounds too fictional and strange from the tongue. I remember in the fall that year, I had to keep things on the low from Wallace so that I could actually talk to Brooke and ask her out. While Wallace stayed at the dorm room to study, I left to a football game with Brooke. It was a home game, so it was near the campus. It was one of my ideal kind of nights. Brooke made that night even better. It was one of those nights in the fall that ended up sort of bitter and cold without really expecting it. I brought a zip-up sweater with me to the game just in case. I learned from Brooke, however, that games weren't her kind of thing. I felt a little bad about that. I had a better idea. A little ways outside of town was a nice, large lake. Many people called it the Y-Lake, because the lake was shaped like a large, bubbled letter Y. The lake also had a wooden dock built about fifteen or twenty feet in. I parked my car far from the lake's edge and both of us got out. Brooke looked toward the sunset that triggered the pinkish purple sky. We walked along the lakeside before reaching the dock. Brooke looked over at the lake's water, 23

WALLACE ROSE and so did I. We were surprised to find a crimson-colored rose floating on by. I went to pick up the rose and I softly shook it so it was a little dryer. I let Brooke hold on to it. She accepted it with a smile. I really like this. Brooke said. She looked to me and the sky's colors reflected onto her eyes. I noticed that she didn't have a jacket or anything, so I let her borrow my zip-up. We walked up to the edge of the dock, and we sat there next to each other with our feet barely hovering the cold water. Wallace is going to hate me for this. I accidentally said to myself out loud. Hate you for what? Brooke asked. I I told him that I'd be back by now. I was able to cover up the reason... Or at least I thought I was. Didn't you tell him you were going to the game? She asked. Yeah. I said. Well it's still going on. Brooke told me, smiling. It's not like he knows you're here. Yeah, you're right. I said. Her eyes looked to me again. Is something wrong? She asked me. She could tell that I was thinking about something. Several things were beginning to run through my mind. All of the what if's sprang into mind as I was ready to ask Brooke. I think she knew what I was thinking and wanted to start a moment. I was just thinking about Wallace. I said. I didn't speak after that. I just kept thinking. I needed to organize my mind. Wallace is a turd. Brooke suddenly commented. I 24

WALLACE ROSE was actually surprised but I didn't know if I should have been offended. I looked at her in a way that seemed to frighten or worry her, as though she shouldn't have said that. I could tell that she wanted to take back what she said. I know. He is. I let out. I smiled a little bit and Brooke looked toward the sunset. Well, Brooke started, He speaks his own little language. I call it the language of complaining. There was a pause. I didn't know how to reply to it. We both knew it to be true. I feel bad for him. What is he even doing right now? Did he go to the game? No, he's just sitting back at the dorm room. He didn't want to come with us because he didn't want to be a 'third wheel'. Oh. Brooke said. She didn't comment much on that because the third wheel thing kind of hinted the notion of us both being together. I knew she was waiting on me to say something about it. But I was turning into a coward. I'm sorry. I said. For what? Brooke asked. Well, I don't know. That seemed kind of awkward. I explained to her. How was it awkward? She asked. I thought of girls going through this process of questioning as a famous thing that all girls do right before the moment. Because we're like, I don't know how to explain it, you know what I mean. I said. I thought that it was a bad idea to say that without explaining further. Yeah. She said. She let out a nervous laugh. I took Brooke's hand and had her stand up with me. 25

WALLACE ROSE My heart began to race and I picked up the rose that I had found drifting at the edge of the lake. Brooke, I have something to ask you. I announced in a shaky, stuttery voice. Yes? Brooke asked in an exciting tone. Will you be my girlfriend? I asked. I was turning red like the crimson rose, I could feel it. I offered the rose to her again. Of course I will! She cried. She hugged me. She also threw the dying rose out and it softly crashed back into the waters of the Y-Lake. It was that easy. All I could think was 'really?' But at the same time I was excited. Brooke was also happy. Brooke looked at me with her saphire blue eyes. Her white teeth shined. Her face was the color of the sky, and so was mine. We were both blushing at the incident. We hugged. Brooke pressed against me tightly and behind her I looked at the lake. My eyes caught the crimson rose, floating, practically dead, in the lake. After a brief moment, Brooke spoke. Were you trying to tell me that Wallace would have been disappointed in you if we were together? He always is. I said with a sigh. I noticed that my heart's pace returned to normal and my usual complexion was returning to my face. I began to look at the rose, floating in the water. I never made the connection with it that I can make now. I looked back at my girlfriend and smiled. We held hands as we walked down the dock. We made a stop and looked over at the sun, starting to go down further more. So Brooke and I were together at last. I couldn't tell 26

WALLACE ROSE you how happy I was that day. I honestly thought it wasn't possible after seeing Wallace struggle so much with what I did so easily. I did start to wonder and feel bad for him. I don't think I could picture him actually asking someone out the way I did. He was just too awkward for it more awkward than I was about Brooke. I was quite a happy person that night. I drove back to campus with Brooke. It seemed like a typical Friday night. Eventually, the game was over and everyone else at the campus began to head back. Many people came back in large groups. I knew that there were going to be some crazy parties all over campus. The rush and excitement of the day made me really tired. I wanted to sleep. I walked Brooke to her dorm building. Well, goodnight. Brooke said in an adoring, tiresome voice. Goodnight, Brooke. We both just looked at each other and smiled big. We were practically awkward. It hasn't been long. I knew then that the awkwardness will die down and it will be typical. The next thing on my mind as I headed back to my dorm was telling Wallace. If I told Wallace, then he would be disappoined, jealous, or envious. If I didn't tell him, then he'd find out. He'll get mad that I didn't tell him. I made up my mind that I would just wait a little before telling him. Maybe somehow over time he would just catch on that Brooke and I were together as a dating couple. When I opened the door to the dorm room, I found a group of people in the dorm room with Wallace, one being 27

WALLACE ROSE Gildroy. Gildroy was waiting for me. We had plans to hang out late that night. The other people were with Wallace, studying for chemistry. Ross! Gildroy called out, in a greet. Some of the people in the room looked over, then went back to their discussion. Wallace seemed to have been leading them, teaching the small group. Wallace always had study sessions like these, but they were during the wrong times. I really wanted some sleep. I wasn't able to sleep when I wanted to that night due to the study group session and the fact that I had plans with Gildroy. I'm a little tired. I said. Good luck with relieving that, Gildroy remarked, you can't sleep through a discussion of oxidation states. Is that what they're talking about? I asked. Yep. I don't even know what it is, but I've been listening for the past half hour. Gildroy explained. Say, how did you like the game? Gildroy added. I didn't see the ending. I told him. Really? Did you fall asleep? Where did you go? I went to the Y-Lake with Brooke. I explained to him. Gildroy squinted and grinned at me. How'd it go? He asked. We're dating now, I said, I asked her out while we were standing on the dock. That's good stuff! Gildroy was proud of me. There was a constant announcement of chemical compounds and plus numbers and minus numbers. I just wanted to lay down and give Brooke a call. Well, hopefully they'll be done with their study session soon. Gildroy said. I'll catch you tomorrow or 28

WALLACE ROSE something. Alright, have a good night. I told Gildroy goodbye and he left the dorm room. The study session with Wallace and his classmates seemed interminable. I wanted to get some sleep. I was excited for the next day, although I should have been studying too. I began to observe Wallace and listen to him. One of the things that a lot of people didn't know about Wallace was his leadership qualities. He had the capability of being a public speaker, or even a teacher. He led the study session group like he was a lecturer. He always seemed to know what was right and what was wrong and he never hesitated with anything he said. Wallace was one of the people that just understood things easier than others. Wallace understood the complicated things, but he never understood the simple things. Wallace always helped me with my homework. He knew how to do things and he really showed himself as someone who actually cared about what went on around him. He was all about success. He wanted to prosper and he understood that many of his peers around him had disoriented priorities. Throughout high school, Wallace motivated himself and associated himself with the smart and intelligent kids. I wouldn't say Wallace turned into one of them, but he was already one of them before he found them. There were even times when Wallace tried to motivate me to do better in school. He offered it to me but I didn't want it. I was starting to think about it and I felt bad. So I lost my lethargy, got up out of the chair I was resting 29

WALLACE ROSE in, and I joined in the study session. Yes, Ross? Wallace asked, surprised. I'm just going to listen in and get help. I explained. And you're going to help me too, right? Wallace asked. Yes, I will. I assured him. I listened carefully in on their discussion of reactions. I wasn't sure what Wallace meant when he asked me for help in return. Was I supposed to help him at that point in the study session? Either way, I should have helped Wallace when he really needed it. I should have taken the responsibility as his friend to have his back. I didn't really remember any of the words in detail that were exchanged that night. There were too many words and numbers that I didn't understand. It seemed as though Wallace and his study peers have advanced or accelerated their own teacher. They were talking about things that were wildly complicated to me. Eventually, the night ended when one of Wallace's peers was tired. Unbelievably, that was at some point at two in the morning. As I have said before, I don't think that anyone ever knew how hard Wallace worked. Wallace had a dream to be successful aside from his dream to be socially accepted among others. I believed that Wallace was accepted by his peers. His determination was admirable, but it was unknown by everyone. He could have gone far. Suddenly, my thinking ceased as a tear rolled down my face. I made it to downtown Waterglade. Everything seems nice about this town. It's good to be here again. I'm 30

WALLACE ROSE going to call Sienna. I'm going to lose myself if I don't talk to someone now. My fingertips seemed to shake uncontrollably as I dialed her number.

31

WALLACE ROSE

3
Sienna's phone rang. And rang. And rang. Hey, this is Sienna. I'm sorry I couldn't pick up the phone. I'm likely busy right now. Leave a message! It was a different kind of message. I'm not going to bother and leave a message. Sienna isn't busy. She's upset. I understand that. She'll see that I called her. Maybe she'll call later. I had to control myself though. I put a quarter in the slot outside of my car. I'm just going to sit in the car and think about my friend. Hopefully I'll remember something good. I picked up from my previous thoughts. I thought of the beginning of our senior year in college. It was just over a year ago. My sophomore and junior years in college seemed 32

WALLACE ROSE to make a run past. Things remained the same, only this time, I was a little older, and so was everyone else. Wallace and I were seniors and the fall was beginning. Classes were about to be back in session after what seemed to be a rather short summer. Nothing significant had really changed since the beginning of my sophomore year in college. Well, maybe some things did change. I was beginning to find out who I was and what I wanted to do for a living. The previous year was a year about setting the anchor down. Many of my friends were choosing to be engineers. Honestly, I was just ready to get out of college. I wasn't even thinking about what I wanted to do. I started to think about what everyone around me was doing. My girlfriend was trying to get a certification, or degree in the field of medicine. Wallace was working with chemistry as he was in the beginning. I decided that I would get into engineering. I didn't want to think too long on it. I didn't really have a choice. Thinking about this time made me think of a day that knocked up my perspective a little bit. I used to think that Wallace was just being a little absurd. I mean, he is with some things, but I learned that Wallace was right about some things. When I came back to the dorm room during breakfast, the room seemed to be a little extra cleaner than it was when I left. Wallace was cleaning up the room, and he seemed to be packed up for some occasion. Going somewhere? I asked. Hey, Wallace said, I've been wondering if you wanted to go out of town this weekend with me to see my parents. I was confused. Wallace spoke again. I don't 33

WALLACE ROSE want to have to go alone. I was wanting to hang out with Brooke. I said. Wallace gave me a look that reminded me of what he said before I started dating Brooke. Alright, yeah. I changed my mind because I felt bad for him. I also promised him, in a way, that I wouldn't let Brooke devour my life. Basically, I'm going to go just to see my brother. Wallace said. My parents are rather hateful. Don't say that. That's not true. I assured him. I may be wrong with a lot of things, but I know that I am nothing to my parents. Wallace said. He said it so solid that he was absolutely sure he was right. It reminded me of the way he would speak to his peers during a group study session. I thought I might visit my brother and see what he is up to. How do you know that he'll be at your parents' house? I asked. I called him yersterday. He said. I looked out the large open windows of the dorm room that overlooked the campus. The skies were clear and blue. It was the end of August. The weather was simply nice. Ever think that it will rain? Wallace began to complain again. I don't think it's rained since July. I would hope for some rain. I added. We have a bit of a drought. Wallace claimed. Just then, I shamefully remembered that I had made plans with Gildroy that day. He came in looking at me, expecting to leave somewhere with him. It looks a little more cleaner in here than usual. Gildroy commented. Wallace seemed a little displeased, 34

WALLACE ROSE assuming the truth that Gildroy was trying to come and swipe me away from him. Would you like to go out of town with us? I asked Gildroy. Sure, where exactly to? He inquired. Well, we're going to Wallace's parents' house to meet them. Maybe we can have some fun afterword. I told him. How are you guys getting there? Gildroy asked. I looked at Wallace. He didn't give an answer. I'd drive you guys down there if you want. Gildroy alyways offered things despite the fact that I often forgot about our arrangements. That works. Wallace said, busy with cleaning the large overlooking windows. Outside the sky was gray. It looked as though it was about to rain. The air seemed a little dry and it was a still hot. Summer was beginning to fade into the mild September. Gildroy, Leslie, Wallace and I walked out to the student parking lot of the campus. We really didn't get into the car yet. We had a conversation. There was always too much going on and not enough time to catch up with good friends and old friends. Asking what's up was always annoying. The answer was always the same, not much kind of thing. Here at the university, it was what are you majoring in? We went around in our little circle in the parking lot discussing what we wanted to major in. When Wallace said that he was majoring in chemical engineering, Gildroy pretended to have a spasm. Chemical Engineering? Gildroy asked, shocked. 35

WALLACE ROSE I heard it takes a lot. Good luck. Wallace looked at him with a straight face. I don't see the problem with that. There isn't a problem with it. Gildroy said. It's just really hard. People just think that things are difficult because they don't want to put effort in things. It's not that it's hard or difficult, people are just too lazy. There was a long silence. He's right on that one. Leslie added. Medicine is also difficult unless you're passionate about it. We got in the car. Gildroy began to drive us away from the university. We were heading back to the place where we grew up. The small town in which we were raised was just about ten miles away. The problem with Wicke's Village was that there was nothing really there. It was an empty little town. As teenagers, we had nothing to do on the weekends. Gildroy and I would often take a bus and leave town. Wicke's Village was part of Waterglade, which was the main city. Downtown Waterglade was beautiful, especially at night. So far, I've only spent time there twice, or maybe three times. In order to get home, we would have to pass through Waterglade, and possibly the downtown area. As we were on the highway, the rain began to pour down a little more. The daytime sky got a little darker with the company of bright flashes and thunder. Are you serious? Gildroy demanded, commenting on the weather. I love this. Wallace said. Nobody heard him, because he was cut off by Leslie. 36

WALLACE ROSE I hate the rain. Leslie sighed. I looked over at Wallace, who was with me in the back seat. Being cut off or unheard made him mad. I understood. If someone heard me say something while being cut off, I would be humiliated. But everyone seemed to listen to me. I couldn't help it in Wallace's case. Well I heard that Kurt was having a party. Gildroy announced while driving. He flipped on the windshield wipers and the tears of the sky were flicked off. Who's Kurt? Leslie didn't know Kurt. I wasn't really familiar with Kurt either. Kurt is my roommate's brother. You know Keith, don't you? I soon became familiar with him. I met Kurt once when I visited Gildroy in his dorm room. Well he's throwing a party. I'm guessing that his party will be at his dorm room. I'm not throwing one in mine. Gildroy spoke, looking out at the highway. There was a storm brewing in front of us. I wasn't in favor of storms, but I thought this one looked nice. I was sure that the warm temperatures made it look wild the way it was. The sky was dark and the lightning was purple. It had an electric look. It went well with the song that was playing on the radio. Through the darkness, I saw a green road sign that marked Wicke's Village five miles away. Gildroy didn't take the downtown route as I would have expected. Everything was starting to look familiar again. A shopping center emerged in front of us while we were still on the highway. The fascination was disintegrating into the emptyness of Wicke's Village. Wallace was looking out the window as we passed the high school we all attended 37

WALLACE ROSE together. I looked over at Wallace, and saw the flirty sophomore in him. I remember at that point he smirked. I knew that he thought about the way he was in high school just as I did. After all, there seemed to be more to Wicke's Village than I expected. Perhaps it was because I saw more in my college years. Nevertheless, it still didn't have a lot compared to the other places I have been before. Gildroy seemed to know where to take us. Wallace's house was not that far into town. It was in the large house neighborhood. My parent's home was a few blocks away from Wallace's. I lived in a mildly large house in a neighborhood that surrounded Wallace's. The car came to a halt at a large white house. The leaves were soaked into the lawn where two large trees stood, with a small cement pathway in between that led to the large front door. This is the place. Wallace said. Let me know when you want to be picked up. Gildroy advised the both of us. You sure you don't want to come? Wallace asked. I'd like to see my parents. I might stop by if I have the time. Gildroy explained. I felt a little like Gildroy, wanting to see my own parents since it was convenient. And of all honesty, I preferred to have Brooke with me too. Wallace and I walked up the cement pathway, and under the clash of branches that two trees made. Wallace rung the doorbell and after a moment, a scrawny woman in her late forties or early fiftees opened the door. A familiar smile marked her face; It was Wallace's mother. Behind her emerged the heavier Bill, Wallace's father. 38

WALLACE ROSE Ross! Bill welcomed me with excitement. Come on in! He welcomed me in the house before even noticing Wallace. I have known Wallace's parents almost as long as I knew Wallace himself. I met them when Wallace brought me over to his house the second or third time we hung out in middle school. With all of my visits, I have always noted something strange with Wallace and his parents. There was a lack of connection. Wallace was separated from his parents in a way. He was the younger brother of William Rose Jr. William and Wallace look much alike, but they seem to be quite the opposite. William seemed to give off more life and optimism. According to Wallace, William just had the right reason to be as happy as he was. He had a gorgeous girlfriend. Her name was Alexis Neel. They have been together since their last year in high school. William seemed to be contemptuous around his younger sibling. He and his girlfriend had high-paying jobs. If I recall, Alexis was a nurse. William was an engineer with the only degree of engineering he could get by with. That isn't a bad thing, engineering is a heavy subject and the major is hard. However, in comparison, Wallace was trying to major in Chemical Engineering, which I have heard was incredibly more difficult than any other engineering major. Both William and Alex had a lot of money from their jobs. They had no children, and they chose that they would not have any children. They lived in a rather large house somewhere outside of town where their parents lived. About the money, William and Alex shared the 39

WALLACE ROSE money with William's parents. Wallace told me that his brother had so much money, that he really didn't know what to spend all of it on. Frankie Livingston-Rose is the name of Wallace's mother. She was rather scrawny, like Wallace. Frankie never went to college. As a teenager, she worked at book stores and was even a waitress at a couple different restaurants. She had her first son as a teenager in high school. This was William's older brother, Walden. Wallace told me that he had only seen Walden once or twice. He was five years older than William, and William was three years older than Wallace. So Walden was about eight years older than Wallace. Wallace also told me that he lives out of state, but he doesn't know what state he lives in. Walden was the actual mystery of the Rose family. He carries a different last name because Frankie and his father separated before Frankie met William and Wallace's father. Bill, Wallace's father, seemed to have an admiration for me. He would always treat me like one of his best guests at the house. He offered me a dinner before asking his own son. Well, he would ask William, me, then he would ask Wallace. I expected that was a 'treat your guests nicely' thing. Back then, William had changed into guest of the house because he moved out and lived with Alexis. Wallace got his looks from his dad. The only thing that was different was that Bill was rather larger. He was more meaty than his son. Otherwise, he was practically Wallace at an older age, with receding, gray hair. We all took a seat at the large table in the dining room. A chandelier hovered over the table's center. Alexis and William were already sitting at the table. William's 40

WALLACE ROSE face, almost identical to Wallace's, looked over at me and his younger sibling. Wallace Rose. William cried out contemptuously. Wallace looked his way. How do you do? I'm good. Wallace answered him with an obvious lie. William seemed to pick on his younger brother the entire time we were there. I didn't really like William for that. Stop it! Alex demanded her boyfriend to stop. We're delighted to have you, Ross. Bill said to me. Thanks. I replied. So you're in college I hear? This was a funny question that Bill asked me every year that I visited. Yes, yes I am. Did you forget? Bill let out a laugh. I am getting quite old, my friend. I laughed nervously. Wallace didn't say a word. He looked at the lightning outside the window. I knew that he didn't want to be here anymore. Coming here was a big regret. I began to see that Wallace was right about the neglect that he went through. So, what are you going to major in, boy? Bill asked. I wasn't sure who he was addressing his question to. I looked over to Wallace. Wallace looked over to his father, who I found was looking at me. Oh, I'm majoring in engineering. I told him. That's excellent! What kind of engineering? Just plain engineering? I don't know yet. I said. Well, you better find out. You don't have forever, 41

WALLACE ROSE boy! Bill gave me the advice that I thought over myself. And what about my son? He looked over to Wallace. Chemical Engineering. Wallace didn't speak much around his parents. Bill was surprised. After a moment, he laughed. Chemical Engineering? What're you going to do with that how are you going to get a major in that? He asked. Bill seemed to mock him for the difficulty of the major. I'll get it. Wallace said. You don't have to believe in me. I'll do it and I'll prove you wrong. Wallace looked at his father with menacing eyes and a straight face. I didn't mean to anger you, boy. Bill objected. Take it easy. If you think you're going to get it, just think you will. Who knows? Maybe you'll get it. Bill took a bite of steak. Well, it is kind of difficult. Alexis added. I actually changed my major from Chemical Engineering. I'm really good at stuff, and I knew I was going to fail on the first day. I'm going to get it. Wallace said, angrily. I don't think any of you actually have worked as hard as I have for the past two years. I don't even care anymore. You treat me like I'm not even a part of the family. Wallace was making a point. You treat Ross like your son. Did you get us mixed up? Wallace was addressing his father, more than he was his mother. Honey, all of us acknowledge you as part of our family. You're a Rose. Frankie tried to reassure her son. Wallace took out his phone and called Gildroy. As 42

WALLACE ROSE the phone was dialing and calling Gildroy, Wallace added, Maybe if your poor excuse of a husband could support his own damn son! Wallace walked out of the room. The front door slammed. Frankie seemed to be offended of the poor excuse of a husband insult rather than Wallace's own problems. I was getting quite angry myself. I didn't want to show it though. I felt like I finally got to the bottom of Wallace Rose at least close to the bottom. I always wondered why he acted so unsure and pessimistic about things. His parents were poor support systems. It was more of a problem with his father than it was with his mother. My perspective changed a little bit. And I lost a little respect for the Rose family, with the exception of Wallace of course. I followed Wallace outside. He stayed under the small roof at the front door to protect himself from the rain. We're leaving. Wallace said. I can't stand my poor excuse of a family. I had no comment for him. We stood in quiteness and waited for Gildroy to arrive. Nobody came out to the front door which made me wonder if Wallace's brother or parents even cared about him at all. This was one of the first signs that I saw. This was a sign that I needed Wallace to forget about his parents. I knew that somehow I could make them not matter to him, meaning that I didn't want their neglect and arrogance to put him in any harm's way. He didn't deserve that. So I set myself out to find someone for Wallace.

43

WALLACE ROSE

4
Within the souring rain of the night emerged the lights of Gildroy's car. It had taken him some time to drive over to Wallace's house. Perhaps Wallace and I thought so because we were almost getting soaked. My phone rang, but I didn't answer it. It was Gildroy giving the signal that he was here. We had already seen his lights. I walked toward the car and Wallace followed behind. In the car, we didn't speak of what happened. So, how was it? Gildroy asked. Pretty good. I said, speaking before Wallace had a chance. Oh, yeah. Wallace added. His sarcasm was obvious, but nobody asked him about it or spoke to him. I could hear the rain pouring outside. Drops hit the top of the 44

WALLACE ROSE car and streamed down the windshield. Bands of water could be seen through Gildroy's headlights. Gildroy drove off and away from Wallace's home and into the desolate rainy night. Much of Wallace's home was surrounded by a cluster trees and only a few other large houses. From the backyard of my own house, I used to be able to see some of the tops of the houses protrude into visibility, noting that people lived behind the line of trees. In my childhood, I do remember always wandering and sneaking in behind the trees with several friends. When I first noticed the forest area I always wanted to walk into it. I loved going on adventures. Some times I used to approach the trees so close on my own but my mother insisted that I stay away. I never really listened to her when it came to that. My curiosity bent me, or pulled me into the wood. There was really only one occasion that I went into the wood all by myself. I would only get through two trees then turn around. The next time I went through the wood was when I was with Wallace. He was taking my to his house. I thought about that during the moment Gildroy drove us away and toward my house. The complex things that we were fascinated with as children seem to become simple in the future. The woods and the neighborhood within seemed to be a grand mystery to me. It always had an influence on my childhood and it left me wondering what was inside. But now, it's simply a neighborhood to me. My attention has been drawn away from the fine details of the neighborhood. 45

WALLACE ROSE We made a pass by my house and I tried to get a look at the front through the darkness. To me, it looked a little different than usual. I thought at first that it was because I never really looked at it during the night. The windows were completely black. That only had to mean that my parents and family were all sleeping, or that they were gone somewhere. The rain began to settle down once more. We were approaching lights of signs. We were in the middle of Wicke's Village where all of the stores were located together. So, how does that place sound? Gildroy pointed to a nice little diner that I had been to at one point in my life. Sure thing, I told him, I liked it there. Good stuff? Gildroy turned over quickly to view me. Yes, definitely. Wallace? Wallace answered with simply a nod, looking out of the car window. How about you? He looked over to Leslie. Leslie obviously approved of it. As a young adolescent, I was taken to this restaurant by no other than Gildroy, and I do believe that Wallace was familiar with the place. It was, in a way, like a sports bar. There were dim colored lights that made the place look kind of purple and there were TV screens everywhere. The restaurant actually provided a pretty large menu with a variety of things. It took me some time to find something that I wanted to eat that night. Wallace Rose. Gildroy looked to Wallace. 46

WALLACE ROSE Wallace looked up from his constand head-down position. What's up? Wallace shrugged. Well, I'm sitting in Wallace was interrupted. Kurt! We were just talking about your party! Gildroy exclaimed when Kurt Abraham approached with another woman. Oh yeah, he said, you know, I kind of want to be generous and make it a show up and drink thing instead of a B.Y.O.B. Do you have the money for that? Gildroy asked. Of course. Well, I hope so. Kurt answered him quick and re-assuringly. Well, take a seat. Gildroy welcomed the two to the table. I wish I could, but thanks anyways. Kurt told us that he couldn't stay. We can stay for a while. The lady with Kurt assured him. Well I have to go Andrea, he told the girl, you can stay. The girl didn't say anything back. Kurt walked away, leaving Andrea with us. She took a seat right next to Wallace. That made me smile a little bit. I tried to aim my smile at Wallace, but he wasn't looking. Wallace. Andrea called him in a soft voice. Wallace looked to her, confused. Do I know you? Wallace asked Andrea. You may not know me, but I know you. Andrea smiled at Wallace. Everything seemed mildly alright for the two of them. My hopes or Wallace Rose began to go up. I tried to remember the kind of person that Andrea was. I felt as though I knew her from somewhere. She 47

WALLACE ROSE reminded me of someone that I went to middle school with perhaps high school. I did find it remarkable that she actually knew Wallace. It was even more remarkable that Wallace had no clue who she was. Andrea gave off a decent first impression. She had a look of innocence that reminded me of Wallace himself. The two of them seemed ideal to me at the point. Of course, Andrea really didn't stay around for a while, but her story was an interesting one. There was a quick ending to it, presumably from Wallace's own faults. But Andrea herself was a cradle of flaws. Who's going to be at the party? Gildroy asked. He looked at all of us in curious hopes on an answer. I don't know about you guys, but Leslie and I are going. You all should come. Andrea spoke up again. What day of the weekend is it? Leslie asked. I believe it's going to be on Saturday. The parties always fall into Sunday morning. It's just a tradition. Gildroy seemed to have made the statement up. Perhaps it was a tradition that nobody really paid attention to. Anyone else think it's so strange that it's already senior year? Leslie brought up. What're we going to do next year? Gildroy asked. Where does the time go? What are you guys going to be doing next year, or in the future? Andrea asked, with her question specifically addressing Leslie. I want to be a nurse. Leslie told her. Really? That's what I was thinking about doing! Andrea exclaimed. It takes a lot. There's just too much to remember. 48

WALLACE ROSE Leslie advised her. Is it as hard as chemistry? Andrea asked. I don't know. Chemistry isn't that hard. Wallace spoke. What? You're so nutty, Wallace. Andrea looked back over at Wallace. Wallace let a grin on his face. I could help you with chemistry if that's what you're taking. He added. Sure! Andrea said excitingly. I could really use some help. I'm sure that all of this makes engineering look easy. I joked. Engineering isn't too bad. Well, I guess it depends on what type of engineering you're trying to get a degree in. That's true. I agreed. Electrical Engineering, I heard, is a piece of cake. Wallace's phone rang. However, Wallace remained still in his position, not bothering to answer. Gonna get that? Wallace asked Andrea. That's not my phone. Andrea told him. To Wallace's surprise, he found that it was his phone ringing. Someone had called him, and it was a number that he said that he was familiar with. I'm awfully surprised, Wallace exclaimed, nobody ever calls me. Wallace then walked out to take the call. As Wallace walked away and out the doors, there was a silence. Andrea looked over the direction in which he left. In her eye was a spark of interest. I had to say something. What do you think of Wallace? I asked, smiling. 49

WALLACE ROSE He's pretty cool. Andrea said kindly. He's the perfect material. I said. What do you mean by that? Andrea asked me with some interest. You know Well, actually, I'll leave that for you to figure out. Oh, please! Andrea begged. He's trying to ask you if you would do things date Wallace. Gildroy made it simple. Well, Andrea said, maybe if I knew him a little more. I don't know him a lot. I just know him by name. Have you heard about him? I asked. What do you know about him? I just know that he's sweet. That's all. He is. He has a lot of sweetness stored inside him. He had none to give for the past several years. That's sad. Andrea said with a little frown. You ought to get to know him. I insisted. I got a little closer to Andrea. He thinks that nobody likes him. I tried to prove him wrong on that. I paused. You need to be that proof. I smiled and backed away. Andrea only nodded. Wait- Gildroy's loud voice broke the pleasant volume of our conversation. Leslie, sitting next to him, looked over. All this talk about Wallace who is on the phone with him? That's a good question. I said. I didn't know who he was on the phone with. Gildroy looked over at his watch. It's getting kind of late. he said. When do you guys want to go back to campus? 50

WALLACE ROSE I couldn't help but laugh. I knew Gildroy was one to not ever be bothered by time. I knew then that there was a reason that he didn't want to be at the restaurant. We can go soon. I said. We have to wait on Wallace. Sweet. Gildroy said. As soon as he gets back in here, we're out. That's fine with me. I agreed. Andrea? Gildroy said her name in an impatient sounding tone. Whatever floats your boat, Gildroy. My eyes widened. Something was going on between the two of them. Just then, Wallace returned with his phone in his hand. He really didn't speak about the call. Andrea gave a polite wave. I missed you. Dearly? Wallace asked. Sure. Andrea said. Dearly. She looked to him with a smile. Ready to go, Wallace? Gildroy asked. You guys can go. Wallace said. I was a bit surprised. I'll stick around with Andrea. Alright. Gildroy nodded. That works. he added, surprised. I'll be back at the dorm later. Wallace addressed me. Leave it unlocked. Alright. We all stood up and moved out of the booth. We put on our small jackets. Leslie and Gildroy left a tip. I didn't have any money to leave as a tip, and neither did Wallace. 51

WALLACE ROSE Andrea seemed interested in Wallace. I was glad the way that worked. I started to think about Brooke. I wished she was with me. It seemed like the long day was finally ending and all of the problems faced in the moment were gone. We got into Gildroy's car and we began driving back to campus. I was hoping that Wallace would make his way back easily. With music playing loudly in the car, we drove off and along the highway. I'm not ready for school to start. Gildroy said. Me neither. There was nothing else for me to say. I was waiting for an exciting statement from Wallace, who was not with me at the moment. Look up. Leslie said. All of this will end sooner or later. We have only a year left to deal with everything. I can't wait to get out of this mess. Gildroy kept his eyes at the windshield. The lights along the highway zipped by slowly. Squares of light hit the insides of the car and slid off. Was there a reason that you wanted to leave? I asked. Leave the restaurant? Gildroy asked for clarification. Yes. Both Leslie and Gildroy looked back at me. Gildroy turned back around to drive. It's Andrea... Gildroy said. What about her? I was curious. I don't really know how to describe her. Gildroy said. Other than the fact that she's a-- A bitch. Leslie added. How so? I asked. 52

WALLACE ROSE Listen, I listened in to what Gildroy had to say, she's not good enough for Wallace. And by that, you're telling my that Wallace isn't good enough for her? I argued. Andrea isn't a trustworthy girl. Gildroy told me, and Leslie seemed to be in agreement. Why? I interrogated them about Andrea. Did you see her with Kurt there? Gildroy asked me. Of course. I simply answered him. What about her and Kurt? That's like the third guy that I only know of that she talks to. Gildroy looked over to Leslie. She sleeps with Kurt, doesn't she? Leslie nodded. I sighed. And Troy. Leslie added. That's wonderful. I said, shaking my head. I don't want Wallace messing around with her for that reason. I understand. She's so disgusting. Leslie said. Andrea's the epitome of a whore. Yeah. Gildroy said with a sigh. Sex is her only pleasure. She's one of those who lives on pleasure. What? I turned disgusted. Her and Troy I don't even want to talk about it. Leslie said. It turned out that Andrea wasn't the right person for Wallace. I had a harder time trying to tell tha to Wallace. I didn't know how I was going to approach it, but I was sure that I would have to let him know as soon as possible. I knew that if I waited too long, he would be devastated. 53

WALLACE ROSE Andrea had many relationships running and I assumed that none of her men were aware about what she was doing. I was sure that some of her men knew and didn't really care. The problem is that there a lot of people who don't have a superego. Many of the people that Wallace and I knew were powered by their own Id. People would blindly seek for pleasure, not aware of what consequences may come. Nobody really cared and that seemed to bother me. I'm sure it bothered Wallace as well. The value of nonmaterial things seemed to shoot down. Nothing mattered to anyone anymore. It was all about what felt good. It's why there were so many college parties. I'm sure Kurt was all about his Id. It was no wonder why he was with Andrea. They both satsfied each other and nothing else seemed to disgust me more than that. It was also unbelievable that so many people sought for pleasure. I've been to only a few college parties and I've came to realize that Wallace and I were really the only ones at Waterglade University that didn't attend every party. I would see the entire school in one setting. It really saddened me. I never rejected going to at least one or two college parties. It was a part of the college life. But there were some people who were so sucked into the parties that they forgot why they were even in school. During the ride back to campus, Gildroy and his girlfriend continued to tell me things about Andrea. She had a lot of stories for someone who was known little. She had nicknames, like the Amsterdam Andrea. I've been told that she was restless with her hobbies and no matter how much she got done in a day, she was never satisfied. And 54

WALLACE ROSE her main man, Troy, also slept with other women. Andrea didn't care about that; she didn't mind. She was trying to play nice with Wallace and I let that happen. I didn't want to prevent it though, because it would seem like I was preventing women from speaking to Wallace. I would have had to deal with Wallace complaining about how much his life seemed to suck. Well, you could do anything for Wallace, and like a liquid, he'll fill in any empty spot. When I got back to the dorm, I called Brooke and she was able to get into the mens' dorm and into my dorm room. Where's Wallace? Brooke asked. She seemed to notice Wallace's lack of presence immediately. I did as well. He's out, talking to a girl. I said. I didn't drop details on the situation. Brooke smiled. It's about time. She said. When do you think he'll be back? You know, I said, I don't really know. I never really had Brooke at my dorm that much. It was a promise I made to Wallace at the beginning of our sophomore year, which was two years ago. I think I did the best I can. I knew eventually that he would have to deal with me and Brooke once or twice or even more. Brooke began to walk around the dorm, checking the place out as we had little talks. One of the things she seemed to like most was the large window that overlooked the campus. The cloudy days always seemed to turn into clear nights. The stars were visible and the moon was likely a crescent. 55

WALLACE ROSE After a moment, Brooke moved over to my bed. How do you sleep? She asked me. Isn't that window bright? It is sometimes in the mornings. I said. It's beautiful right now, isn't it? Yeah. She said. I really like it. You're lucky you have a large window like this. Yeah, only a few dorm rooms have them. I said. Sometimes, I like to just look out the window when it's dark. It's the best time to just let my thoughts go free. Do you ever think about me? Brooke asked. She gave me a glare that reminded me of the eyes of a puppy. Of course. I assured her. I think about us. I think about what the future holds. And it's right there in the stars. Brooke smiled and rested her head next to mine on my bed. I had Brooke in my arms, and we were just laying there. It was a perfect moment. I looked out the window and let my thoughts go wild. I forgot about all of the problems. I had Brooke with me and it was our only time to escape reality. We pretended it was forever.

56

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5
That night, I learned a lot more about Brooke Schumacher. There was a lot to know about each other in such a short night. Sure, I had all of summer, but there still seemed to be a lot on my hands. Senior year was approaching and all of us were feeling the stress. It was the advent of life. We were almost grown up. We're so close. I whispered. I know. We need to be closer. Brooke responded. That too I meant we're so close to the end. We're almost done with school. I said, smiling. Brooke turned her head toward me. She gave me a kiss to the cheek. There was something nice about that kiss. You would think that I got plenty of kisses from my girlfriend, 57

WALLACE ROSE but in the busy times, all we could do was meet up. We had more talking to do, rather than make love in silence. It was that night that we finished talking and just let outselves go without a boundary or limit. My eyes continuously wandered outside of the large window. It was a double take of the stars that night, and the ever-so-wonderful Brooke Schumacher. I flipped around in the bed to the other side, away from the window. Brooke came with me. We faced the door that was lit by the light of the window. Some of the signs, posters and other decorations in the dorm were still visible in my eye. Wallace had put up a large Periodic Table. Its shape was very distinct in the darkness. There were other things of Wallace's and my own. We split the dorm room in half. The side with my bed had all of my possessions and posters, while Wallace had his own side. Right in between our halves was a small table that was set against the wall with the large window. Wallace often seated himself there when he did his school work. I don't remember, though, how long Brooke and I remained still in my bed. At the moment, we were just happy to have some time together. And of course, we were both too nervous to bring certain things up. I began to question the idea of even having to bring certain things up. I saw particular actions as a tacit. We both began to kiss. Soon, the kissing led to groping. It didn't take long before the both us were naked beneath the covers. We moved a lot, and grabbed each other. For some reason, there was a subconscious shame within me, but that didn't keep me from my aggression. 58

WALLACE ROSE There was something magnificent about what we were doing. It mounted off all of the stress that the both us had. Oh, Ross. Brooke gasped to me. This is perfect. Although Brooke and I didn't take it to much extreme, it was pleasurable. It was just the two of us, embracing each other naked. Some days, I look back on that night and question if what we did was even right. We were both there for each other when we needed it, Brooke and I. There's just those times that all of us need a little pleasure after a long hard day. Brooke made me feel good about myself, she made me feel a whole lot better that night, and truly, it was just about her presence. I felt as though I could've gotten by that night without the affection we gave each other. Eventually, things would accelerate, and I knew it would accelerate quickly. My hands took on a life of their own as they began to touch Brooke. We were no longer in control of each other. It was a game of grabbing and tugging, entirely in pursuit of pleasure. The door came to an opening where the silouhette of Wallace Rose appeared. His glasses cast a glare from the light of the window the reflected on the surface. All he could see was the bare back of Brooke, sitting on me. Brooke turned around to see Wallace, then scurried under the bed covers like a little mouse. Suddenly, Wallace was gone. I have to go get him. You're going to have to leave. I told Brooke. I rushed to get my clothes back on. Brooke did the same. I can't stand him. Brooke angrily grunted. He always finds a way to ruin everything. Brooke stormed out 59

WALLACE ROSE of the room, to the left. I had seen Wallace leave out the right. I knew it would have been trouble if I just let him go like that. I needed to catch up with him. As Brooke left, I walked quickly down the hall to catch up with Wallace. He was walking as fast as I was trying to catch up to him. Wallace! I shouted. Wallace turned around with a shady look to his face. Are you two done sucking each other's face? He asked. I'm sorry, Wallace. There wasn't much that I could say. It's whatever. I walked Wallace back to the dorm and flipped the lights on. I wasn't going to be able to sleep and I'm sure that Wallace wasn't going to go straight to bed either. I wanted to know what he did with Andrea. What have you been doing with Andrea? How was it? I asked him. I seemed rather interrogative. It was alright, Wallace sighed, and said, but I'm sure that she doesn't really like me. I remembered what I heard about Andrea, but I held back from saying anything about it. You need to give it some time. I told him. Things don't just spontaneously happen. I know. Wallace argued. But I can tell if a person is interested in me or not the first time we meet. Nobody can just determine that. I insisted to him. But to be honest, I don't think you and Andrea would be a good couple. Wallace sighed. I know. Wallace sat down at the 60

WALLACE ROSE table by the window. But why? As much as you're not going to believe me or anyone else who says this, but you're better than her. Really? Wallace stood up. So am I just too good for anyone? Wallace demanded. You're good enough for anyone. I insisted that to him. I was waiting for an argument from Wallace's side. I don't believe it. Wallace said. He shook his head. If that's so, then why is it so hard for me? It can't be anything near difficult because you haven't tried. And if I tried, I'm going to be turned down. Wallace looked into the large black window that spanned across the wall. How do you know that? I asked him. I don't know. Wallace paused. I don't know how I know, but I just know. I think you're just being absurd. I told him. You're not going to go anywhere if you do not try. You think I tried so hard all my childhood to be accepted by my own parents? Wallace looked back at me again. He seemed to exchange looks between my reflection in the dark window and myself standing behind him. You saw how they treated me. Okay, Wallace There's something wrong with your parents. But there's something that you're not doing right in society. And don't you think that's because of the way my parents raised me? Wallace asked. You told me that you fought for their acceptance of who you were. 61

WALLACE ROSE And I failed. Wallace said. But I have the right to say that my parents failed me. I ought to have had different parents. You're right about that. I told him. You don't need them though. You're perfectly fine now. But am I really? Wallace asked me. He seemed to make a good point. You will be fine in the end, Wallace. I re-assured him. You're just a little impatient. Someone out there is waiting for you. All I need is someone who'll just listen to me. Wallace sighed. He seemed to hold his head downward. There's no time for waiting for someone like that. Anyone can arrive in your life at any time. I told him. Everyone's bound to have a significant other. I just don't believe that though. Wallace cut me off. Wallace is a likable person. Wallace is cool. Wallace is going to be president someday. If someone believed that any of those were true, why wouldn't they want to be the one who knew me most? Wallace demanded. That's why I don't believe any of the things that people say. Now, surely, I don't plan on being president, but still. You're not the only one who seems to be or feels this behind in life. Don't sweat it. Okay, you're right, but I believe I could do better. Wallace argued. Then do better. If I do 'better', nothing different would happen. I've been doing my best since high school. I haven't been in a legitimate relationship since the eighth grade. Life isn't about relationships, Wallace. I told him. 62

WALLACE ROSE If life wasn't about relationships, you wouldn't be in one. Now, I know it's true that relationships don't revolve around everything. I'm going to be a chemical engineer. I'm going to be making a lot of money, but who am I going to share it with? Wallace looked back at me, then back at my reflection in the window. I look back at my past, I look for my faults and fear for what may result in the future. Priorities, Wallace. I told him. Brooke isn't the most important thing to me. My education and family come before Brooke. But Brooke is still an important part of my life. I want to marry her and have a family with her. It's not a huge likelihood, but then again, you never know how things may turn out. All of my things are in check. Wallace assured me. I'm just trying to find someone who I have the potential to start my life with after next year. I'm sure she'll come along, Wallace. I could make a list of reasons. Wallace said. But I'm not going to bother. Wallace walked away from the window to lay down on his bed. I could make a list of reasons why you're the perfect man. And I must agree with you to say that this society is, in a way, corrupt. You're right. Wallace said. Wallace removed his large glasses and squinted. The world just seems to spin on pleasure, pain, money... Wallace pondered. ...terror, violence, all kinds of things. It's screwed up. I agreed with him. In the end, nobody really cares about anyone else but themselves. Wallace looked back at the window, where nothing but darkness could be seen. Sure, we never 63

WALLACE ROSE pay attention to the good things. We're too busy taking care of the bad things. That's probably why people have grown to be so judgmental. I provided. Well, Wallace began, there are a fair amount of kind people who aren't judgmental. It's just the younger people. Wallace paused. That would be everyone at this college. But then again, I argued Wallace's statement, some people grew up too quickly. Sure, they've become stubborn in letting new people in their lives That's the problem. Wallace said. People won't let go of their childhood friends to an extent that they refuse to get close to people they haven't know for so long. Is that why you feel so rejected? I asked. Probably. Wallace sighed. You're one of the few people that know my past. I really regret everything. Why? Because if I hadn't been so quiet or silent in my elementary and middle school years, I would be fine today. Wallace explained. I could've found all of my friends then. Now I'm having trouble because I waited until high school to make friends and for some reason it just didn't work out that well. We ought to get you back downtown. I said. It wouldn't work. Wallace insisted. Remember all of the times we tried? That's how you found Brooke. So it works for you, but not for me. Okay, you really need somebody. I'm just going to have to deal with it. Wallace had given up all of his chances there. At least that's what it 64

WALLACE ROSE seemed like. I still believed that he would end up fine. Wallace was just impatient. He was admirable for seeking romance. He was surely ready to treat someone the right way. If only he actually tried. Do you or have you ever made the first move? I asked him. Often, yes. Wallace said. And how did that turn out? I asked. It never felt special. Wallace answered. I felt like I was the only one doing everything. I was giving in my all, my everything. I don't expect a lot out of people, only a little. Well, obviously those people took you for granted. Anyone will. Here, I have an idea. I said. I kind of paced around. You need to go to a party. You've heard about that one that Gildroy has been talking about. I'm not going to drink. Wallace insisted. You don't have to. I just want you to come. I don't know about that. Wallace shrugged. I'm not feeling up to ruining my image because I went to some party. Everyone at Waterglade goes to them. I bet even your study group buddies go to parties here. I don't know. Wallace shook his head. When you're at a party, Wallace, everyone's halfbuzzed, they're light headed, and they're just happy. I paced around. I walked up closer to Wallace and sat beside him at the end of his bed. There's a good chance that you might meet someone. 65

WALLACE ROSE I'll have to think about it. That was the last thing Wallace said about the party. Suddenly, something came to mind an incident that happened earlier that sparked some curiosity. Hey, who called you earlier today? Oh I totally forgot about that! Wallace recalled. It was actually an important call. What was it about? In a couple months, I'll be doing a presentation on Suicide Awareness some time in October, or even late September. I want you to go to it. As long as you come with me to this party. I told him. Even if Wallace bailed out on me, I felt the responsibility to show up. I would go to his presentation regardless of his decision for me. Fine. Wallace said. Count me in and thanks. Wallace walked over to flip off the lights. The black window turned into a screen of stars and lights. The dorm room went from bright yellow to dark blue in a split second. So what exactly is the speech supposed to be about? It's just a motivational thing a thing to reassure those out there who need it. After a little moment, Wallace added, I don't want to give a lot away. Just stay tuned and show up. I'm hoping that you'll like it. Over that night, I did a lot of thinking. The events of the day, as usual, seemed to replay in my head. I started thinking about Wallace walking in on me and Brooke. I thought about what could have happened intstead. I thought about Wallace himself and some of the things he said. I was 66

WALLACE ROSE starting to see where he was coming from with certain things. He was right about most of what he said, but most of the other things he said were just his personal faults. Nevertheless, I sought to help Wallace. He really needed it. There were many nights that I had in my college years where I simply couldn't sleep. This night was one of those nights. I made constant glances at the clock, but most of the time, I stared at the window, thinking about some of the things I told Brooke. I ended up spawning a curiosity about what the future would bring while looking at the stars of the clear night sky. Eventually, I just wished for sleep and wanted to get the blinds over the windows. I didn't want to get up, nor did I want to wake Wallace up. I observed the sky for many hours that night, and this wouldn't be the only night that I had done that. It became an avid thing for an insomniac like me to do. I tried making out constellations. I tried counting sheep. I tried thinking about the good times in my life. I played scenarios in my head that made me happy. I played a little music in my headphones, particularly upbeat music. I wondered how Wallace slept so peacefully being the ball of worries that he always was. Eventually, I was able to catch some rest, but I could have used more. And as I have said, this happened many nights in a row, or often periodically. The root of it all was likely the beginning of senior year. I really didn't want to leave Waterglade. I didn't want to split from Wallace or Gildroy. All of this started pouring into my mind, uninvited, in the middle of the night. My alarm clock blared into my ears early in the morning. I wanted to wake up before I was bothered by the bright morning sun. It was 67

WALLACE ROSE a long night, so I turned the alarm clock off, and went back to bed. I woke up four hours later with two missed calls. I got up slowly and listened to the messages left for me. Wallace was already gone somewhere. I never knew where he went, but I never bothered to be nosy about it. The sun was bright. As I listened to the messages I went and twisted the blinds shut on the window. The room returned to a mild darkness that I was complacent with. Hey, it's Gildroy. Give me a call back when you can. Just letting you know that Kurt's party will be tonight. I'm hoping to see you there. I forgot how soon Kurt's big party was. It was a 'Before the Beginning of the School Year kind of party. This party was probably the last major party of the summer. I listened to the next message, which was from Brooke. Hey, sorry if I seemed mad last night. I was just a little frustrated that we didn't get enough time to be together alone. Gildroy gave me a call to remind me that his party is tonight. Give me a call when you get this and let me know when you'll be there. Thanks Love you. Kurt's party is tonight. I thought to myself. I wanted to get another hour of sleep before the day started, but I had the urge to call Brooke. I didn't want her to think that last night was an issue to me. Wallace never really seems to bother me at all. I started to wonder where he was, though, because I wanted to make sure that he went to this party. I walked up to the window without any clothes on. I peeked out of the bright window to get a double take of the weather. It was sunny out. I saw people walking around 68

WALLACE ROSE campus and I was able to catch sight of the large river far ahead. I exposed the sunlight into the room once again, walked into the bathroom to brush my teeth, and got ready for the day.

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6
The rest of the day was a lazy day. I sat around and just anticipated the night. I waited for Wallace to return from wherever he went earlier. I was going to give him a friendly reminder that he had somewhere to go that night. Wallace walked into the dorm room while I let time go by. He looked very professional and prepared for some event. He gazed over at me. What time? He asked. Just be at the hall by Kurt's dorm at sun-down. I told him. That's when the party starts. I'll be there. Wallace assured me. He walked over to the window and stared out for a moment. He then walked off and into the bathroom. Two minute later, he came out, 70

WALLACE ROSE and left the room. I didn't really worry about where he was as long as I was able to find him at the hall in the evening. A few hours later, I was getting ready. The sun set was my indication to prepare. All I had to do was put on something nice, throw on some shoes and maybe even clean up the dorm room before I went. A college life isn't a college life without going to at least one party. It was my idea that I can get Wallace in a better mood if I took him to Kurt's big weekend party. Kurt's party was the last party I knew of before the beginning of the new school year. I had the belief that maybe Wallace might like going to parties rather than studying all the time. I also wanted to take him to parties more frequently so that he could meet more people. I felt that Wallace could really make new friends at the parties thrown around at Waterglade University. I wasn't trying to take him away from his chances of studying. My particular goal was for him to just get a little happier. Something needed to be done in order for him to feel good as Wallace Rose. Wallace Rose would always be Wallace Rose. You can't really change the person you are. There's no reason to emulate another person. Envy seems to tear a person apart and change them forever. I didn't want to see Wallace like that. As much as I know that he wanted to 'improve' himself to make him seem fitting among the crowd, no one would ever shape him into their own place. I told Wallace that I would go to the Rally if he came to the party, so one of my priorities was to locate Wallace among the crowd of more than half of Waterglade University. 71

WALLACE ROSE I've been to many parties and every time I go to one, I always see new faces, and often times, I would never see faces that I have seen before. The students of Waterglade University went from learning to partying. There were numbers of games within the large hall that Kurt had taken over. Inside his own dorm, the party goers extended the party venue. There were beer pong tables set up. Looking left and right, strangers were taking shots. There were constant cuss words being shouted out, yells that seemed to just be gibberish, and people were soon becoming tipsy, falling against walls and shaking the ground. Some men were half naked with women wrapped around them, just as nude as they were. The clicks from the clash of billiard balls can be heard from a distance and there were many circular cliques formed close around the walls while the real party conrtinued in the middle of the large space. Ross! I heard my name being called out and I looked around. I was hoping that Wallace was looking for me, perhaps in a panic. It turned out, though, that it was Gildroy calling for me. I did not notice that I had passed a circle that they had formed. Brooke and Leslie were a part of the circle. Wallace was not with them. Have you seen Wallace? I asked them. Wallace? Here? Are you crazy? Gildroy was being sarcastic. I invited him here. I said. Gildroy laughed. I don't think he would have showed up. He's probably at your place working with combustion synthesis. What? I was confused at Gildroy's knowledge. 72

WALLACE ROSE I don't know what he's doing. Gildroy continued. Have you seen Keith? I haven't seen him. I said. Well nevermind, Gildroy said suddenly, there he is! A young man who looked like he could be a surfer appeared before Gildroy. Keith was Gildroy's roommate at the time. Where's your brother? Gildroy asked him. Oh, he should be back soon, he said, I think he's getting more stuff for the party. He gave the circle a strange wink and walked off. Elswick! Gildroy called out as a few people walked by. There were several loud shouts of chug and more foul language. Gildroy pointed to another circle on the other side of the room. There's Walter Thorne and Oscar, two friends I have known for a while. Gildroy then shouted for them to come over. I wasn't a fan of being around too many people. Conversations really weren't that interesting when they're with a bunch of people. You never get a chance to speak and you're always spoken over. I'm not a fan of constant interruptions and cut-offs. I liked hanging out in small groups where I could actually socialize with my peers. I shared this thought with Wallace as well. I was beginning to become curious as to where he was again. I was hoping that he didn't cheat me out. The two gentlemen approached our circle. They gave Gildroy a powerful handshake. Good to see you, Gildroy. One of the men said. Nice to see you again, fine sir. The other man 73

WALLACE ROSE shook Gildroy's hand again. Well, this is Ross. Ross McKay. Gildroy introduced me to the gentlemen. Walter Thorne. Walter shook my hand. Oscar McKee. Oscar shook my hand as well. Good to meet you all. They took part in our circle. Both of the men appeared as outsiders to me. They didn't appear to be drinking. They had no cups and they were dressed up. I could tell easily that the two gentlemen were close friends. They looked as though they could be related. We stood in our circle having small talks. From being in the circle I learned that the two gentlemen were paid to entertain for the summer. They were both looking to major in science courses, but I really don't remember what specifically. I could hear shattering glasses over the loud music playing. Voices of Waterglade filled the halls and made noise. I was surprised that staff members hadn't come by to end the party. I understood, though, that most of the staff members let them happen because it would be a failing effort to end them once and for all. See that lady over there? Walter pointed to a beautiful young woman. On a scale of one to ten, how does she look? Why are you asking me? My girlfriend was no more than five feet from me. I hadn't yet spoke to her. One to ten, pal. Oscar added in. I was already frustrated with them. I take it as an eleven! Walter giggled. They both left to talk to her. Then, I had to take a second look. There was something about her that I would have never admitted there at the time. Her light blue eyes looked at mine from 74

WALLACE ROSE the other part of the room. The girl had a small body with golden blond curly hair set against a pretty blue dress. I had fallen in love with her right there. It was a thing that I would have never shared with anyone. It was just between me and that girl. She looked at me as the men approached her. Suddenly, the moment was over as she turned her light blue eyes toward the men. Ross? Brooke brought me back to reality. Everything alright? Yeah, I'm I'm having a little buzz right now. I said at that moment. Brooke kissed me on the cheek and locked her arm around mine. My thoughts about Wallace returned and my eyes began to wander again, undoubtedly aiming at this other girl. I felt ashamed that I was already occupied with Brooke. My eyes should have gazed for her and Wallace. But my eyes were bound toward this beautiful piece of heaven. She turned her head once again toward me. She smiled at me. I smiled back. Brooke questioned my smile. My answer was the buzz of course. Do you see Wallace? I asked Brooke. No. Do you see someone? Brooke asked. I remember it being a trick question that I did not answer. I was indeed buzzed, but it wasn't by the alcohol in my cup. Gildroy was gone and I wasn't sure where he went. One of the other men also disappeared from my sight. Then, I saw Leslie come up toward Brooke. Have you seen Gildroy? Leslie asked the both of us. He was just here. I was trying to find him. I said. I was trying to defend myself to make Brooke believe that I wasn't gazing at some other young woman. 75

WALLACE ROSE Aside from the beautiful woman, my eyes set on Wallace. He was in the corner, by his self. He had a cup of something, undoubtfully water. I pretended not to notice him for some reason. I was hoping someone else would see him. I didn't want to make myself look like I was trying to track him down. I would possibly just run into him. I was curious as to why he just stood there all alone and didn't even bother engaging with anyone at the party. Wallace had a fear of danger, but he had this strange death wish. He was curious as to how death worked. Some nights, we would talk about some deep things. Wallace wondered what death was like and if it was possible to have a type of consciousness within or after death. However, Wallace feared a threatening danger that promoted death. I thought about what he may have been thinking as he sipped his red plastic cup, silently, surrounded by the obnoxious, inebriated crowd. There was a glare in his glasses that I always seemed to have caught. Gildroy returned with the girl, but not the other two men. Gildroy had become even more intoxicated. Sienna? Brooke suddenly asked. Sienna. What a pretty name. Brooke! Sienna walked by and my vision seemed to have become a blur. Both of the girls embraced each other. I didn't know all of the friends that Brooke had, nor did I know the people that Brooke knew at all. I didn't allow the relationship between me and Brooke to become strained with control; whether that was control from her, or control from me. I heard that Sienna Crawford was looking for a particular fellow. Gildroy said, wobbling his head around. 76

WALLACE ROSE Sienna began to blush as her light blue eyes drawn toward me. My stomach seemed to have dropped at that point. So, Gildroy continued, who has seen our future chemist? My eyes looked away from the brightness that was Sienna Crawford and to my left, over in some corner was Wallace Rose, in his exact same place and position. He's all alone. Sienna said with a sad tone to her voice. I can change that. Gildroy announced. He left us in our circle while he went to drag Wallace over. So, Sienna said with a bit of a giggle, you're his friend? Ross? Ross. I said. Ross McKay. We shook hands awkwardly. Why aren't you with him? Why is he over there? She asked me. We came here seperately. I answered her, nervously. I was actually looking for him. The two cocky gentlemen, Oscar and Walter, returned to Sienna and began to serenade her. She wasn't really happy with it. Sienna, Oscar sang. Jane, Walter added. Crawford! They both hummed at the same time. Obviously, Sienna Crawford had to have been an interesting person. A lot of people called her name as they walked by. Some people stopped to say something. Other men actually stopped to call her pretty. Some men said creepy, flirty things and others tried too hard. She didn't let anyone get to her. Sienna Crawford was already intrested in someone. 77

WALLACE ROSE Here he is. Gildroy brought Wallace over to their circle. This is Wallace Rose. Wallace, meet this fine young piece of art. Her name's Sienna Crawford. Now, Sienna, meet this handsome god by the name of Wallace Rose. Wallace and Sienna shook hands, and I was sure it was just as awkward of a handshake for him as it was with me. You look good this evening. Sienna said. For some reason, I smiled big. I began to see something better than Sienna herself. Thanks, Wallace said, you look pretty yourself. Wallace smiled and Sienna blushed. I knew then, right there, that the two of them would be perfect together. They were going to be lovers. I looked down in Wallace's cup and I turned out to be right. He was drinking water. Wallace Rose was obviously sober. He would never let drugs or alcohol influence him. Certainly, it had something to do with his paradoxical thoughts of death and danger. Wallace kept out of danger but welcomed the results of danger when he felt that nothing could get worse. Wallace did look quite in good health that night. The yellow of his hair didn't seem sucked out. He looked clean. He had a clean shaven face and he did dress nice. He kept his hair short with a bit of a comb that caused a parting on one side of his head. His glasses remained sparkly clean and it always hit the light to cause a glare. Sienna was just about the same height as Wallace. They looked really nice together. I can't stress anymore how much they would have been perfect together. If Wallace wasn't under the weather for once, he would have had Sienna in his arms right now. Strangely enough, I could 78

WALLACE ROSE see that Wallace had given up on his desire for women. He didn't put in any effort. He only spoke when he was spoken to, instead of struggling to tell a story. Wallace was zen, and at the same time, vigilent. But for that night, it wouldn't last long. Wallace Rose. Gildroy said as he look over. A clear cup of water? It doesn't get better than that. Wallace told him. I already like that he doesn't drink. Sienna said to me in a soft whisper. I do need a refill though. Wallace said. I'll take care of that! Gildroy said. The rest of you need to get acquainted. Gildroy walked off, a little tipsy. You're in one of my classes. Sienna told Wallace. I was already astonished by that. Wallace had downed on heavy science classes, all of which had to deal with chemistry. Chemical Engineering? Wallace asked. Yes! Sienna cried. Don't you love Professor Heinkel? Sienna started to laugh. He's such a goof. Wallace replied to her. I love all of the funny things he would say. Sienna began to quote the odd words of Professor Heinkel, presumably their Chemical Engineering professor. Their conversation carried on and I was actually beginning to like it even more and more. It didn't bother me because it made Wallace seem okay. Gildroy returned with Wallace's cup, only this time it was filled with alcohol. What is this? Wallace demanded. 79

WALLACE ROSE It's what the rest of the people here are drinking. Gildroy answered him with some sarcastic tone. Take a drink, Wallace. It's time to give your drinking v-card away. Wallace took a small sip and the entire circle observed him. Wallace squinted his eyes and nodded a little bit. Not bad. Wallace finally said. To myself, I started whispering chug, then Sienna jokingly started the chant that the entire circle echoed. Chug, chug, chug, chug! Wallace looked at us like we were idiots. He didn't know what chug meant. Drink drink drink! We all looked at Wallace. There was a bit of silence throughout. Wallace shrugged. He looked at all of us. Then he took the cup and raised it. To my surprise, and to all of our surprise, Wallace practically poured the entire cup down his throat. We began to cheer him on, there were shouts of chug! Wallace drank the rest of the cup and an applause followed. Wallace didn't seem excited. Sienna looked at me and laughed. She walked toward Wallace, who already seemed buzzed. I looked over to Brooke until she looked back. Then I darted my head at Wallace and Sienna. I don't know if Brooke understood what I was trying to show her, but all she did was smile. Look at them. I told her. What about them? Brooke asked. Just look. I repeated. Wallace's last name colored his face. Sienna was blushing too. It was a match made perfect. 80

WALLACE ROSE I don't know if Sienna goes for those types of people. Brooke said. Alright, I said, I don't think any girl would go for Wallace. At least that's what he told me. Any reason why, any theory? I was getting a little frustrated. I was beginning to understand Wallace. I don't know. Brooke said, a little upset at my raising voice. Look, I said, Wallace really needs a girl. I don't want this to get spoiled. Let's just see how it goes, okay? It's not going to turn out that great. Brooke told me. Why is that? I asked her. Wallace is I don't know. Are you trying to tell me that Sienna is too good for Wallace? I interrogated my girlfriend. I had to find a ground in defense for my friend. At the same time, I was also growing slowly tired of Wallace's sadness and frustration. I knew that Sienna was the answer to all of the problems. Wallace Rose could have become the Wallace Rose he used to be because of her. However, I tried listening in to what the two were talking about. I looked at their postures. Wallace didn't seemed to be very engaged or excited. He was even buzzed from the drink. I was marveled that he hadn't walked off with difficulty keeping balance. He did continue drinking. As time progressed, I stood alone, watching Wallace and Sienna. From time to time, Brooke would try to ask me questions. I kept answering that I was watching over them. Brooke really didn't believe in the things that I did. There was a point in which Wallace tried to leave 81

WALLACE ROSE once his cup was empty. I assumed that he was going to go get more alcohol from someone. Sienna returned to me. Wallace is fun. She said with a smile. So where do you guys live? The dorms? Yes, yes the dorms yes. I honestly didn't know what was wrong with me. You seem a little drunk, Ross! Sienna told me. Yeah. I laughed. Sienna, Brooke, and I sat around as the party began to liven up. In a short time, the part actually grew mild. Gildroy and Leslie were off somewhere and the circle was broken. In the corner of my eye, I caught a young, darkskinned woman dancing on Wallace while he wandered around with his empty cup. There was a lot of seduction going on within the hall. I remember keeping quiet about it, mainly because I was too tired to even talk. Suddenly, there was a shout. Alright everybody! Party's over! A sheriff in a dark blue uniform and hat walked into the space, followed by other officers and school staff members. We're from the Waterglade Police Department, and I'm Sheriff White. The man paused. I looked around at the staff members and the other officers. It was quite intimidating. The space that was once loud turned silence in a matter of seconds. Some of the officers walked around. I thought we were all in deep trouble. We had a little incident a few miles out of Wicke's Village, the sheriff spoke. Your good friend, Kurt Abraham the sheriff paused. At that moment, I assumed that Kurt had been busted. Kurt Abraham was involved in a fatal crash tonight. Just when I thought the hall was as 82

WALLACE ROSE quiet as can be, the silence itself was drained to something beyond silence. I could have been deaf. We're still investigating the incident and found out what was going on over here. We're asking you to stop this now as a warning. The sheriff paused. Members of your school's staff will be with you on updates. Kurt has been pronounced dead at the scene. We want you all to be safe, so we're asking you all to leave right this instant. My eyes finally let free of the men in dark blue. I looked over at the devastated faces of Brooke and Sienna. I didn't see Gildroy, nor did I see Wallace. But the other faces in the room were red. Some people dripped of sweat. Some people did not even move after being asked to. There were some staff members and officers that remained in the hall to make sure people were preparing to leave. Without looking for Wallace, I walked out of the room. In a smaller hallway, I passed the sheriff talking to one of the chief staff members. I knew what I heard that night. But seconds after hearing it, you're in denial that you heard something so outrageous. You don't believe a bit of it. I wasn't even good friends with Kurt and it hit me so hard. It was an event that hit so many people so hard. It taught a really good lesson too. From that night on, I don't think there were any more parties on campus. One of the reasons for that was Kurt was behind them all. Personally, I never even thought about picking up another drink that will mess with me. I felt bad that I had gotten Wallace intoxicated that night. At the same time, I knew that he was out of it. I'm sure he 83

WALLACE ROSE went straight to the dorm as soon as possible. It was one of those nights that I'll never forget. I would consider it a tragedy in my life, and I'm sure it's in nature to have to suffer from this, especially for those who make terribly poor choices. None of us should have even been drinking that night. None of us should have picked up a single ounce of alcohol during our four-to-six year time at Waterglade. While this was a life-changer for me, I have seen worse. Much worse.

84

WALLACE ROSE

7
Two months seemed to go by so quickly. School had started and everything seemed mild. The tragedy of Kurt Abraham had been long forgotten by Waterglade. His name was rarely mentioned after the first month of his loss. It seemed as though nobody near Kurt, with the exception of his brother, Keith, was affected as much as those who kind of knew him. I never really knew him, but his death has changed a part of me. In a matter of fact, my relationship with Brooke was on thin ice at some points. I decided to do something that will tie everything together. I loved Brooke Schumacher. She was the definition of perfection. We've been together for a long time and there was something about the two of us that 85

WALLACE ROSE seemed fitting. I was ready to marry her. I couldn't see myself with anyone else. So if anything went wrong, it would just be me and Wallace, on our own. Or if, by chance, I would third-wheel it with Wallace. I made a memo to myself to buy a ring. I planned to propose to her at the very lake I asked her out at. I saved so much money over the past half year and I was finally ready to purchase a fine ring. I planned on buying the ring and planning the proposal the day after Wallace's presentation at the Suicide Awareness Day Rally. There was a home football game going on the day after. I thought it would be perfect to bring Sienna and Wallace together there. Of course, I was able to resolve the issues from the past. Brooke and I had fights about decisions we have made in the past two months. I've gotten mad at Brooke for not supporting my hopes for Wallace and Sienna. Eventually, I got her to see it. I had her spend time with Sienna. I finally found out that Sienna admired Wallace so much. But for some reason, I didn't want to inform Wallace. I didn't really know why that was so, but it was obvious otherwise. I had a hard time getting Wallace to like her back. Wallace Rose turned stoic. He didn't react to the death of Kurt the day after when he was in the bathroom for a few hours puking. I understood that. But he didn't know Kurt just as much as I didn't know Kurt. Wallace also didn't react affectionately toward Sienna and that made me wonder about Wallace's attitudes on life. Had Wallace actually given up with his desires? He didn't give in as much as he used to. However, he still complained. Wallace acted desolate. As the two months passed, a lot of things have 86

WALLACE ROSE changed about Wallace. He kind of let himself go and his insecurities were demolished by his lack of optimism. His hair was slightly long, to a point that he had bangs on his forehead that curled up. He grew a bleach blond beard that covered his lips entirely. That gave him the look of an old man, or a manly man. He actually hadn't spoken to Sienna in several weeks and I didn't understand why. I was also anticipating his announcement of his rally speech. Months ago he asked me to go to a rally. I initially thought that he had already delivered it without me knowing. However, upon asking, he told me that it was on that very day. His looks were contradicting to his perparedness. I started to question his motivation in life. I never actually asked him in person, though. I've been waiting for this day for a while. Wallace told me. He looked out the window. It was Suicide Awareness Day, some point in early October or late September. I didn't really remember. What's it about? I asked. It's about people like me. Wallace told me. People who need to be noticed. But it's not about me. Wallace assured me. I can't be the only one in the world that goes through this kind of nonsense. But, what nonsense? I asked. Wallace was confusing me. I never understood what he was going through. You don't know? Wallace asked. You've known me for a while. You've seen me try. Wallace, what happened to Sienna? I asked him. He looked at me for a few seconds before answering. I don't know. We're not like lovers or anything. Just 87

WALLACE ROSE friends. That was his answer. I looked at him with a face that I can't recall. I was trying to indicate that he was being ridiculous. I think she likes you. You ought to talk to her more. I said. Have you seen her? Wallace asked. There's me, then there's her. You don't get it. Get what? She's far too beautiful for me. Wallace said softly. I was urging to tell him the truth. Wallace, what do you have to lose if you try to talk to her? I asked. What would you lose? I would lose pride. I would be humiliated. Wallace cried out, looking out the window at the gray sky. Just by the looks of her, she has a significant other. Well, I happen to know something. I said. She doesn't. Wallace turned around to me in surprise. He seemed interested in learning more. Well, he said, then that means that she isn't interested in any guys. If she was, she would have someone in a heartbeat. He looked back at the window. He was adjusting a tie, using the slight reflection. Just just try it, Wallace. Be her hearbeat. I spoke to him passionately on that. Wallace really did have a wideopen chance. His pessimism made him blind. Wallace sighed. I'll see what I can do. Good. I said. How are you going to do this thing? What do you mean? Wallace asked. You're a mess. You have a little hair on your face and your hair's just out there. It's not very good for a 88

WALLACE ROSE speech. Well, there's nothing much I can do. Wallace said. He turned around. But are you ready? Yes. I'm eager. I told him. He grinned at me. There will be several speakers on before me. Wallace said as he walked around to get dressed and ready. Where are my glasses? He asked. He went over to the bed and picked up his glasses. He cleaned the lenses up with his sleeve. He put on his glasses and looked back to the window. Wallace gave the window reflection a nod. It's time to go. He said. The rally wasn't far off campus. It was just as far off from the campus as the football field was. It was definitely a change of atmosphere. And without Wallace knowing, I decided to let know Sienna know of the convention. She decided to show up, only to hear Wallace speak. We sat near each other. The first few speeches were delivered by some of the smartest people on campus. It made me think where Wallace ranked among them. It must have taken a lot for Wallace to be a part of this presentation. The speeches prior to Wallace's presentations dealed with bullying and harrassments. I learned a lot through these presentations. There was a lecture on the power of technology. I learned that being tracked was extremely simple and many people can access a lot of information about you with one piece of information. The clich you are not a lone thing kept being mentioned throughout all of these speeches. There was one on physical harm through bullying and self harm and the warning signs of suicide. Some presentations included 89

WALLACE ROSE statistics and rates of suicides by the years. After an hour and a half, the moment I was waiting for finally arrived. There was darkness in the room. The stage lights turned back on. Wallace Rose walked up to the center of the stage and began. I'm Wallace Rose and I'm here today to talk about several things: Efforts in correlation to results, struggles, corruptions, and decisions. It's my goal to tie all of these things in to address important issues that affect a lot of people everyday. Wallace did not stumble any words in his introduction. He spoke smoothly, paused, then gazed through the crowd in his glasses. I believe the world, over all, is a good place, he said, we're all going to think about the bad days we have and all of the bad things we hear in the news. We're going to think that the world is a bad place. Wallace paused again. Before any of the world matters that many people deal with, we have personal problems that always come first. Wallace paced very slowly across the stage. He moved from the right end to the left. I really hope that all of you are listening. he said, seeming angry. When Wallace Rose is talking, there just seems to be an issue with listening to him. It's like he talks about things that don't even matter. It's not important. Let's talk over Wallace and humiliate him. I noticed two people leave the darkened house area. We're here to listen to everybody who has and who will get the chance to speak up here today. Wallace slipped out of his anger and began to speak elegantly again. If you talk to someone or at least listen to them, you might learn a thing or two. Wallace glared with a serious face. 90

WALLACE ROSE A stranger is just like the front cover of a book you've never read. You can't just not read one book at all. We're all going to get to know another person. Wallace began to walk around to the other side but he kept talking. Everyone almost everyone nowadays has a significant other. Some people don't. Here's my question why? Now, let's hold that thought for one second. Wallace paused for a second to think. It appears that there are a lot more couples around here than there are independent people. What I wanted to ask was, do you really need someone by your side? Or are relationships romantic boyfriend-girlfriend relationships something that all of us envy? There was no answer, but none were expected. I'm not here to talk about that stuff, but I have found that a lot of people find themselves lonely when they're not under the commitment of a relationship. Is there really anyone out there that is on their own and really doesn't mind being surrounded by a majority of people that love someone else? Wallace looked into the crowd. A stage light produced a blank white glare in his glasses and his bright hair looked more yellow. Of all honesty, I would not know what I would do with myself if I knew or figured out that I am the only one who's alone. I don't rely on a significant other. I don't have a support system that keeps me going everyday. Well, Wallace, how about your family? Ask a close friend of mine how they support me. In other words, they don't. Wallace stopped for a moment again. I was starting to feel tense, and I was sure I could feel that all eyes and ears were on Wallace. But does my family really matter to me? Of course 91

WALLACE ROSE not. Wallace said nonchalantly. What do I mean by this? I'm not saying I hate them or detest them. I just don't mind if they don't dig what I do. As much as I love my family, which is dearly, I really don't mind or prefer their support. Wallace paced and moved his self toward the end of the stage where I was. Your family, just as much as mine, has done what they needed for you. They raised you. They fed you and they protected you. They prepared you to go out to society, get along with everyone and find someone you want to spend the rest of your life with. Your parents set you up to make friends. They set you up for a social life. Wallace paused again. But there's just something about certain people where they can't make the next step, or something happened and they don't get along with anyone and they become the epitome of a loser or a nonentity. Wallace stood silent and added And that would be me. Chills seemed to go right down my spine at Wallace's soft voice. Now, am I the only one who applies in this category? I hope not. Am I trying to make someone feel bad about me? No. I'm just stating a genuine thing that I think. I don't mind if you try to argue that or not. I just find this an issue with many people sure, I would like it to change. There are some great people that you have walked right pass. You may know nothing about them. Maybe you don't even know their name. Wallace continued to look at the wall at the very back end of the house. There are a lot of friend-worthy people that need company. Where does the problem start? What is the 92

WALLACE ROSE problem? Wallace asked. Nobody answered. Well this is what I have found to be true Stereotypes and looks in general have demolished certain peoples' chances in finding a place in society. He stopped for a pause. The pausing seemed to convey the ears of the crowd to open up a little more. I honestly hoped that people started paying attention to him. One of my first big points is the efforts that certain people make to become a part of a clique or a relationship whether it's a dating relationship or a friendship. How much does it take to just meet a significant other? How long does it take for them to become that significant other? I would say a long time but what happens if we're older and you just met someone you never knew throughout childhood? How long does it take to get close to those people? Wallace looked into the crowd. The answer would bring us back to the problem there's the rub. Wallace spoke with his side to the audience as he paced around. Let's say you meet some blond-headed goof in big, funny glasses, he said, and perhaps he was interested in you. Don't get the wrong idea, he can like you as a friend or maybe he wants to know you more. He thinks you're worthy to be a friend of his. Wallace paused. The crowd seemed to wait for him to speak again. Question who made more effort? There was a pause. The blond headed goof in glasses. You, or whoever Blond-Headed Goof In Glasses is trying to befriend did absolutely nothing but sit there to be seen. Being the person to make the first move can sometimes be a pain in the ass. Wallace looked somewhere in the crowd at the left side where I sat. Sure, sometimes friendships or other 93

WALLACE ROSE relationships are successful. Not a lot of effort needs to be made to form a nice, well rounded friendship that lasts a great deal of time. Wallace spoke so smoothly, I began to wonder if he was running off of a script in his head. Perhaps he wrote an essay or a speech before coming up; It was astonishing. Now, this fella that Blond-Headed Goof In Glasses tried to befriend could have made friends with BlondHeaded Goof In Glasses easier if he or she tried, as long as Blond-Headed Goof enjoyed the company of anyone. I'm sure that everyone knew who he was referring to as the 'blond-headed goof in glasses.' The phrase in my head slipped out of his mouth. The blond-headed goof in glasses. Let's be honest, is that a stereotype for a nerd? Are nerds interesting? Not in this society. The powerful pause made the crowd quiet. I could hear breathing during one of the pauses. Well, hey, Wallace said, I'm Wallace Rose and I have a dream to major in Chemical Engineering. I persue a job using that degree where I will get paid quite a lot of money. When I'm not too busy thinking about that bad things, like I shouldn't, I spend time building the pathway to success. I'm intelligent and I am capable of love in fact, I would like to be nice to people that give me a chance. If someone ever came to me, they would feel safe under my wing and satisfied with the person I am over all. It seemed to me that Wallace was about to make a speech about himself. I was a bit concerned where he was going to take it. I believe that the people who put the most effort in something and in return find themselves struggling have the 94

WALLACE ROSE greatest capability of a stable friendship and a happy healthy relationship. Wallace nodded. Maybe you're one of those people like me. I want you to know something. He paused. You're not alone. I'm not alone. There are many people that fly under the radar un-noticed. These people are great. For now, we just have to wait. I could talk for hours about how bad things are for me and it isn't going to change anything after that. That's the sad truth. Wallace walked around in his pace. There are degrees in which certain people need serious help. There's no question, there's no objection. As I have said, some people just have to be seen and they're already engaged into the wonderful world of friendship. They find that they don't have to sweat about it. Then there are the others who have to work to keep someone looking at them when they're talking. What's up with that? Wallace shrugged. You just have to be humble. That's it really. You have to respect everyone who respects you. An opposite reaction that is what the person who sends you a word expects to receive in return. Confusing? If someone says something to you, it's not always cool to nod your head, especially if you do it over and over again. I've had a fair share of experiences with that. It's like I don't say anything that matters, or I don't say things that other people can reply to. Even if it's not an incident where you're talking to me, that has to be the most annoying thing. 'Yeah.' Even worse saying yeah twice, like a galloping horse 'yeahyeah.' Are you kidding me? When you say that, you're pushing someone away. You don't want to talk to them. It's flat out rude. You could 95

WALLACE ROSE 'yeahyeah' someone who's sensitive. Someone's going to get annoyed with you for that. They're trying to engage in a conversation with you, so you ought to talk back to them. If you don't want to talk back to them, be real with them and say that. Wallace rose his voice. Act interested because that's what the person talking to you is hoping for. They want you to listen to them. Don't let outsiders turn your head when they're in the middle of talking! Wallace's arms were sprawled out in the air. The function of our society is at a critical low. It is merely corrupt. We can't let go of our childhood friends. Not a problem. The actual problem is that we are refusing to let new people into our lives. There's a whole world out there and many people are stubborn to find out about others. It's understandable that we don't have the time to meet and befriend every being on the planet, but there are those who could really use some company. Those are the people we are avoiding. We shouldn't be doing that. Many people will grow up with a successful social maturity. Many of the people who grow up with a successful social maturity seem to lack mental maturity. And that goes on the flip side. Those out there who have integrity, goals and intelligence seldom have a social life. Many people will engage in a relationship with friends and significant others due to being ambitious. However, in many cases, someone who doesn't have a lot to deal with in their life work harder and have a much harder time finding a place in the social world. I'm sure that at the end of the day, after all that working or studying, you start to think and question 96

WALLACE ROSE things. Wallace paused again after almost losing his breath. Who cares? Who supports me? What will I do with myself? Am I worthy of anything? Then you start to think Blond-Headed Goof In Glasses starts to think. Wallace paused and I looked at him as his made up character. He has nothing but himself, and probably a couple acquaintances and two family members. Nobody wants to wife Blond-Headed Goof In Glasses and that's one of his priorities. He wants to find a mate and he wants to find a place in the world where he belongs. He doesn't have a lot of people in his life. Wallace began to look pensive. Here's where I can string out more corruptions. If someone doesn't follow a universal criteria, a list of looks, then he means nothing. It's a criteria that everyone uses and the standards are off the roof. So Blond Headed Goof In Glasses finds out that he isn't on the criteria. He looks around at the success and finds out he is the exact opposite of everyone. So what does he do? He forgets his mental maturity and his success and falls under the corrupt society. He's gone. Wallace paused. The crowd seemed even more tense. The last thing I want to talk about, Wallace paused, is self harm. The crowd was quiet. It seemed really hot inside the rally room. When we lose someone to a suicide, we never see it coming. We never see it coming when the signs are more than obvious. There was another chill that ran down my spine. 'Oh, he or she was so happy the other day. We were talking and stuff and we just hung out yesterday.' Really? Wallace looked into the crowd like they were idiots. 97

WALLACE ROSE This person was a really great person. Really? What was the last thing you said to them? Most likely, it was an insult. You may have been bringing them down when they could hear it. Now that they're gone, you think it's okay to compliment them. It's too late. They're never going to hear it. Wallace paused. Have you ever told someone to stop complaining because nobody cared? You wouldn't believe how much they would take your word for it. Our right to speak is powerful. We need to watch what we say. Some people think that a statement from one person could be said by the rest of the world around them. If So-and-So doesn't care, then obviously nobody else does. That is absolutely absurd. So-and-so spoke to you poorly. They just don't want to hear you complain but they're not going to help you. Why? They've lived their whole life practically lavishly and they were spoiled and they did not have to make effort in anything they did. Those are the people who simply don't understand what others go through. There are people out there who care for you. There are people out there who do not want you to leave. There are people out there who do not want you to harm yourself in any way possible. Those people love you. There is nothing more valuable than the well-being of an individual. And remember that the little things can change the biggest effects. If you say hey to someone you kind of know when you walk by them, you may make their day better. Wallace looked and his emerald colored eyes pinned down the eyes of others crowd. Man is fueled by passion, motivation, affection, compliments, work ethic, 98

WALLACE ROSE and other essentials that build up their well being. While they can work to adjust their own, you can contribute to the well-being of yourself, and the well-being of others. We can change. Wallace said after a short moment of silence. We can bring back the kind of society we had. We've been caught up with technology and other things such as greed and war, and we have forgotten about the good things. We forgot how to be nice to other people. We forgot how to get along with everyone and accept others for their own values and beliefs. That also goes with the kind of person we all are and the way we look. None of us are the same, and that's a good thing. Wallace paused. However, we know that there's things that we need to change when people begin to feel worthless and left out. We're going to be too late when more people hurt themselves and end their lives to escape the pain that everyone has given them; whether it's bullying, ignoring them, or even excluding them from places that they belong. A new day can start when we all decide to start it; It can be today, it can be tomorrow, or it might not be in a long time. I know that this is a problem for me, but I prefer to see others happy. There are a lot of good people in the world that we don't pay attention to. So today, I ask you to do me one favor; Meet some new people. Chances are, you won't regret it. Throw your criteria away and listen to anyone talk. You won't believe the things you might learn. You might make new friends or form close relationships with people you never expected. Every good person deserves a chance to be happy. Thank you. There was an appause among the crowd. I sat in my 99

WALLACE ROSE chair, thinking to myself 'did my best friend just make one of the greatest presentations that I've ever attended?' I knew then, that Wallace had the capacity to be president with the manner and inflections that he delivered. It didn't really matter to me at that point how absurd or unreasonable some of his points were, he had an immortal passion to stand up for himself and the other lost souls who couldn't speak to the crowd. I was also stunned that only one or two people tracked Wallace down afterword and gave him a hug. I'm sure, though, that Wallace appreciated those who appreciated his speech. I went to Sienna to find her crying. I couldn't help but give her a hug. What's wrong? I asked her. Nothing, she said, it was just so beautiful. Sienna cried into my shoulder. I wish I had the courage to tell him that I love him. You're coming to the game tomorrow, right? Yes. Sienna took a minute to answer while she wiped away her tears. Well, we'll all meet there tomorrow. I told her. I'll bring Wallace, and Brooke is coming with me too. I don't know about Gildroy and Leslie yet. Okay. She said, Thank you. I caught up with Wallace. I told him how much I thought his speech was excellent. I told him that I heard many people cry from it. He didn't seem excited. Wallace was nonchalant. I didn't tell him that Sienna was there because I didn't know how he would react to that. Of all things that he didn't react to, I felt that he would have been 100

WALLACE ROSE mad to know that Sienna was there. It was a mystery to me. The next day was the day of one of the big games against Stonerock, which was a town nearby Waterglade. I wanted to go home and get some decent sleep. Brooke loomed back into my mind. I planned to buy the perfect ring at the nearest jewelry store tomorrow. I didn't know when exactly I was going to propose to her. That's what I would end up thinking about for the longest time. It wasn't easy.

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After speaking so much at the rally, Wallace became silent again. As we made it into the dorm room, I felt as though something was missing; it felt a little empty. I didn't notice anything missing. Wallace went to the bathroom and closed the door. I heard the sink running. The lights were on high and the large window was black as night. I looked out of the window that overlooked that campus. There were bits of lights and stars that I could see. As I stared out the window that night, I began to let myself overthink for the first time in a while. I thought about me and Brooke. I thought about our fights and my poor use of words. Our relationship seemed to be heading for the dump. I didn't like the thought of that. I didn't want 102

WALLACE ROSE to end up split in half. Everything would be so terrible. I didn't really know what to do though. Would proposing to her be the best idea? I began to overthink every detail of my past with Brooke. I wanted to give Brooke a call. I wanted to take a moment to remind her that I do appreciate her for coming into my life. Brooke was special to me. I never would have expected the great difference she made in my life and I felt that I was probably taking her for granted. My thoughts were interrupted when Wallace opened the bathroom door. Brush up, honeybunch. Wallace said. I kind of laughed at his command. He seemed quite alright, although he addressed it in a serious tone. I could feel myself beginning to burn up at the rate I was overthinking. I started thinking about the trip to the jewelry store and the game. I didn't know what was going to happen, or how everything was going to play out. I'll do it tomorrow. I said. Everything alright? Wallace asked. Wallace and I seemed to switch emotions. We have become each other that night. I was the upsetted worry-wart and Wallace was the one trying to make me feel better. I really liked that. As much as I had a hard time trying to help Wallace with his problems, he always did what he could to help me. Yeah. I was just thinking about tomorrow. I told him. I was waiting for him to ask about tomorrow. What's happening tomorrow? Wallace asked, looking more over toward me. I still looked out of the window, into the blackness. Will you go to the game tomorrow? I suddenly 103

WALLACE ROSE requested. I don't know. Wallace answered. You know I'm not into games. It's a home game. I told him. It'll be fun. I'll think about it. Wallace turned off the lights. As the room turned into darkness, the window went from a dark slate of glass to a glowing screen of stars and moonlight. I was laying in my bed so that my view faced the window. Wallace was immediately silent. I was silent, but my mind kept me awake for many hours. The entire day seemed to replay in my head. I started thinking about the things that Wallace said. I was beginning to understand Wallace Rose at the last second. His voice was stuck in my head. The magnificent words that Wallace shaped in his voice mounted deep into my ears. Man is fueled by passion, motivation, affection, compliments, work ethic, and other essentials that build up their well being. I was curious as to how well he planned his presentation. I know that everyone will say something is excellent although they don't really care as long as it's their own, but Wallace's words had in fact moved me. I couldn't speak for others, but almost every word he said remained with me. I never forgot his speech. I never forgot some of the important things. I never forgot the faults in his words and the positive vibe that Wallace gave off. I had not seen Wallace so strong in many years. I thought then that he had put an end to all of his problems. He had looked to himself for his problems. He wrote down all of his own thoughts and let his intelligence re-assure 104

WALLACE ROSE him that he would do better in life. If that was true about Wallace, I should have done that for myself. I was worried about getting sleep. I glared continuously out of the wonderful window. I tried to make out constellations with the stars I could see. Often times, I would see a silent airplane with its lights blinking as it moved across the partially clear sky. I looked over at Wallace, who was sleeping soundfully. There was something grim about him when he slept. He was on his back, completely still. Wallace was in an odd coffin-lying position. I looked back at the ever-so-slowly moving moon. It was closer to the center of the window, providing the most light it had since the room was darkened. I looked over to my alarm clock, which glowed three-eleven in bright red. Time had swept by extremely quick. My thoughts always drifted away from sleep and back to Brooke. I thought of her looks. She was a pretty young woman. I felt that I was lucky to have her. I thought of the bad times we had. I couldn't help but play a converstion between the two of us. I started to wonder if she was awake, thinking the same way I was. I always wondered where she would be, or what she would be doing without me. I started to feel feverishly hot. I wanted to get up and take a walk but I knew that a staff member would try and stop me. I would be sent back here in my doom to think about everything again. The clock glowed three-forty in the morning. I didn't feel tired at all. My mind was wide awake but I didn't want to move. I just wanted to slip into sleep. I had a big day ahead of me. 105

WALLACE ROSE The last time I remember glancing over at the clock, it read five-seventeen. I opened my eyes and looked at the window. The moon was no longer there. I snapped my eyes shut and drew my thoughts on to sleep and sleep only. It seemed to have worked. I opened my eyes when the bright morning sun cast a bright light in the sky that beamed through the window. Wallace was still sleeping. My alarm clock read Eleven-o-six. I sprang out of bed and put some clothes on. The first thing I planned to do was call Brooke. I wanted to go and meet her somewhere nice on campus. There was a nice garden area right by the school's athletic building. It was an attraction for eating breakfast outside in the morning. The athletic building was just several steps away from the girls' dorm building. I had somewhat of a walk to take, but it was worth it. Hello? Brooke answered her phone. For some reason, I was surprised. Hey babe. I said. Would you like to get breakfast? I politely asked her. Sure. She answered. Sure? I asked. I didn't like sure as an answer. It's an un-interested version of saying yes. It seemed like it was in between yes and no, or yes and hesitant. Yes, Ross. She sounded a little frustrated. I'm sorry. I told her. No, I'm sorry. Brooke took the fault. Either we're both sorry, or we're both not. I said. It doesn't really matter. What? Brooke was confused. There's just no need to apologize. Apologies are 106

WALLACE ROSE only words. They don't do anything. I understand. Brooke said. Actions do speak louder than words. There was a pause. So where do you want to meet? Brooke began to engage in plan-making. It made me feel a lot better about this whole thing. By your dorm is that alright? By the athletic building? Sure. She said. Yes. I smiled a little bit. When? I can go down there right now. That sounds good. I'll be on my way. I love you. I love you, Ross. We hung up at that point and I left. Before going out the door, I looked over at Wallace. He was still sound asleep. I expected him to be awake at this time. He usually was. I didn't worry about it though. I left and closed the door. As I took the diagonal walk across the large campus in a thin jacket, I thought about my classes. There seemed to be too much time to worry about my classes. I had a lot of studying that I need to catch up on. I wasn't doing so well on exams and I tried making time to study. With the events that had recently surrounded my life, I found it hard to take a seat and crack open some notes. Sure, I could have studied any time. Any of us at Waterglade could have studied when we had the chance. We just never did. We wanted to study, but at the same time, we wanted some kind of pleasure, rather than the pain of working. We wanted to talk and socialize. We wanted to catch up with what our friends were doing. There was a lack of interest in education. It starts when your education 107

WALLACE ROSE starts. I used to think it was bad in high school, but in college, it got worse for me. I started to worry about the things that I should have worried about in high school. Even Wallace was trying to make friends in college. Most people make their friends in kindergarten. I saw Brooke waiting right outside the athletic building. She was wearing one of the nice coats that I bought her earlier last winter. When we met up, I didn't really want to be affectionate. I felt as though I would have been nutty, or even clingy. I didn't want to come off that way to Brooke, so often times I wouldn't run up to her and drown her with kisses and hugs. And maybe, perhaps, that was one of the problems. Maybe that was what I was doing wrong. I didn't expect it to be this cold. I told her. Me neither. She said. I'm not really hungry. Brooke added. Can we just sit and talk? We never get to the chance to actually talk to each other, so why not? I agreed to just sit and talk with her. We moved inside because of the wind. It was a little cold that morning and I hoped that it would get warmer. If there's anything wrong, don't hesitate to tell me. I assured Brooke that she could tell me any of her problems, even if it had to do with me. You can point fingers at me for something, about someone else. It will always be between you and me. I won't involve anyone else. You have to trust me. Did something seem wrong? Brooke asked. I'm trying my best right now. It sucks how we're losing time to see each other. I don't want you to get the wrong idea about anything. 108

WALLACE ROSE You have seemed displeased with me lately. I told her with all honestly. I didn't mean to. Brooke said. She was starting to look upset. I have a question, and I wish you could answer it honestly. What would that be? Did you or do you think I have a thing for Sienna? I think that's what you're bothered about. Brooke sighed. Yeah. I guess. I can't lie and say she isn't beautiful, I told her, but she's for Wallace. That's all I'm trying to do. They're going to be together. Brooke smiled a little bit. I don't mean to hurt you for talking to her. We're planning something for Wallace. Does Wallace want that though? Brooke questioned me. Wallace just wants someone that'll listen to him. I told her, looking her straight in the eyes. He deserves way better than just that. He deserves Sienna. I know. Brooke said. Since we're being honest, I don't want you to forget about me throughout this whole thing. I'm afraid of that. I've been thinking about you all night, Brooke. I lost a lot of sleep. I was worried about everything. I came to you for that. Everything will be okay. Brooke looked up at me with a smile. I know. There's just a lot going on right now. I need your help with Wallace and Sienna right now. I understand. 109

WALLACE ROSE I looked into Brook's eyes again. We just have to ride this year through just one more year. Then, we can live our lives together. We're almost there. Oh, Ross. Brooke smiled and looked at me. I felt a sense of renewal in our relationship. It reminded me of the beginning; the first day. The football game is tonight. I want you to come with me. It's important. I blurted out. It was impulsive of me to say that it was important. I planned to buy the ring after our conversation and propose to her that night. If that didn't happen, I at least planned to buy her some flowers, perhaps some roses. Of course I'll go! The converstion between Brooke and I dissolved into little talks. The presence of my girlfriend slowed down the pace of my thinking and the lowered the height of my worries. I felt a sense of ease around Brooke that day and honestly, I did not want to leave the athletic lobby I wanted to stay there until the start of the game. But I had things that I had to do. I was urging to buy that ring and propose to her. I knew then that I was ready to start my life with Brooke Schumacher. The both of us parted until the game that night. It was early October now and the warmth of summer wouldn't return until next year. The leaves began to turn yellow and swing to the ground. The city of Waterglade seemed to be the epitome of a forest city. There were leaves on the ground everywhere. You couldn't even walk downtown without hearing the crunch of dead leaves under your shoe. I began walking toward the student parking lot. I started to think about Wallace's ideas, and then some of my 110

WALLACE ROSE own spawned from my mind. There's something unfortunate about society. In the beginning, we meet someone new and we enjoy them. We can tolerate them very well. We respect them and we're kind to them because we don't really know them that well. But once we know someone after a long time, things just start to get old. We start to get annoyed with the same things going on everyday. We forget the past and how everything began. We're too busy to put up with those that we have been around for a while. We just tend to forget the way we used to treat people when we first met them. Upon the thought, I remembered my first impression of Wallace. I started to feel bad for even being fed up with all of my friends. It's something that we all do and it gets out of hand. As I got in my car in the parking lot, I made a decision to just try and be a nicer person to everyone. I still felt influenced by Wallace's speech at the rally the day before. I checked up on where the nearest jewelry shop was and found one next to a mall in a suburb right next to Wicke's Village. It would take me a while to get there, but I had all day to get things done with much time to spare. I also called Sienna to remind her about the game that night. I had to keep myself in the loop and make sure everyone was on the same page. Sienna, of course, told me that I asked her about that yesterday. I was glad she remembered. It made me assume that she was excited. I was driving on the highway toward Wicke's Village. The sky was gray and there weren't a lot of other cars on the road. There was a song on the radio that seemed depressing. It was a song that reminded me of death. I 111

WALLACE ROSE thought about all of the problems in life. I started to overthink again. I thought about Wallace and Sienna this time. I felt as though I was putting too much in my hands in one night. Everything seemed so important to me. I knew I was dealing with too much, but I was anticipating the results and the reactions of these events. It began to rain a little bit, but luckily, the rain didn't pick up. The fall of droplets seemed to stop minutes after they began falling. I saw the sign that indicated an outlet mall was just a couple miles away. I was in a part of the city that I have never been through before. I wasn't used to where I was going and I wasn't familiar with some of the place I drove by. I kept looking for the sign of the jewelry store. Eventually, I found it. The first thing I noted when I walked in the jewelry store was the smell. It was a different atmoshpere with a foreign scent. Then, I noticed the people in the store: the customers and the jewelers at the counter. The customers were older people. I would have guessed that they were close to the age of retirement. Some of the old people were alone, and some of them came in as couples. I was the only young one there, as a customer. The men and women behind the counter were nearly middle-aged, but they looked young. They were ideal jewelers. I kept patient and waited for my turn. I really wasn't looking for anything extravigant or expensive. I didn't have a lot of money and I was looking for something that just simple. Giving anything mattered to me at that point, and I'm sure it wouldn't have mattered to Brooke what I got as long as it was a nice piece of jewelry. I also wasn't going to have time put into it. I wanted to 112

WALLACE ROSE make my purchase right there and go back with whatever they could offer me. How may we help you, sir? One of the gentlemen called for me. I'm just looking for one of the cheapest rings you have. Nothing big or special, huh? he asked me. Nope. Quality? Looks? Colors? It doesn't really matter. I have a few hundred bucks. That's all. Well, we can look to see what we have. I'm sure we have a ring with us that's ready under that budget. The man went to look around. I kept my patience in tact. I did look at the clock. It was practically afternoon. I had a few hours to get everything in order. I looked over in a case of new, extravagent diamond rings that soared over three-thousand dollars. Just by looking at the prices, I was doubting that I would make a purchase of anything here. We have some used rings. the man hollered from far behind the counter. The man walked up and set a ring on the counter. It was the kind of ring that I was thinking of. A simple ring that didn't have pure diamond embedded in the middle. It was diamond, but it wasn't the unique or expensive kind of diamond ring that everyone else tries to shoot for. I actually liked the simplicity of the ring. Anything worked for me at that moment. How do you like it? the man asked. The price for it was three-hundred-twenty dollars. I'll buy it. I nodded to him and pulled out my 113

WALLACE ROSE wallet. I had saved almost five-hundred dollars and I was glad that I didn't have to spend all of it. I gave the man the money, and I also added in a little more for a case. The man handed it to me and nodded. You have a good day, sir. Thanks. I replied. You too. I walked back out and into the cold. I got into the car and headed back to the university. The game would be starting in just a few hours. I don't recall being any more excited about anything else than I was about that game night. I felt so great about how everything was going. Everything seemed to be in balance. However, the best of things never seem to last forever. As I was driving back into town, I realized that I forgot to buy roses for Brooke, as I had previously planned. I decided to just let it go and see what the night had in store for all of us.

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9
After returning from the jewelry store, I walked into a surprise in the dorm room. I wouldn't call it a good surprise or a bad surprise. It was more of a strange, odd, or mysterious surprise. I immediately noticed a lot of things were stripped away and missing. Some of the shelves were empty. Some posters were no longer on the wall. Wallace's bed was just a mattress. And after looking around, my eyes tracked Wallace behind a light beam of dust shown by the light outside the windows. He looked much older. His eyes were hidden behind his glasses from a glare and his beard covered his lips. He 115

WALLACE ROSE had a funnel-shaped flask set at a table. The liquid inside it was yellow, if I recall. He poured something else from a small tube into the flask. There was a screaming sizzling sound. And from the top of the flask, released a white smokey gas. Wallace remained still after performing the reaction. Where is everything? I asked. I was curious as to what Wallace was up to. I sold it all. Wallace said. I wasn't satisfied. I didn't believe that to be true. At first, I believed that he was on to me. I believed that he knew that I was going to propose to Brooke. Are you leaving? I asked. I was confused and a little frustrated. I didn't want Wallace to leave me because I was going to be engaged to my girlfriend. No, no. He said, re-assuringly. Why did you sell everything? I asked. I thought I could use some money. Wallace explained. How much did you make? I demanded. Enough. That was all Wallace said. You're really starting to worry me, Wallace. I said. You're worried? About me? Wallace asked with a sarcastic remark. You're not worried. You just say that you're worried about me just like everyone else in the world. Wallace stood up and walked toward me. He did not continue, as I would have expected. You can't leave. I said. I couldn't theorize that else Wallace was trying to do. All of his possessions were gone. I'm not leaving, Ross. I'm not leaving this room. Wallace said. It didn't seem to make sense to me. He said 116

WALLACE ROSE he wasn't leaving the room. Everything of his that was in the room was gone. I didn't understand how he was supposed to sleep without a blanket or sheets. His motivational quotes were no longer on the wall. Where there used to be a periodic table was just a large blank white space. The elements were gone. From the beam of light that shone through the window, dust continued to flow through the room. Everything else remained still. Wallace looked out at the late afternoon sun. People take a lot of things for granted. Wallace said faintly, in nearly a whisper. Who needs things that they don't actually need? I know I don't need anything or anyone to get by. If I have myself, then I guess that's how it is. Wallace, you're my friend and I'm your friend. I said. I know. Wallace said. You're a good friend, but I'm still alone. There's a lack of balance. Balance? I didn't understand. What if something happened to Brooke? What if you and Brooke separated? What would happen? What would you do? Wallace asked, demandingly. I don't know. I don't want to think about it. I said, feeling the ring box in my pocket. Would you go out with your magic and bring someone new home and be happy again? I didn't answer. I didn't want to say I that I didn't know. I didn't know what to say. You've got to be lucky that you're not me. Wallace said, after a pause. You're not alone, Ross. You're not sitting in your dorm room everyday just rotting your life 117

WALLACE ROSE away. You're not working tremendously hard so that you can waste your life away not even taking that work into the real world. Wallace turned away and looked back out at the window. I really started to think like Wallace, for Wallace. Being alone must be a terrible feeling. Knowing that you're going to live your life until the day you die alone is indeed awful. I began to feel for Wallace. I honestly wouldn't want to be him. He was my friend though. I should've wanted exactly what he wanted for himself. I should have wanted him to find someone he could be happy with. I should have helped him more than I had actually tried. I should have told him straight up that Sienna liked him. You don't have to sit inside. I assured him. Wallace looked at me like I was mad. What need does the outside world have for me? I just go out there and I get absolutely nothing. Wallace explained. He was beginning to get frustrated. I wanted to try and calm him down. I wanted to try and bring up the idea of proposing to Brooke, but I knew that he would be furiated. You don't have to get anything from the outside world. Try giving to the world instead. I felt wise for saying that. What would anyone want from me? Wallace asked, with a sigh. He took a seat again at the empty table that had the flask on it. His head was in his hands. I couldn't tell if he was beginning to tear up. I took a seat at the other side of the small table. Wallace, listen, I said. I guarantee you that there is someone out there who likes you the way you are. I 118

WALLACE ROSE know it sounds classic and clich, but you're young. You're on somebody's mind right now. I know it to be true. I said. I was speaking for Sienna. I knew it to be true and that is why I made that statement to Wallace. I knew that Wallace wasn't going to be convinced. I wasn't going to give it away either. But I should have. It could have been a life-saver in Wallace's case. Nobody likes me. Wallace said. I don't say that to complain or get attention. I say it because it's just a genuine fact. Wallace stood up. He didn't want to talk. He went over and sat the end of his plain mattress. I was once again reminded that all of Wallace's possessions were gone. He looked downward, and the old, aged Wallace appeared before me again. You still haven't told me where all your things went. I reminded him. After that question, I could see Wallace getting shaken up. A tear rolled down his face. I gave everything away. He began to cry. I knew there was something seriously wrong now. Why? I shouted at him. I was angry, frustrated and upset. I was actually worried about Wallace. No matter how much he didn't believe me, I was worried for him. I was on the verge of tears. Wallace wasn't intimidated by my anger. I don't need it anymore. Wallace cried. I don't need anything anymore. I don't want anything. If I can't get what I need, then why should I have things that I want? Wallace was beginning to act absurd. I understood why, I just wanted him to get everything back. What is the point to life? Wallace asked in his timid faint whisper again. I looked at him in disbelief. At 119

WALLACE ROSE that point, a tear or two raced down my cheek. I didn't know how to answer. I just waited for Wallace to say more so I could justify or prove him wrong. You grow up, and you do the same thing everyday until the day you die. It's just pointless. Wallace hid his face and looked back out at the window. Wallace, if you look at the good side of life, you would understand. I said. What good side of life? I know one exists, but not in mine. Wallace cried. He threw that table aside and the yellow chemical spilled on the ground. The flask shattered. The room began to smell of death. You see the good things in life because you have the things that make you happy. You can see the good things and enjoy a steady life. Wallace, just because I have some things that you don't doesn't mean my life is perfect. You have good things that I don't have. You have more ambition and personality. I explained. You have Brooke. Wallace shouted with a cry. I would do anything to be accompanied from my loneliness. Maybe you're trying too hard in the field. I gave him that advice. Maybe you're trying too hard to get in a relationship. You treat it almost as if it's your number one priority. That may be unattractive. I can't help that! Wallace cried. I've been lonely all my life. It's not as easy as you think it is. You've had company with your relationships. Even though I never experienced love, I know how to treat someone right and make them the happiest person they are. I believe you. I said. But nobody else does. Wallace argued. 120

WALLACE ROSE Maybe you have to show it. It's not that they don't believe you. They don't know what you're capable of. Time's running out. Wallace insisted. Everyone has already found their ideal partner. I just have to ride the tide alone. Wallace began to walk around. You'll find someone. I said. Wallace let out a sarcastic laugh that still sounded a bit like a weep. Remember how your parents said they met? I asked Wallace. A football game. He said. There's one tonight. I said. So? Wallace asked. I have a feeling that you might have an inherited fate. Maybe you'll meet someone at the football game. I said. Doubt it. Wallace said immediately. He was wrong. I planned for him to meet Sienna at the football game. I wanted him to go for that reason. I guarentee it. I said. I was almost positive that my plans would go perfectly. Is it going to be cold tonight? Wallace asked. Most likely. I said. Just bring a coat. I will. Wallace assured me. He then brought up something else. I wanted to say something else about you and Brooke. Yes? I was curious. 'We're friends and I want it to stay that way you and me. I believe that you should wait to marry her when I'm ready to be married. My heart sank a little bit. After a moment, I finally agreed. I'll wait for you. That isn't a problem. 121

WALLACE ROSE Thanks. I just don't want to feel out there by myself. I don't want to be the only unmarried man around. Wallace said. This night might just be your lucky night. I told him. Wallace didn't believe me. However, he took the chance and went out with me to the football game. I made this promise to Wallace. But I had the ring. I spent a good amount of money on this ring. I was going to propose to Brooke at the football game. I was confused and perplexed. I had decisions. What could I do with the ring? Put it away and wait until my friend was ready to get married at the same time? I let my thoughts sink in as I walked to Gildroy's dorm room. For some reason, I kept the ring in my pocket. It was probably best in case Wallace stumbled on it. Perhaps I should just return it. I could really use some of the money that I saved for it. But would I have money for it in the future at Wallace's readiness? Would Wallace ever get married? The fact that Wallace always doubted himself made me begin to doubt Wallace's future. The thought of Wallace led to a spark. I could give the ring to Wallace so that he could give it to Sienna, just as a kind, friendly 'I like you' gift. Maybe that sounded a little ridiculous in mind. Then again, I thought it sounded perfect. A ring for Sienna from Wallace would be the finishing touch. So the ring came with me to the game that night. Down the hall from my dorm room was Gildroy's. He switched to a new friend's dorm room because he couldn't deal with Keith's grief over his brother. I never really asked Gildroy whose dorm he moved into, but the 122

WALLACE ROSE place was nice. It felt a bit smaller because his roommate seemed to have more items in his room. The walls were somewhat pale. There were a few posters here and there. There was a little hand-made lab bench by the window. Plants lined up at the window. I wanted to assume that Gildroy's new friend, or roommate, was working on a biology degree or something similar to that. I'm just working my way in here still. Gildroy reminded me as he walked me through the room. As I looked around the small and vital room, I was reminded of my half-empty, half-full dorm room. I wanted to make sure Wallace didn't do something cazy while I left him. I also wanted to make sure that he brings his life back into the dorm. There's a game tonight. I don't think I need to remind you of that. I said. I wanted to make this a quick and clean deal. Oh, yes. Gildroy said excitingly. Since when have I missed a home game, Ross? He walked around. He looked out the window and into the descending afternoon sky. I'm taking Leslie with me. Are you and Brooke going? He looked to me. Yes, I'm also bringing Wallace too. I said. Suddenly, Gildroy looked at me with interest. Ah, Wallace the poor fellow. You're bringing Sienna too, right? Gildroy asked. Yes Look, I have something to show you. I glanced around the room and at the door. The door was closed. I pulled out the ring. You're proposing to Brooke? Gildroy asked with a surprised tone. 123

WALLACE ROSE Not tonight. I said. This ring will not be Brooke's. Gildroy seemed to be even more interested. I'm going to give this to Wallace and He'll give to Sienna Gildroy nodded. He understood the plan. I promised Wallace I that I wouldn't propose to Brooke until he was situated. I understand. Gildroy and I had gotten close somehow, and we disperse until there was a decent amount of space between us. I placed the ring box carefully back into my pocket. The only thing I didn't want to say to Gildroy was the indication of Wallace's self-harmful behavior that occurred recently, particularly with the loss of his possessions. I wanted to get back to my dorm to make sure Wallace was still fine. Well, I gotta make a run back. I said, nervously. As I walked away toward the door, I turned back to Gildroy and said, I'll see you at the game. Gildroy gave me a nod, and a wave. I was out the door, aiport walking back to my dorm room. As I made my way back I realized that I had spent a lot of time in Gildroy's dorm; longer than I wanted to. I opened the door. The room still had its vacant look. The flask was gone and that mess was cleaned up. The door to the bathroom that was a part of our dorm was shut and locked. At first, I assumed that Wallace was taking care of the flask and the chemicals. Then, I was worried that he was doing something harmful to himself in the bathroom. Wallace? I shouted from outside the door. Yes? I heard a muffled shout return. Just making sure it was you in there. I shouted 124

WALLACE ROSE back. There wasn't a reply after that. I heard the sink go on and off a couple times. After a few minutes of waiting, Wallace emerged from the bathroom. He seemed to have went back in time. I saw the face of the old Wallace I knew, behind the beard that once existed only an hour ago. He was also dressed up. Wallace had trimmed himself up in such a quick time. It seemed as though he was ready to go out to a dance. Who cut your hair? I asked. Myself. Wallace said, nonchalantly. He walked over toward the closet and threw on a gray cardigan. So when are we leaving toward the game? Wallace looked to me and asked. I didn't notice or hear him ask because I was astonished at Wallace's behavior. A few hours. I said, looking out the large window. I started to wonder then, if Wallace knew how the night was supposed to play out. Better yet, perhaps he was giving everything one last shot. I really wasn't bothered by Wallace now. I felt as though I could have lifted all the stress from my shoulders at that point. I was ready for the night to play out. My patience began to shorten just as Wallace's seemed to. Wallace didn't know what could have been in store for him. The minutes finally went by and the evening had welcomed us. The afternoon light finally descended and the saphire blue sky remained behind the field lights. The size of the large field seemed to get smaller as more players and other people filled it in. Our marching band played wildly as usual and thousands of people in the bleachers talked. Wallace drove us there: Me, Gildroy and Leslie. We were going to meet up with Brooke and Sienna. I kept the 125

WALLACE ROSE ring in my pocket and pondered on when I should address Wallace on his little mission. I knew that if I took the ring out, he would be angered at the very second it came into his viewing. That was the problem with showing him the ring before telling him what I wanted him to do with it. The ring remained in my pocket. I was going to wait for the best time. I planned on telling Brooke what I was going to do. As of that point, it was just between me and Gildroy. What I liked about the little university games was the reminder of the high school football games. Waterglade isn't one of those colleges that has broadcasted games on television. It was practically similar to a typical high school football game. Back in high school, the football games were all hype. There was so much positive energy. You would leave with somewhat of a better outlook on life. At least that was the case for me. That's one of the reasons I wanted Wallace to always go with me to the games. Wallace, Gildroy, Leslie and I walked as a group aimlessly to an empty area in the bleachers. However, I had my eyes set for Brooke and Sienna. Of all honesty, I found it easier to locate Sienna. She always looked distinctive to me. Any eye could catch her from the corners. I was hoping that Brooke was with her. To my surprise, my eyes caught Brooke first, and she was with Sienna. Both of them were wearing small coats. They were standing, toward the bottom of the bleachers. I left Wallace, Gildroy and Leslie where they were so I could get the attention of the girls. I made my way down the bleachers and Sienna looked at me, then Brooke. Ross! Brooke came up to hug me. I observed 126

WALLACE ROSE Sienna who just looked away toward the field. I knew that she was expecting something; a word from me about Wallace. Brooke was trying to talk to me but the crowd behind us was too loud. I jerked my head up to her, telling her and Sienna to follow me, where Wallace and the other love birds made their spot somewhere high in the bleachers. As I led them up to our little clique, I noticed that Wallace had moved a few feet away, either to make space for us, or to set him apart from Gildroy and Leslie. He was as still as a dead man in a coffin. He only looked toward the field. There was a glare from one of the field lights reflecting off of his lenses. I noticed Sienna look at him, then me. She smiled. I looked back at Sienna and smiled. Wallace still observed the field intensely, as though the game had long started. Look at him! Sienna whispered to me, with her smile. She was admiring him. My eyes didn't see what a girl like Sienna saw. That really didn't matter though. I was glad that she liked Wallace. I wish Wallace would have known. Sienna went to sit right next to him. Wallace's head twitched to look at her but he didn't make a full turn. He didn't know who came to sit next to him. He continued at the field. The game didn't even start yet. I looked over to Brooke. Remember when I said that Wallace was a turd? I looked over at Wallace, who sat still as a stone. He's being one right now. I didn't make a comment, but I did shake my head. Although that night was rather cold, there seemed to be some heat generating throughout the intensity of the 127

WALLACE ROSE crowd, the team, and the marching band. There seemed to be heat within us all; a nervous heat, or perhaps an angry heat. There was no way out of this warmth that seemed to coat us in the cold of the night. Stonerock is a pretty good team, I cannot lie. Gildroy commented. My ex-boyfriend goes there. Leslie said. Gildroy looked at Leslie scornfully. Well, he said, with a chuckle in his words, I take my comment back. There was a bit of laughter among us. I looked over and saw that Wallace and Sienna were talking. I kind of smiled to myself. I felt like I have achieved something. It seemed to be a lacking conversation though, because the two of them kept looking away from each other and they stopped talking. It would have been better if they had more time to talk. Soon, the game began. Nobody really watched any of the games. The home games seemed to be a social event for the entire college. There was no shame to that either. Everyone did it. I did it. Many of the professors that attended that games talked to other professors. These were the only times that we had to catch up with our friends. Often, we were busy in class or studying for big exams. There was an announcer that nobody seemed to listen to either. I've grown to understand that a lot of people in the world actually have a listening problem. For some reason, people often ignore the important things. People don't hear any warnings. Nobody cares to see the signs or listen to the cries of someone in need. People only cared about the upbeat people that always looked nice and had things that were actually interesting to say. It was a case for 128

WALLACE ROSE practically everyone. I always looked over at Wallace and Sienna. Wallace kept a static expression on his face. The glare remained in his lenses so I couldn't see the rest of his expressions. I wondered how Sienna was feeling. I couldn't hear what they were occasionally talking about, but that was fine with me. At least they were talking a little bit. Suddenly, I remembered the ring. I had to do something about it. The heat seemed to grow even warmer now. I couldn't decide if I should pull Wallace away from Sienna so he could return to her with a ring, or tell Brooke what I wanted to do first. What if Wallace backed down on his only opportunity? I didn't want him to actually propose to Sienna. I wanted this ring to be a nice little gift for Sienna. It would have made her really happy. I had to make a decision and I felt like I made the best decision possible. Both decisions would have some kind of downfall. I walked up to Brooke, asked her to come with me, and we left to talk in private at one end of the bleachers. As I walked away with Brooke, Wallace finally moved his head in my direction. The glare from his lenses were gone and his teal colored eyes pinned down on me. Sienna also looked at me, blushing. I couldn't help but look away from Wallace. I hurried Brooke down to the end of the bleachers. I was too nervous to reveal the ring to anyone. It was bound to get great reaction. My heart also sank down once I remembered that I left Gildroy with Wallace and the rest. Uh, how are you? I asked Brooke. It was slightly quieter since we were in a disclosed space, somewhat between two sets of bleachers. 129

WALLACE ROSE I'm alright. Brooke kissed me on the cheek. Look, I have a plan. I said. Wallace and Sienna Are you trying to get them together? Brooke asked with an exciting tone. Yes. I said. I remember being this nervous since the day I asked Brooke out. I have something that I want to give Wallace. I looked around. And I want him to give it to Sienna. I took the ring out and Brooke's eyes suddenly dialated. How did you get that? Brooke couldn't stay calm. I spent some money on it. I saved up for a while. Brooke was still surprised at the sight of the ring. There was a bit of riot happening on the bleachers next to us. You don't want him to just come out with this ring and propose to her? Brooke asked. No, I want this ring to be a gift. That's all. You know that Sienna will be flattered by it. I felt a lot better telling Brooke about it for some reason. There was bit of noise and shaking on the bleachers, and a pen fell in between me and Brooke. Before I looked down at the ground, I heard a snapping sound from its impact. At the same time, Wallace had gotten up from where he was sitting to see what Brooke and I were up to. However, he seemed to have caught us in the wrong time. It wasn't the sight of the ring, for I had already placed it back in my pocket. My back was faced to him, while he stood in disgust several feet away at the bottom of the stairs that lead to the bleachers. He caught me on my knees, facing Brooke. I went to pick up the pen that had fallen from the bleachers above us. Brooke was laughing gently at the 130

WALLACE ROSE incident of the falling pen. Wallace interpreted it as witnessing one of his greatest fears. I didn't know this, but Brooke told me since she saw him. I'm going to have to give this ring to him now. I said. No, please wait. Brooke said. Let the night get a little older. I guess that's a good idea. It shouldn't be soon. I agreed with her. When we returned we found Gildroy and Sienna sitting where they were. Wallace was gone and so was Leslie. Where did Wallace go? I thought he was with you. Sienna asked us. Brooke and I were confused, but Brooke held a worried look on her face, similar to Sienna. I don't know. I said. Where's Leslie? Crying, Gildroy answered, Why does it matter? What the hell is going on? Brooke asked. We got in a fight me and Leslie. I don't even care for her anymore. Gildroy explained. Just as Brooke and I left, there seemed to have been a chaos that erupted. Girls are so dumb these days. Sienna said. I can agree with that, but you're not dumb. Gildroy said. That was the classic way of moving on; throw around compliments until you find someone who likes you for saying them. I felt like I had to watch over Gildroy and Sienna. I didn't want things to backfire. Gildroy spoke again, I think Wallace headed to the car. But why? I asked. Maybe he was bored with the game. I need to eat. Anyone else? Gildroy provided an idea of going out to a 131

WALLACE ROSE restaurant. We just had to somehow appease Wallace to drive us. Yeah, let's go catch up with Wallace. I said. We left in the middle of the game. We had to get through a sea of words and people. In the parking lot was Wallace's car. At first, it seemed as though the car was empty, but as we came closer, Wallace was sitting still in the car. We all got in. Gildroy sat in the front passenger, and Sienna, Brooke and I compacted ourselves in the back. And like an old monotone cab driver, Wallaced asked us Where are we going? Everyone want to go out to eat? I asked. There was an agreement within the car. I looked at the front mirror in the car, and Wallace's teal eyes pinned me down once again. I'm not going to deal with any affection not in my car. Wallace said in an angry whisper. I did what was best and refrained from holding hands or kissing Brooke. The drive to the restaurant was surprisingly quiet. Nobody spoke the entire ride there. We just drove by, and lights moved across our faces. Sienna's head was down. She left no expression on her face. I was sure that at that point she was going to cry. I could feel Wallace's anger radiate in the car. I knew at this point that he had given up on everything. I just didn't understand why. All I could think about was getting him back on track. His eyes stared out at the road. He never really blinked that much. Gildroy, in the front passenger seat, squinted and looked around nervously. Brooke looked a little scared. This time, I felt like I was the one who was out of the loop. Otherwise, Wallace's anger had indeed 132

WALLACE ROSE radiated into other monstrous emotions in which we all caught during our ride. Wallace parked the car in the parking lot of a rather expensive diner. He stopped that car, but he didn't move. We all got out of the car. Gildroy, Sienna, and Brooke walked toward the restaurant. I waited for Wallace. He didn't get out of the car. He sat still. Nobody wants me around. I'm just here to give people rides. Wallace said. He didn't look at me. He still looked straight out of windshield. Damn it, Wallace that's not true! Why do you think I'm waiting for you? Get out of the damn car! After a moment, Wallace stepped out of the car. For some reason, I felt bad for shouting at him. I finally got him to walk into the restaurant with me. I dug into my pocket and felt the ring box. Hold on, I forgot my wallet. I said. I wanted to stick the ring box somewhere inside the car where I assumed it would be safe. No, don't worry about it. Enjoy your money. I'll pay for everything. I couldn't tell if Wallace was being sarcastic, or if he was being nice enough to pay for everyone. I didn't reply to him. I went to the car and put the ring box inside one of the compartments by the dashboard. I honestly don't know why I did that. I just didn't want to hold on to the ring anymore. I went inside and found the four sitting at a booth. Gildroy was talking, practically flirting with Sienna. Brooke talked to Sienna and tried to keep Gildroy from talking to her. Wallace just sat there. He was as still as a statue. I found it a bit disturbing. I don't know if the others 133

WALLACE ROSE noticed that. Wallace was beginning to stress me to the point that I was getting a vibe of him. Brooke stood up to hug me, but I didn't act affectionate toward the hug. Brooke practically hugged a stable pole. She noticed that I didn't really hug her that well, but she didn't comment on it at that point. I sat down next to Brooke, and next to her was Sienna. Across from us was Wallace and Gildroy. I saw that Gildroy was making phone calls at the table. Is this Andrea? Gildroy whispered into the phone. He let his phone set face-down on the table. I made glances around and realized that things could have been more ideal. Then, I wanted to change the arrangement, regardless of how Gildroy might react. Sienna, move over to where Gildroy is. Gildroy, move up over to our side. I said. Surprisingly, there wasn't any objection to that. Both of them switched their places. Once again, Sienna was next to Wallace. During the time we were dining, I tried to keep things smooth. So, what's everyone ordering? I asked. Mortality. Wallace said. There was a pause. Then Wallace picked up the menu, showing that there was a rather large steak that called The Mortality Steak. I read the details. It was an expensive steak and I highly doubted that Wallace was going to eat a quarter of it. I wasn't going to argue with Wallace so I let him get it. It really wasn't up to me anyway. The Heartbreak Steak sounds nifty. Gildroy said. It sounds like something that would give you heart disease. Brooke commented. Who named these steaks anyway? I asked. It 134

WALLACE ROSE seemed a little odd to me. Their spoons are sixty-nine cents. Gildroy marveled over the silverware prices. And their forks are only ten cents... Well in most diners, spoons and forks and other things like that are free. I explained. A waitress came by and got our orders. From what we all got I was able to learn that Sienna was a vegeterian. Sienna got a vegeterian sandwhich. I still wasn't sure if Wallace was actually going to eat the Mortality Steak that he ordered. He usually wouldn't eat brutal meals, or even brutal-sounding meals. The rest of us ordered light steaks that included beverages. I really hope those stupid Stonerocks lose this game. Gildroy wished. Who cares about the game? I said, trying to be happy. I put my arm around Brooke's shoulder. I was beginning to loosen up. I was a little happier. I was hoping to provide a little more optimism. Are you okay? Sienna suddenly looked over to Wallace. Of course I am. Wallace said in a monotone voice moments after Sienna had addressed her question. So what happened between you and Leslie? I asked. I felt as though I dared to bring that up. We just started talking about the game and stuff. She wouldnt' stop harping about her ex, who just happened to be on the team. She said that at the end of the game she was going to say hey to him. You know that doesn't end so well. There was a pause. I told her to just drop it because she had me. I could just see anyway that she still admired 135

WALLACE ROSE the guy. I'm not going to keep her if the past keeps pleasuring her. Gildroy seemed to shake his head in shame. Their relationship was nice. I thought perhaps they'll get back together without a problem. All good things come to an end eventually. I don't know, man, I said, not everyone gets over things that easy. I never talked about my prior relationship to her ever! Gildroy said. Stuff like that just pisses me off. I can't handle it. That's why we departed. I was getting impatient with all of the anger, frustration and attitudes everyone had. I remember almost snapping at Gildroy in particular for over-using his cell phone. Why don't we all just try to have a good night? I insisted. I was starting to feel really hot. I could have flipped at any moment. Yeah. Sienna said. She looked back over at Wallace. He didn't look okay. We could all see that Wallace was boiling over something on the inside. His lips looked like they were quivering and he looked a little shaky. Are you sure you're alright? Sienna asked him again. That was the question that flipped Wallace's switch up higher. He stood up from his seat at the table. Does something look wrong? he shouted. Sienna flinched a bit and backed away. Does something look wrong with me? Huh? What? Is there something wrong? Nobody spoke. We seemed to wait for Wallace. Wallace set himself distant from us. We were all taken aback. Of course there's something wrong. Someone that I've been calling my friend decides to throw me under the bus by 136

WALLACE ROSE breaking a promise. He was targeting me. I was really confused. I'm not putting words in your mouth that you didn't say, I'm taking the words that you said right out of your lying mouth. Wallace was beginning to make a scene. Other people began to look toward our booth. Wallace! Sienna said, too quietly for him to hear. A tear streamed down her face, from her glossy eyes. What kind of friend are you to make a promise to me and then run away from me and break it! Wallace cried. Because you think that I'll believe anything you say! But that isn't true. I'm not some dumb person that you're going to play with. I'm not as nave as you think I might be! But if that's what everyone thinks, then fine. Wallace cried. He began to walk away. I wanted to object, but he kept on going. I'm worthless. I'm nothing. I'm a breathing burden and a waste of space. Nobody cares about me. None of you, not even my family, nobody! Wallace's tears began to soak his face. I care about you! Sienna cried out. Lies. I don't want to hear from you! Don't act like you care about me. You just don't want to hear me complain anymore! Wallace seemed to scorn Sienna right there. Sienna began to cry. As I went to speak with Wallace, he spoke again. It's okay. I'm sorry. None of you will have to worry anymore. I've seen too much tonight. I was so startled, that I couldn't stop him anymore from walking out. I walked over to give Sienna a hug. The people who were trying to eat resumed. Voices filled the diner once again. A server returned to our table. Mortality Steak. The large steak was placed at our table. Sienna refrained 137

WALLACE ROSE from crying so that no one would ask what had happened. Well, there's our ride. Gildroy said, observing that Wallace had driven away. Nothing mattered now, except finding Wallace. Gildroy was able to call a friend to give him a ride home. At that point, none of us mattered to him, and he didn't matter to any of us, particularly me. We were able to get a ride back to campus. We looked around for Wallace. I searched my half-empty, half-full dorm room, we looked in certain classrooms. He was no where to be found. The search went from campus, back to the field, and throughout the city. A couple miles away from the diner, dozens of flashing lights, police and paramedics, and several dozens of people surrounded the Y-Lake, where Wallace's white car was towed out from. And from that point, everything changed. Someone else's tragedy had affected so many lives. That night, my life changed forever. No tragedy in my life will ever amount to the one I witnessed that night. Nothing will ever be the same.

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The next few days were a blur; a practical gap in my life that I dare not to remember. These days do not exist to me still and it's really difficult to glean all of the details of what had happened. Wallace's named surfaced in headlines and was the top news story for at least two days. After that, he was a lost forgotten soul. Waterglade moved on. I couldn't say the same for the university, Wallace's family, friends, and myself. We were taken down. Our weak spots were torn apart by such an event. I never believed that Wallace would have done what 139

WALLACE ROSE he had done. I thought he was too much of a coward. Any second that I think about it, it just seems too fictional. I wanted to wake up from this nightmare. I didn't want this to be true. I remember within the first few days of Wallace's suicide, I was one of the stars of the headlines. I was harrassed with interviews and I'm certain that there were many slips; things I didn't mean to say or things that I didn't want to say. This was something I really didn't want to think about at the time. Wallace was my best friend. I was trying to help him. Those were the only things I could really tell news reporters and interviewers without flooding of tears. It seemed as though the public had an interest in the details of Wallace Rose. They wanted to know what his last words were. They wanted to know how his last hours went; forget why Wallace committed suicide. That never seemed to matter to anyone else but his loved ones. There was no such thing as grief for those who knew Wallace. Instead of mourning, we were answering a bunch of pointless questions. I was beginning to lose my patience. There were even contsant knocks at my dorm room a week after the incident. These people were interested in knowing what my life was like, living in my dorm without Wallace. Often times I ignored and refused to talk to people. I did, eventually, want to get in touch with Wallace's family. I wanted to see how they were taking it. I was hoping that they were grief-stricken since the last time they seemed to mock and neglect Wallace. I didn't know when the best time would be to go over to their house. I knew that I would see them at the viewing. I was starting to get 140

WALLACE ROSE information on Wallace's funeral arrangements. There was no doubt that I wanted to be there for Wallace. My other friends and close relationships seemed to have dissolved at that time. There was without a doubt no possibility that I can deal with any kind of friendship or relationship at that point. I lost my best friend and I could have prevented this loss. All of this was certainly up to me. I felt so bad. I knew what he was going through and I saw all of the signs. I just acted too slowly. It all seemed to come back to me. The night following Wallace's death was still a nightmare. I was torn apart by the news I heard. I almost lost it when I discovered Wallace's car was being pulled out of the Y-Lake. I knew right then that Wallace was gone. I knew then that Wallace had really done it. The days went by, and I was too emotionally unstable to even return to school. I stayed in a stranger's dorm for a while to recover. I never really saw him that much because he went to class and whenever he was at the dorm, I was usually trying to gain stability by taking walks around the campus and getting food. It only took me four to five days to return to my dorm. I opened the door and everything was left the way it was. All of Wallace's possessions were gone. Where they went, that still remained a mystery. There really wasn't a point for me to live in the dorm room anymore. Despite that Wallace and his possessions were gone, you I could never erase the memories that involved him. All I could see was Wallace standing in front of the window, looking out at nothing. All I could see was Wallace and a group of students balancing complex equations and modifying 141

WALLACE ROSE chemicals with small machines and tools. The only thing Wallace really did leave that was material, were several bottles and flasks. I never found any of his chemicals, but there were always flasks, graduated cylinders, and stoppers. All of his other possessions clothes, sheets, posters and souvenirs all gone. I never figured out where they went. I wasn't focused on that at the time. I was ready to take a break. I considered leaving college for a year, but I realized that there's no way to escape the problems that life gives you. I was going to finish my year strong. I was going to finish the way Wallace would have finished. I had to start somewhere, and it started with my posters. I took each one down, one at a time. The dorm room was becoming more empty. It took me a solid two hours to box things up and clear out the dorm. It made me think of freshman year when I first moved into the place. It was strange to go back in time. This time, Wallace wasn't with me. After I had taken care of the dorm room, I looked out the large window. I overlooked the campus that I walked about for the past four years. The sky was gray. The forcast called for rain for the next two days. I started to think about my own life and where it was going. I had almost two years of engineering taken care of. I was almost ready to have a degree in my major. I thought about what Wallace was doing. Chemical Engineering sounded a bit frightening. I knew that it was only the name. Wallace's voice pounded in my head. I thought about all of the things he said. People just think that things are difficult because they don't want to put effort in things. It's not that it's hard 142

WALLACE ROSE or difficult, people are just too lazy. That was one of the things that I always heard throughout my life. Wallace was a living example of success and work ethic. I layed there on my mattress in the dorm room, just thinking to myself What would Wallace think if I changed my major and got a degree in Chemical Engineering? Would he be proud of me? Would it make him feel special? In the beginning of a dark road, I felt like I was ready to pick myself up, roll my sleeves and take on a challenge. I am going to do it. I whispered to myself. I remember that day well. My closest friend took his life five days prior, and it's time to change my life. Either way, my life was going to be different, so why not? There was a knock at the door. I thought it was going to be an interviewer or a newsreporter, but I decided I'd given in. I opened the door to Brooke. I've seen a lot of beauty in her for the past two or so years, but that day, she was a sad wreck. Hey Ross. She said. Brooke walked into the empty dorm room and took a seat at one of the stiff chairs by the window. How have you been? I asked. We both understood that our relationship was in ruins. There was no turning back. There was no way that it could get better. Need a drink or anythning? No, I'm alright. Brooke began to cry. I took a seat at the other side of the small table. I wanted to comfort Brooke as a friend, or distant acquaintance. I never meant anything bad I said about him. Brooke cried. Look, I said, it doesn't matter what you meant or 143

WALLACE ROSE didn't mean. None of us truly expected this. I explained to her. I loved Wallace. She said. Didn't we all? I asked. I knew that wasn't necessarily true. Wallace was loved by those that mattered. I loved Wallace. Brooke loved Wallace. I'm sure that even Wallace's peers loved him. I need to talk to someone. Brooke cried. I could tell that she needed to be distracted. However, she came to the wrong place. I didn't want to turn her down though. Well, where's Sienna? I asked her. I haven't talked to her in almost a week. Brooke explained. Is she alright? I'm sure she is. Yes, I took a moment, but she really loved Wallace. I hardly had anything to do with your friend and I'm more torn up about it that she probably is. Brooke sobbed to the point that she was too difficult to talk to. I honestly didn't know what to tell Brooke. I didn't really know how to help her. Look, I started, you just need to see a counselor, or go home for while. I suggested. How are you not shaken up by this? Brooke bursted. I have been. We just need a break I told her. We need to relax. We were all friends of his. This hurts me as much as it's hurting you. You'll just have to grieve on your own. I led Brooke out of the dorm room. I'll talk to you 144

WALLACE ROSE soon. Now isn't the time Brooke left. That was the last time we spoke. We really wouldn't have been able to have a functioning relationship afterwords. It wasn't possible to put up or live with Brooke. One of the hardest things I had to do after the loss of my bestfriend was to break off my relationship with Brooke. We had been together for a few years. We have done so much together in those three years, although it seemed like we never really had the chance to do anything. And for some reason, I saw it coming. I knew the ending would be inevitable. The fall of friendships and relationships around me seemed to happen at the same time. There was just a breaking point for everyone. Eventually, I knew that I would have to head back home to spend some time with my own family. Being at Waterglade wasn't going to help me recover from the momentary trauma that I suffered from from Wallace, from my friends, from Brooke, from Sienna. Wallace was sent to be examined by a coroner. That's why there wasn't a viewing or funeral for after a week. The day eventually came for the funeral. It was yet again another cloudy day. It was toward the end of September and early October. The leaves were beginning to fall, each coming down dead, in the motion of a pendulum. When I made it to the service, I looked through the crowd to see who decided to come to Wallace's funeral. To my surprise, there were a lot of people. I don't remember what exactly the count of people was, but there were many faces that I had never seen before. First, I saw that Wallace's parents had shown up. I saw some professors that I knew from the school. Then, I 145

WALLACE ROSE saw some teachers from the high school and middle school in Wicke's Village. I saw Gildroy there, but we didn't say anything to each other. I also saw Leslie, who was not with Gildroy. Finally, I found Sienna there. As from her looks, she didn't look okay. I knew that she was sad, certainly with everyone else, but I could tell that she was broken, or traumatized. I wanted to talk to her, but I was just too nervous. I was too worried that I would bring up Wallace. I'm sure that was the last thing that she wanted to hear about. There were many people that got up to speak about Wallace. Nobody, however, gave a decent or accurate synopsis of the life that Wallace lived. Everyone who I heard spoke described Wallace Rose's life as a wonderful, happy life. A lot of the people that spoke about Wallace had no idea what he went through. That's what made me mad. They all gave their fair share of compliments for Wallace; the compliments that Wallace would never really hear. I feel bad for saying all of these good things about Wallace as well, because I myself never took the time to appreciate him while he was here. I wish I had spoken for Wallace at the service. There were many important things that I would address. As I have said many times, as much as he didn't believe me or anyone else, Wallace had plenty of friends. If he didn't have the support of a particular person, he could have always looked to me or find the support that he needed. There were a lot of things that Wallace never really saw. There was a tunnel vision of depression that preyed over Wallace. To this day, I still believe that Wallace had it a lot better than some other unfortunate people. Wallace 146

WALLACE ROSE aimed for success and his dream was almost achieved but he let himself in his own way. He ruined his own dream of becoming a chemical engineer because he let the little things get to him. Wallace definitely stood out among the crowd of students at Waterglade University. Wallace had his priorities straight, with the exception of trying to seek love. However, it was true that he may have neeed some kind of love and support from someone else. We don't embark on this journey all by ourselves. Wallace stepped down before he was announced his gold medal. That's how I saw the tragic ending to his life. Wallace Rose practically had it all but he was in denial. He gave up right before reaching his dreams. I think that Wallace would have ended up being a wealthy engineer with a beautiful wife. I knew that Wallace knew exactly how to treat a girl. Nobody else knew that. There a lot of fantastic things about Wallace Rose that I would like to say that everyone missed out on. If Wallace had all of the chances he could have had, I think he would be a very lovable person. People would know the Wallace Rose that I've grown to know. After the services were over, people began to leave. Their lives continued with one less person in it. The gray sky began to sprinkle water to the ground. I decided to stick around. I was well enough to have someone's back and be there for them if they needed it. I'm always looking around and being more prudent. Sadness wasn't an option in my book for anyone. I don't necessarily mean sadness by mourning, though. If anyone is feeling down, I will always have their back now. The large crowd shrank. I was disappointed to see 147

WALLACE ROSE Wallace's parents there. They never really did seem to care for Wallace. I refused to speak to them the moment I saw them. Bill did a poor job of dressing nicely and I don't remember seeing a tear fall from Frankie's face. I don't think they should have even showed up. I tried to find William and Alex, but they were nowhere in sight. They may have left with the larger crowd. I had a little more respect for them, but they were still questionable. There was one young child who would not leave. I wondered who he was and where is guardians were. The young blond boy just stood there where Wallace rested in the closed coffin. He had to have been six or seven, considering that he had such a soft, high pitched voice. I looked over, avoiding the release of tears. I don't know what it was, or why this was so, but the young boy seemed really shaken up by the event. I have never seen him before and I didn't know his relationship to Wallace. I assumed that he was a distant cousin. I decided that I would man up and walk over to the child. He went to heaven on such a beautiful day. The boy solemnly said to me. We both looked away from each other. Right then, I broke into tears, knelt down, and embraced the boy. Everything seemed to hit me all at once. It was the sadness in the voice of the child that made me break apart like that. A woman in her late thirties, or forties suddenly walked up to the both of us. She was in black for the service. Drowned in tears, I wasn't able to see her face. Finny, come with mommy. It's time to go. The woman said, in a shaky voice. The little boy, Finny, took his mother's hand and locked his own in with hers. I wiped 148

WALLACE ROSE my eyes. Sorry if he was bothering you. It was fine. I said. Finny and his mother walked away. It was fine. I repeated to myself. I stood back up and brushed myself off. The ground was wet and the knees of my pants were stained with the darkness of the wet ground. Far off to the corner of my eye stood another stranger to me. He was a tall man. He had a familiar posture. The sight at first frightened me, for I thought Wallace had come to haunt the service. This man looked like Wallace, but he was too tall to be Wallace. I walked over closer to him just to make sure I wasn't seeing things, or going blind. The young man spoke. I haven't really gotten a chance to see Wally in many years. He said. His voice sounded just like Wallace's. I marveled at the man and assumed that he had to be related to Wallace somehow. I should've stayed around more often for you, bud. Excuse me, I said. I shook his hand. Ross. Ross McKay. Walden. Walden Mudford. Or Walden 'Rose', whatever you like. He tightened his mouth and his jaw constricted. He looked back where he was talking to himself. His brother? I asked. That'd be true. He said, still looking straight to the side of me. A lot of people don't know about me. I'm not around here often. I understand. I said. Look over there at that sick man. He put my brothers through a ton of hell. He said. 149

WALLACE ROSE How so? I asked. Bill doesn't know how to be a father. The bastard ought to have had them taken away from him. Walden spoke of Bill Rose in disgust. I think Wall would still be here today if it weren't for him. I really didn't want to stream out the long story of why Wallace did what he had done. Meeting Walden was such an odd experience for me. I really don't get out of my shell to just go up to a man like him and ask about him. Something about him seemed fascinating. Perhaps it was his shocking resemblance to his youngest brother. He stood tall, and stiff the way Wallace did. He had the same distinctive blond hair. Even their glasses looked similar. Their voices merely matched. It was what Wallace could have been in eight years. He was there, all alone. Soon after all of the pain, I was able to befriend the mystery of the Rose family. Walden and I would often talk and discuss Wallace's life. From what I had told Walden, I learned that he lived a very similar life to Wallace. I learned that he was a single man and he lives in an apartment. Walden always saw a problem with Bill and moved out as soon as Bill married his mother. Walden seemed to know who Bill was based off his personality. He knew that he was only after his mother for a love life. Bill really doesn't care about his children, and to this day, he will not make a remark on the loss of his youngest son. Soon, William began only visiting his parents once every six months. They recently moved out of town and since then Walden and I haven't heard from them. This never really bothered me because I started to not even care 150

WALLACE ROSE for whatever they did. I grew a disrespect for them that was similar to Walden's. The last thing on my agenda was to give the ring to Sienna. I was able to retrieve some of the things in Wallace's car, upon request. The ring was right where I last left it. I took it back to my dorm room and polished it up. I got access to directories and found out where Sienna was. She stayed in a dorm room that was in the same hallway as Brooke's dorm room. I was nervous when I knocked on her door. I didn't know what kind of Sienna that I was going to expect. Sienna was the one who answered the door. She seemed alright. She remained pretty, with a surprised look to her face when she saw me at her door. Sienna gave me a hug and welcomed me in. I couldn't stay long so I had to take care of the business quick. How are you, Sienna? I politely asked her. A little better. She let out a nervous laugh. I gave her a moment in case she wanted to cry. I felt a little bad for expecting it, but I was bringing up a nightmare. She held herself together. I miss him. Sienna shrugged, then started to cry. This never meant to happen. I said. I tried to keep myself composed. Sienna came over to me and cried in my shoulders. I really wanted to cry at that moment. I wanted to cry, knowing how many people were affected by this. I wanted to cry, because Wallace was wrong. I wanted to cry, because he thought he was right. While embracing Sienna, I felt something strange. I felt a sense of security, or some type of bond or friendship. I felt so at home with Sienna there, although she was crying 151

WALLACE ROSE in my shoulders. I really would have never known how she felt about me. That never was a big concern for me because I always saw her and Wallace better together. Sienna was a beautiful girl, but she belonged with Wallace. And just because I thought she was beautiful doesn't mean that I really liked her, or wanted to be with her. Sienna was, however, the last person I could go to that still went to Waterglade. I had lost everyone else because I had to grow up quick. And it was because of Wallace, that Sienna and I, and the rest of us had to grow up and move on. I have something for you. I told her. But it's really from Wallace. And from my pocket, loomed the box with the ring in it. Sienna gasped and cried even more. I meant to give this to Wallace so that he could give it to you. I intended it to be a gift to you from him. But I acted too late. I opened the box and showed her the ring. I set it in her hand. Please keep it. I told her in a shaky voice. I started to cry. Thank you. Sienna put the ring on her finger and gave me a hug that seemed forever-lasting. The saddest part of that day was probably leaving Sienna there, knowing that we may never speak to each other again. I closed her door, and in the hallway, I leaned against a wall and slid down to the ground. That was the first time that I truly cried a lot. I thought that I sounded like a baby and hoped that no one would walk by. Life began to return to normal, but the memories of Wallace will forever haunt me. I'll always remember Wallace through the places we've been and the things we've done together. I'll remember Wallace for all of the good things that he has done and achieved, and I'll always 152

WALLACE ROSE remember Wallace for all of his downfalls. You can't really forget someone that actually meant a lot to you. It's just a scar or mark that you carry with you forever. The tragic loss of a friend such as Wallace will leave marks and scars all over for good. Sienna and Brooke have been traumatized like me. Our lives have been forever changed. No other experience will amount to the pain of the one that all of us had gone through. We're never going to forget Wallace Rose. Sure, he wasn't the greatest person. But remember that everyone has something outstanding about them. You just have to think about the best of people. It's always a good idea to tell someone how much you appreciate them. It's always a good idea to remind someone of the good things they do in life, especially when they're down. Going on about how great of a person they were after they're gone is nice and respectful, but it's something that they may never hear. We seem to say the things that matter when it's too late. And reminding someone about how they're special to you may make a huge difference. There's at least one great thing about everyone that lives, but every rose has its thorns. Several months ago, I decided to change my major. I'm going to spend a few more years in college so I can become a chemical engineer. While this is for some respect of Wallace, I am doing this to take on a self-challenge. I'm ready to see if I'm prepared for this. It's Sunday, and it has been a year since I lost my best friend. The reminder of the tragedy has put me in a lot of stress and panic. It's raining mildly outside and I am driving around. I need something to do right now. I tried to 153

WALLACE ROSE call Sienna since I just saw her. I guess its fine if I don't. I have classes tomorrow, so maybe I should go study. No I have time to do that later. I really am on a schedule. It's a key to success. My gas tank is full and I have money for a refill if I need one later. A drive around actually sounds nice right now. I think I'll drive around. I'll take the exit and make my way downtown. I'll flip on some music and just think about all of the good times we had like you're in the passenger seat with me right now. Let's drive downtown and get lost in the night. This one's for you, Wallace.

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