MARRIAGE

Marriage: the state of being married, a wedding Marry: Become someones husband or wife.

Unite a man and a woman legally for the purpose of living together. Why do people marry? They are in love and want to spend their lives together. T o commit themselves to the person they love for a lifetime To bring up children in a secure and loving home To control and direct the sex instinct For friendship and companionship through life. If people begin a relationship very much in love wanting to spend their whole life together why is it then that many relationships (marriages) end up in divorce? [Several Reasons] People who decide to marry should be responsible and serious about the relationship. [Its a life-long compromise] Marriage Vows I, _________ take you, ____________, to be my (husband/wife), I promise to be true to you in good times and in bad, in sickness and in health. I will love you and honor you all the days of my life. I, _________ take you, _____________, for my lawful (husband/wife), to have and to hold from this day forward, for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, until death do us part. Couples make promises to each other its a decision and compromise. Many times couples dont honor their promises. Biblical Teachings for Marriage Mark 10:6-9 Its a union that should last forever. Gen. 2:23 Two become one (male & female) Heb. 13:4 It is honorable Who should marry and when? Responsible people that are prepared & serious about the relationship. [Its not a time to see if it will work] A good lasting marriage includes: 1. Preparation a. Begin to pray for the right life partner. b. Look around at existing marriages good & bad ones and learn what works & what doesnt c. Keep yourself pure 1 Tim. 5:22 (best give for the partner, many sexually transmitted diseases) d. Financial preparation (save as much as you can, try to finish your studies, try to be debt free and have good money management skills) e. Mental preparation How ready are you mentally? [things will change] Are you ready for a different way of living one of sharing, doing things together, deciding together, supporting each other, caring for & loving each other in spite of the differences of opinion?

2. Courtship [A time when you get to know more about each other & your families] Courtship begins when the partners have noticed each other and they have decided to get to know each other better. a. Invite the one you are interested in to your house to meet your parents or guardians. Meeting at each others home gives both of you the opportunity to get to see what the families are like. b. Once you both know a little about each other & your families go out together to some places e.g. church, restaurant, good movie, extended family. Dating as it is commonly understood is not biblical & it can cause headaches. [We dont try on people like shoes.] Group dating is O.K. as long as the group does not separate in pairs. c. When youre confident that this is the person you may want to get engaged. Usually an engagement ring is given to the girl it doesnt have to be expensive. d. After engagement, you and your partner will probably feel more comfortable to go alone with your fianc. Boys should be gentlemen with the girl. Once engaged you should talk freely about all things your partner should know. This time can also be used to plan for the wedding, and share likes and dislikes. e. All through the courtship period temptation should be avoided. Take time to get to know each other talk, talk, talk. 3. Wedding Couples should honor themselves, their parents and God. a. Get serious people involved who want to help. b. Couples should plan their honey moon. c. Couples should plan birth control methods to be used. d. Couples should take blood tests. e. It will be an honor to show your children and your grandchildren your wedding pictures. Your words will have weight when you give an advice. 4. Intimacy a. Sex is an important part of a good and healthy marriage. b. Youths should maintain themselves pure until marriage. c. The greatest gift you can give your partner is your purity. d. When you marry you belong to the other person. 5. Communication Communication is more than dispensing information. It is dialogue an exchange of ideas and opinions in an atmosphere of acceptance and understanding. John Powell in The Secret of Staying in Love says: Dialogue is to enable the partners to come to a deeper knowledge, understanding and fuller acceptance of each other in love. Dialogue is always moving towards encounter towards mutual experience of each others person through this sharing of feelings.. No one ever needs a reason, excuse or explanation for the way he feels. Its okay to feel whatever we feel. The only real danger is to ignore, deny or refuse to report our feelings. True dialogue is characterized by a sense of collaboration not competitionThe only valid motive for dialogue is this desire to give to another the most precise thing I can give: myself in self-disclosure, in the transparency achieved in dialogue.

Communication involves body talk. Its surprising, but true: your body communicates more information to people than you words do. Communication researchers find that only 7% of our communication is actually in the content of what we say. An additional 38% is communicated through the tone of voices we use. An additional 55% is communicated through our overall body: a twitch around the mouth, a slight winkle in the forehead, narrowing or widening of the eyes, tightening of the jaw muscle, dilating of the eye pupils. An outsider may not notice these movements, but spouses understand. Subtle changes in the face indicate somethings going on inside. You cannot rely only on what you say in communication. Your tone of voice and body must agree with what you are saying, because your mate picks up all of the signals. When communicating with your mate look directly into his/her face. Have your whole body in an attentive position. Lean slightly forward. Your body is now focused for real communication. Sit close enough to your mate that you can touch. If the discussion becomes threatening to your mate, reach out and give a touch of encouragement. You dont have to say a word, but your touch says, Im concerned. I accept you. Youre O.K. I want you to continue. Im glad were talking.

COMMUNICATION: - Is dialogue Is hard work (you have to think how to translate your emotions to words) - It takes time - It requires courtesy - It involves body talk - It holds each other in high regard, at all times - It accepts, appreciates, and admires your partner - Reveals your perspective (expresses your feelings, thoughts, observations as you perceive them) Donts in Communication Dont be judgmental Dont expect too much from one3 session Dont bring out your mates past Dont overstate by saying, You always or You never Dont lose your temper Dont pout and give the silent treatment Dont tell endless stories Dont compete Dont think in terms of winning and losing. Dont belittle your mate Dos in Communication Be accepting and tolerant Be planning to talk again Be forgiving Be accurate by saying sometimes, many times.. or To me it seems.. Be in control of yourself Be positive, outgoing and unselfish (even when you dont feel like it) Be concise Be seeing yourself as an equal partner Be cooperative and non-combative Be affirming and building.

6. Financial Stability A couple needs to have the money necessary to sustain themselves and the family to come. Money is many times a problem in the home. Its best when both of them, especially the man, has worked sometime before marrying and something to provide to his wife. Men should think on building their own house before they marry. It is not a good idea to live with either parents, the newlyweds need to live alone and start on their own.