Dr.

Hirschel Heilbron Researcher in the field of Systematic Theology: Theologies of Religion/ Comparative Theology

The World of the Child Today This paper looks at the world from a childs perspective. We will also see for ourselves how different it is from the world when we where children. Concepts Lets define some concepts that would serve as guide for us in order to understand the world of teenagers. Culture According to the Oxford dictionary, culture is define as, (I choose one out of the seven that it gives), the distinctive customs, achievements, products, outlook, etc., of society or group; the way of life of society or group. I want to highlight three distinctions of culture. Culture is learned. Unlike animals who respond instinctively to stimuli, humanbeings undergo socialisation in order to learn how to respond to social situations; culture is the social heritage - all the knowledge, values, beliefs, customs, arrangements, skills and goods of a given culture are transmitted from one generation to the next one. Thus culture is not just learned but it is taught. Lastly, culture is designed for living - each society has its own unique combination of values, roles, and relationship that govern socially acceptable behaviour. In addition, language is necessary element of culture. (Hobbs &Blank 19985:84-86) Youth Culture (2-14) In my own words due to observation and some readings I would like to define youth culture as the following: It is their world, where distinctive customs, achievements of their own goals, products and their way of life, a haven of safety and comfort, that they have created and designed for themselves, to protect them for the outside world. This youth culture is not monolithic. It is divided into many subcultures. When the folk slang, folk music and folk fashion of a particular group becomes popular enough it is quickly exploited by the media in ways that makes it mainstream, mass or pop culture rather than folk culture. Young people with a need for unique expression of their identities may feel compelled to move toward alternative, punk or neo-punk cultures. There is, then, a constant reshaping of youth culture and subculture within the dominant culture. In this world they are not just forced to grow up fast but there are also codes of conduct, dress codes, communication skills, etc., that they have put in place and that they abide by. There are also penalties with severe repercussion. Failure to abide by these rule results in rejection by peers. (Borgman &Cook, 1998: 13-14.) Lifestyles of the Modern Youth (2-14) There are a few important lessons that I have observed as I studied the youth. One of the things that I do appreciate of them is their honesty about life and themselves. They are real about who they are and most of them are always in touch with their feelings. At times they make you aware of their present emotional situation. They are also very independent from adults although some of them are relying extensively on their parents physical provision. With independent I mean that they think that they dont need adult help or supervision in certain situations especially when they are amongst friends. Most of them think, because they can explain certain things better than adults can, they understand. This is not always the case. They are aware of group unity. They are arrogant, immature and unwise, although they think otherwise. They are in constant search for answers about the world with its values and morals. Most of them are not responsible. They want to be treated as adults but they are not will to face the music that comes with that responsibility. They are more for their peers, their well being and their approval. One

of their greatest struggles at this stage of their lives is their search for answers about themselves. When these searches become frustrating and stressful they do what they do best and that is to escape this reality by being irresponsible. (Burns 1988:31-51). Influences Let us look for a moment at some influences that has an affect on our youth culture today. The Family The Word of God makes it clear that it is the familys privilege but yet responsibility to create a healthy environment for each member to live in and one that would foster growth. Today, in most cases just looking at the moral decline of society or the world, it is not difficult to conclude that the morals and values and principle that are supposed to govern and protect the family are not in tact. The family patterns or structures are changing. Children are not just exposed to divorce but are also experience the pains of divorce, separation, abandonment, and more critical, abuse. These and many other experiences similar to this have become the order of the day for many children from all walks of life. Due to the demand of our economy, both parents are forced to have jobs that take them away from home, as well as their children, for the whole day. The children are placed in an aftercare programme that is run at school or by someones house. Most of these aftercare programmes does not nurture or stimulate the childs need. His need might be for special attention that he receives at home, or it could be that he missed his parents during the day and he just need a loving arm around him. (White 1998:13). There are those homes that are worst than world war two. Love is a word that is not seen in action nor is it heard during communication. Our streets are full of children, begging for bread or money. Should you ask them why they stand on the streets instead of being at home or in school where they belong for the age that they are at, they would tell you things like, it is not going well financially at home, or their parents are continuously fighting. They choose to be on the street instead. In some homes where money is easily available, you would still find children who come from these homes, with the same yearning like those on the street. All they are longing for is the ideal family structure where both parents are present, fulfilling their responsibility in nurturing and protecting them. In this democratic country that we are living in the role of family life will never be the same again. Parenting your child has become a burden for most parents. Children need to have rights to protect them, but those rights are paralysing the hands, that must protect and provide for them. Implications for parents to help their children grow. Concepts Cultivate a healthy environment at home A healthy environment is where our children know that they are loved and valued by both God and parents. It is the place where we focus on encouraging and training them the way they should go, more that scolding or punishing them. It is where we honor and respect them as fellow human beings, focussing on the good in them. In the house we have a golden opportunity to invest in our children and also let them know that they can be true to themselves. We can also learn from them how they would want us to treat them. No house comes readymade with concepts that work. You must create an atmosphere of warmth, love care and understanding for your children. Your house must be a home where your child will feel save in. It must be a haven where they are nurture and protected. They must know that when things go ruff and tuff out in this cold world, they can come to a house where love is shared and felt. I often go to my parents home when things are not going to well. Whilst being there I get my focus right to tackle the situation I am facing. It is our responsibility to build our house to serve our children and ourselves. Be open to your children

Most parents are having a real though time to open themselves up to their children. Maybe their parents never showed them how to do so and today they dont know how to do so with their children. Some parents, especially the fathers, think that it is weak or that their children will lose respect for them if they start crying or admit that they were wrong about something. The house must be a place where transparency should be practice by all without being afraid to do so. Parents must let their children know that it is ok if they made a mistake and that they are not there to judge them but to help them look for solutions to help them solve their problems. A discipline of restoration needs to take place between parent and child. Sometimes when we see a child receiving discipline by their parents for something they break, my wife and I would always remind the parents that the broken item can be replaced instantly, but their childs honor and confidence would take some time to be restored. As parents we must not forget that their children are human beings, made out of flesh and bone, and that they must live as human beings, bound to fail in what they are or will be doing. Being honest and true to oneself will give your children confidence to be true and honest to themselves. Be available

Availability is one of the easiest things to do but in this world we are living in, it see almost impossible to do that. I have seen how parents made empty promises to their children, promising them that they will be there whenever they need for them to be there. Some parents have not lived up to their end of the deal. They where not there when their children needed them. When the rubber hits the road, most of them are nowhere to be found. Some parents even went as far as substituting their presence with money or any other material possession that their children dont have need of at that specific moment. Children are longing for their parents to be available when they need them. Being with the children during a program it is easy to notice how each one are looking for my attention at the same time. This might be looked at as selfishness from the adult point of view, but in fact it is not so. They are just longing for something that they, maybe, are not used to. For some, negative attention is the quickest way to get ones attention. Parents need to be there for their children first. If they fail to be there someone else will be and the possibility that that person would give attention would be one that is not according to your liking. Make time. Have a specific time set aside for you to give your full attention to them. I read a story about a boy who never saw his father. His father was a very important and busy man. One day the teacher gave them an assignment to do. They had spent one entire day with one of their parent. Because the boy hardly saw his father he choose to spent that day with him. All that they did was fishing at the lake. The following day they had to hand in their assignment. The boy wrote that the day he spent with his father was the greatest day in his life. After some time he got hold of his fathers diary and came across that particular day he and his father spent together and read the words in his fathers handwriting, Today I spend a day with my child, what a wasted day, (Campbell 1994:72-73). My response on that is, what a heartless father, not enjoying a moment with his child Be proactive

Being proactive means that you first look, listen and then talk. Most parents do the opposite. Their focus is on what is present and therefore they react on it. It is important to develop good listening skills that would foster a strong base for communication. Jesus Himself had a good proactive approach. He always allowed the people, those that had a need to tell Him about it, before He reacted or help them. Parents must learn to listen to their children, especially to those unspoken words. They must learn to see or observe beyond what their children are trying to say to them. Failing to do so, would say to you children, that your are not to be trusted with their deepest thoughts or feelings. Also it gives the child a clear indication that they are not important to you. When we listen to our children it is important to show them that you are interested in them and what they are saying. That means, be involved in the discussion by asking questions. This will indicate to them that what they are sharing with you, are important not just to them but also to you. Your involvement in the discussion gives your child permission to express their emotions freely. An absolute necessity to help your child grow and to love Jesus, is to be that parent that provide a climate in which Christ-like characteristics can grow. This move beyond the secondary boundaries of

dos and dont, but focus primarily on a concern to let you child know that he or she are important to you. (Wright & Oliver, 1984:63-81) Love unconditional

We learn from the book of first Corinthians chapter 13:1-13, what love is. For parents to show love in the true sense of the word is to study and know this portion by heart. Also, another clear portion that can be studied with this chapter is Romans chapter 12 verses 9-21. I often read these two chapters to help me stay focused. These two portions speak volumes in itself. Some portions in the Bible are selfexplanatory. You dont need to be a rocket scientist to understand what the Word of God is saying, because it is clear. Love has done no man wrong. It is such a rare commodity in our households today. Start to practice love by doing small things for you children that would have lasting effects on them. If you are bold enough, tell your children that you love them and show it to them. Another way of showing them that you love them is to accept them for who they are. None of your children are the same. They are all different therefore they are unique. Each one has some talent that the other does not posses. Recognized, acknowledge, appreciate and respect that. Love them enough to talk to them, about God. You find seldom parents who speak openly to their children about God. Most parents dont know how to speak to their children about God, and others think it is the responsibility of spiritual leaders. Children are longing to hear their parents speaking to them about God. They long for them to tell stories from the Bible. A close friend of mine, tells me that his daughter ask him to read her a Bible story every night before she goes to bed, which he does faithfully. He said that he has read the stories over and over again and each night he still reads to her. This means the word to her. This exercise has produce good listening skills to his child. We need to love our children enough so that what matters to them, must also matter to us. What concerns them, must also be our concern. Charity begins at home. Today charity is lost in homes. The meaning of love is foreign to most households in our community. You will always find children walking the streets looking for love. When you tell them that you love them, they would either shy away or some will hold on to you for dear life. Children are growing up in families where strive and fighting, fistfights has become the order of the day. Some parents has lost that outlook to show any interest in their children, how they are, their schoolwork, their relationship with their friends or anything that shows that they care. The world is teaching our children a different way to love. Their understanding of love is myself, me and I. It focuses on the individual first and them the other. There is no second place, only first. Second place is seen as the first loser. Running a program during the week at church, it becomes clearer to you who the children are that is receiving love at home and who is not. It is also clear to you, when the children interact with each other, what kind of love these children are receiving at home. Most parents never experienced love as children. Due to this, today they dont know how to relate love to their children and as a result their children grow up the way they did, or they learn from others. This could either be good or bad. (Campbell 1994:66). In the Bible love is characterized as, merciful, patience kindness, gentleness, faithful, gracious, etc. Jesus Himself speaks of the concept of love that is seen in His acts of healing the sick and performing miracles and preaching the good news so that all could be save. What is needed in the family life is unconditional love that the members of the nuclear family should show to each other. This is a love that says I love you no matter what happened. This is a love that gives without wanting to receive back. It has no limits nor does it have labels, but is accepting your children without condition. Communication

If only people especially, families can realize the power that is locked up in communication. This is a powerful tool that God has given us and it has been use throughout the existence of the world. The world is advanced today partly because of communication. People are in touch with each other all over the world due to the means technology. Trade is taking place across the spectrum.

The world are also full of different cultures each having their own unique way of communicating with each other in that culture. We received the Gospel through communication. Jesus Himself came down from heaven to come and communicate the heart of the Father to the people. He Himself saw the need to communicate so that people would understand. What is sad, is that it is a tool that God has given us that is not properly utilized in family circles. Lack of communication always leaves room for misunderstanding that leads to conflict in the family. Parents should learn not only to communicate to their children but also how to do so. For most parents communication is a one way street of which they are in control. This mentality has left children with a spirit of rebellion. Parents must know and tell their children that communication is a two way street. They must also be willing to listen to the heart-beat of their children. Responsibility of each member in the nuclear family. Ephesians 6:1 the Word clearly states that children should obey their parents. This command makes also clear the role of husband and wife and their responsibility towards each other and their children. It is impossible for parents to try and tell their children to obey Gods sovereign Word if they themselves do not live by it. Children will do only what they see their parents are doing. Parents are to act responsibly, and live by what they are saying. Each has a job description that must be done in accordance to the Word of God. Failure to do so would reduce your authority level, as parents when it comes to dishing out orders or disciplining their children. (Sell 1981:212-215). Intimacy

Different Bible portions speaks of the power of relationship amongst family members. Luke chapter 15 verse 11-32 speaks about the father and son relationship. The strong bond that was between them that over looked the wrong. In the second book of Peter chapter 1:7 we learn about brotherly love that we need to have for one another. This is not only referring to community of believers but also to each one in the nuclear or extended family. Praying and studying Gods Word together as a family can foster intimacy. The only time for family gatherings in some households is when all get together to watch television or when some life threatening event is happening. Families had close relationships before television was invented. I remember before we had a television how we would get together as cousins with my aunt and how we would each night listen to stories on the radio or we would play board games like snakes and ladders or draft, or she would tell us stories of how they grew up as children. All five of us would sit on her bed and listen to her stories. We were bonding, having intimate moments together. She was teaching us about herself, who she was and where she comes from. When we received discipline from her we would understand for what reasons. Jesus Himself had time alone with his disciples to strengthen their relationship amongst themselves as well as with Him. Parents need to realize the impact of having an intimate bond with their children. After all it is only valuable time spend together. Practice the presence of Jesus Cultivate a healthy presence of Jesus. For parents to this, they need to pattern their lifestyles after the on of Jesus. A good place for them to begin is to study the life of Christ in the four Gospel in the New Testament. In these books you will see exactly how Jesus lived from day to day. How He dealt with people and situations differently. I have learned that one of the efficient ways to portray the life of Christ is to read and study His Word, and also to spend time in prayer. This would lay a solid foundation on which the presence of the Lord can be build in your life and your familys. Most parents fail to do this and are having endless difficulties in producing good parental guidance and examples to their children. Jesus says in His Word that he came to give us life in abundance. When parents fail to read or study the Word or even pray faithfully, they are doing nothing but to rob their children of this abundant life that Jesus came to give. Bible studying and praying must have full sway in the parents lives so that Gods presence can fill the home with His aroma. (Christenson 1970:141-148). Conclusion

One writer has said that the secret of a good family is to cultivate the familys relationship with Jesus. The Bible makes it clear in the book of Psalms 133 that it is good and pleasant to see brothers dwell together in love and harmony. I have come across quite a few groups of families where this phenomenon is present, where the presence of God is visibly been practiced in those families. It is almost like reading a story from the Bible as you look at their lives. It is real families where divine authority is exercised, where Biblical standards, morals and values are in place, and it is in every familys reach. As parents let us rise up, take up the torch, which shed light in this dark, cruel and cold world and pass it on to our children so that they can complete the race, that is set before them. Peer group pressure Everyones experienced or faced a time in their life when they got to a crossroad where they had to decide. One of the hardest things to do is to make a choice under pressure, especially when it comes from your peers. Because of their influence, one sometimes makes the wrong decisions or choices. Walt Mueller says in his book Understanding Todays Youth Culture, (1994:209), peer pressure reaches its zenith during the teenage years. He continues by saying that twenty years ago it was expressed through an individuals or a groups verbal encouragement. Today it is done merely through the unspoken expectation to participate in some type of behaviour that is generally accepted as normal and right by the teen population and even by many adults. Under these conditions it is almost impossible to decide for yourself, especially if you want to be part of the group. Negative influences of peer pressure Peer pressure is no respecter of age. Younger children are affected by it as well. Children spend most of their time at school with other children. Parents are not around to remind them that they are unique and that they do not have to belong to a certain group to know that. Because children, like us, need to belong, they tend to give in to the group. Nobody is an island, is a phrase that almost everybody is familiar with. Nobody likes to be on his or her own and therefore children enjoy being part of a group. This group does not call for a specific age. If you want to be part, then here is what you need to do. Parent absentee. The less time you spend with your child the more you open the door for outside influences to enter. Most parents know that they cannot afford not to spend time with their children, but yet dont they make an effort to make time for them. Children see this and look for outside attention. In most situations the attention that they open themselves up to, is negative attention. I will do anything what the peer world asks me to do. They pay a price that their parents could have avoided. Peer pressure are forcing children to have a perfect body, to dress fashionably, to be socially active, to be active in taking drugs and use alcohol any time, also to be sexually active, and to do well at school. These are but a few of the many pressures that our children are facing out there. The results are devastating. Childrens sense of morality stagnates it never matures. They are robbed of their innocence. Parent and child relationships are influenced negatively. Children dont trust their parents and vice versa. The question that most parents are asking today is for someone to help how to deal with this dilemma. What most parent fail to do is to be real about this situation. They refuse to accept that their children undergo this burden of peer pressure. So the first thing they need to do, if they want to be helped is to admit and to look at ways how they can lighten the load for their children as they go through this phase in their lives. They need to realise that peer pressure is in constant (especially amongst the youth) competition with the norm. It is a spiritual battle that can only secure victory for themselves and their child through prayer. Prayer without ceasing the Bible commands us and we will reap the benefits of our labour. So, to pray and trusting God is a good starting point. Parents need to examine themselves as well as the situation. Dont jump to conclusion before you have heard the whole story. Our duty as parents is not to cut peer pressure away from our childrens growing up, instead we need to give them hope by

modelling the life of Christs disciple before them. by modelling the life of Christ we tell them that in the midst of turmoil it is still possible not to bow down or give in to peer pressure. We need to be involved in their lives, helping them to build a God centered self-image in them. We must also help them to learn by asking them the right questions. We need to provoke their thoughts so that they can make right decisions and choice for themselves within clear defined boundaries. Most parents are not in touch with their childrens emotions. They are concentrating so hard on what parenting entail instead of being a parent. In order to understand our children and to help them with the problem they are facing, we need to become their peers. Someone whom they can trust; someone whom they can confide in; someone who will guide them to decide for themselves. Someone who does not force them to make decisions that will cut them short, but someone who love them unconditionally. I have seen how some mothers and fathers have shown an unwelcome attitude to the friends of their children. It was maybe the way they were dressed, or the way they entered the house without greeting properly. Some of these childrens friends have never return to those unwelcome houses although they are still friends with their children. Open your doors to you childrens friends. In doing this you are opening your heart to a child that is maybe in need of love and acceptance. Get to know their friends, where they stay, their parents, etc.. By doing this you open you childs heart toward you. They see that you are interested in their world, so they would want to hear more about our world. Lastly, many parents think that respect or to be popular with their children is to spoil them. Allowing them to do as they please. Children longs to be given parameters. This is a fact that I have tested and seen for my self that it is true. So dont be afraid to give them boundaries. They might show their disapproval but as time goes by they will understand that what you did was for their own good. They will eventually thank you for looking out for them and see that you are cool after all. Rule by your judgement and not with your emotions. (Mueller 1994:209-240) Music and the Media Another influence of the youth culture, are the music and the media. The media are very appealing to the youth of our day. It is powerful and influential to both young and old. People enjoy the media for different reason. It is educational, informative, thought provoking as well as entertaining. It is a strong and powerful business tool. Despite of its popularity one must also conclude that it also serve as a negative influence to both young and old and if one does not apply discipline or self control, one would be swept away by every lie it produces. In the next few pages I will attempt to answer the question why music and the media have such a great influence on the children of our day. I will also look at the negative influences and how one can counter it. My conclusion I draw from the, prescribed studies, as well as interviews I had with the children themselves. I have learned that children and the media are involved in a symbiosis relationship. The one cannot function without the other one. The youth needs the media so that they can live according the present time frame, and the media needs the youth to promote it. So it is clear that whatever amount of years we live, the media will be there to influence us, negatively or positively. The next few paragraphs highlight some of the reasons why youth enjoys the media. Identity and intimacy The strongest argument that jumps from the pages that I have read says that one of the reasons why youth are strongly influenced by the media is because of their search for identity and intimacy. I took this concept to the youth and as I did a survey, discovered how true this is. Most of them although they cannot put it the exact words agree that when they watch television each time they see themselves in different characters. Sometimes it is in the same program and at times it is in other programs. They say that it brings about confusion to their dress code, communication and the way the think and reason. The writers of Dancing in the Dark states it this way, the pattern for finding identity and intimacy is increasingly clear: reach out and touch something-your wallet at the store (Schultze: 1991:7). In light

of the context they are writing in, what they mean here is that there is a continuous search for who I am and where do I belong? Intimacy. For most youth the media has become a source of comfort. Some children find themselves in a situation where both parents are working. They are not there to give or exercise parental control or guidance when it comes to which programs to watch and not to watch. Their children are so overwhelm with the reality that they are not there when they return from school, nobodies here to comfort me from the horrible day I had at school today. I might as well drawn me sorrows by watching television or listening to the radio or search the net for comfort. In some situations it is impossible for parents to change the situation, that is understandable. However, what makes it worst is the fact that when they are at home, then they dont make time for their children. Their excuse is that they are too tired or they had a rough day at work. What is fun about their answers is that it is not true, they are lying through their teeth and their children sees it and reminds them of their hypocrisy when later on they try to exercise their parental duties. You will find them later watching television or do something else that would demand their time. The child see this and this cause them to become even more and more attached to the media that would become the governing factor of his life. I have seen how this has left parents paralysed when they so much want to discipline and they cannot due to their own inconsistency. Control and power Often in an argument that parents have with their child results in words like I am the parent and you shall listen to what I say and what I do. This stirs resentment and anger in most children. There are not a lot of things that children are in control of. For those things that they can control they almost abuse. Media, as I said earlier on, and the youth has a symbioses relationship. They need each other. This leaves room for the youth to exercise a measure of control over the media. A simple example for instance, the television set that works with a remote control. They run through the channels in a span of few seconds. Changing the channels from one channel to the other without blinking their eyes. The same with the computers and the radios. This is a form of being in control of the situation, I am in charge and there is nothing that either of these machines can do to me. They are venting their anger due to what happened between them and their parents. Psychologist calls this misplaced aggression. That is when you cannot fight back because of your opponents strength, rank or authority now you vent your anger on a weaker opponent. When opportunities, to exercise control or power present itself to the youth, they tend to grab it with both hands. When I ask them is it nice to be in control, I sometimes tend to listen to their emotions and look at their facial expression more than listening to the verbal words that comes from their mouth. You can see and hear the frustration and anger these children are walking around with. This anger and frustration is a built up of an imbalance of authority, whether it comes from a parent or teacher, that is been exercise on them almost regularly. Some would even smile when you ask them if it is nice to be in control of some or something. What is lies behind the smile is the attitude, now you can feel what I am feeling and know your this makes me feel good to see you suffer or experience pain. Entertainment and relaxation. For some the media serves as a source of entertaining stimuli. After a hard day at school or work, people often seek to escape to a make-belief world. A world where nothing is real and also a world that you decide the outcome of your situation. If you look deeper you will see that intimacy is also locked up in this reason. Sometimes the trials and pressures of reality become too much to handle that one just want to escape to a world where everything is right. With the demands that others brings upon the youth and what they bring upon themselves one would understand why they spend hours in front of the television or computer or going through CDs like paging through a magazine. One other thing is that, youth likes to be entertained and if you cannot live up to that you become unimportant and uninteresting. Relaxing. Stress has become one of the deciding factors of a healthy life. Not so long ago stress was a term that was only use and experienced in adult circles. Today children in primary school are not just familiar with the term but some has been hospitalised by this deadly decease. This symptom is combated in many different ways. Some use medication to fight this decease. Others run it off, work it off, shout it off, etc., whichever way this is dwelt with, it still remains an unpleasant intruder that has become part of our society and lifestyles. Most children have chosen the media to be their stress

reliever. We must realise that no matter what media field they are engaged in, the one that relaxes them is the one they will choose. This is how most of them deal with their situation. Educational and informative Most of the youth are aware that in order to have physical gain they need to know that what is happening in the world. None of them wants to be left behind or miss out on the latest in thing that circulate in the youth culture. They use the media to informing them about the latest events in the retail, business, as well as the political world. Even though the youth are loyal to their youth culture I have learned and experience that they are true and loyal to themselves. Because they are living in the present it is important for them to know and act in the present. They use the media to keep them in touch with present day issues and current events that is taking place all over the world. They try to up to date on news events. If a family with a youth, move to another city in the country, despite of the town that they will be moving to, the youngster will still be in contact with his or her youth culture. The media has promoted this youth culture to places unheard of and it is almost impossible for youth not to know the latest information. Education. Not everyone has the privilege of having access to the net, but for those who do, this form of media has served us as an educational tool. They are able to do research or obtain ideas for their projects. Some of them whom I have spoken to enjoy watching documentaries in order to learn more. The media has helped some of the with career choices. With the different programs for them to watch and magazines to buy some of their creativity is advancing. Negative influences of the Media Youth of all walks of life are daily experiencing an enormous amount of influences through music and other media forms. It covers information on everything from politics to any social entertainment. It has substituted the role of the parent. More so, the parents is invited it into their homes to serve as a pacifier, to their children as well as to them. It has done so much harm, then good to our children. Walt Mueller gives five negative influences as well as guidelines how to make sure that your child gets the best out of it. (Mueller 1994:182-185). First, he says that the media presents a false view or reality of real life. It portrays the world as perfect, which is a lie. This places a lot of demands on youth and forced them to deny themselves if they want to be part of this world. It replaces pure Biblical morals and values with misguided and immediate gratification. It is in total opposite to what the Word of God requires. Second, it provides heroes and role models not worthy to emulate. Most actors and actresses and artists if not all are not to be our childrens role models. Their lifestyles and morals and values are self-made and in most cases it is not based on the Word of God. They are so caught up in their own world that they believe the lies they are living by. Any immoral action, behaviour or attitude that a person can think of you will find in the life of some of them. Parents need to realise that God has called them to be the heroes and role models for their children to emulate, and not someone who are seeking for truth and when they found it still refuse or deny accepting the truth. True heroes are those who pattern their lifestyles, morals and values according to the Word of God. Thirdly, the media destroys the sense of our children of who they are. During the adolescence period children are on their journey of self-discovering. It is a beautiful time in someones life. You body changes. You think no more in terms of literal interpretation but you are acquiring the skills of thinking in terms of abstract. The media comes and ruins that period of change and self-discovery. In actual fact it robes the child of his or her innocence and replaced it with a bunch of lies. I had some cases where we did nothing but to encourage our young adolescence through Gods Word and His help that they are all beautiful and wonderfully made in His likeness. The media caters or teaches them that we are living in a dog-eat-dog world. Care for nobody but yourself; do unto them before they do unto you. They are teaching everything possible that contradicts the Word of God. Fourthly, media teaches our children that life is boring. Television has retarded a lot of our children. For some the reason why they are spending such a lot of time in front of the television is because there is nothing else to do. They rather choose to spend endless amounts of time in front of the television. What they do not realise is that other possibilities of to obtain entertainment or information. Walt

Mueller says that this has left children with the disability to communicate effectively. It has altered their thinking capacity. Some of our youth, when we decide to do something fun, always opt to go to the movies. In fact, parents encourage or foster this disability by spending quality time with their family at the movies or video arcade. If not reached in time, the gift of enjoying life in an active way will result in social immaturity in the child if not cultivated. Lastly, the media causes Christianity confusion. Often times you will hear celebrities such as film actors speak about God so freely and casually. When we are in casual conversation with some of our youth, they would often argue with us that certain celebrities are saved. One of the hardest things to do is to convince them that they should be careful when they hear a celebrity speaks about God. We would say to them that they must look at their lifestyles and see if it is what the Bible says it should be. Parents initiative (concepts) Whatever service the media render, it is important for adults to become aware of the world of their children so that they, can be a stronger force that impacts their lives where the media fail to. Not all that the media produces are good or bad for argument sake. It is still therefore the parents responsibility to make sure that the influences that our children receive via the media are channelled constructively and in line with the Word of God. All negative influences must be dealt with in a manner that would enhance your relationship with their children. Parents must be sensitive towards the feelings of their children first and then their own. Their task is not to condemn the media but to filter the truth the media are giving so that their children would have an open mind toward the media, being able to differentiate for themselves what is good and what is bad. Some parents act first and then they think. This is dangerous because during this time it is easy to overlook the good the media brings. It is important for adults or parents to guide their children to discover the truth for themselves. Here are a few pointers for parent and caregivers make use of when it comes to the media:

Be present when your child spends time watching television, or when they are serving the net, or
when they are listening to music. The idea is not to invade their space or privacy, but to ensure that your are present, should anything out of the ordinary appear, you will be there to guide or simply give them advice. Make sure that what you hear and see are correct before you jump to any conclusions. While being there with them teach them to watch and listen with discernment. Make sure that you are in contact with your own viewing and listening habits. Set the pace. Should something out of the ordinary appear, act wisely without embarrassing your child or yourself.

Have a proactive approach toward you children.

Listening skills must be constantly in tact. Most parents have not yet master the ability to listen and then speak. This lies in everybodys reach. This is important for our children to see. By speaking first and then listen to their problems has caused most children to have a lack of confidence when it comes to opening up to parents. Parents enjoy rectifying or embarrass their children on the spot, sometimes this happens publicly in front of their peers or strangers and they ask why their children dont talk to them about their issues. It is simply because of their parents ignorance and selfishness toward their children.

Create family times with your children to counteract negative media influences.
Best fun that I saw is when the family, get together for only one purpose, and that are to bond with each other. Before television was invented, gatherings like these and even listening to stories on the radio has created a lot of room for family togetherness. There are many things that could be done during this time. The results are endless and lasting. Children will remember until they die. I once had a conversation with one of our senior ladies in our church, telling me that the family bonding she experienced as a child has helped her to have that same kind of bonding with her children when she and

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her husband were raising their family. Today if she is not busy, she still joins her children and grand children for a day on the sports field.

Allow your child to be part of the choices you make as a family.

Most parents force their children to watch programmes that they choose. Most time these programmes are not appealing to the child and cause him to loose interest. It is important that they are part of the decision making process, whether it be going to watch a movie at the cinema, renting a video, using of the computer or even listening to music as a family. This would communicate to the child that he or she are important when it comes to family choices and it will not just give him a sense of belonging, but also a sense of self worth that fosters a healthy child that has confidence and a good self-esteem.

Allocate time for the use of media.

Time management is very important for children to learn, especially when they are still young. This will stick with them for the rest of their lives. Use the media as a time of family bonding. By doing this you spend time learning about the world of your child as well as showing him or her that they and their world are important to you and that you are teachable and that it is fun to spend time with them. Lastly, the media is one of the greatest promoters of this post modernism era, anything goes as one writer describes it. It seems that the youth of today (even in the Christian world) has adopted this attitude or mindset. Their lives are really governed and directed by the media. There is a real war out there between the parent and the media. Some parents has given up the fight whilst other are holding for dear life, seeking for ways how to combat this present enemy. What parents need to do is to use the media as part of their tools when it comes to raising their children. (Mueller 1994:185-202). Conclusion

Abstract God has given us our children as a gift. How we raise them is our gift back to God. We need to raise our children according to Gods Word. Proverbs 22:6 (NIV Study Bible) commands us to do so if we want to see our children make it in this cold and impersonal world. God is willing and able to help us as parents with this task of parenthood. As parents we need to be at the place where God wants us to be, at the feet of Christ. We need to learn from His example of how to understand people, so that we can relate better to them. As parents we will only reach this level of success if we settle for His guidance that comes from His Word. (Burkett&Osborne1998:11).

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