Ghostory

bakemonogatari First Half

by Nisio Isin illustrated by vofan

translation by Baptiste Tell graphics editing by Coal http://mogumogubakubaku.wordpress.com

Table of Contents

Table of Contents I Hitagi Crab

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TABLE OF CONTENTS

II

Mayoi Snail
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III

Suruga Monkey
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TABLE OF CONTENTS

Translators Corner
Hitagi Crab 002 . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Hitagi Crab 003 . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .

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Part I Hitagi Crab

001
It could be very well said that Hitagi Senjogahara was an embodiment of the ill girl trope it seemed only a matter of course that she never participated in physical education, and even during morning assembly or other gatherings she would always sit by herself under the shade as a result of her anemia. We were in the same class in our rst, second, and now third years but I had yet to see her try to even run. She was a regular at the nurses oce, and because of her frequent visits to the family doctor, she would unvaryingly either come to class late, leave school early, or not appear at all. The frequency of her absences reached the point where people teased that the hospital was her house and she was simply playing truant. Nonetheless, even if she was sickly, the impression she left one with was not insubstantial. Slender in the likeness of ne thread, as if she would break just with the slightest touch, ephemeral possibly for those reasons some of the boys would murmur, half

6 in seriousness, half in jest, that she was a sheltered heiress of a wealthy family. To be fair, it was plausible. Even I thought that type of role suited her well. Senjogahara was always sitting in a corner of the room, by herself, reading a book. There were times when she would be reading an impenetrable looking hardcover tome; and there were times when she would be reading a comic book with a cover that looked like reading the contents of said comic book would lower ones intelligence. It appeared she had a take-it-as-they-come approach in her choice of reading material. Perhaps she would read anything as long as it contained words, or perhaps she did pick her books with some distinct criteria... All the same, it would seem that she was decidedly intelligent for she was near the top of our class. After every test on the rankings board, the name Hitagi Senjogahara would without question appear in the top ten ranks. And that is, for every, single subject. To compare her with me, who failed every subject besides mathematics, would be presumptuous to say the least. Undoubtedly, our brains were constructed

7 dierently at birth. From what I saw, she did not have friends. Not one. Up until now, I had also yet to see her converse with anybody. If one were to have a keen eye for details, it might have been that Senjogahara who was always reading some book and from that very act of reading had erected a wall around herself that forbade anyone to start conversation with her. I, myself, had sat next to her for a little over two years, but I could say with conviction that we had never exchanged a single set of words. Not one. Whenever she was called on by the teacher, she would always mechanically reply with a faint I do not know, and in this regard, she was the same as me. (But, whether she did in fact know the answer or not, she would only reply with I do not know.) This thing called school is a curious institution, where it would be the norm for people without friends to gather with other people without friends to form together a kind of community (or perhaps one could call it a colony of sorts), (and also, truth be told, I was like this up until last year), but it seemed that Senjogahara was also an exception to this rule. Of

8 course, having now said that, it was not as if she was being bullied. As far as I could see, she was neither persecuted nor shunned in any sense of those two words. Only, it had since become a matter of course that Senjogahara would be in the corner of the class room, reading her books, with the wall she had built surrounding her. Her presence in that little corner became natural. And for her to be anywhere else was not. Like that. But, whatever the case was, it hardly mattered. Because, if I were to look at my three years of high school life on the whole, counting two hundred people per school year and starting from my rst year until graduation, including all my juniors, seniors, classmates, and teachers added up to around a thousand people with whom I shared the same space; and if I were to start thinking about just how many of those one thousand people could be considered to have had any signicance in my life, for anyone, the answer would be despairing. Only by some strange fortune I ended up in the same class as a certain other for three years consecutively, and although not a single word had been exchanged

9 between the us, I did not think that it was the least bit lonely. That is, in other words, it was something that just was, and later it would become nothing but another memory. In one more year, after I graduated, what I would be doing I do not know, but that is besides the point I certainly would not be thinking of Senjogahara, and I probably could not remember what she looked like if I tried. That would be ne by me. And it should be ne with Senjogahara as well. And not just Senjogahara, but everyone at school should be the same. It would be fundamentally erroneous to think such a thing deserved any melancholy. That was what I thought. And yet. It happened to happen on a certain day. It was the eighth of May, when my spring break of hell ended and I became a senior, right after the nightmarish pipe dream that was Golden Week. Having a propensity for tardiness, I was running up the stairs late for class as usual, and exactly when I reached the landing, right above me, a girl fell from heaven.

10 It was Hitagi Senjogahara. If one were to be accurate, it was not that she exactly fell from heaven she simply missed her footing and plummeted from the top of the stairs face up. I likely could have avoided her, but in that instant, I caught her. Probably, it was the correct decision. Or, perhaps not. Why? Because, the girls body that I held my arms was extremely preposterously light. Because Senjoga hara was so light, so oddly, eerily light, it would not even have made a good prank. It was almost as if she was not there. Yes. One could almost say that Senjogahara did not pos sess the force called weight at all.

11

002
Senjogahara? Hanekawa tilted her head in re sponse to my question. What about Senjogahara? Well, not about her per se... I went about my words vaguely. I was just wondering... Hm. You know, look at her name. Hitagi Senjogahara. Isnt it kind of weird? Interesting? Senjogahara. Isnt that a toponym? Umm... Thats not what I meant. Im talking more about her rst name. Her rst name? Then Hitagi? Is it really that weird?If I remember correctly, wasnt hitagi a Japanese civil engineering term? Jeez, you really do know everything.

12 I dont know everything. Only just this much. Hanekawa did not seem entirely satised with my answer. But instead of pressing me further, she simply said, Im surprised. You taking an interest in someone else. I told her that she was reading too much into it. Tsubasa Hanekawa. She was our class representative. And that was to say, she possessed the quintessence of what a class rep ought to be a bespectacled gure with hair impeccably braided, well-ordered and well mannered, and terrifyingly earnest with the good will of all the teachers behind her, who was an existence, an endangered breed, nowadays only to be found in the clich s of anime and manga. She had been class repe resentative all of her life, was one even now, and after she graduated she would somehow or other continue to be one, or at least the air she let on would made anyone assume so. In short, she was the class representative of class representatives. To the extent that even some people would swear by it that she was the class rep chosen by God himself. (Actually, just me.)

13 We were in dierent classes our rst and second years and now we have ended up in the same class. Although, I had heard of her even before this. Naturally, if Hitagi Senjogaharas grades were near the top, then Tsubasa Hanekawas grades would be at the top.To attain ve or six full marks in six subjects would seem like fraud but she achieved such feats with ease; indeed, even now I could still remember it was during nals of the rst semester of my second year when Hanekawa like an intellectual monster had managed to ace wholly and completely everything from physical education to art class; the only thing she had missed was a ll-in-the-blank question in Japanese history. She was famous enough that even if I did not want to know about her, I would have heard of her soon enough. But then... It might be in poor taste for me to say this, well, actually this was probably a good thing but at any rate, I found it endlessly vexing, Hanekawa was the type of person who genuinely looked out for other people, a real upstanding individual. And it would be absolutely in poor taste for me to say this, but she

14 was also stupidly pigheaded. She was excessively serious and not infrequently once an idea was inside her head she would cling onto it until kingdom come. We had ourselves a little incident during spring break and that was long over with, but once the new term began the minute she knew we were in the same class she declared to me: Koyomi Araragi I will change you for the better. It would be hard to classify me as a juvenile delinquent nor was I a problem child, so for me who saw myself more as a classroom ornament than anything her declaration came like a bolt from the blue, and no matter how much I tried to persuade her otherwise, her misguided intent had already taken root and knew no cessation with a Thats it! Ill make it happen! I was appointed assistant class representative, and so here we were now, the eighth of May after school, with just her and I left in the classroom polishing up our plans for the culture festival that was to take place in mid-June. Even with the culture festival coming up, were already seniors. Theres not much we can do anyway, plus studying for exams is more important, said

15 Hanekawa. As one might have expected, studying took precedence even over the culture festival for the class representative of class representatives. Since itd waste loads of time trying to gure out the classs opinion from a general questionnaire, how about we narrow done the choices ourselves and then have the class vote from those? Why the hell not. Sounds pretty democratic to me. Youre always so snide about these things, Araragi. Do you always have to be such a smartass. I am not being a smartass or anything. Also, stop randomly laying into people for no reason. For reference, what did your class last year and the year before that do for the culture festival? A haunted house, and a caf . e Thats pretty standard. even. Well, yeah. Probably, even reaching the lowest scale of mediToo standard. Average

16 ocrity. Can you not go that far please? Ha ha ha. Generally though, wouldnt something standard be better overall for this? Since we gotta make this thing fun for not just for the guests but for our class as well? ...Come to think of it, Senjogahara didnt participate last year, or the year before that. But it was not just the culture festival, Senjogahara has never par ticipated in anything outside of normal classes, anything that could be considered an social function. It went without saying that she never joined in on eld day, but she never went on eld trips or class outings either. It was the doctor prohibiting anything involving heavy physical activity or something or other. But if one were to examine the facts of the matter, her case was suciently suspicious. There was nothing strange with prohibiting hard exercise, but in her situation to not allow anything resembling exercise at all would be an unnaturally excessive unless, unless of course that was not some misperception

17 on my part. That Senjogahara did indeed not pos sess weight. Then, yes, she would need to with the utmost eort avoid times outside of normal classes, like phys ed, where bodily contact with unknown multitudes of people were prone to happen, to make absolutely sure she would not be found out. Are you really so worked up about her? Senjogaha ra. I am not in the least Boys really do go for the sickly girls then. Oh jeez How depraved, how perverse! Hanekawa teasingly berated me. There was some unusual tension in what she said. Sickly, huh. I suppose in way she was sickly. But wait, would one really call that a sickness? The easy explanation would be that since she was constantly ill she would naturally weigh light yet at that weight, one could hardly call it a convincing one. She was a smallish girl, be that as it may, but it did not change the fact that a full grown human being had fallen from the top of the stairs all the way down to the landing. Normally, anyone would be liable to sustain

18 injuries in such a situation. Yet still, in spite of all that, there was almost no impact when I caught her. In any case, shouldnt you know a lot more about her? Compared with me at least, given that you two have been the same class now for three years straight. If you put it like that, then yeah, but I was just thinking that you, being a girl, would be more aware of another girls circumstances. Circumstances...? Hanekawa tried to contain her giggle. Assuming a girl were to have circumstances, then thats all the reason more not to go around telling people about them, right? Especially to boys. I sppose. Of course, she was correct. Whichs why Im asking the class rep, as the assistant class rep, about her. Whats she like? So it comes down to that then. Hanekawa who had been scribbling in her notebook even while we were talking (she kept on writing, erasing, then rewriting haunted house and caf e at the top of the list of possible choices) put her pen

19 down and looked at me with her arms folded. You know her last name literally means battleeld, but shes really the opposite of rebellious. Shes a top honor student and she never plays hooky or anything. Theres really no problems at all. Yeah, I gured. But even I know those things. What Im asking is more about the things I wouldnt know. But still, weve only been in the same class for about a month. I really dont know all that much. Plus, with Golden Week in the middle. Yeah. Golden Week. Hm? What about Golden Week? Nope, nothing. Continue. Oh, I know. Shes doesnt really speak much, and she doesnt have any friends at all it seems. Ive tried approaching her on occasion, but its like she has a wall totally around her. As I expected, she does try to look out for other people. Of course, I only asked her fully aware of the

20 fact. Though... that must be really hard on her. Hanekawas voice hung in the air. It must be due to her illness after all. In middle school, she was so much brighter, so much more energetic and cheerful. In middle school? Wait, so you two went to the same middle school together? What? Didnt you ask me knowing that? Hanekawa looked at me surprised. Right. Were from the same middle school. Kiyokaze Public. We were never actually in the same class, but she was quite the big name on campus. Even more than you were? I wanted to ask her. But I stop myself. Hanekawa hated being treated like a school celebrity with the uttermost contempt. I thought it was Hanekawa who did not give herself enough recognition, but evidently she perceived herself to be little more than a slightly serious but completely normal girl of her age. Her slogan which she believed in absolute earnest was that anyone would be able to attain good grades if they worked for it.

21 Because she was very pretty, and she was a great athlete to boot. An athlete? She was the best on the track team. She set quite a few records too, in middle school. Track... huh. In other words, she was not yet like that in middle school. Brimming with vigor, full of life and cheerful in all honesty, imagining her acting like that was nigh impossible from the way she was now. Thats why I heard so much stu about her. Stu like what? That she was approachable by anyone, that she was so nice that you wouldnt believe it, stu like she was an extremely hard worker. Also apparently, her dad was a big-wig at a large corporation, she lived in a giant mansion, so she was really rich, but she was completely down-to-earth about it. She was above the rest of us, but she aimed even higher, stu like that.

22 Damn, sounds like a superwoman. On that point, one ought to take these things with a grain of salt. Rumors are only rumors after all. That was in middle school at least anyway. ...I see. After she came here, her health broke down, or something like that. Thats what I heard. Even so because, to tell you the truth, when we got to be in the same class this year, I was shocked. No matter what happened, she never shouldve been the kind of person to fence herself o in the corner like that. But thats just my own impression of her anyway, said Hanekawa. Certainly it was just her own impression. People change. The person that one was in middle school would not be the same person in high school. I undoubtedly was not, and neither was Hanekawa. Even Senjogahara should not have been an excep tion. Even Senjogahara probably had her own prob lems to deal with, and maybe it in fact was only her health failing. Perhaps just because of that, she lost her bright disposition; perhaps she did just lose all

23 of her vitality. Anyone would become timid if one completely lost ones health. All the more so if one was originally so full of vigor. Therefore, such a conjecture should surely be correct. Or so I would have said if I had not caught her this morning. But I know I really shouldnt say this about her. What? Right now, compared with before, she is just so much more beautiful, you know. ......... Like her existence is so... eeting. Her words reduced me to silence. A eeting existence, her presence a void, as if she was a ghost? Hitagi Senjogahara a girl in poor health a girl without weight rumors are... only rumors the urban legends gossip the rumor-mill with a grain of salt... right. Oh crap, I just remembered. Hm?

24 I got a call from Oshino. From Mr. Oshino? What for? He was asking well, to help him with work. Ah... huh. Hanekawa showed a doubtful expression. It was probably due to the sudden change in topic, or more precisely, my conspicuous attempt in concluding the conversation which spurred her suspicions. No doubt, using the questionable excuse of having to help with Oshinos work only provoked her skepticism further. This was why I disliked associating with people who were so perceptive. Given that she could guess fully well what I was thinking. I stood up and forced on the conversation. So there you have it, I gotta go now. Hanekawa, can I leave the rest to you? Sure, as long as you promise to make it up later. Theres nothing too important left to do, so Ill let you o for today. Id feel bad for making Mr. Oshino wait too. So said Hanekawa even though she still had her misgivings. It seemed using Oshinos name had an eect on her. Oshino could be considered as

25 a benefactor for both Hanekawa and I, so for her to show ingratitude in such a way was unthinkable. Of course, I had considered that beforehand, but it was not a complete lie either. Then, Ill nish deciding on the list of programs to vote for, and just in case Ill have you look it over later then? Yeah. Ill leave it to you. Tell Mr. Oshino I said hi, okay? Okay, I will. I opened the door and stepped outside the classroom.

003
I closed the door from behind me and took one step forward before a voice over my shoulder stopped me. What were you two talking about?

26 I turned. I had not yet ascertained whom the voice belonged to it was a voice I was unfamiliar with. But, it was a voice I had heard before. No, I knew this voice it was the same as the faint, mechanical I dont know she used during class whenever the teacher called on her whether she knew the answer or Do not move. With those words I conrmed the other party to be Hitagi Senjogahara. And in that instant even before I had fully turned around I also realized she had completely placed the blade of a box-cutter inside my mouth. Her aim was as precise as a surgeons, like a tailor passing a string of thread through the thin gap between my lips. The piece of metal touched the esh on the left side of the inside of my mouth just so slightly. I swallowed back whatever sounds were at the back of my throat. Oh dear. My mistake. You can move, however, it would be very dangerous if you did, would be more correct, would you not say?

27 She gave me absolutely no leeway to budge but her actions were not at the point of violence. The blade stuck to my esh with just enough force to for me to feel it there, but not enough to make an incision. I could only stand there stock-still like an idiot with his mouth gaping wide open and do exactly as she had warned. My blood ran cold. But it was not the fault of the knife in my mouth. I was scared of her. Senjogahara, motionless without the slightest quiver in her grip, stared at me with a gaze of ice. I never would have imagined the menace in her leer just a few moments ago. Her eyes convinced me, convinced me of the fact that although she had not cut, the metal up against the insides of my left cheek was not the spine but unquestionably the edge of the blade. Curiosity is so much like a cockroach, it enjoys only stumbling upon secrets that ought to stay hidden. Really. You are so damnably annoying, you lthy insect.

28 ...W-wait... Yes? Is your right cheek feeling a bit lonely? You ought to have told me. Senjogahara who had been holding the box-cutter with her right hand then raised her left. Her movement was swift, enough to make me think she was to smack me as I tried to brace myself, resisting the urge to clench my jaw. But it did not come. Instead in her left hand she held a stapler and by the time I registered that fact she had already inserted it inside my mouth. Of course, she had not inserted in the entire thing, on the contrary that would have been better as it happened she had interposed the vertical esh of my right cheek between the arm and base of the stapler. And, she tightened her grip ever so slowly, like she was preparing clamp down. ...Oo-oo... My mouth had a full house; it was the bigger base end, in other words, the side loaded with staplers that had been inserted inside. Obviously, words would not come out properly. With just the blade in my mouth I could at the very least speak, but now I do not even want to try. I do not want to think about it either.

29 It seemed she had planned it all out rst she took advantage of the small gap of my mouth with the box-cutters thin blade and had me open up wide, then came the outsize stapler to thoroughly stu my oral insides; a terrifyingly masterful performance if I do say myself. Damn it all! The last time I had my mouth packed so full was in sixth grade middle school, when I was at the dentist having a cavity lled for one of my permanent teeth. From then on, in order to never need to go through with that again I brushed my teeth every morning, every night, after every meal and I even went out of my way to chew xylitol gum, and now to think I would be in this situation... What a terric way to go. And so, in a blink of an eye, I was trapped. It felt as if the hallway of my perfectly ordinary high school had turned into a bizarre fantasy; the fact that Hanekawa was just on the other side of the wall deliberating our classs booth choices for the culture festival felt almost surreal. Hanekawa.

30 You know her last name literally means battleeld, but shes really the opposite of rebellious. This was good way beyond rebellious. No, it was reasonably arguable her name was literally a perfect match for her. That Hanekawa had made an unexpectedly poor judgment of character might have been an understatement. You have asked Hanekawa about my middle school life, was Mr. Hoshina our homeroom teacher to be next? Or perhaps you would have jumped straight to Miss Harukami the nurse? Reply, impossible. I was not certain exactly what she expected of me as she let out a deep, exaggerated sigh as if expressing some disappointment. I was careless. Despite having attended so much care whenever I was walking up the stairs we have now arrived at the present state of aairs. It is like the oft told Japanese parable of a monk who preached for one hundred nights but one little fart annulled all his eorts. Truly, a good name is sooner lost than won, do you not agree?

31 Here was a young girl yet in her sweet, tender teens using the word fart in her monologue. I thought of myself as a gentleman for silently objecting against her choice in words. Who could have possibly imagined that a banana peel would have been dropped there of all places? It would appear that, at this very moment, my life was in the hands of a woman who slipped on a banana peel. Wait, how did a banana peel end up at the top of the school staircase, again? You noticed, did you not? Senjogahara asked me. The menace in her eyes was still there. I will be damned if she ever was some sheltered heiress. Your suspicion is correct. I possess no weight. So it was not my imagination. But, to say that I possess no weight at all would be incorrect. According to my stature and physique, it seems my mass should be little over forty-ve kilograms. Then, she should be slightly over fty kilograms; one-hundred-ten pounds.

32 I felt my left cheek stretch out, my right cheek clenched. Shit. Do not think I will pardon your depraved imagination. You just imagined me nude. She was utterly in the wrong, but her senses were sharp to a certain degree at least. I should be little over forty-ve kilograms, Senjo gahara reasserted. She was adamant of that statement. However, my actual mass is ve kilograms. Five kilograms. Eleven pounds. The weight was no dierent than that of a new born baby. If one were to call to mind the feeling of a ve kilogram dumbbell it could hardly be called non-existent; however, in this case, it was only a matter of density if that mass were to be spread throughout the entire volume of an adult human being then the feeling of that weight might in reality be nothing. To catch that weight, would also be simple. Well, if one wanted to be accurate, the numbers on the scales show my mass to be ve kilograms but

33 I do not feel it. Even now, it feels exactly the same as I did when I was little over forty-ve kilograms. Was it due to gravity exerting only a limited inuence on her? If one were to consider not just mass but volume as well the relative density of water is one, the human body is mostly composed of water, therefore under such conditions the relative density of the human body, and the density, would be approximately one. By rough arithmetic, the average density of Senjogaharas body would then be about one-tenth of that. Consequently, she should then currently be suering from osteoporosis due to lack of bone density. Not just that, her internal organs, brain included, should not be functioning properly. Hence, my hypothesis was wrong. It was not a problem of quantitative analysis. I know what you are thinking about. Really? You have been staring at my chest this entire time. Disgusting. No. No. No. I was not!

34 It would seem that Senjogahara was very much a self-conscious high school girl. It was understandable considering her physique and beauty if only I could give even one thousandth of that mindfulness to the hard at work class representative on the other side of the wall. This is precisely why I hate such shallow human beings. Under these current circumstances, it seemed that clearing her misunderstanding was highly implausible. Needless to say, Senjogahara was far from the sickly girl whom I thought I knew, her given reputation was like false advertisement, entirely a facade. Hav ing only ve kilograms of mass, she should be ill much less weak, but she was neither. To give an arbitrary example, it was as if she was an extraterrestrial who had come from a planet with gravity ten times stronger than that of Earths; her physical prowess should be considerable. Even more so if she was originally the star of the track team, or at least as long as she did not collide with anything. It happened after I graduated from middle school,

35 but before I entered high school, said Senjogaha ra. I was not a middle schooler, but not yet a high school student, I was not even on spring break, it was during that time like limbo that I became like this. ......... That was when I met one crab. A crab? That was the word she used. Crabs, as in the seafood crab? Those decapod crustaceans of under the phylum anthropoda crabs? She met one? It took hold of my weight by the roots and plucked it away. It took her weight? Oh. It is perfectly all right if you do not understand a thing. If you stick your nose in any further than you already have, it would be a problem for me. I am only telling you this for the sake of telling you this, Araragi. Araragi. Araragi, oh, Koyomi Araragi. Softly, rhythmically, she called out my name in repetition. Yes, I have no weight. The force exerted upon the

36 mass of my body by gravity is next to nothing. And yet, I care not at all. It is just like a story out of the comic book series The Strange World of Y suke. Do o you happen to be a fan of Mr. Yosuke Takahashi? No comment. The only person who knows of this in this school is Miss Harukami the nurse. At present, only little Miss Harukami. Our principal Mr. Yoshiki, our viceprincipal Mr. Shima, our academic services administrator Mr. Irikana, and our very own Mr. Hoshina have not a clue. Only Miss Harukami, and now you, Araragi. ......... Now then. What should I do so that you will not whisper a word of this to another soul? What should I do for my own sake, for myself? What should I do so you will swear to God in his heaven to not ever speak of my secret? How ought I seal your lips for eternity? In her right hand, a box cutter. In her left hand, a stapler.

37 This woman was insane. Did she seriously plan on assaulting a fellow classmate? Was it permissible to continue to allow her being here? The thought of having sat next to this madwoman in the same room for two years sent shivers down my spine. The doctors at the hospital all said that the cause was unknown, or, perhaps, they pondered, that there was not a cause to begin with. And after poking and prodding every nook and cranny of my body, humiliating me, that is the answer they come up with. It is rather unsatisfactory, would you not agree? This was the way I am, they said. The way I had been, spat Senjogahara as if in self-deprecation. Do you not think this is ridiculous? Even though I was such a normal, cute little girl up till middle school. For the present, I decided to ignore the fact that she called her own self cute. It would seem that her visits to the hospital her latenesses, early departures, and absences were all genuine. Even her trips to the school nurse. I tried to imagine how Senjogahara felt. She was not like me

38 who had only tasted hell for a short period of two weeks during spring break but ever after entering high school, for two full years and more. How much had she forsaken? How much had she abandoned? There was enough time for much of both. Could it be that you are feeling sympathetic? That is so kind of you, Senjogahara, as if she had read my mind, hissed with cynicism. As if she loathed the very idea of it. But, I do not want your kindness. ......... The only things I care for, are your silence, and apathy. Do you think you could do that for me? You have such smooth cheeks, you would rather keep them that way, would you not? It was here at this point, that Senjogahara smiled. Araragi. If you pledge to me your silence and apathy, please nod twice. All other manners and actions, including inaction, will henceforth be regarded as hostile and I will immediately go on the oensive. Senjogahara asserted so to me without a hint of hes

39 itation. I had very little choice in the matter. I nodded. Two times. Vigorously. I see. She looked relieved upon hearing my answer. Fully in spite of the fact that we were neither negotiating nor bargaining, but simply me complying with her demands, in spite of the fact that I had no other choice when she saw my reply, Senjogahara looked re lieved. Thank you. First, she removed the box-cutter from the inside esh of my left cheek; slowly, moving sluggishly more than cautiously, she extracted the blade from my oral cavity. Senjogahara moved with a sense of forethought, as if she was being sure to not mistakingly make a cut. She then sheathed the box-cutter, moving painfully slowly one jut at a time. Next, was the stapler. KERCHUNK. ...Ggggghh!

40 I could not believe it. Senjogahara had, with full force, clamped down on that hunk of metal in her right hand. And, before I could react to the intense torrent of incoming pain, she had already with a nimble ick taken out the stapler from my mouth. I collapsed there on the spot; crouching, I clung onto the outsides of my cheek. Oooowww. Oh my, you did not scream. How admirable, said Senjogahara from above me her voice oozed with feigned innocence; her mannerism dripping with disdain. I will let you go this time. I nd my own magnanimity excessive, but as long as you keep your promise, I imagine I must take your word in good faith after all. ...Wa wait... KERCHUNK. Before I could say anything else, Senjogahara, as if to interrupt me, snapped the stapler shut again, this

41 time in empty space. My body spontaneously squirmed as a compressed staple fell onto the oor in front of me. I squirmed in reex. From just this one incident, I had developed a new conditioned reex. Now then, Araragi. From tomorrow henceforth, make sure to ignore me altogether. Please take care now. With only those words, without waiting to waiting for a reply, Senjogahara turned her back towards me and briskly walked down the hallway as I continued to crouch there on the oor. Before I could even stand, she turned a corner and all together disappeared from my view. Goddammit. That girl is the devil. There was no doubt left in my mind that our brains were constructed dierently at birth. Even given her circumstances, even taking into account her threats, I did not think should would in reality do it. I had made light of her. Rather, I should think that good fortune was on my side when she chose to use the

42 stapler instead of the box-cutter. I rubbed my cheek, this time not to soften the pain but to check its condition. ......... Good.I was ne for now. The staple did not penetrate through. Next, I inserted a nger inside my mouth. With my right hand reaching around the inside surface of my left cheek, I immediately touched upon the object in question. Despite the sharp, intense pain still running through the esh of my cheek, I nevertheless had somehow hoped the rst slot had not been loaded, that her threat had after all been just a threat but it seemed my want of a peaceful close was to no avail. Well, it did not matter too much either way. The fact that the staple did not penetrate meant it had probably mostly retained its original form, the spikes still running parallel to each other. Therefore, at least in theory, I should be able to pull it straight out without much resistance.

43 With my thumb and index nger, in one breath, I yanked it out. The taste of iron joined the already present sharp throbbing. It seemed that some blood had spurt out. Still, I was ne. Relatively speaking, this was nothing, so I was ne. Licking the two freshly made esh wounds in my cheek, I bent the spikes of the staple down and put it in my uniforms shirt pocket. I then did the same for the staple that Senjogahara had dropped. It would have been a serious safety hazard for anyone walking barefoot. Because I now cannot view staples as anything but lethal objects rivaling swords and bullets. Huh, Araragi, youre still here? Hanekawa came out of classroom. It appeared that she had nish her work, her entrance was a little late. No, wait, I should think her timing was perfect. Didnt you have to hurry to Mr. Oshinos place? So inquired the class rep. It was as if she had not noticed anything. She had been on the other side of this one wall yes, just on the other side of this one,

44 imsy wall. And still, Senjogahara had managed to pull that o without having Hanekawa realize a thing. Senjogahara, she was not ones average high school girl. Hanekawa, do you like bananas? Huh? Well, um, I dont really hate them. Their nutritional value is pretty high, if I had to say whether I liked them or not, I guess, I do? It doesnt matter how much you like them, do not ever eat them in school. Huh...? Wh-what, why? Okay ne. You can eat them, but if you ever throw a banana peal away on the stairs, I will hate you. Araragi, what in the world are you going on about?! Hanekawa covered her mouth, agape, looking utterly confused. It was a perfectly natural reaction. Anyway, werent you headed to Mr. Oshinos Yeah, Im going there now. After saying so, I slipped past her, and taking in a deep breath, I broke into a run.

45 Hey! Araragi, stop running in the hallway! Im going to tell on you! yelled Hanekawa from behind me. I ran. At any rate, I ran. Around the corner were the stairs. This was the fourth oor. She still should not be too far away. Step, hop, jump I went down the stairs, two, three, four steps at once I touched down on the landing. My legs took on the brunt of the fall. For Senjogahara, she would not feel this. Without weight. Without mass. Walking would be dicult, her footing unstable. A crab. A crab that was what she said. No, cant be going that way. Then... I did not think that she would make a turn anywhere here. She probably did think I would be chasing her so she should be heading straight for the school gate. It was beyond question that she was not part of any club,

46 and if she had temporarily joined one or another there were not any that started this late. Having that decided, without stopping, I continued down the stairs, jumping from the third oor to the second. I ran and I jumped. From the second oor to the rst, I landed. And there she was. Senjogahara had probably heard me thundering down the stairs, tumbling, in chase, and when I reached her she had already turned to face me. She stood there scrutinizing me with an icy glare. I am surprised, began Senjogahara. No, truly, I am honestly amazed. You are the rst person in recent memory to ever rise up and rebel immediately, Araragi. In recent memory...? That meant other people had long before discovered her secret. What did she mean a good name is sooner lost than won? What good name! Still, it was impossible to think that she could realistically hide such a secret for long, especially when she would be found out simply by be-

47 ing touched. She did mention that at present in this school, only I and one other knew. No, to manage to hide it this well, for so long, she might be more than human. Strange, you should not have so easily recovered from your wounds. Normally, you could not have moved from that spot for at least a good while. Senjo gahara was speaking from experience. This woman was genuinely terrifying. Very well. I understand. I understand perfectly, Araragi. I am not unfamiliar with the idea of just revenge, to do in those who did in oneself. Now then, if you are so prepared. Senjogahara spread out, extending both her arms. Let us go to war. In her hands she held not only her stapler and boxcutter but a myriad assortment of other oce supplies as well: sharpened yellow pencils, a compass, triple color ball-point pens, mechanical pencils, Krazy Glue, rubber bands, paper clips, binder clips, metal clips, permanent markers, safety pins, fountain pens, bottles of Wite-Out, scissors... Scotch Magic tape, an entire sewing kit, letter openers (knife like ones), a

48 triangular ruler, some 12-inch straight rulers, a protractor, a glue stick, a set of chisels of various sizes, bottles of paint, paper weights... and a bottle of ink. Oh my God. The horrible reality dawned on me that I was to continue to share the same class with this woman, a feeling not unlike cruel society had just without reason singled me out for persecution. Personally, I found the Krazy Glue to be the most intimidating. N-no, no. Lets not. Lets not go to war. What? We are not? Senjogahara sounded some what disappointed. Still, she showed no signs of withdrawal. What one normally called oce supplies now being used as lethal weapons, lay glittering under the sunlight. Then, what is it? I was just thinking,I tried to explain. That I might be able to help you, thats all. You, help me? Senjogahara laughed, her every last

49 breath lled to the brim with scorn. Oh, please. I told you I had no interest in your cheap pity. What can you possibly do? All that is needed of you is for you to shut your mouth and pay me not the slightest mind, she continued. Kindness, can also be regarded as a form of hostility. Senjogahara took one step forward. She was dead serious. I already found at rather painfully from our exchange in the hallway that she was not the type to hesitate. That was why, without speaking a word, I opened my mouth, hooked one nger inside my cheek, pulled back, and showed her. That was, right index nger, right cheek, exposing the insides of said right cheek. ...How...? As I expected,a look of bewilderment passed over her face. The lethal oce supplies she brandished, one after another like an avalanche, fell to the oor. How could you possibly... she stood there questioning me.

50 Truth be told, the taste of blood was long gone. The wounds inicted by Senjogaha stapler, had already s without leaving behind a trace, healed.

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Part II Mayoi Snail

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Part III Suruga Monkey

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Translators Corner

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Hitagi Crab 002

Senj gahara. Isnt that a toponym? o Senjogahara, literally meaning battleeld, was the site of the mystical battle between the gods Mt. Nantai of Shimotsuke and Mt. Akagi of Kozuke. It is also a real place located in Tochigi Prefecture of Japan. If I remember correctly, wasnt hitagi a Japanese civil engineering term? Apparently, our friends over in Area 11 are having some doubts about the origins of hitagi being a technical engineering term. The best theory Ive found so far is brought to you by one Japanese blogger who thinks hitagi actually comes from term shitagi by the consonant shift from shi to hi in Edo. Shitagi is the name of the thing that goes under lumbers couplers. Whatever that means. Incidentally, shitagi also means underwear in Japanese. Whatever the case, thank you Japanese Linux Man.

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Hitagi Crab 003

It is like the oft told Japanese parable of a monk who preached for one hundred nights but one little fart annulled all his eorts. In the Japanese, instead of explaining the proverb, Hitagi just said it. It translates roughly as a hundred days of preaching, one fart. Of course, its completely meaningless in English so I couldnt just leave it. I threw in the English equivalent of a good name is sooner lost than won for good measure at the end. It is just like a story out of the comic book series The Strange World of Y suke. Do you happen to be a fan of o Mr. Y suke Takahashi? o I took the English subtitle on the covers of the series as the translation. According to Wikipedia, its a compilation of various comics that Mr. Takahashi have drawn. Ive never read any of his works so I cant comment. But if you go to his website, well, theres no Japanese greeting like a good ol hentai

60 tentacle rape monster.