Dear Customers Its that time of year again and Christmas Inc. is ready to roll around the globe!

First, however, in our spirit of transparency, some hard unpleasant facts. My husband Nicholas (Father to you) has once again been committed to the Betty Ford Clinic for his relentless alcohol consumption. This pattern has now repeated itself for five years running and the Board at Christmas Inc is considering his permanent retirement. We shall still keep Nicholas as a symbol but he is unqualified to pilot a sleigh and we do not intend to risk another catastrophe like the one of 6 years ago, when an innocent alien was wrongfully blamed and incarcerated due to Nicholas inebriation and subsequent loss of concentration.

The incident had to be covered up in order to avoid global panic. For the first time, we are disclosing the details. The collision with the Grey Aircraft was the fault of my husband and no one else. We accepted full responsibility. Two of our reindeer suffered concussion and there was damage to the sleigh and to the spaceship. The security forces of the North American country wrongfully arrested the innocent alien and to have it released and compensate it for the damage consumed massive resources.

In my opinion (and it may contradict the current medical consensus), Nicholas suffers from no physical or mental disease whatsoever but rather a serious character flaw. It pains me to say this but I am not known for mincing words. The Santa Lookalikes that weve been using since have done a very good job. This year again we shall be employing the services of Mr Happy Christmas from South Africa who has proved himself an excellent pilot and strategist. If you recall, quick thinking saved both Happy and the reindeer in the Andaman Islands last year when the locals wanted to make a meal of them.

Because the world has become a dangerous place, the Sleigh will be armed to the teeth this year. Carol, who is also a weapons enthusiast and expert shot, will be on it, accompanied by a SWAT Team

of elves armed with automatic assault rifles, flame throwers, hand grenades, air-to-surface and airto-air missiles. Speaking of which, do have a look in our catalogue which offers a bounteous array of these and more. Much, much more.

This brings me to my second point. Although Lapland and Christmas Inc are neutral as far as possible (although we do have a blacklist of thug states where we do not deliver gifts), it is incumbent upon me to warn you, our valued customers, of perilous economic times ahead. I do not speak postmodernist language, therefore my words may appear harsh to you: The electorates in certain large western democracies have recently made some calamitous choices that will have unpleasant consequences. In other words, next years Christmas may be bleak compared to this one. I implore you to carefully allocate your resources and to keep thrift in mind always.

Unfortunately Christmas Inc does not offer a Cure for Stupid or any mass market item to teach basic principles to the economically illiterate, and even if we possessed some means to counteract media brainwashing we would not use it owing to our policy of non-interference in the affairs of our customer nations. The most we can do is recommend the works of Milton Friedman, Friedrich Hayek and Ludwig von Mises, and the speeches of Lady Thatcher and President Reagan, all of which is available in our catalogue.

Fortunately the government of Lapland follows sensible economic and social policies so that Christmas Inc has thrived despite the global economic turbulence since 2008. Labour unions are unwelcome here and we do not pay one cent of tax. This works in favour of both the government and ourselves. Out of compassion, we have employed some Swedish refugees from that dreadfully wrong-headed neighbour of ours. Of course, first we made them sign contracts that stipulate instant dismissal upon the demand for any of the destructive social and labour policies prevalent in Sweden.

To our surprize, they have performed spectacularly, no doubt in gratitude for having escaped the monotony of life in their homeland.

On to further achievements: This year, our sensitive and artistic son Noel came up with exceptionally breath-taking new designs! Our outdoors- and animal-loving daughter Carol has personally fitted the reindeer with stunning silver shoes and our accountant daughter Merry Miss Moneypenny has made sure our profits will surge this season in preparation for the lean years ahead. As usual, the elves have worked round the clock and our own brands now rival the most prestigious global brands that we offer, such as Louboutin. We have been assured by several top fashionistas that our inhouse red ladies boots for instance, are far superior in quality and design to the comparable Louboutin, and less costly.

We express our gratitude to the government and people of Saami (Lapland) for their much appreciated assistance in assuring the continued success of Christmas Inc this is a truly historic case of cooperation for mutual benefit.

And finally we thank you, our valued customers, for your continued loyalty and support. We wish you a Carol, Mary, Merry and Noel Christmas! MARY CHRISTMAS CEO: CHRISTMAS INC.