fr

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edition 3, 2010

INSIDE:
student poverty be James Bond at work 15 months hostage: Nigel Brennan

DO YOU THINK IM SEXY?

attraction: its evolutionary

PLUS: cassette kids, oscar sexism, gold digging, sport misdemeanours, nuclear love, eating in vs eating out

MICHAEL KIRBY PLAIN SPEAKING COMPETITION

YOUR GIFT OF THE GAB COULD WIN YOU $1,000
Think youve got the pubic speaking skills worthy of Michael Kirby? Well, you need to register NOW for the Michael Kirby Plain Speaking Competition.

Heats from 10am 27th, 28th & 29th April

Two divisions available to enter:

Open or English as a Second Language (ESL)

Reading Room & Common Room, Holme Building

To register, download the Registration Form from usuonline.com and email it to kirby@usu.usyd.edu.au or return it to The ACCESS Desk.
ed. 3 / THE BULL www.usuonline.com

Registrations close Friday 16th April

contents

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Editors Bronwyn Cowell Nara Raven Dakota Patrick Effeney Daniel Swain Richard Warwick usubull2010@gmail.com Contributors Anthony Faisandier, Michael Koziol, Rhys Latham, Alissa Nasti, Alisha Bhojwani, Ellie Scott, Ellen Smith, Alistair Stephenson, Lucasz Swiatek, Hamilton Hill. Design Carl Ahearn Publications Manager Chris Beaumont www.usuonline.com The views in this publication are not necessarily the views of USU. The information contained within this edition of The Bull was correct at the time of printing. This publication is brought to you by the University of Sydney Union and The University of Sydney

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Features
Page 10 Rules of Attraction Page 16 Are students really poor? Page 18 How to be an ofce spy... coooool! Page 20 Do we really need two Oscars? Page 28 Nigel Brennan talks about his 15 months as hostage in Somalia

Regulars
3: News 4: Columns 7: Extra 8-9: Whats on 15: Interview: Mark Danner 24-25: Campus Chatter 31: Campus Prole: Conservatives 33: Travel 34: Sport 35: Food & Booze 36: Environment 37: Sci & Tech 38: Entertainment 40-41: Reviews 42: Mindgames 43: Humour 46: Caught on Campus

SUBMIT YOURSELF TO THE BULL! Send in your articles, reviews, ideas, rantings, ravings and innappropriate racist manifestos to The Bull. Wewant it bad! 36

usubull2010@gmail.com

www.usuonline.com THE BULL / ed. 3

USU NEWS
GREEN PAPER FORUM SPECIAL
VC TALKS ABOUT GREEN PAPER, THE UNION AND FUTURE OF SYDNEY UNI
quality of outlets was inadequate for the needs of the campus. Bateman then noted how the University and the Union had been in negotiation for some time on the issue of retail and catering control, but it was the University who rebuffed a joint-decision making partnership on the selection of tenants. Dr Spence also revealed his proposition for the funding of the Union and other campus organisations such as the SRC, SUPRA and SU Sport. The VC said he believed money for the organisations should be allocated as a percentage of the teaching and learning budget of the University. How large a percentage, or the criteria to decide on the distribution of funding was not mentioned however. There were further questions relating to the USUs future, including how a University takeover would affect studentcontrol of the Union and also the rumours of the VCs apparent desire to restrict alcohol on campus. Dr Spence said he was one hundred per cent, hand on heart in favour of ensuring student activities and programs are entirely student-run, and then strongly dispelled the myth that his views were puritan when it came to alcohol. Dr Spence said he had never made a comment about wanting to restrict consumption, but had raised concerns over violent and demeaning behaviour that could result. He said students can come to the bar and consume as much alcohol as they want, as long as they dont harm others. However, the VC did not give any practical indication what University control would entail. Beyond the issues concerning the Union, several students took the opportunity to question the VC on other aspects of the Green Paper. Elly Howse talked about how students actively advocate their interests in response to the Green Paper. Ms Howse said University senior management should act as facilitators for the ongoing discussion, rather than as innovators or creators a role the SRC President said belongs to students.

Just before this edition of The Bull went to print, a very full Manning Bar played host to an interactive information session about the recently released University Green Paper, which maps out the Universitys direction for the next five years. On stage, making statements and fielding questions were Vice-Chancellor Dr Michael Spence, Union President Patrick Bateman, SRC President Elly Howse and Sydney University Postgraduate Representative Association (SUPRA) President Nick Irving.
The VC, in his main address, talked about the administrative duplication occurring within the University and the way that both excessively strict (Science) and excessively loose (Arts) degree structures leave students with reduced choice and insufficient training for the workplace. Dr Spence also spoke of a desire to streamline the administrative structure of the University. He said grouping academic structures within colleges, (for example, a college of arts and sciences) would help ameliorate these two problems. Union President Patrick Bateman, meanwhile addressed the proposed University takeover of food, drink and retail outlets on campus from the USU - one of the most contentious topics of the afternoon. Bateman questioned the motivations of the University and asked why a serious institution like the University would want to run bars and food outlets, which the Union have been doing well for 135 years. Several students in the audience told the VC of their fear that a University takeover of the operations arm of the USU would undermine its independence and consequently cripple its ability to provide non-academic student services. In reply, Dr Spence said the University felt compelled to step in because the USU was running a loss-making commercial operation and that the

The VC answers questions from students concerned over the future of the University. SUPRA President Nick Irving meanwhile expressed concern about the apparent lack of regard the Green Paper gave to postgraduate students gaining their degree by coursework, rather than research. He also aired concerns about the proposal to lengthen the duration of a PhD. Questions from the floor were predictably concerned with ongoing issues at the University, including declining face-to-face learning time, sustainability measures on campus, and the dearth of services for international students despite the higher price paid for courses. Again, the VC agreed with all the concerns raised, but was unable to give a firm reply. He did mention that most of the issues raised were symptomatic of the aforementioned duplication in administration As an exercise in enlightenment and disambiguation, the forum was perhaps too short, with only half and hour dedicated to questions from the floor. Understandably, all were directed to the VC, however the student representatives on stage were unable to engage in the discussion beyond their opening addresses. However, the turnout and diversity of concerns raised indicated a strong interest in the Universitys future from the student body and the need for further, more in-depth discussion. The VC described Sydney as an institution with a fierce devotion to academic excellence and the development of the mind, as well as a preoccupation with putting ideas into action and engaging with the real world. No doubt everyone at Manning Bar that afternoon agreed, but the sticking points are in the detail. All students would do well to familiarise themselves with that detail and make their opinions and interests known. The Green Paper is available on the Universitys website, however as Elly pointed out its not particularly accessible. (The VC noted, its a University and any publication outlining a broad vision will necessarily be a formidable volume). Students can access a summary produced by SUPRA on their website, www.supra.usyd.edu.au, under the Events tab.

ONLY WAITED 2 MINUTES FOR THE NOODLES TO BOIL

The National Union of Students (NUS) held two major events on campuses across Australia at the end of March. First came the well-publicised, well attended Noodle Day. At the University of Sydney 700 students queued along the front lawns to get a steaming cup of noodles. The purpose of this carb-loaded activism was to get its attendees energised about the National Day of Action the following week. USyds protest march peaked at 70 participants. It seems that while students are more than willing to chow down on free snacks, theyre less keen on changing the system.

ed. 3 / THE BULL www.usuonline.com

elcome to Edition 3. So far this semester, the interesting students got drunk, were arrested, went on holiday, had sex, stalked people, crawled through mud, shot guns, and caused old ladies to make noise complaints. The less interesting ones watched TV, especially So You Think You Can Dance? [HOLY SHIT I LOVE THAT SHOW! - Raven]. The boring students studied. Oh well, some people cant be helped. We are nearing the end of semester 1, which means everyone is losing interest in uni and turning to other sources of entertainment. To honour our collective attention drift, The

Bull is running its first four-page spread. Attraction is the name of the game, and the winners receive all the sex they can manhandle and good immune systems or something like that. Were also interviewing the latest smug band to start getting airplay and examining the seedy truth behind student poverty and sexist Oscars. Also, dont go to Somalia. It sucks, just ask Nigel Brennan. For you keen students still attending lectures, weve including a helpful guide to a possibly lucrative, possibly illegal job: office snoop. Midterms are over, and theres

a nice lull before the frenzy of Stuvac, so nows the time to send in submissions. The editors are getting carpal tunnel syndrome from writing and need you to send in some stuff (ha ha, we just want more time with our groupies, but yeah, itd be nice if you did our work for us). Anyway, send submissions to usubull2010@gmail.com. Send articles on any subject, for any section, and well be thrilled to have a read and see if it fits the magazine. The Bull loves publishing student work, and thats why it exists. Reading your words with love, Bron, Raven, Patrick, Daniel and Richard

editor's note

president's report
n Wednesday 14 April, the Vice Chancellor visited Manning Bar on the invitation of the USU, SRC and SUPRA to answer questions about the Green Paper (see News opposite page). It was fantastic to see so many students (and staff) there armed with great questions for Dr Spence. It was particularly good to see that a lot of the questions focused on page 77 of the Green Paper, which states that the Uni wants to shift responsibility for [USU] food and beverage and retail outlets to the University. Here at the Union, we share your concern. Im dubious that the Universitys proposal is motivated by a bona fide desire to make the food on campus better. After all, there are already huge steps being made by us to ensure that food on campus is better: consider Azzurri, consider Parma, consider Taste Baguette. And when we offered the University 50/50 inclusion in a joint decision making body for choosing tenants, we were rebuffed. Taking away food and beverage from the USU will mean that these spaces will now be occupied by the University, and that the students will no longer have a say in how these spaces are run. We will no longer be able to decide whether its a sandwich bar or whether its a student lounge, whether it should be a common space or a student gallery. Anyway, shouldnt the University be more concerned with making sure that the quality of teaching and learning is the best it can be? Shouldnt they concentrate on class sizes, and ensuring that their academic staff are well supported? This whole proposal seems at odds with the rest of the Green Paper, which otherwise offers some excellent proposals around these areas. In other news, theres an Election coming up on Wednesday 12 May, where you will be choosing the next five Directors on the Union Board. I urge you to vote. If you want to have a say in the direction of Australias oldest and biggest student union, this is your chance. Youll also be able to vote on a referendum on Fair Trade coffee in USU outlets. And if thats not incentive enough, if you vote youll also get a $5 food voucher to use at any USU food outlet on the day. So lunch is on us! Keep student life, student run Patrick Bateman President, USU

student programs
n 2009 The Union chose to make a very bold statement. Instead of leasing prime JFR/City Road real estate to a bank or shoe shop, we opened a student focused art gallery: The Verge Gallery. Since August 2009, Verge has brought an incredible eight shows to the University community the majority of which have been not just student focused, but student developed and curated as well. Some works have been controversial the tank made of filing cabinets, its guns pointed at Student Admin, did not go unnoticed (or unharmed someone took a sledge hammer to it one weekend). All have been inspirational and have provided a student experience hitherto unavailable to students on this campus. For while the University has other excellent galleries and museums, none is devoted to the display of student works. The Verge Gallery provides and outstanding opportunity for students to develop and deliver their artistic voices and messages. Gallery manager Christine Morrow (formerly of the Museum of Contemporary Art) has a passion for the development of young artists. Students from the SCA are a particularly vital source of work with SCA dedicated exhibitions scheduled throughout the year. However opportunities abound for other student artists and also alumni, many of whom are keen to return to their artistic roots. Currently Verge is showing an exciting and important exhibition thats mounted in collaboration with Tin Sheds and The University Gallery. Mirror Mirror, curated by the Universitys Senior Curator, Ann Stephens, looks at the use of mirrors in art from the 1960s to now. Mirror Mirror closes on May 1. Coming soon is the Verge Arts Festival.; A highlight of the festival is the PALM awards this year celebrating their 50th anniversary. PALM will see several thousands of dollars worth of prizes awarded for outstanding student works of Photography, Art, literature, and music. For more information go to www.usuonline.com and click on the Get Involved tab. The Verge Gallery is open every week day between noon and 3pm: check it out. Alistair Cowie Director Member Services, USU

www.usuonline.com THE BULL / ed. 3

Photography, Art, Literature and Music awards

$13,500 in cash to be won

Applications OPEN - Friday 28 May and CLOSE - Friday 13 August
ed. 3 / THE BULL www.usuonline.com

Register online NOW at www.usuonline.com

extra
Caption Competition...
Send your caption suggestions and

WIN a $50 Co-Op Bookshop voucher!!

Put it towards your semester 2 text book purchase or select something from their product range at the Co-op Bookshop, Darlington. Did you know: Access Card holders can get 20% off Travel and selected Non-Fiction Titles. Send to: usubull2010@gmail.com Include your name and contact details. The winner will be announced in the next edition. www.coop-bookshop.com.au

Last editions winner: Alex Giudice

Sew, anyone for donuts?

Trivia
Sports
Q1. Which NSW Waratah scored their first Super Rugby try in their 100th game recently? A. Adam Freier B. Al Baxter C. Daniel Halagahu D. Tom Carter Q2. Which golfer currently tops the list of PGA Tour wins? A. Sam Snead B. Tiger Woods. C. Ben Hogan D. Jack Nicklaus Q3. Who holds the record for the most points scored in an NRL game? A. Darryl Halligan B. Jason Taylor C. Terry Campese D. Luke Burt Q4. Who was the top wicket taker in the 2009 Ashes series? A. Stuart Broad B. Andrew Flintoff C. Mitchell Johnson D. Ben Hilfenhaus Q5. Who has won the most Laureus awards? A. Serena Williams B. Michael Schumacher C. Roger Federer D. Tiger Woods
Answers on page 42

Confabulate Unconsciously replace fact with fantasy in ones memory. Cacography Bad spelling or handwriting. Carwichet A pun; a hoaxing question or conundrum. Cucking-stool An instrument of punishment consisting of a chair in which offenders were ducked in water.

Stranger than Fiction?

Did you know? ??? Roman Emperor Caligula was so upset by the death of his sister Drusila that he imposed a year of mourning. During this time, everyone in the empire was forbidden to dine with his family, laugh or take a bath. The penalty for transgression was death. ??? Approximately 25,000 workers died during the building of the Panama Canal, and approximately 20,000 of them contracted malaria and yellow fever. Use these for your next date! You were already going to fail anyway. Last edition, The Bull told you all about poi, or re dancing. We neglected to mention that poi is in fact run on campus! SURCAS run training in poi, and other circus arts. You can catch them on the Sunken lawns Mondays 12 2pm, the Botany Lawns Wednesdays and Thursdays 12 2pm and 6:30 8:30pm on Wednesdays in Manning Square.

Word of mouth
Watching John with the machine, it was suddenly so clear. The terminator wouldnt stop, it would never leave him. It would never hurt him or shout at him or get drunk and hit him or say it was too busy to spend time with him. And it would die to protect him. Of all the would-be fathers that came over the years, this thing, this machine, was the only thing that measured up. In an insane world, it was the sanest choice.
Sarah Connor, Terminator 2: Judgement Day www.usuonline.com THE BULL / ed. 3

what's on
WEEKLY REGULARS
Mondays
The Wonderful World of the Internet
1-2pm, Manning Bar Found something funny, interesting or weird on the internet recently?

WEEK 8
Tuesday 27 April 2010
Kirby Cup - 1st Heats
10am-4pm, Holme Reading & Common Room Your gift of the gab could WIN you $1,000

IYF Culture Dance, Korean Class and Bible Study

2pm - 4pm, Holme Common Room Come for a free dance, Korean language and Bible Study Class.

SU Knitting Society AGM

4-5pm, Holme Building Re-elect the President, vicePresidents, Treasurer, Secretary.

Sunset Jazz
5-7pm, Hermanns Bar Live jazz brought to you by the very talented musicians.

Indonesian Student Association AGM

5-7pm, Merewether Courtyard Election and re-election of executives.

Project 52 Comedy
8-10pm, Hermanns Bar Project 52 showcases the best of Sydney Universitys comedy.

Friday 30 April 2010

Sci Revue Fairy Bread Friday
10am 12pm, The Loggia Manning A morning that you can fill with hundreds and thousands of writing ideas. Anything from skits to voiceovers. Or you could just go there for the food.

ECOSOC General Meeting

5-6pm, Lecture Room 3, Merewether Please email ecosoc.usyd@gmail. com for further information.

Tuesdays
Tuesday Talks
1-2pm, Manning Bar Inspiration and innovation. Go and learn something. 30 March - Cronulla riots and Melbourne Indian attacks: Lessons learned 13 April - Representations of ethnicity and culture - Stuff white people like 20 April - Copenhagen and Earth Day - Has anything changed?

Clubs & Societies Night

Manning Bar Clubs and societies come out to shine.

Wasabi AGM
5-7pm, Wentworth Level 4 Annual General Meeting

Thursdays
Theatresports
1-2pm, Manning Bar The best in student improv comedy.

SUSO presents Ol!

8-10pm, The Great Hall The Sydney University Symphony Orchestra presents Ol!, a celebration of Spanish music.

Wednesday 28 April 2010

Kirby Cup - 1st Heats
10am-4pm, Holme Reading & Common Room Your gift of the gab could WIN you $1,000

Pool Comp
4-6pm, International Student Lounge Show us your skills with a pool cue.

WEEK 9
Monday 3 May
Meditation Session
12-1pm, Holme Reading Room Guided group meditation. Beginners welcome!

Tuesday Tunes
1-2pm, Ground Floor Bar/ Manning Forecourt Beats at lunchtime!

Sydney Uni Markets

11am - 3pm, JFR Plaza Have a browse, grab something to eat or snatch up a bargain at the Sydney Uni Markets.

Manning The Decks

4-6pm, Manning Balcony Relax on the Manning Balcony with a few friends to the sounds.

Rock Ya Balls Bingo

5-6pm, Manning Bar Well, what else were we suppose to call it?

Culture Queens
1-2pm, Holme Common Room Discussion of feminist manifestos with Dr Natalya Lusty, Gender Studies Lecturer.

Poker
5-7pm, Hermanns Bar The chips are down.

Fridays
Trivia
5-6pm, Hermanns Bar Trivia, this time at Hermanns. See, not complicated after all.

Vegetarian Society Lunches

12-2pm, Manning Lawns Delicious all you can eat lunches. $5 for members

CubeSoc Weekly Socials

5-7pm, Manning Bar Get your cube on!

Wednesdays
Acoustic Session
1-2pm, Margaret Telfer, Manning Nothing better than a chilled lunchtime acoustic set.

Tuesday 4 May
Kirby Cup - 1st Heats
10am-4pm, Holme Reading & Common Room Your gift of the gab could WIN you $1,000

Clubs & Societies Party Night

Hermanns Bar Clubs and societies come out to shine.

Sydney Uni Bushwalkers AGM

7-9pm, Holme Reading Room Super slide night/ AGM.

BBQ Beats
1-2pm, Manning Balcony Burgers and music. Meant to be together.

Weekend Warm-up
4-6pm, Manning Bar Balcony Its the end of the week, and you should be getting ready.

Thursday 29 April 2010

Kirby Cup - 1st Heats
10am-4pm, Holme Reading & Common Room Your gift of the gab could WIN you $1,000

Anime Screening
1-2pm, Architecture LT3 Durarara.

Trivia
5-6pm, Manning Bar Trivia at Manning. This shouldnt be too difficult to understand.

Food Co-op Weekly Meeting

5-6pm, Level 4, Wentworth All are welcome, from members to anyone interested in knowing more!

ed. 3 / THE BULL www.usuonline.com

9
Russoc Weekly Drinks
5-7pm, Manning Bar The Russellian Society holds drinks every Tuesday for Sydney University Philosophers Renowned speakers (including monks, nuns and lay people) give talks on Buddhist topics and perspectives. 4-6pm, Wentworth Level 4 Friday:Mitchs Breaking

Wednesday 5 May
Kirby Cup - 1st Heats
10am-4pm, Holme Reading & Common Room Your gift of the gab could WIN you $1,000

Spanish Conversation Sessions

4-6pm, The Loggia, Manning Are you looking forward to practicing your Spanish skills regardless of your level? This is the right place to come!

WEEK 11
Monday 17 May
Vegetarian Society Lunches
12-2pm, Manning Lawns Delicious all you can eat lunches. $5 for members.

GIGS...
THE BAMBOOS
7 May 8pm, Manning Bar
Starting the new year off with a bang including performances at Falls Festival, Days Like This!, Womadelaide and headlining St Kilda Festival, Australian Funk & Soul royalty The Bamboos are hitting the road again.

Tuesday 11 May
Writing Workshop
10am-12pm, Holme Common Room Come along to our regular writing workshops for the Education and Social Work Revue.

Sydney Uni Markets

11am - 3pm, JFR Plaza Have a browse, grab something to eat or snatch up a bargain at the Sydney Uni Markets.

Meditation Session
12-1pm, Holme Reading Room Guided group meditation. Beginners welcome!

Games @ Manning!
2-4pm, Manning Bar Every week another game, a different console. Sutekh brings you Video games in the bar.

Tuesday 18 May
Food Co-op Weekly Meeting
5-6pm, Level 4, Wentworth All are welcome, from members to anyone interested in knowing more!

ECOPSoc Weekly Drinks

5-7pm, Hermanns Bar Hearty discussions on Political Economy.

Thursday 6 May
Kirby Cup - 1st Heats
10am-4pm, Holme Reading & Common Room Your gift of the gab could WIN you $1,000

Wednesday 12 May
USU ELECTION DAY

Russoc Weekly Drinks

5-7pm, Manning Bar The Russellian Society holds drinks every Tuesday for Sydney University Philosophers

Anime Screening
1-2pm, Carslaw LT375 The idiot, Tests and Summoned Creatures (Baka to test to Shokanjuu).

TORTOISE
8 May 8pm, Manning Bar
Post-rock giants TORTOISE return to Australia this May their first appearance on our shores in over five (5) years.

SUWO Weekly Rehearsal

5:30-8:30 pm, Old Darlington School All woodwind, brass & percussion players are welcomed.

Culture Queens
1-2pm, Holme Common Room Interview with Jane Park, Cultural Studies Lecturer.

Wednesday 19 May
Sydney Uni Markets
11am - 3pm, JFR Plaza Have a browse, grab something to eat or snatch up a bargain at the Sydney Uni Markets.

Russoc: Philosophy, psychology, and evolution

6- 8pm, Refectory, Holme The genetic/psychological/ scientific benefit to human beings believing in Spirituality, rightly, or, wrongly.

CubeSoc Weekly Socials

5-7pm, Manning Bar Get your cube on!

Culture Queens
1-2pm, Holme Common Room St Trinians

Thursday 13 May
Vegetarian Society Lunches
12-2pm, Engineering Lawns Delicious all you can eat lunches. $5 for members.

DAN SULTAN
21 May 8pm, Manning Bar
Dan Sultan continues to shine as the music industry takes a keen interest in the progress of this man and his band.

Speleological Society AGM

7:30 pm, Holme Common Room Come along to the societys annual general meeting to elect a new committee.

Games @ Manning!
2-4pm, Manning Bar Every week another game, a different console. Sutekh brings you Video games in the bar.

Friday 7 May
Soulxpress Workshops/ Jam Sessions
4-6pm, Wentworth Level 4 Friday:Mitchs Breaking

Anime Screening
1-2pm, Chemistry LT2 From Me to You (Kimi ni Todoke) + Random series.

Thursday 20 May
SUWO Weekly Rehearsal
5:30-8:30 pm, Old Darlington School All woodwind, brass & percussion players are welcomed.

KEEP UP TO DATE!
To see the FULL list of events, jump onto www. usuonline.com and click the Whats On calendar. If youre a C&S Exec with an event you want to get out there fill out the online form by clicking the Submit your Event button.

SUWO Weekly Rehearsal

5:30-8:30 pm, Old Darlington School Repertoire to include Jupiter (Holst), Star Wars, Into the Joy of Spring, Wicked and more!

WEEK 10
Monday 10 May
Dharma Talk
1-2pm, Holme Reading Room

Friday 21 May
Soulxpress Workshops/ Jam Sessions
4-6pm, Wentworth Level 4 Friday: Mitchs Breaking

Friday 14 May
Soulxpress Workshops/ Jam Sessions

www.usuonline.com THE BULL / ed. 3

10

THE RULES OF

ATTRACTION
Patrick Effeney wonders if there are any rules to the game that everyone can play.
now, and much ink has been spilled over it. Agreement among scholars, however, is not so common. Peer reviewed work is even less common, and perhaps on par with this are experiments with results that are statistically significant. Thats not to say general principles havent been formulated, but the accuracy and testability of these principles is often questionable. On a personal level attraction can seem completely arbitrary. Dealing with prospective partners on an individual basis is easy and effective enough for average Joe and Jane to continue on their merry way, without giving a second thought to having a systematised approach to wooing. There is, however, ever increasing research in human endocrinology and biology that leads to some useful results, as well as a plethora of psychology experiments. The science of attraction is cutting edge stuff and intensely debated by the experts. It is therefore unlikely to solve ones own problems when it comes to landing that elusive

ttraction and attractiveness seems at once a very certain and a very arbitrary phenomenon. Each of us can name many individuals whom we find attractive, as well as make value judgements on the spot about the attractiveness of a complete stranger. When we attempt to use all of this information to create some kind of system of attractiveness, however, it is near impossible. Attraction has been the field of social psychologists for a while

fish, so to speak. It may, however, crystallise the things that you are looking for, or just make you shake your head in disgust. EVOLUTION Many of the things that we see in the animal kingdom we attribute to evolution. The slow perfection of a being over time has led to such developments as webbed feet, retractable claws, opposable thumbs, penises and vaginas. Evolutionary theory would dictate that people would be attracted to partners who would be effective in

ed. 3 / THE BULL www.usuonline.com

IS IT REALLY BETTER TO HAVE LOVED AND LOST THEN NEVER TO HAVE LOVED AT ALL?
Most attractive part of the human body? Why? Arse, dunno why, just is. Ever been turned on by someone elses body odour? Not their natural one! Have you ever found your partners immune system plays a part in your attraction? Mmm, snotty noses are hot. Who is your ideal partner? Why? Its a toss up between Joan Rivers, Ringo Starr and Amy Winehouse.

Alisha Bhojwani investigates.

ARRAN Medicine, 1 Likes: Girls

ith each relationship, we feel various abstract emotions such as lust, love, heartache and break. But whether those experiences alter people completely or leave them unchanged is uncertain. With curiosity as my incentive I became a true reporter, ignoring the rules of personal space as I sought out diverse entities to be a part of my experiment. HYPOTHESIS As someone who believes that each girls prince charming is really out there, I hypothesize that, despite differing experiences, each interviewee will harbour homogenous convictions to my own. MATERIALS* Jaz & Ray: Practically Married Sienna: Single gal. Jasper: The Opportunist. Daisy: Cynical Realist. Matt: Average Joe. Steve: Prince Charming.

comedy scripts. Hes our reallife, no game-playing Prince Charming. Although hes found the one, or so he claims, true to the character Hollywood writes, hed rather never experience love, [since his] dreams [would be] shattered if it was lost. Cynical Realist Wth her copy of The Rules as her bible, Daisy is certainly not the type of girl to wear her heart on her sleeve. A complete opposite of Cinderella, she pities those girls who believe their knight in shining armour is yet to arrive and whisk them off their feet. Finding clichs and Disney movies unrealistic, Daisy plays the game well and questions whether real love can exist between teenagers. With her own share of heartaches Daisy advises: basing ones own happiness on the activity of another human being will prove [to be] futile and disappointing, each word hinted with caution. Plain Jane Representing the majority of the female population is Sienna, your average Sheila, whos faced lust, the brink of love, rejection and even a few heart aches in her time. Nonetheless, she remains optimistic and has decided not [to] seek out love and let it come to you. In the meantime, live life and have some fun... CONCLUSION With my romantic fantasy shattered, having realized that not everyone holds the same perspective when it comes to their heart my hypothesis was proven wrong. Surprised at the different views each person seemed to follow, I found that regardless of the conflicting principles whether love was a sentiment better experienced, there was a common thread. Each interviewee in their own way inclined that if heart break is on the cards then they wanted to experience that pain with someone who made it worth it. My experiment left me to conclude that people will leave you surprised. Dont judge a book by its cover, because when its opened the pages may read contrary to your expectations.

passing on their genes. After all, sex is not only for pleasure. Professor Richard Wassersug is a Sexologist currently visiting La Trobe University from Dalhousie University. After a long chat with Richard about what evolution offers us in terms of systematising attractiveness, he told me to quote his 1986 article Fitness Fallacies: In our modern society, neither physical or fiscal fitness forecasts fecundity. Translation: Neither being rich or being hot guarantees bedroom success. This is rather bleak if were looking for sure-fire ways to score, but there are some interesting points that he made along the way. Boys, girls and basic biology were the three main topics of our conversation, and there is a lot to be said for each. This explanation is only aimed at reconciling physical attractiveness with evolutionary reasoning. Changes in gender roles have meant the attractiveness models of the hunter and the nurturer cannot necessarily be socially applied. FEMALES Prof. Wassersug said that the underlying principle behind female attractiveness is how successful she will be in producing children. Males are looking for females who will bear them healthy children.

This means that men are looking for the most fertile women, and outward signs of fertility are relatively easy to pinpoint. The Waist-hip ratio has a big impact on males. Prof. Wassersug said that: Women with the ideal waste-hip ratio are proven to be more fertile than those without it. WHR 0.7 is reportedly the ideal, and beauties such as Marilyn Monroe and Jessica Alba have been found to correspond with this figure. Breast size is another outward sign of fertility. It is a waste of a males time to fertilise a woman who cant provide for the young, said Prof. Wassersug. Large breasts are an outward indication to a male that the woman can provide adequate resources for the baby. Thus, men like big boobs. Many would say that youth would be an obvious indicator of fertility. Apparently it is attractive, but for a different reason. Ever wondered why virgins are and have been so valued? Virginal females are attractive to males because it shows they are not likely to have had kids. This means, for the man, that it is likely that female is not already pregnant with another mans child. Males, evolutionarily, are unwilling to provide resources for children that are not their own,

*names have been changed to avoid the interviewer being stoned to death.

RESULTS The Player When Jasper meets a girl and attraction occurs, intimacy becomes the focal point of his relationship with her. Whilst he claims to be still in the search for the right girl hes not one to pass up an opportunity to come his way. For Jasper, regardless of how modern his actions prove to be, he holds his heart in a conventional box. Agreeing with Lord Tennyson, his Alpha-Male image crumbles away as he admits: with over 7 billion people in the world, the one must still be out there, and whilst never having felt love, itd be better experiencing it, than going through life not knowing... Prince Charming The lineage of attraction continues as Newtons third law of physics starts to become comprehensible to us non-nerds. For every action there is an equal and opposite reaction Substitute the bold with people and theres Steve, distinctly unlike the Macho male. Steve is the figure behind all romantic

A HISTORY OF DREAMBOATS
Most people know of the face that launched a thousand ships. She was so beautiful, in fact, that even Orlando Bloom couldnt resist. HELEN OF TROY
Circa 1200 BC

Across both Greece and Rome, girls were smitten by this perfect youth. Bulging muscles, rippling abs and curly locks, he truly was the man of their dreams. ADONIS
UNKNOWN

This ancient beauty had her share of powerful men. Caesar and Marc Antony both succumbed to her charms, and obviously looked past her reportedly large nose. CLEOPATRA
69 BC

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ELISSA Medicine, 1 Likes: Boys wealth, because an attractive man is one who can provide her with both protection and resources for her children. Not only do men have to provide these resources, but they also have to be committed to using them for the woman and their children. Thus, the alpha male whos trying to fertilise every woman he sees may not be as attractive to some women as to others. Humans have a very long pre-pubescent stage, meaning theres a long time before a child can protect itself. For this reason a female needs a committed male, and she will look elsewhere if she has to. NB. Obviously there are factors that have been neglected in this examination. Height (a man, ideally, should be 1.1 times the height of the female), facial alignment and proportionality (how far the chin has to be from the forehead, space between the eyes etc.) and the menstrual cycle all play key roles in attractiveness for both men and women. BIOLOGY Maybe you already knew all that, as it all seems fairly straightforward. Biology is a field of research that you may not be so familiar with, though. The presence of pheromones in humans is a topic that has scientists a little bit miffed. Almost every other mammal on earth communicates via chemical signals. Evidence of this has been found and, beyond most doubt, proven that pheromones assist in attracting mates. When it comes to humans, however, almost no study is conclusive, statistically significant or peer reviewed. Theories have been thrown around relating to a mans musk and its effect on women. Some believe that a mans armpit is what releases the pheromones and females can react either positively or negatively to that. This has not been substantiated by any experiments. Professor Wassersug had this to say on the topic of pheremones: Weve known for a long time that mammals have a reproductive season, and that they chemically interact with one another. There is also strong evidence that some links remain in humans. We do, however, know that we have a sort

Most attractive part of the human body? Why? Smile, because it shows peoples emotions. Ever been turned on by someone elses body odour? No. Have you ever found your partners immune system plays a part in your attraction? No. Who is your ideal partner? Why? My boyfriend smart, funny, kind, caring, loves musicals. Rank these people in attractiveness: Joan Rivers: 3 Ringo Starr: 1 Amy Winehouse: 2 thus the value of virginity and the attractiveness of youth. MALES Professor Wassersug explained that an evolutionarily attractive man is one that can bring home the most resources. Ten thousand years ago, this meant that the most attractive males were the best hunters, because they could bring back the most protein. Now, things have changed a little. Prof. Wassersug said: if we take the evolutionary hunter and transpose it into modern society, we see that what we mean by resources has changed. The importance now isnt how many kangaroos a male can bring back, but which male has the most resources to put a roof over their head. Outward signs of this ability range from success in the workplace to physical factors, due to the diverse presumptions on their ability to provide resources. Big muscles can be attractive to women because of the traditional reason of hunting, as well as for protection. Modern women, however, realise that hunting is no longer just killing animals. A modern woman also looks for conspicuous signs of

FUTURE LOVE
Alissa Nasti asks: where to from here?

think it was Jane Austen who wrote, Its a truth universally acknowledged that one decades hot is another ones fugly. Or maybe that was Gandhi, I dont know. The point is, what seems attractive at the time always looks completely hideous twenty or so years down the track. In hindsight, the poodle perms and mullets of the eighties didnt exactly scream class, any more than the parachute pants and pacifier necklaces of nineties screamed sober. The future of beauty and attractiveness is unpredictable at best and terrifying at worst. Based on some recent and startling developments in the field of looking hot, however, Ive come up with a few tentative predictions about how well all be styling ourselves in decades to come.

EYELASH SHAVING
Latisse is a serum that has recently been released in the US. You apply it to your eyelashes to make them grow thicker and longer. According to the list of side effects, it may also cause your eyes to melt and lashes to grow on your cheek bones, Teen Wolf style, but beauty is pain, right?! Similar products have flooded the market, including LiLash, which one customer on the site amusingly and worryingly describes as like Viagra for my lashes! of a negative pheromone system. Chemically, we avoid incest. There are also interesting connections between our smell and our immune systems. We find people with an immune system dissimilar to our own attractive because it would be beneficial for our offspring to have a greater resistance to more diseases. If you eat something that makes you sick, and you become resistant to that disease, it leaves a chemical mark on you. Again, testing is the problem. All of these chemical interactions, if they do indeed exist, occur on a subconscious level. Many people may have heard of the test conducted by Claude Wedekind in which a group of test subjects, on this occasion females, were given a set of sweaty t-shirts. After smelling the t-shirts, the women were asked which males (or which shirts) they were most attracted to. It was found that the males with the major histocompatibility complex that differed most from the smeller were the most attractive. Whats a major histocompatibility complex (MHC)? For simplicitys sake, lets say that a MHC is the part of the human genome that deals with our immune system. So, this test is supposed to show that through a males scent, a woman can determine what his immune system is like compared to her own. Evolutionarily, it makes sense for us to mate with the person with the MHC least like our own, as this means the offspring will have a good immune system.

Had her son, the emperor Nero, on a string, making her de facto ruler of Rome. She also is reported to have had an incestuous relationship with her brother Caligula, another emperor. Spicy. AGRIPPINA THE YOUNGER
15 AD

This guy had six wives. Anyone who had six wives had to be attractive in some way. Perhaps living proof that looks arent everything, and power is very attractive. HENRY VIII OF ENGLAND
1491 AD

His abilities are held in such high regard that Casanova has become the colloquial term for a womaniser. What more do we need to know? GIACOMO CASANOVA
1725 AD

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Eyelash extensions are also becoming rapidly more mainstream and affordable (if youre willing to sew hair on to your eyes), and false adhesive eyelashes, previously the domain of drag queens and Jeannie Little, are now ubiquitous at makeup counters everywhere. There are even vitamins designed to make your lashes grow stronger and thicker. My prediction is that in twenty years time, because of all this undue attention, our lashes will be longer than our chins and the hair will be so thick and coarse well have to shave them every morning, like beards only on our eyes, so well start calling them eyebeards instead of eyelashes. Thus, just as the Brazilian wax became popular as a backlash to years of uninhibited crotch growth, it will be considered attractive to shave all our eyebeards off and go bald. You heard it here first. have been interesting when they introduced them face to face. Another interesting biological discovery is that women, throughout their menstrual cycle, find different males attractive at different times. When a female is ovulating, generally she seeks the most macho looking man so she can be fertilized. Menopausal women often find men with softer, more feminine features attractive where before they may have been more attracted to testosterone fueled gym junkies. If a woman is looking after a child, it is not necessarily the most macho looking man who she will find most attractive, but a man who is most likely to dedicate resources to looking after her child. Oxytocin is another biological phenomenon that little is known about, although it is an exploding field of research. It is a hormone produced by the pituitary gland humans that has been shown to spike during times of sexual arousal. It has also been shown to improve bonding in humans, and has been formulated into a nasal spray (AMI, anyone?). The effects of this hormone are currently under investigation, but the point to take from it is that attractiveness and sexual arousal is not all conscious. Prof. Wassersug was quick to say: we have to remember that sex evolved long before we evolved parts of the brain that are conscious. CONCLUSIONS When I asked Prof. Wassersug about the issue of research he said: the problem is the lack of controlled studies. We have a lot of contextual evidence, but blinded testing is very difficult. The contexts, placebo affect and cultural expectations associated with attractiveness make it a difficult area to study. In terms of finding the golden egg of how to be more attractive, this article is a complete failure. In fact, it seems only to reinforce how out of our own hands, and in the eye of the beholder, attraction truly is. The goal of this piece, originally, was to find out which cologne or perfumes will the make the person of your dreams go mad. For the boys, it seems that they dont even have to wear cologne, because if a SAM Medicine, 1 Likes: Girls

Most attractive part of the human body? Why? The smile it conveys authenticity and disposition. Ever been turned on by someone elses body odour? Yes. Have you ever found your partners immune system plays a part in your attraction? Yes sickly people arent as much fun, but they work the wounded wing angle Who is your ideal partner? Why? A dog they never let you down Rank these people in attractiveness: Joan Rivers: 1 Ringo Starr: 2 Amy Winehouse: 3

VAJAZZLING
Jennifer Love Hewitt is arguably known for being attractive at least, she has long shiny hair and large boobs, two things men are guaranteed to find hot no matter the decade. So I got worried when she recently declared she vajazzles her vajayjay (her words, not mine). To my mind Swarovski crystals and vaginas dont immediately mix, but thats what they said about The Simpsons and pornography and look how that turned out! Anyway my prediction is instead of Brazilians or bikini waxes girls will soon be decorating their precious ladies (again, J.Lo. Hews words, not mine) with various crystals and fake tattoos and scratch n sniff stickers and going sans bikini bottom at the beach, and it will all be totally acceptable and respectable.

COMPLETELY HAIRLESS MEN

I happened across a copy of Cleo Magazines 50 Most Eligible Bachelors issue the other day, and had a flick through the photos. All Im going to say is, I dont know when it became attractive for guys to have less hair on their chest, legs and crotch than I do, but Doc needs to fire up the DeLorean, go back in time and sort that shit out. Anyway, this is a trend that unfortunately my sartorially inclined divination skills cant see going away any time soon, so my prediction is that in the future it will be considered totally hot for guys to shave every single hair off their bodies, including their head hair, leg and arm hair, pubic hair, eye brows, snail trail - and of course their eyebeards, but thats understandable. It will be like Dr. Manhattan only less blue and, unfortunately, less well-endowed. These results imply that at least some of the reason behind us finding certain people attractive is subconscious. In the case of the sweaty t-shirts, they didnt even have to see the people they were judging before they knew whether or not they found them attractive. Sound promising? Or is it all too much? Similar tests have been conducted, and similar results have been produced. It certainly would Body odour? G. Yes. E. Yes Immune system? G: Yes. E: Of course, it does play a significant role. GISELLE Arts, 3 Likes: Boys EMIL Arts and Sci Likes: Girls Ideal partner? G: E.J. Livesey I mean how many cute, smart, nerdy and somehow a bit awkward tutors that really turn you on are there left on earth? Eight? E: RAIN Cute, smart, well spoken.

girl knows your already immune to mumps, they might be more likely to go out with you. That is if they havent had it yet. For the ladies, there is probably nothing that you dont already know in here. Boys are shallow; they like big boobs and a good waist-to-hip ratio, two things that, unless you want to pay for a new body, arent controllable. Youth is obviously another factor, and presumably thats why makeup has been around since Roman times. The reminder that a lot of the work done in attraction is subconscious is another important point. When we are asked to say why we think someone is attractive, it is often difficult to pinpoint, past the physically obvious factors. Sometimes, humans just like the cut of another persons jib, and although it seems a rather unsatisfactory conclusion, unfortunately there just arent that many to be made yet.

Body Part? G: Fingers. Hot ones turn me on. E: Eyes

A blue eyed, blonde haired actor who was every boy of her eras wet dream. Could her look ever go out of fashion? We dont think so.

MARILYN MONROE
1950 AD

Did you know that bowl cuts were once in fashion for people who werent under ten years old? Well, that time was the sixties, and the Beatles were about as attractive as it came. For all those ladies out there, Paul McCartney is still alive! THE BEATLES
1960 AD: THE BEATLES

WHO KNOWS?
RIGHT NOW

You see them in the news every day. You see them in those men and womens magazines you dont read. Make up your own damn mind. One things for sure though, its not this guy.