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The Bible Speaks on Family

By staff - Jan 24, 2006 - 8 Family life today is under siege. Families are beset by divorce, a crisis in roles, absenteeism of parents, a breakdown of authority, preoccupation with things, inadequate time together, financial pressures, and a host of other problems. The Bible teaches that the institution of family is of divine origin and purpose. The Bible also provides guidelines for good relations within the family. A commitment to the Bibles teachings and principles provides todays best hope for the recovery of family life. I. The Family Is Divine in Origin. God created human beings in His own image. Then God said, Let Us make man in Our image, according to Our likeness So God created man in His own image; He created him in the image of God; He created them male and female (Genesis 1:26-27). Then the Lord God formed man of dust from the ground, and breathed into his nostrils the breath of life; and man became a living being (Genesis 2:7).

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God created people so as to need and find fulfillment in human companionship. The Lord God said, It is not good that man should be alone; I will make him a helper fit for him (Genesis 2:18).

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God initiated the first family unit. So the LORD God caused a deep sleep to come over the man, and he slept. God took one of his ribs and closed the flesh at that place. Then the LORD God made the rib He had taken from the man into a woman and brought her to the man (Genesis 2:21-22). II. The Family Is Divine in Purpose. God created the family, and He has divine purposes for it. Following His purposes for marriage and family life gives us the best opportunities for family fulfillment.

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Companionship is a basic purpose of God for marriage and family life. Sex is a God-ordained means of overcoming the essential loneliness of human existence. Then the Lord God said, It is not good for the man to be alone. I will make a helper who is like him (Genesis 2:18). This is why a man leaves his father and mother and bonds with his wife, and they become one flesh (Genesis 2:24). Havent you read, He [Jesus] replied, that He who created them in the beginning made them male and female, and He also said: For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and the two will become one flesh? So they are no longer two, but one flesh. Therefore what God has joined together, man must not separate (Matthew 19:4-6).

2.

Procreation is another basic purpose of God for families. God blessed them, and God said to them, Be fruitful, multiply, fill the earth (Genesis 1:28). Sons are indeed a heritage from the Lord, children, a reward Like arrows in the hand of a warrior are the sons Happy is the man who has filled his quiver with them (Psalm 127:3-5).

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Nurture is still another basic purpose of God for families. Now if anyone does not provide for his own relatives, and especially for his household, he has denied the faith and is worse than an unbeliever (1 Timothy 5:8). He also said to them, You completely invalidate Gods command in order to maintain your tradition! For Moses said: Honor your father and your mother; and, Whoever speaks evil of father or mother must be put to death. But you say, If a man tells his father or mother: Whatever benefit you might have received from me is Corban (that is, a gift [committed to the temple]), you no longer let him do anything for his father or mother. You revoke Gods word by your tradition that you have handed down. And you do many other similar things (Mark 7:9-13). III. The Bible Contains Divine Principles for Good Family Relationships. Gods purposes for the family have been challenged, but they have not been changed. In the Bible, God gives the principles and the power by which His purposes for the family can be fulfilled.

Husband-wife relationships:
1. 2. The Bible calls for the marriage relationship to be characterized by mutual and voluntary submission in mutual respect and trust. submitting to one another in the fear of Christ (Ephesians 5:21). The Bible calls for mutual fulfillment in sexual union in the marriage relationship. A husband should fulfill his marital duty to his wife, and likewise a wife to her husband. A wife does not have authority over her own body, but her husband does. Equally, a husband does not have authority over his own body, but his wife does (1 Corinthians 7:3-4). 3. The Bible calls for mutual fidelity in a monogamous relationship. Marriage must be respected by all, and the marriage bed kept undefiled, because God will judge immoral people and adulterers (Hebrews 13:4). Do not commit adultery (Exodus 20:14). 4. a. The relationship of the wife to the husband. She is to love him. older women are to encourage the young women to love their husbands so that Gods message will not be slandered (Titus 2:3- 5). b. She is to be responsive to his leadership. Wives, submit to your own husbands as to the Lord, for the husband is head of the wife as also Christ is head of the church. He is the Savior of the body. Now as the church submits to Christ, so wives should [submit] to their husbands in everything (Ephesians 5:22-24). Wives, in the same way, submit yourselves to your own husbands so that, even if some disobey the [Christian] message, they may be won over without a message by the way their wives live, when they observe your pure, reverent lives (1 Peter 3:1-2). God commands that wiveswhether married to a believer or non-believershould seek to honor their husbands leadership. The passage suggests that wives exemplary lives can cause their unbelieving husbands to come to know Christ personally. A Spirit-filled life can be convicting and also provides a platform to share the Gospel. The passage, however, does not suggest that the wife should obey her husband when such actions would nullify or compromise her Christian witness. c. She is to respect him. the wife is to respect her husband (Ephesians 5:33). 5. . The relationship of the husband to the wife. He is to love her.

Husbands, love your wives, just as also Christ loved the church and gave Himself for her In the same way, husbands should love their wives as their own bodies each one of you is to love his wife as himself (Ephesians 5:25, 28, 33). a. He is to be committed to her. For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and the two will become one flesh (Ephesians 5:31). b. He is to be considerate of her. Husbands, in the same way, live with your wives with understanding of their weaker nature yet showing them honor as co-heirs of the grace of life, so that your prayers will not be hindered (1 Peter 3:7).

The relation of parents to their children:

6. Parents are responsible for teaching their children. These words that I am giving you today are to be in your heart. Repeat them to your children. Talk about them when you sit in your house and when you walk along the road, when you lie down and when you get up (Deuteronomy 6:6-7). 7. Parents must train children. Teach a youth about the way he should go; even when he is old he will not depart from it (Proverbs 22:6). 8. Children need loving discipline. And fathers, dont stir up anger in your children, but bring them up in the training and instruction of the Lord (Ephesians 6:4). 9. Children need a worthy example. clearly recalling your sincere faith that first lived in your grandmother Lois, then in your mother Eunice, and that I am convinced is in you also (2 Timothy 1:5). Uzziah did what was right in the Lords sight as his father Amaziah had done (2 Chronicles 26:3-4).

The relation of children to their parents:

10. Children are to honor their parents. Honor your father and your mother so that you may have a long life in the land that the Lord your God is giving you (Exodus 20:12). 11. Children are to obey their parents. Children, obey your parents in the Lord, because this is right (Ephesians 6:1). Children, obey your parents in everything, for this is pleasing in the Lord (Colossians 3:20). 12. Children are to learn from their parents. Listen, my son, to your fathers instruction, and dont reject your mothers teaching (Proverbs 1:8). 13. Children are to provide for their needy parents. But if any widow has children or grandchildren, they should learn to practice their religion toward their own family first and to repay their parents, for this pleases God (1 Timothy 5:4).

Conclusion
The Bible contains Gods plan for achieving quality and health in family life. Christians are constrained to take very seriously the Word of God as it relates to the family.
All Scripture is from the Holman Christian Standard Bible unless otherwise indicated.

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{comment_total} comments
1 On Jan 31st, 2007, at 11:54pm, E Stacy wrote: Does the church and your service to Gods people come before your family? Example, I miss a sunday service to attend my sons championship soccer game. 2 On May 9th, 2007, at 3:17am, Jodi wrote: Stacy, I have always been taught that God should come first, family next and then your job. I understand what you mean. It really isnt right that the game would be played on a Sunday. That should of been brought up to the coaches, etc. I know this response is really slow but I have often wondered the same thing. I would like to teach my children God, Family, then Job. But if we teach it, we must follow it. 3 On Oct 21st, 2007, at 6:54am, Mat N. - 17 yrs old wrote: ok well i just had an arguement with my parents and i wanted to find out who was right and who was wrong. The issue is respecting each other in the family, and honoring my parents. in a nutshell, what i believe to be respect is ridiculous to them and they want me to change my mind on how the family should work. Sadly, the story is too long so if you want to help me, email me and mention this post and ill be very grateful (nguyen.ml90@yahoo.com) 4 On Jun 16th, 2008, at 3:36am, Rhonda wrote: Stacy, I just went through the same situation. My two boys had a track meet this past Sunday (Fathers Day), and of course, I told my Pastor that we would not be at church because of this. He gave me a lecture stating that we as Christians need to take a stand and say something to the coaches. I became defensive and tried to justify that we only miss church once a year for this. I felt convicted because my every thought was what was going on at church. The weather was no help either. Thunder and lightning,boy! Anyway, I have asked God to forgive me. And have moved on. 5 On Jul 17th, 2008, at 7:19pm, Faith wrote: The Bible says to obey your parents but also to put your husband first after God. I would like to find what it says about putting your husband before your parents or vice versa. It is known that when a man finds a wife he leaves his parents and committs to the wife but what about when a women finds a husband that they disapprove of. Who is to judge and who is to be listened to. 6 On Oct 5th, 2008, at 4:48am, Rachael Nelson wrote: The old testament says were there are 2-3 there I am also. All worship services all about are what you can read your self in a bible. Get the audio bible. Its all for fellowship also. What matters is the walk you have in person. Pastors need to get God is every where. Women most Men are just boys grown taller. Women are smarter than Men this is a fact. Not all faiths worship on Sundays. For jews than no games on Sat.s cause of the sabbath. Your both wrong in my book. Sabbath is to rest/worship. 7 On Oct 29th, 2008, at 3:06am, J.D. wrote: Careful that you dont get hung up on religion. Remember, Christianity isnt about religion, it is about the relationship with Christ Jesus. We are under the New Covenant, not the old. The Sabbath is a Jewish religious period of time and has strict rules to obide by. Sunday is the Day of the Lord and should be treated special, but we do not have the same rules restricting us. Most of all seek guidance in The Word and do what you believe is right. Again, where 2 or more come together to seek the Lord, there He will be also. Church is the

people, not the place. Any pastor, who attempts to make you feel guilty about not punching your card for Sunday service, needs to revisit the scripture and repent. 8 On Oct 29th, 2008, at 3:23am, J.D. wrote: Faith, The Bible says quite a bit about the relationship between husband and wife; foremost, they are one flesh and are to honor one-another. Your husband needs to stand-up for you and the marriage. The Bible says little about the relationship of parent/married-child. This is mostly because of the times in which the Bible was written. However, the silence on the subject also says something. They need to butt-out, you are not of their household anymore. Remind them of the Golden Rule and pray for them. When you are with them, ask that they join you in prayer and (you or preferably your husband) pray that the Lord lifts the concern from their hearts. Ephesians 5:22, Wives, submit yourselves unto your own husbands, as unto the Lord. The comment thread for this article is now closed. Please use our contact form.

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The Role of Women in Public Life

By Barrett Duke - Nov 8, 2007 - 18 The question about the role of women in the political life of our nation is an important and certainly timely one. I do not believe that the Bible prohibits women from serving at any level of public life. The Bibles instructions about the proper roles of men and women apply to the church and the family. The Bible does not speak directly to differing roles of men and women in public life. Some people have developed principles from the Bibles instructions about the proper roles of men and women in the church and family and applied them more broadly. Depending on the setting, the application of these principles has varying degrees of validity. In the church and in the home, the Bible teaches clearly that God has appointed the man to serve as the primary leader. In these environments the issue of spiritual headship figures prominently. As one moves further from roles where the exercise of spiritual authority is involved, it becomes more difficult to apply these principles. Public service is essentially a secular role. While a person can certainly express spiritual opinions in that setting and can influence public policy related to spiritual activities, there is little, if any, assertion of spiritual authority. Some people choose to apply the biblical model of male headship to all activities in life, including public service, as a means to reinforce the biblical teachings on the proper role of men and women in the church and the family. The Bible does not prohibit this, but neither does it require it. In fact, there are a number of biblical examples of women providing key leadership roles in the public life of nations. Consider the very affirming depiction of Deborahs role as a judge in the book of Judges (Judges 4-5). The Bible says the Israelites went up to her for judgment (Judges 4:5). It even says that Barak refused to meet Sisera on the battlefield unless Deborah accompanied him (Judges 4:8). Some may note that the text does not explicitly state that God established Deborah in her role as judge and conclude that she did not occupy that role with the same divine authority as the other judges (cf., Othniel, Judges 3:9-10). But Deborah is not the only judge where the divine appointment language is not used. It is also not used for Shamgar (Judges 3:31), Tola (Judges 10:1-2), or Jair (Judges 10:3-5). It is evident that the divine appointment language is not needed to validate for the reader the divine appointment of the judges. Interestingly, the book of Hebrews singles out Baraks accomplishments without mentioning the role that Deborah played, but this is understandable in light of the passages emphasis on the heroic and spectacular (Hebrews 11:32-33). Some people have claimed that God calls women to leadership when He cant find a willing man. Certainly, the vast majority of examples of leadership in the Bible are male, but that should not be interpreted to mean that women should be excluded from leadership in public life if a man can be found to do the job. The Bible gives no hint that Deborah was a judge because adequate male leadership could not be found. Indeed, we can be glad that Deborah wasnt afraid to exercise leadership, since she is the one who summoned Barak and told him that he needed to obey Gods command to fight Sisera (Judges 4:6). The Bible is clear about the leadership role of men in the home and in the church. Neither the example of Deborah nor any other female leader in, or outside, the Bible should be used as a means to undermine that design. In the same regard, Gods design for male headship in the home and the church does not require the exclusion of women from leadership in public life, where spiritual headship is not involved. Such extrapolation carries the biblical teaching about the role of women beyond the Bibles own application.

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1 On Sep 10th, 2008, at 6:08pm, Keith Jones wrote: I recently rode with some other pastors to a meeting. I was surprised that one cited Isaiah 3:12 as a prohibition on women in public office. Heres the verse from HCSB: Youths oppress My people, and women rule over them. My people, your leaders mislead you; they confuse the direction of your paths. The pastor stated, Every time a woman in the Bible was a prophet or judge or ruler, it was a curse from God. I compared translations (KJV, NASB, NIV, The Message) It seems to me that given the background of this passage (God taking Judahs leaders to court for their leading the people into sin) that the verse is either 1) stating the actual course of affairs or 2) using sarcasm to compare the leaders to children and women. [The New American Commentary, Vol. 15A p. 149 tends to confirm this last.] Bottom line-I agree with you. The Bible does not speak authoritatively either way on the role of women in government leadership roles. 2 On Sep 11th, 2008, at 1:33am, Shadrach wrote: I dont know if this comes as a result of Voddie Bauchams interview on CNN, but if so, I think you missed the point. With Palin and others who serve the public as a Christian evangelical figure, are we going to affirm her in abandoning her family roles? I havent heard a single person say that they think Palin can be a biblical mother and wife while being VP (and possibly Pres.). I believe that to be the crux of Voddies message. We are being hypocritical as evangelicals if we affirm a womans role in the home, but support removing women from that role. You cant have it both ways. That being said, Im voting for Palin. (not so much McCain) 3 On Sep 11th, 2008, at 9:37pm, Barrett Duke wrote: Thanks for your comments. On the Isaiah 3:12 passage, I agree that Isaiah was not speaking literally here. I doubt seriously that literal children were oppressing Gods people. Isaiah is certainly getting at something that characterized these people. The same must be true for his reference to women. After all, while Isaiah was a prophet, the nation was ruled by male kings. He is probably saying that they were filling a typical female role of submission rather than the typical male role as leader. The nation needed leaders. Isaiah was talking about the kind of people who were leading, not their gender. 4 On Sep 12th, 2008, at 10:32pm, Shadrach wrote: I still dont think this is really the point. I agree with you about the Isaiah issue and do not see any prohibition of women in political leadership in the Bible, but we have to make a decision. When it comes to a female, public figure that is representative of evangelicals, are we supportive of her abandoning her biblical roles? Which ever way you go, you need to be consistent so that we do not further the appearance of hypocrisy. 5 On Sep 14th, 2008, at 9:33am, Jacky wrote: I am happy and bless by God! This days of election where unify us more as christians. Awesome! This unity of mind,spirit and soul will be our light for the world and they will see Christ in us! God has unified us in this dificult times so the World can see Him! God Bless America!!!! 6 On Sep 23rd, 2008, at 7:13pm, David Pat Pace wrote: I must strongly disagree with you on your conclusion. I do note that you state this is just your opinion and so I take it as that and not Biblically based. The Bible is very clear in 1 Corinthians 11:3 But I would have you know, that the head of every

man is Christ; and the head of the woman is the man; and the head of Christ is God. No where in that does that say that a woman is head of ANYTHING. The Bible also says in I Timothy 2:12 that a woman is not to teach or USURP AUTHORITY over the man. Then in Titus 2:5 it says a woman is to be a keeper AT HOME. There are other places also, but this should be sufficient to say that a woman who professes to be a Christian has no place in leadership over men. That includes the Church, the family as well as in public life. You can believe whatever you choose to believe and you can add to the scriptures if you want to do so, but as for me and my family we will just follow God and His word. 7 On Sep 29th, 2008, at 6:54am, liam wrote: I agree with you David Let us not forget the law of the father as told in Genesis 19 - Lots daughters are offered by their father to an angry mob to be gang raped, Lots wife is turned into a pillar of salt for looking behind her and both daughters have sex with their father, each becoming pregnant and delivering healthy children. The lesson in Timothy 2:12 that a woman is not to teach or USURP AUTHORITY over a man is yet another affirmation of Gods desire for patriarchal domination. 8 On Oct 3rd, 2008, at 5:29pm, Maria wrote: I am so confused. I am a full time worker and my husband dont mind me bringing home a paycheck. I fact bigger than his. I,am a boss to 7 men. I think that is called leadership isnt it?. I got the job because I had the most knowlwdge and experience on programing of robots. If it were up to men that work at the same place I wouldnt be were I am.They dont like me leding,but guess what.their wifes work because they are no capable of supporting their home by themselves. So, you want wemen to help, but you don,t want them to be important is that IT? 9 On Oct 3rd, 2008, at 7:24pm, David Pat Pace wrote: Maria, Just because you are doing something does not make it right. Lets say a person says they are gay, yet they claim to be a Christian. They can claim it, but in works they are denying it. Titus 2:5 makes it clear that a woman is to be a keeper AT home and if she does not she blasphemes the word of God. I know society has said it is ok to leave the place that God has ordain, but that is what Gods Word says. Many women choose to disobey that, just like many women have chosen to cut their hair off as well as many men grow their hair long as well as some men refuse to provide for their family. None of those things are right, but people do them. You and your husband have to decide if you want to obey God or do what ever you want to do. 10 On Oct 16th, 2008, at 7:39pm, Jay wrote: The Bible speaks of causing others to fall by your own actions and words. Your mind has analyzed the Bible, in the way it does. Very normal, some women must work,husbands leave,sexual abuse, spousal abuse happens. Your child needs are they placed over a divorce. No debate needed, for most it is common sense. Did you have a very financially well off family? Please Take Care, God Bless, Jay 11 On Oct 16th, 2008, at 9:53pm, David Pat Pace wrote: Jay, I understand your point when a women is caught up in an abusive relationship and the resulting divorce. However, that does not change what God said. The problem we have today is that women CHOSE to leave the home and follow a career. That is not what God said for them to do. Can they do it? Yes. Is it right for them to do it? No. 12 On Nov 2nd, 2008, at 10:17pm, Diane wrote: It sounds to me as if David wants to pick and choose what to believe in the Bible. He wants to have his point of view be right rather than base a decision on the entire words from God. He also sounds as if he would be rather domineering because he thinks thats Gods plan. I certainly disagree with his thinking. If it were ONLY Gods plan that women were not to work, then where are the men who are to take care of widows, etc and children and those women who would not be able to take care of themselves and their children? David needs to

read up a bit more of Gods word instead of taking only what he wants to, just to prove his point!! 13 On Nov 4th, 2008, at 6:34pm, David Pat Pace wrote: Diane, I am sorry you do not like what I posted, but it IS based on the whole Bible, not selective parts like you are using. Gods word is clear on the roles of women and the roles of men. You use the word domineering which indicates that you have a problem with the role God has given you and you think men want to domineer you. That is what the militant feminist movement have convinced many women in this country, but the Word of God warns us of how in the last days people will turn their back on God and it is clear that that is happening. My wife is not dominated by me, she just understands headship and she follows Titus 2 as a godly women. 14 On Dec 17th, 2008, at 2:08am, abdel wrote: firstly I want to thank you for the great essay that you wrote and secondly what I wanted to say that Im muslim and our woman is under the presure of the religion that she must folows the rules and wearing the scarf is one of the probles that a woman could faces a preservative woman who wears the scarf cant finds good jobs ;doesnt alowed to enter some special institutions and so many other problems so my point is that we need to change our mentality toward the preservative woman and gives her equal right with the open minded woman 15 On Jan 23rd, 2009, at 1:53am, Sandra F. Mesa wrote: David Pat Pace is right. Hes quoting gods word.I think the issue here is in what context do we define The Keeper of the House. This is too generalized. Or rather how do you or how has the Holy Spirit revealed that too you. It has to be a balance. Do we women make sure the house is spotless and everyting is perfect? Or do we just make sure the house is running the way its suppose to according to our role. These are defined by all the Biblical truths. I think a mans headship (not mankind) is often misunderstood. Because god said that its not good for man to be alone so he created woman. The Lord revealed to me that men need women for support, encouragement, communication and every other important thing you can think of. As long as the communication between spouses is clear and your following the spirit of god and his word things will work out. 16 On Jan 26th, 2009, at 8:21pm, David Pat Pace wrote: Thanks Sandra. The fact that men and women have different roles is not a demeaning thing, it is how God estbalished the home. The women is not inferior, just a different role than man. Also I agree that the women is the completer of the man as well as a helpmeet. 17 On Jan 26th, 2009, at 11:53pm, Sandra wrote: The problem comes when a woman grows up in certain cultures (dominance, rape etc. or even at times religion). Even growing up in a home where your parents dont know the lord, but are generally good parents causes problems.(role of male and female.) I am very supportive of my husband just as he is supportive of me. God, said to live with his wife in understanding and love. He knew our imperfections. I think corporate America is tricky. God has shown our family his plan. I think its all in perspective and gods leading. Me and my family have been involved in ministry /13 years. God told me we would do mighty things for him. It just so happens that I worked before I had children an got married. My children are older now (high school)and we are rearranging our future and I will be finishing my DDS. We help those in Central America along with my husband( as an engineer and translator, along with musical gifts.)Gods plan. Husband and wives should pray and follow gods leading. 18 On Jan 27th, 2009, at 5:29pm, David Pat Pace wrote: Sandra, You have liberty to to do what you feel is right, but you can not violate the scriptures. I think you know that and I am not saying you are. What I am saying is that sometimes our desires to do something for God, we make emotional decisions and those decisions conflict with the Bible, but we convince ourselves that God told me when in reality we are just doing what we want to do and God allows it because He loves us and is long suffering. What we must do is seek God and which ever way God leads us, it WILL not conflict with the scriptures. The comment thread for this article is now closed. Please use our contact form.

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Cohabitation Confusion: What does the Bible say?

By Hal Lane - Aug 9, 2007 - 76 -

The fact that many couples live together without the legal commitment of marriage surprises few in our morally dysfunctional society. What is surprising is the number of professing Christians who choose to live together without the benefit of marriage. Churches and families are increasingly faced with the question of how to respond to these individuals who believe their personal commitments to one another are morally equivalent to legal marriage. Every moral issue is fundamentally a biblical issue. Genesis 2:18-25 describes marriage as a divine institution. God presented Adam with Eve and established the first marriage. Genesis 2:24 is the basis for all future marriages: This is why a man leaves his father and mother and bonds with his wife, and they become one flesh. When Jesus was asked about grounds for divorce, He quoted this verse with regard to a legal, binding marriage relationship (Matt. 19:5). When God revealed the law to Moses on Mount Sinai, there were many regulations regarding marriage. A man who seduced a virgin and had sexual relations with her before marriage was required to pay the father of the girl and was required to marry her if the father permitted (Ex. 22:16). Sexual relations with a virgin betrothed to another resulted in death by stoning of both parties (Deut. 22:2324). These laws revealed the importance of marriage and the sin of premarital sex. Malachi 2:13-16 speaks against the abandonment of wives by husbands. They are accused of breaking faith and abandoning their marriage covenants (v. 14). Gods intention was that sexual relationships between a man and a woman should occur only after a legal covenant was established. The covenant was to provide security and a formal obligation that could not be easily abandoned. Governmental regulation of marriage recognizes the importance of protecting the rights of marriage partners and children. The New Testament also forbids sexual relations outside marriage. Hebrews 13:4 commands everyone to honor the institution of marriage. In 1 Timothy 4:3, Paul warned that a sign of the end times would be an abandonment of the divine institution of marriage. Despite the arguments of some, the odds of a successful marriage do not increase because a couple lives together before marriage. In fact, studies reveal the opposite is true. Where do professing Christian couples find justification for living together without marriage? Their own desires and an immoral culture provide support, but Gods Word is neither vague nor confusing on this point: A personal commitment between a man and woman is not the moral equivalent of a biblical marriage.

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1 On Aug 14th, 2007, at 7:58pm, ronnie lee wrote: It is little wonder that there is confusion amongst Christians regarding whether or not cohabitation is morally wrong. The society, including many, if not most within the church has lost sight of the whole purpose of marriage and the marital sexual relationship. Its ultimate purpose is to teach us about the relationship within the Trinity and to mirror the relationship between Christ and His bride. Since we have become unaware of this concept, it may have been inevitable that we end up with those who are Christians not being convinced that the biblical teaching on marriage and sexual relationships is outdated. 2 On May 16th, 2008, at 1:45am, The Reverend Doctor wrote: What is marriage? If a man and a women agree with Genesis, then they are married, regardless of mans law(civil law). In ancient times, there was the tribe. There were families. The civil government was not involved. Today, in America and Europe, the civil marriage is not Biblical(e.g. California, gay marriage). The family laws in America and Europe are not Biblical. In the Bible there is plenty of authority for polygamy. The civil laws do not allow this. We are to obey God, rather than men.

3 On May 16th, 2008, at 8:57pm, Pastor Bob wrote: Biblical marriage: Gen 3:16 God told the woman that her husband will rule over her. In the NT: Eph 5:22, 1 Corn. 11:3. The Apostle Paul (1Corn 7:3-5) stated The wifes body does not belong to her alone, but also to her husband. He also stated that the wife needs to satisfy her husbands sexual desires, as part of her duty. The Apostle Paul emphasized to need to marry to satisfy a mans sexual appetite(1 Corn. 7:9). The word marriage in California has no practical meaning. Under California law, a man can get married in the morning and legally have sex with another man or woman in the afternoon(adultery has no legal meaning in California with no fault divorce). Today, in California, the word marriage can also be applied to a couple of men. Does a Christian really want to give credence to the unGodly California law by getting a marriage license? The Bible states to separate ourselves from the unGodly and come out from among them. 4 On May 17th, 2008, at 2:31pm, ronnie lee wrote: On May 15th, 2008, at 6:45pm, The Reverend Doctor wrote: In the Bible there is plenty of authority for polygamy. Reverend Doctor, could you show us where the Bible gives authority for polygamy? I realize that it tells stories of those who engaged in marriages with multiple wives, but where does it authorize it? 5 On May 19th, 2008, at 6:11am, lee ronnie wrote: Cohabitation is not a synonym for pre-marital sex. If pre-marital sex is the sin then please condemn that and not cohabitation, especially since you have given no scripture to support your claim that it is sin for people in a relationship to live together unless married. Cohabitation may be discouraged as imprudent, but please dont add laws to the bible. 6 On May 19th, 2008, at 4:31pm, The Reverend Doctor wrote: Ronnie, I do not advocate polygamy any more than cohabitation. But both are permitted under certain circumstances, but not encouraged. The Bible says that David was a man after Gods own heart. Look at Solomon, a wise man. Both had many wives and the prophets did not condemn them for it, but they did condemn homosexuality. Polygamy is currently against the law. But since now it is legal in California for two men to get married, next polygamy will not be denied as Justice Scalia said in Lawrence v. Texas. 7 On May 21st, 2008, at 8:03pm, Pastor Bob wrote: God hates divorce. Matt:19:10,11, the disciples said if this is the situation better not to marry. Christ said, not everyone can accept this. Half the people today should not get married because they get divorced. Better not to get married if may get divorced. 8 On May 22nd, 2008, at 1:07am, Tim wrote: The Bible states clearly what God says is right and wrong. If cohabitation exhists in a relationship while two adults are preparing to get married, why would that be a sin? Especially if abstinence is practiced! Please, among all of the people who talk, think or respond about this question of cohabitation, please tell me where exactly in the bible it says living together before the marriage ceremony(Christian) is a sin. We all know about the 10 comandments and many other statements about sexual immorality. Where I ask does is state For a man and women to live together, but not have sex before the wedding ceremony sins against God? If you know please tell me for I have read through the bible..cant find it. 9 On May 22nd, 2008, at 3:11pm, The Reverend Doctor wrote: Tim, you are right. As it was mentioned, in the old days, there was not always an organized government. Sexual regulation rules are for good order in a society due to the concern over the production of children. (Old folks on Social Security get a pass here.) As Pastor Bob would say, consider a vasectomy if marriage is not in your future. Paul was also concerned about the pagan religious prostitutes. Paul also said that we are free, but we should not do things that will offend a weaker brother. The law of love governs(not always Me, but consider your

neighbors). You understand Tim, this is a complicated issue, depending on facts and circumstances of each individual case. 10 On May 22nd, 2008, at 5:36pm, MODERATOR wrote: Gentleman, Well be enforcing our Comment Policy (see below) more consistently from here on out. Please note this requirement in particular: 1. Use a real name, at least a real first name. We find folks are less-rude online when not hiding behind a screen-name.

Thank you and carry on, ERLC.com Moderators 11 On Jul 10th, 2008, at 3:29pm, Kurt wrote: Tim, I certainly agree with your points. The arguments against cohabitation are not logical even from a biblical perspective if the couple abstains and are honoring God in their lives. I understand a concern for a slippery slope theory among Christians (especially evangelical/fundamentalism) and it is something to be seriously considered. A rigid, legalistic perspective without a conversation is simply divisive and, I think, unfairly and too readily places judgement. Old Testament Law is difficult due to contextual issues. Thanks for the forum on this issue! 12 On Jul 11th, 2008, at 3:20am, Ronnie wrote: Tim, Do you know of a couple who are actually living together but do not engage in sex? 13 On Jul 12th, 2008, at 3:23am, Tim wrote: I didmy now wife and I. Due to her financial status she needed to move in with me for about 6 months.then we got marriedI feel I am a strong Christian man, and saw nothing wrong with this. ...by the waythank you all for this engaging message board, its nice to see a good discussion!!! 14 On Jul 14th, 2008, at 9:11pm, Bill wrote: Before cohabitation, Christians should ask themselves, what would Jesus say about it? Well, here you go John4:16 Go and get your husband, Jesus told her. 17 I dont have a husband, the woman replied. Jesus said, Youre right! You dont have a husband18 for you have had five husbands, and you arent even married to the man youre living with now. You certainly spoke the truth! This sounds like Jesus doesnt approve of this woman living with a man that she is not married to. He never says anything about sexual impurity while she is living with this guy. Is cohabitation without sex more likely to bring glory to God or give satan a foothold? 15 On Aug 5th, 2008, at 7:18am, Cortney jackson wrote: I dealt with this same issue and stil am. I too didnt find anywhere in the Bible where it talked about cohabitation being a sin. Although this may be true. In my journey God has given me a number reasons y cohabitation is wrong for ME. Some of those include, God can not use you

the way he wants to because your attention is misfocused, if one is yet a babe in Christ or struggle with sexual immorality then cohabitation is not a good idea, As Christians God does not want us to do anything that would call our Christianity into question, Cohabitation is one of those topics that do, although living with that person may not affect you or put your relationship with God into jeopardy, it could put your significant others in jeopardy.its only through prayer,fasting, and supplication that one will come to know what is right for them. If God does not have it for you, he will let you know, because he loves us so much, and wants the very best for us. 16 On Aug 9th, 2008, at 9:52am, Bob wrote: I have been a Christian for a few years now and I am learning every day. I am also living with a gal and have been for a long time according to WA. State law we are common law married. We love each other and have a great relationship. If doing this is wrong then,exactly where in the bible does it clearly state this is wrong or a sin. I am not looking for any Personal Opinions Please!!! Just the passages I can read myself Thanks Bob 17 On Aug 11th, 2008, at 6:37pm, Brittany wrote: I have been facing this issue a lot lately. I am engaged and have been dealing with whether or not living together before we get married is a sin in Gods eyes! I am a christian but of course am not all to educated on where everything is in the bible. Anything anybody can contribute would be greatly appreciated. 18 On Aug 13th, 2008, at 9:45pm, cj wrote: One is not going to find a Bible passage saying living with someone before marriage is wrong. But just because you do not have a Bible passage that states that, it should not give you free rein to do it anyways. You should ask God for discernment about ur situation, and revelation, fast and pray about what God would have u to do. 19 On Aug 15th, 2008, at 3:05pm, Bill wrote: John 4:16-18 Especially the last part of verse 18. 20 On Aug 15th, 2008, at 8:00pm, Bob wrote: Fist let me say we are an older couple. We have prayed about this together - and we have prayed about this with our prayer group. We had a small get together / Our Marriage with family and friends, we made our public vows to each other, and ever since then we believe in our hearts and minds we are one together and married in gods eyes. What constitutes a marriage according to the Bible anyway? Other then that an not try and justify some type of wrong behavior ee try our best to live our life as any other Christian lives theres. Ultimately the way we believe is we are married in gods eyes and that is between the couple and God. God knows our hearts (1 John 3:20). God knows the difference between a true marriage covenant and an attempt to justify sexual immorality. 21 On Aug 20th, 2008, at 9:53pm, Samantha wrote: My Fiance and I have lived together for the past year or so and now that we getting married and Making it right no one wants to perform the ceremony. I guess I just need help understanding why, if it is so wrong to live together without being married (though we are totally in love and will never stray), is it so hard to find someone willing to perform the ceremony? Im not trying to upset anyone, I just want to know why this is so hard. 22 On Aug 21st, 2008, at 3:14pm, cortney Jackson wrote: How is it that your not willing to find anyone? where are you looking? you dont need anyone ordained to marry you, do you know that? 23 On Aug 21st, 2008, at 10:20pm, Samantha wrote: We have been speaking with several ministers at his church and people that they know. All of whom are Baptist. Finally today I broke down and just called a Justice of the Peace who prefers to include passages from the Bible in her marriages.

I just dont understand why the Baptist ministers that we spoke with refused to marry us unless one of us moved out of the house until the wedding? Will one of us moving out now really make a difference? 24 On Sep 5th, 2008, at 3:40pm, Bill wrote: Continued But, if living together means living in the same house, that is perhaps somewhat of a different issue. Ultimately, there is nothing wrong for a man and a woman to live in the same house IF there is nothing immoral taking place. However, the problem arises in that there is still the appearance of immorality (1 Thessalonians 5:22; Ephesians 5:3) and it will be a tremendous temptation for immorality. The Bible tells us to flee immorality, not expose ourselves to constant temptations to immorality (1 Corinthians 6:18). Then there is the problem of appearances. A couple that is living together is assumed to be sleeping together that is just the nature of things. (sorry this got to long ... to be continued, again) 25 On Sep 8th, 2008, at 6:52pm, Cortney Jackson wrote: Totally agreed Bill, that is a big problem with living with each other before marriage. The Bible says dont let your good works be evilly spoken of. Even though you are not doing anything, people always assume the worst. When that does happen, I think it becomes a little more difficult for God to use you in the way he attended. At least, thats what I am learning from my experience. 26 On Sep 10th, 2008, at 11:25am, Karen wrote: Cortney, I have just started living with someone and will let people know we are not having sex. After all, if were going to let them know were living together, Ill also tell them there is no fornication going on. If people dont believe me, then they are being judgemental. They are believing what they want to believe. This should not have anything to do with the way God intends to use us. This is their problem. 27 On Sep 10th, 2008, at 6:00pm, Cortney Jackson wrote: Karen, Ok! thats your personal choice, but God does instruct us to not let your good works be eviliy spoken of. So as christians, we are suppose to do everything in our power to stop that from happening. I understand where ur coming from, but to nobelievers our actions look hypocritical.. thats why i dont like soo called christians, they say they love God but shakin up, look at them, i would never want to be like that many things such as that can be said. why put yourself in the predictment to have it said. Our serves is first to GOD. I am not judging at all! I am living with my bf right now! and doing everything in my will to get out of it! only because God has convicted my spirit. So, i dont expect you to see things the way I do. But its important to remember what would God have us to do first! beyond what we want, beyong whats comfortable or convenient for us, what would God have us do. And if your spirit is not convicted then Amen to you!!!! lol thats great! 28 On Sep 19th, 2008, at 3:45pm, Cathy wrote: Its obvious that sex is the issue, not co-habitation. True, the chance of people living together and not having sex is close to zero, but what if theyre already having sex and not living together? Would them moving in together really make it worse? i have recently decided to let my bf move in, something I have never done before in my life and usually looked down upon. What pains me the most about it is that my church will not allow me to be part of our praise team once this happens and they will not marry us when we do get married. 29 On Sep 19th, 2008, at 7:39pm, Cortney wrote: Cathy, That is terrible! I dont know why people who call themselves christians, which are actually churchgoers do things like that, try to reprimand or punish you,when they themselves know that their doing much worse! it seems like some people get pleasure out of making others miserable or feel like they dont belong! who are they to judge what you do? the most they can

do is let you know what the Bible says, and give you instruction to pray! I have learrned that no matter what church you go to there are always churchgoers that will try to make you feel less because of what they consider sinful! Praise God that you put faith and assurance in God and not man!what you are going through right now is a testimony for others! be strong! let God direct your path 30 On Sep 19th, 2008, at 7:49pm, Bill wrote: Cathy, I think your church is doing the right thing for you out of love. The fact is, statistically, your future marriage has a MUCH higher chance of failing now that youre living together. They are protecting you. Additionally, it sounds like you knew what the consequences would be BEFORE you had him move in, right? Count yourself blessed to have a church love you enough to not let you mess your life upeven if it hurts you in the short run. 31 On Sep 19th, 2008, at 9:22pm, Cortney Jackson wrote: Thankfully we put our faith in God and not statistics!i think to say she is messing up her life is pretty harsh and if that is the case God must love messups! such as paul,david,noah many others to name! those who had plenty of faults but God use it for their good and his glory I truly beleive that God uses our messups what the devil meant for evil as a testimony of his greatness his awesome power,its reflected in the Bible through and through.now am I saying that if God is telling you you shouldnt be doing something to go ahead and do it? most definetly not! but as human we fall short in every area of our lives and what man sees as a messup or a failure God sees as an opportunity to demostrate his awesome power, to make us bearers of his love, his word and his way! I still dont beleive that you need chastisment from your church, or rejection, did Jesus reject the tax collector,adulter, or prostitute, God even honors those who marry to others which they are not equally yoked! 32 On Sep 22nd, 2008, at 3:46am, mona wrote: I have been grappling with this cohabitation issue for 3 years now.I am more concerned with what God thinks of me than what people do.Can someone state claearly,a verse in the bible,forbidding cohabitation?It feels wrong to me.I would appreciate a response so that I can show my boyfriend what is in the Bible that states this is wrong.He states that we do not need to be married because there is no law in the Bible that states we need a piece of paper to show we love each other.I am torn.Thanks.. 33 On Sep 22nd, 2008, at 5:39pm, Bill Young wrote: Dear Cortney, You are correct in saying that God loves us even when we mess up. In fact, we get MORE grace when we sin but that is not the issue here. The issue is choosing to sin when we know better. Thats called licence. Romans 6:1-2(NIV) What shall we say, then? Shall we go on sinning so that grace may increase? 2 By no means! We died to sin; how can we live in it any longer? Also see Galtians 5:13 discouraging us from using our freedom to indulge in our fleshly desires. 34 On Sep 22nd, 2008, at 5:52pm, Bill Young wrote: Dear Mona, I appreciate your desire to honor God. I think you will find some of the previous comments helpful. I would also add this: The answer to this question depends somewhat on what is meant by living together. If it means having sexual relations it is definitely sinful. Premarital sex is repeatedly condemned in Scripture along with all other forms of sexual immorality (Acts 15:20; Romans 1:29; 1 Corinthians 5:1; 6:13,18; 7:2; 10:8; 2 Corinthians 12:21; Galatians 5:19; Ephesians 5:3; Colossians 3:5; 1 Thessalonians 4:3; Jude 7). The Bible promotes complete abstinence outside of (and before) marriage. Sex before marriage is just as wrong as adultery and other forms of sexual immorality, because they all involve having sex with someone you are not married to. Hope that helps. 35 On Sep 22nd, 2008, at 6:44pm, ronnie wrote: Mona, As a marriage counselor let me point out a couple of concerns. First, is the reason that you have dated this man for 3 years and yet have not married an indication that there are significant problems in the relationship? Are there issues with commitment? As has been stated above, there are various scriptures that condemn fornication, which is sex outside of the commitment of marriage. It seems to me the basic reasons behind cohabitation boil down to a lack of deferring gratification. Sexual union is supposed to be a picture of the union between God and the Christian.

So, Mona I dont see God agreeing to give me the benefits of a close relationship with Him without the responsibilities on my part. I must commit to Him in order for me to receive the benefits of that commitment. Thanks for being torn rather than simply accepting societies view on sexuality and cohabitation. Ronnie 36 On Sep 22nd, 2008, at 9:56pm, cortney wrote: Mona, Little confused, you sais that you are more concerned of what God thinks of you than what people can do to you, which makes me also think that you are neither concerned with what people think. If thats the case why try to prove anything to your bf? if you are convicted, and beleive its wrong then that is what the spirit of God is leading you to beleive! u dont have to prove that to anyone else. It is going to be difficult to find a passage in the Bible that states that. No there is no law in the bible that says you need paper to be married to prove it. But, that is what the law of the states require, and it does say in the bible that we are to obey mans law, as long as it does not contradict Gods law. Plus in the bible marriage was a public ceremony, just like today, you cant be married if its not public(2 witness) 37 On Sep 24th, 2008, at 9:14pm, freddie wrote: cortney, now im the one confused. adam and eve were joined together in front of God and God alone. unless you count the animals in the garden witnesses. why should we, as christians, be bound by a law that now promotes homosexuality in some states. 38 On Sep 25th, 2008, at 6:36pm, cortney wrote: yes in the beginning, when all was perfect before sin! when sin was committed laws needed to exist! why should we? because the Bible says we should, laws and statutes create order. Just b/c there are laws in some states that allow ungodliness, doesnt mean you shouldnt obey the laws that dont contradict God and His word. 39 On Sep 30th, 2008, at 5:48pm, Fred wrote: What about when the two families of the betrothed couple are living together and the unwed couple do not share a bed? Or what about two friends who are not romantically involved are roommates? Cohabitation doesnt mean that the couple is having premarital sex by any means. Is the situation only viewed as cohabiting when the couple is alone or planning to get married? Just because two people share a living arrangement does than mean that they are living in sin? God doesnt care about circumstances, He knows the hearts of everyone. Are all these situations wrong only because of what man might think of them? 40 On Oct 1st, 2008, at 4:32am, cortney wrote: now roommates!?!? dont u think that is a little different? I am not telling u what God thinks and what he doesnt think, I am just letting u know what was revealed to me any my circumstance of living with my boyfriend. Thats why i state to pray about it and let God lead you. if man is saying one thing and God is telling u something different then of course go with God, but i truly beleive God would not put you in a situation that would cause your words to be evily spoken upon! Smiles and Kisses!! 41 On Oct 14th, 2008, at 5:40am, Lauri wrote: Deut 21:13-14 13 She shall put off the clothes of her captivity, remain in your house, and mourn her father and her mother a full month; after that you may go in to her and be her husband, and she shall be your wife. 14 And it shall be, if you have no delight in her, then you shall set her free, but you certainly shall not sell her for money; you shall not treat her brutally, because you have humbled her. NKJV 1 Cor 5:1 5:1 Immorality Defiles the Church It is actually reported that there is sexual immorality among you, and such sexual immorality as is not even named among the Gentilesthat a man has his fathers wife! NKJV

Sexual immorality is many things, laying with your fathers wife, with your close reletives or with animals. per verse above 42 On Oct 14th, 2008, at 5:52am, lauri wrote: 1 Cor 6:16-17 16 Or do you not know that he who is joined to a harlot is one body with her? For the two, He says, shall become one flesh. 17 But he who is joined to the Lord is one spirit with Him. NKJV become one flesh isnt that what he says about being married? Hmmm sounds like weddings are a man made law. 43 On Oct 14th, 2008, at 6:01am, lauri wrote: 1 Cor 7:1-9 It is good for a man not to touch a woman. 2 Nevertheless, because of sexual immorality, let each man have his own wife, and let each woman have her own husband. 3 Let the husband render to his wife the affection due her, and likewise also the wife to her husband. 4 The wife does not have authority over her own body, but the husband does. And likewise the husband does not have authority over his own body, but the wife does. 5 Do not deprive one another except with consent for a time, that you may give yourselves to fasting and prayer; and come together again so that Satan does not tempt you because of your lack of self-control. 44 On Oct 14th, 2008, at 6:11am, lauri wrote: . 6 But I say this as a concession, not as a commandment. 7 For I wish that all men were even as I myself. But each one has his own gift from God, one in this manner and another in that. 8 But I say to the unmarried and to the widows: It is good for them if they remain even as I am; 9 but if they cannot exercise self-control, let them marry. For it is better to marry than to burn with passion. NKJV please look into all my answers yourselves dont take my word i only gave you the word that i found in the bible myself. I would love any proof of diference by verse 45 On Oct 14th, 2008, at 7:25pm, Lauri wrote: This verse looks as if there was a gathering of some kind with a feast, before the daughter was given in the evening to be his wife to lay with her. Gen 29:21 21 Then Jacob said to Laban, Give me my wife. My time is completed, and I want to lie with her. (from New International Version) Gen 29:22-24 So Laban brought together all the people of the place and gave a feast. 23 But when evening came, he took his daughter Leah and gave her to Jacob, and Jacob lay with her. 24 And Laban gave his servant girl Zilpah to his daughter as her maidservant. (from New International Version) 46 On Oct 17th, 2008, at 3:06pm, Ashley wrote: I have been struggling with this for awhile and have yet to come to a conclusion myself. I am currently living with my boyfriend and plan on getting married. I understand if other people make opions about what were doing. But, that is them judging us. Doesnt the bible actaully state that man should not judge anyone?? We arent hurting anyone and I dont think it will affect wether or not our marriage will last. Did the people who did these studies that showed living together first ended up in divorce actaully add in all the other factors or just paid attention to the living together part? 47 On Oct 17th, 2008, at 4:12pm, Bill wrote: Dear Ashley, I appreciate your desire to follow the Bible in the area of not judging. I encourage you to read all the postings on this topic and apply the same diligence to the area of Gods moral standard for unmarried couples living together. The question I would ask: Are you having sex with each other? Please dont be offended - only you two (and God) really know. Since we do not know, we only can make judgments based on circumstances. Please note: Making judgments is not always wrong. In fact 1 Corinthians 2:15 (NIV) teaches: The spiritual man makes judgments about all things. Christians are actually instructed to make right

judgments. Jesus teaches in John 7:24 (NIV) Stop judging by mere appearances, and make a right judgment. Unfortunately, it seems youve set yourself up for scrutiny by appearing to live in a way that is Biblically imprudent at best. 48 On Oct 17th, 2008, at 9:46pm, Samantha wrote: Bill, There is a big difference in making judgments as far as what is spiritually right and judging a person. I think you may have gotten the two confused. Besides, weddings are man made the act of marriage is holy. 49 On Oct 18th, 2008, at 4:58pm, Bill wrote: Dear Samantha, Thanks for your thoughts. I appreciate and agree that judging a person just for the sake of condemning them is different than judging a persons actions. Consider this: In John 8:11 (NIV) Jesus judged the actions of the woman caught in adultery, but no one doubted his compassion for the sinner. He made a right judgment based on wisdom and circumstances and witnesses. It says this: Then neither do I condemn you, Jesus declared. Go now and leave your life of sin. Jesus called out the sin but obviously still loved the woman. When it comes to sexual sins (or as it pertains to this blog no hint of sexual immorality - Eph 5:3), often the most loving thing we can do is make a right judgment and compassionately encourage people to go and sin no more. 50 On Oct 20th, 2008, at 5:48pm, Ashley wrote: Samantha. Thank you. I was trying to think of how to say that last week but couldnt come up with the right way to say it. No sleep will cause the brain to slow =] And Bill as far as your comment about we can only make judgements based on circumstances... If anyone is ASSUMING that we are having sex then that is their mistake. My mom taught me at a young age what happens when you ASS-U-ME something. So, if there is a couple who is living together and NOT having sex where does the problem lie with them living together? 51 On Oct 20th, 2008, at 8:23pm, Bill wrote: Dear Ashley, Please understand, I in no way want to be contentious here. Like God, I care for you and those reading this blog. I simply want to help you understand why it might not be the wisest choice to live together if you are not married. But, ultimately, its your choice. In answer to your question, clearly people can choose to put themselves in less than wise circumstances and not be in sin. For instance, a person could frequent adult bookstores and not partake in the pornography. Likewise, people could spend lots of time in bars and liquor stores and not get drunk. In the same way, a man and a woman claiming to be in love could live together and not have sex. (to be continued) 52 On Oct 20th, 2008, at 10:01pm, Bill wrote: cont I would argue, however, that in each instance listed above, the people choosing to put themselves in these circumstances are in most cases unwise. And pertaining to the issue of cohabitation, it seems clear that God wants us to be particularly careful. It says in Ephesians 5:3 (NIV) But among you there must not be even a hint of sexual immorality, or of any kind of impurity, or of greed, because these are improper for Gods holy people. It seems that in our culture, when two people live together before getting married, the implication is way more that a hint of immorality. Heres a question: how would you

speak to, say, your daughter regarding Ephesians 5:3 if she were in your situation? Do you agree with it or do you read it another way? 53 On Oct 21st, 2008, at 12:06am, Cortney Jackson wrote: Ashley, I was just like you,living with my bf looking for the right answer, and this i can share, if you are lookin for people to give you the right answer, you will never get it! because you will be caught between looking for the answer you want to hear versus the answer you need to hear! The God that gives all these other people wisdom can give you wisdom too! so read the bible, meditate on Gods words,ask him to give u direction in the situation, seek him and not people, and u will be enlightened 54 On Oct 26th, 2008, at 6:43am, Andrew wrote: 1. I am reluctant cohabitate because the temptation to fornicate would be greater. 2. Cohabitating could lead to financial strain if you decide not to marry. Cohabitating puts you in a situation where you have to work w/ someone else as it relates to $. Couples are usually more effective w/ $ when they work together. Say a cohabitating couple ends up not getting married. By then they have purchased items together, including possibly cosigning for items because they believed they had a lasting relationship, only to end up separate everything. That sounds like a simulated marriage/divorce. I think that each person should pray & make a God-led decision. IMO, it is wiser & less risky to not live together before marriage. I also think that it is easier to have peace that surpasses all understanding by choosing not to cohabitate. 55 On Oct 28th, 2008, at 11:48am, james wrote: If we ever wish to find some sort of blueprint for who can live together, let us look at Adam and Eve as an example. God gave Eve to Adam and hence were married in Gods eyes - God pronouncing them as one flesh and effectively bound them together in legal covenant (evidence today marriage certificate). They were not hanging out in the garden together before this, that is, they were not watching the world go by together. It was only when God joined them together in legal union that they started living together. Hence, it not correct to say that fiancees can live together because of one reason or another; it is correct to say that married people live together because God ordains marriage as the only institution or arrangement whereby a couple can share their lives together. 56 On Nov 3rd, 2008, at 8:45pm, Marilyn wrote: Your discussion about cohabitation leaves out a group that may have many Christians bewildered. Many Baby Boomers have either lived with someone and been heartbroken after it did not work for them, or are currently in a committed relationship without the benefit of marriage. My partner passed away. Without the legality of marriage, I was not able to claim his remains. The question remains, though, after childrearing years, and dependency upon each other financialy and emotionally whether an older couple should marry and what role a congregation should play in encouraging both people to live a way pleasing to the Lord. I sincerely hope that each person will investigate, and if necessary, make adequate provision for your partner in whatever situation you are in. Our God is a loving Father, who will forgive and change the seemingly unchangeable. 57 On Nov 4th, 2008, at 3:41pm, Mary wrote: I have friends who were thrown out of church for living together. In fact, most churches that I have knowledge of will and if you want to marry, they refuse. They refuse to marry people who have been married before and say that is a sin. Does that mean if you were married to a man who had sex with multiple people during the marriage, you are bound to him anyway? If a man marries you then tells you that he still loves his ex, are you bound to him by the laws of the bible if he abandon`s you in every way? Is a woman bound to a man who severly abuses her? Yes, a lot of questions.This is all totally confusing. 58 On Nov 5th, 2008, at 3:13pm, Ashley wrote: Mary, although I do not have the scriptures with me and do not know them by heart. there are places in the bible where it does say that in those cases NO the woman is not bound to that man. And yes, some churches are like that. But, in my eyes and I believe in Gods those churches are wrong and I believe that God looks down upon them and hangs his head. We

are supposed to be accepting, forgiving, understanding and show mercy and grace. So, if you are in one of those situations PLEASE do not feel like you need to stay in it. You deserve to have a man that loves you and treats you the way God expects him to treat you. 59 On Nov 7th, 2008, at 9:09pm, wanda wrote: my future husband and I live together. We pray together. We go to church together. We tithe together. And After we are done with marriage couseling we will get married. I had a son from my previous marriage 6yrs ago, and we have a daughter who is 5mths. Our home is very peaceful, and we are awaiting the moment where we can be legally bound. Like another poster, I believe that our union is honored because we have made a commitment before God. I was told by a pastor that God does not honor our relationship or our home or our tithe. But, I cant believe that. Because it has taken such stregnth and prayer to over come some of thethings that we have been through. And aside from us not having a public ceremony, our commitment to God and our family is more in order than most of the legally married couples I know. If they sayd God honors their marriage and not my commitment, then why is their marriage not in order? 60 On Nov 11th, 2008, at 8:55pm, cortney jackson wrote: Wanda, If you dont mind me asking, what type of committment have you made before God, that you consider to be honorable? and whay has God shown you that leads you to beleive what you are doing is Honorable? 61 On Nov 13th, 2008, at 10:27pm, wanda wrote: No,I dont mind at all. We prayed and made a commitment before God to work at our family in which he has blessed us with. We talked to him about the fact that we live together. And as soon as we complete our counseling we will take vows. Now, I believe that he honors what he put together. He put our family together. He has seen to it that nothing come against us. And while he has allowed us to have the home in order, he hasnt completely allowed us to receive the blessings we would get if we would have taken vows before him. We are awawre of that. I know that until we do take vows, he wonnt unlock the full potential of our family and our relationship. Had we done things the right way I do believe that we would be in a better place, but we didnt. And he still granted us the vision to see what we can have. But we can only have them if we do whats right. 62 On Nov 14th, 2008, at 2:20am, Cortney wrote: Sounds good to me! congrats!!!! 63 On Nov 14th, 2008, at 4:21pm, wanda wrote: Thanks cortney. Please keep us in your prayers. 64 On Nov 16th, 2008, at 6:37pm, Darrell Matlock wrote: I have an un-mentioned situation related to this topic and would love to hear some opinions. I was previously married and divorced unwilling, after adopting her two kids. We were together 5 years married for almost 4 years. Divorced for 2 years now. My GF and I have dated 1yr, met on Christian website She lives 7 hours away from me. She is a student and non U.S. Citizen. Havent married yet because of handcuffs at our locations, and our cultural differences. She is ready for marriage, but I am trying to be extra careful, because of my past failure. We made commitment at beginning of relationship for no premarital sex. We have bible study every night via web cam, and extended time spent in bible study and prayer individually. This strengthens our ability to avoid sexual immorality. We both have our own homes, money, bills, no shared belongings. Our Cohabitation which I am being accused of consists of over night visits. Continued read bellow. 65 On Nov 16th, 2008, at 8:11pm, Darrell Matlock wrote: ....Continued from above. We wont share beds for sleep. Holding and kissing is allowed in our relationship, but not sexuality. I do freely admit to temptations, but they have not over come us. Most visits are a week or less, however she visited me the whole summer. Does the time period make a difference? Is one day acceptable, but 12 weeks Cohabitation? The lack of funds and the fact that neither of us lives near family to stay with them during visits, contributes to our staying under the same roof. How does this influence my children? I want to guide them against

premarital sex, Is my behavior with my visiting arrangements a bad example sharing the same roof but not the same bed? FYI my Son is 9 and My daughter is 13, I am 28, my GF is 30 for those who think age may matter. Also my GF has a roommate, and my children stay with me on weekends and extended days for holidays and summer. Thank you very much for any opinion with scripture support and God bless you all! 66 On Dec 3rd, 2008, at 9:30pm, jenn wrote: ok.. i just found this.. didnt read everything. but i have to say that polygomy is not okay!!! There were definitely people in the Bible who practiced it, that does not make it okay. And Yes, David was described as a man after Gods own heart.. that does not mean he was perfect. He was in sin committing adultry with bathsheeba and then killing uriah. he was wrong. God did not approve. and there are evident consequences in davids life too. polygomy may have been more socially acceptable at the time, and im sure most ppl wouldnt go against the king and tell him he is wrong. that doesnt mean that God didnt find fault. it is adultry. it is sexually immoral. It is wrong. Please dont ever believe anything different! 67 On Dec 17th, 2008, at 5:10pm, Rhonda wrote: Please, correct me if i am wrong. Arent we, as Christians, to obstain from sin in both act and appearance (1 Thess 5:22), so as not to draw those around us to cast a cloud of doubt over our faith? If, by your behavior you cause another to sin, are you not also guilty of sin(Mark 9:42)? Cohabitation certainly provides the appearance of impropriety. Also, arent we to avoid temptation rather than throw ourselves wholeheartedly into it (2 Tim 2:22)? I cohabited with my now husband before we were married, and have regretted it ever since Taking liberalities in reading the scriptures doesnt make what you are doing right in the eyes of the Lord. 68 On Dec 30th, 2008, at 1:43am, Jessica wrote: Hello! I have appreciated reading through all of these posts, and have still not come to a conclusion. I am currently living with a friend of mine who is male, and have received mixed counsel from strong Christian friends. There is not romantic involvement between my roommate and I, and we know each other well enough to know that a relationship is not a possibility. While he doesnt share the same convictions that i do (abstaining before marriage) hes respectful of my beliefs, and will not be bringing women home should he begin dating. I searched the Bible and my heart before agreeing to find a place to live with my friend, and was unable to find anything other than abstain from the appearance of evil to lead me to think that this was wrong. Anyone who knows us, is well aware that we are not sleeping together, but Im hoping for some guidance, or some verses I can show some concerned family members who believe whole heartedly that Im living in sin. 69 On Feb 11th, 2009, at 12:37pm, Emma wrote: Thank you for a very lively discussion regarding cohabitation and abstinence. I have recently had to leave the church I love over this issue as I have been told by the leader that I cannot be baptised because I am living with my boyfriend (but not having sex) and this doesnt look good or honour God in any way. I disagree and have searched the Bible for an answer, nowhere does it say that what I am doing is wrong. I prayed and spoke to God about my decision before I made it and found that Gods counsel was positive. I also learned that a couple who are living together and have two children and are having sex would be allowed to be baptised by the same man who said I couldnt. His argument is that they were together before they were Christian and me and my boyfriend were not. I cannot sort out this double standard and so have had to leave the church 70 On Feb 25th, 2009, at 8:11am, Amy wrote: Hi all, I am a single mother of 1, living with my parents, temporarily, due to financial difficulties and am considering moving together with my fiance. We are both dedicated Christians who dont have sex, and surprisingly enough, are not tempted by it either. My parents even at my age of 27, are extremely controlling and emotionally abusive. I love my fiance and he is definately a gift from God. Neither of us are fit to live in seperate apartments. Me being a single mother, and him, being a full time student and with a full time job. We would have seperate rooms, but share the house. We plan to get married this year, we get along perfectly,

and spent most of the time we have together finding ways to grow as a strong Christian couple. I dont want to disobey God, if this is wrong, but I dont feel in my heart that it is. We are soon to be legally married, we have a covenant with God, and times are tough. Feedback appreciated! 71 On Feb 25th, 2009, at 11:50pm, wanda wrote: well,Amy.first off congrats on your engagement! That is the first step. I too was in your position. I had been living with my fiance for about 6 mths. We were married on yesterday. We understood that in order to get it right with God that we had to be married, but we did make a commitment and saw it through. I cant advise you against the will of God. You and he need to pray together. 72 On Mar 4th, 2009, at 10:54am, Nikko wrote: I have been living with my girlfriend since the summer of 2007 I met her almost one year ago, and we have been inseparable since then. I am completely in love with her and she with me. Lately I have been really getting deep into the things of God. And I feel that we need to be married. I am only 20 and she is 21, but I feel that we need to live honorably before the Lord. Statistics dont mean anything to me, God blesses the married couplewe have a great relationship, and we have been abstaining. I feel that everything that Im doing now is fine in Gods eyes, and that he is growing inside of me. I could care less what other so-called Christians think of me, and my living arrangement, because I am diligently living for God nowcontinued 73 On Mar 17th, 2009, at 5:53pm, Laura wrote: I really need help. Im facing my boyfriend moving out of state, long distance relationships dont work out for long periods of time. We have lived together in the past, but it was to soon. Nothing wrong happened, just thought it would be better if we didnt rush the way we were. Now hes going to be doing his residency, working 80 hour weeks. We wont see each other much.But I cant see giving up on him and staying behind I can transfer with the company Im with and Ill have so much time to focus on me and what God wants to do in my life. Im so confused. Please help. 74 On Mar 26th, 2009, at 4:25pm, Jeremy wrote: I understand that the bible says the appearance of evil is a sin and therefor living together before marriage is looked upon as a sin because it gives the appearance that the couple is have (sex) which is the actual sin. but in todays society wouldnt it be safe to say that the majority of people would look at a couple that have been dating especially for a long time and assume they are having sex, even if they arent living together. so in that case is it wrong to even date someone? 75 On Apr 15th, 2009, at 5:10am, Karisa Wilson wrote: I, a believer, am engaged to a believer. We are getting married in two months, live together now because the housing opp and ceremony were not perfectly timed. We have made a commitment to save intimacy for after the ceremony. Are we dirty sinners because we couldnt get the hall rented two months sooner? My Uncle has cursed our marriage, saying that it will not last if we dont find other places (and pay for) to live for the next two months. Moving, and then moving again would place a great economic hardship on our new marrige, as well as be physically impossible to pull off. We have exchanged rings and announced our commitment before our church and family. Were not being immoral or sporting the appearance of anything immoral, why so hung up on timing? Is God this petty? 76 On Apr 17th, 2009, at 12:58pm, Ronnie wrote: Karisa, I will not doubt that you and your fiance are staying sexually pure though living together. But what about your friends who are not believers? What do they think? Do they really think that you all are sleeping in two separate beds? Do they really believe you and fiance are refraining from having any sexual contact? If all of your non-Christian friends are convinced there is no sexual contact, that is one thing. However, if they dont really believe you are staying sexually pure, you have lost your witness with them. Although your non-believing friends may have no problem with

cohabitation, your Christian influence with them will suffer. How much is that trade off worth to you and your fiance financially? The comment thread for this article is now closed. Please use our contact form.

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What does the Bible really say about heterosexual marriage and homosexuality?
By Hal Lane - Jul 31, 2007 - 42 The evangelical Christian community leads efforts to preserve the traditional definition of marriage and to oppose acceptance of homosexuality for one primary reasonbiblical revelation. For those who believe that the Bible is the inerrant Word of God there is no confusion about the proper definition of marriage or the immorality of homosexuality. The biblical basis for understanding Gods intention for marriage is found in Genesis 2. The human race began with the creation of a heterosexual coupleAdam and Eve. The creation of Adam and Eve (male and female) was the foundation of human civilization and their union the first marriage. Genesis 2:24 states: This is why a man leaves his father and mother and bonds with his wife, and they become one flesh. Marriage is an institution of God designed as a lifelong covenant relationship between a man and woman (Matt. 19:1-6). Gods command to Adam and Eve was be fruitful, multiply, fill the earth (Gen. 1:28). Gods design for procreation demanded the union of a man and woman. This is another indication that Gods intention for marriage was exclusively a heterosexual union. The Bible declares all sexual activity outside of the marriage relationship to be sexual immorality. Homosexuality is first mentioned in biblical history in the story of the angelic visitors who came to Lot in Sodom (Gen. 19:1-25). The principal sin that resulted in the destruction of Sodom was homosexuality (Gen. 19:5-6). Homosexuality is condemned in the Mosaic Law as detestable and was punishable by death (Lev. 18:22; 20:13). The New Testament also clearly identifies homosexuality as immorality. Jesus statement, Dont assume that I came to destroy the Law or the Prophets. I did not come to destroy but to fulfill (Matt. 5:17), indicated His agreement with all moral laws of the Mosaic Law including the laws prohibiting homosexuality. His statements on marriage and divorce in Matthew 5:31-32; 19:1-9 revealed His agreement with the definition of marriage as a lawful bond between a man and woman for life. The Apostle Paul confronted a secular culture where homosexuality was accepted and endorsed by influential writers and leaders. In contrast to the acceptance of homosexuality by many in the first century A.D., Paul referred to the practice as sexual impurity, unnatural, shameless acts, and perversion (Rom. 1:24-27). Paul included homosexuals among those who will not inherit the kingdom of God (1 Cor. 6:9-10). Homosexuality is also included in a list of sins in 1 Timothy 1:10. Liberal scholars have attempted at least three forms of attacks upon the biblical condemnation of homosexuality. Some have openly taken issue with the veracity of Scripture and treat the modern acceptance of homosexuality as new truth superior to scriptural revelation. Others have attempted to use a distorted definition of love to justify homosexual relationships. Still others assert that some people are born with homosexual tendencies and that God is therefore responsible and approving of homosexuality. People are born with a sin nature that manifests itself in many expressions of rebellion against God. God is not to be blamed for our sinful choices. He sent His Son to deliver us from the penalty and the practice of sinincluding homosexuality. Christians have an opportunity to be salt and light by taking a stand for the biblical definition of marriage and upholding its condemnation of homosexuality.
Hal Lane is pastor of West Side Baptist Church in Greenwood, South Carolina, and chairman of the trustees of the Ethics & Religious Liberty Commission.

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{comment_total} comments
1 On Jul 31st, 2007, at 10:29pm, James McClintock wrote: And what wisdom can be offered to a young couple who have not engaged in a legal marriage commitment but claim the are committed as husband and wife by their own commitment to the Lord? And how about an older couple who were married in a church ceremony but have not filed their marriage with the state? These arent tests, just the realities where I live. 2 On Aug 1st, 2007, at 1:01pm, Dan Valdes wrote: The good reverend Lane states Homosexuality is condemned in the Mosaic Law as detestable and was punishable by death (Lev. 18:22; 20:13). Is there anything to add? Did St. Paul encounter gay people in the way we know them today? When did the term homosexual first appear in the English language Rev. Lane? What does the original Greek text say? There was no word for homosexual then, so what was it exactly? What did the original King James say? When did you decide to become heterosexual Reverend? What was that process like for you? Do you need to reaffirm it regularly or does it come naturally? Have you always felt heterosexual? Does it run in your family? Did you have good relationships with your father or do you think you learned it from you mother? Dan Valdes 3 On Aug 1st, 2007, at 3:26pm, Rev. Steve Jacobson wrote: There really isnt any question about what the Bible says about heterosexual marriage and homosexuality. The only question to answer is Do I believe in the inerrancy of Scripture, or do I reject those teaching with which I disagree as being affected by the societal mores of the writers day? When you begin questioning what the Bible says about homosexuality by whether or not the word homosexual is used in Scripture you ignore the clear language of Scripture. When Paul wrote in Romans 1 that God gave them up to vile affections the words in the original literally mean shameful passions, to dishonor or disgrace; The souls diseased condition from various lusts spring. The next verse describes what Paul meant, men with men leaving the natural use of the woman, burned in their lust one toward another, men with men, working that which is unseemly. There is little doubt about what the Scripture is speaking, only whether or not we accept it as absolute truth. 4 On Aug 1st, 2007, at 3:32pm, Ethel Stewart wrote: As a follower of Jesus Christ, I have never understood why people argue and debate whether it was ever Gods plan for two men or two women to be joined together as husband and wife. I believe the Bible and practice its precepts. It is a no brainer for me. So what is there to discuss? God has given every person free will. That free will comes with consequences. So, do what you want. Just be willing to suffer the consequences of your actions. I have two kids that I love dearly and will always love. They are gay. They know what the Bible says, yet they have chosen to do their own thing. As long as they know what the consequences are, it is their choice and their choice alone to continue to practice their gay lifestyle. They just cant do it in my home; one of the consequences, or in my presence; another consequence. Do I love them? Sure do. Will I always love them? Sure will. Do I continue to pray for them? Always. 5 On Aug 1st, 2007, at 4:00pm, Rich Allcorn wrote: Homosexuality has been shoved down our throats in a constant fashion so as to make it commonplace in the public view. Take notice and learn. Every movie that you now watch has, at the very least, one homosexual scene in it. This is to program our morals to accept this as a normal, everyday practice. Gods Word is very clear on the matter: Lev 20:13 (NASB) If there is a man who lies with a male as those who lie with a woman, both of them have committed a detestable act; they shall surely be put to death. Their bloodguiltiness is upon them.

God destroyed Sodom because of this sin! Its no small secret how He feels about it! Consider this: IF, we were to began to push and push child pornography upon the movie audiences ... subtle at first, but then more and more, dont you think it would one day become as the homosexual lifestyle is today - commonly accepted, with rights to exist where there were once laws making the mere acts illegal? 6 On Aug 1st, 2007, at 4:07pm, Jay Rowe wrote: Sodomy is in the Greek text and it has the same meaning as homosexual. What can be said about Rev 21:8 I believe that all sin is equal in the eyes of God. I also believe that some sins will take us further into sin than others. If there were any place in the scriptures that said that it is not a sin to be gay than you can be sure that the evangelicals would back off. However, there is text after text that state how horrible it is, it is listed with murder, idolatry, etc. As long as you have a pulse you can be forgiven. God loves you and sent His son Jesus to die for all sins. If you will repent and turn from your sins admitting that you are a sinner than God is willing to forgive your sins and give you the gift of eternal life. Then get involved in a church that teaches the inerrant Word of God. Get a Bible and begin to read, the book of John is a great start. Jay Rowe 7 On Aug 1st, 2007, at 4:20pm, Matt wrote: RE: Dans post #2 and Rev. Jacobsons post #3. Rev. Jacobson raises an interesting question for us Dan when he says, The only question to answer is Do I believe in the inerrancy of Scripture, or do I reject those teaching with which I disagree as being affected by the societal mores of the writers day? Based on some of your (Dan) prior posts to ERLC.com, I take it you have more than a mere working knowledge of Scripture. With considerable confidence, you once referenced at length verses which speak to our status as believers: Gods child, Christs Friend, chosen and appointed, free from any charge, personal witness (your wording). You affirmed these statements using quite a number of New Testament passages including John, 1&2 Cor, Acts, Matt, Rom, Phil, and Eph (at least 4 NT authors as my count). Now, my question to you is this: (Ill ask the same question 3 different ways.) What is your method for choosing which Scriptures you affirm and which scriptures to deny? I hope you can understand my confusion as youve both affirmed and denied passages from the same book (Romans denied Chap 1, affirmed Chap 8). In other words, if you take the position that the passages regarding homosexuality are wrong, on what do you base your confidence in any of the Scriptures that speak to believers status as Gods child, can to all things through Christ, citizen of Heaven, etc? (Again, your words.) At the risk of over doing the same basic question: How would you (as a Christian) explain the Gospel to a nonbeliever? If you believe that Scripture A is wrong, errant, or limited to the authors social setting, why should the nonbeliever choose to believe Scripture B?

8 On Aug 1st, 2007, at 4:42pm, Dan Valdes wrote: Ms. Stewart says I have two kids that I love dearly and will always love. They are gay. They know what the Bible says, yet they have chosen to do their own thing. As long as they know what the consequences are, it is their choice and their choice alone to continue to practice

their gay lifestyle. They just cant do it in my home; one of the consequences, or in my presence; another consequence My dear ladybeing gay has less to do with one of your sons kissing another man than it does with his feelings inside. (or a girl if they are lesbians) But no one is making choices here. Being gay is not a choice. Hes gay in your home when he visits and was gay in your home when you raised him. Its a great opportunity for you to enrich yourself and learn more about human sexuality and attraction, please dont waste it. Dan Valdes 9 On Aug 1st, 2007, at 4:48pm, Dan Valdes wrote: Jay Rowe says Sodomy is in the Greek text and it has the same meaning as homosexual. You might want to check into that sir, I think you are mistaken. I am concerning my focus here on the Pauline letters. Respectfully, Dan Valdes 10 On Aug 1st, 2007, at 5:34pm, Pastor Rich Allcorn wrote: Being GAY is a choice. Thoughts meditated on, beliefs, and principles, are not hard-wired ... they are choices. If you can choose to have desires for little children, or animals, (Bible addresses also) why not the choice to be gay? It - is - a - choice. Your actions are always a choice, right or wrong. 11 On Aug 1st, 2007, at 5:40pm, Pastor Rich Allcorn wrote: (continued) Sin is never acceptable to man. But when it is given in small doses, it poisons the judgement and moral character of a nation. Take this example and learn, for a frog if placed in boiling hot water will immediately jump out. He quickly recognizes the dilemma. BUT, if the water is turned up, slowly, over time ... to allow him to adjust, he will surely be on someones dinner plate before nightfall. And so it is with sin. The wall of conscience has to be torn down, bit by bit, so a man or woman will accept what is otherwise detestable to them. Homosexuality is no different. God loves the sinner. The sin, however, is an altogether different matter. Take time to consider this before you react. Listen ... and learn. John 8:31-32 http://www.wordchurch.info 12 On Aug 1st, 2007, at 5:48pm, Jay Rowe wrote: James 1:13-15 (NKJV) 13 Let no one say when he is tempted, I am tempted by God; for God cannot be tempted by evil, nor does He Himself tempt anyone. 14 But each one is tempted when he is drawn away by his own desires and enticed. 15 Then, when desire has conceived, it gives birth to sin; and sin, when it is full-grown, brings forth death. Being gay is just as much a choice as robbing a store. We are tempted by Satan, never God, when we are drawn away by our own desires and enticed. Do you believe that God would convict one of His children who have fallen into the sin of Homosexuality? 13 On Aug 1st, 2007, at 6:00pm, Jay Rowe wrote: Mr. Valdes, Thank you for reading my comment. When I wrote on Sodomy I was going by the definition of

Sodomy as one who practices sodomy; unnatural sexual intercourse, especially that between two males. These English words are derived from SODOM, an ancient city in the land of Canaan noted for such depraved activities. All the men of Sodom came to Lots house, demanding that he allow them to have sexual relations with two people inside(Gen 19:5) but Lot refused. The next day Lot escaped from Sodom and God destroyed the city because of its great sin. Sodomy was prohibited by the law of Moses (Deut. 23:17) and condemned by Paul (Rom 1:27; 1Cor 6:9). 14 On Aug 1st, 2007, at 6:17pm, Dan Valdes wrote: Pastor Rich Allcorn wrote: Being GAY is a choice. Thoughts meditated on, beliefs, and principles, are not hard-wired ... they are choices. If you can choose to have desires for little children, or animals, (Bible addresses also) why not the choice to be gay? It - is - a choice. Your actions are always a choice, right or wrong. But Pastor being gay is not just about actions its deeper and more comples than that. When and how did you decide to become heterosexual? Reflect upon that and you might get more understanding into what I mean about being gay is not just about actions. Best, Dan Valdes 15 On Aug 1st, 2007, at 6:56pm, Pastor Rich Allcorn wrote: One does not decide to be heterosexual any more than one decides to be a human being. We are born that way. It is the natural order of our creation, for reproduction. Cells in our body also reproduce. But, when some of those cells choose to go beyond the natural order of their design, they begin to destroy the body. We call this Cancer. Homosexuality destroys the body as well. We can discuss medical findings, and mans opinion all day long, but when it all boils down ... we have people - our brothers and sisters (brothers mostly) who are dying - dying because of this lifestyle of choice. They are dying both physically, and more importantly ... spiritually. I dont hate homosexuals any more than I hate a drunk, but I want to see them free of that entanglement. It will destroy them - both in this life and in the one to come. 16 On Aug 1st, 2007, at 7:24pm, Dan Valdes wrote: Pastor Rich Allcorn wrote: One does not decide to be heterosexual any more than one decides to be a human being. But he cant apply that same reasoning to homosexuality. To me it appears like a closed bigoted mind. Since we are talking human sexuality it stands to reason that the development of his sexuality could provide insight into the development of others sexuality but perhaps the glass doesnt focus both ways for him. 17 On Aug 1st, 2007, at 7:27pm, Rev. Steve Jacobson wrote: One additional comment from me. If homosexuality is not a choice, but the way one is born, what kind of God condemns a person for that which he cannot help? Does God also condemn someone for being a redhead? Does God condemn someone for being born male or female? Condemnation deals only with the choices we make. While the desire may be affected by many things, acting upon those feelings is a choice which God CLEARLY condemns 18 On Aug 1st, 2007, at 8:23pm, Dan Valdes wrote: Rev. Steve Jacobson wrote: One additional comment from me. If homosexuality is not a choice, but the way one is born, what kind of God condemns a person for that which he cannot help?

That is my point EXACTLY Rev. Steve. I could not have said it better. 19 On Aug 3rd, 2007, at 2:25pm, Jimmy wrote: i am an adult male who was sexually abused from the age of five, by a relative, this abuse which lasted into my early adult life has caused me so much pain. I dont know if it was because of this or from some genetic mix up that I see myself as gay. I so much want to be Christian, but all I find in the church is hate, very little love. I can stay away from the gay bars, clubs etc., But I can not hide from myself. From the inner thoughts that cause so much confusion. One part of me wants to be Christian but the Christians dont want me part of their church. I recognize I am a sinner and ask Jesus to be my saviour. Is it possible for me to one day wake up straight. Please pray for me.Jimmy 20 On Aug 3rd, 2007, at 4:06pm, Dan Valdes wrote: Dear Jimmy, Its very possible to be gay and Christian. (Google gay Christians for more info) You can be an fully integrated human being. Why not look at a United Church of Christ or United Methodist affirming congregation? Not everyone sees this issue the way the SBC does. In fact, not all Baptists see this issue the way the SBC does. There are MANY Christians that wont judge you but will simply love and affirm you as the wonderful child of God that you are. I am praying for you. Just be yourself. God wants you to be happy. Dan Valdes 21 On Aug 3rd, 2007, at 7:17pm, Dan Valdes wrote: Jimmy asks Is it possible for me to one day wake up straight? Its highly unlikely. Find a church that will accept and affirm you in love Jimmy. There are an abundance of them out there. 22 On Aug 3rd, 2007, at 8:48pm, Bob Stith wrote: Jimmy, I am so sorry about your experiences with churches that do not demonstrate redemptive love. I can assure you there are many SBC churches that are caring and compassionate about the issue of homosexuality. There are also some who can give you the help for which you have expressed a need. The church today often finds itself in a difficult place in speaking about sin period. When I pastored I addressed the issue of divorce several times. Some people were angry and some didnt come back. But some of us listened to the sermons over again and felt that they were intentionally redemptive. Divorce is a huge problem and it will never get better if we cant speak about it. Admittedly we pastors can sometimes come across as harsh and condemning and certainly we can all work on that. Please dont let the frailty of man keep you from experiencing the fulness of Christ.

in Christ, Bob Stith 23 On Aug 3rd, 2007, at 8:58pm, Bob Stith wrote: Jimmy, Just a couple more comments. Regardless of what some may say, I have many, many friends who have walked away from homosexuality. They are not repressed, delusional or living in some alternate reality. They are very much at peace with what God has done in their lives. From my first experience with many of these men and women I was convinced that by and large they were the most Christ like, joyful and loving Christians I knew. As with any group that isnt universally true but it certainly has been my experience. It can be done. Please stay in touch. In Christ, Bob Stith 24 On Aug 3rd, 2007, at 9:07pm, Dan Valdes wrote: Bob Stith says Regardless of what some may say, I have many, many friends who have walked away from homosexuality. However, more often than not these people are professional ex-gays who either make a full time living being ex-gay or they have some other professional steak in being ex-gay. There are not many people who actually change their sexual orientation. I have never met one in 45 years. Including folks that tried shock therapy and other conversion therapies. It does not work. Its snake oil.

That is a myth that Change is possible. Ask one of them what they mean by change and you will see its not becoming heterosexual. You would do better Jimmy to stay away from people selling false notions and find a place that accepts you as you are. Dan Valdes 25 On Aug 4th, 2007, at 3:50pm, Rev. Steve Jacobson wrote: Jimmy: Yes, you can go to the United Church of Christ or United Methodist church and find a congregation that will affirm your homosexuality. But you could go all the way and become a Unitarian. They affirm everything. The Bible authorizes sex only within the bonds of marriage and the only marriage God ever endorsed was heterosexual. Someone says, Well. thats not fair to gays because they cant get married. True. But I also know heterosexuals who never married, and they chose celibacy because the Bible forbids sex outside of marriage. Remember, you will not stand before a UCC or UMC pastor once you die. Paul says, We must all stand before the judgment seat of Christ that everyone may receive the things done in his body, according to that he hath done, whether it be good or bad. May God guide your decision. Seek Him. 26 On Aug 6th, 2007, at 6:25pm, Pastor Rich Allcorn wrote: Dear Jimmy:

Yes, you can be saved. In fact, if youve prayed that prayer ... YOU ARE SAVED. The first thing youve got to do is to lose that tag. Youre not gay. Gay means happy. Youre obviously not happy right now as youre working to resolve this issue. And youre not queer, which means strange and peculiar. Youre dealing with something that you need Gods help to overcome. That problem is important to Him, because its important to you. I encourage you to not attend a church that accepts the homosexual lifestyle. Theyre not embracing the Word of God. You want to go somewhere where they embrace the Word of God, and practice it. Then, youll find that they will love you and help you to find the answers to overcome this. This is a Bible-based church. THAT is what you need. I wish you the best, and will be praying for you. 27 On Aug 6th, 2007, at 6:52pm, Pastor Rich Allcorn wrote: ... and for Dan Valdes: in response to be being closed-minded, Im afraid Im going to have to agree with you ... I am closed-minded on this subject. Gods Word does not change ... for you, Dan, or me, or anybody else. It is unchangeable. This is not a democracy. We dont vote on how God is going to do things ... so if HE doesnt like it, and HE says its wrong, I really have no option to be open-minded about any other way. The Bible says when you continue in that lifestyle that God gives you over to a depraved mind ... Id just as soon NOT go there. But He loves you too, just like Jimmy. Dan, you dont have to stay that way. It IS a choice. 28 On Aug 6th, 2007, at 7:19pm, Dan Valdes wrote: Dear Pastor Rich Allcom, You state: Gods Word does not change ... for you, Dan, or me, or anybody else. It is unchangeable. Are you familiar with Malokois and Arsenokoitai? Can you share with us the meanings of those words? 29 On Aug 6th, 2007, at 7:40pm, Dan Valdes wrote: Pastor Rich Allcom declares You want to go somewhere where they embrace the Word of God, and practice it. But he is saying that from a very ego centric point of view. Is that to say that the celebration of the mass is apostasy? Are those that believe the apostles creed not part of the universal church? What makes him so self assured, has he never been wrong about something before, have scholars, in particular Biblical ones never been wrong before? 30 On Aug 6th, 2007, at 8:04pm, Dan Valdes wrote: Pastor Rich says Dan, you dont have to stay that way. It IS a choice. Do you think by now (45 years into it) that I WOULD have changed if I COULD have changed? I spent untold years as self-loathing homosexual. Finally I decided to be happy. Life is too short for self-loathing. The Jesus I know would not make me gay and then condemn me the way you do. I wonder Pastor Rich, just what makes you so holy? Are you without blemish? I have lived with all kinds of incentives to be straight but it doesnt work that way Pastor Rich, and I wonder exactly why you seem to think it does. What is your experience with the issue?

31 On Aug 7th, 2007, at 5:40pm, Bob Stith wrote: On Aug 3rd, 2007, at 2:07pm, Dan Valdes wrote: However, more often than not these people are professional ex-gays Some of the people Ive known do lead ministries. They do so not because theyre making big money the leadership of some pro-gay groups make more money than most of the ex-gay ministries put together but because they want to share with others the help theyve gotten. Unfortunately they could make more money in the secular world because by and large the church doesnt support these ministries. Dan this is an unfair attack. 32 On Aug 7th, 2007, at 5:54pm, Bob Stith wrote: On Aug 6th, 2007, at 12:19pm, Dan Valdes wrote: Are you familiar with Malokois and Arsenokoitai? Dan I assume youre talking about the attempts to dismiss Pauls use of malakoi and arsenokoitai by arguing that Paul more or less invented the terms. The argument is that malakoi was not a technical term meaning homosexuality and that arsenokoitai was not used in any other extant Greek texts earlier than 1 Corinthians. However malakoi was generally understood to mean the soft or effeminate man in a homosexual relationship. It was also widely used in Hellenistic Greek as pejorative slang to describe the passive partner. Arsenokoitai is used in the Septuagint in Leviticus 18:22 and 20:13. It is also used in Rabbinic texts to refer to homosexual intercourse. Paul would have been familiar with this so it really is disingenuous to argue that he invented the word or didnt mean it in the sense we understand it today. 33 On Aug 7th, 2007, at 8:56pm, Dan Valdes wrote: Bob said that was an unfair attack to report that the majority of those involved as ex-gays are professional ex-gays but it is reality. I am not sure why he thinks that the truth is an attack but I didnt intend for it to be felt as an attack, simply an informed rebuttal to the myths the ex-gay industry is promulgating in the guise of religion. You cant pray the gay away and those that say you can are misleading you for their own political or professional or psychological purposes, in my opinion. Again, I have NEVER met ANYONE who has changed sexual orientation. I know several failed attempts. The notion of changing from gay to straight is a myth. 34 On Aug 7th, 2007, at 9:00pm, Bob Stith wrote: Dan, you say first that not many change and then that change doesnt work that it is snake oil. Ill leave aside the contradictions here and point out a couple of things. You say that youve never met one. Honestly I have to question that. Ive heard people say that theyve never met a gay person. This statement assumes they will somehow know if they are in the presence of a gay person. Secondly, if each person is allowed to make their own definition of what gay or ex-gay means then all we have to do is move our circle if someone threatens our definition. In 13 years experience with these groups Ive never known of a group which practiced shock therapy. That isnt to say it hasnt happened (see comments on Ive never met an ex-gay). It is simply saying that if that has happened, it was an aberration and not something that any ministry Ive ever known has practiced. In talking to hundreds of ex-gays Ive never heard of one who had this experience. 35 On Aug 7th, 2007, at 9:18pm, Dan Valdes wrote: I didnt intend to dismiss St. Paul as inventing the word but the truth is that those Greek words dont mean homosexual person as we understand gay persons today.

Yes malakoi means soft and is even used to describe cloth as soft. To say its a passive gay male seems a bit of a stretch of bias against us. That sounds a lot like Greek and Roman machismo to me. Those cultures permitted dominance in male to male sex but didnt hold the same esteem for the receptive participant. Usually this was a junior person or a slave boy. Certainly you dont hold that same position, I suppose. And for that to be correct, you would have to let the active gay partner off the hook. I doesnt add up to me. You cant get past sex in this argument to the deeper reality of relationships. Being gay is not just about having sex. People with discernment understand this. I dont see why you are so attached to your biases. 36 On Aug 7th, 2007, at 9:59pm, Dan Valdes wrote: Dear Bob, The person I know who underwent shock therapy did so voluntarily He did it due to his own self-loathing and internal motivation to change. He married, had three children but ultimately left his wife and has now settled down into a gay relationship at age 48. That was the extent of his desire to change. First extreme therapy, then living a lie and finally arriving at self acceptance on his journey. This is one of many. Thats why I say its snake oil. People can be REALLY motivated to be heterosexual but some of us simply are not. If that extreme therapy coupled with all kinds of Christian therapy and prayer didnt change this person, what in the world would? And at the end of the day, shouldnt we be true to our nature? 37 On Aug 8th, 2007, at 3:28am, Bob Stith wrote: Dan, you said And at the end of the day, shouldnt we be true to our nature? Paul says we are by nature children of wrath so I dont know that being true to that nature is a good idea. Scripture teaches that when Christ comes into our lives we have a new nature. However Paul also tells us that the flesh will always war against the spirit. It is our responsibility to discern and crucify the longings of the flesh. That is true for all of us regardless of what sin or temptation we deal with. Sometimes doing what the Bible calls sin can seem like the most natural thing in the world. So it is dangerous to go by our feelings. 38 On Aug 8th, 2007, at 3:41am, Bob Stith wrote: Dan said but it is reality. I am not sure why he thinks that the truth is an attack but I didnt intend for it to be felt as an attack, simply an informed rebuttal to the myths the exgay industry is promulgating in the guise of religion. Dan, my point was that you set the parameters for what is truth, what is informed and it seems to be a moving target. As I said, you first said not many change and then change is a myth. I didnt see the truth as an attack. I simply felt that you were dismissing the experiences of people I know to be genuine and truthful. You may not like their experience but I do think it is an attack when you in effect call them liars or deceivers.

Would it not be better to simply say I dont see it that way or that hasnt been my experience rather than infer that those with whom you disagree are promulgating myths or peddling snake oil? 39 On Aug 8th, 2007, at 3:55am, Bob Stith wrote: Re: malakoi First of all, I said that that usage was common in Hellenistic Greek in that sense, not that I agreed with it. I was making the point that using the word in that sense was not unknown in the Greek world. But I think arsenokoitai is the more pertinent word. Paul used it in light of its usage in the Septuagint. As you probably know this was a Greek translation of the Hebrew Old Testament. The Old Testament words understood to be referring to homosexuality were translated as arsenokoitai. Dan, this isnt a bias. It is a matter of translation. Ive read pro-gay theologians who acknowledge this is what the passage says. Their approach is to simply dismiss the importance of it. But they dont deny that this is what it says. 40 On Aug 9th, 2007, at 2:20pm, Dan Valdes wrote: Bob Stith said regarding what the ex-gay industry calls change ...Would it not be better to simply say I dont see it that way or that hasnt been my experience rather than infer that those with whom you disagree are promulgating myths or peddling snake oil? and I would have to agree in as much as if someone who was not on a payroll (ie.. Exodus, Focus on the Family, etc..) or engaged in an ex-gay ministry or conversion therapy or on the lecture circuityes I would agree but its the almost circus-like atmosphere that surrounds the professional ex-gays that draw the snake oil comment. They are selling a false notion that you can change your sexuality through counseling and prayer and that is largely and scientifically unfounded. It seems politically driven more than faith based, in my opinion and experience. 41 On Aug 10th, 2007, at 5:17pm, MODERATOR wrote: While this is some what off topic for this thread, an article which may apply toComment # 1 by James McClintock has recently been posted to ERLC.com: Cohabitation Confusion Comments related to that subject would be appropriate on that page. 42 On Oct 19th, 2008, at 9:27pm, DL Avant wrote: How can a christian vote for the democratic party platform or anyone that represents it? Anyone that has read the information contained in the Democratic National Committee history and what the party stands for should know that the party advocates and supports homosexualty and pro-choice(abortion). My guess is that the brothers in Christ are not aware of the fact that Democratic Party has left them far behind and no longer reflects their christian values. Why arent our religious leaders shouting to the rafters against the evil the Democratic Party stands for. I feel our religious leaders, both pastors and deacons are remiss in their responsibilities in this matter. The comment thread for this article is now closed. Please use our contact form.

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Verses by TopicFamily Bible Verses

Family Bible Verses

Bible Verses About Family - Read verses that give the biblical perspective on subjects relating to families, such as love, family relationships, family problems, family values, children, strength, and death. Read verses from the Holy Bible about family in relation to God, Jesus Christ, and the Christian faith. Use our Bible verses by topic page to quickly find Bible verses organized by popular topics.

Exodus 20:12
"Honor your father and your mother, so that you may live long in the land the LORD your God is giving you.
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Deuteronomy 5:16
"Honor your father and your mother, as the LORD your God has commanded you, so that you may live long and that it may go well with you in the land the LORD your God is giving you.
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Proverbs 1:8
Listen, my son, to your father's instruction and do not forsake your mother's teaching.
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Proverbs 6:20
My son, keep your father's commands and do not forsake your mother's teaching.
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Proverbs 15:20
A wise son brings joy to his father, but a foolish man despises his mother.
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Matthew 15:4
For God said, 'Honor your father and mother' and 'Anyone who curses his father or mother must be put to death.'
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Ephesians 6:1-2
Children, obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right. "Honor your father and mother"--which is the first commandment with a promise-Read Ephesians 6 | View in parallel | Compare Translations

Colossians 3:20
Children, obey your parents in everything, for this pleases the Lord.
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Psalm 103:17
But from everlasting to everlasting the LORD's love is with those who fear him, and his righteousness with their children's children-Read Psalms 103 | View in parallel | Compare Translations

Joshua 24:15
But if serving the LORD seems undesirable to you, then choose for yourselves this day whom you will serve, whether the gods your forefathers served beyond the River, or the gods of the Amorites, in whose land you are living. But as for me and my household, we will serve the LORD."
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Proverbs 11:29
He who brings trouble on his family will inherit only wind, and the fool will be servant to the wise.
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Proverbs 15:27
A greedy man brings trouble to his family, but he who hates bribes will live.
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Proverbs 31:15-17
She gets up while it is still dark; she provides food for her family and portions for her servant girls. She considers a field and buys it; out of her earnings she plants a vineyard. She sets about her work vigorously; her arms are strong for her tasks.
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Bible Verses About Family

A Collection of Scriptures About Family Relationships
By Mary Fairchild, About.com Guide

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Ads A Mother's Storywww.thoughts-about-god.comTwenty Seven Years Ago, My Mother made a promise that changed my life Lords teaching on prayerwww.bjnewlife.orgAll about the Lords Prayer How does Jesus want us to pray? Build your family treewww.GeneBase.comDiscover your ancestry, find long lost relatives, family tree search. Ads The Proverbs of Solomonwww.LetGodBeTrue.comPractical, hard-hitting, spiritual commentary on Bible Proverbs. Is There a God?www.ForPersonalHelp.comThe Answer May Surprise You! When God created humans, he designed us to live in families. Family relationships, therefore, are important to God. Even thechurch, the universal body of believers, is called the family of God. When we receive God's Spirit at salvation, we are adopted into his family. This collection of Bible verses about family will help you focus on the various relational aspects of a godly family unit. Genesis 2:24 Therefore a man shall leave his father and his mother and hold fast to his wife, and they shall become one flesh. (ESV) Exodus 20:12 "Honor your father and mother. Then you will live a long, full life in the land the Lord your God is giving you." (NLT)

Joshua 24:15 "But if you refuse to serve the Lord, then choose today whom you will serve. Would you prefer the gods your ancestors served

beyond the Euphrates? Or will it be the gods of the Amorites in whose land you now live? But as for me and my family, we will serve the Lord." (NLT)

Psalm 103:17 But from everlasting to everlasting the LORD's love is with those who fear him, and his righteousness with their children's children (NIV)

Psalm 127:3-5 Children are a gift from the Lord; they are a reward from him. Children born to a young man are like arrows in a warrior's hands. How joyful is the man whose quiver is full of them! He will not be put to shame when he confronts his accusers at the city gates. (NLT)

Psalm 128:3 Your wife will be like a fruitful vine within your house; your children will be like olive shoots around your table. (ESV)

Proverbs 1:8 Listen, my son, to your father's instruction and do not forsake your mother's teaching. (NIV)

Proverbs 11:29 Whoever brings ruin on their family will inherit only wind, and the fool will be servant to the wise. (NIV)

Proverbs 12:7 The wicked die and disappear, but the family of the godly stands firm. (NLT)

Proverbs 15:20 A wise son brings joy to his father, but a foolish man despises his mother. (NIV)

Proverbs 15:27 A greedy man brings trouble to his family, but he who hates bribes will live. (NIV)

Proverbs 22:6 Direct your children onto the right path, and when they are older, they will not leave it. (NLT)

Mark 3:23-25 Jesus called them over and responded with an illustration. "How can Satan cast out Satan?" he asked. "A kingdom divided by civil war will collapse. Similarly, a family splintered by feuding will fall apart." (NLT)

Acts 18:8 Crispus, the leader of the synagogue, and everyone in his household believed in the Lord. Many others in Corinth also heard Paul, became believers, and were baptized. (NLT) Romans 8:15 For you did not receive the spirit of slavery to fall back into fear, but you have received the Spirit of adoption as sons, by whom we cry, "Abba! Father!" (ESV)

Romans 9:4 They are the people of Israel, chosen to be God's adopted children. God revealed his glory to them. He made covenants with them and gave them his law. He gave them the privilege of worshiping him and receiving his wonderful promises. (NLT)

Ephesians 1:5 God decided in advance to adopt us into his own family by bringing us to himself throughJesus Christ. This is what he wanted to do, and it gave him great pleasure. (NLT)

Ephesians 2:19 So now you Gentiles are no longer strangers and foreigners. You are citizens along with all of God's holy people. You are members of God's family. (NLT)

Ephesians 3:14-15 For this reason I bow my knees before the Father, from whom every family in heaven and on earth is named ... (ESV)

Ephesians 6:12 Children, obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right. "Honor your father and mother" (this is the first commandment with a promise) ... (ESV) Ephesians 6:4 Fathers, do not provoke your children to anger by the way you treat them. Rather, bring them up with the discipline and instruction that comes from the Lord. (NLT)

Colossians 3:20 Children, always obey your parents, for this pleases the Lord. (NLT)

1 Timothy 3:2-5 So an elder must be a man whose life is above reproach. He must be faithful to his wife. He must exercise self-control, live wisely, and have a good reputation. He must enjoy having guests in his home, and he must be able to teach. He must not be a heavy drinker or be violent. He must be gentle, not quarrelsome, and not love money. He must manage his own family well, having children who respect and obey him. For if a man cannot manage his own household, how can he take care of God's church? (NLT)

1 Timothy 5:8 But if anyone does not provide for his own, and especially for those of his household, he has denied the faith and is worse than an unbeliever. (NASB) Bible Verses by Topic (Index) Sign Up for Verse of the Day (Receive a Daily Bible Verse & Inspirational Thought by Email)

More Family Bible Verses Bible Verses to Teach Your Children Memorize Bible Verses as a Family Guide to Family Bible Study

More for Christian Families Raising Kids God's Way Family Prayers Prayers for Children

More on Family Friendship and Family Frames Family Quotations Related Articles Relationship Bible Verses - A Collection Of Bible Verses About Relationship... Bible Verses on Jealousy New Baby Verses - New Baby Verses from the Bible Bible Verses on the Death of a Loved One Bible Verses on Hope

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The Family Relationship:

Husbands, Wives, Parents, and Children in Godly Homes A study of the Bible pattern for the home: how family members should treat one another. What are the duties of the husband, wife, parents, and children? How important are love and commitment in marriage? For what cause may spouses divorce and remarry? Who should exercise authority as head in the home? Who should provide family income and who should care for the home? How diligent should parents be in teaching and training the children? Should parents use spanking, discipline, and punishment to motivate obedience? Who should care for elderly parents? God's word gives inspired instruction to guide us to happy homes.
Introduction: God created the marriage relationship to be a blessing to everyone involved. Yet many families today are clearly troubled. Alienation often exists between husband and wife, between parents and children, or among brothers and sisters. What instruction does God's word provide to help us have homes that please Him and accomplish His will?

The Husband's Responsibilities to His Wife

The Husband Should Be Committed to Marriage for Life.
Multitudes of marriages in our society end in divorce. Consider the Bible teaching. Romans 7:2,3 -- Husband and wife are bound as long as they both live. One may remarry only when his spouse has died. To remarry while ones spouse is alive constitutes adultery. (Mal. 2:14-16) Matthew 19:3-9 -- Fornication is the only Scriptural grounds for divorce. One is guilty of adultery if he divorces for another reason and remarries. This constitutes adultery because he is still bound to his first wife, yet having the sexual union with another woman. (Matt. 5:31,32) Man should enter marriage fully realizing that it is a lifetime commitment. Divorce without Scriptural grounds should never be seriously considered nor discussed as an option. However, if one is in an unscriptural remarriage, he must leave it to avoid adultery (cf. 1 Cor. 7:10,11).

The Husband Should Love His Wife.

Some men act selfishly or even abuse their wives, and some even claim that the Bible says a man has the right to do this. But consider what the Bible really teaches. Ephesians 5:25-31,33 -- A man should love his wife as Christ loved the church and as he loves his own body. What can Jesus' love for the church teach husbands? Jesus' love was not a romantic mood or emotion but a choice or commitment. He did not wait till we acted lovingly toward Him but did what we needed even when our conduct was unattractive. This required serious sacrifice for our good. Likewise a husband should be committed to do his wife good, even if she is not acting lovingly toward him nor attracting him romantically. He must do good even at the cost of serious personal sacrifice. 1 Peter 3:7 -- A man should try to understand what his wife needs, rather than being bitter toward her (Col. 3:19). He will not expect her to do heavy work since she is not as strong. And he will respect her as being of equal spiritual value with himself. 1 Corinthians 7:3-5 -- A husband also shows love by expressing affection and fulfilling the wife's sexual needs. Jesus expressed loved for the church both by words and by deeds. If a husband properly loves his wife, he will tell her so, but he will also show it by his actions.

The Husband Should Work to Provide for the Physical Needs of the Family.
Many men leave their wives and children without the necessities of life because they quit their jobs for frivolous reasons or waste their income selfishly. Genesis 3:17-19 -- The man was required to labor despite hardships in order to have food. (Cf. 2 Thess. 3:10.) 1 Timothy 5:8 -- As the head of the family (see next point), a man should provide, not just for himself, but for his whole household. The Bible gives many examples of men having occupations or businesses outside the home. Many Bible examples show men employed away from the home in such occupations as shepherd, carpenter, physician, fisherman, merchant, farmer, sailor, preacher, tentmaker, etc. (See also Eph. 5:28,29). This is the God-given duty of the husband. No passage instructs the wife to do this. Man should not neglect his other responsibilities by over-emphasizing work. Yet one who

neglects working, expecting his wife or other people to provide income for his family, is worse than an infidel.

The Husband Should Be the Head of the Family.

Some claim that man should not exercise authority over his wife or that his authority should be limited to just certain areas. In practice, women are often the leaders in making family decisions. But note: Ephesians 5:22-24 -- The husband is head of his wife as Christ is head of the church (see other verses below). Neither his wife nor their parents are the authority in his family (cf. Gen. 2:24). Love will lead a husband to consider the needs and desires of the wife and children. He will make decisions for the good of the whole group, not just to please himself. This requires discussion at times to understand the views of others. However, the husband does have the final authority, and will give account to God for his decisions. Often this responsibility is not a privilege but a burden. He needs the courage to stand for what he is convinced is best, even when the wife or children disagree. If the wife fails to fulfill her duties, this does not justify the husband in failing to fulfill his duties (Romans 12:17-21; Luke 6:27-35).

The Wife's Responsibilities to Her Husband

The Wife Too Should Have a Lifetime Commitment to the Marriage.
Neither the man nor the woman have the right to end the marriage while their spouse is alive, except for the cause of fornication. (See passages listed above.)

The Wife Should Love Her Husband.

Modern feminists say a woman does not need a man but should find fulfillment outside marriage. Genesis 2:18-24 -- Woman was created to be a companion and helper to man. She is not required to marry (see 1 Cor. 7), but by nature she would find her greatest fulfillment in life by loving and caring for a family. (See also Mal. 2:14.) Titus 2:4 -- Young women should be taught to love their husbands and their children. This is something a woman can learn to do. Again, love is a matter of choice and commitment, not primarily a romantic mood. 1 Corinthians 7:3-5 -- The wife too should show affection and fulfill her husband's sexual needs.

The Wife Should Submit to the Headship of the Husband.

We have learned that God teaches husbands to use their authority in love. Though our society may protest and rebel, He also tells wives to submit to their husbands. Ephesians 5:22-24,33 -- Just as the church should submit to Christ, not rebelliously but respectfully, so the wife must abide by all her husband's decisions. The only exception would be if the husband commanded her to do something that would violate God's law (Acts 5:29). Titus 2:5 -- Young women should be taught to be obedient to their husbands. This does not mean woman has less ability or less value than man (cf. 1 Peter 3:7; Matt. 20:25-28; Gal. 3:28). But someone must be in charge to make decisions in the home. God has determined that this responsibility belongs to the man. (See also Gen. 3:16; Col. 3:18; 1 Peter 3:1-6; 1 Cor. 11:3).

The Wife Should Work at Home Caring for Her Family.

Our society places little value on the work of homemakers. Instead it encourages women to neglect their family responsibilities to do things God never required them to do. Titus 2:4,5; 1 Timothy 5:14 -- God says the work of mothers is at home. They are to manage the household, loving and caring for their family. This work is a blessing and should be valued and appreciated (cf. Psalm 113:9). We learned that providing family income is a God-given responsibility for the husband. It is not the wife's responsibility. There may be emergency exceptions (as when the husband has died or is disabled), but generally a mother should not neglect her God-given duties nor give them to other people so she can have a career or job outside the home. Is it not true that outside jobs and similar activities often hinder wives and mothers from fulfilling duties that God requires of them? Consider responsibilities in the family, the church, Bible study, teaching others, benevolence, hospitality, etc. Specifically, where is the authority for a family to enroll their children in day-care so the wife can make money? It follows that the husband and wife have distinct roles. God gave them separate duties and gave each a nature best suited to those duties. To blur these distinctions or to deny they exist is to disobey God. For both the husband and the wife, the greatest satisfaction in marriage comes when they follow God's plan. Again, the husband's failure to properly fulfill his duties does not justify the wife in failing to fulfill her duties (Rom. 12:17-21; 1 Peter 3:1,2; Luke 6:27-35).

The Parents' Responsibilities to Their Children

Society continually undermines and attacks the right of parents to train and supervise their own children. Entertainment, government agencies, peers, and schools all lead children to think they can "do their own thing." Yet when the children do wrong, these same groups immediately blame the parents!

Parents Should Love Their Children.

Parents are encouraged to leave the training of their children to others, and are told they may kill "unwanted" babies before they are born. As a result, children are often neglected, abused, even abandoned. Titus 2:4 -- Women should be taught to love their children. Children are a blessing from God, not an unwanted burden (Psalm 127:3-5; 128:1-4). Parents who love their children will do what is best for them. This requires taking time with children -- quality and quantity time. Abusing and neglecting children is not love.

Parents Should Train Their Children to Know and Obey God's Will.
Few children are truly taught to love God. Even in the Lord's church, the majority of children do not become faithful Christians. Ephesians 6:4 -- Fathers should bring children up in the training and admonition of the Lord. This includes bringing the children to all meetings of the church, and also teaching them God's word at home (Deut. 6:6-9). Training children is primarily the work of parents, rather than the church. When children grow up without a knowledge of God and His will, the parents will give account. (See also Prov. 22:6; Gen. 18:19; Deut. 4:9,10; 1 Sam. 2:22-25; 3:13; 2 Tim. 1:5; 3:15).

Parents Should Punish and Reward Children When Necessary to Motivate Them to Do Good and Avoid Evil.
Spanking and all forms of punishment are opposed by our society. Yet God has spoken:

Hebrews 12:5-11 -- The Father in Heaven is an example to parents in chastening children. Why should children be chastised? For their benefit (v10). It causes the child to respect parents and authority in general (v9) and teaches them to act righteously (v11). Proverbs 13:24; 23:13,14 -- Spanking is not contrary to love. Properly done it is an act of love for the child's good to teach him to live right. It should never be done because the parent has lost his temper or to satisfy a lust for power. (See also Prov. 22:15; 19:18; Luke 15:2024.) Rules and discipline should be consistent. Inconsistency provokes the child to anger (Eph. 6:4). The father and mother should agree and work in harmony (Matt. 12:25). Children must treated fairly and justly -- no favoritism (James 2:8,9). Parents should keep their promises, including the promise to punish (James 5:12). Parents who do not discipline their children will be held accountable by God (1 Sam. 3:13). Instead of following society's ungodly philosophies about child-rearing, Christians need to fight those concepts with every upright weapon at our disposal. Families that follow God's will are the ones that will truly be blessed. (See also Col. 3:21; Matt. 23:23).

The Children's Responsibilities to Their Parents

Children Should Listen to Their Parents' Instruction.
Society encourages children to disregard their parents' teachings and make their own choices. Young people often think their parents are unreasonable or do not understand. Proverbs 6:20-23 -- Listen to the instruction of parents, do not forsake it. Remember that parents are older and more experienced. They may not be perfect (neither are the kids!) yet they are still wiser. (See also Prov. 1:8; 15:5; 23:22).

Children Should Respect Their Parents.

Young people today mock, ridicule, and openly flaunt their parents. Such conduct is encouraged by many aspects of society and is ignored by many parents. Ephesians 6:2,3 -- Parents have God-given authority and have generally done much good for the children. They deserve to receive respectful treatment, including respectful speech and attitudes. (Cf. Matt. 15:4; Prov. 6:20-23; 15:5; 23:22.)

Children Should Obey Their Parents.

Rebellion is admired and encouraged by many. Acts that parents have disapproved are yet practiced -- openly or by deception -- because "everybody's doing it" or for a hundred other excuses. Some accept such conduct as inevitable. But all such is disobedience and rebellion. Ephesians 6:1 -- Children are commanded by the Lord to obey their parents. (See also Col. 3:20; 2 Tim. 3:1,2). Luke 2:51 -- Jesus set the example of subjection to his parents. Romans 1:30,32 -- One who refuses to obey his parents is worthy of death, and so are those who approve of such conduct (cf. Deut. 21:18-21). Children should obey all parental instructions unless they are told to do something sinful (Acts 5:29). The fact that the parents may have made some mistakes or even sinned does not justify disobedience by the children (Rom. 12:17-21; Luke 6:27-35; etc.)

Children Should Care for Elderly Parents.

Elderly people today are often neglected or shipped to nursing homes, not because this is really needed for the proper care of the parent, but because the children do not want to be bothered. 1 Timothy 5:4,8,16 -- When children are unwilling to care for their elderly parents, they lack appreciation for what their parents did for them, and they also deny the faith. (Cf. Matt. 15:46; Ruth 4:13-15; John 19:25-27.) Making happy homes is not easy, especially in a corrupt society. But God's plan is always best, and the homes that accomplish the most good are those that learn and do His will. Note: If you would like to study further about related Bible topics, we have a number of other study materials on our web site that should interest you. Please see the links listed below. (C) Copyright 2001, 2005, David E. Pratte Local churches and individuals may, within limits, distribute this Bible study guide for free, but not for sale. Web sites may link to this page but not reproduce it. For details click here for our copyright guidelines. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

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68 Bible Verses about

Family Love

1 Corinthians 13:4-7 ESV / 372 helpful votes

Love is patient and kind; love does not envy or boast; it is not arrogant or rude. It does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable or resentful; it does not rejoice at wrongdoing, but rejoices with the truth. Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things.
1 Timothy 5:8 ESV / 355 helpful votes

But if anyone does not provide for his relatives, and especially for members of his household, he has denied the faith and is worse than an unbeliever.
1 John 4:19 ESV / 275 helpful votes

We love because he first loved us.

Exodus 20:12 ESV / 158 helpful votes

Honor your father and your mother, that your days may be long in the land that the Lord your God is giving you.
1 Corinthians 13:4-8 ESV / 154 helpful votes

Love is patient and kind; love does not envy or boast; it is not arrogant or rude. It does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable or resentful; it does not rejoice at wrongdoing, but rejoices with the truth. Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. Love never ends. As for prophecies, they will pass away; as for tongues, they will cease; as for knowledge, it will pass away.
1 Corinthians 13:7 ESV / 118 helpful votes

Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things.
Philippians 4:13 ESV / 108 helpful votes

I can do all things through him who strengthens me.

1 Corinthians 13:13 ESV / 102 helpful votes

So now faith, hope, and love abide, these three; but the greatest of these is love.
Proverbs 22:6 ESV / 96 helpful votes

Train up a child in the way he should go; even when he is old he will not depart from it.
Psalm 127:3-5 ESV / 70 helpful votes

Behold, children are a heritage from the Lord, the fruit of the womb a reward. Like arrows in the hand of a warrior are the children of one's youth. Blessed is the man who fills his quiver with them! He shall not be put to shame when he speaks with his enemies in the gate.
Deuteronomy 26:11 ESV / 69 helpful votes

And you shall rejoice in all the good that the Lord your God has given to you and to your house, you, and the Levite, and the sojourner who is among you.
2 Corinthians 6:18 ESV / 63 helpful votes

And I will be a father to you, and you shall be sons and daughters to me, says the Lord Almighty.
Ephesians 5:28 ESV / 58 helpful votes

In the same way husbands should love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself.
Ephesians 5:33 ESV / 45 helpful votes

However, let each one of you love his wife as himself, and let the wife see that she respects her husband.
Ephesians 5:21 ESV / 38 helpful votes

Submitting to one another out of reverence for Christ.

1 Corinthians 13:1-13 ESV / 38 helpful votes

If I speak in the tongues of men and of angels, but have not love, I am a noisy gong or a clanging cymbal. And if I have prophetic powers, and understand all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have all faith, so as to remove mountains, but have not

love, I am nothing. If I give away all I have, and if I deliver up my body to be burned, but have not love, I gain nothing. Love is patient and kind; love does not envy or boast; it is not arrogant or rude. It does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable or resentful; ...
1 Peter 3:1 ESV / 36 helpful votes

Likewise, wives, be subject to your own husbands, so that even if some do not obey the word, they may be won without a word by the conduct of their wives,
John 3:16 ESV / 36 helpful votes

For God so loved the world, that he gave his only Son, that whoever believes in him should not perish but have eternal life.
Titus 2:4 ESV / 35 helpful votes

And so train the young women to love their husbands and children,
1 Peter 2:1-25 ESV / 34 helpful votes

So put away all malice and all deceit and hypocrisy and envy and all slander. Like newborn infants, long for the pure spiritual milk, that by it you may grow up into salvation if indeed you have tasted that the Lord is good. As you come to him, a living stone rejected by men but in the sight of God chosen and precious, you yourselves like living stones are being built up as a spiritual house, to be a holy priesthood, to offer spiritual sacrifices acceptable to God through Jesus Christ. ...
Psalm 23:1-6 ESV / 33 helpful votes

A Psalm of David. The Lord is my shepherd; I shall not want. He makes me lie down in green pastures. He leads me beside still waters. He restores my soul. He leads me in paths of righteousness for his name's sake. Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil, for you are with me; your rod and your staff, they comfort me. You prepare a table before me in the presence of my enemies; you anoint my head with oil; my cup overflows. ...
Genesis 28:14 ESV / 27 helpful votes

Your offspring shall be like the dust of the earth, and you shall spread abroad to the west and to the east and to the north and to the south, and in you and your offspring shall all the families of the earth be blessed.
Galatians 3:28 ESV / 26 helpful votes

There is neither Jew nor Greek, there is neither slave nor free, there is no male and female, for you are all one in Christ Jesus.
Job 1:1-22 ESV / 26 helpful votes

There was a man in the land of Uz whose name was Job, and that man was blameless and upright, one who feared God and turned away from evil. There were born to him seven sons and three daughters. He possessed 7,000 sheep, 3,000 camels, 500 yoke of oxen, and 500 female donkeys, and very many servants, so that this man was the greatest of all the people of the east. His sons used to go and hold a feast in the house of each one on his day, and they would send and invite their three sisters to eat and drink with them. And when the days of the feast had run their course, Job would send and consecrate them, and he would rise early in the morning and offer burnt offerings according to the number of them all. For Job said, It may be that my children have sinned, and cursed God in their hearts. Thus Job did continually. ...
Romans 12:5 ESV / 25 helpful votes

So we, though many, are one body in Christ, and individually members one of another.
Romans 10:1-21 ESV / 25 helpful votes

Brothers, my heart's desire and prayer to God for them is that they may be saved. For I bear them witness that they have a zeal for God, but not according to knowledge. For, being ignorant of the righteousness of God, and seeking to establish their own, they did not submit to God's righteousness. For Christ is the end of the law for righteousness to everyone who believes. For Moses writes about the righteousness that is based on the law, that the person who does the commandments shall live by them. ...
John 3:16-17 ESV / 22 helpful votes

For God so loved the world, that he gave his only Son, that whoever believes in him should not perish but have eternal life. For God did not send his Son into the world to condemn the world, but in order that the world might be saved through him.
John 1:1-51 ESV / 20 helpful votes

In the beginning was the Word, and the Word was with God, and the Word was God. He was in the beginning with God. All things were made through him, and without him was not any thing made that was made. In him was life, and the life was the light of men. The light shines in the darkness, and the darkness has not overcome it. ...

Proverbs 11:29 ESV / 20 helpful votes

Whoever troubles his own household will inherit the wind, and the fool will be servant to the wise of heart.
Proverbs 3:14 ESV / 20 helpful votes

For the gain from her is better than gain from silver and her profit better than gold.
Psalm 127:1-5 ESV / 20 helpful votes

A Song of Ascents. Of Solomon. Unless the Lord builds the house, those who build it labor in vain. Unless the Lord watches over the city, the watchman stays awake in vain. It is in vain that you rise up early and go late to rest, eating the bread of anxious toil; for he gives to his beloved sleep. Behold, children are a heritage from the Lord, the fruit of the womb a reward. Like arrows in the hand of a warrior are the children of one's youth. Blessed is the man who fills his quiver with them! He shall not be put to shame when he speaks with his enemies in the gate.
Joshua 24:15 ESV / 20 helpful votes

And if it is evil in your eyes to serve the Lord, choose this day whom you will serve, whether the gods your fathers served in the region beyond the River, or the gods of the Amorites in whose land you dwell. But as for me and my house, we will serve theLord.
1 Corinthians 13:8 ESV / 19 helpful votes

Love never ends. As for prophecies, they will pass away; as for tongues, they will cease; as for knowledge, it will pass away.
Psalm 3:1-8 ESV / 19 helpful votes

A Psalm of David, when he fled from Absalom his son. O Lord, how many are my foes! Many are rising against me; many are saying of my soul, there is no salvation for him in God. Selah But you, O Lord, are a shield about me, my glory, and the lifter of my head. I cried aloud to the Lord, and he answered me from his holy hill. Selah I lay down and slept; I woke again, for the Lord sustained me. ...
Matthew 6:9-13 ESV / 17 helpful votes

Pray then like this: Our Father in heaven, hallowed be your name. Your kingdom come, your will be done, on earth as it is in heaven. Give us this day our daily bread, and forgive us our debts, as we also have forgiven our debtors. And lead us not into temptation, but deliver us from evil.

Ephesians 5:25 ESV / 16 helpful votes

Husbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her,
Matthew 19:1-30 ESV / 16 helpful votes

Now when Jesus had finished these sayings, he went away from Galilee and entered the region of Judea beyond the Jordan. And large crowds followed him, and he healed them there. And Pharisees came up to him and tested him by asking, Is it lawful to divorce one's wife for any cause? He answered, Have you not read that he who created them from the beginning made them male and female, and said, Therefore a man shall leave his father and his mother and hold fast to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh? ...
Hebrews 12:23 ESV / 15 helpful votes

And to the assembly of the firstborn who are enrolled in heaven, and to God, the judge of all, and to the spirits of the righteous made perfect,
1 Samuel 1:1-28 ESV / 15 helpful votes

There was a certain man of Ramathaim-zophim of the hill country of Ephraim whose name was Elkanah the son of Jeroham, son of Elihu, son of Tohu, son of Zuph, an Ephrathite. He had two wives. The name of the one was Hannah, and the name of the other, Peninnah. And Peninnah had children, but Hannah had no children. Now this man used to go up year by year from his city to worship and to sacrifice to the Lord of hosts at Shiloh, where the two sons of Eli, Hophni and Phinehas, were priests of theLord. On the day when Elkanah sacrificed, he would give portions to Peninnah his wife and to all her sons and daughters. But to Hannah he gave a double portion, because he loved her, though the Lord had closed her womb. ...
Genesis 1:28 ESV / 15 helpful votes

And God blessed them. And God said to them, Be fruitful and multiply and fill the earth and subdue it and have dominion over the fish of the sea and over the birds of the heavens and over every living thing that moves on the earth.
2 John 1:1 ESV / 14 helpful votes

The elder to the elect lady and her children, whom I love in truth, and not only I, but also all who know the truth,
James 3:2 ESV / 14 helpful votes

For we all stumble in many ways. And if anyone does not stumble in what he says, he is a perfect man, able also to bridle his whole body.

1 Timothy 2:1-15 ESV / 14 helpful votes

First of all, then, I urge that supplications, prayers, intercessions, and thanksgivings be made for all people, for kings and all who are in high positions, that we may lead a peaceful and quiet life, godly and dignified in every way. This is good, and it is pleasing in the sight of God our Savior, who desires all people to be saved and to come to the knowledge of the truth. For there is one God, and there is one mediator between God and men, the man Christ Jesus, ...
1 Corinthians 3:1-23 ESV / 14 helpful votes

But I, brothers, could not address you as spiritual people, but as people of the flesh, as infants in Christ. I fed you with milk, not solid food, for you were not ready for it. And even now you are not yet ready, for you are still of the flesh. For while there is jealousy and strife among you, are you not of the flesh and behaving only in a human way? For when one says, I follow Paul, and another, I follow Apollos, are you not being merely human? What then is Apollos? What is Paul? Servants through whom you believed, as the Lord assigned to each. ...
Matthew 19:9 ESV / 14 helpful votes

And I say to you: whoever divorces his wife, except for sexual immorality, and marries another, commits adultery.
1 Peter 2:18 ESV / 13 helpful votes

Servants, be subject to your masters with all respect, not only to the good and gentle but also to the unjust.
Ruth 1:16 ESV / 13 helpful votes

But Ruth said, Do not urge me to leave you or to return from following you. For where you go I will go, and where you lodge I will lodge. Your people shall be my people, and your God my God.
Joshua 1:5 ESV / 13 helpful votes

No man shall be able to stand before you all the days of your life. Just as I was with Moses, so I will be with you. I will not leave you or forsake you.
1 Corinthians 13:5 ESV / 12 helpful votes

Or rude. It does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable or resentful;
Proverbs 1:1-33 ESV / 12 helpful votes

The proverbs of Solomon, son of David, king of Israel: To know wisdom and instruction, to understand words of insight, to receive instruction in wise dealing, in righteousness, justice, and equity; to give prudence to the simple, knowledge and discretion to the youth Let the wise hear and increase in learning, and the one who understands obtain guidance, ...
John 1:1 ESV / 11 helpful votes

In the beginning was the Word, and the Word was with God, and the Word was God.
Mark 1:40-45 ESV / 10 helpful votes

And a leper came to him, imploring him, and kneeling said to him, If you will, you can make me clean. Moved with pity, he stretched out his hand and touched him and said to him, I will; be clean. And immediately the leprosy left him, and he was made clean. And Jesus sternly charged him and sent him away at once, and said to him, See that you say nothing to anyone, but go, show yourself to the priest and offer for your cleansing what Moses commanded, for a proof to them. ...
Ecclesiastes 3:1-2 ESV / 10 helpful votes

For everything there is a season, and a time for every matter under heaven: a time to be born, and a time to die; a time to plant, and a time to pluck up what is planted;
Psalm 83:18 ESV / 10 helpful votes

That they may know that you alone, whose name is the Lord, are the Most High over all the earth. HelpfulNot Helpful
Genesis 1:1-31 ESV / 9 helpful votes

In the beginning, God created the heavens and the earth. The earth was without form and void, and darkness was over the face of the deep. And the Spirit of God was hovering over the face of the waters. And God said, Let there be light, and there was light. And God saw that the light was good. And God separated the light from the darkness. God called the light Day, and the darkness he called Night. And there was evening and there was morning, the first day. ...
Genesis 1:26 ESV / 8 helpful votes

Then God said, Let us make man in our image, after our likeness. And let them have dominion over the fish of the sea and over the birds of the heavens and over the livestock and over all the earth and over every creeping thing that creeps on the earth.

Joshua 21:1-45 ESV / 7 helpful votes

Then the heads of the fathers' houses of the Levites came to Eleazar the priest and to Joshua the son of Nun and to the heads of the fathers' houses of the tribes of the people of Israel. And they said to them at Shiloh in the land of Canaan, The Lordcommanded through Moses that we be given cities to dwell in, along with their pasturelands for our livestock. So by command of the Lord the people of Israel gave to the Levites the following cities and pasturelands out of their inheritance. The lot came out for the clans of the Kohathites. So those Levites who were descendants of Aaron the priest received by lot from the tribes of Judah, Simeon, and Benjamin, thirteen cities. And the rest of the Kohathites received by lot from the clans of the tribe of Ephraim, from the tribe of Dan and the half-tribe of Manasseh, ten cities. ...
Colossians 2:14 ESV / 6 helpful votes

By canceling the record of debt that stood against us with its legal demands. This he set aside, nailing it to the cross.
Ephesians 3:1-21 ESV / 6 helpful votes

For this reason I, Paul, a prisoner for Christ Jesus on behalf of you Gentiles assuming that you have heard of the stewardship of God's grace that was given to me for you, how the mystery was made known to me by revelation, as I have written briefly. When you read this, you can perceive my insight into the mystery of Christ, which was not made known to the sons of men in other generations as it has now been revealed to his holy apostles and prophets by the Spirit. ...
1 Corinthians 7:10-24 ESV / 5 helpful votes

To the married I give this charge (not I, but the Lord): the wife should not separate from her husband (but if she does, she should remain unmarried or else be reconciled to her husband), and the husband should not divorce his wife. To the rest I say (I, not the Lord) that if any brother has a wife who is an unbeliever, and she consents to live with him, he should not divorce her. If any woman has a husband who is an unbeliever, and he consents to live with her, she should not divorce him. For the unbelieving husband is made holy because of his wife, and the unbelieving wife is made holy because of her husband. Otherwise your children would be unclean, but as it is, they are holy. ...
Mark 11:1-33 ESV / 5 helpful votes

Now when they drew near to Jerusalem, to Bethphage and Bethany, at the Mount of Olives, Jesus sent two of his disciples and said to them, Go into the village in front of you, and immediately as you enter it you will find a colt tied, on which no one has

ever sat. Untie it and bring it. If anyone says to you, Why are you doing this? say, The Lord has need of it and will send it back here immediately. And they went away and found a colt tied at a door outside in the street, and they untied it. And some of those standing there said to them, What are you doing, untying the colt? ...
Proverbs 3:1-35 ESV / 5 helpful votes

My son, do not forget my teaching, but let your heart keep my commandments, for length of days and years of life and peace they will add to you. Let not steadfast love and faithfulness forsake you; bind them around your neck; write them on the tablet of your heart. So you will find favor and good success in the sight of God and man. Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and do not lean on your own understanding. ...
Psalm 5:1-12 ESV / 5 helpful votes

To the choirmaster: for the flutes. A Psalm of David. Give ear to my words, O Lord; consider my groaning. Give attention to the sound of my cry, my King and my God, for to you do I pray. O Lord, in the morning you hear my voice; in the morning I prepare a sacrifice for you and watch. For you are not a God who delights in wickedness; evil may not dwell with you. The boastful shall not stand before your eyes; you hate all evildoers. ...
Romans 8:28 ESV / 4 helpful votes

And we know that for those who love God all things work together for good, for those who are called according to his purpose.
John 4:18-19 ESV / 4 helpful votes

For you have had five husbands, and the one you now have is not your husband. What you have said is true. The woman said to him, Sir, I perceive that you are a prophet.
Matthew 1:1-25 ESV / 4 helpful votes

The book of the genealogy of Jesus Christ, the son of David, the son of Abraham. Abraham was the father of Isaac, and Isaac the father of Jacob, and Jacob the father of Judah and his brothers, and Judah the father of Perez and Zerah by Tamar, and Perez the father of Hezron, and Hezron the father of Ram, and Ram the father of Amminadab, and Amminadab the father of Nahshon, and Nahshon the father of Salmon, and Salmon the father of Boaz by Rahab, and Boaz the father of Obed by Ruth, and Obed the father of Jesse, ...
Psalm 115:12-15 ESV / 4 helpful votes

The Lord has remembered us; he will bless us; he will bless the house of Israel; he will bless the house of Aaron; he will bless those who fear the Lord, both the small and the great. May the Lord give you increase, you and your children! May you be blessed by the Lord, who made heaven and earth!
Colossians 3:13 ESV / 3 helpful votes

Bearing with one another and, if one has a complaint against another, forgiving each other; as the Lord has forgiven you, so you also must forgive.

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Visit the Bible online to search for words if you dont know the specific passage yourre looking for. Unless otherwise indicated, all content is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution License. All Scripture quotations, unless otherwise indicated, are taken from The Holy Bible, English Standard Version. Copyright 2001 by Crossway Bibles, a publishing ministry of Good News Publishers. Contact me: openbibleinfo (at) gmail.com.

Solving Marriage Conflict:

A Bible Plan to Resolve Family Strife and Alienation Strife, conflict, and alienation trouble many modern marriages. Quarreling and even violence and abuse may lead to bitterness and divorce. God invented marriage, so His word reveals how best to conduct it and how to resolve marital problems. God's word does not guarantee marital bliss, but it does give guidance and counsel to help couples with serious problems.
Click here to listen to this material as a free recorded Bible study message. Introduction: Every family has disagreements. The couple that never has conflicts does not exist. Unfortunately, conflict can lead to bad fights. A bad fight is one that seriously alienates husband and wife but never resolves the cause of the problem. As a result couples build up bitterness, quarreling, uncontrolled anger, hatred, and often divorce, violence, and abuse. What many couples lack is the skill to discuss disagreements and resolve them. Specifically, they need the ability to discuss serious problems, reach a plan to resolve them, and then put that plan into action. I emphasize that this is a skill that many people simply never have learned, but which can be learned. The purpose of this study is to learn what the Bible says about how to resolve conflict in marriage.

We are concerned with conflict, strife, and alienation in general, but especially with serious conflicts that destroy the relationship of husband and wife and that may lead to divorce. Consider the following Bible counsel that can help couples avoid or resolve such serious problems.

I. HAVE FAITH
Many couples have bickered and quarreled so long that they lose hope things will ever improve. They resign themselves to go on quarreling and hating the rest of their lives, or they end the marriage by divorce. Couples need to believe that, by God's power, they CAN resolve their marriage problems if both parties will really work at it. Philippians 4:13 - I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me. If we trust in ourselves we may fail. But we must believe that Jesus will provide the strength we need to please to God. Careful thought will convince us that serious marriage conflict is not God's will for us. God created marriage for the good of man and woman. He never intended for marriage to be a source of hatred and bitter grudges. Hatred, bitter quarreling, and alienation in our homes mean that someone is disobeying God. Either the problem began because someone disobeyed God, or else the original problem led someone to commit other sinful acts. In either case, serious marriage problems almost always involve sin. If so, then we can overcome the problems by the same methods the Bible describes for overcoming other sins! Recognizing that sin is the root of the problem gives hope, because a Christian knows that God has the solution to sin. However, marriage involves two people. A problem between two people can only be completely removed if both parties are willing to work at it. If only one person obeys God, the other person can keep the problem alive. However, if your partner will not work to improve the marriage, this does not remove your responsibility to do what you can. To please God, you must follow His will regardless of what your partner does. You must believe that you can please God regardless of how others act. 1 John 5:4 - If we are born of God, we overcome the world through faith. This includes overcoming improper family relations, but we must believe that it can be done by the power of God. If both parties commit themselves to practice God's plan, any couple can eliminate sin from their marriage. And regardless of whether or not your partner obeys God, you can still please God if you will follow the steps we are about to describe. [1 Cor. 10:13; 2 Cor. 9:8; Josh. 1:5-9; Eph. 3:20,21]

II. PRAY FOR GOD'S STRENGTH.

Philippians 4:6,7 - Don't be anxious, but by prayer and supplication make your requests known to God. Christians should do this for all our problems, but specifically for our marriage problems. If we have proper faith in God's power, then we will pray diligently about our marriage problems. 1 John 5:14 - Be confident that, if we ask according to His will, He hears us. [Matt. 6:13; 1 Pet. 5:7]

When we have marriage problems, especially serious ones, we need to believe that God will answer prayer. If both the husband and wife are faithful Christians then they should spend much time together and individually praying for God's help with their problems. Remember, however, that God answers according to His will. If your companion is not a Christian or is not faithful, then God will notforce them to do right. He may, however, give them an opportunity to learn His will for their lives. When your family faces serious problems, how much do you pray to God together and trust His power to answer your prayers?

III. RESPECT BIBLE AUTHORITY

A. Follow the Bible Instead of Feelings, Human Wisdom, etc.
Proverbs 3:5,6 - Trust in the Lord and let Him guide our paths. Don't lean on our own human understanding. Too often troubled couples seek sources of guidance outside the Bible. Some folks follow psychologists, marriage counselors, etc. Others are guided by feelings. People get divorced saying, "I just don't feelanything for her (or him) anymore." But no amount of feelings can change what God's word says. 2 Timothy 3:16,17 - Scriptures provide to all good works. If solving marriage conflict is a good work, then the Bible will tell us how to do it. Other people may help, but we must reject any ideas that do not agree with the Bible. Most of us accept this view of authority regarding salvation, worship, church organization, etc. Why should it be any different regarding our homes? [2 Pet. 1:3; Jer. 10:23; Prov. 14:12; etc.]

B. Study What the Bible Says About Our Problem.

Psalm 1:2 - The righteous man delights in God's law and meditates on it day and night. If we really believe the Bible has the answers, then we should study what it says. This is what we would do about any other spiritual problem. Why do otherwise regarding family problems? Acts 17:11 - The Bereans learned the truth by searching the Scriptures day and night. We need to do the same regarding our family problems.

C. Be Willing to Obey the Bible.

Matthew 7:24-27 - The wise man not only hears what God's word says, but also does it. The foolish man hears but does not obey. If we believe that God's word holds the answers to our marriage problems, then we must be determined to do what it says, not justlearn what it says.

IV. RESPECT THE BIBLE PATTERN FOR AUTHORITY IN THE HOME.

Ephesians 5:22-24 - The wife must submit to her husband as to the Lord. 1 Peter 3:1 - She must obey her husband even if he is not serving God. A wife may think she can disobey her husband if he commits sin, but God says she must still obey. She may disobey only if the husband asks her to commit sin (Acts 5:29). We will see that the husband also has God-given guidelines to follow when he makes decisions. Often conflict arises or remains unresolved, because the husband disobeys Bible teachings about how to make decisions or because the wife disobeys Bible teachings about submission. Resolving conflict requires decisions to be made. God has provided a way to make those decisions. Husbands need the wisdom to make decisions according to God's guidelines, and they

need the courage to make even the tough decisions. Then they need the strength to see that those decisions are carried out. And wives need the strength and the humility to accept those decisions. [Tit. 2:5; Col. 3:18; etc.]

V. ACT IN LOVE.
Husbands should love their wives as Christ loved the church (Ephesians 5:25,28,29). Wives should love their husbands (Titus 2:4).

A. Love Is Concern for the Well-being of Others.

Ephesians 5:25,28,29 - Jesus' love for the church illustrates the love husbands should have for their wives. He loved us so much He gave His life so we could be saved. So the husband should be concerned for the wellbeing of the wife. He should nourish and cherish her. He must not use his authority just to please himself but to do what is best for her and the family. 1 Corinthians 13:5 - Love is not selfish. Romans 13:10 - Love works no harm to its neighbor. As long as one or both companions selfishly insist on their own way, differences will not be resolved. Serious problems can be solved only when we are willing to seek the welfare of others besides ourselves.

B. Love Is a Choice of the Will.

Ephesians 5:25,28 - Love can be commanded because it is a matter of the will. We can choose whether or not to love, just like we can choose whether or not to obey any other command. Some think love just happens and cannot be controlled - you "fall in love" or out of love. So, if a couple "just don't love one another anymore," nothing can be done except to get a divorce. But when we realize we can choose to love, then we realize we can put love into a marriage. And if we fail to put it in, we sin. Furthermore, just as Christ initiated love toward the church when we were sinners not acting lovingly toward Him, so it is the primaryresponsibility of the husband to initiate love. The command is emphasized to the man. He is to love the wife first and put love into the relationship, as Christ first loved the church. Romans 5:6-8 - Christ loved us while we were yet sinners, not because we were so loveable He couldn't help Himself. He chose to do what we needed done. Luke 6:27,28 - We are commanded to love our enemies. Loving ones enemy is about what it would take to put love into some marriages! But we love enemies, not because we uncontrollably "fall" in love, but because we choose to do what is best for them. The statement "I just don't love her/him any more" is a confession of sin! It must be repented of and corrected as an act of the will! When serious disagreements build up in marriage and are not resolved, one or both companions are not choosing to show love.

C. Love Must Be Expressed in Action.

Love should be expressed by what we say. Ephesians 5:25 - Husbands should love as Christ loved the church. But Christ states His love for the church (Ephesians 5:2; John 3:16). So husbands and wives should express love for one another in words. This does not require an overwhelming romantic "feeling" that wells up and can't help but be expressed. We are discussing love by choice of the will. We can and should state, by the choice of our will: "I want you to know that I still love you, I am committed to this marriage and to your welfare." Love should be expressed by what we do. 1 John 5:2,3 - Love for others requires us to love God and keep His commands. Keeping God's commands is loving God.

1 John 3:18 - We must not love just in words, but in deed and in truth. This is a vital principle in every home. We ought to say loving things, but that alone is not enough. We must act in love. [Luke 10:25-37; 6:27,28]

D. Love Requires Giving & Self-sacrifice.

Giving of self is the essence of love. John 3:16 - God so loved the world that He gave His only-begotten Son. Ephesians 5:25 - Jesus loved the church and gave Himself for it. 1 John 3:14-18 - If you see your brother in need and don't give what is needed, you don't have love. Romans 12:20 - Loving you enemy requires giving food and drink when needed. A basic requirement in solving family disagreements is a willingness to give of ourselves for the good of others. Typically each spouse refuses to change because he/she is upset at something the other person did. If we would view the situation honestly and objectively (as if it were someone else's problem), we would admit we should do differently. But we refuse to change because of some habit or characteristic we dislike in our spouse. The fundamental lesson of Christ's love is that we should give up our own desires for the good of others even when they are not acting the way we think they should. Don't say, "I'll change if he/she will too." If an act is good for others, do it regardless of what they are doing. If we have been wrong, admit it regardless of whether or not they have admitted their errors. Even if we are convinced we are not the root cause of a problem, we should ask ourselves honestly what we can do to help improve it. This does not mean ignoring sin. Jesus did not cause our sin problem and He did not compromise with sin, but He did sacrifice Himself to provide a solution to our sin problem. He did not just sit back and criticize us for our sin, but He became involved to provide a solution. He did not do everything for us, but He made sure we had a way whereby we could overcome the problem. A spouse will often criticize: "It's his/her fault, so let him/her solve it." Even if that is true, is it helpful? Instead think, "What can I offer to do - how can I become involved - so as to help resolve this problem?" Instead of saying, "Why don't you do this?" say, "Why don't you and I work on this together?" As long as neither spouse will take the first step to give up what they want, strife will continue. When one is willing to give in for the good of the group, then a start has been made to resolving the problem. When both are willing to give in for the good of the group, then the solution definitely will be found. The husband has the final say, but he must not just do what he wants. He must put aside his own desires and do what is best for the group. The wife must not insist on what she wants, but must give in and submit to the husband's decisions. [1 John 4:9,19; Acts 20:35; Luke 10:25-37]

VI. MAINTAIN AND EXPRESS COMMITMENT TO THE MARRIAGE.

A. Divorce and Separation Are Not Options.
Read Romans 7:2,3; Matthew 5:31,32; 19:3-9; 1 Corinthians 7:10,11 - Marriage is a lifetime commitment. One can Scripturally divorce a mate only if it is done because he/she has committed fornication. If we have unscripturally divorced, we must seek reconciliation with our spouse or remain unmarried. Remarriage is not an option. Obviously one should never want his/her spouse to commit fornication, so it follows that each one must sincerely hope for the marriage to continue.

1 Corinthians 7:2-5 - Since the sexual union is upright only within marriage (Heb. 13:4), the man and wife are to fulfill one another's desires for sexual affection. They are not to voluntarily separate except by mutual consent for a temporary time for spiritual purposes. Sometimes troubled couples choose to separate. Separation not only causes sexual temptation, but it weakens commitment to the marriage and increases the likelihood of divorce. Doubts about one another's conduct and motives increase. Problems cannot be discussed and resolved. Clearly the Bible requires both spouses to continually view the marriage with commitment.

B. Express Your Commitment to the Marriage.

Sometimes one will make statements that show lack of commitment to a marriage. Some will say: "I wish I never married you." "I wish you were dead." "I should have divorced you years ago." "If this doesn't stop, I'll see a lawyer." "I'm leaving, and I don't know if I'll be back." In the absence of Scriptural grounds for divorce, all such statements are sinful, because they destroy the security and commitment of the marriage. They do not express love, but are used as a weapon to threaten and hurt the spouse. Not only is it sinful to practice wrong, it is also sinful to DESIRE to practice wrong or to THREATEN to do wrong. Proverbs 4:23 - Out of the heart are the issues of life. We sin because we allow ourselves to think and speak about our desire to sin. See also Matt. 5:21f,27f,33-37, etc. Matthew 12:35-37 - The mouth speaks out to the abundance of the heart. We will be justified or condemned by our words. In the absence of Scriptural grounds for divorce, Christians should never do anything that appears to justify or lead to separation or divorce. Instead, they should deliberately express and promote commitment. "I really do love you. I want to work out our problems, and I want us to have a good marriage."

VII. EXPRESS APPRECIATION & PRAISE FOR WHAT IS GOOD.

Philippians 4:6,7 - Let your requests be made known to God with thanksgiving. Even when we are concerned about our problems, we must remember to be thankful for our blessings. Often in times of strife, we get so upset with our companion, that we fail to express appreciation for the good qualities they have. This tends to blow the problems out of proportion.

A. Husbands Should Express Appreciation for Their Wives.

Genesis 2:18 - It was not good for man to be alone, so God made woman to be a companion for him. A woman who fulfills her God-given role is good for a husband. She was created by God for that very purpose. Proverbs 18:22 - He who finds a wife, finds a good thing and obtains favor of God. So let the husband say so. Proverbs 12:4 - A worthy woman is the crown of her husband. If so, then let the husband express appreciation for her. [Prov. 19:14; 31:10] 1 Peter 3:7 - The husband should give honor to his wife. Yet many husbands give much more criticism than they give honor. How often do you deliberately say or do something intended to honor your wife? Is she supposed to consider herself honored simply because it has been a while since you insulted her?

Proverbs 31:28-31 - A worthy woman should be praised by her husband. Do you praise your wife when she prepares a meal, cleans the house, cares for your children, or fulfills her responsibilities as a Christian? Or do you just criticize when you think she fails? A husband often gets a sense of fulfillment and accomplishment from his work. He gets a regular paycheck and perhaps occasional promotions. But the wife works day in and day out at home with the family. If the husband does not express appreciation, the wife should still find a sense of accomplishment in seeing her children develop and in knowing above all that God is pleased. But she has a much greater sense of security and being needed if her husband tells her he appreciates what she does. God tells us to praise our wives when they do good. If we did, they would find it much easier to fulfill their role as submissive homemakers.

B. Wives Should Express Appreciation for Their Husbands.

Romans 13:7 - All Christians should give honor to whom honor is due. This is a general principle. It would teach husbands to honor their wives, but it would also teach wives to honor their husbands. Ephesians 5:33 - Because the husband is the head of the wife (v22-24), she should respect (reverence) him. Surely this includes expressing appreciation for him. Ladies, if your husband works regular hours at his job to provide for you and the family, how often do you tell him you appreciate it? Or do you just take his paycheck and spend it without a word of thanks? When he does a handyman job around the house for you, or spends time with the children, or fulfills his role as a Christian man, do you tell him you appreciate it? Probably the greatest need that the wife has is a sense of security in knowing that she is loved and needed. Probably the greatest need the man has is the sense of personal worth in knowing that he is respected and looked up to. Both these needs are met if the husband and wife will express appreciation one another. If you are angry and upset with your companion, do two things. (1) Make an honest list of every good quality your companion possesses and every good work he/she does. Be as thorough as you can. (2) Then every day make a definite point to express love to your companion and find some specific thing to compliment and express appreciation for. This will significantly help when it comes time to discuss your problems, and it will also make your problems seem much less serious.

VIII. DISCUSS THE PROBLEM

A. Be Willing to Discuss.
Sometimes a spouse becomes so angry that he/she refuses to talk. Some men think they have the right to just make a decision without discussion. The husband should be willing to consider his wife's views. Ephesians 5:25ff - The husband is head as Jesus is head of the church. But God listens to our requests in prayer (Phil. 4:6f). Ephesians 5:28,29 - The husband should love his wife as he does his own body, but the body communicates its needs so the head can make decisions according to what is best. James 1:19 - Every man should be swift to hear, slow to speak, slow to anger. 1 Peter 3:7 - The husband is to treat his wife with understanding. But since men are not mindreaders, this requires listening to her views. [cf. Matt. 7:12] If sin is involved, both parties are commanded to discuss. Luke 17:3,4 - The one who believes the other has sinned, must rebuke him. This surely applies in the home as well as elsewhere. [Lev. 19:17,18; Matt. 18:15; Prov. 27:5,6] Matthew 5:23,24 - One who has been accused of sin must be willing to talk to seek reconciliation. Again, this surely applies in the home.

Note that the person who believes he has been wronged and the person who is accused of doing wrong are both obligated to discuss the matter. If conflict in the home is to be resolved, it must begin by discussion. "Clamming up" is not an option. Note, however, that proper timing of when to discuss is also important. Discussing in front of the kids or when one of you is extremely angry may not be good. If so, don't just "clam up." Instead, agree to discuss the matter later, and set a time when you will discuss it. Make an appointment and keep it! [Matt. 18:15-17; Prov. 10:17; Gal. 6:1; Prov. 13:18; 15:31,32; 29:1; 25:12; 9:8; 12:1]

B. Speak to Resolve the Problem, Not to Hurt One Another.

Matthew 5:24 - The goal is to be reconciled, not to hurt people. Often we are willing to talk, but only for the purpose of getting our way. We seek to win a victory, prove the other person wrong, etc. The purpose ought to be to find a Scriptural resolution. [Lev. 19:18] Romans 12:17,19-21 - Don't repay evil for evil or seek vengeance, but return good for evil. Sometimes a couple starts out trying to resolve a problem, but one insults the other, then the other returns an insult. Soon the goal becomes to see who can hurt the other person worst. Too many discussions end up being quarrels, because we let the problem become an occasion to attack one another. Instead, we should work together to attack the problem. Discuss the problem to solve the problem, not to hurt one another's feelings. When bringing up a problem, introduce it objectively then maintain focus on the specific problem. "Honey, there's a problem we need to talk about..." Don't enlarge the problem to attack the character of the other person. Avoid "You're just selfish, that's all," or "Why can't you be like so-and-so's wife?"

C. Listen to Your Spouse's Viewpoint.

A "discussion" requires both listening and talking. In practice, however, many spouses only want to express their own views. James 1:19 - Therefore, my beloved brethren, let every man be swift to hear, slow to speak, slow to wrath. Don't enter the discussion assuming the other person has no valid reasons for his view. We should be quickly willing to listen, and slow to present our views, especially when we are angry. Suggestion: Begin the discussion by asking your spouse to explain his/her view. Do not begin by attacking the position you assume they hold and defending your own view. Begin by asking questions honestly designed to help you understand what they think. "Could you explain to me why you did it that way ...?" "Have you considered doing it like this?" Maybe they have considered your idea and have some valid reasons for preferring another approach. Do not dominate the discussion. Let the other person express his/her views. Do you appreciate it when others just attack your views but refuse to listen to what you have to say? "Love your neighbor as yourself," and practice the golden rule (Matt. 7:12).

D. Honestly Examine the Evidence.

John 7:24 "Do not judge according to appearance, but judge with righteous judgment." Honestly seek to learn the facts of what happened - maybe the other person did not do what you thought they did. Ask for the reasons why the other person holds his/her view. Maybe they have reasons that you have not considered. Then present evidence for your view. Don't just make charges and accusations. Don't jump to conclusions or assign motives. If you don't have proof, then ask questions. But don't make accusations unless you have proof. Recognize an obligation to prove what you say or else don't say it! Matthew 18:16 - By the mouth of two or three witnesses every word may be established. (Acts 24:13) Do not consider your spouse guilty of wrong doing until the evidence is clear. Do not condemn them on the basis of opinion and flimsy appearances, when you would not want them to condemn you on that basis.

John 12:48; 2 Timothy 3:16,17 - The Scriptures must guide us in matters of right and wrong. They will judge us in the last day. If there are Bible principles relating to the subject, study them together.

E. Honestly Examine Your Own Conduct, Motives, Etc.

Consider honestly the possibility that you may have been wrong, or that you may at least have contributed to the problem. Do not just find fault with your mate. Perhaps you can improve. Genesis 3:12,13 - When the first married couple sinned, God confronted them. The man blamed the woman and the woman blamed the serpent. Both had been wrong, but neither was willing to admit their wrong. That is typical. Even when we are guilty, we want others to bear or share the blame - "Look what he/she did!" Proverbs 28:13 - He who covers his sins will not prosper, but whoever confesses and forsakes them will have mercy. In a family has serious problems, almost invariably there is sin, but the guilty one(s) refuse to admit it, blames others, rationalizes, etc. [2 Cor. 13:5] Pride keeps us from recognizing and admitting our guilt. Most people, when studying a topic like this one can think of lots of points that apply to their spouses, but what about you? Honesty and humility leads us to seek the truth and admit whatever errors we have made. And remember, even if we are not convinced we caused a problem, love leads us to be willing to get involved and help solve it. [1 Thess. 5:21; Psa. 32:3,5; Gal. 6:1]

F. Be Patient and Control Your Temper.

1 Corinthians 13:4 - Love is patient. We are easily upset when a matter is not quickly resolved. Resolving some problems may take a long time, with gradual improvement. Don't give up. Don't expect that you or your spouse will change overnight. Give it time. [Rom. 2:7; Gal. 6:7-9; 2 Thess. 3:5]. Proverbs 18:13 - To answer a matter before we have heard it out is foolish. Sometimes we are ready to judge a matter before we have thought it through. Don't make snap decisions. Don't think that you must reach a final decision the first time a matter is brought up. Take time for you and your spouse to think about what has been discussed. If your initial discussion doesn't lead to a solution, ask for time to think about it. Promise to discuss it again later. You are more likely to reach a rational conclusion, and your spouse will know you have taken the matter seriously. Prov. 15:1 - A soft answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger. Don't allow your temper to make you lose your objectivity and resort to hurting the other person. Anger is not necessarily sinful, but it must be controlled so it doesn't lead us into sin [Eph. 4:26; Jas. 1:19,20].

IX. BE RECONCILED
The goal is, not to talk endlessly nor simply to vent frustrations, but to resolve the problem. You should seek to determine a plan of action whereby the problem ceases to alienate you.

A. Compromise and Overlook Differences of Viewpoint, Where Possible.

1 Corinthians 13:4f - Love suffers long and is kind. Love is not selfish. Every couple will find in one another characteristics that we would like to change but cannot. Sin must not be overlooked, but if there is no sin and the person just does things we don't like, then love will not push personal desires to the point of alienation. Learn to overlook these matters without bitterness. Romans 14 - Even some spiritual decisions are matters of personal opinion, not matters of sin. If you cannot prove your spouse has committed sin, do not imply he/she has been guilty. James 3:14-18; Matthew 5:9; Romans 12:17-21; 1 Peter 3:11 - Sincerely seek a peaceable resolution to the problem. We should want the conflict to end, even if we have to give up our own desires to achieve it.

In some matters, there may be give and take - compromise. As long as no Bible conviction is violated, seek a middle-ground solution. "I'll give in here, if you'll give in there." Or, "Let's do it your way this time, and then next time we'll do it my way." Remember to consider ways you can become involved and help your spouse do a job better, instead of just sitting back and criticizing. Perhaps, in some matter, you will end up each going separate ways and doing separate things. [Acts 15:36-40] However, if one has been guilty of sin, then another approach must be taken.

B. Repent of Sin.
2 Corinthians 7:10; Acts 8:22 - If one or both have sinned, the Bible says to repent and pray for forgiveness. Why should sins in the family be any different? Repentance is a decision and commitment to change. We must recognize we have been wrong and agree to do right. If sin is the cause of our problems, we will never correct our marriage until we repent. [Luke 13:3; Acts 17:30; 2 Pet. 3:9]

C. Apologize for Sin (Confess It).

Luke 17:3,4 - If we have sinned, we must say, "I repent." Sometimes we realize we were wrong, but we don't want to admit it. Until we do so, those whom we have wronged cannot know we have repented. Matthew 5:23,24 - When we have wronged someone, we must go to them and make it right, or God will not accept our worship. Have you made right the wrongs you have done to your family? James 5:16 - We must confess our sins one to another. Sometimes the most difficult people to apologize to are the ones closest to us. We think if we admit error, they will lose respect for us. This is simply pride. But love is not puffed up (1 Cor. 13:4). Proverbs 28:13 - He who covers his sins will not prosper, but whoever confesses and forsakes them will have mercy. Be specific. Don't minimize, make excuses, blame shift, or recriminate. Don't say, "I made a mistake, but look what you did!" Even if you are convinced your spouse is wrong too, honestly admit your own error and correct it first. Don't try to save face. Don't demand that others forgive you and instruct them on how they ought to treat you. Just humbly apologize. Then later, perhaps at some other time, discuss the errors you believe they need to correct.

D. Pray for Forgiveness.

Acts 8:22 - Peter told Simon to repent and pray for forgiveness. If we have sinned, we must confess, not just to our companion, but also to God. 1 John 1:9 - He is faithful to forgive us if we confess our sins. When you have sinned, do you humbly confess it to God and to your spouse? [Matt. 6:12; Psa. 32:5]

E. Forgive One Another.

Luke 17:3,4 - When one has sinned against us and confesses, we must forgive, even seven times a day if necessary. Forgiveness is often needed in families. Love forgives as often as is needed. Colossians 3:13 - We must forgive the way God forgives. How do we want God to forgive us? Do we want Him to say, "I've forgiven you enough already. I don't care how sorry you are or how hard you try, I won't forgive"? Do we want Him to say He forgives, but then keep bringing it up again and using it as a weapon against us? Illustration: When Indian tribes made peace, they would symbolize it by burying a hatchet (tomahawk). The point was that everybody knew where it was, but nobody would go dig it up and use it to hurt the others. So forgiveness does not mean we are no longer aware the thing happened. It means we will not bring it up again to hurt the other person with it. Proverbs 10:12 - Hatred stirs up strife, but love covers all sins. How is your family? Do you love one another enough to admit you errors and then to really forgive like you want God to forgive you? [Matt. 18:21-25; 6:12,14,15; 5:7]

F. Develop & Carry Out a Plan to Correct the Problem.

Many problems are deep-rooted, have continued for a long time, or have caused serious harm. Some spouses confess the same old sin over and over, but they never make specific provision to change their conduct. They seem to think that all they need to do is to admit the wrong from time to time! Proverbs 28:13 - He who covers his sins will not prosper, but whoever confesses and forsakes them will have mercy. No matter how often we confess a problem, it is not truly resolved until we change our conduct! Matthew 21:28-31 - Jesus described a son who did not do what his father said. When he repented, he had to do what he failed to do. When we repent of wrongs, we must work to make sure they are not repeated. For long-standing habits, planning and effort will be needed to change our conduct. [Cf. Eph. 4:25-32; Matt. 12:43-45] Acts 26:20 - One who repents must bring forth "fruits of repentance" or do "works worthy of repentance" (Luke 3:8-14; Matt. 3:8). This includes making sure that we do not repeat the wrong in the future. But it also includes doing what we can to overcome the harm caused by our wrong deeds of the past. [Cf. Ezek. 33:14,15; 1 Sam. 12:3; Philemon. 10-14,18,19; Luke 19:8] When a couple has long-standing and deep-seated problems, a resolution must include a mutual agreement about what they specifically intend to do differently in the future to change the conduct. They need a specific program or plan of action, perhaps even one that is written down. Alternative courses of action should be discussed. Ways each spouse can help the other should be agreed upon. Agreements should include exactly what will each partner do differently in the future. Preferably these should be stated in away that allows for progress to be obvious or measurable - it should be evident when the changes are (or are not) being carried out. Then the couple should made specific commitments or promises to one another to carry out these actions. James 5:12 - But let your "Yes," be "Yes," and your "No," "No." When we make commitments to one another, we must mean what we say and then must carry out our commitments. We must make the changes we promised to make and fulfill the plan of action we agreed upon. [Rom. 1:31,32; 2 Cor. 8:11]

X. SEEK HELP (IF NECESSARY)

The procedure we have described will resolve most serious family problems, if we really love one another and are willing to obey God. But what if there clearly is sin in a family and the above procedure has been tried, but the problem remains? The Bible tells us to get help from other Christians.

A. Talk to One or Two Faithful Christians.

Galatians 6:2 - Bear one another's burdens. The first source of help should be other Christians. Some are too embarrassed to have others find out about their problems, but one of the first steps to overcoming a problem is to admit we have it. James 5:16 - Confess your faults to one another and pray for one another. Sometimes other Christians have had experience dealing with a problem and can give the Scripture or application that we need. Surely they can pray for us. Why should Christians with spiritual problems seek help first from counselors who are not even Christians? Matthew 18:15,16 - If your brother sins against you, first discuss it privately with him. But if this does not resolve it, get help. Take one or two other Christians with you. Many think this passage does not apply to family problems, but why not? It discusses cases where one Christian sins against another. Where does this, or similar passages, exclude family members from the application? Most of the Scriptures we have cited in this study have been general in application, not specifically regarding the family, yet we can all see they would apply to the family. Why is this verse not the same? [Cf. 1 Cor. 6:1-11]

B. Take It Before the Church, Then Withdraw.

Matthew 18:16,17 - We would hope that the mediation of one or two other Christians would solve the problem, but if it does not, then the Bible says to take the matter before the congregation. Perhaps the involvement of the whole church will bring the guilty party to his senses. If even this does not solve the problem, then the one who is clearly in sin must be withdrawn from. [2 Thess. 3:15; 1 Cor. 5; etc.] This is not to say we should run to the church with every personal problem. But if sin is clearly involved and private efforts do not lead to repentance, God gives a pattern for proceeding. In far too many cases, sin continues in our homes because we are too proud or too foolish to pursue the Scriptural course for seeking help.

Conclusion
The Scriptures do provide us to all good works, including how to solve problems in our homes. There is hope for troubled marriages. We can solve our problems God's way. If we do not do so, we have no one to blame but ourselves. Note: If you would like to study further about related Bible topics, we have a number of other study materials on our web site that should interest you. Please see the links listed below.

Marriage Preparation and Improvement:

Bible Principles for Preparing to Marry, Choosing a Spouse, and Improving Marriage Many couples seek help to improve their marriages. Others seek guidance in choosing a companion to marry or preparing for marriage. What counseling can Bible principles provide about the purpose and permanence of marriage, maturity, religion, and love in the home? What roles should the husband and wife fulfill? What about relations, friends, in-laws, and raising children? Why should the sexual affection and the sex relationship be reserved till after the wedding and fulfilled only with ones Scriptural spouse?
Introduction: There is significant evidence that many marriages today are troubled. Many forces in society are undermining the Biblical concept of the home. * Divorce - Each year the number of divorces is about half the number of marriages. * Conflict and violence - Many families quarrel continually or even become violent. Nearly 1/3 of all murders are committed between family members. * Fornication and sexual unfaithfulness - Premarital sex and even extra-marital sex are commonly accepted. * Rebellious and delinquent children - Many young people rebel against the moral or religious standards taught them by their parents. * Confusion about authority and roles in the home - We are told that it is old-fashioned to believe that the husband should be the breadwinner and head of the family and that the wife should be the homemaker. Parents are led to believe that they have no right to insist that their children obey them or to use physical punishment. It follows that a study of marriage should be valuable to everyone. * Couples who are engaged or seriously considering marriage should appreciate guidance about how to have a good marriage and how to determine whether or not they are suited for one another.

* Individuals who are hoping to marry someday, even if they are looking for somebody, still need to consider how to prepare for marriage and how to choose a marriage partner. * People who are already married need to consider how to improve their marriage. * Unmarried people - even if they never plan to marry - can still profit from such a study, because all around you are married people. As Christians, you should want to try to help these people understand God's will for their homes. The purpose of this study is to discuss a number of basic principles people should consider in order to prepare for marriage or to improve marriage. I do not profess to know all about marriage, but I believe God understands marriage and has revealed the best plan for marriage in the Bible. And I surely do not claim to have been a perfect husband. On the contrary, I know many areas where I have failed or could have improved, and my family can probably name other areas that I am not aware of. So, the goal is to study what the Bible says about marriage, and perhaps along the way I can help you avoid some of my mistakes. Whether we seek to prepare for marriage or to improve our marriage, here are important areas we need to consider. Simply click on each link.

I. The Role of Religion II. The Purpose of Marriage III. The Permanence of Marriage IV. Maturity and Knowing One Another V. Loving One Another VI. Responsibility, Honesty, and Self-Control VII. Friends and In-Laws VIII. Roles of Husband and Wife IX. Raising Children X. Sexual Purity

Raising Godly Children:

Bible Principles for Parents to Follow in Family Training and Parenting How can Christian parents succeed in training children in the home? What parenting and childraising authorities should fathers and mothers follow: the Bible or psychologists, social workers, and educators? What purpose and goal should families pursue? How important are love and instruction in the family and parenting? Should fathers and mothers seek to be parental authority figures? How should parents motivate and discipline unruly children? What about spanking, punishment, and rewards? Is it possible for a father and mother to raise godly children despite modern social pressures in entertainment, recreation, and education?
Note: Click here to listen to this material as a free recorded Bible study message MP3. Introduction: Why this study is needed: Families in our society present a serious yet interesting contrast. Generally families have material and social advantages as great as any generation ever had.

Most families have material goods and luxuries unknown to previous generations. Most have greater prospects for a long life. Most have unparalleled opportunities for education, leisure, entertainment, and recreation. One might think families would be happy and trouble-free. Yet families today face incredible conflict and hardship. These include: * Divorce - As of 1999 marriages were more likely to end by divorce than by death. (James Dobson letter, 11/99) * Crime - The arrest rate among juveniles nearly tripled from 1965 to 1990. (Bennett, p. 4) * Government dependence - In 1991 more than one child in eight was raised on government welfare. (Bennett, p. 5) * Births to unmarried women - In 1990 five times more children were born outside marriage than in 1960. (Bennett, p. 9) * Single-parent families - 35% of all children now do not live with their biological father. (Dobson letter) * Suicide - The suicide rate among teens more than tripled from 1960 to 1990. (Bennett, p. 12) Many families do not have these problems, but the evidence shows that parent-child relationships are facing increasing hardships. And Christians are by no means immune. In nearly every congregation at least half the young people end up not serving God faithfully. The subject of raising children deserves careful study. Why you need to study this subject, regardless of who you are: * Are you a parent? Surely you know you need to study about raising children. * Are you a young person, not yet married? Almost certainly someday you will be a parent or will work with children in some capacity (teacher, counselor, etc.). The time to prepare for an important task is before it begins. If you wait till you face the situation, it may be too late to seek training. Why are you in school now? You are training to prepare for future responsibilities in life. Likewise, you need to study parenthood nowbefore you begin. * Are you an older person with grown children or no children? You need to teach others God's will, including teaching about parental duties. Hebrews 5:12 - The time comes when you ought to be teachers. In particular, men may preach sermons or teach Bible classes or private studies. Titus 2:3 - Older women too must be teachers of good things. Especially they must teach young women their duties as wives and mothers (vv 4,5). Acts 20:27 - Christians must teach "the whole counsel of God." That includes Bible teaching about parenthood. All of us need to learn this! So if you have children or ever will have them, and even if you don't have them, as a Christian you need to know God's will. You need this study! Our purpose is to learn how parents can raise children successfully despite the problems we face. The foundational belief in these studies is that God's word provides the best way to raise children. Proverbs 22:6 - Train up a child in the way he should go, and when he is old he will not depart from it. By following God's word we can raise children who avoid evil and serve God faithfully. Bible principles about child raising are so critical that we will refer to them as the "keys" that open the door to success. We will consider them under seven headings. Hence, "Seven Keys to Raising Godly Children." Note: I do not claim perfection or expertise as a parent. I made many mistakes. Fortunately, my children have overcome most of them. Perhaps you can benefit from my mistakes. But in any case I am not the standard. God's word is the standard, so we will appeal to it. As in other areas of God's word, there are general teachings and specific teachings.

God told Noah to make an ark of gopher wood (Gen. 6:14). Noah had to abide within God's specified instructions (gopher wood), but he had his choice of many tools or methods that would constitute "making" an ark. Likewise, God teaches us to take the Lord's supper on the first day of the week (Acts 20:7). That restricts us to the specified day, but by general authority that we are free to decide what time on the first day of the week. So also, when God states a principle regarding raising children, we must all act within the teaching of that principle. Yet one family may apply that principle somewhat differently from another family, even though both may be following God's word. In this study I may give advice that harmonizes with Bible principles, but that may not be the only way to apply them. But whatever we do must fit what God's rules say. If what we say or do disagrees with God's rules, then we are disagreeing, not with people, but with God. Let's consider together Seven Keys for Raising Godly Children. [See the end of the study for sources cited and abbreviations used.]

The Seven Keys for Raising Godly Children

Key #1: Purpose Key #2: Planning Key #3: Love Key #4: Instruction Key #5: Authority Key #6: Motivation Key #7: Consistency

Sources Used
Dare to Discipline, Dr. James Dobson (abbreviated DTD). Index of Leading Cultural Indicators, William Bennett, Heritage Foundation, et. al.; 1993 (abbrev. Bennett).

Divorce And Remarriage:

What Does the Bible Teach about Who May Divorce and Remarry? Divorce and remarriage have become common as civil law allows no-fault divorce. A husband or wife may dissolve a marriage for almost any grounds and remarry, regardless of the will of their spouse. The result is that many people marry without considering the teaching of the Bible. Is fornication (or adultery) the only Scriptural grounds for divorce, or does the gospel allow marriage to be dissolved for other grounds? Please consider this careful study of the Biblical teaching.
Introduction: Many forces in society defend the practice of easy divorce. Divorce laws in America are so lax that almost anyone can dissolve a marriage and remarry at any time for any reason. With "no-fault" divorce, a husband or wife can claim "incompatibility" or "irreconcilable differences" and get a divorce no matter how much their spouse objects. What is right or wrong is determined by the Creator of the Universe. Men will be judged according to whether or not we have conformed our lives to His will (John 12:48). Man's will often differs from God's (Prov. 14:12; Isa. 55:8,9; 2 Cor. 10:12,18; Lk. 16:15,18). Since the Bible reveals God's will, we must learn what it says about divorce and remarriage (2 Tim. 3:16,17; 1 Cor. 14:37; Eph. 3:3-5; 2 Pet. 1:21).

Part I: Does the Bible Say Divorce and Remarriage Is Moral or Immoral?
A. The General Teaching of the New Testament Is that Divorce is Contrary to God's Will, and that Remarriage Following Divorce Constitutes Adultery.
Note that there is one exception to this general rule, which we will discuss later. At this point we are discussing the general rule. The following passages present this teaching: Matthew 19:3-9 (cf. Mark 10:2-12; Luke 16:18) Jesus was asked whether divorce can properly be obtained for just any reason a person might have. He answered by appealing to the original marriage law. Jesus taught that divorce itself, in general, is contrary to God's will. God made one man for one woman, indicating He did not intend for either to marry anyone else. He said they should cleave to one another and the two become one - there is no room in God's plan for athird party. God joins the man and woman, no human has the right to break that bond. Further, whoever divorces his wife and marries again commits adultery (unless he does it because she has been guilty of fornication), and whoever marries her who has been divorced also commits adultery. (Mk. 10 adds that this rule also applies to the woman if she divorces her husband.) To help understand the passage, read it with your name and your spouse's name, instead of "whosoever," etc. Matthew 19:9 - If ____________ (you) divorces __________ (his wife), except for fornication, and marries another, _________________ (you) commits adultery; and whoever marries ___________ (her who is divorced) commits adultery." Matthew 5:31,32 One who puts away his wife (for some cause other than fornication) causes her to commit adultery. This assumes that she remarries as described in the last part of the verse and as implied in the previous verse (the purpose of the "bill of divorcement" according to the law was so she could become another man's wife - Deut. 24:1ff). By divorcing his wife, the husband puts her in the position where she is strongly tempted to remarry and if she does remarry, Jesus says she is guilty of adultery and so is the man she marries (in contrast to the Mosaic Law which tolerated the remarriage). Hence, the divorce itself is wrong and should be avoided. [Cf. Matt. 18:6,7] Romans 7:2,3 A married woman is bound by law to her husband as long as he lives. This means that if she is married to another man while her first husband is alive, she is guilty of adultery. She is free to remarry without guilt only if her husband is dead. (Some ask what "law" is this that joins the man and woman - God's law or man's law? It is the law which, when violated, makes the woman an adulteress. Clearly this must be God's law, and this conforms to what is taught elsewhere.) 1 Corinthians 7:10,11 A married woman should not depart from her husband nor he from her. Again, divorce itself is not the will of God. But if she departs (if divorce has occurred), she must remain unmarried or else be reconciled to her husband. Clearly remarriage is not a scriptural alternative. (Note: "depart" here is the same word elsewhere translated "put asunder" - Matt. 19:6; Mk. 10:9: The result of the action is that the woman is "unmarried.") The teaching of the gospel on this point is unpopular with most people. Many people don't want to hear it preached. Jesus' own disciples considered it very strict (Matt. 19:10-12), still Jesus did not compromise it or apologize for it. He continued to teach and defend it and so must we.

B. To Apply These Passages Properly, We Must Understand Why the Second Marriage Is Forbidden and Why It Is Called "Adultery."
God clearly has the right to forbid any act if He so chooses, but it helps us apply the teaching when we understand His reasons for forbidding an act. What reason does God give for declaring the second marriage sinful, and why does He call it "adultery"? Malachi 2:14-16 God hates putting away (v16). Again, divorce is contrary to God's will. Why? Because marriage is a covenant between a man and his wife (v14). God is a witness to that covenant, and He holds men to it (v14). If a man violates the covenant, he is dealing treacherously with his wife and God will hold him accountable. [Prov. 2:17; Ezek. 16:8] Though this is an Old Testament passage, it helps us learn the definition of marriage, which has not changed. Marriage is, by God's definition, a solemn mutual agreement between a man and woman to live together as husband and wife. God holds them to that covenant bond and will not free them from it, even if people declare them to be free. Remember this! The whole foundation of New Testament teaching regarding divorce rests on God's attitude toward marriage.When people weaken the barriers against divorce, they are weakening respect for marriage. Divorce matters because it destroys a marriage, and marriage is very important to God. Any view of divorce, which fails to respect marriage as God respects it, must be an unscriptural view. This is why Jesus, in answering a question about divorce and remarriage, appealed to God's original intent regarding marriage (Matt. 19:3-9). God will respect and enforce His law regarding it, even when men disregard it! Hebrews 13:4 The marriage covenant includes the right and obligation to have the sexual union only with the companion with whom we have a Scriptural marriage covenant. To have relations with anyone else is "fornication" or "adultery." This too is part of the marriage covenant as God defines it. Marriage gives a man and his wife the right to the sexual union, but only with their lawful spouse. [Ezek. 23; Jer. 3; Prov. 5:15-20; 6:29,32; 7:18-20; Ezek. 16:32; 1 Cor. 7:1-9]. Romans 7:2,3 In this marriage covenant, the woman is bound to her husband as long as he lives (cf. 1 Cor. 7:39). The marriage "bond" is a lifetimecovenant commitment, and God holds people to the commitment they made, even if later they try to break it. Note that the passage says a woman may be "bound" to one man, but "married" to another man! The "bond" refers to the marriage covenant that God holds you to. "Marriage" refers to the relationship you are living in as recognized by civil law and society. The two may be the same, but not necessarily. In this case, the woman was "bound" to one man but "married" to a completely different man! That is why a woman is guilty of adultery if she is married to another man. Adultery, by definition, refers to sexual intercourse between two people, one of whom is bound by a marriage covenant to somebody else [see definitions in notes on Matt. 19:9]. This woman is an "adulteress" because she has been joined in a marriage covenant with one man, and God holds her to that covenant for life. But she is having sexual relations with another man, and that, by definition, is adultery. This passage defines adultery for us! Note that anytime she has sexual relations with a man other than her scriptural mate it is adultery - as long as her first companion is living, the passage says. Whether she has just a single act of intercourse, or has an "affair" involving a number of adulterous acts over a period of time, or whether it is a second marriage to another man - in any case every time she has sexual union with another man the passage says she is guilty of adultery. This is "adultery" because the woman is Scripturally committed to have the sexual union only with one man as long as he lives, but instead she is having it with another man. This is why it is

proper to refer to the second marriage as "adulterous" or "living in adultery," just as it would be if she were living with him but not married to him (Col. 3:5-7). Matthew 19:3-9 What reason is given why remarriage is forbidden and why it is called "adultery"? Because God declared man and woman shouldcleave to one another. He joins them (by witnessing their marriage covenant and holding them to it). He forbids their changing their mind and says no man can put their marriage asunder. So, if man puts away his wife and marries another, the second marriage is "adultery" because he is having the sexual union with a second wife while God still holds him obligated to his covenant to have the sexual union only with his first wife. Note again: the terms "marry" and "divorce" (or "put away," and also "husband" and "wife") as used here and elsewhere, refer to the relationship as viewed by society and the law of the land. In a first marriage, both God and society recognize the marriage commitment to exist between the man and woman. They are both "married" in the eyes of society and "joined" ("bound") in the eyes of God. Society and civil law may then grant them a "divorce" (not for fornication) and they may "marry" again. Society and civil law then views them as free from their first marriage and entered into a second one, and the Bible calls this "divorced" ("put away") and "married" again. But though God uses these terms as society does, He does not recognize the divorce as making a valid end to the covenant commitment that He recognized in the first marriage. God still considers them "bound" or "joined" or held accountable for the commitment of the first marriage (v6). There is a definite distinction between the covenant commitment (bond) which God recognizes and the divorce and marriage which civil law recognizes. (cf. Mk. 6:17,18) Again, the second marriage is "adultery" because the person is still joined in God's eyes to his/her first spouse, but they are having a sexual relationship with a second spouse. That is adultery, and it will continue to be adultery every time they have the sexual relationship, because God has still "joined" them to their first spouse and He will not "put asunder" that bond. 1 Corinthians 7:10,11 This explains why, if a woman divorces her husband, she still has no right to remarry. She may get divorced in the eyes of civil law, and God calls it "divorce" and says she is now "unmarried." But that does not free her from her bond or covenant obligation to her first husband. Since she is still bound to her first marriage covenant, her only choice then is to be reconciled to her husband (the one God recognizes) or else remain unmarried. Sexual relationship outside of a Scriptural marriage bond constitutes fornication (v2-5). Hence, if the woman divorces and remarries, that second marriage, as long as it lasted and as long as her first husband was still alive, would constitute adultery. Understanding these principles will be vital to reaching proper applications and answers to other questions we will deal with. [Note that adultery involves a sexual act - John 8:4; Heb. 13:4; Prov. 6:20-35. It is not just the act of divorcing and remarrying that is adultery.]

C. God Allows an Exception to the General Rule When One's Spouse Has Been Guilty of Fornication.
This exception is clearly stated in Matthew 19:9 (and 5:32). "Whosoever shall put away his wife, except for fornication, and shall marry another, committeth adultery" ("saving for the cause of fornication" - Matt. 5:32). The question originally asked Jesus concerned the grounds or cause for which a man may divorce his wife (v3). In v9 Jesus clearly says there is no acceptable cause except if ones companion has been guilty of fornication. Unlike the Mosaic Law, which Jesus admits tolerated divorce and remarriage for other causes, Jesus' teaching allows one and only onecause.

Note that the only one who is granted the right to divorce and remarry without being guilty of sin is the one who has been sinned against by his/her companion who committed fornication. What is fornication? Definitions: "illicit sexual intercourse in general" (Thayer); "every kind of unlawful sexual intercourse" (Arndt and Gingrich). Fornication includes any form of sexual intercourse with anyone other than ones scriptural spouse, regardless of whether that person be of the opposite sex or of the same sex. Note passages that explain the meaning: 1 Corinthians 7:2-5 - To avoid fornication, one is to satisfy the sexual desire with and only with "his own wife" or "her own husband." Our own marriage companion is the only one who has power over our body. If we satisfy this desire with anyone else, the passage says it would be fornication, whether it be with someone we are not married to, someone else's husband or wife, or someone else of the same sex (i.e., homosexuality). (See also Heb. 13:4). Jude 7 - Sodom and Gomorrah gave themselves over to fornication. But Gen. 19 shows this refers to homosexuality (men wanted to lie with men, not with women) ["and going after strange flesh" has the significance of even going after...]. Therefore, homosexuality is a form of fornication, and would be scriptural grounds for one's companion to obtain a divorce and remarry. Some say fornication would not include adultery (i.e., the case in which one who is married has relations with someone not their spouse). But the following passages use "fornication" to include extra-marital sex: 1 Cor. 5:1; Amos 7:17; Ezek. 16:8,15,26,29; Jer. 3:6,8. Jesus used "fornication" in order to include, not just extra-marital sex, but also premarital sex and homosexuality - any form of illicit sexual intercourse. When a man and woman marry, they make a covenant to have the sexual relationship only with one another and with no one else (of the same or opposite sex) as long as they both shall live. If one companion violates that covenant by having sexual relations with any person other than their own spouse, he/she has violated the marriage covenant in such a way that God grants their partner the right to divorce them and remarry. The New Testament teaching regarding divorce and remarriage can be summarized like this: When a man and woman marry, they enter into a lifetime covenant in which God binds or joins them, holding them accountable to keep this covenant. If there is a divorce for some cause other than fornication, God's will is violated; and if either or both remarry, the second marriage relationship(s) is (are) adultery because God still holds the people bound to the first marriage commitment. If during the first marriage, however, one companion commits fornication, then the other companion may choose to obtain a divorce and remarry without sin.

Part II: Does the Teaching of Jesus Regarding Divorce and Remarriage Apply to People Outside the Church?
Some people believe that Jesus' teaching regarding divorce and remarriage was addressed only to those who are in covenant relationship with Him (disciples, Christians, members of His church). It does not apply to people outside the church since they are not citizens in Christ's kingdom, not members of the body of which He is the head, etc. It is argued that people outside Christ are condemned because they have not subjected themselves to Christ or because they have violated God's universal moral law; but until they become Christians, God does not notice or hold them accountable for violations of specific New Testament teachings such as divorce laws. So it is concluded that, no matter how many times such people divorce and remarry before they become Christians, when they are baptized they just keep the companion they have then. But consider the following points:

A. Jesus Is Lord over All Men, Not Just Those in the Church.
Jesus is not just Head of the church or King of His kingdom. There are other positions He holds that show that all men are obligated to obey Him. He is: Jesus is God (Deity) John 1:1,14; 20:28,29; Phil. 2:6-8; Col. 2:9. If He possesses Deity, all people must obey His rules. Jesus is King of kings and Lord of lords Rev. 17:14; 1:5; 19:16. Hence, He possesses authority over all people on earth, even the highest of human authorities. Jesus is Creator of all things John 1:1-3; Col. 1:16. If He created all things, then all must obey Him (cf. Acts 17:24,30,31). Jesus is Lord and Ruler of all Matt. 28:18; John 3:31; Acts 10:36; Rom. 9:5; l0:12; Phil. 3:20,21; Eph. 1:21; John 17:2; Phil. 2:9-11. As Lord, He is Master or Ruler. His authority extends to all people, regardless of whether or not they are disciples. Jesus is Judge of all Acts 17:30,31 (spoken to unbelieving Gentiles); John 5:22-29; 2 Cor. 5:10; Matt. 25:31-46. Men will be judged according to the teachings of Jesus, even if they reject Him - John 12:48. If they do not obey the gospel, they will be destroyed - 2 Thess. 1:8,9. Furthermore, the law of Jesus and the law of God are the same. What Jesus taught is what was revealed to Him from the Father (John 12:49f; 17:8,20,21,10; 16:15; Luke 10:16). Hence, people are obligated to obey Jesus' law because it is the law of God, and God's rule is universal. It follows that all men are obligated to obey Jesus' laws. To deny the duty of all men to obey Christ's commands is to belittle the authority and exalted position of Christ, and also to deny the responsibility of all men to obey God the Father!

B. Jesus' Law Is a Whole, Complete Unit.

Those who are subject to Jesus' authority (that includes everyone), must be subject to the whole law. James 2:8-12 - Like the Old Testament, the perfect law of liberty is a "whole." We must keep it all or stand condemned as transgressors (cf. Gal. 5:3). Acts 3:22,23 - We must give heed to Jesus in all things whatever He says or we will be destroyed. This was spoken to people who were not His disciples. (cf. Matt. 28:18-20; 4:4). People outside the church are clearly subject to some of Christ's commands. Since the gospel is a wh whole system, they must be subject to it all. Alien sinners are obligated to obey the gospel commands to believe, repent, and be baptized (Mark 16:15,16; Matt. 28:18-20; Acts 17:30; 2:38; 22:16; 10:48; 2 Thess. 1:8). If people are not subject to Jesus' law, then how can they be held accountable for refusing to believe, repent, and be baptized (Rom. 4:15)? But clearly all people are accountable to obey Jesus' commands to be forgiven. But these commands are just part of His law which must be taken as a whole. Hence, those outside the church are accountable to the whole system. If Christ's laws are not binding on people who are outside the church, then how could these people be guilty of sin? 1 John 3:4 - Sin is transgression of God's law (not civil law). If people outside the church are not subject to Jesus' law, and Jesus' law is God's law, then how did these people become sinners (Rom. 4:15)? The church consists of people who have been saved from sin (Acts 2:47; Eph. 5:23,25). When a person hears the gospel, believes, repents of sin, confesses, and is baptized for remission of sin, then Jesus' blood forgives his sins (Eph. 1:7; Rev. 1:5; Matt. 26:28; Rom. 5:6-9) and the Lord adds him to the church (Acts 2:47). But why would a person even need to do this if Jesus' law does not apply to him?

If people are not subject to Jesus' law, what sin can they be guilty of, how can they be held accountable for becoming a Christian, and why should they even enter the church? The fact they are obligated to obey some commands, proves they are accountable to the whole law. Note: It is true that certain specific laws regulate only people in certain circumstances, such as laws for women, men, elders, parents, children, etc. (In this sense the Lord's supper is only for those in the circumstance of having been cleansed by Jesus' blood.) If we are not in the circumstance described, then we cannot obey that law, but this is because we are not in the circumstance rather than because we are not subject to the law as a whole. Jesus said there are people who are eunuchs and therefore the law of divorce and remarriage would not affect them (Matt. 19:10-12). But that is the only exception He gave. People who are married are in the circumstance such that the law applies to them.

C. Jesus' Teaching Regarding Divorce and Remarriage Was Addressed to People in General, Not Just to His Disciples.
Matthew 19:3-9 - To whom did Jesus address these instructions? Note whom He addressed. V2 - He was speaking to great multitudes. V3,4 - His teaching on divorce was an answer to a question asked by Pharisees who were seeking to "try" Him. He addressed His answer "to them" (v4). Clearly, they were not His disciples but His enemies and opponents (disciples were later called Christians - Acts 11:26). (cf. Mk. 10:2; Lk. 16:14,15,18). V5 - He quoted Gen. 2:24 saying "a man" should leave father and mother and cleave to his wife (cf. Mk. 10:7). We will soon see that this is universal in application. It includes all people everywhere. V9 - "Whosoever" shall put away his wife and marry another commits adultery. NIV says "Anyone" who ... " Luke 16:18 in ASV and NASB says "Everyone that ... " (cf. Mark 10:11). V10-12 - Jesus discussed the issue of to whom this teaching applied. He said there were exceptions to whom it did not apply - eunuchs! Hence, the only exceptions to Jesus' law of divorce and remarriage are unmarried people! To those who say this is a "covenant" passage, I ask what "covenant" people it is limited to. The "whosoever" cannot be just Jews under the Old Testament covenant since Jesus clearly admits that His teaching is different from that of Moses. It cannot be just Christians under the gospel since the Pharisees, to whom Jesus spoke this, were not disciples. Hence it cannot be limited to any "covenant" people. It must be a universal application to all people. [If it be pointed out that Mark 10:10-12 says Jesus stated the teaching to the disciples in the house, I would point out that this is after He stated His general teaching on divorce. He had already made clear to His enemies that God's word was opposed to divorce. Hence, this does not help the case of those who believe Jesus' teaching against divorce does not apply to aliens.] Matthew 5:31,32 - To whom does this teaching apply? "Whosoever" (KJV), "Every one ... " (ASV, NASB), "Anyone" (NIV). Clearly Jesus intended for His teaching about divorce and remarriage to be universal in application. There is nothing to imply He meant it only for His disciples. On the contrary the whole context shows that it applies to His enemies and non-disciples as well as to His disciples.

D. Jesus Based His Teaching Regarding Divorce on God's Original Marriage Law, Which Applied to All People.
Matthew 19:4-8 - Jesus based His teaching about divorce and remarriage on God's law "from the beginning," and quoted Gen. 2:24. To whom did that law apply? This is Jesus' law and it is God's law. It is a broad as Jesus' authority and as God the Father's. Further, this law was not a church law or church ordinance, but was originally given some 4000 years before the church began. How then can it be restricted only to people in the church?

This law was given to the first man and woman from whom all people descended. It must have been intended for the descendants of Adam and Eve, since it describes "a man" leaving father and mother (which Adam and Eve did not have). Hence, the instruction, as originally given, applied universally to all men. But Jesus quoted the passage and said the same teaching is in effect today, and Paul also quoted it in Eph. 5:31. This principle is the basis of Jesus' teaching about divorce and remarriage. To whom does the principle apply? The original principle applied to "a man." That expression must be just as broad in meaning today as it was when originally given. To whom did it apply then? Who is that "man"? All men, descendants of Adam and Eve. Since Jesus' divorce and remarriage teaching is based on that law, His teaching must apply to the same "man" - all men! Further, God's marriage law is as broad in application as is human sexual reproduction. God's marriage law is the basis for limiting the sexual union to people who are married (one flesh). This law is used in 1 Cor. 6:16 to forbid sex outside marriage (cf. Heb. 13:4; 1 Cor. 7:2-5). But, from the beginning, the command to reproduce was addressed to the people God made in His own image (Gen. 1:26-28), and that includes all people (Gen. 5:1-4; 9:6; etc.). Hence, anytime, anywhere people participate in the sexual act, they are bound by God's marriage law. It is not just for people in covenant relationship with God. But this universal marriage law is the basis of Jesus' law about divorce and remarriage. It was later quoted in the New Testament (Eph. 5:31; 1 Cor. 6:16). If the original law was universal in application to all people, and if that law is the basis of Jesus' law of divorce and remarriage, it must have the same universal application. If God's marriage law applies only to church members, consider the consequences. It would not matter what non-Christians did regarding marriage or sexual conduct. Either God's marriage laws do apply to non-Christians or they do not. If the laws do not apply then it follows that: * God does not recognize the marriages of non-Christians at all. (Yet note Matt. 24:38f; John 4:16-18; Acts 24:24; Matt. 27:19). [Would this mean that all people, when they become Christians, are unmarried in God's eyes and therefore must get married after baptism else their relationship would then become adulterous? See notes on 1 Cor. 7:14.] * It does not matter what sexual conduct people outside Christ commit. All laws regulating sexual conduct are based on the marriage law (Gen. 2:24; Heb. 13:4; 1 Cor. 6:16; 7:2-5). (We will later show that people outside Christ are held accountable for sexual conduct.) It would furthermore follow that, when a person outside Christ has a sexual relationship, no matter whom he has it with or under what circumstances, it is not sin, for there is no sin where there is no law (Rom. 4:15). If aliens are not subject to the Jesus' divorce laws, it must be because they are not subject to God's marriage law, which in turn means they are free from all regulations regarding adultery, fornication, homosexuality, etc.! We should stop preaching to aliens about their adultery, etc.! * If the marriage law does not apply outside Christ, why would an unbeliever be required to provide for his wife or care for his children (1 Tim. 5:8)? * It also follows that, if a person is considering becoming a Christian, but does not like his companion, he should get rid of her and marry the person he wants before he is baptized. On the other hand, if God's marriage law does apply to those outside Christ, then God's laws against sexual misconduct do apply to them, and so does Jesus' teaching regarding divorce and remarriage, because it is based on God's marriage law. It is all or nothing. [Note that this argument is valid no matter what means a person uses to get aliens subject to God's marriage law. If they say they are subject to the gospel, to the "moral law," to the "law on the heart," the "law of love," or whatever law they say, if they admit people outside Christ are subject to God's marriage law, then Jesus' teaching about divorce and remarriage applies too.]

E. The Bible Expressly Mentions People Outside the Church Who Were Held Guilty of Violating God's Marriage Laws.
We have seen that God's laws against sexual immorality are based on His marriage law. But that same law is the basis of Jesus' teaching against divorce and remarriage. Hence, the marriage law, the laws regulating sexual conduct, and the divorce law all apply to exactly the same people. In particular, divorce and remarriage (without Scriptural grounds) Jesus said was adultery, a particular form of sexual misconduct. Hence, if we can find passages saying aliens outside Christ are subject to God's laws on sexual conduct, then it must be because they are subject to God's laws on marriage. It will follow that they are subject to His laws on divorce and remarriage, since all stand or fall together. Note these passages: 1 Corinthians 5:9,10 There are fornicators in the world (in contrast to the church). Hence, people outside the church are subject to God's laws on sexual conduct. 1 Corinthians 6:9-11 The Corinthians had been fornicators, adulterers, etc., before they were washed and justified by Christ. God held these people accountable for obeying His sexual laws even when they had been outside the church. This includes adultery, and divorce and remarriage constitutes adultery. Colossians 3:5-10 Those who come into Christ should put off the conduct of the "old man" - i.e., the way they lived before they became Christians. This old life included fornication (v5), hence, God's sexual laws do apply to those outside Christ. 1 Timothy 1:9-11 People who commit the various sins listed are practicing that which is contrary to the "gospel." Included in the list are numerous moral issues, thus showing that "moral" laws are included in the "gospel." In particular, people who commit "fornication" are violating the gospel. But the gospel is to be preached to "every creature" in "all the world" (Mark 16:15,16; 2 Thess. 1:8,9). Hence, all people must obey the gospel, including its prohibitions against fornication. 1 Timothy 5:8 One who will not provide for his own household is worse than an unbeliever. Yet if God's marriage laws do not apply to unbelievers, how can they be held accountable for their household? All these passages clearly show that people outside the church are subject to God's laws regarding fornication and adultery. But unscriptural divorce and remarriage constitute "adultery." Furthermore, if people are subject to God's sexual laws, this proves they are subject to His marriage law. And if people are subject to the marriage law, then they must be subject to Jesus' divorce and remarriage law, since it is also based on the marriage law. God's laws regarding marriage (and therefore His laws regarding divorce and remarriage) apply to people outside the church just the same as they do to people in the church.

Part III: If a Person Has an Unscriptural Remarriage, What Must He Do to Become a Christian?
Some people believe that, if a person has divorced (not for fornication) and remarried, when he becomes a Christian, he may remain with his present companion. What does the Bible say?

I. The Bible Teaching Requires Such a Person to Leave His/Her Unscriptural Companion.
This is true regardless of whether the relationship was entered before or after baptism.

A. God Continues to Hold Such People Obligated to Honor the Commitment of Their Previous Marriage Covenant. It Follows that Every Sexual Union in the Present Marriage Is Adultery.
It follows that the only way such a person can be a faithful Christian is to give up the husbandwife relationship, including sexual relations, with their present companion. Malachi 2:14-16 - Marriage is a covenant relation which God witnesses and holds people accountable to honor. (Note Ecc. 5:4,5). Hebrews 13:4 (1 Cor. 7:2-5) - The sexual union is lawful only with the one person with whom we have a valid marriage covenant. In any other case it is fornication. Romans 7:2,3 (1 Cor. 7:39) - The marriage covenant commits a person to his/her companion for life. Anytime our companion is alive, if we have a marriage relationship (including the sexual union) with someone else, we are guilty of adultery (even if we are remarried according to civil law). Note that the first marriage commitment continues as long as the first companion is alive, not just until baptism. Matthew 19:3-9 - God joins a man and woman in the marriage covenant, and man has no right to set it aside. If a man tries to set it aside, God still holds him to it, so his subsequent marriage is adulterous. 1 Corinthians 7:10,11,2-5 - A person should not divorce his/her companion. But what should one do if he is already divorced? Only two choices are available - remain unmarried or else be reconciled to our true companion. What if we have already remarried - does that change the teaching? No, we still have only two choices if we are divorced, making no exception for the case in which one has remarried. If we can be reconciled with our lawful companion, fine. If not, we must remain unmarried. To stay with our unlawful companion would be fornication as shown in v2-5.

B. To Be Forgiven of Sin, a Person Must Repent. Then They Must Bring Forth Fruits of Repentance.
God is willing to forgive those who have unscripturally divorced and remarried. However, they must meet conditions of forgiveness, just as do others who are committing sin. Repentance is a prerequisite for forgiveness of sins whether one is in or out of the church. Acts 2:38 - Repent and be baptized for remission of sins. Luke 24:47 - Repentance and remission of sins must be preached to all (cf. Mk. 16:16). 2 Peter 3:9 - God wants all to repent, not perish (cf. Lk. 13:3,5). Acts 17:30 - God commands all men everywhere to repent. Acts 8:22 - A child of God who sins must repent of wickedness and pray for forgiveness. Matthew 21:28-32 - Repentance involves changing our minds and deciding to do God's will. This is true regardless of what our sin may be. We must decide to quit stealing, lying, killing, etc. If we have been committing adultery in the form of an unscriptural marriage relationship, we must decide to quit the relationship, including quitting the sexual union. Repentance requires us to follow through and change our sinful conduct. We must cease the practice of sin and practice righteousness instead. Matthew 21:28-32 - After repenting, to be approved the son had to do the will of the father. (cf. Prov. 6:31; 2 Pet. 2:20-22) Matthew 3:2,8; Luke 3:8-14 - John preached repentance and required men to bring forth fruits worthy of repentance.

Acts 26:20 - Paul also preached men must repent and do works worthy of repentance. What does this involve? Romans 6:1-19,23 [read v1,2,11-15] - If by God's grace our sins are forgiven in baptism, does this mean we can continue to practice sin? God forbid! The purpose of conversion is so we can be freed from sin and become righteous. We must then practice righteousness, rather than letting sin reign in our lives. If we continue to practice sin, the wages of sin is death. In particular, we must not continue in the sin described in the very next few verses in 7:2,3 living in adultery with someone who is not the mate we are bound to. 1 Corinthians 6:9-11 - Prior to conversion, the Corinthians practiced sins including fornication and adultery. But they ceased these practices when they became washed and justified by Christ. 2 Corinthians 6:17-7:1 - We must not fellowship sin but separate and cleanse ourselves from it, if we are to be God's children. (This is also the true meaning of 2 Cor. 5:15,17). Colossians 3:5-11 - Coming into Christ means we must put off the old man (cease to practice sin) and put on the new man by practicing righteousness. One of the sinful practices we must discontinue is fornication. To continue in an unscriptural marriage relationship is to continue to practice adultery every time we have the sexual union. Repentance and faithfulness to God requires us to cease this practice. The Bible gives many examples of people who illustrate the meaning of doing works worthy of repentance. Ezekiel 33:14-16 - To live and not die, the wicked man must turn from evil, restore what he took by robbery, and do what is right. Proverbs 9:17 likens adultery to stealing. If repentance requires one to return money or property which he has taken but which does not belong to him, why is he not likewise required to give up a wife he has stolen but which does not belong to him? (See also Lev. 6:1-7; Num. 5:5-10; Ex. 22:1-15). Luke 19:8 - Zaccheus restored four times the things he took wrongfully. Why must not a man likewise give up a wife taken wrongfully? Acts 19:18,19 - When people repented of practicing magical arts, they burned their books of magic. Philemon 10-19 - The slave Onesimus ran away from his master Philemon. When he repented and was converted, he had to return. He and Paul wanted to stay together, but repentance required him to fulfill his obligation to his master. Likewise, how can one keep a husband/wife that is bound to another? Ezra 9 and 10 - Israelites were not permitted to take wives from surrounding nations, but many of them had done so. They had entered marriage relations they had no right to enter (9:1,2). To repent they had to make a covenant with God to separate from their wives (10:1-3,10-12), even though some of them had children by these wives (10:44). Those who would not give up their wives were separated from the people (10:8). These things are written for our example and learning (1 Cor. 10:6,11; Rom. 15:4). If a person under the New Testament marries someone he has no right to marry, why wouldn't repentance likewise require separating from the unscriptural companion? Matthew 14:3,4 - Herod had his brother Philip's wife, so John said it was not lawful for him to have her. If it was not lawful to have her, what would he have to do to repent? Quit having her! Give her up! Note that the verse does not just say Herod was wrong to take her, but he was wrong to have her - continuing the relationship was wrong. Today if a person has a companion which it is not lawful for him to have because of an unscriptural divorce and remarriage, what would he have to do to be forgiven? (See also Gen. 20:1-14; 1 Sam. 12:3) Consider some other examples in which it should be obvious what repentance would require:

* Suppose a man is living in polygamy and is converted, may he keep all his wives? He has a valid marriage covenant only with his first wife. His relationship with the others is adultery. Doesn't repentance require him to give up all his wives except the first one? * Suppose a man living in a homosexual marriage is converted, may he continue the relationship? By whatever reasoning we would use to show he must leave, by the exact same reasoning we can show one must leave a companion whom he took as a result of unscriptural divorce and remarriage. Note that repentance requires the same thing whether the person seeking forgiveness is or is not a child of God. Most Christians can see that, if a Christian unscripturally divorces and remarries, in order to repent he must leave his second mate. But repentance and prayer obtains forgiveness for the Christian who sins, exactly like repentance and baptism brings forgiveness to an alien sinner. Both cases require repentance. If the non-member can be forgiven and keep his companion, why can't a member? The fact is that repentance requires a member living in an unscriptural marriage to leave that companion. Since repentance means the same for a non-member as it does for a member, the non-member would also have to leave.

C. Receiving Forgiveness Does Not Release Us from Obligations and Covenants Which We Lawfully Entered before Being Forgiven.
We have seen, even for people outside the church, that God recognizes the original marriage covenant as valid, and He holds people accountable if they violate it. This is why God considers divorce (not for fornication) and remarriage to be adultery. Some people believe that baptism forgives previous sinful divorces and remarriages so that, after becoming a Christian, a person can remain with his current companion. Some offer 2 Cor. 5:17 as proof. This could be valid only if being forgiven invalidates or looses men from their original marriage contract and sanctifies their current marriage. Does it? We have already proved that baptism does not allow people to continue in sinful acts or relationships. Consider some other examples of people living in sinful relationships. Does conversion sanctify these relationships so people can continue in them? (1) If a polygamist is converted, are all his multiple marriages sanctified so he can keep all his wives? (2) If two men are living in a homosexual marriage, would conversion sanctify that relationship so they can continue in it? Or would conversion teach them to quit it? Romans 7:2,3 says the woman is bound to her husband as long as he lives, and she is free to remarry only when her husband dies. The passage does not say she is bound to her husband as long as she is unconverted, and she is free to be in another marriage when she gets baptized. Again, what repentance and baptism does for the person outside the church, repentance and prayer does the same for the child of God who sins. If forgiveness frees a non-Christian from his first marriage so he can continue in a subsequent marriage, why won't repentance and prayer do the same for a child of God who unscripturally divorces and remarries. Consider an unscripturally remarried man. If he is baptized, folks say the second marriage can continue. But what if SHE is baptized, but he is not? Surely the same folks would say she may continue in the marriage. But on what grounds? Her sins are forgiven, but he committed the unscriptural divorce and remarriage. Does baptizing one person forgive the sins of another person? He is still living in adultery with her. How can it be adultery for him, but not for her? The real effect of the 2 Cor. 5:17 argument is to redefine sin! We have proved that, unless one divorces for fornication, he continues bound to his first marriage covenant, so every act of sexual union in a subsequent marriage is adultery. The effect of the current argument is to say that, after baptism, the same people can continue in the same sinful relationship performing the same act that used to be sinful, but now it is all right! This

cannot be since the passages previously studied show that, instead of allowing us to continue in sin, baptism teaches us to cease it. Conversion does not release us from valid obligations we had before baptism, nor does it sanctify or justify continuing in relationships that were sinful before baptism. (Consider also Herod in Matt. 1 4:3,4.) Consider some examples of obligations we have in various relationships before conversion. Does conversion release us from these obligations? Does 2 Cor. 5:17 mean all these "old things" are "passed away," so we have no obligation? (1) Suppose a man is converted when still in his first marriage, does conversion dissolve that marriage so he is no longer obligated to his wife? Why is it that a person's first marriage commitment is dissolved at baptism only if he has unscripturally divorced and remarried? (2) If a man owes a financial debt before baptism, does his conversion mean he is released from the debt so he no longer has to pay it? (3) If a man is a slave before baptism, is he automatically freed from his master when he is converted? If so, why did Paul say Onesimus had to go back? Instead of being freed because he was converted, Onesimus has to go back because he was converted! (4) If certain people are my relatives (parents, children, etc.) before baptism, does conversion relieve me of all my former obligations to these people? (5) If I am a citizen of a country before baptism, does conversion change my citizenship and relieve me of my obligations to pay taxes, obey the law, etc.? Clearly conversion does not relieve me from any of these obligations which I had before conversion because they are the result of legitimate relationships and obligations I had before baptism. On the contrary, true conversion would lead me to realize that I must fulfill these obligations. Why then should conversion release me from my lawful first marriage obligation in the case where I have unscripturally divorced and remarried? 2 Cor. 5:17 actually teaches, like Rom. 6, Col. 3, etc., that conversion changes sin, guilt, and the consequences of sin. Note the newness vs. oldness discussed in the context: v15 - Whereas we had been living for ourselves (in sin), now we must live for Christ (in righteousness). v18 - Whereas we had been alienated from God, now we are reconciled. v19 - Whereas we had been guilty, now our trespasses are not reckoned to us. The "things" which change from old to new are not the obligations that we used to have, and surely we are not now free to participate in practices that were once counted sinful. What changes is that we are no longer guilty of sin, we are no longer alienated from God, and we no longer continue to practice sin. 1 Corinthians 7:17-24 expressly teaches that sinful earthly relationships and circumstances must change at conversion, but righteous ones continue. This passage teaches just the opposite of what some are teaching. It teaches converted people to remain in upright circumstances, not sinful ones, and the primary relationship being considered in this context is marriage! (v20,24). (1) If one is physically circumcised (or uncircumcised), conversion does not require changing this physical circumstance. Why not? Because it is not sinful one way or the other (v1719). Morally upright circumstances of life are not changed by conversion. (2) If a slave is converted, his earthly relationship and obligation continues (though he is free spiritually) (v21-24). (3) The application in context is to a married person who is converted. This does not free him so he can leave his marriage obligation or circumstance (v12-16). But what does matter is obedience to God. A sinful circumstance must be changed at conversion as we have seen elsewhere. Hence, if one's marriage is not sinful, then that marriage continues at conversion. Baptism does not change it. But if a marriage is sinful, it must cease at baptism, as

also taught in v10,11. (V10-24 discuss the same subject throughout. V10,11 give the general law, and vv. 12-24 give the application of it to a specific situation.) Note the application to one who marries then divorces (no fornication) then remarries then is baptized: What does baptism do to the obligations of the first marriage? Nothing, because it was not sinful but was morally upright. Baptism does not release proper and moral obligations, and it was the first marriage that was proper and moral. What does baptism do to the second marriage? It is sinful, so it is dissolved, washed away. We must not continue it for it is part of the "old things" that are passed away and must become new! Examination of this issue confirms what we previously learned. Conversion does not justify the continuation of an unscriptural marriage, but teaches it must cease!

II. Consider the Evidence that People Can Remain in an Unscriptural Remarriage after Conversion.
We have already answered the following arguments that are sometimes offered to try to justify a couple staying in an unscriptural remarriage when they are baptized: * Non-members are not subject to God's law. * The sin is the act of divorcing and remarrying, not the relationship that follows. * Conversion forgives the divorce and remarriage, so they can continue in their current marriage. Consider some other arguments used to reach the same conclusion:

A. The Scriptures Never Mention People Separating Because of an Unscriptural Divorce and Remarriage.
We are told that such cases must have existed in the first century. If separation is needed, the Bible would have mentioned it. Since the Bible does not mention separation, it must not be needed. But note: The Bible teaches the principles that show separation is necessary. God expects us to have our senses exercised to properly apply the principles to the specific case (Heb. 5:14). This is called "necessary inference." Many other sins are not specifically mentioned as things people must cease. Yet by applying the principles of God's word, we understand that these people too must cease the practices: This includes: infant baptism; sprinkling/pouring for baptism; instrumental music in worship; a human head of the church; centralized church organizations; dancing, drug abuse, gambling, homosexual marriages; etc. Since we have no passage expressly telling people to quit these practices, does that mean it is wrong for us to tell people they must quit? No scripture expressly tells polygamists to give up their plural wives. This problem too must have existed in New Testament times. (It existed among the Jews in the Old Testament, and surely existed among the Gentiles converted in the New Testament.) Are we wrong to tell such people they must give up their plural wives? Suppose you were teaching a Moslem, Mormon, or African tribesman who had several wives, what would you tell him? What about a member of the church who unscripturally divorces and remarries then repents? May we tell him he must leave his unscripturally companion? If so, what passage expressly deals with this case and says he must separate? If we can tell him to separate though we have no express Scripture, why can't we do the same for a non-member in an unscriptural marriage? The Bible clearly teaches that there are cases in which a Christian may have to give up his/her spouse.

We will cite examples below. God's word does not itemize every case where this may occur. It teaches that it may be necessary, then it teaches the principles that show when it is necessary. God expects us to make the proper application instead of making excuses.

B. 1 Corinthians 7:15 - Some Say This Allows Non-Christians to Remain in Unscriptural Marriages after Conversion.
Read v12-17. It is argued that Matt. 19:9; 5:32; and 1 Cor. 7:10,11 apply only to Christians. But 1 Cor. 7:12-15 involves a non-Christian and says that, if a non-Christian leaves, the deserted companion can remarry. Hence, if a marriage of non-Christians breaks up, they may remarry and then stay in their remarriage when they are converted. We previously proved that God's laws of divorce and remarriage do apply to non-Christians, proving that divorce & remarriage may occur only for fornication. We have already proved that Matt. 19:9 applies to all people. Its teachings are universal because it is based on the original marriage law and because it is even addressed to non-disciples. 1 Cor. 7:15 does not contradict Matt. 19. 1 Corinthians 7:10,11 says it is addressed to the "married" in contrast to the "unmarried and widows" (v8). That includes married people in general, not just Christians. It teaches the same as Matt. 19:9, which we have proved applies to all. Romans 7:2,3 - What about this passage? Do we set it aside too? Note: Suppose it is true 1 Cor. 7:12-16 is the only passage that applies to the marriage of a Christian to a non-Christian (Matt. 19:9; etc., do not apply). Then suppose a Christian is married to a non-Christian, the non-Christian commits fornication but does not want to leave the Christian (he is "content to dwell with her"). Since Matt. 19:9 and 5:32 do not apply, on what basis could the Christian divorce him? If the non-Christian refuses to leave, the Christian would have to continue to dwell with him! 1 Cor. 7:12-24 discusses only the case in which an "unbeliever" divorces a Christian. Paul is answering a question asked by the Corinthians (vl) in which a "brother or sister" is married to an "unbeliever." V17-24 shows that the case involves a married couple one of whom becomes a Christian but the other does not. Should the believer divorce his companion or not? He says not to divorce because the relation is not sinful and it may turn out your companion will later be converted (v12-14,16). But if the unbeliever chooses to leave, let him go (V15). Note that V16 says the "unbeliever" is unsaved, in contrast to a "brother or sister" (a child of God, a member of God's family, a saved person - Gal. 3:26f; 1 Pet. 1:22; etc.). It abuses the passage to apply it to any case other than an unbeliever leaving a member of the church. It cannot be applied to unbelievers who leave unbelievers (regardless of whether or not they later are converted). The subject of a marriage of two unbelievers is not even considered here. Further, to apply this to cases of desertion in general (as some people do) would eliminate Matt. 19:9 from ever applying in any case. It clearly says these are cases where one who is put away may not remarry. Note the arguments we are examining are self-contradictory. First, it is said that an unbeliever may divorce and remarry, be converted, and then stay in the remarriage, because God forgives them at baptism. Then they use 1 Cor. 7:15 to justify the second marriage. But the deserted party in 1 Cor. 7:15 is not guilty of sin at all! Which is it? Is the remarriage not a sin at all, or is it a sin which has been forgiven? "Under bondage" does not refer to marriage. "Under bondage" in 1 Cor. 7:15 does not mean the same as "bound" in marriage as in 7:39,27; Rom. 7:2,3; etc. The words sound similar but the ideas are different both in English and even more so in Greek. Why don't the translators say simply that a person "is (not)bound...," as they say in the other passages? Because the meaning is different. "Under bondage" (Greek DOULOO) refers to being in slavery [note Acts 7:6; 2 Pet. 2:19]. It is never used in any Scripture to refer to marriage. Marriage is not slavery, and being married does

not equal being "under bondage" (enslaved). [The word is also used for slavery to sin - Gal. 4:3; Tit. 2:3 - and slavery to God - Rom. 6:18,22 - and obligation to teach others - 1 Cor. 9:19.] "Bound" (Greek DEO) is used for marriage (1 Cor. 7:39,27; Rom. 7:2,3) and refers to the mutual commitment or obligation that results from a covenant or contract. We are bound by the terms of the covenant which we chose to enter into. This is not "slavery." (cf. "join" - SUNZEUGNUMI Matt. 19:6; Mk. 10:9). If Paul meant to refer to marriage in v15, why did he not use the same word that he used in v27,39 and Rom. 7:2,3? Why use a different word which no New Testament writer ever used for marriage? Why use a word which refers to slavery rather than to a covenant relationship? The only sensible answer is that v15 does not mean the believer is free to remarry. Hence, "not under bondage" does not mean the Christian may remarry, even when a Christian is deserted by an unbeliever. * To conclude that a child of God may remarry simply because his/her unbelieving companion departs, would contradict the immediate context of 7:10,11 and also Matt. 19:9; 5:31f; Rom. 7:2,3; etc. These teach one can remarry only if his companion is put away for committing fornication. Otherwise, they must reconcile or remain unmarried. * If 1 Cor. 7:15 means I can remarry if my unbelieving companion leaves, but I cannot if my believing companion leaves, then it is to my advantage to marry an unbeliever! Why should I be allowed to remarry if my unbelieving companion leaves, but if she is a believer and leaves then I cannot remarry? Such an idea penalizes one for being married to a believer! * God is no respecter of persons (Acts 10:34,35; Rom. 2:6-11). God does not have an easy set of laws when an unbeliever is involved and a hard set of laws when a believer is involved. * Paul is really saying that this case is not an exception to the rule of 7:10,11. The Corinthians apparently asked him about the mixed marriage case, so he began by laying down the general rule: do not divorce your companion (v10,11). Then he applied the rule to mixed marriages, saying you should not leave in this case either, just like he said for the general case. But if your companion leaves, let them go. Rather than assuming without proof that one can remarry, we should apply the rule Paul already stated and conclude you must remain unmarried or else be reconciled. "Not under bondage" really simply explains "let him depart" (v15) and is the opposite of "dwelling with" them (v12,13). Stay with your companion and fulfill your marital obligations if he/she is satisfied. But if your mate is so bitter against your service to Christ that he cannot stand to be around you, God does not require you to cling to them refusing to let them go. And especially, do not compromise your service to God to get them to stay. This would be a form of slavery in which God does not require his people to be enslaved. Nothing in the context implies the Christian may remarry. The subject of remarriage is not discussed in v12-24. V10,11 has already settled the issue of remarriage by forbidding it. We would need clear proof in order to reach a conclusion that constituted an exception to v10,11. But in fact the conclusion harmonizes with v10,11 and with Matt. 19:9; it does not contradict.

C. Requiring A Couple to Separate Is too Hard.

We are told that God would not require the break up of a marriage, especially if there are children. It isn't fair. In no other area of service to God are such extreme sacrifices required. God wants His people to be joyful, but no one could be joyful under such circumstances, etc. Note: This argument is the real crux of the issue, though most people do not admit it. The reason people object to the conclusions we have taught from God's word is, not that they have found a passage which disproves it, but that they think it is too hard on them or their loved ones to do what God says, so they are looking for excuses. The wish is the parent of the doctrine! Serving God is often hard and leads to problems in the flesh. Even innocent people often face severe problems in serving God. * Jesus, His apostles, Old Testament prophets, and first century Christians often suffered hardship, even though they were righteous (2 Cor. 11:23ff; Heb. chap. 11; 1 Pet. 2:20ff; etc.).

Should they have reasoned that "It is not fair;" standing for truth was leading to hardship and God wanted them to have joy, so they should quit standing for it? * Suppose a preacher preaches truth and is killed for it. He and his family suffer greatly as a result. Does this prove we are not required to stand for the truth if death might result? * If a man is imprisoned or disabled for life, his family suffers loss of companionship, financial support, sexual fulfillment, etc. Would this justify the wife in getting a divorce and remarrying because staying married (especially caring for a disabled man) is too hard and she has no joy, etc.? * Suppose a member of the church leaves his wife, refuses to live with her and meet her needs, but he never commits fornication. Is it "too hard" to believe that woman must live without her husband? May she divorce and remarry? The person who unscripturally divorces and remarries is not the only person who suffers greatly in this life. He is not the only person who must go through life without a spouse. If a person must leave an unscriptural marriage, in what way is he any worse off than these cases? And so far we have described people who suffer though they are innocent of sin; but the person who unscripturally remarried is guilty of adultery! If faithfulness requires these innocent people to suffer, then surely separation from an unscriptural marriage would be no harder a requirement. Further, people often suffer serious consequences in this life as a result their sins, even if the sin has been forgiven. People argue that leaving an unscriptural marriage would be the "only sin with such terrible consequences." They ask if we think it is the "unforgivable sin." * Yet we already showed that even innocent people sometimes suffer similar consequences. Why should a guilty person suffer less than an innocent person? * An escaped slave must return to his master (Book of Philem.). Suppose the master might punish him for having run away? Would that justify him in not returning? (cf. 1 Pet. 2:18) * Suppose a person commits murder and repents, but is imprisoned for life. He and his family suffer even though God forgave him. Would that justify him in trying to escape or otherwise disobeying the law? * Suppose a polygamist or a homosexual couple repents. In some cases there are even children involved. Can they stay together because separating would be too hard, it would remove the joy from their lives, etc.? * Suppose a church member divorces unscripturally, remarries, has children, then wants to repent. Must he separate from his mate? Is this any easier for him than for one not a member? If he must separate in spite of the hardship, why not a non-member who is converted? * Suppose a person is guilty of fornication and his mate divorces him for it. We will see that the Bible teaches he must remain unmarried. Shall we argue that he too can remarry because being single is too hard? None of the above sins are "unforgivable," but all of them have serious consequences and require sacrifices as great as that of the person who has unscripturally remarried. Truly "the way of the transgressor is hard" - Prov. 13:15. Furthermore, the Bible clearly shows there are cases where God requires a person to be separated from wife and family. Ezra 9 and 10 - Israelites had to separate from wives they had no right to, and in some cases there were children (cf. Herod in Matt. 14:3,4). 1 Corinthians 7:15 - Sometimes an unbelieving companion cannot stand living with a Christian, so he leaves. The Christian is to let him go, but must not remarry nor compromise the truth to keep their spouse. Hence, a person loses his/her companion because he is standing for the truth. Luke 14:26 - One must love his wife, children, parents, etc., less than he does Christ, or he is not worthy of Christ (cf. Matt. 10:37). We often teach that Christians must be willing to give up our relations to dear loved ones, if necessary to please God.

But now we come to a specific case where God's word requires this to be done, and suddenly the passage just can't mean that because it is too hard! Do we believe the passage, or are we looking for excuses? Luke 18:28-30 - Those who leave wife, children, parents, etc., if necessary to please God, will be blessed in this life and will have eternal life. Yet we are told God would never require such a thing because it causes too much unhappiness! The idea that God would never require people to give up spouse and/or children is simply a lie! If the case we are considering is notsuch a case, then what would be such a case? And if this case is "too hard," then in what case would it be done? The joy and peace Christians have is spiritual, being based on forgiveness, a right relation with God, and hope of eternal life. We do not have assurance of peaceful, joyous relations with other people in this life. Instead our earthly relations will often be difficult and trying. If we can set aside God's word in this case because obedience makes us "unhappy," then we can set aside God's law about anything! Instead of God's word being the standard for determining right and wrong, we would be guided by our own subjective feelings of joy or unhappiness.

D. 1 Corinthians 7:17-24 - Some Say "Abide in Your Calling" Means a Convert Should Always Stay with His Current Spouse.
As studied before, these verses say only that we should abide in circumstances that are not sinful. Paul is discussing circumstances that are "nothing" either way (v19), like circumcision (v18,19) and slavery (v21-23). The marriage relationships being discussed in context are not sinful, but are "sanctified" (v14). That is expressly stated to be why they could remain in it. Where does the passage teach people to stay in marriages that are not sanctified? God says an unscriptural remarriage is "adultery." Does that sound like He has "sanctified" it? V19 expressly says that what matters is the keeping of the commands of God. Paul is not justifying staying in a relationship that is sinful, but only in situations that are in harmony with God's commands. Consider a few "states" ("callings"): prostitute, alcoholic, drug addict, whiskey manufacturer, thief, hired killer, Mafia member, polygamist, couple living together but not married, homosexual marriage. May people remain in these callings and be saved? Consider now the application to one who marries, divorces (not for fornication), remarries, then gets baptized. In what state is he called? Is this state in keeping with God's commands, so he can stay in it, or is his state in violation of God's commands so he must cease it? * He is bond by a valid marriage covenant to his first companion. Is this calling sinful? No, it was righteous. Therefore, 1 Cor. 7:17-24- says he must abide in it - conversion does not free him from that bond. * But he is married to another woman and living with her. In this relation, is he "keeping the commands of God"? No, it is adultery because he is still bound to the first wife. What must this man do then? Abide in his first marriage covenant and leave his second marriage. Like all proof texts we have examined, this one requires the very thing we have been advocating and contradicts those who use it to teach otherwise.

Part IV: Miscellaneous Questions

A. Does the Person Who Is Put Away Because He Committed Fornication Have the Right to Remarry?

Matthew 19:9 clearly says that no divorced person has the right to remarry unless God expressly says so. Divine law opposes divorce and remarriage. One can do it only if he is an exception to God's law. The innocent party is a stated exception and may therefore divorce and remarry. What passage allows the one who is put away for fornication to remarry? What right do we have making exceptions when God did not make them? The reason God forbids divorce and remarriage is that He holds people responsible to fulfill their marriage covenant (cf. Rom. 7:2,3; Mal. 2:14-16; etc.). Can you name any Bible case in which a person has a Divine obligation to fulfill certain responsibilities, but he is released from this obligation because of his own sin? If the fornicator may remarry, then he suffers less severe consequences than an innocent person. The passage clearly teaches that if a person is put away when he is not guilty, he may not remarry. If the fornicator may remarry, he is better off being a fornicator than being innocent! Justice is one of the weightier matters of the law (Matt. 23:23). What kind of justice makes one who is guilty better off than one who is innocent? Is this not rewarding sin? Why wouldn't this be true for members of the church too? If the guilty party is free to remarry, would this just be true for non-members who then get baptized? Why not also members who commit fornication, are divorced, then repent? Suppose we have two couples in the church: Bill and Sue; Tom and Jane. Sue commits adultery with Tom. Bill Scripturally divorces Sue, and Jane Scripturally divorces Tom. Bill and Jane are free to remarry because they were innocent, so they marry one another. If put-away fornicators are free to remarry, all Sue and Tom must do is to repent of their adultery, and they are then free to marry one another! And the church must remain in fellowship with all four of them! Some argue that, if the fornicator may not remarry, then the innocent party is bound to two separate people. They say that we are teaching that second marriages are adultery because the divorced person is still bound to his first companion. But if an innocent person can put away a fornicator and then remarry, then the first bond must be broken. If so the fornicator is not bound either, so he can remarry too. To deny this is to say that the innocent party, who put away the fornicator and remarried, is bound to two people with God's approval. But God determines whom He holds to their marriage vows and whom He releases. Both people made the first marriage covenant. The sin of the fornicator is of such nature that God releases the innocent party from the obligation he entered. But God can still hold the guilty party committed to keep his promise to have the sexual union with no one but his first spouse. In this case, God obligates the guilty party to keep his promise but frees the innocent party from his. Note that it is possible for one person to be bound by the terms of a covenant, even after other parties have been freed from it. The fornicator has forfeited the right to have a lawful and scriptural wife. He no longer has a claim on her as he would have if he had remained pure. But if, because of his sin, he has no claim to his first companion, by what means could we reach the conclusion that he has the right to such a claim on some other woman? Apparently he has lost the right to have that covenant with any woman.

B. What about the Case of Spousal Abuse?

The question of spousal abuse is just one of many terrible situations people may find themselves in when they have a bad marriage. Others that come to mind are: spouse who is a drunkard, gambler, spends family funds selfishly, thief or other criminal, sent to prison for crime, etc. Or the problems may come from situations which are not the fault of either spouse. This could include a spouse who becomes an invalid from accident or disease, spouse who is imprisoned for years or must leave town for years to flee religious persecution or for preaching the truth (as in Bible examples), etc.

All these, like spousal abuse, are terrible situations. But I find no Scripture that justifies divorce in any of these cases. In the case of spousal abuse, there may be some things a Christian could do about the situation, but divorce is not one of them. Possibilities might include: (1) Appeal to legal authorities for protection. This may even include an injunction that the abuser must leave the spouse alone completely for a period of time. Or it may lead to a jail term for the abuser. (2) So far as I can tell, a Christian is always free to flee a situation that endangers his/her physical life or safety. Christians often fled to escape persecution. Most certainly, if there are children who are in danger, the Christian must act to protect the children. But the main point is that the action taken must recognize that the marriage bond continues and that neither party has the right to end the marriage or to remarry. Divorce is not a Scriptural option.