Love, Life and

Relationship

Shradha Damani
Copyright page
Contents

Acknowledgement by Life to the Author

About the Author

Acknowledgement

Introduction

1. Life

2. Love

3. Love Awkwardly

4. Love is not Lust

5. Friendship—The Ultimate Love

Conclusion
ACKNOWLEDGEMENT
  BY LIFE TO THE AUTHOR

It is not an easy task to describe an author who has a

mindset of the age of 44 but is only of age 22. With a lot
of constant push by the author, I hereby submit my view
about the author and the book.

The book describes us love, relationship, marriages,

livelihood, emotions and Life. I am considered ‘life’ by
the author. It feels a great sense of satisfaction to read
the concept of love and the definition about the whole
emotion of love, as I experienced the same while com‑
ing in contact with her. The author gives real meaning &
definition of this beautiful emotion and teaches us how a
person can change, mend, give up, and live in real terms
for a person. I had always dreamt of a good partner/
friend for life who can give meaning to breathing for
life. The author taught me and gave me an example of
the same. She taught me living for others, caring for all
and loving the person for whom the heart says yes.

I had always heard & read that love is just a non‑existent

emotion in today’s life, (exception exists), but knowing
this 22 year old girl makes me believe the unbelievable.
Being a man and having the mindset of rural thoughts, I
was forced to believe that understanding a human being
is the best thing that a person can do for one another. The
author touches the deepest part of the reader’s heart and
moves it to believe that love is a beautiful emotion to
live with; it is not a sin to be cursed. It makes the reader
understand that each individual should try and respond
to its immediate family and learn to live for others.

This little personality has made an attempt to prove the

world that love can be genuinely felt and should not be
looked at with an aweful face and mocked at. Describing
the author, I can only say that this wonderful, loving, car‑
ing, joyful, intellectual, intelligent lady has some inborn
qualities which make her dynamic beautiful pragmatic,
and a fantabulous person to know.

Saluting her talent & gracing the occasion, I take the

opportunity to wish her all the best for the upcoming
book and for all the days to come in her life.

Name : LIFE
Contact : heartoftheauthor@gmail.com
Phone No. : Call the author to know details
(91-9830128913)
Address : Living in the warmest place in this
world…. Heart of the author.
Kolkata, India, Asia.
ABOUT THE AUTHOR

Born on 20th September, 1986, she has completed her

schooling from LA MARTINIERE FOR GIRLS and
graduated from J.D.BIRLA INSTITUTE in the field of
commerce. The author has been a very active student
all through out her education career by being an active
member of the student’s council and the HEAD GIRL
of the COMMERCE DEPARTMENT in the year 2007-
2008. She is also an IT Professional and has completed
MANAGEMENT INFORMATION SYSTEM from
NIIT, MICROSOFT CERTIFICATIONS like MCP,
MCSD and has also completed ORACLE CERTIFICA‑
TION making her oracle certified professional (OCP)
and a Solutions Developer by Microsoft.

By Profession she is currently heading her Proprietor

ship concern named SHREEJI SOLUTIONS which pro‑
vides software and hardware solutions to various organi‑
zations – both outdoor and indoor. The Concern has also
had a tie-up with MORPHEUS HUMAN CONSULT‑
ING PVT.LTD which provides Human Capital to vari‑
ous organizations all over India, where the author is the
BRANCH HEAD and an active PARTNER and Consul‑
tant in KOLKATA. In addition to the above, she has also
completed training with NIIT and SIDHMANGALAM
TRADERS in the field of MIS and Market Research of
Equities respectively.

According to the author, Writing has always been a

passion and a way to take out all the emotions which
a person undergoes in day to day life. She has given
ample contribution of short essays and poetry in school
magazines and college magazines and has also created
her personal blog on line at the website www.writing.
com where her public URL is: http://Writing.Com/
authors/shradha123.

Publication of this book has just happened as part of

destiny where the author just wanted the outside world
to know that there are certain emotions which cannot be
bought and paid, they are rather felt and lived.
ACKNOWLEDGEMENT

It seems unbelievable that I am finally penning down my

book and making it into reality by publishing it for the
world outside. Love Life and Relationship is a special
part of me which has been converted into words with
the help and motivation of many. Firstly I would thank
“LIFE” for stepping into my life and making it heavenly,
loving and a world of utopia for me so that I could live in
the feeling of love and understand it and finally materia­
lize all the emotions in this book. Life has always been
a support system all through the journey of writing this
book and I thank him for being there always. Secondly,
I would like to thank my friends—PALASH, VIDIT,
VAIDYA. SUKHAMRIT, DEEKSHA, JEANELLE and
JEEVAN who have always answered my stupid ques‑
tions while writing the book and have eagerly waited
till it materialized. Thirdly I would thank my family for
giving me all that I required and to give me a wonder‑
ful upbringing of values, culture, and emotion. Fourthly
to my parents and my little brother- LADDU—THANK
YOU for being my backbone and to act as my spinal
cord at all times. Though my GRAND – MOM expired
long back but I still think that she has always been a part
of me, looking at me and helping me in all times by put‑
ting her magical shield over me to protect me from all
dangers.
 Not many people know this that I have been a weak
student in the subject ENGLISH and used to take tuitions
at home with MRS. U. VENKATRAMAN from class 6
to class 12.Today whatever hold that I have over the lan‑
guage is her teaching and dedication to make me over‑
come the phobia of learning English Language. Today I
take this opportunity to dedicate the book to her teaching
and values that she has given me to make me a beauti‑
ful person. Thank you MAAM for making me what I
am and to be a wonderful friend, philosopher and guide.
Finally a big thank you to DEPOT PIBLICATIONS and
to MR.PARTHO ROY( Chief EDITOR) for providing
me this platform and bearing with my impatience for the
book release.

Last but not the least to my ALMA- MATER –“GOD”,

thank you to gift this beautiful family, friends and hap‑
piness. I wish that all who read the book fall in love and
start living in the world of UNDERSTANDING and
HAPPINESS.
INTRODUCTION

This book is about the thoughts and emotions that go on

in the mind of a person who is deeply in love and influ‑
enced by an individual who is controlled emotionally,
physically, and spiritually and mentally by this love.
A few non-sufferers of love have a pretty good misun‑
derstanding about love. For some it’s just a phase of life,
for others love is “LIFE”.

This book is intended not only for those who have, or

think they have, fallen in love. They say that just making
a conscious effort to really understand a fellow human
being, to truly empathize with them, no matter what their
challenge is probably the most loving thing you can do
for another. I agree. Love requires a lot of understanding
from both sides.

I agree that I might not be able to write a thesis about

love, lust and relationships, or define god-sent charac‑
ters, but this is just an attempt to make others believe that
true love exists. We just need to think or look towards
the goal of achieving it.

This book attempts to attract readers of all ages and

sizes, family and friends. Let’s face it: an increased level
of understanding can only serve to make life a little more
Love Life and Relationship

enjoyable for everyone involved. What a tremendous

gift of love it is to anyone—particularly someone with
love or friendship—when you make an effort to under‑
stand them!!!

10
Chapter 1

LIFE

Richard Robinson’s viewpoint Life Has No Purpose (38)

argues that “there is no god to make up for the limitations
of our power” (39), and that man must look after himself
and live his life for himself. Although I do not consider
myself an Atheist, I agree with his viewpoint. My life’s
meaning has evolved from the time of my childhood to
that of an adult today because of a major event in my life
that forced me to realize that the only person who was
going to watch over me was me.

People come into your life for a reason, a season, or

a lifetime. When you figure out which it is you know
exactly what to do.

When someone is in your life for a REASON, it is

usually to meet a need you have expressed outwardly
or inwardly. They have come to assist you through a
difficulty, to provide you with guidance and support,
to aid you physically, emotionally, or spiritually. They
may seem like a Godsend, and they are. They are there
for the reason you need them to be. Then, without any
wrongdoing on your part or at an inconvenient time, this
Love Life and Relationship

person will say or do something to bring the relationship

to an end. Sometimes they die. Sometimes they walk
away. Sometimes they act up or out and force you to
take a stand. What we must realize is that our need has
been met, our desire fulfilled; their work is done. The
prayer you sent up has been answered and it is now time
to move on.

When people come into your life for a SEASON, it

is because your turn has come to share, grow, or learn.
They may bring you an experience of peace or make you
laugh. They may teach you something you have never
done. They usually give you an unbelievable amount of
joy. Believe it! It is real! But, only for a season.

LIFETIME relationships teach you lifetime lessons;

those things you must build upon in order to have a solid
emotional foundation. Your job is to accept the lesson,
love the person/people (anyway); and put what you
have learned to use in all other relationships and areas
of your life. It is said that love is blind but friendship is
­clairvoyant.

I have been blessed by the almighty with a mentor and

guide who has always been beside me in spite of all my
faults and flaws. My mentor has taught me to love myself
and to love the surroundings the way they are. My men‑
tor has given me the capacity to understand the world
around me. Now I have the courage and the strength to

12
 Life

change my lifestyle by 360 degrees; to mend it according

to the need of the hour and to live and let live.

Life has many twists and turns. For some destiny pre‑
vails, while some they make their own destiny. God has
gifted me with a loving family, a considerate amount
of money to earn a good livelihood, good education,
great friends. But what I did not get was a loving child‑
hood. I was seeking love from my close ones; love from
my parents; love which was dignified; love which was
unconventional.

I believe in GOD as the creator of nature and our

mother Earth. The Universe is the aggregate of all
humanity’s consciously apprehended and communi‑
cated non-simultaneous and only partially overlapping
experiences.

Aggregate means the sum-total but not unitarily con‑

ceptual as of any one moment. Consciousness means an
awareness of otherness. Apprehension means informa‑
tion furnished by those wave frequencies in tune within
man’s limited sensorial spectrum. Communicate means
informing self or others. Non-simultaneous means not
occurring at the same time. Overlapping is used because
every event has a duration, and their initiating and ter‑
minating are most often of different duration. Neither
the set of all experiences nor the set of all the words
used to describe them are instantly neither reviewable
nor are they of the same length. Experiences are either

13
Love Life and Relationship

involuntary (subjective) or voluntary (objective), and all

experiences, both physical and metaphysical, are finite
because each begins and ends.

God is the loving, superhuman, non-anthropomorphic,

intellectual integrity operative in the Universe. Loving
refers to the inter-attractive and inter-accommodative
nature of God’s integrity. Superhuman means beyond
any one human’s capabilities. Non-anthropomorphic
means not having human form or qualities. Intellectual
refers to the faculty of perceiving experiences and the
relationships among them (such as the facts of life).
Integrity refers to the unity of the mutually inter-
­accommodative components in a system. Operative
means participating in the operation of a system.

To me it is patently clear that the God defined above

exists. Every day I find myself relying on the integrity
of my understandings about how the Universe works.
I confidently ride escalators, airplanes and other “feats
of technology” knowing that the principles upon which
they are based are quite reliable. The Universe does seem
to have an intellectual integrity which we humans are
able to perceive (if only in bits and pieces). Many books
(especially those about Nature and Science) disclose
new insights into the nature of God. Finally, I’ll note
that if Universe did not have integrity, logic and reason,
it would be disorderly and chaotic and unreliable.

14
 Life

God means many different things to many different

people. There are a lot of people who believe that there
is no such thing as a God. There are people who believe
that there is no God because no one has ever seen him.
I personally believe that there is a God because of my
faith. I have faith in God and I feel that God is real.
I have many reasons why I believe in God and who God
is to me. But I have three reasons that stand out for me
about who God is to me. They are the following: God is
always there for me, God is my friend, and God is my
creator. These are my three most important reasons of
who God is and what God means to me.

God has never let me down in my life. Sometimes I do

feel that God has let me down or that He did not answer
my prayers in times that I most needed Him. But I have
to realize that everything that God does is for a reason.
God has taken my grandmother, whom I loved the most,
from this Earth at a very young age. I have prayed to
God and asked Him why? But I have never seemed to
fully understand why. I have come to the conclusion that
God works in mysterious ways. I do not think that any‑
one can fully understand why God does what He does.
So for this, I do not feel that God has ever let me down.
He just does these things for a reason and if you believe
in Him, He will never let you down either.

God is the longest lasting friend I have ever had in

my life. He was there for me before I was born and He
will be there for me after I leave this Earth. God is the
15
Love Life and Relationship

best listener also. I can talk to God anywhere at anytime.

Every time I want to talk to Him or ask Him a question,
He is there for me. Most of my other friends are at least a
phone call away, but not God. He has always been there
in time of need, even though sometimes I feel like He
is not. Even when I do something wrong, He is there to
forgive me and set me straight.

Lastly, God is my creator. God has created every‑

thing that exists in my life. I believe that God created
this Earth and everything that is in it. I feel that when
God created everyone, He had a purpose for everyone
on this Earth. I feel that it is our goal to find out what
is our purpose on this Earth. I know that there are dif‑
ferent beliefs about how everyone and everything was
created, but I feel that everyone should have some kind
of belief on how this world was created. I personally
believe that God is my creator and everyone else’s
creator also. In conclusion, God means many differ‑
ent things to me. I know that everyone has their own
­perceptions of God, but I feel that these are my best
perceptions of God. God is somebody who will always
be in my life. I feel that everyone should have God in
his or her lives also. I feel that everyone should have
faith and keep his or her beliefs in something or some‑
one. I have faith in God.

God is the supremely good Creator of good natures,

and he is also the Creator of evil. God caused the devil to
be evil. God foresaw the good, which he himself would
16
 Life

bring out of his evil. God saw this was coming when he
created him to be good, so when we turned bad God had
arranged of him and how he would be make use of him.
God knew how everything was going to turn out; he even
saw man’s evil. God knew that man will one day change
and he foresaw the evil in him before it happened. He
created man and the evil that was coming from it. God
had a place ready for this also.

Nothing would have been made if God did not know

it was going to be good. God sees what is good, he knew
what he was creating, and one day it will be good. Plato
said that when the universe was completed, God was
filled with joy. God was blessed by his creation; he had
approved the structure of the universe and planed it this
way. God created the universe, as it is said, with one word.
God said, “Let there be light”, and light appeared. After
God had created the light, he had said, “It is good.”

The people who oppose His rule are called God’s

­enemies. They are his enemies by their will to oppose
him; they are not able to hurt him. God is always
unchangeable; He is without any pain in the world. They
people that resist God, and God’s will are evil to them‑
selves, they are not evil to God. To God, no evil is able
to hurt Him. The people that don’t believe him, are crea­
ting trouble for themselves, they are escaping the truth.
We are able to say that though vice cannot injure the
unchangeable good, it can injure nothing but good. After

17
Love Life and Relationship

this is said, we are also able to say that vice cannot be in

the highest good, and cannot be but in some good.

Things solely good can exist, but things that are

solely evil, can never exist. For those things that have
an evil will, are in some way evil, but their natures
are in some way good. The evil that is created by God
has to have a reason behind it. He had to create the evil
to some what help the good.

I believe that God created evil for a reason. If God did

not create evil, then how did evil come to be? There had
to be a reason for evil in man. God had to have foreseen
what was going to happen to the universe when he cre‑
ated it. The evil that God created had to be for another
good reason. There has to be a reason why people get
punished and why people are hurt. There also has to be
a reason for all the other evils that exist in the universe.
If God had planned the universe to be like the way it is,
then he must have created evil for some reason.

I believe that God has sent a new blooming flower in

my life to nurture me in a better way, to give me love
and to make me a good human being, to teach me the
way to live in the world of love and happiness.

18
Chapter 2

LOVE

An individual is an adult from the age of 18, and little

does he/she know about the surroundings. Being a girl
and belonging to a Marwari family, marriage is a hit list
event for every girl. I grew up in a household where girls
are bound to get married as soon as they pass out from
school and they learn all the household activities right
from the beginning.

As time passed by, the world outside chanwged and

modernization changed the rural thoughts of mankind.
The same happened with my family. Things were differ‑
ent and I was given the independence to make my own
little world where I could make a name for myself. As I
walked out of the little school gates and entered college,
I met a whole new world of strangers. Some where kind,
some really disgusting, some caring and some where
cool dudes.

I started to make my own world of people whom

I thought were creatures of my type. Then I realized that
though the world outside has variety of people, there
were some who moved me and changed me. I promised
Love Life and Relationship

not to take his name in this book, but till date I have never
met a person who could be so influential. He made be
think that every individual has his/her own ­personality,
and you need to grab what you like and leave the rest.
This is being practical.

He taught me what love is and what living for oth‑

ers means. Love is that fragile flower of most uncom‑
mon beauty; one which can never be found by purpose
alone while wandering through life’s gardens. But one
whose colour and fragrance is most pure and meaning‑
ful when discovered by accident while tending to the
more mundane duties of the common man. A diamond
found lying quietly amongst the broken glass of child‑
hood’s shattered windows.

To love another is the supreme sacrifice of self, for

we must give freely and completely of ourselves to
another, without reservations or conditions. To give
less serves only to hinder the growth of our evolu‑
tion from self sustaining isolation to a greater join‑
ing of universal awareness. As children we love by
instinct but it is a selfish love; one which results out
of necessity, born of helpless reliance on others for
survival. It is an innocent love, free of complicated
psychosocial encumbrances or expectations. But it is
a hungry love which takes much more than it gives in
the ­beginning.

20
 Love

“...this idea that love overtakes you is nonsense. This is

but a polite manifestation of sex. To love another you
have to undertake some fragment of their destiny.”
Quentin Crisp, British author

“We love in another’s soul whatever of ourselves we can

deposit in it; the greater the deposit, the greater the love.”
Irving Layton, Canadian poet

Love defies generalizations. Poets, philosophers,

theologians and countless others have ascribed their own
theories and interpretations but often they still fall short
of the goal of capturing the true nature of this unfatho­
mable entity. The strength of love lies in its diversity.
It possesses the unique ability to evolve, change and
permute over the course of our lives. Just as we grow
outwardly we must also grow inwardly. Our thoughts,
realizations and perceptions are given credence by our
individual experiences on the separate paths we follow
in our quest for love. And as love is an integral part of
our inner selves, so it must grow and mature as well. It
possesses the ability to adapt to its internal as well as its
external environment. It not only changes as we change
but it also ebbs and flows outwardly dependent on the
receptivity of those to whom it is directed.

During certain periods of our lives love may seem

to fade or even disappear entirely from our emotional
­palette. But once conceived it never truly ceases to exist.
Love is the ultimate survivor. It has a will to live as

21
Love Life and Relationship

strong as the will of its human container. If necessary,

it may hibernate; withdrawing like a turtle into its shell.
When it is rebuffed or rejected by the harshness and cold
complacency which can be so common in others, it folds
in on itself until which time it feels safe to venture out
into a more nurturing environment. But it does not die.

We say we fall in love but it is a misnomer. We do

not fall anywhere. We simply open our hearts and allow
the love inside to project its energy towards the heart of
another. If it is well received and properly tended, it cre‑
ates a spiritual bond between the two hearts. However,
love is an individualized emotion. It is a part of who we are
and just as no two people share the exact same emotional
make-up, neither can they share totally identical expres‑
sions of their love for one another. The beauty of a strong
and viable relationship is seen when two souls meet and
the colours of their love complement each other.

We are in love when we can find that fragile state of

being where our individual love demands no more than
the other person can give and when we can provide the
necessary energies to allow them to be fulfilled as well.
Love cares nothing for equality but it insists on balance;
that balance is possible only when both people are satis‑
fied that their own expectations and needs in a relation‑
ship are being adequately provided for.

We are merely passengers on our ship of destiny and

love is the compass that guides our journey through life.

22
 Love

Whether it is love for another human being, a cherished

goal or a desire to find completeness and meaning to our
lives bears little consequence on the necessity for follow‑
ing the course that love charts. Love cannot live comfor­
tably in a vacuum. It must be allowed free reign and be
given the opportunity to explore beyond the ­ confining
walls of self-protection which we construct as barriers to
the ravages of life. It is the flagship of our soul and the
purveyor of our most cherished dreams of a purposeful
existence. Love we hide or hold back from others out of
fear is love wasted. It is of no value to us when held inside
but can increase in value a hundredfold when shared with
another like-minded individual or when directed towards
a greater aspiration beyond our own selfish needs.

It has been often said, when attempting to offer an

explanation towards an otherwise unlikely pairing, that
love is blind. In this context it is insinuated that love
is lacking in one of the physical senses and is unable
to discern the otherwise obvious imperfections which
may be evident to those who proclaim to have a clearer
view of reality. While this may bear some truth as to the
tendency for love to ignore certain unseemly attributes
which may be present in another, it does little to give
credit to the truer vision of love itself. Love possesses no
physical senses whatsoever. More so, it is an extension
of the physical senses we are burdened with as human
beings. Our distinct but individual views of rea­lity are
based on the input we receive from those physical senses.
And those senses are often influenced by factors which
23
Love Life and Relationship

lie beyond the reach of the senses themselves. A motion

picture fools us into believing that we are seeing a seam‑
less replay of events when in actuality we are seeing
nothing more than a rapid series of frozen moments in
time captured by the eye of the camera.

When we gaze at a beautiful red rose we see only the

narrow spectrum of colour which is reflected back at
us but the entire spectrum of all the other colours that
are absorbed by and contained within that same rose are
invisible but still present. Ask a man, blind from birth,
to describe a rainbow or a deaf person to sing along to a
song on the radio. It is of course impossible for them to
do so. However, ask those same people to speak to you
of their perceptions of love and you may be amazed at
how closely they coincide with your own. We, as human
beings, can never fully comprehend the reality perceived
by another individual. Therefore we must be careful in
our judgments and in the conclusions we draw based on
our own perceptions of reality.

Love’s reality, like beauty, is held solely in the eyes

of the beholder. And love’s vision, if we must transpose
a physical sense upon a non-physical entity, is crystal
clear. It seeks that which coincides appropriately with its
own desires. It is not foolproof, nor is it always accurate
in striking close to the heart of its target. Nevertheless,
it is an essential component of our soul’s repertoire and
must be given the autonomy it requires to seek out that

24
 Love

which holds promise to provide the needed sustenance

for its own growth.

“Love, the strongest and deepest element in all life, the

harbinger of hope, of joy, of ecstasy; love, the defier of
all laws, of all conventions; love, the freest, the most
powerful molder of human destiny...”
Emma Goldman, US anarchist

And if perchance, on the emotional radar, our love

detects that long sought coherence in the countenance of
another heart’s desire; our will becomes nothing more
than a candle in the wind of destiny’s storm. Love, enrap‑
tured by the covenant of its own reality, bursts forth with
renewed direction and purpose. Senses overwhelmed,
our mortal lives become nothing more than a superficial
shell of awareness as love has its way with our heart. To
deny the event is folly. To question the source is point‑
less. To attempt to contain the emotion is senseless. It is
we who are blind; love sees clearly and must follow its
course to the end. For there can be no greater achieve‑
ment in our lives than to allow the essence of our heart to
find meaning and purpose in the heart of another.

“...And only in the end we’ll see,

Just what our lives were meant to be,
When all our childhood fantasies
Are lost within the mysteries
Of Time.”
Alan W. Goodson, American realist

25
Love Life and Relationship

Love is affection. Love is sacrifice. Love is compro‑

mise. Love is faith. Love is believable and unbelievable.
Love is destiny. Love is strength. Love is trust. Love is
a desire with lust. Love is the world. Yeah, exactly what
is love?

Love is all about showing ineffable feelings, ­affections,

and solicitude toward a person whom you care about. It
can also be expressed in many ways. Love has so many
definitions and it is defined differently to others in their
own opinions.

Love has many different meanings to different people.

For a four-year-old, love is marrying her daddy when she
grows up. For an elementary school kid, love is what he
or she feels for his or her best friend, who also serves as
a boyfriend or girlfriend. To a fifteen-year-old boy, love
is what he should feel for his girlfriend of the moment;
only because she says she loves him. But as we get older
and “wiser”, love becomes more and more confusing.
Along with poets and philosophers, people have been
trying to answer that age-old question for centuries:
What is love? One definition of love in the ­ Merriam-
Webster dictionary is “attraction based on sexual desire”
(439). Some people believe that love and sex are one
and the same. If two people are in love, they should be
having sex.

One of the greatest human fears is living, being,

and dying alone; however, there is something that can

26
 Love

o­ vercome this fear, and that is love. What is love? Can

you see it? Does one touch love, or is love only to be
sensed? Does true love exist, or is it just a cheap thrill
that lasts for one night? Does love have substance or is
it merely a word fabricated as a way to justify the means
of propagation?

What love is to us depends on how we define love,

and how the ones we love define love. You can’t choose
who you “fall in love ” with, it just happens. You realize
one day, that a person means more to you than your own
life. That is when you know that you are in love. Love
exists in different forms in different people’s minds. The
word love, and its related words, has been created over
a period of time, but does true love really exist? “True
love” is a state of mind, which comes and goes in people.
The truth of love is nearly impossible to find, with the
odds being about 0.0000000001 per cent of ever finding
it, and it’s getting smaller everyday. It isn’t tangible, it
isn’t emotional, but it can be a crutch for the weak.

The concept of “true love” is a shelter for those people

who believe that without love, there would be no point
to life, no hope, no God, no anything. That life could
just exist, going forward contrary to these principals. It
is obvious that love means many different things to dif‑
ferent people and that to each it has a different value.
Because of these different values, some people throw the
word around meaninglessly because they know it is what
someone wants to hear. They say that they love, but with
27
Love Life and Relationship

no meaning or substance to back it up, it just becomes a

cheap thrill. How is that love? How can people use such
a beautiful metaphor to justify these actions, unless it was
created as an excuse to commit these actions? That isn’t
love. They can use that as an excuse, because that isn’t
really love. They use the idea, the theories and basis of
love as an excuse because they are using it in place of
what they are really feeling. That loneliness and that bit‑
terly dependent feeling fill their hearts, but that isn’t really
love. Unfortunately in our world, shallowness and this
misuse of love are applauded by the troglodytic masses.

Can love truly exist when there are people who

accept love at different values? People don’t have to
agree on the value and place of love for it to exist, but
one object cannot exist in two places at once, without
different values. By being perceived as different val‑
ues it cannot own every plane and mind, meaning that
some values are truer than others. Some people can
search all of their lives for love never to find it, and
others can live a lie thinking that they have found it.
Love is not what it is because people desire it to be
so, and love is not what it is because of our day-to-day
human interactions. Love is what it is because of the
different ways we imagine love exists. Love and emo‑
tions are constant, because they are ruled by instinct;
however love and emotions are opposites. They play
against each other, but cannot truly exist without each
other. Because of this relationship, love can have both
a light and a dark side. If love were the most powerful
28
 Love

force in the universe, then it would have the power to

kill the living.

When you give your heart to a person, thinking that

they would never hurt you, only to have them betray
you, you are left with an empty feeling, and in a way it
does kill a part of you. The side of love with the power
to kill makes people, who would use love as an excuse,
weak. These people use it as an anchor to protect them‑
selves from emotions. Some people will even use it as an
excuse to take their own life, trying to escape their pain.
This makes love weak, and in turn makes the people
who love weak.

This is the power of love, and yet people still take

it too lightly. Love has a serious power, which is too
often taken for granted. Love has horrid consequences if
you do not respect love for what it is to others. It is not
always what you think it is, or what you think it should
be. Love can take many different forms and can even
be deceptive. One thing about love is for sure; once you
find it, you never want to lose it. Love is everywhere and
in many different forms all around us. Love permeates
our thoughts, fills our dreams, controls our actions, but
it still has no definite value. Of course, love is ­different
for everyone, and this is what love is to me. No one
can tell you what love means to you, because you have
to find it for yourself, and define it through your own
­experiences.

29
Love Life and Relationship

WE ARE FOREVER LOOKING FOR LOVE in

our lives. We look for a sweetheart who will turn into
a loving spouse. We look for love from our parents and
respect from our children. We look for love from our
government, hoping our leaders will be compassionate
with us and our countrymen. But strangely, we often get
into our worst messes when all we are doing is looking
for love. A marriage may split up due to one of the part‑
ners looking elsewhere for love. A teenager may wreck
his car and his body by driving too fast in a quest for a
certain kind of love from his peers. Desperate for love,
people ruin their minds with drugs which give them a
temporary surge of a counterfeit feeling similar to love.

Does anyone ever find love? If so, where is it? Obser‑

vation suggests that love, real as it is, cannot be found
and isn’t anywhere. When you go looking for it, you are
going to find something else. What you find may keep
you occupied for a while, even addicted, but it’s not
love. Love is the most priceless treasure that life affords
us. Religions enshrine it, billboards exploit it, professors
categorize it and newspapers report on its perversions.
But it is nowhere to be found.

Love is a song that threads its way through our lives

from beginning to end, but did you ever try to find a
song? You just know when you’re hearing a song, and
you just know when you’re experiencing deep love,
but you can’t find either one. The song is a process. It
weaves its way through the vocal cords and through the
30
 Love

air molecules, but neither the vibrations, nor the ears

that hear them nor the voice that produces them, is the
song. You can write notes on paper to suggest a song,
but the notes are not the song. A song is a process that
cannot be the same twice. Even if you hear a recorded
song twice in succession, there are two different songs
because you yourself have changed slightly between
hearings. A song is a participatory, unrepeatable pro‑
cess. And so is love.

Love and songs hide in the cracks of the universe—not

only between the atoms, but between the betweens, in
the realm of quality, not quantity—in what is not mani‑
fested (which is nowhere). Love and songs must and do
express themselves using time and space, but they can
be neither found nor captured in time and space.

If no one were looking for love, our world would be in

sad shape, some might say. But our world already is in
sad shape precisely because so many people are on this
quest which seems so laudable and reasonable until you
examine the results of it. The problem with looking for
love is that it is the “me” that wants it. The “me” wants
love in the form of pleasure, money, status, fame, and
any number of other forms. And if the “me” wants these
things badly enough, the “me” will get them. Unfortu‑
nately, all the “me” gets is the forms and not the love.
The “me” grabs for the beautiful flame and gets only hot
ashes. Love eludes the “me” always, because the “me” is
somewhere, and love is nowhere—they can never meet.
31
Love Life and Relationship

Is there no way, then, to find love? Is there no solution

to this dilemma? Probably not. However, it is a simple
fact that anyone can love. It is one of our inalienable
rights as humans to love and to give. Perhaps life could
not even exist without this process. There is electric‑
ity generated in the action of love that is as real as that
which powers a train or lights a reading lamp. As with
electricity, no one really knows what love is nor where
it comes from, but we do know we can channel both
electricity and love through conduits. Properly chan‑
nelled electricity can transform our environment, and
properly channelled love can transform the quality of
our lives.

It seems that love is most vibrant in us when we forget

ourselves. Self-forgetfulness is recommended by most
religions as a way to peace and enlightenment. Knowing
this, spiritual aspirants try to forget themselves, hoping
peace and enlightenment will come. Catch number one
here is that they cannot forget that they are forgetting
themselves, so they are still caught in the “me”. There is
no catch number two.

When we grow weary of looking for love and finding

only its ashes and its forms, we may suddenly give up the
search. When we have been bitten by our greed and have
had our very health impaired by our search for love, we
stop our hurried quest one day and look within—not within
the “me”, but within the cracks of the universe. We may
not see anything, but we feel something—we hear a song.
32
 Love

We feel a change in ourselves, a new perspective from

nowhere. We haven’t asked for it. We just stop searching
and there it is. That is love, sneaking into our lives from
the cracks between the betweens. We were never away
from love, but we could never find it. We wore ourselves
out like the man who ran around the streets of the village
searching for some air to breathe. He wasted much air to
do his searching, but he never found air.

Listen to the silence if you would hear the song of

love. Love may catch you between bites of an apple or
while you are cleaning the toilet. You live within love
always, but you can never find it, capture it, preserve
it or explain it—you might as well try to build a rose
with a hammer and nails. Just wait, and listen, and watch
and work—and one day when the time is right, a rose
appears on the bush. This rose is rooted in the cracks of
the universe, and so is love, and so are you.

33
Chapter 3

LOVE AWKWARDLY

When I was small (I guess 14) I saw a dream, a dream of

living in true love. I yearn to love and be loved. Yet I am
whole without it. Because if you allow yourself to be gov‑
erned by love to the extent that either you are depressed by
its absence, or more seriously, you—the individual—are
suppressed by its presence in your life, it only brings more
unhappiness than the happiness it can offer.

You can’t own a human being and thus you can’t lose
what you don’t own.

For instance, I don’t think Nafisa Joseph’s suicide

was about love. She hanged herself after her fiancé
called off their marriage. It was a response that alludes
to a lack of emotional well-being. Though I don’t really
claim to know what love means to the youth of today,
in my ­ private dictionary it is an emotion that is felt
rather than expressed, dreamt rather than lived.

Love is the power that changes one—makes and

moulds one into a beautiful person. Not only because the
people themselves change, but because the relationship
 Love Awkwardly

is the definition of one’s self. Love is also imperfect.

Perfect love does not exist. Take it or leave it.

But I live with perfect love—in my dreams—it is the

song of my heart, my definition, my real self. It is like the
white clouds lingering onto the clear blue sky. Love is
the most beautiful emotion on earth, and really does not
need anyone to love. One can just love ... Just like me

The song I begin to sing remains unsung to this day

The time has passed over me, while playing
And not playing, stringing and unstringing
My instrument to the tune of love.
He came beside me, when the night was
Still dark, leading to eternal nothingness and I was
alone.
My eyes woke not; I was deep into my sleep
Enjoying it—was I cursed?
A question, which had no answer
Oh! It’s a terrible feeling, butterflies in my stomach,
I am immobile, shivering
From top to bottom.
A feeling trying to overpower me, drive me along,
Whisking me off, making me fly on the wings
Of a white dove, enveloped in love.
He was there with open arms,
Making my dreams play, stringing the Tunes of love.
Alas! I am still lost—why?
Will I always fail to see him whose breath
Touches my heart, refreshes my soul?
35
Love Life and Relationship

Dawn is yet to come—I could feel the wind

Rushing by, touching me with loving care
Waiting for me to wake up—as a different being,
A precious flower.
I have yet not seen his face, but know He is pleasing to
the eye,
I have not heard his voice, but know
It is deep and melodious,
I have not seen his eyes, know not what colour they
are—but know that
It is deeper than any ocean.
I have only heard his footsteps, coming towards me
And my pulse—beating with every step he takes
Now is immortal, but life is not
: :iw till this day in the hope—to meet him
But when?
The time has not come; the music is yet to Start
Only the wish to meet him remains in my Heart.
He will meet one day, surely
The meeting will be as hot and pious
As the fire
As innocent as the little dove and the morning dew,
As sweet as the nightingales song,
As vibrant as the suns rays glittering on the Mountain
peaks ...
We will meet one day!
My eyes opened ...

By the time I managed to distinguish between dream

and reality, to shake off the remnants of the beautiful
36
 Love Awkwardly

feeling, the sky outside was awash with grey light, the
clouds hanging low. As the present gradually came back
into focus, I stood dazed. It was such a different feeling, a
whole new world of emotions developing inside me. My
heart jumped for joy, I could feel the harsh wind, could
feel the rain fall on me like an endless stream—each
drop seemed like the very epitome of love and affection.
I felt as if the heaven was pouring all its blessings on
me. And I realized that I was in love, in love with my
imagination, my dream—with the voice that is unheard,
eyes that are unseen—this is love for me which defines
me: innocent, pure, and a perfect Utopia.

I realized that this is a non-practical dream, but then,

if dreams provide happiness and help to mould you into
a better person, then what harm is there in dreaming?
And that too, if they are about love? I would love to live
with my dreams—my eyes will open to the morning sun
caressing me lovingly. Till then let me remain immersed
in my dreams, heart and soul.

“Was it a vision, or a waking dream? Fled is that

music. Do I wake or sleep?”—John Keats

I’m in love, but awkwardly.

When I met my life whom I call my love and name

him as , I saw my dreams coming true … I found the
music, I found the watery eyes and so did my happiness
which was stolen somewhere in the world around me.

37
Chapter 4

LOVE IS NOT LUST

It is ironic how love and lust are so much related to each

other yet very much different. Well for one thing they
don’t have the same purpose. A person in lust may greed‑
ily hunger for sensual or sexual pleasure while a person
in love sees beyond the physical and simply takes it as
the part of the package that makes the person special.
Certainly, love sounds so much more decent and conser‑
vative, but doesn’t love sometimes start with lust? You
get drawn to the person’s physical attributes in which
you start checking out what lovely eyes or legs she has;
or maybe you get tantalized by his husky bedroom voice
that gives you gooseflesh any day, anytime and he can
talk you into anything. The feel of his skin, the caress
of his smile, the way his voice cuddles like a baby ask‑
ing for a hug, this makes him absolutely irresistible.
This catches you; you simply cannot go through an hour
without remembering last night’s conversation and how
fine he looked as he stared deep into your eyes.

As you do so, you slowly see what first attracted him

to you. You find this so interestingly sexy, until little by
little you start falling in love. So what is lust and what is
 Love is not Lust

love? Is it simply a state of mind, just like all the rest of

the emotions, feelings and states in this world? Simply
in the eye of the beholder, determined by how one per‑
ceives the relationship to be? Or is it in the depth of the
relationship taking the notion that lust means shallow
and love means deep?

I might be blabbering about nonsense, or you might

agree with me word for word but no one can deny that
loving and lusting is very real. But also, as I have said,
its definition is relative and can vary differently from
how one sees it. But lust could mean a lot of differ‑
ent things. Infatuation can be a form of lust as well
as idolatry (in plain language: worshiping a movie star
or any gorgeous, famous or rich, unattainable piece
of meat) and even a plain old crush can be. You start
yearning for a regular get together, nightly chats even
if sometimes chatting does not mean a conversation but
simply holding the telephone and hearing him breathe.
It is as real as you and me and at some point and time in
our lives we will encounter it and then start question‑
ing ourselves about it. Then one day you’re suddenly
hooked. As your conversation deepens you realize
that your heated ­discussion on philosophy and shared
interest on the same kind of activity like, lets say, rock
climbing, proves to be as stimulating and spine-tin‑
gling as your usual smooth talking tête-à-tête. Lust
might end up with love the same way that love might
turn out to be lust.

39
Love Life and Relationship

What exactly is my point? The point is it is sometimes

hard to distinguish love from lust.

Lust might sound a very sinful word, since it is against

many religions to fall prey to it.

There is a great contrast between love and lust.

Lust is more of a sexual or greedy feeling, while love
is more of a secure and content filled feeling we get
from giving and receiving. Lust does not have to be
something sexual, it can be a greedy desire for more
money and power. The world has a superficial and
selfish view of love, which has contaminated our
understanding of what REAL LOVE is. Popular cul‑
ture believes that love is something that makes us
FEEL good and that it’s acceptable to sacrifice moral
principles to obtain such love. But in doing so this
culture IS NOT obtaining the love characteristic but
the lustful ones.

“Do not commit adultery. But I tell you that anyone

who looks at a woman lustfully has already committed
adultery with her in his heart. If your right hand causes
you to sin, gouge it out and throw it away. It is better
for you to lose one part of your body than for you whole
body to be thrown into hell. And if your right hand
causes you to sin, cut it off and throw it away. It is better
for you to lose one part of your body than for your whole
body to go into hell.”

40
 Love is not Lust

I was talking to someone the other day and we had

conservation about lust and love. She told me that peo‑
ple don’t fall in love because it will never be that way.
It’s all based on lust because couples will never hurt
each other if it’s love. I kind of agree with this person at
this point. It was hard enough to admit that because I’m
a firm believer of love at first sight and finding a soul
mate. When I realized what this she was trying to say, I
questioned her past experience in relationships. If you’re
a psychologist (I’m not), you know the past experiences
can mould a person’s persona or behaviour. As I ques‑
tioned her past relationships, I noticed that she had it
very bad. She doesn’t believe in love anymore because
her past boyfriends treated her badly. She doesn’t want
to get hurt again. I was trying to convince her that there
are plenty of fish in the sea and that she should take it
as an experience so she won’t make the same mistake
again.

However, it’s easier said than done, right? This hap‑

pens to people who try to compromise what they have
with their partners. They give everything they have just
to see it crumpled to the ground.

Even though people like her had bad experiences in

relationships, they should never give up on love. Do not
let a “dark cloud” go over your heart. That dark cloud
will just block every opportunity to be loved. If you feel
this way, don’t be afraid of love.

41
Love Life and Relationship

Broad-minded though we take ourselves to be, lust gets

a bad press. It is the fly in the ointment, the black sheep
of the family, the ill-bred, trashy cousin of upstanding
members like love and friendship. It lives on the wrong
side of the tracks, lumbers around elbowing its way into
too much of our lives, and blushes when it comes into
company.

Some people like things a little on the trashy side,

but not most of us most of the time. We smile at lovers
holding hands in the park, but wrinkle our noses if we
find them acting out their lust under the bushes. Love
receives the world’s applause. Lust is furtive, ashamed,
embarrassed. Love pursues the good of the other with
self-control, reason and patience. Lust pursues its own
gratification, headlong, impatient of any control, immune
to reason. Love thrives on candlelight and conversation.
Lust is equally happy in a doorway or in a taxi, and its
conversation is made of animal grunts and cries. Love
is individual: there is only the unique other. Lust takes
what comes. Lovers gaze into each other’s eyes. Lust
looks sideways, inventing deceit, stratagems and seduc‑
tions, sizing up opportunities. Love grows with knowl‑
edge and time, courtship, truth and trust. Lust is a trail
of clothing in the hallway, the collision of two football
packs. Love lasts, lust cloys.

The landscape of human lust and human thinking is

huge. People have devoted lifetimes to charting small
parts of it. Even as you read, neurologists are plotting it,
42
 Love is not Lust

pharmacists are designing drugs to modify it, doctors are

tinkering with its malfunctions, social psychologists are
setting questionnaires about it, evolutionary psycholo‑
gists are dreaming up theories of its origins, postmod‑
ernists are deconstructing it, and feminists are worrying
about it. And a large part of the world’s literature is
devoted to it, or to its close relative, erotic love.

Another personal opinion is that lust can be beautified

if it is dipped in the pool of love. Lust is just another
form of love which should be made soft and silky to
make a beautiful relationship.

43
Chapter 5

FRIENDSHIP—THE ULTIMATE LOVE

So first, I must ask myself a question....What is real

friendship? I hear about friendship a lot...there are
all sorts of TV shows depicting supposed friends
­interacting with each other...people call each other
friend easily and quickly. But is all of that really
friendship?

Not to me. Through a lot of trial and error, through

a lot of painful interaction, I have come to a sharpened
awareness of what a friend really is. And a lot of what I
hear called “being friends” simply does not fit into my
definition of “friendship”.

“Okay, fine,”’ you may say. “Then what, Beth, is your

definition of friendship?”

Well, first I’d like to weed out the things I see get‑
ting confused for friendship, but that aren’t it. I see
a continuum of various levels of social closeness:
­Acquaintanceship, Companionship, Comradeship, and
then...finally...Friendship.
 Friendship—The Ultimate Love

It’s rather strange how we automatically begin ­calling

a new acquaintance a friend, just because they act
friendly. Being friendly, as the word is used, really has
very little with the core, the depth of being a friend. It
is really nothing more than a happy, welcoming style
of politeness. Sure, friends are usually warm and wel‑
coming, too, but people make this automatic jump from
pleasantness to friendship without checking to see if that
is what it really is.

Or in other words, just because you are treating me

nicely and I happen to know your name does not make
me your friend. It means I have the beginning of an idea
of who you are, but not enough to say that I are more
than an acquaintance.

But let’s say we do more than acknowledge each

other’s existence in a pleasant manner. We get to talk‑
ing and find out we share some things in common. Per‑
haps we even met in the first place because we share
a common interest and are both members of the same
club or interest-related group. While we’re there, we
like ­hanging out with each other... We like each other’s
company, even though we still really don’t know much
more about each other than what we see on the surface.
We have reached the status of hang-out buddies, we are
sharing companionship.

Similar, but I think generally deeper; there is the

comradeship that develops between people who are

45
Love Life and Relationship

working towards a common goal or for a common

cause. Comrades-in-arms, whether part of the military,
co-­workers in a manufacturing plant or support staff for
MR group homes, often share a bonding due to the spe‑
cific stresses of the work that they are both undergoing
at the same time. Because they understand the stresses
of the job and/or situation that they are under, they are
able to clearly understand those stresses that the other
person is also under. Even so, that connection is not
friendship. It is limited and does not mean you have an
understanding of the other person as a whole. You only
understand one aspect.

Understanding is a key concept here. In all my obser‑

vations, in all my ponderings, it consistently appears
that there can not be a true friendship without first build‑
ing understanding. You will undoubtedly have a much
harder time caring about something (and someone) if
you cannot understand it/them at all.

Ironically, however, it also appears that the clos‑

est friendships can be between people who are very,
very different. For example, Alex and I have a very
strong friendship, but I think in completely different
ways than she does. Her mind assesses things using a
much more mathematical type of approach, while my
own approach tends to be more of a synthesis...which
in turns appears to me to be related to visual interpreta‑
tions of data.

46
 Friendship—The Ultimate Love

There is a great deal of understanding between us...

we have shared many similar experiences as well
as literally sharing experiences (having done things
together). We have also helped each other understand
each other, so that although we do not primarily think
like the other does, we can (usually) follow each other
in our thoughts. In this respect, having the dissimilar
as well as the similar helps keep things interesting. We
can both understand and be completely mystified at the
same time...or so it sometimes seems, (LOL).

And so we finally come to my definition of friend‑

ship—deep, genuine caring, concern and a willingness to
act to the benefit of the friend even without any ­obvious
rewards or returns. Because of these prerequisites, there
will also be a subsequent amount of thought given to
your friend...you will take them and their own wants,
needs, and preferences as well as your own into account
whenever both of you are involved. You will, by the
nature of friendship, be considerate of them.

This is what it means to be a friend. Even though there

is difference, there is also harmony. There may be dif‑
ferences in styles of thought and being, but the lines of
the melody, so to speak, will be travelling in the same
direction and show a similarity in choices. In moral fibre,
perhaps would be one way to say it. There will be, for
all the differences, very distinct similarities in values,
worldviews, and personal development goals.

47
Love Life and Relationship

On defining friendship as caring, concern and a will‑

ingness to act on behalf of one’s friend has another con‑
text as well. In this context, being one’s own friend is
thoroughly healthy and in my opinion a necessity. If you
cannot be a friend to yourself first, you cannot truly be
a friend to anyone else. This is especially true since it
takes understanding in order to care. This means you
must understand your own self in order to care about
­yourself...that first important step towards real ­friendship.
You cannot jump that task to be a true friend to another,
who you will almost certainly understand even less than
you understand yourself.

I respectfully submit that being a friend, whether or

not another person is ever a friend back, is one of those
important milestones on the road of living a successful
and rich life. Trying to earn another person’s friend‑
ship is not the way to go. It is not as important to have
friends...it is important to be a friend.

Be a friend to yourself first; the others will find you

as they are ready.

What is so great as friendship, let us carry with what

grandeur of spirit we can. Let us be silent—so we may
hear the whisper of the gods. Let us not interfere. Who
set you to cast about what you should say to the select
souls, or how to say any thing to such? No matter how
ingenious, no matter how graceful and bland. There are
innumerable degrees of folly and wisdom, and for you

48
 Friendship—The Ultimate Love

to say aught is to be frivolous. Wait and thy heart shall

speak. Wait until the necessary and everlasting over‑
powers you, until day and night avail themselves of your
lips. The only reward of virtue is virtue: the only way to
have a friend is to be one. You shall not come nearer a
man by getting into his house. If unlike, his soul only
flees the faster from you, and you shall never catch a
true glance of his eye. We see the noble afar off, and
they repel us; why should we intrude? Late—very late—
we perceive that no arrangements, no introductions or
habits of society, would be of any avail to establish us
in such relations with them as we desire—but solely the
uprise of nature in us to the same degree it is in them:
then shall we meet as water with water: and if we should
not meet them then, we shall not want them, for we are
already they. In the last analysis, love is only the reflec‑
tion of a man’s own worthiness from other men. Men
have sometimes exchanged names with their friends, as
if they would signify that in their friend each loved his
own soul.

The higher the style we demand of friendship, of

course the less easy to establish it with flesh and blood.
We walk alone in the world. Friends, such as we desire,
are dreams and fables. But a sublime hope cheers ever
the faithful heart, that elsewhere, in other regions of the
universal power; souls are now acting, enduring, and
daring, which can love us, and which we can love. We
may congratulate ourselves that the period of nonage, of
follies, of blunders, and of shame, is passed in solitude,
49
Love Life and Relationship

and when we are finished men, we shall grasp heroic

hands in heroic hands. Only be admonished by what you
already see, not to strike leagues of friendship with cheap
persons, where no friendship can be. Our impatience
betrays us into rash and foolish alliances which no God
attends. By persisting in your path, though you forfeit
the little, you gain the great. You demonstrate yourself,
so as to put yourself out of the reach of false relations,
and you draw to you the first-born of the world—those
rare pilgrims whereof only one or two wander in nature
at once, and before whom the vulgar great, show as spec‑
tres and shadows merely.

It is foolish to be afraid of making our ties too spiri‑

tual; as if so we could lose any genuine love. Whatever
correction of our popular views we make from insight,
nature will be sure to bear us out in, and though it seem
to rob us of some joy, will repay us with a greater. Let
us feel, if we will, the absolute insulation of man. We
are sure that we have all in us. We go to Europe, or we
pursue persons, or we read books, in the instinctive faith
that these will call it out and reveal us to ourselves. Beg‑
gars all. The persons are such as we; the Europe, an old
faded garment of dead persons; the books, their ghosts.
Let us drop this idolatry. Let us give over this mendi‑
cancy. Let us even bid our dearest friends farewell, and
defy them, saying, “Who are you? Unhand me: I will be
dependent no more.’ Ah! seest thou not, O brother, that
thus we part only to meet again on a higher platform,
and only be more each other’s, because we are more our
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 Friendship—The Ultimate Love

own?” A friend is Janus-faced: he looks to the past and

the future. He is the child of all my foregoing hours, the
prophet of those to come, and the harbinger of a greater
friend.

I do then with my friends as I do with my books. I

would have them where I can find them, but I seldom
use them. We must have society on our own terms, and
admit or exclude it on the slightest cause. I cannot afford
to speak much with my friend. If he is great, he makes me
so great that I cannot descend to converse. In the great
days, presentiments hover before me in the firmament. I
ought then to dedicate myself to them. I go in that I may
seize them; I go out that I may seize them. I fear only that
I may lose them receding into the sky in which now they
are only a patch of brighter light. Then, though I prize
my friends, I cannot afford to talk with them and study
their visions, lest I lose my own. It would indeed give
me a certain household joy to quit this lofty seeking, this
spiritual astronomy, or search of stars, and come down
to warm sympathies with you; but then I know well I
shall mourn always the vanishing of my mighty gods.
It is true, next week I shall have languid moods, when
I can well afford to occupy myself with foreign objects
and then I shall regret the lost literature of your mind,
and wish you were by my side again. But if you come,
perhaps you will fill my mind only with new visions, not
with yourself but with your lustre, and I shall not be able
any more than now to converse with you. So I will owe
to my friends this evanescent intercourse. I will receive
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Love Life and Relationship

from them not what they have, but what they are. They
shall give me that which properly they cannot give, but
which emanates from them. But they shall not hold me
by any relations less subtle and pure. We will meet as
though we met not, and part as though we parted not.

It has seemed to me lately more possible than I knew,

to carry a friendship greatly, on one side, without due
correspondence on the other. Why should I cumber
myself with regrets that the receiver is not capacious? It
never troubles the sun that some of his rays fall wide and
vain into ungrateful space and only a small part on the
reflecting planet. Let your greatness educate the crude
and cold companion. If he is unequal, he will presently
pass away; but thou art enlarged by thy own shining and,
no longer a mate for frogs and worms, dost soar and burn
with the gods of the empyrean. It is thought a disgrace to
love unrequited. But the great will see that true love can‑
not be unrequited. True love transcends the unworthy
object, and dwells and broods on the eternal, and when
the poor, interposed mask crumbles, it is not sad, but
feels rid of so much earth, and feels its independency the
surer. Yet these things may hardly be said without a sort
of treachery to the relation. The essence of friendship
is entireness, a total magnanimity and trust. It must not
surmise or provide for infirmity. It treats its object as a
god, that it may deify both.

52
Chapter
CONCLUSION
1

I would conclude by saying that all emotions centre

around the name of love. The difference is that we need
to mend ourselves to earn happiness out of sadness, joy
in place of sorrow, softness instead of hardness and so
on. One has to know oneself to be judged.

SIMILARLY KNOW ME TO JUDGE ME!!!!!!!!!!!!

I’ve learnt that

 If a man wants you, nothing can keep him away.

If he doesn’t want you, nothing can make him
stay...
  top making excuses for a man and his behaviour.
S
Allow your intuition (or spirit) to save you from
heartache.
  top trying to change yourselves for a relationship
S
that’s not meant to be. Slower is better. Never live
your life for a man before you find what makes you
truly happy. If a relationship ends because the man
was not treating you as you deserve then heck no,
you can’t “be friends”. A friend wouldn’t mistreat
a friend. Don’t settle. If you feel like he is stringing
you along, then he probably is.
Love Life and Relationship

  on’t stay because you think “it will get better”.

D
You’ll be mad at yourself a year later for staying
when things are not better.
  he only person you can control in a relationship is
T
you.
  ever let a man know everything, he will use it
N
against you!!!!

I’ve learned that you cannot make someone love you.

All you can do is be someone who can be loved. The
rest is up to them. I’ve learned that no matter how much
I care, some people just don’t care back. I’ve learned
that it takes years to build up trust and only seconds to
destroy it. I’ve learned that it’s not what you have in
your live, but who you have in your life that counts.

I’ve learned that you shouldn’t compare yourself to

the best others can do, but to the best you can do. I’ve
learned that it’s not what happens to people, it’s what
they do about it. I’ve learned that no matter how thin
you slice it, there are always two sides. I’ve learned that
you should always leave loved ones with loving words.
It may be the last time you’ll see them. I’ve learned that
you can keep going long after you think you can’t.

I’ve learned that heroes are the people who do what

has to be done when it needs to be done, regardless of
the consequences. I’ve learned that there are people,
who love you dearly, but just don’t know how to show

54
 Conclusion

it. I’ve learned that sometimes when I’m angry I have

the right to be angry but that doesn’t give me the right to
be cruel. I’ve learned that TRUE friendship continues to
grow even over the longest distance; the same goes for
TRUE love.

I’ve learned that no matter how good a friend is,

they’re going to hurt you every once in a while and
you must forgive them for that. I’ve learned that it isn’t
always enough to be forgiven by others, sometimes you
have to learn to forgive yourself. I’ve learned that no
matter how bad your heart is broken, the world doesn’t
stop for your grief. I’ve learned that just because two
people argue, it doesn’t mean they don’t love each
other and just because they don’t argue, it doesn’t mean
theydo.

I’ve learned that sometimes you have to put the indi‑

vidual ahead of their actions. I’ve learned that two peo‑
ple can look at the exact same thing and see something
totally different. I’ve learned that no matter the conse‑
quences, those who are honest with themselves get far‑
ther in life. I’ve learned that your life can be changed in
a matter of hours.

I’ve learned that the people you care most about in

life are taken from you too soon. I’ve learned that it’s
hard to determine where to draw the line between being
nice and not hurting people’s feelings and standing up
for what you believe. I’ve learned to love and be loved.

55
Love Life and Relationship

I’ve learned that there’s no one in this world I like ­better

or am closer to than my Mom and Dad...They are the
ones who will stand with you all the time.

I stand up for myself and my beliefs...I stand up for

those I love...I speak my mind, think my own thoughts
and do things my way. I won’t compromise with what’s
in my heart, I live my life MY way. I won’t allow
anyone to step on me, I refuse to tolerate injustice. It
means I have the courage and strength to allow myself
to be me. So try to stomp on me, douse my inner flame,
squash every ounce of beauty I hold within—you won’t
succeed. And if that makes me a SUPER WOMAN, I
embrace my title and I am proud to be one!

There is no real conclusion to life, love and relation‑

ship. The real conclusion lies in the flow of thoughts and
measures to implement the love. There are many times
when love doesn’t respond the way we want to, or it
doesn’t do things to make you feel on top of the heaven.
What we need to understand is that love never dies and
never goes away. It remains silent forever irrespective
of any materialistic things happening or not. It is hard
to believe and even hard to implement, but this is the
truth.

SPREAD THE MESSAGE FOR A BETTER FUTURE

… BETTER LIVING
… AND HENCE A BETTER LIFE !!!!

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