MARRY AND BE MERRY

Alvin T. Claridades (1998)

I read with great interest an old article which I stumbled upon while sifting through my old dusty files entitled Have fun, stay single, published in a Philippine newspaper a few years back, which dealt on the subject of single-blessedness. Frankly, I was a bit flabbergasted that the author of that article who is a yuppie would shun marital status like a plague at a very early stage in her life and budding career. After all, it is not so often that one finds a woman so young and so independent-minded as to be scared to death by the prospects of tying the nuptial knot, unless she was a battered and traumatized juvenile, a jilted lover many times over, or is planning to go into some kind of a religious vocation. But reading the above piece reveals nothing to suspect that the author was anything of those mentioned above. She looks pretty hale and hearty judging from the way she wrote her feelings and opinions out. And I would be at the safer side to presume that she does not have any problems with her gender, either. I have no intention of questioning her stand on celibacy, much less her motives in writing such an article. On the contrary, I think that nobody should be faulted for taking a stance that does not jibe with the order of the day. In fact, it is perfectly fine with me that somebody touched on a theme not too many writers dare to lay their hands on. And I thank the said author for the opportunity she has afforded me to write my antithesis to her essay. Socrates, the great Greek philosopher, whose marital difficulties were well known, coined this sage advice: By all means, marry. If you marry a good spouse, you will become very happy. If you marry a bad one, you will become a philosopher and that is good for you. Well, it only means that whatever comes out of a marital relationship, any of the spouses can expect to emerge a better and wiser person. For truly, marriage is one heaven of an experience, mystic and inexplicable. It is so good an adventure which those not yet into it look forward to with much excitement and those already out of it look back at with fond reminiscences.

I could not help but be delighted by the occasional news that some of my close friends are giving up the sane world of single-blessedness in favor of the much saner world of married life, just as I did a few summers back. Not that I want to permanently dodge their company nor do I want them to go through the same tormenting adventures that I have sporadically experienced in my married life and thereafter mock them by saying Beee, buti nga! I simply want to see them grow and be more fruitful as human beings and not be contented with merely coasting along in the wrong direction for the rest of their lives. I could only commiserate with those of my buddies who have gone into so many relationships, some serious and others long enough to eat up most of their younger years, only to end up alone, hopelessly dejected and heartbroken. Its very hard to pick up the pieces after that, especially when you have reached past the marrying age. And certainly, it is not the most opportune time to marry when one merely wants to catch up with his vanishing hair or her multiplying wrinkles. I have a chum ten years my senior who kept on deferring his plans to march down the aisle with his long-time sweetheart, echoing the age-old admonition of our elders to the effect that ang pag-aasawa ay hindi tulad ng mainit na kanin na iyong isusubo at iluluwa kung ikaw ay mapaso. Besides, he thought that he should first enjoy to the fullest his life as a bachelor before settling down for good. Magpapakasawa muna ko sa pagkabinata bago pumasok sa buhay na magulo, he often sarcastically bragged, adding that his main priority at that moment was to save enough money for that special day. Today, that friend of mine is a destitute man, unable to save a single penny for his future. He was deserted by his fianc of many, many years who probably got fed up with his unfulfilled promises. I do not begrudge young unmarried people who poke fun at marital conflicts and travails as casually as they would ridicule their older counterparts. They probably have either gotten so devoted to their newlyfound independence from their parents or have grown inure to a way of life that is far from being responsible and committed that they tend to ignore the fact that were it not for their parents union they would not be around to experience all the fun that they now purport to enjoy. Of course, its true that not all marriages are made to last in bliss and tranquillity. I have witnessed many relationships flounder and go down the drain. Estranged parents, abandoned children and fragmented homes litter every nook and cranny of our society in the aftermath of each stormy and turbulent union. But their numbers are dwarfed by the totality of those who

survived numerous marital skirmishes and hurdled the test of endurance with flying colors. I myself have gone into some of the most trying situations in my life as a husband and as a father to three doting children. There were times when I was tempted to question my decision to settle down and raise my own family at a very tender age (20 to be axact), only to be preempted by the thought that life offers me no better and more reassuring alternative. I am also quite amazed at how marriage can sometimes get me so bored as to afford me enough time to realize that it is actually an excitingly fascinating thing. I could only think of what life would be like had I opted to remain single. Surely I would miss the following: having a mate to sleep with and who is there to give me enough warmth to fight off early morning chills; having children of my own flesh and blood who would cheer me up when I am dead-tired from a days work; having credible excuses and alibis by a family man to dodge persistent invitations from peers for good time; having a partner who would help me manage my finances wisely; coming home early to have home-cooked dinner with my family; having somebody to remind me of my appointments and schedules; experiencing less of the intrigues and jealousies that trigger the split of most barkadas; getting more responsible and organized in everything I do; and realizing, finally, the need to save for our future.

Right now, I am happily contented with my life. My wife, Lina, and I live in relative peace and harmony. Our three growing offsprings, Alvin John, Ailyn and Angel, continue to inspire us to hold firmly on our covenant to live as one. And I work and share the fruits of my labor with them, something which I could not have done had I chosen to stay a bachelor. I still look forward to the day when some people will drop the idea that marriage is one big headache that waits to be cured or it is a plague or a nightmarish ordeal that has to be evaded. I sincerely hope that the time will come when they shall equate marriage with maturity and responsibility in a humane and positive way. Then, it will not be far when we shall find out that an investment in marriage will reap more bountiful returns than an investment outside of it.