Power Tool: Facts vs. Stories

Power Tool Assessment Name: Jamie McKenna Date: July 17, 2012 Student ID: 246902 Email: jsmma3@aol.
com or j.mckenna@dynamicperspectives.com
Complete your Power Tool in the space below and then email as an attachment to assessment@icoachacademy.com
Power Tool: Facts vs. Stories Jamie McKenna CPCP
FACTS vs. STORIES According to dictionary.com, these words are defined as follows: Facts: something that actual exists; reality; truth Stories: a narrative; either true or fictitious Stories are more than compelling facts. People remember stories more than they remember statistics. ~ Soledad OBrien Every ego confuses opinions and viewpoints with facts. Only through awareness not through thinking can you differentiate between fact and opinion. Only through awareness are you able to see: There is the situation and here is the anger I feel about it, and then realize there are other ways of approaching the situation, other ways of seeing it and dealing with it. ~Eckhart Tolle We live in a fast paced world of technology and information over-load. Data is coming towards us from all directions hundreds of television and cable channels, newspapers, the internet and the use of social networking sites, advertising on your shopping cart or while youre getting gas, satellite radio and then, of course, our human interactions. It can become challenging, at times, to distinguish fact from fiction. Watching a political debate unfold demonstrates how many different ways information is creatively and persuasively delivered. Living in a consumer-driven society, messaging is designed and directed toward selling us more products, concepts, lifestyles and values. In order to assimilate and understand information we rely on our listening skills and processing faculties, our past experiences, values and belief systems and other people we have belief in. In addition, our emotions both our emotional baggage and our emotional state can impact our interpretations, perceptions and understandings about what we should believe in, incorporate into our lives and act on. As a result, what we hear, repeat or believe can originate from false or untrue data. Untrue stories can mislead us, perpetuate limited beliefs, create judgments, prevent us from taking action or lead us in the wrong direction. Stories we believe, which are not based in fact or assumptions we make about others can contribute to feelings of low self-worth and keep people in a state of disempowerment and negativity. What we tell ourselves through our outer or inner dialogue also has a tremendous impact on our overall emotional well-being, mental and physical health.
Copyright 2006 International Coach Academy Pty. Ltd. Use is governed by the Terms and Conditions at http://www.icoachacademy.com Last updated Feb 2006
Stories emanate from various forms and sources, such as: Comments, opinions, viewpoints of others Assumptions (about information or what people say, do, look like, etc.) Statistics that dont give the full picture Media reports television, print Blogs anyone can write anything! Thoughts we have about ourselves
Self-Application Becoming aware of our own constant stream of thoughts is the first step. The magic comes in when we can actually step back, become the witness of our thinking, challenge a specific thought or idea and explore its validity. The best time to use this is when you are feeling a strong emotional reaction. Lets say that you just finished a coaching session and you felt uneasy about how it went, wishing you would have taken the conversation in a different direction. Later that day you received an email from the client, saying that he must cancel the next two coaching sessions and is not able to meet again for 5 weeks. You immediately had the thought that he was unhappy about how the session went. You become fearful. It must be because he isnt receiving value from you or the coaching and has determined it a waste of time. Hes putting future coaching sessions on the back burnerperhaps hes thinking of cancelling your coaching contract and..the made up story youre telling yourself, through your thoughts, keeps going on and on like a run-away train! But this timeyouve caught yourself making up stories! You witnessed the thoughtsthe incessant stream of thinking that can take us over and if left unchecked, lead to poor choices or disempowered states of being. Now you step back and say Ok these are just thoughtslets take a closer look. Following just the first 2 steps Byron Katie mentions in her book entitled Loving What Is and using what she refers to as The Work, you can take any statement, data point or story and ask yourself: 1. Is this true? 2. Can you absolutely know that its true? 3. What evidence do you have that supports this 100%? This simple act of questioning the absolute truth of what we hear or what we tell ourselves helps us to dig deeper into thoughts that we may be processing like we
would a factual statement. Our choices, reactions and actions stemming from stories can be quite different than the choices and actions taken after looking at facts. Is this true that my client is unhappy with me, which is why he cancelled our next session? I may be in a state of mind where I say to myself yes, it must be true that he is unhappy with me and our sessions because I know him he never cancels coaching sessions and is 100% committed to the process. Can I absolutely know that this is true? No. And I dont have any real evidence. I experienced a reaction from receiving the email, which triggered an emotion, a feeling of insecurity and fear that I have within me. In this example, the truth is: The client cancelled subsequent coaching sessions. Thats it end of story. Any actions taken in alignment with this truth (perhaps simply calling the client and asking whats going on) will now come from a place of power. The primary cause of unhappiness is never the situation but your thoughts about it. Be aware of the thoughts you are thinking. Separate them from the situation, which is always neutral, which always is as it is. There is the situation or the fact, and here are my thoughts about it. Instead of making up stories, stay with the facts. Facing facts is always empowering. Be aware that what you think, to a large extent, creates the emotions that you feel. See the link between your thinking and your emotions. Rather than being your thoughts and emotions, be the awareness behind them. ~Eckhart Tolle Take time during the course of a day to write down any thoughts that generate even the slightest feeling of anxiety, fear or negativity within you. Notice if this is a recurring thought. Apply the questioning process until you are sure you are working with a fact or if it is, indeed, a baseless story youve been telling yourself. Depending on the information, you may want to ask yourself: Where did I get this information? Whose voice am I hearing? (Is this a parents voice? Former boss, loved one or close friend?) Is this just part of a much bigger story, in which you only looked at a mere fragment?
Use this as an opportunity to tell yourself a new and accurate story. Creating and using positive affirmations can be helpful in replacing old and inaccurate thoughts.
Facing facts is always empowering. Be aware that what you think, to a large extent, creates the emotions that you feel. See the link between your thinking and your emotions. ~Eckhart Tolle Reflection What thoughts trigger an emotional response within you? What happens when you use the 3 step approach? If you discover that what you are telling yourself is a story where did it come from? How does it make you feel, when you focus on facts vs. a story? How might this impact your choices or actions?
Coaching Application When we talk about Facts as it relates to coaching clients, we are delving into the content of accumulated thoughts and beliefs. If we are not alert and aware, we can easily and automatically accept data or information clients tell us as if it were factual. As a coach, you are always engaged in the process of actively listening to information expressed from the clients perspective. They share with you whats going on with co-workers, bosses, a spouse or partner, child or close friend. Its extremely easy to get caught up, buy-into or become seduced by the stories clients tell you (especially when there is an element of drama) without ever challenging the validity or origin of the data. Coaching is about raising awareness. Helping clients to identify even the smallest scripts from their internal dialogue, assumptions they make about situations or people or information they are simply repeating (having heard from someone else) and then assisting them by stepping back, taking time to question and challenge those stories that are told as facts is extremely impactful. Listening for definite, all-encompassing statements or broad terminology can help to identify areas that need further validation: Everyone says My co-workers/partners/friends/ told me. Our company/family/friends/associates believe that I am. Here are a few simple examples of this dialogue: Client: Im devastated. I am totally broke and have no money.
Coach: I am so sorry to hear this. Youre saying that you have no money at all. Is this true? Client: Yes. Im completely broke. I have retirement funds, which I cannot touch without having to pay high withdrawal fees and equity in my home, which I cannot access. Coach: So what Im hearing is that you DO have money your choice is not to access the funds that you do have, either through a withdrawal from a retirement account or from refinancing or selling your home, is that correct? Raising awareness around the inaccuracies in our internal dialogue (which we all share) is a good starting point. In that example, just asking whether this was true the first time, helped to access more information which gives a broader, more factual picture of the clients financial situation. Had the coach not probed further, both the coach and the client would continue with the same story-line of the client being completely broke a story which is factually false, emotionally upsetting and preventing the client from taking effective action by exploring the facts and the options and choices that exist. Here is another example: Client: I have a book inside me that wants to be written but I am having a tough time getting started. I have the title and an outline, but I just cant seem to stay motivated to start writing the content. Coach: Thats terrific! It sounds as though youve actually made a lot of progress, with a concept, title and an outline, so Id like to acknowledge you for that. Tell me more about your thoughts around staying motivated to continue your writing. Client: Honestly, I think Im just lazy. I really love relaxing, dreaming and sleeping! Coach: Are you lazy? Is this true? Client: It must be true. My mother ran a shop, worked hard and used to tell my sisters and I all the time when we were growing up, how lazy we were. Coach: OK. So its true that your mother said this. Do we know for sure that this is true? What does lazy mean to you? Client: Lazy to me, is someone who doesnt work at all or if they do, not very hardsomeone who doesnt take action to progress, learn or grow. Coach: Ok. So how does this apply to you?
Client: I hold a full time job, Im busy raising two children, Ive found time to earn a masters degree and now have ambitions of writing a book. Coach: Excellent. Among many other things I know about you! So what are you noticing here? Client: I never thought about it before. Its just something Ive always heard in my head, my mothers voice, telling me Im lazy! Remaining open and coaching from a curious, neutral place, unattached to outcomes helps us to identify those statements that may need further exploring. Questioning whats true can provide added insight and assist in the realization that this thought may no longer be serving the client. After we raise awareness, we can work with our clients to help them become more conscious of their internal dialogue and challengers of their thoughts. In this way, we can assist in moving clients from negative to positive or disempowered to empowered states, replacing fear or paralysis with action in alignment with truth.
References OBrien, Soledad; Top 10 quotes from the PRSA International Conference http://www.empowermm.com/blog1/word-of-mouth/top-10-quotes-from-the-prsainternational-conference/ Tolle, Eckhart 2008, A New Earth- Awakening to Your Lifes Purpose, Penguin Group, NY, NY Katie, Byron & Mitchell, Stephen 2002, Loving What Is Four Questions that Can Change Your Life, Three Rivers Press, NY, NY

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Power Tool Assessment Name: Jamie McKenna Date: July 17, 2012 Student ID: 246902 Email: jsmma3@aol.

Power Tool: Facts vs. Stories Jamie McKenna CPCP

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