The Trading of Skin Chapter 4 Sieidi Oavns strength began to return over the course of the next day,

, but Lieis condition did not seem to improve any. Every time Jask would emerge from her room, and Oavn would ask after her, his mother would simply shake her head and give him an unhappy look. He wanted to see Liei for himself, but because of the new rule that Jask had imposed on him and Didu, that wasnt going to happen anytime soon. When nightfall settled in for a second time since Lieis arrival in Anr, Jask left the girls side to have a serious discussion with her sons. Oavn couldnt recall ever having seen his mother look so haggard. The fever refuses to break, and I can see no reason why it persists. Her wound doesnt appear to be infected, she said. Is it because of my blood then? Oavn asked. Jask shook her head. Not directly or she would be dead already. No, theres more to it, but Im afraid I dont have enough of your fathers knowledge or skill to figure out what that is. Ive tried everything I could think of. We have only one more chance. We have to make a special plea to the gods to let her live. We need to offer them a sacrifice. Didu finally joined in on the discussion. What sort of sacrifice? How? Where? I want both of you to go to the closest sieidi, and make an offering of this... She pulled out an ornate pouch, one made from reindeer leather and sinew and decorated with antler beads. She passed it to Didu. Its the most precious thing I have to give, other than one of you, and you know Id never agree to that. Didu held the pouch tentatively, frowning. Oavn gaped at her. Fathers ashes? he said. Why would you be willing to trade that for a girl you barely know? Shes no ordinary girl, and your father would have wanted it this way thats all Im willing to tell you. Jask pressed Didus fingers tightly around the pouch.

Why the closest sieidi? he asked, casting a sour glance towards Oavn. Its dedicated to Laib Olmai. I thought you were appealing to Maadteraahka? Why not take this to her sivu her sacred hill. Its closer. Or better yet, why not the family Storjunkare? Because that sieidi is special to me, and it was special to Osku, which will make the sacrifice of his ashes more meaningful. And because Lieis people are closest to Laib Olmai, and this is for her. Weve tried calling upon Maadteraahka. She wouldnt listen. This is the only way. Oavn watched the conflict between his mother and his brother with curiosity. While Didu had yet to refuse Jask outright, he continued to throw out challenges to her demands. Oavn wasnt sure if his brother considered using their fathers ashes in such a way a waste or an offence, or if he just objected to making the appeal to Laib Olmai. It seemed a strange choice to Oavn as well, but his mother had her reasons. If its so special to you, then why dont you go? Why dont you make the offering? Didu loosened his hold on the pouch, cradling it carefully in his hand. Why both of us? Jask pursed her lips. You know why for the same reason I cant take the noaidi oath. Im spirit-bound, which means I cant commit my soul to the gods while I still live. Your prayers will have a greater impact than mine. And thats another reason why I want you both to go. The pleas of two will have a better likelihood of reaching Laib Olmai than those of one. You do know the prayers? Didu wrinkled his nose, as if insulted. Of course I know the prayers; I say them every morning and every evening the way a proper noaidi should. Why do you think the people of Anr have such good fortune at the hunt? Good, good youll go then. When Didu had gone off to bed for the night, Jask took Oavn aside. I wanted you to go with him for another reason, she told him. Didu knows all the prayers, and you probably dont, but I want you to speak to Laib Olmai in your own way. Hes more likely to hear and respond to you than he is to Didu. Oavn wasnt sure why his mother felt that way, but he was willing to do anything his mother believed would improve Lieis chances of survival, if only so he could see her again for a little while before returning her safely to her family. The travel time would also give him more opportunity to speak alone with his brother. Oavn wondered if Didu had thought any more on the conversation between Jask and Heaibmu, and what, in particular, it meant for them.

They rose early as it was a fair trek to the sieidi. Laib Olmais worshipping stones were required to be surrounded by nature and well away from any human settlement. Oavn was forced to wait on Didu, who insisted on saying his usual prayers at the village seita before they went on their way, despite the fact that their trip was a pilgrimage of sorts. Oavn and Didu walked in silence at first, Didu brooding over the necessity of the trip and Oavns thoughts all on Liei. Eventually, Oavn wanted to get his brother talking, but he figured if he began breaching the silence with more about Heaibmu and Rana, it would only guarantee a negative response. Instead, he initiated the conversation with things closer to home. Mother said this sieidi was special to her and Father. Do you know why? Didu wouldnt look at him, staring straight ahead as he walked. Im surprised she never shared the tale with you, but I suppose it was too painful for her, after Fathers death. That sieidi is where they first met. Oavn gave him a funny look. Why? What were they doing there? I dont know about Mother, she never told me. She simply said that Laib Olmai had guided her way. But Father was there because the hunters of Anr wanted to go on a bear hunt, and you know that there is a special ceremony required for that, because bears are sacred animals. Father had been at the sieidi chanting the joik and his free soul had transcended to the saivo when Mother arrived at the worshipping stone. Oavn was aware that his mother had never been able to perform that type of ritual because her free soul had been bound by magic to her body that was why she had never been able to properly assume the role of noaidi when his father had died. She could chant the joik, but could never access the saivo, the place where the gods and the spirits of men and women could exist together and work at improving the fates of the Sami people. Transcending to the saivo was required to take the oath. Jask would never be able to travel to the saivo until she died, and could then rejoin Osku there. Osku had travelled to the saivo many times before his death and had been considered an expert in the ways of the free soul. Neither Didu nor Oavn had ever attempted to transcend their bodies because it was known to be very dangerous if you werent ready for it. If you had not established a sense of harmony between your free soul and your body soul, if you did not truly understand who you were, you might not be able to find your way back to your body and your free soul would never return from saivo. Oavn was certain he did not know himself well enough to try it and now that he knew his parents had been keeping secrets from him, he held them accountable for this to some degree. Didu had been set to take his oath when Rana had

turned him away. The rejection had destroyed his confidence and he had decided his oath would wait. Oavn remembered the occasion well. Heaibmu had been angry with Didu when the young man had changed his mind about taking the oath. The chieftain hated the fact that he had to rely on Jask to fill the role of noaidi while waiting for a proper spiritual leader. That fact amused Oavn somewhat. If Heaibmu had withheld his reservations and allowed Rana and Didu to marry instead of poisoning his daughters love with secrets, he would have his proper noaidi by now. Instead, he was forced to remain dependant on Jask, a victim of his own pride and prejudice, and in the process he had made at least three other people miserable. After Didus recounting of this morsel of family history, the brothers travelled in silence again. Didu didnt have to tell him the rest of the story Osku had shared with Oavn the difficulties he had experienced while attempting to capture Jasks interest. He had spent months wooing her, meeting with her outside of Anr. He had brought her gifts and made her promises, trying to find a way to convince her that she was meant to return with him to his village and be his wife. Oavn hoped he would be able to remember everything that had worked for his father. The same methods might come in handy if he could change Heaibmus mind about letting Liei remain in Anr. Oavn would want to woo her if the situation would allow for it. Despite the fact that he had shot her, she hadnt looked at him in fear the way that the women in Anr did. When he had spoken to her in his mothers tongue, when he had first found her, she had even smiled at him. That, and he had never met another woman who had appealed to him the way she did, like they were in sync some way. Just like mother and father, he thought. Even though his parents were very different they seemed to complement each other in a very natural way, similar to the way a persons two souls were supposed give them balance. His father had been the spirit, a great noaidi and a strong leader, almost a personification of Maadteraajja, the god who gave people their souls. His mother had been the body, more rugged than his father, with the endurance of a bear. She was the Maadteraahka to Oskus Maadteraajja, but without him, she was lost ... a body without the soul. Suddenly, Oavn wanted to stop his reflections and focus on the natural scenery that passed him by. He liked thinking about the way things had been with his mother and his father, hoping to have the same kind of love himself someday, but reminiscing about how things had been always brought him back to the fact that they werent that way anymore. He and Didu had buried themselves in their studies of all things noaidi, trying to avoid their sadness from their fathers loss, but it didnt always work. Now was a good example, as they headed towards their fathers favourite sieidi carrying the dead mans ashes. Didu noticed Oavns lassitude and gestured in the direction they were headed.

Its not that much farther. If you are getting tired, youll have the chance to rest once we are there. Well say the prayers, make our offering and then head home again. Well be back in Anr by dusk. Are you worried about the girl? I am, but thats not what makes my heart heavy. I was thinking of mother and how shes coping without father. Shes not the same person she used to be. Didu grimaced and his shoulders tensed. Once youve spent enough time loving someone, you dont exist as a single person anymore. Take that person away and youre no longer whole. Mother is coping, yes, but shes not living. She gave up who she was to remain with father in Anr. Now that hes gone, were all she has left, and were about ready to start our own lives as adults. We dont depend on her anymore. We wont really need her once were finished with training to be noaidi. What happens when we have our own families and our own responsibilities? Well always love her, but I dont know if thats enough to keep her in Anr. I wouldnt be surprised if she goes back to her own people someday. Oavn didnt like that idea. He couldnt imagine his life without his mother. Then again, he wouldnt have been able to imagine his life without his father either until it had happened. Maybe Didu was right. Theres the sieidi up ahead, the older brother began, but then he came to an abrupt halt. His sudden stop caught Oavns attention; he approached Didu and peered past him. There were distinct signs of some sort of disruption by the worshipping stone. The earth had been disturbed in places, the ground cloven and spatters of blood surrounding the ruts. The grass beside the sieidi was scuffed and trampled. From all appearances, there had been a group of people there fairly recently and they had been involved in some sort of altercation. What happened? Oavn asked, feeling uneasy that someone had possibly disrespected Laib Olmais sacred place. Didu shook his head, a frown settling across his features as he strode over to the blessed stone. He crouched and touched his fingers to one of the mostly dry patches of blood. Someone fought here. The sieidis are supposed to be places of reflection and tranquility. They are symbols of peace. Why would anyone desecrate a place dedicated to Laib Olmai. This is madness. He sighed and nudged a clod of earth back into place. Oavn was feeling as dismayed as Didu at the state of the sieidi. As he examined the damage to the surrounding area, he was struck by a thought. Liei she said if her family got separated, they were supposed to meet back at the closest sieidi. They had been separated...thats why she was alone when I ran into her. They

were being pursued by spirit-hunters, whatever that means. Do you think this might have been her people? Didu glanced back at him, his expression grim. Its possible. Somebody attacked someone else here, somebody who didnt respect the sanctity of this place. If they agreed to meet back here because they considered it sanctuary, then they could have easily been taken by surprise by someone with no regard for such things. If that is the case, I hope for Lieis sake that this blood is not a sign of how things went for her people. He continued to move about the area, pausing and crouching in some places, carefully kicking at the dirt in others. If I had to guess from the evidence, while there was a skirmish here, those on the defensive did get away. There isnt enough blood here to suggest several kills and theres enough signs of movement that I expect at least some of them escaped. Troubled by the idea that if Liei survived her current ordeal, she would be facing the same danger when they returned her to her people, Oavn felt nauseous. He lowered himself to the grass beside the stone. Didu joined him, shuddering slightly. This isnt the first time this sieidi has seen blood. Perhaps in a way it is cursed, the older brother said, his dark eyes haunted. Oavn gave him a questioning look. He had heard of no such thing. You didnt know? Didu was surprised. This sieidi is not just the place where our parents first met. Its also the place where our father died. Sacrificing his ashes here is not as unseemly as you might think. His soul ascended to saivo from here a pathway he knew well. This place was one of the reasons he gave his life to preserve that bear. Allowing a bear to die at the hand of an inexperienced hunter without the proper ceremony would have been bad for Anr, but it wouldnt have ruined us. Letting the sacred beast die without proper preparations on Laib Olmais threshold, on the other hand, would have brought the wrath of the god down on our heads. Our hunters would have come home empty-handed and wed have starved. Our children would have been snatched away by predators. Animals would have come to our river to die, tainting the water there. It was right, what Father did, in spite of the fact that it hurt our family. Even Mother understands that. It didnt seem fair to Oavn. Osku had been one of the more valuable members of Anr, his loss felt by every person in their village, one way or another. There should have been another way to prevent the type of hardship the bears death would have caused, a means of making amends after the fact. He didnt actually die here. He may have taken the fatal blow here, but he lived until they reached Anr, Oavn remarked. I saw him take his last breath with my own eyes. He survived all that distance only to die the moment they brought him home.

I dont think just anyone could have made it the full distance. Our father had a will beyond that of a typical man, and he carried the gods favour, Didu said. They may have granted him one last boon when he met them at saivo, and they let him return long enough to see Mother again. He drew out the ornate pouch Jask had given him and held it out before him. I guess in a way these ashes belong here, body reunited with soul. And if passing them along to Laib Olmai will grant that girl you brought home divine healing, I have no doubt Father would agree to it. He could never say no to anyone who needed his help. Falling silent again, Didu got to his feet and, as he began his prayers, carefully poured the ashes out atop the rock. Oavn watched him, feeling a strange peace come over him, his first anxiety free moment since they had lost their father. He didnt participate in the prayers along with Didu because it didnt seem like the right thing for him. His mother had sent him along to worship in his own way, and that was what Oavn intended to do. Kneeling beside the sieidi, he placed his hands upon its smooth stone surface and closed his eyes. After a few deep breaths, he found himself aware of everything around him: the sun on his skin, the wind on his face, the earth beneath his knees. He could hear the rustling of grass and birds at a distance. This is what made him feel closer to the gods; not chanting the joik, not beating the meavrresgrri drum and not playing the fadno, the ceremonial flute. Oavn did not say his prayers because words were a creation of man. He felt them instead, the way one feels ones heart beating and ones blood rushing through ones veins. How could you hear the gods intent if you were too busy speaking? He breathed deeply for an extended period of time, until his flesh tingled and his mind emptied of all outside thoughts. He no longer heard Didus quiet, droning words anymore, focussed instead on what Laib Olmai might have to tell him. Oavn made a point of reflecting on everything that mattered to him right now - seeing Liei whole again, finding a way to keep her safe and discovering answers to all of his current questions, ones that had emerged as a result of stumbling upon secrets that had been kept from him and Didu for years. Prove to me you are worthy, the wind whispered to him. Show me you know who and what you are and then share that with others who need it. Make me believe that you merit my favour as your father once did. How do I do that? Oavn thought. Follow your heart. Could it be that simple? Didu had followed his heart and that had ended poorly for him, pining for a love lost and a faith shaken. Oavn didnt want to end up that way, scarred, bitter and jaded.

His connection to the sublime, to the essence of nature, was broken when Didu gripped his shoulder and gave him a gentle shake. Oavns hand lost contact with the stone and his consciousness returned to the here and now. He felt very relaxed and fairly certain that Laib Olmai had heard his plea. It wasnt just something he had imagined. Its done, Didu told him. All the necessary prayers have been said and the sacrifice is complete. Im not sure how exactly Laib Olmai is supposed to help the victim of your accident, but at least now the request has been made. Whenever youre ready, we should head back. Id prefer to not still be travelling after dark. Do you think it will make a difference? Oavn asked. I dont know if I could live with myself if she dies. Thats not for us to decide. Didu started walking the long path home. We can only ask. Are you coming? You go ahead, Oavn said. Ill catch up to you. I want to pay homage to Fathers spirit before I leave. I want to say good-bye properly. Didu said nothing and kept walking, not inclined to do the same. He wasnt prepared to finish mourning his father. He had too much sorrow weighing upon his shoulders to shed any of it easily. That might have been different if he had been married by now and possibly expecting a child of his own. When his older brother was out of earshot, Oavn turned back to the ashes on the stone. I wish I understood why you felt the need to keep secrets from us, secrets from the past that may impact our future. I dont believe you intended us any harm, Father. Im sure you only wanted to protect us, but what now, now that youre gone? Was it fair to leave Mother with that burden? I just wanted you to know that Im going to find away to make her tell us. I have to listen to Laib Olmai...I have to do what he asked and find out who I am. I want you to forgive her if she breaks her promise to you. Shell always love you. Oavn felt bad about speaking to his fathers spirit that way - some would consider it disrespectful - but he wanted to make his intentions clear. For the first time in his life, Oavn was ready to make a stand. He would confront his mother and demand answers. He would go before Heaibmu and insist that Liei be allowed to stay if she wanted to. He would follow his heart, just as Laib Olmai had advised him to do. And when all that was done, when he felt sure of himself and who he was, he would take the oath of the noaidi. That way, his mother would be free to do whatever she pleased. It was the least he could do in exchange for making her break her promise. Oavn dropped his gaze.

I love you, too. I miss you. I look forward to the day our spirits will reunite in saivo. He glanced over at the sieidi. The wind had picked up and scattered much of the ash into the long grasses that surrounded the worshipping stone. This did not surprise Oavn. Even if Didu had not heard Laib Olmai, Oavn had. The god was just making claim to what was rightfully his, an offering made in good faith. Oavn turned and was about to follow after Didu when he noticed something pale out of a corner of his eye. A swath of beige fluttered in the wind, caught on the thorns belonging to a small briar beside one of the patches of blood and trampled grass. Oavn approached, curious. He stooped and felt it with his fingers. Interestingly, he found a small clump of fur there, reindeer fur possibly, knotted, and slightly discoloured with dried blood. It made him think of his first encounter with Liei. Was this another sign that her family had been here, and perhaps fallen prey to those who hunted her? But the tuft of hair he held in his hand, although tangled, did not have the smooth feel of the hair that remained upon a tanned hide. It still had that natural, soft but rough feel of something that might have come from a living animal. Maybe the scuffle that had happened beside the sieidi had not occurred between two groups of people at all. Perhaps it had just been a handful of ordinary hunters, caught up in the chase and following whatever animals they were targeting too closely to the holy space. If that were the case, they would have to make amends for their indiscretion. The notion gave Oavn hope that Lieis people had not been involved at all. Thrusting the tuft of hair into the top of his gkti, he considered how they were going to find her family if after recuperating, Liei still insisted on returning to them. If they were even still in the area, they would be difficult to track down. The nomadic tribes that did not live in settlements during the warm season rarely stayed in one place for very long, especially ones who had travelled as far south from the Meandash River as Anr. Warm season was soon coming to an end, and the cold season would be upon them again. Lieis family would be returning to Meandash to settle for the winter very soon, if they had not already given up looking for her and gone. That wouldnt leave them much time. Part of Oavn already hoped it was too late. The longer she was forced to stay in Anr, the more opportunity he would have to win her over and convince her to stay for good. The rest of him just wanted her to be happy again, and if that meant returning her to her people when she healed, then that was exactly what he would try to do, as difficult as it might be. Standing up straight, he shadowed his eyes with his hand and peered out into the distance. He could still spot Didu on the move, close to the horizon. If Oavn moved quickly, he could easily catch up to his brother. Straightening his ill-fitting hat, he set off at a jog, calling out his brothers name to let him know he was coming. Then he shot one last quick glimpse at the sieidi over his shoulder. Laib Olmais words echoed in his mind.

Follow your heart, Oavn murmured. Follow your heart...