Taiwan Day 7, elbow, wrist and hand I was very proud of myself today because I managed to write out

some of the forearm muscles in Chinese. I cant quite say, ta daaa! because it took me a whole 20 minutes to complete the column and row headings on my grid flexors, extensors, radius, ulna plus the three muscles we were studying in the flexor compartment of the forearm: flexor carpi radialis, flexor carpi ulnaris and flexor digitorum. Those students who had done their pre-course homework quickly noticed that I had written down flexor digitorum generically, and not as the two individual muscles, flexor digitorum profondus and flexor digitorum superficialis of which this muscle of the fingers is comprised. They forgave me because two add two more muscles would necessitate another painstaking 15 minutes of me trying to craft Taiwanese symbols when I had the opportunity during the tea break when, like them, I should be using my tea breaks for the more important tasks of eating and drinking.

At lunchtime the marketing department arrivedhead of training, editor of their company magazine, a photographer and an interpreter. We sat in a darkened lounge and I answered questions. It was a slow process with much I fear, lost in translation. One of the questions had been translated for me as, As your observation in this time teaching experience, what are most common situations which need physiotherapy and

what normally cause those pain? You get the idea. Yet like me, you probably get the gist of what they are asking. I was grateful that the questions had been translated into English the night before by Victoria. Usually when Im asked about sports massage or physio I can rattle on happily for hours. Likewise with teaching. Explaining my motivation (not the teaching process itself) is easy. Its a walk in the park to be honest. But isnt that true of anything when youre I your vortex? Trying to explain this via an interpreter was like wearing flip-flops to walk across bumpy turf. But we managed. Somehow. The reason for me being here is to trial the concept of sports massage and the advanced assessment and treatments this involves with their Taiwanese therapists. Once the Oriental Spa can figure out how best to market this to their customers the plan is to roll out the programme of training across China. Its ambitious, given that neither Taiwan nor China has sports massage therapists, but both Victoria and the CEO seem curious and committed to giving it a go. I admire that about them, theyre willingness to try new things. After the interview, assistant Kelly urged me to eat some of the food she had brought for me. I had only had breakfast, two coffees, a small piece of cake and a fruit juice today, surely nowhere near enough for my appetite? Amongst the sandwiches were some filled with nuts. Not nut paste, like peanut butter, but chopped nuts in a kind of sweet mayonnaise. Every day Im aroused by some different culinary combination. I stood at the window eating a sandwich and touched the glass. It was hot. I guess with a temperature of 95 degrees outside youd expect that. Traffic was streaming past the sports arena and the workmen were still digging drains. Kelly brought me a magazine in English she knew I wanted to look at, about the development of treatments for back care in the East.

Inside the training room the therapists were lying on their backs in the dark and playing back the videos they had made of me during previous training sessions, their faces illuminated by the tiny video screens whilst their colleagues practicing foot and ankle assessments. One of the students gave me a box of kinesiology tape and two boxes of what look very much like trademarked K tape. She has asked if I will try it back home and see if it the same as K tape. It certainly looks the same, both in texture, extensibility and weave. I agreed to give it ago and at just 4 per box its a whole lot less expensive than K tape. They handed me a drink. It was green, frozen with cream on top. Im not sure what it was but it was very nice. I received more gifts: Calming candles with organic wicks, a Buddhist torch, a necklace and bracelet set, and yet more K tape (in pink and peach).

Then the photographer took shots of me standing uncomfortably in various poses and again when I was in the teaching room. Im not best when being photographed I have to say, but the CEO figured that as the author of four books, one translated into Chinese, it would help promote the idea of sports massage throughout their vast spa group. A student called Vivian had invited me to enjoy a Chinese massage as a gift and I have to admit I was really looking forward to it. The end of seven days of consecutive teaching and I was starting to tire a little. I had a lot of teaching materials to return to my hotel soVivian and Victoria came with me whilst I popped up to my room on the ninth floor. Only, with my tiredness, I pushed button 11 by mistake. Im on the 11th floor at Mo Mos teaching, 9th floor for my hotel room, and take breakfast and sometimes dinner in the hotel restaurant on the 13th.

Wheres Victoria? I asked arriving back at reception. She gone buy some food said Vivian. Victoria emerged from the on-site deli. Try it she prompted holding out a bag of dried meat. She took out and began chewing a strip of pigskin. Veree nice she smiled, trying to tempt me, Yoo will like it. No, really, Im fine, I said. Yoo must try it. Very nice food. Urged both Victoria and Vivian. It was very hot outside. It was the end of the day. So in the back of the cab I put what looked like a piece of flayed flesh between my teeth and snipped off a piece of sticky meat. Ok I had tried it. You want some? said Victoria, thrusting the packet to the driver in the front seat. In the Chinese massage clinic we sat in enormous chairs with our feet in hot water sipping mint tea. Then three very nice therapists in orange outfits dried our feet and

massaged them for thirty minutes before leading us downstairs into a cool dark room where, separated by curtains we were pummeled for a further two hours. Well, I say pummeled, I was fortunate because Shen, my therapist, had been loaned to me by Vivian because I was the guest tonight. He was excellent and seemed to find the challenge of my stiff back no effort whatsoever. Victoria and Vivian were less impressed by their treatments and complained of feeling bruised and that they had had their joints moved the wrong way now that they had learnt about sports massage treatments. I tried to explain the concept of a little bit of knowledge is a dangerous thing which they understood immediately. Many of the therapists in class have been injured from receiving massage treatments which have been too rough. The solution to any physical problem here seems to be simply deep tissue massage which is rolled out willy nilly. The students were all inspired by the concept of assessing a client before treatment and yesterday, the CEO was quick to identify the tremendous advantage this would give her organization over and above other spas if her therapists were skilled in assessment techniques and better able to design more appropriate treatments. Or not to treat at all, as the case may be. After my massage Shen requested a photo. Im not sure how he intends to caption it. This woman survived my hands or my hands survived this woman.

After the massage we walked a few streets to a local restaurant and on route found a wig shop, left over from the days when this used to be the red light district. When the Japanese businesses moved out of the area so did the businessmen and the women who kept them company. The wig shop, popular with these women apparently, now sold only human-hair wigs starting at 20,000 Taiwanese dollars (400). Victoria tried on a very long black wig with a fringe. It made her look 10 years younger but the saleswomen said it was not suitable because apparently, when you are as old as Victoria, you do not have nice thick flowing hair and suggested something

thinner. We werent allowed to take photos in the shop because the woman said that if people take a photo of themselves in a wig they wouldnt buy the wig. How this would help you if you actually needed a wig is as mystery. Surely a photo would be poor substitute for actually having the wig itself?

By 8.pm the three of us were sat in a noisy restaurant and together ate plate after plate of Chinese food, all of which was delicious and none of which I could identify. I

thought my nut sandwich was going to be the Strange Food Of The Day but it turned out to be my desert: bread pudding. Made with aubergines.