Dr. Horrible's Sing-Along Blog Script

DR. HORRIBLE’S
SING-ALONG BLOG
Music
Joss Whedon
Jed Whedon
Book and Lyrics

Joss Whedon
Jed Whedon
Zack Whedon
Maurissa Tancharoen

Property of

Dr. Horrible’s Sing-Along Blog
Cast of Characters (14 actors: 10 male, 4 female)

Dr. Horrible / Billy
Penny
Captain Hammer
Moist
Bad Horse Chorus*
Groupie Chorus*
Newsman
Newswoman
Moving Guy*
Other Moving Guy**
Miscellaneous
Musical Numbers
#1. Horrible Theme……………………………………………..Instrumental
#2. My Freeze Ray………………………………………………..Dr. Horrible
#3. Bad Horse Chorus…………………………………….Bad Horse Chorus
#4. Caring Hands……………………………………………………..….Penny
#4a. Heist Incidental………………………………..…………..Instrumental
#5 A Man’s Gotta Do………….…Dr. Horrible, Penny, Captain Hammer
#6. My Eyes………………………………………………Dr. Horrible, Penny
#7. Bad Horse Chorus (Reprise)……………….………..Bad Horse Chorus
#8. Penny’s Song…………………………………………………………Penny
#9. Brand New Day……………………………………………….Dr. Horrible
#10. So They Say…………………………………………………….Ensemble
#11. Everyone’s a Hero…………………………………….Captain Hammer
#12. Slipping………………………………………………………Dr. Horrible
#13. Everything You Ever……………………………………….Dr. Horrible
#14. Horrible Credits (Bows)..……….………………….……..Instrumental
Script Transcribed by J. Benedict

* Indicates a character whose gender can be changed.
2
ACT ONE
The stage is dimly lit in red light. Visible in the dim lighting are two rooms. On
Stage Right is Dr. Horrible’s lab, with a camera set up on a desk. Against the
wall sits a couch, and on the other wall is mounted a dry erase board with a table
underneath it. On Stage Left, a Laundromat is seen, with two washers in the
center of the room, and a bench against the wall. A screen is seen hanging above
the stage. As the house lights dim, the red light grows more intense, and then
fades to black.
#1 – Horrible Theme Instrumental
When the theme finishes playing, the lights in Dr. Horrible’s lab come up, and the
screen comes to life with a live video projection of DR. HORRIBLE. He is making
another entry for his online blog.
SCENE 1-1
DR. HORRIBLE (immediately as lights come up, evil laugh)

AAAHHHH HA HA HA HA HA! HA HA HA HA HA HA HA! So that's, you know...
coming along. I'm working with a vocal coach; strengthening the "AAHHH". A lot of
guys ignore the laugh, and that's about standards. If you're going to get into the Evil
League of Evil, I mean you have to have a memorable laugh. What do you think Bad
Horse didn't work on his whinny? His terrible death whinny. No response, BTW from the
League yet, but, my application is strong this year; a letter of condemnation from the
deputy mayor. That’s gotta have some weight, so, fingers crossed.
(awkward silent pause)
EMAILS! 2sly4you writes: “Hey Genius” Wow! Sarcasm. That’s ORIGINAL!
(pause)
“Where are the gold bars you were supposed to pull out of that bank vault with your
trans-matter ray? Obviously it failed or it would be in the papers.” Well no, they’re not
going to say anything in the press. But, BEHOLD. Transported from there to here.
(DR. HORRIBLE reaches off camera and brings into view a Ziploc bag with a
metallic looking liquid inside. He pokes at it)
The molecules tend to shift during the trans-matter... um... event, but they were
transported IN BAR FORM and they clearly were...
3
DR. HORRIBLE (cont.)
(DR. HORRIBLE suddenly changes topic, becoming indignant)
And by the way it's not about making money. It's about TAKING money. Destroying the
status quo because the "status" is NOT "quo". The world is a mess and I just need to
RULE it. I'm gonna...
(sniffing at the bag)
That smells like cumin. So, Trans-matter is 75% AND more importantly the Freeze-Ray
is almost up. This is the one. Stops time. Freeze-ray. Tell your friends. We have... OH!
Here's one from our good friend Johnny Snow. "Dr. Horrible. I see you are once again
afraid to do battle with your nemesis. I waited at Dooley Park for 45 minutes..."Ok,
DUDE you're NOT my nemesis. My nemesis is Captain Hammer. Captain Hammer,
Corporate TOOL. He dislocated my shoulder... again... last week. LOOK! I'm just trying
to change the world, OK? I don't have time for a grudge match with every poser in a
parka. Besides, there's kids in that park, so... Here's one from DeadNotSleeping. "Long
time watcher, first time writing." Blah blah blah blah... "You always say on your blog
that you will 'show her the way, show her you are a true villain'. Who is 'her' and does she
even know that you're”...
#2 – My Freeze Ray Dr. Horrible
As DR. HORRIBLE is reading the letter, he trails off. As this happens, the
Laundromat becomes illuminated, and we can see Penny doing laundry.
DR. HORRIBLE
LAUNDRY DAY, SEE YOU THERE
UNDERTHINGS, TUMBLING
WANNA SAY, LOVE YOUR HAIR
HERE I GO, MUMBLING
WITH MY FREEZE RAY, I WILL STOP THE WORLD

WITH MY FREEZE RAY I WILL FIND THE TIME TO FIND THE WORDS TO
TELL YOU HOW, HOW YOU MAKE,
MAKE ME FEEL, WHAT’S THE PHRASE?
LIKE A FOOL, KIND OF SICK
SPECIAL NEEDS, ANYWAYS
WITH MY FREEZE, I WILL STOP, THE PAIN

IT'S NOT A DEATH RAY OR AN ICE BEAM
THAT'S ALL JOHNNY SNOW,
I JUST THINK YOU NEED TIME TO KNOW
4

THAT I'M THE GUY TO MAKE IT REAL
THE FEELINGS YOU DON'T DARE TO FEEL
I'LL BEND THE WORLD TO OUR WILL
AND WE'LL MAKE TIME STAND STILL
THAT'S THE PLAN, RULE THE WORLD

YOU AND ME, ANY DAY
LOVE YOUR HAIR
PENNY
What?
DR. HORRIBLE
No, I, I, I love the, uh, air. Heh heh.
ANYWAY, WITH MY FREEZE RAY I WILL STOP...
SCENE 1-2
As the song is ending, the lights on the Laundromat fade out. MOIST, Dr.
Horrible’s evil henchman, enters the lab, interrupting and ending DR.
HORRIBLE'S song.
MOIST
Hey Doc.
DR. HORRIBLE
Moist! My evil, moisture buddy. What's going on?
MOIST
Life of crime. Got your mail.
(MOIST hands DR. HORRIBLE a stack of soggy mail. He goes and sits on the
couch.)
DR. HORRIBLE
Hey, didn't you, uh, didn't you go on a date last night? Conflict Diamond told me you
were doubling with Bait'N'Switch.
MOIST
Yeah...
DR. HORRIBLE
Yeah?
5
MOIST
It was alright. I kinda thought I was supposed to end up with Bait, but...
DR. HORRIBLE
I hear ya. I saw Penny today.
MOIST
You talk to her?
DR. HORRIBLE (rifling through his mail)

So close. I'm just a few weeks away from real, audible, connection. I'm gonna ask... Oh
my god!
MOIST
Is that from the League?
DR. HORRIBLE
It's from him! That's his seal, isn't it?
(At this, DR. HORRIBLE holds up a letter with a seal of a horseshoe on the back)
MOIST
The leader! Oh my god…
DR. HORRIBLE
I got a letter from Bad Horse.
MOIST
That's so hardcore. Bad Horse is legend, he rules the League with an iron hoof, are you
sure you wanna...
#3 – Bad Horse Chorus Bad Horse Chorus
MOIST is suddenly cut off by the appearance of the BAD HORSE CHORUS. They
are dressed in western attire, and the form a group around DR. HORRIBLE and
sing the contents of the letter.
BAD HORSE CHORUS

BAD HORSE, BAD HORSE, BAD HORSE, BAD HORSE,
HE RIDES ACROSS THE NATION, THE THOROUGHBRED OF SIN,
HE GOT THE APPLICATION THAT YOU JUST SENT IN,
IT NEEDS EVALUATION, SO LET THE GAMES BEGIN,
A HEINOUS CRIME, A SHOW OF FORCE,

A MURDER WOULD BE NICE OF COURSE.
6
BAD HORSE CHORUS (cont.)

BAD HORSE, BAD HORSE, BAD HORSE, HE'S BAD.
THE EVIL LEAGUE OF EVIL, IS WATCHING SO BEWARE
THE GRADE THAT YOU RECEIVE WILL BE YOUR LAST WE SWEAR,
SO MAKE THE BAD HORSE GLEEFUL,

OR HE'LL MAKE YOU HIS MARE.
YOU'RE SADDLED UP, THERE'S NO RECOURSE

IT'S HI HO SILVER!
SIGNED BAD HORSE
SCENE 1-3
As the BAD HORSE CHORUS is finishing the song, they are exiting through the
door. They say their last line and the abruptly close the door. There is an
awkward silence before MOIST continues.
MOIST
It's not a "no"...
DR. HORRIBLE
Are you kidding? This is great! I am about to pull a major heist. You know the
Wonderflonium I need for the Freeze Ray? It's being transported tomorrow.
MOIST
Armored car?
DR. HORRIBLE
Courier van. Candy from a baby.
MOIST
You need anything dampened, or made soggy, or...?
DR. HORRIBLE
Thanks, but the League is watching. I gotta go this alone.
SCENE 2-1
The stage goes dark. SCENE 2-1 and SCENE 2-2 are all pre-recorded, and so are
projected on the screen. When the screen illuminates, we see PENNY on the
sidewalk, holding a clipboard and attempting to hand out fliers, though no one
takes them.
7
#4 – Caring Hands Penny
PENNY
WILL YOU LEND A CARING HAND,
TO SHELTER THOSE WHO NEED IT?
ONLY HAVE TO SIGN YOUR NAME
DON'T EVEN HAVE TO READ IT.
WOULD YOU HELP?
No? How 'bout you?
#4a – Heist Incidental Instrumental
SCENE 2-2
The scene shifts, revealing DR. HORRIBLE in his BILLY persona. He has a duffel
bag and looks down the alley to see a van parked outside a building. He pulls out
a receiver that will allow him to remote control and throws it towards the van.
The receiver attaches itself to the van. BILLY pulls out the remote control and
activates the receiver. As he's looking at the remote control, PENNY walks up
behind him, singing a bar from “CARING HANDS”.
PENNY
WILL YOU LEND A CARING HAN-...
BILLY (startled)
Ah! Aaah!
PENNY (startled from BILLY’s reaction)

Oh, oh!
BILLY
Ah! Ah! Hah! What?
PENNY
I, I was wondering if I could just... Hey, I know you!
BILLY
Hello. You know me? Cool. I mean, yeah, you do. Do you?
PENNY
From the Laundromat?
BILLY (absentmindedly, and then flustered, and then “suave”)

Wednesdays and Saturdays, except twice last month you skipped the weekend. Or, if that
was you. It could have been somebody else. I mean, I've seen you. Billy is my name.
8
PENNY
I'm Penny.
(PENNY notices that BILLY doesn’t really look up from his “phone”)
What are you doing?
BILLY
Texting. It’s very important or I would stop. What are you doing?
PENNY
Actually I’m out here volunteering for the Caring Hands Homeless Shelter. Can you
spare a minute?
BILLY (glancing at the van)

Ummm... OK, go.
PENNY
OK, umm, we’re hoping to open up a new location soon, expand our efforts. There’s this
great building nearby that the city is just going to demolish and turn into a parking lot,
but if we get enough signatures...
BILLY (condescendingly)
Signatures? *pfft*
PENNY
Yeah.
BILLY
I'm sorry, go on.
PENNY
I was saying, um, maybe we could get the city to donate the building to our cause. We
would be able to provide 250 new beds,
(BILLY starts becoming distracted by the beeping on his remote control)
Get people off the streets and into job training so they could... buy rocket packs and go to
the moon and become... florists... You’re not really interested in the homeless, are you?
BILLY
No, I am. But they’re a symptom. You’re treating a symptom and the disease rages on,
consumes the human race. The fish rots from the head as they say. So my thinking is why
not cut off the head?
9
PENNY
Of the human race?
BILLY
It's not a... perfect... metaphor. But I'm talking about an overhaul of the system. Putting
the power in... DIFFERENT... hands.
PENNY
I'm all for that... this petition is about the building...
BILLY
I'd love to sign.
PENNY
Thank you.
BILLY
Sorry I... I come on strong.
PENNY
But you signed.
BILLY
Wouldn’t want to turn my back on a fellow laundry person...
PENNY
Well if WE can’t stick together I don’t... I’ll probably see you there.
(As PENNY is speaking, BILLY notices that the Wonderflonium is being

transported to the van.)
BILLY
No, I will, I'll...
(BILLY turns around and notices that PENNY has gone.)
She talked to me. Why did she talk to me now? Maybe I should...
#5 – A Man’s Gotta Do Dr. Horrible, Penny, Captain Hammer
BILLY considers whether or not he should go talk to PENNY, but his need to join
the Evil League of Evil overpowers his want of PENNY, and he decides to carry out his
plan. Partway through his lines, BILLY stoops down, and a second later remerges as DR.
HORRIBLE.
10
BILLY
A MAN'S GOTTA DO WHAT A MAN'S GOTTA DO,

DON'T PLAN THE PLAN IF YOU CAN'T FOLLOW THROUGH
ALL THAT MATTERS IS TAKING MATTERS INTO YOUR OWN HANDS
SOON I'LL CONTROL EVERYTHING
MY WISH IS YOUR COMMAND...
CAPTAIN HAMMER
STAND BACK EVERYONE,

NOTHIN' HERE TO SEE
JUST IMMINENT DANGER,
AND IN THE MIDDLE OF IT ME
YES, CAPTAIN HAMMER'S HERE,
HAIR BLOWING IN THE BREEZE,
THE DAY NEEDS MY SAVING EXPERTISE.
A MAN'S GOTTA DO WHAT A MAN'S GOTTA DO,

SEEMS DESTINY ENDS WITH ME SAVING YOU,
THE ONLY DOOM THAT'S LOOMING IS YOU LOVING ME TO DEATH
SO I'LL GIVE YOU A SEC TO CATCH YOUR BREATH.
DR. HORRIBLE
You idiot!
CAPTAIN HAMMER
Dr. Horrible. I should have know you were behind this.
DR. HORRIBLE
You almost killed her!
CAPTAIN HAMMER
I remember it differently.
DR. HORRIBLE
Is she... *ugh*
CAPTAIN HAMMER seizes DR. HORRIBLE by the throat.
CAPTAIN HAMMER
It's curtains for you, Dr. Horrible. Lacy, gently wafting curtains.
DR. HORRIBLE
Whuh?
11
PENNY
THANK YOU HAMMER MAN,
I DON'T THINK I CAN
EXPLAIN HOW IMPORTANT IT WAS
THAT YOU STOPPED THE VAN
I WOULD BE SPLATTERED,
I'D BE CRUSHED INTO DEBRIS
THANK YOU SIR FOR SAVING ME
CAPTAIN HAMMER
Don't worry about it.
CAPTAIN HAMMER PENNY DR. HORRIBLE

A MAN’S GOTTA DO WHAT A
MAN’S GOTTA DO YOU CAME FROM ABOVE ARE YOU KIDDING?
SEEMS DESTINY ENDS WHAT HEIST WERE YOU
WITH ME SAVING YOU I WONDER WHAT YOU’RE WATCHING? Stop looking
WHEN YOU’RE THE BEST, CAPTAIN OF at her like that.
YOU CAN’T REST, DID YOU NOTICE THAT HE
WHAT’S THE USE? MY HEART IS BEATING LIKE THREW YOU IN THE
THERE’S ASS NEEDS KICKING A DRUM GARBAGE.?
SOME TICKING
BOMB TO DIFFUSE MUST BE IN SHOCK I STOPPED THE VAN. THE
THE ONLY DOOM REMOTE CONTROL WAS IN
THAT’S LOOMING IS YOU ASSUMING I’M NOT MY HAND
LOVING ME TO DEATH LOVING YOU TO DEATH WHATEVER
SO, PLEASE GIVE ME A SEC SO, PLEASE GIVE ME A SEC
TO CATCH MY BREATH TO CATCH MY BREATH
Dr. Horrible:
Balls!
END ACT I
12
ACT II
#6 – My Eyes (On the Rise) Dr. Horrible, Penny
The stage becomes lit with BILLY in his lab.
BILLY
ANY DOLT WITH HALF A BRAIN,
CAN SEE THAT HUMAN KIND HAS GONE INSANE,
TO THE POINT WHERE I DON'T KNOW
IF I'LL UPSET THE STATUS QUO
IF I THROW POISON IN THE WATER MAIN.
LISTEN CLOSE TO EVERYBODY'S HEART

AND HEAR THAT BREAKING SOUND
HOPES AND DREAMS ARE SHATTERING APART
AND CRASHING TO THE GROUND
I CAN NOT BELIEVE MY EYES

HOW THE WORLD'S FILLED WITH FILTH AND LIES
BUTS IT'S PLAIN TO SEE, EVIL INSIDE OF ME
IS ON THE RISE
(Up stage left becomes lit and PENNY is visible, a homeless shelter can be
discerned from tables and homeless people eating at them. PENNY is sitting with
CAPTAIN HAMMER.)
PENNY
LOOK AROUND, WE'RE LIVING WITH THE LOST AND FOUND
JUST WHEN YOU FEEL YOU'VE ALMOST DROWNED
YOU FIND YOURSELF ON SOLID GROUND
AND YOU BELIEVE THERE'S GOOD IN EVERYBODY'S HEART

KEEP IT SAFE AND SOUND
WITH HOPE, YOU CAN DO YOUR PART
TO TURN A LIFE AROUND
I CAN NOT BELIEVE MY EYES

IS THE WORLD FINALLY GROWING WISE
CAUSE IT SEEMS TO ME, SOME KIND OF HARMONY,
IS ON THE RISE
13
BILLY PENNY
ANYONE WITH HALF A BRAIN TAKE IT SLOW
COULD SPEND THEIR WHOLE LIFE HOWLING IN PAIN HE LOOKS AT ME AND SEEMS TO KNOW
CAUSE THE DARK IS EVERYWHERE AND PENNY THE THINGS THAT I’M AFRAID TO SHOW
DOESN’T SEEM TO CARE THAT SOON THE DARK IN AND SUDDENLY I FEEL
ME IS ALL THAT WILL REMAIN THIS GLOW AND I BELIEVE
LISTEN CLOSE TO EV’RYBODY’S HEART THERE’S GOOD IN EV’RYBODY’S HEART
AND HEAR THAT BREAKING SOUND KEEP IT SAFE AND SOUND
HOPES AND DREAMS ARE SHATTERING APART WITH HOPE YOU CAN DO YOUR PART
AND CRASHING TO THE GROUND TO TURN A LIFE AROUND
I CAN NOT BELIEVE MY EYES I CAN NOT BELIEVE MY EYES
HOW THE WORLD’S FILLED WITH FILTH AND LIES HOW THE WORLD’S FIN’LLY GROWING WISE
BUT IT’S PLAIN TO SEE AND IT’S PLAIN TO SEE
EVIL INSIDE OF ME RAPTURE INSIDE OF ME
IS ON THE RISE IS ON THE RISE
SCENE 1-1
The lights go to blackout on the bump at the end of “My Eyes”. Stage left
becomes lit; BILLY and PENNY are doing laundry.
PENNY
It is so dumb that we have been coming here for so long and never spoke.
BILLY
I know, all those months doing a stunningly boring chore.
PENNY
I'm a fan of laundry.
BILLY
Psyche! I love it!
PENNY
The smell of fabric softener.
BILLY
MMmmm.
PENNY
The feel of warm clothes in your hands.
BILLY
So good.
14
BILLY gets a bag of frozen yogurt and reaches in and pulls out two frozen
yogurts.
BILLY
Hey, this is weird. I ordered one frozen yogurt and they gave me two. You don't happen
to like frozen yogurt, do you?
PENNY
I love it.
BILLY
You're kidding? What a crazy random happenstance! Here.
PENNY
Thank you.
BILLY
So how was your weekend? Did you spend the whole time hunting wild signatures?
PENNY
Um, actually, I went on a date...
BILLY
Get right outta town. How was that?
PENNY
Unexpected. He's a really good-looking guy, and I thought he was kinda cheesy at first...
BILLY (Interrupting)
Trust your instincts
PENNY
But, he turned out to be totally sweet. Sometimes people are layered like that. There's
something totally different underneath than what's on the surface.
BILLY
And sometimes there's a third, even deeper level and that one is the same as the top
surface one.
PENNY
Huh?
BILLY
Like with pie. So are you gonna see him again?
15
PENNY
I think I will...
BILLY
Huh
PENNY
Billy?
BILLY
Yeah?
PENNY
You're driving the spork into your leg.
BILLY
So I am. Hilarious. Heh heh heh heh.
SCENE 2-1
DR. HORRIBLE is sitting at his computer blogging. He is not visible on stage.

This part is pre-recorded in order to give the actor time to change (he underdresses in his
Billy persona).
DR. HORRIBLE
All right. The wait is over. This, my friends, is my Freeze Ray, which, with the addition
of the Wonderflonium I obtained at my famously successful heist last week... I say
successful in that I achieved my objective. It was less successful in that I inadvertently
introduced my arch-nemesis to the girl of my dreams, and now he's taking her out on
dates, and they're probably going to French kiss or something. She called him sweet.
How is he sweet? RIGHT. Freeze Ray. SO as of tonight I am in the Evil League of Evil if
all goes according to plan; which it WILL because I hold a PhD in Horribleness. See you
at the aftermath. PEACE!
(DR. HORRIBLE makes a peace sign)
But not literally...
SCENE 2-2
The stage goes dark. When the lights come back on, DR. HORRIBLE'S lab is
visible, along with DR. HORRIBLE. He is disheveled.
16
DR. HORRIBLE
*cough* ahem. The Freeze Ray needs work. I also need to be a LITTLE bit more careful
about what I say on this blog. Apparently the L.A.P.D and Captain Hammer are among
our viewers. They were waiting for me at the Mayor's dedication of the Superhero
Memorial Bridge. The Freeze Ray takes a few seconds to warm up and I wasn't... Captain
Hammer threw a car at my head. Not to worry though, because I'm…
(Cell Phone Rings with the “Bad Horse Chorus” theme)
Oh, one second.
#7 – Bad Horse Chorus Reprise Bad Horse Chorus
BAD HORSE CHORUS

HE SAW THE OPERATION YOU TRIED TO PULL TODAY
BUT YOUR HUMILIATION MEANS HE STILL VOTES "NAY"
AND NOW ASSASSINATION IS JUST THE ONLY WAY,
THERE WILL BE BLOOD, IT MIGHT BE YOURS
SO GO KILL SOMEONE, SIGNED BAD HORSE.
SCENE 3-1
Blackout, and then the lights fade back up. In DR. HORRIBLE'S lab. MOIST is
trying to open a jar.
MOIST
Kill someone?
DR. HORRIBLE
Would you do it? To get into the Evil League of Evil?
MOIST
Look at me man. I'm Moist. At my most badass I make people feel like they wanna take a
shower. I'm not E.L.E. material.
DR. HORRIBLE
Killing's not elegant or creative. It's not my style.
MOIST
You've got more than enough evil hours to get into the Henchman's Union.
DR. HORRIBLE
*PSSH* I'm not a henchman. I'm Dr. Horrible; I've got a PhD in Horribleness.
17
MOIST
Is that the new catchphrase?
DR. HORRIBLE
I deserve to get in; you know I do. But killing?
MOIST
Hourglass says she knows a kid in Iowa, grows up to be President. That'd be... big.
DR. HORRIBLE
I'm not gonna kill a little kid.
MOIST
Smother an old lady!
DR. HORRIBLE
Do I even know you?!
SCENE 4-1
Blockout. The screen lights up and we see DR. HORRIBLE practicing his evil
laugh; this will give the actor time to change from DR. HORRIBLE to BILLY. BILLY and
PENNY are sitting on top of the laundry machines eating frozen yogurt.
BILLY
I just, you know, really think I'm qualified for this job, and, I just can't get my foot in the
door.
PENNY
I'm sure you will.
BILLY
I wanna do great things, you know? I wanna be an achiever, like Bad Horse.
PENNY
The Thoroughbred of Sin?
BILLY
I meant Gandhi.
PENNY
Well, I've gotten turned down from plenty of jobs. Even fired a few times.
BILLY
I can't imagine anybody firing you.
18
PENNY
Neither could I. Now I can visualize it really well. But you know, everything happens...
Billy: (interrupting)
Don't say for a reason.
PENNY
No, I'm just saying that, everything happens.
BILLY
Not to me.
#8 – Penny’s Song Penny
PENNY
HERE'S A STORY OF A GIRL,
WHO GREW UP LOST AND LONELY,
THINKIN' LOVE WAS FAIRY TALE,
AND TROUBLE WAS MADE ONLY FOR ME.
EVEN IN THE DARKNESS,

EVERY COLOR CAN BE FOUND,
AND EVERY DAY OF RAIN BRINGS WATER
FLOWING TO THINGS GROWING IN THE GROUND.
(PENNY gets up and walks to the bench; BILLY follows.)
GRIEF REPLACED WITH PITY,

FOR A CITY BARELY COPING,
DREAMS ARE EASY TO ACHIEVE
IF HOPE IS ALL I'M HOPING TO BE.
ANYTIME YOUR HURT THERE'S ONE WHO HAS IT WORSE AROUND

AND EVERY DROP OF RAIN WILL KEEP YOU GROWING
SEEDS YOU'RE SOWING IN THE GROUND.
SO, KEEP YOUR HEAD UP, BILLY BUDDY.
SCENE 4-2
By this point, BILLY and PENNY are both seated on the bench. They go for a kiss,
but then PENNY decides against it.
PENNY
It's like Captain Hammer's always saying.
19
BILLY
*Pssh* Right. Him. How are things with Cheesy-On-The-Outside?
PENNY
Good. They’re good. He's nice. I'll be interested to know what you think of him; he said
he might stop by.
BILLY
Stop by here?
PENNY
Yeah.
BILLY
Oh, goodness, look at my wrist. I gotta go.
PENNY
But, but what about your clothes?
(BILLY goes to the washer, looks inside.)
BILLY
I don't love these. See ya!
(BILLY turns around and runs into CAPTAIN HAMMER, who has just walked in
the door.)
CAPTAIN HAMMER
Oh! Pardon.
BILLY
Pardon.
PENNY
Um, Billy, this is Captain Hammer.
CAPTAIN HAMMER
Ah! Billy, the laundry buddy. Well, it is very nice to meet you.
BILLY
We're meeting now for the first time.
CAPTAIN HAMMER
You look horribly familiar.
BILLY
One of those faces I guess.
20
CAPTAIN HAMMER
Have I seen you at the gym?
BILLY
At the gym...
CAPTAIN HAMMER
I don't go to the gym; I'm just naturally like this. Oh well. Who wants to know what the
mayor is doing behind closed doors? He is signing over a certain building to a Caring
Hands group as a new homeless shelter.
PENNY
Oh my god!
CAPTAIN HAMMER
Yep. Apparently the only signature he needed was my fist. But with a pen in it, that I was
signing with...
PENNY
I— I can't believe it.
BILLY
Congratulations.
PENNY
Thank you! Thank you!
(PENNY kisses CAPTAIN HAMMER in thanks. The buzzer for her laundry goes
off.)
Oh!
(PENNY goes to retrieve her laundry)
BILLY
Well, this is great. I wish I could stay and chitchat.
(BILLY attempts to leave, but CAPTAIN HAMMER grabs him by the shoulder and
spins him around)
CAPTAIN HAMMER
Well, it sure was nice to meet you, Doctor. You got a little crush, don't you Doc? Well
that’s gonna make this hard to hear. See, later I'm gonna take little Penny back to my
place. Show her the command center, Hammer-cycle, maybe even the Ham-Jet. You
think she likes me now? I'm gonna give Penny the night of her life, just because you want
her. And I get what you want. See, Penny's giving it up, she's giving it up hard. 'Cause
she's with Cap'n Hammer.
21
CAPTAIN HAMMER (cont.)
(CAPTAIN HAMMER raises his fists)
And these are not the hammer.
(CAPTAIN HAMMER starts to walk away, and then returns after a second)
The hammer is my penis.
(CAPTAIN HAMMER and PENNY walk out together)
#9 – Brand New Day Dr. Horrible
BILLY stands in place. An evil grin comes across his face as the song begins.
BILLY
THIS APPEARED AS A MORAL DILEMMA
CAUSE AT FIRST IT WAS WEIRD
THOUGH I SWORE TO ELIMINATE
THE WORST OF THE PLAGUE THAT DEVOURED HUMANITY
IT'S, TRUE. I WAS VAGUE ON THE HOW
SO CAN IT BE THAT YOU HAVE SHOWN ME THE LIGHT?
IT'S A BRAND NEW DAY, AND THE SUN IS HIGH

ALL THE BIRDS ARE SINGIN' THAT YOU'RE GONNA DIE
HOW I HESITATED NOW I WONDER WHY,
IT'S A BRAND NEW DAY
(Clips of CAPTAIN HAMMER beating up DR. HORRIBLE appear on the screen)
ALL THE TIMES THAT YOU BEAT ME UNCONCIOUS

I'LL FORGIVE
ALL THE CRIMES IMCOMPLETE,
LISTEN HONESTLY I'LL LIVE
MR. COOL, MR. RIGHT, MR. KNOW-IT-ALL IS THROUGH
NOW THE FUTURE'S SO BRIGHT
AND I OWE IT ALL TO YOU
WHO SHOWED ME THE LIGHT.
IT'S A BRAND NEW ME, I'VE GOT NO REMORSE

NOW THE WATER'S RISIN', BUT I KNOW THE COURSE
I'M GONNA SHOCK THE WORLD, GONNA SHOW BAD HORSE
IT'S A BRAND NEW DAY
22
AND PENNY WILL SEE THE EVIL ME

NOT A JOKE, NOT A DORK, NOT A FAILURE
AND SHE MAY CRY, BUT HER TEARS WILL DRY
WHEN I HAND HER THE KEYS
TO A SHINY NEW AUSTRALIA
IT'S A BRAND NEW DAY, YEAH THE SUN IS HIGH

ALL THE ANGELS SING BECAUSE YOU'RE GONNA DIE
GO AHEAD AND LAUGH, YEAH I'M A FUNNY GUY
TELL EVERYONE GOODBYE
IT'S A BRAND NEW DAY.
END ACT II
23
ACT III
SCENE 1-1
On-screen, the NEWSWOMAN and NEWSMAN are finishing a news report.
NEWSWOMAN
Looks like we're finding out what a true hero is.
NEWSMAN
The mayor himself will be on-hand to dedicate the new homeless shelter and unveil the
statue of Captain Hammer.
NEWSWOMAN
It's a good day to be homeless.
NEWSMAN
Ha ha ha! It certainly is.
#10 – So They Say (Perfect Story) Ensemble
The lights come up on stage. The lamppost is pre-set for the groupies. DR.
HORRIBLE is working in his lab on a Death Ray, and PENNY and CAPTAIN
HAMMER are in the homeless shelter.
MOVING GUY
SO THEY SAY CAPTAIN HAMMER'S BECOME A CRUSADER
POLITICAL, HE'S CLEANING UP THE STREETS
OTHER MOVING GUY

ABOUT TIME
GROUPIE #1
SO THEY SAY THAT IT'S REAL LOVE
GROUPIES
SO ROMANTIC
GROUPIE #2
HE SIGNED THIS
PENNY
SO THEY SAY WE'LL HAVE BLANKETS AND BEDS
WE CAN OPEN BY MONDAY, THANKS TO YOU
24
CAPTAIN HAMMER
THANKS TO ME!
NEWSMAN AND NEWSWOMAN

IT'S THE PERFECT STORY
NEWSMAN
SO THEY SAY
NEWSWOMAN
A HERO LEADING THE WAY
NEWSMAN AND NEWSWOMAN

HAMMER'S CALL TO GLORY
NEWSWOMAN
LET'S ALL BE OUR BEST
NEWSMAN
NEXT UP, WHO'S GAY?
GROUPIE #3
SO THEY SAY HE SAVED HER LIFE
GROUPIE #1
THEY SAY SHE WORKS WITH THE HOMELESS
AND DOESN'T EAT MEAT, WE HAVE A
GROUPIES
PROBLEM WITH HER
GROUPIE #2
THIS IS HIS HAIR
CAPTAIN HAMMER
THIS IS SO NICE,
I JUST MIGHT SLEEP WITH THE SAME GIRL TWICE,
THEY SAY IT'S BETTER THE SECOND TIME,
THEY SAY YOU GET TO DO THE WEIRD STUFF.
GROUPIES
WE DO THE WEIRD STUFF.
25
PENNY
THIS IS PERFECT FOR ME,
SO THEY SAY, I GUESS HE'S PRETTY OK,
AFTER YEARS OF STORMY SAILING
HAVE I FINALLY FOUND THE BAY?
DR. HORRIBLE PENNY

THERE’S NO HAPPY ENDING THERE’S NO HAPPY ENDING
SO THEY SAY SO THEY SAY
NOT FOR ME ANYWAY
STOP PRETENDING SHOULD I STOP PRETENDING
TAKE THE CHANCE TO BUILD OR IS THIS
A BRAND NEW DAY A BRAND NEW DAY
GROUPIE #2
THIS IS HIS DRY-CLEANING BILL
GROUPIES
FOR A SWEATER VEST!
SCENE 1-2
As "So They Say" ends, the light fades on the GROUPIES, and they carry out the
lamppost. The main curtain comes down, and the stage is set for the dedication.
As the light fades back up, the MAYOR starts to speak at the podium. A “statue”
is covered on stage left.
MAYOR
And in just a few minutes, we'll unveil the statue of the man himself. Thank you. Thank
you. Justice has a name, and the name that it has, besides Justice, is Captain Hammer.
Ladies and Gentlemen, your hero!
CAPTAIN HAMMER
Thank you. Thank you Mayor for those kind words.
(CAPTAIN HAMMER begins to read his speech off of cue cards, causing his
words to be cut off)
26

I hate the homeless... -ness problem that plagues our city. Everyone should have the
basic... You know what? I don't need tiny cue cards. When I fell deeply in love with my
serious, long-term girlfriend Penny. Wave your hand Penny. There she is! Cute, huh?
Sort of a quite, nerdy thing. Not my usual, but nice. Anyway. She turned me on to this
whole homeless thing, which is terrible, and I realized, I’m not the only hero in the room
tonight. I'm not the only one who's fighting.
#11 – Everyone’s A Hero Captain Hammer
CAPTAIN HAMMER
IT MAY NOT FEEL TOO CLASSY,
BEGGING JUST TO EAT.
BUT YOU KNOW WHO DOES THAT? LASSIE.
AND SHE ALWAYS GETS A TREAT.
SO YOU WONDER WHAT YOUR PART IS,

CAUSE YOUR HOMELESS AND DEPRESSED,
BUT HOME IS WHERE THE HEART IS,
SO YOUR REAL HOME'S IN YOUR CHEST.
EVERYONE'S A HERO IN THEIR OWN WAY,

EVERYONE'S GOT VILLIANS THEY MUST FACE,
THEY'RE NOT AS COOL AS MINE,
BUT FOLKS YOU KNOW IT'S FINE TO KNOW YOUR PLACE.

IN THEIR OWN NOT THAT HEROIC WAY.
So I thank my girlfriend Penny.

Yeah, we totally had sex.
SHE SHOWED ME THERE’S SO MANY

DIFFERNT MUSCLES I CAN FLEX
THERE'S THE DELTOIDS OF COMPASSION
THERE'S THE ABS OF BEING KIND,
IT'S NOT ENOUGH TO BASH IN HEADS,
YOU'VE GOT TO BASH IN MINDS.

EVERYONE'S GOT SOMETHING THEY CAN DO,
GET UP, GO OUT AND FLY,
ESPECIALLY THAT GUY, HE SMELLS LIKE POO.

YOU, AND YOU, AND MOSTLY ME, AND YOU.
27

I'M POVERY'S NEW SHERRIF,
AND I'M BASHING IN THE SLUMS.
A HERO DOESN'T CARE IF YOU'RE A BUNCH OF

SCARY ALCOHOLIC BUMS!
EVERYBODY!
CAPTAIN HAMMER CROWD

EVERYONE'S A HERO IN THEIR OWN WAY, AAH. WE’RE HEROS TOO.
EVERYONE CAN BLAZE A HERO'S TRAIL
WE’RE JUST LIKE YOU.
DON'T WORRY IF IT'S HARD,
IF YOU'RE NOT A FRIGGIN' 'TARD OOOOOOHHHHH
YOU WILL PREVAIL. AAAAHHHHHH
EVEYONE'S A HERO IN THEIR OWN WAY WE’RE HEROS TOO.

EVERYONE'S A HERO IN THEIR...
(As CAPTAIN HAMMER is saying this line, DR. HORRIBLE comes out from
under the sheet that is supposed to be the statue, and he shoots CAPTAIN
HAMMER with the Freeze Ray)
#12 – Slipping Dr. Horrible
DR. HORRIBLE
Mmhmhmhmhmhahahahaha.
(DR. HORRIBLE jumps off of the platform)
LOOK AT THESE PEOPLE,

AMAZING HOW SHEEP WILL SHOW UP FOR THE SLAUGHTER,
NO ONE CONDEMMING YOU, LINED UP LIKE LEMMINGS,

YOU'RE LED TO THE WATER.
WHY CAN'T THEY SEE WHAT I SEE?

WHY CAN'T THEY HEAR THE LIES?
MAYBE THE FEE'S TO PRICEY FOR THEM TO REALIZE,

YOUR DISGUISE IS SLIPPING.
I THINK YOU'RE SLIPPING.
28

NOW THAT YOUR SAVIOR IS STILL AS THE GRAVE
YOU'RE BEGINNING TO FEAR ME.
LIKE CAVEMEN FEAR THUNDER, I STILL HAVE TO WONDER,

CAN YOU REALLY HEAR ME?
I BRING YOU PAIN, THE KIND YOU CAN’T SUFFER QUIETLY.
FIRE UP YOUR BRAIN, REMIND INSIDE

YOUR RIOTING SOCIETY IS SLIPPING,
EVERYTHING'S SLIPPING AWAY. SO,
(DR. HORRIBLE grabs his Death ray from the platform and fires it into the air.)
GO AHEAD, RUN AWAY, SAY IT WAS HORRIBLE
SPREAD THE WORD, TELL A FRIEND, TELL THEM THE TALE,
GET A PIC, DO A BLOG, HEROS ARE OVER WITH,
LOOK AT HIM! NOT A WORD. HAMMER MEET NAIL!
THEN I WIN, THEN I GET, EVR'YTHING I EVER.
ALL THE CASH, AND THE FAME AND SOCIAL CHANGE.
ANARCHY, THAT I RUN! IT'S DR. HORRIBLE'S TURN
YOU PEOPLE ALL HAVE TO LEARN,
THIS WORLD IS GOING TO BURN! BURN!
(DR. HORRIBLE turns to a reporter)
Yeah, it's two R's. H-O-R-R, yeah.
BURN!
NO SIGN OF PENNY, GOOD,

I WOULD GIVE ANYTHING NOT TO HAVE HER SEE,
IT'S GONNA BE BLOODY, HEAD UP BILLY BUDDY,
THERE'S NO TIME FOR MERCY. HERE GOES: NO MERCY!
29
SCENE 1-3
As "SLIPPING" finishes, the Freeze Ray audibly powers down.
DR. HORRIBLE
That's not a good sound.
(CAPTAIN HAMMER punches DR. HORRIBLE, sending him and the Death Ray
flying back. CAPTAIN HAMMER walks over and picks up the Death Ray, puts his
foot on DR. HORRIBLE, and finishes "EVERYONE'S A HERO")
CAPTAIN HAMMER
WAY!
A Death Ray. Looks like Dr. Horrible's moving up. Let's see if this one works any better
than your others.
DR. HORRIBLE
Don't…
CAPTAIN HAMMER (Interrupting)

I don't have time for your warnings. You give my regards to Saint Peter. Or whoever has
his job, but in Hell.
(CAPTAIN HAMMER fires the Death Ray, but it backfires and sends him flying
backwards. The Death Ray shatters.)
AAAGGGHHHH! I'm in pain! I think this is what pain feels like. Oh mama! Someone
maternal! Get out of my way!
(CAPTAIN HAMMER exits DR. HORRIBLE gets up and looks around. He looks
over to see that PENNY has been struck by the shrapnel of the Death Ray. DR.
HORRIBLE runs over to her.)
DR. HORRIBLE
Penny! Penny! Penny.
PENNY
Billy? Is that you?
DR. HORRIBLE
Penny, hold on. Oh no. Oh no, no, no, no, no, no, no.
PENNY
Billy? Are you alright?
30
DR. HORRIBLE
Hold on.
PENNY
It's ok. It's ok. Captain Hammer will save us.
(PENNY dies. DR. HORRIBLE tries to speak, but incoherent starts of words come
out. He stands up, and reporters come up to him with cameras.)
CROWD (all struggling to get DR. HORRIBLE’s attention)

Dr. Horrible! Why did you kill her? Dr. Horrible! (ect)
#13 – Everything You Ever Dr. Horrible
DR. HORRIBLE
HERE LIES EVERYTHING,
THE WORLD I WANTED AT MY FEET,
MY VICTORY'S COMPLETE,
SO HAIL TO THE KING.
ARISE AND SING.
SO YOUR WORLD'S BENIGN,

SO YOU THINK JUSTICE HAS A VOICE,
AND WE ALL HAVE A CHOICE,
WELL NOW YOUR WORLD IS MINE,
AND I AM FINE.
(DR. HORRIBLE leaves stage to change back into his Billy persona, the lights
grow dim, and the following is the on screen: when Dr. Horrible is at the party,
changing his outfit, and going into the conference room of the E.L.E.)
NOW THE NIGHTMARE'S REAL,

NOW DR. HORRIBLE IS HERE,
TO MAKE YOU QUAKE WITH FEAR,
TO MAKE THE WHOLE WORLD KNEEL,
AND I WONT FEEL,
(BILLY is sitting on a washing machine when the lights come on suddenly for the
last line)
BILLY
A THING.
#14 – Horrible Credits (Bows) Instrumental
CURTAIN
31

Dr. Horrible&#39;s Sing-Along Blog Script

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Dr. Horrible&#39;s Sing-Along Blog Script

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Book and Lyrics

Cast of Characters (14 actors: 10 male, 4 female)

Script Transcribed by J. Benedict

#1 – Horrible Theme Instrumental

DR. HORRIBLE (immediately as lights come up, evil laugh)

(awkward silent pause)

EMAILS! 2sly4you writes: “Hey Genius” Wow! Sarcasm. That’s ORIGINAL!

DR. HORRIBLE (cont.)

(DR. HORRIBLE suddenly changes topic, becoming indignant)

(sniffing at the bag)

#2 – My Freeze Ray Dr. Horrible

WITH MY FREEZE RAY, I WILL STOP THE WORLD

WITH MY FREEZE, I WILL STOP, THE PAIN

DR. HORRIBLE (cont.)

THAT'S THE PLAN, RULE THE WORLD

DR. HORRIBLE (rifling through his mail)

#3 – Bad Horse Chorus Bad Horse Chorus

BAD HORSE CHORUS

A HEINOUS CRIME, A SHOW OF FORCE,

BAD HORSE CHORUS (cont.)

SO MAKE THE BAD HORSE GLEEFUL,

YOU'RE SADDLED UP, THERE'S NO RECOURSE

#4 – Caring Hands Penny

#4a – Heist Incidental Instrumental

PENNY (startled from BILLY’s reaction)

BILLY (absentmindedly, and then flustered, and then “suave”)

What are you doing?

BILLY (glancing at the van)

(BILLY starts becoming distracted by the beeping on his remote control)

(As PENNY is speaking, BILLY notices that the Wonderflonium is being

(BILLY turns around and notices that PENNY has gone.)

#5 – A Man’s Gotta Do Dr. Horrible, Penny, Captain Hammer

A MAN'S GOTTA DO WHAT A MAN'S GOTTA DO,

STAND BACK EVERYONE,

A MAN'S GOTTA DO WHAT A MAN'S GOTTA DO,

CAPTAIN HAMMER seizes DR. HORRIBLE by the throat.

CAPTAIN HAMMER PENNY DR. HORRIBLE

#6 – My Eyes (On the Rise) Dr. Horrible, Penny

The stage becomes lit with BILLY in his lab.

LISTEN CLOSE TO EVERYBODY'S HEART

I CAN NOT BELIEVE MY EYES

AND YOU BELIEVE THERE'S GOOD IN EVERYBODY'S HEART

I CAN NOT BELIEVE MY EYES

DR. HORRIBLE is sitting at his computer blogging. He is not visible on stage.

(DR. HORRIBLE makes a peace sign)

But not literally...

(Cell Phone Rings with the “Bad Horse Chorus” theme)

Oh, one second.

#7 – Bad Horse Chorus Reprise Bad Horse Chorus

BAD HORSE CHORUS

#8 – Penny’s Song Penny

EVEN IN THE DARKNESS,

(PENNY gets up and walks to the bench; BILLY follows.)

GRIEF REPLACED WITH PITY,

ANYTIME YOUR HURT THERE'S ONE WHO HAS IT WORSE AROUND

SO, KEEP YOUR HEAD UP, BILLY BUDDY.

(BILLY goes to the washer, looks inside.)

(PENNY goes to retrieve her laundry)

CAPTAIN HAMMER (cont.)

(CAPTAIN HAMMER raises his fists)

And these are not the hammer.

The hammer is my penis.

(CAPTAIN HAMMER and PENNY walk out together)

#9 – Brand New Day Dr. Horrible

Dr. Horrible's Sing-Along Blog Script

Dr. Horrible's Sing-Along Blog Script