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FCHD 2400 C. Beckert, PhD.

CONFLICT RESOLUTION IN FAMILIES OR WHEREVER

1. Foundation Statements:
a. Conflict exists when the needs, wants, and expectations of one
individual are in opposition with the needs, wants, and expectations of
the other.
b. Conflicts can provide opportunities for person and relational growth.
c. Conflict and contention are not the same.
d. Conflict is inevitable, contention is avoidable.
e. Most conflicts can be satisfactorily resolved.
f. Conflicts surrounding values are the most difficult to resolve
g. Frustration results from unfulfilled expectations.
h. Mutual motivation and participation are critical if a conflict is to be
effectively resolved.
i. Something has to change or the conflict will continue.
j. Negotiation generally requires movement by both parties from their
points of origin.

2. Personal Responsibility Questions:


a. What can I do to reduce the tension?
b. What could I have done to avert this conflict situation?
c. How have I contributed to the present situation?
d. What are my current motives toward this situation?
e. What are my present feelings toward my “opponent”?
f. What part of this situation is my responsibility?
g. What can I do to demonstrate support for my “opponent” right now?
h. What did I do or say to leave the impression my “opponent” currently
has?
i. How can I let my “opponent” know how much I cherish and appreciate
our relationship?
j. Which is mine to do: apologize or forgive?

3. Basic Rules for Resolving Conflict through Communication:


a. Discuss to understand rather than argue to win.
b. Determine the issue and stick to it.
c. Mutually determine the time and place for the discussion.
d. Alternate making points with demonstrated understanding.
e. Keep your voice levels down and hands under control.
f. Call and allow time outs when needed. Determine time parameters in
advance.
g. Avoid using red flag words or words which are not part of your usual
vocabulary.
h. Avoid prolonged silence.
i. Avoid making assumptions about your partner’s feelings or motives.
j. If this is a marital conflict, avoid all direct or indirect threats of
separation or divorce.

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