As I Was Saying To Henry Kissinger ...

By CHRISTOPHER B,UCKLEY

It lr> NO S!1;CI1:f.T TInltU TIfF: LAm :Snp] ruN Potter (I90Q-6c'))~ '1liITfhQll of t'hGsupl;;~b <!Wl:d wise UpmaJls.hip se~iesi' itiJ:d T were v~ dose. Milwy ffictlers ha~ ~r-!:~ived here asl:cing .m1" ad.vicc\vI.m !lt$pert to th<; game=some would say Mt=()fN3:m~ [)~~PP~:Jlg; .. lnth~ .spiiritofthe imnwctru 'Ptit~r; now eternalilly ~up'~ill the cclci'l,ti;1![6rmarnent"wc offer the folkniVioggmdebes in. the hQipr..s i~h£ wJ.d~ ,flIJ] Hlld. them us:eful

ci'O'sc m .. arl ~,~, tnd [:still f;all him Mr. R~di:~Howto 'be lORD ife;/~J: Maybe I'm Qld-filsl)i(m~ but th.u;jirsil-

na·111t' ill!!/f t}j,~I;~tla.l'{ ,dYiv.~$ ,mdJi1'tly, '1I)J at the ro;val

Wle'ICOmrrER·W:£RREN GaalJit land, ,aacieu:t

J. Ti#mey, of New YOrk. ,New'Y;o.-rk, ~[[tro-

dlU,o.;:cl cln~ 'Q~~!ti~mamh[y !III; a dir.lJ!er pru1y. pm,e,af N:am8 Th.epesf. him:se:lf fiJdeplE ittIDI: Sw:mame

Dllnp~ had. been ggiil1g: IQJjlj at l.e~th3bout~piBg. his VC>ttpai,. W~n, TIemey let himex-

h~l!llstbimse~f, th.e.1l$1l~C~1 (lo.ij.I)'te:reih (;!h,

you wetll!1 lh( actOir.

"ACl'Qr" '~$pl~noynoed disparagingly. as ~n"pi~tarmcr .. '" This WIl:SSW!~t~y

DIe SURNAME:DHlp

The ~ostf:[le.qtl.cntly asked q1Jl;cstionmnoems wlhic'O to di$pe;_l1~ wil'ht:M last n:JImc. when dropping thE nasne, The sores'tt

sign of the a.at.e~ dr()'pper ls the SUpu&.QUiS Surname H.\m;a.b]~. Cla:SSlccaUy: J r,t.'l'~ i,~t() ,Wa~rt'~' .Beatty (J.~d ]ntR,.NidWsQn.

Many a gambit bas 'I;omero grief this wac)'. Co'nttanwith

the m.ucih. dca:.ner 1 ifa~ . I

i~t-o War1'lmand Jad~.. c air' (Sc,e 'the CQU.fl:I~;[ W:anen Oambii~, bdow.J< Note fha,t the S~irna:me Drop sh,ou:td omy"bc eD'l!p:[0y:d 'W.ili1l'l'l!'IJ. du: .!?;ll'cn namlel$ rust:ii:l1i~cive.

The, COmn'ER· stfRHAMi D])o."

Our friend B, Conrad" of S:liu Fmllci~~B, ]5: OlE! "ficio.r!<l(illo oftfui~ f-edmique',

8.0 Jrm .all him D'IJl'Uid? I've lalMlm 1;!''!llfor ~o.years :l'tGl'W •• Wt"n

roUowt:d w urh: I iUSflIM,',.lifOl~ l:nt'tml

l¥t~1·I':I'n Buffett, '

While the !;\llt;st ·w,\:-;, fiunMi~~g·.

T~c.ml!.y l1!1i~hcd him off w1rh: 1 ~~isb Ibm! m:Qrt' I'bm~ flT liJ.iil!.,~ hk( mot,i(s.

G(~mdillL1 !]Sli;'r Tierne y will br fl\.m.iU;l:r to ~u.~ re;]dcr~. a~ rhe ~,JlI\,I.r: ntor of ·rhe fitm eus OU['- B ~1.:>:· Phly., Til e dinner guest l!; steered inm Tierncjls study OIl ~nW1 e prch:xt. Ly~ng m th·e OUT tli"ll}I' on his desk ~s al1. !l: -by-:nillch,g'loS1~y photo ofhimsc:lif. cSiglJlcd im lRfgc ~1~~tiC:ri.ng: '1'0 BIll I GhTES!' GU\]) ~ OP[l1 I~E-[!,:J'.p.--fr.

Ahf'l:f;II:ttdy: Teo WI Nt1,rM "R'!r'n~':I~, W IFm rrl~~'F.l'''r i!l.1~~·F:("f:1 ON- ]T.

P,QIJmIIEII.¥

oIBENEFll"WOB)

The ~(;>cnnd m n~ffrtcqut:!i]tcrmr i 8 dropp~ng d~c wf,~ng name. s. Bl~Ru~rl'rhal. (If'W3s~~img~on. D.C .. re ~e!ld)l gCH hinlself ~:r!!til!) a bi~ n~h of hrJ.t'Wlliicrhv 1m:fI(~Un,(·jnl; in a t[{)\'H:]ml restanrarrt dun he its a dose fricJ1cl of ·Pr~ts ide!] t Ctinvon. Th]~carnr.d hi III fflul tllplt: ·~~~hpoc:~ .. s ;I u d J.~ga~. hin~

intJo Ihl." ['il!'n~ of thon~i1 nd~ €If dolbrn. lBc waslasr seen ·G'ruvding in E1:!topc l!'ln~g!l!ito.

Cn'nsu]~ yVllt :101.::11 n~\'W'~ll1"P(~fS for gWrhln('C'.

FOR 1[·FJHENll I~I HE'NJEDY,S"'

- - -,.:---"~---- ,----------~.---'I

C\~·fl)~'l1bly IlIl'I:d("r fi'vkw. O~.~C thl;" 11r plus l~ltra of N;].me Drupping. This Ci!h'~b'"Ory has b~~omcrfoblc ml,UlC, 'I n Rencra~" proilJ;'.lb[y best w ~voi:d, pt'~~d]!llg 11 final ru1'ing hy the eom m]~t~c .. Bur il" ]SSot~~clt'i nwil: yn:1\1\oxrlttbJe. Somc~n id{']~ n(~~:

htll"'l'Vwijlg 'f--11;irl$ ft1Ju.~ me.Whl'll' ({.fie! /).1' rio Wclc,if:b 1/).1J1ll'

UN~\Ut.r<:

. -J Mud lQ iJau;{ ,('JIll with the Skal.tl'l kitls btuk iu #)I! ':rW; 1l'~J'~ lidwe' d~ s:omlt 'Wild stt1j:

ItO,!, l'd;S:

f n .Amc~ici1, cauticn must b ill (l:.''l;er~ dsed whn.eror~l Ol'lOfl!e d[Q'pphl!g. The correct stance: ~l> :~~.~~It wihUe 6.nc is dclJig~~t(.~d to be on IDci.nlJarerexDlswith fhCl:nyil]f.1:miJi~s @f Europe,. oneis

Id(}n~t'kn()'W' w~hJ'JFK,Jr~ isgoi~g around

.1. , l. ...J rJ' . .11..1. ~,

oare ..... cIJ'/!steu., .nies crJmtan:tty ,o'Orrowt:ng

T-:£hirtsfrrJmme., ,Mat,aoes: he d()lwith tbe.m?

SAfE

-fhm't ro"l ju:!!!! {utaro: .lbYl()U lnul Mariat (.Sor ,Su:rJlrullC Drop. atu)'Vc.)

-.1 {ll)tI~l ktl~w wIJ}·.ro;j'l is IJ,fJing (m!U:nd i'(.ln'~ dli'tlea. Hi"~ rQ~H/(mt(r

fi!cn:cly proud of 1~h.C .Revolntion, V ~ncJ ];'o:rgt, am (If Ri:ghtll~ ,~~. Th1~ republkOll.l troptr0.!tiv(;c1l!Wl! he: used '~o :ldvant:age. Av.aria:tlOir.l olfit. the; CQn.~ fru~ed C Om:lllLOnCr Gambit; h M< bee n

'ilfs,t lE!nCi,oUinlteif$ by: Ilh:iI,vldofif

IGtcn1 'W'Os in his first term es pre~idern'. {j'f·~ed In 0 'Iiflen d~~ter spJdltIeroo ~iih fnk wh~n he

wCI$ il'ilfCiduc~d to Mork T\I10'1n.

Twain. fbmoucs f'OJ nLS wrbOr O{l~ity,. ~5 shcU1Qslvslreni, Pemc~C! bit

Intimidated b¥lih za ,of

this e:;(·mJlit'OfY 1'I"ICif'! fir.st

$ilCOt.1i'I,~er WO$ 011 smo"ea!id r"IIQ ~jre. tan~j,$ I'Oter, at (I Chicogo oon;qlJet tar Granl,~heymel o~rn. T\!ICIln rs11~ em'bo.~ossed by their Ilrs1' face toftlce.·W'rnl

h<;,toni:5hied, GrOr'Tit not or/IV rem~mbe~ hlfm, bllt hod re;placedr his .6te~lyeyedgwe wtlh (] blt ()if (] twJI'1Iil;ile, Both vorccious $"InQl<e'l$, Q~~iet)cts!iirp, was. OOnr) In i1he~~$ of e great o19Or.

fQ!&! ,.o~J: II"fQ~P!'!\~i"q,l'i! ~~ Y:Q~l! toiu.i!~ ~tr.ll;!t.D! CA;LlI'Bfi!!I.:i!l!~;~]1i<1 ~ VlS]iI' ~1Ii!,WU~A'l!"~lZIg",,~~

Fdr those (Jt~s@s.sed 1;!wth q.uaOty.

cr~~J$\~:Ii.I,I!'Il~tr'.i'PI'IIf::<Jlii'djO·~"""""o\L~"'~h""1llf"""CDP"<!I:~JI..L!.~iiru. ~ .• ~tUG,~li!I.~~_~LI'IRl"UII!Q! -!o-ML_'~~ .... ~~_'.!lw.';(jg .. '~~,}::!""'f'" ~tID~J-I ~.o:4!I ~ OC" ... ~"'tIrilU"i. 'C!~U"'6Gi!!,l1 ~~I'.I'II~·'~ 4LW(:'QI!PO"$l~M~N'll!i\i~·W~~

" lr:eally fjJ'ish th'a.t6rother .hadn't turned Altho'rp into "petting ,ZtJ,(J.

Ch'll,rgi'ng tbe masses ten prJuntis,just to ,view

t· 'h' r _ "-'c:- -.U,,#' '. ",

'C ,e grave .. L2ones,,,,,,. .. ' ..

used with cff~ct by R, Atkinson, ll. British subject'., He lets it slip that 'he has just ,spent some ,qu:ality rune with_ the Prin.c1i of\iVaIles, Then he adds:

One minute you 'n:" mlHtlg !Jim 'Sir', (wd tht, ml'Mt. you're sfuffing a trumpet .t/o'«m bis t'fWI5t'I'S.

This can be adapted to American usage. P: Cookie of Lake-"'ine~ Connectieut, gets theball rolling' by serving his guests Pimm's Cups, then shrugs:

It's Of'II] thirl'g not to bow. It is ,our Amer£cQ'n bi'rthnght. But evm !Dougb bls Qsked me .to-rl!peatedly-l just carll bring myreif,to taN him Cbaries.

A. more modest apprcech is to I steer the conversaeion toward an apparendy unrelated topic; such as tanning lotioas, and then 00 casually a_ntlOli,l!noe:

Tbe Q.~,gmMQther has the meur remarkable skin.

This can be followed w~lth: Atld just betwecetJ' m. is the jolliest o/tAe lot.

Immediately re:b1!llke YO'lIlrs-eLf for na'll"]ng said this. and ~ntimat'e in the ~jj'fin~st terms that yo.U do not want the remark quoted in the ne'lill'8paper, especially since Ascot is. fasrappreach-

~lf]!_g. Finish w1~h: _

It qr;onid m,aketbi~!g~ in flu R.oyal En·dostln Jadmgd aqvk~Vtn;-d.

LISTENER: AboMt 'Who?'

RC (dis,lracud): Oh" .nothing.

At tMs point, Clements excuses himsdf, ~,earvil:'ig th(i magazine opened to an article: abQut Princess Diana.

RC ("t'Urning, wiping his eyu w.rtIJ tirs,ue).: C,a;l'll ffJit Yf)U

another? -

LISTENER: What did ym mean bytbnt?

Listenee's Inquiries can be £0]lowed with an ada:rnilnt refusal to discuss It further. A fe-w minutes I.ater, morosely interjeot: C()atdn~t'See ,(J thing at the fun:erl1l. lWlu directly behind Luti(U'Jf)< PtwtlPotti. Jus! my .hlm.

Other R'O'YAIa,

Many novice droppers pr~fur to, start off j nvoking 1 ntimacy with res Self If¥llty. Thet'e's £aiel sh~me involved, but notorictyshol.lld be im.put:ed to the LR[ in order to compensat,c f(l·( hisl her obscurity. T. 'Vitaer. of Bethesda, Maryl~nd~ an advanced game5,m.an~ began by using the following technique ..

So, htl'tJe you

ThePO~OUSDnm Safest of ail, since chances of centrediction o'r being chailleng'cd ar~ l11inimi.'l..cd .. R Clements, of East Blue Hill,. Maine, us(:.s this appr-Oilcl:l..

RC (looking up /yom magazimt. sighi11g I!mlvil'y): Thank Got!. is nil I (;(1nsa],.

L]S"flE- ER: Ab.o:ut what?

RC: That it never got out about us.

Mimcle. really.

' .. I

RC (with Ii hintoftlifi.cmre.fighting btuk, teers]: Nothing: Js.!Joultln'! havg bfiffught it .up i~~ tlieftt'~t pI4(t.

VARIA TIO lOPE I. GS:

I MMher n'ot to marry in' the firs! P"tc(!.

It's al .time'S like thil t!;at 1 miss btt" t.be:mosl.

1 really 'wish ,thal broth~ hadn >t turned Altho'rp itli() a pe:tting zoo. Charging the mmses ten poundx just to view' the greavl!. Hqfumiy ....

FOll.OWED D.lV;

Of C{nme, Fm no .f)121! 10 ask 1 did prtJt~ btally live there for a 'While.

I"¥',I

:>pmt murh time in Um-vig-GlrmJs.ltin?

The answer bci ng re]iably 110; he proceeds:

Well, if you ever get then. let' me Rn()'W andTlI arrange for ytJu to see Schloss ScMitz. F(ff my money. it'.s far .more dnimotic t'lm.n Mod Ludwig's de$pmUe attempt OJ,t attention -getling, and yet it I1:Itmagt!'s to be :so-I don ~tkrlqw-<Jemtidkh at the same timt. "

\lV"ddeT has put several balls in play si.muhiililcously: his o,wliJ access to' the

L I ......... IR .... I

.. If"" ""lttt. d .. ! tJ,.. U,l< ... :r ~. ii:w ,,'01'<1. <!. rudilDOD' W}' G~iIII. ''t'!t'ilciN i~JDplofl dl.e TeuKi,nk t:t.:.da:l',Q.f~ 'lin r!MC fir l!iiNI1&~ iill~iflifi~ ~ .. ...:r----wt.~ "'IlI~ Ggll!li!H ,Ii'r i~, fop.fok'_ J", .. _,diO.~r· ,(dlllltii"'l 't" _II) -'1"'" ,hu'. il. p.,_"ti4 rut.ll\ ...... ~ ... '

notional castle, aswell as the listel1iers Uimia.miliaiity\vith Europeangeography <lind ·oon~rsariolfJ!a1! Gurnan.c

Listenernow on the d.e:f~nsJve 01:11 seeeral frotnlS;Wildeil' eonsinnes:

Thecrommt Gra! is ~!j. old. oldfomd .last of a lint,. dinct dtltmdtmt of Philip of Swal)ia~ one .of the Itss g~)ga Holy

shspen lump inside a glas$. dl$play case.'Vlitn a tempern:liU.regauge. De£tec.t the fim inquiries, then scmewhat weariLy allow as how It is the preserved heart of Goorge m,King QfE:_llg]and;

My wU~87,ga~gfeat~grnJ'l(l--

fatber ~as athrut Hale. !...ifis bmt.her,

"A.nyw,ay,. the Graf'is a dear old thing.

Givces us the run of the place every August~ Of course there are 236 bedrooms, so

it's Halas tbough w'sre constantly humping intattleD other in thehallw,a:y';"

Roman EmjJf!ro'rs, if yq.udbn 'I mindmy StlY:l11g; ImialJ Berlir~ W'ui' I~s1tJ If) get i,uo JUt}) fisticuffi O'<J1tt it ....

Wilder has deftly implied tha.t h~s V:~~W$ on rhe Holy Roman Emperors are controversial, cvenra:m$h.

.A:nyway~ the Grafis a dear oldtJJi1:W.

Gives us lh8 rw,~ o/.tbe:placuw.e:.ry.t1~t; Of .tOUl'S~ tJ;MT1! ti1~2J6 bednl(J1m • .sf) tts nOct as though we're tMltrmt/y bumpttlg i'fllo q~ch f)if)e-r ion l'he hallWay. ~ -

H~ m.ary now mO""e in fOf tni;; kj]Jl:

Anyway, if j@u'ttin the vitmity .. Jf;()ufd try ta fiiJ(i .it for you ta stick your head in and b4"W a poke' arrm~d. I'd mnmge f&r y&l~ tf) 11leet hi11l. bt~t be'~ a b#,you lmo'W,·formaL ..

'The DN'iA IDstuua1Jor

If no royal opening presents Itsdf,. stees the cOffler,silItion around to how you faint 1lit the dOC~Of~ (Jffice eVl;'cry time they take Mood .. Then:

Ijw.t gat .mother II!N~frfJm the Rus- 5i~'~ gClv~'tlHmt.:rhefre after me 1'0 giv'l? them a DNA sa1J'lpl~' So tbry am settle this damned (,futhtlltidty qUtlticn ~bot~t tbe czar'.1" bones. (Slghing.) IV1!: b'l?e~~ ign"mng t/;(Jm/(J'r m·rmths, Wldl, tIrey say .they only 1Ued a dnp O'r two ... J suppose lowe it fa tbe Jami';; ....

The 'CCIIDvea~tfliJna1 IOrBJECDVE C'oDemtiva, Leave p'fOmin.cndy displayed! iI mis-

m-y l!f!(2·t-:great-.etc ... nd«; never qui,/e flrgawe tht Brits for hanging him~ He iJroR.'e into the tamp a~~d~fmn,J..ed it, A IHtgrultJome, OMt 1 ca~~'t Vritlg f!lysdl ju:st t(;ll/~'Ue it in .the saft Jep()sitb~x. I mmtget ar'()~~1ul tf)givi'1g it bad que 0/ these days, e-xcept I'm tuU Mally SIde haw t() g() aOatl,t i/~ Don't let on~ i.t 'Wou1d o~1:y cl'mte: a Imge #ir.

The STAR atDd. BAR Extlrl;me care must be exercised here, 1Iisrnarry So:~dt¢:rn¢rswndw be :m~-t~ ieulously versed In. genealogy, Dis<lst~r befell P, I-laming of Athens, GiloJ:giOll., in d'll;; eoerse ofgam biting that he WaJ$ a d]f(lct dcsoc[ldarnt of Ge:nen~l Jubal Early, 9nly eo be rcilly ]nform~d by 80meO!l!e prc-se nt that the GCfi~l had. d~(ld withm.l,tissuc. Hard!ing .ooun:ter~oou:nJtered try sa0ng that the Gene.!:al had had ill liaison \!llJth a {b<l::J:I,l!,tifu]) faf!ll girl o'n the: C:\'1(l of the bllrde of Cedar Creek, and that the resulting lovechild was Hardinis gre,at~g;reat gtao_d{<J.!ther.

U.nfortfln1li.~c.l'-y~ this onlyi[lf111T1w present company as it implied morn]. ttJ:!:ptlJltd.eOIJ. the pan of ehe Confede.r<l!!(l. f,t()d~and. the ~\,(lnirn.,g ,(lrnd~d ]0 acrimony and remonserarioa ..

One Wily to flush out any gencaJo>gk<liU-y savvy S(JI;I.th(ltnc:rs is the Auto- Deregator Gambit .. Declare, in a VlJ']ce loud enoug[ll wc~ny the

Asch/GJ'lossbardt 'f im bii4id GoiJ:.Jewelry

WWW,·O$'O"'Q'O$$lOordt.eom .~ ·aoo·:;;::·~ 6·24$ 1

C'ol ... ,iilJu .. O!;i0 • 6k1,;1l6~1B46, 1.:&ilIM:2~2 w~ .... W.(liM~"<)fl(~()(~j,N!rom

!Q~~Jth~~!..~ ~11rj]!11:J!1~ ~.JQI~

Tile GBO'CRAPmCAt,

Preempt

btr~l:lI':!elJ ad'aptt'1lble. Can be: c:~Uy inserted inw imyIWl iome dinner ronve:nm:lion.

(VVith 'IlItmce o!anrtoyM.lC~) ii' ~~ il1' MI)H'lliCI) is jl~#' tor; l1mdJ. Tbr~ lilly! WCl11tJ be men: thon '~ll{JUgb. Rainun. Hgfl;';f~J .HomnZfJ:l1tmJj ,Rrt,mmovs( After IZ while, fme "Mrns to 6,t! anw7~g ordiinmype:ople.

Or:

(\lIl" .~. . " \ ,co" ,J

pdlJlll cxasFratw[I,I' ,,-,we ~(t:ly. at

Balmqr.allllmve ,only Ii) tnt«J; 41nW1"54- ti.utlQWutgrrnlSe.i~ me: OnIMOfbuhtf,1uf. r~n, ,d~ud ,/Q P,i~(,e'S$ 4tlTle:., <A.d.d~ng casuaUY)L'1rcyou going ~'I!' this ygar?

When a listener replies 'that he ]11 nor, nod sy:m;p .. thccica.Uy.~

jlrJ.t as ''lJJdl~ Sh~ telts me tIM sDoai-

• " .. IT .t·,

mg! ~i tQ'U year.

s; 1:.;0. 'DIe GRO.ftiC Parry

1 'I II.:! J. TttllLlennot! O'fLos. Mg-

'k '" ~ ~, eles has wf~ttcn seeeral

,aru~~~~.u mOf.l,Qgrapi1s oa COU:IIt-

r~ol.ll ~ ~ er St:rategics., Hi s

r i(il,~III,d ~r ,? ~m:tpppUbtrisclle Ki$$.~W!b'W Rc_:

Gum::sr:: IjlJ5t ¥f!rll tIN week.(f'lld with lIe'nry K'i:ssi'Wer ..

JT: Isn 't it ,exciting. his n~s'

GUEST! NrN:J)S?'

Jl': He didtlt menfiax/? Henry tJrm li~ io play ibis "asi: .fa his dU:rl,

Still, if IN /Nul)IrJu (tnt :/'Q tiN: Imllse, rm surpri.seR he d.ftJr;·t. •.. Well" its prt;(;(1-h1y for tbe best:

.. ~s I

':I~ ,. • ... \' 1lh'f'

mem, Qla:t'~t 1$ now U!l:I,- ,

:er;satly Q(mte~ed" that ~J. ~ti" e No ' r • ,.,

Swnewalf JaCkson was 'over- .. L.$,( '.

mted" as II smregi..sf. If' no one lI!P'proadltes: }''Ol\J.wim a .fire poker, rhen )"<iU may proceed. ttl dow as how this new sd!olaribip pains you" in$mll.t:.h.as you ·ate the gen'!O:1.'1I1 s ,g:teart~grooJt"n.e,heW'. The:~t ofrh'i<:; ~ning you may dellOrt:e to .refiuilingtb~ n~V' J ackso!O. !ldilQ~p.3·

ID Case ofEMERIGDCY Tbl!t's ((!1".tainJ" r2()t 'l:}~{lt Sp;;el!J,~rg mid ~J1e.

Capping hand. O!itel! t_b~ phone: It' tOt White House: Do YOll have lmot/ktT pl;fme lrouJdum?

l';rl~ hei:<ng st'ailt,i!d' ~,rIYS~f. ATUl/~t' me llit y;;u., it's IZ ddnm ,wisilm::e. ,iI