Professional Documents
Culture Documents
a paradigm shift
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Sustainable Bliss
S t o r i e s , G l e a n i n g s , a n d Po e m s
by
OLAM
HAZEH
Cincinnati Jerusalem Philadelphia
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www.PesachStadlin.com
info@pesachstadlin.com
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Dedication.
This book is dedicated to the great conversation of clarifying reality... To
the great f iguring out of the great whats going on. To the revelation of
Truth and light in this beautiful broken world.
This book is dedicated to the great designs which are rooted in the great
knowings. To the human tribe living in harmony with themselves and the
others. Out of all the inf inite possibilities which are available to us in each
moment, there is only one singular path which will unfold.
I dedicate this book to the path unfolding,
to you,
and to my Mom,
Miriyam Bat Malcha vYitzchak Halevi.
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Contents.
Introduction.
An Individuated Soul in a Flesh Colored Spacesuit
12
16
Stories.
Rainbow Country 22
Central America
29
45
Movin On Up
47
New Paradigm
56
High as a Kite
29
32
34
34
37
38
40
49
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Is Real
61
93
93
94
96
98
102
Senegal
105
Showtime
Kenyas Burning
Human Era
102
105
107
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Gleanings.
Change Happens in One Moment
Unhogtying Your Dreams
Sustainable Bliss
Closeness
Semipermeable Auric Membrane
Presence
Sit Spot
Jah is One
Allowing Abundance
Trick for Peacemaking
Love Pain
Surrender
Love Warrior
Self-Lovin
Nothing Just Dies
You Should
Say What You Mean
How Do You Do?
Master of the Center
The Medicine is in the Moment
Seven Spheres
Obstacles
Missin the Train
Why We Do Anything
Best Friend Truths
Empty Vessels
Whats Your Deal?
Apology to Women from all Men
111
113
114
115
117
119
120
122
128
133
135
137
138
139
140
141
142
143
145
148
150
152
153
154
156
159
160
161
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162
165
166
Poems.
Shades of View
Invitation
If
If We Choose To
Medicine Wheel
Invitation 2
You Are
Lost in the Dark
Path Divided
Truth Craves Nothing
Masters of the Human Race
A Mime Stood at the Gallows
Around the Candle
Inspiration
I Do Declare
Scruffy Man with a Face Like Mine
Smile and Breathe
Forces of Shadow
Your Regular Place (Space)
You Say
Hitchhiking Song
Go Further.
Acknowledgements
Not About the Author
171
175
177
178
179
181
182
184
185
186
187
190
191
193
194
196
198
200
202
205
207
213
215
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When
we amplify our
voices and send them
out into the ther, we never
can know for certain where they
will flow. I pray that this book and
these words are used for good, for
the enhancement of life and creation and illumination, for the
Unification and Healing of
this beautiful, broken
world.
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Introduction.
We are Here.
The few, the proud, the alive!
We give thanks.
Welcome to this book.
Welcome to the most recent moment of your life.
This very moment is on the cutting edge of whats happening
and all that has ever happened!
Let this book remind us of how precious each moment is.
Let it remind us that we are the master co-designers
of our precious lives.
This book is a thanksgiving.
This book is an offering of findings
from my experiments with truth in the forum of life.
The nature of real goodness is that
when it is discovered, it wishes to be shared. Thanks G!d.
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This book is filled with holy secrets, the kind of secrets that want
to live and be shared with everyone. Please take ideas that you find in
this book and go further with them. Books have been major allies to me
along my path and this is my way of adding to the written conversations.
The book is divided into three sections: Medicine stories, Poems and
Perennial Truths. Feel free, and feel free to flip around in this book and
turn to random pages.
Secret N o.1: the Stories in this book are not fully real.
If you have something amazing to do, go do it right now. If you
have any sort of love mischief to partake in, put this book down and
go do it. Because this book isnt fully real. Well, the book is, but the
stories inside are not fully real. They really happened. The old wooden
sailboat, the redwood tree-sit, the Miracle-making magical tortoise-oflove motorhome dubbed Mira, the missiles, the war, the white-haired
monk on the top of the mountain in Thailand.
And stories are so holy and such important medicine in this world.
They illuminate doors of possibility. But nothing trumps actually living
your own story. So if you need to go write a love note, tell someone the
truth, connect with a tree, or balance the universe on your nose, go do
that first. When you think youve run out of holy love missions, come
back to this book.
AN INDIVIDUATED SOUL
IN A FLESH COLORED SPACESUIT
I have found that most great truths come in pairs. They are often
called opposites or paradox. I call them best friend truths. These seemingly opposing ideas usually work really well when balanced together.
If you are only connected to one of the two best friend truths, there is
usually suffering. It is likely that the suffering we experience from being
out of balance is there to propel us into a balanced alignment.
For example: One of the great best friend truths is that we are all
interconnected in a great oneness and at the same time we are each
individuated. We are colors of the rainbow and we are the light. The
Tree of Knowledge and the Tree of Life.
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Introduction 13
So here I am. An individuated soul in a flesh colored spacesuit,
clinging to a wet molten life-pulsating mud heap thats hurling through
time and space, getting hip to whats going on. Getting hip. Hippies.
The spiritual path. Paying attention to how reality functions. Playing.
Experimenting. Noticing. Im taking notes, and on a good day Im
walking and talking with that knowledge.
Once upon a time, across a mighty ocean, over a giant mountain
and through the darkest forest, there was an epic unacclaimed race.
Millions took part in the mighty swim. I was there. I swam for dear life,
upstream against the raging acidic currents. All died except for one. Me
(and you).
At the end of the race, there was a great unification celebration
and a light that I cannot describe. After that, I was in a dark place.
Surrounded by warm salty water. All sound and light trickled and
bubbled to me in a filtered slow motion organic blur. Though I was
completely taken care of, I felt alone. I reached out my hand-fin and
felt an other.
My parents conceived my Identical twin brother Yoni and Me in
communist Soviet Russia at the height of the Cold War. They were
Americans smuggling in Jewish paraphernalia to refuseniks, Jews who
had applied for exit visas and were rejected, not allowed to leave the
country and not allowed to practice their ancient wisdom tradition of
Judaism.
When I was seven my Dad got a Winnebago motorhome. It had
an overhang bed that stuck out above and in front of the driver. It had
a bubble window. Id sit up there alone for hours and watch the dotted
lines flash by. I havent been the same since.
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Its good to hear stories. Every intact culture, recent or ancient, has
some form of storytelling. But sometimes when we tell stories through
mediums like the TV, the experience of the viewer is so deep and
convincing that we feel in the body like we have actually experienced
whatever happened in the story. The subconscious mind gets duped and
be-lives/feels it actually was just chasing a dragon or saving a life or
going on an adventure, while in this reality we were just sitting, motionless, staring into a light-emitting box.
Objectively, right this moment, you are holding rectangular pieces
of dehydrated tree-pulp with black markings on it up to your rhythmically scanning eyeballs, which are sending signals and thoughts and
liquids into your entire body!
You are now translating this word.
Now this word.
Word.
Hungry and Satiated. Best friend truths. I pray that as you read these
stories, you dont live through them and that you dont feel completely
satiated when you close this book. I pray that you are left thirsty and
craving for that which your unique soul desires. And at the same time
(or slightly staggered) I hope that you feel a shtickle satiated. Hungry
and Satiated. Happily connected to the blessing of what is now, and a
yearning for beyond. That is a very healthy posture.
You, the reader, are in an epic story right this second. Youve
never not been. Youve never been separate from an amazing, unique,
fluke-of-a-possibility, 1 divided by infinity, winner of the amazing
race story that is your life. You, the main character in your story, have
decided to stop everything else you were doing and could be doing, and
you picked up this book. I am grateful for the opportunity to spend even
a moment in this holy space betwixt your ears.
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Introduction 15
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MIGHTY WIND
That very same day, that very same creature constructed a net to
capture and collect that which blew freely in the sky. He was quite
pleased with himself and began to acquire abundance.
The next morning there was a knock at the door. A worried neighbor came to express that for the first time in her life, when she reached
to the wind for food, it was barren.
Just as I told you, exclaimed the collecting creature! There will
be a time when this mighty wind will be unkind. You must construct a
taller and more sophisticated net if you wish to survive.
So the neighbor did just that, and in a matter of weeks the entire
village was covered with giant nets that reached to the sky and cast a
mighty shadow.
The nets did as nets do, and the food and precious gifts were in
abundance for some. Oftentimes the nets captured more than could be
collected. Food would rot in the giant nets and broken gifts would pile
up in fly infested mounds.
Some creatures grew large while others grew sick. Hungry creatures from neighboring villages soon began to move in. Life became
complicated and people grew unhappy. The netless would congregate
beneath the giant nets and glean what would fall. Those with giant nets
would spend all of their time improving their nets, and though they had
abundance, they too were not content.
Time went on. Generations passed and the wind kept blowing.
This way of the nets became the norm. The village grew big and dirty,
and the creatures lived this way without questioning for many years,
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Introduction 17
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until one day one did. This young creature, the owner of a medium
sized net, had been sung songs and told stories by his grandmothers of
a simpler time when there were no nets and people lived in harmony
with creation.
He took down his net and tied it around his belly. As the mighty
wind blew, it filled the net like a sail and lifted him high into the air.
At first, he looked down and was afraid he would fall. Then he looked
up and saw a giant net that almost touched the clouds! He was headed
straight for it and he was afraid. For a moment he wished he was back
on the ground. Then he closed his eyes and remembered the songs and
stories that his grandmother told. He believed in the mighty wind, and
he believed he would be ok. Just then, the mighty wind gusted and blew
him high above the nets, far above the village. He was happy and flying.
Food and precious gifts were always within an arms reach.
The village people all gathered around to look at the boy who was
dancing in the wind and eating in abundance. They pointed and shouted
up to the boy and asked him: How do you fly?
Just take down your nets and surrender to the wind! he responded.
But not one of the villagers did as he said.
Some thought he was a Godly angel and some thought he was crazy,
but no one saw him as a simple boy whom they could emulate.
As he looked out from the top of the net, he could see the tremendous pressure of the wind pushing against the clogged nets. He could
hear the moan of the bending nets about to break and the song of the
mighty wind gathering strength. He howled with the mighty wind and
placed a precious gift at the bottom of the net.
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Introduction 19
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This story, this very story, is one of those gifts, from the Rainbow
village of creatures to you. The mighty wind is real. The nets are real.
You are... There are many ways this story can unfold, but there is only
one ending, which will be mighty and windy. And this ending will be
just the beginning.
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Stories 21
Stories.
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RAINBOW COUNTRY
I am at the World Rainbow Gathering Peace Festival in the backhills of Costa Rica. People here smell of campfire and fresh, clean, river
water mixed with patchouli and morning breath. Cheeks are sun-kissed
and glow with a light that comes from eating fresh produce and staying
up all night by a fire. There is no one leader, no one religion, no money
requirement. There are peace warriors here from over fifty-five different
countries. We sit in multilingual circles and chant songs of peace and
celebrate life. We honor the diversity of the tribes within the human
family. We attempt to live in conscious harmony with each other and
with creation. Strangers here are treated as brother and sister. It is not
perfect utopia, but at least it is trying to be.
We are camped out in a rainforest in little villages. To get here I
took a bus to the middle of nowhere and then hitchhiked on the backs
of open air pick-up trucks deeper into the unknown and then a mountain hike by foot. These gatherings happen in the United States each
July and get over twenty thousand people. There is a village/campsite
for the Buddhists, one for the Christians, one for the Yogis, one for the
Jews, one for people who like to sleep in hammocks up in trees called
Ewok Village, one called Montana Mud where theres always coffee
brewing. Kiddie Village where kids bliss out and make music and experiment with life, one called Lovin Oven where they make ovens out
of mud and bake all day and night and and and...Everyone does their
own thing, carries their own unique medicine in a way that leaves room
for others to do the same.
Lennon had us imagine...Imagine there is no religion, no countries...
Its nice to imagine, and there is a sacred aspect of us that is beyond
beyond all labels, logos, borders, or skin tones. At the same time, there
exists distinction, flavors, contrast, and variance in this world. They are
both true. Best friend truths. When embraced, these distinctions are the
secret that brings beauty to the rainbow and to this world. The purple
shines with its full purpleness (Hebrew Am Segulah) and in the same
moment celebrates and revels in the indigo beside her.
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Stories 23
at the same time to know that we are all light.
At the campfire, Rabbi Moishe Gellar, the holy Rainbow Rabbi of
Jerusalem Camp (may he be blessed with an abundance of everything
good!), says like this:
(We are here) to really be like the Shamans of all of the tribes of
the world who are able to channel down the unified vision of the
One and the Only One.
Before any separation.
This place (the Rainbow Gathering), unknowingly and knowingly is a reflection of that hunger that Creator placed deep
inside us to get back to that place.
Things get put in balance here.
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In a world of extreme sadness there needs to be a place of extreme joy.
And in a world of extreme abuse there needs to be a place of
extreme healing.
One good act balances out a whole lot of evil acts.
You never know...
It is Rainbow noon; the sun sits in the middle of the sky. Everyone
is signaling that it is time. Thousands of us converge along foot paths to
the main meadow in our finest clothes and with our finest open hearts.
We hold hands and make the biggest circle your mind can imagine.
Sometimes over twenty thousand people circling! I can barely see the
people on the other side of the circle, though Im connected to them.
Mountains surround and hold this meadow. Out of the silence emerges
a sound. With a prayer for peace on Earth we exhale an ancient prayer
sound of Aum or Shalom or... Thousands of us are focusing and harmonizing on the same prayer with the same sound at the same time,
and time quickly evaporates. I cannot explain with words what happens
during this prayer, nor can I attest to how long it lasts. The part of me
that dwells inside of the vessel that is my body often goes joy-riding
outside of my body during this ceremony.
The children from Kiddie Village are gathered on the side of a
mountain. They are decorated with bright colors and face paint. They
come running down the mountainside singing a song of peace. Were
a circle, made of children. Were a family, singing our song. There aint
nothin that can stop us. Rainbow Lovin is much too strong. They shatter the sacred prayer circle with their innocence. Trumpets and ram's
horns are sounded. Instantaneously hundreds of drums are pounded.
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Stories 25
The Aum transforms into coyote howls and yelps from the depths of our
being. The drums pick up a rhythm and a great dance is danced.
The day after a ceremony is a sacred day to me. Its the day where
things resettle. Its the moment of silence just after your favorite song. It
is Shivasanah at the end of your Yoga practice. Issru Chag, in Hebrew. I
decided to go down to the river at the bottom of the steep jungle valley
to sit with the monkeys, toucans, and birds of paradise to reflect. The
path was steep and slippery. I said out loud, Someone should really
build stairs here, as I kept walking. An elder happened to be walking in
the other direction at the same moment. Without looking me in the eye
and without deviating from his path and with no hint of condescension
he muttered to me, with an ethnic raspy voice, through a long white
beard and mustache, When you are shown work to do, it is first and
foremost your responsibility to do it, and he kept walking. I stopped,
pondered for a while, and then spent the rest of the day building stairs
to the river for myself and my community.
The next day, lying in my hammock with the flaps pulled up and
wrapped around me like a cocoon, I awoke to the pitter-patter sound
of someone walking through my campsite. I figured it was one of my
friends, so I popped my head out to share a smile and say hello. When
I did, I found someone who I had never seen before. He looked to be
around 15 and his clean Adidas shirt and his high-top shoes led me to
believe that he was a local and that this was his first time at a Rainbow.
The whole idea of a Rainbow is inclusivity. We celebrate the diversity of
the tribes. Each color celebrated. Yet there rarely are urbanized Adidaswearing teens at the gatherings. One day...
As I popped out my head, the boy was very startled and jumped
back several feet. It seemed he had thought he was alone. I was still half
in a dream state and I said, Hey man, whats up? Through a nervous
and jittery voice he said, Ohhh, well I was just looking for some water
for my campSee, I got this empty jug and I need to fill it.
I said, Sorry brother, I dont got none.
He walked away sketchily and he met up with his friend who had
also been walking alone. When I put my head back down in my hammock, I reflected on how shady that interaction was. I felt that maybe
the boy was a thief, but I didnt know what to do or what to think about
it. What if he was just lost and wandering at his first gathering. It would
have been so hurtful to insinuate or even think that he had malicious
intentions. The Sages teach to see the good in all people. When we focus
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When I looked out of my hammock this second time I saw the two
boys walking through someone elses empty campsite. I noticed how
their eyes hungrily fixated on objects that lay strewn about the campsite.
And at that moment I knew I was involved. I was so tired. Id basically
just gone to bed after a whole night of drumming and dancing, but I
knew that if those boys stole something, it could ruin someones day.
And because I had seen them with my eyes, I was involved. My karma
was tied up and tangled with theirs. If I did nothing and someone got
robbed, it would be as if I stole someones car keys.
I rolled out of the hammock and headed into the forest in the direction I had last seen them. When I caught up to them they were surprised
to see me. Instead of putting out words and energies against them, I
decided to get close to them. I decided to play the fool.
Holy brothers! Im so sorry I sent you off with no water! I dont
have any, but I know right where there is some great water. Come, Ill
show you where it is and even help you carry it.
They looked at each other, and chuckled at my navet.
Were cool man. We actually got some water and drank it since
we last seen you.
I knew they were lying because there was no water between where
we were and my campsite. I still hadnt seen them steal anything or
actually do anything wrong. There were two of them and one of me. In
my head I decided that I needed support. I needed an elder. In order
for me to go and fetch an elder, Id need them to stay put.
Hey brothers, would you like to get elevated? I said.
Yeah, sure! they replied.
With that, we three sat down on a log in the middle of the forest
and made small talk while I fed them broccoli. They partook and partook and I kept feeding them until they could take no more. They could
barely move or speak. With each breath old synaptic attachments to old
stories evaporated. We laughed together.
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Stories 27
boys, I described the story to the elders as I just did to you. When we
got to the log, the boys were gone. We three decided to split up, and if
one found them he would make three calls of the raven and we would
reconvene.
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I glided and snaked down the side of the mountain like water. After
a few minutes I got to a valley where there was a dirt road and some
Rainbow hippies sitting around a fire singing. I asked them if theyd
heard a shantasinah call. They said no. But through the forest, in the
edge of my periphery, I barely saw a person running through the trees at
a speed that most hippies dont ever like to move at. I was in top physical form as it was July and I had just come out of a season of farming.
I yelled shantasinah and plotted an interception course through the
woods and started running up the side of the valley at full speed. As I
got closer, I recognized the two boys and about fifty feet behind was a
herd of fifteen angry Rainbow hippies chasing. I ran alongside the boys
for a while. They were terrified and ripped out of their minds as they
ran. It occurred to me that I could have lovingly tackled one of them,
but I didnt want to hurt them by accident. I yelled, STOP! and they
stopped.
They said, We didnt do anything! Why are they chasing us!?
I said, Stop running and well find out. All were going to do for
now is talk about it.
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Stories 29
CENTRAL AMERICA
Backpacking Journal
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Truth is, were all given different gifts. Gifts that know no price
tag. Gifts that hold the key to overcoming the struggles that were each
given. We spend so much time distracted, colluded, with third-eye polluted. No mas.
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Stories 31
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I Just Swatted a Fly
I thought you were gonna sting me, man! I said to the dying fly.
So you killed me?
Well, I hadnt really thought about it until now. It was really just
something that was happening to me. But, I guess Id say that being
almost dead is a totally new set of feelings unlike any other. It would
be like me attempting to explain what salt tasted like to someone who
had never tasted it. Besides, feelings dont really translate well into
words. Feelings themselves are expressions, translations of our souls
experience of a situation. They then get filtered through our monkey
minds in an attempt to understand them through thought. Then in a
distant fourth step the thoughts get translated and transmitted into
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Stories 33
words. Then lastly absorbed into the receiving minds thoughts. Its really a whole big mess and tons of information gets lost and rearranged
along each step.
Well, how about something that you learned?
Let me flip you over onto your feet. Maybe this isnt the end!
So I did just that.
I flipped him over gently with the soft pink eraser on the end of
my pencil.
He bent his legs up and down a few times.
Legs work! the bug exclaimed.
Then he tried to flap his wings. A pang of pain jolted to his wincing face as his left wing dangled limp.
My wings busted, but I believe I will live to see another day!
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Standing Still
Passing Ships
I moved into the Casa Guatemala electricity-less orphanage volunteer house at night and had to set up my bed by candlelight. When
I went to pick up my mosquito net/animal shield there was a thick,
hairy spider the size of my palm sitting on it. It was the type of spider
that looked like an animal rather than an insect. I squished it. As I was
tucking in the corners of my bed, I found staring me in the face a brown
scorpion. He was frozen. So was I. I squinted my eyes and drew first,
reaching for my flip-flop. He scampered. I pinned him down on the
mattress, but he wasnt squishing. I reached down to grab my other flipflop and the scorpion got away. I looked everywhere in that tiny room
for over an hour. Nothing. I couldnt sleep in the bed knowing there was
a little dude in it, so I set up my hammock and fell asleep. When I woke
up there was a giant stallions head four inches away from mine, through
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Stories 35
Then came the kiddies. Its inherent, intrinsic in all children the
desire to love and be loved and be held and to touch and to feel safe.
Its in all of us big people too, but we are better at not getting it. These
kids wear it on their sleeves. Everywhere I walk theres one of them
holding each of my fingers, craving connection. Ive been spending a
lot of time with the Verones pequenos, the little dudes. Yesterday we
commandeered an inflatable boat and fourteen of us paddled forty-five
minutes to a dock in the neighboring roadless river town of Las Bresas
on the Rio Dulce. 86 degrees, blue skies, sunshine daydreams, no time,
only time, the light breeze was at our back both ways. We pretended to
be pirates. We sang like pirates. I taught them to Yarrr at passing ships,
and when we got to the empty dock we swam for hours and had soda
and cookies. I passed out fishing hooks and strings and the kids were so
excited to be fishing in an exotic new place. The fish were in fact bigger
in Las Bresas and we caught and ate many.
On the ride back to the orphanage I got caught in a quandary. We
were paddling and singing, a bunch of happy wet boys, and a motor boat
pulled beside us and asked if we needed a tow. Naturally we Yarred! at
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them and threatened to board their vessel. We definitely did not need
a tow, as the journey itself was pure bliss. But part of me wanted to
allow the man in the boat the good feeling of getting to help a boat full
of orphans (even though we didnt really need help). Maybe it would
have made his day. He would have felt lifted like a hero. I told him no
thanks, we were fine. I found out two days later that the man on the boat
had terminal cancer and doctors gave him only a few more months. Im
thinking of erring on the side of sharing bliss and expanding goodness
whenever possible. Its wise to assume that all people are in dire need
of any form of elevation/love connection. Living, loving, and learning.
Papas
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Stories 37
not speak. When another child at the orphanage would have a visitor,
maybe an uncle or aunt, Manuela would always follow them around and
pretend that they were her parents. She always yearned to be held (like
all of us) but there were rarely enough arms with time.
One day we got word from the capital that Manuela actually had a
father and he was coming to pick her up in two days! We cried and celebrated and started planning her send-off. The meeting was almost over
when a friend spoke up and said, Someone needs to go tell Manuela
that A) She has a father, and B) Hes coming to pick her up in two days.
All eyes fell on me. The group thought I should be the one to tell her,
as I usually tucked her into bed at night and she really liked getting lost
in my beard. I initially protested. I had never told anyone something so
important in my life and I had just barely learned Spanish (from the
three-year-olds!).
I remember sitting in the playroom just watching her. I knew that
I had words in my head that, once released, would forever change her
everything. You know when you have something so huge that you just
have to tell your someone? But how to start the conversation?
I sat her on my lap. We smiled at each other. My heart was racing.
Well guess what, you have a dad! Your very own dad, and in two
days your dad is coming to pick you up and take you out of here. And
your dad is going to love you good and hold you at night and feed you
and and and...I went on and on. Her jaw was completely dropped, and
her eyes protruded.
Padre in Spanish means father.
PaPA is short for dad.
I had just told Manuela that she had her very own potato, and her
potato was going to love her and care for her and this potato was coming in two days to take her away and hold her and tuck her in at night
and and and...I was always making up fantasy with her, so I guess she
believed me...Luckily, there was a Spaniard sitting behind me to correct
my words.
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Two days later Papa arrived. All the children were out playing in the
river. I stood next to him on the bank of the river and pointed out to him
his daughter. He cried and eventually they left together.
I, too, left soon after.
I feel like the Little Prince must have felt, always getting shifted
around and shown different worlds. Jerusalem, New York, Guatemala,
all in four days. Customs, manners, traditions, black hats, skyscrapers,
open markets, orange Fanta, traffic lights, golden glow, Times Square,
Temple Mount, Mayan moon, mango trees, and sugar cane. Taxi cabs
with fast lanes, Holland Tunnel, rice and beans, different rhythms, different speeds, and trees and birds and bees, some say thank you some
say please, hammock beds and candlelight, soccer football Friday nights.
Isms, schisms, political dismay. Gringo for a day. Here for a day. Welcome
home for a day. Traveler for a day. Freak for a day. Up a tree for a day.
In a war for a day. In a boat for a day. On the road for a day. On a stage
for a day. In love for a day. In light for a day. Lost for a day. Im a child
for a day. Im yours for a day. Then Im gone for a day. This old way,
this old way. Its the way that I know living, and it keeps on sending me
spinning to places and faces and crazy intersections on unmarked roads
with cryptic billboards that say things likeAlways move toward and
never run away. Never straight, but always forward.
Managua
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So I write this prayer:
Creator, please bring clean water.
Jah, bring peace to the land.
With guidance and protection
The flower is birthed from the sand.
Babylon, transform from your cocoon.
Now is the time
for its never too soon.
Anywhere Fun Russ got my sail so reefed before that early morning flight, I could barely stand at the check-in. My eyes were the
kind of heavy that eyes get from being on the road a while, seeing
so much, and staying up all night. We didnt say goodbye to each
other. Russ and I have our own little game like that. No hug. No
ceremony. Just a see you soon and a smirk. We only see each other
on big adventures. Alaska, Israel, Costa Rica, Mt. Sinai at 3 a.m.
on a camel head spun, safety meeting on the side of an ancient
endangered redwood clipped onto a 160 foot long rope. Anywhere
fun. So I walk up to the counter and put my tattered passport on
the counter, the passport that got dropped in the Jordan River and
that my Patchouli oil spilled all over in my pack, and the check-in/
check-out lady says, One round trip ticket from Cleveland to
Taayhjuuuhhhh? I looked up at her. How do you say that, sir?
she said with a clenched brow and a smile. I looked up out of my
daze and let my cheeks be light and said, Teh-Guh-Si-Gul-Pah,
Tegucigalpa. Its the capitol of Honduras. And I began to blab
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about where I thought I thought I was going. And she said wow
and wished me luck, and it was really only then that I gave any
real thought to where I thought I was going. I knew it had good
ingredients for a special time, but I had spent no time planning
or plotting or even imagining. I think people call that getting
excited. So, are you getting excited for your trip? I always hear
people say. Im trippin right now, lady, I say to myself, and so are
you.
Sometimes its hard going through security with a beard and hair
and dark skin, and some people think I look like Osama. Jesus or
Osama. Never in between. Never, Hey man, did anyone ever tell
you, you look just like that actor? Just Jesus or Osama. So I carry
in one hand my wooden flute and in my other my guitar, the one
that has no case, with stickers on it of rainbows and snails and
smiley faces from Mollie-Jo, and the security people know that Im
a hippie and not a terrorist. Hippies love to love and hippies love
world peace and hippies dont do things like car bombs or Jihads.
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Tegucigulpas Tecontin International Airport pops right on up. I
was told that some pilots refuse to fly there. Wikipedia will tell
you that This airport has received much criticism for being one
of the most dangerous in the world due to its proximity to the
mountains and will further go on to tell you about how it was
bombed a few decades earlier by El Salvador in what is known
as the Soccer War, a six-day war that erupted after the second
North American qualifying round of the 1970 FIFA World Cup
match between Honduras and El Salvador. The game was a door-die divisional tie breaker and tensions where already boiling
between the neighbors. El Salvador won the game, riots began, and
the war started the next morning. No one won that game. Im fairly
certain that everyone could have been doing something better with
their time. Two Thousand died and one hundred thousand humans
displaced. Actually, there was one guy who made out all right:
A General in Honduras who made up fake battalions that only
existed on paper, and he pocketed all the money allocated to his
imaginary troops, which put quite a drain on the military.
The war slogan that became popular in Honduras during the 100hour self-inflicted, self-depreciating, self-destroying, self-abusing
session was No pasarn y no pasaron No pasarn! They will not
pass and they did not pass! and I wonder if the slogan was birthed
in reference to border defense or the soccer match.
Boys
Anyways, it felt really good to land. The sun was seething hot,
scorching the runway, and the air outside looked still and the
sky deep blue, hot blue. The sky had evaporated any thought of
a cloud. And as the captain slammed the brakes, (I pictured him
freaking out) I looked out my window and watched the palm trees
and the parked green fighter jets pass me by. I gave the captain
a hi-five before walking down the stairway onto the tarmac. Got
a new stamp for the old stamp collection and then found a short
man named Jesus holding a sign with my name on it. I got in his
red pick-up that needed to be hotwired each time it was turned on,
and we rode out into the countryside to meet the group of college
students that Im leading on a three week service learning trip.
A few days ago I carried cinder blocks down a dirt road at the
community center we were working on, watched a chicken get
slaughtered, Israeli-danced the Hora with barefoot Hondurans,
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taught villagers how to flick a frisbee, and capped the days off with
campfire sing-alongs. Our group was also heavily involved in a
Honduran skirmish known as the Amoeba Wars.
As I walked into JFK with all of its grandeur and girth and noise
and hustle and magazines and smoke and clothes stitched in maquilas by my friends and beans carried on the backs of my friends
for two dollars a day and just so much stuff, stuff everywhere, every
direction I look, everything touched and changed, then slathered
in a petroleum-based veneer of sterility. Makes me wonder. Is this
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really what theyre developing toward? If the developing world
actually developed like US, whose backs would it be upon?
Back to the story, and where you come in and actually inspired me
to write all of this. Last night, 2:30 a.m., I snuck into brothers
apartment and got the hide-a-key and was going to jump in bed
and surprise them. As I started to turn the key, I heard Viv say,
Babe, Babe, I think someones at the door. They were both
running around the apartment like their parents were out of town.
I joined them and we danced around the kitchen like happy, innocent children and told stories. I am still in Brothers apartment
dancing. The stereos blasting. And the phone just rang. I remembered that scene you love in Cannonball Run (I think) where the
guy is smoking dope and dancing the twist to some fifties surfer
music and his moms trying to reach him but he cant hear the
phone ringing. I started to laugh, and I thought Id write you a
letter.
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Im swinging on vines these days in a concrete jungle, where ancient monoliths tower to the sky nearly overtaking the sun and millions
of strange uniquely divine creatures bustle about in and out of endless
underground catacombs always coming and going coming and going...I
frolic where the sky is scraped and the night never sleeps. The air here
so cold and crisp and shell suck the warmth out of any exposed surfaces
she can, to gain balance and equilibrium, of course. So the creatures
bundle as best they can, though often they must leave their breathing
tubes open and therefore exposed. The skin around the breathing hole
turns pink from the reinforcements, red energy and heat transports reassigned to the turbulent front lines. Sniffle.
I hear that in this jungle there lives a golden man who is often
found manipulating strange stringed wooden boxes, emitting delicious
vibrations that penetrate souls and holes on the sides of strange creatures heads...
In this jungle I have a clone who always points me in the good
directions.
The clone is radiant and in love with the world, along with a Chilean
woman who knows how to talk to judges.
And in a cave of light, in the upper left side, I find respite...At least
for tonight.
Soon the Chilean will arise to go convince the judges, and the clone
will go to do as he does, and I sit and try for a moment, to remember
what exactly I wish to recall.
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MOVIN ON UP
On my 19th rotation around the beneficent sun ball I found myself
deep in the Redwood Forest of Northern California, alone. It was the
first place where I realized I am never alone.
I was walking in the forest, not on the forest but in it, through the
living skin of the 2000-year-old trees. It happened in a moment.
It was the first time I had actually seen and heard trees. Through
the quiet I was able to remove the green veil, cross the green line, and
see plants as moving, living, breathing, eating, breeding, intelligent,
struggling, unique, dancing aspects of creation like you and me...
I remember feeling small and huge at the same time, humbled as
this new awareness came into me, and I realized that I was surrounded
by 2000-year-old ancient living sky-swaying elders.
The first time Moses connected to the Spirit that moves through
All things, he was alone in the wilderness connecting through a bush.
And...
Abraham sees the breath of life that was, will be, and is in this moment moving through all things (i.e., Yud Hey and Vav Hey, a.k.a. Great
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Spirit, a.k.a. G?d) in the oak trees of Mamre (Genesis, Vayera verse 1).
Abraham sees G?d in and through trees. Only after this awakening is
he able to merge with his wife Sarah in a way that will create new life.
Ive spent the last four months sharing my heartsong with hundreds
of children at the Teva Learning Alliance. Ive taken them into the forest, many for the first time, and attempted to cultivate an appreciation
and awareness of the wonders of nature. I guided countless pairs of eyes
to look at trees with love and appreciation and recognition of each trees
individuality. Id take my groups, circle around a tree, and simply breathe
with the tree.
I also teach my kiddies (and myself ) to strive fiercely to live life in
a way where our actions match our beliefs. First step is figuring out our
beliefs, not so easy. Reb Shlomo says to believe something is to know
something with your heart.
I believe in the power of the ancient trees. People are cutting them
down today. Only three percent of the old-growth redwood is left. I
believe that this world will be better off if these remaining trees were al-
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lowed to remain living. They do not have ID numbers and they cant exactly speak our language, but I still feel like they have rights. They were
here first. We are creations younger sibling. Imagine if all the plants
and animals on this planet had a conference to discuss the humans...to
discuss you...what would they say? What do you say?
High as a Kite
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Walking into the forest at night with (from left to right) Yoni, Uncle Russle, Casey Baruch, Pankiki Skywalker
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Shira, Uncle Russ, and I drove up the Pacific Coast Highway with the
rooftop down even though it was very cold. We entered the ancient forest in Northern California under cover of night with backpacks loaded
with gear, ropes, harnesses, food, books, and art supplies. We hunkered
down like donkeys with gallons of water clipped to our sides and hiked
deep into the steep, wet mountainside. From one perspective we were
illegally trespassing in this disputed area. It depends on who you think
the judge is.
All the trees around here are tagged to get chopped. The loggers
will not cut them down if there are humans living in them, for fear of
lawsuits.
The loggers strongly desire to cut down the trees so they can have
more money. Often our insatiable desires for more stuff, more wood,
more money, more more more, stems from our distorted yearning to
connect with the infinite, which can never be satiated with the finite
physical. It just dont work.
They hire a tree climbing goon to try and get the tree-sitters out
of the trees. His name is Climber Eric. He climbs quickly. He has big
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spikes on his shoes. With his knife he cuts through the dream-catchers
and destroys tree sits. He tries to get sitters out of trees, but it is difficult
to lower someone out of a tree who does not wish to descend, especially
when they are monkeys.
I know of three main tactics to avoid Climber Eric when he is
ascending. One technique is to climb up to the very top (the tippywippy) of the redwood, where there is room for only one person and the
tree is dangerously thin. Two: go out onto the middle of a zip-line that
stretches between two trees and hang out. Three: hug your arms around
a tree branch and handcuff yourself.
When these loggers log they raze entire sections of the forest, which
turns that land into a desert. This practice is known as clear-cutting.
Massive habitat loss and massive soil erosion into the rivers at the bottoms of the valleys. And they are eradicating the oldest, tallest, wisest
organisms on our planet!
I like wood. My guitar and flute are made of wood. Many great
things come from wood. But cmon people! Clear-cutting is not the way
to take wood...and yes, my name is Pankiki Skywalker and I speak for
the trees.
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me flying.
Our forest village is called Fern Gully. At one point in Fern Gully
there were twenty-two tree sits connected to each other by ropes. You
could zip-line from tree to tree to tree for half a mile without touching
the ground. There is a 160-foot-long traverse between the trees named
Her Majesty and Sundance. If you lean down in the middle of that
zip-line, you can harvest huckleberries from an elevated garden, which
grows out of buckets that are tied to the top of a smaller tree named
Leaner.
The heroine of this story is a holy mama named Julia Butterfly Hill,
who lived up in her tree Luna for over two years without touching the
ground. She and her team advocated for the redwoods that whole time
(and still), until finally the owners of the land caved in and agreed to
protect that whole grove of redwoods.
Pooping. We have five-gallon buckets with lids that hang on ropes
twenty feet below the tree sit. When you have to poo, you lower yourself
with ropes, poo in the floating bucket, cover your poo with leaves and
then seal the bucket. Standard bathroom toilets in the U.S. are basically
buckets with a hole at the bottom that are filled with perfectly good
drinking water. For me, much stranger then pooin in a compost bucket
is pooin in drinking water, then having your poo magically disappear
and travel through your walls and through miles of underground highways, to then get heavily processed out of the once pristine drinking
water. Thats just me.
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a cup of water out on a limb.
Once, when it was really quiet, I put my hand on the tree and
whispered, We will protect you. To which the tree replied, And whos
watching over the humans? Whos watching Adam and Eve? I hope
shes got an ace up her sleeve.
And now Im in a forest.
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NEW PARADIGM
If the success of the world depended on you, What would you say?
What would you do?
Hey you. You, reading these words right now. Hi! It is such a holy
blessing to be consciously connecting with you. Here we are. Its always
everywhere, here and now. We couldnt NOT be in the here and now if
we tried. I wrote this book for us. For now. I am open to the possibility
that maybe I lived my whole huge little life so far to learn something to
put in this book to share with YOU! Its awesome to connect with you.
The author kindly requests that you stop reading this book for a
few minutes, or an eternity, and fantasize about what a healthy, balanced, holy world would look like, smell like, feel like...
In your fantasy, what are people spending their holy and precious
life/time doing? What are you doing? How are people treating each
other in your fantasy? What face are you wearing? What systems are
in place in the world, in your town, in your home, in your self, in your
wildest unshackled dreams?
This is the world that is coming, or in Hebrew, Olam Ha-bah.
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down, used-vegetable-oil-powered, Jewish, educational school bus
teaching environmental thrive-ability.
The Torah (over three thousand years ago) and the Talmud (two
thousand years old) has pollution laws pertaining to air, water, noise, and
smell. She also has a law of not wasting anything of use or value, called
Bal Tashchit. I like to tell my young Heebish students that if a teacher
does not allow the student to use the second side of their paper, they can
claim it is their Jewish religious right not to waste.
As carriers of an ancient, intact, earth-based wisdom tradition, in
a world rampant with cultural extinctions, we think it is important to
know who we are. This way we are able to share our medicine with
ourselves and the other tribes.
Its not good for farmers and humans when weather patterns and
natural disasters so frequently have so many ests at the end of them.
Snowiest winter, warmest winter, wettest summer, hottest July, biggest
Hurricane, etc. (NYC 2009-2012)
Two school buses, with the second one flipped upside-down and
seamlessly welded to the top of the bottom bus, wheels facing the sky. It
was a topsy-turvy mobile paradigm-shifter.
So many of our current systems are upside-down. Our current energy habits have us burning down and smogging out our home/earth to
make energy, as the basement is flooding. Meanwhile, in just one hour,
enough sunlight hits the earth to fuel one hundred percent of our energy
needs for a whole year! Hmmmmm...
We warm and filter the oil on the bus through a centrifuge and
pump it straight into our diesel engine. And it works! The bus went
from NY to California and back on peoples trash...like the Delorean
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from Back To The Future. Apparently the future is just a bunch of nows.
King David said three thousand years ago that The stone that the
builder refused (double entendre, refuse: noun), will be the head cornerstone. When we can design holy systems where our outputs match
our inputs like a forest does, that will be the main fixing (the head
cornerstone).
The bus has a worm composting bin, bike-powered electricity generator, gray-water system, solar panel, and at one time had a mobile
garden on the roof !
The captain and one of the primary designers of the bus is known
as Captain Red Beard, a.k.a. the Heilegah Dubinsker Rebbeh. He was
once asked by a student about the buss unconventional design. He relayed that: We were looking into different designers for inspiration on
how to design our home/bus. We were thinking maybe Ralph Lauren?
Or maybe Louis Vuitton? Then we heard about this awesome designer
who designed the entire universe. Some call this designer G?d, Creator,
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Mother Nature, Great Spirit or... One of the most noteworthy aspects
about the creators design is that there is no waste at all. Every output
in her system matches some input. Everything is used and reused again
and again. If you see a design and the design outputs something that
is unused, like a highly radioactive, isotopic spent nuclear rod, you can
know for sure that humans designed it and not G!d directly.
The art of extracting design principles from nature and implementing them in our lives, gardens, kitchens, relationships, etc. is called
permaculture. Creation has been around and thriving for much longer
than we humans. We are creations youngest sibling. Science and religion agree on this. It is in our best interest to learn from our elders.
Biomimicry is G!dmimicry.
Here are a few universally applicable permaculture design principles
derived from the Creator-created natural world:
Multiple functions Every aspect of creation serves many functions. A tree does not just make apples. It is shelter for animals,
makes O2, filters the air, makes beautiful fragrant flowers, feeds
animals, creates shade, is fun for climbing, blocks the wind, holds
warmth, holds soil, and and and...
Redundancy The natural world has many back-up systems in
place. If your system needs water, you dont want to only get your
water from a pipe, because if your pipe breaks or goes dry, you
have no water and your system collapses. A robust design would
have a rain catchment system, a well, a pond, a water pipe, and
and and...If there is a disturbance in this system and the well runs
dry, you still have access to water and the system still works.
Functional interconnectedness This world is the world wide
web. Things depend on each other and that is a good thing.
Problem is the solution When a certain tree-eating beetle starts
breeding prolifically in a forest, the birds have a feast.
Design to thrive Everyones talking about sustainability. Are we
here to just sustain life? Me thinks not. We are here to thrive! Do
you know how many seeds one spinach plant makes? I dont, but
its on the order of hundreds and thousands. Lets start designing
our systems and our lives for maximum thrivability and abundance
for all. We can do whatever we want. The parents are out of town
and weve got the keys.
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Yallah!
I dont teach much anymore about recycling and turning off light
switches. I dont want a kid vigilantly turning off light switches because
some charismatic, bearded, guitar-toting guy at his school told him to. I
want him to start doing his own thinking. If he is doing his own thinking, he will inevitably ask, How does electricity work? Where does
my electricity come from? And he will find out that our current energy
systems cause massive environmental damage to our very fragile spaceship earth. And then hell turn off the switch, but it will be different.
With his questioning mind s/he might even find out that sometimes mainstream culture is not his friend. It often tries to trick him
and deceive him and numb his brain so that he will stop asking essential
questions like, What is my purpose here with this life on this earth? Is
it antithetical to my holy human nature to stay seated for 7+ hours a day
at a desk while teachers talk at me and then expect me to regurgitate
what they said? Did slaves really dump poisons on this food that Im
about to eat and feed to my children?
A closed mind is a wonderful thing to lose.
The dis-ease that you feel and experience from mainstream culture
is a gift. Imagine if you were completely content living in a cesspool. If
somehow you had duped and distracted your decision-making mind into
thinking that wallowing in human excrement was good and normal. The
more nauseous you got, the louder you turned up the TV, opiating the
mind into a distracted submission. Your impulse of THIS STINKS!
is the very thing that will propel you out of the cesspool and into a
magnificent garden, with beautiful clothes and clean water.
Over five percent of our power consumption in the USA is used to
power things that are turned off. We spend billions of resource dollars
and dump immeasurable toxins into our life support systems (air, water,
earth), energizing those little red standby lights, which tell us that our
appliances are off. This gives me great hope. If an idea as dumb and
destructive as the standby light can make it mainstream, imagine all the
good ideas that could flourish!
Dont you think its time?
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IS REAL
No two places have the same energy. San Francisco feels nothing
like Philadelphia, which feels nothing like Beijing, which has a very
different vibe than Paris. There is no place in the world like Jerusalem.
Her flavor is extremely unique and extremely potent. People have been
tapping into and craving her powerful vibration for thousands of years.
She is the Chakra point along the largest land meridian on this mud
heap, where Asia, Europe, and Africa - over half of the world - connect.
Many call her the City of Fire, as she propels and pushes and
intensifies those who dwell with/in her. Like anything powerful, her
energetic fuel can be used for good or for bad, for life-enhancement
and unification or for destruction and separation. Thank Jah, the nature
of light and dark are NOT equal and opposite. If I cup my hands together and inside of my cupped hands is pure darkness and I walk into
a room filled with light and open my hands, the room does not fill with
darkness. Put one candle in a pitch black room... Light and Love are
our natural states. Darkness and misery take so much energy, so much
resistance. Darkness is defined as absence of light or illumination. Its
not even a thing on its own, only defined by what it is not.
The Torah says that the ripples and the karma of Love choices
reach thousands of generations, yet the karma of missing the mark only
goes down three or four generations (Exodus 34:7). WOO HOO!
There is no light in the world like the light of Jerusalem.
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The Flute and I
The satchel was colorful yet faded with experience, as this bag and
its contents had surely tasted many corners of the earth. It looked like
there was a magic wand inside, and in fact there was. She opened the
bag and delicately pulled out the most magnificent flute Id ever seen.
Hand-carved Native American cedar wood flute with a Zia sun symbol
honoring the four directions etched near the wind hole. It smelled like
a forest does just before it rains. It and I quivered with pangs of potentiality for what we might do together. Nechama silently held out the
unsheathed flute in her open palms and gestured for me to receive.
I placed my palms together to show gratitude and told Nechama
that the flute was too precious for me to borrow. I told her I could
not take it. I thought to myself, Who does this? Who lends out their
most precious objects to someone they barely know? When most people
give something away, its usually because they dont like it or want it
anymore. This flute is most definitely still in its prime.
Nechamas hands did not move, though her lips and cheeks lightened and lifted like a crimson beachfront sunrise into a smile.
Pesach, she said, the flute wishes to take a turn with you.
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Grow up. Taken more literally, Grow, Up, take to flight, grow
higher and higher, is actually a potent and yummy blessing and reminder.
Still to this day my brain does not know the name of a single note
on the flute. My fingers know what the sounds feel like and which
shapes and patterns to make.
me.
From the moment the flute touched my lips, it knew how to play
When I arrived at the open-air market of Machaneh Yehudah, everyone was in a flurry hurry to get their food quickly. Shabbat was rapidly approaching at sixty minutes an hour. When the world around me
moves frantic, I tend to slow down. I stood by the entrance of the market,
next to a soldier, and played every Shabbat heart song I could muster.
I went for a flute walk through the market playing ancient melodies
of yearning. Tickling the wind with decorated breath, I slowly, slowly
walked through the scurry of noise and beautiful people. When people
hear the flute, they stop. Parents bring over their children. Shopkeepers
temporarily stopped screaming the prices of strawberries and invited me
in. Eventually I got invited to someones house for Shabbat dinner, so I
didnt even have to go shopping at all. That is the way of the flute.
After a few days, I went looking for Nechama to give her the flute
back. The people at the volunteer house told me that she had left but
would return.
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I played that flute at the central bus station, on rooftops, everywhere
I went, thinking each day it might be my last with the flute.
One day she just walked through the door. It had been two weeks. I
was so grateful. I was on my knees with the flute held out in my hands.
From the deepest place in my heart, with tears in my eyes, I said, Thank
you so much for asking me to borrow this flute. From everything we
do, by every micro-decision we make, the world is indelibly a different place. Your decision to lend me this flute made huge ripples. I met
hundreds of new friends. Thousands of peoples moments got redirected
by the sounds vibrating from this flute. Thank you! and I held the flute
out for her to take it.
Her hands did not move. The corners of her lips reached for the sky
like sunflower sprouts shooting though soft, ancient soil.
Pesach, she said, this flute has a secret. What I did not tell you
was that this flute was made by a very special medicine man. He only
makes a few of these flutes a year. It is his belief that redemption and
world fixing will come about when there are enough sacred flutes in
the world. Some wait for Messiah. Some try to live like Messiah. This
medicine man makes medicine flutes.
At the time, I did not understand that last thing she said to me.
Two weeks later I found myself volunteering in a hospital in the north
of Israel in a war zone during the Lebanon war with my flute in hand.
Often the only thing that would bring comfort and solace to the blownup, pain-ridden, writhing patients was the melodic medicine dance
emanating as wind from the cedar prayer flute.
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I Saw War Today
Its the place I always go to to get away from the noise of the cities.
Its a place where I go to get rerouted back onto my path.
Its a place where people are walking the streets with sacred questions on the tips of their tongues and minds.
Its where I go to make/be peace.
And somehow, this world and we are perfectly broken and perfectly
whole.
We decided early this morning to move our group out of Tsfat,
even though there had not been a terrorist attack or missile attack
in Tsfat in over twenty five years. We set sail seeking refuge amidst
the golden walls of Jerusalem. An hour after we left, the first missiles exploded in Tsfat. An absorption center for new immigrants,
where I volunteer sometimes, got hit. One died. Many wounded.
Fear of death. Dancing on an edge. Shrieks of the impending missiles and then the crash of the impact. Scampering families to the
bomb shelters. Praying.
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range missiles and therefore we were still within missile range.
So we packed up and headed on further, to Jerusalem, as refugees,
leaving someplace because of war. To leave a town I love. To drive
away from a blue sky charred with black smoke. To be driving in
one direction while gunships headed in the other.
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Cataclysmic Wind
So Im heading back up north, into the tempest, ten miles from the
line, back to the smoky little town I once ran from like a refugee.
I go with my guitar and Native American flute as my weapons of
choice. And when the sirens ring, Ill run for cover.
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We Came In at Night ( Tsfat Diaries)
Driving into Tsfat was intense. We came in at night. I was driving with a carload of stuff and people. It occurred to me as I was
driving that to most people in the world my actions were insane,
driving into CNN breaking-news northern Israel. I wasnt afraid,
but rather respectful of the gravity of the situation.
A temporary cease-fire began an hour after I arrived.
I didnt do it.
Tsfat Diaries 2
letter home
The whole time Ive been here Ive constantly been on guard. My
senses acute to subtle sounds and vibrations, like the letter b in
the word subtle. This morning, over coffee with a reporter from
National Geographic, the missile attacks began again in Tsfat and
the sirens have been moaning all morning, a few times an hour. We
stand silently for a few minutes and listen to where they land. We
dont thank G?d when we dont hear one land, because it probably
landed somewhere.
As I was just writing this journal entry I had to stop and run
to the shelter...One sounded like it landed very close. Lots of the
other volunteers are out delivering food and fixing things.
Another five just landed, and for the second time I had to stop
writing to take shelter.
Im being safe and staying near shelter. Some people are getting
lazy and are not taking cover every time the sirens go off. I prom-
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ised you all Id do all I can to stay safe, and I am.
War sucks.
Love,
Me
Tsfat Diaries 3
Im being safe and preparing myself for when this quasi cease-fire
ceases. Today Im in a fortified building all day, and my bedroom at
Livnot is attached to the shelter.
Love you all
P.S.
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Tsfat Diaries 4
It was eerie reading about it last night, out on the Livnot balcony...
reading about the emptiness on the streets and all the destruction
with the soundtrack of explosions in the background and Mt.
Meron beside me on fire.
But I got sleep.
Today were all fasting, no food and no water for twenty-five hours,
so it should be a little more trying.
Im heading to the hospital soon to hang out with some of the
soldiers who were injured in the same battle that my friend Mike
was killed in.
Lots of Love,
Me
Bag of Songs
Our son watched three of his friends die in Lebanon two days ago.
He then killed those who killed his friends, and in the battle he got
shrapnel in his leg. Hed seen things that humans werent meant to see.
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Hed done things that humans werent meant to do. This is the first time
he has slept in over two days.
Broken Glass
When the siren sounds and youre out on the streets, an immediate jolt of adrenaline surges in your heart and an animalistic scamper
mode kicks in. You drop whatever you are doing and scurry. The siren
sounded and I was stuck in a cab. I told Cabi I wanted out. He said
he knew a good place to go around the corner and I should believe in
G!d. Around the corner was a giant, wide-open parking lot, one of the
worst places to be during a missile strike. Shrapnel pierces right through
car metal; Ive seen it. His plan was to just park the car and wait. Five
seconds had passed since the siren sounded. Ten seconds till landing.
Car still rolling. I yelled at Cabi, tossed him ten shekel, and told him I
wanted out and opened the door of the moving car. He slowed down.
We jumped out. Sirens screaming. Open naked parking lot. Found a
trash dumpster vestibule made of concrete. Pushed out dumpster and
curled into a ball. Head between legs, hands on head. Nothing to do
but pray and wish for time to fast forward or somehow rewind. This
was the first time I actually heard the Katusha cutting through the air.
FFFWWWWWOOOOOOOSHHHHHHH! as it flew overhead...
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Boom!
But not just an exploding boom, a boom with broken glass and
shattering concrete.
As you sit on the stage of war, and the masters of war do what they
do, and metal flies so fast that no one can see it and it goes into
people...realize that you and all of you who stand witness are there
now with a cause and think about your effect. This experience of
life and living sometimes places us in the most awkward, backward,
hard and painful classrooms...sometimes...but for some reason,
realizing that you are there to learn something, to take something
away, to learn and share a message, for some reason, this can bring
something to chew on.
The earth is trembling over there from the bombs and bullets, the
earth is literally shaking...and we cant sit still anymore. This war
is about Israel and Lebanon and others, and its also about you.
Let war teach you peace let war teach you peace let war teach
you peace, so that you know it, know it. Let this insanity blossom a
bloom of clarity. The bullets fly so fast that we cant even see them,
but we can see them...each one...what is its intention, what is its
impact, its truth. Countries shouldnt fight and hate, and neither
should we. When human to human to human knows this lesson
that you are hopefully fortifying, when it is whispered, told, and
then shouted and then known from person to person to person,
then well stop fighting with each other and war will become a
myth.
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Light in the Dark
Ten miles from flying metal shard ball bearing harpoon metal
slingshots.
Ten miles south from red rivers where the children are fighting and
the whole world is watching.
Ten miles south of the nightmans watch while he waits and watches
with adrenalined eyes and senses honed with radical acuteness.
Ten miles south in the city of blue where theres silver rain that
chases you, so we live in the ground because thats all you can do, while
the August sun penetrates every sweaty crevice of your soul, drips and
rolls down my cheek chasing eye drops.
Ten miles south a father blessing a child before he has to turn off
his cell phone and cross the line.
Ten miles south the hidden need food, sick the drugs, light and
hugs, touch and music.
Ten miles south I build and Im built and sometimes I feel like Im
walking on stilts.
Ten miles south on a mystical hill, I flout and I strum and I work
and I chill.
Ten miles south in the city of air, I play a game of truth and dare,
while buildings wail and sirens blare, so that the hair on your back stands
tall, because when youre walking on stilts you must take care not to fall.
Ten miles south, just a click past the line, a light in the dark, a
flicker, a spark, reality contrasted both subtle and stark. No conclusions
found here, just a place to start. We cast aside fear and live from the
heart.
One of the volunteers here was born in Russia. Her name there
was Catherine. The nickname for Catherine in Russia is Katusha. First
thing in the morning, every morning, she runs up to me and gives me
a hug. You can only get hit by a Katusha once, she says. And youve
already been hit!
In my free time Ive been sitting on the porch, aiming flute music
up north. I often get interrupted by the sirens, so Ive made up a tune to
go along with its drone that I play once in the shelter.
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I also started a city-wide aromatherapy campaign here in Tsfat.
When people ask what to bring up besides the basics, I tell them incense...Nag Champa specifically. I have seven boxes. I light em and
leave em all over town. The smell is soothing and unexpected.
Park all our F-16s down by the riverside, down by the riverside...
No more cluster laser-guided bombs, blowing up peoples moms, down
by the riverside...
No more Ak...47s, Katushas and Kasams, hand-grenades and
roadside bombs, Katushas and Kasams...down by the riverside...
Turn nukes into energy, FAR from the riverside, far from the
riverside...
Lay down hatred and bigotry, down by the riverside, no one needs
to run and hide, down by the riverside...
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The marines building rain-catchment systems, down by the
riverside, down by the riverside...
No more multi-trillion dollar wars or exploitations of the poor, down
by the riverside...
No more multi-trillion dollar wars, we got better things in store,
down by the riverside...
The air force making green technology, living symbiotically, like a
happy family, living symbiotically...
Im gonna lay down my prejudice, down by the riverside, down by
the riverside...
No more stories in my mind, that put some ahead and some behind,
down by the riverside...
All you with rights and arms to bear, will recycle your swords into
plowshares, thats what the good book says...
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Thats what we can do
Thats what we can choose
They say it takes two wings to fly
Across this great divide
All G!ds children love to drink
Clean water that dont stink
All G!ds children love to dance
If only given the chance
Thats what we can do
Thats what we can choose
I aint gonna study war no more
Aint going through that crooked door
No more, no more...
They say the lion shall lay with the lamb
And that thats the masters plans...
Down by the riverside...
Amen! Im in!
Sulhita
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Palestinians lost family members from Israeli army activity. Yet they sat
side by side and spoke of their yearnings for peace and reconciliation.
Heroes.
Ahmed grew up in Jenin. The only Israelis Ahmed had ever met
wore green camo, held M16 guns, and sometimes drove tanks. This, to
him, was what a Jew was. He said that he grew up hating Jews and during
the Intifada he was in the front lines throwing stones and who knows
what else. Hed been in and out of jail several times. One day there was
an early curfew in town to keep people off the streets. Ahmeds thirteenyear-old brother went for a walk to his grandmothers house just down
the street. He heard shooting and started to run. Before he could make it
to the door a rubber bullet made it to his chest. The bullet went through
his little body and literally broke his little heart. He died. Ahmed said
that day was the last day he saw his mother smile. Fueled with more
rage, he hit the streets again looking for bigger stones to throw.
A few years later, Ahmed needed a job and had looked everywhere
in town but couldnt find one. His friends told him that there were good
jobs on the other side of the line, in Israel. At first he was appalled at the
idea of working in Israel for Jews, but eventually he had no other choice.
So he got a construction job in a Jewish town working for a Jewish boss
named Dudik. Dudik was the first Jew he ever met who wasnt wearing
green. He was very bitter about the whole situation.
One day Dudik stopped and asked him why his face was always
so sad and bitter. They sat down under an olive tree and Ahmed told
the story of his brothers death and about his mothers grief. As he told
the story, Dudik began to weep and say how sorry he was that this had
happened to his brother! Ahmed didnt really know what to do or what
to think. Hed never met or seen a Jew expressing compassion and this
behavior did not jive at all with the image he had in his head of his
enemy, the other hed been fighting against and trying to destroy.
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Im crying because of all the Mothers who are right now going through
what I once went through.
It only takes a few small moments or interactions to radically transform a person and reality. Each moment is sacred and has awesome
potential for growth. In this life, with this body and with these eyes, we
can barely see the ripples we are constantly sending out. We know so
little about what effect we have on each other. The Dudik had no idea
what he was really doing and neither did the Momma...they were just
being, being genuine and coming from a place of compassion. When we
come from that place of compassion, especially for the other, we emit
beautiful waves of healing.
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Hug Around Jerusalem
We often leave the mess for the politicians to try and fix over coffee
with negotiations that thus far have proved fruitless. The hug felt empowering and uplifting, and the celebration lasted all night. No borders
were shifted and no grandiose documents were signed, but something
changed a bit. Perspectives were shifted. One cant help but look at the
other with a new pair of eyes after one has danced with him and prayed
with him. Im not sure how, and its not something I can prove, but Im
pretty sure that a big part of the healing that must take place out here
will be with music and dance and people dreaming together over late
night cups of tea.
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All the big religions proclaim G?d is one, Jah is one, Great Spirit is
everywhere and everything. Were all interconnected. If only we actually
believed this. Imagine you are cutting a cucumber and you slip and cut
your left hand. Left hand would never pick up a knife and strike back at
ol righty ( Jerusalem Talmud, Nedarim, ch. 9). It is clear to us that these
two are interconnected and part of a greater oneness. By celebrating we
connect. When we connect we can greater see oneness. The clearer we
can see the oneness, the greater becomes our impulse to live harmoniously, and that, and the hokey pokey, is what its all about.
Reb Menachem Fromam, z"l, and Haj Ibrahim of the Mount of Olives. Jerusalem Peace Makers.
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Just a Glimpse
Ive spent the last little while at a renegade farm in the mountains
near Jerusalem, where Samson once lived, helping a friend turn a tract of
dry land into a luscious blooming field of herbs and yummy food. I have
a donkey. His name is Kunta. He is an angry donkey. I learned to tame,
saddle, and ride Kunta from a snake-catching, exotic-parrot-breading,
peyote shaman named Lester. Technically the donkey belongs to this
man, but the donkey stays with us next to the late-1800s British train
car that were based out of. No electric, no running water, no problems.
Two days ago I was making tea by the fire and a herd of one hundred
and seventy goats passed by. I spent the day with them and their herdswomen. The goats listen better than Kunta. Yesterday I worked in the
field, processed freshly picked herbs and discussed radical politics with
a Brahman guru groundskeeper who works the night shift at an Arabian
horse stable whos from Goa, India, with a dreadlocked beard thats
white at the roots and almost reaches his stomach, and who was once an
heir to an aristocratic throne. Later, I jammed in a hut atop a mountain,
where rebel Jews once hid out in dugout caves to hide from the Romans,
with a semi-famous musician who gets play on the radio. Then hopped
a ride to Jerusalem to play a gig at a bar till the wee hours.
No details in this story have been exaggerated. Some of the names may
have been altered to protect individual identities.
Everyday I find a ten-pronged fork in the road. Each prong a different reality with infinite ramifications. Ive never been in such a little
space-place with such seemingly beautiful prongs. I say seemingly because one never knows where an unpursued prong might lead, though on
the surface it might shimmer.
Israel.
For every action there is an equal and opposite reaction, so they say.
This land known for chaos and turmoil is filled with so much joy
and beauty.
The news never shows you rampant Rainbow parades down the
catacombs of Jerusalem at 3 a.m. Or the gathering I just came from
where rabbis and imams sat, sang, and smiled together.
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Last week, I pursued a prong of preparing for a HUGE music/spirit
festival on the beach called Boombamelah. Sunshine, daydreams, palm
trees, white sand dunes, outrageous art, Rainbow family, circles, blue
sky in my eye, Mediterranean bliss. Sometimes at night I could hear the
bombs from Gaza, as I was camped about ten miles from the border.
Once in a while, just over the view of my campfire, on the horizon, the
night sky would light up green for a quick second.
Im not sure if its equal, the good and the bad, the pain and the
pleasure, but I do know that I dwell in a microcosmic land of extremes.
We are all microcosms of the macrocosm.
Israel is a celebrity. She has been for a long time. When a celebrity
goes to a bar and gets drunk the whole world hears about it. When Bob
Smith does the exact same thing, no one hears about it.
Many feel her power right when they get off the plane. And like
anything powerful, it can be used for good or for bad. Fire can save your
life, keep you warm, cook your food, bring you light. That same force can
easily burn and destroy.
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Orange Straps and Blue Dcor
Gaza pull-out, 2005
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The great dreams are the foundation of the world...
The crudeness of conventional life, wholly immersed in its materialistic
aspect, removes from the world the light of the dream...
The world is in convulsion with pains engendered by the destructive
toxins of reality, devoid of the brightness of the dream...
The free dream, which is in revolt against reality and its limitations, is
truly the most substantive truth of existence.
~ HaRav Avraham Yitzchak HaCohen Kook zl,
I have friends on both sides of the fence. Some are holding guns,
some are in basements hiding, and Im left praying and trying to figure
out the lessons of war as quickly and thoroughly as possible. Usually
when Hashem/Great Spirit/Life gives us obstacles, the sooner we figure
out the lesson, the sooner the obstacle composts, revealing a path to
beauty.
One of the main tests that this war poses is, can we hold multiple
truths at the same time? Are we big enough, are we equipped to suffer
with the Gazan children while at the same time feeling with the mothers in Sderot? On both sides of this conflict we are guilty of taking tiny
pieces of truth and holding them so close to our faces that we can see
nothing else. We point and we scream, THIS IS TRUE! THIS IS MY
TRUTH! And often we are right, it is the truth, but only a fraction of
the whole truth.
I think were big enough to hold more. To see more.
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I pray to the G?d who splits seas and makes frogs rain from the
sky, the one who let the light burn for eight days instead of one,
and the one who reversed Hamans deadly decree...
I pray for Bnai Yisrael/the children of Israel, that one day soon
there will be a generation that doesnt know of enemies sworn to
her destruction.
I pray for the children of Gaza that the source of compassion, who
makes miracles, will make a shelter of peace for all the innocent
ones.
I pray for Hamas, that the poison of hatred and fear that so often
steers their hearts and hands be composted quickly.
This letter is a window into and out of me. These are just my
perspectives, and of course you can feel free to do whatever you
wish with them.
People will try and get you to take sides. People often react to
political messes and conflicts like sporting games. They have a
team and stick with em no matter what!
When we blindly take sides, we lose. Often people take sides and
hate the other. When we do this we perpetuate the very thing we
thought we were against! Suffering! It just lives in different forms
and different directions.
Hatred is an energy that lives like a parasite inside of people. It
wants to live! Hatred will tell its host just what it thinks the host
needs to hear in order for the host to keep it around. Thats why
people hold their hatred so tightly. Try and take it away from
someone and they will kick and scream to justify its existence.
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When we take sides, we take little fragments of truth and hold
them up to our faces so close that we are unable to see any other
truths. We are equipped to hold so much more, brother.
People on that boat were killed with sharp metal bullets. It hurt.
They suffered. They had families. We can feel that truth.
No blaming here. No finger-pointing. Just feel the truth.
Many innocent Gazans live miserable lives. Its OK to let that in.
Israel does not feel safe allowing unchecked cargo into Hamas-run
Gaza.
And and and...It goes on and on...
People will call you a crazy dreamer for taking such a side. What a
compliment! This world is STARVING for crazy dreams!
People will lure you and tempt you with their little facets of truth.
See them for what they are.
Especially in crazy times, we must hold tight to what we know is
right and good, even if no one else is doing it.
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If war and conflict are to serve any purpose (which they must
because they exist) let it be to deepen our resolve and yearning for
peace.
This letter and these perspectives are just facets of Truth.
Love you Dude,
Brother
Crazy Mountain
Jerusalem
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in the Divine Oneness that flows through All existence. We speak of it
in different tongues and with different names, but it is there. It is here.
This is the one world superpower, and it can bring about change more
radical than any atomic bomb, more extreme than trillions of green dollars. For when we are able to look at humanity with pairs of eyes that
truly see this oneness in all, the great healing occurs.
I climbed to the top of Mt. Sinai looking for G?d and found
him everywhere. No burning bushes or deep, trembling voices. Just a
Technicolor sunrise to remind me of the passage of time.
A steady wind to keep me moving.
Theres a coffee shop near the top of this sacred pilgrimage mountain where the coffee is black as night, hot as hell, sweeter than sin and
the view remains unchallenged, reminding me to embrace the all, the
stone, the wind, the heat, the magnificence and even the rampant coffee
shops.
Resist your temptation to lie
By speaking of separation from God,
Otherwise,
We might have to medicate you.
In the ocean
A lot goes on beneath your eyes.
Listen,
They have clinics there too
For the insane
Who persist in saying things like:
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I am independent from the sea,
God is not always around
Gently pressing against
My body.
~ "We Might Have To Medicate You" by Daniel Ladinsky from The Gift: Poems by
Haf iz, the Great Suf i Master (Penguin Compass, 1999).
Bus Ride
As Im writing this, the bus just stopped and the engine turned off.
There was a shooting down the road.
One passenger, a soldier, grabs his M-16 and two clips and walks
down the road.
Armored trucks are everywhere.
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Iraq and Afghanistan that are much bloodier than the situations here.
Yet in America you can barely tell you are at war. People are far from
that truth. I find the veil of truth is much thinner here in Israel. Here,
the truth is much more in your face. Sometimes it smells delicious and
sometimes it smells nasty, but it Is-real.
As the bus comes to a stop at reservoir road near the town of seven
wells, we disembark and begin our journey on foot through the night,
following rock piles into the Rainbow peace gathering. Under the cover
of the full moon I remark to my brother Yoni, It is quite possible this
day has not yet climaxed. And it hadnt...
Touch N Go
I slide my tattered passport, the one that got washed in the Jordan,
to a lady who teaches customs at the airport. She reaches out her hand
and slides it through the glass window, bringing my travel-logged stamp
collection to her nose. Eyes closed. She takes a long, slow drag as shes
smelling where Ive been.
A knowing smile comes to her face as shes transported from her
cubist space.
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She stares me dead-eyed in the face...
and then lets me go...
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God was charitable toward His world by not endowing all talents in
one place, nor with one person, nor with one nation, nor with one country,
nor with one generation, nor with one world. But the talents are diffused.
The necessity of seeking perfection...causes us to seek an exalted unity...
The disposition towards universality always f ills the hearts of the
ref ined spirits of the human race. They therefore feel as though they are
choking if they should be conf ined within the sphere of their own nation
solely.
~ HaRav Avraham Yitzchak HaCohen Kook zl, first Chief Rabbi in Israel after
2000 years of exile. (English translation by Ben Zion Bokser).
Bangkok, Thailand
June 12, 2008
Fun thought: You and me, our heads are probably pointing in opposite directions right now, but both being pulled in the same inward
direction. When you drop something, it moves closer to me. If we started
digging...
Whats up?
As I got off the airplane and everything and everybody looked different and my body was twenty-five percent longer than everyone elses
and there wasnt a single face I knew, I thunk to myself, I made it as far
away from the place I was born while stickin to the mud heap...And
with a mighty grin shmackered to my face I thought This still kinda
feels like home.
Maybe this planet is a giant, heaving, living organism after all (to
be sung to Its a Small World). And were part of it. You know they
say that over three pounds of the human body is made up of foreign
bacteria and organisms, of which we could not live without. So, too, we
are part of this massive beast who feeds off the sun and slurps from the
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oceans and whose breath is wind. I just got relocated, like a hemoglobin
cell moving along arteries and veins, streets and rivers, to the other side
of the mighty organism.
Maybe Mother Earth isnt just a great big ship that were sailing
on...Youre a stitch in the sail and Im a peg on the floorboard.
Bangkok is growing on me, sometimes like a fungus. Shes filthy
and beautiful and grimy and then every few blocks there is a shrine
or a massive temple with intricate detail and serene vibrations. People
here are definitely more chilled out than most. Meditation is culturally
embraced. There are statues everywhere of a healthy, fleshy man who sits
in perfect stillness, contentment, and oneness with the world. This sends
out massive amounts of shanti (peaceful) societal waves. I think about
how this juxtaposes the waves that get triggered from the pictures and
statues in other developing countries Ive seen, of an emaciated white
Jewish rabbi pegged up to a roman torture/death device. Definitely different vibes...
My eyes and heart are open. My group of college students comes
tomorrow.
The Monk
The monk was old. One of his eyes was completely glazed white,
and when he spoke I could see the blood pressure building and bulging
in his jugular vein as it pushed out of his wrinkly old-man neck. He was
ancient and wrapped in thick saffron robes. He sat with a straight back
and perfect posture for over an hour in the Asian heat. I had to climb a
great staircase to meet him. He was standing on the top of the staircase,
next to a big golden temple that looked like it had been dripped out of
sand. He was sweeping when I arrived. Most people bow to the ground
three times when they meet a monk. I did not, as I thought of all my
ancestors who became martyrs for refusing to bow to this or that. I
respectfully put my hands together near my heart and greeted him that
way.
It was a little funny talking to the monk. You see, he was actually
from Burma, and he spoke the Mon language (Mon people have been
heavily persecuted by Burmese) so I had not one, but TWO translators!
One from Mon to Thai and then Thai to English (and vice versa)! It
took five minutes of telephone to say Hi and you could imagine how
much gets morphed in translation. Actually Hi in Thai is Kin Kow
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Mai, which literally translates to have you had rice yet today?
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It sounds like a good fallback plan to me. First, though, Plan A...
Try try try to stay in the light, to mend what can be fixed, to raise the
sparks in ourselves and others, to celebrate and seek out awe-full experiences, to bask and roll around in our joys, and to give breath and love
to our struggles. To connect as deeply and sincerely as possible with our
sources and ultimately our source. Thatd be my plan A. But it takes
courage to come out from the middle. If Newton is right, every time
you swing one way, theres a tug in the other. Im not convinced. I think
non-attachment is a wonderful tool. I keep it strapped tight on my belt,
and when things dont go my way or when my guitar gets run over by
accident by a pick-up truck (true story), then maybe I pull it out and I
am not so attached and destroyed because I know its just a thing and it
served a great purpose and it has moved on. Or maybe I cry because I
loved it. Anyways, Im glad the monk exists. Hes a totem, holding down
that energetic force that I sometimes feel drawn to call.
Radical Truth
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the laces? How much liquefied-dinosaur-bone-sequestered-carbon from
ancient fossils (i.e. fuel) did you release into my fragile air-pocket of an
atmosphere to bring me your product? Did you mutate the genetic code
of this plant Im about to put into my mouth hole and turn into me? Tell
me please! Then let me choose. I wish we could really have truth eyes
on as we look at one and other. Truth eyes that are so strong that even
if you looked at me and I was wearing a mask of distortion, you will see
and feed my essential me, my essential truth. With this way of seeing
(which is analogous to Matzah) we can heal each other.
Across the sad, muddy, border-town road was a brothel. We arranged
a meeting between our twenty college students and the sex-workers. The
inside of the brothel felt like an old western saloon minus any hint or
allusion of glamor. It had an open-air common room and a second-story
exposed hallway. We all stood in a circle and played icebreakers and
laughed for a while. We sat around a large table and asked each other
questions. The mood shifted. A fifteen-year-old child tells me a fable
about how she lays on her back and takes off her pants because she
needs to make money. A cyclone recently washed her home away, and
she was trick sold into slavery, thinking shed be a slave making shoes in
a factory. She now has no more time in the day. No more time to play.
She rolls the dice for a bowl of rice and maybe a little extra to send
to her starving parents. Each morning she lights a stick of incense by
Buddhas perfect feet in the hopes that HIV wont show.
You know, she says, Once I leave here, Im gone.
The air was humid with monsoon and thick with the musk of sex.
I saw you as a beautiful child.
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Whos Ganda?
Pre-trip
Day One...Uganda
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Fort Portal
Luckily I did not have to pee once the whole time because all the
water in me was dripping out in rivers of sweat. I barely moved. It was
an incredible sensation, and powerful meditation.
In hour two of the sit I reminded myself that this bus station was
just as much Uganda as any other place in Uganda. My goal was to
experience myself and Uganda, so I was, in that moment, doing what I
came for.
I had arrived, though the bus hadnt budged.
That thought dance-morphed into brother Yonis snorkeling meditation that we learned snorkeling off Ras Abu Galum in the Red Sea of
the Sinai desert. We stop swimming and float limp on top of the water.
Wide gaze through the plastic goggles. Breathe slow through a lifesupporting air tube that allows me to drink vital essence from the other
side...Wed both become water...When we stop moving, stop swimming,
worlds reveal themselves to us (see the Sabbath day of rest for more
on this). Colors and creatures I did not know existed start showing up.
Once we stop moving. The silt in the water settles and if Im lucky, I
can see more.
On the bus, I became water.
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Just then the engine fired...pitch-black tar-cloud smoke-plume farted from the tailpipe. Tires rolling, air circulating...we are on our way.
Big city grows small and the countryside quickly unraveling trees and
land shapes that are new to these eyes.
The quiet traveler watches.
At the third hotel, I walked in and asked for a room. The skinny,
dark man with an oversized shoulder-padded coat replied, We, are, full.
I said, Please man, could you just put a mattress on the ground
somewhere and Ill just sleep somewhere? Anywhere? Im super tired, I
just came in today from the other side of the planet!
Next to the concierge was a small caf with white plastic tables. A
tall, well dressed man with gawky-shoulder padded sport coat put down
his pencil and looked over his shoulder towards me. I smiled.
He said in a smooth, calm voice, Traveler, put down your bags.
When I am finished my writing I will make sure that you have a
proper private room.
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We had never exchanged names, yet by the end of that jam there
was a great knowing that far surpassed the stunted fruits of whats your
name.
The next safe person who you meet who asks you your name and
who you are and what you do, sing them a song about yourself and your
life.
People often say, How are you doing? and then expect an answer
that describes how you WERE doing. Ive been good, is a typical (past
tense, conditioned) answer. But the question is in the present. How
ARE you doing, now? And often I just want to say, right now I am in a
conversation with you, and its going pretty well. We just started talking
and you are already checking in with me to see how Im doing, which is
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a little strange. In most design strategies one evaluates near the end, not
first thing right off the bat. How bout lets have a conversation and at
the end well check in about how we are doingEhh?
No more parrot talkin, please.
Uganda is landlocked and she gets her petrol from Kenya, and since
the fighting broke out the petroleum teats have run dry. In the region
I am in, there is one station with petrol within one hundred miles. It
happens to be two frisbee throws away from my guest house. Hundreds
of petrol-hungry motorists have descended upon this little station with
their cars, motorcycles, and empty geri-cans...fighting over drops of the
flammable earth nectar. I can hear them shouting from my bedroom.
Police with AK47s have been gathering at the station, for soon the
pumps will run dry. What would you do if the pumps and the faucets
ran dry?
The show must go on...
It begins in an hour...
Showtime
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As I walked onto the grass and dirt dance floor, I felt the breeze of
three thousand eyeballs redirecting on me. The musician stopped lipsyncing, but the music continued. Some pointed, some laughed.
I smiled.
I waved.
They laughed.
I smiled.
Laughter turned into danceter, and the musician picked up the beat
and continued to lip-sync. Turns out most performers in Uganda lipsyncNot even karaoke. I told James that lip-syncing was very popular
in the USA amongst teenage girls with hair brushes, and he couldnt
stop laughing. Out of the fifteen musicians there that day, I was the only
one who played any live sound, voice, or music. I was laughing to myself
the whole time at the absurdity of the whole movie.
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Most people dont like that answer, even though its always true.
They often think I am being smirk and sardonic. So often Id just make
up some platitudinal answer about going on safari or something just so
that people would feel satiated, like they got their question answered. In
my head I knew that my trip was going to lead me to realities beyond
what I could currently see. This thought stream ran through my head as
it was day four in Uganda and I was playing onstage in front of thousands of locals, politicians, and Im seated next to the officially certified
and sashed Mrs. Uganda.
Kenyas Burning
After a song session with the kids at the Kenyan refugee camp,
I sat and met with the elders. I listened. They were eager to tell me
their stories. One guy, Peter, who was about my age, told me through
his swollen eyes about how hed been lynched by a mob and then had
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to watch as his home and all of the things hed spent his life collecting
went up in smoke. I promised him I would tell his story. So here I am.
I could not imagine having something so disastrous happen to me and
then to feel like there is no one to tell it to. It happens all the time. They
all had suffered...they had no homes...little food...theyd seen death...
yet they knew how to dance and celebrate the gift that is the moment.
And we danced. And it was amazing.
Senegal
Landing in Dakar tonight. Instant sand dunes and giant men wearing
turbans and beautiful color-filled robes with sandals. This is no ordinary
trip. I am leading a group of thirty rabbinical students from Reform,
Renewal, Conservative, and Orthodox denominations in Senegal with
the American Jewish World Service. If all we did for these two weeks
was work on understanding each other, Dayenu, it would be enough. On
top of the plural-uni-ism piece we also all worked on a project together
building latrines in a village. We ate together, we studied justice and
poverty together, and to top it all off, we prayed together. Each morning all of the participants from all of their different divisions, denominations, were asked to pray together. Orthodox men with shproingly
tzitzit praying with and beside lesbian Reconstructionist women. Any
two people should be able to at least pray together, give thanks together,
to ask together, especially if theyre both Jewish, you might think.
Senegal Day 7
I pulled out my guitar, the one with no case, and started to play
a happy song. Ten kids gathered. Then twenty. Then thirty. Each one
abundantly beautiful. There was this one kid up at the front of the
crowd, about two feet away from my kneeling body. We were eye to eye
and we were singing a happy song. He had mucus pouring out his nose
holes and flies sitting on his eyeballs. Through the holes in his tattered
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shirt I saw bumps from where worms had invaded his body, and I almost
threw up.
Do you want to skip through this part of the book/reality?
I did.
I couldnt do it.
Senegal Day 8
I tried.
I love to cryto taste the depth of the winter and heat of the summer. To come from that place where Im overflowing in one way or
another. To feel deeply is to be alive.
During the Amidah, the silent personal meditation, I tried to conjure up the feelings of disgust that I had put on pause from the day
before and from the world in front of me now. And I couldnt. I was
blocked and congested, energetically constipated.
Its the hardest and easiest thing on earth, is what they told me.
We lit a candle and we cried.
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HUMAN ERA
The problems in this corner of the world are completely out of control and can be overwhelming, often to the point of paralysis. Millions
of refugees, Sudan Genocide, 5.4 million dead in the last ten years in
Congo! I barely even knew there was anything happening in Congo.
Kenya is burning, 28 percent of pregnant women in South Africa have
AIDS.
In the year 2009, the era that birthed technologies that enabled us
to upload and reference the entire Koran, the Bhagavad-Gita, all the
Vedas, all Bill Murray movies, and the Torah in 6 seconds in the palm
of your hand from almost anywhere with no wires, 24,000 humans die
everyday from starvation.
In the era where human beings traveled without touching the
ground, faster than any animal, without sweating, by simply tilting their
ankles and gently rotating their fingertips, most of the 24,000 each day
starving to death are children.
What do I do with that?
What if I actually sat with any of those truths and really let them
into me, not just in my head?
Not so long ago it used to be that people only knew and would see
the problems and needs of their own little village, shtetl, or community.
Occasionally they would hear with their ear about bigger problems or
needs of the country or another land.
Today is different. These days are no ordinary days, in case you
havent noticed. Its never been like this before. In these rare times
we live in, people are constantly, consistently bombarded with images
and knowledge of suffering. Internet, CNN, BBC, barraging eyes and
conscience constantly. Ceaseless war, famine, bombings, drama, and
tsunamis dance their way into our eyeballs, into our bodies, in through
peoples living rooms everyday, live via satellite.
We can get flooded.
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A tricky seed within the fruit of knowing. Often the impulse to fix or to
help gets overdosed, hyper-stimulated. G!d forbid, we turn the impulse
off, we become numb.
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buy anything I do not Need?
Every 110 hours a million more humans arrive on the planet than
die into it. Every seventh person on the planet is a Chinese peasant.
Humans drink over a billion cups of tea a day. The insects outweigh
us and the chickens outnumber us four to one. We are tiny...You and
everyone you know make up a sampling error on any global census, yet
you are it. The dust of the earth for whom this world was created.
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Gleanings.
Perennial Truths, Insights & Perspectives
I have not come here to teach the reader anything new,
but to recall to mind (and heart) that which is well known to him.
~ Moshe Chayim Luzatto
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Are you done? Nopers. Maybe never. Because two minutes later you
will most likely be at that similar intersection again. All of your spirit
guides turn down the music and start dropping you clues as they cheer
you on... And it gets easier. We begin to form new patterns, which are
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in line with our higher selves. Slowly, orange-clad cranial and cardio
construction workers begin putting up orange and black detour signs on
ancient synaptic highways as new pathways are formed.
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Where in our lives do we cover our yards with inedible grass, instead of allowing edible forest gardens to succeed?
The wide eyed one replies, If any one person on this whole planet
actually reached his or her full potential, and actually did their best, the
entire world would be fixed and redeemed all at once. So none of us are
doing our best.
Go big or go home.
If you are not going big, or dreaming big, you are to go directly
home.
Go inside.
Get real!
All right...
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sustainable bliss
Sustainable Bliss
Simcha l Simcha...
Happiness to Happiness.
We often worship the darkness...
Happiness to Happiness.
Light upon Light.
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closeness
You can raise a child and take him to baseball practice and buy him
nice clothes, do all the right things, and still be so far away from him.
No closeness.
You can say the deepest, holiest, highest prayer in the worldturn
to page 53 in your prayer book and utter all the right ancient words, and
yet be so far from them. No closeness.
We eat food every day and were often completely detached from
where it came from and where it grew and who touched it. No closeness.
My friend tells me of her troubles, her cat died, and often all we do
is probe for more details, or relate a similar story, or say II am sorry.
Well do anything to deflect connecting directly to the persons feelings.
Anything to avoid closeness, even though that is exactly what were all
starving for.
Am I even close to my authentic self ? How much of what I say is
from conditioning? Hi, how are you doing? Fine, thanks. Parrot talk.
Am I close to my words? Am I one with my words?
How much of my day, of my precious life, do I live in accordance
with my truest, most authentic desires and authentic selfor am I living
far from them? Closeness.
Closeness is holiness.
Closeness is holiness.
There once was a temple that was built as a temple for all nations.
It was a magnificent temple. At certain times of the year, people from
all the nations of the world could come and make offerings. Though the
temple was arguably and likely the most grand and glorious temple ever
built, there were no pictures or paintings in this temple. No colossal
statues of a guy hurling lightning bolts. No paintings of a holy human
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There was a special room in the middle, in the heart. Once a year,
one pure holy man would enter the room with a rope tied around his
waist (lest he die and no one could enter the room to retrieve him). In
the center of the room there was a sacred box filled with divine expressions of Truth. On top of this box there were two statues of two angels
facing each other, arms and wings out, about to hug.
Closeness.
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Picture Billie Holiday singing in Radio City Music Hall. See her
projecting her energy outward through her face and through energy amplifiers into the co-resonating crowd, masses of hue-manifesting beings.
If shes singing the yellows, then everyone feels yellow. And when shes
singin them blues, then thats what you are.
Your life and your being are the most sacred things that you have.
Be conscious of who or what you co-resonate with. What you let in.
Which billboards you stare at. What you put on your altar. Your eyes are
holy portals that bathe your entire being in whatever you look at. Your
mouth, a sacred faucet. A Jew often wears a kippah, or head covering, as
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presence
People love to feel high. Its nice. High, which is up, is one
direction. Its nice, but its only one direction.
During a sacred song, the Soul ascends and dances beyond the
confines of the Body. Often in elation, I am detached from my physical
senses. I am not seeing the room of people around me. Im somewhere
else. Its nice. It feels spiritual. I used to think that getting high was
the point. Now I have come to experience that the holiest moment of
a song is just after the song. In the silence. The Shivasanah. The day
after a Holy-day, where the soul comes back down and merges with the
moment.
The greatest super-move of this Life is that we get to have a Soul
IN a Body! Your Soul spent plenty of time outside your Body before
you were born, and shell dance there again when she leaves your body
for the last time. The awesomest is to have a Soul in a Body. To be
fully Here, connected deeply to this world in all directions. This way we
sanctify this world.
When Im scheming on the future all the time, my Soul is pulled
out in front and outside of me. When my attention and focus is stuck
in the past, my Soul-body, the part of me that dwells in me, is pulled
out through my back. Ouch! This does not feel good, especially for long
periods of time.
Having a Soul, in a Body, connected through the senses to the moment, is the greatest gift we get to experience with this Life.
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sit spot
Some place is calling you.
Breathe.
Release the thinking mind and come to your senses. Always come
back to your senses. Allow the senses, the holy portals that connect you
to the world, to open.
Fix your eyes on a spot on a tree. Let it be the bulls eye. Expand
your peripheral from side to side and up and down like widening rings.
Go wider until you can see all the edges of your periphery at the same
time while fixed on the bulls eye.
Wordlessly take it all in.
Open your ears to all the sounds. Try to hear them all at once without focusing on any one.
See wide and hear wide at the same time.
This takes practice.
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jah is one
I want to share with you the biggest secret.
Everyone knows from the Torah/Bible the story of Adam and Eve.
G*ds first human friends. The naked farmers. The story that tells how
humans were placed in a garden where everything they needed was at
their fingertips. It was a time before pollution. A time before dis-ease.
We tasted the duality fruit of knowledge, of good and bad, which
immediately pulled us out of that initial garden of grace.
Here are some big secrets.
Seven* billion little judges meandering this mud heap, each with
their own unique set of relationships to good and bad, to things and
people, what is good food and what is bad food, to what is a just war and
what is an unjust war.
Some interpret Jah is One to mean that there is only one God. I
call this the one dude model of God. Most picture him as a Him, a guy,
with a huge awesome beard, sitting on a cloud, and He throws s#t at
you when you are bad and gives you a big thumbs up and a smile (maybe
even a good seat at the afterparty) when you are good. I grew up with
that model. Many of us did.
Many understand the Shema as a refutation of polytheism, with its
many gods, by proclaiming, There is only onedude.
The funny thing is that when you read the Torah in Hebrew you see
that it uses at least seventy different names for G?d. If you just read the
Torah without any interpretations or preconceptions, you would think
that the Torah was talking about seventy different characters, seventy
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different gods. But everyone knows that the seventy different names
speak to seventy different aspects of Jah. Seventy varied relationships
with the All. There is an aspect of Jah who is in complete control and
can kick your butt in a heartbeat if it wants to. In Hebrew this is called
Melachai Ha Malachim, or king of kings. This aspect can manifest as
a swerving semi tractor-trailer going 90 mph on the turnpike, or its
the winning lottery ticket, or anything in between. Its the forces and
variables in your life that are out of your direct control (most things).
If you are seeking greater intimacy with this aspect of the divine
you can go stand next to an Ocean. Or go live on a sail boat.
Then there is the aspect of the divine that only wants to give and
nurture us in a pleasureful way. El Rachamim, from the Hebrew word
Rechem, which means womb. The Merciful. El Rachman in Islam. This
aspect wants to give and protect, and loves unconditionally. Each name
is a different aspect. And the crazy thing is that this interpretation,
which celebrates the different aspects of Jah, is not so different from
divine concepts as found in Hinduism, which calls Brahma the creator,
Lord Vishnu the preserver, and Lord Shiva the destroyer, but ultimately
believes that these are all just multiple forms of the one God.
Sacred awareness can be transmitted in many different ways. It can
come from a book, from contemplation, from a friend, from suffering
etc. The vehicle of sacred transmission where I began learning many
sacred lessons was a 1977 burger king brown motor home whos entire
engine regularly needed replacing.
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the road. We drove out of Philadelphia at night with Cooper and Oliva,
bago surfing on the roof. Cooper hit a low branch and crawled in the
window of the moving home with a battle scar under his left eye and a
badge of unconventionality under his belt. We figured, most people follow conventional lives and most people arent happy or fulfilled. I think
we even knew then that this life was so precious. Somehow we knew not
to let some external force haphazardly design life for us.
Before heading south, my holy Mom insisted I watch Easy Rider
and Deliverance to show me how nice Jewish long-haired boys were
treated below the Mason-Dixon. I watched the movies. I listened intently to the nice, northern, outdoor adventurer squeal like a pig as the
inbred, shnagle-toothed, grinning southerner held up a shotgun. Three
months later, deep in the southland, while sitting around a campfire
singing Zeppelin with an ex-con Harley-biker bus mechanic named
Uncle Squeezer, I smiled inwardly as I felt preconceptions melt and
become replaced with the unequivocal truth of experience. I chose to do
my own thinking.
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call it God. In Hebrew the main name for it is Hashem, which directly
translates to the Name. The Name, as in, Place name here, because
any name you give this entity will just be a name, but we have to name
it something because we want to talk about it, but dont get too caught
up in the name because its just a name.
Louis Armstrong almost said: You say Allah, I say Elohim, you say
Yah-way, I say El Rachim. Allah, Elohim, Yah-way, El RachimLets
call the whole thing off. But ohhh if we called the whole thing off, we
wouldnt have words with which to talk about the unspeakable!
At a Rainbow gathering in Utah I sat across a camp fire from a
great man named the great Fantuzi. He sang to me:
The branches of a tree. They may be many,
But the tree...is one.
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Hashem Echad.
Jah One.
Jah is One.
Its cute and nice that I have a conscious relationship with the
natural world and spend lots of time in the nature. At the end of the
day, I am no more and no less made of earth, water, wind, and fire then
a hedge-fund, suit & tie, wall-street, corporate agent, who thinks that
dirt is dirty.
Reb Shlomo says there are two realities, two ways to look at the
world. One way sees only oneness and perfection. The other way sees
the world with eyes of good and bad, eyes of beauty and ugly, holy and
* This parable appears in the Talmud Yerushalmi, Yoma 23a.
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unholy. Both perspectives serve essential roles. But, says Reb Shlomo,
only one who has dwelt in a realm of oneness and perfection is equipped
and capable of going into the realm of good and bad, and taking the ugly
and realizing its beauty, taking the unholy and elevating it to holiness.
Maybe elevating the world around us and inside us is our whole purpose
of being. Thats why it is so crucial to set aside time in our lives and in
our weeks where we are not entrenched with working and fixing the
world. For our purpose in life to blossom, we need to allow for moments
where everything is as is. Moments where we stop moving, where the
dust settles and the water becomes clear. Where we are in a state of
being rather than doing. In Hebrew we call this time Shabbes.
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allowing abundance
In Eden, all of creation was in alliance with the humans. Food,
shelter, and medicine were in abundance. Then we tripped and slipped
and fell from that initial grace.
Heres the big secretshhhhhhh.check over your shoulder
OK.
So.
Here it is
Were still in Eden!
Shhhhhhh
I know its crazy, but if you look around closely youll know this,
that we humans live on a big garden-ball spaceship called earth. And
it comes fully equipped with a sprinkler system called clouds, oceans,
and rivers. And foods? The garden gifts us absurdly varied varieties of
foods...from barley to bananas, pistachios to pumpkins.
You know, lots of organisms only eat one or two other kinds of
things. It could have been so with humans, but it is not. In Eden, we
eat every color. This garden is bursting and bumping with medicine and
shelter! WOW! Its all there. Rather, its all here! And all it wants to do
is give to us in radical abundance.
No matter what we do to her. We slather her with concrete and
poison her life-supporting vein-rivers with our toxins. We choke her
breath, the wind, with fumes and plumes that arise as we burn and destroy her. Yet all she wants to do is give. She breaks holes through our
concrete, and she filters our smog. Yes, we still live in the unconditionally loving, life-sustaining garden of Eden. Its just hard to tell because
weve trashed the place. We exert so much time and energy blocking her
mighty loving will to give. If only we...
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Shhhhh...
Go tell everyone!
What if I told you about a miracle plant that helped fight cancer,
was the richest plant source of beta carotene, cleared acne, balanced
weight, was delicious, lowered your cholesterol and more(!), and had no
negative side effects? You probably wouldnt believe that such a plant
existed, let alone believe that such a gift grows tenaciously and abundantly in most yards across the USA. Lions-teeth aka dandelion, is
fully edible and medicinal from root to leaf to flower, yet we spend
millions of dollars and invest millions of hours in killing and poisoning
this plant. On CNN today they talk of a food and money crisis, and at
the same time people try and eradicate this amazing free medicine food?
Go figure.
No matter what we do, the things we need most wont go away. Cut
one dandelion, two grow back. Whatever in our lives grows wildly and
abundantly by our front door is what we need most.
What grows abundantly by your front door?
What in your life keeps growing back each time you try and chop
it down?
I often hear people say, I just want to release what is not serving
me. Which translates to, I want to cut and hack away with metaphorical
meat cleavers the parts of myself that I think I dont want or need. Cut
one, two grow back. I often see fears and insecurities getting chopped
and buried, only to grow stronger. It seems they have something to tell
us, something to teach us, and they wont go away until they get a chance
to speak. Once they have clearly delivered their message to us, they
often simply compost, like everything else in the universe.
Kabbalah mysticism demystifies life in teaching us the art of embracing our struggles by flipping them on themselves. It teaches that
at the root of any problem or struggle is a spark of a positive attribute.
Finding this holy spark, often amidst layers of suffering and patterns,
is a gift.
I hate myself for not fulfilling this or that dream in my life might
get flipped into, I deeply value and appreciate this life, and I want to
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I am mad at my sister because she never does the dishes turns into,
I value cleanliness, beauty, and order.
Pick something in your life that you are struggling and suffering
with.
Anything.
For just this one moment, look at your suffering without evaluating
Just look at it.
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No judgments.
No good or bad.
No wrong.
No right.
If you are clear and bold with yourself, you will find some root force
that is actually life-enhancing. It is likely getting twisted and infected as
it tries to radiate out of clogged, dilapidated channels.
Sages teach that it is from this beautiful root quality that healing
occurs.
Embedded in suffering is its own medicine! JAH!
Reb Nachman says that in every situation and in every person, there
is at least some faint spark of goodness, no matter how wicked or painful
the situation or person is.
It is our job to find these sparks,
to stair at them,
to bend down low to the ground and blow on them like breath on
an ember,
causing them to glow.
People will often hide and cover their golden spark with shmutz.
Do not be deterred. It is possible to celebrate and breathe life into a
spark of perfection in another person, even when they themselves are
not in touch with their own spark.
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See and state which of your needs are not getting met.
See and state how that makes you feel.
**
Person B:
See and state which of your needs are not getting met.
See and state how that makes you feel.
Person A:
Its a subjective opinion and a judgment, which actually breeds defensiveness and
resistance from the very person who you want on-board!
Said in feelings and needs, it might sound like:
I felt aggravated and hopeless when you did not meet me when you said you would
yesterday, because my need for harmony and order is not getting met.
This is a feeling and a need.
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Unfulfilled needs :(
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love pain
It is in the nature of Love and Light to want to spread and flow.
Thats why when you find something awesome in this world, your first
instinct is often to turn to the person near you and share it. When Love/
Water hits an obstruction, it pushes. We call this pushing pain. The
void/shadow behind the stone is sadness.
Focused love dissolves the stone. The stones always have medicine
to share.
The pain/pressure/sadness are blessings because they point to the
places where the light is not yet reaching.
If you can sit with your sadness in a way that is beautiful and without guilt and shame, it will speak and move and transform.
Love is the fruit on the tree of oneness.
We are here to Love and to celebrate Love, the greatest thing that
exists in all of existence.
We allow room for Love to be revealed through ourselves.
Through our moments,
our interactions,
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giving is greatest
When you ask me for a favor, I know you are doing me the favor.
For as you shine light on this precious doorway, you give me a clear
opportunity to give.
The sun never says to the earth, you owe me
Even after all this time
Look what happens with a love like this
It lights up the whole sky
~ Daniel Ladinsky from The Gift: Poems by Haf iz (1999)
The word charity comes from the Latin word caritus which means
caring. Caring is a feeling. I might give charity in the form of a dollar to
a homeless man because I feel pity for him. I might think to myself, His
lot in life is so low, and Im so lucky and blessed with plenty. Charity is
often a vertical type of giving, from high to low.
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surrender
The other day I was with a friend who had eaten some psychoactive,
consciousness-expanding plant medicine. He came to me with his heart
racing, saying, I think Im going to die...man! I reassured him saying
No one gets out of here alive buddy. You, in this form, are for sure going
to die. Probably not today though. The plant medicine had forced this
truth, which had been dormant, to the front of his eyes and because he
had ignored it for so long, it shocked him. It is good to surrender to the
Truth.
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love warrior
Picture a relationship that needs some healing. Imagine a relationship where there is much distance and possibly walls of fear in between,
blocking connectivity.
Now set it aside.
Picture yourself.
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self-lovin
Theres a voice inside my head that sometimes gets nasty and fresh.
He has said things to me that I would never say to anyone else. You
have failed at this before, you will fail at this again, You are ugly, You
are not good enough.
Heres how I tricked him:
For some, Do unto others as youd have done to you, is the golden
For people who are already pretty kind to others, the often-needed
medicine is the Self-Lovin rule, which says, Do unto yourself as you
would do to another.
Speak to yourself with that same sweetness that you would speak to
a friend or a child with. Actually, be kinder.
Try it out.
Aho.
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you should
You should... Of all that there is to know on the whole entire
planet, all the languages, molecular sciences, exotic histories, etc., what
percentage of all there is to know, do you know?
So why should on me? Do you really know the optimal path for
my life? If so, great! What are you connected to that is guiding your
guidance system?
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Unless, of course, your job is actually your vocation, taken from the
Latin word vocare (i.e., vocal, invocation) which means calling. If your
job is your calling, what you were placed on this earth to do, and not a
Job (see Book of Job), then I think we would have no trouble celebrating
that. Double shifting. Living life for a living.
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With the vote being so close, brain was forced into a temporary
state of fantasy. But what if I had said Bah?
Maybe shed know exactly what I meant.
Isnt that a strange question, How do you do? I mean, we say it all
the time without ever thinking about it, and its completely unoriginal
and I just think its strange.
Beautiful womans eyebrows clenched with bewilderment.
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Beautiful woman pushes out her stool, places five dollars on the
counter, and says not a word. As she walks away, a hint of bewilderment
causes her head to wobble slightly. It was at that precise moment that
left temporal lobe decided to cut funding for its inhibition program,
instantaneously triggering the lungs to compress and the larynx to contract, emitting a meek and barely audible Bah.
Subsequently this propagated the delegitimization of the shortlived monarchical subconscious regime and democracy prevailed once
more in the space betwixt Huxleys ears.
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Like yoga, we call this experience a practice. It is a practice because it is planned and we have some idea, some control, of what the
waves and variables will look like. The real test comes when I am driving
home from the sweat and maybe someone cuts me off on the road, or
maybe a guest at my house left it a mess, or maybe my partner wants to
leave me. The test becomes: can I hold my center? Can I stay loving and
open amidst the waves that life inevitably tosses in my direction?
When we are bold and hold our centers as we walk around town,
we become mobile tuning forks, giving permission to love amid cities of
disharmony.
Step 3:
The third act is knowing when to let go. There is a season for holding center and then there is a season for truly allowing myself to feel the
depths and motion of the ocean. To get tossed and carried by the tempest. My lover runs in the room crying. As she cries on my shoulder, do
I stay centered so that I can see her and her situation with even-keeled
clarity and candor, or do I collapse and cry along with her, attuning
myself to her pain? Good question. There is no one answer. There are
seasons. The medicine of the moment is in the moment. Awareness and
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presence are always the first step. Awareness. Consciousness. What am I
actually doing? Listening to the moment. What energy am I holding as I
do my doings? How does my being wiggle, and which ripples am I emitting? What flavor is my wake? These are the questions of self-awareness.
By at least asking these questions and being aware of how we respond to
situations and what energy we hold, we gain clarity and greater harmony
with our moments.
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Once in a while you get shown the light in the strangest of places
if you look at it right. ~Grateful Dead
It can be hard to walk talk in this world without making a mess.
Every action and inaction releasing unfathomable ripples. Even right
now.
Maybe I studied all the ancient texts, mastered religion and meditation. Still, how do I know when to say what? When to move? How to
groove? Where to look? What to do?
What is guiding me?
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Religious and societal codes offer a framework, but even they dont
give us specific guidance on how to navigate the nitty gritty of my moments of infinite possibility. Walking connected; GPS guided by the
most high.
Try it!
I pray that these words and this book be an aide to the graceful
unfolding of your life. It is my wish and prayer that when you put this
book down, you walk away guided clearly by your optimal, most lifeenhancing path. It is possible that the revelation of this path is the
reason your soul was sent here, into this here body-space-suit youre
wearing.
What if when we greeted one and other, instead of saying Hi, how
are you doing? we were to say Hi, how can I help with the graceful
unfolding of your life? How can I be the sweet medicine in your moment?
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seven spheres
There are seven primary relationships that you and every human
have. We can call them the seven spheres. Most of these spheres can
be loosely defined. For example, the sphere of your relationship with
your nation could mean what country you live in or it could mean your
religious affiliation. Community might mean the village you live in or
an online chat room you frequent. Your primary partner might be a dog.
Seven Spheres/Relationships:
1) Self
2) Primary Partner
3) Family
4) Community
5) Nation
6) Humanity
7) All of Existence
8) ...
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structive and will likely induce suffering.
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obstacles
The greater the goal, the greater the momentum needed. Therefore,
the greater the obstacles.
When we recognize the obstacles in our lives as gifts, our relationship with them transforms and becomes much more pleasurable.
Sometimes the obstacles even become laughable. When an obstacle
shows up and you can recognize it as a gift instead of getting angry and
frustrated, we can say, Hey you, youre here to propel me. Thank you...
lets go!
I also believe that it is important not to worship the obstacles and
deem them as 100% essential to accomplishing something. Sometimes I
have a strong desire to do something awesome, and the path gracefully
unfolds without obstacles, which is nice.
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why we do anything
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2) Ask yourself: Why might they be doing what they are doing?
Why is he riding a bike? Any honest guess will do. To visit his
friend... For exercise... Hes running away from someone...
All of these answers can be traced to a holy root.
3) We ask again...Why? Why might he be going to visit with his
friend?
Possible answer: He wants someone to talk to.
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Interconnected
Infinity
Tree of knowledge
Duality
Individuated
Finite
All Good
Light
Me
Doesnt matter
Everything is important
Outwardness
Acceptance of death
and and and...
Yearning
Inwardness
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able as kindergarten snack foods? Opposites? I find the term opposites
to be a bit violent and conflictual. I think the term perpetuates disharmony so I have scrapped it.
Instead, I like to call the great double truths best friend truths.
Best friend truths work best together.
The spiritual work for one who wishes to walk with pleasantness
is usually to hold and nurture both sides of a double truth. If I cling to
one aspect of the truth and ignore its best friend, life will get messy. The
messiness and friction I feel from being out of balance is there to bring
me back to balance. You can pick any pair from the list of great double
truths and see/imagine for yourself how they work best together. For
example: If I am only connected to the truth of the great oneness or the
greater good unfolding, why get out of bed in the morning? Why should
I fulfill my unique purpose? If everything is only a wash of oneness and
goodness is my life even important? If its all good, why not rob a bank?
On the other side of the best friend coin, if I am only connected to my
individuation, my separateness, my me-ness, I will likely be a jerk.
The kabalistic tree of life diagram, which depicts how life works,
has a column on the left and a column on right and then a central stem
which balances the aspects of this life.
The Chinese Yin Yang (dark light) symbol, (which has similar characteristics to the Hebrew letter Aleph, the first letter in the Hebrew
alphabet/aleph bet) is a reminder of the complementary nature of the
great double truths.
To complicate the subject slightly... There is perspective that says
that the great double truths are not equal truths. This perspective says
that the left, with its separateness and individuation actually sits within
the house of the right, the greater truth, which is oneness.
The main thing is that you dont want to be a drunk driver, constantly swerving to the left and then oversteering to the right and back
and forth. Youll hit a metaphorical tree. This style of life-driving makes
for great dramas, great movies, great messes and great clean ups but it
can be exhausting and destructive. An important question to sit with is:
Which perception/reality is your home and which one do you visit? Do
you mostly see the greater all-goodness in your moments/your life and
then occasionally visit the dualistic perception of good and bad? Or vice
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versa? Which side of the great double truths do you generally hang out
in? How is your balance?
Possibly the whole purpose of the spiritual path, the great wisdom
traditions, this book and this chapter is to get clear on what is going on,
on the surface and beneath the surface, to clarify how life works, and
then to design a working walking thriving life which is rooted in the
clarified truth of this reality.
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empty vessels
You are a healer? You are the doctor? You are the white blood cell
that composts the virus? Are you the medicine? Are you the plant? Are
you the juice in the leaf that causes the blood to heat up? Are you the
chemical compound within the pill? Are you the force of life who surges
through all things living?
Are you the healer? You heal people?
At our best we are empty vessels. We make space for the words, the
movements, and the medicine to come through us.
This teaching and several others are riffs from a teaching I heard
from the great and wonderful Judean Hill, fairy of white light, Shoshanna
Harari of the Hararis, May they be blessed with overflowing grace and
wealth, happiness and health in abundance. Amen.
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You dont like his deal? Maybe you dont like his plan? You dont like
his techniques or his style?
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For having your voice and wisdom silenced and kept out of sacred
books
For male dominated politics and wars
For a society that makes it hard for you to smile in public without
being misconstrued
On behalf of all men, I am sorry, and dedicate myself to the fixing.
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Really? You know the optimal plan for my life? In some cultures
the word should was reserved for oracles and prophets. Are you connected?
I see one great should. All the rest of them seem imperfect and
unsustainable. It is unsustainable for someone else to always be telling
me what I should do, even if they are a prophet. The one great should
is that we should listen to our soul speak. We should let our highest,
clearest, essential self reveal itself and co-steer the ship. I believe that if
we are really connected to our soulular truth, we will naturally love the
other as the self and protect creation and know whom to listen to and...
The soul speaks through the heart. We listen from our third ear,
through our heart, to our Neshama/Soul, which is a fractal of the infinite. We listen from our third ear, through our heart, to our Neshama/
Soul, which is a fractal of the infinite. This is sustainable and perfect
and will connect us to our highest purpose in this life. There is nothing
better for us to do with this life than to live connected to our highest
purpose. We have to do something while we are alive...
There are many ways to cultivate a third ear which can pick up the
subtle directives of the soul. Happiness and a joyful disposition help
to keep the channels of perception deconstipated (open and flowing).
There is a way to stay connected to joy even in our sadness, when our
sadness is beautiful and we feel no shame around it. Grieving can be so
beautiful. Uncomposted stagnant grief definitely blocks the flow of the
most high, and Ive been told personally by the Queen of the Fairies
herself that uncomposted grief that just sits around can turn into cancer,
God forbid.
Maybe the whole game/goal of this life is to keep the pathways
clear; to let the flow of truth/emet/essence/daat/matza/shechinah flow
through us uninterrupted; to allow the truest and highest expression of
the soil and those around us to blossom; to let the natural succession
succeed. There is an Eden code embedded in all aspects of creation. It
is possible that all endeavors, scientific or religious, that are not aimed at
cultivating these Edenic relationships are in some way suppressing the
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highest forms of abundance. In the Hebraic wisdom tradition, we call
these forces which block the highest flow Klipah. Klipah also means
the husk on a seed, the husk which must compost for the Tree of Life
to sprout.
Having a big sail means we must quiet the static and noise that is
foreign to our essence. This can be lots of fun. Actually, being in our
natural state is the most pleasure-filled state we can be in. There is so
much attraction and distraction in the world, one can have their perceptions and relationships hijacked for entire lifetimes (except for during
infancy). You can train a mouse to be afraid of cheese. If you were to put
a mouse and a piece of cheese in a metal cage, and every time the mouse
approached the cheese you sent electricity/pain through the cage to the
mouse, eventually when the mouse saw a piece of cheese he would run
the other way. Imagine if he saw a huge brick of cheese. To him it would
look like Godzilla. He would run so fast, away from that which his essence desired most. Our work here is to return to our essence. If we are
going to do something in this world with our life-time, and we are not
connected to our essence, what are we doing? We have to do something
in this life while we are here, with these perfect soul-bodies and these
warm fleshy space suits. We might as well have the best life of our lives.
Quieting the static and the noise which is foreign to our essence
and connecting to the truth of our souls is something to do intentionally
and unintentionally. It is good to have long extended periods of time
dedicated to basking in this essence-connected relationship, at least one
day a week. It is good to have key times during the day that are aligned
with the natural rhythms of existence, at least three times a day. We can
invite in this relationship and receive/Kabbalah it in our moments and
right now!
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LOMO
There is a popular epidemic called FOMO The fear of missing
out. Many people suffer from it. I have the antidote. Its called LOMO.
The love of missing out. LOMO says, go have the best life of your life,
party your best party, and hopefully other people are partying harder
and living more beautifully than you are! Do you want to live in a world
where you are always where its at, or do you want to live in a world that
is overflowing with thousands of amazing gatherings that you could not
possibly attend? When you hear about an amazing gathering that you
werent at, give thanks. It was awesome and you didnt have to be there.
There is advanced posture of LOMO called SHLOMO which is the
simple happiness and love of missing out.
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Carry one of these in each of your pockets:
I am the center of the universe,
this whole entire world was created for me
and
Anxiety is one breath away from excitement. Its just lacking oxygen.
Do not be an end user. ~ Frank Cook zl
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POEMS.
If our lives are the most important
theatrical production,
~Alex Grey
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Poems 171
Shades Of View
I own my perspective of this world. I own my reactions to situations.
Often it seems these decisions are made by an autopiloted monkey in the
back of my head. But even he is me. Unfortunately, autopiloted monkey
is a creature of habit, often pulling up to crazy intersections and making
the same predictable turns. The biggest challenge with these monkeys is
that once they get their monkey-hands on the steering wheel, they dont
like to let go. Sometimes for years. Sometimes for lifetimes.
They constantly tell the other passengers what they would need
to hear to make them seem needed. Danger lurks, implores the neurotic monkey. Its all just a game, jokes the jester. You are going to
fail, taunts the loser monkey to the mind. Then that same monkey, you,
causes feet to collide, making you trip and fall in a miserable self-fulfilled prophecy. Loser monkey sinks a little deeper into his chair, picks
up the microphone, and smugly announces to the passengers, Told you
so. Cycle reinforced with more fervor.
Releasing Babylon from the thoughts and exile from the voice on
a path thats divine, while taking back your mind. Oh say, can you see,
the veil that blankets your cornea? Who picked out the glasses you are
wearing? Was it you? Cuz I got them too. But each moment I pick my
Shades of View:
I wear glasses of forgiveness
Glasses of oneness
Gratitude goggles
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Ugly shades
Beauty lenses
In the attic I keep a microscope that sees all the details and a dusty
telescope that probes tomorrows
Collecting glasses
Detective glasses
Mirrored ones
Clear ones
Fear ones
Free ones
Cheap ones
Reruns
Heavy ones
Red ones
Green ones
One that sees your core and ones for inspecting your shell
Ive got thinking glasses and laughing glasses
Loving glasses and leaving glasses
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Yet each moment, I pick my shades of view
I got glasses that know no time and ones that see this world in rhyme
Ones for reminiscing
Ones for forgetting
Ones for dreaming
Ones for peeking
Ones for quick glances and ones that let me stare intensely for hours
Ive got ones that aid in creating
Ones for breaking
Ones for reading the fine print and ones that allow me to zoom out
and see the big picture
Ive got ones that make me feel groovy like Im in a movie
And ones that I only wear on a Tuesday
Manly ones
Girly ones
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Soft ones
Furry ones
Ones that are flexible and ones that you couldnt bend with a crowbar
Ones that you couldnt scratch with a hammer
Ones from TV
Wrong ones
Good ones
Bad ones
Ive even got a pair that are made out of milk and of honey
And ones that are specifically designed for nights that are lonely
Ive got beer goggles and stoney shades that make the world spin real
slow
Ones that glow, in the light
Broken ones from a fight
Nearsighted
Farsighted
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Poems 175
Invitation
Pushing through the night
If you pay this and make that you can pull up a chair
Light a Cohiba
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A piece of me jumps over the rail into the endless black
He swims through the veils
and the swells
Soaking wet
skin dissolving
both basking
warmth passing
walls melting
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Poems 177
If
If you can walk
you can dance
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If We Choose To
We can lift each other up,
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Clear vision.
idling for hours and days and lives with the key in the ignition,
scrambling to try and read the maps and charts
Or step out of the car and bliss out dancing on G!ds front lawn.
Just no more sitting in smogged-out clouds of confusion.
This car is starting to smell and weve got better things to do.
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Medicine Wheel
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Invitation 2
We sit naked by the spring
Sun-soaked Judean hills
Blue sky in my eye
in the spring
as angels descend
serving dishes
made a reservation
for you
at the table
Come
Oh
by the way
They only bother you if you choose to, on some level, be bothered.
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You Are
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You are the mighty rhinoceros
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When your blisters are hurtin but you still gotta run
and your days feel all over before theyve begun
When your tires are flat and so is your pulse
When youre going through the motions and none of its real
and love shes an emotion you forgot how to feel
When youre down in the dumps and all circuits are busy
and you feel like an ant thats lost in the city
When your eyes are forced open and the truth is apparent
When all colors seem faded but nothings wrong with your eyes
and your best girls in love with some other guy
and youve run out of time but youve got to keep running
When your sails are all torn and your vessel is tossed
and you constantly dwell on all that you lost
When youve been up all night and its near the break of dawn
and the worlds best advice is hey, life goes on
Remember, it could be worse,
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Poems 185
Path Divided
Theres a couple in the corner. Theyre sitting where we once sat.
Her heart winces softly propagating salty droplets to reinforce the prepaved wet trails down her drooping face. Everything ends. Nothing is
perfect. Everything ends. Nothing is perfect. Like a broken vinyl skipping in the back of his mind. For when this day forfeits they will be
walking down a path divided. The flickering of her eyelash will no longer
tickle the pillow of his chest as they snuggle serpentinely while slipping
into subconsciousness. Half measures of coffee beans will be scooped
during the early-morning rituals. They will cling and throw themselves
like lemmings, into the black hole they have created. Yes theres a couple
in the corner and theyre sitting where we once sat.
He tells her, Separation is only an illusion.
She says, It does not feel like that.
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186
Sustainable Bliss
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Poems 187
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188
Sustainable Bliss
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Poems 189
So listen to the whistle blow
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190
Sustainable Bliss
Then his voice was heard for the very first time,
saying Ill see you all in hell.
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Poems 191
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192
Sustainable Bliss
Its raining
This whole entire universe was created for each singular speck
of the dust
of earth
The proud
The alive!
Front-row tickets
Stay warm,
As if to remind me to wake up
She reminds me what it was like
in high school
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Poems 193
Inspiration
I stay inspired
She is my fire
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194
Sustainable Bliss
I Do Declare
The self-perpetuating stagnating pursuit of happiness
leaves us gasping
(If you are breathing, youre not pursuing, you are breathing)
Howd it work?
And breathe...
You
You have the right to choose the highest perspectives around town
And you can stay for as long as youd like
See
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Poems 195
So
I do declare
1/27/2016 9:27:49 PM
196
Sustainable Bliss
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Poems 197
The work is great
Lackadaisically we spin
Somewhere
Anywhere
Anywhere fun
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198
Sustainable Bliss
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Poems 199
Pathways converging
Diverging
Colliding
All traversing
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200
Sustainable Bliss
Forces of Shadow
The more we get together, the happier well be, was what my teacher
once taught me.
Seems to me to be;
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Poems 201
When to Silence
Ohhhhh...
Here.
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202
Sustainable Bliss
written the day after the meeting of World Religious Leaders in Oxford
She asks me where would you like to sit
I look around the room.
I just got off the plane.
Great silence...
Thunder roars...
Face muscles and eyeballs a bit tired from smiling and seeing so
much...
and what now...
Where do I go?
From here?
From here.
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Poems 203
Its the place I come back to.
Youre wearing,
Some are awakening with a cold sweat from a horrible dream with
their fists still clenched.
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204
Sustainable Bliss
Gaza rockets red glare. I rack I ran I ran...
On some level everybody knows that Harmony is the best thing going
around.
The key is not in how many of the great knowings you know...
but the harmony amongst them.
Vomit all you need to dear one.
And do us all a great favor and refrain from publicly barfing on your
neighbors in an amplified way.
So I walk.
And decorate
My regular pace
My regular place
Dissolving.
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Poems 205
You Say
You say Its all good
But I think I would
Notice
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206
Sustainable Bliss
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Poems 207
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Go Further.
It is possible and likely that this day and this life
has not yet climaxed!
May you live the life you Love.
I have read through this book several times
and found content corrections each time.
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I offer
www.PesachStadlin.com
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Acknowledgements.
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