ROSWELL & STEVE 01x02 - "STEVE"

By
Vincent Pavey

INT. STEVES COCKPIT - DAY? ITS SPACE, NOT MUCH

DIFFERENCE...
STEVE is in the cockpit of a smaller shuttle that he owns.
It is parked in the cargo-bay of the bigger vessel he
shares with ROSWELL.
It is fairly plain for a spaceship, and his chair has
patchwork areas where it has been repaired.
STEVE flips open his communicator and 56K dial-up noises
blare out of it. He winces at the screechy awful noise.
SARAH
Hello?
STEVE
SarahSARAH
I told you not to call, Steve!
STEVE
ButSARAH
Do you still live with Roswell?
STEVE
YeahSARAH
Then were doneROSWELL climbs up the ladder into the cockpit. Theres a
hiss followed by a loud clang as the hatch opens.
ROSWELL
Whyre you hiding in here? Whore
you calling?
STEVE puts the communicator to his chest.
STEVE (MOUTHED/WHISPERED)
Sarah.
ROSWELL looks disgusted.
ROSWELL
Sarah? Gross.
SARAH
DID HE JUST CALL ME GROSS?!
STEVE rubs the side of his head nervously.

2.

STEVE (DRY)
No.. uh.. of course not.
SARAH
WHEN ARE YOU GONNA STOP COVERING
FROM HIM STEVE?!
ROSWELL
YEAH STEVE, WHEN? HUH?
STEVE
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?!
STEVE glares at ROSWELL.
SARAH
STEVE. STOP CALLING ME. WERE
DONE. GOODBYE.
Theres a rustling and then a beep as SARAH hangs up.
ROSWELL stretches his arms and yawns. STEVE looks glum.
ROSWELL
Alls well that ends well.
STEVE looks furious. He attempts to strangle ROSWELL.
CUT TO. TITLE CARD
2

INT. DINING ROOM - DAY

ROSWELL and STEVE are sat at a table together eating
spaghetti and meatballs.
STEVE still looks really glum.
ROSWELL
So then I say to her THATS NO
NEBULAPE - THATS MY WIFE! which
is obviously part of the scam
because well you know, Im not
married!ROSWELL stops talking. His eyes widen.
ROSWELL
Are you sure youre not still mad
at me?
STEVEs eyes narrow.
STEVE (SEETHING)
No. Roswell. Of. Course. Not.

3.

ROSWELL
This is Roswell Friendship
Station calling Captain
Passive-Aggressive - CAPTAIN
PASSIVE-AGGRESSIVE, ARE YOU
READING ME?
STEVE
Is that supposed to be endearing?
ROSWELL
Probably.
STEVE
Well its not.
ROSWELL
Why are you being a grump?
STEVE
Ill give you a hint. It rhymes
with Fairer.
ROSWELL
I didnt know you had a carer?
STEVE
OH HA-HA. EVERYONE WATCH OUT,
ROSWELL ANASAZI IS ON ANOTHER
COMEDY TOUR!
ROSWELL makes finger guns.
ROSWELL
Look. Lets hit one of the colony
worlds. Itll take your mind off
of ...your chimera.
STEVE
Smooth.
ROSWELL makes finger guns again.
3

EXT. MARKET - COLONY WORLD 6 - DAY

Roswell and Steve are on a futuristic looking street at
the top of a hill, where all manner of alien creatures and
robots are selling all manner of goods. The sky is green
and the grass is blue.
A shady looking alien merchant approaches them.
ALIEN MERCHANT
You in the market for some human
slaves?

4.
ROSWELL turns to STEVE, shocked and horrified. STEVE is
shaking his head no.
ROSWELL
Where did you BRING me?
They continue walking.
A bulky looking cyborg with the word HENCH sprayed onto
his armoured chest is handing out flyers to passers by.
HENCH CYBORG
Be a cyborg? No more gym!
An alien takes a flyer and nods smiling as he walks on
before quite obviously throwing it in the trash.
HENCH CYBORG is not discouraged. He approaches Roswell and
Steve. He nods at Roswell and admires his one rock arm.
HENCH CYBORG
Heeey! Nice body-mod. Retro
Ancient style!
The cyborg pats Roswell on the back but doesnt know his
own strength. Roswell falls to the ground unconscious with
a small whelp. He starts to roll down the hill.
HENCH CYBORG hands STEVE a flyer.
HENCH CYBORG
You should be a cyborg. Its
where its at.
STEVE
Hmm.
4

INT. DINING ROOM - DAY

STEVE is now a fully functional cyborg with a ridiculously
muscular, chrome robotic body.
His natural head looks tiny in comparison and has been
fitted with one robotic eye that glows an evil red. His
new hands are basicaly giant robotic crablike claws.
He walks over to the table and attempts to pick up a glass
of chocolate milk.
For a second it looks like he is successful.
STEVE
Phew.
The whole thing shatters.
Chocolate milk gets everywhere. EVERYWHERE.

5.

STEVE
Crap!
His hands start to spark. His arms rise up and start to
spin in a helicopter motion as sparks and steam fire out
in all directions.
STEVE
MISTAKE MISTAKE MISTAKE MISTAKE
5

EXT. MARKET - COLONY WORLD 6 - DAY

STEVE is back where he was. Squinting. Deep in thought.
STEVE (DRY)
Mmm. No.
HENCH CYBORG
Youre sure?
STEVE
Sure as I love milkshakes.
HENCH CYBORG
What?
STEVE
Youre telling me you dont have
trouble with milkshakes?
HENCH CYBORG
Well, sometimes butLAU-REN
Excuse me.
An alien girls hand taps STEVE on the shoulder.
STEVE turns.
LAU-REN
Are you Steve? I think this is
your friend?
In front of STEVE is LAU-REN, an alien girl with four
arms, lime green skin and mustard coloured eyes. Hes
smitten. Looking down he notices that ROSWELL is propped
up against her boots. He is unconscious and smeared in
dirt.
STEVE
Debatable.
LAU-REN
What?

6.

STEVE
Nothing. Sorry. Im Steve! Yes.
Thats my friend. Sort of. Best.
Friend. Thats probably sad...
LAU-REN
Cool. Im Lau-Ren. Nice to meet
you Steve.
ROSWELL (LOUD WHISPER EVERYONE HEARD)
STEVE, I THINK SHE LIKES YOU ASK HER TO GO AND GET SOME
COFFEE.
STEVE looks down at ROSWELL.
STEVE
Was that your idea of subtlety?
LAU-REN
MORE IMPORTANTLY - You were
awake?! Why didnt you say so?
ROSWELL
Would you stop someone carrying
YOU up a hill and saving YOU the
walk?
LAU-REN
YES!
ROSWELL
We are very different people.
LAU-REN
Obviously!
ROSWELL
Go get a coffee with Steve!
LAU-REN
Why would I do that?!
ROSWELL
Because I wont be there - and
then we wont be arguing with
each other in the street!
LAU-REN
That actually- ...sounds good?
ROSWELL
I KNOW! HES NICE!
STEVE (ANGRY?)
YEAH!

7.

ROSWELL
Youre blowing it Steve.
LAU-REN
YEAH STEVE, STOP BLOWING IT!
STEVE does a little salute.
STEVE
YES MAAM!
STEVE and LAU-REN leave arm in arm.
ROSWELL
Well my work here is done.
HENCH CYBORG
So.. did you guys just forget I
was here.. or..?
6

INT. SPACESHIP LIVING ROOM - EVENING

STEVE and LAU-REN are sat on the sofa in what passes for a
living room on the ship. Theyre watching a movie.
There is a coffee table in front of them with a newspaper
on it.
MOVIE CHARACTER (O.S)
Of all the spirits I have
encountered in my journies, his
was the most... greylian..
STEVE yawns and tries to put his arm around LAU-REN. She
does not look impressed.
MOVIE CHARACTER 2 (O.S)
Hes not gone, as long as we
remember him.
Without even turning to look at him, LAU-REN grabs the
rolled up newspaper and taps him on the nose with it
sternly.
STEVE whelps and takes his arm off of her.
The movie reaches its credits music and LAU-REN stands
up.
LAU-REN
I should really be going..
STEVE jumps up.

8.

STEVE
I KNEW IT. YOU ALL LEAVE ME IN
THE END!
LAU-REN
Are you going through some stuff,
or?
STEVE
NO. Well. There was this girlROSWELL pops up from behind the couch.
ROSWELL (QUIETLY, FROM SIDE OF MOUTH)
Youre blowing it, Steve.
STEVE is shocked. LAU-REN not so much.
STEVE
Right. Ill send you a hail
sometime next week?
LAU-REN
Sure. Yes.
7

INT. SHUTTLE BAY - EVENING

The shuttle bay is a room with enough space for two
average sized shuttles. Both of the spots are taken up.
One by Steves empty shuttle. The other by LAU-RENs.
LAU-REN
Later, Steve!
Loud rock music starts to play from her ship as it takes
off. STEVE waves her goodbye.
ROSWELL
She seems nice.

INT. LAU-RENS QUARTERS - A STARBASE - EARLY MORNING

LAU-REN rubs the side of her head as she enters her home.
The only light is coming from a small lamp on a
counter-top that flickers on as she enters.
She sits down on a fancy looking black chair before
pulling out a thin communicator that looks top of the
range.
Brand new.
In fact... everything in her place looks brand new. Some
of it is still in the plastic.

9.

The commmunicator beeps twice and then clicks as someone

on the other end answers.
LAU-REN
Tweedle-Dumb and Tweedle-Dee
bought it. Im in.
END OF EPISODE 2.