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Nicollette Roe
SOC 352
12/7/15
Assignment 5

Staying Connected After A Baby: The Real Background

While reading this article on Huffington post entitled 11 Strategies to


Strengthen Your Partnership in Early Family Life by Carrie Contey, I cant help but
think how silly it is that the subject is extremely narrow. This is due in part to the
fact that many stressors create disconnections between partners; stressors so large
that having a baby and being busy doesnt even touch the surface of the issue. This
is reflective of my newly developed sociological lens thanks to enrolling in SOC 352
taught by professor Anne Tuominen. My reasoning for thinking the subject was
narrow (with only 11 strategies given) was due the lack of true reflection of the
many factors that influence intimate relationships in the home and they are often
times not as simple as having 11 tips or tricks to fix them. They stem from much
deeper entities and are embedded in societal structures that impact our lives
whether were knowledgeable of it or not. Due to this, the balance of intimate
relationships with the survival of the family arent always equal or achievable due to
different family structures and influences. In order to explain this more thoroughly
lets go through the article and critically analyze it.
To start, this article was written as a guide to new parents who want to stay
connected to their partners after the arrival of an addition and for the first few years
after that. Its to inspire people to keep the relationship cooking while, navigating

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the logistics of getting everything done (Contey, 1). The 11 tips Contey offers to
readers is as follows:
1. Accept what is
2. Acknowledge, often and honestly, the wacky phase of life you are in
3.
4.
5.
6.
7.
8.

together
Invest in the relationship bank account
Be honest and own your stuff
Slow down, connect, enjoy
Regulate before you communicate
Check yourself
Five to one (the rule that you must give 5 compliments for every one

critique one makes)


9. Let it be
10.Really listen and put yourself in your loves shoes
11.And finally, choose love.
Now as adorable and well intentioned as Im sure the author is, its inarguable that
this type of intentionality and prioritization for ones intimate life is only a realty for
a slight few. A slight few meaning those that are privileged enough to possess
adequate time in their daily lives to get that type of intimate connection one would
so long for to maintain. This type of benefit isnt possible for all parents juggling the
balance between labor market work and household work.
Clearly the phrase from role to self in Cherlins reader page 29 states,
influenced this author to expect that this specific transition of roles since the 19 th
century was something the Huffington Post audience would relate closely to; and
while there are figures showing the themes in marriage on page 26 and 27 in
Cherlins reader proving that this bit is true throughout historical times, I argue that
its not as accurate when we include social factors such as gender or class.
Furthermore, this article of quick tips to keep the partner relationship going strong is
also written assuming that there are both parties fulfill roles equally, hence, the
tone of the language that both do these things.

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Obviously, it takes work (two different kinds in factstated above) to make a
family function properly. The important question is who does this work?. Its
imperative to think about gender when we consider who carries out specific tasks in
the family home because it gives us a background of whether or not this equality in
the relationship is realistic for couples or partners in marriages way before
assuming they both do the equal share of the work.
One example of this would be the feeding work that is mentioned in lecture
16 by Devault. Devault states all of the work involved in feeding ones family
including but not limited to: grocery shopping, preparation, setting the table,
cleaning and serving, etc. The results are that women more than majority of the
time carry out this feeding work. This is an example of gender roles
disproportionately being divided up among the sexes based on their autonomy
rather than ability or interest. Moreover, this points out the unevenness of
household work being societally pushed more heavily onto women than men. Again,
this is valid to focus on considering its a preliminary subject that has to happen
way before we can assume that a mere 11 tips and tricks will work for the family
formation of any married or cohabitating couple with children.
Another challenge or aspect in family formation that effects the functionality
and ability of the parents is their class status. Gender and class relate closely in
analyzing this article because gender influences the jobs and opportunities available
to people and that in turn effects your class status by how much income, education,
and connections one can make. With less opportunity based on gender, one makes
less money and is considered poor, working class, middle class (divided into two
levels), and upper class.

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In chapter 8 of Cherlins reader, Work and Families it states The
movement of mothers into the paid workforce is one of the most significant changes
in family life over the past half century (page 164). This is notable to better
understand the history of women in the workforce and how it came to be in the
present day situation. Because most mothers are employed outside the home, they
cannot do as much housework and childrearing as they used to. Men are doing more
work in the home but not enough to fully compensate. (page 164).
In short, these two social factors influence the way the family is able to
manage work because theyre social structures that essentially pre-build what
parents do in their relationships. I felt this was necessary to think about when
talking about how to make a relationship retain its intimate, romantic strength such
as the article on Huffington Post because it influences one to think outside of what
the surface shows. These tips and tricks are only manageable or achievable when
one first understands their own family functions and roles. It is not to say that all
women or all men do these things; rather, its to show the history of these
relationships in the family and how they may continue to change even.
All in all, I would highly suggest prompting people to first not question
in which ways they can spice up their relationships after the chaos of kids enters
your life but rather what relationship dynamics are working and what about them do
you like or dislike? This way, it can be practice on each individuals specific
relationships and situations where they may or may not be able to have time to
ponder their self-care needs based on influences such as work, childcare, etc. That
is how one will truly find the knowledge of how to stay connected in the early years
after delivering baby. Life and relationships is not one size fits all as much as the
article would like to presume it is.

Bibliography

Contey, Carrie. "11 Strategies to Strengthen Your Partnership in Early Family Life."
The Huffington Post. TheHuffingtonPost.com, 28 July 2014. Web. 12 Dec. 2015.
Cherlin, Andrew J. Public and Private Families: A Reader. 7th ed. New York: McGrawHill, 2013. 29 & 164. Print.
Cherlin, Andrew J. "Work and Families." Public and Private Families: A Reader. 7th
ed. New York: McGraw-Hill, 2013. Print.

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