CONTENTS

STRESS SURROUNDS OUR LIVES

Three major components of stress ...........................................................................................4

CONCEPTS TO REMEMBER WHILE

DE-STRESSING
Causes of Stress are Everywhere, All the Time ........................................................................5
How Stress Affects Us ............................................................................................................6

THE 10 WAYS TO DE-STRESS YOUR LIFE

PERMANENTLY
1) Its About Choice ................................................................................................................7
2) Be the Observer ............................................................................................................... 10
3) Balance ............................................................................................................................ 11
4) Patience is Your Best Friend ............................................................................................. 14
5) Honor the Natural Flow of Life ........................................................................................... 16
6) Always Think Positively ..................................................................................................... 18
7) Always Be Authentic to Yourself and Others ....................................................................... 20
8) Abandon the Need to be Perfect ........................................................................................ 20
9) Develop a Support System ................................................................................................ 21
10) Incorporate Selective Advice Encouraged by Other De-stress Books.................................. 22

OTHER KEY POINTS ABOUT STRESS

The De-stressing Process is a Commitment ........................................................................... 22
Seek Help if You Get Stuck ................................................................................................... 23
The Inner Path Versus the Outer Path .................................................................................... 23
A Simple, Rewarding and Refreshing Outer Way to Augment Your Inner Path........................ 24
2012-2015 White Lotus Living, Inc. (publisher of Perfect Inner Peace magazine) by Jan Tucker

The information in this booklet is not meant to substitute for the advice of a qualified health care
provider or medical professional. It is not intended to diagnose, treat, cure or prevent any illness
or disease. Please contact your health care provider or medical professional immediately if you
have or suspect that you have a medical problem.

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ITS ABOUT CHOICE

ITS ABOUT BALANCE

Think how exciting it would be if you could actually live a

more balanced, peaceful, fulfilling life while still
participating successfully in a world that encourages highstress living!
Our culture is well-known for encouraging successful
people to be driven, achievement-oriented, assertive and
sometimes even aggressive. We are rewarded for
activities and actions that add stress to our lives.
This book provides you with valuable information on how
to choose a better way. You can live with far less stress in
your life and be even more successful! The benefits are
endless!

STRESS SURROUNDS OUR LIVES

The three components of stress

Photo Here

are inter-related, not separate. In

reality, we are whole beings. Our
approach to stress needs to be
comprehensive and coordinated
in order to solve the problem
not fragmented.

Three major components of stress

We are all different, but in this life we live, we are all subject to daily stress. Stress
affects us in three major areas, not just one:
Mind
Body
Soul
Once we realize this, it helps us to understand that in order to conquer stress we need to
apply a more comprehensive approach than is typically recommended. We are usually
told to exercise more, meditate, get enough rest and eat a balanced diet. These are great
recommendations, and they are all components of a good stress-reduction program, but
they are not enough to help us conquer our problem permanently.
For one thing, each of these adds more for us to do in an already stressed-out life. We
dont need more to do in order to de-stress. We need to simplify our way of life. We need
to change our way of thinking. Done correctly and consistently, we will find we can

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accomplish much more and be more effective, while having increased peace and
relaxation in our lives.

CONCEPTS TO REMEMBER WHILE DESTRESSING

We all experience stress and

many of us begin to feel the
need to change only after
stress catches up with us.
Dont despairrealizing
youre too stressed is the first
step in the process of destressing.

Causes of Stress are Everywhere, All the Time

Stress affects us regardless of our age, our health or our state of mind because its
everywhere in our society. Every minute we are bombarded with dozens of reasons to
feel stress. Our spouse or friend or our boss might say or do something that arouses our
anxiety. Time is ticking away and we need more of it. Kids can add pressure to our
livesand so can strangers
Honey, can you make sure you dont leave your shoes in the hallway again?
I really wish you wouldnt interrupt me when Im trying to think!
I cant believe I got passed over again for that promotion after all Ive done!
Oh this traffic is unbelievabledid you see how that guy just pulled right out in
front of me, and now hes only going 40 mph!
Oh no! I forgot all about that meetinghow embarrassingI hope everyone has
time to reschedule!
WHAT did little Tommy do this time?.........
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How Stress Affects Us

Its no secret that stress takes a huge toll on our lives. According to Helpguide.org,
following are some major signs of stress overload. Notice these signs follow the three
major components of stress identified earlier (mind/body/soul):
Cognitive Symptoms
Memory problems
Inability to concentrate
Poor judgment
Seeing only the negative
Anxious or racing thoughts
Constant worrying

Emotional Symptoms
Moodiness
Irritability or short temper
Agitation, inability to relax
Feeling overwhelmed
Sense of loneliness and isolation
Depression or general unhappiness

Physical Symptoms
Aches and pains
Diarrhea or constipation
Nausea, dizziness
Chest pain, rapid heartbeat
Loss of sex drive
Frequent colds

Behavioral Symptoms
Eating more or less
Sleeping too much or too little
Isolating yourself from others
Procrastinating or neglecting
responsibilities
Using alcohol, cigarettes, or drugs to relax
Nervous habits (e.g. nail biting, pacing)

Keep in mind that the signs and symptoms of stress can also be caused by other
psychological and medical problems. If youre experiencing any of the warning signs of
stress, its important to see a doctor for a full evaluation. Your doctor can help you
determine whether or not your symptoms are stress-related. (Helpguide.org)
Knowing the symptoms of stress, understanding that you are being overwhelmed in
body/mind and soul, and realizing that you feel stressed out (otherwise you would not be
reading this book), its time to take a serious look at how to de-stress your life effectively.
Its time to turn to the information you came to hear.

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THE 10 WAYS TO DE-STRESS YOUR

LIFE PERMANENTLY
1) Its About Choice
The first key in countering the stress in your life is to make a major change in your
thought process about how you live your life and about how outer situations, things,
people and ideas affect you.
This is an overriding concept, and it applies to the other nine methods presented here to
help you de-stress. In fact, many of these methods overlap and apply equally well to any
stressful situation, making it possible to approach stress from many angles, severing the
hold stress has on you with ease.
The following is a key concept and it goes extremely deep (there are many aspects to it),
so its important for you to contemplate it until it really sinks in. Contemplate it for as
long as you need to, because if you were to change only one thing in your life, and this
concept is the one you changed, you would be well on your way to de-stressing your life
permanently (without adding tasks that take up your time). Some people focus on this
concept for yearssome for a lifetimesome get it immediately. We are all individuals.
The key concept is:

Many of us dont know that we have a lot more

choice in life than we realize.
This can and should be a very freeing thought! Sometimes we feel like we have no
control over outer conditions, and that outlook makes us feel like victims. If we dont
have control over things, how can we possibly improve our situation? If we are victims to
outer circumstances, with little or no control, and if those circumstances cause us stress,
were pretty much doomed, arent we?
This victim mentality, as its been called, doesnt have to permeate our consciousness in
order to affect us. We may only feel like a victim in a single way. Whether we experience
victimhood in a one area or whether it applies to hundreds of circumstances, it is still a
source of stress that needs to be addressed in the process of de-stressing.

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The truth is, and this has been written about and taught by many brilliant people, we can
choose how we look at things. We can choose our thoughts. It is our attitude that controls
our emotions. And our thoughts create our attitude.
If we change our thought about something from negative to positive, we will experience
an immediate change in how we feel. We can become a conqueror rather than a victim,
and stress will roll off our backs in the process!
There really is nothing that can upset you unless you give it permission to do so. A great
Buddhist saying is that if someone shoots an arrow at you and it lands at your feet, do not
bend over to pick it up and stab yourself in the chest with it! You have absolutely no
responsibility to do that. Let the arrow rest at your feet, and if youve practiced the
concept of choice long enough, try smiling at the person who shot it. Maybe theyll warm
up, too. If youre not that far along on the de-stressing path, you can try smiling at the
arrow instead (and your new practice of letting it rest at your feet).
How about an example to make this concept a little more clear? There are at least a
million.
Example: You have a job that you are really dissatisfied with. Not only is it totally
unrewarding to you, failing to use your talents, but your boss makes it ten times worse.
Insecure in her own position, she wont trust you enough to let you make any decisions
on your own. You are stymied at every turn. All of your good ideas are shot downoften
in front of your peers.
Every day is drudgery and its getting so you dont even want to get up in the morning on
a work day. Youre feeling overwhelmed about this because its all consuming (work is a
major part of your life). The good news is, you know its time you need to change
because youre exhibiting far too many signs of stress. The stress is taking its toll and you
may even be having trouble finding happiness in other areas of your life because of it.
Following are examples of how to think differently about this situationunfortunately,
its one many of us face.

Change your concept of work. Stop giving it so much importance in your life.
Work can only occupy the place you assign to it. The thought that work defines
you or gives you pleasure makes it really daunting when youre unhappy with
what you do!

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A wise friend used to say, I work at [X company] in my spare time. That gave
him the freedom to realize and reinforce that he had other avenues in life that
brought pleasure and reward to him. He could choose to focus on them rather than
on his unrewarding work life.
This approach helped him develop rewarding hobbies. It gave him a way to
minimize the events that made his work life disappointing. He began to rise above
these events, and the more he experienced the feeling of rising above, the easier it
became for him to let the bad feelings roll off his back. He was no longer
owned by the problem of a disappointing job.

Put steps in place to change your job. Whether you take a new position within the
company, change companies, or decide you want to start your own business,
making plans and taking steps to make this happen will give you hope for a
brighter future. Creating positive change is very empowering. So is knowing that
you are taking control of the situation and planning to change it in a major way.
This will help you ride out the storms facing you while you remain at your job.
You will know they are only temporary.

Make a two-column table and on the left list the typical things that bother you
about your job, your company or your boss. In the right column, write down
positive ways to rise above each issue.
o For example, if you feel your manager is holding you back, determine a
way of thinking about the situation that helps you put a positive spin on it.
If you have reason to believe she is threatened by you, instead of feeling
depressed or angry about the situation, try to encourage her, support her,
and do spontaneous things each day to boost her ego. Find some things she
does well and compliment her for them. Let her know you are on her side.
o This can take a great deal of effort on your part, depending on the severity
of the situation, but remember, you are taking action to reduce the stress in
your life. You are doing this for you. You have also established backup
plans that help you feel less trapped, and you are focusing more on things
outside of work that give you pleasure. These are all paramount ideas!
o As an added benefit, you will help your manager as well. You should
begin to see a shift in her as she begins to feel your support. Once you
establish trust with her, she will begin to treat you differently and you will

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have transformed a stressful situation into one you can live with. It might
even reach a point where the whole situation becomes more pleasurable
and rewarding for both of you. You can hope for the best.
If you do all or some of these things to tackle this (or any other) stressful problem
effectively, you will have reached a major milestone in your process of de-stressing. You
will notice a significant change in your life as you experience the satisfaction of having
overcome this obstacle. You will feel less stress and more peace and freedom in your life.
What a great reward, and a great incentive to continue your process of de-stressing. Now
you can apply the same strategy to other stressful life situations!
Perhaps you can see that responsibility plays a huge role in overcoming stress. You must
take responsibility for your own thoughts and your own approach to de-stressing. If you
are stressed, something is out of kilter. You can choose to continue seeing the situation in
the same way and continuing to let stress take over, or you can choose to invent a
different way of viewing the situation, and come up with different approaches to
experiment with.
You dont have to get it right immediately. You can apply a new approach, give it time to
produce fruit, and if it doesnt work, modify it to create a new approach. Keep going until
you have found the answer that works for you. Try one thing at a time to help you
pinpoint what works. Never give up until you feel the stress diminish and then vanish!
Its your choice, and its your responsibility.

2) Be the Observer
Now that you have the hang of a major concept that will help you reduce stress, it will
probably be easier to see the second point. You can establish yourself as the observer of
your own life rather than the actor.
What does this mean? It means that instead of being in your own head all the time and
looking at situations from the standpoint of, This situation makes me feel this way, and
that situation affects me in a different way, you take a step back and instead, observe
your reactions to events.
Its almost as though you put yourself in the shoes of another person who is observing
what you are doing and saying. It gives you the perspective of an observer: Ohwhen
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her boss rejects her new ideathe one she thought was profoundthis is how she tends
to react!
In other words, instead of feeling your emotional reaction internallyrather, try to watch
your reaction with interest. When you are not being the observer, you might think to
yourself, Oh! Suddenly I am feeling rejected. I feel rather insignificant and ineffective. I
feel frustrated. I feel irritated. Here we go againthis situation with my boss never ends
and Im so fed up!
Instead, no matter what thoughts come to your mind, because your thoughts are what
create your emotion, try to stop yourself from experiencing those thoughts. Just watch
them instead, from a detached perspective, with interest. Say to yourself, Oh! Look at
what I have decided to let my bosss actions do to my peace. Ive let her take my peace
away.
Promise yourself you will not let someone else take your peace. Know that they can only
do this if you allow it. And since you are firmly on the path of de-stressing your life, vow
not to let it happen.
As you progress with your practice of being the observer, you will find it applies to so
many different situations in a multitude of ways. Dont forget to use this method every
day. Like a muscle, as you exercise it, you will become much better at applying it to a
wider range of situations.

3) Balance
This brings us to another key pointthat of balance. Achieving balance in your life is so
important to de-stressing. When we are out of balance, it is stressful. And when we are
stressed it is because we are out of balance. It can be a vicious cycle if we dont initiate
steps to stop it.
Balance is a word to keep in mind. You can return to that word and concept time and
again when you feel stress sneaking up on you. When this happens, just say to yourself,
Balance. This word will help you remember to do what you need to do to return to a
state of equilibrium.
Let nothing get in the way of your balance no matter what it is.
Is there an accident? Is someone hurt?
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Think to yourself, Balance. Realize that you will be more effective in helping the
person or situation if you remain calm and at peace while you act.
Return to your core. Remind yourself who you are and what you are about (stability).
Assume the stance you take when you feel you are in balance. Gather your thoughts.
Calm your mind. Take as many truly deep breaths as you need (slowly, calmly), and
youre there! Hold on to it. Now you are ready to act.
Did someone just say something that really got under your skin? Can you feel anger or
resentment beginning to rise in your chest? Did you let them knock you off balance?
Remember to be the observer: (Oh, isnt this interesting? Look how hot I am beginning
to feel.). Count to 10. Take as many slow, deep breaths as it takes to calm down. Think
of the word you needBalance. Think, I am calm and centered! Your body will
respond (because your thoughts create your emotion), and you will have just successfully
deflected your reaction to someones utterance.
Now you can handle the situation calmly in an appropriate, more effective manner. If
they said something that can best be handled by ignoring it, you can do so. Resolve not to
pick it up later.
If they said something that needs to be addressed to clear up a misunderstanding, you can
clear it up without animosity. Clear communication is a great way to make sure all
positive intentions are understood.
Train yourself to act in this way rather than to react and you will experience far less stress
in your life.
Resist Taking on Too Much
Another challenge to maintaining your balance is overloading your schedule with
responsibilities and activities you cannot possibly achieve in the time you have to do
them. So many of us want to be superheroes in this way! What does that accomplish?
If you take some time to really think about it, its not in anyones best interest for you to
do this. Often we end up disappointing ourselves and others because we cant be
superheroes. And this means it is a practice that is unhelpful and unnecessary. Realizing
this makes it much easier to change.
We are not machines. We need to schedule our lives so we can maintain a good balance
between activity, recreation and rest. We need time to take a break from whatever we are
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doing. We need time to share quality time with friends and family. We need alone time as
well.
If youve already taken on more than you can handle, its time to unload some of the
responsibility. Take a look to see if all of the activities really need to be done. If not,
simply take the unnecessary ones off your list. Then consider whether you can delegate
some of the remaining tasks to lighten your load.
For all of the remaining activities that you cant unload or delegate, you need to
prioritize. Go through the list in a way thats easy for you. You might label your tasks
from one to three, one being critical now, two being need to do in the next few days and
three being items that can wait longerwhatever system is comfortable for you. Then
prioritize the list so you can tick the items off as you complete them. Always schedule
your time, especially when you find you are overloaded.
Once youve gone through this process and your time is all scheduled and activities are
prioritized, remember not to burden yourself again. Start saying no to things that dont
fit well in your schedule. If you know you already have an issue trying to complete
everything you want to do in one day, and you wake up every day to a list of so many
things left unfinished, why would you want to agree to add more?
When there is no choice and you have to add something, look for something else you can
either drop, delegate or reschedule. This will be a continual process.
Finally, with all good intentions, there may still be times when things pile upbut this
will not be the normit will be an exception. During these times it is very refreshing and
comforting to realize that there is a time and place for everything and somehow it all fits
in.
When my schedule gets too crowded and my priorities dont work out, I am constantly
reminded of this wonderful flow. Sometimes I allow time in my schedule to move on to
project J on my A to Z list even though I just finished project D. Project J just looks easy
to me at the time, even though I thought I might never get to it. While Im working on J,
it often becomes very clear that everything else is just falling into place around it.
There is a natural flow to things that we can take advantage of if we are open to trust it. If
we take on fewer tasks, we will find that things fit together like this more often. Life
begins to take much less effort because we do not have to try to force things in where
they dont fit just because we have crammed so much into our schedule. Sometimes we
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need to trust the flow, and we can do that more by allowing it to happen spontaneously.
This is another concept that as we practice, we improve! And rather than being stressful,
its exhilarating!

4) Patience is Your Best Friend

I learned that patience truly is a virtue and can be very helpful in reducing stress when I
was a relatively new driver, at about age 17. My brother and father were very impatient
drivers. They always drove as fast as possible, and whenever anyone pulled out in front
of them or drove too slowly, they would get visibly disturbed and agitatedalways
complaining out loud to the driver who offended them. Driving was very stressful for
them, for their passengers, and for drivers who were in their way.
Being an A-type personality, myself, I easily picked up this habit when I learned to drive.
I couldnt understand why some people had to drive so slowly and deliberately when I
wanted to get where I was going as quickly as possible. Driving came easily to me, I
enjoyed it, and I had a bit of a lead foot.
One day I was driving slowly up the hill toward our junior high school, stuck behind a
slow-poke and feeling totally frustrated, when it hit me how silly this was. No amount of
riding on this persons tail was going to get them to move any faster. All this
accomplished was to increase my blood pressure and frustrate me. In fact, it frustrated me
a lotenough so that I felt it would be smart to do something about it.
It also occurred to me at the same moment that there was always going to be someone on
the road whose slow driving or inconsiderate, aggressive behavior would frustrate me. It
would be a constant issue that would serve only to raise my stress level if I kept up my
learned behavior. I realized it would eventually harm my health. I was the one who would
be hurt by this learned view of driving. Did I want to live the rest of my life like this?
Realizing these things, I immediately backed off of this persons bumper. I even vowed
to wave people on to go first at a four-way stop sign or other intersection if I could tell
they wanted the right of way. I would turn into a courteous and calm driver.
I have strived to drive this way ever since that day and I cant tell you how much more
peaceful it is in my car and my heart. Other drivers are often surprised and pleased at my
courtesy. I get a lot of smiles! I still get where I am going quickly and I cause no stress
for myself or others.
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Now when Im a passenger in the car of a close friend of mine (no names mentioned), I
am reminded of the way my father and brother drove. Its stressful for me to ride with
this person, and driving is very stressful for him. He often does the same things he
accuses other drivers of doing to him without recognizing it. He gets beeped at quite a bit
and often has to stop short in order to avoid a problem. Driving on someones tail might
be called a favorite activity of his. One time someone pulled up beside us on the
passenger side of the car at a red light and yelled through the window, Youre not a very
good driver are you? (How embarrassing!)
This person has commented that it tires him to drive a long distance in traffic. He doesnt
realize this as a sign that hes stressed. He is an aggressive driver which doesnt benefit
anyone because it causes stress for him, his passengers and for other drivers. How much
more peaceful his trips could be if he would go with the flow rather than against it. He
would still get to the same place and he might even live a longer life by taxing his heart
less.
Another instance where people create more stress than necessary is in an airport. We are
so spoiled! For more than a century and as late as the early 1915 or so, our main form of
transportation was the horse and buggy. Were talking about 100 years ago! We were
lucky to be able to travel 30 to 40 miles in a full eight-hour day. Most people didnt go
that far.
Our immediate world was much more limited at the time and we tended to appreciate
things more. We cared about our neighbors. People pitched in and helped each other. We
lived in a more considerate society. It wasnt perfect, but it wasnt as superficial as it is
today where we interact with strangers all the time. We created far less stress for
ourselves in those days.
Today we have easy access to the entire planet. Within 24 hours, we can fly, non-stop,
halfway around the world. Although this is true, many of us turn into stress bunnies when
our plane is 30 minutes late. How dare the airlines waste our precious time by being off
schedule! It doesnt matter what caused the latenesseven if its the weather in another
airport and flying on time would have been dangerous.
One time a man almost knocked me down after loudly cursing out the airline employee
behind the counter at the gate for an extended period of time. I was standing behind him.
He spun around and headed toward me so quickly (in a huff) that I had to scramble out of
his way to avoid getting bowled over.
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He did not avoid knocking me off balance, and someone else swooped in to help. All I
saw were this angry mans harried, bullet-like eyes glaring straight ahead and his face
scrunched in frustration as he tore away from the counter. His blood pressure had to be at
the boiling point.
He didnt look at me. He didnt pause to apologize. He may or may not have realized he
had forced me out of the way. He just kept going, justified that he was rightjust
fumingand the stress he had caused himself and the airline attendant! It was so thick I
could feel it myself.
Once again in this example, whats notable is that he didnt accomplish anything. The
airplane didnt take off any sooner. His blood pressure was suffering, the airline
employee was stressed, he had acted rudely, and he could have hurt someone.
Why do people continue to act this way? Because they watch others and thats what
others do. Some consider it acceptable behavior. It seems like it must be right if everyone
is doing it. Its a club (look it up, it might be one).
In truth, this behavior is not only quite inconsiderate and immature, but it is disruptive to
others, ineffective, and harmful to the health of the person exhibiting it. I invite you to
join the club of peacemakers instead. Its a much happier group and its members are
healthier, too. They care about each other as well as themselves.

5) Honor the Natural Flow of Life

On a more positive note, once we have begun to de-stress, our life can take a more
natural pace. When we become more balanced on the inside, our outer life reflects that
balance. Our time becomes more flexible and we choose our activities in a way that gives
us time to work, time to rest and relax, time to spend with family and friends and time to
reflecttime to just be!
Since our nose is not always pressed to the grindstone, we can be more open to going
with the flow. We can take time to step back and view whats happening around us and
become more open to possibilities we might have missed in the past. We may even
decide to take a detour from what we had planned to do because we realize weve been
pushing ourselves too hard. We are not machines!

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Its very helpful to take unplanned breaks that separate us from our habits and routines.
Habit and routine can stifle our creativity, particularly if we dont enjoy too much
structure. When we step out of the box, all kinds of creative thoughts can flow to us, reenergizing our approach to life.
We suddenly see things from a different viewpoint. We may find ourselves able to solve
problems that have been bothering us for months, just because we have relaxed and
opened our minds. If we are unhappy with our situation for any reason, new ideas may
surface to show us how and what we can change to help us feel more content.
Some people view the life they live as drudgery. Others take life for granted. Some think
its a big party, some try to get all they can out of it and still others go through life trying
to be helpful to humankind.
We are all individuals on a different path. Each of us is faced with any number of
stressors every day. But if we can shift our attitude to wake up each morning and view
each day as a new one that has infinite possibilities, we can transform our lives and even
transform the world.
No one has established a rule that we have to let ourselves get into a rut. Ruts are limiting
and it can be very stressful to have to face each day feeling that nothing will come to us
but more of the same boredom and frustration as yesterday.
If we can learn to look at each moment as a gift, viewing it as completely fresh in the way
children do, our lives can become totally alive. Think of a childs eyes when they
discover something new that fascinates them. We can find that same enthusiasm in
ourselves if we make the attempt to feel gratitude for everything we have and everything
we are.
Just as it is important to choose our situations carefully and not let anyone else bring
stress into our lives, we can train ourselves to look for inspirational people to spend time
with. Their enthusiasm will be contagious, lifting us to new heights. Ideas will transfer
back and forth. Stress can become a thing of the past.
We are all faced with challenges, but if we live our lives in this manner, with positive
expectation and with the belief that all things are possible, when we are faced with a
challenge we can challenge ourselves to look at the situation calmly. We can analyze it
further, open our minds and hearts to consider different solutions, and then patiently wait
for the best solution to surface.
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The next time you feel stressed, think of balance, remove yourself from whatever
situation you are in, for a day or more if possible, keep your mind open to new
possibilities, apply the best solution you can find to the situation, have great expectations,
and dont forget to feel gratitude for this opportunity whether the solution works the first
time or not. Never give up. Try until you succeed!

6) Always Think Positively

Building on the concept that you have complete freedom of choice and you can transform
your life by choosing to view stressful situations in a much different way, thinking
positively has been written about and taught by many people throughout the ages.
Thoughts are powerfulthoughts are thingsand your thoughts can change your life.
This is something you can experiment with to prove to yourself. People who are under
significant amounts of stress often find that they become depressed at times. A popular
book that is very helpful for its positive thinking approach do depression is, Feeling
Good by David D. Burns, MD.
Burns explains that one of the reasons people become depressed is that they start with
one negative thought which leads to another, and before they know it, they are on a
downward spiral of negativity.
His simple solution is that all you need to do in order to change this to an upward spiral is
to write each negative thought in the left hand column of a table. In the right hand
column, come up with the opposite positive thought for each negative one. Whenever a
negative thought comes into your mind, replace it with the positive thought. You will
soon see a change in your mood from feeling bad to feeling good.
The best way to prove this is to experiment with it. Experiments have shown that good
thoughts release our feel-good endorphins, which originate in various parts of our body
such as the pituitary gland, spinal cord, brain and nervous system. They interact with
receptors in our brain cells in regions responsible for blocking pain and controlling
emotion.
"Endorphins are neurotransmitters produced in the brain that reduce pain," says Alan
Hirsch, MD, neurological director of the Smell & Taste Treatment and Research
Foundation in Chicago. "They have been known to induce euphoria."

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Joel Fuhrman, MD, family physician and author, as quoted on ivillage.com says, "When
people take a placebo and they believe something's helpful, it often works. That's a direct
result of the power of positive thinking.
So we know its scientifically true that positive thinking leads to a better mental
attitudewhich is far less stressful to our bodies and minds. Whenever you feel stress
approaching, invoke your positive thinking and you can transform your situation. Its
your choice!
Positive affirmations are a well-known way to invoke positive thinking, and affirmations,
repeated often, are very powerful. Try either writing your own affirmations or finding
positive affirmations written by others. Two great sources of affirmation are books by
Marianne Williamson and the books and recordings of Paramahansa Yogananda. Once
you choose affirmations that resonate with you, remember to repeat them several times a
day.
Yogananda taught that affirmations are most effective when you first say them out loud,
repeating them progressively more softly until you are whispering them. Then repeat the
affirmation several times silently to instill it in your mind. Then sit still in silence and
meditate.
Meditation is also recommended as very positive way to alleviate stress in your life. If
you take the time to meditate, you will be much more alert and capable of transforming
stress when it knocks at your door.
Positive thoughts can be reinforced by the language you use. Positive language reinforces
positive thinking. A simple example is a word that I vowed several times not to use in
this book. While writing, a few times I thought of the phrase to attack stress. But attack
is a harsh word suggesting a harsh action, so I substituted a more positive phrase instead
to soften the picture in your mind.
Consider replacing any harsh words in your language that conjure up stressful actions or
activities with softer, more gentle words that make you think of peace and tranquility. Let
yourself feel calmness in every area of your life.

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7) Always Be Authentic to Yourself and Others

Being authentic takes far less effort than trying to take on characteristics that differ from
your own or pretending to be someone you are not. When you get to the point that you
are comfortable enough in your own skin, there is no need to act. You can simply relax
and be yourself.
Im not referring to deception, although someone who practices deception often does
need to pretend they are someone theyre not. But, often people are uncomfortable in
social situations for many reasons. If being in a group or crowd makes you feel stressed
yet you have to be there, this situation is a great one in which to practice being balanced,
centered and keeping your cool.
Simply hold on to the best view of yourself you have in your mind when you are in the
social situation that causes you to feel stressed. Create this picture ahead of time so you
can use it at will (create it right now).
Picture yourself performing some activity where you feel more than competent. Make
sure its an activity that gives you confidence. Make the picture simple so you can recall
it when you need a confidence boost. Remember which clothing you are wearing (make it
a confidence-building color like red, or picture yourself wearing your favorite outfit
thats a basic, easy-to-remember color). Visualize this picture and feel in your chest or
heart a feeling of pure confidence. Identify your mental picture with that feeling. Repeat
an affirmation that makes you feel confident multiple times.
When the time comes where you feel like you have to pretend you are someone youre
not and you feel like you are not being authentic, recall this positive vision of yourself
keep it over your head while you are remembering the word balance, and putting forth
your authentic, real self.
Practice makes perfect. When you learn that others do accept you as yourself, this
reinforcement will help you perform better next time. Eventually you wont need to rely
on this little exercise in order to always be authentic.

8) Abandon the Need to be Perfect

The need to be perfect is a very stressful ideal to adopt. Perfection tends to permeate
everything the perfectionist doespart of the definition of being perfectis to be perfect
in every area. Of course!
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The perfect perfectionist goes the extra mile in literally everything they do. It can be an
obsession. Perfectionism takes extra time, and it can be very frustrating for the
perfectionist when they cant achieve their over-the-top goals even in a single area.
The coffee has to be the perfect temperature and the perfect aroma in order to be fit
enough to consume. The hair must be perfect, the clothing must be clean, pressed and
perfectly coordinated with the accessories. All Is must be dotted and Ts crossed, or the
show cannot go on. The car must not have a spec on it. Every project at work has to be
completed to perfection before it can be put into place or launched (it takes forever to get
to this point). Nothing gets done if it doesnt get done in exactly the right way at the right
time. Words chosen must always be correct. There is a time and place for everything, and
everything must be in its place or life is just not complete.
Are you getting stressed by reading these words? Just think how stressed the poor
perfectionist must be, trying to constantly live up to their own impossible, all-pervading
requirements to achieve perfection! Its exhausting to be this way. And again, as stressful
as it is to be this way, there is no advantage to it other than the satisfaction of the
perfection itself.
Life does not have to be perfect. Perfectionism is not perfect because it creates
unnecessary stress for the perfectionist as well as for those around them.
Being someone who suffers from perfectionism myself, sometimes I practice being
imperfect just to confirm and prove that its okay and everything works well in spite of
lifes little imperfections.

9) Develop a Support System

If you have a spiritual or religious belief system, applying its concepts and teachings for
support, hope, faith and understanding is an invaluable stress-reliever that can sustain you
through any situation no matter how stressful.
We tend to turn to God or whatever higher power we believe in when we most need the
support. In fact, those times, although they can be difficult, heart-wrenching and even
fearsome, also give us the opportunity to achieve growth, which can give us great
strength to rely on during future challenges.
We know were not alone and we can ask for help whenever we need it. In time, we can
often see the results of our request, whether it comes in the form we requested or perhaps
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something even better. If we dont get what we asked for, we can seek spiritual
counseling to try to determine how we can modify ourselves and our lives to achieve
better results.
Whether you do or dont have this outlet, having a network of positive-minded friends
who also believe in de-stressing their lives is also a wonderful way to keep the practices
alive in your own life.
Establishing a buddy system where you agree to be accountable to one or more others
who understand your objectives, and reciprocating so they are also accountable to you is
a great way to achieve success over the long term. You can keep each other on the
straight and narrow path of making sure you transform and minimize the stress in your
life.

10) Incorporate Selective Advice Encouraged by Other

De-stress Books
Even if you have to postpone other things on your task list in order to do these things,
you will achieve great benefits in the form of stress-reduction:

Get enough rest, relaxation and sleep

Exercise regularly, even if only 20 minutes every other day
Eat a healthy diet (and chew every bite thoroughly for improved digestion)
Take breaks between periods of activity
Make time for friends and family
Make sure you have enough time for yourself

OTHER KEY POINTS ABOUT STRESS

The De-stressing Process is a Commitment
De-stressing is a commitment and there is a process you need to follow in order to
achieve your goal of a stress-free life. To successfully de-stress permanently, its
important to make a long-term commitment to be the observer, and to remember to use

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the other methods addressed here. Keep this book handy so you can refer to it whenever
you need a reminder.
I have identified de-stressing throughout this book as a process because it takes time and
practice in order to perfect. As with any process, you can falter along the way. Know that
this is okayabandon your need to be perfect and dont let the de-stressing process itself
frustrate you or add more stress! That would be counter-productive. If it happens, just
remind yourself of your goal to get more peace in your life.
Again, be the observer. Simply remind yourself that you stumbled, refer to the de-stress
steps outlined here, find one or more you can apply to the situation, and get back to work.
Think positively. Know that you will progress if you make the commitment to work on
your stressors and your reactions to them and stick with it.
It is human nature for many of us that we will not choose to change until the pain of
remaining the same becomes worse than the pain of change. As you progress, make a
promise not to let your stress level get out of control before you take steps to readjust.

Seek Help if You Get Stuck

If you need encouragement along the way or just a boost to get started on the path to less
stress, seek help if you need it. There are so many places to go for assistance, including
hundreds of self-help books, coaches (for stress reduction, exercise, etc.), counselors,
psychologists and psychiatrists. Dont go it alonetheres no need to continue to
struggle if you need assistance. Remember that struggle equals stress!
Once again, a support system, as suggested in method 9 of de-stressing, can be a great
help to make sure you continue on the path. But you can augment that support system at
any time with other sources of encouragement.

The Inner Path Versus the Outer Path

Have you noticed that most of the 10 methods outlined here are not outer methods?
Rather than being activities that we do from the outside, they are suggestions that must be
applied by starting on the inside, by modifying the way you think or feel.
Steps 9 and 10 are the only methods that are more outer-oriented.
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This is an indication that reducing the stress in your life really is a matter of choice, and it
is your responsibility to make up your mind to do the things to change it. Its also a
wonderful message that we can change our lives by watching our thoughts, making sure
they are positive, and maintaining a positive attitude throughout our lives.
When your attitude is positive, more good things will come your way. You will find that
people want to cooperate with you and accept your input if they are uplifted when they
interact with you.
The inner path is a very strong one, and all it takes is the desire to succeed in order to
benefit from it. Learn much more about the inner path through our free online magazine,
Perfect Inner Peace.

A Simple, Rewarding and Refreshing Outer Way

to Augment Your Inner Path
The purpose of White Lotus Living is to provide truly natural, green products (not
pretend green ones), to help consumers live a completely natural life, free from the
harmful chemicals we find all too often in the everyday products we use.
A natural life is a stress-free life, or at least a life that has to endure as little stress as
possible. We hope you enjoyed this primer on reducing the stress in your life
permanently, and that you will achieve great benefits by applying the methods we
presented.
To augment your inner stress-reduction program, we
recommend our 100% organic stress-free Spoonk
Acupressure Mat as a great tool to use as often as you
need, in order to relax your body from the outside,
increase your feel-good endorphins, improve your
ability to sleep better and awaken refreshed. The mat
works on the principles of acupressure. It also helps
to relieve pain, soreness or discomfort, in your back,
neck, shoulders, hips or legs. Take a 15-minute
Spoonk break and relax! Thirty minutes before bed does wonders! It truly feels like a
luxurious spa treatment at home.
Learn all about Spoonk, as seen on Dr. Oz.
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