The Spoon Wars

Chapter 1
Beginnings

Hi, my names Nathan, and this is the story of

when me and my cousins made family reunions fun. At our family
reunions, things get VERY boring at times. After my first 2 of
them, I got bored very quickly. They are not like some, which are
full of lively excitement, it was more of those where you went out
into the middle of nowhere and ate lunch and played corn hole.
The food wasnt good either. It tasted, smelled, and looked like it
came from a can (probably because it did). The mashed potatoes
were particularly bad. They were elasticity, and felt like that silly
putty you buy at Target. Me and my cousins always got bored and
pulled friendly pranks, which usually result in us getting in
trouble. This reunion, the 25th one, was special. It lasted for 12
hours, unlike the usual 6 hour ones. 8am to 8pm. It was a living
nightmare. I love my relatives, dont get me wrong, but
sometimes they were, well boring. But thats not what this story is
about. Its about fun, and this was anything but it. The food was
TERRIBLE. It wasnt just the food, either. It was the utensils, the
shelters, and the heat. The plastic spoons were the size of a
spaghetti spoon, and stretchy. The shelter had holes in the roof
and gnats everywhere, and the temperature was monumentally
high. My cousins and I went into the woods near the edge of the
field, to talk about stuff.
This is boring, pronounced Josh for the one hundred
and thirty second time. I was counting. I know, said Ben. We
need something fun to do, I said. Like a nerf war, Josh
suggested, and thats what started it. Hey, why dont we have a
potato war? Ben chimed in. Both Josh and I gave him confused
looks, so he explained his idea. We steal some of those rubberyplastic spoons and a tray or two of mashed potatoes and
whatever else we can find and use the spoons as mini catapults
and the potatoes like ammo. We will have a WAR! We thought it
was a great idea, so we went around and found as many cousins
and such who would play. Then we divided into teams with Josh
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The Spoon Wars

and Ben as captains. After the teams were divided, we went into
the field to hear the rules of the game. I had to yell them. If you
get hit, return to your base immediately. If you get captured, go
willingly to the other teams jail, and if you dont, you are taken
out of play. Hostages are allowed. The object of the game is to
shoot the other teams core 3 times in a row. The core cannot be
hidden, and it cannot be damaged by your own team. Potatoes
are the only projectile that can be shot. Anything else seen flying
will be called a misdemeanor of the rules and be taken. Creating
your own potato launcher is allowed, but you get a spoon anyway.
Any questions? Nobody had any, so the teams went to opposite
sides of the field to begin. I was on Bens team, so I ran to the
right end. The countdown began. 3, 2, 1, GO! the teams
shouted in unison.

The Spoon Wars

Chapter 2
The Spoon War

Our strategy was rather obvious, to take as

many hostages and prisoners as possible, without losing that
many team members, so we could get at the core without any
interferences. Immediately, the other team charged, and our
team started launching a potato frenzy, just enough to hold them
back. The wave of enemies reeled back for a second, and then
continued their charge. While almost all of their army was
attacking our side, small squads of Team Bens army were
sneaking through the tree line that marked the boundary. Nobody
saw them, and that was the plan. The groups attacked from
behind, grabbing people and taking them to jail, then returning.
The opponents retreated to avoid loss of men, and then
regrouped near their core. We could tell we intimidated them with
our first move. They were planning something. Over on our side,
the army was also planning something. Where was I? I was behind
the core creating weapons with other team members. We were
working on potato crossbows, rifles, and a rather large catapult,
all in different stages. The crossbow was a long range, high
power assault weapon, and the rifle was a medium range, very
high power weapon for point defense. Having one done was not
our goal, because we have an entire team to supply. Where were
we getting our supplies? There is a dump on the other side of the
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The Spoon Wars

trees near the middle of the field. The crossbow was working
great, but the rifle left something to be desired. We heard calls
from our team, the distress signal. Quickly, we grabbed a finished
bow or rifle and some ammo. Team Bens army was surrounded,
so we started shooting not at the circle of enemies, but at Team
Joshs core. The group of foes saw our attack and ran to their core
to defend it. We saved our army, but lost a good chunk of men.
Also, Team Joshs army saw our innovations in weaponry and
started to make their own. Our army regrouped to plan for
another attack. Great job, guys, and cool weapons! Ben said.
You want one? I asked and gave him a potato crossbow
Thanks, he said. Alright, we lost a lot of men, and some moral,
but were in it to win it! We need a way to get at their core
without being seen. Any ideas? Ben asked. I have one, I said.
With the new potato crossbow, we can climb trees and shoot
from above, and the potato rifles can go to the defenders of the
core. We can also have someone go and jailbreak our captured
people. Or, spoke up John, another cousin, we can make a
trade, their people back for our people back. They have more of
our people than we have of theirs. Smart, said Ben, why
didnt I think of that? Everyone knows what theyre doing? Ben
asked. Great, then lets FIGHT! The war raged for hours. It was
a constant struggle between the armies. Our Climb the Trees
idea did not work, but the rifles were good for defense. When
Joshs army charged with new potato machine guns, we thought
we were doomed. The thing with their guns is that they jammed
up easily and that there were no more than 10 of them. When
they charged, they only managed to shoot 4 or 5 potato pellets
(potato rolled up in a small ball) and they didnt go very far. We
revolted with our potato catapult. It used one tray of potatoes per
shot, so we had to sneak back to the picnic to get more. It did its
share of damage, so we wheeled it out of the way. I saw Ben
motioning for me to come over to him, so I went. I am changing
your role. You are now a resource collector. A resource collector is
someone who goes to the junkyard and gathers supplies. Also,
you might want to take a weapon with you and some ammo.
There are other soldiers there, too. Alright, I said and grabbed
a crossbow and a sack of potato pellets. The journey there was
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The Spoon Wars

surprisingly easy, and there were so many possibilities there.
There were old laser pointers, pizza boxes, and couches. The laser
pointers, I thought, would come in handy. The boxes and couches
would not. I found some tape, and taped a pointer on my bow. I
aimed at a heap of garbage and shot at it. To my surprise, the
garbage heap fell over to reveal a Team Josh soldier. I shot again
and he left. The pointer worked fine and the potato pellet hit
exactly where it pointed. Realizing how dangerous the junkyard
was, I proceeded with caution. I found some more pointers,
batteries, and tape. I also found old belts, empty pen shells and a
few wind up motors. I took them back to home base and the
building team started working on a better belt fed machine gun. It
worked well, but was powered by a wind up motor, so we had to
wind it up before we attacked. The build team also modified the
motors so they could be wound up a lot more. When I got back,
the build team had finished 3 guns they were testing them when I
got back with more supplies. They werent jamming or having to
be constantly wound up. When Ben appointed a new resource
collector to take my place, I showed him the build teams new
weapon, and he was amazed. Those are awesome! he
exclaimed, We can use these for both defense and offense!
There is one drawback with them, though I started to explain to
him, They use a lot of ammo, and we cant use them for long
without making a big hole in our ammo supplies. Well have to
steal more cans of potato. Oh, he said, and stood there
thinking about what to do.Nathan, you are now the second in
command of our army. Organize an ammo gathering team, and a
reservoir. Yes sir, I said, and ran off to do just that. After
creating the new departments, I took a crossbow, my new weapon
of choice, and stood guard at our core (in case youre wondering,
the cores just were stacked up boxes with the team names on
them and supports so they wouldnt fall over). I heard a rustling in
the leaves just to my right. I aimed my laser at the spot where I
saw it, and fired into the bush. I heard an ouch and a Team Josh
soldier crawled out of the bush, with a splat of potato on his
chest. I breathed a sigh of relief. If I would have not paid
attention, we wouldve lost. That was when I realized just how
important defense was in our little war. Seeing our weakness, I
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quickly had 4 people climb trees with crossbows and plenty of
potato pellets again, but they were instructed to only fire when
necessary and keep a low profile. From there, they could both see
an oncoming attack, and defend against it. The pellets could not
reach the core, so the build team started working on a crossbow
2.0. It was going to have more power, accuracy, and range. They
also started working on shields, too. After the enemy learned our
strategy, they quickly adapted. They retaliated with their larger
and slightly more accurate version of our potato rifles, and our
troops were quickly shot and climbed down the trees in dismay.
Seeing that the opposing team was starting to get crafty, we
needed a new plan. I had none, so I found John, and he had a
great one. Ive got it! he exclaimed, We need to be so
amazingly unpredictable that the enemy will not have the chance
to copy our ideas! Tell the Build and Resource teams to step it up
and be wildly creative with new and complicated weapons.
Remind them that time is not the issue, Team Josh is, and so they
can be as wild and unpredictable as they want, but that they
better stay on task, because our team cannot hold them off much
longer. After delivering the message, I started to worry. I had not
seen Ben for a while, and he is usually near to the core, because
he is more of the defensive type. Assuming he had either left
with an attack squad or been captured, I went to ask someone.
The first person I asked was no help, but after asking around, I
finally got my answer. He had been captured and is being held
hostage. In return, team Josh wanted the potato catapult, our
most devastating weapon yet. As me and a few other high
ranking members discussed this, something unpredictable
happened. A war cry emerged from the farthest reach of the
field. A loud sound erupted throughout the field, like a herd of
animals running from a predator. Another team had entered the
war.

The Spoon Wars

Chapter 3
The Attack of Team Alex
Yes, you heard me right, another team was now in The Great
Spoon War, Team Alex. Since they barged right in without a
warning, they certainly had the element of surprise. Great, I
thought, Ben captured and another team charging in. Team Josh is
hard enough! I quickly switched into autopilot, rattling off orders
as if I was in charge, and technically, I was. The surprising part
was that mortar fire was a great idea. As the large mass of potato
flew up into the air and then back down about 30 feet away, Team
Alex reeled back, just as Team Josh had in the beginning of the
war. Feeling in control now, I ordered another, smaller, mortar
shot as a distraction while a few soldiers dispatched into the
borderline forests, and my luck ran out quickly. Team Alex was
way too smart for that, and launched macaroni and cheese into
the brush, and then took the troops captive. Watching the raid, I
realized something I hadnt before. Team Alex was led by and
made up of and led by teenagers! It was hard to tell by the
helments, but after a closer look from binoculars I found in the
junk yard, I was sure. Then, inspiration struck and I had the best
idea I had ever had during this war and possibly in all my life. I
would get Team Alex after Team Josh, and Ben back from Team
Josh during the confusion, giving us at Team Ben the time we
need for the crossbow 2.0 and all the other weapons in
production.