Untitled

by Jonathan Bravo

FILE

REVIEW_ART ICLE.DOCX (93.05K)

T IME SUBMIT T ED

20-APR-2016 11:55PM

WORD COUNT

989

SUBMISSION ID

662935719

CHARACT ER COUNT

5340

Need a statement of
purpose, one that
declares what you're
reviewing.

the sentence
structure here is
hard to read

Use indirect citation--bury the name in the citation--in

formal scientific writing.

need details-how much

?
decrease? what
percent of
patients?
sample size is too small for relevancy here

might also introduce health risks of insomnia

popsci.com doesn't seem to use any citations, so your

format is from some other style. Also, you needed to be
submitting to a journal for a more specialized audience.

need two more peerreviewed, scholarly

sources

Untitled
GRADEMARK REPORT
FINAL GRADE

GENERAL COMMENTS

68

Instructor
Jonathan,

/200

I think you might have misunderstood this

assignment's purpose--to inf orm a specialized
readership about the latest research in a relevant
subject. Unf ortunately, you didn't submit an
annotated bibliography earlier in the semester, so I
couldn't steer you in a better direction.
If you decide to revise this paper, be sure to f ind
more scholarly research--this will allow you to write
the required amount. Also, choose a more scholarly
journal f or publication.

PAGE 1
PAGE 2

QM

citation add
You need a citation here.

Text Comment.
QM

Need a statement of purpose, one that declares what you're reviewing.

S/V Agreement
Subject-verb agreement:
Subjects and verbs should match in number and person. Singular subjects require singular
verbs; plural subjects require plural verbs.

QM

Repetitive
See if you can combine and condense these sentences or ideas, as they are repetitive or
redundant.

Text Comment.

the sentence structure here is hard to read

Text Comment.

Use indirect citation--bury the name in the citation--in f ormal scientif ic

PAGE 3

writing.

QM

Text Comment.

need details--how much decrease? what percent of patients?

Text Comment.

Text Comment.

sample size is too small f or relevancy here

Frag.
Fragment:
A sentence f ragment is a phrase or clause that is in some way incomplete. Such f ragments
become problematic when they attempt to stand alone as a complete sentence. T he most
common version of this mistake occurs when a writer mistakes a gerund (a verb that acts like a
noun) f or a main verb, as in the f ollowing sentence: "In bed reading Shakespeare f rom dusk to
dawn."

PAGE 4

Text Comment.

might also introduce health risks of insomnia

Text Comment.

popsci.com doesn't seem to use any citations, so your f ormat is f rom

some other style. Also, you needed to be submitting to a journal f or a more specialized
audience.
PAGE 5

Text Comment.
PAGE 6

need two more peer-reviewed, scholarly sources

RUBRIC: REVIEW ARTICLE RUBRIC 2

AUD. & PURP.

Absent/Below
Basic

SLO #1: Write f ormally and inf ormally, in-class and out-of -class, f or a variety of audiences and purposes.
ABSENT/BELOW
BASIC

Audience's needs are of ten not recognized: terms and ideas either need explanation
or are over explained and language needs adjustment f or the journal's audience.
Purpose (to f amiliarize readers with research regarding a contemporary subject of
interest) isn't clear or achieved.

DEVELOPING

Shows some attention to audience's needs, sometimes def ining necessary terms and
ideas and using audience-appropriate language. Purpose (to f amiliarize readers with
research regarding a contemporary subject of interest) may be unclear at times, and it
may not be achieved convincingly.

PROFICIENT

Usually shows attention to audience's needs, def ining necessary terms and ideas
and using audience-appropriate language. Purpose (to f amiliarize readers with
research regarding a contemporary subject of interest) may be implied, but it's clear
and achieved.

ADVANCED

Shows sophisticated attention to audience's needs, def ining necessary terms and
ideas and using audience-appropriate language. Purpose (to f amiliarize readers with
research regarding a contemporary subject of interest) is clear and achieved with
style.

SOURCES

Developing

SLO #2: Find, evaluate, select, synthesize, organize, ethically cite, and present inf ormation f rom a variety
of sources appropriate to their disciplines.
ABSENT/BELOW
BASIC

Fails to use MLA- or APA-style parenthetical citations, quotation marks, and works
cited list as specif ied by journal. Frequently uses irrelevant or unpersuasive sources.

DEVELOPING

A f ew errors in MLA- or APA-style parenthetical citations, quotation marks, and works

cited list. Sometimes uses irrelevant or unpersuasive sources.

PROFICIENT

Almost always uses MLA- or APA-style parenthetical citations, quotation marks, and
works cited list as specif ied by journal. Use of sources is usually relevant and
persuasive.

ADVANCED

Correctly uses MLA- or APA-style parenthetical citations, quotation marks, and works
cited list as specif ied by journal. Use of sources is always relevant and persuasive.

PERSUASION

Developing

SLO #3: Compare, contrast, and synthesize caref ully and objectively the relative merits of alternative or
opposing arguments, assumptions, and cultural values.
ABSENT/BELOW
BASIC

Fails to demonstrate similarities and dif f erences between research of dif f erent
scholars. May be biased in presentation of research. Descriptions of research may be

unclear.
DEVELOPING

Sometimes demonstrates similarities and dif f erences between research of dif f erent
scholars. Attempts to synthesize this research caref ully and objectively. Some
descriptions may be unclear.

PROFICIENT

Usually demonstrates similarities and dif f erences between research of dif f erent
scholars with clarity. Synthesizes this research caref ully and objectively. Describes
the research, usually noting objectively merits of various procedures.

ADVANCED

Demonstrates similarities and dif f erences between research of dif f erent scholars
with clarity and sophistication. Synthesizes this research caref ully and objectively.
Describes the research, noting objectively merits of various procedures.

ORGANIZ AT ION

Developing

SLO #4: Organize ones thoughts and communicate them clearly to address a rhetorical situation. Employs
IMRAD structure where appropriate.
ABSENT/BELOW
BASIC

Organizational devices (statement of purpose, headings, topic sentences,

transitions) may be absent, unrelated to the prompt, or illogically connected. Ps are
usually not unif ied or organized.

DEVELOPING

Organizational devices (statement of purpose, headings, topic sentences,

transitions) f it the prompt, but may be vague, too broad, or inconsistenly or illogically
linked. Ps may not be unif ied.

PROFICIENT

Clear, specif ic organizational devices (statement of purpose, headings, topic

sentences, transitions) f it the prompt and tie ideas together adequately.

ADVANCED

Clear, specif ic organizational devices (statement of purpose, headings, topic

sentences, transitions) f it the prompt and tie ideas together logically and seamlessly.

LANG & DESIGN

Prof icient

SLO #5: Recognize, evaluate, and employ the f eatures and contexts of language and design that express
and inf luence meaning and that demonstrate sensitivity to gender and cultural dif f erences.
ABSENT/BELOW
BASIC

T one and/or design usually suggest/s an absence of awareness of audience and/or

generic conventions. Spelling, syntax, diction, or punctuation errors impede
readability.

DEVELOPING

T one and/or design are/is sometimes inappropriate or unconventional. Spelling,

syntax, diction, or punctuation errors impede readability or otherwise distract f rom
meaning.

PROFICIENT

Appropriate tone and design conf orm to assigned audience and genre. Spelling,
syntax, diction, or punctuation errors are f ew and do not distract f rom meaning.

ADVANCED

Sophisticated tone and design engage reader and conf orm to assigned audience and
genre. Outstanding control of language, including ef f ective diction and sentence
variety.