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Katherine Perez Deleon
Professor Beadle
English 113B
9 May 2016
Reflection Essay
The essays I completed and worked on was the Project Space Essay and the Project Text
essay. To begin with, I had gotten a very low score with the Project Text essay, I did not have a
clear thesis or argument, two credible sources and I had not completed the 5th page. I began with
the title of this essay. At first I had the title Love but I decided to add more to it. I added
Love: Free or Oppressing? I wanted to add a question to give the audience on what the topic
would be about and let them answer this question to themselves and think about it while they
read my essay. Then I began re-writing the argument in my introduction and I was able to explain
why the issues A had mattered in this book and what he experienced in the relationship with
Rhiannon. For instance, before I only said Although, As perspective on love was formed after
he met Rhiannon, his appearance on changing from female to male, having low-self esteem
issues and making unthinkable decisions made A realize its purpose for existence and
discovering its identity. I was unclear on my pronouns and what gender I feel A was, so I made
it clear that I believe A is a male and referred to him and a male. Then I changed the second part
of my thesis and wrote These factors played a role in As love life as A learns and experiences
each of these negative issues throughout the entire relationship and they matter because it helped
A grow and feel more of a person with its own identity. I made my argument clear on how As
issues he experiences within himself and in a relationship with Rhiannon break him and made
him self-conscious and not proud of who he is. These experiences he goes through will then help

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him better himself and begin to love himself for what he is and lead him to finding his own true
identity. I was able to write about why these issues matter specifically.
After the introduction, I also changed a few sentences in the body paragraphs such as the
first body paragraph. For instance, how I explained A had fallen in love one before and to
support that claim, I looked up evidence in the novel. I also stated how it confuses the audience
what gender role A is, but I still identify A as a male. Then I wrote how A had the choice to
connect or disconnect with Rhiannon. I wrote it in much more detail why he chose to connect
with her after all this time he told himself he would never do such a thing. In that same body
paragraph, I changed the source I used to support my claim. Instead of using a source the class
had discussed before, I went to the CSUNs library page and used the one search. I found a
couple articles on love but this one had caught my intention although it was not based on two
people but a person and a work place. The article I used was A Labor of Love by Jean-Noe
Vergens. I was able to interpret the passion that the doctor had towards medicine to the passion A
has towards Rhiannon and its purpose. That was my first outside source and the second outside
source I used was Encyclopedia of the Mind by Harold E. Pashler. I was able to incorporate
both of these articles to support each claim I talked about in those body parapgrahs. After adding
both of these outside sources I continued to use two I already had in the essay. Then I went back
to my body paragraphs and made some of my points more clear, such as explaining how the
obstacles that A faced with Rhiannon affected them. As well as the unthinkable decisions A made
and how it affected the body he was in which was Nathans body at the time and how A broke the
rules he had set for himself for a very long time. I made it clear how A began to make decisions
by impulse because of how madly in love he was with Rhiannon and he was able to see after
how much of a problem this was. That is when A began to think about how unhappy they would

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be and his decision to end the relationship. I also added a quote from the book in the end of the
conclusion. At the end of my revision I had reached the page numbers that I suppose to be which
was 6 pages and a cited work source. I changed a lot in this essay because I was not proud of
what I had turned in the first time. I feel better knowing I made great improvements.
For my next essay was the Project Space Essay and the main thing I needed to improve
on was my thesis. That was the first thing I did and I added a sentence into the thesis and by
doing this, I was able to make my thesis clear. Suchas,Iwouldbecomeextremelyproudof,a
student.Ihadthenincorporatedbothoftheseculturesintoone.I mostly fixed some minor
errors I had in this essay. As I began reading the body paragraphs I began to add a couple
sentences to expand on the idea that I was talking about. Such as, when I talked about how we
greet people in my culture. I wrote that this was a sign and gesture of respect and to show that I
do care about my family members because the Hispanic side of me is full of love and caring. The
relationships I have with my family members is a very strong bond and I always need to
maintain these strong bonds for the rest of my life. Then I explained what the females have to do
in these family gatherings and the different roles I have to act upon on to be a good host along
with my mother and sibling. I continued to change some errors throughout the essay and in the
conclusion I was able to add a couple words to finish the essay.
As I went back to look at both of these essays, I was able to see how much I improved in
the second essay. The changes I had made did make a positive impact on it and I believe if I had
turned it in like that the first time I would have had a much better grade. I changed my thesis, my
body paragraphs with the new two outside sources. With those sources, they were able to help
me prove strong evidence to support my claim and I was able to write more with these sources

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which helped my page length as well. The first essay, I did some minor changes but not great
ones since the majority of my essay was not to be changed. I learned a lot on revising my papers.