Gender Issues: Looking Within

Growing up the women in my family taught me to be confident in myself, to hold myself

up tall and to command the room in every situation. But I remember the way others outside of
my family describing me as being a tough little girl or sassy, and even as being bossy; never was
I described as being confident or a strong young lady. What I didnt notice at the time was that
the people that were judging me were not the boys or men in my life but was the women in my
life; even the women that were teaching me to be confident. This is why I feel it necessary as
women to change the way we view each other in order to change the way men view us. In order
to help change the gender issues women are faced with.
The way women view other women plays a big part on how we want to be viewed. It is
part of the creation of gender gap the attitudes between men and women. Part of gender issues,
the way our behaviors that society view as appropriate for women. Human Nature published the
article Attractiveness and Rivalry in Womens Friendships with Women which speaks of a
study conducted of how women perceive their same-sex friends. (Bleske-Rechek). The study
evaluated the relationship of forty-six female friend whose friendship varied from 2 weeks to 10
years. The relationship between the women not only provided companionship and emotional
support but their relationship also made them have negative thoughts about themselves. The girlfriends judged each others appearance as and made each other feel bad about how they looked.
They competed with each other over boys when it came to romantic relationships. If we feel this
way when were with our friends and if we are judging and treating our friends negatively how do
view other women outside of our friendship? We cant possibly be treating them better or nicer.
Instead of worrying about how men are treating women or judging men on how they treat other

women in the workplace or in business we as women should start by looking at our own
relationship and setting an example by treating our daughters, sisters, and fellow mothers and
women in a way that we want society to view us.
Working women are not only fight for their place in the business world but they are fight
for their place in the mom world. Ralph Gardner Jr discusses this in his article Mom Vs. Mom
which was published in the New York Magazine. (Gardner). In Gardners article he discusses
how most working mom wish that they had more free time to volunteer at school activities and
have time to drop off and pick up their kids from school. Where stay at home mom wish to have
something that reflects their individuality and not just a mom who stays at home and knows the
kids schedule and activates. Both women looked down on the other and Garnder says mainly
because of jealousy. Gardner believes this is due to the way they feel about themselves; more of
insecurity issues. Im a working mom and I do my best to try and volunteer at my kids school as
much as possible. Which usually means two to three times a year. Volunteer days are very
difficult for me as a working mom. Not only do I need to schedule a vacation day from work but
I am still answering work e-mails on my handy iPhone and taking work phone calls regarding
issues or question. When I return to work the following day my projects are still pending and
there are usually additional orders that need to be placed. But I can understand what needs to be
done at work; I have worked hard to be where I am in the work place. It may seem to others that
I am not interested when I am volunteering but I find it very difficult to balance both work and
volunteering. But this is only one issue women are faced with.
There are many other gender issues we face at home or in the workplace and in society.
But in order for women to start moving forward and stand tall or command the room they need to
stop judging each other. We do this by not judging our friends, our female family members and

all women. In fact people in general have been discriminating against each other for generations.
The Gender issues or gender gap toward women are not just set by men and it should not just be
viewed as men being the main cause. Women need to take more responsibility for how we are
viewed. We as women need to start these changes and we need to start by looking into the way
we treat and speak to our young girls, our teenage girls and all women. Reviewing the way we
are currently raising young girls we will be able to understand why gender gaps are created. We
will be able to make the changes needed to change the gender issue that we are faced with and
more importantly we will not become a contributor to the issue.
Our children are naturally persuadable and what a parent or adult says to a child or the
way they treat a child can create gender gaps. Comedian Sarah Silverman joked about how girls
are easily persuaded on her 2013 HBO Stand-Up Special. Silverman joked that we need to stop
telling girls they can be whatever they want to be. The statement, at first, was shocking mainly
because it was coming from a women. But then again, as she continued her statement was meant
to be more as a message to help young girls and women. Silverman message was that you are
putting a negative thought in young girls head about whether they can be whatever they want
when they grow-up; possible a thought that was never in their head to begin with. Silvermans
joke continued with thats like telling your daughter. Go take a shower and while youre in the
shower Im NOT going to read your diary. Once she delivered her comparison she not only
received laughs but the group of both men and women I was watching the Special with looked at
each other and responded that makes sense.
Our girls are not born with this doubt or with this suspicion of if they can in fact be
whatever they want to be when they grow-up. We as adult are creating that doubt for them. It is
the same misguided information we deliver or instill in young girls when we think of the phrase

girls are sugar and spice and everything nice. Young girls are taught to be polite, proper, and
well behaved. (LeranVest). These traits are what society has set for women. As a mother of a
young 8 year-old daughter I can contest that I too teach my daughter these traits. The challenge is
teaching your daughters to speak up for what they believe and do not allow themselves to be
bullied while at the same time being sugar and spice. Teaching young girls only one side of
sweetness and not teaching them how to overcome the issues they may be faced with we are
silencing our girls. These traits should not hold girls back from speaking and I dont believe they
were meant to silence women. As Sarah Silverman joked by simply stating or encouraging a
young girl that she can be whatever she wants we are creating a negative image in their head.
We are putting doubt in their abilities to achieve. They may question why does my mom
feel that I need to be told this where my brothers do not. Or what am I doing wrong or different
then what my brothers are doing. Dove conducted a National Report on High School girls in
2008 where they found that seven out of ten girls believe they are not good enough or do not
measure up in some way (The Dove Self-Esteem Fund). A majority of the self-esteem issues
these girls were facing were due to the feelings and the relationship they had with their mothers.
In fact 57% of the girls say their mothers are very critical of them and verbally criticize them. We
as mothers want our girls to strive so much and to accomplish more then what they have that we
put a negative pressure on them and what we teach them as children is what they will take with
them as adults.
When teaching politeness dont forget to teach young girls to speak up for what they
deserve. Many women get passed up for opportunities in the work field due to the inability to
speak up for themselves. In the work place women need to become advocates for their success.
Teaching young girls to speak up, debate and negotiate will teach them to take initiative.

Initiative is one of the top reasons people are passed up at work. Young boys are taught this at a
young age so as parents and as mothers we need to teach our daughters or all our children. We
can do this at the same time as teaching our children to be sugar and spice and everything nice.
The studies such as the Dove Self-Esteem Fund show that the effects of a young women
self-esteem come from the other women in their family and from women outside of their family.
These studies should work as answers to why girls struggle with self-esteem. Why some may be
shy or timid. In order to avoid the effects of putting doubt into their heads we need to follow the
suggestion from Sarah Silverman of stop telling them they can be whatever they want to be.
We need to encourage our kids, both our sons and our daughters, to take on new challenges, to
try new hobbies, and to succeed in school. Persuade our young girls to not see the gap by not
creating a gender gap for them. Persuade the boys to not see a defense in girls abilities. Help
eliminate the idea of being like a girl as a negative comment or a negative standard. This needs
to be done in the media as well.
Everyone loves the gossip every now and then. Social media has opened up a new avenue
for me to search my celebrity gossip but now that most celebrities use social media to stay in
touch with their fans we usually get information directly from them. Its not just our celebrities
that use social media to get their message out but we are now getting tweets directlty from
presidential nominees. We can get direct messages from Donald Trump putting down lying Ted
and occasionally well get a response from Teds group responding to Trumps late night twitter
antics. And some women use social media to attack each other.
One celebrity war that was talked about in social media, on national television, during
local news and in most entertainment news media Carey and Minaj. This was the unfriendly
interactions between American Idol judges Mariah Carey and Nikki Minaj. Honestly because of

their interactions with each other was the only reason why I watched American Idol that season.
But the big question is how was this unfriendly interaction viewed by men versus how was it
viewed by women. If youre not familiar with the Carey - Minaj dispute let me recap it for you.
Some say that the dispute started in January 2010 when Mariah Carey rereleased her
album Memoirs of an Imperfect Angel. The rerelease was going to feature the same songs of her
previous record but with a remix with featured artist. Carreys song Up Out of My Face was
recorded and featured with Nikki Minaj. A singer/rapper who was up and coming in the business
at the time. According to the production crew Minaj talked about Carey behind her back and
mocked her diva ways during the recording. However Minaj denied these accusations but this
left there friendship in a negative way. So when the two were asked to co-host American Idol
the personality conflict was already developed from years before.
The two singers argued on camera and off camera according to Ryan Seacrest. They both
took to twitter where Minaj wrote why a women SO successful at her age, is still INSECURE,
and bitter and Carey has wrote about how working with Minaj is like working with Satin.
Obviously the two disliked each other. But when it comes down to it Who Cares? We know
Ryan Seacrest described it as the two having personal differences and the other two judges
Randy Jackson and Keith Urban laughter it off and blamed it on big personalities. I asked a few
men of different ages what their thoughts were about the feud and the responses were either I
dont really care, of course they didnt like each other or their women.
They didnt care. It didnt drive them to want to watch American Idol and they didnt
search the internet to find out who said what. The people that did care were other women. Like I
said, I love my gossip and from the response I got from other women so do they. I believe this is
a prime example of how we, women, treat each other is the way we are viewed by others.

Women are not going to be viewed seriously if we are acting like children, divas or publicizing
our disputes. We not only need to teach or young girls how to stand tall and be confident but we
need to teach ourselves how to respect other women, dont help contribute to women being
women or the gender gap and gender issues.

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Women. Human Nature 09 Mar. 2010: 82-97. Print.
Garnder, Ralph, Jr. Mom Vs. Mom. NYMag.com. Web. 25. Feb. 2016
Dove Real Girls, Real Pressure: A National Report on the State of Self-Esteem. Dove Real
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Pressure: National Report on the State of Self-Esteem. Web. 04 May 2016.
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2012.
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