February 3, 2016

Dear Dr. Hartman,

I just want to let you know that you have my sincere thanks for your vote of
confidence and your faith in my writing skillsit truly means so much coming from you.
Writing my autobiography, as you are already aware, brought on a whole bunch of
different emotions. It is still very painful to me, and I dont share my experience about
9/11 muchmy family never talks about it. What my friends and I witnessed on the
horrific day is enough to make a dog puke its brains out!
I dont expect you, or anyone, to understand what I have been through and how I
view the world, but I sincerely appreciate your patience whenever we do talk on the
phone--sometimes I just feel scattered and anxious. Nevertheless, I realized that what I
share in my writing and how I do it is important because my experiences have made me
who I am today as a person, and as a writer. Because of this I know I have come a long
way as a writer, and it feels good.
Since you and I have been talking on a regular basis about my preparation for the
Writing Assignment Design (WAD), and the Inquiry Project, I am a nervous wreck and
must be honest about this. Even though I am not teaching this semester, I do want to
create a safe and fun-learning environment for my future students, so they can feel
comfortable sharing their ideas with writing or speech. With that in mind, for my Inquiry
Project, I have thought about sitting in a former teachers class called Learning Strategies
to take notes and ask questions, or perhaps do a few interviews. I only pray that this will
be a good start for me, and it is just a question of diving right in and doing it.

For my WAD, I will have to look at the samples again carefully to really get the
gist of how I am going to prepare everything. I would like to learn more about Donald
Murray and get his book Write to Learn, because what he says about writing just makes
sense to me, which is something that is hard for me to explain in words--go figure. I
guess what intrigues me about him is the fact that an experienced writer such as himself
is still learning. This course is going to be a big challenge for me but I am grateful for this
class and for you, Dr. Hartman.
Sincerely,
Ilari Pass

Ilari Pass
ENED 683: The Teaching of Writing
Dr. Shana Hartman
February 3, 2016
A Story to Tell: An Autobiography of Ilari Pass
Let me be clear on something: I used to hate poetry. I used to hate having to think about
the meaning and trying to read between the lines of what the poem meant. However, I
was thinking about a friend of mine who passed away several years ago and I wrote a
poem about him. It is called Entropy.
Entropy
Dawn, the sun sliding
above the mountains. The fog floats
on top the lake, morning dew.
Everything emerges, fresh
and fragrant. Insects burr, the campfire
is almost out; hearing its sizzle and whistle
means a man can leave.
A bird flies, heading to the lake,
disappearing in the fog.
Yes, I think, I see.
That poem, which went through many drafts, eventually appeared in The Penmen Review,
a national literary magazine, as well as in Guilford Colleges literary magazine, The
Greenleaf Review. It also received the Betty Place Prize in Poetry at Guilford College.
Writing the poem helped me rediscover my deep joy in language.
Since I was 15 years old, writing hasnt always been a great escape for me because I had
to think about what to say and how to say it whenever I did write. I hated it and still do,
sometimes, but once my written work is complete, I feel a strong sense of
accomplishment. I can recall writing and collecting a lot of journals, writing my heart out
about anything andeverythingwhat I was thinking about that moment, music lyrics,
having a boyfriend, what I want to do when I finish school, etc., which eventually
became my great escape. Then I enjoyed writing creatively even though it is hard work. I
dont know why, or what made me start writing in my journals. I didnt have any
particular reason, but I wanted to keep my mind stimulated and just write. I think it was a
lot more important than I anticipated, but I didnt know it yet. However, I realize that
how I write is a reflection of who I am as a person and how I am perceived by others. As

an English major, with a concentration in literature, the idea of having to think

analytically, theoretically, and critically about what to say and how to say it in order to
effectively communicate is a whole different ballgame. I have had plenty of successful
and horrible experiences with my writing. Writing is a challenging skill and I so much
want to enhance this skill so that I may effectively use it in the work force, academia, and
on a personal level. The first connection will go back in time to where my experience
with writing all began.
Connection 1: A Special Bond
A good reader is a good writer. In other words, reading great writing is one of the truly
powerful ways of moving into language. When I was a small child, my mother would
read to me a different story every night in a fun and exciting way. My favorite book my
mother read to me is The Story of Ferdinand by Munro Leaf. You know, the bull?
Anyway, my senses were alert as I was part of the story with every special expression she
used each time she read each sentence--smelling the sweet flowers and feeling the painful
jolt of the bee sting. As for writing, to be honest, I really cant recollect anything else
about my writing experience as a child until I was a sophomore in high school and after
high school. I can honestly say that I am a late bloomer, but better late than never.
Nevertheless, three days a week after school I would go to my fathers place of business
where he further demonstrated the power of language at his insurance and travel agency
in East Orange, New Jersey. He couldnt stress enough how important writing is, and
how powerful words are. He was very hard but gentle at the same time when it came to
writing insurance memorandums and itinerary reports for his customers. My father would
tell me:
Sweetheart, dont write it like this, write it like that, and Dont say it like this, say it
like that.
Dad, how do you want me to write this? I dont understand!
Ilari, in the writing world, let the words you write grab the readers attention by
enveloping his or her mind. It could be anything from business, literature, or personal.
Everything in life is balanced and has a reason. Writing should be the same way.
I didnt like going to his office because I wanted to hang out with my friends. However,
that experience will never be erased from memory. While I move forward to my next
connection, my aspiration for writing would give me a rude awakening of some
encouraging yet unfortunate events that would forever impact my life in ways I never
imagined.
Connection 2: My Journey

I almost didnt graduate from high school. I was going through a rough time and didnt
care about school. I even hated reading, despite the fact I had fond memories of reading
with my mother. So, after graduating from Columbia High School in Maplewood, New
Jersey in 1987, I took a year off and worked as a waitress. A year later, I attended at
Union County Community College in Cranford, New Jersey. During my first semester
there, I was lost and often felt discouraged and out of place. But during my second
semester, I took a first-year writing course, English 101: Writing Composition. It is
where I met Mrs. Elaine Powers. Taking a writing course in college then was different
from high school because I did not have a clue about citing, applying theory--nothing. I
worked really hard in her class. I tried different techniques on how to phrase certain
sentences. I also tried to be creative by thinking about what to say and how to say it like
my father used to show me, but in the end I failed the course. After seeing my grades
posted on the wall for the whole universe on campus to see, Mrs. Powers caught up with
me as I was on my way out the door and asked me to meet with her in her office in ten
minutes. I didnt know what to expect. To my astonishment, Mrs. Powers said to me:
Ilari, you have so very much potential, and your inner space glows resonantly and
powerfully, which makes you very creative when you write. Theres something inside
you that is dying to come out. You havent found it yet, but when you do, youll know it.
What? Mrs. Powers, what are you talking about? How is this possible?
You are a writer, Ilari. Trust me on this. And only you can make whatever it is thats
inside
you surface and radiate.
But what is it, Mrs. Powers?
Youll have to find that out for yourself. I believe in you.
Even after my unsuccessful semester in her course, even after disappointing her, she still
believed in me, which was very encouraging. No one had ever said anything like this to
me before, and it felt really good. However, it is time to move onward to the next
connection but it would be many years later that I would give writing another try, and I
am so glad that I did. But in the meantime, I did do some journal writing to keep my
brain stimulated. I was scared--probably because I was getting older (19 years old) and
was trying to figure my life out. Sometimes, I would draw, skip a page or two. But I just
wrote about anything--goals, dreams, relationships, music lyrics, and so on, often asking
myself, Well, whats going to happen to me next?
Connection 3: Fortunate and unfortunate events
Since 1997, I have been content working as a blue-collared maintenance worker for the
United States Postal Service. All I was thinking about was working to support my family

with good benefits. I longed for something more and I had a hard time challenging
myself because I was afraid to pursue anything worthwhile. Ever since I stopped writing
in my journals, I felt stuck.
I was feeling out of my element because I did not have an intellectual life, nor did I have
room for meeting people to talk about literature, essays, poetry, and so on. However,
9/11 forever changed my life, and I was forced to be out of complacency. I was there in
New York City with two of my friends, and what we witnessed that day is something I
never want to see again in this lifetime. And there are simply no words to describe what
weve seen, heard, or smelled. This may sound strange but I thought about what Mrs.
Powers told me years ago, Theres something inside you that is dying to come out I
have been longing to search for a creative way to express my feelings in writing and
desperately trying to make sense of what my friends and I witnessed on that horrific day.
I am still searching.
Connection 4: Determined
In 2009, I did go back to school at Guilford Technical Community College in Jamestown,
North Carolina, where I took an English 111: Expository Writing. And it is where I met
Nick Luchey, who was a tutor at the Writing Center. Encouraging me further, he said to
me, You have a wonderful and creative way to allow readers to know how you are
feeling and what youre thinking in your writing. From that point forward, I wanted to
pursue a degree in English, and I was elated that, once again, someone else had faith in
me and my writing. However, two years later, my life was put on hold when I found out
on September 16, 2011, that I was diagnosed with Chronic Myeloid Leukemia. I knew
then that something that was dormant within me finally woke up, and this dying spell
came out. Mrs. Powers couldnt have been more correct, but I still have a long way to
go.
During that same year on Veterans Day, I started composing my memoir in the ladies
locker room at my job as a positive distraction, and a way to remember the kind of person
I was in the past and the kind of person I am today. I wanted to accomplish two things:
get my English degree and find out where I will go with this degree. With this
determination, I started my spring semester in 2012 at Guilford College in Greensboro,
North Carolina--a place where I found myself and met the world. By the summer of
2013, I began my English major with two courses: Intro to Creative Writing, taught by
Professor Cynthia Nearman, and Cult Movies, taught by Professor Jeff Jeske. In Dr.
Nearmans class, I wrote my butt off! I never wrote that much before in my life. We had
three daybooks: one for journaling anything and everything; one for class activities and
one for creating short stories, poems, etc. The next course, however, was a real treat.
Dr. Jeske is a lovely person and genuinely a beautiful humanitarian. He inspired me to
think outside the box and take risks with my writing. He recognized my talent, which
pushed me to challenge myself, even though that experience scared me to death. He is the

reason why I wanted to teach because he cares so very much about the success of his
students.
In the fall semester of that year, I took a course called Intro to Literary Studies, taught by
Professor Mylene Dressler. One day in that class, we were instructed to be creative and
try to write a poem. Entropy resulted from that assignment. Dr. Dressler loved my
poem so much that she encouraged me to submit it to the schools literary magazine, The
Greenleaf Review, for the Spring 2014 publication. To my astonishment, my poem did
get published and later on that year I went on to win the Betty Place Prize in Poetry. But
two months prior to this publication, I had another poem, Content, published along
with Entropy in an online literary journal at Southern New Hampshire University
called The Penmen Review. It was exciting to see my work in print, and even more
thrilling to receive feedback at the same time. Here is the first response to Entropy
(posted on the magazines website): Lovely. Makes me want to commune with nature. A
powerful little nugget; Content also evoked a comment: Sweet and Meaningful.
Here was a complete stranger responding to my language. It was thrilling and made me
understand the power of words. I never thought that my words could go out to the world
and actually get inside the head of someone who never knew me, never will know me,
and that is something that is very human. Not only did I win the same prize the following
year, which was my senior year, but I had another poem, Aeneas Revisited, published
and also won the Guilford College Art Merit Club Award and a monetary prize.
Great writing essentially becomes a kind of dispatch--sent from one lonely island to
another because we are trapped inside our own bodies. No matter what we do, we can
never quite get to the other person. Remember my mentioning earlier that I hated poetry?
Little that I knew that writing poetry would forever change my life, and in this new
world of writing poetry, something happened to me. I fell in love with a man--lets call
him Frank--and he is the most important person I have ever met in my entire life. For
various reasons, there was no way that the two of us could be together. I didnt know
how to speak to him, but my poems did--in a refracted way, like sticking a branch in the
water and it looks like it bends--a weird way of getting to someone that I couldnt
necessarily say in a straightforward way. But eventually I did reach Frank with my
words, and these words will always be with him. And for the first time ever in my life, I
knew what Mrs. Powers meant about something inside that was dying to come out-writing.
Connection 5: The Present: A New Challenge
The power of language intrigued me so much that upon graduating with a Bachelors of
Arts in English, I was ready to embark on a new challenge in my life--pursue a Master of
Arts in English literature. My experience as a novice graduate student last semester at
Gardner-Webb University allowed me to grow mentally and emotionally as writer and a
critical thinker, and I have Drs. Cheryl Duffus, Jennifer Buckner, and Janet Land to thank
for that experience and for their patience in working with me. However, before I starting

this MA in English literature program, I was interested in pursuing an MFA degree

because of my joy for writing poetry. I took Intro to Graduate English Studies with Dr.
Duffus and Dr. Buckner, and Literary Theory with Dr. Land. I must admit, I bit off more
than I could chew--taking two classes, working a full-time job, teaching part-time, and
balancing family life. While I reminisce on that experience, it was challenging, all right,
and writing on a graduate level took a whole new meaning that was totally unexpected. It
was like I had to start all over again, and had to learn a different approach on when it
came to my writing assignments. Like a Russian nesting doll, my confidence level
started decreasing in size and some of my written assignments were almost mediocre. Im
saying to myself, I know I can do better, and I will! The problem that I have with my
writing is organization and putting everything in place so everything can flow easily. All
of my professors share the same opinion and told me, You may know what youre
saying, but the reader doesnt know...show it, and tell it. Dr. Buckner told me about this
neat linguistic technique called the Known-new contract, which guides the writer to
maintain a cohesion of thought for a reader. In other words, a reader demands an
expectation, or a contract, which establishes a relationship between the writer and
reader while looking for new additional information or something that is known.
Perhaps what I am doing right now is a perfect example--a rough draft would be
considered a breach of contract, putting pieces together, and final draft is honoring the
contract, where everything is flowing and cohesive. I worked very hard last semester
and my final written assignments paid off at the end, and I was feeling great! I learned a
lot from those classes and I am ever grateful for the experience.
Final Connection: Still writing, Still Learning
When we write, no matter what it is, we are telling a story. We all have a story to tell,
and a lot of writing to do. And it is like my father told me years ago, Everything in life is
balanced and has a reason. Writing should be the same way. I want to close with some
memorable advice Dr. Buckner gave me while she was sharing her experience as a PhD
student. She asked me:
Ilari, how do you eat an elephant?
Hmmm, uh...you dont, I replied.
Sure, you do, Ilari. You eat an elephant one bite at a time. Think about getting
everything you need to get done one step at a time, or one sentence at a time. If you can
do that, you can do no wrong.
Okay. Thatll work, Dr. Buckner.
I think that is a beautiful and charitable advice. Im still writing, still learning, and I am
still here...taking everything in stride one bite at a time.