Diary Entries from Padre Viola:

July 8, 1581 Malaga, Spain.

Praise be to God that I have now arrived in Spain. The
seaport of Malaga is as beautiful as I imagined and feels as much
at home to me as Gaeta. My travels have been easier than I
imagined due greatly in part to the cooperative summer weather.
I managed to make the first part of my travel on July 1 from Gaeta
to the sea port of Ostia without incident or tiredness because my
physical and spiritual mindset was strong. Along Via Appia I saw
many olive groves and vineyards, each with its distinctive shades
of green and budding fruits. I was welcomed to stay overnight in
the town of Ariccia where many Pilgrims come to venerate the
site of the appearance of the Madonna of Galloro. My journey by
boat from the port of Ostia to the port of Malaga took six days in
calm seas and favorable winds. I have already inquired about the
last leg of my trip from Malaga to Baeza and my departure will be
early tomorrow morning. I expect to arrive in Baeza in 2 to 3
days.

July 11, 1581 Baeza, Spain

I arrived at the Colegio de San Basilio in mid afternoon. The

sun was intense and the air lingered with no trace of a breeze. I
was met by Fray Juan de Santa Eufemia who brought me to a
room where I would stay for two weeks. He told me that Fray John
of the Cross was away and would return later that evening and
that the following day I would meet him. I gathered with the
other friars for prayer and then ate a meager meal of cooked field
greens, beans and bread.

July 14, 1581 Baeza, Spain

These past few days have been like a second baptism. The
morning after my arrival I was awakened very early in order to
join the other friars in morning prayers before breakfast. I
scanned the faces of all the friars to see it if I could identify Fray
Juan de la Cruz. After we all ate breakfast, I was introduced to the
man I least guessed would be Fray Juan de la Cruz. He was very
diminutive; much shorter than any friar Ive ever met. But his
smile and penetrating eyes captured me fully. Padre Viola, he
said, as if he knew me for many years, Let us give thanks to the
Lord that you have arrived here safely. There are many things we

should discuss, but first let us both walk around the beautiful
fields surrounding this monastery and let me explain the answer
to your important question about what I meant regarding not
attaching to things which appear good. As we walked among the
meadows he stopped, closed his eyes and breathed deeply. He
asked me to do the same and then said What do you smell? I
thought for a moment and said I cant describe it because Ive
never smelled anything so sweet, so delightful, so pure. I think I
could just sit here and lay among these flowers and breathe their
perfume forever. He then asked me to open my eyes and look at
the flowers. Wild gladioli, he noted, Delicate purple blossoms,
beautiful to the eyes, sweet to the nose and sensual to the touch.
But there is a danger hidden among them! We enjoy their
sweetness and beauty so much that our senses want to attach to
them; we want to be with them all the time, we want to embody
their very essence but we are unable to, and when we realize that
we cant, then we become disturbed and restless. We become so
attached to the experience that we interrupt our journey for we
refuse to believe that there could possibly be anything more
sweet and beautiful than what we attach to at the moment. We

stop seeking, we stop looking and our mind and body can only
think of the gladioli. It is the same when we seek God. As we
begin our spiritual journey we feel that initial grace of coming to
know God. We get a drop of his sweetness on our tongue and we
get fooled into thinking that our journey is complete when in fact
it has just started. We attach to this divine sweetness in a similar
way that a fly gets stuck in honey. The fly is no longer free but
trapped and if it does free itself it needs to cleanse its body and
wings so that it may continue on its way, ever seeking. We
cannot progress to the state of ultimate union with God unless we
detach our senses from all pleasures, even if we are convinced
that the pleasure is of divine origin. God does not make himself
so easily discovered for he transcends his own creation and has
hidden himself deep within us, deep within our soul. But many
people are reluctant to let go of this newly found sweetness and
those that have do not find it a second time. And why is that?
Because union with God must be in his realm which is not of this
earth or even of this universe. As long as we place our sensory
needs and gratification above our spiritual needs, then we are
shackled by the very locks we make. But we are also the only

ones that have the keys to release us from our earthly

attachments and hence we must learn to detach ourselves so that
there is room within us to be filled with the Spirit. Only then are
we able to continue our spiritual journey unbounded. Is this what
you came here for?
In the silence of my heart I spoke yes. And Fray Juan de la
Cruz, with the ear of his heart, smiled and knew my answer. I
pondered in silence, my gaze frozen on the gladioli as I replayed
his words in my mind: union with God must be in his realm
which is not of this earth. Ive been seeking in the wrong place
all this time! Why didnt Padre Neri explain this to me? Maybe he
knew I had to learn it from someone like Fray Juan de la Cruz. I
continued to stare off in the distance, oblivious to the presence of
Fray Juan. After what seemed like an uncomfortable length of
silence, I turned to him. By now he had sat down on the ground
and his tiny body practically was hidden among the stalks of the
gladioli. He never spoke, but only smiled at me. I was the first to
break the silence. I get it! I said assuredly. You mean, you
feel it, as he gently corrected me. Yes, thats what I mean, I
feel it, ahhhh, actually just now, for the first time, as I was

motionless looking at all the beauty. I dont know how to

describe it to you, but I indeed felt a peaceful presence, one
which provided immense love, I just simply dont know how to
describe it. You are not compelled to, and in fact you will be
unable to because our vocabulary is finite and the finite cannot
describe that which is the infinite presence and the grandeur of
God. It is for this reason that I come to this spot often. It is a
place where I can detach from the realm of man and witness the
creative power of God.
We have covered our first lesson. I must leave tomorrow for
three days. I invite you to come here as often as you need so that
you may practice the solitude necessary to experience the love of
God. I asked my brothers to see that you are well taken care of
until I see you in three days. There is an immensity of love here,
share in it freely.
And with those parting words, Fray Juan silently left and
there I strolled among the flowers, they being unaware of my
presence.

July 16, 1581 Baeza, Spain.

The other friars could tell by my countenance that something

was revealed to me which was not present when I first arrived.
For three days, while Fray Juan was away, I prayed with them,
shared meals and twice daily I made my pilgrimage to the
gladioli. On the fourth day Fray Juan met me after breakfast, and
asked if I was well. Lets go for a walk, he offered and in
anticipation of going to the gladioli field I smiled and proceeded to
follow him. As we exited the monastery we started to head in the
opposite direction of the meadow. With great reluctance on my
part I could no longer restrain myself from pointing out that we
were going the wrong way. So I politely asked if there are also
gladioli at the place we are heading to? Fray Juan stopped so
abruptly I nearly knocked him over. He turned around and looked
at me, smiled and replied: I pray that you have not attached to
the gladioli. I wasnt sure if he was asking me or telling me so I
let it go and continued to follow him. After some time walking
through the hillside I could faintly hear the sounds of flowing
water. When we turned the corner I was beset with a sight so
sublime that images in my mind of gladioli were suddenly
extinguished. He invited me to sit down and view the natural rock

formation framed in green ivy and woven vines and decorated

with beautiful pink flowers. In the center of the rocks, water
flowed forth making a gurgling sound and then as the water
dripped into a small pool it made a noise that sounded like
chirping crickets. Close your eyes and listen! he instructed. I
immediately obeyed, not sure what I was listening for but the
sounds were soothing, rhythmic and mesmerizing. After several
minutes he spoke, and as gentle as his voice was it still startled
me, as if my inner peace had been shattered by the blast of the
canon. What did you hear? At first I heard the sound of water
flowing, but then I couldnt hear anything even though I knew that
the water was still moving. Why is that? Is it some kind of trick?
I asked innocently.
Im happy to know that you began to hear nothing, he said
in agreement. Gods first language is silence and mans first
language is sound. When we make sounds we drown out Gods
voice. It is not always our ears which capture sounds but also our
soul and it is necessary for us to still the soul in order to hear the
sound of God silence. You are in control of creating that silence,

even when there are so many sounds around you, just as we did
now. Is this what you came here for?
For a second time, in the silence of my heart I spoke yes. I
turned to Fray Juan, smiled and said I feel it. He smiled and
shook his head in acknowledgement and got up and in silence we
both made our way back to the monastery.

July 22, 1581 Baeza, Spain.

I didnt see Fray Juan for several days and I became worried
so I asked one of the friars where he was. He told me that he was
traveling again and would meet me in for a final time tomorrow.
That night as I slept, I dreamt about the first two lessons from
him: the first being about attachments and the second one being
about inner silence. I tried to anticipate his final lesson and in a
dreamy state I drifted off into sleep, gladioli and spring fed pools
tempting my soul into dancing with them.

July 23, 1581 Baeza, Spain

The next morning, after prayers and breakfast, I saw Fray

Juan conversing with several of the friars. I was uncertain if I
should interrupt him to remind him of our meeting or wait for him
to find me. When he finished, he glanced over to me, smiled and
walked towards me, together with a very young friar. He
introduced me to Fray Pedro de la Matthias, the newest addition
to the monastery. He was young enough to be my son and his
eyes glowed with the innocence of a child. He too, I imagined,
was seeking God. Fray Juan lead the way and we followed him. I
thought perhaps we were going to another place in the
countryside but it was clear we were heading to the chapel where
we had been praying each morning. When we entered, instead of
sitting on our chairs, Fray Juan led us to the altar and he took a
seat on the floor, as close to the crucifix as he could get. He
invited us to sit and a long period of silence elapsed before he
said anything. In an almost trance like state he spoke the
following: Deus deus meus ad te de luce vigilo sitivit in te anima
mea quam multipliciter tibi caro mea. In terra deserta et invia et
inaquosa sic in sancto apparui tibi ut viderem virtutem tuam et
gloriam tuam. After he spoke this he opened his eyes and looked

at both of us, inviting either of us to translate. I glanced away

hoping not to meet his eyes because I was never proficient in
Latin, but I recognized that it was a quote from the old testament.
I could tell that Fray Pedro was politely giving me the space to
reply first and I was grateful that he offered the translation. O
God, you are my God, I seek you, my soul thirsts for you; my flesh
faints for you, as in a dry and weary land where there is no water.
So I have looked upon you in the sanctuary, b holding your power
and Glory. Psalm 63:1 he added reverently. Fray Juan looked at
me with inviting eyes, with the hope I would say something. I am
sorry to admit that as an ordained person I am not as familiar with
the scriptures as it would have been expected of me. Many of us,
myself included, were not well trained in Latin and consequently
our study of scriptures was lax. Fray Juan was most direct in his
tone, practically scolding me when he said: The word of God has
been freely given to us by the Holy Spirit. It was written for those
who are seekers, just as you heard it now: Deus deus meus ad te
de luce vigilo. In one of your letters you said that you seek but
find not, I tell you that the scriptures are the map; know them

well and use them and you will then understand the gospel when
Matthew quoted the Lord seek and ye shall find.
You now have everything you need to complete your journey.
I will write to you again when I have something new to share. I
saved the letters you sent me and I now return them to you so
that you may witness the progress you made. Padre Viola, may
the Lord watch over you and grant you a safe return home and
guide your soul to him. With those final words, echoing in my
heart, I asked him for his blessings and prayers and in return he
asked me for mine. That was the last time I ever saw him.

October 20, 1581 Gaeta, Italy

It has been quite some time since Ive written to my diary
and I cant help but wonder part of my transformation is to detach
from my diary. I am able to recall all that Fray Juan instructed me:
detachment, solitude with God and seeking God in scriptures.
Those have now been an important part of my daily practice. My
transformation has even been noticed by Padre Neri. When I met
him last week he exclaimed how much progress Ive made in my
spiritual life these past few months. He released me of my

oratory responsibilities and told me to follow the new path which

Fray Juan laid out for me. Im not sure where it will lead me to,
but as Fray Juan would tell his friars, give up everything and
surrender all to God. This is my decision now. Sacred diary,
please pray for me.
Final Diary Entry by Padre Viola:
May 16, 1598 Gaeta, Italy.
This is my last entry to my beloved diary and now it is time
for us to separate. Tomorrow I depart to join the Discalced
Carmelites at the new monastery in Rome. I visited them three
months ago to request admission to the order. In spite of my
advanced age, they were delighted to learn that I spent time with
Fray Juan de la Cruz. Sadly, for me, I was told that he was called
to the Lord seven years ago. I will never forget what he taught
me. My mentor, Padre Philip Neri, also was granted his sleep in
Christ three years ago and so the path which I now walk must be
with Christ alone. Fray Juan prepared me well and it is a tribute of
love that I try to follow in his footsteps to live in the poverty of
faith, hope and love and to empty myself of desires for earthly
and heavenly satisfactions.

Please pray for me.

Amen.