DenverCenterforInternationalStudies

IsLoveObjectiveorAbstract:AScientificExplorationof
WhatLoveReallyIs

MichaeaVaughn
PassagesI
Rivera
SemesterI2015

RomanticLovecanbeobjectivelyunderstoodthroughscience,howeverlovecanalsobe
understoodsubjectivelythroughtheculturalnormsofthepersonexperiencingit.Thispaperwill
discussmanydifferenttheoriesaroundloveinrelationtoscientificdataandexplorationfrom
severalscientificfieldstoprovetheobjectivityoflovewithafocusonromanticlove.Onthe
otherhand,casestudieswillbeusedtorepresentaglobalunderstandingofloveanditsmeaning
bothinsidetheUnitedStatesandfarbeyonditspoliticalborders.Byresearchingcultural
practicesregardingintimacyandhumanmatingbehaviorsthroughouttheworld,conclusionscan
bedrawnaboutthesubjectivevalueofloveincertaincultures.Bothpeoplewillexperiencelove
indifferentwaysbecauseofthewaythepeopleintheircultureengageinromanticrelationships.
Fromasubjectivestandpoint,loveconnectsthephysical,emotional,andspiritualpartsofones
beingwhichsculptdeepbondsbetweenpeopleandeventuallyleadstocommitment.

Itismosthelpfultobefamiliarwiththedifferenttheoriesassociatedwithlovebefore
exploringotherscientificandculturalaspects.Scientistsofmanydifferentfieldshavecreated
theoriesaroundthebiological,psychological,andevolutionarybasesofloveandhuman
bonding.OneofthemostfamoustheoriesisthatofHelenFisher,abiologicalanthropologist
whostudiesromanticrelationshipsandhumanbehavior.AccordingtoHelenFisher,thereare
threestagesoflove:lust,attraction,andattachment
.
Lustistheinitialsexualdesireforanother
person
.
Lustisthebasisforreproductionandmating.(Fisher2000)Ourbodiesareprogrammed
torespondtoprimalfeelingsforanother.Attractionisthepointintherelationshipwhereboth
partiesarebuildingtrustandbondingwiththeirsignificantother
.
Attachmentisthefinalphase,
thisiswhatkeepspeopletogetherlongaftertheattractionisgone.Attachmentistheequivalent

tocommitment.Thesestagescanhappenindifferentorders.Inthistheory,HelenFisher
referencesimprinting,orpastexperiencesandgeneticpredispositionsthatimpactapersons
romanticconnection.Imprintingistheformationofbiologicalbondsthatoccurswithinall
membersofaspecies.Thismeansthatpreviousexperiencescanleadapersontobemore
attractedtocertainpeople.Imprintingestablishesfamiliaritybetweenpeoplebecauseofthe
alreadyintrinsicbiologicalbondsthatcauseattraction.Imprintingcanbeexpressedinavariety
ofways.Forexample,thefriendthatonlydatestallwomen.(Fisher2012).Thefollowingquote
isanexampleofhowthetheoriesmaychangeorderwhileofferingrealworldcontext:
"Lovecanstartoffwithanyofthesethreefeelings.Somepeoplehavesexfirstandthen
fallinlove.Somefallheadoverheelsinlove,thenclimbintobed.Somefeeldeeplyattachedto
someonetheyhaveknownformonthsoryearsthencircumstanceschange,theyfallmadlyin
loveandhavesex...Thesexdriveevolvedtoencourageyoutoseekarangeofpartnersromantic
loveevolvedtoenableyoutofocusyourmatingenergyonjustoneatatimeandattachment
evolvedtoenableyoutofeeldeepuniontothispersonlongenoughtorearyourinfantsasa
team."Dr.HelenFisher

PsychotherapistandauthorPhilippaPerrylooksatlovefromahistorical,more
philosophicalstandpoint.Inmainstreamsociety,wetendtogroupeverythingromanticintoone
categorycalledlove.Shebringstotheattentionofmanyurbanitesthatlovehaslayersand
shouldbedescribedassuch.Shementions
philia
,
ludus
,
pragma
,
agape
,
eros
,and
philautia
.
(TheGuardian2012)InAncientGreece,thereweresixdifferentwordsforlove.Philiaorphileo
isanAncientGreekwordthatmeansbrotherlylove.Therootwordphiliatranslatesto

friendshiporfondness.Thiswasseenasadeep,nonsexualbond.Storgemeansparental
affection.Storgeisanatural,familiallove.Storgeoccursbetweenaparentandchild.Erosmeans
romanticorsexuallove.Thedictionarydefinitionoferosisthesumoflifepreservinginstincts
thataremanifestedasimpulsestogratifybasicneeds(assex),assublimatedimpulsesmotivated
bythesameneeds,andasimpulsesprotectandpreservethebodyandmind.Itisoftenreferred
toasthelifeinstinct.Thelifeinstinctseemstorelatebacktophilosophyandtheideaofhuman
selfpreservationandsexualinstincts.Perrynotesthatiferosdoesnttransformintophiliaor
pragma,itwontlast.AgapemeanstheloveofGodformanandtheloveofmanforGod,
charity,orgoodwill.Agapeisthehighestformoflove.Agapeloveisunconditionaland
everlastingandisamoregenerallovetowardeveryone.Philautiareferstoloveofself.Thereare
twodifferenttypesofphilautia:narcissismandselfcompassion.Narcissismisthenegativeform
ofbeingselfabsorbed,whileselfcompassionisthepositiveformwhichallowedanindividualto
extendthelovehegavetootherstohimself.Ludusdescribestheactofflirting.Ludusisa
playfulformoflovewithnopressure.Pragmaislongtermlove.Pragmawasthoughttobemore
maturethanmostoftheotherformsoflove.Pragmaisabouthavingadeepunderstandingof
yoursignificantotherthatallowsyoutocompromiseandexercisepatienceinarelationship.
Pragmawasmostlyaboutstayinginlovethroughthegoodandthebadbecauseeachpartnerhas
adeepaffectiontowardtheother.Thesewordsforlovearesubjectivebecauselanguageisused
betweenpeopleandcanbeleftuptointerpretation.Becausephiliagenerallymeansfriendship,
onepersonmayinterpretthewordtomeanbrotherlylovewhileanothermaysayitmeans
romanticloveorbondbetweenamanandawoman.Perryalsointroducesanideaofloveatfirst
sight.Transferenceisanaturalprocessthatallowsapersonto[subconsciously]make

assumptionsaboutothersbasedonpreviousexperiences.Shebelievesthattransferenceisalarge
partoffallinginlovebecausethatishowyouknowwhoyouareattractedto.Loveatfirstsight
doesntexist,butpositivetransferencegiveafeelingofpositivitywhichcausesapersontofeel
liketheyhavefalleninlove.(Perry2010)

Triangulartheoryoflove
RobertSternbergisanAmericanpsychologistandacurrentprofessorofHuman
DevelopmentatCornellUniversity.HeisknownforhisTriarchicTheoryofIntelligence,
TriangulartheoryofLove,TheoryonCognitiveStyles,andresearchoncreativity.Sternberg
presentsuswithatheorythatarguesloveconsistsofthreecomponents:intimacy,passion,and
commitment.Sternberg'stheoryisoftencharacterizedasatriangletorepresentthe
interconnectednessofthetypesof
love.Thetriangleshowsthat
differentemotionalcombinations
formdifferenttypesoflove.On
thetriangle,ifoneisexperiencing
thetypeoflovedescribedbytwo
pointsonthetriangle,thetriangle
willtellthepersonwhattypeof
lovetheyareexperiencing.For
example,ifRyanfeelsheisgoingthroughRomanticLove,hewouldhavetohavebothPassion
andIntimacyinhisrelationship.(Hill2012)Fatuousloveislovefueledbypassion.Inother

words,fatuousloveislovewithoutintimacy,causingthisformoflovetobeunstableifitdoes
nottransitiontoanotherpointonthetriangle.Fatuousloveisoftencalledfantasylovebecause
oftheperplexityofinfatuation.Consummateloveisthepresenceofcommitment,intimacy,and
asexualconnection.
CharlesE.SpearmanwasaBritishpractitionerofexperimentalpsychologyintheearly
20thcentury.Hedevelopedageneralfoundationforlawsofpsychologybasedonhisstatistical
work.Heisknownforhisworkinstatistics,factoranalysis,andhistheoryongeneral
intelligence.TheSpearmanianModel(1927)isbasedonCharlesSpearmanstheoryofgeneral
intelligence.Inthismodel,Spearmanproposesthatloveisasingularentityandisindivisible.
Thistheoryarguesthatlovecannotbeanalyzedasseparatepartsbecauseitisallencompassed
intooneitem.Loveisacisternfilledwithimmenselypositivefeelings.Spearmansmodelis
oftenillustratedasoneallencompassingcircleoflove.(SearchingforLove)(Kremmel)

SirGodfreyThomsonwasaneducationalpsychologistfromEngland.Heisbestknown
forhisresearchinpsychophysics,researchin
factoranalysisofmentalability,andcriticismof
theSpearmanianmodel.TheThomsonianmodel
(1939)statesthatloveproducesthesameresult,
butismadeupofdifferentbonds.Inthiscase
bondsmeansseparatefeelings,emotions,or
cognitionsthatareusuallyexperienced
simultaneouslywhenoneisexperiencinglove.

Someexamplesofbondsmaybe,trust,care,compassion,ormutualrespect.(Kremmel)

LouisL.ThurstonewasanAmericanpsychophysicistintheearly20thcentury.Heusedfactor
analysistoexplaincorrelationsbetweenattitudeandintelligence.Hewasalsoacriticof
Spearmanswork.IntheThurstonianmodel(1938),Thurstonearguesthatloveiscomposed
fromseparatebutequalpartsthatoftenoverlaptocreatelove.(Kremmel)

StendhalsFourandSeven
MarieHenriBeylewasaFrenchwriterknownbyhispennameStendhal.Stendhal
proposesatheoryoffourtypesofloveandsevenstagesinLove,acollectionofessayshe
publishedin1822.Hepostulatedthistheorybasedontheideathattherearemanydifferent
varietiesofloveandtherearecontrastingemotionswithinonessoulduringtheprocessoflove.
Heproposedthetheoryofcrystallization(1822),aformofmagicalrealismthathappenswhen
onefallsinlove.Crystallizationdescribestheactofidealizingasignificantotherandonlyseeing
whatonewantstosee.Whenhecameupwiththistheory,hehadcomparedcrystallizationto
seeingsaltcrystallizationonabranch,butinsteadseeingdiamonds.Whenonechoosestosee
onlywhattheythinkisperfect,theycannotseewhatisreallygoingon.Thefourtypesoflove
are:passionatelove,manneredlove,physicallove,andvanitylove.Passionateloveisthe
equivalentofthegreekwordEros.Passionatelovecanalsobedescribedastheloveonehasfor
others.Manneredloveismateriallove,ortheloveonecanhaveforthings.Manneredloveis
oftenheartless,coldlovebecauseinthiscasethewordlovehaslessmeaning.Hedescribes
loveasaproductoftheimagination.StendhalssevenstagesofLoveare(Allen):

1. AdmirationThinkingabouthowwonderfulthisloveinterestisandestablishinga
deepadmirationforthemasanindividual
2. Acknowledgement/BeginningofDesireGettingtoknowtheotherpersonona
personallevel
3. Hopethehopeofablossomingrelationship
4. InceptionofLoveThebeliefthatyouarefallinginlovewiththem
5. FirstCrystallizationSeeingtheotherpersonasperfectandgood
6. DoubtRealizingtheotherpersonhasflawsandbecomingangry,jealous,or
resentfulbecauseoftheirimperfections.
7. SecondCrystallizationseeingyourselfasperfectandgood

Yetanothertheoryonlove,theEvolutionarytheoryexplorestheprimitive,more
biologicalformofromanticlove.Inthistheory,thereisdiscussiononloveatfirstsightandwhy
peoplebelieveitexists.Loveexistsforthepurposeofreproduction.Itarguesthatromanticlove
ismerelyatooltogethumanstothepointthattheycanreproduceandraiseoffspring.
(LongCrowell)

TheEquityTheoryismorerelevanttocouplesreachingstagesofconsummateloveor
attachment.EquityTheorystatesthathumanswanttobegivingthesameamountofeffortthat
theyreceivefromarelationship.Theequitytheoryissimilartothegoldenrule.Whenpeople
arentreceivingthesameamountoflovetheygivethiscausesresentmentandangertobuildup.
Partnerswhodontgiveenoughtotherelationshipwillbegintodevelopfeelingsofguiltand

leavetherelationship.Inshort,bothpartiesshouldbegivingandtakingequallyfromthe
relationship,sotheyfeellikeateam,insteadofenemies.Couplesthatseetherelationshipasa
teameffortaremorelikelytoreachthelaterstagesoflove.(Boyd)

Scientistsareconvincedthatloveexistswithinthemind.Lovecomesfromandis
affectedbythereleaseofchemicalsinthebrainbutphilosophersbelievethatallloveis
subjectivebecauseofitsinherentabilitytojadeonesperceptionswhilebeingcompletely
mysteriousandvaryingthing.Tophilosophersloveisastateofbeingorfeeling.However,many
scientistshavemadeobservationsofthebrainthathelpunderstandthebiologyoflove.

Thebraingoesthroughauniqueprocesswhenfallinginlove.Duringeachstage,
differentchemicalsarereleasedintothebloodstreamcreatingaseparatereactiontoeachphase.
Thefollowingstoryexplainsbrainfunctionwheninloveandhowchemicalsaffecthuman
behavior.JohnmetJennyonFebruary14th,2015
.
Theymadeeyecontactbrieflyandexpressed
interestineachother
.
Whentheireyesmet,theirbrainsreleasedTestosteroneandEstrogen
whichallowedthemtoenterthefirststageoffallinginlovelust
.
Adrenalineand
phenylethylamine(PEA)arepresentinthisphaseaswell
.
Thesehormonesmakeapersonfeel
liketheyfellinloveatfirstsight.Butinreality,loveatfirstsightdoesnotexist.Itissimply
subjectivethoughtrationalizingthechemicalprocessesthatoccurinthebrain,andthefeelings
thatcomefromthatprocess.Thehormonesthatarereleasedduringthefirststageactasthe
motivationbehindcontinuingtherelationship.Pheromonesarealsoinvolvedintheprocessof
determiningonesattractionforanotherperson.Pheromonesareachemicalsubstancethatis
8

externallysecretedbysomemammalstoestablishterritoryandtoattracttheoppositegenderof
thesamespecies.Allofthesehormoneswillreleaseinthelustphasewhichcausethe
preliminarysweatypalms,butterfliesinthestomach,andgeneralexcitementaboutthenew
relationship.(Obringer)Thebrainhasthreeverydifferent,yetinterconnectedsystemswhenin
love.ThehypothalamusisthemostactivepartofthebraininPhase1.Thehypothalamusisthe
linktothenervousandendocrinesystemthroughthepituitarygland.Theendocrinesystem
produceshormonesrelatedtoreproduction,sexualfunction,amongotherthings.TheVentral
TegmentalArea(VTA)isfunctionalinPhase2,andtheventralpallidiumisoperationalinPhase
3.(Sukel)TheVTAisresponsibleforreleasingdopamineandserotonin.Itispartoftwomajor
dopaminepathways:the
mesolimbicpathwayand
themesocortical
pathway.TheVTA
controlssatisfaction
emotionswithinthebody.TheVTAoftensendsdopaminetotheNucleusAccumbens(NAc).
TheNucleusAccumbensispartofthemesolimbicpathway.Thispartofthebrainisassociated
withreward,motivation,aversionandpleasure.Scientistsdonotknowwhyhumansfallinlove
withonepersonandnotanother.Psychologistsproposethatimprinting,orthetendencyto
associatepotentialmatingpartnerswithpeopleoreventsfromthepasthasalargeimpacton
eachindividual'sprocessofhumanmatingandrelationships.Theydoknowthatwetendtofall
inlovewithpeoplefromthesamesocioeconomicgroup,ethnicgroup,goals,experiences,and

intelligence.Weareattractedtosomepeoplesimplybasedonpersonality.Thechemicalsinthe
brainalsoplayaroleinfallinginlove.(Fisher2012)

JohnapproachedJenny.Theystartedchattingandeventuallyexchangedphonenumbers.
Thismeansthattheywereinterestedenoughtocontinuespeakingtoeachother.Ifthathadnot
beenthecase,theywouldnothaveexchangedtelephonenumbers.Byexchangingphone
numbers,theyshowedeachotherthattheattractionwasmutualandtheysawanopportunityto
pursuearelationshipofsomekind.Afteracoupleofdays,JohncontactedJennytoaskherout
onadate.Bygoingonadate,JohnhasdecidedthatheseesmatingpotentialinJennyandhe
wouldliketostartenteringtheattractionphaseoflove.Whencouplesenterthesecondphaseof
lovetheyarebuildingbondsandgettingtoknoweachother.Whenbondsarebuiltbetween
people,oxytocinisproducedinthehypothalamusandreleasedintothebloodstreamfromthe
posteriorpituitarygland.(You&YourHormones2015)Forexample,thebrainreleases
oxytocinwhenyouhug.Dopamineisaneurotransmitterthatcreatesaromantichighbecauseit
stimulatesafeelingofpleasurewithinthebody.Scientificstudieshaveshownthatthebrainin
lovelookssimilartothatofsomeonewhohaddonecocaineorasimilardrug.JohnandJenny
talkedallnightfordaysonendwhichmeansdopaminehasbeenreleasedintothebloodstream.
Whendopamineisreleased,thepersoninloveislikelytoexperienceenergy,lossofsleep,and
increasedfocus.Serotoninkeepsyourfocusonyoursignificantotherandnotmuchelse.Women
havehighserotoninlevelswheninlove,andmenexperiencetheopposite.Serotoninkeepsthe
personthinkingabouttheirloveinterestatleast65%oftheday.(Sarwar)(Gehrke)Johnliked
Jenny.Whenpeopleconfessthattheylikeanother,theyareusuallylookingforvalidationand

10

reciprocation,whichalsoencouragethemtomoveforward.(Fisher)Hequicklyrealizedthathe
wasdeeplyinterestedinJenny.JennyandJohnhavegottensignificantlycloseroverthecourse
ofabout10months.Theyhavegottencomfortablearoundeachother.Theygooutondateevery
fewdaysandaredoinganamazingjobbalancingtheirrelationshipalongwithwork,friends,
schools,andmanyotherfactorsthatplayintothestressofdailylife.Theinfatuationphasehas
ended,andtheyarenownoticingalloftheirpartnerstraitsthattheydislike.Theinfatuation
phasestartsinthebeginningofaromanticrelationshipwhenyouareexperiencingthe
neurologicalchangesthathappenduringStages1and2ofLove.Duringtheinfatuationphasewe
oftenareimprintingandmirroringeachotherbecauseallofourenergyandattentionisfocused
onthatoneperson.Therefore,whentheinfatuationphaseendsthepersonismoreawareof
everythingthattheirpartnerisdoingincorrectly.(Fisher)WhenJennyfellinlovewithJohn,it
justhappened.Theirrelationshipisnotperfect,buttheyunderstandthatcommittedlovemeans
goingwiththegeneralflowoflifeandchoosingtheotherindividualoveranyoneelse.Thisis
consistentwithHelenFisherstheorybecauseshestatesthatafterromanticattractionfades,
commitmentisallthecouplehaskeepingthemtogether.

Theculturalaspectsofloveareequallyasimportantasthescientificevidencethatprove
thatloveexistsinthemind.Overthecourseofhistorysocietieshaveshiftedtheirattitudeson
loveandintimacy.Theyhavedevelopedtheiruniqueculturalpracticesandbeliefsaroundlove
overtimeandloveandmarriageareoftenalargepartofsociety.Whenavarietyofpeoplefrom
differentagegroupsinDenverwereaskedWhatislove?inananonymoussurvey,theysaid:
atangibleand[simultaneously]intangibleformofconnectionthatallowstwo
peopletobuildbondswithoutrestrictionsorlimitations
11

 itisanindescribablefeelingthatapersonexperienceswhentheylookattheir
significantother
Loveispatient,Loveiskind
heartache
Loveishavingasenseofsecuritywhilehavingaspacetobeyourtrueself
caringaboutsomeoneonaspirituallevel
youtoleratingsomeoneelsesstupiditybutyourestupidandinlovesoitdoesnt
matter
dangerous
peaceandnamaste.Me.
Itisanallusion.Itssomethingmancreated.Itdoesntexist.
thebeginningoftheend
Somepeoplemaynothavethesameideasaboutlovebuttheydohaveasimilartheme
loveiscomfortingandpositive.Whenloveexistsinthethoughtprocess,humansareableto
transcendreality,andmakesomethingbeautiful.Notwithoutthehelpofkeyneurotransmitters
andhormonesthatassistthebodyinmakingdecisionsregardingpossiblematingpartners.John
andJennycorrespondedoften,andeverythingafterthatjusthappened.Whensomeonefallsin
lovetheyareexperiencingagradualshiftinhormonesinthebrain.

IntheUnitedStates,thereisonewordforlove.Thewordloveencompassesalltypes,
forms,andlevelsoflove.Thewordlovelosesitsmeaningwhenitisusedincasualcontexts.
Mostpeoplebelievethatloveisdefinedbyactionandyoucannotsurvivewithoutthatlevelof
humanconnection.IntheUnitedStates,loveisseenaseverlasting.Somesocialscientistshave
doneextensiveresearchonromanticloveandcometotheconclusionthatromanticloveis
simplyawesternconstruct.IntheWesternworldlovecanbecomeanaddiction.Loveand
connectionseemstobethefocalpointofAmericanlife.FreeloveispracticedintheUnited
States.Freelovemeanshavingtheabilitytochoosewhoyouareinarelationshipwith.Froma

12

subjectivestandpoint,theUnitedStatesfocusesontheideaofmarriageandthefantasyaspectof
fallinginloveinsteadofbuildinglonglastingrelationships.Americansarealwaysonthechase
fortheirsoulmate.Whenchancesaresoulmatesdontreallyexist.
Inthepast,marriagehasnotonlybeenaboutcommitment,buteconomicstabilityand
socialstatus.Nowyoungadultsbelievethattheyshouldmarryaftertheyhaveachievedthelatter
bythemselvessotheycanenterarelationshipwithanequallysuccessfulindividual.Thereare
somepositiveoutcomestodelayingmarriageuntiltheearlythirties.Theoutcomesofdelaying
marriageuntiltheearlythirtiesareusuallymostpositiveamongcollegeeducatedmembersof
Americansociety.Eachyearawomanpostponesmarriagetheprobabilityfordivorcelowers
exponentially.Althoughyoungcouplesaremorelikelytodivorce,theywatcheachothergrow
becausetheyaremorelikelytomarrysomeonetheyarehighlycompatiblewith.Ifstarter
marriagesareabletogetpasttheirfourthanniversarythrougheighthanniversariesthedivorce
ratedecreasesbecausethatisusuallythemostturbulentperiodinamarriage.Astartermarriage
isafirstmarriagebetweenyoungadultsthatusuallylasts5yearsorlessandendswithoutthe
couplehavingchildrentogether.Startermarriagesareoftenseenaspreparationforamore
lastingmarriagelaterinlife.Inwesterncountries,startermarriagesaremorepopularbecause
divorceisacceptableinsocietieswherefreeloveexists.Inothercountrieswherearranged
marriagesarethenorm,theexpectationisthatyoulearntoloveyourspouseafteryouhavebeen
marriedwhichisbelievedtocreatestrongerbondsbetweenacouple.
(Fisher)

IntheUnitedStates,peopleloveinmanydifferentways.Americansareofteninfluenced
bymediaandtechnologywhichimpactstheirromanticrelationships.Thatbeingsaid,Aziz

13

Ansariwrote
ModernRomance:AnInvestigation
todiscusshowAmericansnavigatetheir
relationshipsinahighlytechnologicalsociety.InthemindsofmostAmericans,marriage
comesaftermovingthroughthestagesoffallinginlove.
Wewantsomethingthatsvery
passionate,orboiling,fromthegetgo.Inthepast,peoplewerentlookingforsomethingboiling
theyjustneededsomewater.Oncetheyfounditandcommittedtoalifetogether,theydidtheir
besttoheatthingsup.Now,ifthingsarentboiling,committingtomarriageseemspremature.
Butsearchingforasoulmatetakesalongtimeandrequiresenormousemotionalinvestment.
Theproblemisthatthissearchfortheperfectpersoncangeneratealotofstress.Younger
generationsfaceimmensepressuretofindtheperfectpersonthatsimplydidntexistinthe
pastwhengoodenoughwasgoodenough.(Ansari2015)
AzizAnsariarguesthatthecultureoftheInformationAgeisdamagingourabilityto
buildrelationshipsbecausemostpeopleintheUnitedStatesareconnectedtotheirphonesand
alwaysphubbing.Phubbingisignoringsomeonebecauseoneisengaginginotheractivitieson
theirphoneortechnologicaldevice.Inordertobuildlastingrelationships,Americansneedto
disconnectfromsocialmediaandbepresent.Thiswillmaketherelationshipseemlikeitis
boilingbecausetwopeoplearebuildingdeepemotionalconnectionswithouttheoutside
influencesoftechnology.Mostpeoplecannotcarryonanimpromptuconversation,becausethey
havebecomeaccustomedtoplanningwhattheywillsaythroughtextingandemail.Historically,
Lovehaschangeddrasticallybasedonmoreaccesstotechnology.Thisiswhyloveisviewed
differentlybyeachlivinggeneration.TheGreatestGenerationandBabyBoomershaveasimilar
viewoflovewasmoreinnocentandtraditional.Theirgenerationexperiencedwartime
romanceinatimewheremostmenandsomewomenwerepartofthemilitary.Thiswasatime

14

ofwritingletterstoaloverhalfwayacrosstheworld.BabyBoomersaremorelaxaboutlove
whilestillbeingtraditional.Theystillwentondatesanddidnthavecellphonestodistractthem.
MembersofGenerationX(19661979)wereveryyoungwhenthefirstcellphonewasproduced
in1973.Thatsaid,theygrewupwithtechnologyandhadaccesstoitastheygotolder.The
emergenceofthemobilephoneovertimehascausedpeopletopossesslessinterpersonalskills.
Therefore,makingdatingmoredifficult.Withtheyoungestmembersofthegenerationintheir
lateteens,GenerationY(19801999)grewupwithtechnologyreadilyavailabletothem.During
thisgeneration,therehavebeenmanytechnologicaladvancements.Inthe80s,wesawthearrival
ofvideocall,thesaleofpersonalcomputersforthefirsttimeever,thereleaseofApples
MacintoshComputerin1984,andthereleaseofMicrosoftsWindows1.0.Inthe90s,Tim
BernersLeeinventstheWorldWideWeb,Yahoowascreatedin1994,andGooglewascreated
in1998.Alloftheeventsleadinguptothepresentdayhadhelpedmakeiteasierto
communicatewhiledrawingariftbetweenpeopleandaffectingromanticrelations.Humansare
abletointeractconstantlywithwhotheywant,whentheywant,howtheywantbecauseofan
increaseinuseoftechnologyinthelate20thandearly21stcentury.Withtheemergenceof
internetandsocialmedia,socialdatingwebsitesstarttoemerge.Asitwasinanerawhere
humanslackedtheabilitytostayconstantlyconnectedtothepeopletheyassociatedwithandthe
worldatlarge.Ontopoftechnology,Americansliveinawidelyacceptingsocietywhereitis
okaytobeunmarriedat25yearsold.Therefore,Americanmenandwomenfeelnopressureto
beincommittedrelationshipsuntiltheirlatetwenties.Americanmediaisloveobsessed,butthe
actionsofthepublicwoulddisplaythattheyareonlyobsessedwithbeinginlovetoacertain
extent.AmericanmenandwomeninGenerationYstillwanttobeindependent.GenerationYin

15

theUnitedStatesaregenerallyresultsorientedandcareerminded.only26%ofMillennialsage
1833aremarriedaccordingtoPewResearchCenter.(Goldhill)
Peopleexpressloveinmanydifferentways.Theydemonstrateaffectionthroughgiving
flowers,sayingIloveyou,kissingandevenofferingtodohousework.Socialscientists
proposethattherearefivelovelanguages.Theselovelanguagesareexpressionsoflove.They
describehowpeopleshowthattheyloveoneanotherandwhy.Thelovelanguagesare:wordsof
affirmation,actsofservice,gifting,spendingqualitytime,andphysicaltouch.Thisplaysoutin
daytodayinteractionsinmostromanticrelationship.
Inmanywesterncultures,peopleopenlysayIloveyou.Inothercultures,theytake
actiontoshowyouhowmuchtheycareabouttheotherindividual.Psychologistssuggestthat
thereare5Lovelanguages:wordsofaffirmation,actsofservice,giftgiving,qualitytime,and
physicaltouch.Insomeculturesonelovelanguageismoreprominentduetoculturalnormsand
expectationsaroundinteractionwithothers.
InIndia,arrangedmarriagesareoftenarrangedbetweenfamiliesthatknoweachother.
Arrangedmarriagesarehighlymoresuccessfulpartlybecauseofthedeeprootedtradition.In
modernIndia,thetopicoffreelovehasbecomemorepopular.Indiaisdevelopingurbancenters
andbecomingmoremainstreamwhichallowsthepeopletoacceptideasandbeliefsfromother
places.Arrangedmarriagesarecommonplace,andlovemarriagesareconsideredtaboo.Elders
donotunderstandwhysomeonewouldgetmarriedwithouttheblessingoftheirfamilies.
Lovedidnotexistuntilabout500yearsago.Inmostcultures,lovewasseenathreatto
political,social,andreligiousorder.Peopleinlovewerethoughttoberebellious.Exampleslike
ShakespearesRomeoandJulietprovethathistoricallyromanticrelationshipshavebeentaboo.

16

AccordingtoaTimeMagazinearticle,lovewasfirstseeninearlyhominidsfourmillion
yearsago.Thebodywasvisiblewhenhumansstartedwalkinguprightanditwaseasierto
choosematesbasedonlooks.ThisrelatesbacktotheEvolutionaryTheoryoflovebecause
(Toufexis2001)

Thenumberofwordsusedto
describeloveshowsattitudes
towardlove.Manyscientists
arguethatloveissolely
objective.Someaspectsoflovearesupportedbyscientificevidencebutlovecannotbe
describedbysciencealonebecauseitismuchmorethanquantitativevaluesandlabreports.For
peopleallaroundtheworld,itisrealandextremelyclosetohome.Neurotransmittersand
hormonesplayalargeroleinthestagesofloveandhoweachpersonexperiencesfallinginlove
(Fisher2013).
ThetermfallinginloveisusedinEnglishaswellasotherProtoIndoEuropean
languages.ThetermfallinlovecanbeseeninEdmundSpenserspoem,
TheFaerieQueen
whichwaspublishedinthe1590s.Thewordfallsymbolizesalossofcontrol.Thelossof
controlissuddenandchaotic,butmostpeoplerenderitallworthit.Whenpeoplesayfallingin
lovetheyaredescribingthetransitionbetweenthelustandattractionphasesthatleadto

17

attachmentinromanticrelationships
(Fisher2013)
.InEnglish,thereisonlyonewordtodescribe
love.TheMerriamWebsterdictionarylistsatleastsixdifferentmeaningsofthewordlovein
relationtoromanticrelationshipsatanystagewhetherthatbelust,attraction,orattachment.In
Hinditherearethreedifferentwordsforlove.Pyaarkarnaaisaverbthatmeanstolove.Pyaar
isoftenseenastoodirectbecausetheuseofIinHindiisalmostvulgar.Ishqmeanstohave
love.Ishqisusedbetweentwopeopleinloveitisneverusedtodescribefamiliallove.Premis
asanskritwordusedtodescribeloveforGod.Manycultureshavewordsthatmeanlovefor
God.
Everyonewillexperienceloveintheirlifetime.Peopleareconstantlyinteractingand
buildingbondswithoneanother.Ashumans,wearealwayspartofromantic,familial,and
professionalrelationships.Scienceinfluencesourrelationshipsthroughthereleaseof
neurotransmittersandhormonesinthebrain,ortheotherwiseunexplainablepsychological
featuresoflust,attraction,andattachment.Peopleexperiencedifferenttypesoflovethroughout
theirlives.Basedonscientificresearch,loveisnotalearnedbehavior,butisonsetbythe
chemicalsinthebrainandculturalaspectswithinaculturewhichplayalargeroleinthe
progressionofromanticrelationships.Therearenotonlyscientificreasoningsbehindthe
phenomenaoflove,butsocialnormsandculturalaspectsthataddtothegeneralizedperspective
onlovethatisheldbysocietyatlarge.Lovemaybeverysimple,butbecauseitisthefocalpoint
ofmanysocietiesaroundtheworldithasbeencomplicatedanddistorted.Noonetrulyknows
whatloveis.Therearesomanyfactorsthatplayintowhoapersonfallsinlovewith,when,and
why.Loveissolelyobjectivefirst,butbecomesamixtureofobjectivityandsubjectivityover
time.Forinstance,Lovewillbeseendifferentlyiftheindividuallivesinasocietywhere

18

arrangedmarriagesarethenormasopposedtobeinganindividualinasocietywheregay
marriageandLGBTQrelationshipsarewidelyaccepted.

19

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http://www.britannica.com/biography/CharlesESpearman

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