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Listening Thinking Being: Final paper

Introduction
Upon deciding the practicum to perform for my final assignment, I weighed my three
options with careful thought and consideration. I initially envisioned myself performing the
assignment of 24 hours listening without speaking in any form. I thought that refraining from
speech would be the most effective method of listening; however, I saw this as a challenge and
felt as though I would cheat to the extent of not fully being able to experience the absence of
speech. I had a desire to challenge myself, but knew I had to be practical in my decision. I
considered the difficult listening practicum, wanting to engage in a discussion or dialogue that
challenged my ways of listening and attentiveness toward the other. The concern with this option
was opportunity. If I were to engage in a difficult conversation, I would want the situation to
stem organically, rather than force the dialogue. In this regard, I was unable to imagine a person
in my life where I would be able to naturally engage in a controversial debate, therefore deciding
against this practicum as well. I compared the act of 24 hours unplugged with the other two,
reflecting upon my reliance on technology as a mode of communicating with others. I knew this
would be a challenge, but a rational challenge that I felt would present me with the best listening
experience. Through a day of being unplugged, I hoped to explore ways of listening that perhaps
are overlooked in a world of technology. I wanted to better understand how this dependency on
technology affects my communication as well as how we, as a society, communicate with each
other. My paper explores the ways in which my experience helped me recognize the impact
technology has on my own listening, as well as the listening of others, furthering the notions of
how technology can hinder the communication necessary for people to coexist.

Experience
After coming to terms with my decision of completing 24 hours unplugged, I decided to
perform my practicum on Thanksgiving. I viewed the holiday as a time to celebrate with family
and friends, and I knew I would want to communicate with the people that wouldnt be present to
share the holiday with me. The night before my day unplugged, I informed my closest friends of
my decision. I made sure to turn my phone off prior to falling asleep in order to not be tempted to
use it in the morning.
I woke up the next day around 8:45 am, thankful for my internal clock that I acquired
from my early morning classes. It was around 9 when I went for a run around my neighborhood.
I was nervous to exercise without my iPhone; listening to music was something I felt I had to do
when running. However, I was pleasantly surprised to find the run more meaningful. I found I
was able to attune with my body and with my thoughts, and while running, I felt alivea clich,
but it was as if all my senses heightened. I felt the chill of the air, noticed the sweat accumulate
on my forehead and drip down my neck. I felt the discomfort of my damp shirt clinging to my
skin. I was more drawn to my surroundings, and saw the beauty of the objects around me. It was
as if I was looking through a newer, clearer lens.
A little after 10, I walked to the coffee shop near my house to meet my mom after she had
gone for a walk. I ate breakfast there, our conversation comprising of small talk and ideas for the
day. I noticed her on my phone a couple times, and when I confronted her about it, she attempted
to rationalize her behavior by stating what she was doingchecking emails, texting my dad, etc.
After breakfast, I helped my mom make green bean casserole, help meaning I placed the
casserole in the ovenmy cooking is subpar. I noticed I was irritated, and I figured it was

because I wasnt looking forward to socializing with my extended family, though my mom
claimed my attitude stemmed from my abstinence from technology. Reflecting on the moment
now, she was correct in thinking my hostility was due to my loss of technology. It was hard to
accept that truth because it forced me to recognize my bodys dependency on staring into a
screen. After my mom confronted me, I grew annoyed with her comment, sparking an argument
between the two of us.
For reasons I cant clearly explain, I didnt want to go to my cousins house for
Thanksgiving. I knew Id actually go, but the thought of small talk and conversation with some
of my family members didnt seem inviting to me. When I voiced this to my mom, she
interpreted my statement as immature and told me (in the motherly passive-aggressive tone) to
not go. In this instance, I heard the words dont go but interpreted her comment as, dont go
and you will be a horrible family member. I only wanted her to relate to my feeling at the time,
and rather than allowing me to convey my point, she failed to listen others to speech by ending
our conversation once she took her phone out. In this instance, I saw her behavior as a way to
disengage in our discussion.
Not wanting to readdress the issue, I brushed it off and read my book for my English
class before leaving my house. The book is titled My struggle: Book I of the author, Karl Ove
Knausgaards book series. The book glimpses into the life of the author. The novel is written
through his perspective, replicating a memoir; however, I connected it back to the themes of
inner speech and intersubjectivity. It was a beautiful experience because while I was reading, I
felt as though I was listening to him tell his life story, catching glimpses of his apprecepive mass
and his thought process. It was strange to recognize that I was listening to another persons
experiences through a novel, yet at the same time it was enlightening.

My family and I left our home around 1:30. Once we arrived, I breathed in the
atmosphere, attune to the smells and sounds around me. I didnt notice anyone on their phones,
there were no computers present and my cousins didnt have a TV where we were eating. While
several people were still preparing, I was able to speak with my cousin. Shes a sophomore at
Missouri University, and we chatted about her perspective on the protests and threats that were
happening. I noticed myself more attentively listening, my mind open to her experience. At times
I felt uncomfortable in moments of silence, but instead of trying to fill them, I allowed the
silence to settle, which in turn allowed me to think. Once we all found our seats, we began to eat.
I sat beside my eight-year-old cousin and he talked with me about the third grade.
After dinner, he left to play with his other cousin, and it was then that I noticed people
taking their phones out. When I would try to talk with people, many would try to balance their
attention on both their phones and me. I felt aggravated, and was even frustrated that I wasnt
able to turn to my own phone for distraction. Ironically, I felt alone while I was surrounded by
family. After a moment of silence, Kairos prompted me to ask my family to engage in a game of
farklea game similar to Yahtzee. Once we began playing, people put down their phones and
it was as if the mood had completed shifted. There were moments of attunement during the
game. We all seemed present with each other, having fun and interacting with one another.
After we said our goodbyes, we drove home. Upon reflection, I found this time of the day
to be the hardest without having technology. My parents went to their room to watch television,
my brother had gone into his room and I was left alone with my thoughts. I wrote notes in my
journal about my day, unsure of what to do after I had finished my reflection. It was only 8 and I
felt this heavy desire to watch a movie. Watching Netflix at night was something that had molded

itself into my daily routine, and having that taken away left me feeling strangely empty. I decided
to read Harry Potter until I fell asleep, therefore completing my day unplugged.

Analysis
Throughout my day, I experienced various cases of listening, thinking, and speaking that
revealed how we have adjusted our methods of communicating within a world of technology.
What I hadnt noticed before, was how our constant use of technology has reshaped our listening
habits and practices. Merleau-Ponty points out the process of dialogic meaning making, stating,
Our perspectives merge into each other, and we co-exist through a common world. (Lipari
161). He argues the importance of dialogue as the origin of meaning, how communicating with
one another constitutes the world around us. Similar to his statement, Helen Keller emphasizes
how the ability to communicate with others brought her out of her world of ignorance and into a
shared world of knowledge, allowing her the ability to coexist (Keller 74). Freeing myself from
the technology around me, I restrained myself from a form of communicating with others. It was
as if I temporarily blinded myself; however, I found my blindness to emerge new ways of
listening.
The way in which people listen to each other have fluctuated over time. Humans have
adjusted and adapted to their practices as new technologies emerged, such as the printing press,
television, computers, the internet, smart phones and tablets. These developments havent
restricted communication, but have presented different methods and styles of communicating.
While I was at my cousins house and my family member began to use their phones, I observed
the ways in which interlistening occurred. Interlistening describes the ways communicative
interactions transcend boundaries around time, place, and person. (157). It is an integrated

process of listening and speaking, incorporating three dimensions or pluria of auditory

consciousnesspolymodality, polychronicity, and polyphony. While people were on their
phones, I noticed how people employed in interlistening and how having their phones in their
hands affected their listening. For instance, when speaking at the table after we finished dinner,
my dadwho sat beside mehe was slouched over, his phone in his hand with his head looking
down at his screen. It was a posture I had become familiar with, one I had interacted with many
times before, but it wasnt until I was without my phone that I truly noticed it. Despite his body
language and gesture, he was still conversing with me. Although I was the one speaking to him,
he was also speakinghe spoke in the way that he listened. It was a simultaneous congruency of
speaking and listening despite his attention toward his phone.
This process of interlistening was a factor of polymodality. What he didnt understand,
and perhaps what I hadnt understood in the past was that the movements and gestures that were
communicated to each other affected our interactionit affected how we spoke and listened with
one another. In addition to polymodality, technologys disruption on polychronicity within me
and my mothers conversation at breakfast was apparent. There is a beauty, an artper se, about
rhythm and synchronicity occurring in conversation. However, when my mother and I would
begin to get in this unconscious, synchronic rhythm of speech and dialogue, shed occasionally
glance at her phone. It was something that annoyed me slightly, but what is unnerving was how
used to that break in rhythm I was. Her actions of checking her phone while interacting with me
were actions I had repeatedly encountered throughout my lifetime. They have become fixed into
my appreceptive mass, impeding me of the ability to recognize her phone as a major disruption
in our conversation. The ways in which phones have imbedded into interlistening and

intersubjectivity expose themselves in conversations and interactions, yet it wasnt until I was
unplugged that I noticed this phenomenon.
Similar to interlistening, I was aware of multiple moments where being unplugged
shaped my experience with attunement. Throughout the day, I noticed correlated patterns
regarding the presence of technology and moments of attunement. During my morning run, I was
attune to my thoughts and to my body. Without the presence of music in my ears, I was forced to
take in the sounds and objects around meI experienced an embodied way of listening that
made me aware of my existence. This led me to question why we choose to listen to music when
we exercise or are working. Does music change how we focus and attune to our environment and
to others? Are we afraid to be completely exposed to our surroundings? In reading Karl Ove
Knausgaards novel, there was an attunement that perhaps seems illogical considering the other
wasnt actually present; however, there was a harmony shared among Knausgaards words and
my thoughts, a synchronization of one person learning the other through their voice, no
interruptionsjust my mind merging with his. Concerning the moments of attunement
experienced with more than myself and a character in a novel, I found that when my familymy
cousins, uncles and aunts, brother and parents, reached a moment of attunement during our farkle
game where we shared a moment of interbeing. We were laughing, we were enjoying ourselves,
and are attention was focused solely on each other and the game. We were with each other,
enjoying each others presence, and because it was the first moment of attunement shared with
more than myselfit was a special experience.
I noticed this disruption of attunement to be stronger while technology was implemented
into conversation. While arguing with my mom about not wanting to attend Thanksgiving dinner,
I noticed a lack of attunement. There was also a lack of effort towards reaching attunement,

exemplified by my mother use of her cell phone. The ability to achieve attunement isnt easy, but
it is perhaps even more challenging with greater distraction. When the other is having a
conversation with you and someone/something on their phone or computer or iPad, it hinders
chances for attunement, and it challenges that individual as a listener. This was apparent
especially when conversing with my dad. Because he was balancing his attention between me
and his phone, it was hard to every get on the same wavelength. He would ask me to repeat
myself, and when I would he would take several seconds to responddraining any interest to
further the conversation. What I believe made me more aware of this lack of connection and
attention was my inability to use my phone during such a discomforting time. I was really forced
to sit there and dwell in my thoughts while the people around me interacted only with their
phones and hardy with one another. Perhaps what this led me to next was ethics of attunement.
I had an epiphany when writing my reflection at the end of my day without technology. I
found myself askingso what? So what if there was a break in attunement because of the use of
technology. If we have survived this long with that practice of listening, than why wouldnt we
be able to continue with the habits that have formed in our habitus? This encouraged me to
examine the ethics of attunement. As I noticed individuals wrapped up in the technology around
them, especially toward cell phones, I realized I had no right at all to scold their actions. It was
then that I realized the people who were on their phones were also me. This leads me to my next
point: interconnection. There is an importance, a fundamental need for understanding this term of
interconnectivity. Interconnection gives rise to generosity because in recognizing that we are
each irretrievably tied to everyone else, we are also, in some way, responsible. (Lipari 215).
This interconnection speaks more than the idea of connectionit encompasses this idea of
coexistence. It is easy for me to observe members of my family and scold them for the use of the

devices, but I am essentially responsible for their actions. Perhaps I have contributed due to my
failure of acknowledging our dependency on technological devices and how those devices
obstruct our communication. I, myself, have fallen accustomed to the listening and speaking
habits revolved around our constant use of technology, I am just as responsible for the use of it
during conversation as everyone else. We cant turn away from this issue of technology
harnessing itself in our everyday conversations. We have to listen to it. When I didnt have my
phone, my computer or television, I really had to listen to the hidden effects of technology on
communication. If we can recognize our interconnections with all beings, we can essentially
open our awareness to others and form new ways of listening to better communication.
We can no longer fall into the dominant habit of calculative thinking, and have to think
and listen more holistically. In this sense, we can delve into basic understanding and practices of
listening and think in new ways (218). Once again, this falls back to the idea of coexistence. We
live world of coexisting with one another, but if communication has reveal its power in any
physical formit is the violence and atrocities that have occurred between human beings. We
question why humans are capable of such horrific actsbut the challenge here is once again
recognizing interconnection and holistic thinking. If one deafens themselves purposely to ignore
a person he or she doesnt care to listen to, they restrict themselves of any knowledge to that
individual. A failure to learn about an individual only leads to the failure to comprehend their
actions and what has led to them. The same can be said with technology. We see new devices as
opening doors to new modes of communicating with friends, family, and other people around the
world, but there is a limitationa control that we fail to recognize, or choose not to recognize. I
hadnt realize how dependent on my devices I was until this assignment. It is important for others
to take a step back from their technology, to interact on an interpersonal level with peers and

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acquaintances, and recognize how every individual in the world bonds with each other.
Technology isnt going anywhereit is only progressing further and becoming advanced into
our everyday lives. We, as interconnected beings, need to find a way to utilize technology in
ways that help us become more attune toward one another so we can better communicate and
coexist harmoniously.

Reflection
Dear individual with the capacity to listen,
Throughout the semester, I took a class in which listening and thinking were explored
more in depth in the realm of communication. This class taught me how to communicate more
effectively, and before your question how listening helps one better communicate, I urge you to
keep an open mind to what I have to say. Before I had the privilege of taking this class, I
considered communication to be a complex concoction of theories, languages, and interactions
that gave meaning to our world. Communication involved the interaction of speaking, listening
and understanding, but I hadnt fully acknowledged the power of listening. It was hard to
actively engage myself in the class the first few weeks of the semester because of how
uncomfortable the lessons made me feel. For instancebefore we participated in discussion
during class time, we meditated for five to ten minutes. The first day of our meditation practices,
I wasnt sure what to feel, what to think or how to focus on nothing for five minutes. The process
was different from what had been engrained in my mind since I was a childthe ideas of
accomplishing as many things as possible, solving problems and finding answers, and
completing the imaginary steps that get you to where you need to be. My first attempt at
meditating was essentially the chain of thoughts about what needed to be finished for the rest of

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the weekthis dichotomy of calculative and meditative thinking emerging before I knew what
the terms meant. But amongst my fellow classmates and my overwhelming thoughts, I briefly
found a moment of solitude where I was simply aware of my being. For a short time, I felt as
though my thoughts were able to extend away from my mind and move more freely. But like a
rubber band, they quickly snapped back into place.
With practice, I improved in areas of my meditation, and while lessons in class continued,
I learned more about the importance of listening. I began to see it as the root of communication.
Without the ability to listen, you lack the ability to communicate and as Helen Keller makes clear
without communication, you fail to coexist with the rest of the world. If I had to categorize
myself as a listener prior this class, Id say I was a very poor listener. I thought being a good
listener meant actively responding, whether in a physical manner or vocal one. I realized the
instances where I would nod, verbally respond or interrupt only deafened me to what the other
was trying to convey. I began to listen more attentively, hold my tongue, allow silence to pass,
and think about their experience rather than how my own applied to them. It was strange, but
was even stranger was how foreign this behavior felt. It made me wonder why people feel a need
to always speak or dominate the conversation. Today, I would label myself as a listener trying to
holistically accept the other as other. I am in no way a perfect listener, and from what I
ascertained in the class, the perfect listener does not exist.
Based on what Ive gathered throughout the semester, we listen for an assortment of
reasons, perhaps the largest reason being this desire to understand others and for others to
understand us. This basic understanding that people want to acquire bares a complexityit is not
so easily attainable. What I urge you to recognize, (if youre still with me), is the difficulty in
listening. The ability to listen requires an inner strength that not everyone is able to express.

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Listening to others requires thought, it requires reflection, and it demands the will to absorb
yourself in the thoughts and experiences of another human being. It doesnt entail an answer, at
least not right awayrather listening provides ground for making meaning within human
interaction.
As thinking beings, we all possess the gift of listening, to really hear what other people
have to say, to become attune to our bodies, our spirit and the spirit of others. We have a capacity
to recognize ourselves as beings coexisting in a shared world, and most importantlywe have an
ability to open ourselves up to the voices that we dont want to listen to. If you are still following,
and I hope that you still are, please know that I am aware that your thoughts and your
experiences will always belong to you. I dont have a desire to share those with you or to claim
them in any respect. But I also urge you to understand that the thoughts and experiences you
have acquired developed from communicating with others. There is an importance, an obligation
that trails with the gift of listening, and that is to recognize the interconnection among all human
beings. This class has taught me, from a holistic approach, that communication isnt about
understanding the meaning in the world but about exploring the meaning we create, and how
understanding its complexity and not its truth will expand our minds to effectively communicate
with others. It may seem hard, restraining yourself from your normative modes of
communication in order to better listen to those around you. But like meditation, listening takes
practice and eventually, the rubber band will loosen.
Sincerely yours,
Individual with the capacity of being heard

Works Cited

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Keller, Helen. "Before the Soul Dawn." The World I Live in. New York: Century, 1908. N. pag.
Print.
Lipari, Lisbeth. Listening, Thinking, Being: Toward an Ethics of Attunement. University Park:
Pennsylania State Univesity, 2014. Print.

Meg Sutter

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Thanks for a great semester!