Volk

Erika Volk
Lohmeyer
Comp 101
10/25/15
Can Women Have It All?
Sexism in the work place has been a topic of discussion for quite some time in American
society. Something often talked about is ambitious women with that go get em attitude not being
as well liked in the work place as men with comparable characteristics. According to Richard
Dorment in Why Men Still Cant Have It All, men are starting to feel more guilt for not being
as helpful to their wives and as present in their childrens lives as they would like to be (701).
The stereotypes that go along with these arguments are that men are the breadwinners in family
life, and if they prefer to be a stay at home dad, they are considered more feminine. In addition,
women who choose to be the breadwinner are accused of choosing their career over their
families. Included in this argument, is the debate of fathers having the right to take paternity
leave and whether or not they should. Personally, I have noticed in todays society that men and
women are becoming more equal, but there is still some stereotyping.
Dorment states that, most of the time, women with higher power jobs in the work force
are often times not very well liked by their inferior employees (712). More often than not, it is
heard that a female boss is considered unemotional and demanding because of the way she
presents herself to her employees. In my opinion, these women present themselves in this
manner to gain the respect of their coworkers and employees. They have to present themselves
like this because if they were nicer and more motherly, they would be taken advantage of or
looked at as being soft and unable to run a business. In addition, when women show emotion

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they are looked at as being overly emotional and unable to do their job correctly because they let
their emotions control their decisions. Anne-Marie Slaughter talks quite a bit about this in her
essay. She gives many examples of how women balance work with their families. A few
examples she gave were from her friends and colleagues that talked about giving fake excuses to
leave work when going to attend a childs school or sports event (Slaughter 686-689). These
women told Slaughter that they felt it was better to have a more neutral excuse than simply
saying they were going to support their kids (Slaughter 686-689). These examples show that
women feel that they cannot admit to choosing family life over work because they are put under
the stereotype of being emotional and softer than men. On the other hand, when a man is more
emotional towards his employees, he is looked at as being a caring, respectable boss that likes to
be involved in his employees lives.
In his essay, Richard Dorment asks readers to consider what it would be like if women
were asked to make the same sacrifices as men, too much time away from home, too many
weekends at the computer, too much inconvenient travel. (701). He claims that women do not
consider mens feelings about always being away for work. According to Dorment, all these
feminist movements and articles are telling fathers that they are the ones to blame for all of their
wives and childrens problems. He points out, Men are being told, in newspapers and books, on
websites and TV shows, that they are the problem, that they need to help out, and he feels that
they are doing the best they can (Dorment 701-02). Men go to work and come home as much as
they can, but still feel the looming guilt of missing significant moments in their childrens lives. I
have to concede this particular point. Although I do think that there are quite a few familyoriented expectations for women, men are not always considered in this sense. Men who are the
majority income holders of the household go to work, stay late, and some even go on business

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trips during the week or weekend. These men are missing out on family moments that their wives
are there to experience.
However, I do have to argue that Dorment is not considering working mothers. What
about what they are missing out on? I realize that the majority of working parents are still men,
but women are also becoming a major part of the work force. In this instance, the father will get
to experience and watch the children grow and develop while the mother is working. He will be
at all of the school and sporting events versus the mother making it to only a couple because of
her job.
Another factor to consider is dual income families, which are becoming more common
every day. In fact, 60 percent of two-parent homes with kids under the age of eighteen are made
up of dual-earning couples (Dorment 702). This is something I can relate to as my parents both
have full time jobs. Within a dual income household, parents can balance out parenting duties to
make sure they only have to miss out on the minimum amount of their childrens lives. For
instance, if one parent is working late, the other can pick the kids up from daycare or go to the
childrens events. Dual income parents also tend to make schedules where one parent handles all
the childrens affairs one week and switch roles every week. This can become routine and easy
on the children.
Paternity leave is a very controversial topic as more and more businesses are offering this
to men as well. Women generally take maternity leave after they give birth to bond and spend
some time caring for their newborn. The problem, according to Dorment, is that only women
tend to take this leave of absence, making the job playing field uneven because men are not
technically needed to be at home with the mother after the child is born (711). If more men
were to take paternity leave and be with their wives, the work playing field would be equal and

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the fight to make their way back to their spot before they left wouldnt be as hard. Another factor
that men consider when they are offered paternity leave is what fellow employees and friends
will think. Dorment states, Because the concept of work-life balance is strongly gendered, men
who request a family leave will also suffer a femininity stigma. meaning that they will be looked
at as being feminine for choosing family time over work (711). Everyday this sort of thing is
pointed out in every place.
In conclusion, my opinion is that society is mostly to blame for inequality between men
and women in the work force. Granted, if more men chose to go against the grain and do what
they feel is right, it would help to steer society in the right direction, but as Dorment pointed out
in his essay, men are trying harder than they have in previous decades. Men have become
increasingly more involved in their childrens lives and more and more are beginning to do
household things such as cooking and cleaning. I really do believe that a few years down the
road, stay at home dads, hard working mothers, and dual income families will be completely
acceptable. Eventually, whether the mother or father is the breadwinner of the household will
not matter, and balancing parenting, household work, and a job between both parents will be
completely acceptable for dual income households. I feel that if a man would like to take
paternity leave to spend time with his exhausted wife and newborn child, he has that right.
Changing society requires a lot of time and effort before something that has been set in stone for
so long can change for the better. I believe that it takes the future generations who have all these
strong feelings and desires for change to get the ball rolling and make things happen for the
better.

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Works Cited
Dorment, Richard. Why Men Still Cant Have It All. They Say/ I Say: With Readings. By
Gerald Graff, Cathy Birkenstein, and Russel Durst. 3rd ed. New York City: W. W.
Norton & Co., 2015. 697-716. Print.
Slaughter, Anne-Marie. Why Women Still Cant Have It All. They Say/ I Say: With Readings.
By Gerald Graff, Cathy Birkenstein, and Russel Durst. 3rd ed. New York City: W. W.
Norton & Co., 2015. 697-716. Print.