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Colline Pabe
Jerri A. Harwell
ENGL 2010-055 Position/Proposal
17 November 2015
Are Men Victims of Domestic Violence?
Domestic violence is a hard topic to talk or even think about. To know there are so many
innocent humans out there who experience some form of domestic violence. I have experience
domestic violence I know I am far from the only one. It was not done directly to me but to
family that are close to me. Women or children are being abused, more than anyone would
really like to think about, and that is what we hear on the news or read some feed on social
media. I will not try to lessen the
severity that is for the woman or
children who experience domestic
violence, but I would like to bring
some awareness to the men out

10 year average of domestic

violence offenders

there who also experience this horrendous crime. It the figure above it does show that men are
more likely the offenders but 23 percent of this average is women being the offenders. Yes men
can experience some form of domestic violence whether it be physically, mentally, emotionally
or even financially.
I read Davids Story on Domestic Violence Resource Centre Victoria. David was a single
father who fell in love with a woman. They got married and later he discovers she has a temper.
Anytime something would go wrong she would blame him she would even hit him. He felt he

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deserved it because he was not a good husband to her. She would force him to have sex with
her to be a better husband. He did not want to leave because of the children. David tried to tell
his mother of the abuse, and his mother simply as what he was doing to make her behave that
way. He coped because of the children that needed him and finally years later he saw a
counsellor for the depression. His wife ended up leaving him for another man; he goes on to
say there was only relief that he was free. Men can be belittled and abused. David would get
yelled at and blamed.
Isaacs Story I read off of Safehorizon is about an unlikely victim. Isaac was a doctor a
successful man that was abused by his wife. It landed him in the hospital when his wife
attacked him in the street with a knife. His wife tried to stab him in the neck, but Isaac was able
to block the blow that could have ended his life. She continued to punch him and injure his
nose. His wife was very abusive towards him verbally emotionally and physically. After one
night of severe abuse where he got little to no sleep. Isaac went to work where he then made a
mistake and ended up losing his job.
These are examples of the different kinds of abuse that could happen. The physical
abuse these two men endured. The mental and verbal abuse these two men endured from
their wives. This shows that it is possible to experience domestic violence no matter what
gender you are. They can use weapons or make you feel like you deserve it. Women are very
capable of causing damage to a male. They are capable of manipulating and hurting their
spouse. Men can be victims and need the counseling that can help them move past their
trauma.

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Financial abuse is something that is very possible for a man to experience from a
spouse. Isaac lost his job due to the abuse that was inflicted, and could have possibly hurt his
career and credibility. I did some research on financial abuse, and there is different things a
partner can do other than physical abuse or mental. A partner can take out credit cards in the
partners name and put them in what is referred to as coerced debt. This will make leaving a
partner nearly impossible with extremely bad credit and no money to their name. They will not
be able to find a place to live or a car if need be. Also another certain kind is keeping control of
all the money. This is also classified as financial abuse.
In a blog posted on instablogs titled Domestic Violence against men is on the rise but is
justice being delivered. They talk about how women are capable of torturing a spouse and
causing harm. How the laws that are in place to protect woman are doing their jobs but also
giving some woman an excuse to hide behind it while
they are abusing their spouse. How some men are
afraid to fight back because they may be accused of
domestic violence when it is in self-defense. I dont
agree with always fighting back because violence is
hardly ever a solution but there should be a safe place for them to report the crime. A place
without judgement where the authorities will treat them the same as they may treat a woman
who is experiencing domestic violence. I dont want to take away from how serious act of
domestic violence is for women because it is serious, but there are many resources out there to
help a woman escape and get back on their feet. I would just like to see a safe outlet for men to
do the same without being judge or just a place where they believe their story.

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I can see how men are physically bigger I mean how can a man be over powered by
someone who is smaller than them. How can a man allow
themselves to be abused? It is far more believable to have a
woman overpowered by a man and there is only a possibility
that a man is the abuser. If a man claims to be abused by his
partner he must be lying and he is trying to just cause
problems for the woman in the situation right? No I dont
believe that a man can only be an abuser, and a woman can

We need to try to be a friend and support

without judgement

only be a victim. If we decide to put people in a certain light like men are the only abusers out
there and woman are only victims. Then we can go back to how men are the only professionals
and women are only meant to stay home to be a mother. That a man makes more money than
a woman if they are both equally qualified. Just because a man is physically bigger does not
mean that a smaller woman cant abuse him. Just like even though you are a man you should
be more qualified than a woman in a job setting. We should not put people in to certain
categories woman are just as capable as a man and they are still capable of abuse. A man is
capable of being a victim of domestic violence. Doesnt make him weak it just makes him
someone in need of a helping hand.
Men usually have a sense of pride or an idea of how a man should act. This mostly
includes not being seen as weak. The men who experience domestic violence arent so willing
to admit that there partner is mistreating them. They may be worried about the judgement and
feel embarrassed that something unthinkable is happening to them. The way I see it men,
women, and children who experience something like this shouldnt be seen as weak.

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Sometimes we are put up with an unthinkable situation and need some form of help to get out
of it. They are strong for withstanding the treatment, and find the courage to seek help.
This is what I would like to propose, first spread the word about this issue to show any
symptoms so maybe we can reach out to these men. I work with the YWCA in Salt Lake City,
and I know there is a family justice center on their campus that provides legal aid and
counseling. This does also apply to men that may use the services, but it should start to
advertise for men as well. It is also important to raise awareness that this is a problem.
I would like to start by getting connected with some facilities that provide women with
help and see if they have any programs that could help men. If I can get some places that offer
some aid and possibly some counseling. When I get some info I would like to make some flyers
advertising these resources and possibly start to
circulate them through the community. Maybe go
to a few homeless shelters to see if there is
anyone that could get some help from these.
My mom is a mental health therapist at

The Family Justice Center Connected with the YWCA

Utah state prison and often times deals with women but has also worked with men. I would
like to ask her or if she might know anyone that might want to volunteer some hours to hold a
support group. These groups could be held at a church or even at the YWCA they do offer some
conference rooms to the community to use on weekends or even during the week when their
employees arent using them. Schedule a couple times a week to hold a group and get some of
these men a safe place to start a healing process.

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October is Domestic Violence awareness month

where a lot of people especially in businesses that
associate with domestic violence go purple. This is the
color for the month that people will wear to show they
Domestic Violence Awareness
month

are supporting this cause. I would like to print T-shirts in

purple that simply state Men are Victims Too. Then possibly on the back or possibly on
underneath the message just put Domestic Violence Awareness. Just to show that the month is
not only to support the women and children but all victims of domestic Violence.
I also believe it is important to be aware of some warning signs that friends and family
might be able to look out for in their loved ones. Approaching this topic to women is hard
enough, but to approach a man about an issue like this could be impossible. I would like to put
in the flyer different tips as to how to approach this in an easier way for a man to take. It can be
very embarrassing for both parties, and hard for them to admit. Let them know you dont see
them as any less as you did before. Let them know they are safe with you.
I read this quote written by Haruki Murakami. I am living in hell from one day to the
next. But there is nothing I can do to escape. I don't know where I would go if I did. I feel utterly
powerless, and that feeling is my prison. I entered of my own free will, I locked the door, and I
threw away the key. It spoke to me in ways that would help me understand just what would
be going through someones mind. It is their prison and they dont know a way out. This is a
topic that is hard to talk about mainly because it happens far too often. Is there a way to
prevent domestic violence from occurring? No as bad as I would like to see no more violence in
homes its not something we can prevent. But is there a way we can raise awareness and

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possibly save some lives in the process? Yes I believe by raising awareness and implementing
some of my plans we can save some people and specifically men. Men are people to and they
are a part of this problem not only as the abuser, but as a victim as well. Its time to stop
putting them in a certain light as men can only be the abuser that it is possible for the roles to
reverse and have them in a role as a victim in need. I want to make it a safer place for all victims
an outlet for them to go. A place where they can receive the help they need and a support
system. Lets make a difference for all male victims dealing with all kinds of domestic violence.

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Work Cited
Barber, Christopher F. "Domestic Violence Against Men." Nursing Standard 22.51
(2008): 35-39. Academic Search Premier. Web. 5 Nov. 2015.
"David's Story." DVRCV Domestic Violence Resource Center Victoria. Web. 14 Nov. 2015.
"Domestic violence against men is on the rise but is justice being delivered?" Apr 01
2015.Web. ProQuest. 5 Nov. 2015 .
Garman, Scott. Scott Garman Reports: Maine Conference on Domestic Violence Against Men.
Manhasset: National Coalition for Men, 2001. ProQuest. Web. 5 Nov. 2015.
Isaacs Story: Not the Typical Victim, Safehorizon.Web. 13 Nov. 2015
Littwin, Angela. "Coerced Debt: The Role Of Consumer Credit In Domestic
Violence."California Law Review 100.4 (2012): 951-1026. Academic Search Premier.
Web. 12 Nov. 2015.