Skylar Schuth 12/11/2015

Schuth 1

Section SE
Samantha Futhey
Revised Reflection
In my second assignment I dissected Rana Foroohars article What Ever Happened to
Upward Mobility. While my arguments were good, they could be unclear at times. I also need
some minor reorganizing for a more logical flow. While a good start my paper need reworking to
make my arguments clear and to allow my points to make logical sense.
My arguments were frequently incomplete one example of this is my segment on
American pride. Foroohar also challenges the American nationalistic pride. Foroohar makes this
clear by attempting to disprove the American dream. Its easier to climb the socioeconomic
ladder in many parts of Europe than it is in the U.S. (904) By showing that America is not
actually the land of opportunity that weve all heard it deals a massive blow to the idealistic
America that we believe is our country. This section flowed well in my head at the time, but
after going back to it I realized that I hadnt fully explored the idea so there were still holes left
in it. I decided that the best way to fix this section and sections like these were to just add in
more so that the idea would feel more complete. I added in these sentences to that section to fully
flesh out that idea. Americans tend to take pride in American exceptionalism and the
opportunities offered in this country. They believe that America is unique in its ability for social
mobility, but Foroohar argues that thats not an American exclusive trait.
I also added the target audience into the thesis as well as moving up the paragraph on
target audience to the second body paragraph. One of your comments was that I didnt address
who the target audience was early on so I added the additional detail to the thesis so that it would
be in the intro paragraph. I also thought that it would be for the best if the explanation on the

target audience was near where I identified them. However I felt that it would be best to have my
first body paragraph continue to be the paragraph about statistics because that is where the meat
of Foroohars argument lies.
I didnt alter much of the substance of the target audience paragraph because it was one
of the places where I felt that I was clear and concise with my points. I mentioned where she
connected the audience with examples from the text as well as how it fit into the narrative. I
think that I did a good job here so I dont need to edit in more analysis like I did in my other
paragraphs.
In conclusion, I think that my original paper was acceptable, but it was seriously
improved with the changes I made. The paper became much clearer and more focused. It was
good to look back because it showed me how much I improved over the course of the semester.