Explaining My Comments

This sample student paper was written for my second progressions writing prompt,
which asked students to write a visual literacy narrative about how they came to understand
comics. This particular paper was unique in that it was the only paper from my class that chose to
approach comics from a more negative perspective. The student visited me in my office to
discuss this idea and her first draft. Together, we decided that the text would work best if the
student utilized her personal feelings for comics in her narrative, and gave the text more
characteristics of her own voice in her revisions. The draft before you is the final draft the
student turned in for a grade, but it was still revisable for the students final portfolio.
Many of my comments on this draft serve as positive reinforcement because the student
not only addressed the issues I brought up in our conference, but they also chose to revise some
parts on their own. This draft has more editorial comments and corrections than usual because
I saw it as a nearly perfected draft, one that needed revision in a few areas, but overall was
successful in conveying my students understanding of comics. My continued reference to the
tone, organization, and narrative arc of the piece in my comments relates back to the aim I gave
the students for the assignment you (tone) are telling me (organization) a story (narrative arc)
about how you came to understand comics. I wanted to point out to the student when they were
successfully utilizing these aspects of narrative, such as when I told the student, You
remembered you previously talked about this and related it back part of narrative process. The
student was not familiar with personal narrative (or voice/tone) when they entered the class, and
I wanted to show them how narrative structures, like repetition, were already appearing in their
writing without them even knowing it.
My grade for this paper reflects my feeling that the student accomplished the tasks I set
out before them, while successfully utilizing their own voice, style, and experience in

constructing their narrative. The only real criticism I had related to the final paragraphs, but even
then it was only involving some awkward language the student used, and a few generalities that
arose because of pronoun usage. I encouraged the student to revisit those paragraphs in revision
for their portfolio, which they did, and I feel now, upon reflection, that the grade I gave this piece
was the right one to give. It reflects the high quality of writing and personal investment that
happens within the work, yet still leaves room for those improvements that happened in further
revision.