Kiana Dehmand

9th Honors Lit

Jamison
11/17/15

20 Line Shakespeare Poem Revision Reflection

The 20 line Shakespeare poem assignment was where we wrote 20 lines with at least 3
phases/words that are all said in Shakespeares The Tempest. Although I thought my original
piece to this made sense and went together beautifully like a real poem, after carefully reading it
over again, I did not think the same about it as I did before. Some lines in the original piece like
for example, Our royal, good, gallant ship torment by a thunder storm. (Line 8) made sense but
other lines that consumed most of the poem like, Flamed amazement; delicate monster dashed
all to pieces. (Line 15) did not make any sense at all especially with the surrounding lines that
did not support its meaning. In my revision, I made sure not to rush like I did before and also to
edit the numbers of the lines at the end when I was done writing the rough draft so I could see if
they fit well with the surrounding lines. I think I did much better with my revisions, with each
line not only making sense when put alone but it also makes sense with the other group of lines
in each section. For example, This gallant! No stronger than a nutshell on the bats back.
(Line 5), We split! Drowning, lets all sink the approaching tide. (Line 7), and many more. I
also used one or two lines that were written for the original piece like, Bold waves; Ooze of the
salt deep, sharp wind of the north. (Line 2 in revision, Line 1 in original). Yet this line fit with
the sections. As for the sections, while I was writing the revision, I wanted to make sure that

the different events going on were organized well. Specifically speaking, the beginning part is
supposed to show the island as a peaceful place yet when it starts getting dark, the heavenly
music is replaced by the sound of panic, roaring winds, and basically storm sounds because of
the shipwreck going on. In the middle part starting with, Delicate goddess, stained with grief.
(Line 9) it starts talking about the woman (who I continue to believe is exactly like Miranda from
The Tempest) watching, scared for the peoples lives. In the ending part, I wanted it to seem like
an indirect conversation between Prospero and Ariel. Especially in the line, Spirit! My
industrial servant; nymph oth sea. (Line 17). Overall, I really enjoyed this revision much better
than the original.