Emotional Intelligency-Study Materials

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"He who knows others is clever.

He who knows himself is wise.
He who overpowers others is strong.
He who overpowers himself is powerful."
Lao - C (Tao Te ing)
Intelligence
Intelligence is defined as ability to learn from experience, accommodate, solve new problems, use symbols, think,
conclude, evaluate, and orientate in new situations on the basis of determining fundamental connections and relationships.
What is emotional intelligence?

Dr. Daniel Goleman, American scientist in field of emotional intelligence states: "On the basis of long-term research I have found out that neither expertness (skillfulness) nor learned knowledge are the most important factors
for success in work and life. Thousands of tests, I have done with students, top managers of international corporations or bank directors, show that what helps us to grow is a entire group of universally human characteristics,
which I call emotional intelligence."
INSTRUCTION OF OPTIMAL LEARNING

l Be centered and grounded in your centre, as best as you can, fully in presence and with what is happening - embody stance of respect and regard.
l Have open and perceptive mind - non-judgmental stance characterized by listening to others, how they
see themselves.
l Have open and perceptive hearts - open and perceptive to understanding of others with compassion to
their life and contradictions.
l Show your curiosity - be really curious and hungry for knowledge.
l Anticipate profit - expect increase of personal profit and self-value.
l Strive - give your energy and motivation into learning.
Besides reaching the good working results, is possible to use working environment to conscious learning,
thanks to which our quality and potential grow!
"This project has been funded with support from the European Commission. This publication [communication] reflects
the views only of the author, and the Commission cannot be held responsible for any use which may be made of the
information contained therein."
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What create troubles in your company? (Write down what comes to your mind)
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Structure of emotional intelligence
Find examples of personality characteristics, that you can practice - learn in working environment, besides the
reaching requested results.
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Which is your favorite emotion?

And which emotion do you dislike?
Where do you feel them
in your body?
3-9 aged children have the highest potential to

- become aware of their emotions
- recognize the differences between emotions
- name them and
- deal with them
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ATTENTION - REFLECTOR OF OUR ATTENTION

"WHERE OUR INTEREST GOES, THERE GOES ATTENTION,
WHERE IS ATTENTION, THERE FLOWS ENERGY
AND THERE HAPPENS CHANGE, LIFE!"
Attention is most important part of transformational work and ability to leave negative habits and open human potential.
How?
Pay attention and not participate. We can imagine it as we are watching movie, but we are not participating in action with our emotions, we do not judge. We register and are fully present to everything what we follow.
Inner observer becomes presence and awareness separated from personality type structure brings ability to be in present moment.
Inner observer is non-judging presence at our emotions, thoughts and behavior.
With help of inner observer, we are able to observe our limiting categories and leave them. Each of personality type has its own barriers on this way.
What is meaning of focus of attention in life from your point of view? Please give concrete examples.
EMOTIONAL INTELLIGENCE IN A DAILY LIFE

EMOTION
brings ENERGY
ENERGY flows,
where ATTENTION goes.
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ENERGY FLOWS WHERE ATTENTION GOES

the most healing principal for happy and successful life
The miracle solution lies within our own state of mind
While emotionally difficult situations, we can use one of abilities of our mind. If we laser focus attention, the activity of left prefrontal lobe (LPL) is increased.
From that place lead neural interconnections to our emotional controlling centre (amygdala, emotional memory). This increased activity between LPL and amygdala volume down our emotions. Moreover this energy stays
available in our body. Our brain becomes in "a flow state".
That brings relaxation, sense of stability, assuredness, determination, staying on top

of things.
On the contrary while overstretching and being
under stress we are emotionally hijacked.
mammalian
or limbic brain
Amygdala cuts off the connection with LPL and

our behaviour becomes impulsive, instinctive,
and headless as it is called. (Our IQ declines 20
- 30%).
The more we strengthen our emotional circuitry
for concentration the easier it becomes to let go
of emotional hijacking and return toward a flow
state.
It is possible to develop ways to manage attention, and ultimately our emotions. One technique
is mindfulness.
reptilian brain
View from the balcony

Mindfulness allows you to look at what's going
on in your mind, as if you went up to the balcony and watched your mind, emotions and body
feelings. You can see, or become aware of the
"I'm trapped" feeling. If you can get to the point
where you notice that you're trapped, you're
less trapped already.
Emotionally hijack
left prefrontal
lobe (LPL)
After some practice, you will create new circuitry in your brain - as if you built a muscle
that's strong enough to ward off emotional distractions.
http://www.linkedin.com/today/post/article/
20131111151023-117825785-attentionregulates-emotion
amygdala
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Playing with emotions
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COMPENSATING STRATEGIES
Instinct, according to the behavioral theory, is chain of inborn unconditional reflexes, leading to steady ways of
acting. Hartl Hartlov ( 2004)
It concerns the hot atomic energy that secures for human possibility to survive, to multiply and to live in pack,
where he/she has its place and meaning.
Distortion of energetic flow on instinct causes tendency to create emotional and cognitive compensating strategy.
This energy creates need and it attracts constantly our attention, in a way that need is being met and thus human
system protected.
Self-preservation instinct (SP)

ME AND ME
Self-preservation strategy: need to have power, dominance and control over own life. Need to have reserve, safety, certainty. Need of freedom.
In focus of attention is comfort, food and everything around survival. Energy is quickly active. Quickly grab for
food, drink someone's caf, reject limit causing feeling of harm, lack. In area of psyche expresses this strategy as
need to have power, control and dominance over own life and conditions of its existence. There is a freedom to
live in own way and for self.
Self-preservative subtype strategies force man to examine situations and people's behavior from the angle of own
safety. Almost with certainty we can say, that by every one of us, there was a moment in life, we felt danger to our
safety, at least to some extent, and dissatisfaction of our existential needs.
Distortion of internal information manifests itself by need or compulsion to create reserves, stock old items, monitor constantly boundary of danger from people, and lack of money or opportunities. Self-preservation becomes,
according to the situation, core issue of the life.
For a man with this tendency, the food and weight gaining can be a serious problem. In childhood experienced lack
of food manifests in many ways: excessive eating, fighting at buffet table, when instinct says "Take it now, when
there is enough, later you can get nothing. Quickly take the last mouthful to your mouth or roll to your pocket".
Me has to take care about Me. Thus self-preservative behavior looks often as quite selfish.
In work area can be this need seen in need of environment control, information etc. There is significant need to
do things my way, to rebel against limits, to manipulate etc.
Sexual, relationship instinct (SX)

ME AND YOU
Compensation of inability to take care about oneself means to focus on relationship. One learns how to get favor
and love of one partner. Expect from him/her attention, support and also give everything to him/her as a trade/deal.
The need to love and be loved appears here. "Have you noticed me? Do you love me and do you need me?"
It means tendency to constantly follow the level of attention and love in relationship.
Their relation to close people has probably this form. "Only if he/she will pay attention to me, I can get enough
love and I have value for myself and partner".
It's very interesting to speak with people having this strategy, about their willingness to invest everything into relationship - presents, attention. They are commanded by need of the possible closest relationship; desire to experience this relationship deeply and mutually.
And every time again raises this desire to live out right this relationship for 100 %. In eyes of these people is often
appeal "Pay attention to me!"
Their life has been hunt and emotions presentation, as they use to say: "We have always casted line".
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Social instinct (SC)

ME AND THEM
Principally it is same process. Compensation is connected with need to have value for group of people. Social
subtype compensates its deficit in this area.
There are many possibilities how to get in group the same, what relationship people get from individual - support,
interest, approval. There is an interest about whole group of people, whole nations. Picture of rescue and help
has wide frame and ideal. Discussion, joint work, sharing with group of people, common interest - it all makes life
bearable, interesting and safe. Need to be protected by group is present, to be approved by group and to develop
self in its space.
Children like packs, adults like group of people for holiday and joint weekends.
To be social, means often organize events for group or actively participate on its life. Value is given by fact, that
I am approved and supported by whole group of people. Compensation by asocial strategy is also solution, which
allows generating energy connected with rejection and contempt of group values. Attention is focused on what
group, which has excluded individual or he/she abandoned the group by self, regard as valuable and what is inacceptable for it. Asocial acting is than result of need to be a part of the group and inability to integrate with it.
SX
SP
SC
mind
v
ha
be
ur
io
emotion
body
misrepresented instinkts impact on behaviour

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COMMON CHARACTERISTICS OF COMPENSATING STRATEGIES

Self-preservative
ME and ME
General characteristics
l Incline to pilling up (things, money, information,) reserve for future
l Has set clear inner limit, which they control (comfort, control)
l Need to have environment under control - feel its safety
l Certainty in many levels
l Till they have enough, no need to control, but subconsciously monitor critical limit of sufficiency
l Need safe and comfort place for relax and stay
l Creates reserve
In communication
l Search for feeling of own safety and place when and how they will communicate
l Modification and distortion, filters for own safety
l Like to know positions of others, what are their intentions
l Like to keep control and overview
In relationships
l Space and time for relationships establishing - when I will want
l Emphasis on reliability, expect it from others
l Control by scanning surroundings - what do you think, why are you doing it, where are you heading
l Expect in relationship trust, certainty, they analyze and look for solutions
l Have slowly developing relationship (relationship is not nice enough, safe enough, intensive enough,) stability
l Need to know what is relationship for, what is the purpose
Sexual (relationship) ME and YOU

l Divert attention from fellowship and turn it to one chosen
l Desire for intimacy and sex, attention to interactive exchange (listen and talk, purpose is contact)
l Draw energy from relationship
l Less feeling of comfort within the group
l Need to feel positive energy in relationship and return it back
l Extreme attention to one partner
l Approval, intensity, observation of energy of other - fluctuation
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In communication
l Sharing, trust, interference
l Problem is any distortion of dialog, bond
l Only reciprocal conversation (if you are giving, I give you too), need response
l Important is intention and engaged contact (physical as well)
In relationships
l Positive, long-term lasting, intensive, intimate - only with you
l Search for deep understanding, approval
l Problem with other subtype than sexual
l Party, soire as a way to establish relationship
l Relationship on to one, depth of focus, vulnerability - quickly get in anger, demanding on physical contact
l Individuality in group
Social
ME and THEM
l Observing people and helping them in development
l Panoramic attention
l How to put people together, what to do for it
l Genuine intention, relationships among people
l Loss of self in group
l Work in service of group
l Scanning of group mood, relationships and interactions among groups
In communication
l Communication face to face, in order to find out if everybody is OK
l Willingness to share with group, communication focused on group members
l Synergy 2 + 2 = 5
l Establishment and bonds of relationships
l Friendly to everyone
l Respect and evaluation of group members
In relationships
l Spreading energy among people
l Tendency to have own status and image in groups
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Finding compensating strategy

In course of finding your strategy, focus on dominant signs of your attention focus. On which area in your life you
keep your eye more intensively? If we unconsciously feel inner insecurity in one of instinctual areas, we have to
invest more into this area. Observe carefully your reactions in daily ordinary situations and please do not hurry.
Please pay attention to finding and realizing your own needs.
WORKING SHEET FOR STRATEGY DETERMINATION

How much attention and thoughts you pay to questions of personal survival? Do you need to have power on
things? Do you need control? Do you need to have feeling of certainty and safety? Do you need freedom?
.
How much attention and thoughts you pay to questions of relationship to one person (one-to-one)? Do you need
to have partner you share with? Do you need to be accepted and loved or respected by your partner? Do you
have your favorite VIP?
.
How much attention and thoughts you pay to questions whether you are accepted by group, what do you mean
for the group? Are you interested in social affairs? How important is for you need of influence over the group of
people? Do you have need of recognition, appreciation?
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Exercise for team's work:

What do you pay attention to, what is important for you in life?
1. What approach and relation you have towards money, comfort, holiday, etc.?
2. What the relationships mean to you, how do you establish them? What means partner to you?
3. What the group of people means to you, how do you engage in it, what's style of your communication?
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TRIANGLES
Rescuer, victim, blackmailer
Is "game" in which we remain by childish way of fulfilling own
needs. We require others to do and secure that, what in fact we
really need for ourselves.
Rescuer
There is no way without me. You are lucky, that I'm here, what
would you do without me. Excuse me, I do it rather on my own,
you would hardly do it good." Etc.
l Distrustful teacher or parent trying to keep control over
the child or situation.
l Stance of rescuer brings him feeling of value.
l Rescuer wants to get favor, appreciation, relationship he is dependent on it.
l Rescuers let victims to blackmail them in order to not feel guilty and become victim themselves.
l They take over too much responsibility and lose freedom.
l They lack courage to reject, because they are dependent.
l They often become victim, when their help is rejected, they are almost exhausted and abandoned.
l By rescuing they take away from others space to find freely own trust and responsibility. By rescuing they
keep control and power in hands.
Victim
"It's not my fault, it's theirs. You have not told me. Should you gave me, helped me it has not happened.
I can't be hold responsible for ..what I feel. I could not know ."etc.
l Victim we become always, when our need is not met and we have a feeling, that we cannot reach fulfillment by us or others
l Subjugated child is in role of victim - has no power on what she wants
l Victim has a feeling that was not given or was taken away what she needed so much. You have hurt me
and so.
l Role of victim is sweet, get rid of responsibility, sometimes is easier to suffer than solve. Escape from
guilt. Victim has entitlement to do what she wants.
l By this attitude hands in power and control over the situation and become fully dependent and irresponsible
l Doubts own abilities and not trust self.
l Lose freedom and become dependent on recognition, that it's not her fault
l Become self-centered and rouse sorrow
l Creates huge amount of active or passive aggression.
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Blackmailer
"If it won't be my way, than If you do it, you will or won't get You do not like me anymore..
So we won't be friends anymore." etc.
l Often evolves from victim and requests fulfillment of service, he is used to

l Is fully dependent and does not know how to handle responsibility, and blackmail in different ways?
l Feels as powerless and uses last option how to reach own goal. Looks for power.
l Feels often as victim in same time, and hand over responsibility on victim, with whom he changes position
- the goal is to be innocent
How do you know role of "victim" in your life?
.
Please give typical statements of victim
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PRINCIPLE OF PERSONALITY MATURING

Freedom, responsibility, trust
Process of maturing is process of taking over the power and control - freedom over own life, connected with responsibility for this freedom.
Parental and pedagogical impact is given by relation between ability to hand over responsibly freedom to child
and teach him responsibility in mutual trust.
Each of us is in a way a teacher, who influences by his example and approach his surroundings. And so by the
way, how we live our responsibility and how we demand it from others.
Freedom
l Have power, dominance and control over own life. Decide about it and thus have free choice.
l Freedom is tendency to have power in own hands. To have control over own life is natural instinctual desire of man. It means to have possibility to correct limits and decisions.
l Tendency and desire to experience that part of reality, which attracts man and fulfills his need.
l Free decision making about own growth and fall. Creating own reality - accept belief, opinion or reject it.
Responsibility
l To be able consciously take over the responsibility for what I have caused, and bear the consequences.
l Not attack others, do not accuse and project guilt on others.
l Ability to see reality of own acting and accept it without guilt, but with awareness of own acting.
l Ability to declare own faults and deficiencies, accept consequences or be willing to correction or change.
l Do not speak about effort and activity, but see reality of result. Be aware of what I'm doing.
Trust
l Trust, is a key characteristic for process of maturing.
l Grows inwardly from not judging and stimulating environment and leading.
l It is full acceptance of own personality, appearance and intelligence.
l Ability to support self, trust self and declare motive for goals reaching.
l Awareness of reality of won abilities with belief I can be better tomorrow.
l Awareness of own value comes from inside and we can only give it ourselves. Do not degrade self.
CHANGE OF PATTERNS IS CHANGE OF QUALITY OF LIFE!

LIFE MUST NOT BE A PATTERN, BUT CONSTANT DISCOVERING.
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www.veva.

"He who knows others is clever.

What is emotional intelligence?

INSTRUCTION OF OPTIMAL LEARNING

Structure of emotional intelligence

Which is your favorite emotion?

3-9 aged children have the highest potential to

ATTENTION - REFLECTOR OF OUR ATTENTION

EMOTIONAL INTELLIGENCE IN A DAILY LIFE

ENERGY FLOWS WHERE ATTENTION GOES

That brings relaxation, sense of stability, assuredness, determination, staying on top

Amygdala cuts off the connection with LPL and

View from the balcony

Playing with emotions

Self-preservation instinct (SP)

Sexual, relationship instinct (SX)

Social instinct (SC)

misrepresented instinkts impact on behaviour

COMMON CHARACTERISTICS OF COMPENSATING STRATEGIES

Sexual (relationship) ME and YOU

Finding compensating strategy

WORKING SHEET FOR STRATEGY DETERMINATION

Exercise for team's work:

l Often evolves from victim and requests fulfillment of service, he is used to

How do you know role of "victim" in your life?

PRINCIPLE OF PERSONALITY MATURING

CHANGE OF PATTERNS IS CHANGE OF QUALITY OF LIFE!

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