SAM BYCK Monologue

(Byck sits on a park bench as he sends a tape recording to Leonard Bernstein)

(He slowly walks in. Puts down his things, and proceeds to drink his soda. He then takes
out his tape recorder and hits Start.)
BYCK:
(Clears throat) Uhmm Hello, Mr. Bernstein! Lenny! Uhmm my name is Sam Byck. Ha
weve never met; on the account that you are a world-renown composer and conductor
traveling the world over enjoying one success after the other, and I am just a lonely out of
work tire salesman so thats not very surprising. But, I would hope that youd take time
out of your busy schedule to listen to the tape that you have just opened in the mail. Ha,
now if you dont wanna listen to it right now I suppose you can listen to it: (jumps up)
Tonight, Tonight! Haha! God damn I love that song! You know what a melody! What a
sentiment, Lenny: tonight, tonight, Ill meet my love tonight! Ha, where is she Lenny?
Can you give me a hint? Lenny, I know youre a modest kinda guy. But if youll endure
for a few moments if I say something from the heart: You are a Genius! Ha! Yes you are!
Dyou wanna know why? Cause you got their ear Lenny; you can make the people listen
Lenny! Nobody listens! Are you listening? Ha, nobody listens. Well, I suppose if youre
hearing this youre listening now, right? (Clears throat) So, with all due respect; referring
to your stature in the world of music, classical and semi-classical, I would like to offer
you a small piece of advice. And I know what youre thinking, Who the hell is this Sam
Byck with his skinny ass and his outfit to be giving some shit-hot guy like yourself
advice?! Ha?! Well, Ill tell you Lenny! It is my own unwillingness to compromise my
principals and kiss ass like some people that I could mention, that has cost me the socalled good life which others so freely enjoy. So be it Lenny, fuck me, fuck you! But
Lenny, Lenny; listen to a piece of advice from a true fan: forget the long-haired shit and
write what you write best: love songs Lenny! Tonight! Maria! Tender melodies to cherish
for a lifetime! Timeless strains which linger in the merry and in the heart! Love, Lenny!
Thats the world needs now the most is love! Sweet love! Love makes the world go
round! (Pause) Well not exactly. Bullshit makes the world go round. But you knew that
didnt ya?! The world is a vicious, stinking pit of emptiness and pain. But not for long.
Im gonna change things, Lenny. Im gonna drop a 747 on the White House and
incinerate Dick Nixon. Its gonna be on the news, ha! And youre gonna hear about it and
youre gonna think to yourself: What kind of a world is it where a stand-up, decent guy
like Sam Byck has to crash a plane into the president to make his point?! And youre
gonna think about that; youre gonna wonder if you wanna live in a world thats like that!
Ill tell you Lenny, you do! And you wanna know why?! So you can keep writing love
songs, Lenny. Its a gorgeous world out there; a world of unicorns and waterfalls and
puppy dogs! Ha! And you can save it! Through the use of your God-given talent you can
save the world Lenny! So watchya waiting for? Save it! Is that so much to ask? (pause)
Oh, when you hear about my death, youll wonder if there was anything more you
couldve done Lenny, you did everything you could. (Stops recording) (Pause) (Hits
start again) Well, uhmm, not everything. I mean not exactly everything! You coulda
picked up the phone once, just once, and called me! And said, Hey Sammy! Hang in

there pal! This buds for you! Ha?! How long would that have taken you?! A minute! Half
a minute! Nah! Nah, you were too busy! You and your shit-hot friends, probably double
parking your limo, while youre waiting to catch a plane to Paris, France for dinner and a
blowjob! Ya, I understand! I UNDERSTAND ALL TOO WELL! YOURE JUST LIKE
THE REST OF EM! JONAS DOLL, JACK ANDERSON, HANK AARON! YOU ALL
KNEW WHERE I WAS, AND YOU ALL KNOW WHAT YOU DID! YOU JUST SAT
THERE AND LEFT ME THERE YOU SHITS! YOU PRICKS! YOU JERKS! YOU
DIDNT GIVE ME A CHANCE AND YOU GOD DAMN KNOW IT! FUCK ME,
FUCK YOU LENNY! IM OUT OF HERE! IM HISTORY BABY! HISTORY! (Pause)
I like to be in America! Ok by me in America! Nobs on the doors in America! Walls for
the floors in America!
(He angrily exits as the lights fade,)
SCENE.