The Crusaders and I

By Dion Shattuck

Who are they?

A Southern Christian organization of young people that came to Santa Cruz,
California (my hometown) for the kids to work and do religious outreach.

Who am I?
My name is Dion Shattuck. I live in Santa Cruz, California. I grew up in a
liberal, non-religious household.

My relationship with religion

Ive always been interested in religion, but Im not religious myself.
Whenever I spend time with someone who is religious, I want to talk to them
about it and I always politely challenge their beliefs. Ive found that, in the
process of challenging them, I learn a lot about their religion and the lens
through which they see it, because no Christian, Jew, Republican, or person is
the same and while we all live under a somewhat universal set of moral
codes we interpret them differently and live in different ways. Naturally, I
grew up believing a lot of the stereotypes of Christians, Jews, Republicans,
and such. I did become aware of how everyone grows up believing what their
parents do, so Ive become more conscious of my own opinions and
assumptions.

My experience with The Crusaders

Recently, at work, a cute girl invited me to a dinner at a nearby motel where
she was staying with people in a summer camp. She didnt tell me much of
anything about it, but a social dinner sounded nice and I told her Id be there.
It ended up being one of greatest experiences of my summer.

It ended up being one of greatest

experiences of my summer.
When I arrived, I quickly realized she was part of a large religious group.
Dinner had just been served. There were large dishes of Thanksgiving
themed food. People sat in large rows of tables and chatted amongst
themselves. Almost every person I encountered was friendly, polite, and
smiling. The group of about sixty people was mainly white, one group leader
was black, and one kid was Latino. Most of them were from North Carolina

and other southern states, but one kid I met was from San Diego. While by
no means were they all this way, most of the people seemed very reserved
and collected. The girl who had invited me to the dinner was quite articulate
and maintained good eye contact with me when we talked and scrambled to
make me feel welcome. It was a refreshingly joyous atmosphere, but I did
sense a tension that I wasnt used to. Personally, I feel this may be because
the people were different than who Im used to. My rambunctious friends
swear, make vulgar jokes, talk about girls, and are generally very open about
anything that comes to their mind. In contrast, I observed a level of
containment and maturity with everyone at the dinner. I found myself being
quite reserved as well, but more out of fear because I didnt want to offend
anyone by saying I wasnt religious. When we finished dinner, things settled
down into small groups of conversation soon after a guy with a speaker
called our attention and introduced one of the group members to tell
everyone about himself.
The boy stood up, introduced himself, and began to tell his life story. When
he was younger, he was a trouble maker. He would do crazy things to get
attention from his friends and he made the point that he was living for that
attention and it was one of his main motivations. His story transitioned into
him finding his religion and God. When he was younger, it had been less a
part of his life, but as he grew up he found a lot of purpose in it. He spoke
about the satisfaction it gave him and how it took the place of all the
reckless, attention-seeking things he would do before. At the end of story he
did something that Ive found many Christians do. He ended with giving
thanks to God and everyone in the group. For me, this was a particularly
interesting moment because the ending was when I could see the boys most
intimate moment with this thing in his life he calls God. I felt that it was
certainly a different way of living than mine. I thought about how it would be
to have an all-powerful figure like God in my life who I could talk to and rely
on. At that moment, it was a powerful thing to realize that everyone here
poured their hearts out to this figure, this savior, this father. After the first kid
was done, another member stood and shared her story with everyone. It was
a similar account of hardship, confusion, and the trials of being young and
how she gradually found God and the support he gave her. After the
testimonials from both of them, text from the bible was spoken and we broke
into small prayer groups.
I sat cross-legged on the dirt with five others huddled in a circle. I looked into
the ground as everyone settled down to pray on a topic that the leader had
designated for us. I felt out of place and a bit uncomfortable. Id never really

prayed before. Did it make me a Christian if I prayed? Should I not pray

because I wasnt Christian? Was praying a skill and Id be bad at it?

Did it make me a Christian if I prayed?

Should I not pray because I wasnt Christian?
Was praying a skill and Id be bad at it?
I had a lot of embarrassing questions swirling around in my head, but the girl
calmed me with a knowing smile. She said, Dont worry, you dont have to
say anything. And each person, one after the other, spoke a small prayer to
God. When it was my friends turn she said something along the lines of,
Hello, God. Id just like to say a few words today. Thank you for this
wonderful dinner tonight. Thank you for my friends. I have had such a
wonderful summer with them. Im blessed by you to have this opportunity to
travel to a new place, meet new people, and develop my relationship with
you, God. I thank you for bringing Dion here to us today as he develops his
relationship with you, God. You continue to bless me, God, and I thank you
for that. Every day is such an adventure and Im thankful to you. Every
person in the huddle said similar prayers, mentioning parts of their day,
mentioning important things that they were glad about, and overall showing
thanks to God and attributing all the good things to him. I had a wavering
desire to say something when the turn came to me, but I ended up passing
because I didnt feel a connection to God. Besides being embarrassed, I
wouldnt have felt genuine if I had said something. There was an energy that
everyone seemed to be tapping into with God that was foreign to me. God
doesnt mean the same thing to me. During the prayer, I again pondered this
great following of a figure. It was profound to see them speaking to a man
and attributing things to him. He gave them their happiness, success,
determination, everything, and it was wonderful to them. On a later date, I
spoke with my friend, this time more closely about her religion and God. Her
eyes would glow as she spoke of him. She spoke of his love and how great it
was to know that he was her all-powerful father and creator. He is comfort to
her, he leads her and carries her through everything and she is never alone.

What I left with

I do not believe in God, but in him I see the answers to mans fears. As I
looked around me after prayer, I saw people who felt comfortable with
themselves. Yes, we all have the usual worries; fearing whether we are going

to get in to a certain college or not, stressing about if we can finish a

homework assignment on time, and worrying about a sick grandparent, but
the difference I saw between myself and everyone there was that God gave
them a backbone that I have to find myself. God assured them and gave
them strength. The bible speaks of all these troubles, it defines them, and it
makes them lessons and challenges. It redefines life and all its parts into the
way God made them. It seems odd to me, but what all these people felt was
a peace that everything that was happening to them was meant to be.
It was enlightening to glimpse into the lives of Christian people for a few
hours. I observed a peculiar trust and confidence within all the people I saw
that night. I must admit that many of the stereotypes that Ive held
throughout my life about Christians, as well as other religious groups, were
put into context at the dinner. While I still hold my own perspectives close, I
understand now that religion, and Christianity specifically, can be the
structure from which someone can successfully live their life. Separate from
whether I think the biblical story is true, the story brings about an enormous
amount of good in the world and peoples lives. If I cant accept God as my
savior, I can certainly take what I have seen throughout my life and at the
dinner, and replicate the points of thankfulness, hope, trust, love, and
community in my own life to lead me toward happiness.

If I cant accept God as my savior, I can

certainly take what I have seen throughout
my life and at the dinner, and replicate the
points of thankfulness, hope, trust, love, and
community in my own life to lead me toward
happiness.