Matt Boey

UNIV 392
7/29/15
I Am Transformed: Paper 3
The most succinct and metaphorical way to describe my time as a College Coach is
writing a book while being tased at random intervals. Though it may make sense with hindsight
and context, most readers will be left confused, and quite familiar with mid-sentence
onomatopoeias. Similarly, a vast majority of events that occurred this summer seemed to have
little to no significance in the moment; however, recovering sanity and objective reflection have
slowly helped me see that there were lessons to be learned, specifically regarding my fallibility in
areas I thought I had already mastered.
The most prominent example of this was finding the balance between accepting
decisions that I may not agree with, and being able to stand with my morals. At several points
during the STAR program, I had strong reservations how certain situations were approached,
specifically student misconduct and the distribution of their medication. I was tempted to
contact the Vice Provost, confront the head of First Year Experience directly, or use legal means
to pursue the situation further. Though I still feel justified in some of those opinions, I do now
see that some of my responses and plans to retaliate were not the wisest courses of action to
resolve the situation. What I wanted to do was rash, extreme, and driven primarily by an
emotional response. Though I do not normally have these kinds of reactions, it made me aware
how easy it is to make bad decisions when youre emotionally compromised, or under intense
pressure.
The second major aspect was feeling comfortable making tough decisions, enforcing
unpopular policies, and maintaining a level of professionalism at the cost of my standing with
students. At several points during Seminar E, students attempted to use their friendship with
me to subtly imply that Id ignore rules regarding them seeing friends outside the program. Even
though its blatantly against Summer Scholars policy, it was still hard for me to tell them a flat

no. Though I understood that this could be a possibility going into the summer, I thought I could
be much blunter in those situations, rather than having to debate the consequences on my
reputation by punishing a student.
The third would be simply regaining my confidence, both socially and professionally. My
freshmen year was a hard transition to collegiate life, especially being in the high achieving and
sometimes overwhelmingly intellectual environment of the Honors dorm. There was this
omnipresent, subconscious pressure that everything you were doing was not enough, and it
permeated through all aspects of our lives. When Summer Scholars started, I partially viewed it
as a test to see if the confidence I had in my skills going into college was actually well placed,
versus the state I was in at the end of my first year.
To that end, this summer has been exactly what I have needed. Within the week, I felt
very comfortable with all of my colleagues, and by the time the first Seminar had ended, the
confidence that had been beaten out of me by the rigor of Honors had slowly returned. As noted
before, there were plenty of things that needed improvement. But being a College Coach helped
me remember that I have the will and the skills to accomplish those things, rather than simply
wallowing in self-pity.
In regards to my learning goals, I have found that I have only completed half of what I
wanted to accomplish. The heavy workload, specifically during SEaL and STAR, forced me to
properly organize myself, and manage my time effectively. The fear of missing anything during
those weeks was immense, and in addition to considering the state the staff was in, I did not
want to exacerbate the situation any further.
However, that same time period helped me realize that I have not succeeded in
completely developing personal Ignatian leadership. Though I have learned and understand
what Ignatian leadership entails, it was hard for me to integrate those factors in difficult
situations, such as during SEaL and STAR. Many times I found it hard to act and lead in a loving
manner towards some students. Instead I quick resorted to anger, and relied more on

consequences and punishment, rather than dealing with situations in a much more tolerant and
pacifistic manner.
The ups and downs for this summer could match the shape of even the most voluptuous
camel. However, as clich as it sounds, it has been simultaneously a stressful and changing
experience. I may not like some of what may have happened, but I do not regret going through
anything. Being a College Coach was an experience I did not know I needed until it was over. To
that end, I am transformed.