Jesse Meza

UNIV 392
Scott Harris
29th July 2015
I am Transformed
As the summer comes to end and my job as a college coach comes to an end,
I have come to understand the true vagueness and intertwined complexity of what
leadership truly entails. Coming into the college coach position at the summer of
2014, I came in with my mentality set on becoming the outspoken leader that the
staff deserved. I had an aspiration of becoming a leader and role model that
encouraged others, and truly showed a motivated mind full of wisdom. In other
words, I came into the job with the traditional view of what leader meant. In fact I
attempted to surmount this image I had of what a leader entailed. What I came to
find from this experience was that this leadership experience would only work in
specific situations. To a certain extent, I achieved the goal of that summer. I
managed to gain an extensive knowledge I didnt know about myself. I also had the
great opportunity to inspire many students when I worked in specific with the
Summer Enrichment at Loyola (SEaL) program. However, as I soon came to
understand was that being this kind of leader proved to be detrimental to some, if
not all other college coaches. Some of the college coaches who I worked with last
year did not get the opportunity to experience what I did in accordance with my
inability to step down, as what I considered to be an all or nothing leadership
position. I hindered others ability to be leaders on account of my wanting to be the
best. However, I would soon come to understand that moderated leadership might
have proven to be more effective.

Thus, when I decided to return for the summer of 2015 as a college coach, I
took it upon myself to approach the leadership position with a little more thought. I
wanted to be a moderated leader which entailed the use of context dependency. In
other words, I wanted to continue being a leader, but with that being said I also
wished to know when it was appropriate, if not necessary, to step down as a leader
and allow others to shine. More importantly, I wanted to have the ability to know the
right time to switch. This was my goal for the summer: the ability to know when to
step up to the plate, when to step down as a leader and allow others to achieve
their own endeavors. Having almost completed this summer and taken this course
in Ignatian leadership, I have come to appreciate the true complexity of leadership.
For example, learning that there is a complex symbiotic relationship between leader
and subordinate and the several different practical approaches that effect the way a
leader should respond to their subordinate. However, this was the troubling
question that I asked myself the majority of the summer: when is it appropriate to
be a leader, and when is appropriate to be a subordinate?
As the summer progressed and the job got harder, the myriad of students
became overwhelming. I was in a state of distraught and discomfort as the students
became rowdy and short-tempered with the college coaches. The amount of mental
breakdowns that occurred this summer was uncanny. I was considering the ways in
which to deal with the debilitating mental state I was in. With my previous health
issues Ive had, continuing the job was beginning to hinder my ability to live a
healthy lifestyle. This is when Ignatian love-driven leadership became the mantra of
my summer. I kept remembering the significant message of love-driven leadership,
Refuse no talent, or any man of good quality (Lowney 170). Love-driven
leadership was what led the Jesuits to see the value in all, regardless of past

experiences and backgrounds. I remember reading about the clashing of heads

between Loyola and his soon-to-be successor, Lanez, who had a different mentality
for running the order. I compared this to interacting with students who did not want
to comply with any of the rules imposed on them. It was a stressful situation: dare I
say it prompted me to even think about resigning from the job. However, in
accordance with my ability to see the value and upward mobility for all to do better,
I reminded myself that love-driven leadership was enshrouded in a realm of
awareness. Yes, these students were stressful and certainly annoying at times, but it
was irrefutable to my heart and mind was that these students had value, a desire
for more and the right to achieve their dreams. This was when I realized that
leadership was not an esoteric frontier that was meant to be reached and then one
would magically be considered a leader. Leadership is complex, but it is also
tangible and fluid. The only thing that defines its consistency is the medium through
it passes. In this case, the practice of situational leadership. Depending on the
situation, I would take charge or step back to watch what would become the result.
Up to this point in my life, I understood leadership to be a consistent flow of energy,
as if it were something that I could consistently keep doing, but the reality was that
leadership consisted of stepping down and simply watching the students interact
with the other college coaches. It was uncomfortable to remain static, but it was a
necessary step to being self-aware.
Overall this summer has taught me an important lesson: That leadership is a
continuous a process of definition. A definition that we have to understand will
never be truly defined. That is, that the leadership we see in a traditional sense is
simply one of many colors that are refracted through a lens of situations.
Nonetheless, it is clear to me that leadership as an identity is irrevocable. Once a

leader, always leader. Although I may not always step up to the plate, I may choose
to simply watch others develop their own leadership roles. More importantly, I have
come to understand that self-awareness truly defines the leader. I could not have
done any of this without truly stepping back from everyday life and seeing myself
interact with others as if I were a disembodied spirit. Although I will continue to
define what my leadership skills are with times passing, there is one thing that I
have found to be fixed: I have been transformed.