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    186 views6 pages

    Almost The Bride of Dracula

    Uploaded by

    Tommy
    A

    Copyright:

    © All Rights Reserved
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    of 6
    ALMOST THE BRIDE OF DRACULA by Dennis Snee Characters Mother Becky Dracula lisa Mama (Becky's mom) DRACULA: Good evening. It is evening? I've been having such problems with this watch. But, where was. |... Oh yes. Welcoming you to the world... of Dracula. Aworld of shadow. Passion. intrigue. | advise you of this now for the faint of heart, the indecisive, and the timid—have no place here. ‘MOTHER: Dracula! DRACULA: Ahhhi!! Mother, you're going to give mea heart attack. I'm only 580 years old, and I'm going to have a genuine, legitimate, king-size heart attack... MOTHER: Please. Don't get dramatic. Give me your cape, I'm putting a load in the washing machine. And what have I told you about candles in here? DRACULA: I needed some light. MOTHER: So what's wrong with the light switch? DRACULA: So, I'ma romantic, MOTHER: Is it any wonder this old head of mine is grey? DRACULA: Your wigis grey, Mother. Your hairs jet black. | don’t know why you wear that stupid thing. MOTHER; Because grey hair is how I feel. Until you're married, until you find a nice girl and settle down, grey is how Ifeel. DRACULA: | told you, I'll get married someday. MOTHER: When? DRACULA: Someday. MOTHER: You're 580 years old. You think you're going tolive forever? DRACULA: Mother I'm looking. What do you want me to do? | can’t marry just anybody. MOTHER: Forget it—I’m sorry | brought it up. | won’t ‘mention it again. DRACULA: Thank you. MOTHER: You don’t want me to have grandchildren, that’s what itis. DRACULA: I'd love you to have grandchildren. MOTHER: Sure. Talkis cheap. Why den’t you do something about it? DRACULA: Alright, I'l check around and see if there's a place where maybe you could adopt grandchildren. How would that be? MOTHER: Look at your friends. Mrs. Frankenstein, her son gave her grandchildren. Mrs. Wolfman, her son gave her grandchildren. Mrs. Dracula—what did her son give her? Grey hair, that’s what. DRACULA: (to audience) Ugh... Mothers! But where was ..? Oh, yes. Welcoming you to the world of Dracula... You know, she drives me crazy with this ‘marriage stuff. Then she wonders why | don't visit more often. If she only knew the number of girs 've made an effort to get to know. Unfortunately, most of the girls | ‘meet are unbearable. It may be that | am not destined to take a bride. Yet | believe that somewhere there is that ideal woman, that woman of tenderness, of compassion, who | will eventually find, and who will turn tome and say— MOTHER: This ridiculous-looking tree has got to go. DRACULA: | told you, mother. It's a memento. MOTHER: Memento, pimento, demento—it's an eyesore. DRACULA: Very well, | do not choose to discuss it. MOTHER: | don't want you to discuss it, want you to get rid of it DRACULA: If you don’t mind, mother, | would like to be alone with my thoughts. MOTHER: That could get pretty lonely for you, couldn't it? Here, take off that shirt and those pants, I'm putting another load in. DRACULA: if | washed my clothes as often as you wash them I'd have to get a new wardrobe every hundred years or so. MOTHER: Do you want to go around looking like your old friend Jack the Ripper? It’s bad enough | don’t have grandchildren. The least you can do is look neat and clean for me. DRACULA: Yeah, yeah... MOTHER: Besides, if you had a wife, | wouldn't have to do this. DRACULA: | told you—someday. MOTHER: | only tell you these things for your own good. DRACULA: | know, mother. MOTHER: Because | care about you. I love you. DRACULA: | love you too. MOTHER: Do you? DRACULA: Yes, mother. MOTHER: Then get rid of this tree! DRACULA: If | could only talk with her, it might help her to understand my position as far as finding a bride is concerned. But mother will never know about that. About Lisa. Lovely Lisa. And how I was drawn to her, like a moth to a flame; lke a bee toa flower. Like a fly toatrash can. But even Lisa held only a false hope for me. Even though all the ingredients seemed to be there... The surf. The sand. Except that on this one, there was Lisa... You're even lovelier in the moonlight. USA: Oh, Count. But you've only seen me in the ‘moonlight. Why don’t you come down to the beach and play volleyball with us tomorrow? DRACULA: It’s not for me. LISA: You sound just like my first husband. DRACULA: First husband? USA: Willard. He didn't lke the beach, either. But he agreed to take me to the istands for our honeymoon because | loved them so, DRACULA: And? LISA: | finally talked him into lying on the beach—it was the first day of our honeymoon—when he was hit by the tidal wave. DRACULA: Tidal wave? LSA: Poor Willard. They said it was extremely localized There were people all around him and he was the only fone washed out to sea. | suppose when your time comes, your time comes. DRACULA: | suppose. But let's talk about you—about USA: I love your suit. DRACULA: | bought it tonight at the gift shop. LSA: Then that does it—you simply must come to the beach tomorrow. DRACULA: Let’s compromise. Bring a bucket of sand and come to my room tomorrow. USA: You're a very tempting man. DRACULA: I'llbe honest with you, Lisa. You move something in me. | know myself, and these feelings are very real UsA: I'm flattered. DRACULA: Don't be flattered. Be mine. I want you with me, Lisa. LISA: Count, what are you saying? DRACULA: I know we are of two different worlds, but it could work between us, Lisa. USA: But we hardly know each other. DRACULA: We know enough. We know that we are drawn to each other irresistibly... we know that we thrill to each other's touch...and we know we both detest Country and Western music. LISA: Oh, Count. DRACULA: Have | said something to hurt you? USA: It's just that “country and Western” makes me think of my second husband. DRACULA: Second husband? LISA: Mortimer. He always loved that kind of music. DRACULA: Hey, to each his own. | didn't mean any harm, USA: Neither did Mortimer. He was hit from behind by bolt of lightning on the thirteenth green. He wound up a tiny cinder on that golf course... DRACULA: | can see | brought up the wrong subject again. LISA: | don't mean to burden you with my sad stories. DRACULA: Don't be silly. | want to know all about you. And especially about any other husbands of yours who met with violent deaths. LISA: Isn't It odd, Dracula—how crue’ fate can be. DRACULA: Don't do this to yourself, Lisa. Let's think of the future—of our possible life together. USA: Its true that you have a certain effect on me, Count Dracula. DRACULA: How pleased | am to hear it LISA; You have a way about you. A dark charm. DRACULA: | have already confessed my feelings for you. LISA: Could it really be? Is there a chance for us to know happiness together? DRACULA: We can. We will. You are the only woman ‘capable of making my world complete. LISA: Oh, Count. DRACULA: Lisa, to live without you would be... torture. USA: Torture...? DRACULA: What is it? LISA: My third husband. DRACULA: He was tortured? USA: And killed ...in the Amazon... on our honeymoon. DRACULA: My poor darling. You've had such bad luck with... husbands. LISA: Yes... And they have had bad luck with me. What if ?majine? DRACULA: Never say that, my love. Never. That kind of thinking can poison your life, USA: Poison...? Ahhh! DRACULA: Don't tell me—your fourth husband. USA: Leo. DRACULA: Poisoned. LISA: | didn't know mayonnaise could spoil so quickly. DRACULA: It’s alright, Lisa. Everything will be alright. LSA: I'ma jinx—aren't I? DRACULA: Of course you're not. Please. Relax. Calm down.

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