Reading a Draft Critically

I read my first draft without stopping and found that it is not

very organized. Some paragraphs are not connected, and there is no
too much details and deep thoughts in them. However, starting my
essay with a motivating saying is effective and helpful to have readers
attention. The writing is a little bit dull after the introduction. Reflection
should be a little bit in details to make it interesting. If I were the
reader, I would suggest it to strengthen the coherence between the
paragraphs. There is a little bit use of outside sources in the draft to
support the ideas. Using some visual images is appropriate for this
essay. Overall, the writing needs to be work on harder.
Proofreading needed a lot of time since my essay was not very
organized. I did some brainstorm and freewriting to prepare for the first
draft. I wrote two drafts for this essay. I got a friend to help me
proofread my drafts and improved it till I got the final draft. I put effort
as much as I can for this reflective writing.

Phone Myint
June 4, 2015
English 1A
A Futuristic Dream
Dont tell people your dreams. Show them, is a popular saying that I heard. My
dream is to become an engineer. When I first arrived to Bangkok, the view of the city
opened my eyes to many new opportunities. The magnificent sky scrapers, which I
thought to exist only in science fiction, amazed me at once. Thereafter, a variety of
architectural designs never stop coloring my imagination of becoming an engineer. I
started to realize my dream and it needed to make it true to show people.
When I was young, I visited Bangkok, the capital of my neighboring country. I
saw numerous shopping malls and retailed stores in the city as people called it a shopping
paradise in Asia. Moreover, Buddhist temples, each with their own interesting legend,
were astounding. While enjoying the city for its shopping centers, foods, and cultural
heritage, I was also amazed at a different picture of the city. The urban structures, barely
seen in my hometown were astonishing to me and I wondered how they was designed
and what they stood for as part of the city.
My curiosity about man made giant structures started after my visit to Bangkok.
Whenever I see a beautifully designed building, unlike other people who are just in
surprise with its beauty, I also wondered its purpose and function for the people. Growing
interest in these structures, I enjoyed seeing not only how buildings are designed, but I

thrived to see my own imagination of cityscape at least virtually. So, I looked for a game
of building cities in which I could pretend as an engineer for a city. Since then mcuriosity
to become an engineer became stronger. After graduating high school in 2010, I did a lot
of community jobs while preparing to apply colleges in the United States. In 2013, I was
admitted to PCC, a community college in Pasadena, Los Angeles. Now I am trying to
transfer to four-year University for the specialized major and for the greater opportunities
to become a well-trained engineer.
As I learned a little bit about architectural elective design classes for fun,
especially the ones in my country, I knew that it is the subject that I am most confident.
Again imagining myself in structural theory class in the United State Colleges or
institutions, I am listening to the professor and discussing about how structural designs
work while waiting my chance to contribute my voice into discussion. At times, I talked
about how buildings that are traditionally designed in my hometown compared with the
ones the modern buildings; my classmates learn something about my country. At the
same time, a student from a different country discussed an experience about structures
from his or her hometown. Other students from different parts of the world did the same.
And we shared our traditional structural designs and learned new ones from others in
class. After this class, I imagined how to update the traditional designs of buildings back
in my hometown. So, this is the way I want to modify my traditional design buildings and
culture. Moreover, learning from others in environment, culture can be anything that we
are used to do in our lives and identify ourselves. Obviously, different people have
different cultures, and the architectural designs also represent the standard of their culture
and diversity. In addition, I understand that cultural awareness is also necessary for

everybody. Therefore, at that same moment I imagined to share my culture and diversity
from my architecture ability designs that I have learn from the College.
On the other hands, investment in modern infrastructure set the economic
development and growths. Building bridges, roads, and transmission lines construction
can creates jobs will contribute to society with the high standard living. Investment in
infrastructural can accelerate the development of the economic development of the
country similar to Burma. Investments in infrastructure projects are very expensive that
our government should seek as well as private cooperation. Being under development and
lack of technology, Burma needs partnerships which can support both more advance
technology and with financing. At the moment, I was expecting that the infrastructure
companies will make an investment in my country and I will contribute in one of those
projects with my ability of engineering.
These are the ideas that I expect to do in my hometown when I was in Bangkok.
As people know little about Burma in global scale, I am eager to share its culture and
history and help other people understand much more about my people. At the same time,
I can learn many new things from different people from different cultures.

Worked Cited
Axelrod, Rise B. , Copper, Charles R. and Warriner, Alison M. Reflection; Reading
Critically Writing Well, Boston, 2014. Print.
"Infrastructure and Economic Growth in Asia." United States Department of State
Bureau of International Information Program (2013): n. pag.Better Infrastructure
Begins Economic Growth. 5 Feb. 2012. Web. 5 June 2015.

Kessides, Chirstine. "The Contributions of Infrastructure to Economic Development:

World Bank Discussion Papers." The Contributions of Infrastructure to Economic
Development: World Bank Discussion Papers. World Bank Group, 2013. Web. 05
June 2015.
Staple,Brent. Black Men and Public Space; Reading Critically Writing Well, Boston,
2014.Print.