ANGUISHED

by Gabriel Search

This anguish I have in me,

Of all anguish this world can give.
This me I have in anguish,
Torn asunder,
Recollections of as many mes as this world can give.
Inessential,
This going-to-be that never is,
Is it clearly me?
Poor childhood memory,
Childish house of yesterday!
This cigar I now lay, half-burnt,
Aside,
Is it like me, half-dead?
I am the gatherer of dreams from this world!
They are all gathered within me!
Aside my half-dead living
Am I akin to this room? This chair I rest my back comfortably?
A safe place of silence and comfort where anyone can
Backrest for a brief moment and enjoy their stay?
Break! Colour-glass heart!
Break at every beat!
Anguished, smashed by the feeling of being
No more than a chair to everyone!

Blast into rainbow shards and leave me at rest for once!

God, I claim, I beg, I scream:
Enough of this comedy in my soul!
And after I scream alone
And hear Silences solemn voice
Deafening (loud it is, be sure)
My insides
I rest, finally. I backrest. I lay on someone else.
I rest on myself.
This me external to my own, this no-self,
This absence that is a chair

And I half-smoke the rest of my half-cigar